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EP 10: Ask The Moms Pt. 2
2.4k Plays2 years ago
Part two of of answering listener questions with the moms! Listen up for shoutouts to our favorite mom accounts to follow, how to not hate your husband after having a newborn (lol), and all things ovulation testing. Also some hot takes on the bama rush doc from our resident bama alum, Candace and Whitney.
Keep up with the Moms and join the conversation on our socials:
Instagram: @momgroupchat
TikTok: @momgroupchat
Questions/comments/need to vent? Email us at momgroupchat@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction & Matching Outfits
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What's up, my pink ladies? Ooh, my pink ladies. I'm Shannon, and I'm here with my best friends, Candice and Whitney, and welcome to the Mom Group Chat podcast. Candice and Whitney are rocking the pink ensembles today, and I'm wearing blue, so we're kind of on brand right now.
00:00:31
Speaker
we are. I'm actually in what I call my mom group chat uniform because this shirt is the exact shirt we wore in our photo shoot. I love that shirt. Whitney, I have yours, so I have blue and beige. I do too. In this color. Wow. When you said the pink ladies, I was like, are we in Greece?
Reminiscing 'Grease'
00:00:49
Speaker
I love Grease. Me too. Me too. I feel like growing up, the movie Grease was like a full personality trait of mine. I mean, for sure. It's like something I could watch over and over and over again to this day. Yeah, I was the emotion Olivia Newton-John was at last year.
00:01:06
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. My dad had like a mega crush on her. So we had all of her albums. Well, he was, so it came out in 78 and my parents graduated high school in 78. So they loved Greece and passed it on to us. By the time we're showing our kids Greece, they're going to be like, this is literally ancient history. Yeah. It'll be so canceled at that point, but I'll probably still show it to them.
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah. Um, speaking of canceled, I'm just
Ask the Moms Segment
00:01:36
Speaker
kidding. Um, today we are doing a little part deux of our ask the moms, which was so fun to record part one. I was thinking about it this morning. Do you guys remember the VH1 series? I love the nineties. Oh yeah. I love the nineties. It was always part deux. You remember that? It was like, oh yeah, you're right. I love the nineties.
00:01:59
Speaker
I don't remember that. And I was like, I've never seen part one. This is part of our Ask the Moms and it's a really fun grab bag once again. So let's just get into it.
Critique of Alabama Rush Documentary
00:02:09
Speaker
I thought this was a super fun question for our pink ladies, Candice and Whitney, who are also alumni of the esteemed establishment University of Alabama. One of our questions is, what did you guys think of the Alabama rush doc? Okay. First of all, roll tide.
00:02:27
Speaker
Roll Tide, my friends. Sorry. Roll Tide. Sorry about it. So I have so many thoughts on this. Do you want to start or do you want me to start? Dive in because we're talking to the rush chair. Okay, people of our sorority. She's famous. I was. Okay, I was not famous by any means, but I was
00:02:46
Speaker
Recruit or head of technically. Yeah, I was head of recruitment at Alabama for our sorority So I have a lot of experience with Alabama recruitment. It is a interesting beast I was kind of happy when rush talk blew up two years ago because I feel like for the first time people were seeing like what I actually lived and
00:03:10
Speaker
I will say it is an even bigger beast than what it was back in the day. I mean, we rushed in 2009. OK. So like social media wasn't even really like Facebook existed. But other than that, like there's no Snapchat, there's no Instagram like that came out our senior year. All. Yeah.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, which is so wild. So it was just a different beast back then. And it was even more chill than it is now. Like now it's so crazy and the things that the girls wear. Anyways, I was I was super excited to see this documentary. I thought we were going to get a real boots on the ground look at what going through recruitment is like. I thought we were going to get to see some door songs. I thought thought we were going to get a true look into it.
00:03:59
Speaker
And Bama Rush is a scary place. Like both Whitney and I are from out of state. I truly did not know anything about going into Alabama Rush from Florida other than like I knew I wanted to be in a sorority and I had, I knew I needed to get some rec letters and like all of that stuff, but I didn't know the true like politics of it all. And truly this documentary under delivered.
00:04:25
Speaker
I felt like it was way more about the feelings of the director and her look on everything. We didn't even really get to see the recruitment process like that week, really. And if we did, it was for like a very short amount of time. So I was disappointed. To me, it did not do anything the trailer promised. They made it seem like you were going to get the secrets and you were going to see it all. And like, it was not like that. So I was disappointed.
Sorority Life Expectations
00:04:55
Speaker
I was kind of like picturing in my head, like a camera in the house, seeing behind the girls doing the door songs. And yeah, you know, the process really is we already know everything about the people coming through. Like you are buddied up with someone that you have a lot in common with so that you have a lot to talk about because you want these girls
00:05:18
Speaker
to pick you as a sorority. So I was like, I wanted to see that side. I wanted to see kind of what you see on TikTok, like people getting ready after the house is what kind of conversations were people having. But yeah, we really didn't get any of it. So I don't know. It under delivered for me as well.
