Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 27: When Marriage Isn't What You Expected
92 Plays3 years ago
Mentioned in this episode:
Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes
Connect with Ruth here:
Connect with Pat here:
Please share Rootlike Faith with your friends!
This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus, and moved by his mission and the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
The Unexpected Nature of Marriage
00:00:19
Speaker
Well, today in episode 27, can you believe that? We are on season two, episode 27. That's hard to believe. That is really hard to believe. Well, we're talking about marriage and how, well, it's not always what we expect. It's full of surprises, full of disagreements. And well, it's just joy, really. OK, yes, there is absolute joy.
00:00:42
Speaker
But marriage is good, right? It's supposed to be good. So we are going to explore a biblical foundation for marriage and why a healthy marriage is so important. So let's get going.
Balancing Love After Kids
00:00:54
Speaker
Well, today we are back. We took a break. We took a break. It's good. It's always good to take a little break. So we took a little break and we are here to kick off a fall series over the next few weeks called For Better or For Kids. And it's actually, well, that's the name of one of our books, For Better. Our very first book. I think it was the very first book we ever
00:01:14
Speaker
Oh, together. Released, right? Together, and yeah. For better or for kids, allow to love your spouse with kids in the house. And I should say, though, honey, it's not. I mean, really, this is about marriage. So if you don't have kids, keep listening. It is. Yeah, today is going to be primarily
Humorous Beginnings: Meeting through a Prank Call
00:01:29
Speaker
about marriage. And so whether you have kids or not, it's going to be great.
00:01:34
Speaker
Mm hmm. And I I I do I should share what just happened right before I hit record because this is reality. Come on, honey. Don't do this. He's sitting. Patrick is sitting right next to me as we record. And his foot keeps hitting my leg. It is completely accidental. I'm not flirting with you. I think people sometimes when they hear the podcast, they think we're like in this really big and nice studio. And the reality is we're like we're like, well, we're in our room.
00:02:02
Speaker
sitting at the desk. And you're kind of your corner office here in the corner of our room. And there's not a ton of room. And so I'm just trying to fight for space here at the desk. And you're all relaxed and your toe keeps hitting my leg. OK, anyway. And I had literally just was like, honey, stop hitting my leg. And then I hit record. Anyways, so today we are going to talk a lot about marriage. And maybe we should share how we met.
00:02:29
Speaker
We just celebrated, I mean, August 8th was our anniversary. So I know this is October. And so we just celebrated 23 years of marriage. Yeah, that's crazy. Which, you know, July and August were kind of crazy for us. We had a couple surgeries between the two of us. So it's just good to be back. Yeah. And doing well. So we went to Chicago just recently because we weren't able to celebrate.
00:02:52
Speaker
in August, because we were still recovering. You were recovering. And so now we're back. We went to Chicago, had a great time celebrating 23 years, which Chicago is where it all began. I mean, that's where we met as students at the Moody Bible Institute. I went to Moody primarily to find a wife. Honey, that's not funny. My education was secondary, you know?
00:03:10
Speaker
Okay, that was a joke. That's how we met. Okay, so how we met. I just got the leg slapped just for those who, I just got slapped on the leg. And that's Ruth's very subtle way of back to, you know, get back to being focused. So I'm sorry, honey.
Unrealistic Expectations in Marriage
00:03:25
Speaker
Oh, my word. Okay, anyways, so we met, well, just to keep the fun going here, we actually met with a prank phone call, which is really so silly. Like, no, does anybody do that anymore? I don't know.
00:03:37
Speaker
I don't know if they did back then. I mean, I did, but I don't know if that was. Yeah, as kids, I remember doing prank phone calls and stuff. Yeah, that's true. But probably not once you were in college. But anyways, we met by a prank phone call because I was in a class with one of Pat's roommates. And his roommate, John, told him that they would gather all the guys from their floor in their room.
00:04:03
Speaker
Here they are and we are in downtown Chicago and for some reason you wanted to be in your your dorm room But anyways, that's another story and it was back when the computers had speaker phones on them. This really makes That was like cutting-edge. Yeah, it was so they put the the computer on speakerphone and
00:04:22
Speaker
And they would prank phone call somebody, and they would have Pat do it because he could make himself sound like a radio show host because of his voice that is so radio-ish, you know? That's what people have told him his whole life. Anyways, okay, see, this is
Biblical Foundation of Marriage
00:04:37
Speaker
what happens when I tell a story. I like to tell all the details. We don't have, you know, we have limited time here, honey, so I think we've told this story before.
