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Surviving Valentine’s Day… and Still In Love
15 Plays5 years ago
BRILLIANTISTA… 🤍 After spending years dreading Valentine’s Day… and hearing stories from friends and family who experience a similar feeling… I had to find a way to make it fun and enjoyable… without avoiding it altogether… did that for too many years.
If we’re honest with ourselves… it’s usually our expectations and unexplained emotions that are to blame… and believing it’s all about boxes of chocolates, flowers, and date nights.
In today’s podcast... I have some thoughts and ideas to turn it all around and make it a fabulous holiday. I may even share some things you may not have thought of.
Best of all... you'll still be in love.
🤍
Sending Love + Light !!
xo Shari
📌 PS... Some links mentioned in the show are no longer available... effective 2024
Reference Links…
Donate items... https://www.coloradocoalition.org/donateitems
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Shari and her brilliant guests… go beyond the surface... sharing decades of Organizing, Lifestyle + Business Brilliance... and the reality of living in the REAL WORLD. ✨
Brilliantista ® podcast is like having coffee or tea with your BESTIES… the ones who understand you, cheer you on… and aren't afraid to offer tough love when needed.
Real-life conversations and practical tips on everything from… organizing your home (hello, less clutter, more joy!), lifestyle (developing healthy habits), and business tips (work-life balance)… to navigating life's challenges. We laugh, we cry, we learn... and we embrace imperfection.
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Press play… make some new BESTIES… and let's make it happen... together!
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xo Shari Kuster 🤍
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Transcript
Surviving Valentine's Day: Focus on Self-Love
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, friends, and welcome to this episode of our Brilliant Future Podcast. We're going to talk about Valentine's Day. More importantly, we're going to talk about how to survive Valentine's Day and still be in love. And what does that really mean? And it may not necessarily mean being in love
00:00:16
Speaker
in a relationship, but I want you to love who you are. I want you to love your life. I want you to be excited about where you're going. I want you to feel good. And that's the reason why I wanted to put together this episode because this morning when I was getting ready, I thought, Oh my gosh, I remember the years.
00:00:37
Speaker
and the years and the years and the years of dreading Valentine's Day, almost just pretending it didn't even exist. And in a few years, that's exactly what we did. We just bypassed it, didn't think about it, and we just moved on. I'm going to share with you the story of actually my first Valentine's Day that almost ended our relationship. To be honest with you, it really did. So much so that that's one of the reasons why we kind of avoided it for many, many, many years.
00:01:05
Speaker
And I've also invited on my daughter who is going to share one of the best tips that I think for really how to strategize Valentine's Day in a relationship that would really work, especially if the significant other has an interest in making things
High Expectations and Disastrous Experiences
00:01:21
Speaker
fun. So I can't wait. I hope you find this valuable as always. It's one of the reasons why I love this community is all the great, brilliant ideas and suggestions.
00:01:32
Speaker
we get from each other. So let's go ahead and dive in.
00:01:37
Speaker
You're listening to the Brilliantista podcast connecting you to a community of brilliant women who open up to share their insights, tips, and strategies, helping you to elevate your brilliance, lifestyle, and business. We believe when brilliant women come together, anything is possible. I'm your host, Sherri Custer, a stay-at-home mom who built a seven-figure business with zero experience, but the willingness to figure it out.
00:02:07
Speaker
Hello, my friends and brilliantees to besties. So today I want to talk about Valentine's Day. And if you're listening to this podcast, you probably have experienced some Valentine's Day in your lifetime, some good, some bad, some probably that probably caused maybe a couple of problems you wish never happened. But nonetheless, I want to talk about Valentine's Day just from a perspective of how do we get through this holiday with still loving ourselves and loving the people around us.
00:02:37
Speaker
And I had a couple of things that I felt were really valuable that I wish somebody would have told me a long time ago. I also have on my daughter who's going to share some of her tips that have helped her with Valentine's Day in her relationship. So to dive in, let me just start off with this.
