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Episode 8: Wolff vs Dalton – The Numbers Guy and the Throat Guy
30 Plays1 month ago
This week, it’s Rico Suave vs Geeko Suave as two of the bracket’s most soft-spoken killers throw down in the ultimate gentleman’s bar fight. One of them breaks bones with roundhouse kicks and ripped-out throats. The other clears rooms with suppressed pistols and spreadsheet precision. It’s Dalton (Road House) vs Christian Wolff (The Accountant)—and yes, one of the stars of Parks & Rec makes a genuinely amazing contribution to the conversation.
We also dig into bar fight etiquette, the quiet tough guy trope, and whether philosophy or autism gives you a greater edge in hand-to-hand combat or picking up ladies. Spoiler: things get weird.
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Transcript
Introduction: Hollywood Warrior Tournament
00:00:07
Speaker
This is the fictional fighting championship podcast, the ultimate battleground where Hollywood's deadliest warriors collide. We're taking 48 of the most ruthless, skilled, and battle-hardened fighters from movies and TV and throwing them into a no-holds-bar tournament to see who survives.
00:00:26
Speaker
You've seen in the movies, you know the legends. Now it's time to settle the score.
00:00:36
Speaker
I want you to be nice until it's time not be nice. I'm Jordan Guerrero. I'm Christian Doherty. And I'm Steve Sadler.
00:00:47
Speaker
And this is a podcast about the greatest fictional tournament in the history of the universe. And that is not an exaggeration. Who do we have today?
Contestants Introduction: Christian Wolfe vs. Dalton
00:00:56
Speaker
Today, we've got Christian Wolf from The Accountant and The Accountant 2 coming in with a buy for the first week. We've got Dalton from Roadhouse. Absolute classic.
00:01:05
Speaker
ah Ignore the modern remake. We'll talk about that later. So question for you guys. Steve, Chris, who do you think had the advantage before you saw these movies? Who do you think had this one?
00:01:17
Speaker
I didn't know much about Roadhouse, honestly. and don't know. It's just a classic. It's nostalgic. It's really cool to watch. you know I figured it was one of those cheesy 80s movies, you know not a ton of action going on.
00:01:32
Speaker
So I had it for Christian Wolfe. Yeah, I did too. And it's hard to say before research because I enjoy the Accountant one movie and then also saw the Accountant two very recently. So it's hard to say before research and before rewatches, but but yeah, I definitely had Wolf.
00:01:52
Speaker
How about you? I I'm going to say that I also had Wolf because I didn't know anything about Roadhouse, you know, born in 94, never heard of this one. I I'd heard of it through the grapevine a little bit from, you know, dad's dad's friends, stuff like that.
00:02:05
Speaker
And I pretty much wrote it off as an old timey movie, but yeah, was given to Christian Wolf right off the bat. Sticking with the 80s theme ah building on on Rambo. It's kind of cool. Yeah, backto back to back.
00:02:19
Speaker
I have enjoyed watching these 80s movies, honestly. Speaking of enjoyment, what should our listeners do if they're enjoying the podcast?
Supporting the Podcast & Guest Appearance
00:02:26
Speaker
If you are enjoying this podcast, please give us a follow on Instagram or Facebook.
00:02:32
Speaker
Even better, hit follow on Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you never miss a show. If you really love us, tell a friend or five. We're just three guys hanging out, wanting to quit our day jobs and become uber, uber famous, never have to work again. So you'd really help us out if you did any of that.
00:02:52
Speaker
Thank you. For any of my coworkers who listen to this podcast, that is absolutely not true. love my job. I do not want to quit.
00:03:03
Speaker
but For any of my coworkers listening, you know how I land on this one.
00:03:12
Speaker
Hey, let's do the tale of the tape. First, we got Christian Wolfe.
Character Analysis: Christian Wolfe
00:03:15
Speaker
Now we have seen him before. So let's zip through this part. His debut is in 2016 in The Accountant, portrayed by Ben Affleck.
00:03:24
Speaker
His fight stats. He's about six four about 215 pounds, and he was probably in his early 40s is about with the age that we're looking at here. He's fighting out of a strip mall tax office in Plainfield, Illinois.
00:03:40
Speaker
Signature move. Jordan, what do you think? Uh, signature move. That's going to be the headshot headshot. Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:54
Speaker
And a vibe check pretty reserved and surgical, physically lethal prepared, definitely prepared. So we did the kill count already. So this isn't going to count in the competition.
00:04:08
Speaker
But remember, the first time we had Wolf, we only were considering the accountant number one, not the second one. So now that we've seen accountant two, we can talk about it. And it's not really a spoiler for anybody who hasn't seen it, whatever.
00:04:23
Speaker
But we know he got 17 more. That puts him up to you know roughly around 45 kills. So not bad at all. Thank God. I thought going make me guess again. And I always have to wait in front of everyone. I wouldn't do that to you.
00:04:34
Speaker
But I will in about 90 seconds. So buckle up. A tale of the tape for Dalton.
Character Analysis: Dalton
00:04:41
Speaker
Okay. Dalton debuted in 1989 in roadhouse.
00:04:45
Speaker
He was portrayed by Patrick Swayze, his fight stats about five 11, about one 70. And he's a little bit younger. He's in his early thirties. His home turf is the double deuce in Jasper, Missouri.
00:04:59
Speaker
Okay. Signature move roundhouse. Clearly. i think we all know it. yeah You're going with the roundhouse kick. Sure. I, uh, Yeah, I'm going with the throat. It's the throat rip.
00:05:11
Speaker
It's got to be the throat rip, right? Quintessential. And now to weigh in on Dalton's signature move. Believe it or not, we got Chris Pratt on the show. We have Andy from Parks and Rec right here. Andy, give me your take.
00:05:23
Speaker
Bad guy had a gun the whole time. He's like, I'm going kill you the old fashioned way. So he's like, not this time. That subtext, he doesn't say that. Bypasses the gun, hooks the arm, back to the secret move he used before to kill somebody. He feels so bad about it, but this time he has to do it because self-defense.
00:05:40
Speaker
<unk> Takes the esophagus out of the neck area. You can't eat. You'll starve to death. And that is Roadhouse. That is fucking Roadhouse, baby.
00:05:52
Speaker
I love the sound effects. yeah
00:05:57
Speaker
That was awesome. Remember, ah you'll you'll remember just a week ago, I said that Rambo is one of two contestants who did the throat rip. And here we have the second one already.
00:06:09
Speaker
Dalton's vibe check. It's kind of like a intellectual Zen bouncer, kind of polite, but also maybe not. Yeah, very stoic. Yeah, very much. I feel like his vibe check is, uh, he'd be wearing a duster. If this was a Western, he would definitely pull off the duster.
00:06:26
Speaker
Good. There's some, yeah. Country vibes here. Cowboyish vibes, right? he he He'd have that good sort of, you know, that classic look to the camera where the brim of the cowboy hat is down and then they look up and they make eye contact and you can see their They probably had like one eyebrow raised. He would kill that.
