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9. How to Prioritize Your Marriage After Having Kids
62 Plays1 year ago
Morgan and Rachael welcome some very special guests also known as their better halves, Cole and Daniel! We talk all things marriage after kids and how to prioritize each other amid the changes in your family. Join us for a heated start/bench/cut debate and funny stories and perspectives from the husband's point of view!
Follow along on Instagram for behind the scenes and daily life :)
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Transcript
Introduction to 'That's a Win'
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey guys, Morgan and Rachel here. Welcome to That's a Win podcast where we share the highs and lows of motherhood, celebrating the wins along the way. Thanks for joining us on our journey. Talk soon.
Hair Maintenance: Short vs Long
00:00:14
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of That's a Win podcasts. We're your hosts, Morgan and Rachel. You know what I decided today? Please tell me. on the edge I'm on the edge of my seat. i I think that I'm done with my short hair era.
00:00:31
Speaker
No. It had a good run. I've never like kept my hair short this long before, like I've actually maintained it to keep it short. But I just flipped in the mirror today and I was like, I think I'm done. have done with it Isn't it crazy that like you go through spurts like that? Like, cause I'm the same. Like I'm having short hair right now too. And I've kind of like felt the same about that. Um, it seems like with long hair, you don't have to like have as much maintenance with it. Like it just can't go when it's short. It's so much harder to deal with and you got to like worry about blow drying it or like somewhat styling it. So I feel you absolutely. I know. It was nice for the summer and it was funny. Last time I got my haircut, um I was like just getting, you know, trying to keep it short because usually I just grow it along, chop it, grow along, chop it, which you do the same or like the same in that area. But in in a lot of areas. I know. the area
00:01:28
Speaker
Um, my hairstylist was like, I was like, I'm a short haired girlie now. And she's like, for now, like she knew she was like, yeah, you lying. That was literally like three weeks ago and I've already changed my mind. You're ready. But then the part of like, once you've cut it short and you have to like,
00:01:48
Speaker
wait for it to grow back out and you get to like that awkward length where it's like not long, but it's not short. You know, you you just got to push through, push through. Remember the end goal. Remember the end goal.
Nora's Victory Over Fear
00:01:59
Speaker
That's so true. You know, I feel like we could use that. We could apply that to a lot of areas of life. You got that absolutely hard, awkward stage in between just to keep the end goal in mind and you can finish strong.
00:02:10
Speaker
Ain't that the truth? We need to trademark that. Absolutely. That's funny. um We have a fun episode today. We have a couple special guests joining us here in a little bit, but now it's time for our win of the week where we celebrate our victories.
00:02:30
Speaker
Alright so my win so let me just start by saying so Nora has had kind of like a fear of going outside. um Probably it's mainly because Daniel and I but we we went to the pool like a few weeks ago and it like completely thunderstorm like dark clouds like the lightning was like right in front of us it was really loud so she was a little bit traumatized of going outside so it was like a struggle to get her out for a while um because she just kept thinking and she thinking it was gonna storm looking up at the clouds even if it was like a sunny blue sky day because that's kind of how it was at the pool and then it just quickly changed um so we had been like struggling like
00:03:17
Speaker
I wanted her to play outside, but she was nervous to go outside. I didn't want to like force her to. you know I wanted her to when she was ready, um which kind of paid off because she, this week, within the last couple of days actually, like she goes outside. We were outside yesterday um for like three hours playing. We had like a family time of it. so um We ordered pizza. We had music going. We had the pool out.
00:03:44
Speaker
So my win is that she overcame that little fear and we got to have some family time outside because we all know going outside, it's good for all of us, right? So it was, it was like this battle constantly that she wouldn't go out. And so yeah, that was overcome. So that's, that's my win. So it's kind of Nora's win and my win.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah sweet girl that's so hard too because when they have those fears and it's like there's only so much you can do like you can tell them you can like speak to them and like try to talk it through but they have to like really just on their own time work through it right and Yep. I'm glad that y'all had that success. Yes. Yes. I know. And then like tonight we're out there again and Daniel and I are like, I know we really liked her. We wanted her to like come outside, but not like she wants to be outside all the time and it's hot. And we're like, okay, maybe we let's go in, but she wants to be outside. So it's like,
00:04:40
Speaker
You can't have it both ways, right? Like, so yeah, it's funny. What about you? What about you though?
Tie-Dye Fun with Kids
00:04:48
Speaker
So my win, it's kind of random, but it was just a fun little activity that we did yesterday. We, um, tie dyed t-shirts. I got to send you a picture. I don't think I've sent one to you, but it, I mean, it's a, it went about as well as you would think for a four year old and a two year old, how tie dyeing t-shirts work.
