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Marcus Aurelius Anderson: Gift of Adversity
78 Plays7 years ago
On today’s show we welcome Marcus Aurelius Anderson, Coach, Speaker and Author of The Gift of Adversity. While preparing to deploy with the U.S. Army, Marcus suffered a severe spinal injury that left him paralyzed from the neck down. His life was turned upside down, and after dying twice on the operating table, he was told he would never be able to walk or use his hands again. Days quickly turned into months, and he was forced into life changing soul searching. He discovered he was left with two choices, he could either be a victim, or he change his mindset. Having no other option, he began looking for any lessons to be learned from his injury, and soon discovered that his Adversity was a gift.
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Transcript
Introduction: Marcus Aurelius Anderson's Journey
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome to this week's episode of The Art of Authenticity. I'm Laura Coe, your host, and once again, I thank each and every one of you for tuning in to listen to today's show. We have a very special guest with us today, Marcus Aurelius Anderson is joining us and he is a TEDx speaker.
Facing Adversity: Paralysis and Recovery
00:00:36
Speaker
He is an author, a coach,
00:00:38
Speaker
But he's also a medically retired army veteran. And what that means is he was actually in the US Army. He joined when he was 37 years old, past the age that you're supposed to. And in that time, he actually suffered an injury that left him paralyzed. He was told he would never use his hands again, nor would he walk.
00:01:00
Speaker
After going deep into a depression, lots of anger and facing a tremendous internal battle, Marcus decided he had a choice to make. He could either stay angry and play the victim, or he could get himself together, change his life, change his mentality, and actually get himself back up and walking, which is what he did.
00:01:26
Speaker
an unbelievably inspired human being who has now written a book called, of course, The Gift of Adversity. So he's taken this tremendously difficult situation and sees it as a gift, wrote a book about it, did a TEDx talk about it, and coaches on the topic.
Life Lessons from Overcoming Challenges
00:01:45
Speaker
really filled with life lessons that all of us are facing every day. It's interesting how you don't have to have had such a severe injury to relate to the things that he's going through in your everyday life. I enjoyed my conversation very much on top of it. He's a really nice guy. I know you will too. Tune in, check out the story. If you're interested in supporting us, hop over to iTunes, leave a review. Thank you all very much. And we appreciate you listening.
00:02:15
Speaker
Welcome to this week's episode.
The Origin of Marcus's Name
00:02:17
Speaker
Thank you all for joining in again today. We've got Marcus Aurelius Anderson joining us from Oklahoma. Hey Marcus, how are you? I'm phenomenal. How are you doing?
00:02:27
Speaker
I'm good. I was just chatting with him before we hopped on about whether he uses his full name Marcus Aurelius, but now I really feel I need to ask what's with Marcus Aurelius? Are your parents into into psoasism? Like where's the, where's the origin of this name for you? The, the origin, my grandfather's the one that named me. And I don't know if it was one of those situations, almost like with Johnny Cash with the boy named Sue, where if you name somebody this,
00:02:57
Speaker
Prolific figure it almost forces them to reach that level, but you know, I didn't go by that name as a child It was even as a child. I just went by mark because she's the name Marcus to me seems so Grown up in mature, you know, so it was just mark mark mark and then eventually as I got older I could kind of you know I felt like I grew into the name Marcus but I didn't even use my full name until after I got injured because I didn't feel that I was I
00:03:21
Speaker
Those are big shoes. That's a lot of expectations there. Really? That's a big name. I love it though. It's a great name. Well, so I really am excited we met through LinkedIn and your story was just instantly compelling and captivating and I want to catch the audience up so that they understand who we're chatting with and your life story a little because it's so inspiring. So if you could start with,
00:03:50
Speaker
You were in the military and you actually had an injury. Could you take us through that experience? And I know it's in your bio, but like you were on the operating table and you died twice. I mean, that's, that's, I've got a lot of questions there, but if you could, if you could start with, yeah, this journey and how it began for you.
Military Inspiration and Influences
00:04:12
Speaker
Absolutely. I joined the military at the ripe old age of 38 years old. So, um, yeah, that's,
00:04:20
Speaker
I got a lot of that, especially when I was in basic training and they're like, what, you know, what are you doing here? So the, a little bit of the background for that, my, my great uncle was my great uncle and my father were my hugest male role models when I was growing up. And my great uncle was in special forces. He was in Vietnam. He was a big influence on me where he kind of showed me the necessity of, you know, if you're growing up in Oklahoma, you'd go hunting and things like that.
00:04:48
Speaker
But he taught me about, you know, respect, honor, humility. Of course, my father reinforced those things as well. My parents were divorced when I was younger, when I was eight. But my, my great uncle really helped me with a lot of those things. He passed away. And not long after that, I got divorced. So this is this happened when I was in Atlanta, Georgia, I was going to chiropractic school at Life University at the time. And I was also bartending. So I was really
00:05:17
Speaker
You know, my plate was really full. You're at a doctorate level, you know, of course, trying to do all these, these sciences and all this technical knowledge. And then bartending is, you know, that's good money, but it's, it's a difficult lifestyle if you allow it to get to you. So I wasn't able to really, I was trying to do all that stuff to get through school so that I could get off my life and my marriage. And whenever I got divorced and then that, that injury, I mean that, uh, my uncle passed. Those were two, you know, it's a very devastating one, two combination there.
00:05:46
Speaker
And I found myself sort of, you know, asking myself a lot of questions. It's like, man, I, I, it was, I was having a hard time focusing in school, you know, nothing really, I didn't really seem to want to do anything. It seemed like, and so at this point I was 37 at that time. And so I'd only been married for a few years. And so I was like, well, this is the age where you're supposed to have everything figured out. You're supposed to be married. You're supposed to be out. You're supposed to be doing all these things.
