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Peter Crimi: Ever Forward.
135 Plays2 years ago
Peter Crimi is one of the most inspirational humans Karianne and I have ever met. His story is beyond surviving against the odds of his first 72 hours. Beyond persevering against the Sisyphean like disease of spastic cerebral palsy. Beyond the impressive feats of body and mind like doing the Boston Frogman 5k swim. His story is that of how beautiful the human spirit is and how incredible our journey can be. His story is about truly living.
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Hello. Very nice. Hello.
Introduction and Welcoming
00:00:06
Speaker
We have Peter creamy here today. Peter, welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to talk. I talk a lot. Uh, people tell me that I'm very verbose. And so when I told my wife, I was like, I get to sit down and talk for an hour to an hour and a half. She was like, Oh, God bless the people who said yes to you.
00:00:27
Speaker
I, as a joke in, I think it was like grammar school, I think there, I learned the word loquacious and that was like, I forget the joke now. But yeah, the joke is that you didn't actually speak probably much. You're not a person that talks a lot. So you're the quiet type. I'll listen. Peter can talk. He can listen. Sounds great.
00:00:53
Speaker
It is kind of funny. Anyway, that's not funny. That last 30 seconds was not funny. We'll have the editing team take care of that.
Family and Personal Life
00:01:03
Speaker
Peter, what's going on, man? How are you doing today? I'm doing good. It was a very taxing week, but the work piece of it is over and I'm excited to
00:01:16
Speaker
spend some time with you guys. It's my mom's birthday tomorrow, so I have to pick up her cake on the way home. Nice. What kind of cake? She wanted from Cocoa Lux. Yeah. So my aunt and uncle, they live out in Tewksbury, and my cousin has a lot of dietary restrictions, and so they go there now for all of her big stuff if they don't make it at home. And so last year when my sister and her husband got married, we didn't eat the groom carrot cake.
00:01:46
Speaker
So we ate it like the next day at my family's like kitchen table. That sounds good. Forks. And so my mother was like, this is all I want for my birthday. Like I want, you know, whatever, but like, this is what I want for my birthday. So she doesn't know this yet. And she'll obviously hear this after. So my father said to me,
00:02:07
Speaker
don't get a small cake." And I said to him, don't give me a lot of room here. So he said, I trust you, Peter, which was his mistake. So I got a cake to feed 30 people. Okay. How many of you are there? Six. Leftovers. Leftovers. Yeah. Can't ever have too much. Put it in the fridge. It'll saturate more and taste very good. Tuesday morning carrot cake is going to be- Carrot cake for breakfast. It's a vegetable.
Connection through Charity and Events
00:02:35
Speaker
So Peter, it was funny because we met online. That sounds funny. And then I didn't realize, and it was like a global national kind of situation. We were with other people all over the country. And then I realized we were actually both in Morristown or like in that area. Right.
00:02:54
Speaker
And then we went for coffee and I realized we know a lot of the same people. And so that was kind of a funny, our world's sort of coming full circle through something that was not local at all, which was the frogman swim that we both trained for and did. And that was for the Navy Seal Foundation. And tell me a little bit about, obviously we were on Sarah's team, Wilkinson. How did you find Sarah kind of get involved with that whole swimming event?
00:03:23
Speaker
Okay, so I first came in contact with Sarah after her husband died, after Chad took his own life. And then Dave Castro made Chad the workout. And after he put that out and I started reading all about it, I was like, I have to do this. So at the time I was going to a small crossfit gym near where my parents live.
00:03:49
Speaker
I got it all set up. I wore like these, I mean, I'm wearing pink shorts now, but these were like all pink and very obnoxious. And I failed so completely.
00:04:02
Speaker
I only got maybe halfway through it and then had to stop. And so that was a thing or whatever. But I still did the social media thing and I had somebody take a small video and I put it on my story. And as she was doing, she was sharing, I don't know if it was everyone's or mostly everyone's. And then she followed me.
00:04:22
Speaker
And I was like, oh my gosh, this is this is her. So I we talked a little bit, just like very, very general. And then we've sort of checked in with each other in the years that have gone since then. And she's I've had like two knee surgeries since I met her. And so she would like talk me through it. And I would say, you know, I'm going to do Chad when I'm better. And then I
00:04:49
Speaker
got hurt again and the whole thing. So then in January, she posted for the first time that I saw that year about the swim. And swimming is, especially after my knee surgery, is the thing that I started doing to still have that fitness component in my life, because I couldn't do much of what I was used to, which was standard adaptive athlete crossfit stuff.
00:05:17
Speaker
And I reached out to her and I was like, I swim. Can you tell me about this event? Because I went on the website and after meeting Jeff, hi, Jeff, you're great. There's not a lot of info on your website. So, um, so I reached out to her and I was like, so can you tell me some information about this event? And she goes through the whole thing, you know, 3.1 miles in the harbor. It's a whole thing. You're going to be safe. You're going to be fine.
00:05:46
Speaker
And I was like, Oh, cause you know, I'd like to learn about it so that way maybe I could train up for it and do it next year, meaning like June of 23. And you, you both know her well, so I don't think it'll be surprising to you to learn that by the end of it, I had committed to being on her team and doing it that June. And, uh, so I said yes to her, closed Instagram, opened my phone back up, called my wife and said,
00:06:16
Speaker
Sweetie, you want to go to Boston in June? And she was like, oh, yeah, I really haven't been to Boston in years. Why do you want to go to Boston, Peter? And I said, oh, I just think I'll go up there for the weekend, and I'll swim in the harbor. And she was like, what? Yeah, so that's how I got to train up for Boston and really get to know Sarah and the two of you. Yeah, that was. Just move your mic a little closer.
00:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, there we go. That was awesome to be part of that. And just, yeah, that swim was challenging, I think, for everybody. Yeah. What was your experience like? My experience was great because this was the first time in my life
00:07:05
Speaker
that I felt like an athlete and that I felt prepared to be an athlete. My longest training sessions for the swim were like two hours and I knew that at a 245 per 100 meter pace I was going to be in the water for two to three hours.
00:07:25
Speaker
my cousin would tell me all the time, you can swim for two hours. You can swim for three hours with proper hydration. If you need fuel and whatever, you can just keep going. It's all in your head. And I actually started to understand that. Um, so the swim was just like, Oh my God, I actually get to do this. Now don't get me wrong. I was very nervous. Like couldn't eat, didn't sleep well, like very anxious. My anxiety.
00:07:55
Speaker
I took my meds and stuff that day, but my anxiety was still right here at the base of my throat. I got to a point where I was like, okay, can we get in the water now? Yeah. Hurry up and wait.
00:08:13
Speaker
We put the wetsuits on and I was just like, okay, let's go. And there were, there were a lot of really amazing people there. Um, and not to say that for a second, I forgot like the reason we were there that was ever present in my mind. I swam for Rob Guzzo, um, who, uh, took his own life in 2011, the day after Veterans Day in the early morning hours following Veterans Day. I think that's correct.
00:08:44
Speaker
And I met his mom and I had, uh, I had not reached out to her in a way that maybe Sarah wanted us to. Cause I was like, I struggled in the very beginning a lot with, especially when Sarah told us who we were finally swimming for. I struggled with.