00:05:36
Speaker
I just wanted to shake these girls that were writing everything about their whole self-worth on whether or not they get into a sorority or which sorority they get into. I just wish I could shake those girls and look them in the eye and be like, none of this matters.
00:05:56
Speaker
I don't think our audience here is a bunch of people who are about to go into recruitment. That's not our audience. But I think we probably do have some girls who are in sororities that can maybe look back and realize, oh my gosh, what a fun time in my life. But also, it didn't matter as much as it felt like it mattered back in the day. For sure. Yeah. I just couldn't get over all these girls being like, I'm going to get into the sorority and I'm going to find myself. It's like, girl.
00:06:25
Speaker
You're not going to find yourself there. Like I could tell you like it's not the end all be all. And I just like, I just wanted to be like, you don't have to do this. If you're this stressed about it, like you don't have to. You could go to Alabama and not be in Greek life and still have an amazing experience.
Endearing Nicknames for Kids
00:06:42
Speaker
Amazing.
00:06:43
Speaker
My husband. Yeah. Chris did not join a fraternity. And I like that about him. Yeah. I had the best four years there. I would never live there. I would not want to be stuck there forever, but it was a good four years for sure. Yeah. I loved it. All right. The next one is a quickie. What is, what is the crazy nickname you call your kid or the multiple nicknames? Cause I have a couple.
00:07:08
Speaker
I don't really have any crazy ones for TJ. The thing I call him the most that's like not his name is just sweet potato boy. Well, there you go. Sweet potato boy. That's pretty much it.
00:07:25
Speaker
Graydon's is G unit. If anyone's a 50 cent fan out there. Yeah. So we call them G unit or G and that's pretty much it. Okay. My Alice is most of the time chicken noodle. She's my chicken noodle. How are you? Chicken noodle. Good morning. Chicken noodle.
00:07:43
Speaker
We do call her AJ sometimes because her middle name is Joan. So I kind of picture her in the future, like living in New York in her early twenties and like just going by AJ and like having an AJ moment, which I think is kind of like cute. I love that. But yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it. I mean, I call her random things sometimes like squish and you know, but most of the time it's chicken noodle. Cute.
00:08:09
Speaker
Love that. All right. This one's kind of probably could be long winded and I think we will definitely do a whole episode on this.
Ovulation Testing Tips
00:08:17
Speaker
Um, but someone asked you talk about testing ovulation. What does that entail? Okay. Well, you could.
00:08:24
Speaker
It could entail quite a bit or just a little bit. So ovulation testing is what many people do. Candice and I have done it. Whitney, she just gets pregnant. Immediately. But you are fertile when you ovulate. Quick side.
00:08:46
Speaker
tangent is it's like crazy. I feel how little we learn about our own bodies and our cycles as young girls. And I feel like I've learned a lot just trying to become pregnant. And it's really been the first time that I've been like, wait, what exactly is happening?
00:09:03
Speaker
Um, you know, a lot of us went on birth control when we were in high school or like just leaving high school. And then it's like you spend a lot of time not thinking about it at all. And then all of a sudden it's like the most important thing in your life. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's crazy. Um, so ovulation testing is super helpful. If you're trying to get pregnant, um, you ovulate.
00:09:25
Speaker
in between periods and it's a pee test. So I recommend using what we've used is an app called Pre-Mom. And you download it, I would go ahead and pay for it because you get a lot of extra resources if you pay for it. And I think it's like 30 bucks for the year. It's an app and then also that same Pre-Mom company, you can order their ovulation kits through Amazon. And I think those are like 20 bucks and you get like a month's worth of kits.
00:09:53
Speaker
And you start tracking your cycle. If you're, if you have no idea what's going on and you're a regular like I am, I spent a few months just testing every single day. Starting with the day after my period as you're like, well, I think technically the first day of your period is the first day of your cycle, but P testing daily to get a picture of what your cycle length is and when you're ovulating. So you take the tests.
00:10:19
Speaker
The app allows you to take a picture of the test and then it shows it reads basically the luteinizing hormone, the LH hormone, which indicates if you're ovulating or not, and it automatically calculates how much you have in your urine.
00:10:36
Speaker
and starts to graph that for you. And it basically shows you exactly when you're having a peak. And when you're having a peak is when you should have sex and try and get desperately up there. So science.
00:10:51
Speaker
Oh my God. Yeah. I will say it can become very like all consuming if you're trying to get pregnant. So some people don't recommend it if it's going to like truly take over your life. But I had success with it in the past. If you don't know anything, it really is super helpful to start to track your cycle.
00:11:14
Speaker
because worst case scenario, you need to go to your doctor and ask for help. It's not easy to get that type of support. Like a lot of women will tell you, if you tell your OB, I'm trying to get pregnant, but I'm struggling, they'll make you wait 12 months before they'll refer you to a fertility doctor. So if you're keeping track of all of this and you are show it, you can show them a chart that's like, look, this is what's happening to me. I'm not just like willy nilly watching my period. I am tracking this shit.
