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Routines
71 Plays5 years ago
People love routines. We hear of the power and value of routines. Yet, many of us struggle with routines, haven't found one that works/lasts, or flat out just don't enjoy. I have been one of these people.
K and I discuss our experience with routines (we're on different ends of the spectrum here) and some deeper points about them beyond just 'do these things no matter what'.
We answer user submitted questions about challenges and issues with routines in a way that invites you to explore and engage in a purposeful set of actions that serve your life, consistently.
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Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello.
Introduction to Routines
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello. Oh my god. We're talking about routines and we do this podcast every Wednesday. Every Wednesday. I'm gonna just talk for a second. What's
Personal Views on Routines
00:00:16
Speaker
interesting about this is, I'm just gonna, spoiler alert now, you're not a big fan of routines.
00:00:25
Speaker
Interestingly enough, this podcast, you get like really worked up about if it doesn't happen at the right time on the same day, exactly the thing, which is very much a routine. There's no room for flexibility in this thing. That's
Adapting to External Changes
00:00:36
Speaker
not true. What time are we recording? Well, we established, we renegotiated. Sure. Given the pandemic and the current situation and the coaching the 12 that we would now do it after the 12. That's right. So how am I not flexible again?
00:00:52
Speaker
Well, in the past, if it's not exactly at that time, you get really worked up. We've had to stop and rerecord now today because the kids came down. Their level of awareness is not maybe at the level we would always hope for. So we're starting over, but it's fine. Sometimes routines need flexibility.
00:01:18
Speaker
And it just, I find it funny that there's very few things that you are absolute about with times, but this podcast happens to actually eat more time. Well, because I release these on Thursday morning. But like we never would say like, Oh, let's do it Monday. No. Or Tuesday. Give more time. What? We never like give more time.
00:01:40
Speaker
It only ends up happening where it's like it's Wednesday and crap. It's
Challenges in Planning
00:01:45
Speaker
like we need to like push out later and then it's frustrating. You never say I'm looking at the week and I'm seeing that maybe Wednesday's a little tight and Tuesday's not. Well, because here's the thing, because here's the thing. We're not good. I'm planning ahead. You're, I am. That's exactly what I am doing. Being people who work for themselves.
00:02:10
Speaker
You and I constantly, no kidding with constantly evolving schedules.
Work-Life Balance Struggles
00:02:20
Speaker
Nothing is really all that consistent. So because there's a timeliness to this podcast,
00:02:32
Speaker
and post-production work. Post-production. Some of the stuff is going to have to come offline. We'll go offline with some of the tasks. The reason is we're not good at, and I think this kind of goes into actually, it's a relevant point. Your problem. We're not good at honoring boundaries, personal boundaries with us. Like for example,
00:03:00
Speaker
we've been open about the dining room table being like also doing work while eating dinner or being in bed and just doing a couple of emails. Yeah, same, we're not going to go on the phone. Yeah. So it's like, hey, we say this and we don't do it because nobody's really... Do you think of routine? Oh boy. Because so what we were talking about that we're going to talk about today, I am, as with many things,
Strict vs. Flexible Routines
00:03:28
Speaker
I'm on one end of like routines and you're on the other, meaning I kind of fall on the side of like, if we say it's going to be at this, this, this, this, it's all these little like, um, Jenga blocks, you know, like I just plug in all these things and if they fit, I'll just keep going with that. That's the routine. It doesn't matter if it's a shitty build. Yes. I'm going to go until the thing topples.
00:03:53
Speaker
which it probably will eventually, but I'm going to keep going until it like I'm almost, you know, if I can get one more, I'm going to go for it. Yeah.
00:04:01
Speaker
but I will stick to that routine come hell or high water. It doesn't matter if, if I said I'm going to work out at seven and I feel awful and I'm, I don't feel great about it. I'm, I'm still going to work out at seven. Yeah. So hold on before you get to me, have you ever seen that episode of the office where Michael and Dwight use the GPS and Michael drives into the lake? Yes. I laughed very, very hard at that. That's me. Yeah.
00:04:28
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Now on the other side of that, there are some, there are some pitfalls. Obviously there are some things that are positive about that. I do feel like
00:04:42
Speaker
You know, I've, it's rare that by the end of the day, I ever say to you like, man, I want it to work. I don't think I've ever said, man, I really wanted to work out saying I didn't get to it. Right. Never. Right. I don't think have I, has that happened? It's kind of like, yep, I know I want to work out. I know I'm going to feel good after this is the time of the day. Yep. Do it. Yeah. Cause you also don't really care as much what you do. Like, like I'm saying, I'm saying that's all I'm saying. I'm not like comparing. I'm just saying you're, you're not as.
