Transcript
Speaker: There's no right way to do it.
Speaker: Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? My name is Candice and I am here with my best friend, Whitney, and an amazing, very special guest. Today we are joined with Lindsay Mango. She is a life coach, a mom of two. i have worked with Lindsay for years at this point. We'll get into all of that. um But I am so excited to have her on the podcast today and for her to tell us more about like what she does, what life coaching is, motherhood, all the things. Welcome, Lindsay.
Speaker: hi I'm so excited to be here. We are so pumped you are here. you are our first life coach guest or any really anything of the sort, right, Witt?
Speaker: Yeah, I don't think we've ever had one. I'm excited feel honored. know. I know. No. Okay. So we'll start with the spiel of like, tell us about you, who you are. We always love to hear also about like your family and your personal life. If you feel comfortable sharing of like your kids ages, obviously all of our listeners are moms. So it's nice to like relate to the age your kids are at and all of that.
Speaker: Yeah. So life, life and business coach. i we We were just talking before we got on. I live in the Midwest. Apparently that's important information. We'll get into it. We'll get into More importantly, is she a life coach? Yes. But like our first Midwesterner.
Speaker: Yeah. yeah um I have a four-year-old and almost two-year-old older daughter younger so ah son and i yeah I mean do you want to like hear more about my story or just like sure like yeah just let's go Okay, um let's see. i mean, I, 10 years ago, probably nine years ago is when I started my coaching business. And I would say 10 years ago is when I found like life coaching. I actually, a lot of people get into coaching. I feel like, i mean, you guys, the audience might not know this because I'm the first one on, but um a lot of people get into coaching, I think because they want to be coaches, but I got into the industry because i just felt lost in my life. And I felt like I had a lot of potential and I wasn't even close to like tapping into it. And I was like noticing so many of, I didn't understand like coaching jargon necessarily, but i I could tell like I was living Groundhog Day over and over and over again. Like, and I kept trying to, right. We'll get into that one. I then later become a mom. I was yet to be a mom, but i um, yeah.
Speaker: it was like I kept trying to change my reality. I would change jobs. I would change boyfriends at the time. I changed things, my workout routine. And it was like I kept experiencing the same things over and over again. And I'm like, what is happening? um And so that's where I started to get introduced to like personal growth work. And I met a life coach. And I was just like, what do you do? Which is probably what some of you guys are thinking.
Speaker: um But then when I like started talking to her, I was like, I'm going to hire you. And she like deeply impacted my life. It inspired me to start my own business. And so I've been doing that for nine years now. And then four years ago, obviously, i had my first kid. And so that was its own kind of giant transformation on its own. Yep.
Speaker: And so, yeah, that's where we're at today. Amazing. Okay. want to start by like kind of talking about life coaching in general and like what it actually is and what you actually do and maybe like how it's different from therapy. I think that's like a common comparison of um like therapy versus life coaching. So I'd love to hear from you like how that is different. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. so how I think of the difference between life coaching therapy is this therapy tends to focus on past. So talking about what has happened in your past, what what do we need to kind of dig up and process and work through a very important component because for a lot of us, until we do that, it's hard to move forward from that because you're kind of like living in the same experience of these past things. So that's what therapy focuses on. Coaching is is kind of like where you get to a place where you go, okay, here I am now and where do I want to go? What do I want the future to look like? What do I want to shift about the reality that I'm living and creating? And so it's kind of about taking you from like ground level to like forward to where you want to go. So that's like my simplest explanation of the difference between the two of them.
Speaker: Go ahead. I was just going to say like, i I love like therapy. I've never done it personally, but you saying this makes so much sense for me because i don't like to dive deep into my past And so I'm like, it just never like...
Speaker: resonated with me in a way. Like, I think it's so important for people to do it and people that need it. But I'm just like, I don't know if it's ever for me. And like you saying that, I'm like, well, that's why i never felt like I wanted to do that. Well, and a lot of people experience that where they, and again, there's totally a place for that. And like, I've gone to therapy, like, I mean,
Speaker: yeah I've had therapists and coaches at the exact same time too, but i I think sometimes I've had clients come from therapy where they were just kind of going and they just kept talking about the same experiences over and like just kind of beating them to death to where they were like – They're like, no, I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. And that's very much, I think, where like a coach can come in.
Speaker: yeah Yeah. That's what I was going to say. as someone who has done therapy and also life coaching, I think that the difference really is that life coaching is so like action and forward oriented. Like,
Speaker: it exactly what you said. It's like therapy, we really talk more about feelings and um and like addressing them and like all of that. But life coaching is so much more about shifting perspective and like moving forward in with action, which is I feel why, like I said, as someone who has done both, I actually feel like a life coach has been more effective for me personally because I'm like, ah I just, I like, I want forward motion. I mean, who doesn't really, but like, you know, it's like, it really is so much more like forward motion.