00:06:17
Speaker
You have 2.5 kids and you have a car and all this stuff at that point. And by the way, those people who all have that stuff, 60% get divorces and some
Choosing the Military: A Personal Reset
00:06:29
Speaker
huge number have midlife crises. But it's funny how we feel like if we don't get there that we've failed somehow. And then the people who get there are like, this isn't what it was supposed to be. And they're freaking out. So I think there's a deep irony to hearing your story, which is the other side. We're typically listening to somebody who's
00:06:48
Speaker
This is way harder than I thought and it's not all slipping together. Okay, so you're 37 and yeah, this is all coming, crashing down. Your life isn't manifesting in the way that you believe it should be. And so does this cajole you forward and say, you know what, I'm just going to join the military? How does that decision get made? Yeah, just like you were saying, I guess I sort of front loaded my midlife crisis or I turned into it before, but I had done martial arts since I was a kid. I started doing martial arts when I was 11.
00:07:19
Speaker
And there's always been that sort of martial mindset in my life. And I don't mean that meaning that I would go out and try to get into fights, nothing like that. But more along the lines of there's this kind of like warrior kind of spirit and this kind of code that you try to live by. And I kept finding myself wanting more and more things. I didn't feel like I was getting a whole lot out of what I was doing. You know, I would study something and just like you were saying, almost like that.
00:07:43
Speaker
hedonic treadmill where you're going through and you think, okay, once I get to the next thing now, okay, now it's going to make sense. And then it doesn't. And then you're like, okay, well, I've got a bachelor degree where I'm going to get a doctorate. Well, I'm going to do this. And just like all of it, just like you were, you know, preempting there. So he done that treadmill, by the way, I've heard that before. It's such a good one though. I just want to pause on that. That's such a, such a great turn of phrase, right? It's like you keep thinking that the next moment you're going to have that pleasure point that you're looking for.
The Hedonic Treadmill and Self-Belief
00:08:11
Speaker
We absolutely do. Since we're talking about that real fast, there was a chiropractor, when I was in college, his name was Dr. Hugo Gibson. He always made a very strong point. South African gentleman, just phenomenal chiropractor and person in general. He always said, Marcus, if you wait until you walk across that stage to feel like you're a doctor, then you're too late.
00:08:37
Speaker
I grasped it immediately but it was so just like you said it was that almost
00:08:43
Speaker
professional hedonic treadmill where it's like you have to believe now you have to have that mindset now I'm laughing because you're first of all the imitation was just spot-on like I can visualize this man I don't even know him but secondly it's like also those words rightly people try to tell you and So many of us have been in situation where somebody said something really wise to us But we just didn't we couldn't take it in almost or so hard to understand until You've experienced it and then you realize that it's not it's not what you think
00:09:12
Speaker
That's exactly it. You may hear the phrase or you may even understand it, but then to be able to internalize it.
00:09:18
Speaker
take it in as your own personal wisdom. And then, like you say, when everything happens, you hear that phrase booming in the back of your mind. You're like, oh. Oh, that's what the person meant. I went to graduate school. And this person very 30 years older than me, he said, why are you going to graduate school in philosophy? And I'm like, well, I wanted to try it and see. I think I like it a lot. And I thought this would work. And he's like, if you're not sure when you go to graduate school, it's the worst mistake of your life.
00:09:46
Speaker
And I'm like, wow, what an ass. And then like a year later, I was like, oh, that was like the best advice ever, you know, because grad school is 100 million times harder. So I digress. So you found yourself in this position, and you're in this, you know, the hedonistic treadmill, you realize that this is what's going on. What is the sequence of events that leads you to make this decision? So, and I'll
00:10:14
Speaker
Ironically, I've never been drunk in my life. I don't drink, but as a bartender, especially in Atlanta, there was a tremendous, you know, it's a tremendous lifestyle. You can make, you know, plenty of money, which was helping with school and all that. And I found myself surrounded by all these, you know, errors and all these things that were so superfluous. And I think that, you know, after going through those two kind of the divorce and the death in the family, it really made me
00:10:41
Speaker
I wanted to just strip everything away and just kind of go to brass tacks, sort of a minimalist idea. And I'd always wanted to join the military, always. But you're in school, you know, I'll wait till I get out. Well, now you're married. Well, my wife probably doesn't want me to go join the military and get shot at. So, you know, there were all these reasons. I'm divorced now. I have no kids. I have nothing holding me back. So I thought, and after my uncle passed, I was like, I've always wanted to do what he had done to learn these things.
00:11:10
Speaker
I go to have the recruiter sort of on a whim on my day off and I go talk to him and I sit down and talk to him and he says, well, how old are you? And I told him, you know, how old I was. And he's like, well, you know, the, um, the window is 35. You're, you're over the age. So I just stood up and I, I turned around and I was like, all right. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's like, come back and talk to me. And I was very direct. And I said, you know, if I can't get in, don't waste my time. You know, I'm, I'm on, I'm trying to do something here. And.
