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EP 15: Show Up With Julia Stern
2.1k Plays2 years ago
This week we welcome Julia Stern to the mom group chat. Julia is a functional strength coach, pre/postnatal certified trainer, and former professional dancer who has taught for some of the hottest fitness brands including Rumble Boxing and Obe fitness. After having her baby girl in 2020 amidst the pandemic, she’s shifted her focus and platform to prenatal and postnatal healing and mental health. We discuss identity and career dynamics as a mother, post partum anxiety, and self care. Most excitingly we discuss Julia’s newest project to help women show up for themselves on a daily basis. It’s such a fun honest, and relatable conversation please enjoy our chat with Julia Stern.
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Transcript
Meet Julia Stern: From Teacher to Trainer
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. Hi moms. We are so excited to share our first guest interview podcast episode. And today we are starting out with a bang. This week we welcome Julia Stern to the mom group chat.
Pandemic Pivot: Supporting Moms
00:00:25
Speaker
Julia is a functional strength coach and pre and post natal certified trainer who has taught for some of the most beloved fitness brands, including rumble boxing and obey fitness.
00:00:35
Speaker
After having her baby in 2020 amidst the pandemic, she's focused her platform to supporting prenatal and postnatal healing and mental health, a topic I know we can all relate to. We discuss identity and career dynamics as a mother, postpartum anxiety, and the importance of self-care.
New Project: Women's Self-Care
00:00:53
Speaker
Her point of view on postpartum healing is so refreshing and real, you guys. She is so encouraging. Most excitingly, we discussed Julia's newest project to help women show up for themselves on a daily basis. This is such a fun, honest, and relatable conversation. Please enjoy our chat with Julia Stern. All right. Hey, Julia. We're so excited to have you in the mom group chat. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I feel so honored to be here. I'm so excited.
00:01:20
Speaker
We're so pumped for this conversation. When we got connected a few weeks ago, I was so excited because your message around pregnancy and postpartum physical and mental health is literally so top of mind for the three of us, but we ran a poll with our listeners just about topics that they wanted to hear about. And I feel like there's
00:01:43
Speaker
such a craving for like honest and open conversation around pregnancy and postpartum mental health and healing yourself and the struggle and the journey that it can be. So I know we'll dig into all of your details and your journey about how you got to your current passion and your new project of show up with Julia Stern. But we'd love to just kick it off with a little bit of background around you and yourself.
Building a Fitness Career in New York
00:02:10
Speaker
Yeah, thank you. I feel like I've made that postpartum healing journey like part of my identity at this point, even though I'm two years out from having my daughter, but it really I'm so passionate about it that like, I can't get over it. I can't get over my experience. I can't get over that it's not talked about. So I'm so excited to be here. But I didn't start that way. I actually started as a middle school math teacher.
00:02:33
Speaker
And I did that for like four years and then I did fitness and dance like part time on the side because that's what I was truly passionate about. And I had the opportunity after I got married, we had to move to New York City and I was like, well, I could either like switch my teaching license to a different state or I could just go for it and go into fitness full time.
00:02:54
Speaker
and I did it and six, seven years later, I'm so glad that I did. I helped you. I'll come back someday, hopefully if you'll have me and talk about career change, because that's a whole different topic. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe we can touch on it today because I feel like motherhood is such an opportunity to like reevaluate career and 100%.
00:03:18
Speaker
So yeah, I moved to New York. I originally got started teaching dance cardio because it was what I was comfortable with. And then I learned how to box and I helped to expand rumble boxing and training, which now has so many locations across the country and world. But at the time we were pretty small and we expanded from one to 14 stores. I got to live in a bunch of different cities and that really helped empower me and like build my confidence and just showed me that I could do
00:03:44
Speaker
whatever it was that I wanted to do and then COVID hit and then motherhood came around and I was knocked on my, can I say ass?
Balancing Family and Fitness
00:03:53
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And now I'm here. So that's a very short story, but I'm here and I'm happy to be here. Oh my gosh. I love all of the like twists and turns that
00:04:09
Speaker
you've been through because life is not linear and it takes courage to try new things. So I absolutely love that. Tell us a little bit about like your family. Tell us about your daughter and your husband and just like personal life things. Oh yeah, totally. And it's so funny that you say like life is not linear because I feel like for the past decade, I've kind of been like
00:04:33
Speaker
Oh, like, okay, we're settled. We're good. And then a year later, I'm hit by a bus and then like, we're settled. We're good. I have been with my husband since we were, I was 15. He was 17. So we've been together a really long time. Oh, that's so cute. That's great. I mean, nine times out of 10, I want to kill him, but he's honestly the best. Don't we all though? Yeah, relatable. 100%. And my daughter is about two and a half. I love her to death. Her name is Presley and she is just the absolute best.
00:05:03
Speaker
Okay. So we have Presley at home. Okay. I'm curious about a little bit of your rumble journey because that was like the hottest workout when I lived in New York three or four years ago.
00:05:19
Speaker
I have for sure. It's so fun. It's hard. It is. But I went through it. I felt so cute. I went through a serious boxing phase. So I actually lived in New York City from 2014 to 20. I moved home in end of 2016, I think. And I was a big class pass girl that was like huge and kind of new at the time. I actually.