00:04:44
Speaker
Yeah, maybe we have. I can't remember. So it's worth retelling. So John, his roommate, who I had a class with, said I have this friend who's very gullible, which that wasn't very nice. And maybe I'm a little bit gullible, but it's because I like to believe the best in people. Anyways, that's a whole other story. So Pat called me to prank phone call me and I didn't fall for it. I was not gullible.
00:05:10
Speaker
Well, we had about 20. There were 20 guys from my floor that were in the room. And yeah, we called. I pretended to be a radio DJ, a little game we used to call Dash for Cash. Yeah, why don't you just do it real quick? I would just invite the listener to Dash. No, say it like you would. Say it like you would.
00:05:26
Speaker
Honey, don't do this. Yes, honey, just real quick. Just real quick, do it. I think my voice speaks for itself. I think our friends, they can really envision. Honey, hi. You know, you would do the little radio voice real quick.
00:05:41
Speaker
Hi, this is Patrick Swink and I'm calling from, you know, it was that kind of thing. Okay, but that was perfect. I just needed them to have a little sample of why you were the chosen one to do that. Yeah. I mean, the bottom line is that we would invite students to run to the corner of, I think it was Chicago in LaSalle Boulevard, which was right outside Moody's kind of front gates. And we would basically say, if you can get there in the next five minutes, you win $500 of cash.
00:06:07
Speaker
So what college student you know wouldn't want to jump at that and so of course, you know We would then watch out our window as students would go running out the front gate of Moody by once to the corner and instead of finding $500 in cash. There was nobody there looking back and it really it really is sad and Okay, but you were yeah, we were young and anyways, okay, so
00:06:30
Speaker
You called me I didn't fall for it but then what happened is we just started talking and then everybody from the room. Yeah and that's sort of that's that's the way it began and as the story goes you didn't fall for the prank but in time you would fall for me so everybody cleared out and you and I stayed on the phone and then that led to a double date.
00:06:49
Speaker
And then eventually, I think, I asked you to be my Valentine. And that was a lot of years ago now. You had a whole list of 10 reasons that I should be your Valentine. That's how it started. And I'm glad that I called you. That was a long time ago. That worked out well for me. That was a long time ago. That was a long time ago. So here's the thing. I was pretty young. I mean, we got married when I was 20.
00:07:14
Speaker
And I mean, just the reality is that a lot of us go into marriage with all sorts of maybe fairy tale ideas, just, you know, thinking things are going to be just wonderful and great. And I mean, who who of us is really 100% prepared for marriage and just learning to get along with somebody that you
00:07:35
Speaker
that you don't know terribly well, or even if you do, it's just a whole different ballgame. You know, you're spending your life with them. And so I think it should be no surprise to us that we will have lots of bumps along the way, and things that take us by surprise that we're just like, oh, I wasn't expecting that, or I thought this would be easier. Don't you agree, honey? Yeah, I think we all go into marriage, you know, yeah, with a certain level of expectation. And obviously, we've never
00:08:03
Speaker
never been married, and so those are based on just ideas that we have or different stories that were sold in TV and movies or books. And so we all go into marriage with sort of this level of expectation, and that gets shattered pretty early on. And I know that certainly was true for us. Well, don't make it sound terrible.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah, they did come out. Yeah, that was true for us. No, I mean, but I think just like any normal couple. I was speaking for everybody else except for us. Right, because we were the exception. No, but yeah, I even remember this is so funny, but you know, your wedding day, this I feel like is like the perfect picture for us expecting marriage to be a certain way and then things aren't exactly as it seemed.
