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Carleen Matthews, CF Games Athlete + Affiliate Owner
390 Plays2 years ago
Carleen Matthews is an early adopter to both CrossFit and our DØSE program. Carleen is a mother, affiliate owner, Games athlete and a person who "wants in" on all things mindset. She shares her beginnings of CrossFit, after becoming sober in 2010, and her journey to and through competing at the CrossFit Games. We dig into the delicate line between being committed to the training process and what can easily become obsessive behavior and how she has used 'mindset' in getting to know her WHO. Carleen will be partaking in The Big Fish fundraising event June 9th that will last 30 hours to support veterans along with some of our other BTE friends Vincent Ruiz and Street Parking founders Miranda and Julian Alcaraz.
@TeamCarleen
@crossfit-st-helens
@bigfish_foundation
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Transcript
Introduction and Carleen's Journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the between the years podcast in this episode. We sit down with Carleen Matthews Carleen is She's been in the CrossFit scene for quite some time since 2010 And it's pretty cool. Carleen was actually one of our first adopters one of the first people to sign up for the dose Earlier this year, but Carleen is a mother. She's an affiliate owner. She's a games athlete and
00:00:27
Speaker
She's a person who generally wants in on all things mindset. She shares her beginnings of CrossFit, how she came to this movement after becoming sober in 2010 and discusses not only her journey of recovery, but journey of excelling as a CrossFit Games athlete.
00:00:49
Speaker
We first met actually in 2018 at the CrossFit Games kind of behind the scenes. She was on the demo team and Kay and I were obviously working, doing what we were doing there.
Balancing Commitment and Obsession
00:01:00
Speaker
So it's pretty cool to connect all these years later. We dig into the delicate line between being committed to the training process specifically as a competitor and how that can easily slide into becoming obsessive behavior.
00:01:14
Speaker
But she uses mindset really to get to know her who which is I think why she gets a lot of value and contributes a lot of value to the between the years dose program
00:01:26
Speaker
We also talk about Carleen's upcoming event. She's no stranger to doing hard things. And on June 9th, she's going to be participating in the Big Fish Foundation's fundraising event, which is a 30 hour event to support veterans.
Supporting Veterans through CrossFit
00:01:41
Speaker
And it's pretty cool. She's doing it actually alongside some of our other between the years friends, specifically Vince Ruiz and Miranda and Julian at street parking.
00:01:51
Speaker
This is a good episode. It's an awesome episode and we hope you enjoy. So here's the show.
Carleen's CrossFit Journey
00:02:28
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. There we go. Carlene. Carlene Matthews. Welcome. Welcome to the BTE podcast. Thank you for having me. I see a pretty awesome climbing wall behind you. That's in your gym. Is that like a part of the gym or is it like a different business or what's going on there?
00:02:55
Speaker
Yeah. Well, when we took over, it was there and we don't do any climbing because to make more space, we took the matting out. It's more of just for looks now, but a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, it looks really cool. The gym originally was like a fitness or the space was originally a fitness center and a climbing gym.
00:03:24
Speaker
And then it turned into just more fitness center, less climbing, and then now it's just CrossFit. Cool. Well, you can work on your grip, bouldering, just hanging on to those holds.
00:03:40
Speaker
Literally, I've only climbed it once and it's not my thing. I think I'm a little bit scared of heights. So I'm like, nope, I'm good. Good. It's kind of funny for perspective, there's a pegboard behind you and the pegboard is like half the height of the wall. And I climb right up that. No problem. Yeah.
00:04:07
Speaker
So Carleen, you tell us a little bit your gym, like where are you at? How long have you had the affiliate? All that good stuff.
00:04:15
Speaker
Um, yeah, I own CrossFit St. Helens. We're in St. Helens, Oregon. Um, so, uh, it's a small town, like not very many people know it. So it's just a little bit outside of Portland. Um, and I've owned the affiliate now for nine years. So we'll have our 10 year next year. Um, and, uh, yeah, so that's a little bit, yeah. How long have you been in, uh, CrossFit?
00:04:44
Speaker
Cause you, you were at the games. I think the first time we met was, or at least the first time I met you, I don't, you probably don't remember me. Um, demo team, you're a demo. Uh, so that would have been what 18, 19, no, 2018 2018. 2018 demo team. Um, so a very accomplished athlete. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, I went to, I started CrossFit in like December of 2010. And then, so I missed the, you know, I just kind of watched the open that year.
From Addiction to Sobriety through CrossFit
00:05:25
Speaker
And then in 2012, I went to regionals for the first time. And then 2015 was my first year at the games.
00:05:35
Speaker
So 2015, 2016, 2017, I made it back to the games, but had an injury and had to pull out on the first day. So then 2018, missed the games by one spot. And so I went demo team.
00:05:57
Speaker
2019, I thought I was done. And I aged up to Masters and did the open and qualifiers just for fun. Right, right. And we just made it to the games. So as a Masters in 2019, ended up placing my best placement
00:06:24
Speaker
my probably like greatest athletic accomplishment. So I took second that year and then 2020 pregnant, 2021 postpartum, 2022 masters again, 35 to 39. And then, and this year I'm officially taking the year off. Okay. Okay.
