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EP 33: Second Time Mom Things
2.5k Plays2 years ago
When we started this show we have always said: “No one knows better than other moms” and in today’s episode, Candace and Whitney are sharing everything they have learned as they become second time moms. They talk about what they would do differently, how they feel more confident, and share some products that have made mom life exponentially easier.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Hosts
00:00:07
Speaker
There's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? This is Candace and I'm here with my best friend, Whitney, and this is the mom group chat podcast. I'm so happy to be here. Also, can I just say whenever I'm in a turtleneck with these headphones on, I feel like I'm a pre-ski like
00:00:32
Speaker
I'm in the mountains. I'm about to hit the slopes. You're at a silent disco after skiing. That's what it looks like. Dude, it's a mood. It's a vibe. I'm loving this outfit with these.
00:00:47
Speaker
ear muffs. What's the weather like there? Because you guys have had crazy weather.
Snow Apocalypse of 2024
00:00:54
Speaker
Well, the snow apocalypse of 2024 wreaked havoc on my home. Everything was closed. But yeah, that was like just last week. But
00:01:05
Speaker
Everything's fine now. It's just balmy and rainy. Honestly, I woke up and I felt like I was in Sleepy Hollow this morning. It was very- Sometimes I kind of like days like that. Oh, I mean, I was loving it. Graydon requested a Halloween Mickey Mouse this morning, so I was like, perfect vibes, Graydon. You got the idea. He is your child.
00:01:27
Speaker
My mom was like, you've done this to him. I was like, dude, I have not, like he's asking for it without me at this point. It's in his blood. He was born this way.
00:01:36
Speaker
I mean, I'm not going to say no. Yeah. The weather here is it. It's been like chilly for over a week. And then today it's chilly. Like 50s. And actually over the weekend, it was like for the first time ever, Alice's swim got canceled because of weather because it was so cold. It was in the 20. It was in the high 20s on Sunday. Oh, yeah. It was quite cold. And then by the end of the day, though, it was like.
00:02:06
Speaker
high 40s, and now we're back in the 80s, or maybe 70s? Let me see. This might be a stupid question. 81. But are there just roaming iguanas in Tampa? Not in Tampa, but in Miami, yes. Okay. And that's when they fall out of the trees because they've frozen? Okay.
Iguanas in Miami
00:02:26
Speaker
Uh-huh. Just not in Tampa.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah, all my friends my I have friends that live in South Florida and family that lives like in the Fort Lauderdale Miami Cape Coral area area and Specifically my uncle who lives in like Cape Coral. They are like big
00:02:42
Speaker
Gardeners and like fruit they have a bunch of like fruit trees Yeah, and like they're always literally like he is in his backyard battling iguanas like on a daily basis He's like literally back there like trying to shoe iguanas off of his like Kiwis and like they just roam they're like, yeah, I
00:03:04
Speaker
Yeah. That's how it is in Key West. I just see them everywhere and you're like, ew, just not used to that. We have like moles and deer, just the normal foresty animals around here. So. Yeah. No, we don't have iguanas here in Tampa. We have, we do have a lot of lizards, but they're not like giant. Yeah. And you know, this light I have on me right now is like.
00:03:29
Speaker
stage lights. Oh my God. I'm using that great. Thank you. I'm using that viral Alex Earl light. It really is as good as everyone says it is, but it's like also a little intense in a dark room. I feel like I need to buy everything that you buy. Oh my God. That's the best compliment ever.
00:03:50
Speaker
Well, and your hair looks so fabulous the other day and you're like, oh, it's that viral curling thing. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? I need it. I have never gotten more comments on my hair than last week when I posted that story. Gorgeous.
00:04:08
Speaker
Thank you.
Candace's Tampa Hair Story
00:04:09
Speaker
I told I had so many Tampa people reach out to me asking me who my hair lady was. I'm not kidding. I sent her like six, seven new people. She was she's the best. I've been with her for like years and years. She does the best color. So if you are in the Tampa area, go see Kaylee at the beauty lounge. She is
00:04:31
Speaker
A wizard. So nice. So nice of her. But yeah, I know that I've never gotten more compliments on my hair in my life. And you did it yourself.
00:04:40
Speaker
Yeah, that viral brush, if you are on beauty side of TikTok, I feel like you've probably seen it. It's that like heated wavy talk brush and it just gives you that like perfect blowout look. Damn. Speaking of beauty things, I am in a different area today and I'm actually sitting at my vanity where I do my makeup, which is
00:05:05
Speaker
Honestly, a dangerous place to sit. I know. I was like, oh, my gosh. I mean, I know where you are. And I'm like, this is your your spot. Yeah, like this is where I and I'm looking at myself in the mirror here, which is like now I just want to look at myself in the mirror, making faces at yourself. You have a camera on you in the mirror.