00:09:04
Speaker
how am I going to honor this man and his family? I'm just some short chubby disabled kid from Jersey. Like this guy lived a life, you know, and then unfortunately he didn't get the help that he needed. And, um, I felt very, very inadequate, just like, you know, not so far as to say like, Sarah, are you sure you want me to do this? But,
Living with Cerebral Palsy
00:09:33
Speaker
That's definitely what I was thinking. Then there was a History Channel episode about him. I think it's called Warfighters. I might be wrong about that. They used former operators to do live action sequences of certain events and things.
00:09:57
Speaker
two guys that knew him really well, um, were in the show and they interviewed them in between like the fighting and they told stories about him. And then one of the guys said, Rob's kind of got to tell you the most inappropriate joke at the worst time ever, meaning like he leans in and whispers in your ear while we're both talking from bullets. And when I heard that, I was like,
00:10:21
Speaker
I can do that. You want me to tell an inappropriate joke. I'm a sarcastic little son of a bitch. I'm good. I couldn't really sports when I was a kid. So what I learned to do very quickly was heckle.
00:10:35
Speaker
even though I had nothing to back it up with. I was still able. That's the beauty of the heckle. Yes. You don't need to be there. Armchair quarterback, I'm ready to go. So obviously you've now mentioned a couple of times adaptive. Can you tell us a little bit about your history? What makes you adaptive? Absolutely. So I was... Oh, I think you...
00:11:03
Speaker
Yeah, I don't hear him. Hold on a second. We're having a little mic issue. Start talking, Peter. Hello? Go on. Hello? Yeah. Oh, there we go. OK. I think so. OK. Yeah, that's uncomfortably close. Well, it's sure. Apparently.
00:11:31
Speaker
Oh, there we go. Oh, now I can really hear myself. Yeah. Okay. Uh, so, um, I have what's called, uh, spastic diaplegia cerebral palsy. Okay. And I'll, I'll explain that in a second. So the way the story goes is that I was born nine and a half weeks early in July of 1986. And the, I had seizures.
00:12:00
Speaker
Like shortly after I was born, um, the doctors told my parents that I only had a 30% chance of surviving my first 72 hours. And if I did that, I wasn't going to walk, talk, lead a full life, nothing. They were like, listen, if he makes it, he'll be here, but you're going to have to take care of him forever.
00:12:22
Speaker
So I, they baptized me right away. I've had last rights twice because they thought they were going to lose me. Um, and I'm here and, uh, I live a full life. I, um, I'm married. I have a job. I can operate a vehicle. I have a daughter. I'm a husband, brother, father, friend.
00:12:55
Speaker
And I still think about that doctor sometimes because I didn't think I was going to say this. It has taken me, I'm 36. So it's probably taken me like 34 to 35 years to feel like I'm not living on borrowed time, that I'm not just here to
00:13:26
Speaker
you know, like hope to do that, like, that I can do. And that, and that there's no, that the only thing really besides like actual physical limitations, meaning like it would take me probably like 12 to 18 hours to run a marathon kind of thing that I can do it, that I can do it. And, um, that has a lot to do with my parents and the way that I was raised.
00:13:57
Speaker
because they didn't allow me to feel bad for myself. Now, I did, but that was me. That was all my internalized anger and resentment and all of that stuff. I carried it around with me like a goddamn boulder. And I still pick it up sometimes. But it has only been in the last few years that I've genuinely been able to set it down.
00:14:28
Speaker
And I would say that it's really taken me like almost 10 years to really feel that way. And it all started when I found CrossFit. Um, because I walked into a place that I had never been before and found people that I had never met before. And they didn't give a shit that I couldn't walk right. They didn't care. They were like, you belong here.
00:14:56
Speaker
I can't do that, I don't think. Don't worry about that. You don't have to do that. Do this. You can do this. Do this instead. And I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. Because I never, whether I didn't allow myself or it wasn't presented to me, I never felt like I was part of a team.
00:15:22
Speaker
And, um, you know, there was, there was no, like, T-ball or soccer. I took Ishanru karate, but that's you versus your brain. And, um, there was, yeah, it was the first time in my life that I felt like I had a place where I could go where people wanted me to be better and pushed me to be better. So. Mm.
00:15:54
Speaker
There's really only one word that I can, well, there's a bunch of shit, but there's one thing when you were describing, you know, you're a father, you're a husband, you're a son. I would submit that you are also an athlete. From what I've seen, hands down, you are an athlete. And that's not because you,
00:16:24
Speaker
a 5K in the Boston Harbor while that is still impressive, but you're an athlete, capital A because of the mindset component as well and the embracing and acceptance of not only hardship and sacrifice, but the invitation to step into those. Sure. Athletes understand that and athletes step into that. It's part of
00:16:53
Speaker
the calling. And yeah, that's just a beautiful thank you for sharing that.
Impact and Community
00:17:02
Speaker
It's kind of an amazing thing, like the CrossFit you went to was sort of as many CrossFits are.
00:17:11
Speaker
they're offshoots of other CrossFit. And it's just a really cool thing to know. So those people were initially members of our CrossFit. Yes. And so of course, it's like, oh, man. Remember, I told you that I
00:17:28
Speaker
Sure. Yeah. When we had coffee. When we had coffee, I said to her, I know exactly who you are because I almost joined your gym back in 2013. And you looked at me like, huh? And so it was between you and where I eventually went. And because I knew somebody that knew the coaches at Heroes, that I went there first. She was like, go there, meet my friends. I'm telling you that they're going to include you.
00:17:55
Speaker
And so it's funny that 10 years later, here we are. And that is like something amazing about
00:18:03
Speaker
That could, that would have happened in any CrossFit gym. Like that's, that is what's incredible. And, but it's also cool that like, it didn't have to be our gym, but to just, you just never know. And this, I would imagine for you, like gear, what you do every day, um, and just being open, which is what it is like really impressive that you are.
00:18:26
Speaker
Like just reaching out, doing that Chad workout, you didn't know what that would lead to. You know, the gym, those people, they open their gym, like that had such a profound influence on your life. And so I think we're all three here, people of like passion for helping change other people's lives. And you just, I would imagine you've inspired quite a few people in your time. I would agree with you.
00:18:53
Speaker
And that's a big deal for me because I have a hard time with compliments. So like, we'll get to the actual swim in a second, but you know, like people really reacted to the way that I finished. And that was tough for me because
00:19:17
Speaker
Like internally, it's hard for me to see even right now what's more like you didn't get, I mean, I don't know. Cause I was in the water, but I, you know, did you get the same kind of reaction when you crossed the finish line? And so what is the difference of, of you, like, why is it, why is it like a bigger deal or maybe it's not that I finished, but you finished and Sarah finished and all these other people and the team guys, they all did it super fast.
00:19:49
Speaker
So like, in a way for me to not feel different, when I was growing up, I made sure that I wasn't different, even though I always was, because I wanted to be in the middle of the middle of the pack. So like, you know, you get it done, you not really notice, you do okay.
