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The Aliens Have Arrived - Episode 4
303 Plays4 months ago
Soooo the aliens are hear, I guess? There have been UAP/UFO sightings all over the US (especially over the Donald Trump National Golf Course - which is hilarious) and no one knows why they're here or where they're coming from. It probably means we're on the brink of nuclear war, soo I hate that for us. But here we are lol This episode is a little all over the place but if you're going as crazy as I am rn, hopefully you'll find this episode comforting/cathartic. Love you!
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Transcript
Introduction and Unusual Content Direction
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of the Choose Violence podcast, a podcast for feminine rage. I'm your host Ishpaw, and I am... baffled. So confused. ah This is not going to be a normal episode of the podcast. I had a whole episode drafted out. I had segment ideas. It was a whole thing. I talked about it later on in the podcast. But about an hour before I sat down to record, I went on TikTok and I just saw recordings of videos from all over the country from the last three days of just aliens in the sky everywhere.
00:00:32
Speaker
So, I mean, we knew they were real and living in the ocean, but apparently they're here. And and it feels pretty fucking ridiculous to talk about any of the stuff that I have recorded because my brain's exploding right now because aliens are real and I don't give a fuck.
00:00:48
Speaker
like I'm so apathetic and just like drained from all of the events of the past year is what I was gonna say but really it's been a month really it's been a month it's been a month since the election it feels like a lifetime and at this point I'm just like I don't have the bandwidth for anything else, especially during seasonal depression season, like I'm doing better than usual.
Alien Sightings and Government Response
00:01:09
Speaker
Thank you so much for asking. But still, um got a lot on my plate. And then you're just like, aliens are just in the sky. And the government's just like, Oh, those are just car sized drones. And I'm like, bitch, is it a fucking wheel? Shut the fuck up. That's literally you're telling me you're telling me that there are car sized drones and Elon Musk isn't flying one.
00:01:30
Speaker
Tesla doesn't sell them. Every douchebag bro who drives a Cybertruck. Do you think people would be buying Cybertrucks if there were drones the size of cars? Okay, that's not fucking real. So don't fucking lie to me. And I get into more of that in the episode. The government doesn't give a fuck. No one knows what's going on. that We are officially out of excuses and lies. And there are all different types of fucking spacecraft flying about. Ones that look like plasmoids, ones that look like classic UFOs, ones that look like comets and shooting stars, but are just flying in loopy loops.
00:01:58
Speaker
It's fucking insane. If you're not on TikTok, you're probably not saying this because it's I don't think it's on the news. I don't watch the news. I'm not going to lie to you. So if you're not watching TikTok, now's the time to start. If you haven't downloaded TikTok.
00:02:10
Speaker
But how is the moment to do it? to Just go to the search bar and type in UAP and you'll see some crazy shit. And I know I sound fucking insane. i I fully recognize that. I fully understand that the words coming out of my mouth are insane and they only get crazier and crazier throughout the episode.
00:02:27
Speaker
um But it is where we are and that's why I couldn't record a normal episode today because my brains broken It is a melted puddle of goo. I have nothing left for you guys. Just kidding I have a lot of opinions and takes but like what the fuck and just like no one's talking about it Just like it's just like you would think if the world's ending and the aliens are invading and like some shit's about to go down and Someone on CNN would talk about it. Like, where is Anderson Cooper? Why are we just acting like everything's normal?
00:03:02
Speaker
I don't understand. It's everywhere. It is everywhere. And the FBI admittedly has no idea what the fuck is going on, which is also like fucking bullshit. It's like, bitch, we know you know what's going on. Stop lying to us and just tell us because we don't care anymore.
Humor and Speculation on Alien Interaction
00:03:17
Speaker
There will be no mass hysteria. We won't even be mad at you for lying. At this point, I'm just like, stop playing in my face. Like, if you know what's going on, just tell us.
00:03:27
Speaker
Are they here? Are they nice? Are they hot? Are they looking to mate with human women? Are they nice? Do they like watching Gilmore Girls? Do they want to hang out? Are they annoying? These are the important questions. Do you know what I mean? Like,
00:03:46
Speaker
but Do they have magical powers? Can they teach me how to use magical powers? Is witchcraft real? Do they know how to do it? Can I go in their spaceship for a ride? Will they let me test drive it because that would be really fun.
00:04:02
Speaker
Can they take me to outer space real fast so I can see what the moon looks like? Like these are the important questions that I have that I need answered by the government instead of this like playing around fuck shit bullshit that they're doing. Where they're like, Oh, these are drones like bitch, you think we're stupid. And I know you've slowly dismantled the American education system over the last 50 years. But how fucking stupid do you think we are?
00:04:25
Speaker
that but people are seeing these crazy lights in the sky moving in patterns they shouldn't be moving and you just had a fucking whole panel or conference or whatever the fuck you want to call it hearing on aliens being real and now we're seeing them in the sky and you're like it's just drones don't worry baby it's just drones like fuck you literally fuck you and fuck your bullshit Fuck you and fuck your bullshit, they're just drones. Are you fucking kidding me? Eat my shit and die, government. Just kidding, government, if you're listening, you're so nice, please don't arrest me. I'm one of the good ones. I was about to say I voted for Donald Trump, but I would rather die than say that, so. So anyways, this episode's all over the place. I'm not gonna fucking lie to you, but if you are as confused and baffled and just apathetic but also furious as I am, I think you're really gonna enjoy this episode. If not, if you don't give a fuck about aliens, valid.
