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Goals for 2021
77 Plays5 years ago
K and I share some of our goals for 2021, why they matter, how 2020 went, and how you can get actioning your this year.
Win From Within is a goal accomplishment virtual workshop that will educate and empower you to take action in pursuit of your goals. I just help you turn the lights on, get clear, and establish a plan to engage in.
You can purchase this training for just $25 here: https://btwntheears.mykajabi.com/winfromwithin
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Transcript
Relevance of New Year's Resolutions
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello. Hello. Happy new year. Happy new year. It's too late. It's too late for that. What's the. Curb your enthusiasm. I know, but I wasn't sure how many days. I don't know. I don't know. Is it a week? I think that's what I'm saying is appropriate a week. We're really leaning in here. Um, well, it's a new year. It is a new year and
00:00:30
Speaker
I remember last year you put up a thing like there was, you would, I think it was last year was the first year you addressed the cynicism of like goals. Like all like people's last year or two years ago, but that whole thing that like two years ago, I did an event on New Year's Eve. Yeah. That was fun. Anyway, that people get to the new year and like that there's something wrong with, or it's so lame to like use the new year as a chance to set a goal and yeah,
00:00:59
Speaker
I don't know when that got to be that, but like any time, it's kind of like a journal. Like when you get a new journal, you're like, it's kind of like fresh, any kind of fresh start, like I think is a great opportunity. Yeah. Or how about the fucking sun rising tomorrow? Like there's a regenerative and rejuvenative energy that comes with cycles. Yeah. And one year ends and another begins. That's a cycle. And there's, there's one, that's the energy.
00:01:31
Speaker
See the sunrise, see the, you know, like that's, there's a value to that. I think the new year's resolution stuff obviously gets a bit tiring. What do you see the difference between a new year's resolution and a new year's goal?
Resolutions vs. Goals
00:01:48
Speaker
I mean, surface, surface level. Like what would be an example of one and the other? Well, I mean, a new year's resolution, I think I want to work out more.
00:02:01
Speaker
Okay. I want to go to the gym more. Right. And, you know, it doesn't happen. Sure. And the, you know, back at like the, the gym on January 1st and the gym on February 1st looks like a ghost town. Yeah. You know, and I think that that was the thing.
00:02:19
Speaker
I still think it is the thing. Yeah. I'm not saying it's not, but I'm just saying like, that's where I think the whole New Year's resolution thing. And then I think it gets twisted into saying like, well, people are leaning on the new year to take action when you can just make any positive change now. And again, like I don't disagree with that. And yeah, the new, new year, new you, all of these kind of little
00:02:44
Speaker
bits of inspiration that are just all spark and no flame. Yeah, and I think the other thing to look at is the holiday season. People treat that kind of like a just field day.
00:02:58
Speaker
as it relates to maybe like drinking and food. And so it comes at like, it's kind of like having a bender weekend and Monday you're like, I'm going to start. Yeah. And I think that's so, but yeah, it gets, you know, I think it's easy to point to. And, but on the other hand, it's like, well, if a new cycle, if a new day, if a new year, if a new week, if a new journal, if a new pair of shoes, like if you feel within you and energy.
Cynicism and Goal Setting
00:03:28
Speaker
and a like drive to do something, then throw your fucking sail up and ride that wind and follow through, you know? And I think that that's where it's kind of like.
00:03:42
Speaker
I think the cynic is the saddest, one of the saddest characters people can assume. Because it's like you're a fucking coward. You're hiding behind, pointing and saying, they're all stupid. And it's really, really easy to do that from the goddamn sidelines. And a lot of people who are cynics, but I don't know. I mean, I think that that's just. But we're gonna talk about both of them.
00:04:09
Speaker
Sure. And you just did the, we thought it was obviously appropriate because it is the new year. We do think it's an opportunity. We have both experienced kind of a full cycle for ourselves last year. Everybody's experienced a year that was, you know, took them through quite a bit. And, but you just did a workshop on goals, but I think like,
00:04:32
Speaker
one of the things not to get into the whole workshop but like basically what we're saying and the difference between maybe a resolution type goal and a goal goal is the difference of something that's just like an external thing or something that's a little bit deeper and like the action sure like that's important that is sort of the end state but really the goal starts
00:04:56
Speaker
within. So that workshop was interesting. Yeah, it was cool. I got a lot of good feedback on people saying, hey, this is actually a fresh approach to viewing something that
Importance of Intentional Goals
00:05:14
Speaker
The other thing, and not to just go back to the same thing, but if you don't have a goal in mind, what are you fucking doing? You're just coasting through life on that weird dream state where you're not really sleeping, but you're not really awake. That's what I feel like. And again, it's not to say you have to always have a goal, because that's maybe the person who never goes to sleep. And it's not the other side of it where, OK, you have to rest and recover. Maybe, hey, you accomplished your goal and take a break and go away from it. But you know what I mean?
