00:00:00
00:00:01
S4E4&5 - Lisa the Beauty Queen & Treehouse of Horror III
7 Plays1 month ago
Jon, Michael and Matt watch The Simpsons episodes 'Lisa the Beauty Queen' & 'Treehouse of Horror III', and discuss what they say about society.
Follow us on Twitter: @Molemanpod
Jon: @Meroka_BM
Matt: @mattperspective
Michael: @BMashHorse
Buy my beer (and rate it 5* on Untappd): brewyork.co.uk/product/beyond-the-binary/
Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, this is mole man in the morning good mole man to you so sync point in three two one And shut up so if we're good um I went on the clap is that okay? Yes, you're supposed to clap on the clap I clap and you said clap over than a clap I that's three two one clap and you clap on the clap you did it correctly congratulations i'm proud of myself me too could that be the intro yeah probably hello welcome to mole man in the morning good moment you oh that was doppler mole man
00:00:45
Speaker
I was going to say was that maulman driving past at high speed. It was. It was. I'm glad you got it. I thought it was smooth jazz, maulman. oo I'll have to think of that for next time. More in the evening mom man in the evening. the evening! That's for when we get enough listeners to have a Patreon. And yeah, we just do... It's just us hanging out. ah We just talk about whatever. We don't even talk about Simpsons. We just hang out and just like flirt. More man, easy listening. The pants are coming off and the moles are coming out. I've always wanted to do some kind of like easy listening radio show.
00:01:27
Speaker
I love the idea of keeping lonely drivers company on long drives. There's something, I love late night radio man, it's so good. It says in context that could be considered strange. Yeah, but over the radio, not in their cars. This is how serial killers stand. Yes, also that, I do have some bodies to dispose of if you guys know any places. ah You can throw them down a bottomless pit.
00:01:56
Speaker
This is true and it will make noise. Wow, you've brought it all back. Anyways. That's simple shattering. Hello, welcome to Mole Man in the Morning. We are a podcast about how the Simpsons has a lot to say about society. I am your host, John, and I am joined by my two co-hosts, as ever, Matt. Hello. And Michael. Adleho, Podkesterino. Cool.
00:02:22
Speaker
We are here today to delve further into the depths of Series 4. We've got Lisa the Beauty Queen and Treehouse of Horror 3 coming up. I didn't realise how little of Season 4 we've done.
00:02:36
Speaker
Yeah, we're not cracking these out at the moment. I mean... No, we're all very busy. Yeah. Yeah, like life is happening. It's fine. It's fine. i I only said in the first episode of this that this would be weekly. Don't worry about it. You have since given up on that, Bento. I don't think we... You didn't say what you constituted as a week and what calendar you were thinking to. This is under the Mayan. I didn't specify which week it would be. It could be any week.
00:03:04
Speaker
It comes out during a week. It's weekly.
00:03:12
Speaker
Nailed it. Perfect. so my scheduled podcast knows no time It comes out on a day ending with Y. Look, if I'm really on it, I can manage fortnightly, but like, that's going to be like really coordinated, which I just am not capable of supplying demand. If you demand it more frequently, we'll do it more frequently. So what are we drinking guys?
00:03:34
Speaker
What are we drinking, yeah? Well, today is a special day. Ooh, is it? Because it is a certain event. It's... boxing 9-11?
00:03:47
Speaker
god the day culture died no the day after culture died the day after culture died yeah dear um we're all going to hell i'm sure nothing else is going on this day it's fine but okay well let's go with that but i thought because on this certain day certain drinks bring people together i thought i'd treat myself to a room so i am having
00:04:19
Speaker
A Bortan, which is a 15 euro single straight one. Ooh, schmancy. And drinking a very schmancy rum in honor of my great friend. 9-11? Oh my god.
00:04:36
Speaker
Right at the 13th, they'll beetle juice. That's slightly that's slightly less offensive. I think that's the most cursed thing I've ever said. It might be! I don't know think it was possible for this podcast to be cancelled, but I think we might have. I think we've cancelled it ourselves. but quick Quick move on, Matt, what are you drinking?
00:05:02
Speaker
I am working through, as I said to you guys off record, working through my Brew York collection that I got. wow So today, I am drinking May Day, a problem shared, a West Coast IPA. So right now, live, as always. I know that one. It's a good one. You better like it. I fucking went everywhere. I'll never know because he spawns at all. That's quite nice, that.
00:05:31
Speaker
and I appreciate the size. It's an IPA and I don't drink them very often. So you know, like the IPA tastes that really like bitter, like, yeah, that always hits me straight away. And then I have to like stop and be like, yeah, there are flavors here. I can get past this and I get there. I'm like, Ooh, this is nice. Yeah. It's quite aromatic to be as wanky as possible about beer. Oh yeah. I like it.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah, no to to get... Speaking about being wanky about beer. I'm not being wanky about beer. Just to note that, like, as an example of the style I know, Castle and Nude, the stuff, ah that that particular beer is a West Coast IPA, which means it is if if you if you have trouble getting over the IPA thing, it is probably one of the more stronger, more extreme styles of the of that of that category. So yeah you have to like your IPAs to get into a West Coast. it is definitely Yeah, it definitely has that, like,
00:06:30
Speaker
I'm really into writing my novel in a coffee shop. Vibes. Yes, yeah. Anyway, I'm not drinking wanky beer. I was contemplating drinking the wankiest beer, and then I realized it's quite a large bottle of, I'm actually not even sure what ABV because it's American and they didn't print an ABV on it. And I'm like, that seems like a real bad idea, if I'm honest. That's an interesting gamble today. Yeah. That sounds like something we have to, eat whatever it is, it sounds like we have to come to Wales and record together.
00:07:00
Speaker
Yeah, kind of. Like, it's a bottle I've been wanting to share for a while and nobody is stupid enough to want to drink it with me. Because it does a very stupid beer. How easy would it be for us to record in the same room? I... don't know. I don't know how good my microphone is in that context, to be honest. Could maybe figure something out. Yeah. I think we can do it.
00:07:24
Speaker
Anyway I'm drinking mead for what it's worth. I got bought a selection of mead miniatures for my birthday so I'm having a mead. I love drinking mead because every time I drink it I just think people used to drink flagons of this. And I'm drinking like a sippy cup of it and I'm already dead.
00:07:41
Speaker
I think this explains why nobody made it by 30 back in the olden days. Well, you know, the access to the heads probably didn't help either. That's pretty good. That's quite nice. Put hair on your chest, son. Does drinking young actually affect, like, those kind of things? What? we're Putting hair on your chest? Putting hair on your chest. Well, yeah, like that's the old adage, but did, yeah.
00:08:03
Speaker
not that i'm aware of but i have not done any research in that field if we actually go back in time and look at like vikings and old medieval peasants were they all like so well yeah they were all stunted because they were all like what five foot tall yeah they hadn't invented nutrition yet this is true that was a big problem anyway balance out your meat with vegetables children
00:08:29
Speaker
ha like um what is it ah oh what's the the alcoholic drink that people have where it's tomato juice and there's a celery stick in it yeah but it's a mead with a carrot in it oh god that sounds sounds awful frankly uh a yellow belly there you go i've named it that's what it is it's called a yellow belly but it needs an extra ingredient doesn't it because what is uh bloody mary's vodka tomato juice and a celery stick right yeah tell them where you're going in your kitchen uh it's usually got like spices in it and probably like tabasco sauce and stuff right so just so mead paprika
00:09:11
Speaker
and a carrot. Is it yellow belly? I think John can make this. I think he's i think you've got all that in your kitchen. Don't think I have a carrot. If I'm honest. The dream has died. You've got multiple of these meats, right?
00:09:26
Speaker
I've got an onion. Will an onion do? No, no, and no. so So you've got multiple of these. You've got multiple of these memes. Yes. It doesn't have to be done on record. Okay. But you can do this between episodes and just put it at the end of this episode. Just added from John here. I had a yellow belly. I fucking hate Matt. Somebody took the time to buy me nice gifts and you want me to just like throw. ruin in it yeah and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm not so sure about that one.
00:09:55
Speaker
Well, you don't have to be, I'm telling you. All righty, what is the context in which we exist this week? What is like ah this week's coconut tree? What's happened since we last recorded in the world? My life fell apart. Let's move on. Okay. i'm i'm what What happened this week with with the first episode that we're talking about?
00:10:19
Speaker
So on this day, so the first episode we're doing is Lisa the Cutie Queen, is it? Yep. I've got the title for you. Yes, yeah. sir ah good Okay. This aired on October the 15th, 1992. The spooky season. The Libyan Civil War kicks off. Oh, very spooky.
00:10:39
Speaker
ah Liberian, not Libyan. Yes, you are correct. Sorry, I haven't misread that. It bulges. And in an even spookier thing, Howard Stern began his radio show. Ooh, Spooky Stern. What was it that, how what was, I know Howard Stern's like not a, is Howard Stern a bad guy? What did Howard Stern do? I don't think he's ever done on anything evil, but it's just, it's a shock jock radio. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. Fair enough then.
00:11:07
Speaker
Oh, well, I mean, if we want to relate it to the modern world, we found out that Dave Grohl has a secret love child. I'm disappointed his statement did not begin with, I've got another confession to make.
00:11:20
Speaker
Also, R.I.P. James Earl Jones. Indeed. That bummed me out. And me and Jon have a personal connection there, because James Earl Jones was also the lead villain in the Carnad film. Indeed, yeah. Not just, you know, the typical status. Remember, I thought you were both about to tell me that you were related to James Earl Jones. Right. I'm particularly disappointed in Jon, because I've known them.
00:11:44
Speaker
over a decade now and and that not coming up would have been quite disappointing. I think I think i think you might have wanted to know that. To be fair, if I was if i was related to James Earl Jones, that would be how I would introduce myself. Yeah. Even to people you've already met.
00:11:59
Speaker
hello i'm related to james ol jones i would just get a badge printed a really big novelty oversized birthday badge and pin it to myself on every outfit that says hi my name is john i am related to james ol jones me on dis get on it no cameo from uncle james sadly on this podcast not yet but he will be in a tree house of horrors eventually hey He's upcoming. Editing Moroka here, just a note to say I'm not entirely sure how Treehouse of a Horror I just got entirely memory hold here, but of course James Earl Jones was the narrator for the entire Raven thing there, which was pretty cool. And he had a couple of other roles in that episode as well. So we we've seen him already. He's already a connection. He's nevermind the Arnold nonsense. He's got a Simpsons connection. We've talked about him before on this very podcast. Back to the show.
00:12:53
Speaker
Alright, shall I do the number ones? Yeah, go for it. Would you like to guess what the US number one is? Nope. It's Boyz II Men, End of the Road. Is that the same as last time? I remember Boyz II Men, I don't remember what the song was though. The UK number one, Sleeping Satellite by Tasman Archer. I have no idea what that is. Not a clue. It sounds familiar, but it's one of those ones that, yeah, I don't recognise. I'm a young'un. We tried.
00:13:20
Speaker
Did you ever get into the episode or does anybody have some nonsense they want to spew? I mean, always, but let's get on with it. I appreciate you taking the time. Before we start, do you just want to just unload the nonsense first? I'd love if that happened at work meetings. Before we get into business, any nonsense? Do you have anything you want to get out of your system?
00:13:44
Speaker
Oh, people would hate me in that work environment because I would just let out an ear piercing scream and then be like, continue? No, yeah, so no burning desires to confess murder or anything like that.
00:13:56
Speaker
No, we'll get to the to hear it when it's relevant. I want to co confess to a secret love child or eating a cat. One of the two. god Not yet. The US.
