Transcript
Speaker: What are you trying to say?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Welcome to Cliff Notes Continued, where we improvise the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: I'm Lucas Larson.
Speaker: And I am Anania George.
Speaker: Oh, that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: I just saw what book it is.
Speaker: Yeah, I hope you're in the mood for some history.
Speaker: Well, you mean, yeah, of course I am.
Speaker: We'll be writing a good part of it.
Speaker: So what's the book, Andy?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It is the Da Vinci Code.
Speaker: The one... Wait, Dan Brown, right?
Speaker: Yeah, Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: There's a very long summary, so let's not read all of that.
Speaker: That sounds terrible.
Speaker: So... Let's do the last four paragraphs of the summary.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay, okay, let's do it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Silas takes Bishop Agarosa to the hospital and staggers into a park where he dies.
Speaker: Okay, Silas is dead.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then in the hospital the next day, Agarosa bitterly reflects that team being tricked him into helping with his murderous plan, but claiming that if the bishop delivered the grail to him, he would help the
Speaker: Opposite, regain favor with the church.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: So why are there so many characters here?
Speaker: Sophie's and Langdon's research leads them to the discovery that Sir Isaac Newton is the knight they are looking for.
Speaker: What the fuck is that sentence?
Speaker: The one buried by a Pope because they learned that he was buried by Alexander Pope.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: There's so many characters to keep track of.
Speaker: They go to Westminster Abbey where Newton is buried.
Speaker: There, the teacher lures them to the garden with a note saying he has teeming.
Speaker: Is teeming like whatever?
Speaker: Is that a person?
Speaker: I'm viewing teeming as like what's like the hunchback dude in Frankenstein?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Frankenstein Igor Igor yeah I'm viewing TV is like an Igor like okay gotcha gotcha just like a henchman oh wait I have wait can we jump back Silas takes Bishop Arangosa to the hospital and staggered into a park where he dies does Silas die or does the bishop die
Speaker: Silas dies.
Speaker: I think Silas is like the main bad dude.
Speaker: But he died.
Speaker: Okay, Silas is dead.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, of course.
Speaker: Duh.
Speaker: There, the teacher lures them to the garden with a note saying that he has Teabing.
Speaker: They go there only to discover that Teabing himself is the teacher.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: So he's Igor, who, like, actually was, like, the doctor.
Speaker: Wait.
Speaker: From Doctor Who?
Speaker: No, like, Doctor Frankenstein, where, like, Igor was, like, the henchman, but then it turns out that he's actually the mastermind.
Speaker: Okay, cool.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: To you being suspected that Saunier...
Speaker: Did you notice the E in the accent?
Speaker: Had decided not to release the secret of the Prairie of Sion.
Speaker: Because the church threatened to kill Sophie if the secret was released.
Speaker: So we're going to release the secret, right?
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: Okay, wanting the secret to be public knowledge, he had decided to find the grail himself.
Speaker: So there's like three teams here.
Speaker: There's like Saunier, who does like whatever the fuck he wants.
Speaker: Then there's like the religious people.
Speaker: And then there's like Sophie and Landon.
Speaker: Is Landon, I think is like the main good dude.
Speaker: Langdon is Tom Hanks.
Speaker: Yeah, okay.
Speaker: Wilson.
Speaker: Wait, there's so many characters, I don't know what to write.
Speaker: So, I got Silas is dead.
Speaker: Argosia.
Speaker: It's just at the park.
Speaker: Yeah, Argosia is just like some...
Speaker: Pope person who's like a bad Pope.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Bishop.
Speaker: T. Bean is like the secret mastermind.
Speaker: Sophie and Langdon are the good people and Sariar is just like the wild card.
Speaker: It's what I have so far.
Speaker: Oh, is Sariar like the dude who is going around killing everybody?
Speaker: I think Sarriere is just the... He is doing his own agenda.
Speaker: Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker: He's the character that was whipping himself in the movie, right?
Speaker: No, I think that was the dude who's dead.
Speaker: I think that was Silas.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: TV.
Speaker: I'm glad we're only reading four paragraphs of this.
Speaker: Otherwise, the whole podcast would just be us reading this.
Speaker: Yeah, this is an hour.
Speaker: Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: TV gives LinkedIn the cryptex and asks LinkedIn and Sophia to help him out.
Speaker: LinkedIn figures out that the password is Apple.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Very important.