00:05:17
Speaker
Who's got the time? You got bills to pay? Kamala's still radio silent. We're doubting our faith in astrology and tarot, and if we don't have those, why live? you know Seasonal depression season, like I said, we got a lot on our plate. So if you don't give a fuck about aliens, feel free to skip this episode. I'm not gonna lie to you. I love you so much, but we don't really get into the meat of things like we do on a normal episode. I will be recording another episode tomorrow, so there will be two episodes this week. they'll be It'll be posted like a day later than this one. so Come back on Saturday. And if you're watching this after Saturday, then it's already up. So go watch that. um But yeah, so this episode is a little all over the place. um But if you're where I'm at mentally, which I feel like a lot of you are, I think you'll appreciate it. Really, it's just an emotional journey. Oh, yeah. Just with with everything that's going on right now, it felt a little asinine to be posting um a normal style episode. I feel like I really had to address what's going on right now. So bear with me. I hope you enjoy it. And if you don't, valid.
00:06:16
Speaker
Fair. Not for everyone this week. But again, I will also be recording a second episode this week so you can get your normally scheduled content. Okay, I love you so much. And I hope you enjoy the episode. And I hope we're not all dead by next week. Okay, I love you. Bye. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Choose Violence podcast, a podcast for feminine rage. I'm your host Ish Paul, and I'm confused as fuck.
00:06:40
Speaker
So we all remember a couple weeks ago, they had those alien hearings right after the election. Actually, you might not. So much shit has happened. You might not remember what is time, if not simply a construct at this moment. I don't know what day it is. I don't know what week it is. I sure know what fucking year it is because it's the year that won't motherfucking quit.
Reflections on Government Inaction and Alien Hearings
00:06:57
Speaker
Anyways, you might remember a couple of weeks ago, right after the election, there was the UAP hearings. Basically, they were just talking about alien shit. And as always, they didn't tell us much of anything.
00:07:08
Speaker
other than aliens live in the ocean they've been here this whole time which was incredibly disheartening because if you're anything like me you thought the aliens were gonna save us you thought they were gonna come take over our government you know maybe excuse our student loan debt give us health care you know just like take pity on our poor unfortunate souls And they fucking been here and they did nothing because they're a bunch of assholes. Just kidding. If you guys are listening, um you're not assholes. Please be nice to me. I'm so nice. And I think you're so cool and awesome. But what the fuck? So now. I'm on. So and then, God, I don't even. OK, so now apparently there are alien sightings all over the United States. This is being recorded on December 3rd.
00:07:57
Speaker
for the anals of history who are watching this. This is before it all went down, apparently. For the last like three days from all over the United States, there have been UFO sighting after UFO sighting after motherfucking UFO sighting. And it really pisses me off that I don't give a fuck.
00:08:17
Speaker
Like the aliens are here. They are making themselves known for years. We've been saying, oh, they're just waiting until like we're open enough to the idea that we're not going to freak out and there's not going to be mass hysteria. I thought that meant they were going to wait until we were just like happy and like peaceful and whatever. No, that meant... No, that meant they waited until we were so apathetic, we didn't give a fuck anymore. Like, I hate Donald Trump for so many things, but I hated especially for ruining aliens for me. Because right now, I am so beaten down from the last couple of weeks that there are aliens in the sky everywhere, everywhere, not even just like in fucking Arizona, where everyone's brains have been baked and boiled to oblivion. Like,
00:09:04
Speaker
Actually, this is kind of funny. There's a lot of sightings, like a lot, a lot, a lot of sightings in New Jersey, nearby the Donald Trump National Golf Course, which I don't even know what's fucking thing. But I'm glad that the aliens are a bored with hating Donald Trump too. Like that's really fun for me. I do appreciate that. At least we know that even if the aliens are lazy as fuck, which honestly I get, can relate. I don't know that I'd go out of my way to save a bunch of assholes either. But at least they have good taste. At least you know they would have voted for Kamala, which by the way, where the fuck is she?
00:09:34
Speaker
Where the fuck is she? Still haven't heard anything. The astrology girls still got it wrong. Still haven't heard anything. Still haven't heard but a goddamn thing. So and I mean, at this point, I guess it doesn't even matter who won the election because I don't know that we're going to be around that much longer, which really fucking pisses me off because I'm just starting to get some momentum in my life, in my creative endeavors. And now aliens are going to blow up the whole planet or realistically, aliens are going to try to stop us from blowing up the whole planet. But you know, if they're here,
00:10:03
Speaker
we're on the verge of blowing up the whole planet. Like, that's kind of the vibe of where we're at. Like, if the aliens are here, the end is nigh, and it's not the aliens are going to do it. So it's just like, and we still have to pay rent. I mean, I don't I live at home with my parents because I fucked up my life. Just kidding. I just decided to quit being a lawyer and I was like, Mom, I need help. Mom, I have no money anymore. Mom, let me live in my old room. That's also in case anyone's wondering, like, why does she look like she lives in an insane asylum with nothing on the walls? My mom is very OCD and not allowed to have stuff up on the walls. So this is my home. This is my little home. And I don't mind it um because it feels familiar.
00:10:43
Speaker
But like at this point, does it even matter if Donald Trump stole the election? Because if the aliens are here, the end is near, right? Like what is the one thing we've always heard about the aliens other than
Aliens and Global Tensions
00:10:52
Speaker
that they're waiting to reveal themselves until we're ready for it, which again, is so upsetting that it's just until we reach just like abject apathy, but they always say the alien activity always sparks up.