00:05:45
Speaker
hot, this is like one of my like hot things that I am proud of. I was one of the beta members of ClassPass when it started like in the beginning. So I used to, I know I was like a class early and I took so many classes. I've taken many, many rumble classes and I went through a serious like boxing phase when I lived in New York City. And you know what? That was the fittest I've ever been.
Navigating Motherhood and Career Transition
00:06:09
Speaker
And also just like
00:06:12
Speaker
I knew this girl in Australia. Actually, she's Australian and she, you might know her. I think her name is Courtney. Courtney, I know her. Okay.
00:06:21
Speaker
She's like, you guys were all models. Like they hired like the hottest people ever to, I mean, yes, they did. Not I, but yes, they did. I feel like this is like kind of tying into my, like one of my larger questions for you, which is about like being a professional dancer and like a fitness instructor doing this, like big, cool, sexy job with rumble and then like, you know,
00:06:47
Speaker
180, like getting pregnant, gaining 55 pounds. So I want to table that. But you mentioned with Rumble having some celebrity run-ins, and we are big pop culture girlies here. So I have to ask, what's your number one celebrity training story? Well, I have a funny one. Yes. Do you know who Betty Who is?
00:07:10
Speaker
Yes, I do I do too, but I didn't at the time Okay, and I was working the front desk actually because when I first started working at Rumble and I didn't have the boxing training I really and like it's a blessing because I got to learn so much of the business But I started in front of house like with customer service behind the desk
00:07:29
Speaker
And so it was very early days in Rumble, like 2017. And I was checking someone in and Rumble is very big, still is on like customer experience and hospitality and making you feel welcome. And so the reason that so many celebrities took that workout is because they were treated so well and they were treated normally. And you weren't taking pictures with them. You were just like, hey, like come box. So she comes and we would also comp their classes because they are who they are. And it's giving the studio publicity.
00:07:57
Speaker
Nice. Right. Well, she comes to the desk and I'm like, hi, welcome to Rumble. Can I check you in? And she's like, yeah, sure. My name is Betty who and I'm like, okay, like, can you spell that for me? First of all, what? I'm a middle school math teacher and I'm asking how to spell. I should probably know how to spell Betty who, but anyway,
00:08:16
Speaker
She's like, um, Betty who and I'm like, okay, and what's your email? And she's like Betty who at Betty who.com. And I'm like, okay, great. I'm like, that'll be $36. And I'm like telling my manager after who's now also like my best friend in the world, and her face just goes white. And I'm like, I'm in so much trouble. Like, why? I'm like, sure, like studios that way. Like, good luck. That's so funny. She's like, Betty who Betty, you should know me. Yeah, listen to this. I'm so sorry.
00:08:45
Speaker
Oh, she's like, I feel like I, when I lived in New York, I lived with a gay man. And that's the only reason she's like gay icon. Like, yeah, now she is and I love her music. I just in my own world at the time and totally yeah, I feel like I don't know what a lot of especially singers like I wouldn't be able to identify right you by your face. I guess she did say her name, but it's like,
00:09:09
Speaker
It's the context. It's like seeing a teacher outside of school as you may have experienced. They don't exist. They live at school. That's so funny. Okay, so we do rumble. How did you like?
00:09:28
Speaker
When you got pregnant, was that like something you've been looking forward to? Was it like you always wanted to be a mother? What was like that experience like?
Facing Postpartum Challenges
00:09:38
Speaker
It's so crazy because I've wanted to be a mom my entire life. And now that I am one, it's everything that I've wanted and more. But
00:09:47
Speaker
I wanted to be a mom when I was a teenager and I knew that it wasn't practical to have children. I was like, I can't wait to have babies someday and this is going to be so exciting. And then as I got older and older and I started doing stuff and I started developing my own identity, changing my career, moving to all these places, I was like, not yet, not yet, not yet. And so we got pregnant way faster. We actually weren't trying and it came in a little bit of like a surprise.
00:10:10
Speaker
And so when it was also the middle of COVID. So when I took the positive pregnancy test, I was like, like tears. And it wasn't tears. I can't believe I wasn't like, shit, I don't want to do this. It was like, I'm so scared. I'm not prepared. I know nothing about being pregnant. And this wasn't in my plan right now.
00:10:28
Speaker
So it was really, really hard. And I think that was like the start of just a lot of unexpected and like a 180, like you said, identity shift that really threw me off. Did you get pregnant in 2020? Yeah, I got pregnant in May of 2020. So I had like the heat of it. Yeah. They were all little behind you.
00:10:52
Speaker
Like Graydon is almost two. Yeah. So things had started to die down, but my friends who were in your kind of like cadence, Julia, that was a really scary time to get pregnant and even like go to the doctor, like a scary child. Yeah. Every one of my doctor's appointments was by myself. We were also living in a one bedroom in Chelsea at the time. And we were staying with my parents because
00:11:19
Speaker
We were just like, we needed more space and they live by the beach. And so now I was like, we have to move. And I didn't really want to raise a baby in the city. So where are we going? And it was just a lot at once. I was totally by myself. And I know we'll talk about body image and waking in a little bit.
00:11:34
Speaker
But looking back, and I didn't realize it at the time, I gained so much weight because I was sitting at home in the middle of a pandemic. I used to walk all over the city. I used to teach 16 workout classes a week. I used to do my own workout, strength train, run outside. And I was just sitting in my living room waiting to have this baby for nine months. And it really messed with my mental and my physical health.
