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Party Line (1988)
102 Plays15 days ago
This week on Erotic Thriller Club we've got a 70's pop star serial killer, police brutality, a man covered in piss that makes a break for it on a stolen motorcycle. Party Line is the big dumb fun we all need in our lives right now.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Erotic Thriller Club
00:00:00
Speaker
Ladies, gentlemen, folks beyond the binary, grab your husband, wife, partner, mistress, your mama's wedding dress, your sharpest straight razor, and gather around the radio.
00:00:11
Speaker
It's time for this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club.
00:00:27
Speaker
is antithesis, mysterious and dangerous and oh yes, they've got all the sexiest movies out of the edges so if you're fatally attracted to the raciest stuff, erotic film club basically instinctively crave the salacious, erotic film club if you want a raciest movie and you're too classic for smart
00:01:10
Speaker
Former 70s pop star Leif Garrett and his bikini-clad sister are wealthy phone sex serial killers. Can a detective with a questionable work ethic and the assistant to the DA make the world safe again for infidelious men who just want to have a good time cheating on their wives without their families finding out or having their throat slit?
00:01:30
Speaker
This week on the Erotic Thriller Club, Party Line.
Introducing Garrett and Kit's Approach
00:01:35
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to this week's meeting of the Erotic Thriller Club. As always, Garrett Callender and Kit Ryan here.
00:01:42
Speaker
And this is where we answer the genre's three most important questions. Was i aroused? Was I thrilled? And would I ruin my life for this person? I'm not sure infidelious is a word, ah Garrett, but I love it.
00:01:56
Speaker
So it is one now, if it wasn't before. I Googled it and it because it felt right to me. And it said it is a very uncommonly used word from the 1500s. Uncommonly used is valid.
00:02:13
Speaker
um It was a word at some point and I thought, I want to use this. Bring it back. We're bringing it back. I loved this movie, Kit. I had so much fun watching this movie.
00:02:29
Speaker
Are you sure that's not just because you've been super sleep deprived that maybe it it seemed a little bit more exciting than it really was? There were so many things in this movie that are just like little details that are so insane that it made the whole movie for me. And yes, I am very sleep deprived. My kid's going through a sleep regression. He had bronchitis and then pneumonia. My wife currently has pneumonia after getting through bronchitis. I'm fucking tired, but I stayed up till two in the morning watching Party Line. Hell yeah. Yeah.
00:03:06
Speaker
It was a bright spot on my day.
Understanding Party Lines
00:03:11
Speaker
ah So ah for all of the the young folks, I feel like we should explain what a party line was, right? Like, well, we weren't there for them either.
00:03:22
Speaker
I mean, no this this, but so by young folks, I mean anyone under the age of 50. 45, yeah. So the original concept of a party line was um that when phone service was first being rolled out to people, it was kind of expensive. So you could all pool a subscription fee together with your neighbors. And you would all share one phone line. And that's hilarious because it meant people could listen in on each other's phone conversations all the time. And I would have loved to have lived in that particular era. But that was in like the 40s and 50s. By the time we get to the 80s, the party line ah from that concept is gone. And it has been replaced by everybody having their own phones, of course. But how, Garrett, are you going to meet sexy strangers?
00:04:17
Speaker
ah in your area well the answer is with a 900 number where you pay by the minute to just all be on one big group call um and just randomly say um ah sexy shit to people and hope that you will find someone to hook up with and these things were expensive as fuck so when we see the babysitter using it at a client's house I cackled Like, oh why damn, girl.
00:04:48
Speaker
well I mean, we don't really have, I don't know if they ever specified the cost of the party line, but I mean, i remember as a kid seeing like the Miss Cleo line. Oh, yeah, yeah. Same basic concept of the 900 lines where it's paid by the minute.
00:05:04
Speaker
And seeing how expensive those were. So you're right. As i the babysitter was on those, it's like, you can't hide this. This shows up on the phone bill and it's going to be so fucked up.
00:05:17
Speaker
And I wonder if some part of her was hoping since the guy she's babysitting for is a creep that like, maybe this would ruin his marriage when, uh, you know, the wife sees the phone bill and that he's been calling, ah you know, adult singles in your area every night. But,
00:05:34
Speaker
ah yeah It's pretty obvious based on the phone bill when the calls were made. So you're definitely not going to be keeping this babysitting job.
Modern Communication Equivalents
00:05:46
Speaker
It's funny, though, that because just with the party line, I was trying to think because, you know at one point, I think the closest thing we had to that was just like cyber sex rooms. Yeah, totally. And yeah, that's in the late ninety where pretend to be a different gender or age or whatever. And you'd be like ASL and you'd just lie. You'd be like, I'm 23 and i live also a vampire.
00:06:16
Speaker
albuquerque and also i'm a vampire
00:06:23
Speaker
I think the closest thing now is don't people just use like, isn't there that site Omegle where it just randomly puts you with somebody? It's not the though, because that's still two people talking, right? It's not just a whole big group of people all talking at once. And maybe two of them decide that they're having fun and like go off for a private conversation.
00:06:47
Speaker
ah Yeah, and in this in that situation Omegle, it seems like you are not getting anything. set Somebody's either going to show you their dick, try and do a freestyle rap for you, or show you a magic trick. All of which I don't want.
00:07:03
Speaker
No, I'm good. ah Yeah, I don't know if there is a modern day equivalent. ah teens Teens, write in, I guess, and let us know how you find groups of strangers to talk about sex with.
00:07:16
Speaker
Yeah, let us know where we can talk to strange teens. No, I won't go. i just want to know what they're up to. Kit, you brought up the babysitter in this film. I did. and they do make it clear way late in the movie. But the age of this babysitter... 16.
00:07:37
Speaker
Is 16, but could have been ten years old for all i knew they They didn't hire a 40-year-old person to play the babysitter like they do normally. it was This was a child. Mm-hmm.
00:07:53
Speaker
Which means they made that actress yeah they made that actress say some pretty um sick shit. Because she's like talking about... For the police. Yeah, that's the really fucked up part.
Garrett's Experience with Sleep Deprivation and 'Party Line'
00:08:07
Speaker
We'll get to that. but We'll get to that. But yeah, her bedroom is identical to a nine-year-old's bedroom. Which could be that she has...
00:08:17
Speaker
you know, real strict parents that don't let her update her room. Or it could be that she is just mentally still a 10 year old, but now with like an interest in sex.
00:08:29
Speaker
It was horrendous for me watching these children. Because i i didn't know the age. And at first I'm like, okay, maybe she's like 16. Maybe she's a college i student. Maybe she's a college student, right? You think, no. but Her in her bedroom hugging two teddy bears and in like a child's nightgown. Yeah. They could have done it differently. They could have given her eighteen teen girl's bedroom, but they did not.
00:08:59
Speaker
i don't know if they didn't. They maybe didn't have the budget. But this movie, hot open. Oh, yeah.
Opening Scene of 'Party Line'
00:09:07
Speaker
Hot open. This movie had me hook, line, and sinker within five minutes. Because it just opens with bang. wait Oh, absolutely.
00:09:17
Speaker
Okay, so it opens with a bunch of people talking on a party line. And you see a little newspaper clipping That is clearly from the back pages of some local newspaper um where it promises the classiest adult party lines.
00:09:33
Speaker
And then we do just straight to to some fucking, right? Yeah, we had their breasts on screen while it's still giving you the names of the set dresser. You know, like we're... Which gives you a false impression that you're going to see a lot more boobs in this movie than you really are, I feel like.