00:08:50
Speaker
But on our wedding day I for some reason thought it would be a really good idea to get married early in the morning. I have no idea why. I'm not even a morning person. Far from it. But so our wedding was actually at 10 o'clock in the morning and which meant that I had to get up at like four something to start getting ready. Well you know you have the nerves of the day and everything with that. Well I
00:09:14
Speaker
Wasn't feeling so well and there I literally went drove to was driven to the wedding With a huge pot on my lap because I thought I was gonna throw up. I was so sick I felt so sick and I thought well, this isn't what I expected it to be I think we stopped by your parents house and you were yeah darting out of the out of your parents house and
00:09:36
Speaker
into the car with with some of your bridesmaids and I remember you you know carrying that large bucket you know large cooking pan I think it's you know the pan that you we still have today that right you make loads of chili in okay but I didn't really get sick in it you didn't you didn't fortunately we saw the pan but you didn't get sick and I just I remember thinking oh this is yeah this is gonna be a little different than what I thought
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah, and then I took a picture of you on our honeymoon because you were all mad. I think we've told this story before, so I won't go into all the details, but you were upset. We got in a fight and you were upset. You were driving and I started laughing because I just thought the whole thing was so funny. And you had just the, you were so upset. The look on your face was so hysterical to me that I literally took a picture of you, which probably wasn't the best idea. That doesn't help the situation. I wouldn't recommend that.
00:10:23
Speaker
But, you know, I got an argument about where we were going to eat that night. I think it was one of those things where I where I ask you, where do you want to eat? And you said you don't care. But I did. But you did care because then I started listing places and everything I said, you're like, no, that doesn't sound good. No. And so just one thing led to another. And I just remember feeling, you know, sinful inside and then you snap the picture. Right. Which again, wasn't a great idea. But anyways.
00:10:46
Speaker
Yeah, again, I think, you know, as we sort of transition and talk more seriously about marriage, I mean, the reality is, I mean, we just live, I mean, on an individual level, you know, each of us go into marriage with a certain level of expectations that do get shattered or altered a bit. And we begin as we're growing, you know, in Christ-likeness and growing just in marriage and maturing that, yeah, you begin to understand more fully what a biblical marriage
00:11:10
Speaker
is really all about, and you just don't understand that. You can't from day one. And then you combine that, I think, with just the culture that we're living in. I mean, we just are increasingly living in a culture that is so confused about sexuality, which then leads to confusion in marriage.
00:11:26
Speaker
And there just is all sorts of brokenness and confusion as it relates to marriage. And so what we want to do, just in our remaining time in this episode, as we're setting this series up for the next couple of weeks, is really talk about a biblical definition of marriage and just unpack, I think, some really important truths that a couple needs to know or be reminded of. And maybe you're listening and you're not married yet, or maybe you've been married for a number of years. And so regardless of where you're at,
Sacredness and Commitment in Marriage
00:11:55
Speaker
You know, we just hope and pray that this is a great encouragement. It just, you know, solidifies your marriage or maybe prepares you if you're not married. And some of these things that we're going to share today are things that I share at every marriage wedding ceremony as a pastor, you know, been in ministry now for over 20 years. And it's such a privilege to be a part of that that preparation period, you know, premarital counseling and then that day with a couple. And so I want to share a couple of things.
00:12:19
Speaker
that I typically share in premarital counseling and then at a wedding ceremony. So we're going to kind of unpack a couple of those things briefly as we set up, you know, this series.
00:12:27
Speaker
Yeah. And you know what? I was just thinking that one thing I love about the ceremonies that you do and just the counseling that you do ahead of time is is you really help the couple see like the sacredness. I think in our culture we've lost that understanding the sacredness of marriage and you know what God intends for a man and a woman. And you bring that also to the ceremony. And it's just so incredible. And I think that I really hope
00:12:57
Speaker
that you can set the stage for our listeners in that because I think that's where I feel like there's like a disconnect or that's missing in our culture today. Even in Christian marriages, you know, oh, hahaha, we fight or you know, we can't get along or you know what, but like this is a really a sacred union and we have a purpose together as a couple and God wants to use us. I mean, there's so much we could go into here. But this, yeah, this is going to be really good.
00:13:24
Speaker
Absolutely. Honey, if you want to look at Genesis chapter 2, I'm going to have you read verses 21 through 25, where I'm just kind of giving a definition of marriage. I think it's so important for us to remember, and it's what you were saying, that marriage is God's idea. He's the one that joins a man and a woman together and gives his approval, gives his blessing.
