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Episode 32: Protecting and Preparing Our Kids in a Technology Driven World with Arlene Pellicane
155 Plays3 years ago
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of several books including Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life. Arlene has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Focus on the Family, and FamilyLife Today, and serves as the host of The Happy Home podcast. She lives in San Diego with her husband, James, and their three children.
Key Idea: We want our kids to be experts in life, not in gaming or social media.
Mentioned in this episode:
Screen Kids: 5 Skills Every Kid Needs in a Tech Driven World
Grandparenting Screen Kids: How to Help, What to Say, and Where to Begin
A+ Skills mentioned in the episode:
Affection
Appreciation
Anger Management
Apology
Attention
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This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:08
Speaker
Hello, I am Patrick Schwenk, and I am so thankful that you are listening in with me today at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's Word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by His mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
00:00:25
Speaker
You know, one of the things I love about doing this podcast is that we get to listen to and learn from some pretty amazing people. And today is another one of those
Guest Introduction: Arlene Pellecain
00:00:33
Speaker
opportunities. And so I'm just really excited because we have another special guest, someone Ruth and I have had the privilege of knowing now for a number of years. And we're gonna be talking about parenting and the challenge that we all face
00:00:43
Speaker
with raising kids in this digital age. And so we're gonna be talking about screen time. We're gonna be talking about social media, gaming, tablets, TV, I mean, you name it. And so I can't wait to share today's episode with you and introduce to you our friend and guest. And so let's get started.
00:01:06
Speaker
Well, my guest today is Arlene Pellecain. Arlene is a speaker and author of several books, including Parents Rising, 31 Days to a Happy Husband, and Calm, Cool, and Connected, five digital habits for a more balanced life. Arlene has been a featured guest on the Today Show, Fox and Friends, focus on the family and family life today, and serves as the host of the Happy Home podcast. She lives in San Diego with her husband, James, and their three children. Arlene, welcome to Root Like Faith.
00:01:34
Speaker
It is so great to be with you, Pat. Thanks for having me. Yeah. I feel like the roles have been reversed. Yeah. I've had you on my podcast and Ruth on my podcast. So this is fun. This is fun. Yeah. I don't know which I'm, you know, I was pretty nervous to be on your podcast, but it's kind of nervous to be on this end too. You're nerve wracking. So no, this is super fun. This is just a lie. You know, as I was saying in the intro, you know, Ruth, I've known you now for a number of years and so you're more than a guest and you are a friend.
A Personal Story of Gratitude
00:02:03
Speaker
And so we just are so grateful.
00:02:04
Speaker
for your ministry. You know, you have been writing and speaking and blogging. I mean, really along the same themes that Ruth and I have been over the last 10 years. And so we're just so grateful for your voice, for your ministry. It's so needed.
00:02:19
Speaker
you know, in today's culture. And we're going to be talking about a new book that you have along with Dr. Gary Chapman that's releasing actually several books, one that was basically revised and is being re-released and then a new book that will go along with that. And so we're going to be talking about that in just a few minutes, but I want to just brag about your family for a second. Can I do that?
00:02:40
Speaker
Sure you can. It's usually my job, but I love it. You brag about them too. No, that's right. No, I just want to say to our listeners, when I was diagnosed early on, I was diagnosed with cancer in January of 2018 and then started treatment, I think in February, but you and your family sent us just a really, really nice card, but also you sent our kids water guns.
00:03:03
Speaker
And that just meant the world to us and to our kids and to me. And so I just want to say thank you and just tell our listeners, you're the real deal. And so we're just so grateful for you guys, for your family. And when I received those, I think it was February, I didn't think too much about it because it was winter in Michigan. But when June rolled around and July rolled around and they started using that, I just thought I was off limits because of what I'd been through, but that was not the case.
00:03:32
Speaker
And so I thought you could like go through cancer treatment and your kids still wouldn't try to shoot you with water guns, but that was not the case. I was on the other end of some of those. So I guess I owe you. Yeah, exactly. Sorry about that. That was not the intention, but I am glad they got to use them. They loved them. They loved them. Absolutely. And they didn't just use them on me, but in all seriousness, thank you so much.
