Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
S4E12&13 feat. Justin Roczniak (Well There's Your Problem) - Marge vs the Monorail & Selma's Choice
392 Plays13 days ago
Jon, Matt, and special guest Justin Roczniak of Well There's Your Problem podcast watch The Simpsons episodes 'Marge vs the Monorail' & 'Selma's Choice', and discuss what they say about society.
Follow us on the Socials: @Molemanpod
Jon: @Meroka.bsky.social
Matt: @mattperspective.bsky.social
Well There's Your Problem: www.youtube.com/@welltheresyourproblempodca1465
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, this is mole man in the morning. Good mole man to you. All right. Cool. We did it. Excellent. We did it. We did it. We got that, right? Podcast over. We cannot go. What a great show, guys. Thanks for your time.
00:00:19
Speaker
Hello, welcome to mole man in the morning. Good mole man to you. That's him slowly disappearing on on a Monorail. Oh, okay. Oh, yes, it probably should have been a lot face should have been good morning Tomorrow's a fast. Yeah, some reason my mind went to rollercoaster if I'm honest, I don't like monro makes most happy They just Appear no rollercoaster second episode we're talking about. Yeah Yeah, but I don't do a good more man for for both apps I should I should do but a moment for both episodes and make it even more annoying for John to do anything
00:00:59
Speaker
This is fine. This is fine. This is what makes it entertaining. We are More Man in the Morning. We are a podcast about how The Simpsons has a lot to say about society.
The Simpsons and Societal Issues
00:01:08
Speaker
I am your host, John, and I am joined by two guests today. Well, one co-host and one guest. We are missing a Michael today. He's a bastard. So we we've replaced him. It's fine. So joining me as ever is Matt.
00:01:23
Speaker
Hello! And we have a very special guest today. We have Justin Rosniak. Oh, well, there's your problem. Hi, it's me. I'm here. Milkshake's also here. He's trying to eat the microphone. The fourth mic eating the mic. Yeah, fourth mic just purring right here.
00:01:41
Speaker
We have got a Simpsons episode about an engineering disaster. So I figured what better today than to get somebody who knows a thing or two about engineering disasters and tell us, tell us a bit about monorails and why it's like that. but Monorails are, um, no, get out of my face. Um, monorails are a, uh, a, a form of public transportation. That's, that's about the most positive I can say about them. um at Doesn't, the dog that doesn't friends have like a,
00:02:11
Speaker
monorail that's like quite a thing or am I misremembering they're They're bigger in Southeast Asia. i in France has that weird monorail tramway, which is terrible. ah Monorails take you know all the worst features of trains and combine them with the worst features of buses. Speaking of trains, though, my favorite thing that I've seen on the internet recently is someone replying to one of Elon Musk's tweets, and it just says, please, for the love of God, Google the word train.
00:02:44
Speaker
Silicon Valley does love to reinvent trains. Yep, they're really good at it. They're really good at being like, do you know what would be good? A train, but not a train. Who made the tweet that was like, we finally invented a super intelligent AI to tell us how to fix traffic forever. And it just says trains. And then all the Silicon Valley guys are frantically trying to reprogram it afterwards. yeah ah you You know the the theory of carcinization, which is to say that all all life tends towards crab. Everything tends towards
Monorails and Public Transportation
00:03:14
Speaker
crab, yes. Everything yeah everything always e evolves into a crab eventually. I think the same applies to transportation and all all transportation tends towards trains.
00:03:23
Speaker
See, but the thing is with the crab thing, I just want to say this because this is this is my genuine thoughts on the issue because I'm an insane person. ah We all talk about, oh oh, I wish I was born in the Roman era. Oh, I wish I was born later so I could but ah see us go to Mars. but i wish I wish I was born the millions of years in the future where we get to be crabs. I would rather be crab person. That sounds way cooler. Well, crabs living in a big bucket.
00:03:48
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, exactly. We all get to just hang out in a bucket. Like, do you come here often? Matt, we all live here. We can invent the crab train. Wow, looks like don't let anyone in here. Oh, damn. Pain of this guy I've never met before. This is so mean. I don't know what to do about this.
00:04:09
Speaker
All right, we have got two episodes today as already observed. We've got Marge versus the Monorail, probably up there among the most famous of Simpsons episodes. It's very well regarded and followed up by Selma's Choice. I remembered a single bit from the Monorail episode, because I was like, wow. I was watching it going like, yeah, I don't remember any of this. And then there was one bit where I was like, I remember this bit um for context to to for for our guests.
00:04:39
Speaker
I've watched fuck all Simpsons, really. this is the most Doing this podcast is the most Simpsons I've ever watched. I've i've seen like a fair few, you know because everyone's seen bits of The Simpsons, but I've i i do it i didn't like i've never actively sought out watching it. I've never like done anything. so You're going in fresh on one of the greatest episodes of television ever.
Cultural Commentary and Nostalgia
00:05:00
Speaker
Pretty much, apparently. yeah
00:05:04
Speaker
ah this is definitely This has always been one of my favorites. and you know because ah well Trains. you know but you know also it It is just a very it's a very it's a very fun one, you know especially that you know the front half is a parody of the music band, which is ah a musical I actually enjoy quite a lot. um and and then ah yeah there's There's a monorail. It's great.
00:05:31
Speaker
And it's got it's got his own musical numbers and it's yeah, it's it's good. It's got a musical number a very short well i very short and Very forgettable one. I count the Flintstones parody at the start as well. Oh, yes, that's the point stars at the start is a very good one I mean, speaking of bits, we remember of the episode. this is this I can see this episode's already going to be all over the place, but fine. ah It is what it is. I remembered so much of this episode, but I did not know these bits were Marge versus the Monorail. I was like, oh, I remember this gag. I remember this gag. I remember this gag. I couldn't have told you they were from this episode. I just remember the bits. So what are we drinking? What are we drinking? Let's start with our guest. Justin, what you got?
00:06:12
Speaker
I have a Voodoo Ranger Imperial IPA in a 19.2 ounce can. Cool, that sounds... It is 9% alcohol. I like the specificity. That'll get you through a Wednesday afternoon. What's the horror of the can? It is green. What is the ah radius of the top of the can? It is... I don't have my tape measure on me. Is it a wrinkle?
00:06:41
Speaker
It is a ring pull, yes. It is a ring pull. Okay, can you give me the three primary colors of the design? So the top is black, most of it's sort of a teal, and then there's a skeleton wearing ah orange flight suit on it. Excellent. I like when people tolerate my bits with weird seriousness. Hold on, I see the tape measure. I'll be right back. Excellent. Oh my God, we're going to get dimensions.
00:07:08
Speaker
Yes. This is what you all come here for. This is the rip roaring podcast. I stole this from my last job by accident. Brilliant. No one owns a tape measure. Everyone has stolen a tape measure. That's true. I once stole a power drill. Fuck me, that's bold.
00:07:27
Speaker
The lid and the base are two and one-eighth inches in diameter. The can is seven and three-eighths inches high. Excellent. I'm glad we have all of this. does Note that down in the wiki. for the yeah yeah right Write that down in your copy books now. It will be a test. It will be on the test.
00:07:55
Speaker
Alrighty, Matt, what are you drinking and how big is it? ah Well, wouldn't you like to know? ah I am being i'm being very boring. I ah was very last minute, went and bought something. So I just have a Green King Abbott, which is a nice ah nice ale. I like ale. ah So as always, since it's something I've not drank before, actually, I think I have had Abbott before. I think I had it at a Green King because a Green King is a line of mediocre restaurants. But here we go.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yep, that's ale. There you are. Nothing. There's
Drinks, Anecdotes, and Humor
00:08:29
Speaker
nothing to report. I was- Just an ale. I was so tempted to buy a can of Dragon Soup because the place near me also sells Dragon Soup, and I thought that would be so funny, but it's also very cruel to our guests for their first foray into this podcast for that for them to see me on Dragon Soup. I think that would be- And then it would be cruel beyond measure.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, no, I haven't recovered from the last time, so I'm glad you haven't. I'm used to it. Come on, John. Hit me. Ruined my day. I have got a... I've got Salt Brewery's Cafe Stout. I'm guessing coffee? Yeah, coffee. It is a collab with a tequila company that make, like, a coffee tequila liqueur, so I guess they provided the coffee beans for it or something. So they made a stout? They made a stout. They made a 7% stout infused with coffee.
00:09:21
Speaker
7% stout. That's nothing. Can you get the get that? Does the caffeine come through? Have they? I'm hoping so. i likeing all that I'm drinking it like a light, a light buck fast. Um, oh god
00:09:38
Speaker
that would, that would have put me up. I should have got a bottle of Bucky. Yeah. I don't think they let us buy it in the States. Unfortunately. I'm surprised it sold outside Glasgow.
00:09:50
Speaker
Should've got yourself a can of dragon soup. but One of these days when I make it over the over the Atlantic, I'll finally get to try Buckfast and embarrass myself in a new and exotic way. What is Buckfast? Is there anything to do with Buckfizz? No, no, no. I do not know Buckfast. It is a Glasgow specialty. So you're supposed to have it with a deep-fried Mars bar? it Yes. Yes, basically. Yes, it is. also say I guess it's a tonic wine. It's its so it's it's a medicinal wine with caffeine brewed by monks, consumed by teenagers. ah The mnemonic I always ah heard for it was ah it's ah brewed by monks, drunk by punks, it gets you fucked fast.
00:10:43
Speaker
ah Yeah, so it's it's very very popular in Scotland and specifically Glasgow and has catastrophic results I Also, I probably should stress for potentially legal purposes I do believe the phrase tonic wine does not imply medicinal per properties. I think you're allowed to say it's medicinal Not actually medicinal but has been marketed as such in the past. Oh, I think we're almost made it yes whyre not selling it Yeah, exactly. I can say it's medicinal. It'll cure what ails you. It will cure cancer if you drink it. It will cure your cancer. It will be gone. Cancer. Mostly because you will be dead. Male pattern baldness.
00:11:29
Speaker
I remember um one of my favourite things I ever saw was in a Hbomberguy video when he was talking about an old advert for Bovril and it said, excellent for invalids and weak persons. I thought, it's just Bovril, what's it gonna do? I love some oldie timey adverts, yeah. oh no it said not appropriate it was it's like not appropriate yeah it's like the yorkie advert not for girls so it's like you know not appropriate for invalids and weak but but weak persons because it's so strong it's so good really so if you're a weak baby man don't don't eat don't have bovril
00:12:05
Speaker
I was always a particular fan of the very blunt Guinness is good for you. Guinness is good for you. Guinness is good for you. It's good. Round up your mates for a Guinness. That's a good ad with the sheepdog. Anyway, maybe let's talk about some monorail. So Simpsons. Yeah, Simpsons. That's what we're here to talk about. Mars vs. Monorail. First aired January 14th, 1993. On this day.
00:12:34
Speaker
I don't think much interesting happened. David Letterman moved stations. um Utah Jazz Center Mark Eaton blocked two shots in a 96-89 win over Seattle Supersonics, becoming only the second player in NBA history to record 3,000 career blocks. That was white noise. Yeah, know I know nothing about about basketball. I'm just reading words on the screen here. I'm sure it means something to basketball fans.
00:12:59
Speaker
It was basketball. All right. I didn't even know that. I'm very happy for the
The Simpsons Episode Breakdown
00:13:06
Speaker
people that are happy about it. That's what I'm saying. Yep. And in our music charts, continuing a theme, Whitney Houston, I will always love you. Number one in both the US and the UK.
00:13:18
Speaker
Awesome. Oh, since this is our third American guest, I'm really sorry if I've forgotten someone, but I'm going to ask it since the last guest we had was also a baseball fan. Are you a baseball fan guest?
00:13:31
Speaker
I watch ah baseball in like the playoffs and the Phillies are playing. The Phillies. Yeah, exactly. i but i'm not i don't why I don't follow baseball religiously. i and the only The only team I really ... Will I actually go and sit down and watch a game on the TV is the Eagles.
00:13:53
Speaker
um So, you know that's other than that, like ah you know my my sports consumption diet is ah not not very rich, unfortunately. um but But Liam did at least convert me to and enjoying football. Football. Yes. I really hope there's a small Venn diagram of Eagles fans and Lord of the Rings fans that, yeah, that link the two because the Eagles. Brilliant. Oh, yeah, obviously. That's my joke for the day. You won't get any more.
00:14:25
Speaker
Why didn't they just have the eagles carry them to Mordor? Because they would have been shot down or the dragons that sour Sauron commands would have fucking eaten them. There are myriad reasons why it didn't happen. No, I mean the Philadelphia Eagles and the big ones.
00:14:40
Speaker
ah what didn't they Why don't they just hire actual Eagles? Yeah, exactly. They'd be way better at catching them all. Just the Philadelphia Eagles just carrying hobbits on the shoulders.
00:14:53
Speaker
They must have at least tried once to do some kind of like fun branding thing. They must have. i Well, I say must have. I hope they have. I gotta say, since since we had our last American guest, I have actually gotten into baseball. I don't think we've talked about it on the podcast before. We have, what? Yeah, no, um I am now a baseball fan. Who do you support? wow St. Louis ah Cardinals. Cardinals, that's the one. Yeah, the Cardinals. I'm such a big fan, I had to remember the name of the team. The Cardinals is who we is who they support us, that's fair. so Yeah, it was because that's who Fixer was talking about. I was like, okay, I'm gonna tip this off. Yeah, so you're like, all right, well, but I have a mate that supports the Cardinals, so I'm gonna support the Cardinals. That's fair, I think. Yeah.
00:15:31
Speaker
that that's how it works yeah no one no one there are two ways you so you you start supporting a team either you're born into it like my supporting of leads united football i don't give a flying fuck about football but i do support leads and that's not going to change and yeah, or you are sort of grandfathered into it in the sense that you meet a friend that gets you into the the the sport so you support their team because that's that's how that works and if you ever change the team that you support you are then immediately a fair weather fan and that will you will never remove that moniker because you swapped teams and thus you're a traitor
00:16:07
Speaker
No, actually, i I stopped supporting the Washington football team because they went woke. Oh, no. Have they got a name now or are they still the football team? They are the Washington commanders now, which is a terrible name. Didn't they used to have like a like it was a Native American thing? They they were the Washington Redskins. Yeah, Redskins. Yes.
00:16:36
Speaker
Good times. Back when you could say whatever you like. That was my dad's team. And dad's team. Did he change because they went woke? No. No? No, he's still not woke. He's still not woke. Yeah. It didn't work, guys. You're still calling them the Redskins, or? I think a lot of people still call them the Redskins. Oh, really? I think it's hard to get rid of those kind of monikers, though. You know, as much as There are reasons to change the name. It's well, the the the new name they pick I feel like is they deliberately sandbag that they made it worse You know the Cleveland Indians became the Cleveland Guardians um which are named after a set of statues on um One of the bridges that leaves it leads into Cleveland the Guardians of traffic um you know and that name is actually pretty good and it works really well and they leaned into it and the commanders is just
00:17:31
Speaker
well what what's a washington commander is washington known for commander they should've called it the commandos because then commandos is just cool in general and we just watched commando we just watch commando on the arnold uh all for arnold podcast you go listen to that when it comes out and i inevitably can be asked editing it john did not like it it yeah it was no commando is a great movie it's a great movie it's fucking stupid Anyway, I think they're going to rename the team a third time, is what I'm saying. Oh, really? Amazing. Yeah, just because this name is not good. It's not called on. Yeah. Well, everyone calls them the commies. Oh, my God! Yeah, I can see how that wouldn't fly. OK, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but they can't do like a fan naming because then they will just be called baseball, McBabe, basebally face or something. Oh, yeah. No, that could only go badly. But that would be very confusing since they're a football team.
00:18:26
Speaker
Oh yeah, football, bally mcball face, there you go. City name, sports team. Or maybe they should call him the best baseball team just to be just for the bit. Yeah, column of call him the washington Washington baseball team. The Washington baseball team. Guys, Simpsons, Michael's not here. We need Simpsons. We're bringing back the Senators, folks. All right, we have a chalkboard gag. It is, I will not eat things for money.
00:18:57
Speaker
I mean, you should. i would It depends on the thing. I made money doing that in high school. It is. Yeah. It is a way you can make money for sure. Yeah. That's giving bad advice. Yeah. Yeah. Your couch gag is yeah everyone from Springfield is here. Like they fill up the Simpsons room. Yeah. There's a home invasion, a mass home invasion. Mass. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Well, at least the police were there.
00:19:23
Speaker
I don't know if that was much of a gag. but Facilitating the home invasion, yes. Yeah, but, Jon, they're never a gag. They sometimes are a gag. The ones that get me are the ones that they put like zero thought into, like, what if they sat down and the couch fell backwards? Those ones genuinely make me laugh. The ones where they're clearly trying, I'm like, okay, this is this is very self-indulgent. It's just effort-posting now.
00:19:48
Speaker
the one that you said was like that cost loads of money to animate you know the circus one or the circus one yeah they're like not cabaret what's it called the line dance not line dancing where they kick their feet kick line kick line yeah with that one i was like okay this is just self-indulgent and self-aggrandizing i don't care but yeah when they they sit on the couch and they all fall into it and their legs stick up in the air hilarious and
00:20:13
Speaker
Anyway, as mentioned we're gonna open with the Flintstones parody. We've got a whole thing where Homer sings his own version of the the Flintstones theme.
00:20:24
Speaker
I still sing this. This is this is probably yeah the most ingrained Simpsons bit in my head. Pure. Easily. and I love this bit. Just that he's about to hit a chestnut tree. This is so good. the script This is also a a fun tidbit for anyone who's trying to figure out the location of Springfield in the United States. It is clearly somewhere that has not been affected by the chestnut blight.
00:20:53
Speaker
oh We did use way back in, I think season two, maybe even one, ah that Springfield is actually in Peru. Yeah. They have they have condors there that are only that you can only find in Peru. Sander Peruvian condors or something you said. There's something like that. Yeah. OK, so that I don't know if they've ever had the chestnut blight in Peru. I don't know. I don't know what what the Peruvian population of chestnuts is.