00:11:04
Speaker
Around nuclear air bases and around times where it looks like we might be gearing up for nuclear war So if they're all here because it's not one type of alien aircraft. It's like a thousand like they're all here They all came in for whatever shit is about to happen And I don't I and i don't know if they're like trying to stop something or if they're like, oh my god, this is it The humans are really gonna blow themselves up. Let's go watch um And they're like get your popcorn bitches. It's going down soon. So You know Who cares if Kamala won the election or if Donald Trump stole it? I don't think we're gonna live long enough to find out. And again, I'm pissed off that I don't care. I'm pissed off that all week on TikTok, people have been talking about like, there's something, there was some prediction made by some predictive AI. I'm not gonna get into it because it's very confusing. It sounds very stupid. But if you just Google 39 days to melee, some guy had some AI predictive technology in 2009 that said,
00:12:00
Speaker
It had some like temporal marker that Donald Trump and Joe Rogan were going to there was going to be an interview. And then 39 days after that, there was going to be some sort of alien melee in the sky. And this guy's predictive model also predicted 9-11. And also he then had this confirmed by a bunch of remote viewers, which which apparently remote viewing is real. That's just like a fun fact that I've learned in the last three weeks, like astral projection, real.
00:12:28
Speaker
The government's been using it to see into the future and onto other planets. And now people are just saying that like it's normal. If you said that a year ago, you would be committed. And now people just use it like it's common parlance. Parlance? Is that how you say that? Par- parlance. Is that the word?
00:12:48
Speaker
parliament It doesn't matter. Everyone's just using it like it's part of the vernacular. And I'm like, what the fuck? You cannot, in a month, be like, so Donald Trump's president, Linda McMahon's gonna be the Secretary of Education. We're actually dissolving the Department of Education. Elon Musk is gonna be a part of the government called Doge.
00:13:09
Speaker
department of oversight of government efficiency literally spells out doge like dogecoin like to the moon no one's gonna catch the joke aliens are real so is remote viewing the aliens are in the ocean
00:13:23
Speaker
You can't just keep dropping this information on me, okay? And the audacity to do it during seasonal depression season? Okay, we already got brain fog, okay? I already am sleeping at all hours of the day, barely holding it together, okay? And you are gonna drop all this information on me when I can... barely keep my mental health intact? Like, how dare you? I already, my bandwidth is this. During seasonal depression season, it's this. It's so narrow, for those of you listening, it's so narrow, it's so tiny. And this is the time of year but the alien fucking and considerate as that is that? I don't have the bandwidth for this normally.
00:14:03
Speaker
And yet here we are. So back to the fucking AI predictive model, which I didn't even know we had AI in 2009. Like, again, I keep saying this in my life on TikTok, probably on this podcast, like I woke up on a different timeline at some point in the last couple months. And I don't know how to get the fuck off of it. I'm wondering if it's too late. I'm wondering if all the other timelines have collapsed in on each other. And this is the only ones to left. I don't know.
00:14:26
Speaker
But apparently we had AI in 2009 that could predict the future. So anyways, he had a bunch of remote viewers, which is like a real society of people that are employed by other people to do things. He had them look at the future around this temporal marker and they're like, oh, yeah, the melee is going to be aliens. There's going to be they're basically going to reveal themselves within 39 days of this podcast interview, which I don't even think Joe Rogan had the podcast in 2009. So what the fuck?
00:14:52
Speaker
don't know what's going on, you guys. Like this is not what this podcast is about. That's another thing I'm mad about. That's not what this podcast is supposed to be. But at this point, there's so much confusion overlaying the anger right now that I just need to work it out. And I feel like if I'm feeling this, you must be feeling this. So hopefully this is helpful to somebody. Hopefully this is resonating because I feel like I'm losing my actual goddamn motherfucking mind right now. So anyways, the aliens are now revealing themselves within 39 days of this fucking interview with Donald Trump and Joe Rogan.
00:15:22
Speaker
And which also not a thing that was on my bingo card in 2016 that Joe Rogan would be one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse ushering us to the end of the world because that's what it appears. It's like the four horsemen of the apocalypse right now are Donald Trump, Joe Rogan, Elon Musk. Who's the fourth guy? Not Mitch McConnell, that guy actually did something good and stepped down. So I don't know who I we're probably gonna find out who the fourth horseman is fairly soon. So So anyways, there are aliens just everywhere right now. Like to the point where the FBI is like, they they've been trying to say it's drones for like the last however long and now there are so many and all over the country and there's so much footage that is clear and good. If you guys want, I will link some in the comments, just let me know. There's so much footage that now the government's just like, yeah, we don't know what this is. And they're trying to say they're drones and they're like, yeah, but some of them are the size of cars.
00:16:22
Speaker
lie to my face. Do not play in my face like that and act like drones the size of cars are a fucking thing, dude. No, they are not. Otherwise, every douchebag red bill would have one. You think if they were drones the size of cars, Elon Musk wouldn't have one?
00:16:37
Speaker
You think people wouldn't be fly, if there were drones the size of cars, you don't think people would be flying around in them? You think Elon would still be fucking around with Teslas and SpaceX if it was possible to make drones the size of cars that could fly for like 12 hours and just like hover in the sky and then disappears to we don't know where all day long and then comes back to the sky in New Jersey for like weeks?