Speaker: Oh, that's right.
Speaker: Because Newton's a part of this too.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then the orb missing from Newton's tomb.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He opens the cryptex and secretly retakes out the papyrus.
Speaker: Then he throws the empty cryptex in the air, causing TV to drop his pistol as he attempts to catch it and prevent the map inside from being destroyed.
Speaker: Suddenly Focky bursts into the... Who's Focky?
Speaker: Who the fuck is Focky?
Speaker: I think he's like... Detective Gordon in Batman.
Speaker: Got you.
Speaker: There's a video that's going viral of two women fighting, and Jonathan Major is just running into the frame, being like, no, don't fight.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: As soon as he read, Faki burst into the room and arrest Steven, I was like, oh shit!
Speaker: He's like walking in like, oh, yeah, you need a hero to save the day.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: And then the papyrus inside the second crypt text.
Speaker: I don't know where that came from.
Speaker: Direct Sophie and Langdon to Scotland, where Sophie finds her brother and her grandmother.
Speaker: During the reunion, she discovers that her family is indeed of the bloodline of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.
Speaker: Sophie and Langdon part promising to meet in Florence in a month.
Speaker: Back in Paris, Langdon comprehends the poem, which leads him to the small pyramid built to the ground in the Louvre where he assured the grail must be hidden.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So we read it through.
Speaker: Yeah, that is the cliff notes.
Speaker: Well, the last four paragraphs.
Speaker: Well, that's the important part.
Speaker: We made it through.
Speaker: Oh, wait.
Speaker: So then?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Made it through.
Speaker: And then there's Angels and Demons, but I don't know.
Speaker: I thought that was like a prequel, but I think that's the sequel.
Speaker: But we'll do whatever.
Speaker: It's a sequel movie, but it's a prequel book.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The third book right now.
Speaker: Okay, what are we going to title it?
Speaker: Einstein's Labyrinth.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: And in this scenario, did Einstein build the labyrinth or is Einstein the minotaur that guards the labyrinth?
Speaker: We just got to find out.
Speaker: So we start.
Speaker: Chapter one, Einstein's labyrinth.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: So we start with Langdon on a plane heading to Cairo.
Speaker: And he's excited to meet Sophie there.
Speaker: They had previously met in Florence and Paris and rendezvoused across Spain.
Speaker: Or not, yes, Spain.
Speaker: Spain and Rome where they killed some bishop person.
Speaker: I've never heard you use the word rendezvous before.
Speaker: I've heard you set the mood.
Speaker: Rendezvous.
Speaker: Use your lexicon, Andy.
Speaker: Right, because we're literary.
Speaker: We're authorship.
Speaker: Sophie...
Speaker: has been receiving uh sophie once langdon to break oh wait sophie's been on the run for the past three years since they first rendezvoused in florence because she's been receiving death threats from the church uh in in the vatican
Speaker: And wants Langdon to figure out how to stop it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I didn't know that Sophie had information about the bishop's fondness for small children.
Speaker: Or does she?
Speaker: You never know.
Speaker: Well, that's the secret.
Speaker: End of story.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Good, good, good.
Speaker: Now we know.
Speaker: Now we know.
Speaker: Well, we know this.
Speaker: Langdon doesn't know this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Sophie's on the run to meet Langdon in Cairo.
Speaker: He gets off the plane, looks around,
Speaker: and Wang Din is there in a fedora.
Speaker: He's sitting on a cafe steps, like the ending of Dark Knight Rises, right?
Speaker: Like Sophie looks over, and he's just sitting on a cafe, looks over at Sophie, and just nods vertically.
Speaker: Yeah, but they actually say hi to each other in this version.
Speaker: Yeah, we just, hey, like poetry, we begin at the end of another chapter's story.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: To be continued.
Speaker: This is the continued.
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: In more ways than one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Sophie walks up and slides into the chair across from Langdon.
Speaker: And they stare intently into each other's eyes before Langdon whips out a briefcase and slams it on the table.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Wait, Langdon slams the briefcase on the table?
Speaker: Yeah, Langdon slams the briefcase on the table.
Speaker: He opens the briefcase, takes out a postcard that has a picture of him like the end of Free Willy.
Speaker: You know, with like a dolphin and everything.
Speaker: And he slides the postcard over to her and goes, this was last month in Florida.
Speaker: You weren't rendezvousing in Florida.
