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7. Finding Joy in the Struggle
51 Plays1 year ago
We dive into the real and the raw and ask ourselves what do we do when we don't feel joyful in motherhood? Are we alone in that? Do we give into our feelings? How do we move through the hard seasons? An encouraging and real conversation that brings light and hope. Join us!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'That's a Win' Podcast
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey guys, Morgan and Rachel here. Welcome to that's a win podcast where we share the highs and lows of motherhood, celebrating the wins along the way. Thanks for joining us on our journey. Talk soon.
Daily Routines and Household Dynamics
00:00:13
Speaker
Welcome back to another episode of That's a Win podcast. We're your hosts, Morgan and Rachel. How was y'all's day? What'd you get into? You know, not much, truly. I feel like we kind of stuck to our usual. um We played outside at the water table a little bit.
00:00:33
Speaker
um Nora loves to play with her dollhouse in her in her room um I did organize some clothes which I've been like in work on an organizing kick lately and getting rid of things you know cleaning um so I'm like that person that like, even if, if I'm feeling like overstimulated or like anything, nothing is like safe. Like I will take toys and just, this is so bad, but I'll throw them away. Like I should be giving them away, but I'm like, I haven't played with this or even worn this or even Nora stuff like, Oh, Ivy won't be able to wear that, you know, cause they were born in different seasons or whatnot. Um, so kind of like purging stuff. Um, yeah, but same old, same old, not really anything.
00:01:20
Speaker
crazy interesting um what about you the riveting life of a mom you know i know it really is we got breakfast we play a little bit yeah have some lunch take some naps wait for daniel to come home yeah cook some dinner play go to bed you know gotta love a routine though oh for sure for sure absolutely oh we do a walk after dinner we do that usually that's like our little little thing that we do. it's always nice yeah cute moving We were actually at home today too. We didn't do much of anything. we So, you know the little robot vacuums or whatever? We've had one downstairs and it has been broke for the longest time. Like every time you would turn it on, it just would beep and stop.
00:02:11
Speaker
And for whatever reason, I'm going to have it turned on in months. And I was like, I'll just try it today. And then it started working. And then that was like our endless entertainment for like hours. The kids were just like running around, like looking at it, jumping in in it, like hiding from it, like turning it on, turning it off. So it could turned out, I was like, thank you, robot vacuum in much today.
Family Traditions and Restaurant Memories
00:02:32
Speaker
you didn't know i how much i needed this actually real i know so that was our little thing and then we we did go to dinner tonight with my mom to mexican we that's kind of like a weekly thing that we do um the little mexican lmes cow for all you fairgate people
00:02:51
Speaker
But, um, we met up, it was just me and my mom and the kids, usually my dad and Cole will come, but they couldn't today. So we got our little Mexican skin night in, so that was fun. Nice, nice. Mexican on any day, night, it's the go-to. I know. now some chips and queso. Yes. I mean, that is always yes. My, I told my mom, I was like, I feel like we haven't been here in a while. She's like, yeah, we were here Monday. They had already gotten it in for the week. They know everyone. They're like, we're the, y'all have, y'all have been like regulars there for like, I feel like as long as I've known, I mean, i know not as long as I've known you, but like for like the last 10 years, I feel like.
00:03:35
Speaker
Seriously, maybe not maybe five maybe five or six, but no, no, maybe more maybe more, right? We told my parents that I was pregnant in the LMS Cal Park. Yes 1 2 3 say Morgan's pregnant in your mother Yes. I remember. Yes. What a good video. El Mezcal. It holds a special place in our heart. It does. And now I'm going down this rabbit hole. We ate there right before Cole proposed. We had lunch. It was on his birthday. And we went there to eat and then we went to the park and that's where he proposed. So apparently it's just really monumental. It follows you around for big moments in your life. Yes, it does. El Mezcal, shout out.
00:04:17
Speaker
Shout out. I miss that place. It's so good. That was so good. Oh, man. Love it. So funny. Well, that's good. Yeah. Love it. Sounds like sounds like a good day. Good day. Yeah.