00:06:45
Speaker
Yeah, that'd be great. I guess a lot of these action movies are actually based on Westerns, old Westerns and stuff and just modernize a little bit. So I think that's probably a good call. Oh, that's really cool. i didn't know that.
00:06:57
Speaker
All right, guys, you know what time it is. It's time for the kill count. We have Dalton in Roadhouse. And of course, we in case we didn't mention this clearly enough, we're talking about the Patrick Swayze version. We're not going to touch on the Jake Gyllenhaal version.
00:07:15
Speaker
Sorry, Jake. gregker Yeah. Sorry, man. Sorry. But this is Dalton. He's he is Roadhouse. Let's hear the kill counts. I'm going to go with three. Three. OK. All right.
00:07:26
Speaker
All right. Welcome to the prices. Right, Chris? I'm going with four. ah when Nice. Get fucked. Nice. And that was a smart move. Yes.
00:07:38
Speaker
I think the answer is actually like six. but Jordan wins. The kill count is six. Six. I knew it. i I had you. ah Are we sure about that? though What if they were like knocked out?
00:07:50
Speaker
It wasn't just the throat rips. There was, you know, final scene with all that bad-ass stuff going down. That that was like half his kills right there. Yeah. And he had one before. So yeah, it's six.
00:08:01
Speaker
All right. What's the score on the kill count now? Jordan's within one now. I feel like each episode we don't announce it. So. He's within one. I don't know the score. Okay. Nobody knows the score.
00:08:15
Speaker
No. ah Before we break him down, do you want to take a break to give a shout out to our sponsors? Let's do it. Yeah, go for it. I wanted to give a shout out to
00:08:30
Speaker
wanted to give a shout-out to My buddy Theodore Wu, the owner of Mimi's Chuka Diner in Somerville, Massachusetts, a town just outside of Boston, recently opened this restaurant with his friend John.
00:08:43
Speaker
If you have an opportunity to go over to Aeronaut Brewery, their restaurant is hidden in the back, almost kind of speakeasy vibes. Great food, very interesting cuisine.
00:08:54
Speaker
Chuka Riori, so it's a Japanese take on Chinese food. ah Really great people. if you have ah if you have a chance to head over there, ah they actually haven't sponsored us, but I did just want to give them a shout out.
00:09:09
Speaker
And Chris, what's what's our coupon code for 50% off? Ted's going to love it when I tell him that I'm promising 50% off to all of my friends. All of our listeners. New restaurant, just trying to get off the ground. Here's a 50% off coupon code to fuck him.
00:09:29
Speaker
ah
00:09:35
Speaker
not.
00:09:37
Speaker
All right. Hey, let's do a character
Christian Wolfe's Battle History
00:09:39
Speaker
breakdown. We're going to start with Wolf. Quickly review. He beat Machete, the legendary Machete, and he beat him in resounding fashion. Three votes to zero.
00:09:48
Speaker
Now, in you guys's mind, how did he do it? I'm going to say through his calculated precision and because Machete had a lot of stuff going for him, but we kind of had to discount the fact that he basically had plot armor. It was pretty ridiculous. Those Machete movies.
00:10:02
Speaker
Christian Wolf was a stone cold killer. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, agree. Obviously, there's no regrets here on the decision. The final battle that Jordan described was a great one.
00:10:16
Speaker
They, you know, you could definitely see them really go at it based on Machete's intensity. ah so So it was a fun idea or thought to have the two of them facing off. But yeah, Christian's calculated demeanor and preparedness just really set him above Machete.
00:10:35
Speaker
who is more wild and... like ah Kind of like a Tasmanian devil. Yes, he's just sort of more wild all over the place, not really a planner. Basically see Christian Wolfe outsmarting him.
00:10:47
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, he is. he's He's way more skilled than I even remembered before we recorded the first session. But the other thing that we have to to imagine here, and Jordan explained this pretty well during this episode, is that we have to imagine that the battles are taking place in the same universe.
00:11:04
Speaker
So Machete's universe, where bullets are bouncing off his head and he's flying through the hair on the air on a motorcycle 10,000 feet. can't happen in Christian Wolf's universe and vice versa. So they have to be able to operate in the same universe.
00:11:18
Speaker
And we try to make it so somebody's prehistoric weaponry is not a disadvantage. It's more about your overall skill level. So that's kind of how we did it. I also like to think, obviously, hilarious part of the film for Machete was the doctor describing The fact that but you know he already had a bullet lodged in his brain and that bullet is what saved him because you know the bullet that hit him in the head bounced off of that bullet.
00:11:42
Speaker
I can't see him surviving, despite having you know ah bulletproof head because of a bullet that's lodged in there, I can't see him just surviving a 50 cal round to the head from Christian Wolf.
00:11:54
Speaker
Absolutely not. Not even machete. Hey, I did have an unusual use of weapon that I saw in accountant two that I wanted to mention here at this point. Was it a thermos?
00:12:05
Speaker
No, no, that was a number one. Of course. that would have been great if if they had a callback with the thermos.
00:12:13
Speaker
He actually appears to use a black trash bag. Now it's a thick one that you would use for leaves and sticks, small sticks, right? So it was a little bit thicker one, but it's a plastic trash bag and he kind of snaps it in the guy's face and it just kind of startled him and froze him for a minute. So that one, that one gets my vote for best use of an unusual weapon. Yeah. Use whatever you can to survive, right?
00:12:37
Speaker
I like that he was taking him on like he was one of my cats, you know, where you shake the trash bag too much and the guy freaks out. and What if someone put a cucumber by him and it tree turned around? Would that startle him and he'd go crazy? Yeah, he'd lose it.
00:12:51
Speaker
I don't know how this guy even made it as a henchman in the first place. That depends on the opponent. But note note that down. Christian Wolfe, by any means necessary, using, you know, whatever weapons he has at hand.
00:13:02
Speaker
If nothing else, it does show a little bit of versatility and the ability to use the weapons that are around him. Now, were we firing blanks on this one? This is the one where we have a returning returning contender, challenger. And did we get heat?
00:13:16
Speaker
We did get heat for episode number one, Dexter, when he beat Hannibal Lecter. We got some heat for that one. So did we get heat for this one? We got a lot of pre-fight enthusiasm for Machete. I'll say that.
00:13:29
Speaker
However, I didn't hear a lot of complaints after it was determined that Wolf was the winner. Did you guys hear any at all? No, I didn't hear shit. Yeah, I think Bichetti's going to have his fans, obviously, but when it comes down to who's the better killer and who could do it consistently against anyone, especially in this tournament, it has to be Christian Wolfe.
00:13:51
Speaker
The listeners have to remember, when we decide, it's a goddamn fact. It's not opinion anymore. You couldn't be more right. Now I'm waiting for someone to introduce the gauntlet.
00:14:09
Speaker
All right.
Introducing the Gauntlet 2.0
00:14:10
Speaker
Welcome to the gauntlet 2.0. So this is the gauntlet, but for returning competitors. So we're not going to repeat any of the categories that you heard previously for Christian Wolf, because no one wants to hear that shit again.
00:14:21
Speaker
What we are going to do are brand new categories, starting off with number one, at what age could we take him? At what age do you think you could take this contestant in a fight? Steve, start us off. Okay.