00:11:57
Speaker
I don't have that excuse, but I'm gaining that, so that's great. By the way, Whitney is pregnant. Thank you. I'm almost done. You look amazing. I can't see your belly, but you look absolutely fantastic. I could not even brush my hair when I was almost done with my pregnancy. I was like, I'm done. I give up.
00:12:21
Speaker
I'm a troll most of the time, so I got ready for this. That is so tough too, Julia, because all of that coupled with the hormones and emotions of being pregnant. Obviously, I've been pregnant. I know how intensified feelings are and emotions are. I know I struggled with this with my husband. Things feel so much more intense for the woman than they do
00:12:50
Speaker
the man in the you know in this situation and then also like pregnancy can feel really lonely and to do it in COVID where that loneliness is like amplified by like 10 times whether that's like being isolated from family or friends and not being able to like share those happy moments surrounding pregnancy like in my opinion that is what makes pregnancy like worth it to be able to like celebrate it with
00:13:17
Speaker
community and well obviously the baby makes it worth it. So it's like to not be able to have that like I can't imagine like it would it be so hard.
00:13:34
Speaker
I'm really excited if we're able to get pregnant again someday, just to be out and about while I'm pregnant. I had to go to a store. I was doing Amazon grocery deliveries and I didn't even go to the store. Go ahead. You were also in New York City, which is the mega... All of my friends in New York City, I live in Florida, we're like...
00:13:57
Speaker
It's a free-for-all, okay? So, like, there were no rules in Florida, whereas, like, my friends in New York had a completely different experience than I did, so you were in the heart of it.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah. And really just like not able to do anything. And I look back to after I had her, like the postpartum phase, and it was time for her first pediatrician appointment and now put it into like getting a baby ready to go outside. I didn't even know how to go outside myself. I have pictures. She looked like a gremlin. Like I, I was like, I should cover your head. So wear a hat and here's a blanket. And I was like, I don't even know what I'm doing. This is awful. Wait, so she was born then in the winter.
00:14:40
Speaker
February 2021. So that's the time where people are like, it's fine, go outside and other people are like, definitely don't. And then the vaccine came out. Is it safe? Is it not safe? I don't know. My friends are going to dinner and I'm like, I don't even know how to like walk downstairs still. So it was just a weird, it was an adjustment period for sure.
00:15:01
Speaker
I want to ask a honest question because I know we're all dealing with this and we have dealt with it. Like I'm also expecting so the pregnancy package is coming back. Yes. Yes. Pregnancy group chat. I love that. We are on a roll. But we've been talking just a lot about
00:15:24
Speaker
how quickly our bodies have changed the second time around versus the first. And I feel like I was really blessed with my first pregnancy. It was pretty easy for me until the very end. And I would think that you, Julia, as a fitness instructor and somebody who spent a lot of time being fit and setting that foundation, everyone says, oh, you're fit. You'll be fine.
00:15:49
Speaker
Like, what was it like, like feeling amazing, I'm sure in your body to gaining 55 pounds like
00:15:55
Speaker
How did that make you feel? It felt absolutely awful. It's really tough. And I think, you know, I had a little bit of body dysmorphia prior to getting pregnant because when you live in that world, I never felt insecure growing up ever. But when you move to the city and you're surrounded by models and your worth as an instructor of New York City's hottest workout is based on like what you look like and what your Instagram pictures look like, it will mess with your head a little bit.
00:16:22
Speaker
And so I've always been like very naturally fit and I grew up dancing so I never struggled with body at all and to go from that to now I'm gaining weight for the first time to then having the baby and it doesn't just magically fall off like I didn't understand what that process would be like and
00:16:43
Speaker
You know, it's very strange because it's not only your body changing but it's your identity changing because so much of your identity was your work and so much of your work was tied to your body. And that was really, really tough.
00:16:55
Speaker
I'm so glad we're having this conversation because like as I'm nearing, I'm due at the end of August, like how to get that spark kind of back. It took me a while last time. I still didn't lose all the weight from my last pregnancy. So I was 20 pounds heavier starting this one. So my, my mental state is like, I'm so big. Like I can't believe it. And I'm seeing people I haven't seen. Like I went down to visit family and they were like, whoa, like,
00:17:23
Speaker
Are you going to make it to August? And, you know, that like crushed my soul. And so how did you kind of get your, I guess, spark back? Were you nervous to go out and about? I guess it was still COVID times, but. Yeah, it was really tough. And I think it's like twofold. Part of it was that I didn't feel well, right? So like I would go on walks and like, I gained so much weight that my joints would hurt because
00:17:48
Speaker
I am in this like little five foot one body and I wasn't meant to be 180 pounds and so it was painful. But more so than that, I started again, you're postpartum, you're not sleeping and you're spending so much time at home and you're looking at social media and you're like,
00:18:06
Speaker
how is she putting on jeans again? Like I can't even get them on my ankles. Like this is, what did I do wrong? I feel like I failed and I feel really insecure about my body. And I think it took a long time and it would come in spurts where I would start, as soon as you start moving again in any way, you're going to start to feel better because of the endorphins. And I, a shift has happened where now I work out to feel good, not to look good. You'll automatically be happier with yourself if you're moving because your body-
00:18:36
Speaker
Totally. But then it spirals because you go back on social media and you had felt so good and then you look at somebody else and you're like, well, why aren't I there yet? How did I not get there yet? So yeah, you go back on social media and you see other people and you really are frustrated with yourself. And I would go on a couple months spurts where I would work out consistently for six weeks and then I would see a picture of myself and I would be like,
00:19:03
Speaker
This is taking forever and it's not even working. And what am I doing wrong? And it's taken like, it really has taken like two years for me to finally be like, it's such a long game.