00:09:54
Speaker
I feel like that was a check. they That was writing a check the movie did not cash. It's true, but what it lacked in boobs, it made up for an interesting looking extra size.
00:10:06
Speaker
So true. oh absolutely. I found myself, though, while watching this opening boob scene, um wondering where you buy mattresses for your round sex bed.
00:10:19
Speaker
Garrett, where do you get those? Well, obviously a specialty store, but I think that back then maybe a little more... I don't know. it Maybe it was like...
00:10:31
Speaker
like a water bed, you know, you just, where you even find those today. i think maybe they were just more accessible back then. Maybe it was coming from the seventies, you know, like I feel like, you know, in James Bond, I feel like I saw a lot more circular beds in the seventies bonds, the sixties seventies. Then it's almost like people figured out that's not like a comfortable way to sleep. If your legs end up dangling off the end of your bed.
00:10:58
Speaker
I like to nap with my legs dangling. do you now? Yeah, I like to have a little leg dangle for the nap. and i do so it's a new about you And I do suggest to my wife all the time, like, hey, how would you like to, we just lay the the opposite way in bed this time. We sleep instead of vertical go horizontal. And she always declines it. Yeah, I can't, I'm shocked. If you had like one of them, kick like king size beds, you probably could and still be perfectly.
00:11:31
Speaker
we do. but Okay. Then I see no problem here. Me either. um All right. So ah would you like to go ahead and describe for our audience what happens to to to the the sex the sex the the the sexy people?
00:11:51
Speaker
Yeah. so we see the blonde lady in her boobies, and she's a very attractive lady. Her hair looks tortured. Her hair has been through...
00:12:04
Speaker
fucking nom like it is not good it looks bad to touch right like this is not hair you want to run your fingers through it would feel bad to touch she's gonna say ouch a lot if i run my fingers but the man she is in bed with has the most insane head Yeah.
00:12:29
Speaker
Right? He is tan from the neck down, but specifically the head. And the mullet is the least of his worries. Least of his problems. His face is powdered as if he had just come from filming Amadeus right before he got into this...
00:12:48
Speaker
bed and i didn't understand why he was so white and there had to have been a makeup lady in the back that is just like ultra powdering him and at one point he had to have known to himself this is too much powder too much or the wrong color or something like i don't know 80s mullet, Dracula ass head. Like just as Dracula.
00:13:14
Speaker
And then, um you know, another man walks in on the sex scene and it is... pop star Leif Garrett, my namesake. I did not know that this was a famous person, Garrett. I thought this was just a guy. Please tell me more about this guy.
00:13:34
Speaker
70s pop star what what what did he do he was a 70s pop star I remember i i feel like I should have done a little more of research i just remember him on a lot of the VH1 shows and he I feel like he was one of those guys that maybe had drug problems in the past and he was a 70s guy though and I remember always joking with my mom asking did you name me after Leif Garrett did she confirm or deny this She denies it, but, um and she doesn't listen to any music. So that would check out, but I'd like to think that maybe I'm named after the sex man.
00:14:14
Speaker
Yeah. So, uh, it looks like he was, ah a teen idol in the 1970s who later received much publicity for his drug abuse and legal troubles. And you know what? If you look at what he looked like a decade earlier than this movie, 1978, handsome devil.
00:14:32
Speaker
Yeah, he was, like I mean, he was a Popeye star. He was a big deal. He was a famous person. and I found myself wondering, like, if you could cast anyone, why would you cast this guy who with his receding hairline and sort of meh looks? And apparently he used to be yeah a lot.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yeah, other than the fact that goddamn Shaft is in the movie, he's the most famous person in this movie. I was so delighted when I saw Richard Roundtree's name pop up on the opening credits. Man, oh man. SIU alum, ah you know, just like us. Didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. Shaft is one of ours.
00:15:11
Speaker
um'm Always glad to see great news. Talking about Shaft. Absolutely. ah Yeah, so he comes in and claims to be the blonde's husband.
00:15:25
Speaker
And the guy is immediately like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Maybe you should apologize to your children and wife. They really don't like infidelity. No.
00:15:39
Speaker
This is the only erotic thriller we've watched where the killers get to be Batman rather than the heroes.
00:15:52
Speaker
Mm hmm. Like they're only killing people who are not Well, they start out only killing people who are doing infidelity. But, you know, once you get a taste of the murder, ah sometimes you can't stop yourself anymore. It's like ah you're eating Cheetos and next thing you know, you finish the whole bag.
00:16:12
Speaker
Those other throat slit we call loose ends and you gotta, you gotta cut off. You can't have loose her If they hadn't stuck their nose. The guy who's dancing with your sister, the guy who's dancing with your sister is a loose end.
00:16:25
Speaker
No, you just didn't like that he was fucking your sister because you want to fuck your sister. Kit, I did click on Herc ah Lee Nickel, his IMDB because I was curious and the first movie listed in his credits was Is Party Line?
00:16:43
Speaker
Is the movie that made you and I friends. No. Wait, made no, no. Bangkok Dangerous made us friends. Yeah. Wait, not next.
00:16:56
Speaker
We watched Next Next. We did watch Next Next. He was in Next? So he wasn't in Next. I'll see tell you, his first four credits, Next, Con Air, Windtalkers, The Weatherman, all Nick Cage movies. Interesting. So you scroll down and you find out he was Nicolas Cage's personal trainer.
00:17:18
Speaker
Apparently 1997 through that guy...
00:17:22
Speaker
so that guy Had a really sick career with Nicolas Cage. This was the last movie he was in. but Because he got his throat slit on set? Poor Herc. He looked so realistic.
00:17:39
Speaker
Herc would have cheated on his wife. going to go ahead and give Leif Garrett the benefit of own. do not. He was single. They said so explicitly. I said would have. Oh, eventually.
00:17:51
Speaker
Maybe. Maybe you just never would have gotten married, Garrett. Maybe you would never have tied himself down like that. the While they're in bed with Dracula and we find out they're brother and sister.
00:18:05
Speaker
Yeah. And I didn't
Exploring Sibling Relationships
00:18:08
Speaker
really understand their dynamic as husband and wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, even less brother and sister. It yeah felt incestuous, but never gets there.
00:18:21
Speaker
I mean, they do kiss at the end. They make out a little bit. During the choking? Yeah, but right before that he chokes her. Yeah. So it it that's funny because as I was watching this, i was like, oh man, we're releasing this right around 4th of July. We should have done first the world, then the fireworks or whatever, but we don't. And then then this, I was like, well, we did a different incest movie this time. Yeah.
00:18:49
Speaker
Just like everyone asks for as we celebrate our nation's two hundred and fiftieth birthday. Yeah. um we got we got brother fucking Actually, I'm surprised Leif Garrett didn't perform at the nation's state fair.
00:19:04
Speaker
He honestly seems like they could have gotten him unless he's dead. i did not actually check. Oh, I didn't check. Uh, hold on. He's alive. he's alive ah He is alive.
00:19:21
Speaker
Alright, so, um, point is, uh, Leaf, uh, bashes in, uh, Strange-Faced Man's, ah head with a gigantic 80s cordless phone, which is both symbolic and nostalgic. Mm-mm-mm.
00:19:40
Speaker
I was so on board at this moment because it's been so weird so far. We've got Dracula head. We've had boobs. We've had bone sex. And then I thought, where can we go from here? Them speeding down the road in a convertible and just shove that dead body on the sidewalk somewhere with a hobo. Speed off, go to a nightclub, and dance the night away to shitty 80s music that is so shitty and sounds like maybe a song you've heard before which we've covered this type of music a lot on these podcasts they didn't want to license a song so i get the feeling they had someone write a sound alike
00:20:21
Speaker
that they could then use for the club scenes. Because there was one of the songs where it was like, the lyrics were about a party line. So i was like, oh, okay. You needed a generic, some generic 80s songs. And so you got this band to do it.