Parenting Wins and Challenges
00:04:30
Speaker
So now it's time for our win of the week where we celebrate our victories.
00:04:37
Speaker
Okay so my win actually happened last night. Nora had been in her crib because she never like showed signs of like climbing out or anything so we just kept her in it up until maybe like what like four months ago and we put her into the little toddler like you know where it has the Where you can get out, but it's still like the crib and I guess it's a toddler bed. um But we had been going back and forth. She's been, she'd been saying like, I don't want to, I don't want my baby bed anymore. And Daniel and I are like, okay, maybe we should think about getting that next step and her um crib goes into like a full bed.
00:05:13
Speaker
um with like that you use the headboard or whatever um so we ended up purchasing all the stuff for that and we got the mattress and she was just so excited about it um we don't have any of the other parts we just put the mattress in her floor but she wanted to sleep in that last night so it was her first night and not her like little baby crib toddler bed but she was in like a full mattress um ah slept in that all night and I was like she usually is like pretty timid about like changes and so I was so shocked that she literally there was no like battle it was like she was ready and she's like she went to bed there was no crying she slept all night um so that's my win was her which is kind of like a sad win because I'm like what she's so old so and I don't think I realized like how monumental it really was
00:06:06
Speaker
You know what I mean? yeah I think because her crib is still in there, we haven't taken it down yet yeah until all the other parts come. But yeah, she slept in her own little full size bed. So proud of her. No issues. Yes. It's always like some of those milestones that just come so unexpectedly and unplanned like me and you are both pretty planners. We have like, you know, we know what we're going to be doing next and we're like, you know, have it all set out. But then yeah sometimes they really just take the lead and they jump into this new milestone that's unexpected and you're like,
00:06:40
Speaker
They surprise you and I'm like, wow, they really are capable of a lot. We think we have to control it all. And we really don't like she just, she's like, I'm ready. And she did it. And it was like, right. Super simple. Right. And in my head, I'm thinking, Oh, it's going to be, she's going to be up and she's going to, you know, yeah but yeah, exactly. It happens when you don't expect it, you know, you could have all, and it just goes to show again, and like you could have all the plans in the world, but it's not going to go according to plan hardly ever. um I remember that happened with Jude with the Passy. Yeah, right you
00:07:14
Speaker
You didn't plan to get rid of it and I can't remember exactly, but did you leave it at daycare or it broke or you lost it or something? I can't remember. Yeah. He had one left. This was before Eden was born and I was in my mind, I was like, it'd be nice to like get him off of it before she's here, but I wasn't too worried about it. Wasn't really thinking about it. And he, um, he had one left and it broke one night before bed. And so Cole just like took it out of his crib and he went to bed fine and then he woke up and he never asked for it again. And yeah, it's one of those things you worry about like, oh, how are we going to do this? And then they do it. And you're like, what? Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Not to say that it's not always like that, but those little victories right there are like, wow, you know, it's not always going to be that easy. Right. No, I know. But it's, it's, yeah, surprising when they just, yeah. Yeah.
00:08:07
Speaker
yeah Okay, what's your win? My win? Well, it actually has to do with you, sister girl. oh What? This is why you couldn't tell me. I know. I was like, I'm not telling you. I don't know. Well, <unk>s it's a little bit more on the more like deeper serious side, I guess, but I was just thinking about how last week I just had some days where I was just struggling and I was just kind of in the thick of it and we had just come off another round of sickness It had been raining so much, so I feel like my kids were just too crazy. Cole had been working that weekend and I honestly felt like they were just crying nonstop for like three days straight. and I don't know, I just felt like I was really struggling and I just like told you that. Just randomly I'm like, I'm struggling.