00:17:02
Speaker
Don't fucking tell me that that, don't, fuck you. Literally fuck you, CIA and FBI. Do your job better, one. Fucking do your job at all, probably. We're not, we know you're not looking at domestic problems or foreign ones, so really what the fuck are you doing if you're not solving this alien issue? But don't fucking lie to my face and tell me that these are car-sized drones. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
Media Coverage and Public Perception
00:17:32
Speaker
Fuck you. Shut the fuck up. Absolutely not. Like, just say they're aliens. Like, let's just all be on the same page about this. Why are we lying anymore?
00:17:45
Speaker
Also, why is this not on the news? Why am I only hearing about this on TikTok? Like, if the aliens are invading, right? Like, if we look at every other alien invasion movie,
00:17:56
Speaker
in human history, right? What? What a ridiculous sentence. If you look at all the alien invasion movies from the last like 30 years, it's on the news. They declare a national security emergency. Everyone's aware, hiding in bunkers and shit. No one's talking about it. There are aliens in military airspace. They cannot figure out what they are, where they're coming from, or how to get them to stop. And it's not on CNN.
00:18:27
Speaker
No one's, I'm pretty sure if you guys don't watch TikTok, you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. I probably sound insane. I should have started with that. Maybe I'll have an insert at the beginning of the episode. If you're not on TikTok, I probably sound fucking crazy. But I'm like seeing this footage with my own eyeballs of just like so much shit in the sky.
00:18:45
Speaker
And like, I thought it was going to be fake. People kept saying December 3rd and I was like, after all the Kamala dates from like the astrology girls and the tarot girls in which shock, I was like, okay. Okay. Sure. Aliens are real, but you think they're coming on December 3rd. I don't, I don't, I believe in aliens. I don't believe in any motherfucker with a date. Okay. Fucking relax.
00:19:04
Speaker
but last night i felt weirdly compelled to go outside and look at the sky because i was like this might be the last time it's normal and then this morning i woke up and i was like okay again everyone's full of shit there are no aliens in the sky and now there are
00:19:21
Speaker
like There's a helicopter outside my house right now and I'm like, alien? I don't know. I don't fucking know. I am losing my grip on reality. What even is reality anymore? What grip am I holding onto? like like All day long, I'll be sitting, working on my mental health game, working on my sobriety, doing TikToks, filming podcasts.
00:19:39
Speaker
designing a planner for depressed girls. Let's see if the world is still standing when I finally release that. It's really cute. I will talk about it next week. It's almost done. I'm just trying to figure out production stuff. If you guys know how to produce a hardcover wire bound planner journal in full color thing with tabs, that doesn't cost $10 million. dollars Please let me know. Also, if there are any depressed girls who um or type A girls who like to buy planners, how much do you buy a planner for? How much are you willing to pay? Would you rather have a really nice hardcover tabbed out planner or it's a journal?
00:20:08
Speaker
It's a journal. I'll show you next week. But would you rather have one with like a hardcover and tabs that's like really fancy, but like $50? Or would you rather have one that's like lower quality, kind of like a flimsier cover, but like $25?
00:20:24
Speaker
Let me know. Anyways, I'm just sitting here working on my shit. Try to build friendships, do therapy, improve my conflict resolution abilities, building my relationship with my parents. I'm trying to learn how to cook. I'm 32 years old and I'm trying to learn how to cook for the first time. And then I go on TikTok and it's like, oh, reality is a nothing. My little bubble that I'm trying to like, keep control over of like me doing my little human projects. but Like I'm someone's playing Barbie with me. That's how consequential my life feels at this point.
00:20:54
Speaker
like so aliens are real they're here they're in the sky in arizona in chicago in new jersey i haven't really seen anything from la it seems to be concentrated over there maybe because we voted blue they're like you guys are okay Hard to say. I do again think it's really funny that they're hovering over Donald Trump's golf course because like maybe when isn't it isn't it funny to imagine that like they don't totally understand how humans work so they think if it's named after Donald Trump that like Donald Trump lives at that golf course and they're looking for him to abduct him to save us all but like they can't find him because he doesn't actually live there.
00:21:30
Speaker
And they're like, well, he doesn't live at the White House and they probably have no conception of what Mar-a-Lago is. And they don't totally know where he is. So they're just like waiting at the golf course for him to show up so they can take him away and save us all. Maybe that's what the aliens are doing. Maybe they're trying really hard to save us, but they think Donald Trump is going to be at that golf course that's named after him because they don't understand human vanity. Or why anyone would name a golf course after Donald Trump if he didn't live there. Who's to say?
00:21:58
Speaker
That would be kind of a vibe if anyone has on Trump's location and wants to docs him to the aliens could be helpful. It's all I'm saying, but make sure if you do that, you also docs JD Vance to the aliens as well. Cause remember.
00:22:11
Speaker
If Trump can't be president, it goes to JD Vance and he's probably worse. Remember we talked about this. Okay, cool. Back to the point that I've been trying to make for the last 12 minutes, but I'm so kerfuffled that I don't know what the fuck is going on. And apparently I can't talk in a straight line. Please excuse me. But like, you know, I, I got believed in the aliens for a while. Like I'm very into the metaphysical, of the spiritual. I'm like, they could be interdimensional beings. They could be us from the future or whatever, which just saw a video about that. And there was, they,
00:22:37
Speaker
who knows what's real at this point but in a supposedly leaked interview with a gray and it was like where do you guys come from and they're like we're from earth and he's like what and he's like yeah we're from earth we're descendants of you guys and they're like why do you guys look so fucked up and weird that's not what they said but that's my translation what was my thought and apparently all of humanity dies in nuclear war And there were a few survivors and that's like where the grey aliens come from. I sound insane, but like, well who gives a fuck? Who cares? Who gives a fuck?