00:14:32
Speaker
So we know he was doing this Indonesian martial art at the age of seven. It's probably sniping milk cartons or melons at that, ah probably at a similar age. Right. But I saw how small he was at the age of seven. I know I could take him at the age of seven. That's not even going to be a challenge for me. I could toss them all over the place. Cause I'm fucking strong.
00:14:53
Speaker
I'm going to say I could take him as a 10 year old. And I stand by that. I wouldn't even be scared. ah The, yeah, the scene of him in Indonesia doing the penkac, so that I could probably get that name wrong all the time. I know we've referenced it in a few episodes now.
00:15:09
Speaker
Yeah. He looked like a little baby back in that scene. So ah could definitely take him at that age. Yeah. I want to say as long as I've got like 10 pounds on him, then I'm good.
00:15:22
Speaker
Cause if y'all didn't know, I'm a blue belt at jujitsu. So this is, this segment should be let's trash talk a seven year old. Cause that's exactly what happened here. Um, so yeah. And you know what, you know, what age would he be roughly 180 pounds? All right.
00:15:39
Speaker
right Maybe he is learning to shoot guns and shit. when he's a teen. So a hundred and eighty yeah, going to say, i'm goingnna say outrage I'm going to say This is peak overconfidence. I can't wait to hear it. Chris, give me an age. I'm going to say 12.
00:15:52
Speaker
Okay. You think, do you think he was 180 pounds at that age? No, but he probably let started learning how to shoot weapons and I can't shoot. So, okay. All right. You were scaring me. I thought 180 pounds. He probably was in like 25 years old. Yeah. Yeah. I had to reel it in a little bit there.
00:16:09
Speaker
My, my confidence kind of, Got out of control. Sorry. I'm not far off, Chris. i'm go to throw out 13 right there. I'm going to be able to take him physically. He's going to know more. He's going to have a lot of fighting skills that I won't have, but I'm still bigger.
00:16:23
Speaker
So fuck you, Christian Wolf. And let's hope it doesn't come to a snipe off. All right, next category. Hell in a cell. This is who would win if they were in a cage. No weapons.
00:16:35
Speaker
So we know Christian Wolf relies heavily on his weapons. We know Dalton doesn't lean so hard into that. So hell in a cell. Between the two of them, who is going to take it I'm going to start off with my
Cage Match Debate: Dalton vs. Wolfe
00:16:46
Speaker
opinion.
00:16:46
Speaker
Kung Fu Dalton, no question. Christian Wolf isn't bad with his hand-to-hand combat, but Dalton is all about it. I'm going to say he kicks his ass. Yeah. Wait, who kicks whose ass? Dalton kicks Christian Wolf's ass. Okay. Strong, strong. Yeah.
00:17:01
Speaker
And if we're saying how many out of 10 he would win, I'm going to say 10 out of 10. Ooh, that's bold. That's bold. Yeah. I i could see Christian Wolf getting a little rusty with the hand to hand stuff.
00:17:12
Speaker
If he's, you know, punching numbers and cooking the books all day, uh, you know, maybe he's going to jujitsu class, uh, every so often, but 10 out of 10 times Dalton being him. I don't know. I think you're wrong with that one. Um,
00:17:26
Speaker
It would be a really interesting matchup. Dalton's moves are really cool to see. you know He's putting three people through tables, ripping guys' throats out. Definitely got kung fu moves. He's he's definitely got you know the kicks down, so he's got a bit of taekwondo or something background.
00:17:42
Speaker
um I'd say Christian Wolfe would be the favorite just because of his military training, but I'm going to pick Dalton as well. How many out of 10? I'm going to go 6 out 10.
00:17:53
Speaker
Six out of 10 for Dalton. Okay. All right. Both of those are strong. Okay. So here's what I say. I think you're right. I think this is a strength of Dalton. I think this is his best thing. Hand to hand. He has a lot of different martial arts skills, hand to hand combat. I think it's a strength, but Wolf, we've seen this guy take multiple people at one time, just like Dalton has.
00:18:13
Speaker
So it's not like this is Rambo versus man with no name. All of a sudden, I think the deciding factor might be size. Yeah. He is considerably bigger and stronger than Dalton.
00:18:25
Speaker
We know he can handle himself in hand to hand chaotic combat. That's Dalton strength. But I think Wolf has shown that he can also handle himself in that. And remember, he's much bigger.
00:18:36
Speaker
He outweighs him by 40, 50 pounds. So I think Wolf wins this. And I think Wolf wins it six out of 10 times. Nice take. Nice take. I can't argue with that.
00:18:47
Speaker
You know, it it would have been, it would have been dissenting opinions. Jordan, terrible take. ah really good cake and I'm probably gonna to end up being right but let's move on to the next category I appreciate all your opinions what does everyone think you what do the listeners think Jordan right or Steven Chris right wait no Jordan wait I said Dalton as well so I guess I agree in some way but yeah you were way more conservative did yeah did Jordan go too far all right what's next Casting
Could Ben Affleck Play Dalton?
00:19:14
Speaker
couch.
00:19:14
Speaker
Love this category. So could he play the other guy's role? So could Christian Wolf could Ben Affleck play in the 1980s movie Roadhouse for Patrick Swayze?
00:19:27
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm going to say sure. I mean, he's a good actor. Does he have the autism? He can play emotionally damaged. He's like, he did it in gone girl, kind of like that. Right.
00:19:40
Speaker
He could be the calculated bouncer. He analyzes the situation. He strikes when he needs to, I think he can do all that stuff. I think he falls short in a couple areas. He falls short with that folksy honky tonk bouncer type persona.
00:19:53
Speaker
think he can pull that off. And I know he can't pull off that mullet. That's insane to think that he could. Yeah. Absolutely. Swayze's mullet versus Affleck's mullet. Swayze's mullet wins 10 out of 10 times, 11 out of 10 times.
00:20:06
Speaker
While we're on this subject, I was thinking about this recently, knowing that Dalton was going to be in this episode. Do we need to have like a hair category or even like a hair tournament?
00:20:19
Speaker
You know how many times I've referenced hair already? we did yeah i'm I'm going to bring it up later. I have a note to bring that up. I did it with William Wallace. yep I did it with Jack's. And yes, Swayze's hair just unreal. Looks so good.
00:20:32
Speaker
Yep. Okay. Yeah. I don't think Ben could, could pull off Swayze's suave demeanor. And yeah, Swayze is just, I would say more handsome as well. And it's, it's that type of movie too, right? Like those, those movies like Dirty Dancing that he was in as well. He just, he plays those characters so well.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah, theres there's not a chance that he could have played Patrick Swayze. He's a great actor for a completely different role. I mean, Roadhouse would have flopped. Roadhouse is about Patrick Swayze. And if it were about Ben Affleck, none of us would have ever heard about it.
00:21:02
Speaker
All right, let's roll on to another category. Who should he have killed? Christian Wolf killed a bunch people, didn't kill a few. What's your take on this one? Anyone he spared? Anyone he never took a stab at?