Speaker: Do you want to see more of my vacation pictures?
Speaker: And before Sophie could say anything, LinkedIn just pulls out more trips of Florida, more pictures of Florida.
Speaker: He's writing a small world after all by himself, frowning.
Speaker: He's chasing a hurricane that is category zero.
Speaker: And just to be clear, he's like running after this hurricane.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Langdon is very creative in his pictures and it just like has a speech bubble made of cardboard that says like hurricane this way.
Speaker: Of course he's very creative.
Speaker: I mean, taking pictures are like solving codes.
Speaker: And if there's one thing Langdon knows how to do, it's solve them fucking codes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then he pulls out the third picture.
Speaker: And it's a secret chamber inside the pyramids that he received from his secret informant.
Speaker: Vosh.
Speaker: Vosh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Give this picture.
Speaker: And this is when things get serious.
Speaker: Okay, yeah.
Speaker: That's when he goes, oh, this one got in here somehow.
Speaker: You see, there is a secret entrance within the pyramids where it is said that the greatest treasure, for some reason it's now national treasure, to say the greatest treasure known to man is hidden away from the eyes of the prying people.
Speaker: Because
Speaker: If pyramids couldn't have been built back in the day, how did they build them?
Speaker: That's right, Einstein.
Speaker: Einstein was secretly alive during the pyramids.
Speaker: He had built time travel, traveled back in time to help build the pyramids, and that's why they could do it with primitive technology.
Speaker: Yeah, Einstein had a thing for large triangles.
Speaker: Clearly, because the E and the M in E equals MC squared are just four pyramids placed in two different ways.
Speaker: And Sophie grabs the picture of the...
Speaker: secret compartment inside the pyramids.
Speaker: Langdon is crestfallen that she didn't want to look at him chasing a hurricane.
Speaker: But he reluctantly relents while Sophie starts studying the picture.
Speaker: All you can see is a small stone box that
Speaker: And above it is a indiscernible light.
Speaker: And on the hieroglyphs in the background, on the wall in the background behind the box, looks like an E and some squiggles.
Speaker: Sophie takes this picture, puts it in her purse, and while she's putting it in her purse, a kid bumps into her shoulder, dropping the elements of her purse, revealing letters upon letters upon letters with the insignia.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: I can do big words, too.
Speaker: With the insignia of the Catholic Church stamped upon them.
Speaker: Wengton is obtuse and does not notice the letters, but he does he does hail a cab.
Speaker: They get in the cab and they head to the pyramids.
Speaker: Chapter three.
Speaker: What goes on behind the scenes?
Speaker: The bishop
Speaker: What's the... Ari for short.
Speaker: Go with Ari for short.
Speaker: The Bishop Ari is sitting in his chair, in his big popy chair, in a little bathrobe with his balls hanging out.
Speaker: As he's drinking his cup of coffee first thing in the morning and in runs in tea being he's now he's now a part of the Catholic Church because he decided to change his ways and reform.
Speaker: But you can't ever keep a man down for long.
Speaker: And TB comes in stuttering.
Speaker: TB is like, one of our informants in Egypt recently spotted Sophie.
Speaker: And Ari stands up in his full balls hanging out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And angrily covers himself while he screams to the Popemobile.
Speaker: What follows is, I know this is a book, but Dan Brown, dude, he's been writing for so long that he ends up writing a very descriptive version of the 60s Batman theme done in the style of the Da Vinci Code and a very Technicolor intro sequence.
Speaker: But instead of Batman, it's the bishop.
Speaker: And instead of Robin, it's T-Bank.
Speaker: It is the most coherent part of this book ever.
Speaker: It is so coherent that we cannot recreate it here.
Speaker: Nope, it would be doing a disservice to the original writings of the book that I'm holding on to in my hand at this very moment.
Speaker: Yeah, best part ever.
Speaker: I wish you guys could see it.
Speaker: The cover is so beautiful.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like the best joke ever told.
Speaker: Venmo, a million dollars, and we'll send you the book.
Speaker: So now back at the pyramids.
Speaker: Sophie and Langdon are stumbling around in the sand.
Speaker: And... Langdon has a walking cane.
Speaker: And Sophie has a... A brooch.
Speaker: And the brooch is the... Egyptian, like, eye.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: They're wandering around in the sand when a tour guide comes up to them and asks them if they want to purchase the deluxe tour of the pyramids.