Speaker: yeah I like that thing yeah totally yeah and for me I never i never went to a therapist until actually what like after I've done coaching for years because then later I like kind of uncovered some stuff with more awareness I was like oh okay maybe maybe now's the time I need to like look backwards a little bit so yeah yeah I mean everyone's journey looks different but yeah I think that's the best way to think about it Yeah.
Speaker: What do you think is like the biggest misconception about life coaching? That's such a good question. um I think that when people, I don't know, I feel like it's not, I feel like it's becoming more widely known, but like whenever I see like shows or like whenever I see like movies, it seems like that there's like this random girl who like is a life coach who like kind of is like airy fairy doesn't Yeah. Or there's like, or it's like your Uber driver is like, is also a life coach.
Speaker: And so I feel like it could be easy to like be like, okay, they don't know what they're doing or it's just some crazy stuff. Like some woman who lives in California who like wears a lot of beads, which exists too. And that's perfect. But like, I think there's so many variations of it that – Yeah, I just think there's like a general – whenever I see a show and they're like, this is the life coach, I'm like – I know. i think it's true. I think media has like painted this like persona of like super like hippie woo woo, like girl who has like the beads hanging in their house. Yeah. And like, you're so, i mean, i feel like you have a touch of woo woo, but like, don't we all? So do i like, but you're very, it's very concrete. And like, I don't know. You're not, it's, that's like what I think ah
Speaker: So you saying that, I think that is the biggest miscon misconception. It's funny. There's also like life coaches. for If you're looking for a woo-woo crystal girl, like I'm sure she's out there. like yeah. out there. I have like a few friends that do it, but I see it so differently. like I think of it as because it's all work-related, the ones that they're using. And, um, I can see where the woo-woo comes in because you are manifesting like that next step in the goals for them. So like, I can see the woo of it all, but it's, it's kind of like what you said, there's concrete like levels to get to there. And like, that's how that life coach has helped them. And honestly, like they're my most successful friends. Like I'm not even gonna lie. yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. They're doing i think – and, like, and I even think, like, if you think about some of these celebrities, this is something I think about all the time. And you guys know I'm, the biggest – you guys know I'm the biggest Swifty of all time. And after I watched her six-part, like, documentary about the Heiress tour, literally my first – I think my very first text to, like, my Swifty group of friends was – I need to know who her life coach is. Like, cause she definitely has one. And it's because the way, like her ability to like shift her perspective and like, like, I mean, she is the most famous person in the world. You guys know, I could talk, I could do a whole episode about Taylor Swift and probably her life coach, but I, I just am like, that was my first question. And I think that so many more super successful people have them that we don't know about that like they just aren't talked about as much but they are like the magic makers behind the scenes like it's her limo driver and that's the person driving her SUV she's having life coaching sessions as she's circling the block yeah yeah it's actually genius I wish that was new business idea i will drive you places and we'll coach you at the same time it's not cash cab it's life coaching cab I just think that's a good point though because I think another misconception is that only super successful like wealthy people also have coaches instead of like it's becoming more common that like it's accessible for everyone of course like i mean some like I'm not cheap to work on with one on one but like yeah i mean I think it's it's not just for people like that yeah it's for everybody everybody can have access to it
Speaker: Yeah. So what was your entry point into like self-development work? That's a question I have. I feel like for me, it was like, you know, the like self-help books that like, oh yeah I'm trying to think of like the very first one I ever read. That would be an interesting thing to think about. But what what what was your like entry point?
Speaker: Yeah. So same. Mine was personal growth books. um I actually started in network marketing and they have like the one that I was in was like very like we read personal growth books. And so course I was yeah like, okay. So I started doing that and that really started to like shift my perspective. The first one I actually think I remember reading is You Are a Badass. That was like yeah that my gateway. My gateway drug to personal growth. um So yeah. And I think what's interesting is like I grew up, my dad is very mindset oriented and driven and I grew up playing sports and all of that. But like, I feel like starting to read personal growth books helped me understand it in a different way.
Speaker: way than I ever had learned through like my life experience so yeah I started reading books and like I was just like I was consuming them I was like so excited because I was feeling so stuck and lost that I was like oh my gosh I'm like something's telling me that like I'm in control of my life and like and then I just like it kind of snowballed from there Yeah.
Speaker: I actually think it would be interesting to go into your childhood just because I know a little bit about it. You were like a badass volleyball player, like very competitive, right? Yeah. Tell us a little bit about that.