00:11:39
Speaker
So he sat down and he kind of talked to me for a minute. He's like, well, at your age, why are you joining the military? And I explained to him and he said, you look like you're in shape. He said, you know, do you, do you keep yourself in shape? It's like, of course. And then he said, well, you know, are you, or do you have any education? And we talked about that. So he had me do a preliminary PT test there where he had me do pushups, setups and run. And I, I maxed it out immediately. And he was like, wow. Okay. And he said, so here's an ASVAB test. Well,
00:12:08
Speaker
After doctorate level courses in all these sciences and all these behaviors, taking that ASVAB was pretty easy. So he's like, okay, so you've maxed out the ASVAB, you've maxed out the PT test. For the audience, could you say what an ASVAB test is? It's basically just they go through and it just tells you your skills and your level of intelligence in certain categories,
Surgery and the Realization of Urgency
00:12:28
Speaker
whether it be math, whether it be science, whether it be reading comprehension. So that makes a big influence when you go into the military. You know, you want a guy that understands these things before he's
00:12:37
Speaker
in charge of say, you know, like these huge missiles that could potentially go off and hurt people obviously. So, so we did all that and he said, okay, well, so you're doing well in all this stuff. You're a natural leader. He said, you're, you're older, you're mature. He said, you know, I, I could sign a waiver to get you in. He said, but you kind of have to tell me what you would like to do. And so after all that pretension or all that pretense, I said, well, I, I want to be in the infantry.
00:13:05
Speaker
And he kind of smiled and he's like, listen, and he kind of laughed. He said, you don't understand. He said, you could in the army, you can choose whatever job you want to do. If you want to go into, you know, computer security, if you want to do all these things. And again, I kind of looked at him and I said, this is what I want to do. This is the path that I want to take. And if I can't take that path, then I'm not going to sign any papers. I'm just going to leave right now. So he kind of looked at me and he said,
00:13:29
Speaker
Well, you know what, it's your life and you can do whatever you will. He said, I'm going to sign the release and we'll go down and we'll get you into the military processing and see if you can pass all those things. And then in January and 2012, I went to basic training in Fort Benning, Georgia, and that was an entire physical litmus test in and of itself, I suppose. Were you at any point like what have I done?
00:14:01
Speaker
If you've ever seen full metal jacket where they, they're yelling and screaming at you when you get off the bus and all that stuff, I, I went in with that mentality. I went in expecting that. So my, my mentally, I was very strong and prepared and nothing can prepare you for basic, especially in the infantry. The infantry is your very gung ho, you know, straightforward. Let's go out and do this kind of lifestyle, but I was fine with it. I knew that it was going to be difficult again. I've been conditioned mentally since I was.
00:14:30
Speaker
11 for the martial arts. But it definitely was. They shock you. They deprive you. They push you way beyond where you think you can go. But what helped me was seeing these 20-year-old guys next to me. I knew that physically I wasn't in the same shape that they were, as it were. But what helped me was my mind. I knew that it was basically a big mind game. I knew that I was strong enough to do this. I knew that I could do this.
00:14:56
Speaker
Within the first week, I understood that if I didn't break my ankle or hurt my shoulder or something, it would actually make me physically unable to continue that I could do this. So that's what helped me a lot, I believe. Oh my God. I mean, who was that movie with Goldie Hahn, Benjamin, Private Benjamin?
00:15:19
Speaker
I'm like, I would be like her. I'd make it about 20 minutes. Somebody would scream at me. I think I'd be like, you know, either screaming back or getting on the bus and leaving. I just thank God there's people like you who can endure this stuff and help protect this country. I just am like the literal opposite. I'm so grateful to live in a time of relative peace.
00:15:42
Speaker
I just think there is a temperament to this stuff. I think some people are just really put on earth to be healers and some people can even do martial arts your whole life and the military mindset really resonates with you. So you find yourself in here, you're 38 years old, you're actually holding your own with 20-year-olds which is crazy.
00:16:05
Speaker
Your martial arts must be paying off in spades here. And there's got to be some genetics to this too, right? Like some people just are able to stay in shape in an incredible way in their life. But whatever the case, you're deployed and you find yourself with a spinal injury. How long were you deployed? When did that happen? Well, to clarify, I was not deployed. We were preparing to deploy and that's where all the training was.
00:16:34
Speaker
Oh, I'm sorry. And no, no, that's okay. I've gotten that before. I think that in the TEDx talk, when I say if I had been deployed when I was injured to kind of give like some, some context, but I was, I wasn't deployed. We were preparing to deploy. I was at Ford drum in upstate New York and they were telling us as soon as I got there, you know, I got the basic, I got there and they're like, listen, we're deploying 10th mountain is a very illustrious unit. They, if you've ever seen the movie black Hawk down or read the book, those were the guys that,
00:17:03
Speaker
were there that were, you know, fighting alongside special forces and, and Ranger and all that. So they were phenomenal unit. And the training that I got in basic training, I was like, Oh, once I'm through this, I'm good. And then I get to that unit. And I was just like, Oh, it's a whole other level up here, right? And they just, uh, again, they push you and you go beyond that plateau. And you're serving with men that have, there was literally my squad leader, for example, had been deployed. He had been in deployment his time in, in service for deployment alone.
00:17:33
Speaker
was longer than a lot of people who had been in the military their careers. So I was very grateful and thankful that I had people around me like that because, you know, military training is one thing, military combat is another and taking theory out of a book and then applying it in the real world when there's bullets flying or when other people's lives are on the line, that's an entirely different animal. And so having that real world experience was tremendous.
00:17:58
Speaker
And they kept telling us, you know, we're going to deploy.
The Importance of Mental Resilience
00:18:00
Speaker
So you're preparing and you're training and you've got that mentality that we're going to deploy soon. And people talk about motivation, but there is no greater motivation than knowing that if you are not in shape or if you are not prepared, that not only you could die, but the people that you are serving with, you know, could, their lives could depend on whether you're hydrated or not, or whether you're in shape or not, or whether you have enough, you know, of your equipment with you. So it gives you a tremendous amount of focus.