00:20:17
Speaker
And then you go, you know, and then it's over, but every five K I've ever done, I'm the last person, every five mile walk I've ever done. And the last person they were, I was the last person to pull me, they pulled me out of the water and I still struggle with that. So. Yeah. And what's different about it in from, because I watched it, I was fortunate to be kayaking next to Kay and
00:20:48
Speaker
fortunate to watch you finish, start and finish with your cousin who's awesome. And I think that I certainly understand, and I'm sure that one of the, I think part, like from what I can see and just from chatting with you over the past couple of months, I'm sure one of the reasons that you entered the water
00:21:16
Speaker
that you did your first box step, that you went to CrossFit, was due to this resolve of, okay, I have this form of cerebral palsy that has significant limitations that are not based upon choice.
00:21:38
Speaker
Oh, you are correct. Let me just 10 seconds. So I never went back and explained it. So there's four kinds of cerebral palsy. Cerebral palsy is a blanket term that they give to complications from birth that happened shortly before, like in utero before you're born. Cause you can have like a, you can have like a stroke in the womb or you, or complications at birth.
00:22:04
Speaker
sometimes shortly after and I'm gonna get the after part wrong but call it 90 days or whatever. So spastic diaplegia means that from my hip flexors down to my toes
00:22:21
Speaker
My muscles are always tight. My hamstrings are tight like a fist. If you touch the back of my hamstring, it is not soft. And stretching every day for almost 10 years, from not doing it at all to maybe an hour if I get up early enough, the next day there's not really any measurable change. I do walk better that day, but tomorrow it's kind of like Sisyphus and his stone.
00:22:47
Speaker
Um, so it just means, and I have a very, I'm, I'm lucky in the fact, I hate this. I hate to say it that way because I'm not, cause somebody who has a more severe case is not on the lucky. So the type of cerebral palsy that I have is mild by scientific definition. Um,
00:23:11
Speaker
I have no, I have like ADHD, but I have no cognitive impairment. I have no active daily living skill impairment, meaning I can bathroom and change my clothes and do all the things that you do during your day, brush my teeth, the whole thing all independently. Um, and so yeah, I just wanted to clarify that. Right. And so, so again, yeah. So, but of no choosing of your own, correct. Physiologically.
00:23:41
Speaker
Right. There are just factors that you have to deal with that you're not choosing to deal with. Right. It wasn't that's, that was, that was what happened, you know? And, um, and, and I'm sure one of the reasons why you have done all of these things is, is because of this, you know, like, Hey, we're not gonna,
Challenges and Triumphs in Swimming
00:24:10
Speaker
We're not going to wallow in that. We're not going to have that be this very compelling reason not to do things where 99.9% of people would probably be like, oh, okay, right. Yeah. Cause yep. Cause you have this and you can't do that. And it was like, no, fuck that. Like that is true, but yeah, I'm going to still do this.
00:24:39
Speaker
because I can. So when I was talking to Sarah about the swim, she said to me, it's a completion event. It's not a race. So all you need is heart and determination. And she said to me through an Instagram DM that you have that in spades, Peter, I've never met you, but I know you do. And I was like,
00:25:04
Speaker
Thank you. So, you know, like for her to say that meant a lot and. She was right. So in my note with my T-shirt that she gave us the night before the race. Her note to me said that
00:25:33
Speaker
She was already proud of me and that she couldn't wait for me to finish tomorrow so she could see me be proud of myself. And I wept in my hotel room. My wife was
00:25:51
Speaker
like downstairs with Rosie getting, I think, whatever dinner we had that night. And I came back up. She was like, what's the matter? I said, oh, I got this beautiful note from Sarah. And I'm crying.
00:26:04
Speaker
Yeah. And so as I'm walking across the finish line and by the way, I had no idea that we had to like get out of the water and then walk up by the way, were your feet like numb? I couldn't, I could not. So, so, so my feet were numb, which is why I didn't know that I cut the top of my foot. So this, this gentleman, John helped me out of the water with my cousin.
00:26:35
Speaker
and was he who walked you up? Yeah. And so he looked at me and he goes, are you okay brother? You cut your foot pretty bad. And I walked down and I went, holy shit, look at that. I cut my foot. So yeah. So my feet were numb. And then we had to walk across
00:26:52
Speaker
pavers that were probably like 100 degrees up the ramp, up the ramp, the slippery fucking boat ramp, slippery fucking boat ramp. And then it's like a Spartan race finish. It really was. And I, not to say that I thought that they were going to be like, okay, Peter, you're out of the water. Great job. But I also was like, it's like a thousand yards. What the hell is going on? Um, so, so then I'm, I'm really trying to hold it together because people are clapping and I, you know, I'm trying to accept it, but I'm also fighting against it.
00:27:22
Speaker
And then I saw Sarah and she pointed at me and she said, see, I'm still proud of you. And that's when I started to lose it. And then I walked across the finish line and Rob's mother put the metal around my neck and there's a picture of me hugging her and crying. And that's my core memory from Boston.
00:27:47
Speaker
Yeah. And then I got to talk to her after. And, um, I don't think there's any real, like there's no need to explain, you know, and I think that's the thing with these types of events or these types of efforts with these types of,
00:28:13
Speaker
with these expressions of courage and risk and vulnerability and all of that and to feel it and to allow it in, to not fight against it, to accept what that's like and to feel that move you and not have to be explained or described or either you try to put up an Instagram post or you try to tell someone, hey man, how was it?
00:28:43
Speaker
it took me I think it took you a couple days to talk about it on Instagram and I think I waited till the day after because I like you said it I was I you know I put the pictures up I wrote what I could but yeah
00:28:59
Speaker
I don't know. I knew that I was going to be okay, no matter what. I knew that I was going to be safe. Every agency that had a letter in it that worked in Boston or Massachusetts was there. And because I was the last guy in the water, I got to talk to the guy from the Coast Guard. He leaned over, he said, are you all right down there?
00:29:18
Speaker
Yeah, I'm good. I looked at him and I like freaked out instantly and I was like, don't pull me out of the water. He's like, no, we're not going to pull you out of the water, but you're in a rip current. So we're going to move you. And I was like, Oh, so I have been swimming in place for like 25 minutes. And he goes, yeah, you're fine though. Like we can obviously tell you can swim. So they, they bring over a guy on a jet ski. So they pulled you out? No, no, no. They just moved me.
00:29:47
Speaker
So from where I was in the harbor, they brought me down past where the diesel fueling station was so that I could like go some distance down and then turn the corner and swim in, which is exactly what I did. But the point of this funny piece of it was because I had
00:30:06
Speaker
two kayakers because I don't know why I had the girl that Sarah found for me whose name I forget because I'm a terrible person. And then I had a gentleman who I don't know the way he carried himself he was definitely in the military I don't know if he was on the teams or not but
00:30:23
Speaker
I had both of them. Okay. And so the guy looks at me and he says, they're going to come get you for a second and then we're just going to move you down. You're going to finish. And I said to him, okay, I trust you. Go ahead. So the guy backs up. And now again, I wasn't expecting a lot, but I, I swim over to the guy and he goes in the back, there's a handle. And I said to him, okay. So I go back there and there's a handle.
00:30:53
Speaker
It's a small piece
00:31:02
Speaker
Okay. And he, and so, you know, he was keeping me safe, but he definitely went like, are you ready? Oh my God. And I was just like, um, yeah. And then he went and I just held on. And I definitely drank a lot of Harbor water. I definitely inhaled some diesel cause my stomach was messed up for like three weeks following Boston. Well, yes. Yeah. I don't, I tried not to think about what was,
00:31:31
Speaker
in the harbor and a couple gulps of water. It was a lot cleaner than I thought it was going to be. I'll tell you that. Yeah, agreed. I mean, I could see, I saw my arm for most of it. But I mean, yeah, so the fact is that what you did, of course, who you are is who you are, but what you did was impressive beyond words, beyond measure.