00:23:10
Speaker
but But like, if you think about it, it makes sense that aliens look so fucked up if they're the survivors of nuclear war. Like, have you guys seen Chernobyl, like the Chernobyl animals? Imagine if that happened all over Earth. The few survivors would be crazy fucked up looking. And like, as they evolved, like, yeah, they could look like aliens. That makes sense. They have like humanish like bodies just like super fucked up.
00:23:31
Speaker
super possible. Although I do really like the idea of them being interdimensional beings that seems a lot more fun than they are our descendants after we blow ourselves up with nuclear war like that means they've been here the whole time we're like elevated our consciousness because now we can communicate with them. It seems super cool and like limitless expansion versus if they are our descendants after nuclear war who are traveling through space and time to like see what the fuck's going on now or stop it from happening. That means we're all going to be dead soon.
00:24:00
Speaker
And that sucks. That's like way less cool. I'm like not, I don't know about you, but like personally, I'm not super into that. Because again, I'm just starting to get my life on track at 32 years old. Like I would like to know how to make a souffle before I die. I don't know why that is suddenly what's coming to mind. But I'm like, that's the thing I would like to learn how to do before the end of the world happens. I don't know that was first thing I popped my head apparently, maybe I should get on that. But back to my point, which I've said about seven times and now and not gotten to my point, but We are where we are. i am I am but a human as well. And sometimes there's a lot of fuck shit going on in the world and get a little derailed. And sometimes it can be a lot for even a smart girl like me to handle and process it all. But it's just like, I've become so apathetic.
00:24:47
Speaker
that I'm finding out that, like, all ghosts are real, aliens might be plasmoids, like, remote viewing's real, astral projection's real, aliens are real, they're here, like, all of this cool shit that, like, when I was 11 years old and watching Charmed and, like, doing spells hoping that they would give me magic, if you had told that girl that all this shit was possible,
00:25:10
Speaker
First of all, I would have never gone to law school. I would have spent the last 12 years in a fucking cave learning how to astral project. Fucking first of all, fucking first of all, you're telling me remote viewing is real and that's a job I could have had there. People pay, people do that. You're telling me I could have slept. I could have been going to sleep, first of all, and then seeing the future or the past or just other places in the world and gotten paid for that. I could have learned that skill.
00:25:35
Speaker
And is that I went to law school? And and it's wasted on me now, because now I'm at this point, I mean, so jaded that I'm like, oh, if I had astral projection, like I thought about it, I was like, oh, maybe I could learn how to astral project another insane sentence. But here we are. Bear with me. All I would want to do is go to my ex boyfriend's house and fuck with him. I was like, oh, can I touch stuff? Could I just like move all of his furniture? Can I just spill all of his shit every year so he wakes up and thinks his house is haunted? Could I just haunt my ex boyfriend and torture him from afar? Wouldn't that be so cool? And then I was like, oh, my God, what if he had a girl over? I would kill myself. So we're not going to do that.
00:26:04
Speaker
But I'm just saying, if you had told me all of these things are real, first of all, I would have completely changed my life path, which is also like, why is the CIA like kidnapping remote viewers and doing this secretly when you can just ask us all to do it? Like not everyone would want to, but the girls who would do it would be really great. at And they also only asked men to do it. And I'm like, okay, girls are going to be better at that, first of all. But that's a job I would have loved to sign up for in elementary school. Like I didn't know that was an option to on the career aptitude test.
00:26:30
Speaker
But if you had told little me who was so into the otherworldly, like so weird with such a formative show for me, if you guys remember that from Disney Channel, let me know in the comments because I honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, I want to rewatch the entire show and check off how much of that shit turned out to be real.
00:26:46
Speaker
Honestly, that show made me who I am. If you've seen it, you're my people. If you haven't seen it, find it. Let me know. I wonder if it's on Disney Plus. I doubt it. It's one of those shows that's like it's too weird and too cool. It's probably one of those things that's just like lost in the archive somewhere, but it was a phenomenal show. Oh my God, I want to watch that. Can I just turn this off and go watch that before the aliens invade? Can I just stop recording and go watch so weird before the aliens invade? So I have like one last good memory for my childhood before it all ends.
00:27:12
Speaker
It just I'm so out of my mind because it's like One every sentence that comes out of my mouth is fucking crazy I just had a conversation with my dad who's the most skeptical person ever and we we're just talking about aliens being real and he's like oh I haven't seen that on tick-tock and I was just sending him alien tick-tocks like it was normal and the thing is sometimes me my dad talked about some crazy shit and normally my mom intervenes and calls us idiots she just Kept making dinner She just let us talk about aliens being real because even she is like apathetic and is like, yeah, probably. Let's prepare for the end. My mother, who puts up with zero bullshit, is letting us talk about aliens in the kitchen around dinnertime with no objections.
00:27:54
Speaker
What? Like, we have just all collectively stopped giving any fucks whatsoever. And like, like, it's good that none of us are scared, right? Because like, we are not prepared to go to battle with the aliens. And frankly, I don't want to because in every single movie, they're always like, we come in peace. And I'm like vibes. I respect it. Cool. But like, I wish we were a little bit excited. I wish we like, gave a fuck. I wish I could be like, hey, guys, sorry, no podcast this week. Aliens are real. I'm gonna go dance in the street and hope they abduct me like,
00:28:24
Speaker
but I don't care. I'm like, I'm just gonna record this podcast and then go to my online yoga class at 815. And then I'll edit this and then tomorrow I have a tik tok to film. And that's and that's it. And that's and that is how consequential aliens are right now. I thought this would shake the earth at its core. And yet
00:28:46
Speaker
It's not even a headline on the news.