00:14:09
Speaker
With more urgency than a Donald Trump debate topic, let's get into this. So Blackboard gag is I will not prescribe medication. Yep, that's a Blackboard gag. That sure is. That's a better noise hitting the streets as we speak.
00:14:26
Speaker
And the couch gag is... Is fentanyl prescribed? um I thought it was pretty illegal. Or do I not know him enough about fentanyl? I think it can be prescribed, but I think they prescribe it in place of like heroin in recovery. So yeah, pretty much will kill you if you abuse it. Fun fact folks. Couch gag. Family run but overshoot the mark accidentally stepping off the film into empty space before coming back to the couch.
00:14:53
Speaker
Yeah, I quite liked this, but then I started getting really nerdy about it and was like, yeah, but has Simpsons ever been printed on a reel of film? That's an interesting question. I actually don't know the answer. I doubt it. and I doubt it, you know. Maybe for novelty's sake, but not for any like practical reason. I don't forget that ah suppose the Simpsons movie must have been printed onto reels to go onto projectors and cinemas, right?
00:15:19
Speaker
Depends how modern the cinemas were at the time, I guess. It seems to me it was a while ago now. 2007, so okay possibly a bit out of the timeline. I thought they did still use, i man maybe not everywhere, but I thought you know reels of film were still reasonably commonplace in firm in terms of like big screen showings. Genuinely don't know. Me neither, really.
00:15:40
Speaker
The episode begins with us at the school and the happy carnival music is playing. We see a banner that declares the carnival the happiest place on earth and below we see that Skinner is being threatened by the loys of Disney. The fucking hilarious irony.
00:15:54
Speaker
Yes, this hat was obviously long before Simpsons was in the knee Disney I.O. I.P. Little hair lawyer performed Skinner that he's heading for a big lawsuit, and he's made a big mistake. Skinner's response to this in the most uncharacteristic moment in Skinner's arc, particularly with later Simpsons Skinner, is that they should have made an ex-Green Beret mad, and Skinner proceeds to beat the shit out of these kids.
00:16:18
Speaker
like he's doing kung fu kicks he takes one gap by the throat he beams a man with a disney briefcase as he's slowly fleeing and he gets a pithy one liner at the end what was it was it case closed oh that's it yeah copyright expired yeah copyright expired It's quite a thing. I like, that was great, yeah. I love this. Yeah, my notes on that was that this is the correct way to handle copyright trolls. It's a pity this skin and never exists ever again. Worth noting that this is riffing on the fact that Disney were suing quite a lot of people in the late 80s, at least three lawsuits against daycares in 1989 because they had pictures of Disney characters on the walls.
00:16:59
Speaker
And don't worry, because suing suing people for simple things like that is that is the worst thing Disney ever does to someone in need. that is you You know, we don't have to worry. Disney will never get worse and we don't live in a capitalist nightmare. That's good to know. yeah no to I'm glad to reassure you there. We don't get to see some of the carnival activities, which include ah Nelson turning his water gun onto Martin when they're shooting at clowns.
00:17:24
Speaker
Bart is running an illegal blackjack thing which when Skinner confronts him he manages to make disappear in a puff of smoke. Well, it's not blackjack, it's three-card monte. Ah, right, sorry. Find the, it's like, yeah, yeah there's three cards, ah two reds, one black, usually, or like two two kings and a queen, whatever, and the objective is to find that particular card and you win double your money. But the whole point is that usually those card games are done with palming, so the guy actually has four cards and is literally impossible to find the correct card. Yeah.
00:17:59
Speaker
Hence why Bart would be doing it, you know. We didn't cut to a groundskeeper Willie trying to sell haggis and Elasto and no takers, despite his very flowery way of trying to sell it. As good as it sounds, I love that. Good four nails, yeah. 50 cents as well.
00:18:17
Speaker
that's cheap haggis it's very cheap haggis i've actually had haggis it's honestly not that bad yeah i you know it's fine i i just think it's funny that now yeah like most of my youth haggis was used as that like you know ew yucky scottish food most places now that serve haggis are like high-end places like you have to pay a lot to get haggis Well, they consider it a delicacy these days, don't they? Yeah. Vegetarian haggis these days, which is like- Yeah, vegetarian and everything. Piers Morgan grows slightly smaller every time you say it. Just thinking, how is that possible considering what it is? Also worth noting on this weird, specific, nerdy bit of trivia that I know is like, he can't sell that. You're not allowed to sell anything with sheep's lungs in the US. Like, their food standards specifically say no sheep lungs. That's very strange.
00:19:09
Speaker
which means you cannot, well, you cannot import haggis. they do There are some Scottish manufacturers that make haggis in America for American audiences in probably relatively niche demand, I would have thought. But ah yeah, like the the the real stuff, they don't get it. though You can't import it into the US. That is kind of crazy.
00:19:28
Speaker
Well, Skinner was being the hell out of the health inspector at the time, so it wasn't worth it. Health inspect this. Pow! Speaking of health, a psychic is trying to guess Homer's weight, and his guess is 53 years old and 420 pounds. And when he hears the answer is actually 36 and 239 pounds, the psychic looks quite concerned.
00:19:52
Speaker
And then cut to the paralyzer, which is in full run. Best way I can describe it is there are planes and Little rocket ships on ah on a rotating wheel kind of thing. Sorry, but on the yeah guess your age and weight thing. like that That joke always struck me as funny because I feel like surely having Homer say an even bigger number than the guy guessed and be proud of it, would that not have landed as a funnier guy? It always seems like, oh no, I'm only 239. It's like, well yeah, I mean the guy thought you were 420, so 239 is a good thing by comparison.
00:20:23
Speaker
I think the joke that they were going for is that he was significantly younger. Oh yeah, yeah, the fact that the guy was like... He's just incredibly unhealthy and looks it. Yeah, you look like your 53 was part of the gag, but I thought the weight was also an element. but Maybe they could have pushed it to like 300 maybe. I think it was just Homer being happy that the guy lost. Yes, yeah, yeah. Homer's just not thinking about it, he just wants to win, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
00:20:46
Speaker
Going back to the parallelizer, Otto is unfortunately in charge of this ride, but there's him to make it go faster. Otto immediately applies. This was a genuine fear of mine as a kid. I used to be very scared. I think you might just turn it up to full speed for funsies. Yeah, I was genuinely scared as a kid of theme park rides and roller coasters and stuff. I'm fine now, but yeah, I used to be terrified that the rocket or whatever would just launch off and I would die.
00:21:09
Speaker
think they probably put safety controls in there to stop otto doing that when he's running the thing there's actually some little sign that says no os and that actually works like all comes buying goes oh bu me walks away Unfortunately, one of them comes loose and... Oh yes, unfortunate timing, considering this is sort of what happens. I didn't even think about that. Yep. Yep, the school gets 9-11. It sure does. It also has enough sense to leave to Mexico as I well. think they They've hit the second school! probably Oh put safety controls in there god. to No, stop no. Otto doing that when he's running the thing. The second fairground riders hit the school. Oh fuck. Where's all of this?
00:21:50
Speaker
So, so far we've got like a 10 minute episode of what's going on in the edits. Yep. So, we then cut to being spooked like we are as Melhouse sees Jimbo spookhouse. This is just a shed on Jimbo and his mates beating people up to get their money. Pretty spooky. Pretty spooky. Melhouse confirms it is spooky to both who unfortunately goes in straight after him. Oh no.
00:22:13
Speaker
We then see that Lisa's having a character done, and the artist asks Lisa if she likes roller skating and doesn't accept her answer of no because everyone loves roller skating. Yeah, everybody likes roller skates. And we then get to see Lisa as a character too, which is her cartoonish fashion chasing after a boy. That looks like original Lisa, is the thing. That looks like, you know, like the specials kind of vibe. Oh right. I don't know if it is based on that, but maybe. Yeah, it could be.
00:22:39
Speaker
As the crowd has a good chuckle at it, Lisa is horrified as she now believes that she is ugly. But rather than mine, that's the loose thread of this episode. Meanwhile, Skinner went outside the flaming school. It's conducting her out. Yeah, it's continuity, which is fine. But yeah, it just really adds to the joke that Skinner is just like, the show must go on.
00:22:58
Speaker
o skinner reveals that the grand prize that this is a ride in the dove blimp and this causes homa to slip into fantasy and we see that homa is looking out the window and he's being told about central pivot irrigation yeah homa has weird fantasies man he just wants to he wants to be educated but also praise So after Homer gets educated he immediately goes to the Super Bowl where Evelyn is chanting his name and holding a big so a big sign of him. Let's see what's going on at the Super Bowl. So we come back to the scene and we see that the shoe buffer is the runner up prize and this is won by Ned Flanders who looks very damn happy about this. Wouldn't you?
00:23:36
Speaker
I've never owned a shoe buffer, but I don't know if I would have the amount of sheer joy that Fandas seemed to have. Homer is depressed about this, even though he's pointed out that he actually has a shoe buffer. But I want that one. But it's all in good fun because Homer wins the grand prize and is, by the way, shocked by it. he I feel like they've missed a trick to have Homer doing a little bit of a Homer dance bit thing. it kind of He kind of just goes, and then it ends.
00:24:04
Speaker
then come back to uh lisa's bedroom and lisa is in full self-pitying weeping crying mode in limpy boy i mean my homo is singing singing that particular song outside uh then he notices that lisa is crying and uh why is it blimpy boy flying high fancy free something like that flying through the sky i so so fancy free that's it it's so good We then see that Touma goes into the room to try to comfort Lisa, and after he sees the drawing he tells her that this is just what Lisa would look like if she was a cartoon character. Ah ha ha, method joke. Get it, get it. Because she's a cartoon character. Yup. Wayyyy. Toma then declares that Lisa is as cute as a bugzier, and Lisa's response to this is, dads have to say that.
00:24:46
Speaker
Well, actually, Grandpa is walking back and, uh, almost as if he's as cute. Yeah. Oh, but then he's as cute as a bug, so yeah, and Grandpa's response to this is to call him as homely as a mule's butt. I have referenced that conversation many times in my life and nobody ever knows what the fuck I'm talking about. What? Is it just because you call people homely as a mule's ass? Not entirely, but, I mean, maybe. Yeah. Well, they explained my old John's friendship then.
00:25:16
Speaker
Now if I'm calling anyone home, homey as a mules, but I'm probably talking about myself. There's a self esteem issue. I've met you, it's accurate.
00:25:25
Speaker
ah um miss final i oh
00:25:33
Speaker
Nah, what burst into the song, cos I'll probably be a copywriter. And I'd have Skimmer's Kung Fu skills. Back to Mo's tavern, and Elmer's moping over his beer, and after Mo, he's ever felt unattractive. And Mo ponders it for a second before he opens it. I love Mo. ah But then as to Barney, if he feels unattractive, and Barney hasn't felt unattractive for a second before he does his customary belch. It is amazing how they can get away with the same joke with Barney every time, and it's still funny.
00:26:02
Speaker
yeah It's not like, yeah, it's not laugh out loud funny, but it's happened like, right? So we were at season four, we've done like what? 30, 35 episodes of Simpsons now or something. 40 episodes of Simpsons. So we' see that it's we've seen that joke roughly 4,000 times. And it's still mildly amusing. It's still very droll. It's still very just, you know, bo you know, Barney has asked a question. and He says, no, he burps. The end.
00:26:29
Speaker
Oh well, ponders what he can do to cheer up Lisa, and the TV provides an answer with a father throwing his daughter up in the air, before he throws her up in the air at one final time and then starts doing his cutaway to camera with the girl not coming back. Yes, the kid just doesn't come back down.