00:21:13
Speaker
Okay, I can go. Maybe he should have killed the fully grown adult who was trying to kick his ass in Indonesia. Beat the hell out of him and his brother. That might have been somebody he might want to kill.
00:21:24
Speaker
Maybe his dad forcing him to do all this shit. Yeah. I mean, should he, ah okay, let me pose this. Should he have killed him? Or do you think that the guy showed a little bit of reluctance and it was more of the dad's doing?
00:21:36
Speaker
Do you think he showed enough reluctance? The dad was the mastermind there behind everything, you know, forcing them to become trained killers from a young age. ah You know what? Honestly, he might have want to kill Braxton at some point over the years, too. So, yeah. Yeah. I don't know who you got.
00:21:53
Speaker
No, I was going to say Braxton, too. but But at the same point, i know their brothers. They got a strained relationship. Christian Wolf is little bit on the spectrum there. I don't really think that there's anyone that he absolutely should have killed that he didn't. I know a lot of people land in this category where I'm scratching my head, but I think he's pretty calculated with his kills and pretty pretty morally aligned here.
00:22:11
Speaker
Fair second movie. I think we talked about this in the first one, but oh my God, what what a 180 different type of movie from the first one. Honestly, kind of didn't like it a little bit for this thing where it was a family movie about him rekindling his relationship with his brother and the inner familial dynamics. I'm like, no, I just want to see him fucking snipe people. I want to see some badass account and shit, not how he repairs his relationship and talks about SPF 50 fucking sunscreen at the top of his trailer. Yeah.
00:22:38
Speaker
How is John Berntal? I did enjoy it. I thought Bernthal, because I do like Bernthal, and I thought that it was a pretty good sequel. Sequels tend to suck in a lot of cases. I think this was fair. I liked it. Yeah, I wanted to talk about sequels for certain characters, because there's like the original movies, and then it's like the Hollywood fucking money train just got a hold of him, and just forced it down people's throats making sequels and they just got worse and worse. um Just keep the original, man. Like that's why people love it.
00:23:11
Speaker
You don't, you know, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Hey, why don't we jump to a fun category here? I want to hear an ideal tag team partner for Christian Wolf. I know he does a lot of solo shit, but you know, what would he be like linked up with someone
Potential Tag Team Partners for Christian Wolfe
00:23:24
Speaker
else?
00:23:24
Speaker
Anyone have a opinion? I have a good one for you guys. i think you're going to enjoy this based on our bonus episode that we released earlier. So Christian Wolfe with his sort of introverted personality and his, i would say, social skills, I do feel like he needs some kind of guidance in a way.
00:23:43
Speaker
And i do think he would thrive on having someone who is maybe a little wiser or older is can help him when you know some of his symptoms related to his you know intellectual disability come come forward. So my ideal tag team partner for him would be Walter White from Breaking Bad.
00:24:03
Speaker
Walter White would cook meth, Christian Wolfe would cook the books. Oh, nice. And I think they would be a really good tag team partner to get partners together, run a really great business. No one would fuck with them because you've got Walter White, who's obviously pretty calculated and cunning. He's he's a manipulator.
00:24:21
Speaker
And then there's Christian Wolfe who just has all the skills necessary to defend themselves. And their tag team name? The Cooks. That's pretty good. Would they wear his chef's hats? Like the big big white hat? Yep, yep.
00:24:34
Speaker
That would be awesome. I feel like Christian Wolfe would almost be like his my like the Mike character, Hitman and Breaking Bad. That's almost like the relationship they might have. Yes, yes. I like that. I like that.
00:24:46
Speaker
You want to hear something crazy? Give it to me. So I prepared this and I thought it would be great. Obviously his brother Braxton would of course be a natural tag team partner for talking like eighties WWE style style, right? But to keep it fun, I also went with Walter White. It's going to be, and I was thinking more, not the cook in the books, cook in the meth angle, but instead the math genius and the science genius together.
00:25:12
Speaker
And I'm calling them the problem solvers. Ooh, that's good. That's hilarious. get Same wavelength, man. It's the podcast. Oh, he'd almost be like, what was that guy's name? Glenn, the other scientist that he like ends up vibing really well with and has to kill. Oh, yeah. Gale? Gale, yeah. Gale.
00:25:29
Speaker
Yeah, like one of those relationships where they get along through science and math. That was a great episode. All right, I went totally the other way. I think his tag team partner is going to be Brian Mills, which if you don't recognize the name, it's Liam Neeson from Taken.
00:25:44
Speaker
Okay. Yeah, I feel like they have similar vibes. They could play off each other. they're They're both the solo type, but I feel like they still have the same emotionally damaged. Don't talk a lot and get a lot of shit done vibe that the other person would appreciate working together with them.
00:25:58
Speaker
Like they wouldn't have to talk a lot to each other, which would be a huge plus. And that's why going to call the duo silent, but violent. Oh, nice. You went right past silent, but deadly. And I, I, I can appreciate that.
00:26:12
Speaker
All right. Hey, weve we've spent a lot of time on on Wolf, but I have a couple of extras here for the gauntlet if I could just throw these out really quickly. Most of our guys in this tournament are actually pretty suave with the ladies, I would say.
00:26:26
Speaker
Like Dalton, for example, right? Even Rambo had a a love interest in Rambo 2 for a minute, right? Is there anyone that we've seen worse with ladies than Christian Wolfe?
00:26:39
Speaker
he's He's definitely got to be down there, way, way down there. What a terrible speed dating experience this guy had. He even rigged the algorithm in his favor. Everybody was looking at him and they wanted to get in his line just because he's good looking. And he blew it. Trust me.
00:26:55
Speaker
Good looking guys can get away with a lot. All this guy had to do was sit there and not say a word. Instead, he blew it. Like 25 girls went in there and they all left because they couldn't stand him. This guy blew it. He's the worst. why you say trust me at the beginning? Yeah.
00:27:10
Speaker
Yeah, because I'm very handsome. I'm known as being very handsome. So you think you're handsome? I'm just going by what I'm told. here's Here's another one. Here's the other one. Then I want to get to to Dalton here.
00:27:22
Speaker
Do you think Ben Affleck, when he was making up this character, was he summonsing two different Matt Damon characters? It seemed like he combined like Jason Bourne and Good Will Hunting with the math, the math genius type thing. Yeah, yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker
That definitely could have been an inspiration for this film. It's almost like, what Forrest Gump was violence? ah i would pay I would definitely watch the movie.
00:27:55
Speaker
All right, let's get out. We've been out we've been on Wolf for a while and we want to get to Dalton here. Let's talk about the battle resume for Dalton.
Dalton's Background and Philosophy
00:28:01
Speaker
Well, first of all, we learned the difference between a bouncer and a cooler. We know what a bouncer is. A cooler is apparently the absolute best of the best when it comes to bouncing. Not only is he a cooler, he's known as the top, top cooler in the United States.
00:28:16
Speaker
I didn't know what a cooler was until yeah recently. i just I didn't realize either. Yeah, you're right. fact, they might've made this up for the movie. Mm-hmm. We get the, we get, we get what they're saying, right? Yes, exactly. He's not, not only, leaveevable yeah yeah, not only is he in the top 5% by being a cooler, but he's in the top 1% of that 5%. It's like a fixer, but for bouncers with more leadership skills.
