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Retirement Burnout
213 Plays2 years ago
In this episode of the Uncommon Wealth Podcast, Philip and Arron discuss the challenges of transitions in life, such as retirement or selling a business, and the potential for burnout and identity issues that can arise during these times. They emphasize the importance of finding purpose and diversifying interests to maintain a sense of identity and fulfillment.
We also discuss the value of serving others and mentoring as a way to find joy and purpose in life.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Uncommon Wealth Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Everyone dreams of living an uncommon life and the best asset you have to achieve your dreams is you. Welcome to the Uncommon Wealth Podcast. We're going to introduce you to people who are living uncommonly. We're also going to give you some tools and strategies for building wealth and for pursuing an uncommon path that is uniquely right for you.
00:00:26
Speaker
Yellow. This is Phillip. You've listened to the Uncoming Wealth podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm also with my other buddy. Aaron Kramer. Yeah, buddy. Gotta love it. I love that intro. You did? I just thought I had to switch it up a little bit. You know? I like it. Thank you.
00:00:41
Speaker
We got a duo cast today and a fun one because we just had a podcast the other day, maybe a couple of weeks ago, with James and Scott, James Green, Scott Lowe. They were individuals that sold their business. I have high respect for these two. They sold their business for not a small sum of money. And this all came out, or my thought process for this podcast came out in that podcast.
Identity Crisis Post-Business Sale
00:01:07
Speaker
And that's why I'm giving you so much backstory.
00:01:09
Speaker
But in the podcast, what they, they had this big check drop into their checking account within four weeks. Each one of them had a panic attack, like a pretty significant panic attack. And in that podcast, you can go back and listen to it, but they kind of said like, there was an identity issue that was happening that I didn't have this, this baby that I've been pouring into for eight years for them also for 10. Yeah. 10 for Scott eight for
00:01:36
Speaker
for james but basically let's just say eight the reason why i said eight is because they were really like like pushing hard when they quit their job for eight years but you're right ten is about right but and then the other side of it was they didn't realize how hard they were pushing their body and mental capacity
00:01:54
Speaker
while they were doing it because they were just like kind of used to it. And they thought that maybe afterwards it was when, you know, your body kind of caught up to you, like your choices started making it into
The Impact of Life Transitions on Identity and Mental Health
00:02:05
Speaker
all this stuff. So today I want to talk about when things happen, transitions in your life. And I see this in retirement folks, the people who retire, who've been working their whole life, and now they stop completely abruptly and they have money, but they kind of have this identity issue that's like,
00:02:23
Speaker
burnout of like all those years of all the grind and all the hard work and all the stress has kind of cultivated to this like I might not be doing well. Then you add on top of that the identity of like you're not going to work anymore.
00:02:39
Speaker
It's real and I'm, I think my, to try to tip my hand a little bit, I'm going to give you the solution a little bit and maybe it isn't, but one solution is like trying to figure out what the next phase is before you're done with the other phase. So you can seamlessly transition into that.
00:02:58
Speaker
Anyway, I know Aaron, you have a lot of thoughts on this and I can't wait to unpack them, but that's what the podcast is about. Retirement burnout or transition burnout where you realize how hard you've been pushing. And at some point your body is just like, no more. I can't do it. So let's talk about it. Yeah. I think it's amazing. I mean, the transition for the burnout part, like that one is very foggy for me, but like the
00:03:23
Speaker
I can relate a lot to the identity issue over it because I mean, you're working real hard for something for a long time and then to walk away. That's a hard thing. Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, it is like you can't help but like.
00:03:39
Speaker
have it be a part of your identity.
Identity Challenges for Athletes and Military Personnel
00:03:41
Speaker
I want you to talk about, cause you had a perfect analogy of this and it's a different transition, but it's a similar college athletes. Yeah. High school athletes even. Well, I, I mean, yeah, I'm that guy since I played in college. I think it's funny when people in high school, I agree. I didn't want to. Everybody gets to play. Yeah.
00:03:59
Speaker
It's not special. Uh, it is special. I'm not discrediting people that play, but I do know through my friends and everything from college, college athletes go through this. And I was not a great college athlete. Like I made varsity. That was the highlight of my career of wrestling, right? And we were, I was on a real good team, but so making varsity was no small thing, but like, I wasn't this.