00:20:37
Speaker
And then the band you used in the film is the most obviously not playing their instruments or singing band I've ever seen committed to film. It was glorious.
00:20:49
Speaker
It's just so funny that there used to be a job that is all AI does now is make that sounds like this. And I think the punishment for using AI in any capacity should be this is the only kind of music you're allowed to listen to forever.
00:21:08
Speaker
This is you're like, have you heard this song? I don't know if I've ever heard Prince, but I've heard songs that were made in the key of peace songs in the key of Prince. ah Yeah. And by the way, this snazzy red convertible has those rad pop up headlights that they had back then.
00:21:28
Speaker
i found the whole thing very delightful. um Just something more that transported us to 1988. Mm hmm.
00:21:37
Speaker
um and So we have some parallel sort of stories going on here. We have the brother and sister serial killers. We have the DA or the the assistant to the district attorney, which I guess would be an ADA, which now that I'm thinking about it, that's like the job that... um Sam Watterson has in ah Law & Order, right? Like he's the the guy in Law & Order is the ADA. So that's a pretty big and important job.
00:22:09
Speaker
Well, that's why I kind of every time she said her job, I kept getting like a Dwight Schrute assistant to the regional manager ah vibe of how she was treated by the DA.
00:22:23
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, and and clearly her boss, the district attorney, is ah sexually harassing her yeah yeah treating her like absolute garbage.
00:22:34
Speaker
Like snuck into her house. Yeah. Yeah.
The Problematic Cop Character
00:22:38
Speaker
And then were they kind of dating? Not really. No, I get the feeling they were never dating. She was just letting because he doesn't he got let in by the landlord who recognized him as a public figure. Like she didn't give him a key to her house.
00:22:53
Speaker
um I get the feeling he's just a sex pest. well and Shaft doesn't like him in this movie. He's like, oh, here comes the fucking DA. Yeah, none of the cops like him because the other characters we're following, we got the cops. Richard Roundtree Shaft is the police captain.
00:23:10
Speaker
And then we have... um I don't know. ah One of the worst cops I think we've had, and we have so many bad cops on this one. It reminded me a lot of the Big Easy, right? Where it was like, I'm a cop and my favorite thing is police brutality. Yeah. This police man, once we introduced him, he's one of the funniest characters we've ever had in any of these movies. He's so fucking funny.
00:23:41
Speaker
When they introduce him, he's oh, I've heard of you. You have 12 counts of a police brutality. And they just go down his rap sheet as a cop. And he goes, and I'm proud. proud of one them. I'm proud of every one of them because every one of them was guilty. And it's like, this is the ADA telling you that they had to throw out those arrests and let those criminals go free because of you. and yet you're here saying you're proud of all the times you violated someone's Fourth Amendment rights and searched their car and found the gun. and then that guy didn't have to go to jail. You're proud of this because he was guilty.
00:24:21
Speaker
So I don't want to give away the one with the babysitter, but I want to do two of my favorite things that this cop did with his firearm. Because he's very much dressed like Riggs from Lethal Weapon. he's a Except he doesn't even have the badge hanging around his neck. He just yeah he doesn't have one.
00:24:44
Speaker
but he has a gun. And when the DA is trying to get, the assistant to the DA is trying to get the attention of a large group of people talking, he just pulls his gun out, fires it in the air. It's hilariously unnecessary too, because um the group of people is not talking very loud. They're just not listening. And I swear to God, whoever mixed the sound on this made him look even worse because they kept the like background shatter of the of the extras to be the group of people at the exact same level after he shoots the gun as before he shoots the gun. So when he's like, see, I got their attention for you. It does not feel like he did. no
00:25:35
Speaker
He thinks he's awesome. And yeah his confidence in turn actually makes him awesome. ah There's ah other moments in He's very much the kind of cop that likes to pull his gun and say, police, I need your car. Yeah, he does it multiple times. I think he might do it just for fun.
00:25:56
Speaker
But my favorite thing he does in the whole movie is he bursts into the nightclub and shouts, police, I need to use your phone, and takes it. The manager comes and says, hey, you can't do that. And says, I'm the police. He goes, where's your badge? He pulls his gun out and puts it in the face of the manager and said, here's my badge. Continues to talk on the phone while holding a gun to the manager.
00:26:24
Speaker
The manager, who by the way, says, that's a badge, but which I found hilarious. This is a guy who's so excited about police brutality that he uses it against a valet for not remembering the the license plate of the the killers who are getting away.
00:26:45
Speaker
And then finally, the valet, like while he's being... like roughed up and dangled over like ah the edge ah above the street is like we write them down go look he's such an asshole and i love this character dearly
00:27:08
Speaker
His girlfriend gets killed and he is already flirting. Oh yeah. With another woman. i would say less than two hours later. i got the feeling that wasn't really his girlfriend. I got the feeling that that was a situation ship as we would call it today, because he was also flirting with the lady who is like the dispatch lady, I think.
00:27:33
Speaker
Um, because they were talking about going to see a basketball game together and they were very flirty when they were playing trash can basketball together. So I get the feeling he gets around. Leather jacket cop be fucking.
00:27:47
Speaker
Leather jacket cop be fucking. He, was he not supposed to fuck every woman he works with? How is he not supposed to? Every lady that works at this police station is hot.
00:27:58
Speaker
This is true. This is true. The assistant to the DA, a lady biker cop, with the way she whooshes her hair out of her helmet every time picks up. Can we go back for just a second? Sorry, I see in my notes.
00:28:13
Speaker
It seems like Richard Roundtree also hates his staff, but his staff is this guy. Yeah, yeah. what While he's talking to him, I couldn't pay attention to anything They were saying, talking about trash can basketball, because there was an Asian guy in the background with a crazy mullet and a life beater. Yeah.
00:28:39
Speaker
At a desk typing. in the under government He's an undercover cop, Garrett. Is that what it was? think. How would I know? That was just my guess. He was such a crazy looking extra who doesn't have a line and is just sitting there. And just like, what? You can't show up to work like this.
00:28:57
Speaker
the The only way they make these cops the good guys is by having the DA be such a scumbag and a sex pest that you have to root for the police brutality people when they are going up against the sex pest DA.
00:29:18
Speaker
And that is sad. This movie the definition of ACAB. All of them. I mean, i would go one further, though, because it's not just ACAB. It's AMAB. All men are bastards. There's not a single one in this movie that is in any way redeemable.
00:29:37
Speaker
Every man is a monster. Maybe one is not. What about that guy who's sitting at the bar that looks like he's cosplaying as one of the goddamn Lost Boys from the vampire movie? Like, i thought he was going to be some sort of villain.
00:29:56
Speaker
It's just a guy sitting there with the craziest teased out hair looking like a goddamn Lost Boy. he You know what? He was up to something bad, probably. arguably Think it through, Garrett. They're all bastards.
00:30:13
Speaker
Other than like Shaft, who all he does hate all the cops, even though he himself is the chief of police. related to him lot because he clearly hates his staff, but he also hates the DA. Like he hates everyone as much as I hate them.
00:30:32
Speaker
He is that almost, he doesn't quite get there, but I feel like it was more like late 80s, early 90s action movies where there's an angry black chief of police. You gotta have one really so that he can tell you to turn in your badge and gun, which is literally what happens in this movie is our boy has to turn in his badge and gun later. Jokes on you, I don't even have a badge. I lost it years ago. Jokes on you, he doesn't turn in his gun.