00:05:13
Speaker
I want to move my body the what isn't as, it's not like part of this bigger thing. But as it relates to a routine, I'm kind of, I'm much better at that. You are on the other side where you don't like being imposed or told like, hey, this is what you, like, you don't like the mindlessness of a routine. And you feel like all the experts that are saying, get up at 4.30,
Critique of Mindless Routines
00:05:41
Speaker
no matter what do this do that do that this is how you're going to be successful they're they're they're correlates they're not there's like it's the correlation not causation like just because you get up at 430 doesn't mean you're going to be some super successful person right and so when people just start following these things right route as we wrote wrote wrote is that the word i'm gonna look it up
00:06:08
Speaker
But like, uh, it becomes just like mindlessness. Yeah. It's about the form of it versus the essence. And I think that's one of the things where, uh, you know, every great leader in history has woken up at four 30 in the morning. So I'm going to wake up at four 30 in the morning. It's like, well, waking up at four 30 in the morning, isn't going to make you a better leader. Right.
00:06:35
Speaker
perhaps more time management. So you don't have to wake up at some ungodly hour and not being distracted and being more effective with communication to expand your efficiency and efficacy is what's needed. Not just more time because that's a failing proposition. Well, sure. I woke up and did this. Now,
00:06:58
Speaker
Think that's on the one side on the other side. I'm not anti routine nor am I anti waking up early? I'm you're just saying it's not an absolute right and I've done both and I think there's been some days where it's like Yeah, all right right on them all and then there's other days. I was like, this is not good. I Struggle with a routine a daily routine a morning routine because in part of the mindlessness And
00:07:28
Speaker
also in part due to not wanting it to be like just, yeah, imposed or done regardless of what, um, cause I like the flexibility of that. And I don't know, like it might just also be, like I said, like it might be weak. It might be rebellious. It might be, don't tread on me. I'm not really sure.
00:07:54
Speaker
I think it has to do with your emphasis on awareness because I can say that my the routine piece and someone asked me we'll get to the questions but sort of inherent in it I think with a lot of people is the repetition and all that and that inherently means you're not really aware of like
Impact of Non-Traditional Jobs
00:08:16
Speaker
Should I be like, is this the right thing for me to do today? It's like, there's no awareness. It's just do it because that's what it says in my planner. Yeah. And for me, one of my struggles is I don't have a traditional job. I'm not in the military anymore. I'm not like there's these forces and influences that have been removed. And so here's a great example today.
00:08:42
Speaker
Well, I would like to establish a morning routine. I say all of that and I say I would like to establish a morning routine. I personally do enjoy the quiet of waking up, especially now that the birds are out. Like I like that. It's bright. It's lighter earlier. I like that sort of warming up to start the day. There are some days where I really like to just have a cup of coffee, read and journal. There's other days where I might want to work out or move.
00:09:09
Speaker
Well, which one? Well, I want both of them. So it's like, well, I'm not going to say I'm always going to work out because if it's, if I'm feeling a certain way, I'm not just going to move because it's the sake of moving. If I, if what's best is not to move, because that's going to be like, Hey, what do I need? Having the self-awareness to do what is serving you.
Building Flexible Morning Routines
00:09:30
Speaker
The other side, if it's just like read journal, coffee, sit and stare.
00:09:39
Speaker
okay well what if you want to move and because i do enjoy that as well so which one is it going to be now it's going to be all of them well i've done where it's been all of them and it's just been like it hasn't been serving the purpose of kind of warming up for the day having there be intentional it's just doing wake up and do more shit it's like um i don't like that
00:10:03
Speaker
So in looking at building out my morning routine, one of the things I'm looking to establish as a model with built in flexibility goes back to what I think the essence of between the ears is with physical, mental, and emotional fitness. That being a movement element, a
00:10:25
Speaker
Thinking element be that a journal or a meditation or just sitting in the quiet And I think the emotional mental kind of go hand in hand cold showers Ironically been the thing that I've done most consistently and the lymph has been like awesome, especially at this point
00:10:43
Speaker
So using that, using those buckets to populate what's needed today and then refine and adjust as required. So it kind of has both. There is a routine and that you're getting up and you're going and purposely going into one of those buckets.
00:11:00
Speaker
but it's not always on Monday. It's the physical on Tuesday where that becomes disconnected from what you might actually need. That's if you had a really, if you didn't work out yesterday and you were really kind of like, Oh, I kind of wanted to move. I miss moving. Then today might be a day like, Oh, I'm really looking forward to getting up and moving. Right. Right. So I think that's, there's that value. Like we, you're saying like the boundaries and the sort of,
00:11:25
Speaker
general structure, but not where it's all planned down to the smallest detail. They have no control over to connect to how you feel that day. Yeah. And the other thing is for me at least, I don't want to do a full on training session workout at six in the morning. That's not when I feel like I'm at my best. I'm not interested in it. Early people are sleeping.
00:11:48
Speaker
I mean it that early in the morning to connect like physically, physically. Yeah. If you get up, you roll out of bed, you take the dogs out, not don't drink the coffee yet. I'm doing the, I've been doing the cold shower after a movement. Um, like running, biking things that.