Speaker: Langdon looks directly into the tour guide's eyes and says, Deluxe tour, would that take us to the labyrinth?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And the tour guide looks directly back into LinkedIn's eyes and says, how much will you pay me?
Speaker: Hugs and kisses.
Speaker: And pictures from my trip in Florida.
Speaker: And the tour guide quickly scurries away while they continue to dig in the sand.
Speaker: He turns around, looks at selfies, and goes, nobody wants to see my pictures in Florida.
Speaker: And then cut to the tour guide hiding behind the pyramid.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: The tour guide pulls out a cell phone and dials the Popemobile.
Speaker: Ring, ring, ring, ring.
Speaker: T-Bing picks up the phone.
Speaker: Hello, T-Bing.
Speaker: T-Bing, what do you want?
Speaker: What do you want?
Speaker: What do you want, Silas Jr.?
Speaker: Oh, that?
Speaker: Oh!
Speaker: Oh, shit!
Speaker: Oh, shit!
Speaker: I see what you're doing!
Speaker: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: We won Silas Jr. Why?
Speaker: We have spotted the canary.
Speaker: The canary is in the nest.
Speaker: I repeat, the canary is in the nest.
Speaker: Goddammit, Silas Jr. Just speak in words.
Speaker: We aren't doing codes.
Speaker: I see he can't really speak because he's just like three years old right now.
Speaker: Canonically, dude, it makes sense, right?
Speaker: Okay, so he walked up as the tour guide, had a full conversation, and then went behind the pyramids and turned into a baby?
Speaker: No, he was a baby all along.
Speaker: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's why it was disarming, dude.
Speaker: That's why it's disarming.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Very disarming.
Speaker: Is it like a boss baby where they're just like hella smart?
Speaker: No, he's Silas.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: He's Silas' baby.
Speaker: So he's like very visibly like Silas.
Speaker: But yeah, just the baby.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Now I know why Ari likes Silas Jr. so much.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Why he's a part of their team.
Speaker: And then Ari just grabs the phone from TV and says, God damn it, Junior.
Speaker: Just send us the vocation.
Speaker: And hangs up the phone angrily.
Speaker: He has one of those phones that like open up at the bottom and have like a giant antenna at the top.
Speaker: He extends the antenna even further to now make it like six feet long.
Speaker: Presses a couple buttons on the phone and we see like we see like the radio waves come off the top of the antenna.
Speaker: Go, boo, boo, boo, boo.
Speaker: And done.
Speaker: Location set.
Speaker: The things that religion can buy you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Technology, dude.
Speaker: Holy shit.
Speaker: Powered by faith.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And cut back to LinkedIn and Sophie.
Speaker: And Sophie now has her brooch of the eye.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And is holding it up and is just like wandering around the sand looking while Langdon Angrily is like, hey, we're looking for the secret chamber here.
Speaker: And Sophie's like, wait, are they inside the pyramid right now?
Speaker: No, they're still like in the sand.
Speaker: Okay, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker: Looking for the secret chamber.
Speaker: And Sophie's like, this brooch is an heirloom for my great, great, great, grandma.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Cleopatra.
Speaker: Well, okay, so here's the thing.
Speaker: We find out that Sophie's indeed related to Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, right?
Speaker: So technically it wouldn't be that far off because like geographically Egypt and Jerusalem aren't that far away from each other.
Speaker: So they would kind of make sense that somehow she's related to everybody.
Speaker: Yeah, he's related to anyone, including Cleopatra, like all powerful people in history.
Speaker: That makes perfect sense.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's the only part about this that makes sense.
Speaker: And she's looking through the brogue.
Speaker: We cut further to when they're deep in the pyramids with Langdon's shirt all torn up.
Speaker: He's holding onto a torch of a fiery torch and holding onto a cane in the other hand.
Speaker: And then how in the middle of an adventure movie, everybody's all grimy and dusty and worn out.
Speaker: Sexy, grimy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, sexy grimy.
Speaker: But he's a professor, so he's like Professor Grimy, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then Sophie's got perfect makeup somehow, but is still really grimy.
Speaker: Yeah, somehow.
Speaker: I imagine... Have you seen Jumanji?
Speaker: Like the new ones?
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: You know how Karen Gillan is grimy at the end of it?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's how I imagine Sophie right now.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And outside in the parking lot, just pulled up the Pope mobile.