00:03:55
Speaker
It was the very least that we could do. You know, when you hear that someone is going through something so big, you just think, what can we do? And so, you know, if you're listening to this, every little gesture, I suppose matter, but it was, it was the least we could do now. Well, we greatly appreciated that. Um, let's dive in because you, like I mentioned, you along
Discussing 'Screen Kids' and Life Skills
00:04:13
Speaker
with Dr. Gary Chapman, uh, have a new book or really a revised book releasing called screen kids, uh, five skills every child needs and a tech driven world.
00:04:21
Speaker
And then you also have the book releasing called Grandparenting Screen Kids, How to Help, What to Say, and Where to Begin. We're going to be linking to those books in our show notes, but Ruth and I had the privilege of reading Screen Kids and endorsing that, and it is an excellent book.
00:04:38
Speaker
And I just want to say upfront before we start talking about this is not like an anti-technology book. You know, technology obviously is not going anywhere. And so for our listeners, this is not like you're not beating up on technology. This is about how as parents, when we're trying to root our kids in their faith and pass on faith to the next generation, how do we deal with technology? How do we deal with screen time in a wise way?
00:05:03
Speaker
and not underestimating the influence of that. And so I just want to state that up from me. This is an excellent book full of great practical wisdom, lots of research. And so I want to talk about one of the things that you say in the book and I've seen you share over the last couple of weeks during the pre-order is that you say that we want our kids to be experts in life, not in gaming or social media.
00:05:27
Speaker
And I just love that. I mean, let's just begin in that area. I mean, why is this book so important, especially right now? Yeah, you think of like the skills that children of yesteryear learned, right? Maybe they were strong readers.
00:05:41
Speaker
They had common courtesies. They could look Mr. Jones in the eye and say, nice to meet you, Mr. Jones. They knew how to have skills, whether it was chores or all these different things. And when they were ready to graduate out, they understood things. They could do the math to balance their checkbook. They knew how to drive. They'd asked someone out on a date before and had tried that out. They'd done certain things. Well, today's child,
00:06:06
Speaker
So many children are not learning these skills because they're really good at gaming and they're awesome at getting followers at social media. But if they were to go into a new setting where they had to meet someone in real life without a device, let's say, that would be mortifying. It would be really challenging. And so it's just this idea that we have these 18 years with our kids, 18 summers. How are we gonna use them to help them be prepared for life? And I think of Malcolm Gladwell and the 10,000 hours that
00:06:35
Speaker
He has talked about of being able to master something, you know, 10,000 hours of violin practice, and all of a sudden, wow, you're really a master, good practice, of course. Well, our kids, you know, you have 10,000 hours with them in your home, and the goal is that they would be disciples of Christ when they graduate out, that they would have common courtesy,
00:06:55
Speaker
they would be able to discern what's true and
Challenges and Solutions for Screen Time
00:06:58
Speaker
what's not. You know, those are the kinds of things that you want. But unfortunately, so many kids, they're not sure about those things, but they do have 10,000 hours of gaming. They do have 10,000 hours of Netflix and social media. And so that's the rub. And that's why we have to be really careful to ask ourselves, wait a minute, am I making an expert in life, a future adult that will be ready? Or are they just going to be game ready? But they're not life ready.
00:07:25
Speaker
Yeah. I love that. I love that. So, so good. You know, I know, you know, one of the things that you talk about in the book, you cite the research that I think the Barnard research that says 78% of parents feel like that parenting is far more complicated today and largely because of what feels like kind of this constant tension that's going on between parents and children. And so there's, I think so much, so much of an influence
00:07:52
Speaker
that we cannot underestimate as it relates to screen time and social media. And especially right now, I mean, this book was and is incredibly relevant without COVID, but we're in the middle of a global pandemic where kids are spending lots of time at home and parents are working from home and they're trying to work and educate their kids.
00:08:14
Speaker
And so like this challenge of screen time and how much kids should be playing video games, I think just becomes even more relevant as parents are wrestling with some of these issues. And so I mean, how would you encourage, you know, a parent right now who's working from home, their kids are maybe doing, you know, virtual school? I mean, how do they navigate that with kids sometimes spending up to six, seven hours, eight hours, you know, in zoom classes?