00:18:27
Speaker
And at least that's the way I looked at it. I looked at it as a big challenge. Well, you know, we bring on so many people into the show and it's making me think about, you know, the amount of times we just discuss things like, you know, fear and fear of failure and fear of approvals and that we go into states of flight and to manage the fears. And most of us are talking about sending out a blog post, right? Like we're talking about
00:18:50
Speaker
whether or not we're going to have to face rejection because we spoke our truth. And it's funny how we were designed to have these systems intact for these real world experiences that you're walking into. And yet our bodies can sometimes give us that manifestation in the most objectively straightforward situations where nobody's in mortal danger. But what you're explaining, it sounds so similar to how people feel.
00:19:19
Speaker
in, you know, moments when they're not in mortal, mortal danger. But, you know, it's like our bodies are designed to be able to step up in those moments and really bring that adrenaline focus you in. I absolutely agree. But just like you're saying, it's two sides of the same coin. Whenever I'm in an adrenal state, my cognition is not very high, right? Like I'm simply going through muscle memory, or I'm pushing forward from physical capacity. So
00:19:46
Speaker
Just like you said, while we have fear of putting out that blog post or putting out that book, that's fine. But it is still very real and it's all relative. Adversity is relative to everybody. So whether it be, again, I like to tell people that because some people will say, wow, your story is amazing and blah, blah, blah. And I feel like I'm not going through a lot by comparison. Well, you may not be, but again, it's not a competition. We have an adversity scale is the way I look at it.
00:20:15
Speaker
So for me, for example, my adversity scale, the 10, which is the worst is I guess dying and then being paralyzed and zero is where I'm in euphoria and there's nothing, but what we have to do is we have to figure out where our 10 is, where our eight is, and then allow ourselves to look at what we're doing. So if that blog post feels like it's a 10 and you're facing that adversity, give yourself credit. Don't, don't deny that. Don't lessen that because until we can push to those points, it's not really,
00:20:44
Speaker
going to make us grow. So yeah, our bodies just they, they trick us into thinking those situations are as serious as being in mortal danger. I mean, we're, we're designed to, to literally run from bears and bushes and our brains sometimes, you know, conflate, you know, real life or death moment with, um, with blog posts, right? Like I've, I felt completely paralyzed in fear from things where I'm not actually in danger, but it's our, our brains have, um,
00:21:13
Speaker
a funny way of interpreting the world sometimes. You're right. I think it was Churchill that said when I was in my, I forgot the ages, but when he was earlier in his age, he feared what everybody thought. When he got to his middle ages, he didn't care what anybody thought. And then when he got older, he realized that nobody cared what he did anyway. So it was, again, that wisdom that kind of helped him see that we are our own worst critic in a lot of ways. I know.
00:21:43
Speaker
And that's just the nature of the way we are. Now that can obviously push us to get better, but I agree. If somebody cuts you off in traffic and all of a sudden that adrenaline dumps in your system and you want to follow them and give them a piece of your mind, we have to understand that in the grand scheme of things, it really does not matter. In the grand scheme of things, the fact that you weren't in an accident and now you get to get on with your day is more important than what that person was thinking at that moment. Absolutely.
00:22:12
Speaker
How did you end up with an injury at this point? What transpired? It was interesting because there was no specific method of onset in upstate New York in January. You're 30 miles south of the Canadian border. You're not far from Lake Ontario. So you get the lake effect. You get the mountain effect, which means precipitation is constant. And when it's cold, that means snow is constant. So it's always snowing. It's always ice. It's cold where you're at up north, yeah?
00:22:42
Speaker
Yeah, Chicago is, uh, you know, you guys get it too. Yeah. So it's the same thing. So once the snow starts falling in October, that same snow is going to be on the ground until May. So I was having all this symptomatology. If I, when I look back in it, I can see that my hands were cold a lot. My feet were cold a lot, but I thought to myself, well, that's cause we're doing, you know, you're, you're training for two weeks at a time out in the middle of
00:23:10
Speaker
the elements because as an infantryman, that's what you do. You have to be conditioned for that. So when you would put on a hundred pounds on your back for a rough March and you're, you're marching 20 miles and my hands would hold, my feet would get cold. I just, I thought, Oh, that's just exposure. I would always check my fingers and my, my feet for frostbite at a lot of times. But then the week that I actually was when it became abundantly clear was that week that Monday, the training was difficult.
00:23:40
Speaker
And then the next morning when I went to get up, I had a hard time getting up and then it continued getting worse and worse until eventually I woke up and I went to roll out of bed. And when I tried to roll my, my leg would, my neck would move to the left. It would articulate a little bit, but my body wouldn't move. And I kind of chuckled to myself because I thought, man, I must be really sore, but it was not that I, I just could not get my muscles to fire. And it was.
00:24:05
Speaker
That's when I started realizing that there was something seriously wrong. And I'm trying to move my hands. I'm trying to move my feet. I'm trying to move anything. And I realized that I can't move anything other than my neck. And that's when probably the most afraid I've ever been in my entire life because it just washes over you like this, this, this heat, this fire, this fear that you cannot do anything. It's like, if you've ever been a kid and you've had a dream where you're being chased by something and you can't move,
00:24:34
Speaker
It's that feeling in a physical manifestation. Unbelievable. So you're, you're watching all of this happen as it's, as it's starting to unfold. And you just, you know, in your soul in those moments, right? That something's deeply wrong. That's it. Because again, like we've been talking about the training and how strong the mind is to condition the body, I was always mentally, I can tell myself that, you know, even during the ruck march, for example, we would take a knee to, to face out, which just means we would take a knee to, to take a break.