00:12:05
Speaker
are not so like contraction based, not super high metabolic, like not right. That would be a good move. I did like a kettlebell complex at a bike the other day. And I was like, this is way too much of a workout. Yeah. So I think that the way I look at the morning movement is it's movement. It's not a workout. Now here's the thing. Today it turned into what could be a workout. It was hard. It was a salt bike or echo bike sprints.
00:12:31
Speaker
but not a lot of like thought in that. I mean, it's not complicated. It was hard metabolically, but you know, not complex. Right. Yeah. So.
00:12:43
Speaker
That's kind of been the struggle with routines. I was hesitant doing, you suggested we do an episode on routines. I was hesitant because I don't, I'm like right there asking questions with folks. I can only speak to my experience. I'm not a big routine guy. There's a lot, I understand the value. I like this structured element too, because I recognize the absence of structure trips me up.
00:13:10
Speaker
but I'll just be clear, I have not found one. I have not found, I've dabbled and there was a while I would do pushups right when I would wake up. Journaling obviously has been pretty consistent, not every single day, not the same type, but some sort of writing in the morning. But I haven't found one that's worked for me. That's been like, yeah, this is my routine that isn't just the routine for the sake of the routine.
00:13:41
Speaker
And I guess the question is for anybody, can a routine be something that's not just for the sake of the routine? Which I think is a major pitfall. It can just become, um, yeah, just like I have to do this. And then it offers up when you don't do something one day, the guilt and feeling I should have because that's my routine. And so really like having some structure, but perhaps not so rigid.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah. Structure without the shackles. That's what we want. So we had some questions. So we have really good questions and I think they're really good talking points because nobody's asking what's your routine. And I love that. Yeah. And that's sort of the, if, if I were to say like, that's because these, the people asking those questions understand and get between the ears. Right. It's not, give me the answer. Right. It's not. Well, it's not like, what are you doing? I want the template. It's like, let's talk about the human element with this.
00:14:40
Speaker
So without further ado, I'm gonna actually give questions, shout outs to
Finding Excitement in Routines
00:14:46
Speaker
those who did them. Let me find it. A lot of robots asking questions. Not actually saying questions, but just typing space into the thing. Standby.
00:15:01
Speaker
That one's not it. Omar, how to find excitement in the routine and ways to accept when it gets boring? I like this question because I think it, I think it's like got both sides of it. Yeah. So what has, so being that you're the more routine person,
00:15:27
Speaker
How have you found excitement in your routine or routines? I mean, I guess the thing is like the excitement is in like, so we'll take the cold shots. That's an easy one. While it could be like, okay, now I'm going to do this. You do it right away. I do it right away. Or even like the routine of like coaching a class every day, the nine, the 12, the five 30. Mm-hmm.
00:15:53
Speaker
But like honestly, what does help, I think your mind goes down that, okay, now I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And it's like, that's where the like boredom or it kind of comes in. And then when you really think about like the uniqueness of that, like today's nine,
00:16:09
Speaker
a.m. class isn't yesterday's 9 a.m. class the 12 isn't the 9 and today's cold shower isn't yesterday's it's its own well I've done that now 35 days in a row today's still a unique experience what is this experience going but it's in your brain it's not inherently unique
00:16:32
Speaker
Right. So I think the excitement, what I'm saying is bringing the excitement back is to remind yourself, to catch yourself in that moment of saying like, okay, it isn't a photocopy of what happened yesterday. Right. What is the experience about? Right. So that can bring some excitement. Oh yeah. I like, oh, that's right. Like I like how that feels, how it's going to feel. I'm going to breathe. Just kind of ironically being present in what you're going to do. I think when there's boredom,
00:16:58
Speaker
you're, it's a, it's a, um, symptom. It's kind of a red flag to say, Hey, you're heading down that, like just rinse and repeat route. So it's actually a good kind of warning sign. Yeah, that's really good. I never, I never, I didn't think about that. Um, and from the, from like, because I have been studying the brain, I'm obviously no neurologist, but have, no, you're not definitely not. I don't even know how to spell that anyway. Um,
00:17:29
Speaker
Okay. So the excitement part comes from surprise, essentially. Like excitement is a response from agency and like, I want to do this. Right. I'm just speaking about like your, your brain predicting. Right. Like if you were to draw a line across the whiteboard, giant ass line.
00:17:51
Speaker
and you were to smudge out a section, your attention would be immediately brought to the smudged out section, not, wow, there's nine feet of line. It's like there's one inch of break. That is sort of like by the excitement, meaning it's different. Because when you do things repetitively, it's just like, we know what this is going to be. The form of it is the we know.
00:18:20
Speaker
So what's really cool about that, and that's like a fast, mostly not, you're not really controlling that, but by, and then we'll just say that's like more of an emotional type of sensation that's formed as a result of whatever. But you generate the excitement by bringing a rational mind into play and saying, Hey, this is different than yesterday.
00:18:40
Speaker
you can logically understand and then generate like, oh yeah, because there's gonna be different faces because I'm a different person. And so I really like that answer because it speaks to the awareness, the self-awareness and the balance between how emotionally from a sensory element we deal with, we interpret things and we're processed and we're wired.