00:31:02
Speaker
He keeps the gun. He just turns in the badge. That gun is a multi-purpose tool for him. It gets you anything you need at any time. Free car cars. yeah Phone call. yeah ah Probably dates here and there. Crowd control. Crowd control. Whatever you need. It's a Swiss army knife.
00:31:26
Speaker
Yeah. um So should i talk about our other thread, which is the teen girls and the the babysitter guy Yes. So the other storyline that we're following is we have two teen girls who are babysitting kids asleep and they have, I could not figure this out. They're sitting there with binders open while they are on the party line talking to strangers and And when the the the parents come home, they are scrambling to close and put away their binders. Meaning that wasn't like their homework that they still had out.
00:32:04
Speaker
You'd want the parents to come home and see you two doing homework. So do they have giant binders full of, like, information they're keeping on people on the party line? Is it a ah bunch of lists of, like, uh, uh, what, like, um, pickup lines that she can use? Because she does seem to have a lot of them.
00:32:25
Speaker
Like, what, what is in those binders, Garrett? She's- Honestly, I think you're right. I think she has a list of things that she has written down that she can use later.
00:32:37
Speaker
Because it's so hard for me to not just say now that eventually she has to help the police by being a phone sex child.
00:32:49
Speaker
hey And one of the things she shouts at a person is, you sound like a eunuch. Who's what child? Whose child is this?
00:33:01
Speaker
Someone come get this child. Eunuch. She's like 10. She's not. She's 16. good Oh my God. It's the childlike nature of this actor here made it even more confusing when the dad of the children she's babysitting wants to fuck her.
00:33:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. She does slap him, though, and it doesn't seem like he's not gonna hire her again. but That just, that made him very randy.
00:33:38
Speaker
I think it did, which is unfortunate. And it's really funny when she's like, Mr. So-and-so, I would like to get out of the car. And he's like, call me Jack.
00:33:50
Speaker
And she's like, Jack, I would like to get out of the car! Yeah.
00:33:57
Speaker
God, he's he he is such a disgusting, they get such yucky men. Yeah, and he looks like a Timu Paul Giamatti. That is what you should be picturing in your head, is is the discount a Paul Giamatti.
00:34:13
Speaker
I'll give you who it is for any listener, a movie they've seen that he is in. and He is in the opening of Mrs. Doubtfire when Robin Williams quits the cartoon because he's like pretending that the cartoon character is dying while he's smoking cigarettes. And he's like, the paype paype pa piss off, Lou.
00:34:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah. He's Lou on the other end of the goddamn sound booth. What a pull. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. He's yucky. And then later we see, you're right though. Like he is a Timu Paul Giamatti. But then later we have a Timu, this is crazy to even say Timu version of Gutenberg. yeah Because so many weird movies in this movie that it almost felt like when we watched the Anna Nicole Smith one that was written, directed, and starring John Travolta's brother or whatever.
00:35:12
Speaker
is that Yeah, I remember that one. What do we talk about next? It's just a series of them picking up men from this party line, getting them back to the house, and the killing straight to the point. By them, mean the siblings, not the teenagers. The teenagers are just having fun, talking sexy, and thinking about, what if I actually met one of them? Whoa.
00:35:40
Speaker
But they're getting the hots for Leif Garrett on the party line. Mm-hmm. So we're seeing, like, they kill Steve Guttenberg. They're just... that She talks to a guy. They set a meet-up point. They come back to the house. Straight razor right across the throat. Yep. That's the end. Like, it is such a... For a violent movie, the kills are...
00:36:01
Speaker
Just very straight to the point. They are not very straightforward, not excessive. And I mean, it's the weird thing is it's a lot of throats being slit, but they did not shell out for the spurting effect of a throat slit. It's pure, like just red line across the neck.
00:36:18
Speaker
It does open up a little bit it opens up a little bit, but it's not, you know, like if you should cut someone's jugular, there should be some spray. It's just funny, too, that we have a movie where we already know who the killers are.
00:36:32
Speaker
Yes. We basically know why they're doing it. yeah Absolutely. We're also trying to watch people solve this crime. Yes. And we already know. And we are also also watching people become potential victims of this crime, because clearly that's what you're supposed to be worried about is that the teen girls are going to get murdered.
00:36:53
Speaker
It is genuinely a pretty good twist that the teen girls go to meet up with the dude. Someone else from the sex line is there and basically intercepts Leif Garrett so that the teen girls now have seen the killer.
00:37:11
Speaker
Yes, but are not themselves being murdered. Yes, exactly. i kind of liked that. that was It wasn't like fully expected to go in that route for me. And then an adult woman gets to get murdered instead of a 16-year-old who likes sex lines.
00:37:30
Speaker
An adult woman and the man of the children they were babysitting that is going there try and meet up to fuck these children.
00:37:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, um that was also a fun twist. so Um, So when ah Discount Giamatti sees the phone bill and is like, what the fuck?
00:37:53
Speaker
And he realizes that this this number on the bill has been called while he and his wife were out of town ah are out of ah out of the house. He goes and calls the number to see what it is. And ah when it turns out it's a sex line, he's like, oh, oh.
00:38:11
Speaker
well, isn't this fun? And starts doing it on his own, listening, trying to find the babysitter on the sex line. And when he hears her make a date with Leif, uh, He shows up to try to intercept the babysitter and I don't know what convinced is he gonna blackmail her into having sex with him? Is he ah gonna like what what do you think his end game goal here is? well
00:38:43
Speaker
He comes He's got his shirt unbuttoned. He's got a little chest hair coming out. got the key going. He's got a cute little gold chain. It's not too big, not too small. Right size to look respectable and cool. I think he thinks he's just going to like woo her eventually.
00:39:00
Speaker
She's playing hard. yeah He just needs to figure out what this child is into. Yeah. If I, yes. If I listen to her talk sexy on the party line, I'll know what she's into. And then I can definitely become that and, and we'll live happily ever after, but let's leave this storyline for a little bit.
00:39:24
Speaker
And go back to our cops. So our um a police brutality fan is a vice cop.
Police Brutality in the Club
00:39:32
Speaker
And he is chasing down a drug dealer that just happens to be at the same bar where our serial killer siblings are celebrating their latest ah murder.
00:39:46
Speaker
They're so happy. They're so pleased. They had to go brother-sister clubbing. And it it's at the same time that um this is where they kill nicholas cage's trainer right they're at this same fucking club so many times uh this time they are there because they're meeting another guy who wants to be with a redhead so she is wearing a red wig and is going to find their next victim right and um While they're there, a cop is there to chase down a drug dealer. So he breaks into the bathroom door to stop these drug deal this drug deal from going down. And it is ah a really wild scene. It's insane.
00:40:32
Speaker
And I don't think I understood why any of this was happening. And it really shows his excessive force and police brutality in action.
00:40:43
Speaker
Oh, God, yes. with man's And piss in the man is obviously very horrified because one minute he's snorting cocaine. The next he's got his full goddamn face in a urinal. Yes. My mind to fight back when a man is making you drink piss.
00:41:04
Speaker
Yeah, but that that's resisting arrest, Garrett, if you don't let a cop ah shove your head in the urinal. So ah you deserve everything that's coming to you. From the rest of this conversation, he will hereby be referred to as piss man.