Speaker: Yeah. So um I played ah Division I volleyball in college, got a full-rate scholarship. I played – actually didn't start playing until I was in seventh grade, like traveling, but I played in high school for one of the, like, strictest clubs, like, in the country.
Speaker: And, I mean, that was – I tell my husband all the time, and he's like, what day did you have off? I'm like, Tuesday afternoon. So I'm like – remember. Oh, I did. Oh, yeah, I remember. That was the one day I got to go home after school. But then even like I played traveling soccer from the time I was like in kindergarten on. So it was just like, yeah, it was like a huge part of my life, which is funny. Yeah. When I was done playing, I like never played again.
Speaker: So funny. Yeah. Do you feel, are there moments now where you can look back on some of those times and almost like coach yourself from the future, like of how you were feeling and be like, oh, that's what I was feeling or that's what was working through.
Speaker: Yeah, there are so many times I wish just in general. I'm sure we all wish that, though. But like, I'm like, I wish I could go back and be like a 16 year old with my wisdom today. i'm Yeah. saying Like life would be so different. But I guess that's just part of part of it. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, totally. Um, okay. I want to dive into motherhood a little bit. Tell us about, so you became a mom, literally you and i were pregnant at the exact same time. Like our babies are like seven days apart, I think. Um, yeah. Okay. not Yeah. And Alice is March 26. So we are like days apart from each other.
Speaker: i guess I missed that. Oh, okay. So we met because I used to work for like a marketing agency that did all of Lindsay's like stuff and we became connected. and then after Shannon died, I reached out to Lindsay when I was in the depths of life. And cause therapy was like helping, but I just felt like I had no forward motion and I mean, you know, ah you were in the same place, Whitney, probably like i we were so upset about losing Shannon and i just felt like I had no forward motion and I reached out to Lindsay and was like, great.
Speaker: I was like, would you be open to having a call with me? Like, I really would love like some coaching or like perspective. Yeah. Yeah. And you were like, absolutely. Like, I would love to. And you were so sweet. You were like, I think about Shannon all the time. Like, yeah, she was so and you were just so sweet. But just like watching your all's experience, I just yeah felt.
Speaker: Yeah. And that was really like the gateway. I got a little bit of what we call mango magic. She like broke my brain on that call. And I felt like movement for the first time. And then we flooded. And it was like, life was like, here, I'm going to pile it where really need Lindsay. And so I reached out to Lindsay and I was like, okay, what could it look like for us to like work together on a more recurring basis. And I did. I joined one of her masterminds where we had a call, what, twice a month or something. And I met the most amazing women in that container. And you helped me so get through that dark time of life. testament to...
Speaker: i like i am a testament to your work and your help so um but yeah that's really that's like our journey together are good candace is so good of tapping into like her network of friends like that was so smart of you and and good and i'm glad that that helped but i love that yeah it was so fun and sorry to interrupt also no no no that was a good good con like i was like wait a minute and yeah yeah I also, one of the reasons i literally was gravitated or i like, like I gravitated towards Lindsay is because our life like paths like are similar. Like we have kids the exact same ages. Yeah.
Speaker: And I just knew that she understood like where I was. She understood the common problems of motherhood and the mind, I'm sorry for, excuse my language, but the mind fuck of motherhood. It's, it's a bit of a mind fuck. That's a podcast title. Yeah. Like the mind fuck of motherhood is the title of this episode. Yeah. Um, and so that was like really, cause it's the same reason. Like I, like, I want my therapist to be a woman to understand like my experience as a woman or whatever. Um, and so, yeah, I don't know. I want you to speak to like your journey into motherhood and your like identity shift.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh my gosh. That was – that whole, like, transformation was just the hardest, craziest – probably, honestly, out of my entire, like, 10 years of having coaches and being a coach, i I would say that season was probably one of the hardest seasons that I've ever experienced. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah I mean, I'm sure everyone can relate to just that on its own. And then like to think about like all of the transformations we're all going from through in that period. Like sometimes I think I'm like, how are women doing this without help? Like, because for me, I'm like having the support and like hiring people and like having the tools that I have to get through that season. I don't know where I'd be honestly without them because I remember my daughter was born and it was like,
Speaker: it it was like it showed everything in my life that was not in alignment. Like it was almost like I could ignore it a little bit before and like I could pretend and I always say like I think marriage and motherhood are magnifiers. So it's like they magnify what's already there. So the goodness, the love, the like all of that, it magnifies it. But the patterns, And the challenges and the things you struggle with, it also magnifies that. And so it feels like it just put me into this pressure cooker. And then all of a sudden it's like I wake up and I'm like, oh, my gosh, now it's so glaringly obvious all the things that I'm doing in my life that I don't want to be doing anymore. And it like creates this just vast, like,
Speaker: wow, I feel so much love and joy and excitement and things that I've never experienced before. But then also with that is like the flip side. So I don't know. I just feel like it woke me up to a lot. I mean, I changed so much about my business, about my life, about like so many pieces. And then it also brought up all of the stuff that even though I was always growing could kind of stay hidden because I feel like I had an infinite amount of time and infinite amount of like energy before and then it just like came to a rearing head when I had this human to take care of now. Yeah.