00:05:06
Speaker
probably a little bit too old for Eden. So she kind of had to try to keep her inside a little bit, but of course she's like banging at the door, wanting to come out, still in the dial over her, all the things. But despite all of that, it was really fun and Jude was super excited and their shirts are adorable. I'm like obsessed with them. They're so cute.
00:05:27
Speaker
artist in the making. I know. They know what's up. That was fun. Just something different, you know. I feel like we have such a routine of like how the morning goes. We do nap time and quiet time. Then after that, they have their little TV time, but I was just like, I don't want to watch TV today. Let's replace with an activity. And sometimes it's hard to cope with stuff because like I follow the accounts that have all these you know examples or advice for activities, but i just got I was putting a target order in and I was like, oh, let's tie day t-shirts.
00:06:02
Speaker
And it's change up for them. you know It's something super exciting. Like, oh, this is a totally new thing that we don't always do. And everybody's just happy about it. So it was fun. Yay. That's an awesome one. I love that one. It's like a unique one. you know you don't I do i like forgot about tie-dye and t-shirts. I know.
00:06:19
Speaker
Now you're helping me out. I need to put that on my list. Maybe just for Nora, Ivy, no, what she's doing, but how about Nora does one for Ivy? Yes. do That's how we ended up. That's how we ended up doing it. I made.
00:06:35
Speaker
Me and Jude made Eden, but it's so funny. They, we just got like the little white shirts, the hands or whatever. I think there was size, like extra small, like size four and five, but they both are wearing, both are wearing that size. It's a little bit big on her, but I'm like, how can they both like fit into the same shirt size? Right. Right. Oh, it'll last for a while. And they find memory as they, when they, you know, when they see it, they'll remember, Oh,
00:07:01
Speaker
I remember doing that with mom. Yeah. You know, all that stuff. So yeah, I love that. That's a good one. It was super fun.
Introducing the Husbands
00:07:09
Speaker
Well, you guys, you're in for special treat. We have, um, some special guests tonight. We have our hubbies coming on with us. Yay. Our better half's joining the podcast. Cole and Daniel, welcome to the show.
00:07:29
Speaker
Thank you guys for having us. I think the pleasure is ours. This is going to be fun. i like I feel so official and so serious here on our setup with looks like a couples reality TV show or something. Literally. It really does. It really does.
00:07:48
Speaker
We're here for it though. We're here for it. We're going to talk a little bit about just like marriage and how that changes after having kids and just things along that nature. But since y'all are new to the podcast, we are going to do a little icebreaker, a little start bench cut action for you. woohoo um So we'll, we'll pick three things and then y'all can pick three things. But so I just want to set the stage for you here. You just got your kids down. You wrangled them at bedtime for an hour.
00:08:19
Speaker
You can take your deep breath. You sit on the couch, you go into the kitchen, go into the freezer and you're going to get you a nice bowl of ice cream to enjoy and peace. So our ice cream flavors, the three for start, bench and cut, we're going to do cookies and cream, chocolate chip, cookie dough, and then peanut butter, chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate. So those are all three. Solid three, solid three.
00:08:46
Speaker
Do you want to go first? Do you know yours yet? It's tough for me. I would start cookies and cream. Okay. Okay. Back in my prior lifetime, I would have cut peanut butter chocolate. What's prior lifetime? what does that means Maybe maybe but and not before you, but, um, maybe I don't know. Maybe before we got married. Okay. And then you have turned me on to peanut butter and chocolate.
00:09:16
Speaker
So I will bench pita butter and chocolate and cut chocolate chip cookie dough. Okay. Which is hard to do because chocolate chip cookie dough was my favorite growing up. I've changed you. I brought you to the dark side. Along with ranch. Oh yes. That's a whole nother discussion. Oh yeah. Ranch. You can't eat anything without ranch. I know. like ryan I do ranch with the pizza now, which I don't think I did before. So yes,
00:09:49
Speaker
yes it embo we converted you. We have, we have. Okay. I for sure. I'm going to start chocolate and peanut butter. That's my favorite by far. Mmm. I probably would bench cookies and cream and cut chocolate chip cookie dough. So you're both cutting the same. We are man. and You're a good team. You're on the same page there, but you all remember TCBY. Of course.
00:10:17
Speaker
How you have like, was the moose ice cream? White chocolate moose. White chocolate moose. And they had those big old chunks of cookie dough. Yes. Yes. Oh, that's right. The cookie dough and the ice cream though was so good. Oh no. Absolutely. What's going on with good old TCP wire? Are they still around or? I think in some places, not anywhere near us. Rachel. Okay. I just left the intermission here. Do you remember when we went to visit um your brother and sister-in-law in Arkansas? Okay. Yes. And we went to TCBY and mind you, I think I got that exact thing. White chocolate mousse parfait and cookie dough. But I was talking to the lady at checkout and I was like, yeah, we used to have one of those like right down the road at Farragut, like acting like she knew where we were from. And she was like, uh,
Ice Cream Flavor Debate
00:11:03
Speaker
what?