00:04:27
Speaker
Yeah. All star. It wasn't an all American or nothing like that. And it still hit me. Sure. So like I came out of school because you think about it for your first how many every year is like, so you got 12 there in grade school and they got four more. So you have 16 years, you know, 12 to 16 years where you're like, if someone asks you, Hey, Aaron, right? They'll describe yourself. The first thing come out of my mouth is a wrestler. Yeah.
00:04:56
Speaker
So, and then you get out of school, then you do all these interviews, and people are like, describe yourself. I'm a... Dang it, I don't know what I am. Right? Right. So, but like, you see it all the time when you have to go and do this whole new find yourself kind of thing.
00:05:15
Speaker
I also see, this is funny that you're saying this because as you're talking, I think about, I had a conversation at a wedding and I talked to an individual that was in the military, his whole career, 30 some years or like 25 and like there's money is no object to him. Like, oh, that's coming in. And he's like, I don't even know who I am. Like they told me what to wear. They told me where to be at what time. And he's like, I got none of that.
00:05:41
Speaker
And he's like, I have no idea who I am. And like, I was like, how scary. Yeah. I love that you brought that up because that is another area that I see people when they leave the military, they get depressed. Yeah. Because that's they're getting their identity. They're a soldier. That's who they are. Right. Right. And now that they're not doing, they don't do that anymore. They don't put that uniform on. They're not a soldier anymore.
00:06:03
Speaker
It's so sad. It's so sad. And I'm sure that we are not going to have the answer here at this Uncomable of podcasts, but it's fascinating to see. And I think for me, like seeing James and Scott, cause we'll kind of circle back to them thinking like, well, what am I doing today to make sure that I'm not going to have a burnout tomorrow?
Preparing for Life Transitions and Finding New Purpose
00:06:23
Speaker
And who knows, right? Cause mental, like that kind of stuff, like it can happen to anybody. And so there's no way I can be like, well, I'm going to fix it. There's no way, but
00:06:32
Speaker
it is it was at least an interesting thought to me of thinking man i'm grateful i did have this thought in the show i'm grateful i don't have millions of dollars hit my bank account
00:06:45
Speaker
because I wonder if I would start analyzing my body and my like, am I doing okay? Like, I don't know if I'm doing okay. I might not be doing okay. Like, and you know, like self-fulfilled prophecy. Uh, and, and now I don't have to worry about money. Like I don't really need to do the work. Like it's just weird. And then you have this identity thing of like, Oh yeah, but I sold my business. So I can't do that. And I can't really do like what, uh, oh, you know, then you're in a bad way. It's super complicated. Yeah. Like,
00:07:14
Speaker
I don't know. It's interesting to think about what they had to go through for that. Cause I mean, I know when I talked to my other fellow friends and college athletes, like you go, Hey, you're
00:07:26
Speaker
You're kind of lost, right? Yeah. But like also the same sense for the burnout portion of it, like to, if you don't get the chance to like leave and help the, like the identity thing before leaving my idea of voices. And like, when I talked to other people that went through this is you need to tie your identity to something.
00:07:48
Speaker
that can't be taken from you. Oh, that's good. Right. With a deep knowledge today. No, I don't know. No, I've just seen a lot of therapists. Okay. So what would that be? So for me, it was just like, you know, like I'm a man of God, right? Okay. I'm a husband. I'm a father. You can't take these things from me. There's nothing that can happen where you're going to take this from me.
00:08:16
Speaker
So kind of like, I think that like I'm a man of God like that. Yes. But like marriage, like you never know. Like that stuff could be why I'm not married. Yeah. I mean, like, hopefully I guess you get a divorce. That's true. Or like she gets in a car accident or see, I think you're still a husband at that point. Like you're a widowed, but like you're still a husband, like you're still there. Right.
00:08:40
Speaker
Okay, so then divorced, like that could happen, right? That totally blew up my portion of that one. So it might need a new identity portion of that, but hopefully that can't just be taken away. There's not a time on that, right? Yeah. And I do think there's multiple things that you can put your stamp of approval. Like I'm a father, right? Or I'm a husband, right? And so maybe there's multiple things that you actually are pouring into.
00:09:07
Speaker
Therefore, having all of them get you ganked away is probably not going to happen. Right. But I was thinking, like, even sports, you've got to be careful because, like, you get hurt and you can't do it. And then I put sports in there. Yeah. Right. And so I think even hedging your bet in this, like, here's a stupid example. You're just going to kick me. But here we go. So I love to play disc golf. Just love.