00:05:25
Speaker
Like every angle, I get a view of myself. Oh my God. Well, yeah. So which means number one, Evie's room has kicked you out. So now you're recording here. Tell us about it. What's happening? What's what's going on? So Evie's room used to be my office slash
Transforming Office into Nursery
00:05:47
Speaker
guest room. I had a desk in there and that was like my office space. Obviously with Evie coming
00:05:54
Speaker
I gotta go. And Evie's room is officially like, I would say like 90% done. We have to hang some art and there's still some like little things we need, but it's pretty much done, which is good because I am almost 38 weeks pregnant. Well, tell me your vibe of her room. Like how's it looking? It is very like vintage.
00:06:19
Speaker
I don't know, like vintage moody with some butterfly touches. I don't know, that's kind of what I've been saying. I'm acting like I don't know and I've obviously seen pictures because you all know I am obsessed with like home decor and it's gorgeous. It's so perfect. I'm like in love. Thank you. I feel like it matches her name. Like her room looks like an Evelyn lives there, you know? That's so true.
00:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, so I've been kind of collecting like vintage things and definitely have like a moodier. Alice's room was like very, it's all pink and like pink and green. It's very like Southern. I don't know. It's like girly girl vibes and Evie's like moody girl.
00:07:05
Speaker
I feel like you got well with like when you find out you're having a girl you're just like pink you know and it's exciting but with this one it's like you were a little more creative and doing it and getting to really flex on like your style so yeah it's it's fun to make them totally different too like yeah
00:07:25
Speaker
So I'm really happy because there was talk at one point of moving Alice to the room because that room is a little bit bigger and then keeping the pink nursery but now I'm so happy that we've decided to kind of keep them separate and it's allowed me to do a whole different vibe.
00:07:44
Speaker
So it's so funny because Olivia with skinny hangover was like, it's so funny that you rush, rush, rush to get the room done. And then they don't even sleep in there like for a while for real. Like you're like, where am I right now? It's okay.
00:08:01
Speaker
Yeah, like where I am in my bedroom right now, like this new will be right here come Saturday. Like we're going to set it up on Saturday. Yeah. And I'm like, this is really her room for. I know. It's like you might have four weeks till she's here, but really you have like 10 plus. I know. So it's like you're OK.
00:08:20
Speaker
Yeah, I'll be fine. Yeah. And then there's another exciting update. So obviously I lost my office and I work for myself from home. Like that's not changing. So I knew I needed somewhere to work. And my husband, who I am so very blessed is in construction and very handy.
00:08:40
Speaker
He is building me a she shed in the backyard.
Building the 'She Shed'
00:08:44
Speaker
So if you follow me on Instagram, you've seen some progress photos. We've been like vlogging a lot of the process, actually. I didn't know this.
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah, so we've been kind of taking videos and setting up time lapse things. So we're probably going to, we're going to do a couple different videos about it. We're going to do one of like the actual construction part, which obviously he. Yeah.
00:09:13
Speaker
like is excited about and pumped about um but it's legit i mean it's like 12 feet by 14 feet i think um it's 140 square feet total and um
00:09:29
Speaker
It has three windows, it's gonna have a door. It's like up on, they built a foundation for it. It's like a legit little, Alice is really cute. Whenever she's out there, she says, new house, my new house. So. I feel like one day she's gonna turn it into her playroom and then maybe you'll get that front office back.
00:09:49
Speaker
Yeah, for real. That's probably going to be a teenage hangout in 12 years. Well, hopefully. Make out room. Oh, no. I know. I'm scared. Well, first of all, it's fucking dope. I am so jealous that your husband is handy dandy doing that because it is so cute, so cool, and he's obviously so proud of it, which is fun for him. Oh, my God.
00:10:14
Speaker
I keep saying, don't get me wrong, the she shed is for me, for sure, but it is really also for him. It's for his ego, it's for bragging rights, it's for him to show off and get words of affirmation. Literally the mailman could come to the door and he would be like, yo, I'm building the she shed in the back here, you should come check it out.
00:10:38
Speaker
And he has to show it off. He really would. He's so funny. 1,000% he would. Hey, I want Murray. So come out back and I'm going to chase you. Come back and let me show you my she-shad I'm building. Oh my god. It's so cool. I can't wait to see it.
00:10:53
Speaker
It's also fun that he's so excited about something, and it's become his big hobby right now to build this, and he's learning a lot. Literally, it's like he's run electrical to it. He's in construction on a daily basis, but it's not like he's... Usually, they hire the trades to do that, so it's fun for him to get his hands dirty and do those things.
00:11:19
Speaker
It's really nice. So we've, like I said, we've recorded a lot of videos about the construction part. They were getting a door on Sunday. So we're going to put the door in and then they're going to drywall it and do all the things. And then I'm probably going to do a little series, or at least this is the plan of, um, and this will be after Evie is born. This is going to be like part of my newborn project, I think is starting to plan like what it's going to look like on the inside. People keep asking me like, Oh, what are you care about?