Speaker: Totally. i think what you said about the magnifiers and those two, like such serious juxtaposition of like the serious, like magnifying joy and magnifying.
Speaker: I don't want to say issues, but just like, you know, Yeah. Like the the the things that are already there. Yeah. Yeah. That is, that is the mind fuck of motherhood I was talking about. It's like this serious contrast of feelings and life, like of it being the most joyful, but also the most hard. And um I think that's where a lot of moms like feel, they end up, feeling it's that like stuck feeling of like, yeah,
Speaker: And the Groundhog Day that we were talking about. Like, it's the it's that over and over again. And I think that's why I think life coaching could be so helpful for so many moms is to, like, work through all of that. Have y'all watched um House of Stassi yet?
Speaker: No. i have I started it yesterday, but it was literally, like, I only watched, like, 20 minutes. It's kind of crazy. Like this conversation aligns very well with the show, but it's flip-flopped. Like the husband is staying at home and the wife is the one growing the business. And so you you're, I'm, I literally like the show's getting bashed pretty hard because they're saying she's a narcissist. Like she's growing her business, but usually it's flip-flopped where the man's off growing and the wife is at home and he's feeling all the feelings that I feel like all of us moms had where you feel a little resentful in the beginning because you're the one at home and you're like, wait, what about me? I still like have things I want to do and things I want to like grow myself. But I also like feel this tug to stay at home because that's my job. So it's like, honestly, kind of crazy. The flop, I guess the switch yeah the position for the show. But I feel like Stassi is getting bashed pretty crazy for things that a man
Speaker: would typically wouldn't yeah exactly yeah not to like make it all about like women's rights or something but it's just very much you're just seeing their perspective of like what it's like after kids truly yeah yeah it's so interesting it's hard to watch because it may i was flashes back Well, I think media is a part of this conversation, honestly, of like how the media and content and all that have made moms feel like they should feel a certain way or do certain things. And I think that...
Speaker: it's important to honestly, like you've got to disconnect from whatever everyone else is saying you should do or saying you should feel and tap back into yourself and like be mindful about what feels right for you what feels right for your family. And i think sometimes it takes like a a perspective shift to like be able to do that. And like, I feel like that's Like literally everything we're saying is stuff that Lindsay, you like helped me work through of like in our time together for sure.
Speaker: i love to hear that. I think that's what I was kind of going to say before was that I think i i could see how that period of time could just get you stuck so much because it's like, there's so much, there's so much societal standards for how it's how it's supposed to look, how it does look, what we want to, what we should settle for, what we, all like so many pieces. And I was thinking that like, what really helped me was that like, I truly, even though it was so hard so many days, but like, I really saw it as an opportunity for a reinvention of myself. And I think because as of that, i was able to like,
Speaker: come out like I was like this is also a birthing of a new me and yeah I think because of that that helped me kind of like and because of some of the tools that I had before it helped me be like oh this is an opportunity for me to consciously choose what I create from this moment forward and the motherhood experience that I create and like all of that rather than I think it would be so easy to get stuck just like doing what is the status quo without reflecting because you're already like so strapped for time and all that without taking a second to pause and be like, wait, is this actually what I want? Do I like this? Am I like, is this something that I'm consciously choosing or is this just something that's like happening? And yeah I'm just like –
Speaker: So what did you, I guess, implement to do that? Because like, I think for me, my immediate reaction was, I have to dive into a career to feel something.
Speaker: And so like, i um I immediately was like, I hit full throttle and was like career. And now that my daughter's about to be three, i feel this shift. And i don't know if it's just like the summer vibes of being so like, chill and whatever but I feel the shift and I'm like whoa like was I running away from like the mundane of every single day like taking care of some someone my someone being my my children um but like um I don't know I was like was I running I'm like trying to like think
Speaker: And now i feel like my perspective has shifted again to being like, whoa, I want to slow down again. I'm just like riding this crazy wave. right now i I, feel like something like, I mean, I'm sure there's so many statistics. I do think something shifts. I don't know about your all's experience, but I feel like when my head kids start to hit like two or three, it's like, I, it's like, I think i know it takes at least two years hormonally for you to like yeah come back even to like normal, but I do think there is something that happened. So I don't think you're like unique in that it's like, it' it's just like, it's a whirlwind. And then all of a sudden three hits and you're kind of like, okay, oh yeah like I kind of like feel I can like pause and something like I can think.