00:28:41
Speaker
He's got a good resume. I mean, that's why he was, he was picked. That's right. Yeah. He's he's been hired to clean you know clean up the roughest and most violent bars in the United States. He took down this entire crime syndicate.
00:28:54
Speaker
And you know the one thing that I'll say about his actual job, which is trying to bring the double deuce back to legitimacy, he actually cleaned it up pretty good within a few few days, it seemed like. Yeah, yeah He was very calculating. like You could see him at the very beginning when he got there, he's like standing watching everything happen.
00:29:12
Speaker
So he's like taking everything in, planning. you know He's got a good eye for detail. He ends up like firing a bunch of the people who are all the you know problems for the for the bar. I think what stood out was his attention to detail.
00:29:24
Speaker
And you know as there's a point where a few of the rough ruffians, the ah ragtag group that's with ah Wesley, ah they come in and the guy has a spiked boot.
00:29:37
Speaker
And he picks that out right away. That's great. Yeah. It's great that he saw that he's like right boot yeah from like 50 feet away. That was tremendous. Character time period. I mean, you can tell the, you know, the answer to this by looking at his hair.
00:29:53
Speaker
It's the late eighties. Easy. I do have a question. You brought this up earlier, Chris. Um, let's talk about the hair really briefly. You guys love the Braveheart hair. yeah I thought it was crazy and didn't really like it.
00:30:04
Speaker
I I have written down here that I have a feeling you liked it and you've already said, yes, you did love, love it. Chris is gushing. Yeah. Yeah. He loves the mullet. and I know. I just wish I could pull it off, but you know, I can't, my hair's kind of too frizzy.
00:30:19
Speaker
And, you know, i feel like the 80s are resurging a little bit of The style from the 80s is resurging. I have yet to see anyone pull up pull off a mullet like that, but it looked really cool back then. It didn't even occur to us at that time that that was insane.
00:30:33
Speaker
um Let's talk about his background, his training, his skill set. I did some research here, and I know that he it has been determined, based on his fighting style, several different martial arts, which is pretty impressive because we know that, based on what we're seeing, Aikido, based on th throws...
00:30:54
Speaker
redirection of energy and things like that. So that's nice. This is, this is the internet telling you, telling me this, right? I get that. So martial art bullshit out of here. i was just about to say, yeah, yeah. Some real Steven Seagal shit with him doing the Tai Chi on the lawn.
00:31:07
Speaker
I cannot wait for the Steven Seagal episode. Yeah. Yeah. He, I think he obviously has some Taekwondo as well. Like all those kicks are really cool. Yeah, for sure. You know, kickboxing, karate, something like that. they're because Because of the high kicks, striking aggressiveness and things like that.
00:31:25
Speaker
And we see some pretty good throws. So we can we probably also assume he's got judo? Sure. Let's throw that in there. and Okay. I wanted to speak as well about his background. Seems like we gather a lot of information from these doctor's visits. We saw it in Machete and we saw it in Roadhouse 2.
00:31:44
Speaker
The doctor that he ends up falling in love with. She mentions that with his medical records, he has ah history of 31 broken bones, two bullet wounds, nine puncture wounds, and four stainless steel screws. So Dalton is, you know, bonafide resilient for sure.
00:32:05
Speaker
He's been yeah through a lot of shit. And, you know, if he's going to go up against Wolf, that is definitely a factor. And that also lends itself to maybe his most effective martial art, and that's street fighting.
00:32:19
Speaker
So we we know that he was the protege of the legendary cooler Wade Garrett, played by Sam Elliott. So he didn't kind of just stumble into this line of work because he was a tough guy and had some martial arts.
00:32:33
Speaker
He was nurtured by the very best to be this type of guy.
00:32:44
Speaker
Um, okay. Let's talk about preferred weapons here for, uh, Dalton. This is an interesting one, right? Them hands. I have written down here. His best weapons are his hands and his feet, I guess.
00:32:56
Speaker
Oh yeah. yeah The king of Kung Fu. He doesn't carry a gun. His hair for the ladies. His hair is a weapon. Hey, you know what he does have though? Fucking throwing knives. what ah What about that scene at the end in that big battle?
00:33:08
Speaker
ah Dudes up on the balcony. Yeah, that's pretty sweet. This dude's got knife skills. Yeah, he's got some knife skills, but he doesn't carry a gun. He doesn't have firearm skills. We know very little about any of his classical weaponry, weapon training or anything like that.
00:33:23
Speaker
Mostly we see improvised weapons and and and knives, like you said. ah Sampling of opponents. There's really no sampling. It's just Wesley's dudes, right? The ruffians.
00:33:35
Speaker
Hooligans. Rapscallions. The rapscallions. That's the one I was looking for. Those rapscallions from Wesley's group. I wanted to mention one other thing about his resume and his background training and skills that we didn't bring up before. We talked about his combat, his martial arts, his training, things like that.
00:33:55
Speaker
He has a philosophy degree from and NYU. I did make a note of that. Yeah. And I think that that comes into play not only in his demeanor, but also in his ability to kind of remain calm in situations where normal people wouldn't remain calm.
00:34:11
Speaker
Definitely. Yeah. i really like that you brought that up. There's a high probability that he read The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Yeah. Yes. That, you know, brings him up a notch for sure.
00:34:24
Speaker
did they Did he read it? Did they say he read it? Because that sounds absolutely to character. Yeah, I'm just guessing. But yeah, you know i would I would bet that he did.
00:34:40
Speaker
Should we run the gauntlet on Dalton? Hell yeah. Let's do it. Hell yeah. Keyboard Carnage. What do you guys got for us? I've got a good one. I didn't write down who gave this quote.
00:34:51
Speaker
Obviously, this quote is going to date itself by at least 10 years here. Back when scrolling through channels was a thing. Roadhouse is the mother of all stop signs for channel surfers. Doesn't matter where you are in the movie, you're going to put the remote down and finish Roadhouse.
00:35:07
Speaker
It's an absolute classic. i Really good take. I love it for that. It's it's a period piece. Yeah. Roadhouse rocks. That's a great one. I've got one. Dalton isn't a man. He's a lifestyle.
00:35:17
Speaker
He rips your throat out and your girlfriend still thanks him. That's a letterboxd user. That's hilarious. They've gone too far segment. ah So this this is a segment where, you know, the scene seems...
00:35:31
Speaker
way too impossible for them to have survived or where just they go completely over the top. Unbelievable. I had a couple actually, you know, with it being a classic 80s movie, i feel like there was always going to be a ah couple of these in there.
00:35:46
Speaker
One of the very initial fight scenes in the bar where he goes and, you know, he's he's checking out the the double deuce, seeing what's going on. And it's a complete shit show. ah There's a fight that breaks out.
00:35:57
Speaker
One guy fucking lifts another guy shoulder presses him over his head and just throws this other grown man through a table. I've only ever seen that in WWF, WWE.