00:13:44
Speaker
And so it really is this sacred union. It's this covenant that a man and woman enter in together under God's condition and his blessing. And we oftentimes, even in a ceremony, yeah, take that so lightly. We forget about the sacredness of it. It's exactly what you were saying. And so I think one thing that just is really important to remember, just very simply, that the definition of marriage
00:14:07
Speaker
is it's a covenant between one man and one woman who become one flesh for one life. I mean, just very simple. I mean, that's what marriage is biblically. It's a covenant between one man and one woman who become one one flesh for one life. And we find that primarily in Genesis, chapter two, verse twenty four.
00:14:25
Speaker
But read Genesis 2, if you will, honey, verses 21 through 25. This is a passage that I love to work through with a couple as they're preparing for that day, but more importantly, for their lifetime together. And I always share it at a wedding ceremony as well. But if you'd read that, that would be great.
00:14:40
Speaker
So starting in verse 21 chapter 2. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.
00:15:06
Speaker
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. Yeah, so this passage is really the passage that in Mark chapter 10, verses six through nine, when Jesus has asked a question about marriage, he actually quotes Genesis chapter two. He goes back to these verses, verses 21 through 25. Again, appealing not to culture, but he appeals to creation, what God originally intended, what he designed for a man and a woman.
00:15:35
Speaker
And so in Mark chapter 10, when Jesus is asked about marriage, he goes back to the creative order and what God originally intended this passage that you just read. And it's just a reminder that marriage is meant to be entered into and maintained with purity, faithfulness, and selfless devotion. And Jesus, when he's asked about marriage, again, he appeals to God's original desire and design as we just read.
00:15:59
Speaker
in Genesis chapter 2. And one of the things that I always say to a couple is, and it comes from Genesis chapter 2, is that really a couple is leaving their parents, but they're cleaving to one another, and they're also beginning to weave a new story. And so those three things, you leave, you cleave, and then you weave, and you find that from Genesis chapter 2, and of course Mark chapter 10,
00:16:23
Speaker
as Jesus is quoting, that in a very real way, a husband and a wife, they leave their parents so that they can cleave to one another, to stick together, to be committed to one another, but then they begin to weave a new story that is uniquely theirs. It doesn't mean they
00:16:38
Speaker
They dishonor their parents or disown them. But now that marriage relationship, that sacred bond between a man and a woman becomes the most important relationship in their life. And so they leave, cleave, and weave. And one of the things that I love to say at a marriage ceremony
00:16:55
Speaker
is that it's one thing to walk down the aisle together, but it's a whole other thing to walk through life together. And I think you have every couple that gets married, says those vows at the altar, they walk down the aisle, but sadly not every couple goes on walking through life together. And so the goal and the desire that we see in Genesis 2
00:17:16
Speaker
is that a husband and a wife would come together, they'd become one flesh, they'd leave their parents, cleave to one another, and begin to weave their unique story as husband and wife, they'd build a family by God's grace, they would walk through life together. And I think that when you're talking about it's quite another thing to walk through life together, it's because as we walk through life, every single one of us faces so many different circumstances and seasons and
00:17:45
Speaker
struggles and joys and hopes and all of that and through all of that our marriage is only strengthened if we allow that to happen of course it can we can have division in our marriage if we don't keep working on it but I think that's you know it's this picture of actually walking through life not just saying I do and walking down the aisle but
00:18:05
Speaker
I love I just that is one of my very favorite things that you say at a ceremony You know is just that this is more than just walking down the aisle together This is walking through life because it's it's not all it's not always happy and there's hard times and you know sad times and good times and great times and it's walking through every single season side-by-side I think you know about my parents. I mean they
00:18:30
Speaker
I think they were married for, yeah, 49 years. You know, share the story about my dad passing in 2010, my mom passed in 2012, but they celebrated 49 years of marriage, which is extraordinary. And, you know, I think about like their wedding day and like, and none of us can anticipate, you know, when you make those vows to one another, none of us can anticipate what the next week or the next month or the next decade is going to look like, the things that you'll be asked to walk through.