00:31:59
Speaker
To Sarah's point, not for race and results standpoints, but because you signed up, because you got in, because you did the deed. I was in the crowd. There was quite a few people of, not to say that our backgrounds are necessarily all that impressive. Many more people have done many more impressive things,
00:32:25
Speaker
among a community and group of people that are typically known for doing fairly impressive things, not a single person was not impressed. And deeper than that, moved. And just that's the language, I think, of courage. That's the language of showing the fuck up in your life and engaging.
00:32:54
Speaker
that looks many, many different ways, but where athletics and where sport and where physical pursuit are such a source of creation and beauty is that they provide us those opportunities to display that. And there's not a single word in the fucking dictionary that can adequately capture
00:33:23
Speaker
Not only what that is, but who it is that does that. But you displayed that. And you just know when you see it, when you're in the presence of that, it's truth. Were you able to experience pride for yourself? Yes. That's awesome. Yeah. And I'm one of those people that needs to quantify and codify and figure it out.
00:33:52
Speaker
when I really took a step back and thought about it was I, I was very fortunate to meet a lot of people after at the after party. And I met, I went up to Sarah and I found her and we talked for a second and then she like pushed me away from her and I was like, what are you doing? She goes, you need to go. People want to talk to you. Go, go talk to people. Um,
00:34:14
Speaker
So I did and I don't remember his name or his rank, but the gentleman who spoke, the older gentleman who spoke towards the end of the event, it was Jeff's command commander or something like that. When he shook my hand and told me that he. That he was impressed by what I did and that
00:34:45
Speaker
that that his Rob's family was proud of what I did. That meant a lot. I met a lot of people that knew Rob that I didn't know knew him that came up to me in their own quiet way and told me. Don't worry, Peter, it's all good. And that was that was a lot for me to hear.
00:35:12
Speaker
Because even that day, I was like, that was a lot of fun. It was great. But I didn't really let myself feel it all the way until person after person after person, even talking about it now makes me feel weird because I sound like I'm
00:35:30
Speaker
boasting or conceited or arrogant or something. But no person after person said pretty much the same thing over and over again that I did a good job and that his family was proud of me. And if he was there, he would have been proud of me too. Um, and that's really what I took away from it. So a lot of the work that I'll do with people
00:35:59
Speaker
beyond the physical stuff is about the internal space. Generally speaking, people that reach out or that I work with in a variety number of contexts and relationships
00:36:20
Speaker
are interested in doing the work, are interested in taking on their limitations on working on themselves and doing the work. And it's kind of like this outlay, right? Like, all right, I'm going to put this effort into it. I'm going to face myself and show up and do whatever the hard things are that are needed to have this kind of outlay.
00:36:48
Speaker
and almost everyone self included in this is plagued by this. It's like this resistance to receive. Sure.
Personal Growth and Future Plans
00:37:04
Speaker
And when we connect the outlay to the reception, I think that's when we really make some, some progress and some growth and, and, and we are, we afford ourselves,
00:37:18
Speaker
to feel and to benefit and to receive the fruits of our labor. And I think anyone who's interested in doing the work or has that whatever it is within them, if we can allow ourselves to receive what it is and why it is that we do this stuff,
00:37:46
Speaker
I think it would just help. And just about every single person when I ask, so what's it like to actually receive the point of all of this hard shit you're doing? It's usually like, wait, Oh yeah. Like we sometimes get disconnected from that. And of course there's a story and there's a narrative and there's a bunch of stuff. Usually it's fairly old, uh, that prevents us, that blocks us from receiving, you know, but,
00:38:16
Speaker
the receive, you know, receive, receive, receive. It's that's not being selfish. It's being intentional with the fucking reason that you're doing the hard thing to receive what that's like. Yeah. You know, so when you were speaking earlier, you were talking about, you know, the boulder you carried around and obviously that started changing with CrossFit. And I imagine this event was a mark like a
00:38:46
Speaker
another layer of being able to release some of that. Obviously, you said you still pick it up as we all do, but where are you now? You said that started with CrossFit and we've talked about the swim, but what's going on with you now with regard to
00:39:09
Speaker
Yeah where you're at what your endeavors are what challenges you what. Sure it's a big question so let's start in the middle right. So where i'm at now is that. Well logistically my wife and I are finally about to move.
00:39:29
Speaker
Uh, we got married in 2017 and the rent at our first apartment was going to go up in a astronomical way for 2018.
00:39:39
Speaker
my parents offered to have us live. They have a fully finished basement. That's like the footprint of the house minus the garage. So good space to ourselves. And we moved and my wife made me promise her that we would spend every literal penny that we had to move out on day 300. I mean, she loves your parents, but she has an amazing experience with my parents.
00:40:03
Speaker
But the point is that if we don't move before like the 18th of August, we'll have been there for four years because we looked for something and then we realized that we couldn't really afford. We had one price range, but what we were looking at at those numbers was going to be another 100 to 150,000 to at least make it livable for somebody like me. Here's a statistic for you. Having a physical disability,
00:40:33
Speaker
I might get this wrong, but the last time I read it, it said that it's 30 to 40% more expensive just by existing. And that's true. So we wanted a ranch. So then after we got the opportunity to get a piece of land from
00:40:56
Speaker
more than generous family member. Um, and it's taking us, it was a lot full of trees and it's been two years since we cut the trees down. And one year since we poured the concrete foundation for the basement. And, um, hopefully we move, um, by the end of the summer and the,
00:41:21
Speaker
Part of what I wanted to do going forward because I went to school to be in elementary, I hate that they still call it special ed. Jesus, that's another conversation. Anyway, I'm an elementary special ed and an early intervention specialized teacher.
00:41:43
Speaker
And my education concentration was an early childhood development, and I have a second major in liberal studies. I was a couple classes short of a history major, but I really needed to graduate and move on.
00:42:01
Speaker
They changed it. I'm like two glasses short and it's fine. So I taught for like five years and then I moved to the development department at that same school where I met my wife for two years. And then that didn't work out. And that's the story also for another time to maybe protect somebody that doesn't
00:42:37
Speaker
I miss working with kids because of all the things that I am good at, I am best at people, which is why after a half hour coffee session with you and the five minutes that we talked in Rumson before we got in the water, I knew who you were. Not to say that I knew everything about you, but it's very quick for me, whether it's because you
00:42:57
Speaker
really deserve it, but we'll just leave it there.
00:43:08
Speaker
or we're both involved in the CrossFit space, the type of person that attracts, or whatever the case might be, I knew that we were going to be connected. And so getting back to what I was saying, we were going to use, hopefully one day,
00:43:30
Speaker
build a mentoring space for kids that includes life skills and home skills and fitness. So my goal, which I didn't do five years ago,
00:43:47
Speaker
was to take my level one. And then because I want to get to adaptive and kids. So that way, when I work with these families, I have much like you went back to school for social work, I have a credential to say, leave your kid with me, you're gonna be fine. Like I'm a state certified teacher, you know, whatever my license, but as far as like other things past that. So
00:44:14
Speaker
My wife and I registered the name, high top training and mentoring. And, um, you know, whether that evolves in, in the dream is to one day have a bakery. I know. And I want to fill it with.