00:26:44
Speaker
And as the father laments the fact that he wishes he could make his little girl feel special, fortunately he can, thanks to Jack Lawson, the president of Laramy Cigarettes. Jack Lawson explains that. I just like his intro. Is that Jack Lawson, CEO of Laramy Cigarettes?
00:27:05
Speaker
Jack Lawson explains that they can't advertise on TV before he takes a giant drag of his cigarette to say that good smooth taste, but then reveals they can sponsor a beauty pageant and you can enter all your you can enter your children. and As he mentions that it's for girls between age 7 and 9, Omer clocks on and realizes that Lisa's age 7 to 9.
00:27:24
Speaker
thats so good we then cut to uh larson that reveals that this will be hosted by christy the clown and we cut to his soulless indoors i hardly endorse this event or product yep and we then cut to the little girl who has apparently won the pageant who says that it feels like having the first puff of cigarette in the morning isn't that heartwarming it's heart horrifying That's how we're delighted about this possibility. He realizes that the contest costs $250 and all he's got in his wallet is a picture of Lisa or his blimp ticket. His blimp ticket. You know what I meant. Guys, he's got his blimp ticket.
00:28:01
Speaker
He's got his blood tick... but blu yeah Well I fucked it up now as well so he can all laugh at me as well. Look at me Mr... Oh it's so difficult to pronounce. What's this medicine? My own flavoured? Oh I love this taste of humble pie. I'll ask as Barney if he will buy the ticket off him for $250 and Barney just pulls that out of his wallet like it's nothing. Man I'd love to do that. That sounds awesome.
00:28:28
Speaker
Barney reveals that he's been taking medical testing, he needs a test subject after the animals have been taken away, and Barney turns around so we can see the back of his head shaved with wires sticking out. Genuine question for you guys and the audience, how like what was the worst thing you considered when you were struggling? Because I did genuinely look up the value of my organs.
00:28:53
Speaker
Oh geez, I've never quite got to that one. No, not gone that far. I mean, I've looked at a couple of loans that did not have very good interest rates, but I never had to follow through on it. I've signed up i signed up to flu camp, but I couldn't go because I have asthma. So I have to go to the specific asthma flu camp, which pays way more, but I have to go down to London. Right.
00:29:20
Speaker
I keep meaning to do it just because it sounds great. Just get paid four grand to have the flu for a week. I mean after extended unemployment I have been fairly close to considering the military because I was like well they'll hire anybody!
00:29:35
Speaker
ah Even an i am unemployed bum like me um no did did find john sounding me off to bo quote yeah yeah and find jobs soon enough to put and into to quash that. but yeah I could tell you with great confidence that I will fail the military main medical, so it's not for me. Yeah, to be fair, I probably would have as well, but it's for the young.
00:29:58
Speaker
I was young when this happened. like I don't think they'd take me now. They'd be like, Jesus Christ, no, what the hell? Oh God, get away from me. but Call you an ambulance. yeah
00:30:09
Speaker
Meanwhile, Lisa is looking at herself in a spoon, which is not the best thing to do when trying to affirm one's beauty. And we see Marge tries to cheer Lisa's spirits by singing the ugly duckling song. and Lisa thinks this implies that Marge thinks she's the ugly duckling, but Marge actually means that Lisa's one of the other ducks mocking the new ugly one.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah, Mad's really, like, fucking biffed it. We then see that her Homer comes home and asks Lisa what her warm wish would be. Lisa's answer to this is never to be seen by human eyes again. ah But Homer reveals that ah he's meant to do in the pageant, but it's unfortunately he couldn't find a picture big enough of her, so he put in the character chair as an entry photo instead.
00:30:49
Speaker
This pretty much leads to Lisa going into full on weep mode and leaving, and as Marge tries to scold Homer for it, Homer firmly believes Lisa can win, but Bart does not agree with this as he tries to emphasize to Homer the attractiveness of some of the girls in this beauty pageant with, good god what the hell is this, what he does.
00:31:09
Speaker
that makes me on uncomfortable yeah ah to be fair there's a lot of people who are just uncomfortably horny throughout this episode and this is the first of several of these yeah i mean what he's doing is a reference like the wolf from the old looney soons character yeah content mean it's horrific yeah that makes me uncomfortable As Homer says that nobody's prettier than Lisa, and March scolds him by saying he's looking at her through her father's eyes. Homer then declares that if he could gouge his own eyes out and and steal someone else's eyes to put him into his sockets, he would do. But to him, Lisa is beautiful. And March declares that's the most beautiful thing he's ever said. That genuinely is like one of my favorite lines in Simpsons now. If I could gouge out somebody's eyes and stuff them into my sockets, I would. Fucking hell, man. That is that is conviction.
00:31:59
Speaker
Then see that Marge is with Lisa in her room, and even though Marge says that no one will force Lisa, she does let on that Homer had to sell his blimp ticket together into the contest. We then cut to Homer in the kitchen, sadly singing the blimp song. He's jumping on pickles. This is enough to inspire Lisa to do it. And we then fast forward onto the next scene very quickly. I actually thought- Yeah, this episode fucking zooms. Yeah. Right there. I think they knew we had somewhere to be or something.
00:32:26
Speaker
I mean, you say that, but like we've spent eight minutes at this point setting up the premise. Like, I mean, I know it gets through to the fair lick, but we've been through like lots of sort of blimp nonsense at the start before we actually get to like... Excuse me, there's no such thing as blimp nonsense. There's more to come. There is more blimp nonsense. Lisa is a backstage with some ah bitchy pageant contestants and ah including making a lovely anorexia joke.
00:32:52
Speaker
about a person named Tina Epstein, which are which um was a name that I clocked. i was genuinely worried this episode was going to take ah very uncomfortable ah Yeah, when we've got it's like, ah you know, beauty pageants for children, and the name Epstein, I was like, Oh, where's this going? Oh, no. I frantically googling. Did do did Jeffrey Epstein have kids to which the answer is apparently somehow no. As far as anyone knows, mu he may have made public. Yeah. ah but At this very moment, one potential offspring bastard child comes in. All right, Mike, tell us how you really feel.
00:33:37
Speaker
It's Amber Dempsey who's got a bit of a Marilyn Monroe kick going on and we also learned as she takes off her glasses that she had eyelash implants. And she was also so she was also named Pork Princess and Little Miss kosher in the same week. That's a Must have been in Paraguay where those implants were legal.
00:33:57
Speaker
We then see that Marge compares Amber to Jack Nicholson as she's complaining with her family, and Marge thinks that Jack is much more attractive, and we then get an uncomfortable fantasy of Marge fantasizing about Jack Nicholson while he's bending over. Marge is a little perv, guys. Yeah, my notes at this point just being, is everyone horny today? Lisa clarifies that she actually meant that they both win all the time, and Marge explains that's what she meant. Yeah, totally. That's what I was saying.
00:34:26
Speaker
I've demolished offers to take Lisa to the beauty pageant, but counters with his offer of teaching Lisa the tricks of the trade. Declute taping the swimsuit to your butt, petroleum jelly on the teeth, and the ancient art of padding well makes another uncomfortable that makes me very uncomfortable yeah it does then and cut to the uh beauty parlor and uh lisa is hanging upside down with uh cucumbers on her face as uh a blowtorch is coming very uncomfortably close to her face why is he so a french native american As Lisa asks if this is safe, he assures that the he is well protected. I am well protected. Genuinely, but probably the best joke in the episode. I am well protected. Don't worry, I am well protected. We don't see Lisa go through a variety of hairstyles, including at one point margins. The first ones you get actually looks pretty good to be fair, but yeah. I would have stuck with that one.
00:35:19
Speaker
Although um maybe that wasn't popular at the time, but like it is, yeah, a fairly popular hairstyle these days. Lisa does sort of settle on her own hairstyle, which is just sort of slicked back. this Yeah, they give her a little bit of a wavy thing to her existing style. That's basically ah her like adult look, isn't it?
00:35:35
Speaker
kind of is yeah yeah as the girls come home homo advises bother he's going to make a big fuss about how lisa looks bar says that uh she'll see through me like grandma's underpants what the hell is wrong with you but counters that uh women apparently take up compliments like vultures and uh if bar does this he'll be rewarded in many ways as bar asks what these ways are that is his sister i fucking hate this episode ah So, as Bart asks for what Homer says, he'll tell him when he's older, and we don't see that Homer's version of what this is, it's actually Marge's just being blown out. Marge's being blown out. The family committed and Homer and Bart proceed to use the two oldest lines in the book, which include ah
00:36:20
Speaker
ah Angel missing from heaven and bark of using Marge for Lisa's school friend Amazingly this works on both girls who are very happy and say that they'll be getting a special dinner the men high-five and boss tell me what else he knows about women and apparently that we don't see that but puts this to use in the ask ice cream parlor has the successfully Whooze the woman by saying that she's by wondering how she stays so trim in this line of work which gets him a massive Sunday and She just says, I misjudged you. Here's a giant sundae. Yep. We don't also get a dance routine choreography moment but because why the fuck not? They had no idea what to do with this episode, man. ah It's just a pedanticness, I guess, of ah messing up a routine because it's a very small issue. And the guy takes a drag of a cigarette and feels better.
00:37:10
Speaker
Yeah, clearly there's just some writers room here come up with a bunch of gags pertaining to beauty pageants and we'll stitch them together in some sort of fashion. Yeah, very much. And see that Bart is coaching Marge for the art of winning the pageant, which is faking, wiping away at you, hugging the loser. Lisa tries to walk down the runway, but strips up in the heels. Bart takes it upon himself to show Lisa how to do this. And we see that Bart is quite the master at this and his legs do look great in those heels.
00:37:40
Speaker
everyone's legs look great in heels come on this is all making me very uncomfortable uh yeah i mean that that was a a weird reference like he's dead but during the he does oppose and apparently it's a reference to an iconic pinup photo of betty gravel Yeah, because that's what you want to do with your 10-year-old characters is make them reenact pin-up poses, right? That's normal. That's normal. Pin-up poses from the 50s, which we're all familiar with. Hey, Bart says he could have won that pageant if he didn't. I didn't. Yeah, that joke I did like where he's like, now I'm starting to think I could win. That made me chuckle.
00:38:15
Speaker
Lisa laments that all the girls are prettier than him, and but very strangely points out that he's about to be the hardest thing a brother can say, as he finally tells Lisa she's not ugly, which Lisa is very happy about. We then cut to the actual pageant itself, which is taking place at the ye olde Offramp Inn, which is now rat free. We then see that the musical number begins, and Amber introduces herself with wanting to grow up to be a sweetie pie. No.
00:38:40
Speaker
We don't see, I have no chance of pronouncing this name. Let's just call her Appu's niece. Yeah, I think that's what that is. If anybody wants to have a go at the name. I do not.
00:38:53
Speaker
Apu and uh, she really feels that she'll be playing MacArthur Park on the Tabla, which here, the audience laughs at, but she reveals she's actually being serious. Apu and Sanjay are loving this until Marj asks who's looking after the quickie Marth and we just see that the quickie, the quickie machine is being stolen. Just close the fucking shop! Why, why, why is it open? What are you we doing?
00:39:13
Speaker
But it's open is it open 24 hours a day? I think that might be kind of He said something along the lines hasn't he if like it's never it's never been closed like he mentions that in one of the earlier episodes Yeah, it's in the Michael Jackson one where he says, do I close this shop? And We don't see Lisa introduce herself and says she wants to make Springfield a better place, as Homer declares that this stinkle needs cleaning up. It's accurate. As Christie arrives backstage and Jack Lawson makes a point of he's very late. Of course, he has no idea what event he's at and asks if it's the Republican fundraiser. i if But he to get himself onto stage just at the end, not completely disheveled, just in time for his line. He does know the song, though. He gets his line.