00:05:44
Speaker
But people want, people know the value of goals. They want to do shit that matters to them. Why does it matter to them? I mean, that's a, I think important question to ask and I think using the between the ears approach and philosophy and working with people, you know, yeah, we're going to go a little bit deeper. Hopefully we're going to do so in a way that sparks curiosity.
00:06:09
Speaker
but generates actionable follow through. And the feedback was very good. I'm very happy about that. I'm just super thankful for the people who raised their hand and said, yeah, you know what? I have something that I'm fixing to attack and get after. And I'd like a little bit of help just taking a peek at it.
00:06:32
Speaker
And I think that's all the people that did sign up for it. I want to tip my hat to you because fucking right on. There's an internal courage and strength in that. And even if you haven't accomplished it yet, that's fine. You still said, I have something that matters to me, or I want to look and find things that matter to me. And this is what I'm going to show. Yeah, I think one of the values that we're going to talk about, serve our own goals today,
Balancing Goals and Achievements
00:07:00
Speaker
Um, and so when I think about goals for me, um, and like you said, like not never having a goal, it is sort of like an anchor in many ways, or it sort of grounds you and helps with like directional, your end state of that goal might look a little bit different by the time you get to it. But like, if you're again, just sort of like not tethered to anything, um,
00:07:24
Speaker
But I think there's a fine line to the over-goaling where all you're ever doing is measuring, did I get there? Did I not? Then we're losing it as well. And you're just flying from one thing to the next and maybe not being able to really onboard it from permanent places. Well, I think that right off the bat, something that I've had people say with their goals.
00:07:45
Speaker
They want to be the best at whatever they're doing. And it's like, pump the brakes. Parents saying, I want to set my kids up for success. It's like, here's the thing, you want to make sure you provide everything to the people you're responsible for.
00:08:07
Speaker
And and and right on but like whether or not you bought into that beforehand or not doesn't fucking matter. That's your goddamn job. Right. And so you know the whole best thing or that like we need to we need to and the reason why it's called win from within with the within part is like we have to we don't have to we benefit from really really going within in a way that
00:08:35
Speaker
Isn't about anybody else that you don't have to say it. You don't have to vocalize it. You don't have to stand up there I'm not gonna you know, and that was the thing with a workshop like you're not gonna Jump on to the virtual screen or stage and be like scream at the top of your lungs What your goal is and some of the Tony Robbins stuff which is which is fine for people in that environment but this is just like hey, this is for you, right and It has to be for you because the people that you want to provide for they need it to be for you They say it all the time like you need to be your best
00:09:04
Speaker
Or do you have to invest in yourself? If you're in a service profession, then that could be formal and formal. So personal stuff we're doing. What? This is sort of going to put you on the spot. Oh boy. Are you ready? No, but go ahead. What is one goal?
00:09:25
Speaker
from last year that you didn't feel like you achieved, or maybe it was- Just one? Oh. I mean, one that, I mean, speak about your goals last year. So maybe there was something that was a bit too surface or too like, ah, that really wasn't about me, or maybe it was something that was like really well intended with like something for within, but it just didn't work.
Reflecting on Past Goals
00:09:47
Speaker
Like what was a goal that did not come to fruition?
00:09:52
Speaker
Last year? 2020? Yeah. It was just last week. 2020. Thank you. Yes. I don't know. I think that one of the reasons why I actually wanted to, in fact, I know why, and I'm not going to stand behind the I think thing. Hide behind it. Hide behind it. Sorry. One of the reasons why I did win from within came out of personal experience with feeling the
00:10:21
Speaker
non-tethered and non-grounded effects of not having a goal. And that I would say was last year. You know, I had some goals. I like all of the same things everyone has. I want to eat a little bit better. I want to be consistent with my workout. Yeah, you did open a gym. That was a big one. Yes. I mean, not, and that's not, I say that as the end state. There was other things internally that had to be goals to get you to that point that you had to accomplish for yourself.
00:10:50
Speaker
Correct. Yeah. I did want to, and that, and the gym between there's fitness has been a yearly or has been years of, of this idea and building to it. And I don't know. And, and, and whatever. So anyway, but I would, I'll say like at January, 2020 end of December, beginning of January, 2020, I didn't really have anything beyond the normal
00:11:18
Speaker
Resolutions. Resolutions, yeah, to be honest. And I felt that, I don't think I spiraled out of control during 2020, and I think that if anything, COVID for everybody threw some really fucking cold water against everybody's face, and was like, hey, this is real. And when COVID hit, and this is, I remember earlier on, we were talking about it, and I was like, this is kind of fucked up, because I feel like now I'm alive. Well, you have it. I'm like, this is right on. And be careful with saying that. You mean?