00:11:04
Speaker
I don't remember that, but it sounds like something you could do. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. How did we do that? We took Millie, first of all, my dog, right? Yep. 12 hours.
00:11:19
Speaker
We drove, we stayed at my mama's house, right? Cause it was like halfway. I just like, Millie was there. Like what nuts? Crazy. But yeah, what a great trip. Shout out, Nate and Jess. We love you. I wonder if they remember that. Let us know if you do. Yeah, please. Let us know. All right. Do you want to go? Do you remember the three ice creaks? I know which one that I'm definitely cutting because, okay. Well, I will start.
00:11:45
Speaker
chocolate chip cookie dough because I've always been a fan of cookie dough and chocolate chip together. I'm going to bench cookies and cream because it you know it's that I think before I knew Ray, that was like one of my go-tos. like My mom and dad, I remember always getting that. and Uh, that was always my late night snack at the house. And then cutting the, I don't even know what it was. I just heard peanut butter and not a fan of peanut butter when it comes to sweets. I don't know why I just, I can't do it. Can't do it. and I don't even like to eat Reese's puff anymore cereal. So, and that was, I did, I will say I did used to eat that all the time. No peanut butter captain crunch. Can't do it. I like the original captain crunch.
00:12:28
Speaker
What? This is breaking news here. I don't know what to do with this information. What about Reese's? Do you like Reese's eggs? Daniel. Can't do it. Just um the only thing I really like nowadays, the peanut butter is just straight peanut butter, like like peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter toast.
00:12:47
Speaker
Well, let's, Daniel doesn't really love sweets either. Like Daniel's like, I mean, he will have them, but like Daniel's go to his like crackers and cheese. Like he likes the more like salty. I would say, you know what I mean? and You do like, like the chocolate chip cookies, but like not like, yeah he's not really a sweet ski or sour patch kids. He does like those. For me with the peanut butter, going back to peanut butter, it's just, I,
00:13:13
Speaker
I don't know what's like chocolate, peanut butter, like ah like that that's like, i I can't like eat peanut butter as like a, I don't know, like a dessert kind of thing. Does that make sense? Like I'm more peanut butter in the morning for breakfast. I see. My favorite combination of flavors is chocolate and peanut butter. That is like, I love everything about that. And always has been, always has been. Okay. Okay. Fair enough.
00:13:38
Speaker
ah fairna Okay. So me, mine's kind of going to be, I guess a little bit like Daniel, but I'm going to start chocolate chip cookie dough. That's my jam. I'm going to bench chocolate and peanut butter and then cut cookies and cream. Okay. good Yep. Chocolate chip cookie dough is my favorite for sure. So it is good. I can't believe we both cut it. Are you regretting your decision?
00:14:09
Speaker
I'm slightly regretting my decision. I'm over here like, but you know though. That was fun. That was fun. Um, okay. So Daniel and I also came up with one, um, cause you know, we had one, but we couldn't just do one. We needed to add another, right? Keep the game going. So same thing, thinking about sitting on the couch and picking some snacks. All right. Moving away from ice cream. Maybe we have the dessert first. Now we're going into the snacks. So.
00:14:39
Speaker
Start, bench, cut, we got popcorn, Doritos, or Dots Pretzels. o Okay. So I didn't specify the flavor of Dots Pretzels. Um, so should I? No, I like can be a re-choosing. How about the Dorito flavor? Is that specified? I think regular.
00:15:04
Speaker
<unk> I'm I when I think of Doritos, I'm thinking reg. Okay, we'll go with that. Yeah reg you know Okay. All right. So my start is gonna be Doritos My bench is gonna be popcorn and my cut is dots pretzels There we go. She did it. All right, you go So that, yeah, that's a tough one because all three of these things are like my favorite late night snack. So I, and then you gave me no choice. Like it's an open, you know, between the dots, like any flavor. So, you know, I was going to cut the dots, but I'm going to start, I'm going to start Doritos. I'm going to bench dots and I'm going to cut popcorn. Yeah. Because I like, I like too many of the dots flavors.
00:15:55
Speaker
to to say, I'm so like, I'm letting you go. You know, popcorn is one dimensional when it comes, you know, unless I have kettle corn, but, but we didn't also, you know, yeah. So yep. Go ahead. I'm done. All right. Good man. This is tricky. Let's see. We're a big like popcorn. That's like our go to snack, like the air, pop, popcorn, put your butter on the salt. So I'm going to have to start popcorn. This is very good dicey.