The Journey to Self-Care and Acceptance
00:19:14
Speaker
It's such a long life. And if I'm not going to look like I did in 2017, I'm older than I am in 2017. My body's has been through more and like, that's okay. So I just want to work out. So I feel good in my body.
00:19:28
Speaker
And I want my daughter to be able to see that I feel good in my body. And I stopped listening to people. Going to see family, that resonated with me as soon as you said that, where they're like, oh, are you going to make it? Like, shut up. Yeah, I know. It's a worst comment.
00:19:41
Speaker
But I am so glad you gave like a realistic expectation. Two years sounds like so long but it does take that long. That's exactly what I was going to say. It's so refreshing to hear someone say two years to be honest because like I know we were talking a lot about social media but you hear
00:20:00
Speaker
And you see on social media people like, okay, six weeks, like the doctor says you can work out. And they like I, I was a actual unalive person at six weeks. Like I was like, not well. And like, okay, you can have sex now. And you're like, great. I don't want to.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yay. Anything in my gaping hole. Okay. Yeah. So it's just so nice to hear that. And I think something I have struggled with postpartum is like, I feel like I used to, like I was a gymnast growing up. My workouts pre-baby were like pretty intense. I went to like circuit classes and boxing and like all sorts of things. And then now, like when I tried those workouts postpartum,
00:20:50
Speaker
When I definitely wasn't ready to, to be honest, I get like discouraged and frustrated with myself that I couldn't do, I can't do what I used to do. And I ended up feeling overwhelmed to the point of just being like, why I'm not going to do anything because I'm not ready for it yet. And it took me.
00:21:08
Speaker
God, I mean, I feel like I just learned this last week, to be honest. It took me a year and a half to realize I just need to move a little bit, no matter what it looks like. I feel like what I have learned now is that, funny enough, because it's the name of your new program, it's that I just have to show up no matter what it looks like.
00:21:30
Speaker
And that's the most important thing is like, it doesn't have to be perfect. I don't have to be in the cutest workout outfit. I don't have to go to the hottest class. I just have to like show up and move for myself. No, that could be a 10 minute walk. And most of the time that 10 minute walk will like snowball into something better and greater, but it's just the showing up part that is the hardest. And so I'm not here.
00:21:56
Speaker
Not even guess the showing up part for your workout progress, but the showing up part for your mental health and how it's going to interact throughout the rest of your day. They'll make you a nicer mom and like a nicer wife. You know, like on times when I don't show up for myself, I'm so resentful and irritable because I tell myself I don't have the time. And then I just feel miserable in my current position. Whereas if I
00:22:22
Speaker
take like even 10 minutes to just like be for me and fully for me, then I can show up for everybody else and it makes such a difference. I was gonna ask like what we're all saying about like giving it time and like being kind to yourself and having some grace is always the way that I would speak to a friend or somebody who's in my life who's struggling with this. But why do you think it's so hard for us to give ourselves like that
00:22:52
Speaker
grace and show up for ourselves. I've been calling myself a recovering perfectionist for years, but I spend so much time trying to give myself grace because you're right. If I'm talking to my friends, I'm like, I give the best advice and I'm so caring towards their mental health and how much they take care of themselves. And for me, I'm like, why can't you do everything? Why can't you be a mom and have a flourishing business and also
00:23:19
Speaker
look perfect every day and be super fit and have great clothes, like relax. You know, Julia, I wanted to dive a little bit further because you've been really honest on your platform about struggling with postpartum anxiety and like knowing her about post postpartum depression, that postpartum anxiety just kind of like happened and you didn't even know it was happening. So can you dive a little bit more into your journey with that?
00:23:45
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. It was a major factor in how I dealt with postpartum and it's taught me so much. I think I've run anxious my whole life like growing up in my teens and 20s. I've definitely been anxious and I've been able to recognize that but I've been able to like go to therapy or push it to the side or kind of bury it a little bit to the point where I just dealt with it and then
00:24:07
Speaker
Being pregnant in a pandemic and having a rough postpartum experience just kind of pushed me over the edge and it became way too difficult to function. And I learned about postpartum anxiety
00:24:18
Speaker
in ways that I didn't realize it was showing up, like irritability, snapping at people, being super short, can't focus or think straight, and not even necessarily like sitting there worrying. Because when I picture anxiety, that's what I think of it as, like just being, you know, that anxious feeling that you can't explain why you're worried. But it's so much more than that. And it really impacts like, how you a mother and be like, go about your day. So yeah,
00:24:44
Speaker
Were you already seeing a therapist before and they told you this is what was happening or did you go to a doctor? I was already seeing a therapist before because the year that my husband and I got engaged, his dad passed away from like a sudden heart attack and then his mom got pancreatic cancer a month later while we were planning. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So when I said in the beginning, like every year I'm thrown for a loop, I really feel like I'm constantly
00:25:14
Speaker
being thrown for a loop. So we went to couples counseling to like learn how to process that grief. We then lost his mom in 2019 right before COVID hit. So I feel like I haven't like gotten a second until right now to really breathe. So I had been going to therapy, but there was so much more to unpack about
00:25:30
Speaker
you know, how I grew up and characteristics of my personality that and how I deal with certain situations and being that perfectionist piece of myself that I really had to like sit down and talk to someone and she actually recommended that I see a psychiatrist, which I would have never sought out on my own.