Speaker: So I totally can relate to that. But, um, you were asking me, sorry, I just want to go back. You had said like, how did I work through that in the moment, like early on? Um, because yeah, I do think it would be easy to throw yourself into like working more. I think for me, what helped was I started to realize that like, I didn't want to do, i definitely didn't want to be a full-time mom. I knew that wasn't like right for me. i wanted to keep building my business. I wanted to keep working. But the perspective that I started to have was like, i want to do only do things that bring me joy.
Speaker: if I'm away from my kids and my kid at the time, I want to, Do things that like fuel my myself forward that when I come back, I'm like excited and inspired. And so that was a really useful perspective. And I think it's a hard one because for so many of us, we're not wired to think I get to do what's joyful. I get to do what gives me energy, especially once you become a mom. But I think that lens helped me start to shift how I was making decisions. And I actually, at the time, I hired a joy coach, which was really uncomfortable for me because I had spent so much time hiring business coaches because it felt like I have to move something forward. And to be like, oh, no, I'm investing money to prioritize this thing that I know I'm not going to prioritize. didn't even know that i existed. Yeah. I mean, there are a million kinds. like but Yeah. But was like, I know I'm not going to prioritize this. I know my pattern is to like go harder and go whatever. And so I'm like, I need to hire someone for accountability because this is who I actually want to be as a mom, as a business owner. um
Speaker: And that was kind of the the catalyst that started to like shift things for me. Yeah. Lovely. Prioritizing joy. I love that. Yeah. Well, most of us don't even think that's an option, right? Like I think it's like – That's hard, but I think even starting small with where you are, like some of the listeners might be like, prioritizing joy, I'm just trying to like go to the bathroom by myself or get a shower in, right? Like I have so much of that too, but like it's like it's something so subtle. It's taking 15 minutes to go on a walk when you think you need to like fold the laundry or whatever. Like it's like yeah starting things like that.
Speaker: Yeah. I think one of the biggest shifts you gave me was just that, and I've i've definitely talked about this on the podcast, like is that like you are the creator of your reality. And I think that there is this idea in motherhood that like actually your child now creates your reality. like This is the life you're living and your child is the center.
Speaker: But actually, like your your child's looking to you to create... your the reality. And i will never forget on one of our calls, Lindsay, I was like, probably, I can't remember exactly what I was talking about, but I was probably about making time for myself to like work out or like whatever. And you were like, I want you to think for a second if If in the future, your daughter, like Alice were to come to you and ask, and like talk to you and like vent to you about this problem, like what would you say to her? And I was like, oh shit, I would want her to like take care of herself. Like I would want –
Speaker: as her mom, like, I want to make sure she's taking care of herself. And, and I was, and you were like, okay, you've got to talk to yourself like the same way that you would talk to Alice, like the way you would mother her, you have to mother yourself. And I remember, I like that. I still think about that all the time of like, if Alice were to come to me with this same question or dilemma, like, what would I tell her? Because as moms, we want the absolute best and greatest for our kids, right? Why aren't we allowed to have that same best and greatest for ourselves? and it doesn't It doesn't make any sense, you know? um
Speaker: And I'm a better mom when i also want the best and greatest like for myself too, you know? So I don't know. i think there's i I'm curious if because I feel like you've probably coached a lot of moms.
Speaker: Are there any like patterns you see very often or like topics that are brought up very often by moms that you're like coaching on all the time? Yeah. I mean, I think the one, i mean, i think even about myself, the things that I'm getting coaching all the time are the same things that I'm coaching my clients. So I would say like time like is such a huge one. um Like priorities and like, and like figuring out what you actually want to spend your time doing. I think like outsourcing and like getting support. I think Like, um again, kind of what I had said earlier, but like following joy and desires, like it can feel like in the life that we are existing in the world we're existing in right now for a lot of us as moms, that it's like time to do things we want to do. Like that feels can feel so absolutely absurd. And like, yeah, like far away making it on the list. When in reality, like that is, that's like the heartbeat of your life, of your kids' lives, of your home life. And so I would say those are like the main ones, time, energy, priorities, like creating and like consciously, you'd said that earlier too, like a feeling like you're actually consciously choosing what you're creating rather than like, it's just kind of happening to you.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a, um, There is a like victim mentality sometimes that can happen in motherhood. I definitely know, I'm speaking for myself here. like In the beginning, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so stuck. like There's no options for me. like I'm never gonna get out of this like hole I feel like I'm in. And that sounds so dreary or like negative. I love motherhood. I love being a mom. yo ever Everyone, I don't need to say that. I think everyone here who listens to this knows that. But there is this sense of like, oh my gosh, how am I ever going to get to the other side and feel like myself again?
