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#FreeLuigi - Episode 5
396 Plays4 months ago
Not gonna lie, this week we are #depressed, but as strong beautiful powerful women, we show up and do the job anyways, even when we feel like shit. Today's episode is about as real and authentic as the internet gets these days, so if you need someone to commiserate with you in seasonal depression (or just existential depression) then this is the episode for you! lol Hope you love it! Love youuu bye!!
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to a very weird edition of the Choose Violence podcast, a podcast for feminine rage. I'm your host Ish Paul and I'm fucking over it because sometimes feminine rage looks like exhaustion.
00:00:16
Speaker
It looks like I'm over it. It looks like I'm recording this podcast horizontal in my bed without my podcasting microphone. And if the audio sucks today, I'm sorry. Sometimes feminine rage looks like I made a commitment to do a thing and I'm a woman. So I'm going to stick to my commitment and do the thing. But I might show up half dead. But at least I showed up to do the thing. So today's episode is going to be a little weird. The video is a little strange.
00:00:46
Speaker
audio probably not as good but at least it's honest at least we're showing up because that's what women do isn't it that's what we fucking do we feel like shit we feel beaten down we feel like we want to die and we show up and we do the fucking thing anyway and i feel like a lot of times we think that women show up you know even though we look even though we feel like shit we we put on a mask and and we put on some heels and we put on some lipstick and what's that Marilyn Monroe quote maybe it's Audrey Hepburn of like Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pull yourself together. Well guess what? That's not what all women do. Sometimes we just look like shit. Sometimes we just feel like shit. And sometimes we're just pissed off and upset and hurt and sad. And we show up and do it anyway. So if some days you gotta show up to work,
00:01:35
Speaker
horizontal looking like shit with your eyes puffy from crying at least you're still fucking doing the thing because that's how I feel about me right now just laying here cradling my inner child trying not to cry but we said we record a podcast so here we are recording a podcast because if I don't do it today it's going to give me anxiety every single day for the rest of the fucking week so we're getting it done and it's not going to be perfect not gonna be the funniest thing I've ever said in my life but also who knows because sometimes when I'm really miserable I'm hilarious. Let's be honest no one gets funny without a little trauma. Let's be honest the worst my life is going usually the funnier I am. I honestly a lot of times when life is going well I panic because I'm not like oh no I know the other shoe's gonna drop I panic because I'm like
00:02:24
Speaker
Oh no, what if I stop being funny? Like when I get really happy, I'm like, oh no, my stand up is about to suck. Oh no, I'm about to not have any good TikToks. Like I was healing from breakup and that's how the revenge idea series was born. And then I got through a period of time where I i reached a lot of um emotional tranquility and healed a lot. And then boy, did the content drop off there. And now I'm like, damn it. Can I get some of that resentment that I prayed away? Can I get it back? Can I have some of that resentment back?
00:02:54
Speaker
You know, can I get some of that raw, unadulterated rage that was eating me inside? Can I get it back? Cause it made for some great content. It made the girly pops laugh. The girly's, they were laughing. And then it looks like God answered my prayers cause he's like, Oh, you want to feel like shit? Oh girl, do you want to feel like shit? Oh girl, we're gonna make you feel like shit. And let's see if it makes you a little bit funny.
00:03:17
Speaker
then I recorded some content about it and I almost cried. I almost posted my first crying TikTok today and then I was like, not to today bitch. And I had this weird intuitive feeling of I was like, if you just cry and are vulnerable and honest and authentic, it'll probably go viral. And then I was like, I don't need views that bad. Nope, this video is gonna do like shit and I don't care. I don't need videos that bad. The video will probably still do fine. But crying on the internet, not worth ah million views nope i don't have much self-respect but i do have that much i think if i'd authentically started crying and i just posted it would have been one thing but the fact that the brain for even a moment when i pulled back the tears and was like not today and my brain was like but what if it goes viral i was like that's a disease that's a disease that's a disease of the mind to think i'm gonna post myself crying on the internet like a psycho
00:04:12
Speaker
because it'll get used. That's a disease. No offense to anyone who does it. Some offense to some of the people who do it. But we're not gonna do it. We're not even gonna do it. We're not gonna do that. So I'm exhausted and full of rage. Is it worth getting into why? This will sum it up, my mother.
00:04:34
Speaker
My mother, I think, and boundaries. Lack of privacy. Lack of respect. You know, something probably every single girl listening to this podcast understands. I'm like, what if I should pause this and just check if the audio is even remotely viable before I keep recording? I'm not gonna. We're in a flow. We're just gonna roll that. Really, it's just that I started talking with my mom and that I wanted to be avoidant and run away. And I'm like, let's go do something else and hope I change my mind about what I want to talk about.
00:05:03
Speaker
But moms, dude, why do they always got a mom so fucking hard? And it sucks being mad at my mom in my old age of 32. Because I know she's just a person, and I know I love her. I know she's the best, I know she's trying her best, but sometimes she really pisses me the fuck off.