Aliens' Interest in America and Invitation to Interact
00:28:48
Speaker
And what's hilarious to me is it seems to only be happening over the United States. like it's It's both hilarious and terrifying because it does seem Donald Trump-centric. Can you believe that the reason aliens came to Earth or like revealed themselves is because of the guy from The Apprentice? Because this does seem weirdly America-focused. I'm not seeing stories about this happening all over the world. It just seems to be all over the United States.
00:29:11
Speaker
Probably because Donald Trump will like launch the nuclear codes as soon as they're like, hey, you cheated in the election. It actually come along and he's like, I'm not going to jail. Let's blow up the earth. But it is funny that like, of all the places in the world, with all the conflicts going on, even the aliens are like, the United States is crashing the fuck out right now. Like, that's where we need to focus all of our attention. That does feel funny. And it does make me feel a little bit special that they care about us the most. And it does validate my theory that this is a simulation. And I'm the center of the universe. and I'm the most important one. Just kidding. But it's fun to think about sometimes. But also, if this was my simulation, I wouldn't constantly be on a diet. So there is that.
00:29:50
Speaker
JK, I eat like four donuts a week. I don't know what fucking diet I'm talking about. But anyways, so Donald Trump's going to blow up the world and the aliens are trying to stop it. And remote viewing is real and astral projection is real and magic is probably real. That's another thing. If all these other things are real, magic is real, which means I could have been practicing magic and telepathy this whole time.
00:30:13
Speaker
I didn't need to go to school. I could have trained under a witch. I could be a sorceress right now for all the fuck I know literally anything's possible in this world. And instead, I went to law school. What the fuck? We were talking shit on the crystal bitches this whole time. And maybe they knew something. Maybe they were just witches and didn't have a proper witch to train under. Because as we know from all the witch movies, that's very important to have a mentor to take you through witchcraft is very confusing. And I'm just like,
00:30:42
Speaker
That's just like a new thing I'm pissed off about. I didn't even realize that so far. I've been so apathetic about this whole thing. And I'm like, Oh, now I'm furious. Because if all of this is real, that means everything has been real this whole time. And we've been going to work.
00:30:55
Speaker
We've been putting on makeup when we could have just learned spells to do glamors. We've been dyeing our hair when we could have just been doing glamors. Do you know how much money I would have saved if I could just glamor my fingernails instead of having to pay fucking $110 once a month to get them done? Medicare, pedicure. I go cheap, okay? We're not doing just $110 for the pedicure. I'm not made of money. I'm actually just barely getting by, but that's like okay.
00:31:17
Speaker
But I could have had a career as a witch. I'm also pissed off because the Senate just drafted a bill or like announced it to the floor or however the fuck the government works to dismantle the Department of Education to dissolve it when there are aliens in the sky. They are more focused on dismantling The American education system, which is honestly already crumbling, you would really just have to flick it over. I don't even know that you need to draft legislation to do that. They're getting rid of that instead of focusing on the literal aliens in the sky. And okay, let's say they're not aliens. Let's say their foreign government's worse. Let's say their foreign government's worse. Definitely worse. If that's Russia, I'm way more concerned if that's aliens, which is another sentence that I never thought would come out of my mouth.
00:32:00
Speaker
Like everyone is so full of fuck shit. I can't even handle it anymore. And I swear to God, if I die in the alien invasion or nuclear Holocaust before when we were a young festival next year, when I will finally get to see Jack's mannequin live, which was my 14 year old dream in life, which I had to miss last time cause I was in fucking law school and buried under books and depression. If I die before I get to see Jack's mannequin next October in Vegas, I'll kill myself.
00:32:27
Speaker
I understand that that sentence doesn't make sense but I realize I have no retaliatory action if that happens and I'll be furious. And the thing is I can't even come back as a ghost so and haunt the concert and enjoy it from the next realm because they will be dead too. That's another thing if I knew the planet was ending I wouldn't have spent so many thousand dollars on therapy trying to better myself knowing that as soon as I get to a place where I'm emotionally stable and making real progress and reaching the potential of sex self-actualization sometime in this lifetime that then the world would end. Do you know what I could have spent that money on? I probably would have wasted it on Starbucks, but still I would have enjoyed it.
00:33:01
Speaker
And yes, I love hanging out with my therapist every week. She's very cool. But like, I could have just been on ecstasy in Mykonos. I could have been going on vacation all the time with all that extra money I would have had from therapy, from not going to therapy. And instead, I went to all this therapy. I bettered myself. I'm making all these improvements. I got sober. I did all these cool, impressive, amazing things. And as soon as I accomplish anything, the world is going to end at a nuclear holocaust or an alien invasion.
00:33:27
Speaker
Do you know what fucking bullshit that is? And I'm sure you guys feel similarly. Think about all the time you spent in school, or dealing with your boyfriend or husband's bullshit, and you could have been off dancing in the forest in your underwear. Because nothing matters, because the world is about to end.
00:33:44
Speaker
What the fuck? And I'm really upset because I had a whole episode planned for today. I was going to I had segments. I had book recommendations on social organizing for those of you who felt hopeless and like wanted to feel like you could take some action locally to improve things and like, you know, stabilize our democracy on a micro level. So hopefully we can expand that to a macro movement. I had hilarious dating stories. I had TikTok commentary. I had all kinds of shit I was going to say about Kamala.