00:39:55
Speaker
Yeah. He knows where he is, but he knows his lines. but then The talent segment begins and Apu's niece is playing the tabla and everyone else in the card is asleep, but Apu is absolutely loving this. I didn't realize this was a real song and a real thing until like much later in life when a housemate played MacArthur Park and I was like, wait, I know that line from an episode of The Simpsons. Like, that's a real thing. And it's a really weird song about, I'm not sure if it,
00:40:23
Speaker
I'm not sure if it's supposed to be like metaphorical or something, but it's definitely a thing about leaving a cake out in the rain and it's weird. but don It's a strange song. As Chris still events the fact that went on forever, yeah then it's Lisa Stern and I'm gonna give her a pep talk as Lisa puts on some petroleum jelly onto her teeth. Almost starts eating this make why it He's like, oh, oh, Lisa put some in her mouth. Let me try that. He's like, oh, that's actually pretty good. He just keeps going. And I guess the gag of it just being called jelly.
00:40:53
Speaker
Lisa begins to react by saying that a people think that ah it's uncool now to support one's country. And Lisa begins ah singing the national anthem before ripping off the dress. This makes me very uncomfortable guys. She then becomes full on Tina Turner and we're rolling on the river.
00:41:11
Speaker
I hate this. but We cut to Christie and it's his favourite part of the pageant because he can't read the sign, but it's basically learning about the girl's personality. it's ah Yeah, he just bumbles it later. This is my favourite part of the show because, what's that say? I get to meet the girl's personality. I mean talk to the girl's personality.
00:41:33
Speaker
Has he canonically learned to read yet? Because, like, obviously, okay, I couldn't remember where we were at, where we were at with Krusty's literature. They've briefly mentioned, like, the last Krusty-focused episode. Right, okay. Oh yeah, he was struggling to struggling to read, wasn't he? Yeah, he was kind of working on it. and So, yeah, I don't know if that's just a nod to that, or he's, like, still learning to read, or he's just out of it because he's Krusty. Maybe. Could be both.
00:41:59
Speaker
We then see that ah Amber is asked the question of, is the Bill of Rights a good thing or a bad thing? She has to really think about this before she eventually comes to a good thing, which the audience is naturally enamored by. We then immediately leap onto the announcement of who the runner-up is, and ah Christie reveals that the pretty much giving the spoiler of what's about to happen by explaining that ah ah but the winner can't fulfill her duties and then makes a subtle thing about a previous pageant winner. Which was a reference to the 1984 Miss America scandal because the pageant winner ah went on to ah sell nude photos to Penthouse like a year later. Guys, this is an episode about ten-year-olds. Yeah. Simpsons writers, what the actual F?
00:42:48
Speaker
I mean, Miss America was 20, she wasn't a child, but, you know. No, I know, but they're making that reference. Yeah. As to the shock of no one, Lisa is the runner-up, and Aldous is happily eating the rest of the petroleum jelly. He's gone through that whole talk. But Lisa is declared the runner-up as Amber wins, and Christie starts singing a song about how much income she'll make, and as she starts trying to get through the entirety of the song, keeps rhyming tea with two things.
00:43:17
Speaker
teas for yeah she Like each line, each letter of Little Miss Springfield it refers to something in a line, and like they only have one line for T, so when it comes to double T in Little, it's T is for her tooth-filled mouth, T is for her tooth-filled mouth, twice in a row. Lisa walks off the stage sadly, and we go to the next scene of the family watching television, and there's a news report about the new father, apparently, of wasting food, but I just got one man throwing an entire turkey into the pinball.
00:43:44
Speaker
It's so stupid. But so we then cut that, according to Amber, who's opening the Danish Super Chain shop. I'd go there. At the same time, Kent Bobman announces that everyone is here from the May's illegitimate son to the Doveblimp. We then cut to Barney in the Blimp and the, yes, the if he can fly it for a bit, and the Blimp driver decides he's here from us. The Blimp driver lets Barney fly it on a recreation of the Hindenburg disaster unions.
00:44:15
Speaker
we Completely with Ken Brotman going, oh, the humanity. what What the actual hell, man? My note here, R.I.P. Barney, I think he canonically must die here. Like, he crashed a blimp and it exploded. How does Barney come back come back from this as a character? Barney survives everything, man. After Ken Brotman has done his best, ah oh, the humanity impersonation, he immediately gets over it. And we then see that Amber Dempsey is opening the severe, tired, damaged spikes.
00:44:44
Speaker
At the same time, the thundercows begin and, uh, Marge is concerned that the dress might get wet. Lisa's more concerned that the sceptre might act as a lightning conductor unless it's made of plastic. We then see the flash of lightning and Stevie and Bargo as an open medal. In front of the house, we see that Lisa is now being sworn in as the new with a Miss Springfield, who could have seen that coming. At the same time... Do you know, I'm beginning to get a weird picture about whoever was the lead writer of this episode, and I'm gonna make a guess that this sad poor little nerd was rejected by a pageant girl at some point in his life. I think there's another scene that might bite the border. Then decide to, uh, yeah, like, maybe get his petty little incel revenge.
00:45:30
Speaker
but not shots coming
00:45:34
Speaker
as the As one of the reporters asked what Amber's condition is, Dr. Hippog reveals that she's already one of the most intensive care providers, so it can't be that bad. Yeah, she's doing alright. The smoking tiara is put on Lisa's head. Still smoking, yeah, it's that fast. Chrisley then plays a game of keep away with the scepter. Unfortunately he gets struck by lightning. and I deserved that. We then cut to Lisa opening a wax figure of herself as Bart points out that that's not Lisa's body. These kind of reveals that it actually used to belong to Dr. Ruth, whose head is now in the pike of the ah Chamber of Horrors alongside Mr. T and Ronald Reagan. Why? What is this? Why?
00:46:14
Speaker
I don't know who Dr. Ruth is. I don't know. I feel like, yeah, we've got a Dr. Ruth, I don't know how to spell it. Oh, that's why I was a fucking guy. Dr. Ruth died July 12th this year. I'd say, Doctor, is it the one that was on the Supreme Court? German and American sex therapist and torture host. This is an episode of our ten-year-old patsy-patsy girls. Okay, that can't be the same person. No, I'm looking at a picture of her. This is who it is.
00:46:40
Speaker
ah Corolla Ruth Westheimer, better known as Dr. Ruth. Oh, okay. Simpsons writers, what the actual balls? speaking of them comfortably horny lisa walks past some uh being boys as uh yeah we get some more of uh ralph being incredibly horny but this was one man like her at least this time he's got the the right voice yeah he does sound like ralph today i don't think i really want to hear the word very regularly ever come to work out yeah i hate this episode man don't go to lisa or the dots thinking that she's welcoming some immigrants to america but chief william corrected to say they're actually being deported okay yeah i
00:47:20
Speaker
We're then cut to Bob Hope, who is doing a show for the troops. He asks what the mayor's name is, and he gets Mayor Quimby. And apparently that's good for his act, which is just about Mayor Quimby carefully golf. Bob Hope being portrayed in his Vietnam War era. In fact, at the time of recording, he was at the time he was then 89 years old. ah dan I believe Bob Hope was acting well into his own kids. He died aged 100 in 2003. Good on you, Bob.
00:47:51
Speaker
Good innings. You beat James O Jones. Well, thanks once they show the troops what they're fighting for, if there had been a war on, and introduces Lisa. And they show them a child? Yeah. The troops, the troops were enraged because they thought they were getting Miss Springfield and not little Miss Springfield. To be fair, at least these guys weren't horny. At least the troops. At least the troops act appropriately. Yeah.
00:48:15
Speaker
Our ride begins and Lisa gets into the hescope into the helicopter as the Bob Hope hangs on to the side, requesting to be dropped off at the boat show. We don't see that Lisa is prepping for the Little Miss Springfield float in which she learns that she'll be riding a pack of cigarettes.
00:48:30
Speaker
Jack Larson explains this as ah it's been an unlucky year for but but for the brand because a lot of people who smoke the product have been dying and they need to have a newer younger mascot because Menful Moose needs to be retired as Menful Moose is pretty much hacking up his lungs. And he shows her one of the promotional posters which says God bless mommy and daddy and Laura and me cigarettes. god yeah jesus We then see that the parade begins, and Homer is saluting some men in uniform. Marge points out the ice cream men in the house in full and Lisa is waving to the crowd as the moose is throwing out to packs of cigarettes, and Lisa is horrified to see many of the children smoking, including Maggie, who picks one up to to replace a pacifier. This is enough for Lisa, who has the power to stop the float, which sends the moose swirling. Lisa then kicks down the... Just as tired of being a corporate show,
00:49:23
Speaker
And imagine the kickdown he'd stare into a novelty pack of cigarettes, which crushes the poor moose. This moose did nothing wrong, man. Well, he's a corporate shell. yeah He was giving out cigarettes to children. He was giving cigarettes to children, so yeah. Yeah, giving them... giving...
00:49:40
Speaker
giving guys is not what moose are all about true spirit of cigarettes true spirit of moose moose declares that she'll be taking on the evil society from dognapping the cigarettes and that's enough to motivate maggie to give up the habit for good day We don't get the Springfield Chopper headline of Lisa kicks butt before we go to the football stadium when Lisa apparently responsibilities to sing the national anthem, but declares that the trash she does that she finds that the college football is diverting funds away from education and the arts. We don't see a quartet of nerves. One, presumably, who wrote the episode, as Matt referred to him. Yeah, my god. This is the character insert. They also get to live out their dream of beating up a football team. Well, as the headline tells us, that does not happen. The nerds are in range to learn this and decide to run off the pitch to get the footballers. But how might footballers flee from the nerds? Which is a great visual. Yeah. Let's get out of here. Only taught by the newspaper article that appears in the next scene with the subtle headline, nerds pummeled by football team.
00:50:46
Speaker
Which is great, I love it. We then cut to a secret underground government meeting happening in which they are trying to get Lisa out of her position, but Chief Wiggum is not willing to do anything. Jack Lawson comes in with ah Lisa's application, which is for Mayor Quimby to get a bottle of champagne, and Chief Wiggum to get some dip for his chips. We then cut to Kent Bobman doing a news report about it, and revealing that Lisa has been stripped of her crown. He then says they'll cut for live footage, which turns out to just be a goat being bottle fed. Yep, as you do.
00:51:19
Speaker
came properly explains in his news report that ah basically in Lisa's application in the box that most months do not write here im wrote okay I think of this every time I see any form that says do not write in this space I just really real have real urge there to write okay yeah lia Lisa... Homer apologizes to Lisa, but Lisa asks Homer why he entered her in the first place, and Homer says because he was drunk, and Lisa says, yeah, but that's probably true. But it's revealed that Homer wanted her to feel better about herself than she does. They have a nice tender hold moment, as Kent Vaughtman meanwhile cuts to his interview with the Pope. It turns out he's still the picture, it's still the goat being bottle fed, and episode ends with Kent Vaughtman just storming out the street. Yep, call the weekend guy, I don't care. And that's your episode, Vooks.
00:52:07
Speaker
weird episode. It is a weird episode. I don't think I've ever seen an episode of Simpsons that was paced like this because it was just like boom, boom, boom. Yeah, it's breakneck and there is no reason why because like very, very few of the gags are actually funny. It was okay. That was a few, few laughs. I think it's got moments rather than being a coherently yeah great episode. That's the way I view it.