00:05:20
Speaker
And they say like, I don't know who told me this, but I'm sure it's a common saying of like, parents are so good at pressing our buttons because they're the ones who installed them. And I'm like, that bitch installed every single one. But she acts like I bought them from the store by choice. And it's just a game she's really good at instead of the fact that she wrote the fucking manual on how to press all the buttons to cause a nuclear explosion. And then at the end of it, I'm just like, hey, this is what the argument boiled down to.
00:05:47
Speaker
Hey, you said something mean and it hurt my feelings. And then I was gonna swallow that. Cause in therapy we've worked on me not always piping up when my feelings are hurt. Cause usually it doesn't get the reaction that I want or like it never gets my needs met. Like I know I'm gonna get reamed by Caitlin in therapy tomorrow morning for my behavior today. So I'm just like not looking forward to that at all. Oh my God, my head doesn't even look like it's attached to a body. If you're watching the video,
00:06:15
Speaker
The way I'm laying down right now, I'm like in a sweatshirt. It just looks like my head is floating in space. Whoa, that's really crazy. I feel like I'm on drugs. I'm not on drugs. Totally sober. But it feels like my head is just like on a plate of blankets. That's crazy. Anyways. Oh, man, you can just like see how I get avoided whenever I start talking about anything real because I don't want to. But the thought has been started. So now I got to finish it anyways. Basically, I was like, hey, mom,
00:06:44
Speaker
You said something that hurt my feelings. That sucks. Basically said something shady about TikTok. Whatever. It's fine. She doesn't get it. I was just gonna swallow it because whenever I say, hey, that hurt my feelings, my feeling my needs don't get met and it just causes a fight and there's no point. So rather than trying to change other people's words and actions, I have to change my reactions and just be quiet and self-soothe on my own time. Fine. But then I realized my mom's blocked on TikTok.
00:07:15
Speaker
Not only have I blocked my mom, I've blocked all my mom's friends, I've blocked all my relatives, or at least all of her friends and all the relatives that I know about, because if you don't know anything about Indian people, they all seem to know each other in the whole world. It's crazy. So I guess there's no way to block all of them. So I kind of thought to myself,
00:07:32
Speaker
Mom, how did you know that shitty thing you said about TikTok? How'd you know that? And she was like, oh, you know, people tell me things. And I was like, what do you mean? She was like, you know, people just like send me things. And I'm like, how the fuck? Like I blocked everyone that you know. She was like, well, you can't block everybody. And she had this weird fucking sick smile on her face. I'm like, you stupid bitch. You're violating my privacy and crossing my boundaries and making a joke about it. And then I tried to press her on who it was saying that I felt like my privacy was violated.
00:08:01
Speaker
saying that it felt creepy to know that like people are watching my shit to like whisper reports back to her and that doesn't feel very safe and I don't like it especially because we've had many drawn out fights about privacy and boundaries before which she never respects and I was talking to my friend Joe about it today he's gay don't worry he's a boy not his fault is gay so he's a good one anyways we were talking about like there's nothing that feels worse than when someone's crossing your boundaries and you know there's nothing you can do to stop them
00:08:33
Speaker
That's a scary thought, isn't it? But if you think about that, that's like the most helpless feeling in the world. And I was like, just sort of sobbing. It just broke down crying. So I was like, oh, that's exactly how I felt. Like I had set a boundary with her and then she crossed it and then I tried even harder to set it. And then she was found another way around it was just kind of like laughing at me. And I was like, okay. And then naturally I was like, hey, this is uncomfy.
00:08:57
Speaker
I don't like it when you do that mom can you not and then it became the classic I'm a terrible mother look at all the things I've done look at all these horrible absurd things that no one should do frankly that I don't do and I should get a reward for that and then it all boiled down to do you want to keep living here um because I moved home because my life fell apart and I was not mentally well not here by choice um I mean, hereby choice, but not much. You know? Wasn't doing well mentally on my own. Some stuff happened. Maybe we'll get into that someday if anyone gives a shit. It's kind of a good story, actually. It's not bad.
00:09:42
Speaker
It's really, ah it'll it'll be a good chapter in the book someday. And I'm like, why does it have to go to that every time? Why does it have to go to, you hurt my feelings, please have apologize and take some accountability. And she's like, I'm a terrible mother. You must hate me. I've never done anything right. And I'm like, can you fucking relax and not be so dramatic? Like, you're calling me dramatic for saying my feelings are her and you're ready to kick me out of the house because I said my feelings were her. For real? Like, are you so fucking for real right now?
00:10:12
Speaker
Then I just went upstairs and I was like, this is, and then I recorded a TikTok where I almost cried on the internet and that was really embarrassing so that I naturally swallowed my feelings and now they're finding weird ways to lash out and I feel like I'm dying inside so I'm just laying on my chest um to suppress all the feelings within because I want to dissociate because feeling my feelings feels embarrassing because this all feels so incredibly childlike and it is, it is, it is my inner child, you know, these childhood wounds.
00:10:39
Speaker
Uh, they say if it's hysterical, it's historical. If you haven't heard that one, it's a good one. If you ever have a crazy hysterical reaction to something probably means there's some historical trauma around it. Also, I've got my space heater on right now and it's getting really fucking hot in here, but I'm not getting up to move. That's not, it's not happening. It's just not happening.