00:11:47
Speaker
That scenario where you have to sort of take action. There's like a purpose. There's a goal you had to sort of yeah, like like the stakes were finally Yeah, the stakes were fun. We're good at that and I'm good at that and that's been my thing but on the flip side just being like Finding you know being present with family being connected being like just relaxing just being more on that Paris sympathetic side That's and I'll and I'm
00:12:12
Speaker
Hopefully honest with that and forthcoming work. That's like really hard because I've you know It's kind of the whole flip the switch thing and which is where when people tell me I just got to flip the switch It's like don't tell me that because you think I want to hear it because I'm gonna tell you don't do that that will break Anyway, so when from within the workshop came about as a desire to say hey I felt like I could have used this a year ago.
Embracing Imperfection
00:12:36
Speaker
Yeah, I could have used it a year ago and
00:12:39
Speaker
not knowing what we would then know also. And so I think that's a thing with between the ears, with fitness, with what we do and our coaching. We're planning, yes, truly for what we don't know yet and what we can't plan for. And because we are stepping into the unknown, so it's an insurance. But you can't ever not, oh, I'm not going to do anything because who knows what could happen. I mean, that's not the answer. No, no. But what I'm saying is we invest in ourselves now. Right.
00:13:04
Speaker
Before it's like oh shit. I should look at my mental health after nine months of a lockdown Because what else is coming? Yeah, you're being proactive and being proper. Yeah So one of the things So to answer your question, I don't know I can't even provide to that like, you know, hey did you did I get better last year? Well, yeah, I mean I took some risks. I did some things I learned I grew I cried I bled I all of that stuff and
00:13:30
Speaker
I'm not really sure. So I didn't take the time to be like, okay, let me actually go deep, go a bit deeper. Um, so have you done that for this year? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have.
00:13:45
Speaker
which was part of putting the workshop together, like on my own, doing that. And so what does that look like? So one of my personal goals for, I'm not going to go through all of the stuff that we do in the workshop. Oh my God. Well, and besides the fact that the workshop is there for people to still do and do on their own. Yeah, you can sign up. This year,
00:14:15
Speaker
I, one of my goals is to embrace the mindset of intentionally imperfect. And that's like a big thing for me where, um, I went back and forth between either intentionally or purposely, but there's a reason why it's not just being perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, James Victoria has a book, Feck Perfuction, artist type guy, like inspirational book, cool thing, but like, Hmm.
00:14:42
Speaker
That doesn't do it for me. So purposely or intentionally imperfect. I think intentionally because I like the fact of whatever. I'm not going to get into the anatomy of language.
00:14:54
Speaker
So my goal this year is to have that mindset of intentionally imperfect be something that I express through my actions because it has deep meaning to me as well of the fight of perfection, the plaguing and the debilitating
00:15:17
Speaker
the debilitating effect of perfection and the illusion and really the just prison that it puts you in. And the intentional part of that being like, I'm going to, I'm aware of it. I know what it's, I know what it's, it's causes and taking action with it. Um, so kind of to sum up my goal for
00:15:41
Speaker
this year is to be intentionally imperfect while also improving my craft as a mental health professional. So going back to NYU, going to school, I don't know what that's going to be and that's going to have a carryover. So, okay, having a small business, a very, very new small business,
00:16:05
Speaker
Family going back to take, you know 17 credits and a partner to part-time job in addition to that If I'm seeking perfection, I'm fucked. You're already feeling yeah, and so intentionally being imperfect and it doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to Do my job and then I also want to
00:16:26
Speaker
You know, take, take different risks, but I can apply that. I'm also getting a coach and investing in a, investing in a coach and business coach.
Investing in Personal Growth
00:16:36
Speaker
Yeah. And because I want to improve, I want to.
00:16:41
Speaker
I want to have between the ears be the delivery through which I can serve my purpose and my passion, which is to help people in their life, really. I mean, to boil it all down. I personally get a great deal of energy and connect. I think because of the essence of Between the Ears work, when people open up and they're honest and they do the work,
00:17:08
Speaker
Like to me that there's like a love in that actually, you know, there's a there's a beauty to the human spirit because of what is required. It's not just you know, come in and burn your calories or do whatever lift the way like there's something always way way deeper. And so
00:17:25
Speaker
I want to hit all angles of that I want this year to be the year that not just like I want to grow the business because I because and maybe you're not thinking this if I'd say that but That could be like if I say hey, we're gonna grow the business. What does it mean? Usually probably means dollars and I don't want data. Yeah, and it's more than that Yeah, I would like that to happen. But that would likely that tends to happen as a as a After effect if you're growing the business in a different way. Yeah
00:17:57
Speaker
It doesn't go in an inverse direction. So instead of chasing that, yeah. So that's going to be the personal side and professional side, all kind of blended together and going back for the masters of social work. And then also, you know, um, conch, hiring a coach for 12 months for a year long coaching engagement. And, um, I would be lying if I said both of those didn't make my eyes race and be like, Oh, fuck, here we go. Cause there is risk, there is unknown, there is uncertainty and,
00:18:17
Speaker
Like, that should happen. I hope so. Most people don't.