00:21:22
Speaker
Also in a weird way, like, ah yeah ah as much as you say, you like, you're always thinking about this, this song has been explicitly in my head for the last few weeks. And I don't know why, I don't know where it came from, but I've started humming it a lot. And I'm suddenly for it to come up in the episode or watch and I was like, Oh, okay. This is weird. It's also been stuck in my head for a few weeks throughou to actually, I don't know if this is the mind virus, which has appeared out of nowhere. The Simpsons mind virus. That's how we need yeah that's how we need to convert the non-work to our um work agenda of be nice to people. ah We just need to come up with a catchy song. Maybe maybe yeah it's just that's the woke mind virus. It's mutated. It's a new strain. It's the Omicon strain of the woke mind virus. forgot We're all going to develop Simpsons-based political views. Oh, that would be terrible. Yeah, I don't think that's going to end well.
00:22:17
Speaker
Alright, let's have some actual stuff like, this is, that for for a excellent intro, it is completely throwaway and has absolutely no bearing on anything else in the episode whatsoever. It's it's just nothing, they did the writers just thought, wouldn't this be funny? Yeah, that would be funny, and it is, it works works perfectly, it's great. It is hilarious, it's one of my favourite jokes of all time in The Simpsons, bar none, it's so good.
00:22:40
Speaker
Alrighty, so we open on Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Lenny and Carl are sealing up some toxic waste at the end of the day. ah they They're wondering about what happens to them. Maybe it gets buried in a mine, maybe it gets sent to a certain state, but that's not their problem. they that They're sleeping good tonight. Yeah, I just love that they're high five. Not my problem. Yeah, exactly. That's why I get paid.
00:23:05
Speaker
it's it's clocking off time i'm going toxic waste is somebody else's problem i like how this this nuclear power plant seems to only accumulate one barrel of toxic waste every seemingly year Well, Homer's not doing anything for safety, so presumably they're not disposing of a lot of contaminated PPE. This is true. i do yeah I regularly forget that Homer is officially safety officer. Yeah. You could be forgiven for getting out because he doesn't do a lot.
00:23:41
Speaker
Yeah, because the show forgot it very quickly. Yeah. Burns and Smithers turn up to to apparently the owner of the power plant is the is the guy who's responsible for disposing of this, I guess. A lot of people, are ah you know, they they they don't realize that Mr. Burns has a very hands on management style.
00:24:01
Speaker
really so he's he's He's down there in the trenches with everyone else. He likes to be involved. Yes. Maybe it's the radiation that's actually keeping him alive though. We do wonder how he survives all of these things. um There is an actual theory that but small doses of radiation may improve resistance to cancers. That seems um backwards. There's a lot of nuclear scientists who have lived a lot longer than they should have. okay And also some who have lived a lot shorter than they should have. but you know
00:24:38
Speaker
And some that have gone on to save New York City from an alien attack, but we won't talk about them. We're not allowed to. What we do need to do is popularize this theory somewhere around, I don't know, Silicon Valley and see if we can get Elon Musk microdosing uranium.
00:24:52
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. or all and And because I'm in the UK, so I'm sorry, I'm sorry ah to our lovely American guest who cannot legally get involved in this joke, but I'm going to go with it
Environmental and Societal Themes
00:25:05
Speaker
anyway. Can the next CEO that shot be Elon Musk, can that happen, please? Please. Fuck that guy. He's an absolute monster. He's the worst person ever. but and this This is America. We have free speech.
00:25:17
Speaker
It's not like the libel laws over there where like, I don't know, they they they just shoot you if you are you know say something bad about, I don't know, um who throw out a British celebrity. JK Rowling. JK Rowling, exactly.
00:25:36
Speaker
I do just want to point out that a woman has been sentenced to four years in prison for saying deny, defend, depose to a customer service agent on her insurance call. This is true. That did happen. They interpreted that as a death threat, I guess. Yeah, I was going to say how far does free speech extend? Does it extend to credible threats against rich people?
00:25:58
Speaker
Oh, I mean, if I were going to say I am going to go to Hawthorne Airport next week and assassinate Elon Musk, I would be thrown in jail. Yeah. So I have to be more vague about that. Good job you didn't just say that on a podcast. Well, I was using it as an example. We can't edit that and make it sound heinous at all.
00:26:20
Speaker
I'm just saving that specifically as a drop. Have that as the sound bite whenever you enter a Discord call.
00:26:30
Speaker
Anyway, what are Burns and Smiths gonna do with this toxic waste? ah Maybe the playgrounds? No, no. Just bald children causing a scene. I'm gonna be honest with you. Reading Frankyak now is the first time I've actually heard that line properly. I didn't realise he said bald children. I was like, bold, like, oh, the kids are getting curious and nosy, like they're being bold. I just always thought he said bold. I didn't realise he said bald. Yeah. Well, that that makes way more sense.
00:26:57
Speaker
I mean, a lot of the children in in Simpsons are bald. That is true. That is true. Is that because of the radiation? And a lot of the children in sims Simpsons are bald. So, yeah. In the way it fits. It's all radiation. Solid. Yeah. It really is though. That's if any of the weird shit that happens in Simpsons, you could just say, well, there is radiation just buried. There's radiation everywhere, yeah.
00:27:24
Speaker
Anyway, they decide to take it to the park and jam it in a tree, I guess. That last tree held nine barrels. The tree's got tentacles and there's the the squirrel with the laser beam eyes. It's great. And the frog tongue. It's great gag. Yes. Another extremely high effort gag for like a couple of seconds. Yeah. I feel like that's what a lot of the gags in this episode are, and kinda the next one, is that they're not relevant to the episode. Really? They're just... the writers thought it would be funny, so let's put it in.
00:27:58
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, I mean like this one definitely I think the next one I don't know I was a little cooler on the next one, but we will will get there we We got we got some monorails get through this this is this is back when you know It was worth it to pay animators as opposed to now. I don't know they try to do it with AI or something ah oh god like How long before we get an AI Simpsons and AI Simpsons episode they'll do an AI couch gag pretty soon I'm sure I I think, yeah, all can take. Even if they don't animate them with AI, they will come up with them via AI from now on, because they can't be asked to even think that hard. Yeah, just chat GPT, please give me 15 couch gags for the season. Yeah, we're going to watch Homer Simpson delve into the couch. Delve? I don't like the word delve in this situation.
00:28:49
Speaker
Marge, I'm delving.
00:28:52
Speaker
Anyway, the EPA shows up. ah Agent Malone from the Environmental Protection Agency. I wish the EPA was actually like this. Where is EPA? Get your little EPA badge out. It's the new new three letter agency. epi We saw you littering. now
00:29:16
Speaker
they Don't you know that's not biodegradable?
00:29:21
Speaker
You can recycle that! There's a bin right there! Sorry, it's American. There's a trash can right there! Yes. They wouldn't say bin. Yep, Burns is in trouble for his little game of hide the ooze. Hide the ooze. And it gets taken to court for apparently a fine of three million dollars. This happens incredibly rapidly. ah Yeah, it really does. I mean, this is all to service the yeah the the, you know, the actual plot.
00:29:50
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's another I guess this is another like classic kind of Simpsons bait-and-switch because you could do a whole episode about this easily I think oh Yeah, it's like I guess trying to hide the ooze or on trial for hiding the ooze either one of those could be an episode So yeah, he gets fined what's frankly pocket change to Burns. They even make the joke about that. My wallet is in my left side pocket. I'm surprised I didn't do a Smithers getting to feel up Mr. Burns kind of bit, but I don't know if it's too early in Simpsons or just too 1993 to make that kind of joke about Smithers being happy to go into Mr. Burns' pants.
00:30:31
Speaker
I was about to say, they they they they really have to ramp that up over time. It was not yet okay to be gay. Yeah, very true. Cause yeah, well, we talk about that, don't we? are The, um, the burns sexual, he's not gay. He's burned sexual. Yeah. they Yeah. Early on it was, yeah, that was how they pitched it basically. Yeah. Like he's attracted to wealth and power. I mean, what can you say? Well, yeah. Can't blame him. That is why most women are attracted to Homer. He is wealthy. He just wastes it. And he is powerful from all the radiation he's absorbed.
00:31:07
Speaker
did it ah Justin, were you aware of Homer's actual salary? Well, he is a Union Safety Officer in a nuclear power plant. I gotta imagine it's gonna be north of 150,000. That's what it would be now in the 90s. Someone worked it out to be about 83k a year?
00:31:29
Speaker
Yeah, we we had it pegged somewhere in like 80k-ish. Yeah, like I could see that. That sounds about right. He is minted. But we also came at the conclusion that makes perfect sense that the Simpsons never actually go bankrupt and why they can afford to do all these stupid things. The reason they're struggling for money is just because they're that fucking stupid.
00:31:50
Speaker
Yes, that's that's a classic thing you do in America is you make a pretty decent amount of money and still go into shitload a shitload of credit card debt. yeah That's how you're supposed to do it. um that's what keeps those right That's what keeps the capital in capitalism engine running. That is the American dream. I want a shirt that says that's what keeps the capitalism engine running and then on the back it just says choo choo. Me undies, put that on some underwear, sponsor us.
00:32:20
Speaker
A bunch of credit cards on the front. ah you
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, I mean like I i feel like maybe they I don't know if they're intending to say that they probably were trying to say something about this potentially but like I feel like we're already like three minutes into the episode we've already got our observations on society like this is one of those things where it's like oh yeah the the rich are just immune to laws because they just yeah just pay it and it's pennies Like, that's right there, nakedly, in the episode this time. I didn't have to even dig for that, really. Yeah, exactly. And he buys the statue as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I forgot about it. And I'll take that statue of justice, too. Sold. Yeah. But it's not the right voice actor for the judge. He brings down the gavel like an auctioneer. Yeah. It's not the right voice actor for the judge. No. It's a different voice actor than it usually is because it's way higher pitched. Oh, okay.
00:33:13
Speaker
Anyway, we cut two Simpsons around the dining table. We also ignored the Hannibal Lecter reference of Mr. Bones. Oh, sure, yeah, we totally did, yeah. Mr. Boner in the the boogie man ah in, yeah, the very traditional, I say traditional classic Hannibal Lecter garb. He's got like the face mask on. And again, there's no reason for this. It's just the writers thought it'd be funny. And it is mildly funny. Yes, and it is. It is mildly funny to see Mr. Burns dress as Hannibal Lecter.
00:33:41
Speaker
It is. Yeah, it's funny that Mr. Burns is so evil, he needs to be wheeled in a straight jacket. Yep. Anyway, Homer's reading the newspaper. The headline is Burns pays city three mil. So we're now setting it up. hiss Here's, here's Burns' money. Town gets to use it. What are they going to do with it?
00:33:59
Speaker
Um, my, my note here is 3 million is actually not a lot of money to invest under like a city level. Really? That's, uh, that that's about 10 feet of the subway tunnel. Yeah. I didn't think it'd be a lot or entire monorail or entirely an entire monorail. Yeah.
00:34:22
Speaker
Because ah some people have been doing the maths online, and since you're a... Sorry, are you a a civil engineer? or what what we don't act We never actually went into your credentials. um I studied civil engineering in college, and then I never got my PE license, so I'm just a guy, technically. But um I do host host a podcast about engineering disasters. Yeah. We're all just guys, deep down. and Exactly.
00:34:48
Speaker
ah Yeah, they've been talking on like reddit and stuff like that about the fact that Elon Musk wants to build a fucking tunnel from America to Europe or whatever some stupid like yeah, and he he said he could do it for 25 billion or something like that and then people pointed out well the one from England to France cost 30 billion So how many corners are you going to have to cut? has elon even got The tiny little one in Las Vegas working yet Elon Musk hasn't done ba it It backs up with traffic pretty constantly apparently it's not a very good people mover system Oh man can you imagine being stuck in a traffic jam under the Atlantic
00:35:31
Speaker
I mean, i
Monorail Plot vs. Real-Life Projects
00:35:33
Speaker
imagine if they use that system on a transatlantic tunnel and you're going underneath the Atlantic at 35 miles an hour. and That's not going to work.
00:35:47
Speaker
right If that tunnel existed, i I would just say no. Even if it's faster, I'd be like, nah, I'll get a plane. The serious proposals for a transatlantic tunnel, there have been them in the past, at least acknowledge that this is something that's going to take trillions of dollars in several decades to do in order to build you know the 10,000 mile an hour vacuum tube train that gets you from New York to Paris in 45 minutes. um You know, that's not something we're likely to see in our lifetimes. But the dude hasn't delivered on any of promises. yeah He has never delivered a single thing. He hasn't even gotten rid of the bots on Twitter. Nah, I didn't do that. He hasn't even gotten people to stop calling it Twitter. This is true. This is true.
00:36:39
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, that the whole tunnel thing has been bizarre to watch happen. You know, especially ah they are trying to expand the Las Vegas system, but they're doing it in weird, haphazard ways. So there's like one tunnel that's the people mover for the convention center. But now there's a second tunnel completely detached from that.
00:36:58
Speaker
which goes from a hotel to the convention center, but doesn't link up to the other tunnels, and is only one tunnel. So all you can do is have one car shuttle back and forth in the one tunnel. but the The thing is is, I think it's a problem with society in general, and this will be my last word on it, because obviously this is a Simpsons podcast, yeah but we just like to start things now. The tunnel from England to France, we took years to plan it,
00:37:25
Speaker
years to build it, you know? Whereas now, we say, we're gonna do this thing, and then we start the next year, and it's like, that is not enough time to plan this. This is not in any way enough time to plan. Even with the years of planning of the Transpen 9 Express, we missed. We calculated it, and we still fucking missed, because we tonaled from both sides, and we missed. So, less than a year's planning, you think you're gonna get it right? Fucking no.
00:37:54
Speaker
I was going to say the Channel Tunnel was a centuries-long project because there was ah there was like a um ah an actual tunnel that was bored. They got, like I think, two or three miles out before it was canceled in like the 1890s or something. like Jesus, that's crazy. They actually ran into the construction works when they were building the new one.
00:38:17
Speaker
Oh wow. Hey, somebody already did this bit for us. Yeah, yeah exactly. somewhat Somewhere in the channel tunnel, there's a manhole on the side of the the wall that leads to the older tunnel. um I'm surprised that's not like a museum-y, PC kind of thing. Yeah. i mean I guess maybe it's too hard to get to. Yeah, hard to get people in there. Yeah, especially hard to get people out. And willing to go there. Yeah. Hey, you want to go in this weird hole underwater?
00:38:44
Speaker
Actually, something like that thing, that sort of thing. Not for very long, I've i've heard. Anyway, Simpsons, 40 minutes in. Yeah. Three minutes into the episode. Yep. Lisa wants to invest the money in the school. She thinks they could buy some VR ah helmets. We really have been obsessed with AI for so long.
00:39:06
Speaker
Yes. Mm-hmm. And virtual reality, we just really have... Yeah, it was a classic sci-fi staple in there. Even before this, because it was... was it the 80s that the Nintendo VR headset was out? I've genuinely forgotten what it was called when it came out. Like the Virtual Boy? The Virtual Boy, yeah, that was the 80s, right?
00:39:28
Speaker
uh probably i think so because it it made a kid's eyes bleed yeah it wasn't great yeah that's how you know it's working that was 95 was the virtual boy it's not actually even out yet outside of his episode airing lisa's wanting some prototype virtual boys simpsons was prescient once again yes yep simpsons predicted the virtual boy that's that's what we've gotten from this yeah ah Bart would like the town to invest all of its money in an army of robotic ants for him and him alone, which, bold strategy. I don't think three million would cover that. I would have, I would ask for a cost-benefit analysis on that one.
00:40:12
Speaker
I'm not saying it's a bad idea. I'm just saying, you know. Well, I mean, let's have a discussion. But let's have it. well We'll have the discussion. Are the robot ants a good idea? I don't know. We should find out. And then he just shows you a drawing of Skinner being ah bitten in half and everyone's like sold. done dis Sold. Yep. Absolutely. Sounds like a good idea. Skinner in the corner just like, oh, no. All in favor. Me. All against just Skinner.
00:40:43
Speaker
Oh, poor Skinner.
Monorail Song and Public Obsession
00:40:45
Speaker
Poor Skinner. He's been betrayed just like he was betrayed back in Naam. Yes. No, we didn't get any Naam bits today. No, I missed the Naam bits. Anyway, everyone's going to Town Hall for a meeting. Everyone in Springfield showed up for this, observes Marge. Yeah, and then they immediately cut to everyone being robbed.
00:41:09
Speaker
Yes. Yes. The town get any dumber. I was right. Really, really funny to me, though, when when um on nox they don't say dumber, they say stupider. And that's the thing is when people say, can you get any stupider? I'm like, well, you've made yourself sound like an idiot. You use the word stupider, which isn't a fucking word. ah I always find the those bits doubly funny. Well, you can you can be stupider. That's just that's a word.
00:41:37
Speaker
It's not a word. Yeah, it is. It's not a word. It's definitely a word or more. No, I agree with you on the economy of syllables aspect. I'm just saying it is a word. Oh, we have to find this out now, right? The first one is already happening. Okay. Stupid. God damn it. Is the comparative form of the ah ah adjective stupid because stupid is two syllable word is comparative form can be created. Oh, I hate that. That's a word.
00:42:05
Speaker
Yes. the in The English language is just whatever the fuck you want it to be, really. Yeah, exactly. So much nonsense. It's the bastard child of German if german French. That's the brilliance of it. That's why I love English. There's so many words. So many words, yay. And if there is no word, you can make a word. Yes, it's true.
00:42:26
Speaker
That is the rule of language, though. Realistically, if there isn't a word you make a word, that's just language. Yeah, I think a few languages are quite as much of a bodge as English, though. Yeah, absolutely. All right, Simpsons. Anyway, Quimby is trying to start a meeting. He wants to say the Pledge of Allegiance. Nobody wants the Pledge of Allegiance. Get to the money. He wants to leave minutes from the last meeting. Get to the money.
00:42:51
Speaker
Which, to be fair, is how how meetings work, yes. Let's review the minute. Who has ever wanted to review the minutes from the last meeting? No one wants to review the minutes from the last meeting. Has it ever been relevant? It's never needed. I like that Quimby is like running like ah ah a New England town hall here. like it's It implies that there have been dozens of these massive town meetings before. Just no one showed up for them. Yeah, i think that's likely yeah it's It's Quimby and like Mole Man.