00:25:04
Speaker
but you would still condition yourself to be ready to fight if you needed to. And when I tried to get off that knee, it took everything in me. I literally had to push off with my hands on my rifle to stand back up. And that's when I realized that something was going on. When they were able to get me out of the room and they sent me to the hospital, they didn't, you know, we get in the hospital and
00:25:25
Speaker
They've got half a dozen people that are running with the gurney. It's just like something out of a movie and it would have been really neat to watch it outside of myself. But at the time when you're the guy laying on the gurney and they're talking about you as if you're not there and you have a cardiologist and you have a neurologist just looking at you and they're running you down there to get you in the MRI to check out what's going on. They found out that the disc in my neck at C5 had ruptured.
00:25:51
Speaker
And there's people that have had bulges or ruptures in their discs, but I don't think people understand what it truly is. And what had happened was that disc had exploded from all of the compression and all of the training and all of the just attrition from all the physical activity. And it exploded. So it pushed into the back of my spinal cord. And your spinal cord is a very, very delicate structure. It's like a bunch of really delicate pieces of silk or rubber bands together.
00:26:20
Speaker
And it only takes 10 millimeters of mercury of pressure to compromise that. And that is about the weight of a dime. Really? Right. And that's from chiropractic school. I learned all that from neurology and from chiropractic school. Again, the irony how everything comes together. So I know exactly where, why this is going on. And now it all makes sense. Not that it made it any better, but I was like, okay, I can understand anatomically why. And they would always explain to us that the discs in your neck had the consistency
00:26:49
Speaker
It's like a jelly donut. So the inside of the disc is called the nucleus pulpulsus. The nucleus on the outside is called the nucleus fibrosis, but all it means is the inside of it's like a gel structure. The outside of it's like struck is strong, but it has the consistency and density of a hockey puck. So imagine a hockey puck with all kinds of pressure pushing onto this really delicate structure of your spinal cord. So like Christopher Reeve, for example, that's the area that he was at whenever he was paralyzed.
00:27:16
Speaker
So there's no cerebral spinal fluid that's able to move to communicate down below that level. And so they said, well, that's what's going on. So that's what we're going to go ahead and do. The pressure was tremendous on there. And so when they, they shuttle me down to the, because that's when they, again, there's part of me that's hoping it sounds, it's going to sound silly, but there's part of me that's like, well, I hope this doesn't take long, you know, cause we're going to be deploying soon. And I've got a team of guys, you know, that are waiting for me to go and
00:27:44
Speaker
Uh, because that's where my priorities were at that time. You know, I was still thinking still processing, like this isn't happening. I've got to get back to my real life. That's it. I was hoping that they could just give me a shot or do whatever they need to do. Cause I got stuff to do guys.
00:27:57
Speaker
So they take you in for surgery. And I'm fascinated by this because I'm, I don't know, like these stories of people who are in surgeries and have near death experiences. And did you have any, you almost died twice. Did you have any of these, these near death experiences? Were there, were there any white lights? Was there any, or is it, were you not somebody who experienced any of that? For me, and, and before I say any of this, I, I respect everybody's
00:28:26
Speaker
Experience with this because each person is an individual and each person has a different biochemistry So Janine Shepherd, I love her. She is amazing and she had a huge Out-of-body experience and she was elevating over her body. She could see everything. Yeah, but then you look at a person like Josh mance who actually flatlined for 15 minutes He was physically dead and they were able to bring him back those their experiences are both polar opposite of one another and
00:28:53
Speaker
All I can tell you is what I had, and all I can tell you is what I saw. What I experienced was I counted down from 100. They put the anesthesia on me, and then I was just very cold and very dark. And that's the only thing that I felt. There's all kinds of chemicals that are released, and there's all kinds of neurological reactions that happen. So perhaps I didn't have enough anesthesia. Maybe I had too much, whatever the case may be.
00:29:22
Speaker
I didn't experience anything that was this huge, tremendous out of body experience. I didn't see lives. I didn't see deities or angels, but then I just remember waking up in the ICU and being very confused because again, I was like, am I, am I in my room? Was this all a big dream? Should I be in formation right now? What was going on? And they had me in a neck brace. And before the operation we were, I was outside the room and
00:29:50
Speaker
It's very scary because you have probably a dozen people out there waiting for you. And when you need a dozen people just to work on one person, that's not a good sign. So I was still very nervous. And I hadn't been in the hospital since I was, you know, I've had stitches or whatever, but never had to be in a hospital for a life or death situation. And they were explaining to me, listen, this person is here to sort of overlap and cover for this person. So, and it made me feel very comfortable and confident.
00:30:18
Speaker
And that's when I was like, okay, they explained to me what was going on. And so in my mind, I'm like, Oh, so whenever you, cause we're going to do a dissect means what they said, they're going to remove the desk. They put a bunch of metal in my neck to fuse my, my cervical's so that that area would be stable. And I said, Oh, so whenever you remove this, then I'll be able to walk again. Right. And then silence they, nobody wants to answer. And so that's when I started getting nervous again. And they're like, listen, you know, there is some, some damage and it's, it's probably permanent, but don't worry about that right now. Let's just get through the surgery.
00:30:47
Speaker
you know, we're going to do this and then we'll worry about the recovery thereafter. So I didn't see anything extraordinary when I passed, but the irony is when I look back on it now, it was extraordinary because regardless of what people believe or don't believe in a religious capacity, and again, I respect everybody's beliefs, but for me, having that situation and thinking that maybe this is all that we have is this day, this moment, this life, that gives me a tremendous amount of urgency more so than I've ever felt in my entire existence.