00:36:10
Speaker
I've never, you know, in all my years of watching the ufc I've never seen a grown man pick up another grown man like that. you know, i've seen some th throws in the UFC, but not, not nothing like that. So that was kind of funny.
00:36:22
Speaker
it's like some Andre, the giant kind of stuff right there. Yeah, exactly. yeah And then another one for me was pretty corny. They're in the back office of, of the double deuce.
00:36:32
Speaker
And, uh, it's, it's Wesley's guys. It's like the first altercation with them.
Humor and Fun Facts from 'Roadhouse'
00:36:38
Speaker
And he's, you know, he's kicking their, all their asses. So I think it's the first guy and he, you know, punches him in the stomach, the guy bends over and then he, uh, Dalton does a spinning kick, kicks him right in the ass and fucking sends the guy through the office window just by kicking him in the ass.
00:36:54
Speaker
It's like, there's no way you could ever generate enough force from a spinning kick to kick a guy through a window. I just thought that was hilarious. Yeah, that's pretty good. Have you ever seen a ah bar fight where a guy laying on the floor and another guy with a pool cue runs up and pole vaults over him and does a backflip.
00:37:16
Speaker
Some Jackie Chan stuff right there. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. For your collection, pick. an article or a clothing item, a weapon, um anything that stands out that is iconic to to this movie.
00:37:31
Speaker
I mean, i didn't have a whole lot of I didn't have a whole lot of props that jumped out to me in this one. And I feel like this movie didn't rely on it as heavily unless you guys saw one. But one thing that jumped out to me, his Mercedes 560 SE, that thing was badass.
00:37:43
Speaker
Nice. I would rock that. Cars are always a good one. i really took an appreciation for his dress sense. It was awesome. And I think, again, you know that style is kind of coming back in. But and the the the baggy pants with the high-waisted highwaisted look and then a blazer with a T-shirt underneath, he looked really cool in some some of the outfits throughout the movie. So I think I would pick you know whatever one was best.
00:38:10
Speaker
I wish I could pull that look off, but I can't. Yeah, it's tough. Maybe yeah I try. I tend to take articles of clothing, I think, for some reason. I've got like Spartan helmets, cowboy hats, red bandanas, ponchos, and things like that. So if I stay with that theme, I would probably go with the short-sleeved turtleneck sweater that he wore. Yeah.
00:38:33
Speaker
He also had a really weird gi shirt. It was like a gi, but it was tucked in his pants. I love that thing. It was bizarre. That was, that was pretty, I did. I thought that was weird, but pretty cool. Again, another thing that like, it's like only Swayze can pull that off.
00:38:47
Speaker
Uh, yippee ki, a any good one liners or really cool monologues? I want you to be nice until it's time not be nice.
00:39:04
Speaker
not bad mr cool uh there was a cool reference to one of our beloved other characters in this tournament when he calls up uh what's his name wade wade garrett wade garrett is in his but his bar somewhere he leans over grabs a guy on the shoulder and says take it easy rambo so reference to rambo the one of our our favorite contestants. One of our favorites. Yes. Kind of funny that it's like only a few years later that Rambo is now ah culture reference.
00:39:36
Speaker
Yep, exactly. Another one. It's my way or the highway. Was that the first time that was ever said? Did that originate this movie? It can't possibly be. I don't think so. Yeah, right?
00:39:47
Speaker
Swayze started it. And then my favorite of all, that scene where we talked about it before, where he spots the spiked boot, the guy comes in, guy tries to kick him in the face. I think right before that, he goes, we're just trying to have a good time.
00:40:00
Speaker
Swayze catches his boot and says, you're too stupid to have a good time.
00:40:06
Speaker
And then just proceeds to destroy the guy's knee and kick the shit out of everybody else. Nice. That's hilarious. I feel like my favorite quote was a missed opportunity, a quote that was never said.
00:40:18
Speaker
So this is in the badass one on one battle that he's having with Jimmy, right? Where he ends up ripping his throat out in Jimmy at one point, you know, this an 80 movie. He's going up to him. He's trying to get in Dalton's head. He's like, I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
00:40:32
Speaker
um And I feel like Dalton should have gotten his head looked him in the eye and been like, used to fuck guys?
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah, that was a bold statement. yeah That was wild. That was absolutely wild. Welcome to the 80s. A lot to break down in that whole scene. i have to I have to tell you this. I think it's a good time for it. So I'm doing some research.
00:40:54
Speaker
I'm digging around for fun facts like I always do because I like to drop them occasionally. And that's what I enjoy adding in to the podcast. So I'm reading a a few for Roadhouse.
00:41:05
Speaker
And one of them is kind of interesting. It's like, okay, the walls... are adorned with, with murals representing the local area. I'm like, okay, that's interesting. i'll have to go back and check that out. You know, the local area where they filmed it, apparently I, whatever.
00:41:20
Speaker
And then um i also saw another one that said that they serve their beer at 37 degrees Fahrenheit. And I'm like, now that is really intense. Like who gives a shit? Like when I'm watching this movie, I don't care what, what the temperature of it is. And you know, what incredible detail.
00:41:36
Speaker
And then I'm like, wait a minute. And I looked, I was looking at fun facts for Texas Roadhouse, the restaurant chain. Oh man. um Have you ever eaten at a Texas Roadhouse?
00:41:49
Speaker
I just visited my parents and I ate at Texas Roadhouse. Yes. Three, three days ago. It's one of those guilty pleasures. Hey guys, who's the better sidekick Braxton or Wade Garrett?
00:42:01
Speaker
Good question. I'm going to agree with Wade Garrett. Okay. He came in no questions asked, defended his friend.
00:42:16
Speaker
All right, so we gotta get closer to finding a ah winner here, guys. Let's start some open discussion here on this.
Dalton's Fighting Style and Advantages
00:42:22
Speaker
um Let's talk about some favorite moments, some signature scenes that are gonna help us figure out who this winner is.
00:42:29
Speaker
Before the throat swipe thing, right? We did see some actual really, really high level skills by Dalton. So much so that the internet trolls gave him credit for all those martial arts on his in his tool bet, right? He's very fast, he's very agile, he's incredibly athletic. So Swayze gets extra bonus points because he came across as a real badass and very fluid in his movements.
00:42:53
Speaker
Honestly, i do see him being a worthy adversary to Christian Wolfe in a fight. And in fact, Jordan, not only did he agree with that, he went way over the top and said that in a hand-to-hand fight, Dalton would win 10 out of 10 times. Every time. It's pretty incredible. Every time. Yeah. Okay.
00:43:08
Speaker
Yeah. I think that it's easy to see Christian Wolfe as the favorite because of his military training. And I think that Maybe we're putting too much emphasis or or ah weight on characters who have that type of training because certainly with Dalton's hand-to-hand skills, like he could go against, I think, anyone in this tournament.
00:43:29
Speaker
So it's hard to say for sure that Christian Wolfe could beat him. And we don't want to go with that easy out where Christian Wolfe snipes him from ah a million miles away.
00:43:42
Speaker
um and and And Dalton is a you know very calculating ah person. He has the philosophy degree. He's obviously a planner. He's a thinker. So I think he would come up with a plan to beat Christian Wolfe or you know to kill him. Obviously, he's getting this letter in the mail.