00:10:57
Speaker
Uh, so I feel very childish. I am 30 years old. I should not have my day wrecked because my mommy said something mean to me, but honestly, my inner child's a real thing and it's hurting right now, but grown-upish Paul still wanted to show up to do the podcast. And so in future perfectionist Paul is going to have to deal with the performance of this video and whether or not it does good or not. And then I'll internalize that for a week. And then some of the other probably will come up and I'll forget all about it. The joy of being alive.
00:11:25
Speaker
The joy of being alive. The joy of being alive and just know that there will always be more problems coming. So it doesn't really matter what today's problems are because tomorrow they won't matter because you have something worse to deal with. Isn't that great? And then spiritual Ishpals like Ishpals, you can't be saying all these negative things. So you're going to manifest them into your reality. Law of attraction, you have to be more positive. And then I just want to scream because then I shame spiral and I'm like, oh, all of the horrible things in my life, I've attracted into it with my own shitty mindset.
00:11:53
Speaker
and then I just have an nervous breakdown. And that's how I ended up ah with my hood on ah on the fetal position, but face down. It's a new one that I figured out today on the fetal position, but somehow face down on the ground. um And then my dad was calling me to help with dinner and I didn't respond because I couldn't breathe because I was having an anxiety attack. And then he came to the door and he asked, are you asleep? And I said, no, I'm just having a bit of an anxiety attack. And he said, okay, please come down for dinner.
00:12:24
Speaker
That's it. That was the full reaction. Oh, you're having anxiety talking? Just please come down for dinner. And then he just walked away. So no wonder my inner child's wounded if this is the emotional support I've received my whole life, you know? And I know it's not that bad. I know people have it worse. I know that. I absolutely know that. I am very privileged. I have two parents who are alive, who I talk to. I go on walks every morning with my dad. We've all done a lot of growth to get along, okay? We all put a lot of effort into our relationship. Every day my parents are on my gratitude list, okay?
00:12:55
Speaker
They're alive. They are not addicted to drugs. They are not criminals. My parents have never been to jail. Actually, my dad spent one night in jail. That's a story for another day. Basically was smuggling in my cousins and his sister from another country illegally because they were in dire straits. He's a good guy. I like my dad. He had some, you know, anger issues when we were younger, but he's a good guy. I love my dad. Great guy. We get along very well now.
00:13:21
Speaker
So I recognize that all of the problems I have with my parents are pretty miniscule compared to the majority of the people in this country, in this world. I get it. And also our pains and traumas are the only pains and traumas we know. So I have to also honor what my inner child has been through, which is always crying and being upset and nobody caring. Nobody caring. And you would think as you get older, that would affect you less, and it does, but sometimes it'll just sucker punch you and you're like, oh, I was really hoping this time somebody would give a shit.
00:13:51
Speaker
Oh, I was really hoping this time somebody would check on me and ask if I was okay. You know, wouldn't that be so nice if just well one time someone just checked on you and asked if you're okay? You know, wouldn't that be so cool?
00:14:07
Speaker
but
00:14:10
Speaker
ah Nope, we don't get that instead. I just get to spend a thousand dollars on therapy every month um To deal with all this on my own So we love that and but luckily I have the internet and I can talk about stuff here Anyways, so sorry guys. I'm sorry if this episodes a bit of a bummer, but also weird I also service because this is kind of been honesty people don't really give on the internet and So maybe this is helpful to somebody because I'm not the only one. Oh my God. That's how you know I had energy. I just sat up, but also look how crazy I look. If you guys are listening to this on Spotify or Apple, you should really come check out YouTube because I look insane. I look mentally ill. that's This is good. This is good. It's a good watch. It really feels like you're FaceTiming with a mentally ill depressed friend. This is really good, which we all have those or we are those. so
00:15:07
Speaker
so was this thing? Oh yeah, maybe ah this is being of service. What the fuck was I even talking about? I don't fucking know. Oh yeah, this is probably not the funniest or the best podcast you've ever listened to, but you know what? ah is ah then It You know what? No one on the internet is going to be as real with you as I'm going to be. Because some days we feel like shit. And some days we have to show up to work anyways. And some days we have to pursue our dreams even when we feel like dog shit and they're snot on the sleeve of our sweatshirt that we're accidentally showing to the internet. And who cares?
00:15:41
Speaker
because the world will go on and continue to spin. And either people listen to this episode, or they won't fucking listen to this episode. Either the analytics will be great, or they'll be terrible or somewhere in between, and guess what? The world will go on. Last week I uploaded an unedited file of the podcast up on YouTube, and it took me three or four days to realize it. And then I reposted it, and I'm sure people were confused, so we're killing it. And who cares?