00:44:39
Speaker
children, teenagers, and adults with disabilities. And I want it to be a place where they can come and have it be an honest work program through the Department of Developmental Disabilities and do all that and also be a functioning bakery. So if you have the skills to run the register, you will. If you have the skills to clear the table, you will. If you have the skills to help make the dough, you will.
00:45:08
Speaker
And if you, I don't care if you talk with a device, whether it be a large Dynavox hooked up to your wheelchair, that you use a button on the side of your head to run, or you have an iPad, or you can talk, it doesn't matter. Because all I want to do is help people. And the name comes from my wife's tattoo. So
00:45:37
Speaker
I had a friend and her name is Emma. And Emma died at 14 years old in February of 2017. She went to bed. The Falcons were winning the Super Bowl. She never woke up to hear her mother rejoice that Tom Brady had won yet another Super Bowl. God bless him.
00:46:02
Speaker
And it's only been in the last like 10 to 12 months in therapy that I've really started to talk about Emma. I have a butterfly tattoo. I have more butterflies and words and flowers and the whole thing. I just don't really talk about her too much. Just to say that.
00:46:23
Speaker
She was my dear, dear friend. And she laughed loudest and hardest when you tripped and fell and you didn't mean to. And I miss her every day. And it was one of those moments in my life that I didn't pay attention to when it happened. But it all turned.
00:46:47
Speaker
That's like, you know, like you get married, you have an access point. You, you have your first child, you have an access point. She died so much of my life that has come since then. If I'm really honest with people, when I talk about things, it's because of her and the way that she included people in her life or didn't.
00:47:14
Speaker
She was very clear if she liked you or she didn't. And people were just like, ah, she's a 14 year old girl, blah, blah, blah. Let me tell you something. She go look directly through you and she couldn't, she couldn't utter a word in the traditional sense. It didn't matter. I'll tell you that much.
00:47:32
Speaker
It didn't matter. And so I'm part of a group of people that have different butterfly tattoos. And my wife, her tattoo looks like a sparkly high-top sneaker with a butterfly where your foot goes. And so that's where the name comes from. And there was a butterfly that I saw.
00:48:00
Speaker
sitting in the water in Boston. There was a butterfly on the pavers outside of the church the day my wife and I got married. There was a butterfly when we finally came out of the hospital after Rosie was born. She's everywhere and most often when I trip and fall and scrape my knees or cut my hand open or like spraying my elbow. She's there laughing at me. I can frigging hear it because I still remember what it sounded like. And I just know
00:48:31
Speaker
And I know her parents really well. And I told her dad that I would probably talk about E today. And, um, I just know that we're going to help as many people as we can and that she's going to look down and she's going to be happy about it. That's what I care about. Sorry. I didn't, it's, it's heavy. It's heavy, but, um,
00:49:01
Speaker
I had to learn to talk about it because I couldn't. And it would still, five years later, cut me like a knife every time we talked about it. So now that I talk about it more, I handle it more, I touch it more, the edges are rounded, they're not as sharp, and it's okay.
00:49:29
Speaker
The worst thing about when she died and the thing that probably made her laugh the loudest was that I was in charge of, in the development department for the school, I was in charge of the thank you letters. And so we found in the storage room, these cards that the school had made a few years ago based on an art project she did. So we were like, Oh, great.
00:49:55
Speaker
We'll print the thank you note for the gifts that came in, in her memory. And that's what we'll give to people. And I had to print every single one of them. And I had to lick the envelope and I had to throw the goddamn printer against the wall when I kept putting the paper in backwards because, you know, I have ADHD and probably a touch of dyslexia and it's just like, well, the paper's going to turn and it's going to flip around and
00:50:21
Speaker
I turned the thing out and I feel like Jesus fucking Christ. I would literally look to the sky and be like, I only have six of these left for the day. I really need to get this right. And then of course the next one would be fine. That was one of the, that was the second thing I noticed about you was Emma on your right shoulder. You are the first person to ask about her that soon.
00:50:50
Speaker
I mean, obviously, I don't live my life with my shirt off. So you have to think about that. But when we met, I had my wetsuit half on for the Rumson 3-Miler. And yeah, you were the first person to ask about her that soon. And that so intrigued me. And so then when the opportunity came up to work out with you a couple of weeks ago, I jumped at it because
00:51:19
Speaker
I knew that if you asked that question, that you would ask the right questions, both of you. Because it's not, I mean, there's plenty of immemorial of or immemorial like tattoos. It's a beautiful piece of artwork, but it's not like in memory. I didn't, but I saw it, I wasn't really, I don't even know, I don't want to speak out of turn on obviously your thing,
00:51:50
Speaker
I didn't know it was like a memorial tattoo. Yeah. So the point of the tattoo was that she was going to be, um, that we had Orla's little cousin was a ring bearer. And then a friend of hers, their son was also a ring bearer. And my niece who was five at the time was a flower girl.
00:52:15
Speaker
And we were going to have Emma be a flower girl with Kalia, where Kalia was going to help push her down, like push her chair. Cause she was in a, um, she was in, she, she was not able to self propel in any way. Uh, so it's fine. We were gonna let her do whatever she did with the flower pedals, whether they landed all over her or they ran over. Most of them didn't matter.
00:52:43
Speaker
And that was going to be how she was going to be involved in our wedding. And so I want, and I knew that my wife was struggling very, very much after her passing. And so I designed the tattoo with my tattoo artist and I got it and I told my wife, I'm going to go get a tattoo. So that way when we're standing up there, she's right there. So.
00:53:12
Speaker
I needed to carry her with me. I still need to. But that was the main propulsion for the tattoo was she needs to be with us.
00:53:31
Speaker
And that's what we did. And then, um, we had little touches at the wedding, like there wasn't a favor. We made a donation to the school that we both met at in her honor. And, um, we found these little beautiful paper butterflies on Etsy. And that's what the, that's what the seating card was in. Um, so subtle. Her parents were there. Nothing mentioned her by name.
00:54:04
Speaker
Now that's how we've, yeah, I didn't get her name. I don't need her name underneath it. I'm never going to forget her. So that's enough for me. Yeah.
Reflection and Gratitude
00:54:21
Speaker
So we worked out, we worked out a couple of weeks and you asked me some of the most interesting questions that anyone has ever asked me.
00:54:32
Speaker
Oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm just kidding. No, it's fine. You're at the top of the list if you frame it with fitness, because the point of us meeting that day was to talk and then work out. And you're still pretty high on the list if you don't frame it with fitness as far as the questions that you asked me.
00:54:54
Speaker
Do you remember? I don't honestly remember. This was an engaged session, by the way. Right. And I'm just going to buckle up because I'm going to step on a fucking box for a second. Okay, please. People reach out to me all the time, all the time, consistently saying they want to do hard things, saying they want to challenge themselves, saying they want to really push themselves. They want to, you know, yeah, I want to do that. What was that?