00:25:48
Speaker
Yeah, I probably should have done that. I went through the same thing. It was the weirdest feeling, because I'm not a super anxious person. And it came on suddenly. It was more the fear of him sleeping. And that's where it started. And then just me loving him so much, I was scared of him all the time. Yeah.
00:26:14
Speaker
I think the first time I went on a walk when I came home from the hospital and I was petrified that somebody was going to take her. Like I couldn't hold the stroller. And that's so strange. I was like, you have to watch that person and watch that person like living in a super populated area that I was like, I don't even know how to function. And it's really, really tough. Was most of the anxiety like geared towards your relationship with Presley and like being a new mom or was it
00:26:43
Speaker
affecting all the relationships in your life and every facet of your life? It's hard to say because at the time when we were still during lockdown, being a new mom was my whole entire world. I wasn't doing much else. But yeah, like you had said, fear of sleeping. I feel like I never slept. I don't think I slept more than a three-hour stretch for the first six months because I was constantly waking up.
00:27:07
Speaker
checking on her and just, it was so hard. And that's, I look back too and I'm like, I'm so sleep deprived. I had her at three o'clock in the morning and I didn't sleep for like at all, for maybe more than five minutes for a full 72 hours when I was in the hospital. Cause I like didn't know what I was doing and my postpartum nurses weren't the best. And so like, I look back now and I'm like, you have to
00:27:29
Speaker
show up for yourself from the first second you have this child if that means getting an hour or two of sleep when you have to because if you don't and you truly try to run an MD like sleep deprivation will trigger the anxiety will trigger all of these other things and it's so important to take care of yourself.
00:27:46
Speaker
I was just going to say the sleep deprivation. We've said this on this podcast before, it's used as torture for a reason. It will fuck you up. Even fitness professionals, nutritionists, doctors, they all say, if you are not getting sleep, you're not even going to see the results you want in any aspect of your life.
00:28:10
Speaker
It's so important to your health, mental health, physical health. So I 100% agree. I look back now and Alice was super jaundiced. So after that first night, they ended up taking her away to the beds, which was like, I was devastated at the time because I was like away from her, but it allowed me to like, I actually got some sleep because she had to be in the light beds and she was away from me.
00:28:36
Speaker
And although that was super tough, I'm like, at least I got some sleep before I left the hospital. Yeah. But it's also such a slippery slope because going back to social media and looking at other people from coming from the fitness industry, I would see other trainers who are, they mean well, and they're posting these things that are like, you're not going to see results in your workout unless you're getting sleep. If you're not sleeping, you're not taking care of yourself.
00:29:01
Speaker
from the sleep deprivation and the seventh cup of coffee that I've had that morning. And now I'm even more anxious because I'm not getting enough sleep. So I think all of early motherhood and postpartum is finding a balance between if you have to shut the external world off,
00:29:20
Speaker
to not compare yourself, do it and also take care of yourself in the smallest ways that you
Mental Health and Social Media for Moms
00:29:25
Speaker
can. And if you can marry those two things, you're golden, but you can swim one way or the other and it's really, really tough. I'm going to have to remember that. Yeah. Social media is such a double-edged sword. Like obviously we have a social media presence and like, that's how we connect with our listeners.
00:29:44
Speaker
but it's also a place that makes me feel really bad about myself. Like every time I look at it, I'm just like, that wasn't fun. Or you end up feeling like you're not doing enough or you need to like buy more stuff to make your life easier or better. And that's why I just loved your content so much Julia. Cause I was like, okay, this is like honest people. Like if you can end up following the right people, I think it can be a place of
00:30:12
Speaker
great inspiration, but I always feel better when I'm feeling low about myself. If I just like stop looking at social media for a while, you're like system regulates. It's so funny that you said buy more stuff because I feel like I also have gone through a period of like, I'm struggling so hard as a new mom and I'm scrolling social and I'm getting all these ads. So maybe if I just keep buying more clothes to look better, or if I keep buying more baby gadgets, my life easier or organizational tools. So my home's not a mess.
00:30:41
Speaker
and it never works and my credit card bill is a million dollars. So like, I had a snap out of that one and it took me a while to do it, but you're so right. But I think it's really cool too. It's like so messed up because you know that social media manipulates you and it plays with your algorithm. But if you know that, my biggest hack is to like set up your algorithm in the way that you want it to. Like for a while, my TikTok was like sad mom postpartum TikTok.
00:31:07
Speaker
Oh my gosh. His motherhood is the worst thing in the world. But then like I started sharing things with my sister and vice versa and we laugh at things and or I look up inspirational things that motivate me. And then when that becomes what I'm seeing, it changes my mindset a little bit. So I think it's not perfect. That is so true. So I work like most of my work now is social media and marketing. So I feel like I've seen behind the curtain a little bit to where like I know
00:31:33
Speaker
I think I'm able to detach. Like looking at social media doesn't always make me feel bad about myself anymore because I know the reality behind that content that they're making. I know how the sausage is made. You know what I mean? So it's like like I spent a lot of time postpartum because I was breastfeeding and it was taking so freaking long. I would sit there for 90 minutes and you're just like, bloop, bloop, bloop. And you're like, yes, sad mom TikTok.