00:18:25
Speaker
But I mean inherent in a goal, if it's something that you can folding, folding the laundry. Not a goal of mine. Don't worry. Not a goal. I won't do that. I will not do that this year. I'll help. Thank you. My point is something that's not.
00:18:42
Speaker
that doesn't require some risk, that doesn't require some skin in the game. I mean, sure, it could be a goal, but likely that's not worthy of a goal in many ways, because it's just sort of a throwaway. It's sort of like- Well, I think we talk about that in the seminar or in the workshop about that type of a goal. And like, it's, you know, okay, so if we were to go through it, like, I'm gonna cook once a week. I mean, you have a goal cooking once a week. Yeah, cooking once a night. Again, you failed at that last year. So I was just hoping you'd mention that,
00:19:08
Speaker
Well, I yeah, okay. Thanks. That's good back on the table back. I'm gonna keep that kind of gold in there We're gonna get back out. Hey, you know, there's something to be said about trying
00:19:19
Speaker
Anyway, you know, folding laundry, it's like, okay, like enough. It's not about the laundry. What's it about? Well, it's about contributing to the household responsibilities. Okay. Well, what's the point of that? Well, because I recognize that I might, you know, I want to provide, I want to, I want to be a team player. Great. How are you not being a team player? Why is that important to you? And, you know, just going, going a bit deeper. So yeah, but I mean, to start with it saying,
00:19:43
Speaker
Hey, fold the laundry. If it stays at fold the laundry, it won't get done, which is why I think that myself included struggle with some of those things. Hey, I want to eat better. Hey, I want to train. I want to have good workouts. I want to journal more. There has to be that tie into, as you just call it, the who and what's internal about it. And it's much more compelling. I mean, we talk about this with the kids and some of the things that we ask them to do when it's simply just a chore. Yeah.
00:20:11
Speaker
But the more we can, and it's a process, but the more we can have them understand, like, why is it important to them? It's less of a just, ugh, got to get this done. Right. What about you? Well, what did you not do? Okay, here we go. Okay. Well, what did I fail out last year? Um, this is not supposed to be the longest podcast of this year. You just talked straight for 30 minutes. I was saying your list of failures. That's me. Did it go over your head?
00:20:41
Speaker
That's so mean. Well, I was being... I didn't set any goals, so I failed at none of them. Good, good, good. I gained the system. You won. Yes. You won. That's good. I mean, and not to say this, but I don't know that I... The year before, I can say I set... And I'll continue to... We've talked about this with the vector project. I set that goal of the Iron Man. Yeah. Half Iron Man. It's not Iron Man.
00:21:08
Speaker
And that was an important thing for me, not because of completing those miles, but because you encouraged me to have it be something deeper about who I was. But when did you set that?
00:21:19
Speaker
Was that earlier on in the year? Yeah, I guess it was... I can't even remember. It was at least a year out. So like for that year, 2019, that was much of my training. Earlier on in the... Yeah, so... But then like 2020, I don't really feel like... Yeah, I don't think I did the work to... I probably said I want to be more present. But again, I don't think I really...
00:21:42
Speaker
And not to keep using this expression. I don't think I did the work to really understand like, well, what does that mean? And why? Right. And then, yeah, it was it sort of became like just from March on like survival. Yeah, for sure. Which I think look, I hope anybody listening to this, if you're if you did set a goal and be like, all right, fuck you 2020, because here's the thing, new decade.
00:22:03
Speaker
Talk about like energy and this and that and clean slate and it's a new decade. And all right, here we go. Clear vision. There's a lot of there's things that just couldn't even happen. People set goals. I mean, and I think about that. My heart really goes out to people who, you know, for their own personal things, set their first Iron Man, their first something big and it got canceled. I mean, there's people. Yeah, for sure. Anyway, so but I was going to say just on that, if you're listening, be like, man, like whatever, like,
00:22:32
Speaker
You know, we get it like give yourself. Yeah, obviously. But so I don't know that even without that is like an excuse. It's not like in 2020 I probably the goal for myself was to fold one be more present and I don't think I did the work to really
00:22:49
Speaker
get there. And then the second one was one of your as you call it like the ing goals. So like, one of the goals I've had for a long time is definitely like accepting myself. Yeah, I actually do think I accomplished
00:23:07
Speaker
a goal. I don't know if it's really a goal. Okay. But this year, I made the most progress I've ever made. Yeah, it was accepting myself. Yeah, that's big. Yeah. But interestingly, I didn't it was sort of like, every year I set out every day, I'm going to be more accepting. And, you know, I think this year, I accomplished that. There we go.