00:55:20
Speaker
And I put up a thing and I'll say, Hey, you want to come see, you want to come see the light? Here you go. I'm doing a workout, holding a workout once a month. Call them engaged sessions. They're very experiential. They're like a between the ears sort of proprietary blend, if you will.
00:55:39
Speaker
not hard or easy here. There's no, there's no assignment in that way. Most of the time they become challenging. Yeah. They're what you, they're you, they're experienced based and they're you. And so just to interrupt you for a second, I, because of, I mean, because of the experience that you both have in the CrossFit space and how like seminar staff and you know, game stuff and all that stuff,
00:56:06
Speaker
I expected to like walk in and you'd be like, you know, walk over the whiteboard and be like, okay, this is what we're doing today. Right. And that's not what happened at all. You sat down and you asked me about myself and then you asked me how I was feeling. Yeah. Ah, that weird question. And I was just like, Oh,
00:56:28
Speaker
Okay. So I told you how it is feeling. We made some decisions about the workout and then we, and then we worked out. Sorry. No. Yeah. And the point is it's an open invite and it's, it's saying, Hey, you know, and those sessions, they're hard. They're supposed to be hard. Now they're not hard because you're doing 35 straight unbroken muscle ups with a medicine ball between your feet. They're hard because they're hard because it's going to be like, it's going to be, what about you?
00:57:00
Speaker
It's not me. It's not the workout. It's about you. And I'll just continue. I'll just continue to say it. And frankly, the people I don't really give a shit. If.
00:57:17
Speaker
Like if you actually want, if the words actually have actions attached to them, then do it, then sign up, then go through these things. If it's just words, don't even bother speaking them. Cause it does. I want to do hard things. I want to do this. I want to learn about myself. I want to learn about myself. I want to, you know, and it's like, and I get it that schedules happen in logistics. And of course, like I'm not saying, well, why aren't there 400 fucking people in this class? No, absolutely not.
00:57:49
Speaker
But the truth of the matter is you were the only person at that session. I was surprised. I thought I was like going to be late and try to stick in the back. And then I was like, there's no back. Hey, Bill, it's like, yeah, you're the only one here. And I went shit. Yeah. And.
00:58:11
Speaker
And I'm saying this not to speak about other people while I think most people generally lie to themselves about what they really want to do. There's an honesty and a truth to how you choose to live. And the one thing I want to interject is be unknown. That is another thing people will speak often of wanting to step into the unknown, but that takes a lot.
00:58:41
Speaker
you're not going to know what's happening coming in. Like there is a huge element of the unknown, what you're doing, how you're going to be, what's going to happen, how, like there's all these unanswered things, which the swim, great example of that coming to think, like, and that's where that's another thing that people will speak often of, but the actions aren't. Yeah. And it's like, but, but hold on a second. But, and then I hear usually all of the reasons why it doesn't fit into a schedule.
00:59:11
Speaker
So it's like you want to make a change, you want to, you want to, and I've done this before, so I'm including myself in the collective you I'm speaking about. You want to make a change, you want to take your shit on it, you want to get better. Hey man, I just want to be better for my wife, I want to be better for my husband, I want to be better for my kids, I want to be better, a better leader, a better this, a better that.
00:59:32
Speaker
what are you willing to sacrifice and be uncomfortable with and scared of and do something fucking differently? If you want to do something differently, you have the answer in that statement, but you have to actually show up for yourself. And I get it. That can be hard to do. And there's a lot of unlearning to do. And there's a lot of that not receiving that we talked about.
01:00:01
Speaker
But I'll say it again, you were the only one at that session. And that's a testament to you. Because all of, and even in the events, like in the past have done events, I would say it before every single event.
01:00:17
Speaker
there's probably 10 times as many people that say they're interested or, Oh, I'm going to do that. Or you have the next one. I'll put me, put me on for the next one. It's like, just shut the fuck up. No, I'm not going to put you in for the next one. Show up to the next one. I'm not doing anything. I'll throw up the invite. And so yet in the events, like there's eight of you, there's 10 of you, there's 12 of you, there's four of you, there's one of you, right? All are,
01:00:45
Speaker
invited and yet a fraction show up, but you showed up and that was really fucking cool. And that's why when someone does show up, it's like, it's not about the numbers. It's not about the quantifying, but it definitely rubs me.
01:01:01
Speaker
it and you know when it can't tell peter yeah you know but it does grind me down and i think it's and i want to be clear about that i want to be clear about that because it's like when you think that but the thing is it's like i just can't hear about the fucking excuses anymore. Because someone like you comes in and says okay.
01:01:23
Speaker
What do you got? Let's go. And someone like you, you've never even been to this gym. It's not that that's to say someone that doesn't know what they're walking into. It's not like you've been here. Oh yeah. I know what engages. Oh, I did an event. You know, Bill and I, you met us outside of the gym. You never even came to a class when I owned a CrossFit gym.
01:01:44
Speaker
And then you were like, no, I'm going to show up. And I think that's, yeah, that's pretty to Bill's point. Like it's a testament to you to like stepping into surrendering low, like, Hey, I want to, I want to get better and this might be something and let me. Yeah. And it's not like, well, as you know, all of the preferences and the considerations and the,
01:02:10
Speaker
You know what I mean? It's just like, yeah, I'm going to do that. It's, it's, it's as simple as that. And that was cool. Because I just, I just thought to myself, like, well, cause I, I've struggled with anxiety and depression and I've been in and out of therapy since I was like six, seven or eight, because I was like an angry child, a resentful child, arrogant, hurtful child.
01:02:37
Speaker
And my parents put me in therapy because they were like, well, this isn't good. Um, so I mean, and, um, and so I didn't have anxiety about coming here. I had anxiety about like, you know, I really hope this guy doesn't think I can, you know, clean a hundred pounds over my head because I can't, uh, but I didn't, I didn't have anxiety about it because.
01:03:04
Speaker
I had just swam in the Boston Harbor. Honestly, for a few weeks after the event, my anxiety wasn't as bad because I was like, well, here's some frigging perspective. Whatever's happening at work is not a big deal because
01:03:25
Speaker
not at being asked to swim in 72 degree water. And I'm sorry, when I listened to the debrief about 72, it was 62 Peter. Okay, fine. Listen, the water wasn't that cold. Okay. I wished it was colder because I sweat a lot and I was hot in my rubber suit.
01:03:41
Speaker
And I got in the water and I literally took the neck and went like this and pulled it away from me and let as much water from the harbor rush. Well, I know. I mean, I'm literally sweating while I sit here and you're in workout shorts and a hoodie.
01:04:00
Speaker
I can't, I can't understand that. That's fine. That's a separate sweat while they're breathing. So yeah, that's a separate podcast. So cold in here. Negative. It's like 75 degrees. That's a, that's a different issue with our temperature. But you showed up when I showed up and then I, and I put up a post on Instagram and I stand by it. It was one of the best work that's I've ever had. And it was because you took the time.
01:04:28
Speaker
to see me and not just who I was and what I look like, but this, this between the year stuff and
01:04:42
Speaker
I walked out of here and I was like, this is the point. This is the point. And there's a place and a time for everything. So you want to do a step class like your mom does. Great. You want to buy a Peloton and ride until you can't anymore. Great. You want to join a CrossFit gym and try to put three wheels up over your head. Fantastic.