00:08:39
Speaker
Absolutely. I have kids in school, sixth grade, ninth grade, 11th grade, and they are sitting in front of that computer from about nine o'clock in the morning till three o'clock in the afternoon. And then they're on the computer again for their homework. And I'm like, when are you going to not be frozen in that position? So I totally understand that. And so I think a lot of it is during the day, for instance, lunchtime.
00:09:01
Speaker
Make sure lunchtime, you are nowhere near that screen, you are eating nutritious food, you are stretching, you are taking the dog for a walk, you're doing something that's active and that's different. Just help your kids to change channels, so to speak, and get off that computer because you know they're gonna jump back on.
00:09:17
Speaker
And then really carve out those evening times. I know one family, every night they have their family walk and they take their dog and that's their tradition and I think that's great. So to have some non-screen activities that are really pleasant but that they're part of the rhythm. You don't have to think about it. Oh, should we do that? It just happens. So have those things there in place. And then it is so difficult because the longer your child is on screens, the more it becomes a habit and they get kind of used to it.
00:09:47
Speaker
And then they get kind of like, I don't really feel like doing XYZ because I'm just kind of used to sitting here and passively sitting here.
00:09:57
Speaker
And so I think that is the point where the parent has to be the the deterrent, the one that's kind of poking him. Yeah. OK, yeah, we got to get up now. And to be honest with you, as adults, we feel the same way, too. We don't want to go out and do a new activity either. So but we have to be the ones to say, OK, let's let's go to the lake. OK, let's go for a drive. Hey, we're taking out the board game. OK, we're doing the puzzle. Hey, we're going to write a letter to Graham on now, whatever it is. But we're going to
00:10:23
Speaker
We're going to kind of poke at them to do something totally different that's completely offline. Yeah, that's great. I think you just offer some really, really practical ways to sort of disrupt that rhythm that we're all sort of in right now because of COVID. And one of the things that we did for a short time, and we were not perfect at it by any means, you can ask our kids, but we would do like a Sabbath. This worked better before they started school.
00:10:51
Speaker
But, um, we would do like a Sabbath rest from social media over the weekend. And so that was just like a really healthy way for us to disconnect from screens. And we didn't always do it perfectly. And sometimes I got caught, you know, going on Instagram, Ruth would say, what are you doing? You know, nothing, um, just out of habit. I'd pull it up. But that was, that was a really, really healthy way of kind of disrupting just that normal pattern
00:11:17
Speaker
of being in front of a screen. And so that we found to be very, very helpful. And that's obviously been a little bit more challenging now that kids are back in school and needing to do homework over the weekend, that kind of a thing. But that was super helpful for us. Yeah. And that could be done. You could do a certain weeknight after dinner. Say, hey, is everybody's homework done? OK, great. Then we're all going to go offline for a little bit. So you can kind of change it. But that idea of a digital Sabbath is so good. And we talk about that in Screen Kids. And there was an author.
00:11:46
Speaker
William Powers who did it and he just what I love about it was they went offline from Friday night to Monday morning But what I love about it is they hated it at first. Yeah, you know you hear these things and you think oh, you know it didn't work the first time so I'm gonna stop but no they hated it and it took a
00:12:03
Speaker
a good few months before they said, okay, this is great. And we actually look forward to the time where we're offline. So don't give up on something just because it doesn't work at first. And it is really good to, you know, when you get caught doing something, you know, talk to your kids about it. Like see how mom and dad, see how we are so, you know, we are compelled to look at this.
00:12:25
Speaker
And you can talk about how it's really designed to capture your attention and kind of let your kids in on that matrix and be right alongside of them in that struggle. And I think that's a strength, not a weakness. Yeah, that's good. Well, again, the book is screen kids five skills every child needs in a tech driven world. So
00:12:43
Speaker
Before we kind of jump in, because, you know, again, one of the things I just absolutely loved about the book is all the research. And so, you know, our listeners shouldn't be scared by that word. Like, this is a really just fun, readable book. And the research is so readable and so, so helpful. And so I want to, it had to be research that I could understand. Same here. No, thank you for doing that. No.
00:13:10
Speaker
So I want to talk a little bit about that research in a minute, but before we do that, the five skills every child needs. Just really briefly, what are those five skills and why are those so important?