00:11:44
Speaker
And it's been six months and I'm struggling to see my peak or like I'm having sex when the peak, exactly when it's peaking and I'm still struggling. You are equipped with a lot of data and information to show them that A, you know what you're talking about and you're serious. And then B, like it's real data. You're not just like, I think I'm struggling. Like they would be more receptive if you have actual information for them.
00:12:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. So Shannon introduced me to this app and it was honestly game changing. So we tried for Alice for like six or seven months. I think it took us six or seven months. I was not testing my ovulation other than when this flow, the other app flow, which I know some people have had experiences. That's what I used. Yeah.
00:12:35
Speaker
But I feel like that app is great for people who have a normal-ish cycle. It was telling me, you know, I would ovulate between day 12 and 14. And so we were trying for six or seven months between day 12 and 14 because that's what the app, and I had been tracking my cycle for over a year, but without actual data. So then.
00:12:57
Speaker
this time around trying to conceive Shannon introduced me to this premium app and it has truly been game changing because I did what she recommended just to get like hard data and I tested my ovulation every day and I've done it now for two or three months in a row just to again get three full months of data and like clockwork I ovulate on day 21 every time. So there you go.
00:13:24
Speaker
So I realized, oh, I tried for six or seven months, but the truth is I was trying at the wrong time. It's not like we actually had, it's not like we had any issues or anything. It was truly that we were trying at the wrong time because I was following an app that.
00:13:40
Speaker
Don't get me wrong, a lot of people ovulate on day 12, but I don't. And every, I feel like that is what the biggest information that is missing from fertility information. When you look things up online about, it's like that everyone's cycle is so different. Everyone ovulates at different times. And unless you have actual data on your cycle and when you're ovulating,
00:14:03
Speaker
you can't really guess like when you're ovulating because everyone's cycle is different. So highly recommend to test your ovulation for two to three months and for some people. We're sending good vibes to Candace and Shannon. I'm trying, I know.
00:14:19
Speaker
Like what Shane is going to happen, it can get kind of like, if you're really like really wanting to have a baby, it can feel super draining to try to try to conceive a, but to test your ovulation every day and then take a pregnancy test in a month and to see a bunch of negatives. I've been there. I did that for six or seven months, you know? And, um, I think before you really get to that like super tri phase to get the data before,
00:14:49
Speaker
is going to take a lot of pressure off of you and you're just going to feel more prepared going into actually trying. And then like Shayna said, you'll be able to be armed with real data going to see your doctor if that does end up being a need.
Pregnancy Comfort Tips
00:15:06
Speaker
Yeah. I love that. I will say too, the pre-mom app.
00:15:09
Speaker
It's a lot when you first download it, but they have webinars and recorded webinars available that are like a 30 minute intro to tracking your ovulation that are extremely helpful. So I would start there, watch one of the webinars and you'll get the hang of it soon enough. Yeah. Shannon recommended that I do that and I did, and it was really, really helpful. So highly recommend.
00:15:34
Speaker
Whit, this one's definitely for you right now. Best tips for pregnancy and taking your mind off being uncomfortable. Is there anything? Oh, just to like give perspective of where I am. I'm like around the 28 week-ish mark.
00:15:51
Speaker
So I'm in the third trimester getting uncomfortable for sure. I think my biggest advice is listening to my body. Like I just went on vacation and it like sucked the life out of me. I was supposed to go to Rhode Island at the end of this month and I canceled it because I was like, I don't think I would enjoy my time up there.
00:16:13
Speaker
So I mean, I want to do so much is the problem. And I think I would wear myself out. So I was like, look, I'll come back and see all after I have the baby. So just listening to my body and like buying new maternity clothes this time that fit instead of just squeezing my ass into the things I could wear last time is helping and not overeating. So I don't feel like doo doo after I eat.
00:16:40
Speaker
Pretty much. Such a good one. Yeah. I remember. You get out of breath if you agree. Yeah. I have a really bad overeating story. And it happened so fast. Like it was don't realize it was sneaky. I mean, every it was everyone's overeating day and it was Thanksgiving of 2021.
00:17:01
Speaker
And I was, I wasn't even that, I don't even think I was in my third trimester yet, but I overate on Thanksgiving and we had Thanksgiving in Orlando. So it was like, and on Thanksgiving, it takes way longer than an hour. So we were in the car for almost two hours and I was miserable, like moaning and like.
00:17:22
Speaker
unwell for the whole two hour car ride to the point where Vinnie was like, like, should I pull over? Like, do we need to get out? Do you need to throw up? Like, I was so uncomfortable that I like, it was just, we had also gone to two separate thanksgivings because we had to do Vinnie's family and my family. So we, I had literally had Thanksgiving twice.
00:17:45
Speaker
I would have just thrown up at that point. I could actually gag right now thinking about how I felt. I will never do that again.