00:11:49
Speaker
Yeah, I know people are like, what are you? What's it going to be like? Like, what's the decor? And I'm like, I truly have not thought about it because I'm just so concerned about this baby and making sure we had things ready for the baby now that we're
00:12:04
Speaker
at this point where the baby's stuff is pretty much done. We still, we got to set up the bassinet and install the car seat, but now I can like pivot and I feel like it'll be a fun newborn thing to do, like scroll Pinterest and like save things. Get map trapped and just scroll, baby. Nothing better. I miss that. Yeah. So I'll probably, I was thinking about like,
00:12:28
Speaker
doing some polls on my Instagram when I start to do it of like, which one do like, which flooring do like better with pink color. So, but that will be, it's gonna be my office, but it's also gonna be a podcast studio. She's gonna have a cute one. I'm gonna have an ugly one.
00:12:46
Speaker
Well, we're gonna set you up when I've decided I'm gonna like the background or something. Yeah, totally. I really I keep telling Vinny I want like a big comfy pink chair. I want I want the I do know for sure that I want the she said to be kind of not like tacky girly like Barbie but like well not the Barbies tacky I don't want to offend anyone but
00:13:07
Speaker
I do want it to be girly because it's like what other time am I gonna be able to have a big comfy pink chair, you know? I love it. So plus pink is like in our brand, in our mom group cat brand. I love pink.
00:13:22
Speaker
Me too. And blue. I know. Those are my favorite colors. Yeah. So I'm excited. You guys will have to follow me on Instagram to follow along on the journey of the She Shed because it's going to be a fun one. I'm so jealous. The way I wish I could just have a room to design again.
00:13:43
Speaker
Nothing gets my juices going quicker than like so good at it. Oh, gives me the chills. See, for me, it overwhelms me like it's I like it. I like it. But it also sometimes I'm like I I feel overwhelmed. So funny. I feel like everything else in the world overwhelms me. But that like I want to dive in head first and head butt that
00:14:05
Speaker
Did you ever think about becoming an interior designer every day of my life? I feel like I need to take classes on like how to do floor plans. I don't even like know what software that is, but.
00:14:21
Speaker
that would be so fun for you like a good hobby but you know what i've found i feel like i've talked about this before and i apologize but it's weird because i can visualize a space in my head and that's i'm not saying that to sound like
00:14:38
Speaker
I don't even know, like cocky or something? It's more like, I literally can visualize and see what something's gonna look like. And whenever I help somebody else, they don't see it. And they ask me a million questions and it sucks the fun out of it for me. I'm almost like, tell me your budget, tell me your like idea and let it go. Because when they start asking, they're like, are you sure? Like this and that? Like, I don't know.
00:15:05
Speaker
I'm like, this is just an idea. People don't get it. I can see it. I don't know. It's just like a thing. I totally know what you mean. I feel like I struggle with that a little bit. Yeah. That's like my mom. She's here right now, so I don't really... I don't know. Whatever. I'm just going to tell the story.
00:15:25
Speaker
But she, you know, back when we started to talk about like Evie's nursery, I sent her a bunch of like Pinterest, like screenshots of like, and you know, Pinterest is never used as like, I mean, sometimes it is, but for me, at least the way I use it, it's like it's like vibes. Okay, right.
00:15:44
Speaker
It's not exact, like if I pin something to my, especially when it comes to like home decor, a lot of the times it's like not that exact thing. It may be a different color, it may be a different size. It's just vibes, okay? It's just a placement item. I get it. That's exactly how I am.
00:16:03
Speaker
So for Christmas, for Christmas, she was like, this is a gift for Evie's nursery. And immediately I'm nervous because I'm like, okay, I have a vision, you know? And she's like, it's the mobile you sent me. And I was like, I didn't send you a mobile. And she was like, yes, you did when you sent me all those nursery pictures from Pinterest. And I was like, oh, fuck my life.
00:16:32
Speaker
Because again, it's not like when I send a picture that I want that exact mobile or whatever. And I was so nervous. I was like, I'm going to open this up and I'm going to have to tell her I hate it.
00:16:47
Speaker
Luckily, she ended up just getting me this like really beautiful like gold butterfly mobile from Pottery Barn. So it was OK. And I was like, oh, thank God, I love it. OK. But like I try after that, I tried to explain to her, I was like, just so you know, in the future,
00:17:07
Speaker
Pinterest is just vibes, okay? When I send you something, it is not a link to get me that exact product. It's just vibes. Just so you know, mom, don't scare me like that again, okay? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Scary though. I know. I've seen it though and it is cute, so good for her. It's very subtle. It's not like- No, yeah. Yeah.
00:17:32
Speaker
Cause here's the thing, like I knew I wanted some butterfly things to this nursery, but it was not then your normal, typical butterfly. Like I feel like butterfly things can sometimes be like pink and purple and glitter. And I was really going for like vintage butterflies and moths. Yes.
00:17:51
Speaker
You know, like bugs. You know, there's something cool about a beetle. I don't know what it is. Totally. That was the vibe. Yeah. So like that's if you type in Butterfly Nursery into Pinterest, that's not like that's not what this room is.
00:18:07
Speaker
I can see it's you know yeah so well it's looking good I can't wait to see the finished pictures when you post them yeah I'll post I definitely will once we hang the art and stuff in there I definitely definitely will cool
00:18:22
Speaker
Well, I'm excited about today's episode.