00:41:20
Speaker
And so the really funny thing is because he, for some reason, went out to chase down this drug dealer alone, he He has to handcuff the drug dealer to the urinal so that he can then try to beat the shit out of the other guy and catch him too the one who was buying the drugs. And then the the drug dealer gets away by like, pulling the pipe out and then skeedaddling.
00:41:49
Speaker
um ru doesn't see right um rat yeah it doesn't seem like you're a good cop. And the best part happens, which is, seriously, i I loved this scene so much. I have seen cops jump into cars so many times and say, police, I need to use this car.
00:42:07
Speaker
Never before and never since, I don't believe, will I ever see that he jumps in. Police, I need to use the car. Shit.
00:42:18
Speaker
The man in the driver's seat is dead. Yeah, it's the team of Gutenberg.
00:42:28
Speaker
Is dead. And so now he realizes that he has to stop chasing the drug dealer and call the police to come in and deal with the dead body.
00:42:40
Speaker
it was just such an unbelievable series of a few minutes. yeah It was a hilarious fight. Somebody's covered in piss. Piss man's running as fast as he can to get away from this insane man. but He steals a motorcycle. Like,
00:42:58
Speaker
There is a man going down I-5 covered in piss on a stolen motorcycle. He doesn't even know that was a cop. I don't know the guy announced himself as a cop. don't think he did. He doesn't have a badge. He just bursts in and starts beating their asses.
00:43:15
Speaker
and then no One of them does say this is police brutality. And I think it's only because he has seen this drug dealer before, arrested him before, and he's gotten out on bail. And so love that he's out on bail and doing another drug deal.
00:43:31
Speaker
Classic. Or is it just because he's seen this cop on the news before? like it's only For all of his police brutality. He's famous around town. where What city are we in?
00:43:44
Speaker
I think it's supposed to be Hollywood because they mentioned some Hollywood. ah Yeah, I think it's l L.A. because they mentioned a few places that seemed L.A. related.
00:43:55
Speaker
um Just piss me into slit throat is just such a so wild few minutes of this movie. So, and then um he ah it gets assigned because Richard Browntree shows up and he's like, so you lost the drug dealer again and you found a dead body instead. And I'm going to assign you to this case because I guess I'm short on cops at the moment.
00:44:22
Speaker
don't know. And I'm also assigning you to work with lady assistant to the da for some reason. He seems like the worst guy to put on an important case.
00:44:35
Speaker
He's also the worst guy to put with someone who works at the DA's office because you know he's going to do a bunch of illegal shit. He can't do it legally. he is incapable.
00:44:47
Speaker
He's the kind of guy that's going to not read Leif Garrett his Miranda rights, beat the shit out of him, and now he walks free with 12 murders under him. Five murders.
00:44:58
Speaker
um So yeah, of course they're partners now and he's like catching up the lady DA a ah on this and he's like, bang but there's five, five yeah, they they and this is the wildest part is that while they are interviewing all of the people who are at the club to see if they saw anything, our killer announces that he saw a woman with red hair because she was wearing a red wig at the time leave like with the guy and get and leave in his car he gives the description of his own very recognizable car a red convertible bmw
00:45:46
Speaker
he's not well kit he's not He's not well. He's got problems. and that's an inexplicable. Like, I can't, I can't begin to explain. Even his sister's like, what? What the fuck?
00:46:04
Speaker
Why would you do that? Because now he has to give one of the street cops his id Because they might need to follow up with him. So now they have a description of your car and your name and address.
00:46:19
Speaker
Do you think Lady DA looked a little bit like his mom or something?
00:46:27
Speaker
What you think that's why he did it is because he thought mommy's asking me a question and I need to, I need to answer mommy's question. Well, at the end, isn't he like referring to her as his mom's name?
00:46:39
Speaker
I didn't know if he, I thought he was calling her by his sister's name. Okay. Okay. Well, i'll go I don't know if I fully understood everything that happens in this movie. I just know I liked it. That's the exact same way I feel about Tenet.
00:46:55
Speaker
yeah You're wrong. Tenet is terrible and you should feel bad about liking it. Rob Pattinson, Elizabeth the Bicke. This has Leif Garrett and Richard Roundtree. What else does anyone need? Yeah.
00:47:09
Speaker
Yeah, and apparently they're like, the serial killer has killed five guys with a straight razor, and we can't find anything they have in common. And i was like, has anyone checked their phone records?
00:47:21
Speaker
No, because this police department does not do police investigations. What they do is beat people up and get them to confess. And so it takes lady assistant to the DA a to be like, um I guess we're going to pull their phone records.
00:47:40
Speaker
And then even then her secretary takes forever to bring him but um just them. just been sitting around. Not an efficient system at all. um That's because there's so much bureaucratic red tape. They should just let cops beat people up until they confess. It solves all your problems.
00:47:58
Speaker
So what's going on with with our our killer wearing the wedding dress? Like, he just really misses mommy? he does. ah So... Right. So before we get to that part, our our serial killers ah hang out at the club a little bit longer um now that your sister has removed the wig and can, you know, party in peace. Cut loose. Have a good time. Except this is where your buddy Herc...
00:48:29
Speaker
uh comes in and uh is flirting and dancing with the sister and that makes brother mad and uh he says ah when he's like what's your name and he's like herc surely you jest herc is my name funny to you yeah actually i know And when this dude goes off to the bathroom, Leaf just straight up kills him for no reason. Everyone else they've killed, the only thing they have in common is that they are all married men. So presumably, they were all on this party line cheating on their wives, and that is why we are murdering them.
00:49:12
Speaker
But... We killed this guy just for dancing. Do you think that if Yelp had existed back then, there would have been at least one review that was like crazy? I went to the bathroom once, a man covered in piss, ran out and stole a motorcycle. The next time I went in, a guy had his throat slit in there.
00:49:34
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's the best, the the other best part of this movie that I loved. ah Second to the ah police, I need your car shit um is when he gets a call on the radio saying there's been a murder at this club and he says, yeah, we're on it.
00:49:52
Speaker
And the dispatch lady says, no, sweetie, it's another one. Because there has been a second body found. Yeah.
00:50:02
Speaker
Busy night at Fantasia or whatever it was called. Right. And and the wild thing is that like they then should have realized, oh, the killer never actually left. Right. So all those people we got IDs from, we should like check up on them. And it would have been so fucking easy to just check this dude's ID, which you have and cross references it with what car he owns And find that he owns the exact model of car that you were looking for.
00:50:38
Speaker
If anyone had bothered to do any policing at all, never would any, like, at least five lives would have been saved. we've got two cops that work there and they have to drive around and get beat people up and stick their head in piss. The only other person we have to do the paperwork is Asian mullet guy and wife beater who may or may not even work there. He may have been arrested and was just sitting there filing, doing paperwork to like, I don't know, get time off his sentence. Yeah. It's a work release type deal.
00:51:15
Speaker
Um, So, yes, then we we see our a serial killer couple back... Couple. Brother and sister slash couple back at home, and we find out that um Mommy was a drunk actress, ah and Daddy was a rich producer who mysteriously drowned, and ah presumably was... I think with it is made explicit that like he cheated on...
00:51:44
Speaker
their mom and that is why she was then a drunk and a piece of shit ah mom and so ah you know we don't like cheaters we don't like cheaters they never prosper they get covered in piss and slit And baby boy likes to wear mama's wedding dress just for funsies.
Sibling Killers' Backstory
00:52:06
Speaker
But sister has been heard on the news. Duh, idiot, that you killed the guy she was dancing with at the bar. Loved that.
00:52:17
Speaker
I don't know how he didn't think about the fact that like, ah, maybe it'll make the news that two people were murdered at this one club.