00:16:24
Speaker
um I think I'll have to bench dots and cut Doritos. I mean, I love me some Doritos, but the dots, they're just so addictive and they're so good. And you can get the reg, you can get the Southwest or something. And then the cinnamon sugar. um yes they honey There is honey mustard. you So good. So yeah, that's mine.
00:16:47
Speaker
I co-signed that partner. I knew it. Yay. Now I wish I had some popcorn. I wish I had some Doritos, wish I had some ice cream. We got nothing to say. Okay. So this is something that we, or me and you Rachel, we do easily as we go from the funny to the serious in like 0.5 seconds. We talking about like phone cases, you know, whatever. And then we're like, so what happens when we die in the world? You know, like we just go back and forth.
00:17:16
Speaker
So fast and serious. No, we do it's a little bit more of the serious side but I'm excited to talk to you guys about this and just talking about how you know once you have kids I feel like things change obviously and they kind of they are your priority in a sense in some ways you know they require so much of you but then it's like okay how do you maintain your relationship and what changes does that mean for your marriage and and all that so I'm excited to kind of talk to you kind of like a group therapy session here going on.
00:17:46
Speaker
yeah But I thought I thought it'd be cool to start out if we each go around the room. No, I'm just kidding. But say, you know, something that you admire about your spouse and, you know, them and their role as mom or dad, like something that you admire about them. um Yeah, I guess I'll go first since I'm callingin calling y'all out. um Something that I admire about you is one, I feel like you just have like so much fun with the kids, like they just love you. And like the second you come in the door,
00:18:23
Speaker
they're like daddy and like run and scream and just run over to you and want to play and Jude like has this whole list of all the things he wants to tell you about how his day went. I just feel like you're really good at playing with them and like having fun in that aspect and then another thing I think is just how you model like appreciation like you're always very thankful for things you always like tell me thank you for doing this thank you for doing that you genuinely appreciate and then I see that like in them already like saying thank you and just like you genuinely I appreciate me. I feel that way. So yeah, it's fine. police from leon devallo and um My first thoughts were just your patience um with both of the kids and how that's something that I want to emulate. um And you're always just so patient, you know, in every aspect, whether it's first thing in the morning or right before bedtime.
00:19:17
Speaker
Um, or things are going crazy or Jude has eaten in like a chokehold and I'm like yelling stop and you're like being patient, like, but also stepping in and like protecting her. Um,
Marriage Dynamics with Kids
00:19:27
Speaker
so your patience, I think is a huge one. And then I would also say, uh, just your constant like thoughtfulness of the kids. It'll be like.
00:19:35
Speaker
10 PM at night and you'll be laying in bed like buying them stuff for school or buying them new clothes or, um, you know, thinking eight to 12 months down the line of what are we going to do? Or, read you know, just in terms of different things. so Um, so you're always just constantly thinking about them. Yeah. So patience and constant thoughtfulness.
00:19:57
Speaker
Thanks. Sweetness. It's so cool to like also like as I'm watching through the video like when each one of you is talking the other one's just like looking at that person just taking it all in like that was just a little beautiful moment right there. Aww. I love it. I love it.
00:20:18
Speaker
Um, so what I would have to say about Daniel is Daniel just has this like calmness about him. I would say he's, and maybe that goes along with being patient too, but I know I can tend to be like even Cole was saying, like you're yelling, like stop or whatnot. Like Daniel always like brings me back to the ground. Um, so his calmness with me, but then also with our kids too.
00:20:43
Speaker
Um, I think we compliment each other really well in that. Um, he also, and I think it's probably a lot of dads too out there, but like he is definitely the fun, the fun parent. Same thing. They just want him when he comes in from work. I am like, I just, I can't play like him. Like he would sit and play Barbies or play imaginative stuff with Nora.
00:21:07
Speaker
all day, literally all day, and he would never get tired of it. like he feel but Or he wouldn't show that he was, you know what I mean? Right. So his his gentleness, his calmness, his little sensitive side, and then also your playful side as well with them. And he like He'll, you know, work all day, but like the moment he comes in this house, like he's in full dad mode. There's no like break, like he, and there's never any complaints with it either. Like it's just, he goes straight in and is willing and ready to help in whatever way. So all yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I love you. I love you too.