Second-Time Mom Strategies
00:18:25
Speaker
This was actually a recommendation from a friend slash listener. Yeah. And it's, we're going to talk about second time mom things like what we would do differently, things we've learned just now that Whitney, you, well, I guess, I mean, I'm pregnant. I'm a second time mom already. I haven't birthed it yet, but I am.
00:18:46
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming it's in there. Because there's even pregnancy things that now that I've like, I did differently the second time around that I'm like happy with, you know? Yeah. But we're going to talk about some things we would do differently, some things we've learned just so I think
00:19:06
Speaker
And I remember when we were like creating this show, one of the things that like one of our like core slogans of the show was like, no one knows better than other moms. And I think this is like information that I was super thirsty for when I was about to have a baby. Like I want to hear from that.
00:19:27
Speaker
mom that's already been through it twice or one. Yeah. I don't want to hear about someone that's like pimping products out or having to. It's like, no, actually, like what are you freaking using that works and is legit? Yeah. Yeah. I feel that.
00:19:42
Speaker
Okay, cool. All right, so I'm gonna dive right in. When I like categorize this and started to think about it, one of the first things, and maybe it's top of mind for me right now because I'm about to go to the hospital at some point in the next two weeks hopefully, but is kind of like what I would do differently for birth, for like hospital stay, and just that whole experience.
00:20:09
Speaker
And I think I'm thinking more like what products have I used the second time around? And what do I really not care about this time around? So how about you start since you're going through.
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah, so hospital. Yeah, hospital. OK, so actually, I'm going to pull up my I found my hospital list from last time, which was really interesting to go through. No, is it like 10 miles long? So long when really it's like you don't need anything.
00:20:44
Speaker
Okay, so here's the first thing I'm doing differently. I'm bringing less. Okay, that's that's a given. I took like a full not like a large roller suitcase, but like a carry on roller suitcase and a weekender bag last time plus a tote plus a tote that had like snacks and drinks and like all this stuff. And I feel like maybe some of my takes will be a little bit controversial. Like everyone says to bring snacks. I did not touch any of our snacks.
00:21:12
Speaker
Well, once you get your right, your epidural, you can't eat. They don't let you eat. And then I don't know about anyone else, but when I am starving after I gave birth and I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, I didn't want snacks. Like I wanted a hot meal. Like I wanted a hamburger. Yeah. Throw that in my mouth. I think I do. Yeah.
00:21:37
Speaker
I know that mine was breakfast because I birthed her at 449 a.m. So like by 7 a.m. I was like the breakfast service had started in the hospital and I got myself a big ass breakfast. I mean, I ordered everything. You know what? It was so good. Well, Candice is a big breakfast person. Yes. Thank God for you. Yeah. Oh, my God. Big breakfast girl over here. OK, so I'm looking at this list and it is so long.
00:22:07
Speaker
I think one of the biggest things is that the hospital gives you so much stuff and there was so much stuff I came prep with that I didn't end up touching because the hospital literally brought it out to me and set it out.
00:22:22
Speaker
I would say the only thing that I would do differently is I would not use the hospital diapers. The Frida Mom disposable underwear, in my opinion, are far, far, far, far, far superior. They keep things in place. They're stretchy. They're comfortable. And I am bringing those to the hospital. I didn't really discover those until a couple days after with my first. And those Frida underwear
00:22:49
Speaker
I will, that might be a top five like mom product for me. I'm not kidding. I'm just a diaper in general. Like I kind of liked wearing it. See, I didn't love the diaper. I loved wearing the big pad with the stretchy underwear. Oh, okay. Another big thing I would do differently is just, you don't know what you don't know when you have a baby for the first time. Okay. So breastfeeding is brand new. Alice like wasn't, didn't latch very well in the beginning, but like,
00:23:17
Speaker
And I tried to talk to the lactation consultants, but I feel like I didn't ask the right questions and didn't advocate for more support when it wasn't going well. And then Alice was super jaundiced. I know I've talked about this probably like agnoseum on this podcast, but there was such a discrepancy of if I should still be giving her breast milk or if we should switch to formula to kick
00:23:41
Speaker
the Billy Rubin out of her system and the doctors would tell me one thing, the lactation consultants would tell me another. This time around, I plan if my baby is super jaundiced, like Alice was, like I will.
00:23:57
Speaker
be like giving her formula right away that really was what kicked it as soon as we switched to formula 100% and I still pumped and like uh gathered my milk and believe me that milk came in hot for me so
00:24:14
Speaker
It was no issue for us to switch back to breast milk after she had kicked the jaundice, but we were in the hospital for five days. The reason we didn't kick it, I truly believe, is that we didn't switch to formula as soon as we should because the doctors were telling me, switch to formula, switch to formula, switch to formula, it will kick it. Then the lactations were
00:24:35
Speaker
the lactation consultants were telling me, no, your milk's coming in beautifully, breast milk is the best thing for them. And so we were switching off and on and it was like, we couldn't kick it. And so I don't know, I just want to be, and the whole time my mom, yeah, the whole time my mom gut was telling me like, I should listen to the pediatrician. And I now wish like this time around, I know I will listen to my mom.
