Transcript
Speaker: If you don't understand how misleading those impressions can be, you're going to risk building your entire expat existence, the whole foundation, on misinterpretation.
Speaker: And that can spoil your entire adventure.
Speaker: The Autoethnographer, your weekly cultural trip around the world. Welcome back to The Autoethnographer, the show where we explore what what really happens when you cross cultures, cross borders, and sometimes cross your own assumptions about the world.
Speaker: I'm your host, John Yuenstek. Today, we'll talk about first impressions. You know that old adage, you never have a second chance to make a first impression?
Speaker: Well, that may not be true in all cases. One of the biggest pitfalls that I see, one that derails the most well-intentioned expats, is the tendency to over-rely on first impressions.
Speaker: Those early days in a new country, they can feel vivid, intense, meaningful. But the truth is that first impressions are almost always wrong.
Speaker: So today, we're going to explore why. We'll look into six powerful dynamics that shape your perception in those early days, and we'll walk through examples from Russia, from Thailand, the US, Germany, and Egypt.
Speaker: All of them places where I have lived and worked. Let's start with the honeymoon phase, because it's just as misleading as the term culture shock. When you first arrive in ah in a new country, everything feels heightened.
Speaker: Colors, they seem they seem brighter. Food tastes better. People seem friendlier. Even even the chaos feels charming. You're in a state of emotional openness and you're brain is soaking in every last detail. Here, take Thailand for example.
Speaker: Many expats land in Bangkok or Chiang Mai and immediately think, hey, this place is is paradise. Everyone is so kind. Everything is so easygoing. And yes, Thailand is warm and gracious and full of subtle social harmony.
Speaker: But the honeymoon phase, it often blinds newcomers to the deeper cultural layers. The indirect communication, the ah pressure to maintain harmony, the avoidance of open conflict, the importance of saving face, and the unspoken hierarchy in workplaces.
Speaker: Six months later, that same expat, they might say, hey Why won't anyone tell me the truth? why Why does everyone say yes when they actually mean no? And why does everything take much longer than expected?
Speaker: Well, the early glow, it wasn't wrong. It just was an incomplete picture. Egypt is another great example. Your first impression might be, this place so alive, so warm, so full of energy. And it's true.
Speaker: Beneath the surface, though, is a complex web of relational expectations, negotiation rituals, social obligations, and rules about hospitality.
Speaker: The honeymoon phase, it's it's intoxicating. But it's not the whole story. It's just a snapshot, not the whole feature film. The second dynamic is that you interpret behavior through your home country filters.
Speaker: When you're new to a country, you don't yet understand the cultural logic behind behavior. So your brain it fills in those gaps with what you know.
Speaker: Now imagine arriving in Russia. A newcomer might think, wow, people here are so serious. Nobody smiles. Everyone looks stern. There's there's even a saying in Russia.
Speaker: It goes something like this. To laugh without a cause is a sign of a fool. In other words, walk down the street smiling and and people will probably think you're an idiot. Really.
Speaker: So in Russian culture, smiling at strangers, it feels insincere. Warmth is reserved for people that you actually know, those in your inner circle. And once you're inside someone's circle, the emotional generosity, it's overwhelming.
Speaker: I have Russian friends that I hope to keep for the rest of my life. Now flip that around. In the United States, people smile at strangers all day long.
Speaker: To a Russian or even a German, that can feel overly familiar or even suspicious. It's not wrong, it's it's just a different cultural filter. That's it for the topic of smiling. Now for the simple two-letter word, no.
Speaker: In Thailand, a colleague might avoid saying no directly. To an American, this can feel evasive. But to a Thai person, this is respectful.
Speaker: It preserves harmony and it prevents embarrassment for either party. In Germany, a co-worker might give extremely blunt feedback. To an American, this can feel harsh and and and possibly be taken as an insult. But to a German, this is clarity. It's a sign of respect to your competence and to your time.
Speaker: Your first impressions are filtered through your own cultural expectations, and those expectations are not universal. These are only a few of the thousands of examples that are out there.
Speaker: The third dynamic is that in your first weeks abroad, you're only seeing the surface layer of a culture. You're exposed to customer service, to public transportation, street behavior, maybe some bureaucracy, you little greetings here and there, and some small talk. But these are just the shallowest layers of the culture.
Speaker: Take Russia again. A newcomer might think, ah, people here are cold. But once you're invited into a Russian home, you're going to discover warmth and humor and emotional depth, fierce loyalty and and generosity that could be truly overwhelming.
Speaker: Not to mention shashlik and vodka in copious amounts on weekends. The surface is reserved, but the interior is rich and warm.
Speaker: Egypt works in much the same way. Your first impression might be, this place is is chaotic. But beneath the surface is a deeply relational culture where people look out for each other, where strangers help strangers, where hospitality is a moral obligation, and, well, where relationships matter more than rules.
Speaker: Yes, okay, it might look like chaos, but there's a really defined set of rules to that chaos, and you just don't know how to interpret that yet. Surface culture, it's loud.