Speaker: Every time we see the Pope mobile, Dan Brown goes into like great detail on like on how the environment sounds.
Speaker: And I can only summarize it by 60s Batman music, but Pope.
Speaker: It is non-stop all the time.
Speaker: But he does a beautiful job of describing this.
Speaker: It's kind of wonderful.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then Ari and T-Bean get out of the Popemobile and their legs spin like Scooby-Doo style while they like run to the secret chamber.
Speaker: With Silas Jr. leading the way.
Speaker: And the Pope's just holding on to Silas Jr.'s tiny little nubby hands.
Speaker: They're doing one of those things where the fingers are interlocked.
Speaker: But because Silas Jr.'s hands are so small, it's just at the armpit of his fingers.
Speaker: He's like, yeah, borderline tickling him while Silas Jr. can run surprisingly fast for having short legs.
Speaker: And being a three-year-old.
Speaker: Silas Jr. is fucking insane.
Speaker: He's crap, dude.
Speaker: And now they're in the chamber.
Speaker: And Langdon sees a tablet in front of him.
Speaker: And
Speaker: Behind the tablet is just like emptiness.
Speaker: And the tablet in front of him is written in like secret hieroglyphs of the past.
Speaker: Ancient hieroglyphs.
Speaker: Which Langdon being like a code expert kind of instinctively understands.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Langdon like eat, sleeps, and breathes codes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He instantly realizes the code is to Einstein's time machine and how he came back to build the pyramids.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: And it says, to retrieve the secrets of Einstein's time machine, you need to give up the thing that is most dear to you.
Speaker: At that point, Sophie looks over at the brooch that she's had with the Egyptian symbol and she goes, maybe this is our solution.
Speaker: And she touches it against the tablet with swelling music and just a gusto of emotions and
Speaker: Nothing happens.
Speaker: She does it again.
Speaker: Nothing happens.
Speaker: She does it a third time.
Speaker: Absolutely nothing.
Speaker: Then Langdon has an idea.
Speaker: He takes open his briefcase.
Speaker: Takes out his vacation pictures from Florida.
Speaker: Touches those against the tablet.
Speaker: And suddenly the ground beneath them starts shaking.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And when the dust settles, they can see Einstein's labyrinth.
Speaker: And right in the middle of it is a time machine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, I could go back to Florida.
Speaker: And Sophie does the biggest eye roll ever.
Speaker: And whispers in Langdon's ear, no, we have bigger things to do.
Speaker: But my Florida.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: And he pulls out more pictures.
Speaker: And they're weirdly exactly the same as iconic movie endings.
Speaker: So there's one where he's posed jumping high in the air like the end of Breakfast Club.
Speaker: But you know Langdon's not super happy with them because he didn't have to give them up to access the labyrinth.
Speaker: They're overexposed or he has red eyes.
Speaker: Well, that was the price to pay because they turned from being looking good to then looking like that.
Speaker: And in the background from the entrance of the chamber, they hear small child laughter, like someone being tickled.
Speaker: What's the laughter sound like?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Small child laughter.
Speaker: No, do it.
Speaker: Do the laugh.
Speaker: I don't have small child laughter.
Speaker: Do it again.
Speaker: What's your small child laughter?
Speaker: Are you ready for this?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I haven't even done it yet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's like ridiculously good.
Speaker: It's an evil small child, right?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So they hear that in the background.
Speaker: sorry i need a minute we're two grown ass men i have a human wife yeah you have a human wife hell yeah he's very real we think i've never seen her yeah very real
Speaker: I've only seen her through a screen.
Speaker: And I'm a magician.
Speaker: So, like, that shit can be faked easily.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I don't know if I should believe my senses at this point.
Speaker: You probably shouldn't.
Speaker: So you admit she's not real.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But, yeah, so they hear, one more time, Andy, they hear what in the background?
Speaker: Hehehehehe.
Speaker: They hear that in the background.
Speaker: And Sophie notices it.
Speaker: Langdon doesn't notice because he's still fixated on his breakfast club pose.
Speaker: Name a few more.
Speaker: Name a few more.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the pose from ET where like riding off in the bike into just like the sky.
Speaker: But you could like clearly see the bike doesn't exist.
Speaker: Like it's just a green screen.
Speaker: And Sophie just shoves Langdon down the stairs.