Speaker: That's what I mean. And then it's like getting out of that victim mentality to be like, oh, I am the key. Like I hold the cards to get to the other side to feel like.
Speaker: like different or to change it's the mom guilt you feel like I don't know it's this crazy feeling that you you can't leave them to go take care of yourself I don't know that's how I felt and I that's where like the resentment for my husband came because he still to me felt like oh I can go work out for two hours and I was like excuse me no you have to sit here and stare at the baby with me like I'm doing yeah that's what we're supposed to be doing right now So that part was really a shift for me in the beginning. And then I realized like that was his way of like self-helping himself. And it took a while for me to like understand that.
Speaker: And it was a huge talk we had. Mm-hmm. I feel like it's hard. I feel like we are the first – one of the first generations who are doing motherhood like very differently. So I think it's like it's a test. Like there's so many pieces to it. But like as you guys are talking, i like I experience all of that too. I experience that sometimes now on the weekend where I'm like – when does Monday come? then I'm like, oh no, I create my reality. What do we want to do? What do we want to create? I have to like remind myself that all the time. But I think like, it's like one, there's like the biological aspect where your survival instincts kicked in kick in and that like guilt and all of that, while it's not useful is there to try to help us like,
Speaker: protect our babies at all costs, even if that means we don't leave the house and we know that's not best for us. And then on the other side, because we're the first generation, I feel like to really like consciously trying to create a motherhood experience that we like. We also, I thought this surprised me so much that like, cause I had done so much work on myself before motherhood. I had consciously chose the things I wanted to believe about life. I never dreamed that when I had a baby, it would like, it almost feels like beliefs about motherhood and how it was supposed to be just like morphed into my brain.
Speaker: And I didn't even realize they were there running the show and like running my decision making and running how I did things. And so it's like those two pieces just like crash together. And then on top of that, you're sleep deprived and you're like, your life is totally different. It's like, it makes sense why it's not like, oh, this is like a conscious creation of my choosing, you know? Yeah. Your brain's like, keep the baby alive. It's so true. It's so true. Most important job of your life. Yeah.
Speaker: Why do you think that motherhood kind of like exposes so many patterns and like old bullshit or like, or even new bullshit, like, like we talked about, like, Like these, those thoughts that just kind of like morph into your brain.
Speaker: I think because they're taking a couple of things. One, like I just was like joking, but I'm like, you've been given a job that feels more important to you than any job you've ever done in your entire your life. And so when the stakes feel that,
Speaker: important. There's also the flip side of like that working against you and like bringing up all of that. And then I think on the flip side, it's like you have literally taken every resource you have and are used to having like sleep, time, energy, and you have eliminated it And so it's like your walls are down. You don't have your usual ability to like your coping mechanisms or the way you've literally done things your entire life now no longer work for this life that you have that you wake up one day and you're like, okay, wait, what's happening? So it's like,
Speaker: I always say it's like, and there is a piece of it when you're in survival, which I think naturally when you first have a newborn, like it sends you into that. And like when you're running from a tiger, that's what your body feels like in survival. You don't have the, ah like ah the awareness that you do when you're not running from a tiger and you have a full night of sleep to go, huh, maybe I don't want to do it this way. You're, you're, everything's down and your brain just like operating on autopilot as much as it possibly can. And so it's so easy for,
Speaker: your brain to just be like, let me just do some of the things that I never wanted to do or operate in the way that I was taught to operate when I was three years old, you know? Yeah. it's That's me getting woken up from my son in the middle of the night. I'm like, it's a tiger. Literally. doesn't help probably that he's like breathing over you like a tiger and you're like, well.
Speaker: Hey, mommy. And you're like, ah, it's so true. Oh my gosh. Wait, Lindsay, I want you to speak a little bit about, cause, um, your daughter was not a great sleeper, right?
Speaker: She was a great, infant sleeper but okay once she got like her willpower she was tough my son has been tough from the get-go okay so yeah yeah no but lindsey used to post i still remember them her daughter when they moved her to her own bed like don't share me i know because you're about to move marco just message to me i'll i'll tell you talk me it was Literally the funniest videos I have ever seen. She was so willpower and determined. She would like fall asleep standing up or like, she like we had like a ah season where she, It was even in her crib. She started standing up sleeping, which she wasn't getting sleep because she would lean on the side and then she'd like fall and then wake up.