00:44:00
Speaker
And ah you know I could see him coming up with something really, really clever to to outsmart him um and get him into ah position where they have to fight hand to hand and Christian Wolf doesn't have access to his weapons.
00:44:14
Speaker
Toughest opponent that Dalton has faced, you know, he's facing multiple people coming at him from all different angles and just a constant onslaught of, of these, you know, rough, rough and tumble type guys. So I think it's Jimmy, right? Jimmy is the jimmy guy me the main guy. yeah Yeah. Yeah. yeah roughly and the Yeah. The hardest, the hardest one at the end, the the boss level.
00:44:35
Speaker
and And Wolf, I think we said before that probably the toughest opponent that he faced was Braxton. Definitely. When they met head to head and in number one. Oh man. So there's one thing that that was awesome. And you touched on it earlier.
00:44:47
Speaker
One of these militia bad guys, they had they had a knife. Dalton kicks him. The knife goes flying. Dalton catches it and stabbed him with it with win in one motion, right? He catches it in midair, stabs him, and then throws it and fires it up to the balcony and stabs a dude off the balcony. And he goes tumbling down.
00:45:05
Speaker
But this was, had to be the inspiration for Arya Stark defeating the Night King. I was going to say Swayze here is like the man with the no name with a pistol, but he's doing it with knives.
00:45:21
Speaker
With a k knife. Yeah. taken out guys But seriously though, really, really great instincts, next level reaction and, and just complete calm in all situations, which is going to help him when it comes down to picking a winner.
00:45:33
Speaker
There's another aspect to Dalton's game. You mentioned all the injuries he's had. He stitched himself up like Rambo. He has pain tolerance, unbelievable. And one thing that but I guess one reason for this pain tolerance, do you enjoy pain?
00:45:50
Speaker
Pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. Probably the most incorrect statement I've ever heard. That's why it's called pain.
00:46:01
Speaker
but That sounds like a straight of Rambo quote coming out of his mouth. Exactly. Pain don't hurt. pain exactly Yeah, I mean, I mean, speaking of of brutal injuries that he's had and survived, I think my favorite one has to be early in the movie.
00:46:13
Speaker
That dude just stabs him in the arm and Patrick Swayze just looks at him like he's disappointed.
00:46:20
Speaker
Doesn't flinch at all. Doesn't react. Doesn't get one of those. We saw Wolf escape like a standoff in Accountant 2, badly outnumbered, him and Braxton. There's like twenty at least 20 of these guys, right? Right when Braxton is about to get shot, Chris runs over the bad guy with his truck. like He's staring down the the the gun. It's right in his face, and he's getting ready to get shot.
00:46:44
Speaker
And... Here comes Chris. Boom. Plows him over with his truck. And hilariously, when you watch it again, he honks right before running him over and and then runs the dude over and splatters him across. Just to fuck with him a little bit.
00:46:58
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I bet it was off scene. You couldn't see it, but he probably uses turn signal to before he made that turn. It's just he has to do it because of his ah probably OCD symptoms or whatever.
00:47:12
Speaker
Yeah. It's like the call, it's kind of like a callback to when he waves after he waves to the old couple in the truck after taking out that guy in yeah the first movie.
00:47:25
Speaker
You want to talk about X factor? Hand to hand with Swayze weapons, firearms with Wolf. Yeah. do I touched on this before, but I think the X factor for Dalton is his mind.
00:47:38
Speaker
He's very stoic, calm under pressure, for sure. ah do i think Christian Wolfe has that as well, but I do think it's more of an X factor for for Dalton. I could see him using that to his hit as advantage. Just knowing that Wolfe is better with weapons, Dalton has to overcome that somehow.
00:47:56
Speaker
Seems like he's reluctant to use weapons throughout the movie until the very end. they're they're They're both very smart in different ways. Like, for example, Dalton, he he's smart, but he's he's arguably in the same category as Wolf in intelligence and who's who's a who's a genius, right? He's like a savant.
00:48:12
Speaker
He's not a math genius like Wolf is, but we do see him size up and read situations almost instantly. He can tell when someone walks but someone walks in he he that, hey, this dude's carrying a weapon, right? Right.
00:48:23
Speaker
But he has it he maintains a poker face. So in other words, I guess what I'm saying here, he doesn't say, hey, dude, I think you have a gun. Get out of this place. He just takes the information, soaks it in, and then uses it as his own weapon.
00:48:36
Speaker
And it makes me wonder if Wolf walks in, does Dalton instantly know that that's a trained killer? And would that info be the deciding factor in giving Dalton the upper hand and in that showdown?
00:48:49
Speaker
Let's not forget he thrives in chaos. Wolf has beat someone who thrives in chaos already. Machete, probably more so than anyone. But remember, no one was ever using the terms like poker face, psychology, subtlety about Machete.
00:49:06
Speaker
So this is definite points in the favor of Dalton. Yeah, i really think Dalton's a sleeper here. Yeah. What about what about Wolf? I just think he's so classically trained. That's just his X factor is his military background and he's just excellent all around.
00:49:21
Speaker
So there isn't one particular X factor. You know, I think his path to victory is just relying on all of that to defend himself. It seems like, and especially in the first movie, he he is having to defend himself a lot. So I could see Dalton putting the pressure on him, bringing the issue and maybe Wolf, that's his game plan is just to sit back and wait and defend himself like he always has done.
00:49:44
Speaker
Yeah. You know, here's a funny path to victory that I see Christian Wolf trying to take. All right. So in the accountant to there's that hilarious scene where they go to the country bar and they're line dancing. Right. And he learns all the line dancing moves and he's doing that.
00:49:58
Speaker
But he's super awkward about it all. Yeah. So I feel like he get all overconfident and he'd be like, oh, I know how to sneak up on this dude. I'm going to show up to the roadhouse and I'm going to pretend like I'm a regular and dance and that'll totally get him because I can learn the line dance. And then Patrick Swayze is going to clock this guy. The second he walks through the door, like this dude's an assassin, this dude does not blend in the way he thinks he blends in.
00:50:21
Speaker
Yeah. Do you think they, do you think his dad tried to get him into like social training or whatever as well as the military stuff? clear obviously not yeah i i know for for being in uh what psychological warfare psyops or whatever he taught his son nothing about being able to read the room yeah i know Hey, I wanted to talk about Wolf too. We have a tendency to talk about the new guy, right? And that's that's Dalton, but I don't wanna leave out Wolf here. We know the weapons game goes to Wolf. He is elite, the ah the best of the best when it when it comes to that. But I wanna talk about hand-to-hand again, just for a quick second.
00:51:00
Speaker
In Hell hele in a Cell, we touched on this, but I wanna go deeper. wolf is 6'4 and 215 i've even seen seen estimates online that he's like 235 he's actually a beast he is literally one of the biggest competitors in our tournament at six four let's say he's 235 he's one of the biggest guys i mean he's almost as big as jack reacher for god's sake now i want to mention also about ah a bar fight this is where chaos reigns supreme his sheer size to go along with his ability right which we know he has incredible hand-to-hand already. so But the size that goes along it could be more of a deciding factor than his sniping and weapons ability.