00:43:20
Speaker
Yeah My kind of meeting the secret power behind the curtain moment Woman's the only guy who shows up to make decisions for the town Three-quarters organizing is showing up. Absolutely
00:43:40
Speaker
Right, well we got Mort, would like to hire a firemen to put out the blaze on the east side of town. Burns has put on a mustache and a clever disguise. He calls himself Mr. Snrub. Mr. Snrub is far away. That will do.
00:43:57
Speaker
that somehow that is a line that has come up surprisingly often in my life. I don't know why. He would like to invest the money in the nuclear power plants. Surprise, surprise. Everyone looks all dubious at him and then Smithers pulls out a fucking grappling gun.
00:44:16
Speaker
I love the dramatic music. I fucking love that whole bit. Just the music, that the intensity, everything. It's great. It also, i once again, just throw away a bit. Yep. Yep. Apu thinks America is not investing enough money in the police, which, hu okay.
00:44:34
Speaker
He's been shot eight times and then fucking... Almost missed work because of it. Yeah, almost missed work. um Yeah, then fucking Chief Wigam just going, hmm, baby.
00:44:49
Speaker
ah marge Marge would like to repair Main Street. um mark Marge wants to do paving. Marge is carbrained. Mark just wants to like, ah fix basic infrastructure. She isn't trained like us, right? Yeah, exactly. Fucking idiot. So we see the disrepair it's been in, ah Homer, and Homer being the example here, but implied everybody is driving around with like winter change still on tires. And where i'm having a huge wear. Yeah, carrying a grand piano strapped to the roof. Look at that pavement fly.
00:45:26
Speaker
We've got a great gag of a massive pothole that popcorn truck drives into and it turns into the popcorn. Yes. That fucking got me right. I love Asi Falls. He just goes, whoa, that's it. He doesn't scream or yell or anything. Whoa. It's a mild incandescent. Yeah. And then a bunch of flames leap out of the pit, presumably roasting them alive, killing them instantly. And then the popcorn pops up. Yeah. And it's enough popcorn to fill the gap.
00:45:56
Speaker
as well did do Do either of you know how like hard or dramatic or what specific way a car would have to fall to actually explode? No. Because it's not true, is it? the Cars don't fall and explode. It depends on the car. If it's a Ford Pinot, it might just blow up. What, just for existing? Yeah, if it's a step van, I don't know. I don't know. You'd have to hit it really hard and in just the right spot.
00:46:22
Speaker
Yeah. Well, this one landed directly on the fuel tank. I don't know. Something like that. It's a Tesla. um You know, anything can happen. Yeah, exactly. It might burst into flames because you drove it. Yeah. Yeah. ah The first Cybertruck popcorn truck. but pop contract and my god That would be about their level of usefulness is producing popcorn.
00:46:46
Speaker
uh they're not that you don't even hold that much stuff you can get like one bag of popcorn in the back no they're for big manly loads they're for men's work don't you know can you even put a fifth wheel hitch on those things i don't think so no So, um all of the the examples of Cybertrucks actually doing anything impressive, they are heavily modded Cybertrucks, and it's really funny to me that that's the case. It's like, even you, the guy that bought the car, knows it is shit. You just don't admit it to yourself.
00:47:18
Speaker
This is a surprisingly anti-Elon Musk episode. I mean, I'm here for it, though, you know. My life is anti-Elon Musk. Yeah, I mean, there's very little else you can do these days other than yell at Elon Musk. Yeah. He bought a America. What else do you fucking want to complain about? Exactly, exactly. He's gonna he's gonna go rip everything out using his doge. Very annoying. Oh, no.
00:47:45
Speaker
Uh, anyway, speaking of old men yelling about things, Abe Simpson's here to oppose Marge Simpson's plan. Very sarcastically. Oh, we could fix a mainstream. We could put all our eggs in one basket. and The town does not pick up on his sarcasm. yeah Um, they love his plan. It's so good. I love, yeah, that they start cheering and then they're like all in favor of Abe's plan. Abe's plan. Yeah. I ain't furred. I'm a get it. I i fucking,
00:48:13
Speaker
I've said this before, Abe Simpson makes an episode. Burns and Smithers make an episode. Putting them both in the episode for single bits is fucking, is just gold. Definitely characters you love to see. Absolutely. Oh, definitely. Yeah, for sure. Speaking of people we love to see, Phil Hartman's here. Yes, we have Professor Harold Hill.
00:48:38
Speaker
haroldd hill of the music man oh okay all right yes you made a reference i did not get but okay cool ah He is a lot of lonely who I guess is a parody of Harold Hill. Yes. i um Yeah. He's here to sell instead of a boy's band. He's here to sell a monorail. Okay. All right. Yeah. Cause I'm guessing this is a reference to the song. You've got trouble, right? Oh, you got trouble. Yes. That's what that's the outfit he's wearing is you got trouble. Are you aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community?
00:49:17
Speaker
it's ah it's ah it's it's ah It's a very interesting song. Go listen to it guys. i've been i like i i knew this I knew it was like a reference to a musical, but I have not seen it. This is quite this quite un lost on me. I'd say it's it's a good one. I enjoy that i enjoy that movie a lot actually.
00:49:38
Speaker
There's lots of good stupid Americana in there. Um, Simpsons. Anyway, Lala is here to pitch to the town. His monorail idea. Although he, he did you know, he teases them first. Like, Oh, is this not a Springfield thing? It's a Shelbyville idea.
00:49:57
Speaker
Which, I think this is probably where we first start to get the hints of the, like, the rivalry between the two towns. Yeah. I mean, it's been mentioned before, but this is the first time we're like, oh, no, this is for this other town, not for you guys. Yeah. Shelbyville's been mentioned, but I don't think a rivalry's really been brought up at this point. Mm-hmm. So, he's gonna present the monorail. Um, he's sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook. Yes. The government put them on the map. And he shows a map that he drew.
00:50:27
Speaker
And it does have on the three towns on it. And they're on the map. Yeah. They're also all pretty far apart from each other. Yeah, I wonder why. And he led this leads him into the, you know it, I know it, we all know it, the famous monorail song. Is it famous? I feel like it must be. It lasts like a minute and it's okay. This song was fine. Okay, fine. It was fine, like there's nothing memorable about it. The only bit that's memorable is the end where Homer fucks it up.
00:51:04
Speaker
it It is a little shorter than I remember it, I will say that much. i you know it it It felt longer when the when I first saw this episode. yeah But yeah, it is it is relatively short. i mean I wouldn't call it forgettable, because you're always, is there a chance the tracks will bend? not and Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
00:51:28
Speaker
Yeah, it's got a lot of memorable lines. Yeah, I think I felt the same. I was like, when watching this episode this time, I was like, huh, I i i did think that bit was longer than it was, honestly. yeah But I don't know. I thought there was more than one musical number, to be honest. I guess there was, because there was the Flintstones opening. Yeah. ah So yeah, we get we get the musical number. Everyone suddenly loves a monorail. Everyone's converted. Everyone's qualms are assuaged.
00:51:57
Speaker
Marge is saying that she still thinks they should have fixed it up Main Street as they're driving on Main Street and the car is bouncing like crazy I love Homer's response though because this is so real as well that he she should have come up with a catchy song Yeah, yeah, it's true. If you want someone to get behind your idea Come up with a catchy song. That's why advertisements work This is true. Okay. Something that got stuck in your head. This is how we're gonna get bike lanes installed, folks. Absolutely. Maybe there's something to this. Like, if we want to actually... Oh, dude, I fucking genuinely... This is a great example of this. Have you guys ever seen the video of the guy singing as he tells people to get out of the bike rail?
00:52:38
Speaker
Yes. Yeah. Please get out of the bike lane. Please get out of the bike lane. Thank you. Please move. Brilliant. za i I haven't watched that in maybe 10 years. That's the guy on a Brooklyn bridge, right? Yeah. Yeah. he's And I thought, dude, that's fucking Genius that I I genuinely when I see bike lanes don't stand in them because I hear that guy's voice in my head brilliant Okay, cool now we know how to actually affect meaningful political change again you need to hi a musician onto The gay agenda come up with a catchy song the gay agenda again being just be nice to people I
00:53:21
Speaker
I believe, I believe that, that is every musical.
Homer as Monorail Conductor
00:53:27
Speaker
Anyway,
00:53:31
Speaker
anyway somehow, uh, Lyla only talked his way into being a guest speaker to a class of second graders, cause he's here to talk to the kids. Sometimes that sort of stuff just happens, you know? Well, it's a, it's a great example of how small towns like this are manipulated by actual big companies or how the American people are indoctrinated. If you get a kid to believe in Trump, yeah, that kid's not gonna be old enough to vote, but that he's gonna mention it to his friends, and then all of those children are then gonna mention it to their parents. It is an actual, like, method of indoctrination.
00:54:09
Speaker
yeah i mean like you have like weirdly tripped i'm gonna derail things on an episode where we're already running way too long but it happened with the last guest it's fine yeah yeah i guess do that i guess yeah but yeah i do recall an election a while back where like there was a weird sounding candidate and i locked him up and it was like a 96 year old guy with like insane conspiracy crackpot theories who wanted to replace currency with just like a system of good deeds i like that though i'm not i'm convinced by this guy actually yeah i'm already so Yeah, no, where can I go to vote for this guy? This is like 10 years ago. He was in his 90s then. I don't think he's still around. Ah, damn. ah But also the only campaigning he appeared to have done was at like, like a high school. Yeah. well Yeah. He went to a school. He went to like a girls boarding school and like that now I don't like him anymore. Now it's weird. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that but that's that's my story.
00:55:11
Speaker
Anyway, kids have got questions. Lisa's got the only worthwhile question in the class, I guess. She would like to like him to explain why we should build a mass transit system in a small town with a centralized population. And yeah yeah Lisa if you demonstrates her car brain there.
00:55:30
Speaker
ah brent She's car-pilled. Lyle tells her that's the most intelligent question he's ever been asked. But because nobody would understand this, he's not going to bother answering that. sir even the teacher, and then she giggles and she's won over by the charismatic handsome man. Because that is always what happens with Lisa. We get an advert for truckasaurus, the movie. We need more truckasaurus in the world. This is just absolutely reused footage because it's literally eating a Simpsons car. Oh, shit, I didn't even know Esso was too busy being excited about the giant robot. I was too busy being like, yeah, truckasaurus.
00:56:11
Speaker
And we also get an advert for becoming a monorail conductor. Monorail. We get to see, are you stuck in a dead-end job? do you Are you squandering your life? Are you spending all day watching TV? We can see a guy who looks a lot like Homer, sat in front of the TV. Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Head of safety at a nuclear power plant? Earning 83K, yeah. You got a pension. You got a union.
00:56:38
Speaker
You got cost of living increases every year for the rest of your life. homema Homer is and in no position to ever complain. Yeah, he is an idiot. Homer's got such a great job. i mean Yeah, yeah because because he's not done any work.
00:56:56
Speaker
Yeah, there seems to be no accountability here. He just, like, sleeps on the job all day every day and gets paid 80K to do it. Yeah, absolutely. And there's never been a serious enough nuclear incident for anyone to pay attention. Well, there's been one, isn't there? There's bit there's the one where he randomly pressed a button and then he he saved the... it not Is it the Shelbyville nuclear power plant? He saved that by random press button and then everyone's like, that's how you did it?
00:57:22
Speaker
And that's the only time. And even then, he keeps his job and is fine. Yep. Yep. That means he did save the power plant. Yeah, he still saved the power plant. He's got a good union. A very good union. Apparently so, yeah. Anyway, this advert is enough to entice Homer to sign up to become a monorail conductor at the Lanley Institute. Marge, I'm going to be a monorail conductor, but it's my dream.
00:57:51
Speaker
i love the uh invading the his dream was to run ah run out on the field yeah but baseball true baseball game yeah and it cost them the the season kind of had to forfeit the pennant yeah
00:58:09
Speaker
I at that think we touched on that before. I think that's the kind of a recurring gag of Homer's lifelong dream changes like every couple of days. Because he keeps achieving so many of them. Yeah, he has to. He has to achieve them. Otherwise there'd be no episode. It would be a right downer if he didn't achieve his dream. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. You know what? Yeah. You got me on that one. Yeah. Like he needs to, he needs new dreams because he keeps accomplishing them. Yeah. Cause he has the power associated with a good union job.
00:58:39
Speaker
yeah You can actually go out and do things. Remember when we could go out and do things, guys? Good times. You can cost the isotopes of the pennant anytime you want. You don't need a union job for that. That's a good point. It was probably union lawyers who bailed them out of prison.
00:58:59
Speaker
yeah Yeah, maybe. Anyway, we see the Lanley Institute does not quite match the photo in the advert. It's ah it's it's so kind of a cupboard kind of thing, classroom kind of thing, but with a scrawled note taped to the door.
00:59:16
Speaker
Uh, Lyle would love to know if anybody here is an investigator, Rick Pulsar. So, I am. She is too. I'd like you to leave. Should we take our hidden camera? Please do. What the fuck?
00:59:31
Speaker
The guy takes off his turban and yeah the hidden camera's in there. It's so, so good. If you're ever in a lecture and and this and anyone says, are you would is anyone an investigative reporter, you should just get up and leave, because whatever you're about to witness this is going to be bad.
00:59:51
Speaker
and but We cut to Bart helping Homer train for his MCAT, which is the Monorail Conductor's aptitude test. Isn't that also an actual acronym? it's the medical college admissions test i think yeah yeah yeah something like that yeah uh so uh true or false you get mono from riding the monorail uh false oh wait no maybe it's true no no it was false you are gonna be a monorail conductor doesn't Bart make another one yeah another one of his like I respect you in this moment yeah kind of yeah is I used to think you were stuck in an an emasculating go-nowhere job he makes AE 3k a year Bart he's in charge of like thousands of people he is genuinely one of the few barriers to imminent death in Springfield
01:00:44
Speaker
Homer is a pillar of his community. like it's a highly respectable job yeah like comer even yeah Homer is one of the most important people in Springfield. That's true, that's true, yeah.
01:01:03
Speaker
Homer has single-handedly stopped disaster from occurring every day for decades. Yeah, he is. it it's It's one of those things, like, it's one of the few, like, where I can't suspend my disbelief sometimes is when Bart says things like this, because I'm like, I get that they're doing it for the bit. But if you stop and think about it for a nanosecond, it makes no fucking sense that Bart has anything but admiration for Homer, because Homer is everything Bart wants to be.
01:01:32
Speaker
I feel like back in the 1990s, we had less admiration for blue collar jobs. yeah um you know that that that time ah that that That era, it was like people didn't realize, oh, my white collar job is about to become absolute shit garbage over the next 20 years. Yes, it's almost as if the bigger corporations took advantage of our pride for for white collar work.
01:01:59
Speaker
ah to sneak in things that we thought might be good and turned out to absolutely ruin their workforce and everyone's lives. Yeah, and meanwhile Homer Simpson, who's in the union of, I forget what the actual card was, like the union of jazz musicians, nuclear technicians, and a third thing. um They seem to be protecting his job pretty good. Yeah, absolutely. Homer's sat, man. So anyway, the moral of the story is fuck bot. Yeah, yeah more exactly. Bot's an idiot.
01:02:32
Speaker
Yeah, but he does want to follow in Homer's footsteps, so now he respects him, now he wants to become a monorail conductor. I'd be a monorail conductor, it sounds very fucking easy. We get a little bit of a clip of the monorail being constructed, this thing has gone up astonishingly fast. Yeah. Very, very quick, yes. Okay, going back to our discussion earlier about how long... Yeah, roughly how long would this take? how roughly Roughly how long would building a monorail in a town like Springfield take?
01:03:00
Speaker
I would imagine, you know, with the planning and everything, especially modern American planning, which is very, very, very slow. um Now, it's very slow and also produces bad results. That's one of the big problems. um You know, it this would be like a decade-long process at least. Yeah. Well, this was really fast and produced bad results, so it's better. Bart would be in college. Actually, Bart would be out of college. Yes. Because he'd be 20. Oh, definitely, yeah.
01:03:29
Speaker
yeah Fuck. Yeah, we see Barney in charge of, like, directing the crane here. It does not go well. Oh, yeah, because they say that in the advert, don't they? Or in the song. In the song, yeah. Or they say, you'll get cushy jobs or something. What about that? Yeah. And Barney's the one that celebrates. So then, of course, Barney's the one that gets the new job. But Barney is always the one that gets the new job because Barney is always permanently unemployed. So whenever there's like... I think he's employed now. He's permanently unemployed and with a 45-page resume as well.
01:04:01
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. He helped us build the monorail in Springfield. Don't think about where the monorail is now, just think about the fact that I helped build the monorail in Springfield. I would be putting that on my CV, absolutely. Yeah, even a failed monorail, saying you helped build it is still a fucking boon on your CV, I think. I was about to say he has crane operator on his resume now. He's an operating engineer. I mean, Barney should have a union too.
01:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, but isn't that kind of one of the gags of Barney is that realistically Barney should have like an incredibly good life? If he stopped drinking Yes, like that's the music we kind of saw that with Mr. Plow yeah yeah produce. ah Well, yeah, cuz he becomes an astronaut, right? Well that too Yeah, he's also like an incredible singer like that was one of the other the episodes or bits in Simpsons at some point is that Barney's an amazing singer and He produces that art film about his alcoholism. Yeah, he's he's an incredibly talented individual. he's on yeah just He also just lives in Springfield. Yeah. Anyway, we get a ah we got a bed scene between Homer and Marge. They're discussing sort of the risks of being on a monorail. Yeah. It goes over 150 miles an hour. I don't know how fast monorails normally go. How fast do monorails normally go, do you know?
01:05:21
Speaker
Uh, it depends on the monorail. I would say 40 miles an hour. Yeah, I didn't think they would that fast. yeah i thought it be Anything that's like high speed is probably a maglev. yeah You have like the Shanghai maglev that goes like 200 and something. And you have the, I don't know if you would call the The Japanese maglev, a um ah monorail, as such, is more of in a trench. That one goes 350 miles an hour or something like that. Is that the bullet train? No, the bullet train is a regular train. is Seriously, it's a train? Yeah, it's just a train. I thought that was just like an anachronism.