00:19:07
Speaker
as well as our power to be, to use our rational minds and our brains to serve us really well. So you get a gold star for that answer.
Avoiding Rigidity and Guilt
00:19:21
Speaker
Lainey, Lainey Moo, I believe from the UK. How you ensure routine doesn't become the only focus and you can be flexible when needed.
00:19:37
Speaker
And then part two, and how to ensure you don't beat yourself up when you don't stick to it for a valid reason. I mean, I think part one is kind of goes along with the last question. And I think also it's kind of what you were saying, having some guidelines, like some
00:19:57
Speaker
structure without it being down to the detail. So in terms of flexibility, having understanding that like, OK, you have maybe a couple of options. I know that I want I like to get up and start my day with quiet. But whether it's a workout, a walk or reading, those are options based on like being flexible with it.
00:20:20
Speaker
But I think the feeling bad part is like, that's that should trap. Yeah. Why are you feeling badly? And for me in my experience, okay. So if I don't take a cold shower, I'm feeling badly because like, I should take a cold shower. Why should I take cold shower? Yeah. Well, it's good for me. Okay. But like,
00:20:41
Speaker
Is that really enough, like, not taking it today? Because I'd like to, you know, like, start my day a little slower, have a cup of coffee. Like, that's also a good thing. Yeah. So the reason for not doing it, and maybe it is just for not, like, I just don't feel like it. Yeah. But I think the challenge in that, and I agree with you 100%, I think the question I would ask to sort of, hey, write this question down and play it when you need to play it.
00:21:10
Speaker
And we'll just go with a cold shower, for example. What do you think not taking a cold shower today says about who you are as a human being? Right. And I would say I could probably answer that with other things and say like, like maybe a workout, for example, I was going to work out today. It didn't. Sure. What do you think? What is not? I am not, I'm not committed. I'm not disciplined. I'm lazy. Right.
00:21:40
Speaker
All those things. Then there's two ways you can go with this one. Show me the proof that I am committed, that I am not lazy, that I am committed. What have I done?
00:21:56
Speaker
How have I been to demonstrate those things? Ironically, it could be, well, I've taken a shower for 79 days in a row. Right. So the one cold shower, you definitely don't take normal real showers. 79 days in a row. Come on. You get, you know, show me the proof.
00:22:16
Speaker
Yeah. Kind of show me the proof, but not so much in the streak, but in like, no, I believe this about myself because this is who I know who I am. Right. Not, not about what's on the piece of paper, but like, well, I've done.
00:22:27
Speaker
this is really how I've shown up for the majority of the time. So this one moment in time is part of this much bigger picture. Right. Yeah. So I think having that be where you go with it to be like, no, this is who I've been. I've, you know, and, and, and in that case, um, but I think relaxing, I then, and then I think the other thing I was going to say was pulling away from the, this singular action means everything.
00:22:57
Speaker
Like look at the painting. And I mean zoom in on the painting. Zoom in or zoom out? Zoom in. Zoom in as far into it as you can go. Like take a picture on your computer, on your phone, whatever, and zoom in as far as possible. And tell me if you can see what that picture is. And it's like, no, it's a little point on it. Now zoom out. And it's like, that's you. Right. And I think some of it, like in my experience too,
00:23:26
Speaker
that honoring like you're saying what I think one of the ways of not feeling bad and sure if if now it's day 10 of not working out okay now sure now that's like what's what's going on and that's something to look at but usually when there is that one point
00:23:45
Speaker
There is a reason for it. It is your body or something saying like we don't care. Your body doesn't care about the routine you've established in your head. No, if you feel and I feel like I've experienced years of this because it was just what was in the Google spreadsheet and I didn't let my body connect at all. Right. And it didn't have any say.
00:24:05
Speaker
And that's when like, yeah, you do get sick. You do get injured because your body is still going to say like, well, I don't care what you're telling me I'm going to do. Like I can't today. Right. And it will fight back. So remembering kind of like, you know, Oh, today, today's the day that my routine says I do this. I get up at 4am and like, I'm just tired. Like, yeah. Yes. Like listen to your body. Yeah. So just trying to think of it in more of a being gentle with yourself way, not just battling yourself.
00:24:34
Speaker
Yeah There's a little I think there's another side to that that goes more towards the questioning. Is it just are you resisting something solely because it's inconvenient? Which is kind of like listen Man up, you know But nonetheless, I think that That's good for the most part. Yeah Yeah, how to make sure you don't beat yourself up for when you don't stick to it for a valid reason. I mean Listen, the truth is within you
00:25:01
Speaker
like the valid reason thing like it might just be because yeah you're because you're tired you know and it's it's one uh it's a whole thing um
00:25:14
Speaker
Does being fit correlate, I don't know how we're going to answer this, and I think the question is always going to be, I don't know, but nonetheless, does being fit correlate to a higher degree of compliance to non-fitness related routines? Cape Codsworth asked that. That's a cool question. It's an interesting thing. I have no idea. Well, I do think that people, it's
00:25:37
Speaker
I would venture to say that people who are consistent with their fitness, there is an element of routine and discipline. Like you're not going to get fit without being consistent and therein lies some element of discipline. But I'm going to go, I'm going to go slightly different from you. There's quite a bit of self imprisonment in fitness.