00:18:59
Speaker
And I think about that and did think about that a lot, especially in the years after my parents' passing. And really what allowed my parents to continue walking by God's grace through life together was not the circumstances of their marriage, but it was the conviction of their heart that Jesus was number one in their life. And so I think that
00:19:21
Speaker
that it's so important for a couple to understand that first and foremost they're called to love Jesus and to serve Him and to honor Him and to pursue Him and their first responsibility is to be a good disciple and to surrender their life to Jesus and that will impact then how they are as a husband or as a wife and I saw that in my own parents' lives and just what enabled them to walk through 49 years of marriage
00:19:46
Speaker
was their commitment to Jesus. And that commitment to Jesus is what enabled them to be committed to one another through good times and then some really tough times. Right, changed their commitment to one another. Well, I want to read Mark 10, six through nine, because you had mentioned it a couple of times. And I know it was pointing back to Genesis, which we already read. But let me read Mark 10, six through nine.
00:20:13
Speaker
It says, but at the beginning, Jesus replied, but at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.
00:20:31
Speaker
And so I think that we see in this scripture, and you talk about this as well, there's things that we can see in this scripture that talk specifically about marriage. Can you share those? Yeah, I mean, I usually read that passage at each wedding ceremony, and I usually highlight four truths from that passage. And one of the things that I highlight is that
00:20:51
Speaker
to a husband and a wife, or to a man and a woman that were becoming a husband and a wife that day, I remind them first and foremost, based on Mark 10, that your marriage must come first. And again, it's that idea of leaving, cleaving, and weaving. And it means that, for example, the husband, it doesn't mean that he's no longer gonna be a son. He's still gonna be called to honor his mom and his dad, but the priority relationship now
00:21:16
Speaker
is the husband-wife relationship. And he's first and foremost called to be a good and godly husband. Likewise, for the wife, I mean, she's still gonna be a good daughter, honor her mom or dad if they're alive. But now the priority is to be a good and godly wife. And so I always remind a couple,
00:21:34
Speaker
at the altar, at the day of their wedding ceremony, that first and foremost, their marriage is a priority relationship. The second thing I remind them is that they must be totally committed to one another. And that's where we get that word cleave. You know, in Genesis 2, you know, where it talks about how a husband and wife, you know, they're going to leave their parents, they're going to cleave to one another. The Hebrew word there is it's the imagery of being cemented together. And so a husband and wife leave their parents. Now they have this priority relationship.
00:21:59
Speaker
But they're to be totally committed to one another, to be cemented to one another, to become one flesh. And so that's the imagery there that marriage is about bringing a man and a woman together. And they have this new priority relationship, but it's a relationship that is meant to be cemented together. It's committed and good in times and in bad times. They're to become one flesh.
00:22:23
Speaker
And then fourthly, the marriage is for your good, but ultimately for God's glory. And you know, we see that in Ephesians chapter five. I mean, marriage is intended to be a benefit to you and I. It's for our good, but ultimately our marriage has an even greater mission. It's a point to the glory of
Facing Marital Struggles
00:22:40
Speaker
God.
00:22:40
Speaker
And that's really what Paul's making his argument about in Ephesians chapter five, that the love that you and I have as a husband or wife is really a picture of the love that Jesus has for the church. And so you and I, we get the incredible opportunity of putting on display what God is like through our marriage. And so our marriage is as much as it's meant to be a great gift of companionship and friendship and oneness. It also has a great mission that we get to show the world what the love of God looks like in Christ.
00:23:08
Speaker
And I think that's just so unique as Christians, that we have a purpose together in this. And I think sometimes we forget that. Instead of fighting together, we're fighting against one another, that whole idea. We forget that actually God wants to use us side by side instead of against one another.
00:23:29
Speaker
Well, I think one of the things we've forgotten about because, again, there's so much confusion in our culture today as it relates to sexuality, which then that affects how we view marriage and then it affects how we view family. And so, I mean, God has ordered the man and the woman differently. The man and the woman are different sexually for a reason in that that we are ordered in such a way so that a man and woman come together and have the opportunity to bring children in the world and to raise them and to build a family. You see that in Genesis.
00:23:59
Speaker
chapter 2. And so we've divorced that idea from love and marriage. And so biblically, marriage is this relationship between a man and a woman where they come together and they're one flesh for one lifetime, but we are ordered in such a way that we have the opportunity to bring new life into the world for procreation.