00:09:32
Speaker
I'm such a loser. I mean, it's kind of embarrassing, but I like it. It's like my therapy. I get why people want to go out and golf because like they're good at it. I'm decent at the old disc golf. But there was a time where I was like, oh man, I can't go disc golfing because it's windy. It's it's like windy. And I was like, OK, what other sport or what other thing could I do? What other hobby could I do?
00:09:52
Speaker
And I picked up flying a kite. Yes,
Diversifying Identity Through Hobbies and Core Interests
00:09:56
Speaker
it's called it's a power kite. So it's not just like your tiny little kite. Like it'll pull you around. And I was like, this is brilliant because it's windy. OK, then let's go fly kite. OK, it's windy. It's not windy. Can do that. Well, then go. Let's go play disco.
00:10:10
Speaker
So it was almost like I was hedging my bets in the hobbies that I was kind of liking. So I wonder if there's some wisdom in that when you're talking about your identity, right? No. What? What do you? Who are you?
00:10:23
Speaker
Well, I'm a man of God, like a husband, my father. You know, I also get to hang out with a lot of amazing people and serve them by helping them with finances. Yeah. So I wonder if there's a way that you could hedge all that. Yeah. All of it doesn't usually get yanked away. But it's like, I guess, you know, for us, if I'm just thinking here on the podcast live here, like,
00:10:48
Speaker
Diversifying. Yes. Your hobbies and interests, hobbies and interests. Right. Yes. I have a similar moment. Like I can say this year, so whenever this airs, I can say it was like a few months ago. I felt you probably remember this because I told you about it because it like hit me to my core. Yeah. My wife asked me, Aaron, if you if a friend, if you had to go to a friend and do something all day,
00:11:14
Speaker
What would you do? But here's the can't do. Yeah, you can't do. You can't work out. Yeah. Can't go see a movie. Can't work. And so it's like. And that means that they can't work like I can't read a book, you know, not that you're going to read a friend, but maybe you're doing books or something, but let's do the work. I only read if it has to work. And I was like.
00:11:39
Speaker
I don't know. I had nothing like I absolutely nothing. And so you only get a day. So you're not going to go on a trip. Yeah, I was like.
00:11:48
Speaker
I have nothing. Right. So here's my thing. Like, and this is a question I used to talk to people when I used to first meet them, especially for my job. Hey, if you had nothing to do tomorrow, what would you do? You don't just hear what they have to say, right? So I guess that's my exercise for our listeners today. If you had nothing to do tomorrow and money were no object, what would you do? What would you do? What would be, you know, and all day, right? Like, what would you do?
00:12:14
Speaker
and just write those things down. And then at the end of it, like what's the core? Well, I travel. Oh, okay. Travel might be something that you're interested in, you know? Yeah. And whatever it is and pretend like that there's no amount of time for tomorrow, right? Like you could play all day or you could travel all day or whatever and just write down as many things as you're like, Oh, I'd want to do that. I want to do this one. How excited are you for that day to come?
00:12:39
Speaker
And then two, what are those things that you can continue to do and start fostering those for when this transition happens? You're excited about the other things that you gotta go pour yourself into. Because there's a statistic out there like, I don't know how many years after you retire, you die. And I think that's probably for everybody, but for the people who don't have anything and their identity was in work, yeah, like you're sitting on the couch, you're doing absolutely nothing that you love to do.
00:13:08
Speaker
But the people that seem like they love their life in retirement are the people who are active. And they're like, I get rid of this. I'm going to go pick a ball. I've got Domino's. I've got this. Holy cow. That is quickly. I want our listeners to know when you see those people that do that, though.
00:13:24
Speaker
Guess what? All those people that got busier did those things prior to retirement as well. Right. Right. And they've worked on that. Yeah. Cause like the old saying, like an old dog, don't learn new tricks, right? Like you ain't retiring at 65 and then you're going to pick up woodworking. You're not going to pick up pick a ball. You're not going to pick up exercise. You're going to, you're, you've got your habits and your things. You're not going to learn a new trick. You know,
00:13:48
Speaker
So again, learn, take it now and then like run with it. And then maybe it's just a little bit, you know, like, but right. It would be really hard, even if it's like, well, if you're in a career, a doctor attorney, like start thinking about how you're going to mentor somebody younger than you that in that career.
00:14:09
Speaker
That's good. Here's another thing too.