01:05:08
Speaker
but the thing that I wished always for more was connection with the coach and for them to say to you, you're all right, you don't look good. What happened? This happened. All right, well, maybe you do this instead of this, but it's not their fault that they don't have time for that. That's not the time and the place for that. You've created this for that.
01:05:35
Speaker
Um, so I don't, I don't harbor any bad feelings to any of my coaches, but, uh, and they're all really wonderful people, but, um, Okay. So last week we were here, right? For a workout. And I'm pushing the sled and you looked over at me and you said the sled is an invitation to yourself. Mm-hmm.
01:06:04
Speaker
And that stopped me. I literally stood up and I was like, Oh, right. So, okay. Now I have to show up for myself. Oh, I'm getting with the sled is the opportunity to do that. And
01:06:27
Speaker
I don't see a way, I only see that way forward when it comes to fitness and an interaction and what you're trying to do here because I now see if you're not doing that and you may not be at that point in your life or your journey or whatever, that's fine. But if you are there and you're not doing it this way, why not?
01:06:57
Speaker
And so that's, that's why I signed up for the Sisyphus next weekend. Cause I said to myself, well, I guess I need a couple more invitations to spend some time between my ears because I don't know about, I don't know about you, but the training for Boston was hard, not, and I don't mean.
01:07:22
Speaker
Excuse me. I don't mean the swimming. Swimming was hard. Fine. Nobody wants to do anything for two and a half hours straight. And if you do, whatever. But I got to swim in an endless pool. And so that made me lucky.
01:07:43
Speaker
It was me in the tank, no music, no nothing. It's you. And there's a mirror down there so you can check your stroke. Now, most of the time I was towards the back of the pool, even with the current, but like on those days where I was feeling good and I was like swimming, like really with my hands touching the turret or turbine, I should say.
01:08:10
Speaker
you got to look at yourself, because you have to have your head down to breathe, right? So I had to look at myself and accept the person in the mirror. And that was harder than anything I've ever done before or since. I almost said to Sarah, maybe I'm not an endurance guy.
01:08:38
Speaker
but I didn't because I am. All I have at home is endurance equipment. I have a rower, I have a skier and I have an echo bike. It's all I have and a pair of rings and a vest. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the training, what's challenging about, um,
01:09:03
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, and that is like a lot of what we talk about the process, right? I mean, as I said, that day had its own weight and meaning, and that's super important. But there is something in that process when you are training for something or you're committed, there's a lot of doubts that come up. There's a constant
01:09:22
Speaker
cycle of like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I can't do this. Yes, you can do that. And like kind of just also stepping back and letting those thoughts sometimes come and go and like knowing when to sort of pay attention and be like, okay, maybe I need to work on this and when to let them go. And you know, that's, I always find training, I enjoy it. I find it
01:09:47
Speaker
I love that process. If you have any interest in going back to any other podcast, my Iron Man, you'll hear anxiety. It was ridiculous. My poor friend who came down with me, she's a true friend because she had to put up with me. But then you're wondering what
01:10:07
Speaker
Yeah. Like what am I afraid of? What is it? And showing up for yourself on that day. So I think, um, yeah, we train, train, work out not every day necessarily is
01:10:22
Speaker
like a day where maybe you have this huge aha moment of yourself, but every day we try to make a connection to ourselves. And to your point, like, why wouldn't you, if you're just existing physically and disconnected from the rest of yourself, that can't go well. Right. And no different from, you know, so, so I think being able to experience that and, um,
01:10:50
Speaker
And I will give Bill, he also doesn't like compliments, doesn't do well with them. But like that is a gift that he has is
01:11:04
Speaker
truly seeing people, and I don't think he knows how else to operate other than to really connect with that person and know what they need. Or even sometimes, and in your session, sometimes you don't like what he's saying. I think this is what you need, and you're like, shit.
01:11:22
Speaker
Like it's not always going easy on someone. I mean, you almost got sick because people do with sleds. And that's sort of like, we've had a number of people in just the last week, have that happened? And instead of saying like, oh, no, Peter, like,
01:11:38
Speaker
Yeah, that's fine for today because he knew that it wasn't to punish you. There was more. There was more. It was like, I gave you the right time, but then like, I'm going to invite you to continue and find what you need. Right. There's other times where it's like, I think we're good, but that's about that person. Like last week. And we talked about this after the workout last week. I pushed it down. I pushed the sled down to the clock. The clock said 30 seconds.
01:12:05
Speaker
I absolutely could have turned it around and maybe, maybe beat the clock down and maybe not, but definitely pushed it back to the wall. And I looked up and I, one of you said, mom, Peter, you got some time. And I said, I'm done. I'm good. And I said to Bill last weekend, and this is true. That was the first time that I've ever done a workout where I thought,
01:12:32
Speaker
it's okay if I don't finish. And again, that has nothing to do with the coaches or the people in the other gyms that I've been to. It's just, I'm one of those people that if everyone's running through the wall, I'm going to run through the wall. What did you guys say? Touch the sun last week. So like, if there's a time and a place to touch the sun, you just tell me today, we're going to touch the sun and I'll say, okay, here we go. But I also gave myself the opportunity to say,
01:13:02
Speaker
No, that's okay. And it's, it's not because I'm weak or because I can't or because I don't want to, or because I've given up. It's just, yeah, pay attention to your body and you're okay. Yeah. Well, that's one of the things that I talk with people about too, where saying reaching that point of it is a point of completion and it's,
01:13:34
Speaker
It's a truth that you have within yourself and it's an experience that you have. And if you've never had it, it sounds probably like alien language speak because so many come from and operate from a place of scarcity and discounted worth. And when we are cons, it's an amazingly powerful driver. That's the thing with it. It's a fuel and any athlete knows
01:14:03
Speaker
If you think you're good, you're not good. You're going to limit yourself. You could always be better. If you are thinking, you know what? This was good training for today. Then guess what? The person, and I always say, the person with the different color jersey just outworked you in that moment. And as an athlete, that
01:14:25
Speaker
That dominates your software. That is the fucking language of always trying to go harder and to be better. And it works no different than external validation as an athlete works too. Hey, I'm really proud of myself the way I played today. Oh, okay. Cool. Well, you didn't produce a damn thing. In fact, you took points away from the team. Let's just take a soccer setting. You didn't score. You let, you let your guy beat you.
01:14:51
Speaker
And you're proud of how you did now. Okay, whatever. So, but then saying, Hey man, you scored three goals today. You're our best person. You're like, there's this result and there's this external validation and you're rewarded for that. And it, external validation and scarcity create a vicious cocktail that work. However,
01:15:16
Speaker
there's some serious negative side effects to that across life. And once you don't, once you're no longer on the field, once you're no longer there, and I do so much work with athletes, I'm an athlete myself, and it is the, the biggest source of dysfunction. Hands down. Yes. TBIs, physical injuries, of course, right? That's always going to be there. The USA gymnastics stuff like
01:15:46
Speaker
Yep, different. I got culturally though. Yeah, culturally as an athlete is the biggest thing. However, it permeates the airways because it's this ego boost and you know, I love the people that say no, fuck your emotions and that they and yet they hear some motivational quote that makes them feel something they're like, get right on. It's like, what are you doing? It's the same thing. Anyway, I have a motivational quote tattooed on my body. Motivational quotes have a time and a place. They're great, but they elicit a feeling. Yeah.