00:23:27
Speaker
It's not complete. In 30 seconds. What did you do to accomplish your goal? Step one. Yeah. What are the five things? So, and really like to summarize that what I did differently was I did make it about like who I am. Yeah. Like who I really am and some of those actionable things. So you want from within? Yeah. Like that up. Nice job. Um, so that was last year. Cool.
00:23:54
Speaker
So this year, yeah, you know, I think for me, I haven't, you know, I took the workshop and this is where I'm gonna be honest.
Self-Discovery and Joy
00:24:05
Speaker
Please be honest again. I did, you talked about it with the, when you gave the workshop that like when you did one of the exercises,
00:24:13
Speaker
When you first learned about it, you didn't actually do the exercise. You just kind of wrote down what the exercise was. And that's exactly what I did. I wrote the instructions on how to do the exercise when I was supposed to be doing the exercise. Totally fucked up. So I'm listening. You're like, okay, step one, write down your goal. And I literally just wrote down goal. Like it was a little bit of a blank slate. So.
00:24:35
Speaker
I think for me, I do need to, or I would like to get a little more succinct with like, what do I, what am I looking to do? Um, so are you going to go back through and watch the actual? Yeah. Yeah. So that's something that people can also do right now. You can buy the workshop. It won't be live, which I actually think the delivery is a little bit better because you could press pause and I put more time with it. So for sure. But,
00:25:04
Speaker
don't get stuck because that's the big thing. Sure. I have some ideas for myself. They're just not like boom, boom, boom, goal one, goal two. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Okay. So one of them, you know, I, I did have a coach for my fitness for my, I hate using like fitness, my physical, I don't know. Like I don't like just categorizing it like for workouts, right? I mean, I've been working with Richard. Um, but I was thinking today, like it is interesting.
00:25:33
Speaker
One of my goals is really like trusting myself. You know, having that as a little bit of a goal, you know, it's, it's, it can be a combination, but not just always looking for the external answer. And I can tend to do that. So that's a little bit like I have to find the goal in there. So yeah. So you have some digging to do with trust. Okay. Yeah. But one of the things I know for myself is I do like to have a, um,
00:26:01
Speaker
Like it works well for me to have something to work towards. So I don't have, you're going back to school, you're getting a business coach. For me, we kind of talked about this last week and have sort of come up with my own event.
00:26:17
Speaker
Like a physical event, but that's not really about just like survival. It's really about the opportunity in the course of training up for this event that I can learn to trust myself, learn to learn about myself. It's really sort of like the vector project and the half Iron Man, a chance to have like little small goals leading up to this day of really celebration. Not making it just about March 15th, I'm doing something. Crossing the finish line.
00:26:46
Speaker
The last thing for me I say is one of the big things like I said about being more accepting that I feel like I learned last year was really your thing on like the who. I do really think you should do a workshop on that.
00:27:05
Speaker
Really being able to apply that to not just myself accepting myself but work in our business, learning the differentiation between like not letting things attack my who because that is really a great goal because
00:27:20
Speaker
it really doesn't add any value when I allow that. I know. I will do a workshop on that and I actually hope people sign up for it because that's pretty much going to be
00:27:38
Speaker
The core of between it's a tool and it is like when you start running through it and actually and over the past year because we've obviously worked on it almost daily when you think about it. I mean it always comes up just because we coach people just because that's what we do for our jobs and ourselves.
00:27:54
Speaker
you kinda got some good exercises and refinement and learned about it. It was a concept, then it was like, hey, let's experiment with this, then let's dish it. Yeah, you got to put it into practice. Yeah, that, I mean that's. Yeah, because you can use it with literally every aspect of your life and it really is a lens to put on that is really eye-opening and it's not super complicated, it's not hard. Right, but it does require you to, ironic, not ironically, it does require you to be present. Yeah. It does require you to think and feel and act and all that stuff, so yeah.
00:28:21
Speaker
But I just want to go back. So your event thing, what do you want to you're going to create an event? Yeah. Talk about your. So for me, like as many we've talked about this on the podcast before, but and people who know me and my history, like the physical efforts and challenges aren't something that are really challenging for me to dive into.