00:31:17
Speaker
I can imagine and you come out of this to find out that people are saying that you won't walk, use your hands and you say that you were left with a choice. You could either, and I really find that this is so spot on to not something as extreme to the situation you face but I think people again experience this on day to day moments or
00:31:46
Speaker
situations that aren't as intense as the one that you're facing, but this choice of staying angry, playing a victim, or
00:31:56
Speaker
changing mentally and moving forward. And there's something in positive psychology, I don't know if you check out Sean Anchor that much, but they talk about learned helplessness, that yeah, when people don't see, for the people out there who haven't heard this, it's this theory that if you don't see a way up, you stay down. So if you've ever been on a seesaw at the playground, and you remember being a kid and
00:32:22
Speaker
You maybe weighed 50 pounds and a kid who's like 90 jumps on the other side and holds you up in the air or your older sibling does that to you. You don't think there's a way to ever get out of that situation. But Sean Anchor's point is that there's always a way if you believe there's a way that this idea of learned helplessness that you just no longer believe that there's any options. And so he goes into all sorts of ways that we can mentally reframe
00:32:52
Speaker
situations to change the perspective and feel as if we have an alternative. But basically, I hear your story and it really makes me think at the core of it is this question of anger and remaining a victim or, you know, taking every opportunity you can to see if there's a chance to get to the other side of this. Would you say that that's really the sort of foundation of this statement you make? And what
Embracing Gratitude and New Realities
00:33:21
Speaker
Did you do mentally to get to the other side? I would agree with you entirely. The that phrase from my TEDx talk where I say I could either be a victim or I could change my mentality. That's a very enlightened statement. But the reality is it took me a few, you know, I was in a bed unable to move for months for three months. And there's a very that's why I talk about adversity so much now, because if you and I don't have this mentality now,
00:33:52
Speaker
before that moment, the heat of battle as it were, if we don't already have this made up mind when we get there and whenever we are under pressure and their adrenaline does release and we feel that fear, we feel that sympathetic nervous system release, we won't be able to act that way. And even if we have the mentality before, we may still cower and run away from it. So it's very important to have this fortitude before we get into those situations. And again, I look back at my childhood and all the things that happened,
00:34:22
Speaker
The martial arts, you know, my father, my uncle, all these strong male role models that showed me that sometimes all you have to do is make up your mind that you're just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That you are simply not going to stop. That you are simply going to not accept this for what it is. The hardest part though was being in that situation where I couldn't move because I went through the five stages of grief. I went through, okay, denial.
00:34:50
Speaker
I went through anger. I'm not afraid to tell you that, and I'm not proud of it, but if I was physically able, I would have taken my own life at that point because I went from being at this very high functioning elite soldier in this unit to not being able to even move. I can't think of a different, that's a huge change. Yeah, because your identity is really wrapped up in your physicality and your sense of
00:35:18
Speaker
You know, full life, right? Absolutely. You're only as good as your last shot or as your last punch or kick or, or run or whatever it is. So when you're living in that kind of lifestyle and then that identity is taken from you, it really shakes you to your foundation. Having said all that, once I, I went through those sort of those stages and here's the difference. If you were in an airplane and you drop me off on a desert island and you say, Marcus, in 24 hours, I'm going to come back and pick you up.
00:35:45
Speaker
I'm going to have a different mindset because in my mind, I think, well, I just have to wait until noon tomorrow and then Laura's going to come get me. But if you draw me off at a desert island, you say, Marcus, I'm never coming back. You had to figure it out on your own. That's when you had this shift, because if I know that you're going to come back tomorrow, all I have to do is fight off all the critters and find a little bit of water and I can survive. It's going to be a rough night, but I'll make it. But when I realized that now this is permanent, this is my reality, and I have to work within the confines of what this is,
00:36:15
Speaker
It changes your entire mindset and it forces you to start making different decisions. Instead of making a short-term decision to just get through it, now you're thinking, this is what the reality is. What am I going to do now? And those are the questions that we have to ask ourselves.
00:36:29
Speaker
you know, whether it be in life, in our profession, in our relationships, in our purpose, all these things. It's so funny you're making me think of the interview we did with Koot. He wrote a book called You Are The One and he says no one's coming to save you, right? And sort of, you're in this very extreme situation to give us this life lesson. But for all of us in all of our moments, you know, we feel as if the world is going to come and save us or some things going to happen. But you have to save yourself, you have to
00:36:58
Speaker
turn inward and look for those internal resources and that's not to say that you can't help people help you along the way but if it doesn't start with you and you don't have that fire within yourself, it doesn't matter how many resources you really have in front of you. Would you agree with that? I absolutely agree and for better or for worse, the reality is pain and discomfort are the best teachers.
00:37:21
Speaker
Yeah, gets your leverage up and gets you motivated. You have to find it. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. If you if you forget to bring your lunch to school when you're a kid, you know, of course, you're going to some you're not going to go hungry, you know, somebody's going to take care of you. But just that initial feeling of, oh, I don't have my lunch because I'm not prepared. Now, that's an extreme example. But it's it's true. And like you were saying before, if we had this condition response where we learn helplessness,
00:37:50
Speaker
where we live a reactionary lifestyle all the time and we're constantly living in fear, it's impossible for us to really do the things that we need to do. So again, having that idea that I'm the one that got myself into this, I'm the one that has to get myself out of it. And that was what I, because for the first few months, you know, I would just sit there and they would turn on, you know, whatever's on the TV or whatever. But then when I came to the point where I was just angry at everybody and myself, uh, I,
00:38:18
Speaker
I was like, just turn it off. I just want to lay here in bed and just let me think. And that's when I went through like the really kind of dark phase of, okay, if this is the reality, if this is what I have, where do I go? If this is the reality, if this is all I do have, what can I do with this? What is the mentality that I have to engage? That's when I had to, you know, in my TEDx talk, I talk about that where I say, you know, I,
00:38:45
Speaker
I had to make that decision, okay, I have to be grateful. And everybody talks about being grateful and everybody talks about gratitude. And that's fine. But to read it on, you know, an inspirational quote is one thing, but to actually live it and to engage it and to have that mentality. And I couldn't, yeah, and I couldn't find I couldn't find anything to be grateful for because
00:39:05
Speaker
The first one, you know, oh, well, you're alive. Well, you know what? I'm existing. I'm not really living right now. I'm just in a bed, taking up space. I'm turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. That's all I'm doing right now. And I would rather be dead than do that because I'm not contributing not only to myself or to my team, but to the world or to, to anything. Then, then I thought, okay, well, the only other good point that I could come up with in this took a while was luckily nobody, luckily it didn't happen when I was deployed. Luckily nobody else got killed because of it. And then.