00:16:06
Speaker
Who cares? Who cares? And also anything that can, anything could happen, you know? The day before my first video went viral on TikTok, I had given up on TikTok and I posted three videos in a row just talking shit on how terrible the TikTok filters are, which they are. Clearly we're designed by a man. Like comparing the Instagram filters to the TikTok filters, it's like, how has TikTok gotten everything right except the filters? They're all dog shit. They're all dog shit. Every single fucking one of them. I have not found one good TikTok filter.
00:16:34
Speaker
So I have to record everything on Instagram and then import it and it's very cumbersome and I hate it. Anyways, so I had just really given up and just posted the most junky garbage ever. And then the next TikTok a like has like 4 million views now. So who the fuck knows? Anything's possible. Anything's possible. Wouldn't that be crazy if this was like the most successful podcast episode of all time? Because they're like, wow, an ugly girl being depressed is so real. It's so authentic. We don't see this stuff no more.
00:17:02
Speaker
I'm just glad to know I'm in good company because I know anyone who listens to this podcast has had a fucking day like this. If you're going to turn on a podcast called Choose Violence, a feminine raid podcast, you have been full of rage while being cripplingly depressed face down in your own bed in a snot covered sweatshirt. You have. You just have. And maybe you forgot about it because sometimes we are pressed depressing memories and which is good for you. Because those memories suck to remember but like, you know, I've had designated snot towels before. Like I've had periods of time where I'm so depressed.
00:17:33
Speaker
That tissues don't fucking cut it because it's really depressing to use the whole tissue box It's really depressing to be blowing your nose from crying and then you look around and then because obviously you're depressed They're not going in a trash can and you look at the floor and then it just littered with evidence of your sadness that you then have to clean up You have evidence of your sadness and a mess to clean up, kill me. And so I would have, I had for a period designated crying sweatshirts where the sleeves would become the tissues. And then I switched to towels. Cause like, you know, but the sweatshirts weren't cutting it cause I was weeping constantly. So what happens when you take a depressed girl and move her to Indiana in the wintertime and she's uneducated.
00:18:15
Speaker
And was I also going through a breakup? No, I think I was just in law school, so I was crying a lot. That was probably what it was. Law school, Indiana, seasonal depression, regular depression. Anyways, so if you're really depressed, a towel's a great option. It's like an endless tissue. And they're really resilient in the wash, so you're not gonna damage them at all. And you usually have a ton of towels in your house. And I'm not talking like a washcloth. Mm-mm, that's some basic bitch shit. You're gonna burn through a washcloth. If you're really sad, if you're genuinely mentally ill,
00:18:46
Speaker
washcloth's fucking worthless you're gonna need a bath towel if you have a pool towel that's pretty good too but you want to be soft so your nose doesn't get all raw you know what i mean um just like a nice big fluffy towel and you can just have it on your couch for just because you're or wherever your designated crying spot is I think in all of our houses we have our designated crying spot in this place it's my bed in most places it's my couch and so you just leave your designated crying towel on the arm of the couch and then when you cry it's just right there good to go ready for you
00:19:20
Speaker
um what the fuck was i saying before i went on that long tangent oh my snot sweatshirt anyways you guys got it you guys got it you guys got it we've all been here and if you're sitting here and you're like i haven't been there you're either lying you were drunk when it happened so you don't remember or you're in the wrong place and like you're welcome you're welcome to be here we're glad to have you welcome to the club but like i think you might be too happy to be in this corner of the internet I think you might be like mentally well adjusted. Not that this is a podcast for mentally unwell adjusted people, poorly adjusted people, I don't know. I don't know if you have enough internal turmoil to be here, if you never had a crying sweatshirt, you know? I don't know, I don't know if I trust you. Just kidding, you're fine. As long as you're not a boy, I trust you. And I know that we're like, but the gays and the days.
00:20:15
Speaker
I love him. I respect him. I want him to have all the rights and love and happiness in the world. I don't know if I trust him because at this point in my life I don't trust anyone who's not a girl and who's a girl's girl who's also struggled with mental illness and been chronically single at one point in her life. Those are the only people I trust right now. One day I should tell the story of the narcissist I dated who made me like this.
00:20:38
Speaker
not funny and beautiful I was always like that but that was delusionally pro-med for so long and then I met this one man and I was like oh you're a demon and it opened my eyes to all the demon men of the world at the same time at the big age of 31 years old and um boy was it a culture shock boy was it terrifying Imagine living your whole life thinking men are like mostly decent like they're shitty ones for sure and the shitty ones are really bad but then he gets a small percentage because like your dad was kind of a dick but he always loved you very much and like did the best he could and you have like a lot of guy friends who like god bless any girl who tried to date them because they are commitment phobic and non-confrontational in a nightmare but really good friends who took really good care of you and all my ex-boyfriends had been like
00:21:23
Speaker
We all had our issues, obviously, and we fought a lot, but like they quarterback me through a lot of mental illness. So I was like, you know, most men are fundamentally good. Imagine living your whole life like that. And then at 31 years old, you find out the reality of men and how many demons there are and how horrific these demons are and how pervasive they are. It was shocking.