01:06:04
Speaker
no no I thought the bullet train was like becoming the maglev version. and oh No, they're building a second and um line between Tokyo and Whatchamacallit Osaka? I want to say to complement the existing Bullet train line, which is overcrowded. That one's gonna be maglev. That was gonna go twice as far Okay, but yeah the the The actual Shinkansen, you know, that was planned out so early. They originally thought to use steam locomotives on it. Wow. Wow. Jesus. To bring it back to media, the film bullet train, it's fucking great. Go watch it. It's hilarious. Yeah. I love that movie. I gotta be honest, I really want to see a steam bullet train now though. Steam bullet train. Oh yeah. That would have been really cool, but then World War II happened. Go watch Back to the Theater 3.
01:06:52
Speaker
yeah Yeah, that's true. achieve a very bo though but yeah okay hey It works okay, they get back to the future. It does fly, which is more than can be said for most trains. Exactly. Excellent. Excellent point. Excellent point. but Usually when the train flies, that's a signal a bad thing is going to happen. That's technically not flying. We just like to call it that so ah people stop screaming. So falling with style. Yes. Put that in the crash report. The train proceeded to fall in brackets with style.
01:07:29
Speaker
Yes. Simpsons. Simpsons, yes. Barney's operating the crane. He turns to say hello to Homer. So he waves, which then he does the universal signal for drop the load. So they drop it on a house. I fucking love Barney's line though. I hate that sound. That's so good. Because that it's it's such again, like in terms of like writing and construction of a gag, it tells you immediately that This has happened multiple times today. Yes And that they're still hiring they still kept Barney on they just like and keep just yeah Just keep you know, you'll get it next time but Well, yeah, cuz Carl and Lenny are the only other two people you could hire and they've decided to stick with the nuclear plant So yeah, they're very proud of their job but Yeah they they They're sleeping. Well tonight high five
01:08:24
Speaker
Anyway, yeah, Homemaraj talking about the risks. Homemaraj was like, oh what about the risk? What if I'm taking a shower and slip on a bar of soap? Oh my god, I could be killed! He suddenly realizes the risks. I don't know why, that's a weird line that's kind of stuck with me. only What if I'm taking a shower and slip on a bar of soap? no but That one sticks in my
Lanley's Scams and Marge's Investigation
01:08:42
Speaker
brain. Do you frequently leave soap on the bottom of your shower? I do not, no, no. Absolutely zero risk of that happening. How many people still use bars of soap though, really?
01:08:53
Speaker
for washing my hands, yeah, not for washing in the shower. Now you should get a squeegee. A squeegeeing my hands. No, like a hand soap dispenser. Oh, yeah, because I found some fancy soap but that came in a bar form and it smelled nice and I was like, my fancy soap. It's like a bar form. Yeah, bar fancy soap. It came in a bar form. Oh, how quaint. Jeeves, get me my soap in the form of a bar. Killer pheasant on your way there, right? Fancy supper.
01:09:24
Speaker
Anyway, Homer tries to turn his risk, ah his job risk into something sexy, I guess. I don't know, this is a weird turn of things. Yeah. Yes. What if I undo this button now? What if I talk like this? Then he starts singing a song that I absolutely had to look up because I was like, what is this song? And it's probably from the 15th century.
01:09:49
Speaker
Homer is incredibly smart and well-cultured. He just doesn't tell the evil man. He doesn't know he's smart. Well, he's got the crayon up there, that's why. That's a good point, yeah. Yeah, yeah this this is apparently the riddle song. It was a lullaby invented in the 15th century that somehow is still kicking around today. Why Homer decided to sing this seductively at this point in time is ah forever a forever mystery. It's fine, though, because he got distracted at the thought of chicken. Yes, chicken. Chicken.
01:10:20
Speaker
The thought of food, I'm no longer horny. That's very accurate. i feel I feel like most men can relate to that. It's like, we all bang on about how great sex is, but have you ever had just like that perfect BLT, you know, on a hot day? Or have had that perfect BLT, my God. Yeah. I love a BLT, man. I would push people into traffic for the for a good BLT. Yeah. Fuck those people. They're in the way.
01:10:48
Speaker
Anyways, back to our monorail college. Lyla and Lia is wrapping things up with an explanation that mono means one and rail means rail. That concludes our intensive three-week course. Who gets to be the conductor? He vaguely gestures at the room and says, yes, guy stands out. I was like, is that me? Yep. That's how we peck in him. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Sure. Sure. It's you. I think it's only fair.
01:11:14
Speaker
There is a Chan image board based off of this joke. o One Chan. It's the only good of the Chans. Is it, though? One equals one. Chan equals rail. It's just about trains. Oh, sick. Oh, my God. Okay.
01:11:33
Speaker
Fine. I like trains. Everyone likes trains. Trains are cool. People who don't like trains are lying to themselves. Absolutely. Thank you. This guy gets it.
01:11:44
Speaker
We got to the news. Ken Brockman is introducing the town to their new monorail conductor. It's Homer. They've got a file photo. He had smoking a million cigarettes. That was Homer probably beating a world record or something. Possibly. ah I can't remember if this picture has been used before. I feel like that's been used before. Yeah. That's just the one picture they've got on file for Homer. Well, there's the one they also use as well of him, like, sneezing on, like, a celebrity or something. I don't know about that one. Homer introduces the family to the cockpit of the Monorail, where he shows them the snack holder. You can put your beverage, or if you will, cake cupcake. A cupcake, yes. ah Marge has a look in one of the cupboards and finds a family of possums. Where the fire extinguishers should be.
01:12:33
Speaker
Mm-hmm Homer calls the big one bite. I call the big one bitey. This is also another one of those Massively quote genuinely. I feel like this this bit is so is quoted so much that most people forget It's from the Simpsons. I call the big one. Mm-hmm. Yeah, probably this is actually Remarkably similar to a real monorail the Shanghai maglev. Did you ever see? picture If you've ever seen pictures inside the cab, you can really tell that this was a prototype that just got sold to someone. Because it is, like, just drywall and a desk in there. Amazing. Wow. Marge is concerned about the there but all of the above, really, and goes to go to see Mr. Lambly. Yeah, I'm very concerned about gestures just to everything. Yeah, gestures at the whole Monorail project in general, I think. Gestures at Homer.
01:13:30
Speaker
she is She knocks on the door. There's no answer. She goes in. She has a look to his notebook. We see his cartoon drawings of him heading to Tahiti. Tahiti is one more job. Yeah. The train in flames labeled suckers. Do you think he's also going to start a mango farm? In Tahiti. I don't know what you're referencing. Sorry. I hate you guys. I'm not going to tell you. You're going to have to fucking sit there.
01:14:00
Speaker
Fine, alright, someone tell me in the comments. What was Matt referencing? What is Matt ever referencing? Uh, Lyle N. Lee catches Marge, asks her if she saw anything. She says no, good, that's good enough for him. He closes the book and says, I don't know why I left this lying around. Yeah, I saw, it's just a weird line. It's like, oh, silly me.
01:14:22
Speaker
why Why am I doing sketches of myself absconding to Tahiti? I yeah like i can't think these can't stop myself. He's just so excited about his little scheme.
01:14:33
Speaker
I guess so, yeah. Why did he why did he have to do it? Surely doing it once would be enough to get you to retire to Tahiti. Why do you have to do it three times? Four times? Well, this will be the fourth, yeah. I mean, if it worked three times, get another story three mil. Yeah, he's just like, oh, just this time and I'm out, kind of thing. One more job, one last job. One more job and I'm in Tahiti. Yeah.
01:15:00
Speaker
Anyway, Marge, remembering how he talked about selling monorails to Brogway, Ogden- Brogway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbroke, decides to go do a bit of... Literally drives across the entire country. Apparently, yeah. But all the way from Peru... he drives She drives from Peru to one of the small towns where... Through the Darien Gap and everything. yes That must be difficult. Well, she's she's used to driving on Main Street, so this is nothing. Oh, that's a good point, yeah.
01:15:31
Speaker
So, thinking about all the concerning and haunting things she's seen and heard discussed, she rocks up in, I forget which town, one of the three, North Haverbrooke, where the Monorail is king, displays the big billboard outside the town. You'd think they'd take that sign down. Probably don't have the money. tough Yeah, they spend it all on a monorail.
01:15:54
Speaker
The town's just kind of trying to forget that it exists without doing anything. It's a bit of a ghost town. There's a crazy old lady cackling away on her porch to herself. Marge tries to ask questions at the Monorail Cafe, and is told there was never any Monorail. Make no Monorail here, and there never was. Slam. She bumps into a crazy, mad-haired, scientist-looking guy. This feels like it's supposed to be a reference. It does a bit, yeah. This guy is so unique-looking.
01:16:22
Speaker
He sounds kind of like Werner Herzog. Yeah. There's a lot going on here. He's not even like a guest voice. i He feels like a character they should have brought in and like, like oh, it's it's like, it's a guest voice actor. but like maybe they drew Maybe they drew him and animated bits of him before they like thought about like, but maybe they had a plan for a guest actor and they just didn't get them. It could be, it could be. We'll keep using the design because it's unique.
01:16:50
Speaker
ALICE I mean, we' I suppose we'll get into the derailing details and trivia later, but like they did go through a few potential voice actors, for or guest voices, for so for the celebrity cameo, I suppose, before they got Leonard Nimoy later. yeah But we'll get to that in a moment. so First we've got Sebastian Cobb, with the crazy scientist.
01:17:12
Speaker
who's just hanging around the town. Yeah, he's just hanging out. The sight of his shame. Lanley hired him to build the monorail, but he explains that, like, corners were cut everywhere, that bad wiring, faulty brakes. How do you cook corners on a monorail? There aren't any. Whoa, fair. Get off the stage. Get better material. Looks through cards, monorails don't have corners. Oh, I'll start sweating.
01:17:42
Speaker
And the celebrity on the maiden voyage voyage was Gallagher. Which Gallagher? Noel? Noel, Liam? Who knows? I have no idea. I'm going to be honest. Yeah, no, I don't know. I mean, I assume that's someone I'm not familiar with, but my brain just goes Noel and Liam as well. Yeah. That's what I think.
01:18:03
Speaker
But we do get to see what happened to the Monorail. Their track did, in fact, bend downwards quite rapidly. Because it went to the ground. Quite an intense angle. Unproductive to travel, I'd say. Still have one car hanging there. Why it's red. None of it's been cleaned up. Nothing about this is, like, sensible. It's great. Yeah. As you said, they couldn't afford to clean it up. It's like, oh no, just pretend it doesn't exist. It's a historical monument now. Yes. It protected ruin.
01:18:36
Speaker
There aren't a lot of historical sites in America so they might as well start making their own. exactly cob says he hopes they've got a damn good conductor if you want to get out of this and it's home ah and we get it brief clip of homer locking his keys in the camp of Get a rock!
01:18:53
Speaker
So it's the opening day! Monorail's about to launch the maiden voyage of the Monorail. Kent Brockman's introducing various celebrities. Recently outed leading man Dash Calhoun. Krusty's here. There's a woman. This was a very, again, this is another ones one of those ones that I wanted to like discuss briefly just because of its portrayal and like the 90s thing. of Is this a lol gay joke? Because they're saying the recently outed I have to assume so. I don't know what else he would be outed as. I get that they're saying he is gay, but is it meant to be a gag? Because surely it's meant to be a gag. I don't even know. Again, this is this is the problem. I know we've done a lot of like lol work kind of jokes today, but genuinely, what is the joke other than lol gay in this scenario? I think the joke is lol gay.
01:19:49
Speaker
Yeah because that's the thing is even as a teenager I was like lol gay and I look back I'm like what was funny what was what are you laughing at it's just gayness what it what is the joke gang how we've regressed as a society being gay is no longer funny yeah what a shame what a shame Yeah, I mean, this, I mean, like, changing tastes in humour is something we have discussed before with, you know, like, when Flanders failed, like, it used to be funny just to be cruel. When Flanders' funny is... I do not think anything is ever gonna be when Flanders failed as the worst episode of Simpsons for me, personally. It is so fucking mean. It's just awful. It's pretty grim. Yeah. But, I don't know, people found it funny back then. I guess.
01:20:35
Speaker
Yeah, back back in the day, back in the day, you just say gay and people would laugh. Now it's, uh, now it's, uh... You can't say anything these days. You can't say anything these days. Yeah, exactly. We're offended. No, we have, this is a good sign of progress for society. i Yeah, I think we can support that out. This is a good thing, guys.
01:20:58
Speaker
Krusty's got ah illegitimate kids, I guess. They make a lot of jokes about Krusty having bastard children, which makes the later episode in one of the more recent Simpsons of Krusty trying to have a genuine effort to have a relationship with his daughter way-shitter. Hmm. Yeah. It's like, oh I want to have a genuine connection with my child. What about the 90 others? we What about the other ones? Yeah. no I like this one more. what What about this one that looks like you and already sounds like you?
01:21:26
Speaker
Uh, we get a gag about people who are far too old to be playing teenagers, playing teenagers on TV. Which is accurate and still happens. Lovable high schoolers from Springfield Heights 90210, he's 34 years old. Yeah, and all that face when they zoom in is... Oh, yeah, I don't want you to depict 34-year-old people that way. Like... I was i was about to say, it's a little closer comfort. Yeah. I know, right? I know. It's too real, gang. Too real.
Monorail Launch and Chaos
01:21:54
Speaker
I got my first gray hair last year. I had one... I haven't i haven't had any since, but I had one gray hair and I was like, oh, no. It's over, guys. I'm only 30. Oh, I got my first patch of gray at 19. Wow. You're a stress head. That's Drexel University for you, folks. yeah um that You were swimming in cortisol back then. Yeah.
01:22:20
Speaker
Lily Lumpkin's here, but played this time by Lunch Lady Doris. Yeah, I was gonna say it's the lady that does Lunch Lady Doris, right? Doris Growl. Why'd they have to do Lumpkin dirty like this? Let her live her happy life. Leave her the fuck alone.
01:22:33
Speaker
She's a celebrity. She's living the life, which includes spending last night in a ditch.
01:22:41
Speaker
Anyway, we've got it we've got our we've got a celebrity guest. He's the grand marshal of the unveiling. It's Leonard Nimoy.
01:22:51
Speaker
rest and- past nim Alright, he's gone. Did you forgotten ah i forgot I forgot he was dead. Now I'm reminded and I'm sad. Yeah, he died before the second of the JJ Abrams Star Trek movies. because they they had He's in bits of it, but he didn't finish filming. as if If I recall, it's been a while since I thought about the JJ Abrams Star Trek films, I've got to be honest.
01:23:16
Speaker
Leonard Nimoy was not the first pick for this though. They didn't think he would accept the role because William Shatner had already turned them down previously. That was back when William Shatner was taking himself seriously though.
01:23:27
Speaker
o Yeah, this before he was became the Priceline negotiator. um Yeah, they wanted, um they theyve they wanted um ah what's his face? George Takei. George Takei asked for a bunch of strip changes and then was unsatisfied. He was like, well, um' I'm on the Los Angeles County Metro board. I don't want to appear in a show that's anti-public transit, which I respect them for that. That's that's ah that' that's a move right there.
01:23:56
Speaker
Hasn't Takai already been in The Simpsons at this point, though? He wasn't was. He yeah was Akira. I understand his reasons. I'm not saying that. I was just surprised that, you know, there was that issue. Yeah, Conan O'Brien joked that they went to the only actor in the world who took Monorail seriously. Yeah, but who who gives a fuck about what Conan O'Brien says? Well, Monorails are not a very good means of public transit. I will say that. They don't seem it.
01:24:23
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know if we'll get more in-depth on that later, but there's a lot of reasons. Yeah, where are we up to? So, uh, he says... Lenonimo shows up. Yeah, Lenonimo shows up. His only line, really, to announce this is, I'd say this vessel vessel could do at least warp five. Warp five. And then Mequimby says, and am may I ah just say, yeah may the force be with you. Do you even know who I am? Aren't you one of the little rascals? There you go. That's Matt's impressions for the day. Hey.
01:24:53
Speaker
Lisa catches Lanley as he's leaving town. Says, don't you want to ride the monorail? But he's got to catch a plane. Monorail takes one minute. Well, my plane leaves in less than one minute.
01:25:04
Speaker
And we finally, we finally depart. Homework calls all aboard and the monorail takes off. We see all the parts sparking and falling apart and swelling up. Seldom break. The seldom break. I really liked that one. Yeah. That's very ACME. Yes, ACME not ACME. Fuck you Warner Bros.
01:25:27
Speaker
Marge and Cobb rock up slightly too late to stop them departing. Cobb apologises for stopping for a haircut on the way. Yeah, I should note they've stopped for the haircut. Yeah, I think we need to point that out to the audience that hasn't seen the episode. He has a very, very thick Austrian accent. Yes. For no reason other than because they can. Yeah, it seems weird that they didn't make him a guest again.
01:25:51
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. It's like having such a thick accent makes you think that either he's more important or that he should, they planned for a guest and then they were just like, just do the voice anyway. It's like, yeah, but the joke isn't funny if it's not the actual guy doing the voice. Whatever. He has a thick Austrian accent for no reason. It's fine.
01:26:11
Speaker
Yeah, i I think it works. I think it works as like, you know, eric scientist generic generic scientists. Yeah. We got a letter Nimoy boring the passengers on the plane, um on the plane, on the monorail with the Star Trek show facts.
01:26:27
Speaker
I actually knew this fact as well because mine does a huge fucking Trekkie so I've watched all of the like special features on the DVDs of the original series and the HD remasters of the original series and the ah Sky documentary of the original series and the ah YouTube ah videos on the original series and the books on the original series. My dad really likes Star Trek, guys. Fair play. A lot of people do. I like Star Trek. I like Star Trek. I don't want to make a joke. I like Star Trek. Star Trek's great.
01:26:57
Speaker
Everyone likes Star Trek, it's a good show. Yeah. I have not seen much Star Trek at all. You would love Deep Space Nine. That's all I'll say to you. A lot of people are trying to get me to watch it. I presume I'm at the point in my life where I'm going to be forced to watch it before very long. I don't think you... I'm never going to force you, but I do think in terms of like you liking to analyze things and liking progressive media that is from older time periods, you should watch Deep Space Nine because it's incredibly progressive for its era. There was genuinely protests about having a black captain. That's how fucking sad
01:27:33
Speaker
nerds can be i mean like ah it's not that i don't want to watch it because you know what i'm like for watching things yeah i know it's like i genuinely think i would enjoy star trek i just like never never have got around to it just watch this this night don't watch any of those just watch this this night it's great fair enough here on here here on mole man in the morning podcast the podcast about the simpsons watch star trek well when we run out of simpsons we know what to do next yeah exactly when will that be Never can i stop doing this to my understanding is they'll never stop The Simpsons. Yeah, I will stop this podcast when we have to start analyzing AI generated episodes of The Simpsons. That's fair. That's fair. That's a good hard out. Yeah. Homer advises Bart to stick his head out the window because it's great.