01:16:15
Speaker
which is the emotional driver. Right. So you can't say like, so, but when a lot of people will say like emotions have no place in this, it's like, okay, you're wrong. I don't understand. Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't, it doesn't make so, you know, that part of being not, not having scarcity to be a thing. You can't, you continue to say you're not enough. That's different than saying, I want to get better. I'm not enough. And I want to get better or different. And there's a,
01:16:41
Speaker
there's a sweet spot and there's I think a key to this, which is to receive and accept and be satisfied with the process such that it continues the feedback loop and continues this positive driver and this momentum. Sure. Because anybody doing something ambitious needs a bit of confidence also, and you don't get that confidence if you're never acknowledging what you did as
01:17:06
Speaker
as good. You just don't get it. Right. And so then it's like, hey, you want to be a big time player in a big time situation. You want the ball and there's two seconds left and game on the line. You want to be that person. You better fucking think you're capable of doing it. Right. And you don't get there or you certainly won't perform or maybe you'll just roll the dice and have it be luck. Right. If you don't believe you'll be able to do that. So how do you do that? Well, there's those sessions where you finish and you're like, yeah, I'm good. Not
01:17:36
Speaker
Yeah. And that, and that's the industry. We talk about that a lot on sort of our issue with the industry in general, because I was never an athlete in that type of situation. Like I just wasn't an athlete in sports. But I have that same.
01:17:52
Speaker
I struggle with the not enough piece. And so the fitness industry, it's a brilliant marketing strategy because if everybody thinks they're never enough, they're continuing to come back for more. And it's just this never-ending, as Bill calls it, the self-licking ice cream cone. Feed people insatiability. Right.
01:18:12
Speaker
So that is unusual for people, but that is the norm here for everybody to kind of find their own, like, that's why we have a workout, a thing that's like ours, we call it like until you're good. And people are like, what does that mean? Like, what do you think it means? Well, like, but how many rounds? Well, I don't know, like when you're good. And that's the hardest thing for people. Yeah.
01:18:34
Speaker
Cause it's like, well, what did he do or what are people doing? Well, what does that mean? That doesn't matter. But without being tethered to some other external thing, like the only thing you have them to look at is like, well, what does being good for me today mean? What's a win? And that's why when you came in, one of the things we do ask people every day, like, how are you feeling? And not in a throwaway type of manner. No, it's an honest, it's an honest question.
01:19:00
Speaker
you want to know, so that way you can say, Okay, if you're feeling like that today, then what's, you do this instead, or you do this, or this is your, then it helps with the, with the intention. No one ever that I can remember, and I had, I had great one-on-one coaches, because I was so worried about my safety with the, you know, Rich Froning, Matt Frazier of it all. And,
01:19:29
Speaker
No one, no one ever said to me flat out, like, how are you feeling today? And then, and then, and then let that inform what happened after it was, how do you feel? I'm a little tired, but I'm okay. Okay. This is what we're doing today. You know, it was a throwaway. It was, hi, how are you? Great. You okay? I'll be fine. Great. Let's go. Yeah. And, uh, and, um,
01:19:56
Speaker
So I was talking to my wife about what we're going to do next weekend and she said to me, Peter, are you worried at all? I said, no. She said, how are you not worried? You don't even know what you're going to do. Look at you. You're the guy who reads the menu before we go to the restaurant. And I said to her, well, yeah, because I want to know if it's worse to go to this restaurant or not because I am very high.
01:20:19
Speaker
I'm snobbish about food, coffee, wine, bourbon. That's it. I don't make excuses for it. If you eat shitty food or you drink shitty wine, I'm going to be like, don't drink that. Drink this instead. So when she said to me, are you going to get the workouts before? I said, I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? This is the opposite of everything you ever say. And I said, well, I trust them.
01:20:47
Speaker
I trust them because I I've met them. I've talked to them. I know a little bit about them at this point, but I know what they're about. I know that you're going to give me something, whatever that is, that's going to push me to push myself
01:21:11
Speaker
because all you're doing, I mean, I'm not taking away the programming or anything like that, but you program it and then give it to us and we do the thing, right? So like you said, it's an invitation. So next weekend with the Sisyphus is an invitation for me to show up
01:21:30
Speaker
for myself and do something that's probably gonna make me nauseous and it's gonna be a lot of fun because I'm finally at a point in my life where it'll be okay and who knows maybe I'll break my finger or I'll lose a toe but I'm gonna be okay because I have
01:22:01
Speaker
created a space in my life for the right kind of people. As you get older, your circle gets smaller. As you get older, it becomes about different things. It becomes about how people make you feel and what they say, not both or either, but in harmony.
01:22:28
Speaker
And I'm so excited to see what that's gonna be like because I need it. I need it. And because it's finally time at 36, I know that I'm gonna live a full life and I am gonna leave an impact. I cried at the end of Hamilton
01:22:56
Speaker
but not because he dies. I cried at the end of Hamilton because the last song in Hamilton is about who lives, who dies, who tells your story. What is your legacy? And I hope, and I want, but I hope that my legacy is
01:23:16
Speaker
that I put as much good out into the world as I could. I helped as many people as I could. I built a beautiful life for my family, and I left the world better than I found it. And I am now only allowing in what feeds that.
01:23:41
Speaker
I don't do it well. I don't do it well every day. Some days I do it very, very badly, but ever forward is not, does not mean ever forward. It means this day you take a half a step forward. This day you take six steps forward. This day you take nine steps backwards, but every day you move ever forward, whatever that looks like.
01:24:12
Speaker
And on the good mental health days, I just feel ready to run through a wall. And on the bad days, I take some candy and watch a movie.
01:24:32
Speaker
Yeah. I've been lucky the last few months to have more days in the good column than days in the not so good column. There we go. Well, I think that's a yeah. Yeah. We're, uh, yeah, we're super grateful and honored to have you in our life as we also move forward.
01:24:59
Speaker
leaving an impact, creating a legacy, sharing that, and doing the best we can for folks that we know or even we don't. That service is contributing to something bigger than you without minimizing you. I think that's a key part of that too.
01:25:28
Speaker
show for yourself. We're going to fucking test that next weekend, dude. That's cool. Well, thank you, Peter. Thank you for having me. It was my honor. Social media, find you. You want to tackle that one? Some people are like, nah, we had someone, we did a podcast two days ago. Well, Ginger, by this point, people will hopefully have heard it. She's like, yeah, people can just call me.
01:25:54
Speaker
Is that a carrier pigeon? You can write me a letter. That's amazing. If people want to message you, and please message Peter, not us, about the many gifts that he gave you.
01:26:13
Speaker
So how could they do that? So I made it easier for people. It used to be a character AB all on Instagram because when I was 12 years old and I'd never thought I was going to fit in in the world, I was sealing the concrete on my front porch with my father sweating on a day like today. And he said to me, cause I had like a breakdown. And he said to me, Peter have good character above all and the rest of it will take care of itself. Wow.
01:26:41
Speaker
Yeah. That's so, but I changed it to my name. So now it's Peter M. Krimme P E T E R M C R I M I. That's my Instagram. Nice. And no doubt about the character. Thank you. All right. See ya.