00:21:43
Speaker
It was devastating. It was haunting. I'm still reeling from it. I only had this realization not even a year ago and it's it's hard to tell what point it clicked. I would say maybe like the last six or seven months, you know? I'm in a pretty fucked up place psychologically. Like I feel like my innocence was ripped from me because just ah one day just is I've never seen The Matrix but is this like how he feels when he wakes up and he realizes he's been in a Matrix the whole time and then sees the real world he's like oh you know you know what this feels like it feels like when Barbie left Barbie Land and she thought the whole world was like Barbie Land this is what it is it's like when Barbie left Barbie Land and she thought the whole world was like Barbie Land and then she saw the real world was and then she that was my relationship when I was like realizing what he was and then after I was like okay he's a monster
00:22:36
Speaker
Then I went back to Barbie land and I was like, wait, the monsters are here too. They're everywhere. It's hopeless. And then that's what happened. And then the only safety was with other women who got it. That's where I'm at right now. My life's journey for the last year has been the plot of the Barbie movie. So, um, Oh,
00:23:02
Speaker
ah i'm just so fucking mad at my mom slash my inability to emotionally regulate today because i wanted to talk because i had so many ideas and if you guys watched last episode you know i had all these ideas for the episode and then the aliens happened and i was like fuck and then Of course, with the way the world's going today, by the time I posted it, the aliens were somehow irrelevant, and now it's all about Luigi Mangione, which, okay, if you don't know the story about that, I guess we will get into it. But that was, like, what I really want to talk about for this episode, and then also the stuff I want to talk about from the last episode, I was going to do it now. But then I was like, well, we got to talk about Luigi and Monopoly and the Monopoly money and the Pennsylvania Railroad.
00:23:38
Speaker
Which again, if you're not on TikTok, I sound insane, but I will catch you up. Maybe that's a segment of this podcast, like let me catch you up on this week's TikTok for the ones who are employed and don't have all the time in the world to spend on TikTok like I do. It's my safe place. If they get rid of it, who I will pull a Luigi Mangione on everyone, on Everyone on everyone because if I said a particular person then it would become a threat and I would go to prison Probably. I don't really know how that works. I was a lawyer but The government doesn't follow they love they just do whatever they want So if somebody else got Luigi Mangione, which I should explain what that is and I will do that in just one moment But if somebody else got Luigi Mangione, they'd find a way to pin it on me Okay, so Luigi Mangione not even a real word at this point sounds like a pasta. I know but if if you haven't heard, if you live under a literal rock made of 10 feet of stone, like whatever the rock was that they put Jesus in that tomb with, I will tell you what's going on. So United Healthcare, care big, super corrupt health insurance company has the highest profits of any health insurance conglomerate in the country, like in the billions and billions of dollars.
00:24:54
Speaker
Can't remember the exact number, we're just gonna call it 6 billion or 24 billion, hard to say which one. They're both numbers so big I can't comprehend. Anyway, so their CEO, Brian Thompson, is known for massively increasing the company's profit margins by massively increasing. He got murdered, okay, I know this is boring, it gets better. He got murdered, okay, he got straight up murked, okay, I'm just laying the groundwork, but he got murked, it's a good story. We'll get to it, okay? Now I'm gonna lay down some background.
00:25:20
Speaker
but basically Luigi murdered a guy and it's a great story and I'm gonna tell you everything right now. It's very elaborate, it feels like last week we were on UAP TikTok, this week we're on Gotham City TikTok, okay.
00:25:34
Speaker
So, CEO of UnitedHealthcare, Brian Thompson, is known for increasing UnitedHealthcare's profits by like billions and billions of dollars by increasing the amount of denied claims by like a gazillion. So, he's indirectly responsible for the death of like tens of thousands of people. Very dramatic. So, he got straight up murdered.
00:25:57
Speaker
in cold blood in the middle of broad daylight in New York City last week. He was heading into a shareholders meeting and as he was like reaching for the door, a guy in a Tommy Hilfiger jacket, oh my God, this story is so good, I'm so excited to get into this, this is giving me life, I'm so glad I sat down to record this podcast, I feel so much better already. Okay, because I'm so much shocked about it, okay, I'm so excited, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I'm so excited, okay.
00:26:21
Speaker
Yes, okay, cool, yes, this is this is why we do the thing. This is this right here, this magical moment but I'm feeling right now inside, this is why we do the things and create the things, feel so good, okay. So, Brian Thompson, heading into this building in New York City. There is this guy in a Tommy Hilfiger jacket, we will come back to that. And a guy in a Tommy Hilfiger jacket with a mask on and a gun with a silencer on it shoots him dead.
00:26:49
Speaker
Okay, he has, two four fires three bullets, very intentionally. I think he killed him with the first second one, but fires the third one to like make a point. And on the bullets. carved into them says, deny, defend, depose or something like that, which is like basically UnitedHealthcare's strategy to deny people's health insurance claims, okay? So this is like fucking performance art, very poetic. And that and then the guy calmly as fuck walks away and completely gets away, the police have no leads on him for like five or six days.