00:02:53
Speaker
I think one of the things that happens with Valentine's Day is we set these expectations. And if you are in a relationship or you're not in a relationship, you have expectations of how you want to feel, what you might want to do. And personally, I think that that's what I did to myself all those years. It was this hyped up
00:03:14
Speaker
visual, experiential holiday that had to be a certain way. I mean, right off the bat, it's all about love. And that's what we all seek. We want to be loved. We want to love ourselves, but we're just going to mess ourselves up because of these expectations, whatever we might see, especially through social media or any type of media, or even just hearing our friends. I want you to walk away with this podcast and kind of be excited about what to expect, but
00:03:41
Speaker
with the expectations where you're in the driver's seat versus you don't want to be the passenger in this experience. So I want you to be excited about it. I want you to maybe take a couple of nuggets from this and implement them into your life and into your future or even share them out with a friend. This is always about finding those great little nuggets that you have an opportunity to go and share with your friends. Let's just start off with expectations and I'll just share a story with you.
00:04:05
Speaker
20 umpteen years ago when my husband and I first had our very first Valentine's Day, we had been living together almost a year. So we hadn't quite hit that year mark of living together. And I was working in a jewelry store where I was watching all of these people come in over the weeks leading up buying gorgeous, beautiful gifts for their Valentine, right? And I was just going, Oh my gosh, look at these beautiful Valentine hearts that
00:04:31
Speaker
the jewelers would make specifically for this holiday and of course all these custom made pieces and of course i'm watching this and i'm thinking oh wouldn't it be so nice to have something like this and i know my guy he may or may not even remember it's valentine's day i'm not gonna be critical to my husband is just some people in the world it's just not a priority
00:04:53
Speaker
And it wasn't a priority to him. He shows his love in the ways that he shows his love, and this just wasn't his thing. But I had that expectation of, I wanted these things. I wanted something like this, or at least something nice and something thoughtful. And I also was in the mall, and I'm watching all kinds of activities happen. And my expectation meter was way, way up.
00:05:16
Speaker
And that night, I got home from work and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited. And he eventually made it home pretty late at night, too late to really go anywhere, too late to really do anything. We didn't really make a plan because, of course, I was leaving it all up to him. And he arrives in extremely late in the evening.
00:05:37
Speaker
with some flowers and a card where he had spent hours just out trying to buy these things and spending this precious time that we could have spent together, which ended up in a huge fight. This huge fight about, you know, you should have, you should have, you should have, you should have. And I think at that moment is when we both decided we probably don't want to celebrate this holiday ever again because that was just way too much.
00:06:04
Speaker
So fast forward, you know, year after year, there was always this little subtle feeling of, I still wanted to celebrate this holiday, but boy, I just didn't want to go through that again. So I guess at that point, it never left me that, that feeling of what I
Creating Happiness and Self-Love Strategies
00:06:21
Speaker
expected. But over time, I started to realize if there was something that I wanted and I wanted it,
00:06:27
Speaker
I had to make it happen and not as a stab back at him like, hey, you can't give me what I want. I'm going to go after and get it. But as a self-ownership of this is important to me, it may not be important to him and that's okay. It was honoring and respecting who he was as a person and who I was as a person and more importantly,
00:06:49
Speaker
not trying to make somebody else read my mind. Come on. I mean, guys are always saying like, we can't figure you out. So it's best to be clear. And so I just started making it special. There was even a point in which I thought, there's things that I want to do, but I don't want to do them on this day because it kind of interferes. So it's really lowering the bar of expectation is number one, and also taking that personal responsibility of who is this special for and to tap back into that. So
00:07:17
Speaker
Just think about that for a minute. And then the other thing I want to just share with you is this holiday can really be about self-love, whether you are in a relationship or not. It's a perfect opportunity for you to do things for yourself or for somebody else that makes you feel good about who you are and giving back yourself some self-love.
00:07:39
Speaker
So a couple of things. So if you don't have a date, if you don't have plans or you just want to take this moment and just love on yourself, it's a great opportunity for you to maybe go buy a book and read a book. Now that's an easy one. I know I can download an Audibles in a second, but if you plan in your mind that this is going to be a day that I'm going to celebrate for myself and
00:08:00
Speaker
be able to just take the time and step away from everything and just find that little hour. And if you've got kiddos and you got to get them to bed, then definitely do that. You can even make this holiday special for them. I used to make special cookies or I'd make crepes or I'd make something fun.
00:08:17
Speaker
Um, there's always holiday parties going on at school and just doing those special things for them, but then finding that time to make sure you're doing something special for you, whether that's a bathtub, burning some candles and enjoying some of that and reading your book, just putting an eye mask over and just relaxing. That's a great thing to do. Another thing that I think is really fun is do something different, do something that you haven't done. So maybe pull out some recipe books and find a great recipe and cook something that you haven't made before and make it special, like plate it really nice.