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah, we call them the A plus social skills. So you know about the academic A's, but what if your child had the A plus skill of affection? They can give and receive love. They know how to do that in appropriate ways. The skill of appreciation. Your child says, thank you, instead of like, is that all I get? You know, but thank you. They're appreciative. Anger management.
00:13:44
Speaker
that when something upsets them, they don't blow up or go crazy, but they know how to tell. Is this anger justified, not justified? How can I deal with this anger? That's obviously a very mature skill, but it's something that a kid can start learning. The A plus skill of apology, can a child own up for their mistakes and say, man, I did the wrong thing, I'm sorry.
00:14:04
Speaker
Or are they just going to like unfollow people or just kind of drop off the planet? You know, how are they going to deal with that? And then the last A plus skill is attention. And this one's particularly important. Just how do they take that wandering mind
00:14:19
Speaker
and bring attention, whether they're sitting in a class, in person, or virtual, whether they're listening to a sermon, whether they're listening to mom or dad, telling them what they need to do next, you know, can they focus and pay attention? Yeah. So good. I was so excited to see that you cite a study from the University of Michigan. So our listeners will know that Ruth and I are diehard Michigan fans. Yeah. Season ticket holders for Michigan football. So go blue to all of our Michigan football listeners. And I noticed in the book that you cite a study
00:14:48
Speaker
You know that some research from the university michigan where they looked at data from from over fourteen thousand students and these are college students but they found that for the students college students are forty percent less empathetic
00:15:02
Speaker
than they were 20 years ago. And so that just kind of ties into what you're talking, you know, some of those, those skills that you're talking about on a relational level. I read that and I was just shocked by that. Yeah, because it used to be our orientation would be like face to face, like real people. So if someone falls down, you're like, Oh, are you okay? Let me help you. You know, but today it's all your, you're online. It's just this little phone. So in my mind, like if someone falls down, you don't even notice because
00:15:30
Speaker
And then if they did fall down you like take this little picture hashtag fall, you know So it's just different that people are not Empathetic towards each other like they used to and they don't have as much practice Looking at someone's face and seeing them kind of tear up or seeing him get kind of red in the face because they're getting mad You know, they don't have that practice because you can't tell those things in texts and posts and things like that
00:15:54
Speaker
And so we're just not quite as good at that. And of course, there's that layer veneer of kind of fakeness on social media that you could be kind of anything you want to be. So that that real relationship that young people, you know, that's that's harder to come by. And I think that's why we see those empathy numbers. Yeah. And how else do you see because that that piece of research was so fascinating to me. And I mean, what other ways do you see technology
00:16:20
Speaker
you know, really shaping kids in a negative way relationally. I mean, you've mentioned some of those already, but what else have you noticed that you talk about in the book?
00:16:29
Speaker
Yeah, I think part of it is people are texting instead of talking. So texting is good to say, like, I'm at the parking lot, you know, like, come pick me up. Like, that's awesome. Texting is amazing. But texting is not like having a conversation, even if it's paragraphs and paragraphs, like, like we old people do, we talk into our phones and it makes paragraphs.
Impact of Screen Time on Social Skills and Brain Development
00:16:48
Speaker
But look, teenagers, kids, they don't have paragraphs, they just have like three letters. So that is not conversation.
00:16:56
Speaker
And so I think that's a huge thing when you look, let's say, at a cafeteria and where you used to see kids talking to each other and laughing together and all this stuff. But instead, now you would see kids on their phones and they might be showing each other things and laughing at them, or they might be texting a person at the table next to them.
00:17:17
Speaker
But that's not conversation. And so we're really unable to communicate in the way that we use it. It's funny, you think we're advancing, you know, there are technologies so advanced, but I'm sure the letters that high schoolers wrote, you know, 100 years ago were much more advanced in thought and what, you know, what they're, you know, it was much more meaningful.
00:17:38
Speaker
then, you know, IDK, I don't know. It's so funny, our technology is so advanced, but our communication is kind of primitive. Yeah, it's dumbing us down. It's very, very basic. That's so true. So I think that conversation piece for kids, they need that to be able to obviously meet a mate someday, to be a parent someday, to have a really thriving relationship with God someday. All of those things are basic skills our kids need. Yeah.