00:52:28
Speaker
minutes apart from each other with the same weapon all he had to do was get her to not watch the news that night and miss the next day's paper and she would have never found out yeah that's it yeah it's not like she could have had a google alert for straight razor murders uh you're absolutely right on the party line ha Yeah, but he was too busy wearing mommy's wedding dress to keep her from watching the and the nightly news.
00:52:59
Speaker
So um she slaps him around. This man gets slapped so many times by his sister. Just so many.
00:53:11
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But then she's like, come to mommy and she like holds him in her lap and strokes his back because, you know, they got a relationship.
00:53:22
Speaker
oils or nipples while he watches through the curtains. Yeah, she loves the... I assume this is a thing that everyone does in l la your bikini workout, where you you go work out in your bikini and then you you yeah you put some sunscreen on your nipples and lay out for a while and then you work out some more. That's like a thing, kind of like the sunscreen on the nipples part.
00:53:43
Speaker
Yeah, it seems like the one part you wouldn't need to put sunscreen on because you're wearing a bikini. i mean, I know you gotta get around the like... the edges of your, your suit. Cause it's going to move, but like your nipples seem like they're going to be fine.
00:53:58
Speaker
Of all of the plot holes, the sunscreen of the nipples was the least of this movie's problems. If anything, it was a welcome moment to just let us enjoy something again before the next weird thing.
00:54:12
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, she clearly likes ah having her brother see her do sexy stuff. That is e is her thing. um We don't know why. Yeah. Not explained.
00:54:27
Speaker
It's now news that um this cop is who has a record of being... police brutality man is on this serial killer case and the DA is being like hounded by reporters asking why is he on the case and uh he's like oh it's ah this is a great thing to do because he's you know he's got to back the uh the police captain's decision It was great idea. He's going to be good. And um the DA clearly baits him into taking a swing at him in front of all the reporters ah by being like, maybe if he hadn't been such a shitty cop, though, who doesn't follow procedure, you know, that one child would still be alive today. And he takes a swing at the DA. And, um you know, that's one way to get this guy off the force.
00:55:26
Speaker
We find out what he did to the child was beat the shit out of him in the bathroom and stuff because he thought it was a drug dealer. He thought he was a drug dealer. and and thought the baby powder like adults He thought the baby powder was cocaine, Garrett. How was he supposed to know?
00:55:43
Speaker
Beating the shit out of a five-year-old in a leather jacket in a burglary bathroom. So despite the fact that this man has shown no skills at being a police officer whatsoever, um our assistant to the district attorney ah begs him to help out on the case anyway.
00:56:05
Speaker
Desperate, girl. You're not looking. It looks desperate. It reeks of desperation. She is desperate. And this guy now has nothing going on. Yeah, that's true. It's not like he's got anything better to do. has of free time. Other than sitting in front of his fireplace at his bachelor pad covered in dirty Harry posters. Yeah.
00:56:26
Speaker
his His bachelor pad was really something, huh? Like with his police diploma sitting on the fireplace mantle of the one of those big round fireplaces that I feel. And the wood paneling on the walls. Ooh la la. Yeah.
00:56:41
Speaker
He really did display all of his awards. Yo, he was very proud of them. And he smacked them a little, though. He smacked them. He was mad at them. yeah Blue ribbons. I don't even know what. There was one that with the trophy was just a gun.
00:56:57
Speaker
It was for best gunsmanship. Best multipurpose use of a gun. Yeah, yeah, they have to do, it's like a Boy Scout, like, skills training type thing. um and but you gotta, like, make a fire, you gotta do all these things, but he did it all with a gun, so he gets a special badge.
00:57:19
Speaker
god i'm still just thinking about this is my badge he's like holy shit the fact that he never removes the gun from that manager's face while he talks on the phone is insane yep i'm surprised it didn't accidentally go off and kill him and him get leave and that's why he has to not have a badge now i surprised about is that apparently the LAPD is so understaffed that they don't even assign another cop to this case a serial killer that has killed at this point seven people is apparently not worth assigning anyone else to the case so it's just this one lady from the DA's office who's not even an actual cop having to do this by herself
00:58:06
Speaker
Did they not have anyone on the case before the sixth murder, Garrett?
00:58:14
Speaker
These murders don't really matter. These men were cheaters. What's the worst thing that happened? That there's some fatherless children out there now? Yeah, they didn't need that dad, that that cheating dad They do deserve two Christmases.
00:58:29
Speaker
But there will not be. There will not be. um Hope stepdad, ah you know, really steps up.
00:58:39
Speaker
All right. So our DA lady shows up at the murderer's house ah to to see if she can get any more information on them. Although she also apparently never checked ah whether they own a fucking red Corvette or whatever it was. Yeah.
00:58:58
Speaker
But fine, whatever. And ah clearly, Sister is upset because it's like, now you've got people sniffing around, asking questions, and it's all because you couldn't keep your big fat mouth shut when the nice blonde lady asked you a question.
00:59:14
Speaker
Stupid. um So this is around the time that then because he's ah so mad, you right? Because his sister's slapping him around and the DA's been at his house that he goes and he drives his red car too fast and gets yeah pulled over by the hot lady cop that our cop has been schtupin' and he just kills her.
00:59:44
Speaker
slits her throat on the side of the road yeah she's like her is that a red wig on your passenger seat you absolute loser is that evidence you have left lying in plain sight what's that and he just he just slits her throat
01:00:06
Speaker
Are we getting close to where these little girls meet up with her? Yes. That is the next scene is that baby boy is meeting up with the teen girl and some other lady, some rando we've never seen before is also listening in on the party line and fucking scoops this date by showing up wearing red and ah pretending to be the one that they were talking to.
01:00:32
Speaker
And this is where we talked about babysitter dad. Shows up as well. And he's like, well, I can't party with you because that's not what I'm into. But my sister will party with you. And ah discount Paul Giamatti is like, well, I was actually really hoping. I thought you sounded like someone. I thought you sounded like my babysitter. ah And they're like, you're sorry, your babysitter. Are you are you married? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, yeah, why don't you meet my sister? Him not knowing how to talk at the party is very funny where he's just like, this is all making me so horny. It made me, oh my God, I laughed so hard. Like these three are clearly like chatting and innuendos and sexy talk. And he just like, champagne makes me horny.
01:01:25
Speaker
but
01:01:29
Speaker
There's a little discount, Paul Giamatti, in all of us. We've all been there and just all been there can't keep our thoughts in our head and just blurt them out.
01:01:40
Speaker
and So they our ah Leaf Garrett is being straddled by this woman who takes her top off. We finally get some more titties. It's been a titty drought for a while.
01:01:55
Speaker
um Nipples get oiled. there Barely Garrett. Barely. And ah he gives the limpest.
01:02:07
Speaker
saddest kisses that I have ever seen committed to film. Please tell me you noticed this. Yeah.
01:02:18
Speaker
But I also know that this is a man who wears his mommy's dresses because probably is fucking his sister. Definitely getting slapped around by his sister.
01:02:30
Speaker
He's got a lot going on right now in his life. He knows he fucked up and told the lady DA too much about himself. Yeah, yeah. like it's It's hard to care about kissing when you're going to get arrested soon.
01:02:46
Speaker
and also, you're wishing that that girl was your sister or maybe your mom. It's hard to tell. Maybe both. I don't know. He seems to have them kind of all conflated into one uber woman in his mind.