00:27:20
Speaker
put a pin in that, we'll get back into it. Fun fact, he's also super hot. Gonna put a pin in that and we're gonna come back to that again. So Brian Thompson gets shot. He's laying there in a pool of his own blood surrounded by these very poetic bullet casings. And then the shareholders show up for their meeting and they step Over his dead body. They don't go fuck like you know every time you try to quit a job and you're like ah But what's gonna what's gonna happen to like my co-workers like I don't want to like let people down and people are like hey They literally don't care if you live or die They're gonna replace you the second you leave you literally mean nothing to that company if you ever didn't believe that
00:27:55
Speaker
this is proof this guy was freshly murdered and they were like sorry gotta go to a meeting gotta to go to a shareholders meeting to figure out how big our dividends are gonna be this quarter crazy okay so like the nypd who's historically lazy as fuck have so many unsolved murders and they typically rely on tips from the community um to solve anything and usually they don't even try but obviously a billionaire died so they had to pretend to care because those are the people who um pay them all their bribes very important to the nypd So the and NYPD starts putting out APBs for tips. God, what direction do I even go with the story? There's so many different bullet points. It's so elaborate, guys. Like, this could be a six-part episode just to cover Luigi. So the and NYPD immediately gets to work, which they don't do much work. They're tracing back CCTV trying to figure out who the fuck this guy is, and all they have is they link it back to, like, ah one
00:28:50
Speaker
like screenshot image of like this guy at a hostel with his mask pulled down to like flirt with the girl. And he's so hot, dude. Holy shit. Like look up Luigi Manjio. Look up United Healthcare care Killer. Hostel photo. Holy shit. This guy is the stuff of dreams. Like literally if you read Court of Thorns and Roses, this is what I imagine like a young Bryson to look like.
00:29:14
Speaker
like so hot, stupidly hot, like tumblr hot, okay? So, and but now I've built it up, I'm so sorry, now I've built it up and you're gonna look at him and it's not gonna be what you thought and you're like, that's not rice sand, because we all have different imaginations, I'm so sorry, I just built that up for you and now you're gonna look at him and he's not gonna be that hot, I'm so sorry, I just ruined that for you, okay, I'm so sorry, I picked that back. Okay, so.
00:29:40
Speaker
So between the fact that he killed the CEO of a very corrupt health insurance company, had this poetic ass moment with what was carved into the bullets, and he's hot, America is on his team. It has united the left and the right. Like people are turning on Ben Shapiro for talking shit because everyone's like, fuck health the insurance companies. Also, we love hot boys.
00:30:02
Speaker
Also, we love hot boys. If there's anything I've learned in the last year, it's that there's nothing in this world America loves more than revenge, murder, and hot guys, especially if the murderer is hot, okay? We love it. And immediately the whole country is so on the murderer's team. It's crazy. People are calling him the insurance adjuster, like, which I think is such a badass name.
00:30:25
Speaker
and everyone is on his side everyone is like doing everything they can to save him like people were flooding the and ny d NYPD tip line with fake tips saying that like the last time they saw him was in the North Pole which is like the funniest gag ever so like this guy gets away walks away calmly the whole nation is on his side the government is up in arms about our reaction to this and they're like wait someone murdered a rich guy why are people mad about this and it's fucking crazy so then fucking three days later they find a backpack that this guy left in Central Park and it's full of drumroll please monopoly money the performance art continues then several days later this guy is found in a McDonald's which is known for the monopoly game in this random ass bum fuck town in Pennsylvania which is the home of the
00:31:13
Speaker
Pennsylvania Railroad. So clearly he has some sort of funny story planned. He also posts a YouTube video that says like more information to come and he has a second video scheduled to come them out at 6 45 p.m. Eastern on Monday the 9th and then YouTube like the bitch that it is bans his account so we never get to see the follow-up video. It's bonkers and so now we're never gonna know what this says and like people are convinced that either this guy really wanted to get caught for these performance art e-reasons which i'm on that team
00:31:47
Speaker
because this was like so elaborate that for five days the and NYPD had absolutely no information on this guy couldn't get fuck all and then all of a sudden just found him in this bum fuck ass town in Pennsylvania and in his backpack he had like ten thousand dollars like eight thousand in US two thousand in foreign currency and he had a 3d printed pistol which makes no fucking sense a 3d printed silencer which also makes no fucking sense didn't know that was a thing you could make out of 3d printed plastic um and he had a bunch of like hollow point bullets on him and then apparently a handwritten manifesto which seems incredibly convenient and then if you read the and NYPD manifesto it clearly looks like cops fucking wrote it because what is the NYPD so famous for? Planting fake evidence okay so he's being and and he had like a bunch of fake IDs on him <unk> etc et etc so either they planted all this fake evidence on this Luigi kid and were like
00:32:44
Speaker
sorry kid you kind of look like him we're gonna pin this whole thing on you or this kid obviously really wanted to get caught and it's part of some larger plan and in the youtube video before it was taken down it said more info coming soon and then it had for like a split second said December 11th today's December 10th so I will come back and record possibly a second part to this video um With whatever update happens on December 11th, but yeah um So information I don't know if I told that story well because I'm not mentally okay right now but information Luigi's really hot the story is very elaborate and Very funny and the US s government cups being keeps being like we don't celebrate killers in this country like in America We don't kill people in cold blood and like the governor who said that peep somebody on tiktok cut to a video of him signing a fucking bomb and we're like really really really really
00:33:35
Speaker
In the country that most of our politicians are funded by the NRA or Israel, we don't support violence in this country. That's super weird. I was pretty sure that every time elementary schools got shot up, you guys refused to implement any gun control. So it's very weird that all this violence that you've normalized in the United States and desensitized all of us to is now being carried out against rich people. And you're like, wait, what?