00:26:02
Speaker
Right. But I'm saying the tendency irrelevant of that, the tendency of people who are fit. Yeah. Like if you look at CrossFit, for example, there's a type of personality there. It's typically like more a type of type a personality. It's very rare to find someone who's kind of like lazy, who like comes and does the workout and then they go home and they do nothing for the rest of the day. Like I think there is more likely to be people who
00:26:30
Speaker
if they're committed to their fitness and they understand there's that consistency routine element, they carry that forward usually in the rest of their life. I would agree in that physical fitness being something prioritized as a part of whole body, you know, whole person fitness, hopefully has spillover. How could you assert that or test? I have no idea. But it would be interesting to just think about and just talk to people and just notice
00:27:01
Speaker
You know? Yeah. I mean, the thing is, is like, well, if you're compliant to fitness and let's just say you're non-compliant with your diet, which we see all the time, what's going on there? Yeah, compliance, I guess is a tough question.
00:27:20
Speaker
Yeah. Um, Andrew Kalandash, good question. How to stop yourself getting frustrated when something you cannot control breaks the routine control and all of the effort.
00:27:39
Speaker
I think one of the things with control is that, and we've talked about it a lot in the past few weeks. Sorry. We control so little.
00:27:59
Speaker
like really control so little. However,
Handling Disruptions
00:28:04
Speaker
we focus on the overwhelming amount that we cannot control and try to control it versus controlling the very little, but the very powerful, influential, which is ourselves.
00:28:19
Speaker
But I think the other part of the question is like the frustration and like, I don't know that like so today, not that this was totally out of our control because we probably didn't do a good job of communicating to the kids and saying hey we're going to podcast please don't come down, but let's just call that an out of control thing.
00:28:39
Speaker
And this is something we kind of have gotten into before where it's like, just don't get, don't get upset. It's like, well, yeah, like it's frustrating. We were going over 20 minutes and then things shit hit the fan and okay. Like accept the frustration. I think accepting that feeling and being like, okay, I'm frustrated. I had no control over this. Right.
00:29:01
Speaker
and relinquishing a little bit of that. But I think that also goes back to having, if you're practicing flexibility in your routine, then when something comes up, you're a little bit more able to flex. If you're just super rigid with your routine, yes. Then when something happens and you can't do it, it's going to create much more of a jarring kind of experience. Yeah. I think
00:29:27
Speaker
I always hesitate or I will turn away from verbs like how do you stop, deny, prevent, eliminate, because
00:29:41
Speaker
avoidance is not a tactic that I that I think is realistic nor do I think is helpful and So my my answer would be stop trying to stop yourself getting frustrated let yourself get frustrated and then let that shit go like acknowledge it and advance and so I think that's a
00:30:04
Speaker
That's a good question. And that's one that I think many folks have experienced, myself included, you know, and you it's like, Oh, again, what is this action or inaction saying about, about me, Anthony Falco, Falco physio? Good question. I like this question a lot. Getting value out of the routine and not just doing it because you have to.
00:30:27
Speaker
I think that is a, perhaps a question. And I think that's also the answer. Right. I mean, that's what you're saying. Like getting the value, like what is the value? What is the value? Doing a little bit of an audit, doing a bit of, Hey, I'm going to be curious with
00:30:45
Speaker
What am I getting at this thing? And if it's like, nothing actually being okay with also dropping it, there's a thing called the sunk cost fallacy where we hang onto things that we've already put so much into, but it's like, well, I've already put so much into it. It's like, yeah, but it's, it's like feeding a plant that could, that's dead. Like don't feed it more water. It ain't growing back. It's not coming back. And so I think that for me personally, what I'm finding to be more valuable,
00:31:15
Speaker
as it relates to the routine is physical, mental, emotional fitness in those days. And it's not going to be, you know, full training session, but it's going to be the movement thing. So, you know, taking a look at those pillars of value and what does provide value. Um, the big picture again, I think zooming out and doing that check-in. Yeah.
00:31:39
Speaker
Because I'll say when you have to do stuff, man, there's, that's just an energy drain. There's a resentment. And then yeah, I have the whole, I was going to, I'm going to like, I have this writing thing, but, and I like little, little like one liners or whatever to explain a concept. I think that's part of, I don't know. That's part of between the years as part of the mindset stuff, but like the imposition leads to opposition is a major thing there. And.
00:32:06
Speaker
reverse psychology, influencing, motivating. That's where I have any shitty leader tell you what to do. And you're like, I'm going to do that the worst possible and the least possible because you're telling me. And not everybody's spite and hatred, but nonetheless. Some crazy person from Russia. What else have we got in here? Bum, bum, bum.