00:25:02
Speaker
Yeah. Now you know, and honestly, hopefully you won't be there as long. I was not there as long. I was there five days too, and I left the next day by noon. So hopefully you won't be there as long either. Yeah. My last hospital thing is, and again, some people would probably find this controversial, but I want to let my husband leave more.
00:25:26
Speaker
Yeah. Like Vinny just hated being in that hospital. He says it was the nicest prison. That's what he keeps saying about it. Because he just felt like he was... And there were still like COVID restrictions a little bit. You were only allowed to like...
00:25:43
Speaker
It was the whole thing. But he hated being there. He complained. And overall, he was good. Sorry, I'm making him sound like a baby. But he just didn't love it there. And this time around, I'm going to be like, I would rather you go home. Go home for an hour or two. Go home for three hours. Go home for half a day. I'm chilling here in this hospital. The nurses are checking on me. I got my baby. My mom is probably going to be there.
00:26:11
Speaker
like i said maybe it's just one night oh that's so funny so i mean i think every man has complained about that hospital stay so he's not alone in that but oh yeah like when you're there forever yeah please go home yeah last time i was so like i wanted him to be there for every second and like soak in every second and this time i'm like
00:26:32
Speaker
You can go. Well, I have another kid like, right? That's what you go. Yeah. Like I'd rather be there either by myself or with my mom and him leave for half the day or the whole day and come back or whatever. Like I, this sounds terrible, but I probably am happier. They're complaining. Like that's not comfortable. It's the second time around. We've seen it. We've done it.
00:26:57
Speaker
Yeah, we know. I mean, I think that's
Packing for Hospital Stay Gone Wrong
00:27:00
Speaker
all great advice. Let's never forget that I packed thongs to put on on my way out of the hospital. Whitney, the way that I thought about this this morning, okay, when I was getting dressed, I was putting on my underwear and I thought to myself, remember when Whitney brought thongs to the hospital? Like, I thought I was going to trot right out of there in those. In a thong.
00:27:26
Speaker
That is the craziest thing you've ever done. Oh my God. You needed some of those Frida just the blunderware. Imagine that ice pack just hanging out in a thong. Hanging on for like dear life.
00:27:46
Speaker
God, it was so funny. So Pac, well, let's be real, you're not leaving there in underwear. You're leaving there in disposable underwear or diapers. Yeah, I didn't know. I mean, you don't know. Young child. I was 30, you know.
00:28:05
Speaker
Okay, moving on to like postpartum newborn stage. Okay. I think my two products that I've bought and loved the most, first one I didn't buy, it was a gift, but the Baby Brezza, I didn't have that last time. And I knew this time that I didn't want to pump forever, like last time I did it for six months or whatever. And I was like, I just cannot do that with a toddler.
00:28:32
Speaker
mentally, I'm not into it. And I know now that babies are fine on formula. I do not have to fricking drive myself crazy over it. So the Brezza, I actually didn't even try it until she was 10 weeks old. I don't know what my hesitation was on it. Maybe just like learning something new. I was kind of scared, but probably overwhelmed. It's like, well, yeah, first weeks are well, and everyone makes it sound like.
00:28:57
Speaker
Well, you got to clean these parts and I just got nervous. I was like, I don't want to. Anyway, it's changed my life. Like the way it would have saved so much time and crying when she was little, like, oh, my God, it makes it so fast. I really love it. And I have told Candice a hundred times, like, whenever you make the switch, please.
00:29:17
Speaker
Well it was just purchased off our registry like so I was so thrilled and you know what I we went to visit our friends that had twins and they had it and they Zach was going on and on to Vinnie about how this thing is game-changing and so I told Vinnie like that's something on our register I really hope and
00:29:38
Speaker
And all of, I don't know if he, maybe he mentioned to people at work, but the coworkers at work had asked for their, for our registry and they all got together and bought us the Brezza. And I was like, I got mine for my work friends. Dude, whenever I brought it to my parents' house for Christmas, cause I was like, you're going home with me, you know? And, uh, I took it.
00:30:01
Speaker
And one of my brother's friends, like my brother and my sister are older, so they're like 42 at this point, but my brother's friend was over and they were drinking and I like turned that thing on and he whipped his head around. He goes, what the hell was that? Where was that when my kids were young? And I was like, I know he's like, that's like a Keurig for babies. I was like dying. I know it's changed my life and he was just like going on and on how
00:30:28
Speaker
it would have saved so much time with his four kids. And I was like, I live in the future. I know. My mom says my mom says that about a lot of baby products now. She's like, if this were around, like when I had little ones, we are blessed. We are blessed.
00:30:43
Speaker
for sure. So that is so happy. Oh, good. The Brezza. You'll need to give me a tutorial because I do agree that there's something about the Brezza that's a little bit overwhelming, but I know once you do it, it's fine. But there's like filters that have to be cleaned and like settings. Well, there's a QR code and it literally asks like what?