00:18:08
Speaker
It's so funny. I mean, 20 years ago, I mean, been in pastoral ministry for, I guess, almost 20 years now. And I started out as a youth pastor. And I remember I was probably, it was maybe three years into my youth ministry days. And I remember that that's when text messaging came out. And I remember
00:18:25
Speaker
standing in the church sanctuary. And I just got a new flip phone, which was like, you know, like amazing, amazing, you know, and it had text message. And I can tell you exactly where I was standing. When I made the comment to one at one of the other pastors, nobody's going to be texting like this is like this is silly, you know, and now it's like what you're saying, like to actually call somebody and get them on the other line is is a real accomplishment in and of itself. And so, yeah, that is so good. You know,
00:18:55
Speaker
One of the other things, one of the other pieces of research that I thought was really fascinating is just what it's doing to kids brains. And you talk about this study that was done by the National Institute of Health and they talk about MRI scans and they found that there's significant differences in the brains of children who reported using smartphones, tablets and video games more than seven hours a day.
00:19:18
Speaker
Now, I know that some of our listeners are going to go, there's no way my kid is spending seven hours. But I think for a lot of families, when they start adding up the amount of time, whether they're in school or they're playing a video game and then they're on Facebook or they're on Instagram or Snapchat, if they have any of those, that adds up pretty quickly. And then the research also that you cite in the book says that children who reported spending more than two hours a day on screens
00:19:43
Speaker
got lower scores on thinking and language tests. They also said that brain scans showed that kids with a lot of screen time had a premature thinning of the cortex, the outermost layer of the brain which processes information from the five senses. When your child is on screens, he is not exercising his five senses in the real world, and that part of the brain starts to decline.
00:20:06
Speaker
The cortex gets thinner over time, usually around age 60. But that same thinning is happening much sooner now in kids. Of course, I took all of that from from the book. But I mean, talk about that for me. I mean, there's something very real that is happening in the brain, isn't there?
00:20:22
Speaker
Yeah, you just have to think that your child's brain is this growing organ and that it really does matter what you feed it. So it's just the same way if your child was eating junk food from morning till night, you know, morning Cheetos, afternoon Doritos, you know, dinner time Funyuns, you know, they're eating that all day long.
00:20:41
Speaker
like they're going to have a problem. And the same is true with the brain that if they're getting this constant screen time, and I know it makes us nervous because we think, oh my goodness, their kids are already on screens like that for school. And so part of it too is just being able to pivot back to not being on screens a whole lot when we do go back to school in real life. So that's one thing to prepare for. But it is good to understand that, okay, when the brain is on screens,
00:21:08
Speaker
There are certain parts that are active and other parts that go dark. So for instance, when your child's playing video games, a lot of times they have this like fight or flight. It's like, I'm running or I've got to get out of here or I've got to shoot this guy or whatever it is that they're watching. It's like fight or flight. I got to do something.
00:21:24
Speaker
And that blood, instead of going to the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is basically the part that is self-control and regulates mood and emotion and all those things, it bypasses that part. And it just goes to those primitive functions of let's get this kid breathing, let's make sure that the heart is pumping. So it just goes into all those areas.
00:21:43
Speaker
So your child, there's a reason why you're like, OK, could you come to dinner? And they're not responding to you because that executive part of their brain that says, I should answer my mother or, you know, my dad has asked me to come to dinner for three times. That part is starved, not getting any blood, not getting any stimulation. And instead, they're just like, I got to get out of here. I got to get out. You know, it's they're playing this game and they're there also.
00:22:08
Speaker
just to realize there is something happening in your child's brain but the good news is this is something you can do about. Like there are a lot of physical problems that might be hereditary for instance or you know something you can't do anything about but this this is something you can do something about like you can actively protect your child's brain and a lot of that comes from limiting how much screen time that they're going to get.
00:22:33
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good and just so so important. I just love the the analogy of the illustration there of what our kids are eating and and then what we're allowing them to take in and digest with the brain and just the impact.