01:28:24
Speaker
Just narrowly misses a telegraph pole. ye Yep. wow ah Alarm, things start going wrong now. Alarms start going off. Things start exploding. The seldom break breaks. Seldom break breaks. Because it didn't say it never breaks. It said seldom breaks. and still doesn't play that It does sometimes break. It means it is occasional. It will happen. Just seldom. I mean, it would just be hubris to call it the never break.
01:28:51
Speaker
Well, that's why they call Cleanie Pro- they say Cleanie Pro- kill 99.99% of germs. Yeah. Because they legally can't say 100%. Or it's not that they legally can't, it's that then they they've got wiggle room if someone gets sick and tries to- I don't think they would kill 100% either. Incredibly difficult to do. I was about to say there's a lot of germs. There really are. Does fire kill all germs?
01:29:16
Speaker
We should just be bottling fire, guys. Autoclaves are pretty good. We should just autoclave everything. We should just live in an autoclave. We lost the technology to bottle fire. The Greeks had that figured out. The ancient aliens... Yeah, we forgot it. We weren't tall. We don't deserve it. We're not worthy. Guys, go watch Ancient Aliens. It's fucking hilarious.
01:29:40
Speaker
the ancient greek said greek fire but then they went woke the the amount of people that don't realize how gay the greek and roman era was i know that's crazy the amount of the people who idolize it are the people who are most opposed to woke there's an actual story about where hercules getting railed and everyone's like oh hercules is so manly i'm like well yeah he's pretty manly for wanting that up his bum
01:30:10
Speaker
how much tries to stop the train and he pulls the brake brake lever and gets this is so weird it fucking got me man this is the level you're trying to pull brakes is out of service it's yeah it's like a phone this is really error a message going yeah this got me it's got me good cob judges the the speed of the train judging by homeless scream as they go past your husband scouredly screams He clocks it at about 180 miles an hour. That's fast. Yes. It's going around the loop constantly. Everyone's being subjected to insane G-forces. But because it's a monorail, I guess it doesn't derail somehow. Simpson's pattern logic. It's a straddle beam type monorail. So very difficult to derail. I love straddling beams. Yes.
01:31:01
Speaker
but Only the Springfield Monorail can reduce a population to a soup like homogenous Oh, yeah, all those people are experiencing insane g-forces Yep, the only one that's actually alive by the end of it is Leonard Nimoy because he's an alien Yep. He's Vulcan. He can't. He he isn't affected by Gs. I think that's actually a thing as well. In in Star Trek, it's the Vulcans are affected by Gs. Does Vulcan have like a higher gravity gravity or something? I think so. yeah i think Yeah, I think the planet Vulcan has a higher gravity. That's what makes them so strong. He would be more more resistant to G-forces then, yeah. There you go. There you go. Bit of Star Trek trivia for you guys today.
01:31:42
Speaker
Enjoy me and Wiggum watching all this unfold from this be like an air traffic control tower. Yeah. Yes Overlooking the entire town. Yep Springfield is as vast or as tiny as it needs to be we've talked about this before Springfield is either a small town or a massive metropolitan area and Oh, I have i have a a a note on trivia here that somebody somewhere in analysing this episode did point out that the population of Springfield canonically is apparently, specifically, 30,720.
01:32:15
Speaker
That's three times the size of my hometown. But admittedly, my hometown, you can genuinely walk across it radius wise within 45 minutes. Walk across it. Like you could you could visit all of the borders to other towns of my hometown within two hours.
01:32:37
Speaker
It is three times the population of the very small market town where I used to live in, near York. yeah that's That's not a lot is what we're saying. It's really not many people. That's one 10th of a Pittsburgh or one third of an Altoona. Okay. don't even know what an Altoona is. Altoona is, it's where they, ah it's where they caught Luigi Mangione.
01:33:02
Speaker
um oh The hero. Yes. Anyway, thats the two are bickering. they ah Yeah, Quimby and Wiggum can't decide who's actually in charge during an emergency, so they decide to go to Town Hall to check the town charter and find out who gets to be in charge. I love this. Hey, it says here that I should be delivered the two goodly lasses.
01:33:25
Speaker
Two cuddly lasses of virtue true. This is a good send up of actual municipal bickering that always happens in situations like these. This is the most realistic scene in the episode. Nothing gets done because two people in power are arguing about the actual power. Because the mayor and the chief of police are angry at each other.
01:33:49
Speaker
i think that's fair the guys in air traffic control are trying to come with actual solutions such as shutting off the power its so you can't do that it's solar powered apparently you can't shut off yeah that's not how solar power works guys you do kind of forget that ultimately simpsons is quite a republican show Yeah. Actually, um I do know someone who has worked on solar power um and rooftop solar mostly. And apparently those solar panels are a bitch to turn off. Like they are they are basically live anytime the sun is shining. Like it's it's you can disconnect the power. But if you somehow are like in a situation where that switch isn't working or you're working directly with the
01:34:37
Speaker
ah um oh no no that that's just live that's just live power right it just cover yeah yeah you can do that all right well probably sometimes there's a lot of them it's not not so easy no i i can imagine i can i i yeah and they also get incredibly hot I mean, I understand this weird gag that they're doing here, but also like, it's Springfield. Springfield's quite famous for a specific kind of power. Why is it solar powered? Why is it solar powered? They probably got really cheap electricity in Springfield. Well, maybe they didn't want Mr. Burns involved because of the recent troubles with Mr. Burns, so they were like,
01:35:19
Speaker
So they had to build an entire solar power plant? Yeah. Okay. show Maybe the solar panels are on top of the train? That's what one of that's maybe one of the three million was spent on. Yeah, I mean solar power in 1993 would have been expensive. Yeah. Yes. As before it got good. Remember when the government was giving out solar power for free in England? That was a good time. I liked that time. Anyway, the solar power problem solves itself because there's a solar eclipse.
01:35:49
Speaker
Yes. Leonard Nimoy still watches this out the window and observes that the cosmic ballet goes on. Does anyone else want to switch seats? That guy is still really bored by him. Yeah. It's like an airplane where, you know, the what's his face is regaling everyone with the horrible stories.
01:36:10
Speaker
i would I would listen to Leonard Nimoy talk for days. um I just want to point that out. I don't know if that's kind of part of the joke that I think most people probably wouldn't. yeah yeah That's really good. I never even thought about that. Yeah, he it's it's like making a joke about how David Attenborough rattles on.
01:36:27
Speaker
Yeah, if I was on ah on a like a fancy train and Leonard Nimoy walked up to me and started telling me about how they filmed Star Trek, I would like be wrapped. I mean, I'd first shit myself because a dead guy is talking to me, but because it's me, I would assume I'm hallucinating. That is another aspect of the monorail that's interesting, is they have ah they have a full like bar and lounge car in there. Yeah. what Oh yeah, because it's like an event, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a weird event for them.
01:36:55
Speaker
We come back to see how Lyle Langley is doing on his trip to Tahiti. His plane is going to be making a layover in North Haverbrook. Where's he had that name before? He's immediately panicking.
01:37:11
Speaker
The guys, the guys on the ground, the angry mob on the ground. mom with him like way see Yeah. see pitch ros of torches Just immediately they get on a plane and starts rocking back and forth. That's great. That's great scene.
01:37:26
Speaker
Uh, Christie decides he's had enough of the monorail and once off, no ashes down the door, he tries to jump out. Yeah. He saves him. I did think when Leonard Nimoy first appeared and he said that one line, I was like, is that all he did? And then, no, he keeps popping up to just deliver good lines. Yeah. yeah ah Homer and Bart are making their piece in the cockpit with their imminent demise. and we all But Marge calls him up to tell him that Sebastian Cobb would like to help him. There's a scientist that can help. Homer wants to know if it's Batman that's helping, because Batman's a scientist. Batman's a scientist.
01:38:06
Speaker
but i mean ah Batman knows science. I don't know if calling Batman a scientist is accurate. I say huge Batman nerd. Don't think it's, I don't know, cause there's a lot now. Well, I'm not going to get into this cause it would be another 20 minutes.
01:38:25
Speaker
Have you seen Batman with a bunch of beakers full of chemicals? Have you seen him? Yes. Like doing spectrometry? as he Yes. Does he know how to use a bomb calorimeter? Yes. I forget what else scientists do. and Batman deploy the bat spectrometer. Think of all the science references, guys. Think of all the science references. Oh, shit. Batman doing a bat-free body diagram.
01:38:56
Speaker
This is my bat analysis, ah this is my bat thesis, and I'm going for my bat doctorate next year. This is the first bat law of bat thermodynamics. Bat dynamics.
01:39:09
Speaker
oh Bats are pretty dynamic, I've got to say. ah This is true. This is true. Alright, Simpsons. Uh, Cobb suggests that Homer finds an anchor, so he starts looking around for things. looks my He where the Bart would make a good anchor. I think they were thinking about Acme a lot in this episode, just because a lot of the humor and, like, again, the seldom break. And then Bart turning into an anchor in, like, a hallucination. That feels very loony tunes to me. Yeah. Yes, yeah. And then Bart says, um, think harder, Homer, which I thought was great. I thought it was really funny.
01:39:43
Speaker
That's a good bit. Yeah in Surprisingly smart moment for Homer which I guess is mostly just because they had to actually resolve the plot. Yeah Yeah, although it would be quite funny if the monorail had just come to a gradual stop and everyone got off and that was it I don't know how dramatic it would be but it'd be amusing Yeah, wear out the traction motors and it just it just comes to a stop. It really smells like smoke, but it's fine. Yeah, what what more more trains crash like that. It would save so many lives. It would actually, actually I'm genuinely thinking right now, I'm like, that would have been a good bit. The train comes to a safe stop and then everyone gets off and it's like, good thing, everything worked out fine. And then the entire monorail collapses, destroying massive parts of the town. Yeah. Higher fans is what I'm saying.
01:40:32
Speaker
Anyway, Homer steals a lasso from a a handy cowboy that just happens to be calling his lasso. He yanks the large M off the side of the monorail logo to turn into the actual anchor part of it. that rose Good job they didn't paint that off.
01:40:51
Speaker
Like, they cut corners everywhere. They didn't cut corners on the signage on the side of the monorail. They just painted that on. that's pretty pretty solid piece of steel right there. Yeah. I know. Quality. Quality. Quality M, actually.
01:41:06
Speaker
and immediately proceeds to tear up main street shit yep he hurls out the window tes up main street cut some siamese twins in half well see da yeah cuts up main i loved the the the siamese twin one especially with all of the like you know talk about medical company corruption shit going on right now. The fact that Dr. Hibbert was talking about how expensive an operation it was going to be. And it's solved by something so simple. I know it's not how Siamese twins work, but it was like you could read this as an incredibly deep joke. I don't think it was. But you could with a modern lens read that as a massive critique of the bullshit that is in the medical industry right now.
The Simpsons' Shift to Gag-Centric Format
01:41:50
Speaker
Also, the second ah person to be cut in half in this episode.
01:41:54
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Technically, he was cut in ones. Yeah, I was about to say, okay, three three people in this episode suffer traumatic injuries. Yeah. And they all deserve it.
01:42:11
Speaker
Captain McAllister pops out of his anchor shop to express his dismay that his anchor was not good enough. I thought this was gonna be a whole bit and it's not, it's just Captain McAllister going, nah, you call that an anchor. And that's him. This is a Conan episode and it's Conan's character, so of course, gotta get the captain in. Eventually, the anchor does just ding off the floor and fly into the sky and lodge itself into a giant donut. That's a strong-ass donut.
01:42:40
Speaker
It sure is. It sure is, Credit. See, I was expecting to have a rolling donut gag, but no, the donut holds firm. Donuts. They could have had it where it like it hooks onto the donut and then the donut rolls, but then the donut hooks like loops onto something like you know like a ring toss. Kind of, I don't know, unnecessary extra bit, but you know that is where I thought it was going. This is already a very gag dense episode, so like probably enough time to keep going with that bit. Yeah.
01:43:10
Speaker
But, uh, donuts. Is there anything they can't do? Is there anything they can't do? So true. Anyway, home is the best mono thingy guy there ever was. Yay. Leonard Nimoy's work here is done. Yeah, donut thingy. Bonnie's dubious. Didn't I? He's beams up. the I like how they couldn't get the copyright for the actual beam up noise, though. They just had Leonard Nimoy.
01:43:37
Speaker
I didn't realise that wasn't like a bit. um the the The Star Trek, each Star Trek season has like a very distinct sound for its like beam up. Interesting. Yeah. And they didn't didn didn't use it in The Simpsons because they again, they didn't have copyright for it.
01:43:53
Speaker
Mm-hmm. And Marge talks us out, saying that was the only folly that people of Springfield ever embarked upon, except for all the other things. A popsicle stick skyscraper. A 50-foot magnifying glass. And then escalators and no one. Which is burning the popsicle stick skyscraper. And then, yes, an escalator to nowhere. This was the bit that I remembered. Surprisingly popular. This is the bit that I remembered.
01:44:12
Speaker
ever
01:44:15
Speaker
but
01:44:19
Speaker
That's the bit I remember. That bit is the bit that i I didn't associate with any Simpsons episode I just associated with. ah oh yeah Again, people reacting very calmly to an imminent death. but And that is an episode. What do we all think?
01:44:41
Speaker
ah Very funny episode with a lot of laughs, you know, i think it is a good like very heavy gag gag episode I may feel like it was a little overhyped for me, but it was a good episode. Mm-hmm I enjoyed it. It is a surprisingly accurate depiction of monorails Yeah, um okay. This was actually based on a true story Because a lot of times when you're a town trying to get a public transit system, people will advocate for monorail as the solution. And monorails look fun and exciting and like the future. And the thing is, because they the technology has never been standardized, you know there's nothing like that. you know they They are all entirely bespoke.
01:45:27
Speaker
So you wind up locked into a specific vendor when you buy your vent monorail. you know No one else can make a different monorail train for your monorail 30 years down the line when you have to replace the trains. yeah So you know it is a big scam and a swindle whenever one of these things is built. um you know It's much better to have a regular train you know where the technology is well established and understood. That is also always the case, though. It's just better to have a train. Yeah. I mean, there's not there's not a lot of real advantages to a monorail in actuality. um I don't think that The Simpsons was trying to make this specific critique, but I will. I can.
01:46:12
Speaker
um
01:46:14
Speaker
Glenn, I'm glad to have you make that. I'm qualified. I'll do it. Yeah, exactly.
01:46:21
Speaker
Alright, have we got any scores out of Homer for the episode? I will be bold and give it a Leonard Nimoy cameo out of Homer. He's gone now and I miss him. Fair enough. Justin, I don't know if we explained the out of Homer system to you. I'm hoping you probably grasp it relatively quickly because it's pretty straightforward. We score all our episodes out of Homer that can mean whatever the hell you want. Please interpret that however you would like. A Homer out of Homer is a perfect episode, and then if you think it's the worst episode of Simpsons ever, you name it. Currently, I think for most people, Bart's dog gets an F out of Homer, is the worst. I would say by tradition, if you just say the name of the episode, it usually seems to set the deer at a new low, yeah.
01:47:12
Speaker
oh this is This episode is a Homer out of Homer. this is a great This is a great episode. This is one of the greatest episodes of TV, I think, ever. um you know that's just not That's not just me. That's a lot of critics say you know this is yeah a fantastic piece of television. It's annoying that it is sort of anti-public transit, I guess, where you know Lisa is like you know the voice of reason here. Why does Springfield need public transit? But you know on the other hand, I don't think that's the main takeaway everyone gets No. Yeah, it this is this is just a hilarious comedy of errors ah involving everyone's favorite, the monorail. Monorail. Monorail. Monorail. I also gave it Homer out of Homer, and Michael posthumously has given it Homer out of Homer as well. Posthumously? Wow. Yeah, he's dead. Michael's dead guys, sorry. The one thing I will say about this episode is it isn't very Marge versus the monorail.
01:48:07
Speaker
that title is misleading no well but she's like the only person in town who opposes it at all but she doesn't she just would prefer main street yeah yeah hey they got a limited they got limited funds that's as good as opposing it Yeah, that's true. Interestingly, the cast actually didn't particularly care for this episode. Even several years after making it, Yardley-Smith said the episode was truly one of the worst, the entire cast agrees. Wow, that's interesting. Yeah, given that, again, as you say, critics love this. Well, they had just sort of changed format to where they were going to be a little bit more slapstick, a little bit more unbelievable plot lines. At least that's my understanding before the
01:48:48
Speaker
There had been less like fantastical slapstick elements to The Simpsons. Yeah, we talked about this way back in the first season that The Simpsons used to just be a cartoon sitcom, like a family sitcom comedy. that's That's what it was. And then over the time, it has started to become more and more Simpsons. And it is really this and the last season where we've really started to see that kind of transformation into The Simpsons that we know as The Simpsons.
01:49:18
Speaker
Yeah, and I think that's a good that's a good thing to do. I think you know definitely opening up to um the the format of animation you know to allow you to do much more silly things, I think is the smart thing to do there.
01:49:33
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I agree. Uh, Nate Myers gave it 5 out of 5, which is very fair, I think. Yep, I think it's fair-ish. Did this episode have anything to say about society? Small towns will be manipulated to a great deal with lies and promises of a better future in order to meet their aims and desires of wealthy swindlers. I am sad now. Uh, don't buy a monorail. Get a normal, like, elevated train or a subway.
01:49:58
Speaker
Yep, just get a supper. The sandwich, it's a lot cheaper. That's true. It's disgusting, but it's cheaper. Oh, the disgusting sandwich is in the next episode. This is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it back. Yeah, that that was that. I mean, we'll get there. We'll get there. There was a weird bit of the sandwich. there is I was like, oh shit, this is where I know the sandwich from. And I didn't realize it was from this episode that I'd completely forgotten otherwise.