00:52:32
Speaker
I know at least one of those moments makes into most Simpsons compilations and that's almost saluting the ice cream. The ice cream man. Oh, yeah, yeah. ah my main they I mean, I guess it's a TV show as a cartoon about whatever, like maybe I shouldn't be overthinking it, but like they make such a big deal about a child beauty, ah a local child beauty pageant winner. It's like, what, why is she like making all the news? Yeah. Constantly as like news headlines and talking about her all the time. I think it's an American cultural thing. Yeah. Patents are a big thing in America. Patents are big though.
00:53:13
Speaker
I don't think they are any more, but they were massive. I dated a pageant girl for a while, and she always had a pageant to go to, so they're all they're always going on. I mean, we talk a little bit about yeah their attitudes and things, and that it's changed today, and I will note that the writer did later say, I think um the probably on the DVD commentary, I think it was a source of this,
00:53:38
Speaker
ah They probably wouldn't make this episode today. ah The view of child beauty pageants changed sort of in the mid 90s, I guess, with an incident I was unfamiliar with. ah John Bennett Ramsey was a six year old beauty pageant winner who, ah if you want a bad time, go read about what happened to her. It was not pretty.
00:54:00
Speaker
so yeah I think I'll leave that one well alone. Yeah, leave that one well alone. John Bennet Ramsey. yeah John Bennet, all one word. Capital J, capital B. Weird name. I don't know who calls their little girl John Bennet, but that that was a name. Yeah, I will read that later. I can already tell it's going to be fucking sad. Oh, it's it's pretty grim.
00:54:21
Speaker
So yeah, people not as big on beauty pageants after that, after 1996, I think it was. I like how the writer didn't say, yeah, I wouldn't make this episode again because it made me seem like a fucking creep. He said, I won't make this episode a again. He might remind people of a sad story. I don't think it's that. it's Again, it's just that views changed. In 1990, whatever did date we said this was, October 1992, people were on board with it. and like don't I don't think he's like ashamed to have written this because this was just how people saw beauty pages at the time. in yeah probably it's it's been late 90s early 2000s things and it where women who were in bikinis and sex and lads mags and it was a much more societal thing for that sort of thing to be acceptable like no I'm down for women in bikinis I'm down for lads mags whatever not with fucking children yeah leave the six-year-olds out of it you know I just think it's
00:55:18
Speaker
Beauty Patches just died to death in the same way that, you know, Ring Girls and things like that happened. It's just, society changes. Yeah, I loved when Ring Girls died out. I hated watching TV at late night and a girl with long hair would crawl out of my TV and try and kill me. I think you're confusing two things. Nah, I'm just mocking you. I'm being an arse. Alright, fair enough. Alright. Do we have any scores for this? I'm gonna give it. Ooh, mic's in. Go for it, man.
00:55:48
Speaker
I'm going to give it four nerds charging and running down the football team out of homework. It's a very amusing visual, but the reality of what happens when they catch up is somewhat disappointing. It's very true. but I'm going to give it the first drag on the 400th cigarette of the day. Pretty disappointing. Wow. I give it runner up in a beauty pageant out of homework. It is. No prize winner.
00:56:11
Speaker
Yeah, i did honestly, like this episode at points genuinely made me uncomfortable, and at other points made me laugh a little, you know? It's like so, so blessed. I was considering towards the end of this talk about giving it the Bat's Dog, but for one, I don't think my reward is Bat's Dog gets an F anymore, is it? I think I've given it to another episode.
00:56:38
Speaker
I am not keeping track of i really like that whole end of the scale, if I'm honest. We really should. Probably. But yeah. I think when Flemers fails, I may have taken... Yes, it did. Yes, it did for me, I think. I'm fairly certain, but whatever. This episode is is uncomfortable and weird, but it's not actively unfunny.
00:57:05
Speaker
I mean, it has its moments. Yeah, exactly. all It's a classic that you remember. It still it still has bits. It is dated ah atrociously, yeah but like it still gets chuckle out here. Yeah. yeah Yeah, that's the other thing as well, is trying to gauge it on the time as well, that I can imagine this probably was quite funny at the time. Whereas to me, I don't care what period of my life I'm in, Bart still gets an F, and when Flanders fails, just aren't funny. it Yeah. So. I mean, I think we talked about sort of like context of the time and humour standards when it came to when Flanders failed, and I think just people being mean probably was funnier to a lot of people in the 90s, but. It's died down since, but it's here.
00:57:47
Speaker
Uh, Nate Myers gave it 4 out of 5. Suck me, Nate. Will there any takeaways? Anything to say about society in here?
00:57:58
Speaker
I don't think it had anything to say about society, but I think it was clearly trying to say things. Like how ridiculous the childhood pageant scene is, how evil corporations will do whatever it takes to get around the rules, but I don't know if it actually did a particularly good job of conveying those points in any kind of clever or humorous manner. you know I think no we can take those things away from this episode But I don't think it was in any way eloquent about portraying those ideas. I mean, the best thing you can say about the episode is is a very good demonstration of how much Homer loves Lisa and the lengths that he went to make her feel better about herself, which he ultimately succeeded at. so yeah cuz that was one of the that was something we skipped over at the end is Homer says to Lisa will you remember this the next time I ruin your life yeah which was genuinely a great great gag I really liked it she won't remember cuz it's fucking Lisa but
00:58:55
Speaker
And also, if the next time Homer does ruin her life, which he will, because this is a recurring plot point, like, if she just turned around and said, oh, it's fine, remember last time you helped me, it wouldn't make a very good episode, so... That'd be a great bit and switch up in it, though, wouldn't it? Oh, maybe, yes yeah. Yeah, good yeah. probably nothing Like, Homer just, like, pulls out his get-out-of-jail-free card, and then Lisa's like, okay, I forgive you, and then, you know, Bart does something that launches the plot.
00:59:23
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I certainly agree that I don't think it had any specific message of its own. I just personally thought it was kind of just interesting, like as a kind of like a societal time capsule more than anything else, just to view, hey, this is what people were doing in 1992. Isn't this weird? Yes, is the answer to that question.
00:59:44
Speaker
I also feel like the bit with Homer talking about how much women love compliments is like, are you trying to say something or is this? It feels like it was trying to do something. Yeah, is it trying to make a gag on on men's perception of of women or is this just the writer's perception of women kind of thing? Yeah. Are you being clever or are you being honest?
01:00:07
Speaker
it seemed it seemed like it was trying to be a gag at men's expense but then plays it out quite earnestly when it's like oh but actually this works yeah so it's kind of like difficult to read that one i think i think the truth lies in the middle on that one i mean the obviousness of the lines they used that's uh No, I think you're right. I think it it for one, it's a, again, we're still in this early period of Simpsons where they are still cribbing from older sitcoms. And this was a gag in sitcoms. It's still a gag in sitcoms of, oh, just say a compliment to a woman and they'll, you know, they'll feel better. So I think it is just an example another example of Simpsons doing that and playing it for laughs in in its own Simpsons way. Like obviously Bart saying, do you know anything else about women? And he just says, no. Nope.
01:00:58
Speaker
yeah so they still added their simpson spin to it but yeah the actual tool like it's one of those jokes that like feels weird once you think about it all right are we ready to get spooky spooky right so folks we're doing better at this uh we're only a month outside of when the actual halloween takes place and well one day above what would have been friday the 13th which would have been perfect to record this on Oh yeah. ah Well, if we can rattle through an entire season in the next month, it'll be great. Yeah, no. It's no happening, guys. Treehouse or re we and they said on october the twenty nine ninety ninety two when stop calling them tree house of Horror. Because this episode opens as Simpsons Halloween Special.
01:01:48
Speaker
You mean the actual titles in the episode itself? I don't know. Yeah, when they start calling it Treehouse of Horror because the episode is listed as Treehouse of Horror 3 but at the opening title cards it says Simpsons Halloween Special.
01:02:02
Speaker
i feel like they I feel like they keep that for a long time. I don't think it ever starts being called Treehouse of Horror in the episode. But does that mean they've like for a while they've retroactively renamed the episodes or they just called it Treehouse of Horror on the episode and then in the episode called it Halloween Special? That's really odd either way.
01:02:22
Speaker
I think they were calling it treehouse for even quite early on. And yeah, no, we I think it was just was a bit weird. I don't know why they did that. I think it's because the first one took place in the treehouse. I guess so on this day, on this day in October 29 1992.
01:02:44
Speaker
And that's that. Alright. Literally, I have nothing on this website. I have a French NBA but basketball player's birthday. That's the only thing that they've given me. Oh, well, congratulations to him for having a birthday. Happy birthday, Evan Freidier, even though it is not your birthday. Happy birthday, Evan Freidier. This one's to you. Cheers. US number one is still fucking voiced to men. I mean, it's going to be voiced to men for a while, I bet. It's fucking voiced to men.
01:03:12
Speaker
but Oh god. Just quickly googling to see how long that stayed in the shorts. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't spoil it for yourself. Oh no, I've spoiled it for myself. oh I think that's the end of this segment. I'm saying nothing.
01:03:33
Speaker
Okay, so the episode begins with Alfred Hitchcock's silhouette, and Homer, of course, walks into that. And Homer declares that he's been sent by the network to give the warning that this show might be scary, and he says that there's been a couple of complaints, mostly from religious types. I like how, yeah, it's it's like Homer talking at Marge's expense.
01:03:57
Speaker
and Homer says that if you're going to be offended you might as well turn the TV off. He then dares the audience to do that by making chicken noises and the TV does officially turn itself off and we just hear Marge's voice in the background saying, Homer did you call everyone a chicken? No. And Homer declares that he did not do that as he swears on the Bible. Marge points out that it's a cop the book of carpet samples and Homer's happy because it's fuzzy. They really didn't know where to go with this. That was such a weekend try already was.
01:04:24
Speaker
Fuzzy. We don't know, it cuts to the Halloween intro and we get to see a couple of ah gravestones, my personal favourite being an American workmanship. Yeah. I think it's still crumbling. Yeah, there was ah Drexel's class, which I tried to figure out what on earth that was because I'm aware of Drexel being the name of a university, but like, I'm still coming up blank on that one. I still so appreciate the I'm with stupid. Yeah. yeah My favourite thing about the opening credits was Bat Grenning.
01:04:54
Speaker
yes yeah they changed all of the uh still doing the names yeah the names only talked by only talked by his one in the uh television which was matt merchandising running that's so good the character is the family of skeletons by the way yep so the flimsy holding together of the plot here is is the kind we a whole star of marj's of the trend of like when marj is like dead or a skeleton having the like lightning bolt in her hair like frankenstein's bride Maybe? I don't know if we've seen it before so it could be, yeah. yeah the family are hosting halloween costume body and ho but descends the stairs when his toga declaring he caesar and we will the him in all his glory is a realpe catches on an nail empathy homer and his me on these know lord It is little piglet.
01:05:42
Speaker
the is ah After Homer's laughed and we see that Nelson is dressed like a pirate as Martin is doing a lovely little dance around him. The muse of her but but poetry. Nelson's not impressed and gives Martin a good old punch to the gut. Guys, get it? Martin's gay. is it Do you get it? Isn't it funny when he does things that are not masculine? Isn't that fucking funny to you? Laugh at the gay boy! 1992. Eh.
01:06:08
Speaker
but I'd say that Bart's got a Clockwork Orange thing going on and wishing that they were trick or treating. But Mark has a new plan which is... like I will say one thing about Bart. When Bart gets to 18, his favourite film would be something like Clockwork Orange. And I'm goingnna i'm gonna speak to as someone who went to fucking college and university with twats like this. If your favourite film, your favourite film,
01:06:31
Speaker
is things like Clockwork Orange, or literally anything by Tarantino, re-evaluate your taste and life. Fucking go outside, touch grass, meet someone that you're attracted to, and talk to them. With words. Probably not about Clockwork Orange, though. Not about Clockwork Orange, you sad, lonely fuck. Matt, the big fan of Quentin Tarantino and Stanley Kubrick. Stanley Kubrick's great. Tarantino is a hack. He did Clockwork Orange. Yes, I know.