00:08:47
Speaker
Again, light the candles, make it special, experiment. You're going to go grocery shopping, you're going to find some ingredients maybe you've never used before, and you're going to start something new. So it's an opportunity maybe to cook something healthy and explore. So it's a great opportunity for that. Another one is schedule a massage.
00:09:05
Speaker
Why not? Or even a mani-pedi. Maybe it's an opportunity for you just to go in there and just give yourself some love. Another great idea to do is, even though this holiday seems to be about chocolates and roses and flowers and date night and everything else, there's a lot of people out there in the world who want love poured on them.
00:09:27
Speaker
And it's a great opportunity for us to go out there and find organizations like out here, we have the Colorado coalition and they are looking for people to provide things for the people they serve. I pulled up their website and they're not just only looking for money and cash for you to bring something in for them, but they're also looking for donated items. A lot of what this organization does is they, they put together these, what they call welcome home baskets. So for,
00:09:55
Speaker
people who have gone from being homeless to getting into a home and having something to call home for themselves, they need supplies. And so maybe it's an opportunity for you to put together and buy a couple of things and drop it off or school supplies or they have what they call the summer wellness kit. So some great things and great tips. They have infant care baskets, hygiene kit, winter survival kit. So they're looking for things and maybe you can put together a gift for them.
00:10:23
Speaker
and go ahead and drop it off. Go on to Google and search and find places where you can maybe give a gift to somebody who really needs it and will feel like there's somebody out there in the world who truly does love and care about them. Another tip, there is nothing for me personally that makes me feel like I love myself than taking time to
00:10:44
Speaker
clean out stuff. Like, you know, when we build up, when we build up, when we carry a lot of stress and pressure around all of our stuff and disorganization or whatever, I just love those opportunities, especially if I'm by myself, to just go and minimize. I love minimizing just that feeling of releasing a lot off of my shoulders and a lot of stress.
00:11:05
Speaker
So those are just some of the self-love type ideas and ways that not only you can give to other people, but giving out to yourself and just making yourself feel good and kind of giving yourself a refresh restart. So January 1st came and went. We're into February now and it's an opportunity for you to even hit the reset button at this moment and check in with yourself and just say like, Hey,
00:11:28
Speaker
Am I on the right path? Am I doing the things that are best for me and maybe doing something else for the world? So those are a couple of
Collaborative Planning and Community Wisdom
00:11:35
Speaker
them. And the next one is, is I wanted to invite on my daughter because she has come up with something that I thought was brilliant. And as this Brilliantista podcast is, this is about brilliant ideas that people have shared. And a lot of times we're in relationships with people who they have a desire, they have a desire to make
00:11:56
Speaker
moments in life special. Maybe, maybe that's not in my husband's, uh, Forte, but her boyfriend absolutely loves to make things special. And they've come up with an idea that I wanted her to share. So Chandler, I want you to share with everybody, you know, what do you guys do? Because you have come up with a great plan, not only for Valentine's day, but for anniversaries and other things that I think is brilliant. So not every guy is like your daddy who doesn't have an interest in this and, and
00:12:25
Speaker
people like Josh, you know, they need their opportunities. So tell us what you guys do. Josh and I have actually been dating for a long time. We've been dating since we were 15 years old. We're now 23. So going on our ninth year together.
00:12:40
Speaker
And it must have been either our second or our third year together that we were like, okay, let's put a little system to this because I found myself just constantly putting all the pressure onto Josh because I was like, okay, you know, this is supposed to be the guy's thing. He's supposed to be the one to go get the roses, the chocolates and everything. I found that it was just a lot for him. And I also found myself really wanting to do things.
00:13:10
Speaker
and maybe wanting to plan one of our special days together. And so we made up a system where once every calendar year, one of us will do Valentine's Day and the other will do our anniversary.
00:13:22
Speaker
And so we switched back and forth each year. So last year he did Valentine's Day. He did a really sweet little at-home fondue for us. He got really into it. He went out and bought all the fancy cheeses. He was super excited and it was just precious. You know, our cat Nova wore a cute little Valentine's Day outfit, which she actually seemed to enjoy. So yeah, he just made it really special.