00:21:55
Speaker
It's your turn now. Thanks for passing the mic. um I think with you, Ray, this is something I've noticed since, you know, before we even had the girls, but just like how fierce your love is for the things that you care about. um What I see and appreciate in you with them is that like, like the protective mama bear side of you that you're not saying that I don't have, but like you said, I'm more of like the calmer kind of side of it. Whereas you're like the
00:22:28
Speaker
the hardcore protective side. It's something that um I see in you and I can like feel the love that you have for the girls. You can see it through the actions, you know the things that you let them watch or say or do or um you know you the the awareness of the surroundings that we're in when we're out shopping or a playground or whatever. like you're just always You're just always just so like hypersensitive to everything and not in a bad way. I'm saying this in a good way. like just just I don't know it's just like that side that I need that you are you know so um couple them and we definitely do so I just think yeah to in summary the the the fierceness of your love for them is yeah oh not me crying in the club over here that's so sweet
00:23:15
Speaker
So I guess with that, you know, we're talking about the positive side of it and what we, you know, admire about our spouse and whatnot in parenting. So what do you feel like on the other side of it is a change in your marriage after having kids, right? Like whenever you have kids, like it does alter, it does alter because you're focused. It is on the kids, but it's easy to drift away from that, I think. And especially like Daniel and I,
00:23:44
Speaker
definitely have struggled in that sense, which, and I've talked about that on here before. Like I, and a part of it, like I get so, so focused on them. You know what I mean? That it's, you have to remember like, why are these kids here in the first place? Right? Like you and your spouse created them. You know what I mean? So I guess my question is then what do you think is the biggest change in your marriage after becoming parents?
00:24:11
Speaker
and man that's like yeah that's a hard one to answer I feel like a lot has changed you know and i I guess like an easy one that I can think of is just like the capacity for one another you know like your your focus and your time and attention goes to I mean you have to these kids are relying on you right so you have less capacity for one another a big one that we've had to work through is like How do you communicate or work through arguments or stuff like that when you've got kids running around screaming? You just like can't have those conversations that you need to have um Or you know, it's just harder to communicate because you don't have as much you know, you're going all around so it's easy to
00:24:54
Speaker
just like be kind of in your routine, I guess, rather than like together. you know and I feel like I yeah have to apologize. I'm like, I'm sorry that I'm not putting as much effort into being your wife as I am to being a mom. you know I feel like sometimes I don't always have that in the forefront of my mind. you know um and Sometimes I have to literally take his face and like put our eyes to eyes and be like, hey I'm here. I'm on your team. Like I love you. You know, like it's like you have to physically pause and like make that connection. Cause it's so easy. You can just be passing shifts, you know? Totally. Well, that that's the thing also, like whenever your kids are around too, it's like you have to just, if you're in like some sort of disagreement or some sort of like argument, it's like you can't have that conversation then. So then it's just becoming this, like you're putting in the back of your head and again, like being intentional that
00:25:48
Speaker
when they do go to bed or they do take naps that you sit down and you have that conversation like, hey, when this happened XYZ or like, you know what I mean? Being intentional about coming back to that and having that conversation as well, because it's so easy to just like, you know, you gotta just keep being a parent at that point. You know what I mean? right You know? What do you think? You think it's the biggest change?
00:26:09
Speaker
Yeah, I think y'all nailed it on the head. I think the communication aspect of it is probably the biggest. Um, I was sitting here thinking about, uh, having, you know, one kid versus two. Um, I feel like it's huge, you know, with, I feel like with one kid you're.
00:26:23
Speaker
You're both doing it together. Um, you know, and with two kids, you're kind of dividing and conquering. So I think the communication aspect of it and just trying to remember that you're a team, you know, and that we all have our roles, but I feel like there also has to be like team camaraderie. Uh, this is probably a silly example, but I'm thinking about like.
00:26:41
Speaker
Here's Tennessee football fan. Go Vols. You know how Josh Hyple has built the culture. um You know, the players love each other. It seems like, and it seems like they love, you know, the coaches um and whether that's them hanging out or taking a weekend to go do something fun. I feel like it's kind of the same thing for marriage. um You know, when you didn't have kids, we could go out and we would always go to Sonic at like 10 o'clock at night after we like shot basketball in the summer. You know, like that was so much fun. It's like,
00:27:10
Speaker
What would I give just to be able to go to Sonic with you to go get a slushy at 10 p.m. That would be amazing. You know, so it's, it's harder now that you have kids to find that time for camaraderie.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah. Just like having fun. Like I'm like, I want to like laugh because you can get so serious and set in like schedules and routines and got to do this and watch these courses and read these books and do all these things. And we're doing things together, but it's like, I just want to have fun. I just like, I feel like I just say to you, I'm like, I just want to laugh together. Like, what can we do? Like play a game or like do start bench cover and I'm like, you know, just like little things.
00:27:46
Speaker
connect you and like, yeah, lighthearted, not so serious all the time. Cause it can be just so you just get your head down and you go, you know, or like if you're in the kitchen and you have an egg and you're just like, Hey, catch me, try to throw it to the other person. Wait, has this happened before? It has happened. It's awesome. You should try. We're taking notes over here. We're taking notes over here. Yeah. I think it's easy to get like so caught in your ways of like,
00:28:16
Speaker
Again, like I said before, like Daniel and I definitely like have struggled with that and still do, you know, like we are trying to work out and whatnot, but to like, it's so easy to just, you know, get the kids to bed and like, I sit on my phone on the couch and then Daniel's like watching his movie, you know, and we'll like chime in and talk every now and then, but it's like, you have to really put an effort.