00:06:53
Speaker
Wow, so much to dive into there. What, I'm always curious, cause I mean, you can go back and watch videos and look at what you did on workouts and stuff, but curious, you know, so 2010, December, 2010, what got you into CrossFit? What was your life like before? What kind of led you to? Yeah, I was doing, I like, I have a history of drug and alcohol addiction. So in,
00:07:22
Speaker
When I got into CrossFit, I was like two or three months sober. So I was two months sober. I got sober in October, end of October, 2010. So I was looking for something different. I was doing a lot of like, you know, I grew up being an athlete. I played softball and soccer. I played softball in college.
00:07:48
Speaker
And so I'm an athlete. So I would do 24-hour fitness boot camps. They would have a boot camp on the weekend. And I was really into that. I also have a history of eating disorder. And so I had went into a treatment for that. And when I left the treatment for that, I wanted to find that athletic.
00:08:17
Speaker
side of me again. And so I was seeking when I needed a personal trainer, I needed somebody to teach me how to do it the right way and not the way I knew how or that I was doing it. And so I found somebody who was, I was like, I like this guy because he's athletic. He does really athletic things.
00:08:41
Speaker
And so I started there and then I happened to fall into CrossFit. I was young and I was doing some online dating and there was a guy that was like, my perfect date would be doing a CrossFit workout. And I was like, oh cool, CrossFit.
00:08:59
Speaker
Yeah, I can ride the elliptical. Sure, let's do that. And so he ended up, he showed me this. One of his friends started doing some CrossFit coaching and
00:09:14
Speaker
I went and I like never stopped. So you didn't think it was an elliptical workout or what happened there? Oh my gosh. I didn't know what it was. And when I started it, it was like, um, I was in like small group training. So it was just this one coach who was just starting. And so he was just doing like three or four people at a time. And, um,
00:09:42
Speaker
He was like, okay, well, you know, we'll start like three days a week. And then we did like three days a week for a couple of times. And then he was like, you know, you can come as many times as you want. And I was like, okay, cool. A hundred bucks every day of the week. Done. And so I just continued to do that. And what I was doing was I was in these small groups with him, but I was seeing the actual class.
00:10:07
Speaker
the actual CrossFit class in the actual community. And so I was just kind of, I just got to watch. I just got to watch it, like what they were doing. And we were kind of doing our own thing over here. But I eventually got to where I was like, okay, I think I was like, this is cool. I want to take these classes. But I did small group training for a long time, like a long time.
00:10:35
Speaker
And it probably is what really helped me. Cause I got like a lot of one-on-one instruction of like the basics. Like I always tell people like we jump rope, we did a beaded jump rope every single day for like a minute. And then we increased it like two minutes, three minutes, four minutes. And then it got to where like, you have to do 150 beaded double unders. You know, like I'm like, that's, that's the stuff that,
00:11:04
Speaker
taught me the basics. Cool. Do you mind me asking how do you, in looking back at some of the challenges and struggles that you've had with substances, eating disorders, and being a high level athlete, do you see any connection between the two of those?
00:11:30
Speaker
I absolutely and especially like in recovery
Identity and Athleticism
00:11:35
Speaker
There's a huge connections of like the CrossFit world and recovery so like being like finding a community But you know like I usually tell people that like I'm an addict. I'm an addict like through and through so I like
00:11:57
Speaker
anything that you put in front of me that is potentially like addictive, like I'm going to latch on to that. Um, so like CrossFit, you know, has had, I've had to like really work on trying to find the balance of what is, what is a, an elite athlete need to do and what does a competitor need to do and what is obsessing. Um,
00:12:25
Speaker
And so it's just a very fine line for me. And when I thought, like I said, like I wanted to step back, that was really hard for me too. It made me realize and maybe open up to like how much is like
00:12:46
Speaker
obsession for me or like how much like this is kind of gone to the other side for me because it was hard for me to step away. I also think that there's a piece
00:13:01
Speaker
Like especially for me as a competitor, me as when I, so I got out of college and didn't really like, that's when like drinking became, drinking and my eating disorder got really big in my life. And like I got out of control. And it was because I didn't really, like I didn't know who I was. I didn't have an identity for myself.
00:13:29
Speaker
outside of being the college athlete. And so kind of goes same thing. I kind of jumped into CrossFit and I then created a name for myself and created an identity for myself around being an elite athlete. And so trying to like step away from that, I was like, whoa, like, but I don't know who I am outside of being an elite athlete.
00:13:54
Speaker
Like I had to go back and like remember who I was because like it all just, and it all kind of goes together. So like me not knowing who I was was and like having no real identity, um, was what got me into eating disorder and, or like, um, pushed me over on that and like drugs and alcohol. And so.