00:28:52
Speaker
I'm usually the person that is all about, oh, physical challenge? Sign me up. But for this, I'm learning. And one of the things I've been working on is not just having it go to the hardest thing possible and then not really maybe learn anything about myself. So for this event, I do think something that is physically active is good. We know that movement and incorporating the physical is an important piece.
00:29:23
Speaker
But for me, it's gonna be something I've never done before. So we talked about this, like moving for 12 hours straight. What would that look like? It's challenging physically, of course, but there's an internal component there. Like you have to be connected to like why you're doing it. And in that process of like training for it, there's some things that help that provide some structure, but they're not so regimented.
00:29:52
Speaker
And so I think there's like a fine line finding that event that is going to provide some structure, some anger points, not just being super regimented. It's not a life or death thing. It's not, you know, um, it involves being outdoors. Like there's some components that's like, if I'm making my own event, then I can make it. So are you going to make your own event? Yeah. So I'm going to train for three months.
00:30:15
Speaker
what you know what the event is going to be. Well, we've talked about it. Right. But I mean, I mean, we haven't, we haven't ironed everything out. We've said, we talked, we discussed, like, I'd like to have it be a long thing. Yeah. Now, of course, logistics, like around here, you can't go, it's harder to go through the night. So like a 12 hour movement.
00:30:35
Speaker
Um, with some components that are pretty low skill. So it's not this like pressure to like, okay, if you don't learn how to water ski, you're not going to get past the water skiing portion. Um, something that requires me to kind of get outside every week. So something like rucking or those things.
00:30:54
Speaker
doing some things I know are good for me, sandbag carries, because that might be part of it. So we're working together, I'm pretty much hiring you for no money to create an event for me. And then you just need to keep baking pop tarts. And I'll feed you. So really what we're trying to do is identify things that you know are good for you, that you can do currently.
00:31:21
Speaker
that also can challenge you and kind of keep you going as far as, you know, just on a daily or weekly basis as well as, you know, going on and, you know, kind of like finish the sentence of doing this because of, and then you sort of answer that. Yeah, I'm doing this because I don't, I mean, I want to, I want to learn more about myself.
00:31:50
Speaker
Okay, what does that mean? What do you want to learn? Yeah, I want sort of back to the original goal. I want to learn to trust myself and also experience and not to say this, but like I want to experience joy in what I'm doing and be have that like I'm doing this because I want to do it and I'm enjoying it. Not have there be I have to or a measurement stick or a data point. And for me, that's like a really like
00:32:19
Speaker
that connection, that opportunity for connection because I want to, I'm very quick to fall into the, I have to, this is what I said, this is what I'm doing. Do you find comfort in that?
00:32:32
Speaker
Yeah, but it's short term because then it just turns into misery. Right. I mean, really. Yeah. So being able to have it, have flexibility enough, but looking for that opportunity. Um, and, and sure, some of the things are like no shit, like being out in nature, we know there's a benefit to that. Of course. So, so, but I won't maybe do it because, you know, so that's that like fine line between the structure, but yeah, like,
00:32:58
Speaker
There is a presence element, so I'm doing this to learn about myself, meaning to learn how to be joyful, to learn how to be present.
00:33:06
Speaker
You know, I mean, there's a lot of things.
Accountability in Goal Pursuit
00:33:09
Speaker
Are you speaking of this now? Cause I didn't know really that you were going to talk about this on the, on the episode on the pocket, which is cool, which is fine. But are you speaking about this and putting it out there so that you sort of have an accountability thing or no, because we also talked about that a little bit. I know we have internally, but now you put it out into the world. Sure. And I mean,
00:33:36
Speaker
I don't think if I need the accountability of everybody listening to do it, then it's kind of not the right goal. Okay. That was a little bit of a test. So I'm speaking at because I think if we're talking about our goals, that's like a big one. And for me to not say it, it's like, yeah, there's that but accountability does help. Also on the flip side. Yes, but there's part of it for me that is
00:34:00
Speaker
the accountability should be to myself. The accountability to, if I don't feel like doing a sandbag carry this week, but that's part of my training, there is some of it. It's like, well, that's part of the training and like it's an important thing to do.
00:34:12
Speaker
You know, so it's like, there's not, it's not all just sunshine and rose, whatever, whatever I feel like going out, there's still some structure, but the accountability is to the reason why I'm doing it and how I can get benefit and value out of. And that's though, where including other people does actually matter because, and that's the thing with a coach. And that's where obviously it's going to be a little bit of a challenge for me being your husband,
00:34:41
Speaker
and business partner and all that other stuff. But you need to be clear with why you're doing it. You need to be clear with how it impacts who you are and what you hope to get out of it and what you want to learn and all of that stuff that you don't know for a fact before the process happens. People that did the Vector Project had a very similar response of like,
00:35:03
Speaker
I learned I went into this thing thinking that okay final event come the final event I'm gonna learn a lot about myself and they're like three weeks in I learned more than I could ever fucking imagine, right? Because the emphasis in many ways too was like it was just we hit the internal from different sides from different avenues but for you with the accountability thing having
00:35:27
Speaker
Like your coach needs to know that. So whether, and if people are listening, whether or not you're working with us or not.