00:28:38
Speaker
to really be intentional about connecting and spending time. You know what I mean? Cause again, when I think I'm thinking about myself, like, Oh, I'm just like, I've been with him all day. And I just like him, you know, kind of like we talked about before, like your brain's just like, uh, by the end. And it's, you have to put effort into, you know,
00:28:57
Speaker
Yeah. Remember, remember why you even have those kids in the first place,
Strengthening Marital Connections
00:29:01
Speaker
right? Like, you know I feel like it can be where I feel like it's like, okay, date night, you know, like obviously everyone tells you to keep that on the schedule and yes.
00:29:12
Speaker
that's important but it's like how how do you cultivate that in just like your normal everyday life to where it's like the little moments here and there even just like hey let's like be us you know like I want to be Morgan and Cole again or I want to just like you know be together I feel like that can come and yes maybe planning a weekly date night it doesn't always have to be going out but it can be after bedtime or finding a hobby that you all enjoy doing together. A few months ago we started working out together in the mornings and it kind of just became this fun little thing that we could talk about during the day and we could plan out what we wanted to do and it just kind of was like bonding in a way and you know being proud of yourself encouraging with another things like that. You know just getting creative. I feel like and having fun together and
00:29:57
Speaker
Yes, knowing it's worth it. you know It's worth it to take that time because those little moments add up. right You're like making tiny little deposits in your bank account of your marriage you know to use that analogy. Over time, you have a big hefty savings in there. You have a big cushion to go off of because you make small little deposits over time.
00:30:18
Speaker
It doesn't even have to be like you said like those little 15 minutes doesn't have to be this like elaborate activity that you do like I've even noticed like for Daniel and I and maybe that's just our like love languages but like even if it's just me not sitting on the other side of the couch but him and I just like laying together like touching you know what I mean watching something that also brings it back you know it' something so simple rather than me on the other side of the couch like us just together you know what I mean not even like an activity but just being close to him Right. Yeah. Which seems like simple and silly. but Well, it's easy to like not pay attention to those things. you know It's easy to kind of go ah your own way. and you know That was you know something else I was thinking about. okay How do we balance being parents and partners? you know and How do we prioritize your relationship still? so I think it is just those little those little moments. and
00:31:10
Speaker
having thoughtfulness for the other person. I think it's another easy thing to do. I'm guilty of, I'll just admit it, is kind of in your mind, keep this record of, okay, here's the things that I've done, you know, kind of prepare and like yourself focused, selfish minded, but like thinking, okay, how can I serve Cole? You know, like you think so much about serving your kids and doing all these things, but you kind of drift away from thinking, how can I serve Cole? What would make him like feel loved and a little thing that Cole likes when I scratch his head or give him like a little a back massage or something and I need to be way better at doing that babe I'm sorry you know just yeah this simple thing wow
00:31:54
Speaker
But you know, we can start tonight. Oh, okay. But you know, I just feel like I get selfish. I get selfish from my time and I get selfish with my energy. And it's like, I'm kind of giving my last leftovers, you know, at the end of the day. So it's like having that mindset of like, what can I do? What's a small thing they can do that makes a big difference to him, you know, and fuels that connection. Totally.
00:32:21
Speaker
You got to put in that effort and be intentional. Easy to get just stuck in the mundane of mundane of life. Yeah, Daniel, I feel like Daniel loves, and I pretty much do a pretty good job at this, I would say, but he, the way he feel feel loved is he wakes up with like breakfast made. Like that is like, you love that, right? I love breakfast breakfast. I actually made it for dinner tonight, but Um, yeah, I need to be on the lookout for more things. So good morning if breakfast is made when I wake up. Yes. That's a little way you feel up and you like that. And that's for sure. and I going to say, I think it's important that if your own cup is like filled up, I think you guys talked about it on a prior podcast. You know, I think that you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your spouse. Well, and your kids. Well, but I think that's a communication, you know, thing with your spouse of.
00:33:18
Speaker
Hey, I need like 30 minutes to go for a walk like while the sun's setting while you're taking care of the kids. or whatever it is. you know um so I think it's a good thing to talk with each other about you know how to best take care of yourself so you can take care of others others well. totally Totally. On a side note, I think that like um you know having children obviously is the most selfless thing that we could do. so Without like looking at all the stuff that we've already talked about, which is a major you know obviously major for our relationship between Rachel and I, and then I'm sure you and Cole,
00:33:54
Speaker
But like just ah like for me, um I can low-key say I was very selfish prior to having children, and having Nora and Ivy has made me very selfless. So I think you know on the flip side of what we've talked about just now, it's also, I think, made Rachel and I's relationship.