01:03:00
Speaker
doesn't he have like an Oedipus complex conversation at some point? Yes, he does. he later tells the lady ADA a that he was, his analyst told him he had an Oedipus complex, which I mean, yeah he did kill his dad. So like, it's unclear whether he also killed his mom or whether mom killed herself because dad was cheating on her. It's very hard to know. Um,
01:03:30
Speaker
But yeah, apparently he was released from psychiatric care to his sister, who is like his guardian. And he was they investigated the the murder, but, you know, they didn't find nothing, even though this guy's terrible at covering up crimes.
01:03:52
Speaker
So yeah, these people get killed. um You know, ah she's like, let's have a little snack first. Cold cuts. And then she pulls the napkin off the plate.
01:04:03
Speaker
And along with actual crackers and cold cuts is the straight razor so he can slit the lady's throat. And then we get to see... a kid playing fetch with his dog ah finds the dead bodies of this woman and discount Paul Giamatti stark naked so bloody but yeah that kid is gonna need so much fucking therapy They just as well hand him that wedding dress. Yep. And so our teen girl sees her babysitter's face on the news and is like, I saw the man that killed him. Like, I i i have to go to the DA.
01:04:43
Speaker
I have to go. And she does. And she's going to help them set up a little honeypot type trap. And um well, what are we going to do?
01:04:57
Speaker
Huh?
01:05:00
Speaker
What's the only solution? Besides have this child make phone sex calls and sit around with her all night, have her lie to her parents about where she is, and she's hanging out with two cops, making dirty phone calls, and talking to telling guys, like, this isn't him. You sound like a gross eunuch.
01:05:22
Speaker
You sound like a gross, whatever she says. She has to get rid of all the guys that aren't the guy, right? And if you call a phone sex man a gross eunuch, he just wants to be on that call even more.
01:05:35
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that's a good point. and You don't know what he's into. Maybe that was exactly what he was looking for. Um, so, yeah, they, and, and the DA a lady does say, i feel a little weird about having a 16-year-old girl make sexy phone calls so that we can catch a murderer. This feels And she, by the way, has also been taken off this case now because she won't sleep with the DA. And he's like, you never spent any time with me now that you're on a case, and maybe I should take you off of it. And she's like, uh, but I-
01:06:14
Speaker
Is this because I won't sleep with you? And he's like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, is she saying, like, I feel weird about my police crimes that I'm doing. he just looks her and says, proud of every one of them. If they're guilty, then you get to shove their face in a urinal.
01:06:39
Speaker
Fidelio piss, man. Yeah.
01:06:43
Speaker
So they do set up ah that they're going to they're going to the ah they're going to the club. they They're meet him at the club. And ah but Baby Boy is telling Big Sis that, like, you know... um I got this settled. We're going to kill the the lady ah that that knows about us that saw me.
01:07:08
Speaker
It's not a big deal. Stop worrying about it. Let's make out. And then she's like, okay, let's make out. And then ah for some reason, she's like, you're just like all the other men, I guess because he was kissing her.
01:07:25
Speaker
wrong I don't know what made her decide that that she didn't want to be kissing him anymore but his response to that is to choke her to death so that's one thing solved and there's like a crazy crack sound as he's doing it right oh it's weird and she does her best to make her eyes look all bugged out as she's but you know it's it's it's not the best kill in the movie that's for sure yeah um not really ah good kill there's just a lot Now he can be completely fucking unhinged.
01:07:58
Speaker
For this. Poppy gets his chloroform. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heads on down the club. they decide, because they have no connections to anyone else, it's just the two people who are not supposed to be working this case, who are currently working this case, all they have to be their sexy bait undercover is the lady DA lady or whatever. Which is terrible. She, first of all, the guy knows who the fuck she is, right?
01:08:25
Speaker
Second of all, she has been on TV, Garrett. She has been on TV talking about this case. So no matter who the murderer was, they will see her and immediately know.
01:08:40
Speaker
glasses off, hair down, cleavage out. She is Superman taking his glasses off. When the cleavage is out, you don't notice that she's Superman.
01:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, because she's in a sexy red strapless dress instead of ah ah a business attire. She's she's got 80 shoulder pads normally. Like now I'm seeing these shoulders. She's not boxy.
01:09:06
Speaker
um so Uh, let's see. The best thing in the club when they go to try and find this man is that the cop comes into, which he's too close. Well, they don't have anyone else.
01:09:20
Speaker
Somebody sent you a martini and he says, who? And they're just like, I don't know that child with way too much makeup at the end of the bar. Yeah, turns out the babysitter has shown up at the club because ah she wanted to to to catch the guy and to be like, that's the guy that I saw.
01:09:39
Speaker
um And hilariously, no one checked her ID. She's 16. She ordered two fucking martinis while here. ah and she is wearing a gigantic tweed coat so that she can look her most grown up and be allowed into this club. It's phenomenal.
01:09:59
Speaker
She looked like the little rascals stacked on top of each other. She was wearing so much makeup. It was a child that had put on makeup. It's insane that the doorman let her through. Like, there is there is a crime there already. You're a cop. Shouldn't you have done something about this? no doesn't do that He beat the shit out of the doorman later. just They couldn't show all of his police brutality. Well, he was busy beating up the the valet. He'll get the doorman too
01:10:32
Speaker
um So they see a guy wearing red suspenders, which is what the killer is supposed to be wearing. But it is a ruse that is not the real guy. The real guy is in the ladies room dressed in clothes.
01:10:51
Speaker
Yeah, the thing is, he had access to all of his sister's clothes that he could have worn for this ruse. He chose his mother's clothes, so he looks like an old lady with this big white blouse that when he is then stripped down and not wearing the wig anymore, just way too much makeup and this big frilly white blouse, he looks so Phantom of the Opera.
01:11:14
Speaker
Both Leif Garrett and this child babysitter don't know how to correctly dress as a grown woman.
01:11:25
Speaker
It's true. So our guy ah is like, you teen, go home. I'm going to go chase the bad guy. And I guess you must have because we don't see her for the rest of the movie.
01:11:37
Speaker
She's gone. Yeah. I miss her. We, she should have gotten a nicer send off than that. Cause that she was a hilarious character. i loved her. I loved everything about her. I love that. She, i don't think even, ah I think she was a virgin and was like, this is going to be the way I find a boyfriend is by talking to sexy, uh, grown men on, uh, the party line. And I find that hilarious. Um,
01:12:04
Speaker
It was a different time. It was a different time. So yeah. so Once again, very quick ending. Very quick ending. Lightning speed. Okay. We're we're we're good. we're We're at the big confrontation stage. You know, the the lady's been...
01:12:20
Speaker
ah chloroformed and taken back to his house where he's like got her like handcuffed or tied up or whatever and forcing her to dance with him and talking about how you know he's got an oedipus complex but she delivers a fatal nut shot Oh, it's so good. squishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:12:48
Speaker
he He takes her out onto the balcony and ah she just knees him straight in the nuts and shoves his ass over the balcony.
Climactic Pool Showdown
01:12:59
Speaker
Meanwhile, our cop is like threatening a valet and ah finding out that the license plate for this car is tempt me.
01:13:11
Speaker
great so he's like holding the the manager at gunpoint so that he can use the phone to find the records of who this car belongs to he's useless this woman saves herself 100 he does nothing he gives her a ride home at the end that's the most he really contributes It's funny, though, because yeah obviously, like, she pushes him off the balcony, squishes like Michael Myers, and then disappears. Yes. So now we our man cop shows up, and the only way that he does get to contribute is it ends in a shootout at a swimming pool where she shoots him from one direction and he shoots her from another. And I think that in his head for the rest of his career, he's going to be like, my bullet killed him, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We both shot, but like my bullets, definitely the one without me. She'd have, she'd have been murdered. He would have lived through the lady bullet. The man bullet is what got him in the swimming pool and filled his lungs with water. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:14:17
Speaker
So yeah, the good news is we did this scene at a pool so that he could dramatically fall into the water and have blood splurting everywhere. And also he gets to die in the same place his dad died, I guess. So that's symbolic.