00:31:03
Speaker
You scan it, and it's like, what formula do you use? And you're like, Bobby. And it's like, well, this is your setting. And then it tells you to clean it when you need to clean it. Like, it won't let you make another bottle. So it's like, OK. It tells you exactly what you need to do. It's definitely not as hard as you think. So OK, that's good. Yeah. Excited for you. And my second, since I have two kids, one being in daycare is I got this from an idea from my September group is the nose bot.
Baby Care Gadget Recommendations
00:31:33
Speaker
And yes, moms love this. Oh, my God. Like I had a section or one from Amazon and it's fine. But this nose bot, the doctor create this doctor created it. Oh, my God. It works so fabulously. Like I used it with her a few times. And, you know, we're in six seasons. So having that and like sectioning her nose out in the mornings whenever a grain sick and then she catches it like boom. Game changer. So wow.
00:32:03
Speaker
Yeah, if your kids go to daycare, highly, highly recommend.
00:32:07
Speaker
Okay, that's good to know. A lot of the moms in my QN Moms group are obsessed with the nose bot. That's probably what they would say. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean, it's pricey, but just knowing what Graydon had gone through, I don't remember suctioning his nose as a baby, but I was like, he was never really sick, and I'm having to always do it with her now because of Graydon.
00:32:34
Speaker
It feels good knowing that it gets everything out. It's the bomb, so. I know something I am doing differently, and this is kind of like on the whole, like through pregnancy, through newborn stage, everything, is I feel like the first time around I was just hungry to buy things that anything anyone recommended that were like, this is the best thing I had for my baby, or this is the best swaddle. This is, I mean, the amount of
00:33:02
Speaker
different types of product, different bottles, different swaddles. Yes, you get spammed with it. Yes, you get spammed and I was, I definitely felt like I was victim to like buying everything that anyone recommended. And then like my biggest advice to you if you're about to have a baby or maybe even about to have your second is just that every baby's different and like something
00:33:26
Speaker
something that one mom recommends like may not work for you. I mean, I can't tell you how many people were like, this new changed my life. And then we got this new and Alice. The wire was poking Alice. Literally, Alice hated it so much. She that thing was just an expensive
00:33:46
Speaker
laundry hamper for six months. So I think this time around something I've done differently is I really haven't purchased much because I just don't know what she's going to need. And I think I learned the first time around, like everything is in, is a one day or two day Amazon order away. Like you can order things as you need rather than like trying to stock up on all of this stuff that you may not, your baby may not even like, you know? Yeah. So.
00:34:15
Speaker
don't fall victim to the consumerism of motherhood because it'll get you. Well, Chris and I talk about it a lot. We call it crutches. The snoo is just a crutch to get your baby to sleep a little bit longer. The magic merlin.
00:34:34
Speaker
suit is a crutch like between the swaddle and arms out is just another crutch to make them sleep longer it's just like you're adding all these things that are making I don't know your life more anxious because you're like just trying to stretch them to do certain things and I was like
00:34:52
Speaker
you know if you're if you're just consistent with one thing they'll figure it out like you don't have to keep 100 switching around trying to figure out what's going to work best like consistency is key with newborns and once they learn a routine obviously they're going to grow and want to change that routine but like they'll figure it out so
00:35:13
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lot of scare tactics out there for different products.
Consumerism and New Moms Caution
00:35:17
Speaker
And it's just crazy how we're targeted for all of it. I think we now a second time moms know about all the products and we know in the back of our head, like, well, if this isn't working, if they don't really like their arms tucked in in a swaddle, maybe they like the one that's arms up. And so we know about all that and you only know to use it once they're here. So, yeah, yeah.
00:35:39
Speaker
they're all just crutches like a pacifier is a crutch like do they need it or are we just we don't want to hear them cry like everything yeah grain loves his pacifier don't come after me i use one but yeah same alice was obsessed i mean margot doesn't so yeah so that's so interesting i've been so nervous about
00:35:59
Speaker
the pacifier, just Alice seeing it again. Because even when she sees one, she's like, she's like Jones and like, you know, Vinny and I laughed because the other day she saw like a real when we went to see our friends with the twins, she was like watching them suck on the pacifier. And she was saying Passi, Passi for the baby. But the way she was looking at it was like she was like, damn, that looks good. She started like motioning. Yeah, she was like, hmm, Passi.
00:36:26
Speaker
She might, which is totally normal and okay, but overall this pregnancy and this like preparing for baby number two have just been so much more like
00:36:38
Speaker
um chill and like slower to jump like yeah slower to jump to conclusions slower to jump to like buy things just like overall i've just been like i'm able to breathe a little more oh for sure and not be as like quick to purchase something or quick to judge or i don't know that's why like the two things that i
00:37:04
Speaker
talked about, I feel like are good Rex just because they're anticipatory needs. Like, I don't want my child to suffer with the stuff, you know, so I got probably the number one thing that you could use for that. Like, yeah, I don't like having her having to wait 10 minutes for a bottle warmup. So this thing just pops it out in like a second. So it's nice, nice to have. And, um, it's saved many tears. So I love it.