00:34:13
Speaker
um less about us and more about others in a way, you know, you know, not I mean, we still have our moments, especially me, I could go on and on about my selfish tirades and everything. But um I think that, you know, having the girls definitely has made us made me I guess I can't really speak for Ray, but I see it in her but has made me a better person.
00:34:38
Speaker
so And there's something special to your relationship about experiencing all that together, your kids and the joy that you have for them and the love you have. It strengthens your bond. And like, I just think how many times we think about this is like the life that we like dreamed and prayed for. Like you always talk about us. He has, it what's that memory about the hammock?
00:35:00
Speaker
Um, we were at your parents old house, like in college and you know, we had been dating for, I don't know, billion years, a long time. And I don't know. I still just i remember you were wearing this purple hoodie. and i I don't know why I remember this, but just dreaming about one day, you know, getting married and having a family. And honestly, I forgot about that until you just brought it up. So that's a really good thing to reflect on. Yeah. And but now it's here, you know, and it's so easy just to take it for granted and.
00:35:28
Speaker
you know, huff and puff and not have a good mindset or a good attitude and go throughout the day. Um, but I heard somebody say it today that gratitude is attitude, or I think that's how I said it, where attitude is gratitude, something like that. That's good.
00:35:44
Speaker
Yeah, and just realizing like, we yeah we prayed for this, we dreamed about this and we're here and we're living it. And just the joy that you get from your kids and you, I don't know how many times a day we just look at each other and we're like laughing and smiling at something that the kids do. like I mean, you know, not to be biased, but I feel like our kids are freaking hilarious. Like the thing I'm just like constantly laughing at them and we're just like, Oh my gosh. So that is a side, like the positive side, the positive things are, it brings you together closer. You share in that joy that, you know, you it's almost like you didn't, not like you weren't joyful before, but it's a whole new, the new kind. yeah That's a good point, babe. I like that.
00:36:27
Speaker
Look at you. Always. You always see me at the plaza. That's how Daniel, like if I'm like venting to him or something, he always like, he never fully takes my side at first. Like he'll be like, he always wants to show me the other side always. And I'm like, can you just one time just don't try to be so positive? true It's wonderful. It's a great quality. It is. And I have learned, um, that side of you as well. There are certain times where I should just agree with her and not like try to be the positive guy, but like,
00:36:57
Speaker
um We start our own podcast, Daniel. I think so. I think so. I think that'd be a great idea. Yeah. but dad Dad's dad says, I don't even know what it would be. dad Dad's dad's.
00:37:13
Speaker
yeah
00:37:17
Speaker
That's funny. That's sweet. I think like it's cool to picture like your family and think about how you all are on a
Family Teamwork and Joy
00:37:26
Speaker
team. Like we were talking about earlier, a team.
00:37:28
Speaker
You have your each individual roles and like, and then thinking about your kids, like what part do they play? You know, like God made them specifically to be who they are and like, why did he put us all together? And like, what does he want to accomplish with Jude's this or Eden's that, you know? And we do this little thing where we put our hands in and we say, one, two, three team selectmen. And the kids love it. Like they love to be a part of the team and thinking about them and like,
00:37:56
Speaker
I think they say something silly. They always say like dodo. I don't know where that came from. One, two, three dodo, you know, whatever. It's just like, I don't know the mindset of like, we're all on the same team. Like we're all, we each have our own unique gifts and like taking the time to like think about your partner and what their gifts are. Cause again, stopping and reflecting is not something we always do. Right? Like it makes intentionality. So absolutely I like that we're doing this.
00:38:24
Speaker
Yes, it's getting us being intentional and reflecting and thinking all those things, absolutely. Yeah so I guess wrapping up like last question to think about like looking back if you could give yourself like one piece of advice before coming parents like what what would you tell past Rachel and Daniel? Mine is to take a breather and just live in the moment and because you don't realize how fast it really goes so I guess with that
00:38:57
Speaker
breather and taking a moment also just like don't sweat like the small things like it's gonna be okay um yeah that would be mine because you don't realize it till you're in it yeah i have to agree with that like Not that I regret anything so far, but like just kind of being able to slow down and be present with them um you know in the moment. because you know I get caught up in my work a lot. um Job is considered 24-7.
00:39:32
Speaker
And they didn't make it any easier with COVID and being able to work from home. So with that, you know it's just like constantly always going on now. So um just as you know if I could say like, hey man, when you get home, you know and I do a good job of it, but there are still moments where like you know I feel like I could be more present. Just kind of tell myself to separate from that. you know That's hard. it It's like so many things, but I think, I think just like you're going to figure it out. You're going to learn, you're going to grow and just like.