00:32:02
Speaker
sick, sick infants, tick tock, dead dogs. I'm like, what am I looking at? And you're already like enclosed in your like newborn bubble, which can be like a very nice cozy place, but it can also be super isolating. And then you're just like staring at your algorithm getting like weird and sad and deep.
00:32:24
Speaker
And I struggled with breastfeeding. I know you did too, Julia. That's not working. That's what I'm spending my whole freaking day doing. And then you're like, why do I feel sad? I'm also not sleeping. It's just a recipe for disaster. When I'm tired, I scroll more because I just want something to do to help me relax. And it makes me feel like I'm doing something. So when I was breastfeeding or when I was up in the middle of the night,
00:32:47
Speaker
I'm scrolling way more. If I don't get a good night of sleep, I try really hard not to be on my phone the next day because it just starts the spiral. Yeah, it's so true. At what point did you feel like you were starting to make progress coming out of the anxiety phase and really entering your healing journey as you call it?
00:33:12
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like it was through months and months of work of therapy and I was on medication for a little bit. And I think that I eventually had to also mindfully do things that were making me feel better because the habit was doing things that were making me feel worse.
00:33:33
Speaker
So it's so easy to just like wake up and grab a crappy breakfast and not eat properly throughout the day because it takes more work to like actually put a meal together. I did meal prep for a little bit, that helped. I started going to the gym for like 20 minutes a day and just walking on a treadmill, that helped. And it really took like, I think probably seven, eight months, I started to feel a little bit better.
00:34:00
Speaker
But like I said, I'm still coming into my own identity as a mom and as a new person and accepting that this is my life now and this is who I am. And you have to stop trying to be who you were before and start really like accepting and growing, developing this new person that you are.
00:34:18
Speaker
You're speaking my language. We're talking about that a lot. Just accepting that you're a different person now. You're never going to be who you were when you were 25. No. If you knew me before I had my baby, I'm a different person now. And for a while, you say that it's a bad thing, but it's actually a great thing. It's just you're different. Yeah. What do you think is the thing you're most proud of yourself for growing through and how you're different now?
00:34:48
Speaker
It sounds crazy because when when Presley was first born, I felt like I was looking externally for a validation as a mom and be every single decision I had to analyze every single resource and decide which was the best one, which was also giving me anxiety because I had to read every piece of information out there available before I can make a decision. And now I feel so confident in my choices and I love who I am as a mom and I
00:35:12
Speaker
I love how I'm parenting, which isn't perfect, but it's being constantly present with her and having fun with her and making the best choices that I can for that time. And if the best choice is letting her have ice cream covered in chocolate, and I know there's going to be a sugar crash later, so be it.
00:35:30
Speaker
Yeah. Having confidence in your decision making in whatever line of work you're in is such a beautiful feeling. Just trusting yourself. Yeah. And also just being confident in whatever I do and not having the fear that other people are judging me. Like of course you're human. You're always going to have that innate fear a little bit, but I'm way more willing to take risks now than when I was in my twenties. And I love that about myself.
00:35:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Me too. So nice. You talked kind of about some of the habits that you started to implement to like feel better and get back into yourself. I think, and like, I think I said this earlier in the episode is like, that's something I struggled with of like being all or nothing. And so my question to you, like for myself, but also for maybe some of our listeners out there is like, what is the like one or two things that
00:36:26
Speaker
we could focus on postpartum when we're trying to get back into a good routine, like fitness wise or health wise, whether that's mental or physical, like maybe you could give us one or two or three tips of like some things we can do to just prioritize ourselves and show up for ourselves.
00:36:43
Speaker
Yeah, totally. I think that there's different categories, right? And the most important thing that will help you relax or that helps me relax at least is knowing that you can't be thriving in all things all the time. So there's like your work or like a passion project or something that you feel like you enjoy doing. And then there's
00:37:00
Speaker
taking care of yourself, skin, hair, nails, that whole thing. There's working out, there's eating well, there's sleeping, there's drinking water, right? There's social, there's like, in your relationship, you're never going to be doing all those things all the time. But I do try to pay attention to them in my brain where I feel like
00:37:18
Speaker
If I haven't had five minutes with my husband in two weeks, I'm going to like, that's what I'll focus on. Or if I really feel like I have been grabbing crap food and I haven't had a proper meal, that's what I'll focus on. And so there's little things that you can do. I bought a Stanley cup. That's one thing that the Instagram ads got me for.
00:37:40
Speaker
I love my Stanley Cup and now my daughter has a matching one like a baby one and we look it's cute but I'm like people are judging us. When you're not hydrated it increases anxiety so to make sure you're drinking enough water
00:37:59
Speaker
and moving a little bit throughout your day. It does not have to be a 40 minute workout lifting heavy weights. It can be going for a walk. Andy was traveling the last few days. So I've been solo parenting and I just threw Presley in the stroller and I just walked and it made me feel so much better. And that was my movement for the day. Um, also I love my skincare routine. That was something that I also didn't really take care of in my twenties that now I love so much.
00:38:25
Speaker
And when I do that in the morning, I feel better and also just getting dressed for so long I was just in my routine and letting my daughter run my world and I was waking up and taking care of her right away and I felt guilty taking a half hour for myself to like do my hair and makeup and put on clothes because I wasn't going anywhere important. So what's the point?