Speaker: Langdon tumbles down the stairs, feeling his photos everywhere.
Speaker: He has a tight grip on his briefcase still.
Speaker: And they find themselves in Einstein's labyrinth.
Speaker: As Langdon turns around to Sophie and goes, hey, what'd you do that for?
Speaker: And while he looks up waiting for an answer, a picture floats down and lands on his face, and it is of the T-Rex scene in Jurassic Park.
Speaker: But it's Langdon who's the T-Rex as the sign that pops down says, welcome to Universal Studios.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Sophie starts sprinting down the labyrinth and grabs Langdon's briefcase.
Speaker: While Langdon slowly recovers himself and Ari, Silas Jr., and T. Bean are at the top of the stairs entering the labyrinth.
Speaker: Silas, Teeming, and Bishop Ari are standing up there trying to decide what to do because where they're from, from their vantage point, they can see the entire labyrinth, the entire maze, exactly where Langdon and Sophie are, and Einstein's time machine.
Speaker: Silas looks at the time machine, gently nudges his way towards T-Bing and goes, think about all of the historical children that might exist back in time.
Speaker: I could meet JFK as a kid.
Speaker: I could meet... Kill baby Hitler.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: There's more to it than that.
Speaker: I could hang out with baby Jesus.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: Silas Jr. gives them a skeptical look and it starts to turn in his head that these are some really messed up individuals.
Speaker: He quickly... Silas Jr. is like the smartest person in this entire thing.
Speaker: So he's like looking at the maze.
Speaker: He's taking it all in and he takes a mental image of the maze, grabs the Pope by the hand because they have a complicated relationship.
Speaker: and then just pulls them down into the maze himself.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And Langdon is slowly stumbling forward.
Speaker: Just like Silas Jr., Ari and T. Bean can see Langdon, but Sophie's out of
Speaker: out of sight and we cut to Sophie and Sophie has to answer a riddle, but instead of from a Sphinx, that is cat on the bottom and man on top, it's cat on the top and man on bottom.
Speaker: Do you know,
Speaker: And yeah, go on.
Speaker: The cat just says meow.
Speaker: That's the riddle?
Speaker: Meow?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, so Sophie's now pacing in this room that she found herself in with the riddle.
Speaker: She's like pacing going meow.
Speaker: Meow, meow, meow.
Speaker: Meow, meow.
Speaker: Meow has four letters.
Speaker: Four, four.
Speaker: That's the number of clovers that you need to have good luck.
Speaker: Luck, that also has four letters.
Speaker: Meow, four letters, luck.
Speaker: While Sophie's thinking intently on the riddle.
Speaker: Langdon person holding a picture and it's an iconic scene from Cats.
Speaker: And he says, you didn't see my picture of Cats?
Speaker: And is the answer.
Speaker: And as soon as he says, oh, but my picture from Cats, the half cat, half man goes, rawr.
Speaker: Rawr.
Speaker: And it just dissolves into the sand in the ground, causing a secret passageway to open up.
Speaker: And they go down the secret passageway, which...
Speaker: takes them to the final level of the labyrinth and they can see the glow of the time machine in the background.
Speaker: Yeah, go on.
Speaker: We cut to Ari, Silas Jr., and TV, and they are just infighting in the cat room.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because in the cat rooms, there's hieroglyphics of cats, but now there is no cat because it disappeared.
Speaker: They're trying to figure out.
Speaker: They can't see the secret passage because, you know, only those who've been cat peed on can see the secret passage.
Speaker: But they're infighting.
Speaker: And while they're fighting, suddenly they hear a loud, thump.
Speaker: Thump.
Speaker: Thump.
Speaker: Thump.
Speaker: And it's getting closer.
Speaker: Thump.
Speaker: Thump.
Speaker: And it's getting closer and closer and closer.
Speaker: And closer and closer and closer.
Speaker: Suddenly.
Speaker: No, this is where you explain what's happening in my head.
Speaker: I was like anticipating what you were going to say.
Speaker: And I'm like, ooh, I'm excited to hear what Andy's going to say.
Speaker: Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: I know where it's going.
Speaker: I know where it's going.
Speaker: And the one entrance to that secret chamber, we suddenly see a giant,
Speaker: walk in in like a pinstripe suit.
Speaker: This is a giant giant in a pinstripe suit.
Speaker: We only see hair poking into this tiny little door in the labyrinth.