00:17:53
Speaker
I did that on the baby moon with Chris last time, not this time, we're not doing one this time, but I remember sitting at dinner and I was like, I need to get up and go. Like I can't be here anymore sitting up straight. I need to be vertical, so. Yeah, that's what I remember. I remember putting the car, like I reclined it. I reclined the car seat like all the way back. And I was like, I literally can't sit up in this car or have my seatbelt on. Like I'm going to fly through the windshield if we get an accident because I literally can't have
00:18:23
Speaker
my seatbelt over my belly right now. It was like so, yeah. Yeah. I was like, I need to stand up. Get me out of here. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Not overeating. Um, it's hard. It's hard, but I think I did a lot of, uh, not a lot, but like monthly I would get a facial or a massage because I justified it that I wasn't spending any money on alcohol and I definitely wasn't going out. So I was like,
00:18:50
Speaker
I can spend, I'll take the, you know, 100 bucks a month and I'll just go get a facial or a massage as something to look forward to to treat myself that I can do that's good for me.
00:19:00
Speaker
It sounds lovely. And I look forward to those. Yeah. Okay. This is going to be my tip, I think. It's like, it's two things. Sleeping towards the end is really tough. You feel uncomfortable. You want to toss and turn. You can't sleep on your belly. It's a whole thing. So I remember at the end, I like really took one day. I was like, today's the day. I'm going to switch out my sheets and like arrange my pillows and I'm going to
00:19:25
Speaker
figure out the setup that works, that I am most comfortable. And I did, and then I would literally not let Vinny or the dogs or anyone touch it. I was like, don't move that pillow. Don't you dare. Because I know that that pillow right there works, you know. I have my pregnancy fort. Yes, this is my, this is my, it's your nest.
00:19:46
Speaker
Um, and then this is a random thing, but I remember when I was super pregnant and very uncomfortable, I watched all the Harry Potter movies, like in a row. And it was so great. It took my mind off of, it took us like a week to get through them, like with work and everything, you know? And I remember it like really made that week go by so fast. So make yourself a pregnancy nest in your bed and watch the Harry Potter movies. That sounds so good. Ideal.
Self-Care Routines
00:20:14
Speaker
Ideal. Yeah.
00:20:14
Speaker
What's one thing you do for self care on a regular basis? Oof. OK. I the thing that makes me happiest is going on walks and listening to a podcast. That's like my favorite self care thing to do, like maintenancey things are like I get my eyelashes done or my nails done, which sometimes I gripe about doing, but then they make me feel beautiful after. But
00:20:42
Speaker
probably those things. I mean after having TJ it took me a while to get back into my workout grind but I would say for the past year it's been my bar classes. I love them so much and they're super fun for me. The music is so good. It's kind of like dancing. I have a dance background
00:21:02
Speaker
and I enjoy them so much. So I try and be consistent with those and then yeah getting a manicure is always a nice little treat. Yeah that's good. I would say two things. You guys know I'm like a beauty girl so at least once a week I will do like an extended shower slash skincare regimen where like
00:21:26
Speaker
I shave my whole body. I do like an acid peel like wipe. I'll like put a mask on. I will dermaplane my face. I will like do a whole thing. And then usually I'll end like that next day. Like I'll do the intense thing and then I will self tan the next day. And then that day after that I'm like, oh, I'm feeling good.
00:21:49
Speaker
So that's one thing. The other thing is more like mental. I probably do this like once every other week because that's usually my like, I get overwhelmed if I don't do this every two weeks. I usually will sit down and do like a huge brain dump onto a piece of paper.
00:22:04
Speaker
where I just let things flow out of my brain. Like it could be anything. It could be like clear the water bottles off my desk or it could be like make pediatrician appointment. And I just like will sit there for 20 minutes and I usually play this playlist on Spotify called Deep Focus. It's just like instrumental.
00:22:24
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no. I love that playlist. It's my go to work playlist slash like if I just needed a moment and I do a brain dump and I will make separate to do lists. I will circle things that like I'm going to delegate to my husband. It just like empties my brain in a great way. And it allows me to get a little more organized with like what I need to do, whether that's around the house or at work or
00:22:51
Speaker
whatever so I don't know I consider that a self-care thing to just like empty out my brain. It's smart. I need to do that. I've gotten to the point with like the house and some maintenance stuff that I don't even know what needs to be done.
00:23:05
Speaker
I am not on top of it right now. And actually I have it kind of on my agenda for after recording today that I'm gonna do something like that. So yeah, do it. And then for me, it's like, there are all these things that like I know need to be done to the house. Like for instance, right now we desperately need our air filters changed. And it's like, yeah, I could do that. I could go today to Home Depot, but my husband is at Home Depot every fricking day for work. Like that is something I need to just delegate to him.
00:23:34
Speaker
You can buy them on Amazon, by the way. Not ours, unfortunately. That's the other thing. I mentioned Home Depot, but one of them... We have two air filter stations and our house was built in 1930. It's old, this side at least. They don't make this one. You have to custom order it, which is why it gets put off. You have to go to this website and you have to custom order something. It's so annoying. You need to order 10.