00:38:48
Speaker
But now I get dressed in the day. I don't put this much makeup on because I don't have a podcast interview every day. But I do something to make myself look presentable because you still matter.
00:38:59
Speaker
Yeah. Would you say like the hack is movement, not movement, but like action, like deciding you're going to do something or is it the thing that you do? Like I get analysis paralysis sometimes when I'm like, okay, I'm going to focus on myself. And then it's like all those things pop into my mind. My husband, my friends, I haven't traveled. My clothes are ugly. Like where do I start?
00:39:27
Speaker
And then I just kind of don't. So I feel like what you're saying, the key is like, just do something. And it doesn't really matter what you do. Just like keep doing something. Yeah. And that's the whole reason I started my platform because of that concept. Just show up because I'm like you too. I get really excited when I plan. I don't know what that is about me, but like,
00:39:47
Speaker
I plan all these fantastic things or when I'm like scrolling social in a motivational way and I'm like, oh, I have this idea and I want to do this. And I'm going to start. If you watch like organized girl TikTok, then you're like, oh my goodness, I'm going to my entire home. I'm going to I'm going to get my label maker. I'm ready.
00:40:08
Speaker
Yes. So tell us about show up with Julia Stern. I know there's a YouTube portion. There's like a community portion. Give us the details.
Launching a New Platform for Women
00:40:18
Speaker
Yeah. So obviously having been a fitness trainer for so long and I'm a strength and conditioning coach as well as a pre and postnatal certified trainer.
00:40:27
Speaker
I feel like I spent so much time when I used to train before having my daughter where it was like that get fit mentality and I really wanted to change my business and change my identity as I'm growing and becoming a mom and realizing that it's not all about having the abs, right?
00:40:43
Speaker
So I wanted to teach all of my favorite workouts, which is boxing, strength training, some cardio sculpt, which is like, if you like dancing, but you don't consider yourself a dancer, it's like doing jumping jacks on the beat of the music, which makes it feel like a dance move. So fun. And then some dance cardio too, for the people who do like dancing, but the workouts are
00:41:05
Speaker
short they don't really go longer than thirty minutes some of them are five or ten minutes or just one single song and So it's a way for you to press play and show up with yourself and just say okay like you said I'm not gonna think about it I'm just gonna open my computer put it on my TV and do it and feel better because I moved my body for the day so I
00:41:24
Speaker
That's where it started and then ultimately it's going to grow. I want to have more conversations like these about different things in women's health and how to take care of yourself and the realities of postpartum and beyond because I want people to be educated. So much of my anxiety came from not knowing things after I had Presley. So I want to have the conversations and be a resource for people to go to and just feel like they're part of something.
00:41:56
Speaker
I love the idea of just like being able to put it on my TV for one song, you know, just being like, Okay, I'm just gonna like dance it out for this one song and like get
00:42:10
Speaker
My blood flowing cuz after that I'll probably be like I could do another 15 Before once you get started it kind of snowballs and you feel really going well It's like unto it's exactly like for me It's always been this way like if I do a workout in the morning
00:42:27
Speaker
I'll eat healthy for the rest of the day without trying just because the workout made me feel good. I want to keep feeling good. I'll eat well for the rest of the day. Honestly, to know that I could have something that I could turn on that would just be like five, 10 minutes before Alice wakes up to where I can just move my body, I know that would make the rest of my day snowball in the right direction. Definitely.
00:42:50
Speaker
I'm super excited. I want to make myself an available resource. That's part of it too. So often I feel like these trainers are just like bubbles out in the like atmosphere where you do their workouts and that's it. But anyone who follows me on Instagram knows that if you send me a message, I'm going to give you all of my knowledge and then some because I really do want to help. Like that's the core of it. I felt super alone.
00:43:12
Speaker
during postpartum and I just, you need community. So much more that. So with your platform, do you also do coaching? Like are you taking on clients and saying, Hey, do these videos and then we'll chat about your week or whatever? Yeah. So because it's just first launching, part of the platform is I'm also going to have a Facebook group
00:43:35
Speaker
that has support and community. If you've never been part of a mom Facebook group, they can be hit or miss. They can be a source of anxiety or they can be helpful, but I just kind of want to have an open forum where it's positive and people can ask questions and get information. And then eventually, probably within the next few months, I will launch personal coaching, whether that to be life coaching or fitness plans or both.
00:43:57
Speaker
I'm just wondering for everyone else, but I feel like your Facebook platform is going to be perfect because it is that group that is seeking that information, that validation. So I feel like it'll be definitely a positive space and I can't wait to join it. I'm excited. I know. I'm so excited. Thank you. I'm really excited. It lights me up. So I'm, I'm happy to be here.
00:44:23
Speaker
I'm a little recording your workouts at your house now. Oh, you just you just touched a nerve. Um, I'm sorry. I was just having this like really cute image of like Presley watching you like film all these workouts and like, well, yeah, that's nice. Have you ever tried to work out next to a toddler? Oh my gosh, I tried. It was so hard. It's almost impossible. I have a little bit of PTSD because when
00:44:49
Speaker
COVID hit and being a full-time trainer even before I got pregnant We did so many workouts out of our living room that I just feel like I can't I can't do that anymore So I have a studio that I go to to film but it's a little inconvenient for me right now So I'm looking for more space So if you're in the New York or New Jersey area and you have an open space for me to film in hit me up
00:45:11
Speaker
Okay, a lot of our listeners. Yeah, you can probably join the platform for free. Okay, I do have one more question that probably doesn't fit right here. I'll probably edit it into like an earlier part of this, but I feel like it's relevant and something that I struggle with. So maybe you have like either a personal experience or something. Something I struggle with is like the communication with my
00:45:36
Speaker
husband as far as needing that time for myself. And I want to show up for myself, but I struggle with communicating that to my husband. How was Andy, as far as you starting to prioritize yourself again, how do you communicate that? I don't know if you could touch on that a little bit. Yeah, totally. And Andy is such a great partner, and we communicate because of the therapy that we went to when his parents were six.