Speaker: Like that was like her whole night of sleep. But we like couldn't get her to lay down. So she would literally like stand up and like. She's a vampire. Yeah. And then, and then, yeah. And then when she got into a bed, she would like refuse to sleep in it. And she'd like sit in a little chair with all of her stuffies.
Speaker: Yeah. youre like sleeping or we had to put like we put a gate on our door because she could leave and walk around the house and get knives out of the drawer had to put a gate on it she started she literally slept slept on the floor by the gate for like a year like i i was like i'm like she looks like a prison victim like i'm gonna like throw a meal in there and be like food like
Speaker: It was like, yeah, there was like a whole series of events. Yeah, it was so no, honestly, like that content. I remember I remember messaging you and being like, you're so real for sharing all of this because it's such like motherhood is such a wild ride. Oh my gosh. It was so funny. I'm like, I never knew would spend the amount, absorbent amount of hours researching how to get humans to sleep. I'm like, the amount of mental space that I all day. That's what I was thinking. Like, she's probably, like, fine and, like, sleeping on the floor. And we're over here, like, trying to dissect every little thing about why it's happening. How do transition from the floor to the bed? Like, that's where I would be. I'd be, like, in overdrive. Like,
Speaker: Yes. Fix, fix, fix. Or like, yeah, now that I have a second kid and I have a little more, i'm like, okay, we were up all night because she was standing all night. I'm like, we should have just been like, okay, like,
Speaker: That's all you bad I'm going to bed. But I'm like, we have to get her to lay down. like That's so me. yeah did Oh my God. So funny. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Okay. I'm going to skip ahead a little bit and so and ask like, if you wanted every mom listening to this, like to remember one, like,
Speaker: small piece of coaching to moving forward, like what would you want it to be? Like, what do you think moms need to hear?
Speaker: Okay. i had two pop into my mind. i like go Okay. The first one I think is what we've already kind of been talking about, but that like motherhood and your life around it, like you and your life, is like it's all a conscious creation. Like it's something that you get to actively choose and create. And while I know like it's so valid to not feel like that's true and you don't have to be hard on yourself if you don't feel like that, but like – I think I want you to imagine that your experience is like you have a blank canvas and like having kids while it might have rocked you and sent you like in so many different directions. Like it's an opportunity to like decide what you want that canvas to look like and what you want your experience to be and that there's no right way to do it. that like you have to check in with yourself and what feels right and true and best for you, which like perfectly leads into the second piece, which is that like desire and like fun. And Candice's thing is like enthusiasm, like what fuels your enthusiasm forward. It's like,
Speaker: That is what needs to guide the decisions of what goes on the canvas. And that is so counterintuitive because of guilt and because of how we think we're supposed to do it. But truly, everyone think about like, you know, when you go on a vacation away from your kids or you have like a day and then you're like missing them and you can't wait to spend time with them and like you feel so filled up and your nervous system is like, and you can feel like, wow, I wouldn't have handled it that way if I wasn't like in this place. I always think about that and I'm not like that all the time by any means, but I'm like doing and honoring what feels good to me. Like that is how I could exist like that all of the time. And sometimes that does look like taking yourself away from your kids. That looks like going and working out. That does look like having help. When you have that ache in your heart and you're like, is this the right thing? But like, imagine how differently your experience will be and your kids experience will be when that is how you can exist most of the time rather than tiny spurts.
Speaker: Yeah. One thing i love about Lindsay and like, is like, I, I mean, what, whoever your joy coach was worked because I feel like you have like, and, and one of my, like Lindsay knows this and I probably have said this on the podcast. Like one of my personal mantras is like, follow, follow my enthusiasm. i want to, if I feel excited about something or enthusiastic about something, like I want to follow that. And so one of my things that i've I had been saying to Lindsay and like in our work together for like months was I wanted to go to the beach and like I wanted to do a solo beach day, just go to the beach by myself for fun. But I kept putting it off. It was always at the bottom of the list. It was always like and she literally there was one day I was like having a hard day and she was like, I want you to drop everything and go to the beach today.
Speaker: And like, literally it felt impossible in my head. I was like, there's no way, like, there's no way. And she's like, I don't care. you have to, you have to make time to go to the beach today. And like what, like, and, and I can tell you guys, it changed my whole like day, week, month. I swear to God. I had so much like open for me. That sounds so weird to say, but you know what i mean? Like I, I was so much, yeah. Like creativity, like, uh, kindness, like lightness, like that happened for me just from like doing this one thing that I, and I only went for like two hours. It it literally took two hours of my day, but it like,
Speaker: opened up so much for me and so there's there's something to that I'm just saying there's oh it's so hard not because here's the thing and I think we're all we all probably have realized this but it's so hard to not get stuck in it is it's like something I'm having to accept over and over again is that like I will never get to the bottom of my like things yeah that I want to get done. I literally end every day, even though I have so much support and I'll like, I end every day going, i thought there were seven more things I was going to get done today. Like there was a version of my life where I got everything done that, that like, that reality does not exist anymore. And I think it's like, when we, we accept that, then we're like, well, then I have to prioritize going to the beach. Cause I'm not going to not go to the beach for 30 years. Like for For 18 years. I'm not going do it.