00:39:33
Speaker
That's when I had that was the cornerstone that was the foundation. Once I had that one small thing to be grateful for, then I could build. When we build a wall, you know, we don't say I'm going to build a wall, we lay one brick perfectly. And then we lay another brick perfectly. And then before you know it, we have a wall. But if we're looking at this big
00:39:54
Speaker
the big things, it's really a bunch of small things put together. Absolutely. It's like gratitude and positive thinking drives me insane if I hear one more gratitude journal because it's going into this concept of consumption in my mind where I go on Instagram, I look at a quote, I feel good for a moment and then I
00:40:16
Speaker
I feel as if I'm practicing some kind of real self-help. But that's like looking at a magazine for fitness and not going for a jog. You have to feel the gratitude. You have to actually embody it in your body. And you can't just... I used to do it where I'd say, I'm happy for my house, I'm happy for my... Total bullshit, I didn't feel that way. I was just listing things because it sounded good. And so until you find things deeply within you that you say,
00:40:45
Speaker
Yes, like, actually, I have this bottle of water here right now and I'm deeply grateful for it. It's like, I was like really thirsty and it's so nice that I have this. Whatever it is that you actually feel a sense of gratitude towards and it doesn't need to be these big ticket items. Like you said, it can be something as small as, you know, I didn't have this happen and hurt anybody else and okay, this is the first thing and let me build from there.
Conclusion: 'The Gift of Adversity' Book Release
00:41:15
Speaker
So you have a new book coming out. It might even be out when this airs October, the gift of adversity. You talk about adversity as a gift. You talk about your story, overcoming adversity. And it's really a lot of inspiring lessons for leadership, personal development, entrepreneurship. But can you share with the audience, for people out there who struggle, which
00:41:37
Speaker
you know, so many people, I've been here many times in my life, where you just want to give up, you just want to say, you know, it's not worth it, or I don't care, or, you know, my life doesn't matter, I'll never figure it out, or nobody cares about me, whatever, whatever way you speak to yourself. But there's a sense of giving up, there's a sense of, you know, in the most extreme case, right, here you are sitting in a hospital bed, and
00:42:05
Speaker
Everybody would say, well, I get that, right? But most of us, it's happening on these micro or situational basis in our life. How would you suggest somebody start? So I heard you say, you know, beginning with gratitude and finding something and what would be the next step or what are some other thoughts that you could share?
00:42:29
Speaker
We discussed earlier how I mentioned that they always talk about gratitude. They always talk about it's not that people lack time. It's not that they lack money. It's that they lack priorities. And again, we can make a to-do list, and we can make a priority list. But most people make that list with no intention of actually making it. I mean, they would like for it to happen. But are they actually acting on it? Are they actually doing the work to get there? So adversity is the ultimate form of accountability.
00:42:59
Speaker
So as a coach, you know, I deal with people all the time. It's the same thing where it's one thing to create something, but it's another thing to keep that person accountable. It's easy to want to stay on your diet when you're excited, but then when you're a week into it and you're, you know, really tempted to eat this thing that you're not supposed to eat, you lose that. Or when you get up in the morning, you don't feel like looking out. So it's about, it's not about inspiration per se, because that's fleeting at best. It's shortsighted. Yeah.
00:43:27
Speaker
And like you were saying, if I go to Instagram to find motivational quotes, which I do that and I put things up on my Instagram that are inspirational, but it's more to keep you accountable because like you were saying before, it's almost like a form of dependency. If I have to get a motivational quote to get me to do this thing that I know that I should be doing or this thing that I claim is a priority, but it really isn't, then I'm probably not doing the right thing. Just like you said, with grad school, yeah, you have to be doing it for the right reasons.
00:43:56
Speaker
So something simple that I do with my people is there's a lot of people that say, I think about the three things that I'm grateful for. When I brush my teeth at night, I even do that because that keeps me that kind of programs me to think about that. What I do is I give them, I say, listen, I want you to think about three things today that you overcame. I want you to think of three micro adversities that you came with today that you overcame.
00:44:20
Speaker
So if you woke up in the morning and you wanted to hit snooze, but you didn't, guess what? Check the box. You got that. It could be something as simple as that, like you said, with the glass of water. If you didn't feel like working out, but you did, and you look back on the fact and you're happy that you did, absolutely. If you're glad that you ate that apple instead of that Danish, there it is. Those are three things. And that does two things that I've found. One, it makes that person realize that
00:44:48
Speaker
that this is the way that they can create that fortitude mentally. But two, if that happened yesterday, if those are my three things that I was grateful for, and I wake up this morning and I say to myself, you know what, I know that I'm capable of a lot more of just getting up out of bed and not hitting snooze. I know I'm capable of a lot more than just going to work or showing up at the gym. I'm going to try to go beyond that today. I'm going to try to push myself to go beyond that today. So there's a there's a fine balance between
00:45:15
Speaker
calling somebody emotionally and saying, oh, they're there. It's okay that you're not doing what you say that you want to do. And, and keeping that person accountable without, you know, just trying to, because like we said, it's easy to beat ourselves up, but there is a temperament that is requisite if you want to accomplish anything in your life. So like what you're doing, there's no way that you could have had 100 phenomenal conversations on your podcast unless you put in the work, unless you were organized, unless you made sacrifices, unless you made priorities.