00:14:21
Speaker
there was like a big fear for me, like stepping away from CrossFit or like I don't want to go back there, you know? And so I kind of had to do it all over again. It was like getting sober all over again. Wow. Wow. So how was that been? So this past year, stepping away, like taking the year off, not just being like, Oh, that will fund. Oh, look at me. You know, I'm going to the games. Um, knowing that there's a,
00:14:51
Speaker
triggering, activating experience and history with, because you are well known in the space. You are a, you know, a games athlete in a time of social media and presence and all of that. How have you navigated through this, not like minefield, but I'm sure very kind of like, there's some patches of thin ice, perhaps. How have you been navigating through this?
00:15:18
Speaker
Um, it's an ongoing process. Um, so, uh, you know, like really just like trying to explore different things, um, for myself. So outside of, um, you know, just the competitive crossfit world, I do have like the goal of potentially going back. That's like what, what I think of like maybe my plan right now.
00:15:45
Speaker
Also accepting that I may change my mind and being okay with that. Spending some time just like my focus right now is getting my body healthy and looking at CrossFit and my fitness as all the other things that I can do.
00:16:08
Speaker
as opposed to just competing. A perfect example is competing-wise, if I don't get in a certain session or if I don't do all the things that I'm supposed to do, there's a lot of anxiety around everyone else is getting better.
00:16:29
Speaker
Like be okay with it like cool if I don't get it in like I don't get it in and then I'm gonna I'm gonna do like Something else and I'm just gonna move on for the day and that's been very freeing for me it's a it's a definitely a different like mindset that you have to have and with that there's still like some fear of Will it come back like will that mindset of Being able to like
00:17:00
Speaker
you got to get all this stuff in, in order to like, like, if I want to go back, right? Like if I want to go back, yeah, it's that mindset, like, am I going to lose it? So there's like, it's like a give and take of like, I want to give up some of it. Um, but I don't want to give up too much. Um, because I do have a fear that like, it doesn't come back. Um, I don't know. Yeah.
Training During Pregnancy and Postpartum
00:17:30
Speaker
When you're, when you're training and competing, how often are you doing competitions? Um, not often, like, um, to maybe three times a year. Okay. Lately it's just basically like since I've been masters, um, it's only been like open quarters semis games. Okay.
00:17:57
Speaker
I am actually in a couple of weeks doing a local partner, um, competition in hopes to just like, you know, like it just gets to go like throw down and have fun and be with a partner and, um, be local too. Like, I think that's cool. So yeah, that is cool. Um, so how do you know when you're obsessing or when you're training smart? Like, you know, yeah. Um,
00:18:30
Speaker
I think for me, it becomes kind of that my entire world begins to revolve around getting in all of the training that I feel like needs to be done. I don't allow myself to go do anything without
00:18:58
Speaker
without getting in my workouts. So just trying to find some balance in there. I think it's, like I said, it's just such a hard line because the reality of it is that if I want to be competing at the high level, I do need to be doing everything, doing all
00:19:27
Speaker
Um, and so there is a, you know, fine line of like, there is a little bit of an obsession. Um, but you know, like.
00:19:40
Speaker
It was an eye opener when I couldn't stop. When it was like, okay, I want to take a break. I want to get pregnant. And it was like, okay, tone down your training, chill out a little bit. And I was like, no, I'm not willing. Yeah.
00:20:00
Speaker
I can't like the trains is going on jump off. Yeah. How was pregnancy for you with that? Because I know, you know, obviously there's, you're limited. I mean, your body's going to, even if you're super pregnant person, you're still limited comparatively to what you did before. Like, how was that? How was that for you? And, and I guess also postpartum because it's almost more difficult in some ways for people because you don't have the pregnancy as like your
00:20:30
Speaker
I don't want to say excuse, but kind of like, okay, I'm no longer growing a baby, a human. I had like a great pregnancy. Um, I like worked out the entire pregnancy. Um, and I, yeah, limited my stuff. Um, but I really just, uh, kind of made like a commitment to myself that like, I'm going to move every day. Um, but that was like that shift for me was that I was like, okay, the deal is.
00:21:00
Speaker
You're not going to be doing intensity anymore. Like for this time period, like intensity is low. So you can actually afford to do something every single day. Whereas like when I'm competing, you know, you gotta be like careful about like, you gotta take the rest days because you're going 110% on.
00:21:21
Speaker
majority of the days. So like the rest days are so important. Whereas I got to where I was like, okay, I can just keep like I can do a 30 minute chill bike. I could do that every single day. If that's all that's going to happen, like that might be all that happens. Um, so I made that like kind of commitment to myself. Um, and then I did that and, uh,
00:21:47
Speaker
And then I did a lot of street parking, um, and a lot of, I like got into, you know, a lot of different stuff. So I enjoyed the creativity that I got to have with dumbbells and, um, it was during COVID. So I did all our like zoom workouts. Um, and like I said, I was very, very lucky because I wasn't super limited. Um,
00:22:12
Speaker
I still could like jump and run and, um, that kind of stuff. So, um, it was more of like the postpartum that was a struggle for me and then turning it. Right. So then like postpartum, um, I was like, okay, well now we're in this routine of like, we just work out every single day and like, how are you going to take a rest day? So then I like struggled to get out of that routine of like every day I do something.