01:50:25
Speaker
Anyway, moving us along to Selma's Choice, which aired on January 21st, 1993, on which ah Nigerian singer Fela Kuti was arrested on suspicion of murder. Shame. Always liked them.
01:50:42
Speaker
and also i Bill Clinton had like a open day at the White House because it was his first day in office. Shame, I always liked him. Bill Clinton was the last man of the people as president because he loved to go jogging on the national mall and would just switch up his route all the time and just hang out with people and and like run next to them and like the Secret Service was really pissed off. One time he went to McDonald's um Just unannounced, didn't tell ah the security detail or anything. Yeah, he was like, like from from the the limited i not ah knowledge I have, he did seem like quite a good president. And obviously that's what leads into all the conspiracies about, all you know because he wanted to change things, because he wanted to make sure that the FBI had more like scrutiny and that kind of thing, buth blah, blah, blah. Well, he did destroy the welfare state, but also very personable.
01:51:38
Speaker
Once I don't really know a lot about him so like the conspiracies say that he was like changing things for Against billionaires or whatever so I genuinely don't oh no no he was he's responsible for a lot of the problems we have right now Oh, then fuck that guy. I don't got him. Yeah, he's a bad president, but also it'd be funny to be jogging on the National Mall. And then the president just comes by and says hello. It's even funnier if you think of it as Donald Trump. Oh, no, that would be really funny. I don't think he could jog. I could imagine him walking quickly. Yeah, no, I don't think he can walk quickly. The man's afraid of stairs. Is he actually? Yes. Wow. He doesn't like using the air stairs to Air Force One, I believe. Brilliant.
01:52:21
Speaker
What a pathetic individual. Well, he might fall down. He's an old guy. Good. They all are in politics. That's true. That's true. We are. We're we're we're past the point of the gerontocracy of the Soviet Union.
01:52:37
Speaker
um
01:52:40
Speaker
Everyone's way older than like Brezhnev. Yeah. I don't know why, but the way you said Brezhnev really got me. You said that was so much fucking hatred. Fucking Brezhnev. Fucking Brezhnev. Damn, this dude fucking hates Brezhnev. Don't bring up Brezhnev on his podcast. No, no, no. We should have had Khrushchev too, and no, we got Brezhnev. We shouldn't have had Brezhnev. Shouldn't have had him.
01:53:08
Speaker
Our number one on this day continues to be Whitney Houston with I Will Always Love You. And I... That is about as much exciting happening on that day. And I will always love you. Brezhnev! But... Leonid Brezhnev. Good ol' Brezhnev.
01:53:31
Speaker
Anyways, Simpsons. Anyway, I'm going to stroll to drag you guys off Brezhnev now. Yeah, i'm gonna keep I'm going to try to keep bringing Brezhnev up. I'm going to try.
01:53:42
Speaker
The chalkboard gag is I will not yell Brezhnev during roll call. I will not yell she's dead during roll call. That's a good bit. That's a good bit. And I know that would have killed it in high school. um Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one, to be fair. Our couch gag is there's a net on the floor and they'll run in and get caught in the net as the net, like. Yes. You know, net trap thing. Oh no. That was mildly amusing.
01:54:11
Speaker
We're in danger of approaching some humor, guys. this is So we we get we go we start with some adverts for Duff Gardens. Duff Gardens, yes. What a waste. The dude um crashing into a wall breaking every bone in his body.
01:54:32
Speaker
ah Lance Murdoch, last seen in Bart the Daredevil, is actually making a return, and he's here to advertise a theme park. I'm going to Duff Gardens. ah Home of the Whiplash, to be completed in 1994. I would be bored by that. That's a good bit. That's a good bit right there. yeah A lot of this, this is of course based off of Busch Gardens.
01:54:53
Speaker
um in Tampa Bay, Florida and in Williamsburg, Virginia. My mom used to work at the one in Williamsburg, Virginia when she was a teenager. um And she ah has many stories about the old Busch Gardens where you had unlimited free beer with admission. That's insane. Return with a V. Yeah.
01:55:18
Speaker
We used to be a real country. He could go to the theme park. He could go to the theme park. The one in Tampa Bay is worse because they just had, it was African themed, so they just had like wild animals roaming the grounds with a bunch of drones. Return with a V, I swear. What the hell? That sounds incredible.
01:55:38
Speaker
I got really drunk and got fucked up by a lion. um I i you know love theme packs. I do. I would never get drunk at one. That sounds like a recipe for vomit.
01:55:50
Speaker
Yeah, you thought that that that that definitely uh, that's a multiplier to the nausea stats Yeah, roller coast yeah because I only go to go on roller coasters on repeat. I don't go for anything else Like I only eat there because I have to eat at some point during the day You know, I go I go there to go on the same roller coasters four or five times over and over but I'm not doing that drunk. I would die That seems fair I've I've ah I was at Busch Gardens Williamsburg a couple times in high school But that not in high school elementary school, but that was cuz that's where the school band competition was I don't like roller coasters So I was a little bit confused as to what I was supposed to do there the whole time how am i supposed to have fun drink the freeman overall roller wow Way too young to have a beer that's the problem now if I went now I'd have a great time yeah um sit there and get drunk
01:56:41
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Everyone else can go. Go on a rollercoach. I'll just sit here. Having all the samples. Go watch the steam train go by. uh anyway speaking speaking of nauseating things uh we see the washing machine which is one of those things where they strap you to the inside of a big cylinder and spin you around but uh and tell you they also throw water and soap in there as well and they they have you go back and forth as opposed to just spinning around one way yeah yeahp that's that's that's uh that that's gonna break some uh necks yeah that's what i was thinking man that is just that is gonna ruin someone's spine
01:57:18
Speaker
It's fine. Lance Murdock's neck's already broken. Yeah, he's fine. Good point. Can't get the bones left to break. He's already in the cast. ah We see the happiest fish in the world swimming in the beer aquarium. The beer aquarium, yes. This was depressing.
01:57:37
Speaker
ALICE It was, I i i thought the punchline was just gonna be one of the fish just dying there and then in the in the tank, but no, it's just unhappy. JUSTIN These are alcoholic fish. ALICE One of them does the Barney burp. ALICE They do, yep. So, yep, the the Simpsons are suitably inspired by this advert, and are off to Dufka Gardens right this moment. JUSTIN Why is Lisa putting her shoes on in Bathroom?
01:58:03
Speaker
so that everybody can be in one scene together got it yes got got in one Hummer is rehearsing what they say when they get to the ticket booth, that they're both under six. My dad did this. I think everyone did this at some point in their kids, it's like, and every child has done this to their parents as well of like, oh, my son who's six, and then the son immediately goes, I'm seven, Uh, so that and everybody can the be parents in one scene looks daggers together. Yes. at them.
01:58:32
Speaker
um i I thought I was just my autism, but okay, I guess that's everywhere. I worked in like a service-y job where that kind of that thing happened once and I just looked at the parent and winked and was like, I didn't i didn't hear that. Because I don't fucking care.
01:58:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And home was a college student if anyone asked as well. Yep. It's always that way. No, because he's, that's just his normal jacket, isn't it? I was thinking then it was that varsity jacket he was putting on, but no, I think it was just his regular green jacket that he has. ah However, this is interrupted with Marge, who bears some bad news that great aunt Gladys has passed on.
01:59:12
Speaker
Who else has been in this situation where a parent tells you ah gri a distant relative has died and you have no idea how to react? Because you're like, well, I just don't you don't know who they are. Yeah, you know, you know, even as a child that you're not supposed to say who.
01:59:27
Speaker
So you just kind of stand there, and then the parent thinks that you're so stunned by their death. And it's like, no, I just have no idea what to fucking say. What do you want me to do? I had like the reverse situation. Did this happen when my Uncle Gino died? And I'm like, yeah, we're going to the funeral, but now you don't have to come. I was like, but I found out about this afterwards. I was like, what? Uncle Gino died.
01:59:54
Speaker
I liked Uncle Gino. I liked Uncle Gino. Bart's trying to remember who Gladys is. He thinks she's about yay high, got blue hair, big dent in her forehead.
02:00:06
Speaker
What the fuck is up with The Simpsons' relatives, man? Also, like, we've seen Marge dye her hair before. We know she's not naturally blue. Have we seen her dye her hair? We definitely do at some point. Maybe that's to come, I thought we'd see her. I'm fairly certain it's canon now that she has blue hair. Yeah, it seems to be a weird familial trait, but also- She also has rabbit ears under there.
02:00:28
Speaker
There is definitely some episode where there's a reference to her using industrial quantities of blue hair dye. Yes! And now, as soon as she said industrial quantities, yeah, yeah, there definitely is. That's probably where all that 83k goes. Yeah. Is the hair dye and beer. Yeah. ah But no, Gladys looks more like Ann Patti. Yeah. So they're off to the funeral instead, off to Dove Gardens some other time.
02:00:54
Speaker
Well, I wanna go to tough cars now! I'm not pouting. not pouting, I'm mourning! I'm mourning!
02:01:05
Speaker
so everyone's off to off to the funeral uh they're singing funeral songs question mark they're singing songs the whole gag is that z they're singing happy songs and then well they're singing ding dong the witch is dead well yeah they're singing happy songs then Marge says you know we are going to a funeral so then homeless witch is the song so ding dong the witch ding dong the witch is dead yeah okay yeah fair enough yeah And as soon as I started to think, why are Bart and Lisa sat in the boot of the car, then Patty and Selma show up? And I was like, oh, okay, now I know. Yeah, I think it picks up on the way. ah Homer surprisingly goes to give them a hug. Yeah, that was that was odd. I think it was a law it was to facilitate the bit, you know, of obviously think of MacGyver, but then I just immediately thought, why are you thinking of someone that arouses you when your brother-in-law is hugging you? That's really fucking weird, guys.
02:01:59
Speaker
Well, Patty and Selma are kinda weird, so... Patty and Selma are very fucking weird. The Simpsons are broadly quite weird. Yes. Yeah, just a tad. The Simpsons and the Bouviers kinda... They kinda came together in this Venn diagram of weird that's just a fucking circle. Uh, so the kids get shoved in the back with all the luggage. They have not got much room. Uh, Lisa's crammed up against the window. I don't hear Lisa complaining. That's because she can't fucking speak.
02:02:27
Speaker
Paddy and Selma are remembering Gladys. Smoking like chimneys as well. but ah do you Do you guys remember cars full of smoke, and restaurants full of smoke, and McDonald's full of smoke?
02:02:39
Speaker
but I think the restaurants were a little better when they had smoke in them, I'm gonna be honest. You think? You know, just a little bit wafting over from the smoking section to the non-smoking section. i did i do remember I do remember going into pubs as so as a kid with my parents and that haze. You know, it was just short enough that it didn't really affect me kind of thing, but just above, I could reach up and just put my hand into a cloud of smoke.
02:03:06
Speaker
We do still have smoking bars in Pennsylvania. that They're few and far between, but they do exist still. Is that legal? Yes. um Is it a state law? It's like a special license, I want to say. Oh, okay. That's kind of, I mean, I respect that. Like I don't, i you know, I think if, if you.
02:03:27
Speaker
as long as there's proper warning and signage, that's fine. Why not? I don't know. You're expecting too much when you go in a bar called Dirty Franks. Oh, dude, if there was a bar called Dirty Franks near me, I'd go nowhere else. Yeah, and you can smoke in there. Exactly. It is good, actually. It's really good.
02:03:48
Speaker
Alright, Pennsylvania Road Trip. Yep, we're going to Pennsylvania and going to Dirty Franks. Is Pennsylvania anywhere near fucking Route 66? Because I might be doing that next year, so I might go to Dirty Franks. Where does Route 66... Route 66 starts in Chicago, I don't want to say. Yeah. Crap. Nah, you're starting too far inland. Well, I'm going to be i'm goingnna be starting in New York and going to Chicago.
02:04:14
Speaker
Oh, that it's a 90 mile jaunt down to Philadelphia to go to Dirty Franks. I'm going to feel I'm going to go to Dirty Franks and then you can go to Dirty Franks and report back. Love that 90 miles is just a jaunt. Yeah. It's like right. You can take the train down. It takes an hour. You have trains? What? When did this happen? Yes. Yes. On the east coast, the northeast corridor. It's fantastic. Okay.
02:04:42
Speaker
so Anyway, yeah, Homer is having issues with his inner monologue. Paddy and Summer are talking about Gladys' legend. Homer's thinking about the legend of the dog-faced woman. She says that out loud. Then he laughs at his own show. Legend of the dog-faced woman, that's hilarious. Homer, that's very rude.
02:05:02
Speaker
so Uh, let's stop before a break at the, the buzzing sign diner. That was so funny. i that read That's a good bit. Yeah. That's so good. Uh, Homer's trying to do the kid's maze on the back of the menu. Struggling so hard. Also, why are they already dressed for the funeral? Is it all happening in that same day? it did Presumably, yes. so man Marge would like to reminisce on Gladys, but accidentally remembers a scene from Prince of Tides instead. That was so weird. That's a weird bit.
02:05:35
Speaker
I Just liked as well Homer getting frustrated with the maze throwing it down and the with their waitress Dejectedly asking another placemat sir and Homer really fancy fancy are going yes, please Please Don't know why it just really got me. It's the back on the way kids are playing a game in the back counting something that's banging turns and i was thinking back Where did the luggage go but there it is and then there it is falling out the fucking back yes finally we rock up at the the lucky stiff funeral home i didn't notice the name that's fucking amazing oh i didn't i didn't notice that either damn that's a good name
02:06:17
Speaker
All I saw was they put the fun in funeral. Yes. Good tagline. We got a weird kind of gross gender joke thing. The ministers go like, oh, he was a good man, a kind man. And someone has to correct things like that. That's a woman. That's a woman. Yeah. Classic 90s humor.
02:06:39
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I guess most of what I said can be salvaged, but certain he's kicked out. He's kicked out to to begin to get a better eulogy from Patty, I guess. That eulogy better not be on the bill. Yeah, that's a good one. I like that. yeah That's when you need a strong, powerful woman is when some guy's get ripping you off. It's like the whole um he asked for no pickles bit, the meme.
02:07:09
Speaker
know yeah Thank you. so no It's just it's just a joke of like loads of ships that people do on the internet so they'll have like Princess Daisy and Luigi and it's Princess Daisy at the counter saying he has for no pickles and it's just you know strong whi strong women vibe joke. It's funny in context guys leave me alone. Fair enough I'll take your word on that.
02:07:31
Speaker
Patty says that Gladys lived alone, died alone, and in that sense was a role model for Selma and her. That's so sad. She wasn't a rich woman. Everyone gets up and leaves. Everyone gets up and leaves, yeah. One guy comes back, but he just fucked out my head.
02:07:47
Speaker
uh we get some gags with the corpse Bart's like playing with her arm oh god that's so creepy i yeah Homer thinks about the fact that he hopes this he wished this thing was catered and then he gets upset there's no food and yeah he's banging on the coffin so it's not fair Mards comes and consoles him Look, I mean, at the funeral, you're at least supposed to have some deviled eggs. Come on. Yeah. It's just not done otherwise. It's just uncouth. Well, she wasn't a rich woman, so they can't afford her. They can't afford deviled eggs. Yeah, no, too expensive. Who can these days? They're too expensive. That's why we all vote. That's why we voted Trump in, right? Yeah, that this Joe Biden's America.
02:08:33
Speaker
um They really were prescient. Lisa wishes she'd made more of an effort to get to know Gladys. Don't worry about it. Yeah, Bart does a does a ah dead woman's voice, I guess. Lisa just runs out screaming. i will ah you know As much as I've like ragged on Lisa throughout the entire podcast, the voice actress for Lisa does do a crackin' scream.
02:08:57
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah Lisa's scream is iconic ah Lionel huts turns up to you to show everyone the will it's a video will so so i get I Get my fee just for pushing this button. I love pretty sweet Yeah, my chances is so good Gladys would like to begin by reading a passage from Robert Frost. Two roads diverged, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Hope I fast forward to this. Yeah, yeah. ah no one No one wants to hear the damn Robert Frost poem. All in favor of skipping the poem, everyone raises their hand but mad. Yeah. I've been on the receiving end of that. He does do long poems.
02:09:41
Speaker
They're just not that good. no No, everyone interprets that poem wrong. That's the big issue. Oh, so I had to roach diverged in the wood and and and they're basically the same. That's what the poem says. Stop making it like it's a big difference. He says it's not anyway. I love my gasket, man. It's fun.
02:10:05
Speaker
ah Lionel Hutz talks over it saying Lionel Hutz gets $50,000. He's berated by this, but he says it works surprisingly often. You'd be surprised how much how often that works. ah Marge has left a collection of potato chips. weird That look like celebrities that Homer is now eating.
02:10:24
Speaker
Which apparently was a reference to Myrtle Young bringing her collection of potato chips onto the Johnny Carson show. Fair enough. What is that sad life she led? Did Johnny Carson eat him? He ate a chip when she wasn't looking, but it wasn't one of her chips. He just like did it for the bit. He just had a spare chip to go chomp when she turned away and she freaked out. She thought he'd eaten one.
02:10:49
Speaker
But, yeah, home Homer eats one. He eats one that looks like the that the American soldiers raising the flag, that photo. At Iwo Jima, yeah. Iwo Jima, that's the one, yeah. And he just goes, oh no, and then eats more. Once you pick the chip out of the bowl, you're not going to be able to stop yourself. I mean, that's very fair. That's just a fact of life. Crisps are fucking more-ish.
02:11:13
Speaker
her sister gets jub-jub the iguana jub-jub shout out to jub-jub who would have preferred to have gotten the bowel obstruction that killed her yeah jesus it's only an iguana come on how old is that iguana man How old do ah how how old do iguanas live to be? Okay, I'm googling it Because I could like see them living like six years I could see them living like 60 years. This is fair. Yeah can live up to 60 years according to Google AI. I don't know if that's true. Google AI could be lying to me. It might've just recorded what we were talking about and um turned it into an answer based on our baseless speculation.
02:11:58
Speaker
pet and says a well cared for iguana can live twenty or more yeah Fucking Google, man. What a waste of space. so Some believe they can live up to 75 years, according to Google AI, is what. That's useless information. um I want to know facts. I want the hard facts. 12 to 15 years.