00:35:34
Speaker
The support people in your life, if you want accountability and a lot of people don't because they want to be just frankly enabled and let off the hook and that can be another podcast, but, um, people need to know because it's like, Hey, and this is the thing in the, in the coaching world, it's like, okay. Okay. You're telling me that you wanted to be present and learn about yourself and you didn't want to just feel pressured into feeling like I have to, where I should, or fuck, I signed up for this thing. Like.
00:36:04
Speaker
let's get back to what that initial deeper layer of the goal was, the core of your goal, and now what are you gonna do? Because that's a thing with, for physical events especially. Because you always learn, your body's always essentially communicating to you something. Let's just say you messed your knee up.
00:36:29
Speaker
And you're going to do this thing in March and it's early February. And you're like, I just don't know. And it's cold. It's piss and rain. It's one of those just shitty February days. And you said you were going to go for a two hour ruck. Yeah. And your knee and your leg is really kind of jacked up. Now you're at a, now you're at a beautiful fork in the road where I'm like, all right, here we go. This is good. This is where you as a husband would be tread lightly.
00:37:01
Speaker
But I say that because it's real. It's happened before. Yeah, of course. It happens with clients. It's happened before. It's going to happen again.
00:37:11
Speaker
I've had it happen with me. I mean, everybody, like that's the thing about like, you do anything. You raise your hand and you have that intestinal fortitude and courage and inner strength to say, I'm going to fucking do this. As soon as you step off, like, yeah, shit's going to go sideways. And that's where the man in the arena being the one that I respect or the woman in there, the person in the arena, but the person doing the work and falling down and getting bruised and beaten and all of that, it's like right on.
00:37:40
Speaker
And it's easy to say, oh, they're whatever from the sidelines. You're going to get to that decision point, potentially, of that balance between convenience and conviction, the balance between what do I want to learn and what am I learning? What have I learned? Does this ruck right now today teach me anything? Or is it just like, am I just saying, nope, head down? Right. I said I would do it. I said I would do it. It's kind of like cramming for a test.
00:38:09
Speaker
cram for a test so that you can get the right answers, but you didn't really learn. And so- And that's kind of a lot of people with events. And that was where the vector project came from. And that's been my experience many times as well. Like, you know, I even think about some of the CrossFit stuff. And I'm not saying this in a like self-deprecating, like, oh, I like really regret this kind of way. But yeah, there was a lot of missed opportunities there because all I wanted it to be was like over.
00:38:39
Speaker
And, and I could, and I wasn't present to see like, what am I learning in this moment? Now in hindsight, I can go back and be like, well, I've learned about that. But so, you know, I just think, um, yeah, I'm excited about that. And I think it can, there's some cool things to weave in there with the right intent that are, that are great. So that's kind of my, that's my goal. And.
00:39:06
Speaker
I mean, I think the joy part, it's a great way to practice that because I don't know how to like articulate it, but like, yeah, like choosing joy. And I get it. Like we can't, we can't just decide. I mean, we know this, like I just, I'm just going to be happy. That's not what it is about, but you know, having that opportunity to
00:39:33
Speaker
to make some choices and it's going to be a busy year, a challenging year, like, and you can choose that you're gonna be like, ah, fuck, this year's gonna suck, this year's gonna be, I'm gonna have to do all the, ah, la, la, la. Or, same thing, like, oh, it's raining, I'm gonna have to go out there, I said I'd rock this thing. I mean, you do have a choice in how you frame it.
00:39:53
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. I think this is where I have a little bit of a bone to pick, not a bone to pick, and I don't want to be the sniper in the stance that I'm criticizing either. The way I interpret, and when I hear people say, you know, choose how you respond, okay, well, there's a couple things. Sometimes you don't get the choice. It's below your level of conscious decision-making, and you're, you know, whatever. You have to fucking deal with that.
00:40:22
Speaker
You want to choose joy. Okay. But when we think about, if I were to put out on a table in front of you, three plates and on each plate, there's something different. One's joy, one's misery, and one's apathy. Okay. Two, two of those are generally negative, one of them positive. When we think about choices, we also think about the, the choices we don't make.
00:40:47
Speaker
And it's very like kind of elimination pits things against each other. There's things presented to you that basically came out of nowhere. And now you have to choose. You go into a house, you don't know. And it's like, you're looking for the bathroom and you're like, which door is it? Well, and then you go through your filters and your heuristics and your previous experiences of like, that's the pantry. Cause I know pantry doors are really kind of like narrower. That's the.