00:32:33
Speaker
Bots, bots. Toby had a good one. Let me switch accounts. Oh, um, actually, I'm going to use the screen name. It's not real names, plastic pixel thoughts about routine and ritual. Oh yeah. The difference. I like that. Yeah. I mean, and without my,
00:32:59
Speaker
my instinctual reaction would be ritual is much more meaningful and has a deeper meaning where routine is maybe more about getting to an end state.
Rituals vs. Routines
00:33:14
Speaker
Do you know what I mean? Like a ritual is like,
00:33:20
Speaker
rich and filled with some bigger meaning. A routine is like, I do this so that you're like, okay, I wake up in the morning so I can get focused for like, like you were talking about for the task. So for your writing, how do I bring energy to when I'm ready for that task? So I have a routine that gets me ready to go to work, do my writing, whatever it is. Whereas a ritual is not about anything else other than that ritual and like fulfillment of your
00:33:49
Speaker
Do you think a ritual is a superstition? No, but I do feel like there's like a more spiritual piece. Like it's about your something bigger than a task. What are some, okay, let's go. Cause this is cool. Do you have a ritual? What would, what would be a ritual? Come on. I guess praying before you eat. Is that a ritual?
00:34:19
Speaker
I don't know. I don't go. Well, I think so. That's so like if praying before you eat is just a routine, it has no meaning in it. If it's a ritual, it's like this opportunity to be pausing, to be grateful. If you believe in a higher power, you're thanking them for your food, but it's just a routine. Like, well, we just do this before we eat. Then it's kind of meaningless.
00:34:43
Speaker
Right. So the ritual would be praying, the routine would be say washing your hands. Right.
00:34:54
Speaker
Yeah, I think a, yeah, that's fine. Yeah. If your ritual is washing your hands because like there's probably some culture where like, like, yeah, washing your feet in Christian culture, like washing of the feet. Yes, of course. It's not about washing. No, no, no. I'm just saying. So it's not always, but the washing of the feet, it's not just like, Oh, gotta get your feet clean. Yeah. It's not cause you have dirt on your toes. Right. Yeah. Um,
00:35:23
Speaker
Yeah, I think I think I would agree. I think the ritual is certainly something a bit more less direct.
00:35:35
Speaker
I would have rituals, especially in the military. I would have rituals in soccer, getting ready for both of those. Is it a superstition? I don't know. I feel like that's got a little bit too much black catism to it, but it was just like, all right, this is what I do. It wasn't really...
00:35:59
Speaker
the routine of it being something I do for something else. Yeah, it wasn't mindless. In some ways it might've been. Um, I think it's probably like a spectrum. Yeah. You know? Yeah, for sure. Cool question. Good question. Thank you for that question. Um, Toby had a good one. As economy gradually reopens, routines may need to change weekly advice for flexibility.
00:36:30
Speaker
Yeah. And I think that's that audit or check-in or whatever, like versus just getting stuck in the like, and that's where that frustration comes in. Well, this was my new routine and now this is happening. Right. Now I have to like, and then you spend so much energy being pissed off that your routine can't be executed. So just kind of, you know, looking at like, is it working and also anticipating that like,
00:36:59
Speaker
and having an acceptance on like, this isn't a forever thing. I'm not setting up a routine that I'm just going to now plug and play for the rest of my life. Is this working today? Yep. Great. I think that's actually the flexibility part is why I feel pretty good about, we'll say my recent morning routine thing.
00:37:24
Speaker
It's
Importance of Nighttime Routines
00:37:24
Speaker
so funny cause you don't really talk about like other routines. I mean the morning routine is such like a hot place. Like, you know what I mean? Like that's like what everyone talks about, but I would say like, we should be looking at the nightly routine. I think people talk about the nighttime routine, like putting your phone away. Like, like there's some stuff that we, and I'm not saying should and like we should do it for our health, not in a beating ourselves up way. Like I would like to have, for me, the nighttime routine is,
00:37:54
Speaker
Like everything at night is more challenging for me. I am great. Like I run at like a hundred percent from like seven to two to one. I'm sorry. I'm on the downward spiral. Yeah, you are. I'm definitely on the downward spiral and then things just kind of fall apart later. So yeah, that's something maybe because your morning routine is
00:38:18
Speaker
too aggressive. But yeah, at night, I think, I think starting and ending the day because they are like bookends. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. And I agree. I think, you know, so what would some warming up and cooling down to for a nighttime routine? Should we take, should we take another cold shower at night? Just do the same. Another cold shower. No, what you do is, well, what's your morning routine? Wake up cold shower. Yeah. Then what? Well, then it's been coffee.
00:38:47
Speaker
Okay. So I have decaf coffee, then cold shower, then bad joke. Um, yeah, I mean, I don't know. I want to get back to this question on the, the flexibility part. We were just, we were talking. I know. I just didn't want to get sucked down. What's our nightly routine going to be? Okay. So flexibility. Well, no, we can talk about the nightly routine. I think the phone, I think a hard stop on work, which man, that's so, so challenging. I, I'm so,
00:39:17
Speaker
You have not been able to do that, I'm gonna say. I've had a hard. It's you. Yeah. You're the problem. Yeah, that's right. But anyway, so there are some things, there's probably some things that you can, like to your point, like, okay, well, why would we want a nighttime routine? Why would you want a morning routine? And as things change, if currently you're in the house with all of your family members, there are different routines that are gonna serve that space. Yeah. Now we're getting back to work.