00:34:01
Speaker
Wait, what? Oh my god, and Elon Musk posted the most insane tweet I've ever read in my life to the point where when I was reading to a friend, I was like, Oh, now that I read this back, this is probably fake. No, it was real. No, it was real. It said, Oh my god, I this I actually have to pull up. I'm gonna go into my messages with Amanda. And we just send each other content all day every day. So this can take a while to find. Oh my god, I come.
00:34:27
Speaker
As I'm talking about all this, so much has happened. I completely forgot that a video came out of Nick Fuentes' ass getting eaten by a guy called Destiny. Dude, what a crazy week this has been. There was a sex tape leaked of this guy called Destiny, who everyone's pretty sure the other guy in the video whose ass he was eating was Nick Fuentes, the guy who said, to your body my choice. And then Nick Fuentes got arrested for battery for that lady that he pepper sprayed in the face and pushed the ground and smashed her phone.
00:34:57
Speaker
Dude, like the news moves so fast. It's crazy. Like sometimes when I record this podcast, I'm like, everything I'm talking about by the time I post it is like already out of date. It's already out of date. Fuck, I didn't send this to Amanda. So it's somewhere in my photos. Oh, I'm never going to find that. Also, the iPhone update that happened and I haven't even had time to rant and rave about that. Like who can find anything on this fucking thing? That was really dangerous. Just me showing this could have been nudes take I haven't dated in so long. That's so unlikely. Okay.
00:35:27
Speaker
screenshots where you at bitch 2800 oh that's I don't know if you can see so that's Luigi isn't he so cute but also people are like is that the same guy even we don't know also he was wearing a Tommy Hilfiger jacket apparently and Macy's like the fucking savages that they apparently are put that jacket on sale with the promo code friends hilarious god I love the internet never take it away from me okay Where's this fucking Elon Musk? Oh my god, I had boy drama I was gonna update you guys on but now that feels pretty dumb. Okay, so the Elon Musk. I will to I guys I went on a date with a boy like an idiot. Like an idiot. Like I told you guys not to do I did it immediately was reminded why we don't do that. We'll talk about that at some point because
00:36:15
Speaker
Wow, boys are stupid. um just Just the way how when you're not fucked up all the time, you can just so quickly see through all their bullshit and you're like, oh wow, that's horrible. I'm glad I'm awake for this. I just saved myself six months of misery. Like back when I was like drinking and smoking weed, I would have just been like, oh my God, but he's cute. He doesn't mean to say all these horrible things. He's just dumb. And now I'm like, oh, you're a manipulative piece of shit. Oh, I'm gonna get out of this now rather than falling in love with you and wasting six to nine months of my life. Okay, cool.
00:36:45
Speaker
so priority is pretty cool guys stops you from making a lot of dumbass decisions okay so Elon Musk this was the most unhinged thing I've ever read this was Elon Musk's reaction to the UnitedHealthcare CEO getting shot and everyone being super fucking stoked about it get ready as a wild ride he's so mentally ill and so fucking out of touch with reality i can't even believe it i literally read this and i thought it was satire i thought somebody else just did a really good impression of elon musk and i thought the funniest part was that it was so believable it's real which i don't even know what planet i'm living on if this is a fucking real ass tweet okay elon musk
00:37:18
Speaker
h It has been brought to my attention that some Americans are actually cheering for the gunman who killed United Healthcare care CEO, Brian Thompson, and that they're saying this is a warning to all CEOs. What these people fail to understand is that without CEOs, the world would not be able to function. And as CEOs, we are responsible for the delicate balance of generating profit. This part's fucking crazy. First part's unhinged. Second part, absolutely fucking insane. Okay.
00:37:49
Speaker
but the oh god okay What these people fail to understand is that without CEOs, the world would not be able to function. And as CEOs, we are responsible for the delicate balancing act of generating profits for shareholders, while also ensuring that shareholders are able to maintain their own personal wealth, even in spite of the typical corporate laziness and the greed of middle management and their staff. America will be destitute without us, hashtagjo hashtag Doge.
00:38:21
Speaker
which is a joke that people aren't talking about enough that i'm still furious about Are you out of your fucking mind, Elon? Are you out of your fucking mind? Are you Are you out of your actual fucking mind, you looney toon? The delicate balancing act of generating profits for shareholders while also ensuring that they're able to maintain their own personal wealth? What? America will be destitute without us? Bitch, we're destitute because of you.