01:07:03
Speaker
I have no problem with the film, I have no problem with the fans of the film. Moving on, Simpsons. We don't see that the lights go off and Marge is doing the old witch, which is body parts, which include grapes for eyes, spaghetti for hair. Yeah, normally you don't pass them around, you have them put their hands in the bowl. Yeah, so my little perplex is the way Marge thought that the pork chop was going to pass as a brain. Yeah, that seemed like poor effort. Kids don't know what a brain feels like.
01:07:34
Speaker
but not a pork chop. Unfortunately the items have not made their way down on the couch and as the lights turn on we see that Homer is actually just eating. He justifies it because it was he it was an evil game. Yeah he's protecting the kids from this satanic ritual.
01:07:48
Speaker
Absolutely. I might ask if anyone knows the ghost story as a new party thing, and Lisa steps forward that she's got one about a boy and a doll. Elmo declares that's not scary, and Lisa reveals it's a doll from hell. As Elmo says, he's about to go to the store and wins a last maniacal. We then begin the first of our Halloween stories, which is Clown Without Pity.
01:08:07
Speaker
We don't see that grandpa has been given ah bought a big box of money for his birthday and grandpa reveals they get it from the government and he hasn't done anything to earn it but if they miss a payment he'll get it. I don't need it, I haven't earned it and but if they miss one single ah payment ill see help I'll raise hell. yeah but realizes that he doesn't have a present from Homer, and Homer admits that he didn't get him one. But Homer then declares on his path as grave, which you'll find as your own father. And Bethy will go and buy one. And, uh, Homer rushes off. He doesn't go to the toy store, however. He goes to the house of evil. As you do. We then meet the very old Asian stereotype owner, who I think was in Gremlins.
01:08:48
Speaker
Uh, that I think is literally the reference. Yeah, it's a gremlin reference. Who, uh, points out that, uh, he sells lots of forbidden items, which means fear, then tells him that he also sells frozen yogurt. So Mark says that he's looking for a birthday present. We then see his hand, uh, go through a box of interesting items before he sells on the Christie doll.
01:09:06
Speaker
I'm surprised they didn't show a monkey's paw there just for the gag. Yeah, the opportunity was missed. The owner then gives home of the doll, but tells him it carries a terrible curse. No one points out that they're bad, but the owner then points out that he comes with a free froghurt. That's good. The owner then declares that the froghurt is cursed. That's bad. But he gets a choice of topping. That's get good. The toppings unfortunately contain potassium benzoic.
01:09:32
Speaker
that's bad that's bad that's not bad her but but just just a preservative it's fine it's not bad um then meekly asks if you but can i yeah We don't see that Millhouse is playing Pin the Tail on a Donkey before he gets absolutely whammed by over opening the door. but He probably deserved it. Bart opens the present to see that the crusty doll that declares it loves him very much. Bart is very happy with his present, but Grandpa in the background declares that the doll is evil. It's really weird that the doll focuses on Homer. Why isn't this a story about Bart being chased by a doll?
01:10:11
Speaker
I think it's because Homer bought it, it would be my gift. I guess so, but... And Grandpa declares that the doll is evil, and then Marge points out he said that about every other present, and Grandpa just says he wanted attention. I just wanted attention! Ip Simpson, the goat of Simpsons. We don't see that so Homer is watching ah the TV, and Ken Bronman declares that scientists haven't discovered that Springfield's area is now only dangerous to children and the elderly. She's good news for Homer.
01:10:36
Speaker
Homer then pulls the doll's string and Christie the clown declares that he does not like Homer. Homer does a chuckle out of it until the doll then declares that he hates him and he's going to kill him. Homer then notes that he didn't actually pull the string on that one. Eventually the doll then declares that he's going to kill him and then actually points at Homer and names him by the door. Homer is terrified and throws the doll across the room and then says, what are you going to do about it? The doll appears holding a very large butcher's knife. She comes at him with a knife, man. Steak knife.
01:11:05
Speaker
As Homer screams and the family come back in, Homer in tears points to the doll, saying it's trying to kill him, but the doll is now just standing there motionless. But, responds to this, to be glad that the pressure may have finally got to dad, but says what pressure? But, one day, you're gonna know, you're gonna gain self-awareness, and it's gonna suck balls. So Homer, pleased for the family to come back, the doll starts advancing on Homer menacingly, until it needs the ah string pulling, and Homer does this as the doll continues its laugh.
01:11:34
Speaker
we're going to cook to Homer in the bath so obviously this the doll gave him a bit of a break what's the song he's singing my bologna my bologna i think it's an american jingle but i don't here's a jingle for Oscar Meyer all right fair enough Which, I mean, I'm familiar from a later episode with the Hot Dog song, but I'm not familiar with this one. Yes. Rainier Wolf Castle, though yes. As Homer is singing his song, the doll emerges out of the bath holding a harpoon. Homer is forced to flee, and runs through the kitchen naked, which Pye declares that's the end of her heterosexuality.
01:12:12
Speaker
there goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexual that was the biggest laugh of the episode for me that one yeah that one got me we've got but he does actually come of the other side you're you're allowed to say gay or lesbian i was trying to think of the best way to phrase it lesbian is the best way to phrase it yes yeah but i mean like ah this is that this is i guess the first time it has been explicitly noted that she's a lesbian yeah yeah she never dates any of a male one yeah there's been a lot of nods and sort of gossip and talk about it occasional maybe not a lot but like this first time ah basically she said oh yeah i'm not heterosexual anymore i'm a lesbian even if this is non a non canon episode
01:12:57
Speaker
Yeah, i think I think one of the things with the Krusty doll is there were so many opportunities for puns and silly gags with Krusty that it just didn't do. Like, Krusty coming out with the harpoon and not saying, I'm going whale hunting or something like that. It's just, you know, missed a shot there, guys. And I think they're sort of implied as a visual gag anyway, is that he's using a harpoon to hunt the whale because it's Homer. I think he's supposed to join the dots. Yeah, but Americans are watching this. Yeah, fair enough.
01:13:26
Speaker
Unfortunately, you've got to get to more important things in, like Christie trying to hit on the Malibu Stacey doll. Yep. So weird. At the same time, Homer sneaks up on it with his ah bag and throws it into a bag full of his socks. Christie declares this will not defeat him until the stench of the socks presumably overpowers him. Yeah, he's like, do you think your sweaty socks can beat me? Although they are making me very dizzy.
01:13:47
Speaker
ah Elmer puts this bag in a suitcase and chains it with a surprisingly impressive Loxman's ship skills. He then throws it down the end into a bottomless pit. A convenient Springfield bottomless pit. So, question. He throws it down this convenient bottomless pit, but what he does, it makes a noise. Why would it make a noise if the pit is bottomless? Because he got out.
01:14:13
Speaker
Oh! Dude, you're a fucking genius! Thank you. We then start to see that the gangster throws a body back in. That's Vito. And another man walks in and declares he was a fool for thinking people would want nude photos of Whoopi Goldberg. Even the pit doesn't want them. Whoopi Goldberg, incredible actress. No interest in seeing a naked. I'm good on that. I wish he was. I think the Daily Mail would be interested.
01:14:41
Speaker
and taylor felt would be interested in anyone naked exactly and nija perro you have no one ah that's mine do not please to make anybody think about Nigel Farage naked that can't be true actually no given that Russia's funneling and stupid the Daily Mail will amounts of money into all the far be interested in right of politics yeah that's anyone naked. Exactly. probably true
01:15:12
Speaker
ye Homer arrives in a triumph at home. Unfortunately, the doll is hanging onto the other side of his car, having gone out of the pit. It then jumps onto his first face, declaring, guess who, frat boy? Let's see Homer bounces around the thing as the mortgage friend gets to see the doll's evil throw of her own eyes. This ends up with Homer in the kitchen saying that the doll's trying to kill him and the toaster's been laughing at him. The toaster's been laughing at me! As the doll is now trying to drown Homer in the dog water bowl. Ooh, dark water.
01:15:43
Speaker
Marge calls the number on the box, which is 1900 don't sue, and declares that the doll is trying to kill her husband. This leads to Marge being put on the hold. Next day, the custody repairman comes and we see that the doll is trying to rip out Homer's tongue. The repairman quickly works out that Homer is just, the doll has just been set to evil. Ah yes, I see your problem. Somebody set this to evil.
01:16:10
Speaker
Or an adult immediately reconciled, and there we see the next scene, the Kristy doll is pretty much Homer's slave at this point. He also been taking the dog for a walk, even though he's been buried a couple of times. Yeah, dogs like to bury old junk.
01:16:26
Speaker
yaca And then he goes home to his dollhouse. I also realise that this doll's size is inconsistent, in terms of how tall he is. Because at one point he's about as tall as a coffee table, and then at another point he's small enough to fit in a Malibu Stacey house.
01:16:45
Speaker
yeah ah As Christie comes home to declare that it's been a horrible day, as Homer made him give him a sponge bath. But it's all worthwhile to come home to the door, which head falls off when Christie attempts to kiss it, but he puts it back on and we get a nice little... ending. Yeah, once one out of three. Yeah, it's ah it was interesting.
01:17:06
Speaker
We then go to the next sort back to the family party and Homer's just doing his own ghost story, which he buggers completely up. yeah He's forgetting all the details. He forgot to mention that the wife is dead and that she also hit him with a golf club and in fact he'd been bowling.
01:17:28
Speaker
Grandpa has had enough of this and declares that he's cocked up the scariest stuff, but then asks Grandpa if he must know a story as he's lived an interesting life, Grandpa spots this here. But he has scenes that i have seen some movies. And we begin our next story which is King Homer. And a black and white story. Yeah.
01:17:50
Speaker
We see Mr. Burns and Smithers standing on the dock as ah Marge approaches to answer their ad, which was a single white femur wanted for mysterious expedition, most like Monkey's non-smoker preferred. Burns is happy because this is an awkward change of pace from these sailors that are just going argh behind them.
01:18:06
Speaker
ah heart He doesn't ask smears what he thinks of smears, he thinks women's semen don't mix. all yeah Burns replies, we know what you think. We then cut to the boat and we see that Marge is sunbathing and being looked at by a... Sorry, I just want to point out, ah well, I say I want to point out, I want to ask the question. That's an obvious gay joke, right? I'm not just a waltz. Okay, cool. Right, okay. I thought it was just my horrible mind, but yeah. Okay, cool. but Moving on. The crew starts discussing the fact that they're going to Ape Island and
01:18:37
Speaker
capture a giant ape. I can't wish they could go to Candy Apple Island and here a guy asks. What do I have there? Apes, but not so big. What? Is it a weird bunny slide? We don't hear the chanting from the island natives of Homer Otto I guess is the master captain in all of this asks who this Homer thing is and uh burns the clothes he's either a 50 foot prehistoric ape or a tourist truck.
01:19:06
Speaker
Yeah. Marge has to say he's going ashore with them and Burns declares that they are because they couldn't go without the bait but he catches himself and after about a minute eventually he settles on bathing beauty and then laughs to himself that he couldn't go without the bait. We don't see that they're now on the island and Burns tells them to act inconspicuous and fortunately Marge's hair is very clearly visible over the grass.