00:22:47
Speaker
that that has, you know, this is a real challenge, as you know, not only for kids, but for parents. And so I know, you know, it is it's a challenge in our kids, like I was sharing earlier, when we would do some of those Sabbath rest from from social media, they would catch me or Ruth would catch me, you know, checking my Facebook and
00:23:04
Speaker
So I'll be the first one to admit, I don't always do it the right way. And there are just times where I, you know, I just check my phone out of habit and nobody's calling. I have no notifications, but it just becomes a habit. And so, I mean, this is a challenge not only for kids, but for parents. And so what advice do you give to parents in this area? I mean, how do we,
00:23:29
Speaker
you know sort of cultivate just a life that is modeling how to use technology in a healthier more God honoring way and you know what kind of example can we set. Yeah and I think a lot of it comes to kind of like when you know that you're being manipulated it makes you more resistant and so with social media with the phone just the knowledge of wait a minute there have been
00:23:53
Speaker
people you know so tristan harris from the center from humane tech he's a google design ethicist former google design ethicist and he talks about how there are a thousand people on the other side of your screen who have just painstakingly worked on it to make it as addictive as possible so that you know you've tagged a person
00:24:12
Speaker
And now, oh, that person wonders, what photo did I get tagged? Like that is all by design to get you to touch your phone. So I think once you realize, wait a minute, they have designed this not to be a neutral slate, not to be just a nice neutral tool, but they've designed this so I will pick it up as often as possible and that I will give my attention to it because I am the product and they want to sell my information of what I do to other people. You know what I'm saying? Once you kind of understand like I am being manipulated,
00:24:42
Speaker
I think it gives you that I am going to put that down all day Saturday. Right. I need to use that. I need a whole new motivation. They don't need my attention. So part of it is just.
00:24:54
Speaker
learning more to learn that, oh, this isn't just like a fad that everyone has to do. This isn't like this nice neutral tool, but to realize, okay, wait a minute, this is really set up to make me want to touch it, to make my children want to
Advice on Managing Children's Device Use
00:25:11
Speaker
touch it. And that's why in the book, we really advise parents not to give your children personal devices. That's the thing, it's in their pocket now. So imagine how hard it is for you as an adult,
00:25:21
Speaker
Now you've got a sixth grader who's got an iPhone in their pocket, so of course he or she's going to want to touch it all the time. So we really recommend push back those devices as long as possible and you will save yourself so much trouble. There's not a parent.
00:25:36
Speaker
on the earth that's like, man, I wish I would have given this iPhone sooner. What have I been missing? Nobody says that. They say the opposite. What in the world was I thinking when I gave my child who signed a contract the phone? What was I thinking?
00:25:53
Speaker
And it's so good, and I think that we're gonna, in just a moment, I think, end with that really practical question of like, okay, now how do we set some boundaries as it relates to technology, screen time? But what you're touching on is it really is, I mean, this is, I think for families, for Christian families, this is a way to really be counter-cultural. And it is so, I mean, you just talk to other families sometimes. I mean, every parent is wrestling.
00:26:21
Speaker
With this and you know, how old should my child be before they get their own phone? And when should they be allowed to get Instagram or Facebook? And I mean if you're in the camp that delays that until they're teenagers or until they're they're even out of high school. They're 40 exactly. That's right.
00:26:41
Speaker
I mean, it's like, you know, you might as well have two heads. Yeah. I mean, people look at you like, like you're an alien. If you, if you set boundaries sometimes, you know, if you only allow your kids to play 30 minutes of video games or whatever. And so it really does require, I think, a parent to say, you know what? I want to honor God first and foremost. I want to please him. I want to do what's right and healthy, you know, for my kids in the long run, even if that means displeasing them right now.
00:27:09
Speaker
And so that can be a real challenge for parents just to understand that they're going to have to tell their kids no. And they have permission to do that. They're in a place of spiritual authority as parents. And just being really wise about that. But it is a real, real challenge. And so I want you to speak as we close. I want you to speak to the parent.
00:27:30
Speaker
that is wrestling with some of these questions that we're talking about. And how do you help that parent set boundaries for their kids in this area of screen time and technology? I think we start with the why. Why is this important to you? Why is this important to your child? And I just think of this whole idea of root-like faith that we're trying to build this faith in our children. And in Psalm 1,
00:27:56
Speaker
It talks about happy is the man, so blessed. Blessed is a man, blessed is a boy, blessed is a girl who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, right? And there's a lot of ungodly stuff. When you give your child that window to YouTube, to Netflix, to video games, there's a lot of ungodly stuff that your child is going to encounter. If you take a child, oh, what are you doing? Oh, I'm memorizing verses on my tablet, you know?