00:34:12
Speaker
and And Nick Fuentes apparently had a sex tape where a man was eating his ass. That's hilarious. But because there are aliens in the sky, it feels ridiculous talking about any of that stuff. Because why does it matter? It's also hilarious that Nick Fuentes, who if you don't know, is the guy who said your body my choice is fully homosexual. Like, did we not call that? Like, I feel like any man who just hates women for no reason, especially that aggressively is like,
00:34:37
Speaker
fully closeted, you know what I mean? And it's just are mad that women are the people that they're supposed to be having sex with, but they're not attracted to them. So they hate women for that. because Somehow it's women's fault because men can't take accountability for literally anything. I had a story about how men will do anything other than break up with a girl because there was a guy who was being interviewed on the street. And he was just like having trouble with his wife. And he was like, maybe I should move to Yugoslavia or like some fucking one of those countries.
00:35:00
Speaker
and then somebody on TikTok linked it to another video of there was this story about a guy who like went missing and they thought he like drowned in a lake kayaking and but they never found his body and then it turned out he faked his own death and moved to Yugoslavia or whatever with like some 20 year old he met on the internet rather than break up with his wife or go to couples therapy or individual therapy okay there were some great stories I had clips I was gonna input this was gonna be a banger of a motherfucking episode but now there are aliens in the sky so what the fuck Maybe I'll record a companion episode to this with all the stuff I was going to talk about, but it just felt incredibly asinine to talk about any of the stuff I had lined up, which was hilarious because there are aliens in the sky right now over the United States, all kinds, all kinds, all kinds, not one of alien. It's not like one type of alien spaceship all over. There are multiple species or countries or types or whatever fleets.
00:35:55
Speaker
of aliens who have all gotten together either because they're like shit's about to go down this is gonna be hilarious let's watch or they're like oh my god the humans are in so much trouble we need to all band together to figure out what the fuck's going on and how we're gonna save them from destroying this planet which is literally a gem in a universe full of infinite possibilities and we are the only one that somehow spontaneously created life but Elon Musk like let's go to Mars even though it's a dead planet like instead of I don't know treasuring this gift that we have So there's an international coalition or interdimensional who the fuck knows coalition of aliens in the sky about to watch whatever the fuck is about to go down here. And I'm sitting here recording a podcast like what
00:36:34
Speaker
Because what else am I gonna do? I can't go talk to aliens. That's another thing that's pissing me off. The aliens are floating around in the sky. They're flying around. People can see them. People are filming them. And everyone's down for them to come down and hang out. Like an alien could come to my room right now and it would be kind of lit because then I could have them on the podcast and I could interview them and I'd be pretty sick. I'm sure that would be great for my career and for all of your entertainment. It would go very viral. But I'm like, come to my room right now. You could. And they're not. They're all here.
00:37:00
Speaker
They see that none of us are scared. We're all just like, what the fuck is this? We just want to know what's going on and we're disappointed in our government. They could all be beaming down right now to kick it. And so we might be thinking like, it's Paul, we don't speak the same language. Apparently, they all communicate telepathically. So I think it would be fine. So if they could just like come down and hang out, I keep like visualizing my brain. I'm just like alien beam down right there. Just please.
00:37:23
Speaker
at least do something cool don't just like fly around in this space we've seen the videos of that we've seen the pictures of that it's old news we know you live in the ocean whatever let's see what you look like are you guys hot do you want to hang out american men pretty much suck they're all red pill garbage or addicted to porn or objectify women or addicted to oldie fans or just otherwise inappropriate aggressive or sexual assailants so like if the aliens are kind of hot i would love an alien boyfriend if any of you guys are listening Come on down. We'd love to see it. Even if you're not that hot, I've dated a lot of medium uglies and pores. So it's fine that you don't have a credit card because that's fine. The American economy is about to collapse anyways. It's frankly irrelevant if you have money. Also, American men don't like paying for anything apparently anymore anyways, because again, their brains are rotten from red pill content. So they never want to go 50 50. So you know what, alien babe, if you want to come down and teach me all the secrets of the dimensions, I will buy us Chipotle.
00:38:23
Speaker
So it's just if the aliens are here, just like, calm down and hang out. No one's gonna be mad about it. And part of me wants to be like, aliens, if you're listening, you can come in and hang out. But then like, I'm a little scared because I'm like, wait, what if they're like ghosties, you know, and they're scary, you know, because I'm not afraid of aliens, but I am afraid of ghosts. What? Nothing makes sense anymore.
00:38:48
Speaker
And you know the Christians are gonna fuck this up. They're gonna be like, it's Jesus. These are the fallen angels. It's the devil. This is revelations. I'm like, bitch, this is so much bigger than your old fucking book. Can you relax?
00:39:00
Speaker
I saw this TikTok today that was like, we have more evidence of aliens than we have of Jesus being alive. and And I'm like, take that information to the Christians, see how they feel about it. But you know, they're going to say this is some book of Revelation shit. And like, maybe it is. Because again, they might be coming because it's the end of the world. But like, that doesn't mean your God is coming back. Oh my God, do you think that's why the government's not doing anything?
00:39:18
Speaker
like how they're not doing anything in Gaza because they think all the Jews need to go back to Israel so that Jesus will come back because Christian Zionism is terrifying and they're literally letting the world in because they think when the world ends that Jesus will come back and then they all get to go to heaven. Did you guys know that? It's the scariest fact I ever learned in my whole life in the last two years.