02:12:19
Speaker
You both just ah use like 25 kilowatt hours of electricity to do that, though. yeah But that's just every Google search now because they all have an AI result. Yeah. I'm not even thinking that. Oh, God. i I love to burn the planet to get the wrong answer. Absolutely. I need to stop using Google. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I switched to DuckDuckGo. I might switch to DuckDuckGo now. Sounds like a good show. I didn't think about that. That's fucking bad.
02:12:48
Speaker
Alright, Simpsons. Paddy and Selma. Yeah, Paddy and Selma are getting a grandfather clock and a piece of advice. Don't die lonely. Raise a family. Do it now. Now. don Now. tongue ah This hits Selma a lot harder than it hits Patty, who's just pleased about it. Grandfather clock. Yep. It is a nice thing to have. It's a nice clock. la Grandfather of the clocks are very pretty. They're nice, yeah. It's a good good thing to get in a well.
02:13:15
Speaker
and they only go up in value as long as they're well kept. like chat about this on the way home yeah so like the grandsmo fuck hanging at the back the car now all the luckyage just gone they talk after that's suppose ah yeah somewhere someone tell paddy she wants a baby this wakes up maggie tries to throw self try
02:13:39
Speaker
Uh, we get, we get some, we get some more Selma dating stuff. We got a Selma dating episode. Low expectations dating service. Yeah. Holy shit that got me. That was so funny. She's having a photo taken or I guess it's a video, isn't it? It's like a video. Yeah. It's like a video dating service.
02:13:58
Speaker
Yeah, she too she tells them she wants to have a baby before it's too late. She's basically a free lunch before he's come and get it. yeah And then she eats a cigarette and turns it into a, she ties it in a knot with her tongue. I mean, someone out there is into that. wow and I mean, there's a wiki dedicated to Maja's feet, so. Oh God.
02:14:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's ah that's a piece of knowledge I never wish I knew. Podophilia. This is too much even for groundskeeper Willy. Back to the swamp with you, Nettie. Indeed.
02:14:38
Speaker
You can tell, you tell Jon's not into it, but with me just so found it funny. it's It shouldn't be funny. We shouldn't laugh at those kind of jokes, but it is fucking funny.
02:14:50
Speaker
ah the This is anti-Scottish discrimination.
02:14:56
Speaker
uh she tries her luck with like some with princess opal who's like uh some sort of quackery i guess yeah best way put together yeah selling love potions and stuff she demonstrates by pouring a drop onto her own tongue ah but unfortunately it's a it's a truth serum it's the truth potion yeah oops she reveals that it's corn syrup and rubbing alcohol and will probably make your hair fall out Uh, we see Selma trying to flirt at the checkout very badly. Yeah. She's like, yeah, that's your man. Uh, they make us pay for plastic.
02:15:40
Speaker
You decide. You decide, yeah. Orange looks good on you. Oh yeah, no suspenders for you. guess no I guess I guess not. This poor guy.
02:15:55
Speaker
Yeah, he he's not into it, and he he politely turns it down by saying he's not allowed to take customers. Yes, we are. Shut up. No, man, go for it. I love fit take the co-workers like, nah, man, go get laid. It's fine. You're in there, go for it, yeah. It's a free lunch.
02:16:17
Speaker
Uh, we got our boy, Hans Malman. Yeah, he's so small! He's a viable and eligible date option. He shows up to have his eye tested at the DMV. Says here you're single. There is no way he's shooting anything but blanks, guys. I was about to say, yeah, he's he's got some... He's shooting powder. mirrors on him. Yeah. ah Just dust comes out.
02:16:42
Speaker
This is one of those things that sort of notes a Hans Malman's age, because we see a brief glimpse of his license, um which dates him at 31 years old at this point. so Which is consistent with a later line of his where he says, like, he looks that old because he drinks. He is 31 years old.
02:17:05
Speaker
ah guy But yeah, his some reason his driving license does say he's single is that information that's normally on your driving license? I'm not sure it is, but no whatever. is Maybe in the state of Springfield. It's not just another state.
02:17:21
Speaker
uh so paddy asks him out he's he's also desperate let's be honest so he's up for it they go out for dinner can't read the menu and then she's like you wait you sir you're reading the wine list and he just puts it down very good and that's it and that's why the bid ends is so fucking weird
02:17:41
Speaker
Uh, it seems like they had a good time though, like... He wants to know how to thank her for dinner. She says, use your imagination. We got grotesque, extreme close-ups of Mole Man puckering.
02:17:55
Speaker
Yes. It's too close. It's disturbing. It makes me unhappy. Makes me unhappy as well. Makes someone very unhappy. She imagines they're children. They're like six children and one of them jumps out a fucking window. They're all bumping into each other because they can't see anything. It's great. Yes.
02:18:19
Speaker
Mini mole men. Mini mole men. The thought of mini mole men is too much. Selma, get out of my car. Her one chance at romance is thrown out of the car. This isn't my house.
02:18:33
Speaker
o ah We got another advert for Duff Gardens. we need to We need to bring this back to to where we started. To the A plot question mark. Yes, this is what we want to do. We want to go to Duff Gardens. yep i I don't care about all this other stuff. I want to see Duff Gardens. Give me Duff Gardens. When do we want it? Duff. How do we want it? Duff. Duff. Duff Light. Duff Light. They got rid of the roaming gangs. They've now got hooray for everything. though it That is genuinely a reference to the kids from Power Rangers.
02:19:06
Speaker
It is a reference to... Christ, what is the reference? It is ah up with people. the kid No, I mean the actors that are do performing it. that Those are the kids from Power Rangers. I will die on that hill. Those are the kids from Power Rangers. This was a non-profit organisation that performed song and downstream teams to promote multicultural multiculturalism, racial equality and positive thinking. Oh, that's good.
02:19:29
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's the thing. I guess they're still going. They're still around. That's the thing. Been going since 1968. Yeah, they probably do that thing like like we had at primary school and high school where random light performance groups would come in and we'd have a long assembly to watch it and we'd miss the first period and it was great. No one actually paid attention to the performance, but at least we got to miss first period English.
02:19:54
Speaker
Yeah, no one wants to do first period English. That's just annoying. Oh, you're way too tired for that. Analyze this poem. No, fuck off. I'm tired. No, absolutely not. It's eight o'clock in the morning. I can't do that. I'm not doing this.
02:20:06
Speaker
I'm not even allowed to drink coffee yet, my god. Anyway, this re-inspires The Simpsons to go to to Duff Gardens again, which is fine unless another ant dies.
02:20:22
Speaker
Selma's back from a depressing date where she ate a jar of expired olives. Don't say that and then sit on my couch. Do not say that and sit on my couch. Go sit at the other side of the room near an open window, you freak.
02:20:36
Speaker
and not not at all a fan Dude, expired olives, she's either gonna shit herself on their couch or just stink in general. Those are the only two like outcomes.
02:20:49
Speaker
I was assuming those are pickled olives too, so they had to be pretty old to be expired. Oh god, there's mush. She just put her hand in some fucking pesto. Oh my god, yeah, no, that's well on the way to being a giardiniera at that point, yeah. This is science experiment. She hates so much science experiment. yeah Exactly, exactly. i Not to say I, I like a pickled olive too, but you know, if it looks that bad, my God, that's going to do bad things. How depressed was she, man? Jesus. Lisa offers up the option of artificial insemination. Homer interprets this as fucking a robot. Yeah. why i do a robot
02:21:37
Speaker
this is the ai future yeah this is the yeah that musk wants for us this is literally what ela musk has been promoting i believe this past week i think i've seen pictures of him with a robot so you know well he's sim his wife doesn't want to be near him so and his kids he's and the funniest possible outcome would be the robot divorces him This is the AI future.
02:22:03
Speaker
You can't even make a relationship with a fucking robot that he programmed. Sorry, no, he paid someone a program. That's how we finally achieve ah artificial general intelligence is when we invent the AI smart enough to divorce Elon Musk. It's like, all right, cool. Well, now they have common sense. Let's work on the rest.
02:22:22
Speaker
Yeah, to be fair, the prospects of Elon Musk's robot wife divorcing him might be the only thing that saves us from artificial general intelligence. That's true. That's true. Look, this is this is why you have to be you know, we all got to be we all got to you know protect ourselves. We all got to ah work against this in advance. That's why I always say thank you to the ATM machine. um Yeah, I do shit like that. The the machines know I'm on their side. I say thank you to Syrian shit. I actually said it once and she once said, you don't need to say thank you. I was like, oh my god.
02:23:02
Speaker
Selma does attempt to go down the route of artificial insemination and heads to the clinic. Wants to know quite how she's getting quality in her donor. They explain they have a rigorous screening process. Out comes Barney. It's Barney. Pleasure working with you. Most, most virile man in Springfield. Absolutely. There are a surprising number of children in Springfield that all look and sound like Barney now, yep. And they're all burping. They're all burping.
02:23:32
Speaker
ye just hearing all over town we must have other donors though because we have a catalog of a hundred and one frozen pops oh i featuring Jack it's got Jack on the cover jacque he and professor Frank and Troy McClure I'm Troy McClure You may remember me from such babies as.
02:23:59
Speaker
They're also listed in here, according to Marge, a Nobel prize winner and NBA All-Star and one of the sweat hogs, which I'm not sure what that is. Pretty sure that's our fans of, uh, well, there's your problem podcast.
02:24:18
Speaker
good I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't go with those there's the budget option ah much checked it's not horse shack which I'm sure if you know who the sweat hogs are I'm It's very weird for the Simpsons writers to make a reference a like really deep cut reference that people aren't gonna get. It's very strange. They don't tend to do that. No, they'd never do this. No, that'd be weird. No, absolutely not. Patty does advise
Selma's Romantic Misadventures and Foreign Language Portrayal
02:24:51
Speaker
against this. She reminds Selma that she's had some pretty bad experiences ordering out of catalogues like the mail order husband she tried before. ah Yeah, you look just like her picture. And the picture just falls over. Who rang the doorbell? Did they just ring the doorbell and fucking bolt?
02:25:07
Speaker
yeah I guess so, yeah. I made the delivery and went. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. It was received. theres it It was it presumably it was the mailman. He had a lot of packages to deliver that day. He's a busy guy. Yeah. They don't pay him enough. But she her mind's made up. Currently her only outlet for love is ham radio.
02:25:28
Speaker
Yeah, which week in like Russian or something, I have a ham radio. yeah that is ah Weirdly, apparently the Simpsons yeah are usually pretty good about researching their languages, which as far as we've seen so far, I think is generally, I think, pretty true. But ah in this specific instance, no, that was just a fake made-up language. They just made up a language to say I have a ham radio over the ham radio. They didn't have anyone that spoke and just any language because it's not like you need copyright. They could have just had anyone say another language into a microphone. they Surely one person on staff spoke another fucking language. Nope. Nope. no no you get you get fake language. and You're gonna like it. I feel like it has more effort to make up a language.
02:26:19
Speaker
fucking it's, but it's so weird. There must be a reason for it and we'll never know. You have to put it in age.
02:26:29
Speaker
and We get told that, uh, like a child can really change your life.
Homer's Sandwich Obsession
02:26:34
Speaker
You're like, you'd have to go up smoking for starters since you switched to chewing tobacco. Yeah. She just says I'll start chewing. She like ill too she said it with aggression.
02:26:44
Speaker
i mean No, I don't want you Yeah, but Dolce Scott now is a sperm in a cup. So yeah The consensus on that one turns out to be mmm Yeah, are you cuz I forget margins in that fucking scene. She says those two's gone
02:27:08
Speaker
Anyways, Duff Gardens time. Duff Gardens! Yes, we're going to Duff Gardens. The kids wake up alma Homer. Yes, with well no not yet, because they gotta wake up Homer. Except he's dead, unfortunately. Oh no, Dad's dead.
02:27:23
Speaker
said dejeced Oh great, Dad's dead.
02:27:27
Speaker
but he because he's still you
02:27:33
Speaker
And this this turns out to be the entire sandwich bit, which is the bit that I remember of this episode but didn't know was from this episode. yeah There's a whole entire sandwich bit just to explain why Homer's ill.
02:27:46
Speaker
yeah that he was yeah yes sandwi yes yeah had a ten foot hogie yeah from a work picnic work company picnic homer decides well i'm sorry if you to home ummit this long tweet a ten foot sandwich that's pathetic He's just hoping he would expect him to get through that. He would expect him to get through that fairly quickly. I could attend for sandwich in two days. Easy. Easy. Yeah, I got a whole leftover platter of hoagies from whatchamacallit, the neighborhood block party once, and I went through that in about a week and a half, I think. Yeah. Nice. Why does he store it behind the radio?
02:28:28
Speaker
Yeah, he stored it there. I think it just ended up there somehow. I think it's the dimensions. The dimensions of the hoagie prohibited him from putting it in the fridge. So he put it behind the radiator. So by the time he got it to the size where it could fit in the fridge, it was already rotten to the point where Marge was trying to throw it out. So he tried to hide it so he could continue eating the hoagie. So he put it behind the radiator which is Very natural hoagie location natural hoagie location. This makes sense. I understand now also Me undies I want boxes that say right on the crotch natural hoagie location I Would buy a thousand pairs and never wear anything but I By the time he's done with this thing, it's really looking grim. Like, I genuinely felt a little bit sickly. It's got mushrooms growing out of it. It's got mushrooms growing out of it. Yeah, it was grim. It's not the good kind of mushrooms either. No, not the funny ha ha type. I was thinking the delicious type. Oh, I was thinking the funny ha ha type. Maybe you could do both. Both. Both a sandwich. What a great sandwich.
02:29:47
Speaker
I understand a funny haha mushrooms do not do not do well in a culinary sense. No, they taste they don't taste great apparently. Yeah, I've had them before. They don't taste great. I don't think you could make them better. You can make tea out of them apparently.
02:30:02
Speaker
who fair enough anyways in homemo yeah i would like to be alone with the sandwich even as he's feeling ill no i have to i have he has the hoagie madness he has to finish the hoagie madness Marge asks if he's gonna eat it. He says yes, and she finally takes it off him and puts it in the bin. The conveniently placed bin. Conveniently placed bin, which disappears in the next scene, which is like in the same location yeah two minutes later. Yeah, Homer's determined to go to Duff Gardens. ah he He collapses on the floor.
02:30:39
Speaker
He starts crawling. He makes it into the car. He's crawling to the car. And he's gone completely pale and shivering. His lips have turned blue. And he collapses on the horn. Yeah. Duff Gardens.
02:31:00
Speaker
ah So Selma decided selma decides to take the kids to Duff Gardens and Marge has to stay home and look after Homer. I don't think Marge really wanted to go to Duff Gardens. Anyway, that doesn't seem like a Marge type of place. Now, that's the gardens for debauchery, debauchery. Yeah.
02:31:20
Speaker
Uh, Lisa advises don't eat any solids. Her response is, I love solids. This is true. This is true. I mean, we we all love solids, guys. We all love solids. Shout out to solids, my homie. This is gonna be one of my favorite states of matter. Yeah.
02:31:39
Speaker
Salt way way better than ah a gas or a plasma. Yeah, I hate to your plasma bows Einstein condensate That's a constant state diet not a fan not a fan not a fan. It just keeps coming up, you know got got cut cokeeper it down Also very cold fucking ner
02:32:06
Speaker
says it won't be any fun without him, but then ah cheers, yay as they drive off. yeah Homer tries to one last, makes one last attempt to pull the sandwich out of the trash.
02:32:17
Speaker
<unk> I think this is the point at which I'm very slightly retched, because it's looking grim. This is like guys who are like clearly dying trying to make it up the last 800 feet of Everest. It's like, no, I have to finish this sandwich. At least gotta say I finished it.
02:32:39
Speaker
yep They would have been great if he did finish it and then just just like a random bit at the end of the episode it's homo at work at like a little lunch breaks and he goes like so I finished the sandwich and then Lenny just looks at him horrified Homer that was eight years ago
02:32:58
Speaker
ah The kids are looking through the flier for Duff Gardens on the way there. that such It has such attractions as the Duff Beeromid. So large it would take five men to lift it. All that aluminum. That was so fucking funny. Okay, confession time. Who's tried to build something out of out of beer cans before?
02:33:22
Speaker
Oh, dude, I i have succeeded. i'm the The tallest can pyramid I made was just about five foot tall. Noise. I was drinking that much Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero. That's how I used to track how much beer I was drinking each night is spill the pyramid out of the dead cans.
02:33:40
Speaker
Yeah, and then once it gets to it a height that is impressive, you know you need to stop drinking. You know, that yeah, it's like, i may I've made mistakes with my life. When you when you look at the pyramid, you go, damn, that's a cool pyramid. You're like, oh, I need to stop. No, that's not good. That's not good. Well, when I was in student halls, we collectively drank enough Strongbow to build an entire armchair out of Strongbow cans. That's too much.
02:34:05
Speaker
It was kinda too much. Yeah, well, it was kinda was, yeah, yeah. Gotta be honest. One kinda strong bow is too much strong bow. An armchair's worth is way too much. It was very cheap and we had very low standards. This is true. Was the armchair, uh, could you actually sit on it without it collapsing?
02:34:21
Speaker
Absolutely. It was not in any way, shape or form comfortable, but you could sit on it. wow Did you like glue it together or like how did that work? I can't remember what the like actual like I think it probably was something like sellotape to be honest, but I can't remember what actually adhered it together.
02:34:43
Speaker
will. But it was a structurally sound armchair. Okay, that sounds fun. It was held together and you could sit on it. Structurally sound armchair are two very different things. You can sit on it and it is an armchair are very different. You can sit on it and you can lounge in it at two very, very different things. Oh, yeah. However, unlike the beer made, it ah did not cost the lives of 22 immigrant laborers.
02:35:10
Speaker
considering the amount of massive american projects that were done on the back of essentially slave immigrant labor this was a really really dark joke yeah yeah it was i just love the idea of five people lifting a pyramid doing a panama canal of beer oh god oh my god they would as well they would they kind of did they kind of did we'll get there But yeah, we're we're finally here, we're finally at Duff Gardens. We have the seven doffs, tipsy, queasy, surly, remorseful, presumably three others. so Take a picture, it'll last longer. Get out of here! We get to see some edutainment. You know a rap's good when it starts with, and I'm here to say, your rap's gonna be good when it starts with that. That's a mark of quality.