Serving Others for Fulfillment and Purpose
00:14:11
Speaker
I think that the people that I find that have true, the most joy, happiness are the people that have served or pouring out their selves, their talents or gifts, their wisdom to other people. It's not the people who kind of isolate themselves.
00:14:27
Speaker
but it's the people who are like pushing forward of like, Hey, I want to serve this next person or I want to mentor this person. Those people have purpose in my, in my perspective, and they are thriving, not only thriving, but like, I would say that majority of those people are like, Oh my gosh, like, yeah, I mentoring him, but I find far more wisdom in that time. Like, I feel like I get more blessed than that person, right? What a cool thing.
00:14:53
Speaker
That's an awesome thing. The people that want to challenge us on this, because I agree with you 100%, is like, I would love you to challenge me on this. Because we are social animals. We are pack animals. We want to be around people. So I don't care how introverted you think you are. The people are like, I hate being around other people. I call a bunch of BS. You just want it to be a smaller group of people. Or you want those to be your people. Smaller group of people, you're right. Maybe one other person.
00:15:22
Speaker
But yeah, it's like, you know, if you spent your entire life building a set of skills, man, I just had a flashback of like taken. I have a set of skills. Yeah. But like, you build up like a set of skills, like what better thing to like pass them on? Yeah. You know, here's another analogy of this just to kind of prove the point. Like, all right, you just catch, you know, you just hit a hole in one.
00:15:48
Speaker
and you're by yourself. I'd be like, I would be super pissed. I'd be mad. I'd be like, no, no. Or I had a hole in one in frisbee golf and no one's around. I'm telling you right now, like there's just not as much joy as you could have when somebody is witnessing it with you. Yeah. Well, okay. To bring in another analogy or like, if we're trying to convince our listeners to take this on, like if you're an athlete of any sort or just in general,
00:16:18
Speaker
So how many times have you heard or have you said, oh, if I only knew what I knew now back when I was younger? Oh, man.
00:16:26
Speaker
Yeah, every day. I think about that as an act like just being athletics was a big deal to me. You know, my entire life, I'm still a meathead. I sit there and think if I knew what I knew now back then. Oh, my gosh. Right. Oh, OK. You can't go. We don't have a time machine. You can't go back. And would you actually want to go back? No, like.
00:16:50
Speaker
But can you go give that knowledge to somebody else that's going through that younger time to launch them forward? That would be amazing to see someone succeed and totally surpass whatever you could ever dream of doing as an athlete or professional.
00:17:06
Speaker
Parenting is so cool, right? Cause you get to like live vicariously through your kids. I remember the first time we went back to, we went to like a playground and I was like, this is awesome. Cause you get to like witness it through your child. And there's some excitement and joy that happens when you get to see other people witness
00:17:24
Speaker
like their happiness and they're having fun like it's it's great so i think my big challenge at the end of this is to one how can i love my life right now like not hey when i get here i'm gonna do this no no no like right now what is it gonna look like to have true joy for me it's serving and it's just being around more people that might not be yours that's okay
00:17:51
Speaker
The other thing I think is what can I do now to make sure that at the end of this rainbow or this transition, I don't get burnt out.
Balancing Work and Personal Life to Avoid Burnout
00:18:01
Speaker
I am, I'm trying to stay healthy. I'm not working, you know, 12 hour days because I do think that that will, it, it just takes its toll on you and you don't know how that's going to manifest. So how are you going to stay healthy while you are continually working hard? That's my, I mean,
00:18:22
Speaker
And to add to yours, like even like I'm someone like, I know on our team, everyone knows I like working where I will work 12 hours a day and I will enjoy it. Right. But for the health of it, then you get asked questions like, what would you do if you don't get to work? It's like, yes.
00:18:38
Speaker
You know, it's good. So like for me, like I am happy and I am joyful to work 12 hours a day, but it's one of those things where I'm setting myself up for a huge depression if I ever lose this career. All right. Do you have to diversify? So that's right. I love that you challenges that and also. I guess my challenge is like when when we say joy and like truly enjoy what you're doing or like life, like
00:19:08
Speaker
I don't want to confuse you too much, but it doesn't mean like you're going through life with a smiley face the entire
Finding Joy in Struggle and Hard Work
00:19:15
Speaker
time. For sure. Right. Like life is hard. Oh, yeah. You know, but like it's like diversify the challenges and.