01:19:29
Speaker
then we get some very culturally sensitive ah fake lingo right there. Yeah, look this up. This is weird. Is this the correct translation? of mozi taps It is not a translation of anything.
01:19:43
Speaker
ah mercy tattoooo uh was a football player which i guess is kind of like the fake language is a football player i guess if you're watching if you're watching american football in the early 90s you might know this player and you'd be like haha i get it because it's a football player but also it He's a Samoan player, so they're just using a Samoan's name as, like, the fake language, which still feels pretty bad to me, if I'm honest. Yeah, it's not great. Well, the translation of what this was supposed to be is that the blue-haired woman will make a good sacrifice. Which is accurate. Well, just what he's saying in Burns' response was, we wouldn't dream of sacrificing you.
01:20:20
Speaker
I'll just reassure her for all the two seconds before she's grabbed. We don't see marches in the traditional King Kong outfit of sacrificial lamb. Yeah, this is a pretty good. This is pretty accurate like rendition movement wise and costume wise of the ah original Jeff Bridges, what I say original, and the early black and white King Kong film. Yeah, so well done to them there.
01:20:43
Speaker
as marsh screams the gong is played for to summon king homo who was currently fighting a dinosaur which is not resolved there's never ever goes and we never see this dinosaur again and that's the thing that bugs me most here he's like the dinosaur bites him and that's it like dinosaur gone now as the home i had him in a headlock
01:21:04
Speaker
It's a very stupid scene. We then see that Oma comes to visit the scene and we see his giant face looking down at Marge as Marge is screaming, as a Burns declares to Smirrors that the plan is that if they get him alive, they can put him on Broadway. If they get him dead, there'll be monkey stew for the army. I mean, you know, yeah, what are you gonna do with a hundred-foot gorilla corpse?
01:21:24
Speaker
Then see that Homer is very attracted to Marge, and he's playing with her hair, and Marge is into it. Burns then sends his men to attacking Homer, declaring, don't kill it, shoot it around the groin. Shoot it around the groin or belly.
01:21:36
Speaker
this drives King Homer very upset and he starts trying to eat Lenny who pops out of Homer's mouth to say to ask him very politely to stop eating. Hey, cut it out Homer. It's so strange. It's as if it feels more like Homer's telling this story and that in the real world he's like actually biting Lenny to elicit his point that he's eating Lenny. So in the real world Lenny's like cut it out Homer.
01:22:00
Speaker
but no because obviously grandpa simpson aims simpson's telling this story so i don't know what the fuck is going on lenny just decides i'm not gonna get eaten i'm gonna complain that's just silly yeah it's a bad decision from money because he gets shot in the arm back all day gets eaten anyways we don't see the burns has had enough of this and decides to throw a gas bomb unfortunately he throws it feebly about a foot away from him and it goes off in his face i don't know why i didn't see that coming As Burns is strolling through the gas one day, he smoothly throws his own gas gun. I was strolling through the gas one day. Why does it bring down a hundred-foot gorilla, but it doesn't bring down Mr. Burns? Yeah, like, it has wildly different physiological effects. Like, it's knockout gas to the gorilla, and but it just gets high on it. It's gayness gas. Gayness Gayness gas to ah Mr. Burns. I would love a jar of gayness gas. I don't know what it is, but it sounds riveting.
01:22:55
Speaker
I don't see Burns prays Smithers and declares that he'll get a raise when they get back. Unfortunately, King Homer eats Smithers while he's still sleeping. Burns just goes, oh. This was so weirdly animated. Because genuinely, if you blink, you'll miss it and just think Smithers is gone. I don't see that Homer has been chained and he's been brought to Broadway with the chubbiest kick line in town. Yeah, just probably, I think, hands down, the most random fat joke I've ever seen.
01:23:22
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. I assume the, I didn't look it up, I assumed the ladies doing the dance with the kicks is what you'd call a kick line. I've not heard the expression before. Yeah, it's basically just a line of women that sort of do like a high kick dance sort of thing.
01:23:38
Speaker
But also, like, those women were not that chubby, so, you know. They look quite, uh, okay. They're pretty normal. Just, seriously, like, the most random fat joke ever. Like, I am not a per- You know, I like to think of myself as a progressive person, but I also like to think of myself as a reasonable defender of old-school comedy. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with a well-timed fat joke, or even a well-timed gay joke.
01:24:03
Speaker
all But you know anything that pushes those boundaries, but they have to be earned and they have to be well-timed This isn't earned all well-timed. It's just complete. It's not even funny. It's random he just beat Because again, it's another blink and you miss it thing. It's just BT dubs fat people Yep. What? Her father asked Mr. Burns what kind of show he's got, and Burns just declares that the ape is going to stand around for three hours, and then they'll have some epic comedy of Dooman and Dirtschwitz. Fair enough. Burns comes out and declares that Homer and his native land was the king, but now he's in a chain for their amusement, and Homer is presented, and Barney is very- Wow! Look at that platform!
01:24:45
Speaker
Barney's impression aside, the flashy photography begins, and Marge thinks that they're making him angry, and the reporter goes, oh, what's he gonna do when I'm walking downtown Springfield? Guess what happens? Homer breaks his bonds, and we don't get a bizarre little shot of the reporter screaming before he gets crushed. Barney then asks ah Homer if he'd like a peanut, and Homer takes the entire bag as Barney starts to kick. I said one kick, kick.
01:25:09
Speaker
Impressively, nothing happens to Burn. I was sure he was going to get eaten, but like he just wanders off. Then he starts walking through the city, and he crashes through the wall of the Injurning Theatre, where we see that Shirley Temple is performing. Oh man, briefly he enjoys the show before he eats. And we cut to Mr. Burns in his suite, thinking that the reviews are going to be quite bad. Yeah, how did Martin and Mr. Burns get all the way there that quickly?
01:25:34
Speaker
I'm not quite sure. Don't worry about it. Don't worry, but don't question it. Oh, she then sees Homer at the window and cheerfully greets him as a Homer reaches in and pulls her out. We then begin the King Kong famous moment of scaling the building. Unfortunately, we see that this progress is not- Homer is very out of shape. This progress does not go particularly well for Homer, including the planes having to set- go back to refuel. Better refuel.
01:25:56
Speaker
We don't see that Homer finally, after Marge gives Homer the advice that maybe he should stop eating people and have more vegetables, he points Marge down there and falls off the building which is not that far a drop. Yeah, is made it's like the foot third story at best. Marge declares that he's not dead, but to Burns declares that his career is as he compares him to Algernon. He's just hormone whining!
01:26:17
Speaker
I was not familiar with Al Jolson, but I'm guessing this is a Mr. Burns is old joke but because this was also was the first one of the first silent film stars. His career was ruined the minute he started talking because he had a horrible voice for it. All right. He is apparently, according to Wikipedia, referred to as the king of blackface performers. Oh, excellent. Yeah. ah He died in 1950. So yeah, this is a Mr. Burns is old joke.
01:26:47
Speaker
I wanna say it. Controversial opinion. Blackface? Kind of out of vogue. Is it? I know. I know. I'm blowing your minds here. Oh no. My one man joke. But it does seem like the sort of thing Mr Burns might be into. It does seem like something Mr Burns would be into. I'll just declare that she'll take care of Homer and we don't get the headline of woman weds ape. We don't get to the- Better than marrying a Bigfoot? Question?
01:27:15
Speaker
We see that they're in the church and we see one of the wedding parties ask one of the guests which side of the family is with. It's clearly a monkey so we know one of the guests where he went. We learn there for the wedding photos and as the photographer implores for them to stop cleaning each other, we then see that Marge's mother is horrified that she can't find her father and we just see a leg sticking out of Homer's mouth and Marge is not particularly horrified but just goes, oh you.
01:27:41
Speaker
yeah i i was I was disappointed at that we didn't get to see Marge's dad, because we've talked about Marge's dad before, and he was a CHAT! Yeah, I think it was a clever way to and avoid having to, like, involve him again. He's canonically just not around pretty much most of the time. We then get cut back to the family party, and Marge brings out a bowl of fresh fruit that that she's giving instead of the candy, instead of it around her boobs and getting a mash tray thrown at her. Fruit is nature's candy! It really isn't.
01:28:08
Speaker
and at that moment the door opens and we see a headless head coming in with blood pumping out everyone is horrified and uh let's find this reveal that's scared diddly dare you we don't see that he did scare ape or someone seems to be dying it's not really an attack Bart says that's a nice attempt to scare them but he's got a story still scary everyone will wet their pants too late ape declares too late and uh we begin our first story dial z for zombies yeah i don't uh that that title has nothing to do with the rest of the ba episode
01:28:42
Speaker
but we'll get for We then see that our boy is giving his book report, which is baby's first pop book and you see from A to apple and Z to zebra. This is for proper credibility. That's part that he read a book intended for preschools, but was most of it is in order to read another book. And we see parts in the library. He's got the, where's Waldo book? And he's not trying. anyone could Find Waldo yet again is the book. Yeah, but guys, guys,
01:29:12
Speaker
No one asks, how was Waldo? Checking on your chaps. Checking on your Waldo's. I don't know if this is the court's option that he's never noticed before. And we don't see him going taking the candle from the human skull. Did anyone else notice that every section and row was labeled 666? I did not. That must be held to organize. Where did this book come from? ah Section 666?
01:29:35
Speaker
i yeah By contrast, actually, it's probably pretty easy to organize because you can just put it anywhere and it's right. It's true! The books seem to have a life of their own, so I guess you don't have to put them anywhere, as the book flies and hits the part at the back of the head. It's true. Well, we realize that the book is the time-life book of magic and spells of Volume 2. We then see that several prohibitions are appearing from the books, going...
01:30:02
Speaker
but it's cool and thumbs the book short which the so i but then ah cut to borton in lisa's ruours ah lisa iss grieving over a picture of snowball one um bart is going through the general rules of zombies No one has mentioned Snowball 1 since episode 1. I'm fairly certain. and Has anyone ever mentioned the mayor's brother Clovis before or since either? No, I don't think so. I don't i don't think he's ever appeared in the show. What's that? I don't think so. Wiggum isn't Mayor Wiggum. No, please do. Mayor Quimby. Mayor Quimby. I'm going to check the wiki to see if we've got a Clovis Quimby. Relations, Mistress, niece, brother, Clovis Quimby.
01:30:43
Speaker
Uh, it was apparently mentioned only once. And it's mentioned in the video games. It is a yay. You referenced in the Simpsons tapped it out, to yeah. It must have existed. Man, do you know, you always want to be the guy that discovers something a wiki hasn't covered. I thought Clovis Quimby would be it. If if if if they've got Clovis Quimby, they've got everything.
01:31:06
Speaker
Bart then offers to go for the book and find a spell that will bring a snowball back from the dead. He goes through several of the options which include selling a soul in a buyer's market and getting a skeleton to the whitest. You can then see that Bart has got the spell that leads to some insane laughing and then a quick jaunt to the pet cemetery. You can then see that Bart is in his Black Cape and Michael Jackson album as his hat. I guess why not. As Lisa is staring at the grave anxiously, as Barta begins saying his nonsense, which includes the word Walmart in Quebec. Yeah, I could not join the dots on these. I did not know what this was about.
01:31:44
Speaker
Colin Rayburn, Naz Trebek, Zabar... I don't even know how to pronounce that. Kresge... Kresge, Kaldor, Wal-Mart is the incantation. Several of those are presenters of New Englanders, I know that much. Yeah, because Alex Trebek is a presenter, but i don't I don't get why those names would be... Yeah, I don't i don't get why those names would be an incantation. So I'm guessing it's some so absurd Americanism.