00:08:55
Speaker
And I don't know why and I feel like I'm not enjoying my kids and I don't want to be this way. And then we just, you were there for me and we just talked about it and you just provided that, you know, safe space and encouragement. And you know, so I'm like, that's a win to be able to be open about something like that, to share it and then to have you encourage me. I feel like that was a win for me this week, like that impacted me. So, Shout out Rachel. I love you. I love you so much That's so sweet and it's crazy because like in my on my side of it it was like I don't you don't even realize like I'm just Answering you and feeling and trying to make you feel better and you know, you don't realize the impact, you know, cuz I'm like, oh Well, I'm just here. We're just chatting and you know what I mean? You don't realize so that just goes to show like show up for people and do things even though it seems maybe like
00:09:50
Speaker
It's not going to mean anything. It yeah does. Yeah. Just the little things. Right. Well, I'm glad I could be there for you. I will always, always be here for you. And I know you will for me too. Yeah. It's special. It's, it's important. And I feel like that's usually what it is. Like looking back when I've like expressed something to somebody about a time that impacted me, they're like, Oh, I didn't even think twice about that. Like it was small on their side, but it really is just those little, those little moments. So that's my win. I have a friend like you girl. Love you. Love you, love you, i love
Finding Joy and Community Support in Motherhood
00:10:25
Speaker
you. And speaking of kind of like struggling and whatnot, that's what kind of inspired this episode of what we want to talk about today is how do we find joy in those moments when we are maybe struggling or
00:10:38
Speaker
those moments that don't feel super joyful, right? Like I feel like sometimes it's easier, more natural than others. Like it just comes, like you are just in it and you're, you're just like twiffle with your kids and you're able to like be present and whatnot. And then sometimes and it doesn't always have to be this big reason why but like I'm thinking back to last week like I was just really struggling and things felt hard and just like when my kids come off of sickness they just take a few days to like get back into it and they just you know that's extra tears extra meltdown extra fighting and just felt like everything was like compounding you know
00:11:17
Speaker
and I didn't have this like huge reason to why I'm like so struggling right now, but like I just didn't feel joyful in it. you know maybe Maybe that's a shorter season, like a few days. Maybe that's a longer season when you're dealing with bigger problems, but just how do we find you know the joy when it doesn't feel like it's present or there? yeah i think also like and voicing that too, that like kind of goes along with your win too. Again, maybe I don't know why this is why I feel, but I having that community and that person to talk to to say, Hey, I'm struggling. I don't know why, but getting it out there, I feel like makes it more real to then you're able to like have a solution if there is a solution in that season to get through that and work through it. You know, if it just stays in your head,
00:12:07
Speaker
I don't know. like i and Maybe that's just my personality and yours. I've got to get it out. like I've got to because then it becomes more real and it's like, what am I going to do about what am i going to do about this? But yeah, I feel like that's so real. you know Being a mom, it's again, it's really hard and I think you you think, oh, You're a mom. You have these beautiful kids. it's you're happy You're supposed to be happy. You're supposed to feel this. You're supposed to feel this. And the weight that we carry as moms, like I even watched this this video and it was talking about just how different moms and dads are like wired in their brains. like Dads go to sleep and they're asleep, right? And then it's like moms, they lay down to go to sleep and it's like,
00:12:56
Speaker
You're going back through the day and you're thinking about, you know, did they eat enough vegetables? Did they, did we do this? Did, you know, what are they? I don't know. It's like constant, you know, constant. So I feel like you're expected as a mom to be happy or joyful, but that's not, that's not always how it is. yeah Like I know you said, earlier, like not enjoying your kids in that particular moment. I can i can totally relate to that. Yeah. and I feel like that's a huge just like step. One is it's okay to admit that you're not feeling joyful. You don't have to like enjoy every minute of it. like I almost just don't like that phrase because it's like everything
00:13:38
Speaker
that you're going to do, you're not going to enjoy it all, right? And like, no there's there's good things to come from struggling and like striving for something, right? Like there's good to come on the other side. So it's like just that freedom to say that out loud. One, like you said, I feel like it instantly makes you feel better just getting it off your chest, admitting it and just knowing like you're not alone and like It's okay to say that you're not enjoying a certain thing about motherhood, right? yep And i think I think I can feel guilty like you're saying, like either just thinking about other people's situations or hardships. And I'm like, this is just a regular day. There's nothing crazy going on. They're healthy overall. like
00:14:22
Speaker
You know, I should feel XYZ. I should feel happy or blessed or, you know, grateful every second of the day because overall things are quote unquote great, you know, but yeah, yeah so it's almost like a guilt aspect of it too. like Why do I feel this way? i yeah I can't, I can't feel this way. Like why is this happening? Yeah, totally. And just comparing and seeing other moms being like posting about how much they love their kids. Like I still love my kids no matter what, but I'm not always joyful towards them, right? Right. And so it's like, then that makes me feel guilty. Cause I'm like, Oh man, like, They love their kids more than I do where I'm not enjoying my kids. Like they're enjoying their kids and you know, just like it comes with
Social Media Comparisons and Guilt
00:15:08
Speaker
comparison and guilt. So I think just getting it off your chest, being able to have that safe space to admit that that's huge.