02:36:00
Speaker
Four scorns, seven years ago, we took the finest Hobson by to build brew a refreshing full-bodied lager. What does Lisa say of about it? She says, this is, this is disgusting or something. This is a disgrace. This is a disgrace. I thought that was so good. Someone says anything this bad has to be educational. The bastardization of your own history for the sake of advertisement.
02:36:21
Speaker
ah Okay, George Washington did brew beer though. That's true, but he didn't brew Duff beer. No, he did not brew Duff beer. He brewed probably a much nicer beer. Well, probably not that much nicer. Yeah, for the time period. He was a distiller first and foremost because beer was just not a thing in the colonies.
02:36:42
Speaker
ah We come back to Homer who's got his medication hooked up to like a foam dome like cap kind of thing He says what are the odds of getting sick on a Saturday? Marj has rented some videos cheer him up boxing's greatest way ins Yentl which I think Wikipedia noted is the second reference to Yentl. I don't remember the first I've got to be honest. I vaguely remember it. but Yeah Homer wants to know what that is. It's about a bookish young woman's efforts to enter rabbinical school. That sounds great! And then his eyes go different directions. Which is how Marge knows he's delirious. Yeah. Accurate. Back at Busch Gardens, Bart's checking out the beer goggles.
02:37:33
Speaker
See the see the world through the eyes of a drunk and they put some on some as God is Fucking funny What oh she's she's like you're slaying me or something you're charming the pants off
02:37:52
Speaker
How it how it affects his audio is the effect of any many senses It's not like me. This is a more advanced model than the one they use at the dare program um These are also VR ah goggles. They're just really really good ones. Yeah, probably so Actually, technically there'd be AR goggles, wouldn't there? Because it's ah it's augmenting reality. that It's not showing you something that isn't there. ah eightway is changing changing It's changing what you're seeing around you. So yeah, it'd be AR. This is the nerdiest thing I'm complaining about.
02:38:26
Speaker
see That the drunk goggles they bring at the dare program just like turn your vision upside down and blur it a bit a real up Which I I have not experienced while drunk at the blurring part. Yes the upside down No, yeah, I have drunk on a few drunk heavily on a few occasions. My vision is never on any of those circumstances up you occasions from you thats bullshit I Have I have in my time in Bob i have been known to have a tipple on occasion They have a sniff to reverse this reported Christmas. I fucking love Paul. It's like drinking alcoholic jam That was a call back to last episode. We're not repeating this discussion. We had all this did we yeah we totally this I am nothing if not consistent we We agreed to meet up and drink port over Christmas. That's still on don't worry. I love Paul It's so good
02:39:20
Speaker
Sunla finds the one attraction she wants to attend in the port- in- in the port? Great, I've got port in the mines. In the park! port in the brain guys And it's a bench! yeah i sympathize with that but She wants the kids to go or get her a beer smoothie. Yeah, I'm not seeing that work. I feel like that's gonna be something you're gonna want to put a liquor in.
02:39:44
Speaker
Yeah. Like a beer smoothie, that just sounds like a float. It sounds like beer with ice cream on top. Yeah. Which doesn't really sound that appetizing either. Unless it was vanilla. If it was just vanilla on top of like, just a nice ale, I'd be okay with it. I don't think it'd be my first choice, but, you know. I feel like if you get into the weird shit like I'm drinking at the minute, you could make it work with some weird beers. No one should be into the weird shit you're drinking.
02:40:12
Speaker
That's true. i feel I fully feel there's going to be an episode where you're like, I'm drinking m distilled toilet water. yeah did You go go for like the pastry stouts or something disgusting like that. you um i I define sweet does not work great with beer all the time. Yeah. Yeah. It's very popular, though, this is unfortunate. And people are often wrong.
02:40:38
Speaker
Yeah, sometimes you just have to have the knowledge that you were right and other people are wrong. Absolutely. That's how I live my life, man. Welcome to the show.
02:40:50
Speaker
Anyway, the kids do drag Selma off to an attraction, which has got an incredible two-hour line. And if the line's going to be that long, it's got to be good. And it turns out to be the complaints. And as a British man who loves cues, fuck that cue. I ain't getting that shit.
02:41:07
Speaker
You didn't queue to see the Queen's funeral? No. No? No. Oh, you're not very British then. No. Fucking... I, um... I messaged my mate. I went early in the morning when no one was there. I messaged my mate when the Queen died, and this was my only interaction of, like, talking about it with anyone other than my girlfriend at the time, was to just mess with him and go, Queen's dead, isn't it? And he went, yeah. And then, that's when we talked about it. That was it. We were like, we were done discussing the Queen.
02:41:36
Speaker
yeah Back to Homer, and he's he's he's ah on a bit of a recovery. He's he's enjoying Yantl because she puts the she in Yeshiva. For fuck's sake. There's a lot of Jewish writers in Simpsons. Clearly.
02:41:53
Speaker
But Marge observes Homer's call down, but that that's what she thinks. Do not have sex with a man that's eaten that sandwich recently. I was about to say that out but the issue i could go wrong. Yeah. You were going to want to have a shower after that. And maybe a beach bath. move But Marge rented another tape, which is a callback to a previous episode because it's the erotic adventures of Hercules.
02:42:19
Speaker
ah yeah Which does in fact start as star Troy McClure. I'm Troy McClure. And Norman Feller's use. That with normanfeld must be weird considering they met him the previous week. Yeah, yeah they'd met Troy McClure the other the week, so they're gonna be like, then we watched you in a porno. Wait, is that the executor of my great-aunt's estate?
02:42:44
Speaker
Now that would be like Lionel Hart, same voice actor. Oh, Lionel Hart, excuse me. Same guy doing the voice, but not same character. You sound familiar. We get back to the theme park. We've got, well, what the hell is this ride called? um I mean, it's it's Small World, but Duff Beer. small that's Yeah, Small World, but Duff Beer, that's the one. Yeah, it's the Duff World. Yeah, it's the ride you have to ride at Disney World, but no one likes to.
02:43:13
Speaker
You don't have to. I was making you. Well, you know, when I went to Disney World, I was made to Mickey Mouse came out with a bat. Oh, you're getting on the face. Wow. Secret moment in the morning. Disney World pro tip. You don't have to write small guys. It's true. No, no, you want the small world experience. Go and drink yourself ah around Epcot. Hey.
02:43:42
Speaker
You can have many national liquors. Noice. Speaking of national liqueurs, Lisa is dead to drink the water that the ride is in, which may or may not be water. But I don't think that's water. They taunt each other till Selma tells him to quit it and shut up. Yeah, but shut up. Lisa drinks the water. Yeah, no, that's my favorite bit in this one. Lisa, drink the water.
02:44:11
Speaker
at least it starts having a bad time that is bad high it's a very very bad high yes i mean ah my assumption was that they were trying to imply the beer was though the water was beer rather but like that's stuff happens that like stuff that' not happen is really right yeah i think it's just that it's contaminated Yeah, at least it gets something anyway. Selma transforms into a hideous monster, everything goes spinny and trippy and dizzy. And we cut back to Barge and Homer learning about Cyclops is tearing off people's clothes. Yeah,
02:44:51
Speaker
yeah that's that's that that's the reaction. That's all we get. It's my kind of porno. Yep. Just those weird contrivances. Oh, no. I slipped on a dodgy piece of pavement and my skirt has fallen off and a seagull made off with my shirt. What do I do? I slipped on a dodgy hoagie. I slipped on a dodgy hoagie. My week is ruined.
02:45:24
Speaker
I don't feel like having sex anymore. but Let's have a deep conversation about our feelings. And eat a hoagie. And eat a hoagie.
02:45:35
Speaker
uh back to the park lisa's uh tripping balls yeah tripping balls yeah she's stolen one of the kids from the ride she's like growling at it like a little gremlin yeah uh Bart runs off selling us chasing him trying to trying to do some sort of Parenting effectively. Yeah, not very well. No Lisa stumbles into the parade dancing and I can see the music But run off on his own his he's sneaking on to a ride that he's not supposed to by standing on candy apples. Stands Oh on candy apples to add a couple extra inches so he can sneak under the bar. Sneak past the bar. You must be this tall to ride. Quickly figures out exactly why that sign exists. Yeah, now he goes on like the super-duper hyper coaster, whatever it is. Yep. And the bar just comes down straight over his head. No, that's not good. Does not look in place. That's not good. That's not how that's supposed to work.
02:46:37
Speaker
That wouldn't even be a height thing, that would just be sitting too far up your seat. Yeah, yeah. It takes off and you start screaming, and asking them to stop the ride. The kid in charge says he'll have to ask his supervisor. Oh, we better stop it. That's unrealistic as the supervisor was available. Yeah, this is very, very accurate, yeah.
02:46:58
Speaker
They do stop it, but right at the top of the loop upside down. just hanging sma wants surly to do something about it but certainlyly only looks have one guy certainly s certainlyly a little one guy i loved surly And it all winds up at the security booth.
02:47:15
Speaker
Some some so asks them not to blame the kids and says that she thinks their father's missing a chromosome. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah. I just love the bit, um, in the in this, book it's one of my favorite Simpsons bit where the guy is handing in the pills is like, take three of these and two of these and all of these. Thank you, doctor. Oh, I'm not a doctor. I fucking love it. Oh, I'm not a doctor. It's so good. It's so fucking funny.
02:47:43
Speaker
ah back at home Homer's he's feeling much better he's tied a sheet rounding around him as a toga and he's Homer Cleese he wants to go back to bed with Marge but she can't because she's cooking the beans will burn Homer Cleese cares not for beans though live Then everyone returns home. Wanna know how Duff Gardens were, but... Can't duck, coming down. Coming down, yeah. Lisa's still not doing great, she's gone pale now. Someone wants to know how Homer does it, like... Well, you just take his shit, you fold it like this. yeah No, no, raising kids, how do you raise kids? Because they're absolute hellions and she couldn't cut it. All she wanted it was a little version of her that she could hold in her arms.
02:48:29
Speaker
and we cut to job job job job job job was a throw away joke no job jobs now everyone likes job job shout out to loves jump jobb ah so yeah job job now belongs to Selma because uh yeah um the mom was trying to stab him with a hat pin yep and uh she not horrifyingly sings uh you make me feel like a natural woman in her voice and it's awful which is a reference to season four of Murphy Brown because Murphy Brown sings that song after giving birth to a baby.
02:49:03
Speaker
I'm not doing the rest. And then they play that song for the credits. Yep. Which was random. And Selma gets a line at the end. Just, just, just, just have a twist on the credits. What does she say? She says, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, but yeah like that. And that was Selma's choice.
02:49:22
Speaker
I wish we had more time to talk about this guy. I fucking loved this episode. This episode was really interesting. I like this one a lot, too. Yeah, this is a lot of fun laughs. It's just the most straightforward like Simpsons attitude like kind of vibes in a while. I really love it. It starts a bit slow, but it pulls it back for me and it's so fucking funny.
02:49:43
Speaker
Yeah, is also i I had always wondered where I Am the Lizard Queen came from. Yes, I am the lizard queen!
02:49:52
Speaker
ah That is a reference to celebration of the live Celebration of the Lizard and Not to Touch the Earth by the Doors, apparently. ah Not familiar with those.
Episode Reflections and Memorable Moments
02:50:03
Speaker
So, yeah. Listen to those later. find to to Find out where that reference came from. Maybe. I don't know.
02:50:09
Speaker
and Like after monorail like this kind of felt like they would come down for me like monorail was kind of too good This was like sure Yeah, I can see that cuz monorail I mean the Marge versus the monorail is such a you know seminal achievement of human culture and this is You know a good Simpsons episode you guys aren't gonna like me okay i mean i thought it was a fine episode as soon as i wasn't blown away by it like again it was completely forgettable beyond like the sandwich like the only bit that has stuck with me through the years apparently was the sandwich oh i'm not a doctor
02:50:53
Speaker
and Like it's almost like the last episode was like just pure gags and they were like shit we need to like have some narrative and world-building and like character development and Like move things along a bit in terms of like I was cackling during this episode this episode was great ah Just every and every bit was just so funny once it got going which it immediately did take but but once it got going it so It took a bit to get going but it it once it got going it went. Yeah, absolutely and Fair play. Have we got any Out of Homer's? Would the guests like to go first this time? I would give it a lizard queen out of Homer. ah This is a very, this is a very, very good episode. It's not the greatest episode, but it is very good. um I had a very nice time watching it. I would never watch it otherwise. You know, and and and I like Duff Gardens as a concept. They should, you know, that small beer.
02:51:51
Speaker
yeah moreber Yeah. yeah i'm um I'm definitely down with more beer themed theme parks. Yes. John. I gave it a job job out of Homer because I thought he was in endearing but a bit weird. I happily give this a Homer. I fucking love this episode. This episode was hilarious. I was absolutely howling with laughter when I watched it. Just every little bit about it was great.
02:52:16
Speaker
Michael posthumously gave it a also a job job out of Homer when I berated him for reading my notes. This has happened way too often. This is disconcerting how often he has the same scores as me. You guys are just in sync. Yeah, apparently he's changed changed it to a giant sub out of Homer because it made him ill, but he can't stay mad at him.
02:52:37
Speaker
Society. Fair enough. What did it say about society? If you want to be generous, you could say that this episode promotes the idea that being a mother isn't a woman's only purpose in life. If you want to be not so generous, you could say, ah that woman's alone and there's a failure and isn't that funny. So it's kind of a message.
02:52:56
Speaker
Yeah, it's definitely observing the difficulty of raising kids. I suppose since Selma does it alone, there's almost an element of single parenting involved there as well. You can also be the kids are little shits. Kids are piece of shit. And you should get a lizard instead. Absolutely, I'm gonna get a lizard. Yeah, one of my notes definitely was get a lizard instead of a kid. Get a lizard, guys.
02:53:18
Speaker
It's definitely a bit of a satire of the beer industry and its marketing practices. The fact that Busch Gardens existed in the way it did, it's hard to even satirize that because it's so bizarre. Yeah, we have an amusement park with free beer. I can't wrap my head around the concept of like- The Duff Duff Gardens as portrayed is probably less bad than Anheuser Busch Gardens was when it opened. Yeah. Right. Wow. Yeah. and I mean, I'm genuinely struggling to wrap my head around the idea of any place just being like, yeah, free beer. No, that's just what we do is to hit free beer place. The bridge across the street. We got free beer.
02:53:59
Speaker
Yeah, fair enough, I suppose. So much money on entry. Yeah, they'll charge a bit in for sure, and that beer will cost them nothing. It'd be very cheap beer, yeah. Yeah, it's very, very cheap beer. It's gonna be Budweiser. Yeah. Good times. Also, further thoughts on dating in your 30s. Yeah, true. Although, although I found it less depressing than the last time they did this. I don't think dating in your 30s is quite that hard.
02:54:25
Speaker
no i mean i have finally accomplished it so you know it's uh it's it's uh it is what it is it is what it is ah that that's the takeaway from the simpsons do we all just cry now uh nate myers gave this two and a half out of five which i thought was idiot two and a half that's bullshit Alrighty, let's probably wrap this up. Justin, would you like to tell the fine folks about what else you do and where they can find you?
02:55:00
Speaker
Hi, I'm Justin. I'm from Well There's Your Problem podcast. It's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides. It's on YouTube. It's on wherever fine podcasters sold. We have a Patreon. We have a tour of the East Coast of the United States um in early May and late April. We may have another one sometime later next year in a different location.
02:55:27
Speaker
Ooh, is a different location in the UK? Unfortunately, probably not. we Well, we have that one we have to we had to do some thinking about, but we do have some leads on some interesting venues. um Exciting. i will i I will join you and make an ass of myself because I won't know yeah fucking anything.
02:55:51
Speaker
we we have it We have a good contact in York to do something very stupid, so... Yo, I love York. York is one of the best places on the planet. I mean, I just moved from York this year, which is really annoying. So if you go tour in York, I'll be... No, no, we we we go to the UK, but we only go to York. yeah ah Do a show like New Castle. Do what in, I don't know... What happened to the old castle? yeah but But i yeah, that that's my podcast. I don't know what else to plug. Me. Giggle, giggle, giggle. Gay joke. That was it. That was the whole- Like some stuff. A new episode of All 4 Arnold has been recorded. So I'm going to get that edited. ah We covered Commando. And then we've got ah one more film and then we got off into the Predator, which I'm very, very excited to talk about because, you know, fucking glorious film.
02:56:47
Speaker
Yeah, but we had Michael on as a guest to talk about Commando. It was very fun. i You know, I fucking love that. Go check it out on podcast, ah podcast ah Spotify, all for Arnold. You can find it there. ah Yeah, i'm I'm hoping to record more than two episodes next year. No, we recorded three. We recorded three. I think three. I don't know.
02:57:11
Speaker
I don't pay attention, guys. It happens when it happens, and it's a treat when it does. Yes, absolutely. i don't I'm not a consistent or health helpful or healthy person. I just exist. I'm in a constant state of eating rotten hoagies. Aren't we all? Aren't we all? Monorail. What is a beer but a kind of rotten hoagie?
02:57:36
Speaker
I didn't tend to think of it as such, but okay.
02:57:41
Speaker
All right, well, uh, find me on blue sky instead of Twitter these days at maroca.beascuide.whatever the heck. I always forget what the, the thing is, uh, beascuide.social, I guess. I haven't created a more men podcast blue sky account yet. So we're still on Twitter. Not that I'm using it, but more men pod on Twitter. If you're not watching this on YouTube, there's a video ish version of it on YouTube these days. Maybe this is three hours. This has gone past three hours. I don't want to edit three hours of video. Oh my God. ah
02:58:14
Speaker
Yeah, so like and subscribe if you're on the YouTube's otherwise high Spotify Otherwise, I fucking hate you. Basically, yeah. I'm going to wrap this up so I've got less editing to do. Thank you very much for joining us, Justin. This has been an absolute pleasure and a delight. Yeah. So much fun to talk. This has been very nice. I enjoy talking about The Simpsons. It's very fun to do something more lighthearted than a horrible disaster. Yeah, I can imagine. I can imagine.
02:58:46
Speaker
And thank you for giving up so much of your time from put because I did not expect this to run anywhere near as long as it did. all We have that problem on the the podcast, I do. so Yeah, it happens. Alright, thanks for listening, everyone. Bye. Bye.
02:59:03
Speaker
ah feet of zen ah day