Speaker: Literally, you'll just keep – we all know that, but but it is so uncomfortable. and like It was so huge when you did it. I was like, yes! hey I went to the beach. Woo! Really, like – and that's something that's so interesting about motherhood is, like, these things that, like – I never thought before I had kids that I would be over here like celebrating myself so much for like going to the beach. It sounds so silly and stupid, but it is like doing that thing for myself felt felt like the hardest thing I've ever done. Like, whereas putting, dropping everything and doing something for Alice when she needs like, or Evie, like doesn't feel hard at all. Isn't that weird?
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. That's powerful. words Crazy. like crazy All right. Well, before we end, I want to talk quickly about your Mango Magic audio drops. Tell us about them. i think that everyone, if you are looking for like an entry point into coaching or just like self-development work, that's a great place. And if you are a podcast listener, which I know you are because you like you're listening to this podcast right now. I think this is such a good place for you to start. So tell us about it.
Speaker: Yeah. So this is like a, it's actually in Slack. I don't know if people know what that is, but it's like a little community where um I just pop in and I will drop like a five minute audio of like a realization that I have, a transformation, a perspective, or a lot of it is also like the real thing.
Speaker: challenges that I'm experiencing, like behind the scenes, day-to-day life and kind of how I work through it and shift through that. And I don't, most, they're mostly daily drops. I don't always do them on the weekends, but, and I offer like a couple journal prompts and perspective. And I think why they're so valuable is because um one, like the energy, like there's an energetic piece to that, not to, I'm going to make myself sound woo now, but like, there's so much power in listening to someone who is like believing in bigger possibilities and going after what they want. And like, yeah,
Speaker: And so having that like kind of like infused energy into your life just for five minutes. And part of the reason I made them this way is because I'm like, i' I'm not going to sit down and watch a 700-minute course like right now. So true. wanted something that was like super accessible that you could literally take a five-minute walk or listen to when you're with your kids or listen to in your car that – like really shifts how you feel and the perspective that you have. And then I think, again, the other piece, the behind the scenes piece is that I think in a world with social media and all of that, it's so easy to assume that moms and other people aren't experiencing what we're experiencing. And I think it's so valuable to like walk with someone like me or anyone who's like living, creating a life they really love, but to hear kind of the ins and outs of what's actually like happening. and where I get stuck and what I am experiencing. And so, i don't know, it's just kind of like this daily dose of magic. I talk about, I mean, you don't have to be a business owner to be in there. I talk about certain like business things, but they're very, they're all like applicable to your life if you're open to hearing them from that lens.
Speaker: Yeah. There's so much motherhood in there too. that And like and just just like you said, I think it's so valuable to hear from someone. like it's it's There are times where you drop in there and you're like processing things in real life. You're like, I felt this today. And like this is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm working through. And I'm like, oh my God, I have felt that exact way. Or I felt that yesterday. like It's so nice to like just hear you work through that. And so sometimes it's...
Speaker: I feel like online and in on Instagram, you see so much like inspirational content or moms being like, choose joy, you know, so basic. And you're like, yeah, I'd love to do that. But like how? And like, what's the, and I think that's, what's so great about these little audio drops is you kind of get to like hear the process of like, yeah, it's like the real how when you hear something, yeah. Hindsight where someone's teaching, it doesn't always share the depth of like what you have to experience to choose joy or go to the beach when everything inside of you is like, no, you can't do that. That's, that's really what this is. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, it's such an amazing place to be. i am inside of there as well. And it's so valuable and so amazing. We are going to have the link to that in our ah show notes of this episode. Plus we'll also post it obviously when this episode goes live We'll also link Lindsay's socials. Definitely go give her a follow of there. Such a good mix of content, obviously like life coach aspirational, but also, like i said, yeah funny kid videos. You have so many sweet moments with your kids. um on your socials that I love. um And so just want to say thank you so much for joining us and for being here. Like you are amazing. I am a glowing review of working with you because um you really have shifts so many things for me. So I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much.
Speaker: Yeah. um Yeah, of course. All right. Well, um, stay tuned for things coming up in the next couple of weeks. And like I said, all of Lindsay's links will be in our show notes and on our Instagram and we will see you guys next time. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.