00:40:08
Speaker
You're not going to believe how incredible and amazing that the experience is. And I think along with you, Rachel, of just like everything is not having to be a huge deal. You know, like I get so worked up about things. I can't tell you what I was worked up about one year ago. You know what I mean? Like it's like, yeah, you get so in it and I think just like make the big things, big things, but make the small things, small things and be present like you guys are saying. And.
00:40:35
Speaker
You figured out that's part of the journey. You know, part of the ride is learning as you go. And yeah, that's mine. I think mine is the days are long, but the years are short. yeah love that Okay. First of all, hold on. There's some story behind this. Okay. Well, I liked it a lot. So Cole, okay. Daniel, have you heard that phrase before?
00:40:57
Speaker
I have not actually. That's, that's the first. Thank you. So it was like a year ago. I'm like listening to this radio program. I don't know how I found it driving around town. And this guy was like, man, you know, with kids, the days are long, but the years are short. And I was like, that is golden. so i thought about it And she started cracking up. She was like, you've never heard that before. And I was like, and no. I was like, that is so wise.
00:41:25
Speaker
I feel like you hear it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As women or something, but he thought he had the most profound. He's like, babe, I got to tell you. i get Yeah. i heard him the This is the first time. This is the first time you've heard it. I'm sure. Yeah. This is gold.
00:41:42
Speaker
Oh my gosh. But I'm sorry, that is sweet though, babe. Yeah. I don't know. That that is probably mine. um I could probably get way too deep, um but I'm kind of thinking like what I would tell myself is like, these kids are not your own. In the sense of, I feel like um i feel entitled. um you know Ultimately, they're gods and you know he created them.
00:42:07
Speaker
And as parents were just stewards, um, you know, to try to lead them to Jesus and, you know, provide for them, um, and not to be Jesus for them, but to point them to him. Um, but sometimes I, I idolize our kids, um, and ah you know, something or to ever happen to them. Um, you know, my thought is, I don't know what I would do.
Parenting and Work-Life Balance
00:42:28
Speaker
So I would say, I don't know, just kind of Biden, abide in the Lord and realize that they're not your own.
00:42:34
Speaker
If that makes sense, if I'm, it does. Yeah. They belong to him. artist Lesson. I feel like to learn, you know. It's not in your hands. No, it's not. We're not in control. In some ways, yes, but ultimately, right? Some deep, some deep steps. You didn't fit the ending, sorry. Cole is right. Well, to make things a little bit lighthearted, let's wrap up with y'all sharing your Winds of the Week with us. Cole, why don't you go first?
00:43:08
Speaker
My win of the week is, um, Morgan had something to do on Wednesday. Um, so she couldn't be with the kids. So I took off of work and I was with the kids all day and wrangled the two little rascals by myself. Uh, we went to the park with me and about 20 other moms and about 30 other kids. I'm not kidding, dude. I was the only guy.
00:43:34
Speaker
and it was hot And it was crazy. So I was like, guys, we gotta go. So we got ah and then we went back to a different playground where there was not a soul and it was so much better. Um, but I think that would be my win is.
00:43:49
Speaker
uh, wrangling those two by myself for the majority of the day. Yeah. And Cole's like, they've been great. He's like, everything was smooth. Everything was perfect. I'm like, oh, lovely. Love that for you. Do you want to, do you want to do this more often? No kidding.
00:44:06
Speaker
All right, Daniel, do you want to share your win? Yeah. My sweet boy. Sure thing. Yeah. i Mine, I kind of have to go back to my job. So I've been with the same company for the last six years, this year. so And I feel like it's been full of ups and downs um with things, you know just general things. So ah one thing I've been trying to work on lately is kind of turning it over to the Lord because before I have been so hands on and trying to control every little thing that I can. Basically telling myself that if it was not for me, I would not be where I'm at. So um without going too far further into that. But this, you know, the last couple of weeks, what I've been trying to do is accept and um
00:44:55
Speaker
Just kind of be out of myself and take the things as they come and kind of like I said before hand it over to the Lord So this week I had some things go on that I could not control and instead of getting um You know being reactive to the situation I kind of just sat back and let it happen and and it all turned out for the good so I think you know if I can start doing that every week and I'm in a good position. So that's my win. Yeah, that's a big win. I'm proud of you. That's awesome. Some self reflecting there. Way to go. I love it. Well, you guys, pleasure. Pleasure having you all on the podcast. Thank you for joining us today. bring Thank you guys.
00:45:38
Speaker
Well, we'll see what the audience says, you know, if they want to have you guys back. or Well, as always, thank you all for listening and we hope you guys have a good week and we'll talk to you all next time. Bye. Bye. Bye bye. Thanks so much for listening to another episode. Remember, everyone is worth celebrating. Talk soon.