00:15:15
Speaker
Yep. Well, that just goes back along with our episode with social media that like, that's such, again, we're all in different seasons, first of all, we all go through different things. But when you just were talking about seeing that picture, like, okay, you don't really know their story. Like again, it goes back to comparing, like there's no sense in even going there, which is so crazy that our minds do go there. You know what I mean? Just one small little picture doesn't fully mean. They've got it all together. They didn't have a, um, or they're not an enjoyable season or you know what I mean? So that goes back along with that as well with the comparison. That'll get you every time. I know the comparisons girly comparison is a thief of joy, right? That's what they say. Oh, yes. Oh, absolutely. Which in in this world we just, it it does happen, you know? And I think again, we just,
00:16:10
Speaker
have to know where our identity lies. Like I've said a billion times with that, but it's so real. It really is. Yeah. In, in knowing that like it will pass too, like you go through different stages with your kids, right? I mean, like your kids are going through different things at different times and you have to almost see it as like this too shall pass. Right. It's like what I'm feeling right now is not going to be what I'm feeling in a day, in a week, in a month. Right. So it's like, it's giving yourself that space to be like, this is hard right now.
00:16:47
Speaker
I'm not feeling these things right now, but I'm not always going to feel this way because now I feel like I'm kind of on the other side of that. Like I was kind of in that struggle for like three or four days and now I feel like, okay, I feel a lot better and I'm feeling like I am enjoying. I'm able to see those sweet little moments and I'm able to like have those like, when you're just like staring at your kids and you're like, I love them so much, you know, andm like youre playing laughing just those little, little tidbits, you know? And yeah so I feel like I'm on the other side of just like, that momentary you know struggle or whatever.
00:17:19
Speaker
Yeah. But just knowing it'll pass, like everything comes and goes, like even the good, right? and So I feel like if we put so much emphasis on how we feel our emotions, it's like we can't let them dictate and control us because the good, the bad, none of it is going to last. It's going to go up and down and change and yeah, just kind of reminding yourself of that.
Joy Beyond Circumstances: Faith and Spirituality
00:17:44
Speaker
Well, also about happiness and we're talking about joy. You know, joyfulness and joy doesn't necessarily even mean happiness, right? Like, yes, there are things that make us happy, but it's like, where does joy come from, right? Like it doesn't come from the things that make us happy. You know, our joy comes from.
00:18:09
Speaker
the one who reigns above it all. right like that's where That's where joy comes from. Because I think you can think like, oh, well, this I didn't feel happy or this happiness, but like that's not even where the joy comes from. right like yeah You have to also remember that first and foremost, I think. That's so true because just like anything else in this world, if we look to our kids or our job or our spouse to fully satisfy us, like they won't. like Of course, our kids bring us so much joy and we love them more than probably anything in this world and they bring us purpose and happiness, but that's not going to be like that all the time. right and If we're putting all that weight on them to satisfy us 100% of the time, that's not going to happen.