00:24:00
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. But anyways, just to delegate some of those things, especially the house stuff, because Vinnie is so handy and likes to stay busy on the weekends. It's just the point of putting it down on a list for him. I need Vinnie to come visit me. Me too. I'm going to have to call an electrician to come out here and do that.
00:24:25
Speaker
I should not have to hire a professional to do, but there's just like someone let us come visit you and we'll just literally half of our, we'll just spend one day doing a house project stay and Vinny can do all of the things you need to do. I'll pay for all your food and travel. We'll save money. Bounce daddy.
00:24:47
Speaker
He does it all. He does. Okay. That sounded sexual. I didn't mean. Oh, he bounces. Okay. Oh, well this is kind of on like in conjunction with what we just talked about and it's what is your skincare routine, which is Whitney's favorite question again.
Skincare Recommendations
00:25:06
Speaker
Yeah, Candace, please be our guru. Yeah, Candace, go ahead. Okay, this is my thing. Although they just discontinued my face wash and I'm truly not over it, but I'll name some others I love. Well, I love the Sarah V.
00:25:24
Speaker
No, I actually, that's one of the ones. That's one of the ones I moved to because I, it's one of the only ones that actually takes off your makeup. Okay. Sorry. So a couple cleansers I love, um, the outset, which is garlic Johansson skincare brand. They have an amazing cleanser. I still like the purity cleanser from philosophy. It truly takes off all your makeup. And then I love the Sarah V, the green one that says it takes off your makeup because I just am someone who wants it all
00:25:53
Speaker
off. For moisturizers, I love the Paula's Choice moisturizers. I love the Fresh moisturizers. I kind of switch off between those. Oh, and then there's a brand called Osea or O-S-E-A. Oh my gosh. Their daily moisturizer is truly my favorite thing. It smells like a spa when you put it on. Love.
00:26:16
Speaker
And then I talked about those acid wipes from my, uh, the question before this, and there is a, these like little, they're pre-packaged. You can buy them in like packs of 30 or 60. They're the M63, like acid peel wipes.
00:26:35
Speaker
Those are so good. They changed my skin. Truly. You know, everyone says you need an exfoliator, which you do, but to use a chemical exfoliator once a week is really game changing. You really will feel the difference in your skin. So highly recommend those. I hope everyone's listening out there because Candice has gorgeous skin and she does her makeup really well. Like you're going to have to do a little tutorial on Instagram or something. This is me taking notes. I know I'm mentally like, no, no, no, no, no.
00:27:02
Speaker
I will totally make a skincare Rex thing for our Instagram. If like people want that with links, I freaking love this stuff. I spend a lot of time testing like products. It's definitely like a passion of mine, makeup and beauty and stuff. AKA send Candice products. Yeah. Anytime I'm near Candice, I'm like Candice, can you do my makeup? Can you do my hair? She's good at everything like that. She's a beauty queen.
00:27:31
Speaker
If you work for a skincare or makeup brand and you're listening to this, send me a DM. I'll send you my address. Anyways, so, okay. Anyone else have anything to add? I use the new Trajina makeup wipes and I use Ponds Moisturizer. That's all. Perfect. Water in a washcloth.
00:27:56
Speaker
I aspired to be better at skincare and that was really inspiring, Candice. I'm going to get this acid peel white. I'm going to be a leather satchel when I get older. I get hydro facials and do Botox, so I'm more of like a capital expenditure girly as opposed to operating expenditures.
00:28:19
Speaker
I totally get that. Well, that was that was like very smart of you to say that that whole like whatever you don't even know that's like accurately stated, but I like.
00:28:29
Speaker
large expenses less frequently. Yeah. Okay. One more thing about those acid wipes for people who are listening, it's going to sting a little bit the very first time you use it. And it's because your skin will get used to it. So start by doing it once a week for like a month or two, and then you can move up to like twice a week or three times a week. I would never do it more than three times a week. Can I ask you, is it like, get rid of like dark spots or what is it doing? It will like deeply exfoliate your.
00:28:59
Speaker
face basically.
00:29:01
Speaker
I've been so scared of melasma this pregnancy. I had it really bad last time. I've been avoiding the sun like the plague and wearing hats everywhere because I get such dark spots on my face. Oh yeah, I didn't mention sunscreen. I love this super goop sunscreen. I wear it every day. Okay, next question.
Views on Mom Influencers
00:29:21
Speaker
Your opinion on mom influencers. I love them. I'm pro the ones I like and the ones I don't like, I don't follow.
00:29:31
Speaker
You know what, that is a really, that's like a good like cap on it. That's, that's true. That's it. If you like the, if you like the person and you want their recommendations or you relate to them in some way, great. If not, don't follow them.