00:24:20
Speaker
and to raise kids that will grow up and love Jesus. And so that's a piece of marriage and family that has been greatly distorted or misunderstood in the culture that we're living in. I agree. You know, I can't help but think about the person listening who is really struggling in their marriage, because I mean, we've been in ministry, obviously, for over 20 years and seen countless couples
00:24:47
Speaker
who are struggling and it just seems nowadays it's just more and more that couples are struggling in their marriages. And so we don't want to make this seem easy. This is what God says marriage should be. But what does this really look like? When you're struggling and how can we encourage someone
00:25:12
Speaker
who's struggling in their marriage, and where do they go from here? What can we tell them? I think one of the passages that I love that is not primarily about marriage but can be applied to marriage is the Old Testament, the passage from the Old Testament book of Judges chapter seven. And marriage in so many ways is a blessing, but it is, it's a battle as well. And so we see God giving that gift of marriage at the very beginning of the story in Genesis,
00:25:41
Speaker
But the reality is it's the first relationship that the enemy attacks, that the enemy comes and he attacks the man and the woman, he attacks their family. And so you're right, there is just so much that is good about marriage, but it also really comes with a battle. And it has to be fought for in grace and in love and forgiveness.
00:26:01
Speaker
And I love that passage in Judges 7 that really is a story primarily about God giving Israel victory over her enemies. But I think there's a really interesting detail at the end of that passage that speaks directly to what you're talking about. And let me just read it. It's the story of Gideon leading the Israelites into battle against the Midianites. It's Judges 7.
00:26:22
Speaker
Starting in verse 9 it says Gideon and the hundred men with him reached the edge of the camp at the beginning of the middle watch just after they had changed the guard. They blew their trumpets and broke the jars that were in their hands. The three companies blew the trumpets and smashed the jars grasping the torches in their left hands and holding it in their right hands the trumpets they were to blow. They shouted a sword for the Lord and a sword for Gideon.
00:26:44
Speaker
While each man held his position around the camp, all of the Midianites ran, crying out as they fled. When the 300 trumpets sounded, the Lord caused the men throughout the camp to turn on each other with their swords. And I think that last phrase is so telling. I think it, again, this is primarily a story about God giving Israel victory over her enemies. But that last phrase, in a moment of chaos, in a moment of stress, in a moment of confusion,
00:27:10
Speaker
It says that they turned on each other. The Midianites turned on each other with their swords. In other words, they defeated themselves. They misunderstood who the enemy was. Instead of fighting back to back, they turned on each other with their swords. And sadly, so many times in marriage, that's what happens with a husband and a wife.
00:27:27
Speaker
They get into marriage. They realize the other person is not as perfect as they thought they were. They start having kids and schedules get busy. You just are sinful. You're two sinful human beings relating to one another. And all of the stress of that, the reality of that begins to press in on a couple. And instead of fighting for one another, fighting for their marriage, they oftentimes turn on each other. And that can have devastating consequences for a couple.
00:27:53
Speaker
And so I love that passage. It's such a reminder that marriage really is a blessing, but it also is a battle. It's one that we have to be wise about, discerning about. We have to remember who the real enemy is. And it's not our husband. It's not our wife.
Cultural Views vs. Transformative Marriage
00:28:06
Speaker
We have to fight for one another, not against one another.
00:28:08
Speaker
And I think that what happens is, by the way, that was Judges 7, 19 through 22. I think, you know, what happens is people, we walk down the aisle together and, you know, it's our wedding day and of course it's glorious. But as time goes on and the years go by, we get tired, right? We get tired from our circumstances, from, you know, maybe we're struggling just like we're fighting a lot or who knows, whatever it is, we get tired.
00:28:38
Speaker
And I think we have this impression that it would just be easier to just have somebody else. You know, I think in our culture, that's how it is. You know, if I could just have a different spouse who was easier to get along with or you know what I mean? But then the truth is that's going to happen all over again.
00:28:57
Speaker
and so I think you know if we can commit to if instead of fighting against one another fighting for one with one another and for one another and I think what that looks like is just recognizing that
00:29:13
Speaker
We're not perfect. None of us are perfect. We have to we have to forgive one another, have grace with one another, love one another. And a lot of times we have to seek outside help. And and that's OK. And I think that's I think we can be want to take the easy road out sometimes. You know, of course, I'm not talking about extreme circumstances where where maybe there needs to be some some serious help. But I'm talking about the relationships that we just want to give up on because it's gotten really hard.