00:37:32
Speaker
Okay, I want to pivot a little bit to like, maybe things that aren't so tangible like maybe how we would take care of ourselves differently the second time around or like mentally things we would do I know there's one thing in my mind that I have
00:37:51
Speaker
I know you and I have talked about this too. I had such bad anxiety in the evening times around five o'clock in the newborn phase. I actually get sweaty thinking about the way I felt going into the night. It still happens because you never know what your night's going to look like, so it's hard.
00:38:15
Speaker
But I think this time around I plan to ask for help more at night. Yeah. I didn't really the first time around. I felt like, Oh, well, Vinny, you know, has to go to work. Like he has to sleep or, and also my husband is like the most intense sleeper of all time. I think I'm just planning to like.
00:38:37
Speaker
ask for help more and also this is going to sound like I don't know I feel like I could do more things to like ease that anxiety like breathing or like I don't know just taking a second to like do some deep breaths or I don't know the anxiety just took over me the first time. I think that was something that Mallory suggested was when you have those feelings like have that code word with your husband like
00:39:06
Speaker
Like mine was mushroom cloud where it's like please like I'm about to kind of like freak out or have an episode like can you take them while I like just go shower give me 15 minutes you know and and those little things really do like separate you from that that moment yeah and having and yeah you having help I remember you like never asking for help and I was like damn she's really doing it all
00:39:32
Speaker
So having Vinny. Yeah, he's gonna have to wake up this time. He's just got to. Yeah, I mean, it's it's really hard. I, we, my mom ever so graciously stayed with us for a month and a half. And I never asked for help at night because
00:39:51
Speaker
me being an idiot was like, Oh, Chris and I need to get used to this for when my mom's gone. Like, I don't want to be used to her helping. I don't know what my logic was there, but having her help this time, like we separated that into three parts in the night.
00:40:06
Speaker
Like she would stay up the later part and then we'd get three hours of sleep, you know, and then I'd get like a one o'clock and then Chris would get like the four o'clock. So it broke up our night where we were all getting at least like six hours and it helped so much. Yeah. Um, even though you still wake up because it's your baby, but it helped like so, so, so, so much having that. So yeah, definitely recommend.
00:40:33
Speaker
Yeah. And then I definitely talked about this in my like original like meet Candace episode. But after I went back to work with Alice, I definitely tried to like split myself in half. This time around, I'm sticking with boundaries. Like I will work and only focus on work between 830 and 330 or 830 and 430, whatever that looks like.
00:40:58
Speaker
and then switching my phone to personal to where I don't get notifications from Gmail or Slack or whatever. And I think I'm just gonna hold, I would like to hold better boundaries this time around with the baby, even with family. Alice was the first grandchild on both sides and everyone is obsessed with her and I get it, look at her. She's perfect and amazing. How could you not be?
00:41:26
Speaker
I want this time around to be have us or us have more control over who is here when people stop by, you know what our days and nights look like because I think that was also part of my like nighttime anxiety like
00:41:43
Speaker
people would want to stop by in the evenings. And then I would be like, okay, well, I, you know, we have people over here that are, and even if they were bringing us dinner and doing something nice, sometimes it's like, I can't even focus on like what my evening is going to be like because we have people here. Right. Right. And I know it's only going to be more complicated with a toddler who like also needs dinner and also needs a bath and like,
00:42:08
Speaker
I will say the second time around, I felt less stressed about that. Um, just because, you know, grain was already on a routine. I, I requested, I was like, if you're going to bring dinner, bring it at five. That is when he eats or four 30. That way the food was here and they didn't linger long. Um, so I set like a specific time and then, um, you know, they're not really on a schedule yet, babies. So it's kind of like,
00:42:36
Speaker
Whatever. But at least that way it was a little more specific. They didn't hang around all night. That's good. That's just a suggestion. I'd say I'm going to like fast forward to like where I am now. And I'm going to say like it's so hard not to compare your baby to other babies in their milestones.
00:43:02
Speaker
And I feel like this time around, I'm not doing it as much. I caught myself doing it. Everyone's kind of starting to feed their babies purees in the September group I'm in. And when I'm doing it with Margo, she pushes it all out. And I was like, oh, she's just playing with it. But everyone else in the group, their babies are like actually eating. And I was like, oh shit, like it's something.
00:43:27
Speaker
wrong? Does she is this like a tongue tie issue? And I like started spiraling and I was like, why am I doing that? Every baby is different. The first, first fricking year is food for fun before one, like not to freak out. And she was like, maybe she doesn't like purees and will love food. Who knows? So you just cannot let yourself spiral about like your baby rolling over late, your baby not sleeping through the night while everyone else's is crawling, talking, walking. Like,
00:43:57
Speaker
It all comes in time. Every baby's different. So try not to beat yourself up on those certain things because I mean, obviously I just said like all that and I'm already doing it, but I know now to remember like she'll figure it out.
Avoiding Baby Milestone Comparisons
00:44:12
Speaker
She'll be fine.
00:44:13
Speaker
No, don't stress. I think one of the beauties of being a second time mom is you can look back at maybe some times with Graydon or me with Alice, where I was like kind of panicked about her not doing something in time and then seeing them where they are now and being like, oh, like, oh my gosh, I was, I was saying like, you know, the baby Bjorn seat that I'm obsessed with, everyone's obsessed with, it comes like with an attachment that they can like swat at.