Speaker: It's a surprise that they didn't see this person earlier on when they were just like staring at the maze from up top.
Speaker: Like he was clearly a stone statue that turned into a giant once someone passed the cat.
Speaker: exactly and and and he walks in and and they look up at him turns out it's albert einstein but just giant and he says nine
Speaker: Oh, hello.
Speaker: Are you trying to get through?
Speaker: Well, the answer is pi.
Speaker: 3.14159265.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And... Um...
Speaker: Now they are all on the bottom level of the lab.
Speaker: Wait, before you go any further.
Speaker: This is the second time in fiction, and I want to point this out to our listeners because this is the kind of news you will only find on our podcast.
Speaker: This is the second time ever in fiction that Albert Einstein and the Egyptian hieroglyph was in the same fictional universe.
Speaker: What was one?
Speaker: Well, mystical Egyptian hieroglyph was in the same fictional universe, and Albert Einstein just happened to know the answer.
Speaker: Yeah, what was number one?
Speaker: Oh, you're not ready for this.
Speaker: Are you ready?
Speaker: Night at the Museum 2.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: So it's like Da Vinci Code meets National Treasure meets Night at the Museum.
Speaker: Night at the Museum.
Speaker: Exactly, dude.
Speaker: It's like Dan Brown's such a genius that he managed to take the best parts of every single fictional swashbuckling adventure from
Speaker: and put it into one book, and that's the sequel to The Da Vinci Code.
Speaker: That's the Einstein's Pyramid.
Speaker: Yeah, it is a literary masterpiece while everyone is at the bottom of the labyrinth.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, this is the big scene that all the critics were raving about, right?
Speaker: Yeah, this is the third act.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So we have an old-fashioned triangle standoff, like one of those old westerns.
Speaker: But it's five people, so it's a pentagon.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So it's a pentagon.
Speaker: So we have in one corner, we have Sophie.
Speaker: That's so stupid.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: That's real fat.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At what corner we have Sophie and holding Langdon's briefcase wall.
Speaker: She's pointing, not with her two fingers, but she's pointing with like, with like the lever that you need to put inside Einstein's time machine in order to activate it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And.
Speaker: And we have Langdon.
Speaker: And he's just holding up more pictures of his trip to Florida.
Speaker: And under his suit and tie, you can just barely glimpse a shirt that says, like, I love at the top.
Speaker: And you can only assume it says Florida at the bottom.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And the picture is from Castaway of Wilson.
Speaker: but but but it's like landing langdon's handprint but that's too many too many details nobody knows that and then the third point of the pentagon is einstein giant okay wait so now it's a hexagon
Speaker: No, you said five points for a Pentagon.
Speaker: And I'm like, I don't think a Pentagon has five points, but I'm going with it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Yeah, it does.
Speaker: A Pentagon has like five sides.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we're building up all five.
Speaker: Yeah, but like Einstein's giant's there, so it's a hexagon because I was thinking like all of the characters are here.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: Yeah, okay.
Speaker: Big climax!
Speaker: Big climax!
Speaker: Yeah, so then we have Silas Jr. Yeah, so it's Pentagon.
Speaker: So we have Silas Jr. Silas Jr. and...
Speaker: He is torn between what side to go towards.
Speaker: Does he help Ari and TV?
Speaker: Or does he help Sophie get to the time machine?
Speaker: Have you seen the 2006 or 2007 movie Van Helsing?
Speaker: Yeah, like once.
Speaker: You know how one of the weapons is this weird sort of handheld thing with two curves at the two ends?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Silas Jr. is holding on to one of those, but it's made out of the cross.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And on his other hand, he's holding on to like one of those things that Catwoman has, you know, those little ropes and like two balls at the end of the string.
Speaker: But you kind of like toss it to get people to trip up.
Speaker: And you know what I'm talking about?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: But it's made out of a rosary.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because he is nothing if not thematically accurate.
Speaker: And extremely skilled in weaponry.
Speaker: Yeah, he's Silas Jr., dude.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then we have T-Bean.
Speaker: And T-Bean is just making ominous breathing noises.
Speaker: Yeah, he's asthmatic.
Speaker: And then we have Ari and...
Speaker: Aria looks disheveled, but more determined than ever to stop Sophie from getting to the time machine.