00:29:46
Speaker
Yeah. Like I follow different people for different reasons. Like there's some moms out there that have like the Amazon quick hacks that I'm like, Oh, that would change my life tomorrow. And then there's some that go on like these lavish vacations and they look so stylish. And I'm like, I want to aspire to be that someday. So it's like, I just have different motivations for different areas of what I'm wanting to see. So I really like
00:30:08
Speaker
A lot of people out there, I follow a lot, so. The other thing I would say is like, as someone who aspires to like spend more time with my kids and have flexibility in my work, which is why I became an entrepreneur, I respect all of these content creators because now working in social media and marketing, that shit is hard, okay, to create constant contact. Contact? To create constant. This is not an ad for constant contact, no.
00:30:38
Speaker
to create constant content and then also have the business side of things where you're negotiating with brands. I think there's a lot more behind mommy influencers and a lot of people think it's a lot of fricking work. Respect to all these women. Go get your bag, girl. Get your bag. Get your money. Do it. That's kind of how I feel.
00:31:00
Speaker
Agreed. And like when there's trolls and stuff, I'm just like, don't follow. If you don't like someone, don't follow. You don't have to. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Totally. Okay.
Managing Post-Baby Relationships
00:31:10
Speaker
This one, we're definitely going to have a whole episode on this, but how not to hate your husband after having a newborn?
00:31:16
Speaker
Oh, why is that such a strong feeling after it was for me? It was definitely. And I don't. And I don't hate Chris. No. Okay. First of all, hate is a strong word. Yeah. I think frustrated is resentful. Yeah. Resentment is hard to avoid. I would say I've never felt like a, like in the newborn phase specifically, I never felt like I hated Andrew. No.
00:31:42
Speaker
at all. He was actually really supportive. I feel like I'm lucky because Andrew, like Candice is an entrepreneur, so he has a lot of flexibility. He is able to help me if I need it and he wants to. He's like a very active dad. I feel super bad for women who have like husbands in the medical field. It seems like Chris has a pretty okay schedule, but like I know some women
00:32:07
Speaker
their husbands are never around and they just can't be because of their work. So that's a whole thing I don't relate to, but it's hard to avoid resentment because there's just so much they can't do in the beginning. It is on you as the mom and that's just how it is. Exactly.
00:32:26
Speaker
It's not their fault. Like you gotta tell them how they can support you, but it's just a lot for the mom in the beginning. And so it's like remembering that it's just a phase and trying to communicate to your husband where you do need help that they can help with. Um, and trying not to go crazy because you're,
00:32:49
Speaker
you're the one doing most of the work. Yeah, I feel like we talked about it over and over again because you as a mom carry that mental load like you're the food factory, you're the one getting up and like feeding the child at night. Chris did a lot of that as well, but it still never felt 50-50 maybe just because I felt like I was carrying a lot of it mentally.
00:33:11
Speaker
The lack of sleep wasn't helping. I think what we did was just create expectations and having open dialogue a lot. Just having that helped. But yeah, I went through a phase where I was like, I've never felt so mad at Chris in my life. Like we've been good forever. Like it was our probably our first hardship that we went through for sure.
00:33:33
Speaker
Yeah. It's disruptive as hell. It is. Yeah. I was going to say one thing that we really struggled with is Vinny struggled a lot with like soothing Alice. He's kind of an impatient person. So, and you know, babies sometimes like you kind of have to like work at it in order to soothe, especially in that those like early newborn days.
00:33:55
Speaker
Um, and it would also, it was also on me too, because I realized that I wasn't even giving him the space to like learn because I didn't want to see her cry. I didn't want to see her upset. So I would step in like immediately. Um, and.
00:34:13
Speaker
fix the problem or take her and soothe her. So for me, we got advice from a friend who had had a baby before us and she was like, you need to designate a time that is like only Vinny time and you have to remove yourself from that situation and let him
00:34:31
Speaker
figured out and let him learn her. And so that became bath time for a little bit. Now we kind of do it together because I love giving her a bath too. But in the beginning it was like, okay, he's going to help with bath time and I'm going to remove myself and he's going to figure it out and he'll learn how to soothe her and all of those things. And that was really game changing because A gave me a second and made him feel like he was useful. And it also let him
00:34:59
Speaker
learn and make mistakes without me helicoptering. Whoa. That is such a good call out, Candice. I feel like as a society, we still, and for some good reason, women are the default parent, but oftentimes we have to let our husbands have an opportunity to try. I know I'm a control freak sometimes. I just want to do it. It'll be easier if I get it done myself.
00:35:29
Speaker
but let's give them the chance to do it and have that ownership. I was the opposite. Chris is the nurturing one and I had to tell him, let me do things because he was the one instantly just like, he was so good at the newborn phase because he is just in that field and so nurturing that I had to be like, if you don't let me do this, I'm going to be scared to death when you go back to work.
00:35:55
Speaker
let me have him. So it's just kind of funny. But then, yeah, then I kind of took over once he went to work. It like all came down on me. And that's when I imploded.