Speaker: Deep culture is quiet. Just think of that old analogy of an iceberg. You can only see about 20% of it on on the surface. And your first impressions only hear these loud, exposed parts of a culture.
Speaker: The fourth dynamic is that your early experiences are often outliers. Your first taxi driver, your first landlord, your first co-worker,
Speaker: maybe your first bureaucrat. They become the the face of the nation, but they're just one person. In Egypt or Thailand, a single aggressive taxi negotiation can make a newcomer think, ah, everyone here is trying to take advantage of me.
Speaker: But that's only one interaction. It's not a holistic cultural truth. In Germany, ah a single bureaucrat who refuses to bend a single rule suddenly becomes the German bureaucracy is impossible.
Speaker: But then the next office that you visit it might be efficient and friendly and and surprisingly flexible. Don't let individual encounters sway you against the whole culture.
Speaker: In the United States, a a newcomer might meet an overly enthusiastic American who who asks 20 questions and in five minutes. you know They think to themselves, ah, these Americans, they're just much too much. But the next person they meet, they might be quiet and thoughtful and reserved.
Speaker: Early experiences are random. But when you're new, that randomness, it it feels like meaning. Just be careful not to over-interpret this. The fifth behavior is that you don't know the the why behind behaviors.
Speaker: Without context, everything feels personal. In Egypt, a foreigner might feel overwhelmed by the intensity of street interactions, the noise, the the negotiation, the constant human contact.
Speaker: But once you understand the value of hospitality, the importance of relationships, the rhythm of the social life, and the expectation of engagement, you you realize this isn't aggression.
Speaker: This is connection. It's just in a different way than you're accustomed to. In Germany, a newcomer might think that, ah, Germans are blunt.
Speaker: But the why lies in clarity, in efficiency, and in respect for your time. It's not rudeness. In Thailand, a newcomer might think that people are just avoiding conflict.
Speaker: But the why is harmony. It's a deep cultural value that that shapes everything from business to family life. Understanding the why it transforms discomfort into appreciation.
Speaker: this This can take months or years, if ever. but But learning this, this is exactly the fun of living in a different culture.
Speaker: The sixth dynamic is the the most dangerous one. first impressions become self-fulfilling prophecies. Hear me out. So if you decide early that people are unfriendly or that the the bureaucracy is impossible or that the work culture is is chaotic, then you yourself start to behave in ways that basically reinforce those beliefs.
Speaker: So in Germany, if you assume that people are cold, you just stop initiating conversations and then you conclude by looking around. See, nobody wants to talk to me. Or in in Thailand, you assume that people just want to avoid conflict. So you just stop asking direct questions and you look around and you ask, yeah, see, nobody wants to tell me the truth.
Speaker: Or lastly, in Russia, you assume that people are unfriendly. So you never bother getting close enough to experience the the warmth that actually exists behind the reserved exterior.
Speaker: In other words, your early narrative ends up becoming your long-term reality.
Speaker: So why does all of this matter? Well, because if you're thinking about moving overseas or you're already planning your relocation, your first impressions are going to shape everything.
Speaker: your relationships, your work life, your sense of belonging, your emotional resilience, and frankly, your long-term happiness in your new home. And if you don't understand how misleading those impressions can be, you're going to risk building your entire expat existence, the whole foundation, on misinterpretation.
Speaker: And that can spoil your entire adventure. This is exactly why I've built the online course on how to move overseas. It's not just to help with visas and logistics and housing, although I cover all of that, but to help you to understand how culture actually works, how to decode behaviors, how to learn about the place that you're newly moving to.
Speaker: It especially focuses on how to create a life abroad that can be meaningful, sustainable, and enjoyable for you. Because moving overseas, it's not just a a logistics project, it's actually more a psychological transformation. And the more that you understand these early misperceptions, the more prepared you're going to be to navigate the deeper layers of your new home, diving beneath the surface and seeing the majority of the iceberg.
Speaker: So as you think about your next move, whether it's across the world or simply across your own current assumptions, remember this. Your first impressions are not the truth. They're just the beginning of a conversation. a conversation to which there is not a single truth, but many deep layers of different truths.
Speaker: This conversation is between you and a new culture. It's between you and who you're becoming. It's between you and the world that you're about to discover.
Speaker: And if you stay curious and you stay humble and you stay open, well, those new early impressions are going to evolve into something even richer and deeper and more rewarding than anything you could have imagined on day one.
Speaker: Thanks for listening to The Autoethnographer. Make sure that you subscribe so that you don't miss the weekly episode. And be sure to check out your ticket abroad, the video course that can aid you in your international relocation.
Speaker: I drop the link in in the show notes down below. Until next time, stay curious, stay courageous, and keep on exploring. And above all, always keep on driving.
Speaker: Thank you for joining us on today's journey. Please remember to like and subscribe to The Auto Ethnographer and leave us a rating or comment. For more information, visit our website at auto-ethnographer.com.
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