00:22:42
Speaker
Now I gotta try and take a rest day and I tried to get right back into it and my body said no. The first walk that we tried to take.
00:22:56
Speaker
my body was like, we're not ready. And I was like, okay, we're not ready. We're not ready at all. This doesn't feel good to me. So I took like some more time off. And I postpartum, I really, really believe that
00:23:15
Speaker
Like I walked a lot, so I just walked with Charlotte a lot.
Strength and Endurance Balance
00:23:20
Speaker
I would walk like, I started out like, okay, I'm gonna start walking. I'll walk a mile, I'll walk two miles. And I got to like, I'd walk like three miles just pushing her. And I feel like that helped me get my cardio back. Like just walking. So I'm just like such a firm, like a huge believer in walking.
00:23:45
Speaker
you know, the benefits of that. And then I, I guess I'm, you know, like two and a half month or two and a half years postpartum, right? But I still don't feel like my strength has really come back. So that's kind of where I'm at right now. Trying to build some strength back, that was always the hardest thing for me. So yeah,
00:24:14
Speaker
slightly out of left field question, but we were, Kay and I were just talking about it. Actually, we just did a, well, we tested the dose workout for the upcoming week today and it's just cardio. It's a cool little thing on it. Cool little take on it. And Kay was saying how like there's this sense of
00:24:37
Speaker
Unsatisfaction. Sometimes with cardio. Well, why don't you speak? No, we were, we, so Monday, to give you a little background, Monday we did Murph out at the ranch and what turned started as like a, Oh, we're going to do like a team Murph became for me, very competitive, trying to be, you know, Dave and Boolean and wearing a way vest. And I said, well, I was like, we can, we can get out on the run before them.
00:25:06
Speaker
Oh my God. No wonder why I'm crushed. Then we got on a red eye. Tuesday was extremely rough. We were sore. Dave Castro was probably not moving. He texted me. He's like, I'm paralyzed. It was bad.
00:25:26
Speaker
And so Tuesday we did kind of like just like move, do a little cardio. I didn't even like, I'm very, I relate to what, you know, to kind of your story. So for me to like not have like a watch or a phone on my run is like, well, how will I know? Like how far I went, you know, but I left it in the car, just kind of whatever. So Tuesday was sort of a whatever cardio day. Yesterday we did TFS. I mean, the first squat was,
00:25:55
Speaker
It took me seven seconds to do one thruster at 25 pounds. I was like, you don't like the world's slowest muscle up. It felt like the world's slowest thruster. So today I was like, I'm going to do strength. Like I'm not doing cardio again. Like, of course you can't do cardio again. I just did cardio and that's unsatisfying. Like that was the place I was at and Bill's like, okay, well I can't move. So I'm going to do cardio. And as it turned out, a little test proved that like, yeah, I wasn't,
00:26:25
Speaker
I wasn't going to do strength. So we were talking about it and I was like, um, yeah, there's like that feeling of like unsexy or unepic or it's like, yeah, it's just cardio. But at the same time for the workout that's coming up, like there were some, it was like, it's like going a little bit easier and going harder. And it's like, well, if you want to go like, then go faster on the bike. Like when there is some intensity, um,
00:26:54
Speaker
So it is kind of this interesting thing also with intensity that it gives you this immediate little like thing. But I trained for an Ironman and I did only endurance training for like five straight months, like only endurance. I mean, I won't even say it was like strength once a week. It was like core and not anything we would all consider strength. And I'm telling you my, like my base,
00:27:22
Speaker
was like significantly improved from that. And that was like zone two, like barely any intensity. So it is kind of funny that that gets a little bit punted, but it can be like, well, it doesn't have the same, like that sexy factor, you know? It doesn't, it doesn't get me like that, like high that I like.
00:27:50
Speaker
Yes. That's where I was kind of going with this. So like hearing you say that strength has perhaps always been a part of your athletic profile that needs to be, you know, elevated or whatever, whatever, but also kind of hearing that, okay, grueling metcons, hard metcons, right? Intensity, probably where you thrive more. There's that high component to it.
00:28:17
Speaker
How do you manage the pieces of your athletic pie that might not be as rewarding or satisfying, but are obviously important and from an athlete, from a competitor standpoint, necessary if you're going to, you know, get to maintain Excel at the highest levels?
00:28:43
Speaker
Yeah, I, um, well, I mean, I guess the first thing that I think about is like, I found a program, um, or a way to lift that, um, gives me that competitive, um, like drive, it gives me that like little, um,
00:29:07
Speaker
kind of gives me like little nuggets every time. So, um, in 2015, 2016, it must've been, uh, after the, my first year at the games, we were like, I gotta get stronger. Um, Chris McDonald is my coach. And, um, and he was like, let's, let's start doing conjugate method. Um, and so he introduced me to that. I, um,
00:29:38
Speaker
I don't know, like I fell in love with it at that point. I was always like, oh, I'm gonna, this is what I'm gonna do when I am done cross fitting. Like I'm gonna power lift. This is so fun. It was giving me like, we're always changing it up. We're always doing a different one rep max. You're always getting to see a little tiny PR for one thing or whatever. Yeah.