00:36:06
Speaker
The other thing I will say is, and I know we talked about this back in the feeling like yourself again, but there was a huge shift when I saw breastfeeding because I didn't have to like wake up in the middle of the night as much. Like before I had to pump every like three or four hours or my boobs would explode. So there, and I know I've mentioned this before, but Vinny did not wake up in the night at all. So there was definitely some resentment there from that side or that,
00:36:34
Speaker
portion of it because he never woke up. He never helped me in the middle of the night unless I was truly having a breakdown and would do everything possible to wake him up, which only happened probably a couple times, but not having to wake up in the middle of the night, getting more sleep. It all fades away after breastfeeding, in my opinion.
00:36:55
Speaker
and when they sleep. And if you're not breastfeeding, your husband can give them a bottle. It gives them the opportunity. And in the beginning, they're just eating and sleeping. It's not much else you can do. So you can give the husband the option to feed. You can pump too. But I agree. Breastfeeding just felt like such a...
00:37:18
Speaker
weight that he couldn't help with at all. And so when that was lifted, I was like, Hey, sorry, I was such a monster. Hey, it's me again. Hello. So to answer your question.
00:37:33
Speaker
How to not hate your husband. I think it's to give him some grace, give you some grace. It's kind of inevitable that there are going to be a lot of feelings. A lot of things come up. I would say communicate a lot.
00:37:48
Speaker
don't hold anything back because that is how resentment grows. Have those conversations if you're feeling a specific way. Just try and give him some room and space to step in and do something and make mistakes and learn so that he can help out in the future.
00:38:09
Speaker
It's all about feeling comfortable on both sides. Yeah. Do you follow Wonderweeks slash leaps?
Skepticism on Wonder Weeks App
00:38:17
Speaker
Leap7 has been so difficult for me slash baby. Okay. I have a hundred weeks is bullshit. Okay. I have been saying, and really, I think it might've been someone in my Q1 mom's group who mentioned this, but we think that leaps are like horoscopes for babies. Yeah, it's a horoscope. That's really quite spot on.
00:38:37
Speaker
I feel like every time Graydon got fussy, I'd look and be like, is he in a leap? And it'd be like, yeah, it turns out it was just his adenoids were fucking huge. So that's that's all it was. Got those taken out. I don't know how I feel about leaps. I do feel like there were times where like her fussy is time like lined up with a leap. But do I know that it was a leap and not a tooth or like a headache? I don't know.
00:39:02
Speaker
I just don't know. So I think that four month sleep regression is a real thing to watch out for. Oh yeah. I struggled with that a lot. She had a really bad. Yeah. Other than that, it's teeth or they're sick. Like it's a guess. It's a guessing game. Who knows?
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah, I don't mean to poo-poo on Wonderweeks. I did enjoy kind of seeing where their development was at from a cognitive perspective. I'd be like, oh, he's starting to see color now. Or he knows that a dog has four legs. Those things were kind of cool.
00:39:42
Speaker
But he was fussy every day. That is so specific. I've stopped looking at it probably around like.
00:39:55
Speaker
Probably around seven months, I stopped looking at it. I think it's definitely a crutch to make you feel better of why your kid's fussy or something, whatever. Oh, totally. We'd be like, oh, he's leaping. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say is that moms are always looking for validation of whatever is happening. So for me, it was just like a validating thing. I'm having a tough day. She's upset. Let me look at this thing. It's going to tell me she's in a leap. Perfect. I'm validated.
00:40:22
Speaker
She's just in a leap. It's fine. Yes. Did you ever like look at the app and like line it up to, you know, you had visitors coming or you had a trip planned and it would be like in a thunder zone. And I was like, Oh shit, we're going to be in the thunder zone. We're going to see grandma. This is not good.
00:40:46
Speaker
I don't remember it actually impacting any events. But yeah, Wonderweeks is a horoscope.
Bonding with Newborns
00:40:52
Speaker
Okay. Did you feel an instant connection with your child when they were born? I don't know how I felt. What I was going to say is to me, the first day, like after you give birth, like the first 24 hours is such a blur. Your body feels so like, like it just went through trauma.
00:41:09
Speaker
Like it was all, I feel like I didn't necessarily feel connected to her. I knew that I like loved her, but I didn't wasn't like, I don't know. I just was like in shock or like in a fog. I don't know. Your world just got rocked.
00:41:24
Speaker
all of a sudden you're responsible for a human. Like you have zero sleep, you're going through stuff. I feel like my bond was more gradual. And like you said, yes, I loved him, but it was like, as I got to know him over time, it just grew like any relationship. So, I don't know. Yeah, there's a bond. I felt something for him for sure. But I was also just feeling so like scared. Yeah. I feel like there was like adrenaline kind of just, yeah.
00:41:53
Speaker
It wasn't like a bond. It didn't feel like a bond. It felt like a, uh, yeah, like something like chemical was happening. I was like, it is a bliss, a blessing moment. You're like, this is me and you like looking at your husband. Like, this is so cool. Yeah. And then they cry and you're like nurse.
00:42:12
Speaker
I feel like if you asked me when I was in that moment, I would be like, yes, 100%. And now, with hindsight, it's hard to remember. Slash, I didn't even know who he was. Now, he has his whole personality. And I'm like, oh, that's DJ.