00:29:43
Speaker
I think the other thing, too, is just having a perspective of what God intends for marriage. I mean, we live in a very consumeristic culture on every level, and so we just view our relationships that way. We view our marriage that way. What am I getting out of it? I've put this in, and so what am I getting out of it?
00:29:59
Speaker
When we look at it from God's perspective, God is using marriage, He's using family to purify us, to refine us, to transform us, to make us holy. And so marriage is very much a part of how God gives us His grace, how we share in His life. And so I think if we view marriage in the same way that our culture views marriage, then we'll view it
00:30:22
Speaker
in a very consumeristic way. What am I getting from it? And that's not God's perspective at all. God wants to give us more and more of his life. He wants us to share in his nature and to share in his grace. And marriage is one of the ways that God
00:30:38
Speaker
brings that about in a believer's life. And so that is a very different perspective about marriage and family than what our culture has. Well, and it makes me think of how much marriage, you know, changes me from the inside out, you know, because there's things that aren't brought to light until we are arguing about something. Listen, I am super holy when I'm by myself.
00:31:01
Speaker
But committing to bring another human being into the equation, I realize how sinful and selfish I am. Exactly. It's like, wait a minute. But I think, you know, I always say that with motherhood, the same thing as, you know, with marriage, those issues that really come to the bubble up to the surface. Yeah, mine don't bubble up. They just come, they come gushing out.
00:31:19
Speaker
But I remember my mentor in college, Abe Meisenberg. I don't know that I'd be in ministry without Abe. He was a year or two ahead of me at Moody and started meeting with me and just is a godly guy and just appreciate him so much. But I remember sitting at a park in Chicago one Sunday night. We were going through Disciplines of a Godly Man by Dr. Kent Hughes. And we got talking about marriage.
00:31:41
Speaker
And I'll never forget, he said, marriage will magnify your weaknesses. And that's such a simple line. And he told me that, I don't know, 25 years ago. And that has always stuck with me. And then I remember him saying, not only will marriage magnify your weaknesses, but kids will magnify your weaknesses even more. And it's so true. You get married and you begin to realize, yeah, how selfish you are, how sinful you are.
00:32:06
Speaker
and it really brings to the surface or really magnifies it. It makes very clear and very obvious those areas in our life that we have not yet given over to God. And then the same thing happens when kids come along. And again, that's part of what God is doing through marriage and through family as he's refining us, he's changing us, he's transforming us, he's giving us that abundant life. If we let him, we cooperate with his grace and what a gift that is. And so as hard as marriage can be,
00:32:35
Speaker
It's an incredible gift. It's a blessing. It's also a battle, but it is worth fighting for. Yes. And I think of how many people feel like they're alone in their marriage, like they're the only one wanting to fight for their marriage. And I think if we can take the perspective of it's not like it's not me thinking Pat needs to change this, this and this, but it's me thinking
00:32:57
Speaker
What do I need to work on? What do I need to change? You know, I can't force somebody else to change, but I can change myself. And I think that's a really important perspective to have.
Marriage as Blessing and Battle
00:33:08
Speaker
And we are going to dive into so much more, you know, through this series. I know we could go on and on and talk about so many different things, but I hope that really helped to lay
00:33:17
Speaker
solid foundation for you for what what marriage looks like in God's eyes and I love you know what really stands out for out to me are those a couple of these sentences that we shared and that is marriage is both a blessing but it is a battle you are charged to fight for one another and not against one another
00:33:38
Speaker
Well, friend, we are so grateful you have joined us. And if we haven't met, we want to get to know you. So be sure to follow us on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. And don't forget that everything we talked about will be at rootlegfaith.com.
00:33:56
Speaker
Again, we welcome you into our family here at Root Like Faith. Would you do us a big favor and leave us a review or rating and share this podcast with your friends? It just takes a second and it's a tremendous help to us as we spread the word about Root Like Faith. Be sure to tag us on social media when you do that. So we're so, so grateful for you, so grateful for you and helping us get the word out. All right, friend, we'll chat soon and we hope you have the best week.
00:34:25
Speaker
Thanks.