00:46:05
Speaker
We had been working on communication for years because when we first got married we would just like yell at each other and We were like this isn't gonna work if this is how we continue to talk to each other Yeah, so we have some foundation for communication But also like it's so hard for guys to understand what women are going through after they have They just don't get it if Andy called it our postpartum experience one more time after I was gonna like knock him into next Tuesday like jail
00:46:36
Speaker
Like you have to just understand the fact that you need this, like I said, to be a better wife and a better mom. So something that we started doing when Presley was super young is we gave each other one hour a day. So he was on paternity leave. I was on maternity leave, or he was working from home.
00:46:53
Speaker
But he found one hour that he could be fully present with Presley and that was my hour to do whatever I wanted. So whether it was to get a manicure or it was to go to the gym, that was my hour and I did the same thing for him. But now like it's sometimes I trick my own brain because
00:47:10
Speaker
He'll go away for work or whatever, or he'll go out in a problem. And then when he comes home, I'm like, oh, I feel so guilty taking this time, but you just have to do it because you're not going to be a good person if you don't. So yeah. Yeah. We always talk about how it seems like guys.
00:47:28
Speaker
don't have the same guilt. Like speaking of showing up, like they're happy to show up for themselves and just like it comes naturally. And I feel like as women, there's so much we grow up with that's like etched in our DNA. That's like, you don't come first. Like everyone else comes first.
00:47:45
Speaker
And I love the community aspect of the platform. And that's kind of what we're trying to do here with our podcast too. Not necessarily like fitness necessarily, but just like this is for you. Like it's okay to take time for you to enjoy yourself, to like celebrate yourself and
00:48:05
Speaker
not feel guilty about. And yes, this is a season of life where you're going to have to sacrifice a lot and be around your kids and do so much for them. But it doesn't mean putting your whole life on pause and your self-care on pause. You have to just be able to stand up and say, I'm a person. I get one life. And if me taking care of myself is going to make my life better, I have to do it. And that's just what it is.
00:48:28
Speaker
Yeah. Dang. What's the one thing about show up with Julia Stern that you're the most psyched about? That you're like, I cannot freaking wait to like launch this bit.
00:48:38
Speaker
I am really okay. I've like geeked out a little bit during my postpartum phase of learning about being strong as we age and like how to take care of yourself. So I have learned a lot about like maintaining muscle and making your fitness level feel super strong as you get older because muscle starts to decrease in your 30s. Did you know that? Because I did not.
00:49:03
Speaker
I'm 32 and I'm feeling it. Yeah, same. So I had no idea. I thought I was like, I had decades ahead of me, but you really do what you do now impacts how you are as you get older. And so I'm really excited to share that knowledge with everyone. And also connect with other moms. I love connecting with other moms so much.
00:49:24
Speaker
I know. I feel like a lot of women are scared of strength training too. So yeah, I'm excited. It impacts your whole health, your bone density, your muscle mass, maintaining that really helps you feel great overall. So I'm so excited about that. And I love that mental shift that you're making right now, which is like fitness is about maintaining your body and keeping yourself healthy. Not about how you look for anybody else. Like that is not what matters. It's about,
00:49:54
Speaker
staying healthy so you can run around with your kids for the rest of your life. We got a long time left. She wants to get picked up and like carried home on a walk. I'm like, I got it. We're good. And like, that's a good feeling. It's so great. I can't relate right now.
00:50:11
Speaker
You will, you will, you so will. I'm a thousand percent joining the platform Whitney, Candice, we'll have to like share what dance cardio we're doing. By the way, I don't know if we said this, it's totally free. So everyone can do it. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh.
00:50:28
Speaker
All right. Workouts will be on YouTube. That's incredible. And then I'll have one-on-one coaching for extra, obviously. Um, even courses down the line as well, but I'm getting ahead of myself, but everything right now will be free. Oh my gosh. And when does this go live? August 1st.
00:50:50
Speaker
Perfect. Just in time for me. I'm excited. I'm so excited too. This has been so fun. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us. I feel like we'll probably have you on again in the future at some point.
00:51:06
Speaker
And to talk about other things, I know you've lived like a hundred lives until this point, as in your own words have said. So I'm sure there's other things we could chat about as well, but thank you so much for coming on and we've had the best time.
00:51:21
Speaker
Where can our listeners like learn more about you, learn about the platform? How did they find you? Totally. So my Instagram is Julia L. Stern and my TikTok is the same. The platform is called show up with Julia Stern. So if you go onto YouTube and type in show up with Julia Stern, the only thing I ask is please, please subscribe because the concept of making this free only works if you actually hit that subscribe button. Hell yeah.
00:51:50
Speaker
I'm going to do it right now. This was so fun. Thank you for joining the mom group chat and everybody join a show up with Julia stern August 1st. Love you guys. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.