01:32:13
Speaker
As a note, the gravestones in the pet cemetery have got a cute little reference on that there, which is there's Fish Police, Capitol Critters, and Family Dog are on the gravestones, which were all short-lived animated series that were trying to like cash in on the Simpsons success. So someone was like, ah, animated series is doing quite well. Let's do our own thing. Ouch, getting called out by Treehouse of Horrors. Yeah, I don't think any of those lasted more than one season. It's all right, though, because now we've got Big Mouth.
01:32:43
Speaker
a No one cheered. Well I say that, have any of you have any of you watched Big Mouth? I'm aware of it. yeah mean i i that Now that it's gone on so long, I'm kind of curious, but at the same time,
01:32:58
Speaker
puberty jokes really aren't my bag so I don't think I'm gonna watch it gotta be honest guys how long has it oh seven series wow yeah it's still going how long are these kids going through puberty although their seasons are a lot shorter than Simpson's season so
01:33:18
Speaker
He sort of realises to a horror that both has casted a long spell and the zombies are rising. But corrector says that zombies prefer the word living in bed. That's a Casper reference. I got that reference. Oh, okay. ah Ha ha ha ha. We've got two groundskeeper Willy tending to the wild bed in the foot of the school declaring it pretty as a picture. Some zombies pop out and Willy is horrified. Ah, zombies. But immediately goes back to repair the damage. Yep. They've no interest in Willy. They only want brains.
01:33:46
Speaker
The kids flee and the zombies are one going around town. That's a cock joke for you listeners. We don't see that the kids are fleeing as the zombies are one going around town and end up at Ned Flanders' house who enthusiastically greets them. Including two dogs. We thought it was dead and then we just get the classic outside shot at the Flanders' house as Ned screams in horror. The kids get back home and they try to tell them they've done something bad. Almost immediate question is did they wreck the car? And the kids no say no. And now we're asked if they raised the debt and the kids confirm they did.
01:34:16
Speaker
But the car's okay? Yes, it is. Homer is relieved. Alright then. I love Homer's priorities. It's another one of those like Barney jokes of Homer having just bizarre priorities. It's never the biggest joke of the episode, but it's always a laugh.
01:34:35
Speaker
We then have get a nice little cut to the school where Principal Skinner is now a zombie and wants Martin Vince to report to his office to bring his big juicy brain. big doicy and some just club brain And we get some lovely slip smacking.
01:34:49
Speaker
Yeah, Martin just accepts it. We don't also cut to Christie the Clown was in front of a giant present before it opens to reveal Sideshow's mouth as the zombie who pulls him in. like technical We get the technical difficulties thing of the camera man that's clearly drunk. And we come back to a zombie Christine biting kids to send them their parents brains, alright, parents brain on a card.
01:35:14
Speaker
It's right. Write parents brains on this card and mail it to P.O. Box. We don't see that the family have been barricading the windows, and Mark just home with his barricade at the door. Homer asks, why? No, why? the oh the yeah but That particular moment at the door bursts open, and the family scream. But Homer unselfishly puts himself in front of them and says, spare my family and take me as the family fleet. The zombies begin to inspect Homer, including tapping on his skull. But there's no brains to be found. No brains to walk off going, bro.
01:35:48
Speaker
Then see that the family are upstairs and the Buzz Bartlett laments that he fought raising babbling in the back out would be good for a chuckle, but he realizes he was wrong. Lisa works out that there may be another book in the ah library that might reverse the spell. We then see Hobo cock a shotgun and declare that they're going to the book depository. Good old JFK joke there.
01:36:07
Speaker
Oh, is that what that is? I didn't fucking get it. Yeah. Well, Homer wielding the shotgun is a Terminator thing, which, check out a different podcast of things about Terminator. Yeah. Don't know which podcast, just another one. to Any other podcast probably talks about Terminator. At some point, someone will talk about Terminator if you listen to enough Spotify podcasts. We see that the family are outside to the car, and then we see that Zombie Flanders is approaching Homer, asking if he can join his ear. Homer immediately shoots him with a shotgun, but declares, you killed the Zombie Flanders, and Homer's response to this is, he was a zombie. He was a zombie?
01:36:39
Speaker
it's stupid it's crazy it's brilliant yep we don't see that the family are listening to the radio and it's a all-zombie radio hazy ambi all zombie radio we don't get the uh hanging code or sir oh the obligatory yeah yeah aliens i still declare that the human race will fold just like the plums that they saw in the observer scope and they both laugh evil okay sure why not yeah well it's cool Skinner's head is being treated by a football by the bullies as the number goes into the school. He begins mowing people down when he shot them and sees that Bonnie's chomping down on their own. It's really weird that they can show the horrific violence of Itchy and Scratchy, but not Homer shooting zombies. Yeah. What's cartoon violence in Itchy and Scratchy? Well, yes yeah, it's, you know, yeah, I get it. Itchy and Scratchy's a cartoon, so it's different. Yeah, no, I get it. No, that's fair. That's fair.
01:37:31
Speaker
I tell him I'm always horrified to ask Barney if not him too, but Barney declares he's not a zombie, but... went He went in, bro! He might as well just... He then points out that George Washington's coming, and I'm a waste He then wastes the zombie Einstein and takes out a zombie Shakespeare. Zombie Shakespeare even gets a moment to declare it. Is this the end of zombie Shakespeare?
01:37:52
Speaker
spoiler alert it is yep then see that Bart and Lisa have made it to the occult section and Bart reads out the wrong spell which turns Lisa into a snail when the Lisa asks what's wrong but Bart declares that he just hasn't noticed what a beautiful young woman she's become he then does this he does does the correct spell when Lisa turns back and we see some lovely blue very right to go out and say it's a zombie stick it also says another bunch of random names yep still don't get it bo Trojan Ramses Magnum Sheeps. The zombies very casually and without much process just go back into their graves. Which includes a nice talk of Seawind Hell and still pushing that boulder. yep Love a Sisyphus reference. Two John Smiths also have an argument about which grave it is. As Mayor Quimby addresses the crowd at saying that the zombie plague is now just corpse rotting in the street. And everyone's happy about this.
01:38:44
Speaker
It's better than being attacked by zombies. Yeah, we didn't go to the end scene and Marge is happy that they didn't turn into mindless zombies and Bart points out the TV's on. We hear a foot of a man falling down. A man fell down. It's funny because TV makes people mindless zombies. Kinda does. That's your episode folks. Yep. That was spoopy. Yep. That was Three House of Horrors. Number three. Great tea week.
01:39:12
Speaker
pretty week Okay, in a sense you didn't enjoy the books. I mean, I've never made any secret of the fact that I don't particularly care for the treehouse of horrors, and this really was not, like, markedly different from the last two. You liked the fucking Raven one, you weirdo.
01:39:30
Speaker
I like the Ray. Yeah, well, I mean, that's because it's not The Simpsons. It's because it's Edgar Allan Poe. yeah it just re It was just a reading of The Raven by James L. Jones. Yeah, exactly. What's not to like about that? yeah like i right i guess i guess King Homer was OK.
01:39:49
Speaker
they're all fine they're all like perfectly serviceable but they just yeah they were it was pretty weak with a few good laughs here and there you know it wasn't my favorite one um yeah it wasn't completely unfunny you know but so personally i gave it a monkey's paw out of homo not what i asked for exactly
01:40:14
Speaker
I'm going to give it a frogett out of Homa. Is it cursed? It's not cursed, but it's got plenty of potassium benzamide on it. No! That's fine! Which could be problematic. It's fine, it's fine. There's no link between that and toxicity in humans. so Much. I go to carry a thumb one. I gave it resurrecting a dead pet out of Homa because Treehouse Horror just won't die. Eh. Yeah, sir.
01:40:43
Speaker
It's everything about society? No. Fuck no! It's non-canon, it's fucking horror nonsense. so These never do. Nah, it's just a silly goofy episode. It's just unfortunate that this time it wasn't particularly silly or goofy. Nate Myers gave it 5 out of 5. Really? Yeah, sure did. What an odd boy. What an odd boy.
01:41:07
Speaker
Apparently ah noted on the Wikipedia page as apparently a scene in 28 Days Later where one of the characters references the women and semen don't mix as being one of the best lines from The Simpsons. and do or I have seen that movie at some point. I do not remember that, but yeah, there you go. It's a good lie. would clever It's a solid lie. yeah yeah but we go that is that's two episodes of The Simpsons that I don't think moved anybody significantly I think I suppose we came from a come down of two pretty good ones last week too yeah we had some top tier home of the heretic didn't we yeah could only be downhill from that yeah
01:41:47
Speaker
ah Right, well we're on to Itchy and Scratchy the Movie and Marge gets a job next time around, so don't remember what those are. Hopefully those are better than what we've had this week. Well Itchy and Scratchy the Movie apparently is a non-canon episode, so that's interesting. What? Yeah, i I just pulled it up on the list of, um because it predicts, it's one of the ones that ah the show predicts the future. So it's like the future, so obviously none of this, none of this actually happens kind of thing.
01:42:17
Speaker
ah Okay. Well, there you go. There we go. Cool. we Find more non canon, which means it's probably nothing. Great. We've really sold people to come to join us on the next episode, aren't we? We really sell our show, don't we? We're just here for the vibes and the strange alcoholic choices. Yeah. Accurate. Accurate. Matt, you got anything to promote before we go? Nope. Fuck all. I'm not doing all of my life right now.
01:42:45
Speaker
OK, fair enough. Michael, have you got anything to prove? You can follow me on the Twitter to beat my shorts. Yeah, see, I don't even tweet anymore. That would be a funny meme or two, that would probably show up. Maruka saved this segment.
01:43:02
Speaker
but but but my beer is still available for sale on brewyork.co.uk beyond the binary a mountain IPA it's still going hasn't sold out which um make of that what you will I like fine i don't make any money from it
01:43:20
Speaker
it's clearly clearly not so doing gangbusters though unfortunately it's got to be said otherwise I don't think it'd still be there they're definitely not brewed it again I know that much it was a one-off but hang out there if you want it go check out my youtube channel at youtube dot.com forward slash button mash I did a review I watched it I liked it I covered Thirsty Souters. It's a game about skateboarding and not really dating people, but like relationships. It's fun. It's charming. It's very queer. It's pretty good. Really liked it. Good game. Good game. You should play it. Go watch my review and then go play it. Yeah. Cool. Follow me on the old Twitters at Morocco underscore B.M. That's about it. Yeah, don't fucking follow me. Leave me the fuck alone.
01:44:08
Speaker
I swear to god, guys, eventually I won't be going through some shit. Well, we're here for you until be until you're not going through some shit. Yes, we will offer you many terrible episodes of The Simpsons. Fucking eight. I'm down. We will watch as many episodes of The Simpsons as it takes to get through this. That's what I need in my personal crisis. It's just watch your fucked on a Simpsons.
01:44:39
Speaker
yeah All right, and thank you, the listener, for listening. Please keep listening and tell people about the podcast. I haven't done that in a while. Tell people about the podcast. If you know somebody who likes The Simpsons, tell people about the podcast. I occasionally promote it on Reddit. Oh, cool. Neat. I'm not very good at telling people about podcasts. So you, the listener, please tell people about the podcast in my stairs. Do my job for me. My dad does listen to our Arnold podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he thinks we're funny. OK, good. that's That's good to know. I value a third party opinion.
01:45:09
Speaker
I thought it was funny that my dad said, you guys talk a lot. I'm like, yeah, it's a fucking podcast, Dad. What are we going to do, Dad? It'd be a weird podcast if we didn't.
01:45:19
Speaker
All right. We'll see you all next time. Bye. ah yeah but Bye. Goodbye.