00:44:40
Speaker
and grab and she's already doing that and Graydon didn't do that until he was six months old and now he's skydiving off my house. I'm like, everything's fine. Everything's great. It comes in time. Yeah, it's so true. Every kid is different and probably there's going to be a lot of differences between
00:45:01
Speaker
each of our children like and how they my mom says that all the time with three she's like all of my kids are so different and they did things all at different times and they have different talents and strengths and i think it's important as moms we we remember to celebrate whatever our baby is really good at and to not stress too much about the other stuff because it's it's gonna happen right you're so right
00:45:28
Speaker
Celebrate the little wins, not the, not the shrugs. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. Oh, I do know one thing, but I also like try not to be too hard on myself about it is I feel like we've been too lenient with sweets with Alice.
Handling Sugar Cravings in Kids
00:45:47
Speaker
Listen, I am, but that's not a hundred percent your fault.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. But the girl is fucking upset if you she picks up her. She has these little purses and she picks up her purse and I said, where are you going? And she says to get donuts. Like that's what she says. The girl is obsessed with donuts and cookies and sweets and ice cream. And don't get me wrong. Like she eats real food and vegetables and stuff, too. But like she I feel like 70 percent of her tantrums revolve around sugar now.
00:46:20
Speaker
And it's like, am I creating a sugar monster? I mean, part of it's on my fault, but. I mean, I don't, that's like too hard to say, like, and that's such an easy thing to take away and give as a reward. Like she wouldn't know any better. Right. But then I spiral about all the things like with girls, you know, like whose moms kept sweets from them. That's like what caused their like unhealthy relationship with sugar. And I'm like, Oh, am I, which way am I going to fuck her up then? Like,
00:46:50
Speaker
I don't know. I will have to do a whole episode on that at some point. But can I ask you, do you remember anything at the age of two? No, you're right. Not a thing.
00:47:01
Speaker
I feel like right now is such a moldable age, like Graydon's kind of tantrum is about monster trucks on TV. Like if I put anything else on, he's like, ah, like freak out. And I will turn it off. And I'm like, we're not watching it anymore for the day. Like, which is punishment to fricking me. There goes my babysitter. And I'm like, but I can't take it. Like he's gotten so nuts about it. And I'm like,
00:47:27
Speaker
This is such an easy thing to phase out. Like if we just don't watch TV for three days, he won't ask for it. Yeah, it's just one of them things. I know you're right, though. They don't remember anything at two. So I still have time for show. Give her a little treat here and there. You're making me confident again. I'm like, you know what? You're right. It's fine. It's totally fine. Well, this was fun. I'm sure we'll continue to have second time mom like epiphanies throughout
00:47:57
Speaker
This journey will have the second baby is like, I don't know. I keep saying I keep telling Vinnie, like, we just don't even know what she's going to be like. Like, we don't know anything. So no. And that's so weird. And then like once she's here, it's like, wow, you've been a part of our lives this whole time, because that's how it feels. It's like a puzzle piece. It's crazy. I mean, when this episode comes out, I will have already had the baby listening to this.
00:48:25
Speaker
I head over to my Instagram for updates. That's crazy. I definitely I was thinking about other like newborn time things when I like I'm just it's so crazy how like I'm looking forward to the newborn snuggles, but it's going to be different. Like the amount of Love Island I watched the first time around, like, oh, my fucking God. But I have a toddler, so it's not like I'm just going to be like always chilling.
00:48:52
Speaker
Well, she'll, she can, will the toddler, the toddler, will Alice be with your mom? Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna, yeah, we're gonna plan to do like my mom is, especially in the very beginning, we'll be here to like help me with Alice, but we've already talked about her still taking her to her house at least twice a week for it so that I can have some like just Evie time and really like focus on that. And.
00:49:19
Speaker
That is when I will be watching something good. It's so fun. Now Margot is like, she's good though. She'll chill and watch TV with you still, but she doesn't sleep on me anymore. I'm like, oh. I also don't let her. It comes and goes so quickly.
00:49:37
Speaker
I mean, that's something as a second time. I already like sleep trained her so quick, just because I'm so used to routine that I was like, well, we're done contact napping already. And those are so sweet. We're definitely going to do a sleep episode as soon as I have this baby and we can start to. I feel like that is probably our number one most requested thing right now is people wondering about sleep. So we're going to do that.
00:50:07
Speaker
You'll be doing it with one eye open, but. All right. Well, love you guys. I will definitely be doing a Q and a during my newborn snuggles. Uh, I'll probably do like an ask me anything. So I'll share more over there. And I'm sure we'll do a welcome Evelyn episode too. Like we did for Marco seven days out. So buckle up buttercup.
00:50:32
Speaker
Oh my God, that's so crazy. It's also crazy to think that like seven days from now I could have a baby in my arms.
00:50:38
Speaker
I hope so. Every time Candice calls me, I freak out. All right. We're going to wrap this up. I love you. I love you. Appreciate out. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday and don't forget the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Got to go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.