00:30:02
Speaker
It's challenging me to be faster, faster, faster, jump higher. And there's always just like a little like nugget for me to like get to. So I really enjoyed that.
Integrating the Dose Program into Training
00:30:17
Speaker
I got like away from it when I like after pregnancy and stuff. And so then I had like these like two years of being away from it.
00:30:28
Speaker
And then after this year's open, I said to Chris, I don't deserve, at this point in my life, I don't deserve to go back to the games at my strength level. Compared to my peers, my strength is not where it needs to be. And I was doing that. I was prioritizing cardio, endurance,
00:30:56
Speaker
met cons every day knowing that my strength was like, Oh, I'll just, I'll just fit it in where I can fit it in. And, um, and so he just had the, you know, hard conversation of like, uh, if you want to be stronger, you have to prioritize your strength. Um, and I said, okay, it's, I, I need to do something different.
00:31:25
Speaker
I didn't like that I wasn't strong. Um, and so I agreed to prioritize that strength. Um, so now I do, uh, all of my strengths first. And then if I have time and I want to, I can do the Metcon or the conditioning or whatever afterwards. Um,
00:31:52
Speaker
And, and I came back to conjugate and I was like, you know, Oh, this, this is what I would like. I enjoyed, I enjoy this. Um, we're also like, we, we got this new, um, I guess it's something like a machine, but it tracks your velocity.
00:32:11
Speaker
So like I'll do dynamic days and I have a number that's telling me exactly how fast I'm going and I just try and beat it every time. Like beat it, beat it. And that's giving me that, like,
00:32:32
Speaker
challenge that that's allowing me to get that high back. So I've just found a way to do it with the things that I don't really like. So you've obviously kind of to transition. You were one of the first people that signed up
00:32:54
Speaker
for the dose. You were an early adopter. Yeah. How did that come about? Yeah. I mean, you were with street parking and then, I don't know, maybe you were just like on our radar from something we did with them. Like what was that process like for you? Because obviously you have a lot
00:33:10
Speaker
know, it's funny as like a high level athlete, you are up and you're doing this training and you're back to like a little bit more specific stuff, like, okay, your goal of strength training again. And it's funny that one of the hurdles, I think with some, the average crossfitter, we'll say that with like the dose is, but like, what about how am I going to like fit it in? You know, like, and some of that's because maybe they don't
00:33:36
Speaker
know the workouts or whatnot, but this feeling like it's taking away versus adding. Obviously, you have a training program. How did you find the dose? What sparked your interest in that and how do you work it into your actual program? I don't know how I've found the dose. I think that
00:34:03
Speaker
I can't remember if it was before or after you guys came out to street parking and one of my coaches works for street parking. So she participated in the Hill and she came back and she told me about it and I was like,
00:34:23
Speaker
Oh my gosh. This is right up my alley. Like she told me about it and like she told me about, um, the like last run and I was like, Oh my God, goose bump. Like, Oh my gosh. And I, um, and so I, I, I don't know. I think I started like, we emailed because yeah. And then I said, why don't you start with this? Yes. Okay.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yep, so yeah, I was like, okay, I want to do this. This is like right up my alley. I'm a huge believer in therapy and anything mindset like I want in. So yeah, so I was like, cool, yep, I'm going to do this.
00:35:15
Speaker
And starting, I was able to grab a few people. They come in and do it with me. And then it got to where then I was doing them by myself. And I think there's a benefit for both. But I signed up was like, this is a great deal. And I was like, if I
00:35:46
Speaker
we'll just see where it goes, right? Like if I like it, then I like promote it to more people and like, and if, if not, I'm not really lost out anything, right? I don't know. I just knew I, I knew I'd like it. So, so yeah. And, and also like with that, I, so, you know, talking about the demo team stuff, like that's where I like,
00:36:13
Speaker
remember you guys from and I was like, I know that I want to get in. I want to do what they're doing because this is going to be really good. I don't know. I was overhearing some of the conversations that you were having and they stuck in terms of
00:36:34
Speaker
I was intrigued. So yeah, and so now I just try and like, depending on what the workout is, I just try and fit it in where I have free time or like yesterday I was like, I want to get this workout in before I talk to them.
00:36:58
Speaker
So yeah, I try and do it wherever it seems to align with my programming. And then if it doesn't align or I don't have time, I sent Bill a message and I was like, but the workouts are gone. I can't repeat it. He was like, that's the point.