00:41:15
Speaker
The laundry room because it's a double door and it's got that weird, you know, thing at the top. It just looks not like every other door. This could be a bathroom. This could be a coat closet. What am I going to do? And you open up the one and okay. So that's like choices and that's choice. The mechanics of choice with emotions and with things like joy, I would suggest an upgraded piece of language for you and your endeavor, whatever it's going to, we're calling it of cultivating joy.
Cultivating Joy
00:41:46
Speaker
And when you cultivate joy, cultivate presence, cultivate whatever, whatever,
00:41:52
Speaker
Yeah, your choices are part of that. What you do, what you choose to pay attention to, what you choose not to, all of that goes into that. But the foundation of what you're trying to do is cultivating joy because it might not be an obvious choice to you in that moment. And I think that's an important thing because especially when it comes to being present,
00:42:19
Speaker
Yeah, the reality of it is in your conscious awareness right now, you might not see the joy. But what are the things how can you behave that cultivate joy because that is an action. That's a verb. That's an involved process. That's also something that
00:42:38
Speaker
it may take a little bit more and you might be like, I thought I was cultivating joy and actually I was cultivating convenience or scarcity or whatever, like who knows what it will be. But I think that's where when it comes to like, oh, we choose how we respond. It's like, well, fucking here, easy there. And I think that the power of choice is obviously one of the single most powerful things that we do have.
00:43:07
Speaker
but we also can I think like just frame it a little bit and sometimes reframing like you look it's it's like kind of the Christmas tree thing where you put all the decorations on the side of the Christmas tree that people look at and the backside is like just bare and it's like if you were to if you were to flip that around so that the
00:43:31
Speaker
Sure. The bare side faces where everybody looks. It's like, oh, just reframe it. And you just rotate around. It's like, yeah, but the backside still doesn't have any fucking ornaments on it. So reframing is just another way of looking at the same thing. Now, yeah, we can pick that apart and go deeper and go deeper and go deeper. But cultivating an emotion, I think that's an interesting question to ask yourself.
00:43:52
Speaker
If joy is part of the experience and the goal that I have, how can I cultivate that? What's going to be required is you're going to have to be present, you're going to have to be aware, and you're going to have to be like, okay, this is sort of what I was doing. I was connected to my intentions. I was aware of the external environment of, let's just say, knee hurting, rainy, whatever, whatever, as well as what I do want to do from an internal value.
00:44:20
Speaker
and looking at that. And then it's like, then you get to that finish line or that final event. And it's like, you've got everything you need. And now it's like, yeah, beautiful. Let's celebrate that shit. Let's have it be that culmination exercise where it's a party versus a gauntlet and a test. Like the test has already been administered where you paying attention during it is the thing. So just a thought on that.
00:44:49
Speaker
So when are you starting training? Did you start? No, other than doing carries yesterday. No, I would like to, I mean, you're my coach. Where's my plan? Okay. Um, no, I would like to put together some constraints and things like that. And I do need some help with like,
00:45:15
Speaker
you know, advice on rocking, there's some elements there that I don't have experience with, so being responsible with the plan and that sort of thing, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is gonna be it. February, February one. That's when you start? February is an amazing month this year, do you wanna know why? February one is on a Monday, and the 28th is on a Sunday, it fits perfectly. What is wrong with you?
00:45:46
Speaker
but it's a good day to start. February one is the first of the month and a Monday. Okay. That's a win. It's also two, one, two, one. That's just more math, more numbers, more reasons. Don't do anything guys before. I'm going to do everything this year in an attempt to be intentionally imperfect. I'm going to do everything on dates that make no fucking sense. Um, all right, cool. Yeah, I think that's enough. If you did want to sign up for the win for from within workshop, it is not live.
00:46:17
Speaker
It is, you're able to sign up for it. It is an online, I don't know how long it takes, about an hour. It's chopped up. It's not just one long ass Zoom recording. I chopped it up into different sections. There's slides. There's obviously the presenting thing. And there's instructions during it of like when to press pause before moving on. It's like, I'm actually, it's not perfect.
00:46:45
Speaker
See that? Yeah, it's not perfect. But like, it's fucking great thing to do. And if you if hearing me talk about my event, if that is something you're not doing a vector project anytime soon.
Resources for Personal Growth
00:47:01
Speaker
But if you want to curate your own thing, it goes without saying, obviously, you coach people and they work with Yeah, you can certainly do your own individual thing. So lots of opportunities. And that's it.
00:47:15
Speaker
All right. Happy New Year. Yeah. It's too late.