00:13:46
Speaker
It was really wonderful. So it's allowed us both a chance to not only give that special day and that special moment and experience to the other person, but to get excited about it because you know, it's like, Oh, it's your year, like it's my year. And we go back and forth with that. And it's really fun. So
00:14:04
Speaker
This year I actually literally just wrote down my finalized plans for Valentine's Day, and I'm pretty excited. And this year I'm going to surprise him with the plans. We don't always surprise each other, but I like to surprise him.
00:14:19
Speaker
I think one of the things that you said to me a long time ago was about being excited for the things that they were excited about. And so as this holiday isn't just about women, this really is about couples and relationships and love and everything else.
00:14:35
Speaker
you love the things that he loves, or at least you'll appreciate what he does. And I think that's another lesson that I learned from you is, okay, so you wanted it to be this way, or maybe you wanted it that way, but you've taught me to appreciate their efforts, appreciate what it is that they do, because nothing like, you know, shooting yourself in your foot by complaining about whatever they might do, because men are
00:15:00
Speaker
is fear is failure. And so if they think they've done it wrong, they're scared to death to even try it again. So plan on our part to complain. Yeah, I can't remember where I heard it. It must have been on another podcast or maybe a book, but it was like let him fold the damn towels because there was a person sharing a story about how they I think they did an interview with someone who
00:15:23
Speaker
has been in a relationship forever with their husband and how she says her biggest regret was not letting him just fold the towels the way that he wanted to because after she tried to correct him one time, he never folded the towels again. I think about that a lot. And like I said, we have been dating since we were both fairly little and we've grown a lot together. And I think one of the biggest turning points in our relationship was when I realized that I can't
00:15:52
Speaker
just keep holding these expectations to him and that I'm responsible for how successful our relationship is as far as I can do it. Meaning, you know, I take full responsibility and control for our relationship. And then I accept fully what it is that he puts into the relationship. And, you know, if we were in an unhealthy relationship, I think that that would be different, you know,
00:16:20
Speaker
time to get real in those kind of situations, but I'm very thankfully in a very healthy relationship with a very wonderful man. I have to remind myself a lot to just set myself up for my own success.
00:16:33
Speaker
Well, I'm excited about this holiday and I'm excited that, you know, there's so much resources out there for us. And I just hope that you take opportunities and I'm reminding myself as I say this to take opportunities just to check in, to check in with ourselves and to check in with
00:16:52
Speaker
Are we exaggerating what our reality really is? Are we really touching base? I just was listening to a podcast myself that gave me some insight into checking back in because we really do need to remember to smile and to remember that we are loved and to remember that we are cared about and remember that we're here
00:17:13
Speaker
There's gifts in the world and there are smile can make an impact in a way that nothing else can. And so I just hope that whatever this holiday of Valentine's Day means to you, that you find a way to live through it, survive through it, thrive through it, elevate through it, and really to, you know, your brilliance to shine because you have so much to offer the world. And sometimes it's that giving.
00:17:39
Speaker
that will make the best get you'll you will experience through this Valentine's Day. So I want to thank you Chandler for popping on with your mom here on the Brilliantista podcast because you are a Brilliantista. I have watched you. I have learned from you. It's one of the reasons why I love this whole platform of the Brilliantista podcast.
00:17:58
Speaker
is that we learn and we grow together. Not one of us has all the answers. Not one of us has all that we need. And so it's coming together as women and really supporting and sharing all of this great wisdom with one another. So thank you so much for joining me. Well, thank you so much for having me. I hope that we get to do a lot more of these. I really enjoy getting to
00:18:19
Speaker
chat with not only you, but with this amazing community. So thank you so much for the opportunity. Absolutely. Absolutely. So Brilliantistas, get out there and enjoy your Valentine's Day, whatever day you make it, whether it is on Valentine's Day or you save it for a special day that works better for you. So bye for now, Brilliantistas. We'll see you real soon.
00:18:44
Speaker
Thanks for listening to the Brilliantista podcast. If you love the show and have a moment, please let us know by leaving a review or subscribe to the podcast. Truly, this would mean the world to me and my team. And remember, ladies, share this with your friends because that's what friends do. If you want to stay connected, go to brilliantista.com and join our Facebook group. You can also find me on social media at Sherry Custer or Brilliantista on all platforms.
00:19:10
Speaker
Most importantly, I hope you heard something today that inspires you to elevate your brilliance. Bye for now, Brilliantista. We'll be back next week.