00:19:24
Speaker
So you can step away and come back at it with a fresher mind. Yeah, that's a, that's a good point. I do think that there's a lot of people who will see somebody who's joyful and then are a little bit skeptical of like, that's artificial joy. And, and for, for me, I almost
00:19:45
Speaker
I don't know if this is 100% true, but I'm almost just as vocal when I'm having a bad day. Here's why. Because when I am having a good day, you'll know I'm having a good day. If I'm having a bad day, hey, I'm just struggling today. So I had a gentleman today that I just met with. He's awesome. His name's Jim, one of our clients. And he was like, I'm just tired. I'm tired. And his mother-in-law is passing away. She's a hospice.
00:20:10
Speaker
I'm gonna text him later tonight and just be like how much i value our friendship that you can be honest enough to tell me that he's tired and he's kind of worn out you know cuz we're not always on cloud nine that's not realistic so great point but identify you in that to the light will be do this really well and i look up to you for this is like.
00:20:31
Speaker
You put on a good game face, but it's not just like a game face. Like you have learned to enjoy the grind. Where like, if, you know, everybody tests this, if you walk up to Phillip, he will tell you, he's like, ah, you know, it's another day, which means like, I'm grinding. You stay with a smile and nobody's going to feel like,
00:20:54
Speaker
your grind, like no one's going to be like, Oh, avoid Phillip. Cause you know, things are hard right now. You don't snap by, but you like truly like, I feel like you're getting really close, if not mastered that, like love the love of the grind. Yeah, dude. It's, we have to, right? Like we got a pedal. I'm just saying, like, I mean, I love the grind, but sometimes the grind can get me. And then it's like, everybody knows that I'm going to take the grind out on you. Like you have,
00:21:23
Speaker
but you don't do that. You've done a great job. And honestly, like I, for this point in this season of my life.
00:21:31
Speaker
I can't afford to not enjoy the grind. And I'm selfish enough, like even in life. And I, like, I don't know if I ever told anybody or the podcast this, but I remember when my church, there was a lot of people moving. And I remember like, no one really wants to help people move. And I was like, how can we make this fun? Like moving is not fun. And I made a goal of like, how many people can we get at this person's house?
00:21:58
Speaker
That was kind of just like my phone. We had 38 people the first time, 38 people to help this individual move. We moved them in in 48 minutes, 40 minutes. I had to, I think I had to go back to the truck six times or something. Like that's not really helping somebody move. It's like,
00:22:15
Speaker
That's fun. And after that, I was like, what if we try to do this in 30 minutes? And everybody was like, all right, who's who's moving next? Like, it was a challenge. Everyone was like, we were like ants, like, OK, who's moving next? Anyway, so every time we heard somebody coming into church and moving, we were like, we're there. And again, it was going to last, you know.
00:22:33
Speaker
30 to 40 minutes and it was going to be done. And these people are going to be like, what just happened? Okay. My point is saying all that. It's not to edify me, but I love to make things fun. And if we can't make things fun, I get really depressed really quick. And I feel like right now in our grind, it's still fun. Here's why we get to go help some amazing people. They still look up to us and value our opinion. And we're not doing this together as a team. Like everyone has their paddle.
00:22:59
Speaker
everybody's petals in the water and we're just rowing together.
Teamwork, Collaboration, and Enjoying the Grind
00:23:04
Speaker
Like there is something really unifying about that. And I know that we're building something bigger than ourselves. And that is worth enjoying the grind. Yeah. See, and that's why I think it's great. Like, so that's where our listeners, you know,
00:23:19
Speaker
Enjoy the grind, but that doesn't mean like, I mean, doesn't mean you can put a smile on your face and enjoy it. But like, doesn't mean like on the inside, you're like screaming. Yes. Like, you know, that's a good point. That's a good point.
Conclusion: Embrace an Uncommon Life
00:23:32
Speaker
All right. So you've been listening to the Uncomewolf podcast. I've been your host, Philip Ramsey. And I'm Aaron Kramer. Thanks for listening. Until next time, go do something for yourself so you don't get burned out with the uncommon. Be uncommon. Go get some more hobbies. Yeah. Thanks for listening.
00:23:48
Speaker
That's all for this episode, brought to you by Uncommon Wealth Partners. Be sure to visit uncommonwealth.com to learn more about our services. Don't miss an episode as we introduce you to inspiring people who are actively pursuing an uncommon life.