00:38:50
Speaker
We're destitute because of you, because of your fucking monopolies that put small companies out of business so none of us can work for ourselves. Because when we do, you buy out our companies and then turn them to shit and make them garbage for everyone or absorb them into your conglomerates or buy them just to put them out of business. And it's like we're all just left to toil for the corporate machine.
00:39:08
Speaker
Like, literally, have you heard about the gigantic wealth disparity in this country? Are you fucking kidding me? No, the real fear is that once we realize we don't need fucking CEOs anymore, you're fucked. Because without capital, aka labor, aka us, you're gonna be homeless, you stupid bitch. Fuck you. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life.
00:39:33
Speaker
And the world would not be able to function without CEOs. First of all, I'm pretty sure it has for like a lot of human his history. Second of all, I'm pretty sure it would work a lot fucking better without you guys. Like, I don't know, Elon, I'm pretty sure the world was turning just fine before you invented PayPal. I'm just gonna take a stab in the dark. I'm pretty sure you've been sued for labor code violations like a million times, as well as harassment, constructive termination, hostile work environment. I'm pretty sure you're pretty fucking terrible.
00:40:04
Speaker
and the world would do really well without you. I'm really so sure that it would. I just, this is the craziest. And what is the balancing act? Okay, this is, sorry, I'm almost done. But what is this balancing act? The balancing act of, on one hand, generating profits for shareholders, okay? While on the other hand, ensuring that shareholders are able to maintain their own personal wealth, that's the same thing.
00:40:29
Speaker
You don't have to balance that. I mean, I guess he's saying he's balancing it against typical corporate laziness, which is probably just burnout or apathy due to prolonged corporate abuse, ah workplace abuse. The greed of middle management. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Elon. How much are you with? How much are you with? How much has your wealth skyrocketed since you basically bought a position in Trump's administration?
00:40:57
Speaker
middle management greed you mean people sending their kids to college that want to be able to pay for it and put food on the table middle middle management those are the greedy ones and their staff you mean your employees who are making minimum wage and who you give them just enough hours that you can get all of the work out of them without just enough hours that they don't qualify for health insurance coverage those greedy people the people living below the poverty line so you can make billions of dollars so you can continue to trick younger women into breeding with you and having your children so then you can proceed to abuse them for years. Those greedy people? Are you so fucking for real? Are you so fucking for real? I'm so fucking glad Brian Thompson got shot and I hope that people see how much we fucking love Luigi.
00:41:45
Speaker
And there are copycat killers everywhere. I don't mean that, the government. The government, if you're listening, this is satire, okay? These are obviously jokes. I'm not instigating violence on anyone's part. This is a podcast for girls. We know that if we shot anyone, we'd actually go to jail for it, even if they started it, okay? This is not a podcast for white men, who we all know are the only ones who'd be bold enough to do something like that, because they probably wouldn't go to jail.
00:42:08
Speaker
And America does not love female killers the way they love hot white male killers. It's just the truth. So we wouldn't do it. So government, if you're listening, I am not saying that someone should be a copycat killer and shoot Elon Musk in a similar way with maybe some funny tweets written on the bullet casings. I am not saying that. I would never say that. That would be an insane thing to say because we all know girls are too dumb to shoot guns and only girls listening listen to this podcast. Like I'm not even talking to anybody We're all just dumb girls and we don't know how to do anything, so it's fine. Just let Luigi out of jail, he's too hot to rot in prison, and he's smart and he's creative. He knows how to plan, do you know how rare it is to find a handsome white boy who's a good planner and follows through on his plans and commits to them? And has like a modicum of creativity?
00:42:59
Speaker
and follow through and you're gonna put that man in jail? Arrest my ex-boyfriend, he's worse and he's stupid and he's getting kind of ugly. Isn't that fun when a boy gets really ugly after he dates you? Like all my boyfriends get way hotter when they're with me and then way ugly after we break up and I'm like, that feels like karma. Anyways, I love you all.
00:43:22
Speaker
Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't, but I have to go to my yoga class because I need to do something today. I might just sit on the floor in child's pose the whole time, but at least we can say we tried. At least we can let our inner child know that she's safe and mama still shows up to her commitments, even when she feels like shit. Because if you didn't know when you make commitments to yourself, often you feel like you can bail on them because you're not letting anyone down. But the reason you feel like shit when you don't hold commitments to when you don't follow through on commitments to yourself is because it makes your inner child feel like a little kid whose mom didn't pick her up from school that day because she forgot. So that's why you should always honor, that's the word I was looking for. When you don't honor commitments to yourself, it makes your inner child feel like a little kid whose mom forgot to pick her up from school. So make sure you honor your commitments to yourself even when you feel like shit. Just show up because I am living proof that even if this isn't the best podcast episode ever of all time, I feel a lot better that I've done it and I'm really proud of myself.
00:44:16
Speaker
and I'm gonna go to my yoga class and it might be shit but at least I did it and I'm honoring my commitments and that makes me feel good and it makes my inner child feel safe and she really needs that after today because boy has it been a doozy okay I love you so much I'm gonna sit in child's pose for an hour and I will talk to you soon have a great week bye