00:39:47
Speaker
Now there's face masks. Like there's things that like, okay, we have to all remember. Like this might sound silly, but like kids forget their lunches. Like nobody can forget their face masks. You see these PCIs. Remember that? Yes. Yeah. So those kinds of things. And that's where that awareness piece I think comes in being aware. Well, that's a great thing. Yeah, for sure. I'll say personally, I think the flexibility thing. So when I think of flexibility, I think of space.
Minimalism and Flexibility
00:40:14
Speaker
the space to push left or right. If you have so much stuff crammed into the range in which you're going to move, your flexibility goes down. So this is where I think the minimalism movement provides freedom. So wonderfully, and we're not minimalists, but I think that that's an important part of it.
00:40:39
Speaker
So I will say, when I changed my mindset about routines, that I have to do this, this, this, and this, because what routine is just one thing, this need to be more productive or have more in there. Look at this, I was super accomplished. I got all this shit. It's like, no. I want to do one of these things in the morning. Right.
00:41:08
Speaker
There's flexibility then. So if it's, we'll just say 15 minutes of movement, that's not a workout. 15 minutes of journaling, 15 minutes of meditating, 15 minutes of one of them. It's just one of them. Just one of them. Not all of them. And then there's flexibility within that to be able to say.
00:41:31
Speaker
Yeah. This is the day that, um, I'm not feeling good. Like I physically feel sick. So I'm going to wake up.
00:41:42
Speaker
If like, let's just say that's not a negotiable thing, like you're going to wake up and I'm going to journal or I'm going to breathe or whatever. And so I think looking at taking your long list, which is like, think of it, think of it like a ladder and flipping the ladder on its side and say, look, now there's, you've flattened it. And it's not all of these things you have to do, the pressure to do it, to do this, to do that, to do the other. Yeah.
00:42:11
Speaker
is I think how personally I've kind of been like, all right, I can, because people like books that book minimal minimizing, what's the book with the red that you read? Essentialism. Because they talk a little bit about priorities and things like that. I was just thinking about it when you were saying not just doing everything at once, because I think that's
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah, they've got some good stuff. I agree with some of the things in there. I'm not particularly fond of some of the other things. I think that a lot of what it comes back to is the false sense of knowing. Meaning what?
00:42:51
Speaker
Uh, just knowing for sure how something is going to go. I think a lot of these, I think a lot of advice is focused on knowing and controlling an outcome.
00:43:04
Speaker
And I think for some things, like, yeah, you have to pay attention to the outcome. But all of this stuff in the between the ears approach is always going to be about the energy behind the action, the intention and not having it, not knowing every single, you're not an expert in all of the why, but like, what is this for? Because that's where, when we have the choice and the meaning, like meaning is like, that's why I love that.
00:43:32
Speaker
that meaning is rooted in agency, which is the ability to choose, not an agency versus choice being like every possible decision, but no, this is the decision that matters to me. I think that's what I enjoy. So some of the like pick the one thing, cause that's going to be this. It's like, that's just not how it goes. Um, for some of these things, you just don't know. And the human factor, as soon as another human being gets involved, the, you know, forget it. Um,
00:44:02
Speaker
There's something else I was going to say about the routines that maybe I'll look back at the question. Um,
00:44:17
Speaker
i don't know yeah so i think though the main takeaway is like having some structure is good yeah not being living and dying by this routine where if something happens you can't flex and if you make a change you make it about how how you are as a human being um but and also taking some time to take inventory on like is this still working for me and why am i doing it
00:44:45
Speaker
I think those are all good things with the routines, and making choices from there is great. Yeah. There was two other questions that came in via Facebook. One was how to break up the monotony, especially during this time, Raquel. If your routine is monotonous, and I think that that's a sign, and your monotony is, if you're uninspired by it and you're not having that energy from it, then I think now is the time to check in with it and be like, what is the purpose of me doing this?
00:45:14
Speaker
Well, I think for some people it could be work. I go upstairs. I have to get on my computer and then I'm there for for us. There's not really a lot of like, what's the purpose? It's like, okay. So bringing that presence, like we said, do it. What am I doing in this thing? How can I make this exciting? But then also like what other things can I do? Can I.
00:45:34
Speaker
Like for us, like we walk the dogs, it's like, okay, we could go and walk them a different route. And that might sound silly, but like having, or like cooking something different for dinner, learning something. That's all that stuff we've talked about where I think that helps with some of the things you can't control the routine of by nature of like, if you have a job or, but looking at the, like you said, the essence of it, not the form and adding other things that you can control. So I think, yeah. And I think, um,
Breaking Routine Monotony
00:46:04
Speaker
how to break up the monotony, learn, either learn something new or learn more on it. So like really dive in and get, just again, don't know what this is in reference to. If it is work, sure, maybe something a little bit more. But I think that when we are learning, the monotony has broken up. And then Corey, how do you make something part of your daily routine?