01:14:28
Speaker
And yeah, now he can finally be useful in that he walks her out and she can have a ride home while the cops show up. Richard Drowntree says, good work, son. Here's your badge and just hands him a ah bunch of guns.
01:14:42
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely does get handed his badge back, which is clearly because the like they're going to, this is going to make the news and they can't have it be that a suspended cop shot this man.
01:14:56
Speaker
a suspended cop and a lady who works for the DA's office who also had been taken off the case did this. No,
Cop's Redemption
01:15:03
Speaker
they're going to lie. They're going to say he was unsuspended at the time, right? You tricked your way back into getting your badge back by shooting a man.
01:15:11
Speaker
Classic.
01:15:16
Speaker
I had so much fun. I had so much fun. it was fine I have never enjoyed a cop character more than this awful police officer shoving guns in people's faces. Him saying, I need your car to a corpse is hilarious. Piss man was hilarious. 10 out of 10. This was so fun. This was, I could have used more sex, but no regrets on watching this one. This was a,
01:15:44
Speaker
Let's get to the important numbers. Garrett, were you aroused? Scaled one to five. I think the sunscreen scene did more for me than it should have. fun So they were on to something with that. um
01:16:00
Speaker
Two and a half. two Two. Two. We'll go two. Yeah, I'd say one and a half or two. There's very little here. And if you like male bodies, you got nothing.
01:16:12
Speaker
So... nothing nothing yeah i don't even know if you see a shirtless man you see the cop is drinking his whiskey in front of his fireplace that is true you do get to see that and um i don't know uh seeing the lady cop wearing his shirt that was cute i always love seeing a girl in ah a guy's dress shirt that's hot yeah um but still i'm not i'm not going higher than that no were you thrilled garrett
01:16:45
Speaker
I don't know how to answer this because the kills are not very thrilling. They just are very matter of fact. True. It's happening. The cops police work on the other hand was really where the thrills go because are you guys going to do any, are you going to do any cop work cops? don't know. He's truly a loose cannon. Wild card cop.
01:17:11
Speaker
And there is always the question of like how many people are going to die before you guys decide to do any actual investigating of this crime. Like I did not foresee the lady cop getting killed.
01:17:24
Speaker
um That one was totally out of nowhere. ah So that that one was thrilling. But I mean, I still got to go to it sucks that this is going to be so low rated. Yeah. and All of the things at the end because it is not indicative of of my enjoyment of it.
01:17:41
Speaker
I'll give it a two and a half for thrills ah because you know what? There's something thrilling about um seeing him say, ah police, I need your car to a corpse. There's something thrilling about um the Phantom of the Opera shirt that our ah lead villain was wearing. I'll i'll give it that. Yeah.
01:18:01
Speaker
And would you ruin your life for a party line hookup, Garrett? you cheat on your wife and son, your leave your family behind so that you could spend like a dollar a minute talking to sexy strangers and then meet one of them?
01:18:20
Speaker
Can you imagine if you heard in 2026 somebody cheated on their spouse
01:18:28
Speaker
through a phone sex line? I mean, it must happen, right? i There's different ways now. it's There's apps. there's Yeah. to To be physically on ah your phone talking to a room of strangers, I think sounds like most people's nightmare.
01:18:49
Speaker
be on a conference call with 20 singles. God, Garrett, that's a good point. Millennials and younger fucking hate the phone. There's no way.
01:19:02
Speaker
It couldn't exist now. But also Omegals exists and they're like FaceTiming with strangers. That seems bizarre to me, too. So I don't know about. Then again, i don't know. Maybe that's different.
01:19:14
Speaker
Maybe it's different when you're that the this the fear the of ordering a pizza is not the same. Do you think that if we bring back the party line, we could end the male loneliness epidemic?
01:19:28
Speaker
Do you think they just need to talk to other men in a chat room where they're hoping to talk to sexy ladies? Yeah. If you hear other men saying incel shit, you're all just together. No, no, no. If you put them on this party line and there aren't any women on the line, it's going to turn to incel shit so fast, Garrett.
01:19:51
Speaker
Well, there are women in there, but it's 10 year olds pretending to be 30.
01:19:58
Speaker
You really think that's our solution? As long as it doesn't go beyond this party line. As long as nobody meets each other for real. Yeah, because how does that work? When they were calling the line, is it is it guaranteed everyone's in your area? Because everybody's always like, meet me at this very specific place right at this time. That's what the ads would be like. They'd be like, sexy singles in your area. And it would it would be for a general, like...
01:20:28
Speaker
area code type of deal okay um well i'll google see if there's one for here and just hop in see what it's like test the waters yeah it's worth ruining your life for this i it just won't be the same without the big cordless phone it won't you know like i got this little magic rectangle you can't kill someone with that Like when he beats the dude over the head with ah that old timey phone, that will kill a man. This, this ain't killing shit.
01:21:03
Speaker
This is a killer fly. Sucks. I guess I'm not ruining, I don't know. Yeah, I'm not ruining my life for any you ruining your life for either of our serial killers?
01:21:15
Speaker
Well, not Leif Garrett. He's fucking weird. wears his mom's wedding dress. don't know, I'd get slapped around by his sister a little bit. Yeah, but as soon as you reached out to touch her hair, you'd go, ah.
01:21:28
Speaker
Ow. just looks like a... It sounds like candy glass getting broken when you touch hair. No, I imagine it feels like steel wool on your fingers.
01:21:44
Speaker
oh yeah well i don't know if it's that much i feel like it would be just the sound of when it's snowed but the snow has frozen on top and yes and the crunches yeah yeah it would be like pulling her hair would be like just just getting a good grip of ramen noodles
01:22:08
Speaker
I would be worried if you got a fistful of it, that it would break off in your hands because she has done such irreparable damage to that hair. You know what? I'll ruin my life for her for science. i just Now I'm like, I need to touch that hair.
01:22:25
Speaker
You've actually heard you've changed my mind on the hair entirely. The hair did it for me. The sunscreening. um Yeah, she was pretty cool. She should have have ah lived longer.
01:22:37
Speaker
I'm not ruining my life. No, no. You can have her. You can have her weird hair and her little sunscreen nipples.
01:22:47
Speaker
Hey, say what you want about her. Those nippies ain't getting skin cancer. So true. So important. Everybody, thank you for listening. We did this episode, obviously, for America's 250th birthday. Yes. We were going to do a live podcast in Washington, D.C. at the State Fair, but the whole um event got canceled with Milli Vanilli and such. So yeah yeah yeah we opted to just do it from home.
01:23:16
Speaker
but That's absolutely what happened. hmm. All right. Well, thanks for listening. We love you. um Ray Review, subscribe.
Episode Conclusion and Call to Action
01:23:26
Speaker
EroticThrillerClub at gmail.com. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your many, many friends on the party line. Tell your enemies. i don't care. Just spread it around. Spread the word. I'm always happy to have people here joining the club.
01:23:42
Speaker
But as always, we love you. Wet your snails. Fidelio pigman. Fidelio pissman.
01:23:52
Speaker
We want to shake you naked and eat you alive. Oh my God. Yes. Yes.