00:37:18
Speaker
That's so like learning that like it's okay to not do a week. Like if it doesn't fit in and it doesn't align, I don't need to stress and like try and do like three in a day and try and like bang it all in. Cause I, I think like one of my, um, one of my big things is that like I, oh, a lot of times I want to make
00:37:45
Speaker
these experiences, whether it's this or like something in like my recovery or whatever, you know, a therapy session, I need like the golden nugget. Like I want like to be like healed in one, you know, I need to be saved in one experience and I need to completely be remodeled from, you know, everything. And so I'm seeking that. So I'm like, what am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to like get from this? And like, how can I get
Fundraising and Community Support
00:38:14
Speaker
the best thing? And
00:38:17
Speaker
So you know allowing myself to just do it and like not make up and not try and force something You know, I kind of responded to their your Instagram about like that I thought I was gonna get one thing out of the workout and And that was not what I really got so it's
00:38:44
Speaker
It's been a challenge for me for sure to just let things sit and just try and do and not overthink it and overanalyze it and take what I can. And there might be days where nothing comes on that day. But eventually, maybe something will come up and be like, oh. Has there been a workout
00:39:14
Speaker
that's been kind of more impactful or memorable or beneficial. Cause you, you know, yeah, you were like one of the originals. So having done most of them, all of them, whatever, which one kind of rises to the surface for you?
00:39:34
Speaker
Um, I think that like the first, uh, the fire plunge, obviously, cause it was like my first real experience. Um, and then, uh, like yesterday, um, TFS, like I was crying. Um, so afterwards. And so like those ones like that, like that I, and, and the rest of the day too, I was in a pretty big funk. Like I was just like.
00:40:02
Speaker
processing, processing, processing. So that was very, for me, that's impactful. The fact that I held onto that all day was obviously really impactful for me. It's cool that that one was one that, like you said, you let go a little bit and just let whatever come, come, which is
00:40:32
Speaker
Like, you know, we talk about this reorienting kind of your, you're just like shifting your focus a little bit to like what might come up. Like it's a funny thing because you're not holding on to this like thought, but you're just allowing yourself to like look in that direction more than maybe if it was just like, Hey, we're doing this complex and it's for time. And you're like, yeah.
00:40:54
Speaker
that's it, you're looking in a different direction. It's not bad, it's just our intention is to like, turn the head a little bit. And that's really cool that, you know, to have that experience of just like being open and that's a practice I think as well, like being open and letting whatever comes, come and that's really cool. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I do try like, it
00:41:17
Speaker
It's something that I'm really working on of being like open to what comes because I do want to like, I do like a lot of control and I want to like, no, I think that like, this is what I need to work on. Like really, it's probably not. Um, so you have a big event coming up. You're doing the Pasha's big fish fundraiser.
00:41:49
Speaker
From what I understand, it's a 30 hour, 24, 48, 30 hour kind of exploration into all things, what happens within, what happens between, all of that. Can you tell us a bit about that? Yeah. Um, so I did it two years ago. Um, and I didn't really like know what to expect. Um, I, uh,
00:42:19
Speaker
It was, it was hard. So we're just trying to, he brings out five athletes and then five veterans to kind of like team up. So we teamed up with the veterans and then we, like every three hours,
00:42:38
Speaker
We switched, so we got to work with everyone. And yeah, I was like nine months postpartum, so I was at that event pumping in the 30 hours, like on the machines, on the bike, pumping. It was pretty cool because a lot of the guys that were there participating were like,
00:43:07
Speaker
it showed them like, this is what we do. This is what bad ass women are, you know? So it was cool, like a lot of like James Hobart was like, the one thing I remember about that event was like, Carleen was pumping. So yeah, so went two years ago and then wasn't able to go last year because I wanted to go back to the games and I,
00:43:37
Speaker
I just want to put my focus there. Going back this year, we don't know really what it's going to be.
00:43:51
Speaker
I think there's gonna be some like shooting. There's gonna be some pull ups, I think. But it'll be, and I think that as the workout or as the event goes on, he's gonna reveal more to us is what it sounds like. But yeah, it's all to raise money for veterans and doing like,
00:44:20
Speaker
things outside of basically outside, like doing like fitness stuff, like fishing trips, like different explorations for veterans also is what the Big Fish Foundation raises money for. So yeah, the cool thing about it is that he puts
00:44:48
Speaker
like points to it. So we're competing. We're just there for a fundraiser, but we're competing because that is going to, right? Like that's going to get me to like get the most out of it. And the first time we went, I, um, I was like, Oh, I, this is enough. I'm done. I've done enough. I made it here. Like I'm just participating.
00:45:16
Speaker
And I walked away from it wanting more, like knowing that I settled when I didn't need to. So that was kind of the mindset that I took from that was like, I don't want to settle. And I found like, I came back home and I found that like, I settle a lot. Like I'm on the assault bike and I'm like, this is good enough. I went, I went hard enough. Like this is, and I have more. So.
00:45:46
Speaker
I went and did a 72 hour row with them. And, and that was like, okay, last time I settled, I settled and I'm not going to settle. It took like 36 hours in and I like looked over like at Tosh and I was like, it's, this is hard. This is hard. He was like, isn't it cool to know that like,
00:46:12
Speaker
It took us 36 hours to start getting to the point where now we're going to start learning about ourselves. So it took me 36 hours to get to that breaking point where I had to start leaning on other people. So that's the cool thing about this event is that it forces us to lean on other people and to ask for help because we're not going to be able to do it alone.