Speaker: And we do like an old fashioned like circle pan.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Here's Dan Brown's amazing fucking auditory writing shining yet again.
Speaker: And then we get a zoom in of Einstein's mouth and his mustache.
Speaker: And it just says, go.
Speaker: He just says, go.
Speaker: And then they go out in an all-out bathroom.
Speaker: battle they're fighting each other silas keeps dropping his weapon so he's not really fighting but but everybody else is fighting each other um t being punches langdon uh but langdon is like picking up his his pictures from florida so he's like he's like dodging every punch unintentionally and
Speaker: And Sophie is just throwing more Florida pictures, which are just like endless Florida pictures from the briefcase.
Speaker: That Langdon is trying to pick up.
Speaker: He sees one Florida picture in the corner that is like the scene from, fuck, I don't know, Brokeback Mountain.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: And he's like, oh, that one was with my buddy, Carl.
Speaker: And then Ari grabs that picture and is like, that's my picture now.
Speaker: And then as he lifts his head up, he's like, hey, you can't do that.
Speaker: And bringing his hand forward, the bishop gets knocked on his forearm, gets hit by his forearm as his hand goes up.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And finally, Silas Jr. comes to Epiphany and yells, like his Epiphany, that he's going to help Sophie.
Speaker: And he just yells, Sophie, run for it.
Speaker: And he, like, old Western style, like, stands between everybody and Sophie holding his weaponry.
Speaker: Oh, that's awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Sophie is starting to move towards the time machine with the handle.
Speaker: And Robert Langdon is running after her because she still has his briefcase full of his Florida pictures.
Speaker: And they sit in the time machine.
Speaker: As soon as they sit in the time machine, the room starts collapsing and everybody starts to like...
Speaker: uh slowly perish right at the back t bing falls down into an abyss the pope falls down into an abyss our little boy falls down into an abyss and that while he's falling he like throws the chain yeah like the chain weapon he like bolus yeah yeah he throws it towards sophie in the time machine yeah
Speaker: Okay, okay, what that does is as soon as Sophie like puts the scepter into the middle of the time machine, the bolus pulls the lever without them setting a time and the time machine just vanishes.
Speaker: With Langdon and Sophie in it, it vanishes.
Speaker: And all we can see is a picture float down and it is a picture of Langdon doing the scene from Back to the Future.
Speaker: Beautiful.
Speaker: Beautiful.
Speaker: That was awesome.
Speaker: Dan Brown goes on to describe an epilogue where he goes, this is not the real ending, but this is a suggested retelling of what might have happened.
Speaker: And in the epilogue, he goes on to describe how Langdon...
Speaker: was able to make it back to his beloved Florida and create every movie scene that was not mentioned in the book.
Speaker: And Sophie somehow managed to like reach back in time and turns out she it's one of the I am my own grandfather scenarios where she met her.
Speaker: She met Jesus Christ and and he just went, well, your name is now Mary.
Speaker: Yeah, and then Silas Jr. is able to go back and talk to Silas before he turns evil.
Speaker: And they live, halfway ever after, in the Scottish cottage near the seaside.
Speaker: Hell yeah, dude.
Speaker: What happened to the Bishop and Teabing?
Speaker: He doesn't really elaborate.
Speaker: See?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Or Giant Einstein.
Speaker: I think, like, I think this is probably Dan Brown's finest work, if I'm being honest.
Speaker: Do the outro, Andy.
Speaker: Okay, this is the outro and I don't know what to say right now, but this is the outro.
Speaker: Please subscribe.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, remember, we're bringing you the stories that the authors don't want you to know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I was trying to make it something memorable for the outro.
Speaker: I don't fucking know, dude.
Speaker: Now you're overthinking it.
Speaker: You're just gonna be like, outro time.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: That was... The outro?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, which part of this is the outro?
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Is this the outro?
Speaker: Is this the ending?
Speaker: Everything is an ending, Andy.
Speaker: All beginnings are endings.
Speaker: We could just play the intro for the outro.
Speaker: Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Congratulations, you're now on our next episode.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We just don't have an outro.
Speaker: Say nice things about us online.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And if you don't want to say nice things about us online, then give it to your friends so at least we can boost that engagement.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Share.
Speaker: Do things.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Sweet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think we're good for the... Oh my god.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to episode three.
Speaker: of cliff notes continued we'll be back with episode four on tuesday january 16th with a whole new book and a whole new story