00:46:28
Speaker
Yeah. So I think this is where it might be a little bit mechanical. It might be a little forced to start. And again, no expert on it. I guess there are things that like the daily routine versus a specific routine, like I will say we're pretty good with like doing, doing things that matter, you know, um, to us and, and health and stuff. I mean, I think for people like,
00:46:56
Speaker
Yeah, if you're someone that hasn't been working out, and you're like, okay, the only time I have to work out is at 7am. There is no time in my day other than 7am. And every day you keep hitting the snooze and not getting up. And then you don't work out. Okay, then there are a little, I don't want to call them hacks, because I know we don't like that word, but
00:47:16
Speaker
Yeah, if the obstacle, trying to minimize as many obstacles as possible. So one would be like planning the night before I know what I'm going to do for a workout. Two would be having your stuff out. Like I know when I coach the 5.15 AM or want to get up and do a workout in the morning.
00:47:35
Speaker
If I have to like fumble through the dark, finding my clothes, like that's a pain that that's enough at that hour. When you wake up, she's like, I don't feel like trying to take yourself up for success. So those little things like, okay, I'm going to get up. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have whatever it is. It's going to help you as a thing. Like I'm going to have this playlist that I like. My shoes are ready. Yeah.
00:47:57
Speaker
Yeah, maybe it's like I'm going to look forward to that cup of coffee afterwards, whatever it is, those kinds of mechanical things. Until then, it's like, all right, I'm doing it.
00:48:06
Speaker
And then you can start to work out like, yeah, maybe you don't need the playlist or the whatever, but I think the consistency, because there is something to be said about, wow, I did that seven days and like I can do it. Yeah. I mean, that's, and that's again, kind of in the, in the due course I'm taking, like, you know, that's kind of the whole thing with the power of habit, tiny habits, atomic habits, all of this stuff about habits. Um,
00:48:31
Speaker
I think starting small, like, hey, small wins, small goals, small steps. And I think something that everybody can benefit from, myself included, like we say, like shoulder to shoulder with everybody.
00:48:47
Speaker
is fucking celebrating what you do more like it's okay to be your friend it's okay to celebrate your stuff and and this is i have to tell myself that quite often um but like
00:49:05
Speaker
If you feel good by waking up, riding your bike for an hour, listening to your favorite music, and having that be how you start the day, then celebrate that shit. And own it, because you could have chosen to do anything else in the world, but you're doing this. You're doing this, hopefully, for a reason that is providing you value, that is important, that is an expression of who you are and how you want to be.
00:49:32
Speaker
So celebrate that. And that's something that I think is a challenge for sure. It's a challenge with people who I think are aware or more self-aware, who are humble to a fault, because you don't want to be this celebrating. You can also celebrate it even to yourself. Yeah, of course. I'm not saying, you know, throw your five balloons. It's like it's so easy to say, but it's like you can have your own internal celebration and that's even a bigger thing where
00:50:02
Speaker
what could possibly be wrong with that? Cause you can't blame it on like, Oh, I don't want to be showy or egotistical. Like no start with just your own personal celebration that nobody has to know about. If you can't do that, how are you going to? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then I think that that continues to, to, to feed on. And then there is the thing with,
00:50:25
Speaker
like the outcome element of Like what you're saying kind of pay attention to the outcome And I think that's a that's an important one for folks like especially at the beginning I'll say because like there's gonna be all those signs. It's like hey stop. Hey, what are you doing? Like, you know the convenience and the comfort and some of the the laziness that's just built in like our brains are inherently lazy and
00:50:46
Speaker
Right, but when you know, oh, I felt really good when I did that, like celebrate that, because that's what you're going to remember and tying that emotion to it. I mean, there was so many things that, and that's like an adversity thing too, where it's just like.
00:50:59
Speaker
like whatever, you know, when we would go long periods of time without seeing each other and be like, man, like I just, that airport, like pulling up to the airport or getting on the plane or if you were coming down, going to Raleigh or getting out of the woods, getting the text, like knowing that because everything is pretty impermanent, that the temporary inconvenience and discomfort
00:51:23
Speaker
You know, it is impermanent. It can end anytime soon. You can stop right now, but the reward on the other end for personal fulfillment satisfaction is worth it. Yeah.
00:51:38
Speaker
All right. That's good. That's good. Um, really appreciate the questions. That was cool. That helped. Um, I think that helped. It was a good spread. I don't know if we would have directly hit those talking points. So yeah, it's a good one. Um, announcements.
00:52:01
Speaker
What do we got? Seminar coming up? Online seminar. You're releasing a little guide. A guide. Journaling. Journaling guide. And you got the seminar coming up, so. Yeah. Online seminar. Online seminar. Yeah. Alrighty. See you next week.