00:46:42
Speaker
And that's something that's important that I take in my life. That's my recovery too. I don't do it alone at all.
00:46:55
Speaker
When you did that, you did a row because I know you asked, there was some, was that the 72 hour one? Cause you asked Bill, like, do you have any like nuggets? And I think, what was that? What was your, was that that row? No. So, um, so I, I'm doing the annual madness and so, uh, I missed a workout and the buy back in is a 50 K row. Right.
00:47:22
Speaker
So I had to do 50K row. And the reason it's 50K I'm assuming is because that's when the rower turns off. So I was like, hey, how can I kind of do this and get something out of it rather than just 50K row? Right, right.
00:47:44
Speaker
So, you know, from doing like the 30 hour event, um, I did a little, like the first one that I did, I did a little bit of like a 24 hour training. We did like some practice. We did like 10 minutes every hour on the hour. Um, for 24 hours we did like a run, Cindy and like something else. I can't remember what else. Yeah. Yeah.
00:48:13
Speaker
So I've done a couple of those now, and I wanted something different, you know? And my original plan was like, cool, I'm going to get it done in like five hours. I'm going to go 50 minutes on, 10 minutes off. And then I asked for advice and I didn't get the answer that I wanted. What exactly did Bill, what was Bill's advice? I've been in that boat many times, Carlene, actually.
00:48:42
Speaker
Yeah, he said 10 hours. 10 hours. What did I end up doing? I did 5K every hour on the hour for 10 hours. And I was like, man, that was not what I wanted. But I'm not going to ask for advice and not take it.
00:49:04
Speaker
because that's why I should do it. So yeah, I ended up doing that. And every hour I had to set an intention. I had to set an intention for that hour of something that I was grateful for in my life. So I made a little board and that was really cool. It was really powerful to be able to acknowledge those things in my life.
00:49:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's really cool to have that experience where like to your point like so you rode 50k and you had like a celebration of 10 things and walked away with that. Whereas, um, yeah, and not every workout obviously is that, but you can make like, that's one of the things like making meaning of suffering. Like it doesn't just have to be suffering. Like you can suffer, but also be like, wow, I, I like had a positive experience of something beyond the physical.
00:50:02
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Closing Thoughts and Gratitude
00:50:05
Speaker
I think that's like kind of to the point that there's so many different ways of exploring this stuff, you know, and we're limited only to maybe our creative extents, but also I think when we talk about what we're trying to do, which is like really kind of bringing, we have like this analogy that it's like we're, we're, we're taking the Trojan horse approach to mental health in that.
00:50:31
Speaker
The Trojan horse is the workout, the actual like, you know, whatever structure is the, is a workout, but inside of the workout, the real essence of it, the real purpose of it, the intent of it primarily is a mental health mindset, therapeutic concept. Obviously it's not a therapeutic relationship, but it can facilitate a therapeutic or a healing relationship with self.
00:51:01
Speaker
which is obviously super empowering and self empowering. And I think that like your point about like every, you know, you want like the one big experience like that. Like I, I resonate with that big time because yeah, they're powerful. They're, they're incredible, you know, but they're also likely more rare.
00:51:26
Speaker
Right. And they're fleeting. And they are fleeting, you know, and we've all had like big, major experience. We're like, this is going to change my life and we're going to forget it. And, you know, the tide goes in and the tide goes out, regardless of how big the wave that just crashed was. And, you know, that's where like having a deliberate practice where
00:51:46
Speaker
the intention is a more inward focus, a sort of mental health therapy, mindset, self leadership, whatever we want to call it in a relationship with ourselves. And oh, by the way, we can do it doing things that we like, enjoy, and we get fulfillment and satisfaction out of and everything like that. I think, I think that's really cool. And, you know, obviously that folks like you who are not only
00:52:14
Speaker
on the path of wanting to be better, you know, just as a human being, like as a mom, as a woman, as a wife, as a business owner, as a friend, as a like daughter, as all these different things. It's just really cool to know like, oh, there's others. And it's a shoulder to shoulder kind of thing. That's really, that's really special. Yeah.
00:52:37
Speaker
It's super helpful for me to have some guidance in being able to find that intention for certain workouts and to just kind of like, I don't know, it's just like it allows me to
00:53:01
Speaker
Being a part of the dose allows me to hear others' perspective too. That's super helpful because it brought up more. I was like, oh yeah, I did experience that also. I just didn't realize I experienced it. Oh my gosh, that was my experience too, but it didn't come out.
00:53:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's super helpful. I think also people in a position of leadership, like you're the owner of your affiliate. Sometimes when you're in that role as leader, obviously you have some programming for you for your
00:53:40
Speaker
you know, training, but it's nice to like just be part of something, like to be part of a community that's not like you're in charge. And you know, it's kind of cool. Like that's where us together has been nice because we'll most of the work, I mean, Bill's the genius behind all the dough stuff, but even like having a little back and forth is always like, Oh, that's cool. Like you have something shared versus just like the pressure of
00:54:10
Speaker
being kind of isolated and, um, on your own. So, and like you said, some of it's like for better or for worse, sometimes the answer you get or the workout or you're like, Oh, like I definitely don't want to do this, but that's kind of a little nudge to like, okay, I guess I. Yeah. But I mean, I get that too. I didn't, I didn't want to do DFS. Yeah. Bill was not thrilled about my suggestion.