00:51:39
Speaker
If this
Wolfe's Advantages in Combat
00:51:40
Speaker
thing goes and it's fought on Dalton's home turf, which is ah like a fucking beer-soaked concrete floor surrounded by bar stools, pool cues all over the place, I think that Wolf has proven he is definitely not at a disadvantage in that environment.
00:51:55
Speaker
And I think we have to talk about that part. Yeah, he could certainly improvise weapons really easily and in that setting. I feel like Wolf is playing chess also. He's not just beating a dude up, right, and pounding the shit out of him. He's performing a move that will lead to a string of premeditated actions.
00:52:16
Speaker
Boom, boom, boom, boom. He's thinking six moves ahead, and he's doing this. One of the big advantages for Dalton is de-escalation. Wolf does not have that ability.
00:52:28
Speaker
And that might work in his favor, actually, right? De-escalation is not in his game plan. He ends things. No warnings, no de-escalation, just boom, it's over.
00:52:42
Speaker
Now it's time to settle the score.
00:52:54
Speaker
So, I mean, it sounds like we're starting to form an opinion here. I think I have my opinion. Yes. What but about you you guys? Yeah, I think I'm ready to take a stab at this one. yeah Okay. I'm going to throw this out here. Might even be a great name for the title of this one.
00:53:08
Speaker
Who we've got here is Rico Suave versus Geeko Suave.
Conclusion: Christian Wolfe Victorious
00:53:13
Speaker
dul Dalton's a badass. He's a great fighter. He's got a lot of great skills, but what makes that movie great is his Rico Suave aspects.
00:53:21
Speaker
The count has none of that. This man is just here to get business done. Yeah, he's got his shortcomings with being able to, i don't know, have so some of those social skills that Dalton's obviously going to kick his butt on.
00:53:32
Speaker
But I think when it comes down to it, I know we were given Dalton. I gave him 10 out of 10 in hand to hand combat. But still, you know, the accountant was pretty badass. He beat a dude's head in with the Stanley Thermos and all that.
00:53:44
Speaker
I'm thinking he's not as far behind in hand to hand, as we said. And when it comes to anything weapons related, he absolutely has it taking him holistically versus Dalton. I don't think there's any way that Dalton's going walk out of this one alive.
00:53:57
Speaker
They get their letter. They've got to meet up. They've got to find a way to put something together. I just think Dalton has fewer tools in his toolbox. Yeah. And the accountant, Christian Wolf, the world's his oyster. He is such a planner. He is going to make sure that it happens no matter what turf he's on.
00:54:13
Speaker
I'm giving this one to Christian Wolf. Okay, good argument. So prior to research, I thought Christian Wolf was going to be an easy winner here. But, you know, after discussing with you guys and, you know, hearing more details about him and your opinions on on Dalton, this is way, way closer than I thought it would ever have been.
00:54:35
Speaker
I would love to see these two guys fight Hell in a Cell style in real life. That would be amazing. Dalton certainly has the skills in hand-to-hand combat to beat Christian Wolfe, you know, six out of 10 times, maybe even more.
00:54:49
Speaker
Dalton is really tough. He's very resilient. He's calm. And, you know, i i talked about him being able to plan a way to get at Christian Wolf. Equally, I could see him being his stoic self and just waiting for Wolf to come to him and and doing doing okay.
00:55:07
Speaker
The problem is, i think Jordan touched on this, is he's really great at one thing hand-to-hand combat, but all around, I don't know if he's good enough to beat Wolf and and overcome all of Wolf's skills and training.
00:55:23
Speaker
So you know Wolf has that background. I think he he's very well trained, whereas Dalton has just learned these skills, I think over time, you know, there's no saying for sure whether he had classes in any of these martial arts, or if he just picked it up on the streets, we know for sure that Wolf had training from his, you know, his, his father in the military. So I think it's kind of obvious. I have to go with Christian Wolf here.
00:55:47
Speaker
His skills are too great. Two votes for Christian Wolf. I want to bring up one scene and this is the scene that solidified my opinion. Dalton thrives in a chaotic bar fight scenario.
00:56:03
Speaker
We know he doesn't lose in that scenario, right? Well, just as though the fictional fighting championship orchestrated this scene in the accountant too, we actually see Christian Wolf in that exact honky tonk bar room brawl environment that Dalton thrives in.
00:56:21
Speaker
And guess what happened? This could have been the double deuce in fact, but guess what happened in that? Absolutely clean house. They walk out of there laughing. They peel out because they kicked everybody's ass.
00:56:33
Speaker
Throwing dudes out the window. It was like ah it could have been a Clint Eastwood movie. It could have been the double deuce. It could have been anywhere in the history of the universe. Wolf cleaned house in that exact environment that Dalton supposedly thrives in.
00:56:47
Speaker
He's bigger, he's stronger. He may not be as athletic or as quick as Dalton, but he has so many more advantages. I say that unless Dalton rips his throat out in the first 30 seconds, Wolf is going to dismantle him. He's going to pick up tells.
00:57:01
Speaker
He's going to see what's happening before it happens. And Wolf wins. And this is without even taking into consideration the absolute elite skills that this guy has in every single ah weapon imaginable.
00:57:16
Speaker
I'm going to eat. Not only does Wolf win, I'm going to go out on a limb and say, all of our listeners, you can probably tell, even though we haven't published the actual bracket for this region yet, you could tell that Christian Wolf did not get a buy. He should have gotten a buy in the first round. This guy is way more elite than I even realized when we put this thing together.
00:57:37
Speaker
Christian Wolf wins. Damn. Three out of three. you Unanimous decision. Once again, for Wolf, he's ah rolling steam rolling, uh, his opponent. Pretty good. Hey, I was going to bring this up before we go. I didn't want to bring this up. I didn't want it to skew you guys's opinions at all, but I had this in my back pocket the whole time. One of our good listeners, Sammy S actually doubts Dalton skills altogether, mostly blaming his tight jeans.
00:58:06
Speaker
She says it's absolutely impossible for him to perform any kicks in those jeans. They're too goddamn tight. So i I didn't want to ah i didn't want to to influence you guys' opinions, so I didn't bring this up until after.
00:58:19
Speaker
But she is definitely on the same page that we are. All right, but how do we know they were jeans? What if they were jeggings? This man could have had the first jeggings.
00:58:30
Speaker
Tactical combat jean leggings. no Not a terrible take, honestly. Not a terrible take. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, but yes, I'm, wearing I'm wearing an FFC shirt by the way. Love it. That's pretty cool.
00:58:41
Speaker
You can find them online at a fictional fighting championship.com. Yes. I buy that domain ASAP. I know. All right guys. Great job.
00:58:52
Speaker
lot of opinions tossed around, but absolutely no question about it. We decided Christian Wolf is the winner. And now that's a goddamn fact.
00:59:03
Speaker
It's a goddamn fact. Goddamn fact.
00:59:13
Speaker
Thank you for listening to the fictional fighting championship podcast, the world's premier destination for very serious conversations about completely made up fights produced by Chris Doherty against his better judgment.