00:18:56
Speaker
And just like nothing in this world, well, so that's so true. The deep joy that we feel with Jesus that we can have and access at all times, that is never changing. That is a deep fulfilling joy and satisfaction that is not dependent upon our circumstances. ah says ah And then when you are in that season where you don't feel that way, thinking about working through it and remembering what like fills your cup. Cause again, even like Sarah best said, like we've got to be okay before the others. Right. So like maybe that is like, I remember even talking with you, like when you were talking about and not to get too specific, specific, but you know, whether it was having time to do baking or working out or whatever, those little things, like times for you, I feel like finding a passion or something that fills your cup as well can be helpful.
00:19:55
Speaker
in if you're in that tough season. Yeah. Focusing on like, are you taking care of yourself? Cause I think that you can see these red flags are like, okay, I'm feeling, you know, when you're like off, right? It's like, you can feel it. So it's like, okay, what are some things I need to consider here? Am I, are my basic needs? being met, right? Am I taking care of myself? And even if that's like working with your spouse to be like, Hey, I just need 15 minutes. Like I need to go walk on the treadmill or I need to go do this or that, you know, it's almost like a read. You get a read on yourself of like, okay, things aren't right here. Kind of like a signal things aren't right. Like, what do we need to, you know, consider on and kind of like a different thought on it is something I've been pondering when I was kind of in that little funk or whatever you want to call it. And
00:20:41
Speaker
something actually I feel like I've been learning a lot past several months is just like your perspective and your mindset on things and how what you focus on is going to expand and that's therefore going to be what you feel and it's going to affect everything right so if I'm sitting here being like I'm struggling. Things are really hard and my kids are fighting all the time and they're just melting down. If that's all you're seeing, then that's how it's going to like, imagine that constantly playing over in your head. And then imagine king positive thoughts of like, this is hard right now, but it's a blessing that I am able to be home with them. And I'm the one that they need. I'm the one that they're crying for because I'm their safe place.
00:21:24
Speaker
Like how much of a different feel that is, right? Like what your mind is filled with and just is what's going to come out yeah and rain on everything else in your life. No, totally. Perspective is everything. It really is, but it seems like it's such a simple thing, but like, I feel like that's something that I struggle with probably daily. You know what I mean? It's so simple to think, Oh, just be positive or, you know, it seems easier to go. you know, sulk in those feelings, and which is okay to acknowledge them. But I think putting more effort and being intentional, like you said, with being having that positive outlook with it. Like, okay, I feel this way now. right What can we do to get through it? So I feel
00:22:12
Speaker
better Yeah. And another thing I've thought about is like the, you know, the things that you are trying hard to think about truthful things and the positive things. You might not feel that that's true in the moment, you know, it's like you take effort to shift your mindset into actually like focus on what you're grateful for. And like, maybe that's journaling in the morning, like forcing yourself to sit down. What are five things I'm grateful for? you know, or at the dinner table, like we always try to do like, okay, what was your thumbs up and your thumbs down for the day and like go around and see, you know. And I'm just thinking about Jude, cause I remember I asked him once like, what's your thumbs down for the day? He's like, being a kid is hard. Something about, I want to grow up and be tall like you or something like that. I don't know. He's speaking the truth.
00:23:02
Speaker
Little does he know what life is going to be throwing at him when he gets as tall as you. I know, it's so cute. Their little minds. Yeah.
Maintaining Positivity Through Gratitude
00:23:13
Speaker
But just, you know, you don't always have to feel it, right? It's like you can yeah train yourself. You almost have to train yourself. And like, and when I noticed that I'm like, so in this negative headspace, it's like I got out of, you know, I'm not, waking up in the morning and reading my Bible and journaling like I had been. I'm not exercising regularly like I have been. I'm not having necessarily as much time now that I'm back at work to do little things like baking. The things that you're saying, it's like, you can see all how these little tiny habits that you do really form up and really affect you and how, you know, it shapes yeah your mindset and it's just little things. Yep. Yep.