00:54:35
Speaker
And, um, there was not a lot of ventilation in the room and Bill is a sweater. So I was definitely concerned that he was going to end up in like a split that we had to mop. We literally had to mop after the workout. So we need a taste of your own. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But that's, I think that's the thing. Like when, and I just, I posted in our Facebook group about it before, but where like this one, this experience for me, this, I've done TFS multiple times, different ways, um, over the years, but.
00:55:06
Speaker
this one hit deeper. And I do think it's in part because of the group we have going now. And I receive, I receive when everybody gives and it is a, you know, it is a beautiful thing. Like that's like, I was doing this, um, I was doing this, this trauma or a therapeutic intervention, trauma training. And,
00:55:36
Speaker
It was like a five day, super intense. Like those days were long and like, a lot of learning. I love learning and a lot of. In the corner of our living room, in the chair, like just, that was it for five days or like, well, I was in that, but either way, um, but you know, she, the, the woman who founded this, who's just genius, she was talking about gratitude and how like, gratitude we can oftentimes,
00:56:05
Speaker
turn into maybe a transactional thing like, hey, list out your three things. And that's wonderful. That's not to nag on that. But gratitude between people. When someone acknowledges or offers a bit of gratitude towards you, for example, like, Carleen, we are, I am.
00:56:29
Speaker
honored and excited that you are part of the dose, part of between the ears. What you share is super insightful. It's different from my own experience and different experiences always teach me like, oh, right on. And I'm like really grateful for that, that we get to share in this thing with it. There's the reception of gratitude as well.
00:56:53
Speaker
And like, it's almost like you throw it out there. And if it's not like, if, if you don't receive the gratitude or if you were to say, Oh, that was really helpful. Thank you. I'm just like, I know big deal. You like swipe it away and like swatted away. There's a, there's no offering and a reception to gratitude. And in the therapeutic context, this deals with like attachment trauma, like some really heavy stuff. Sometimes that dyad, the therapist, client, that patient, human, whatever the human to human interaction, like,
00:57:24
Speaker
as a therapist, like you better fucking receive that because that's what you need. That person needs you to receive that gratitude. Cause it means something when you offer a thank you or a bed of gratitude. And you know, so anyway, I think that like part of why I had a powerful experience yesterday was because of constantly receiving personally from the group. Yeah. Like it's like our thing and give those each week, but like, but there's, there's a reception to that as well.
00:57:55
Speaker
And I do think that that is like such an important part, especially for people who, yes, like yourself, who are in the load of responsibility is up there with everything, you know, you've got and managing. And it's a wonderful way to experience and live life, but there is a, there is a toll. There's a burden to that doesn't mean negative or positive, just that there's a heaviness to that. And to the extent we can receive these,
00:58:23
Speaker
things, you know, from others is I think really, really important. So I need to, I try to live that as well with, okay, like if she's like, come on, let's do it. It's like, you know, knowing when to draw the line between like, no, you're like crazy or just being weak, you know, so. The community piece is just so powerful. Yeah.
00:58:47
Speaker
But we will for sure share your link cause you are doing fundraising and that's obviously like a huge part of it. And, um, obviously fundraising, um, what he's doing this year is, uh, putting points on the line for my fundraising. Many, however much money I raise gives me extra points and I'm going up against Bristol Mayfield and she is.
00:59:16
Speaker
has one every year. You need some points. I need all the points I can get. Let's assemble. Let's assemble. We will definitely share that link. You can send it to us so we can have it. How many points are possible? Is it just a ratio? It's any amount. For every $1,000 I raise, I get 1%
00:59:43
Speaker
more points. Okay. So if I raise $5,000, I'll get 5% more. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. That's good. We do have faith in your physical abilities, but we will also help with your points. So not to say that we don't believe in you. I mean, I've lost our amount of hours, like the physical abilities just... Yeah, that kind of becomes an equalizer.
01:00:06
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. Well, thank you for chatting. And even though that was an example, it was a genuine thank you and gratitude for having you in our group and part of this.
01:00:22
Speaker
We do get so much value from what you share and we hope you keep it up. So, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Anything else that handles the social media stuff and you want to do that? I'm team Carleen on Instagram.
01:00:38
Speaker
Yeah. Cool. Thank you so much for your time, Carlene. And yeah, we look forward to hopefully having the BTE community contribute. And it's certainly a cool thing. Obviously, we know Tash and all of that. So when is it, by the way?
01:00:57
Speaker
June 9th through the 12th. So we gotta get going. This will go up soon and we'll rally. Stop listening to this. Go over to the link. Throw Karlene some financial love and then check her out and follow along. Thank you. All right.