Comparisons to Religious Narratives and Government Critique
00:39:34
Speaker
Probably my whole life ever, actually. So do you think that's what's happening? They're just letting this invasion happen because they're like, oh, when the world ends, Jesus will come back and then we get to go to heaven. And it's like, bitch, why don't you just live a good life and then you get to go to heaven?
00:39:45
Speaker
Also read the book of Revelation. That's not what it's about It's about the world is setting into chaos and all the bad people fucking dying and then God comes back to live with good people who survived Which I'm sorry. It's not gonna be any of you guys. You have no survival instincts whatsoever Not saying I'm gonna make it but whatever but it's like live a good life Then you had to go to heaven. It's fucking just chill Everyone's so fucking stupid. But I am excited to see how the Christian evangelicals and why and Christian nationalists spin the aliens to be some sort of their propaganda because you know they will. You know they'll find some way to use the aliens to manipulate this whole super cool exciting thing to like get votes and like amass more money.
00:40:29
Speaker
Like I i and and you know that like fucking Walmart is going to use the aliens as a fake excuse to raise prices. Somehow they're going to tie inflation to this. You just fucking know it. And I think that's like the most dismal thing about late stage capitalism. There's something as cool as like aliens coming to Earth and like magic and astral projection and remote viewing being real and probably telepathy and telekinesis and shit. And I'm just like, how's America going to fuck this up?
00:40:54
Speaker
How's America going to take this really cool thing and bastardize it so it's not fun for any of us? You know what I mean? Like how they figured out remote work during the pandemic when we could have just like all had a vacay and free government money and they were like, no. And then they tried to take it away, even though it's a good thing. I fucking hate America. um I mean, I'm really glad I'm here and not in India because that seems like it'd be worse.
00:41:13
Speaker
Because I am a girl who's very loud um and really hates men at the moment. So I'm glad I'm not there. I'm glad I'm in America. But we sure do find a way to fuck up everything. We sure do find a way to fuck up everything. We sure do find a way to fuck up everything. um Oh, my God. Do you think Donald Trump will charge tariffs on alien goods? Like if we establish trade with the aliens, do you think he'll make them pay tariffs? Or do you think they'll be exempt?
00:41:38
Speaker
Also, I just heard in Mexico, and this could be
Social Issues and Nuclear Concerns
00:41:40
Speaker
totally fake. I just saw this on TikTok right before I got on here. But apparently, the president of Mexico, which wasn't she installed by the cartel, but whatever, she did some lit stuff, some quote, that she gave women a pension to all women over 64 because they should be compensated for their unpaid emotional and physical labor and raising a family and taking care of a husband for their whole lives. No, that's pretty lit. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. And if the cartel is responsible for that, I'm very okay with it.
00:42:03
Speaker
so Yeah, that's where I comment below with your ideas of how America is going to fuck this up, because I don't know what's going to happen the next day. Like by the time I sign on next week, fuck by the time I edit this and post it, it's Tuesday now, by Friday when I post this, who the fuck knows what's going to happen? Who knows if we're even going to be alive by the time I post next Friday.
00:42:22
Speaker
But if you're seeing this and the world is still standing and we still have internet access, oh my God, imagine if we lose internet access. Oh my God, I didn't even think about that. Oh my God, I didn't even think about that. If there's a nuclear holocaust, not only are we gonna like dying at radiation, we're probably gonna lose the internet. You guys, my whole life's on the internet. I mean, I'm just kind of taking off my mom and my dad.
00:42:40
Speaker
I mean, I love my mom and my dad. They're they're great. But like, all my friends and sisters live far away, like an hour drive. And so I'm just gonna not gonna have the internet. I guess I can read all these books I bought and never read. A lot of them are self improvement books or like business books. So but that's gonna be pretty fucking irrelevant. But oh my god, if the aliens invade and we go to war and there's nuclear holocaust, we're not gonna have internet. Sad. What are we gonna do with our free time? I guess like try not to die.
00:43:09
Speaker
so awkward. Although me and my family's whole game plan is just cyanide. Should I order cyanide? Do you think you can get cyanide on Amazon? My whole family our game plan is when the apocalypse comes, we just like take cyanide and just like call it a day because we're not surviving like
00:43:26
Speaker
As soon as all my antidepressants run out, I'm fucked. Like as soon as all of my psych reds run out, we're all fucked. So it's like I got like 30 days tops after CVS falls before no one wants me on this earth anymore, including myself. Like just it's just not a good time. It's just like not it.
00:43:45
Speaker
I do feel bad for my sister. She has kids, so they have to like fight to survive. That's fucked up. I just get a piece out. Oh, fuck. I don't want them to like not have friends. Do I have to stay alive? They live like an hour away. When the apocalypse comes, the freeways are going to be so congested with cars. We'll never be able to make it to each other anyways, probably, right? So I guess if they make it here before the world ends, I'll stay alive. But if it turns out there's no way we can get to them.
00:44:12
Speaker
cyanide all the way. For sure. For sure. If you guys know where I can order cyanide, let me know.
Conclusion and Listener Appreciation
00:44:19
Speaker
Seems like we're getting to that place. Seems like we're getting to that place.
00:44:23
Speaker
Um, this episode was kind of a shit show. I'm not going to lie to you and I'll still boast this because we're here, but I'll try to post a normal episode also. So there's that. Um, but thank you for sticking with me. If you made it this far, you are my fucking people and I love you. Um, Godspeed in the coming days. Cause who knows what the fuck is about to happen. And I was going to say, if you didn't make this far, I'm sorry, but if you didn't make this far, you're not going to know. So, um, anyways, I love you guys so much and I will talk to you soon.