00:28:20
Speaker
Nobody's doing that. And so when you realize there is this pervasiveness of evil that is out there in your technology and it starts with, you know, the counsel of the ungodly, then you're standing in the path of sinners. So now I'm, you know, I'm getting kind of comfortable. I'm going to these new places and I'm going to them often. And then they sit in the seat of the scornful. And now all of a sudden all these values that your parents have been wanting to instill in you here, you've given your child a device.
00:28:47
Speaker
and that's taking them a totally different direction.
00:28:51
Speaker
And I think when we as parents kind of get that leadership on and say, wait a minute, I'm not gonna be the one that gives my child a device that allows them to go to these places that are totally taking him away from God because I want them to be like that tree planted by the rivers of water that delights in the word of God. So boy, the phone, social media, YouTube, Netflix, video games, that's gonna most likely pull your child away. So first, get that why.
00:29:19
Speaker
In place and really realize it is your child's ultimately their soul That as is at risk and then closely following You know is the mind for their schooling and their body for their for their health all those things And so once you get that like wait a minute wake up call. I don't want to wait for disaster I better do something now
00:29:38
Speaker
Then you can assess, you know, what are the things when, you know, when you're talking to your friend and your friend's like, how's it going with screen time? What are the things you talk about? Oh, I can't believe the video games or oh, I caught her looking at this or oh. So whatever that oh is, think to yourself, what's the change that you could make this week?
00:29:58
Speaker
That would make a difference in that area. So maybe it is a screen free meal time so that you're connecting once a day, you know, or maybe five times a week with your family, no screens, and you're really building community and belonging so that they don't have to go out for that. So maybe it's that.
00:30:15
Speaker
Maybe it's, oh, I've been letting my child sleep overnight with their phone and I know they're getting texts in the middle of the night. I know they're tempted to play games in the middle of the night. I got to collect that. So maybe it's, I'm going to sleep with my children's phone under my pillow. You know, so think about what those actions says. Maybe it's an apology. We've allowed you to be on Instagram, but we've noticed that your mood is very different.
00:30:38
Speaker
We see that you're in your room a lot more and it doesn't seem to be making you happier. So we're going to do an experiment for a month and we're going to go no Instagram for a month. Then we're going to have this talk again. And so, you know, this is not like this. You can't. This isn't a discussion. This is what you're going to tell your child. So don't let them talk you out of it.
00:30:58
Speaker
And your child isn't going to be like, you know, that's going to be good for me. They're going to freak out. You have to be ready for the freak out. But just know that a month later, your child will probably say, mom.
00:31:11
Speaker
dad, you were right. Like, I'm so much happier now that I'm not doing that all the time. So, so think of what's that pain point? And what's a specific action step you could do for it? Yeah, that's so good. I know we could we could keep talking for hours on this subject. There's just so much so much still to be
00:31:32
Speaker
I want to encourage our listeners to go get the book again screen kids five skills every child needs to needs in a tech driven world and then also the book for those that are grandparents grandparenting screen kids how to help what to say.
00:31:48
Speaker
and where to begin. And we're going to link to both of those books in our show notes. And so our listeners can go there and see how they can follow you and then also find out where they can they can get the books. And so Arlene, thank you so much again for being on Root Like Faith. It is always good to talk with you and just so many good takeaways from today. So thank you so much for your time and for all the hard work in writing both of these books.
00:32:14
Speaker
and re releasing the book five skills or screen kids five skills every child needs in a tech driven world. Thank you so much. I appreciate you so much. And also my co author Gary Chapman, he appreciates it as well. Thank you. Absolutely. Well, you can also follow us on Instagram at Patrick W. schwank and at Ruth schwank or on Facebook. And as if I don't say it enough already, we are just thrilled that you are joining us and we are welcoming you into our family here at root like faith. And so be sure to subscribe on Apple podcast so you don't miss an episode.