00:42:28
Speaker
I just feel like I get him and know him so well. And back then I was like, you are a small, small little amoeba boy. And I love you so much, but I don't know, I don't know you. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, I, I think that I felt an intense, like that first moment of like intensity bond for me was day. I can't remember. We were in the hospital for over five days because Alice was a very jaundice little girl.
00:42:55
Speaker
And I think it was day two or three and I was obviously like baby blues like in the depths of the post birth baby blues, which they warn you about. It's different than postpartum depression. It's just the like hormone come down from you giving birth.
00:43:13
Speaker
just be aware. I feel like we can do a whole episode on that because I was a disaster in the hospital. But she had very high bilirubin, so she was jaundice. Her shining star. Yeah, she had to be taken away and put in the beds and hers. We just couldn't kick it. I mean, we were in the hospital for five days and I could only see her for 20 minutes at a time. So I could go in there every three hours and see her for... She could only be out of the bed for 20 minutes.
00:43:43
Speaker
I had to take her, which my whole 20 minutes with her was trying to get her to take my boob, which was bigger than her whole body. Okay. I was like drowning her in my boob. My milk had come in fast and strong. All the nurses commented on it, how much milk I was making.
00:44:07
Speaker
I just, it's all a blur, but also like. Let's get some other babies in here. Like I remember like every time I would walk into the nursery to get her for that 20 minute period, I would like sob and then giving her back, I would sob. And that was when I really felt the like intense bond for the first time to be like me. It wasn't even that I wanted to get out of the hospital. I just wanted to be with her all the time. God, I could like ball my eyes out thinking about that.
00:44:36
Speaker
It was so emotional. I cried. I was crying every hour. Like I was such a wreck. Yeah. Whoo. Anyways. Okay. I'm not going to go there. I feel like I could let myself really have a cry about that. Even though it's like so far in the past. Do you ever feel that way? Like you could just, you can talk about it in your birth story. Yeah. Sorry. We'll do that. Yeah. Last question.
Maximizing Maternity Leave
00:44:59
Speaker
How to maximize your maternity leave, quit your job and never go back.
00:45:07
Speaker
That's my answer. I was going to say like, I've, I read this question different. Like I would say maximizing it as like, just use it to get to know your baby and get comfortable with your baby. I thought it was going to be a little mini vacation with my newborn and be like, I'm going to get to know you. But I mean, it is. So I just think it's time to spend with your little babushka and have fun getting to know each other.
00:45:33
Speaker
Yeah. I know there, I think whoever asked this question may have asked it in a different way, which we talked about before we recorded is that they could have asked this in a way of like, how do I get the most days off on top of my maternity leave? Like I know.
00:45:50
Speaker
I am an entrepreneur, so I like don't have the answers to this, but I do know some people who might have answers. So we could maybe do another episode on this. Um, I know that you can like stack FMLA. Yeah. And you can, yeah, you can stop stock.
00:46:09
Speaker
all that and like whatever your maternity leave is. And then you can do plus like a two week thing. Like my company offers an extra two weeks that you can take and then on top of that using vacation days. Yeah. So like my work gives 12 weeks. I can stack it, make it 14 and then use vacation if I want more. So. So I looked it up. It is Family and Medical Leave Act. It is FMLA. So that's what it is. Boom.
00:46:39
Speaker
There we go. I know you can stack that. Like I said, I feel like maybe we can do another episode about that. As an entrepreneur, my advice to if there are any entrepreneurs is to truly spend the nine months that you are pregnant planning for your maternity leave, save extra money, put extra money into savings.
00:46:59
Speaker
hire a team member if you can, even if it means raising your rates or taking on an extra client so that you can train a team member to hold your business down while you go on maternity leave. There are definitely ways to keep your business going and be able to take that time that you want with your baby.
00:47:24
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, if anyone also there is a another entrepreneur who I know is about to do a podcast episode on this. She talked about it on her her Instagram, Jess Massey, who I've talked about a lot on this podcast. I feel like I mention her all the time. She said she's going to do an episode about how she took a maternity leave. So I will share that on her Instagram when she shares it. But yeah, what a fun round.
00:47:52
Speaker
Yeah. Part two. Part two. Maybe we'll do a part three. Eventually. Yeah. Part two. I don't know. Part three. All right. I'm going to go get that Paula's Choice Moisturizer M63 Acid Peel White.
00:48:12
Speaker
Yes, we had a lot of linking to do on this episode. That was really fun. Yeah, we will. I'll link everything for sure. But this was so fun. It was so fun to hear from you guys about what topics you want to hear about. Like we said in a lot of like in relation to a lot of these questions, I think we will do fuller length episodes on some of these topics. So it was so fun to hear from you guys. And I, um, I can't wait for a part two.
00:48:40
Speaker
Par toi. We don't know French guys.
Conclusion & Future Engagement
00:48:45
Speaker
Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.