00:45:42
Speaker
Yeah, and I do what you're talking about. I call it celebrating the wins, but it was life changing because I was one of those people. I had a list, list, list. I had lists on my list. I had wish lists. I had, oh my God, I had priority lists because I had a company. We had the active list. We had the inactive list. We had the wish list, which is endless lists. And then you just feel like you're behind all the time, right? I can't get ahead and I'm just like panicked because
00:46:10
Speaker
i'm gonna forget something and everyday you worked so hard but it didn't matter because there was more to do and you didn't get that list but there's no way to win right the list is never ending so when i flipped it to what you're talking about and you focus on what you win the winds right you focus on the part that you did get done and you keep
00:46:30
Speaker
reminding yourself of all the things you're getting done and then challenging yourself to do more and you feel good, then you want to do more than that. I don't know if you hear this, Marcus, but so many people will then reply with, yeah, but the negative voice in my head that tells me I'm always behind and it's never good enough motivates me.
00:46:50
Speaker
And I always say well, yeah in the very short term until it like eats you alive and then you're miserable, right? So I mean it okay, it's it's one way to get there but you know people worry they're gonna lose their edge if they if they Feel good about the things that they're getting done versus focusing on the parts that they're not Do you do you find that to be true? I absolutely find that to be true and the definition of anxiety is choosing not to choose right? So like you said if you're overstimulated
00:47:18
Speaker
and you're bombarded by all of these lists and all these things to do, you're going to go into a point, like you say, where it's futile. Why am I even doing this? I'm not getting anything accomplished. If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority. So what I did, like we were talking about before, when I was learning to walk again, it was brutal. I fell down a lot, a lot. But if I were to focus on all the times I fell down, it would have beat me up.
00:47:45
Speaker
But every time when I would get back to my room and I was like, you know what? I got closer to taking that step today. I got closer to bringing my foot up over that first step today.
00:47:54
Speaker
That's what I did. I accentuated the positive, but I also kept myself accountable. So powerful, so powerful, so powerful. I hope everybody is catching this. I'm having an Oprah-aha moment. But I can envision you sitting there and trying to walk and the pain and the suffering. And I can see one person falling down for the whatever time that day. I can't even imagine. And then laying there and just saying, it's not worth it. I quit. But if you focus on each time that you got back up and you
00:48:21
Speaker
Tag that and you say okay why did that today so what can i do tomorrow what a difference right and if we apply that to our lives with all the things we have going on. You know that's the difference that's what keeps us moving forward because it's the motion forward that brings us that happiness it's not necessarily the goal that we think we're so you know in your case.
00:48:44
Speaker
It is the goal. You definitely want to be walking, right? For the rest of us, it's like, you know, these goals that we set, they're never ending. We always set new ones. That's what it is. And that's why we have to, we have to enjoy the moment. We have to be grateful for the moment. Absolutely. We have to live for this moment because we don't know when it's going to be gone. Even in Zen, when they breathe, whenever they're, they're, they're meditating.
00:49:08
Speaker
You know, you breathe in and you breathe out and that's what the form of meditation is. Your mind goes everywhere. You bring it back to this moment and that's the act of meditation. But if you think about every day as being this breath in and you focus on that and then the breath out, that keeps you accountable. The other thing that, you know, technology is amazing and I'm 45 now. So I grew up in a time before technology, pre and post technology.
00:49:33
Speaker
So when I couldn't do anything else, when I couldn't get on a phone, when I couldn't get on the internet and just surf and look at stuff to keep me intellectually distracted or pacified, I had no choice but to minimalize and think about the stuff that I had to think about at that time, which was I was a laser like focus on recovering. I still try to apply that today because even now I find myself, okay, you have this book deadline. Okay. You had this interview. Okay. You're doing a speaking engagement here. I have a call at this time. Oh, by the way,
00:50:01
Speaker
Do you still want to maintain a relationship with this person or with your family? Are you working out? Are you teaching? Are you doing martial arts? It's about that balance. And just like I said earlier, if everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority. So sit down, figure out what's truly a priority. Ask yourself, are you going to be willing to endure that adversity to do that? Are you going to give up some of these other things to make this thing happen? Once you've done that and you accentuate those things, you'll be amazed at what happens because you minimalize the distraction.
00:50:31
Speaker
And that's key. Yep. I love it. I love it, Marcus. I feel like I could just chat with you all day. We're going up on an hour here. I want to get it in for the audience before we have to close this incredible interview and all this inspiration that you shared with us. What does an authentic life mean to you? An authentic life comes from understanding what you truly want, what's truly a priority, and then allowing your actions to reflect that. If you want to know what a person believes, you observe their actions, not their words.
00:50:59
Speaker
So I'm living my life on my own terms now, making the biggest impact on as many people as I possibly can with the quality that I provide. And then I'm continuing to do that and enjoying every moment of it. I love it. I love it. And for people who are interested in checking out you, finding out more about your book, where can they find you? You can find me where you found me on LinkedIn at Marcus Aurelius Anderson. If you go to Marcus Aurelius Anderson.com, you'll find information on me there as well. My TEDx talk, the gift of adversity is on
00:51:30
Speaker
YouTube, I'm on Instagram under the same handle, Twitter as well. My book, The Gift of Adversity, will be out on Halloween the 31st, and I'm just so happy that we got to talk. I really enjoyed myself, Laura. Thank you. I really enjoyed myself as well. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you.