00:23:56
Speaker
And I think too, it's like, okay, joy, it's, that's the fruit of the spirit. Like we can pray and like, there's many times that I've prayed and be like, God, please help me to find joy in motherhood. Like I'm not feeling that right now. And I feel like that's okay in that we should do that. Right? You know, like, yes, that's not always going to be like, like you're saying joy is not dependent on our circumstances. It's not things, a momentary happiness. It can be, we can have joy. no matter what's going on around us, even though that seems not attainable, it's true. We can, you know? And so, yeah and we can ask God to help us, right? I think sometimes we think, okay, I got to muster this up all on my own. I've got to work up to be joyful. I got to, what are all these things I got to change? And yes, I think you can evaluate and look at things in your life that maybe you do need to make more space for. but
00:24:46
Speaker
Also, inviting the Holy Spirit in and saying, help me, help me to have joy, help me to have patience, just like you would patience. It's like you might maybe don't think of joy like that too, but it's like you can pray for that. anne ah her what's that What's that verse come to me? Yes. All who are burdened and weary or. Yes. And i will give you rest yeah yeah that's exactly, that's it right there. Yep. You know, his yoke is easy and his burden is light and he wants us to, he can take it all, you know, our weariness. Yeah. Yeah. And I think, I think that right there is the most important part, I think of the whole shebang we doing, you know what I mean?
00:25:26
Speaker
That part right there is huge.
Spiritual Strength in Motherhood
00:25:28
Speaker
I mean, if motherhood has taught me anything, it's that I cannot do this in my own strength. you no you know None of us can. Yeah. in I think that that's yeah that's a big thing. Praying for that. He he meets us where we are, right? We're feeling weary. We're not feeling joy. We're feeling negative. We're feeling down. cast, like he meets us where we're at. And that's a beautiful thing. And just, just to know, just like a friendship, you know, to know you have that safe space and that you can come as you are. You don't have to put on a face. You don't have to pretend. You don't have to prove yourself. You're just you, you're raw, you're real and all of it. Amen. Amen. Sister girl. And then you start making
00:26:18
Speaker
you start doing all these little things and then you come out of the other side and you're like, wow. It's almost like a fog, you know, it's like lifted and you can look back and be like, yeah, we made it. look I got, I got through this. Yeah. It's just, it's just a season. Again, it goes back. This too shall pass. Yes. Too shall pass. And then you'll be in another season soon. This is going to be hard and you know, we go I think bottom line, like it's okay to not be okay, which sounds so cliche, but it's been in motherhood. Like you don't have to put on this face that, Oh, I'm a mom now. I have to.
00:26:53
Speaker
act a certain way or feel a certain way, like we're still human and it's hard. It's absolutely hard. So remembering that. You don't have to love every part of it. You really don't. And you won't. But there are going to be parts you love too, right? yeah Yep. And anything worth doing is going to be hard. If it was all easy, it wouldn't require any kind of sacrifice or any kind of growth or anything like that. you know The struggle produces good things on the other side. That's right. This was encouraging to my heart. I feel like sometimes these
00:27:29
Speaker
are like what I need to hear. like What we talk about is like food to my soul of like what I need, just that encouragement. Yes. It's therapeutic. It's therapeutic.
Conclusion and Call for Reviews
00:27:39
Speaker
We hope that you all feel the same as you're listening along with us. Yeah, thank you for joining us and um just listening along to their episode. This felt a little bit more vulnerable than some of our other ones. So we hope that you can relate in some way or just find some encouragement in your struggle and knowing that there is joy to be had. um To wrap up, we have a favor to ask if you guys are enjoying listening to the podcast, if you will give us a
00:28:08
Speaker
five-star review on Apple or Spotify, we would greatly appreciate that. And um we will catch you all next week. We hope you guys are having a good week and we'll talk to you all later. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks so much for listening to another episode. Remember, everyone is worth celebrating. Talk soon.