Transcript
Speaker: What are you trying to say?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Welcome to Cliff Notes Continued, where we improvise the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: I'm Lucas Larson.
Speaker: And I am Anania George.
Speaker: Oh, that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Wait, welcome.
Speaker: Welcome everyone.
Speaker: We're about to find out what Andy's mystery book pick is for the week.
Speaker: If we did the math correctly, that is.
Speaker: Yeah, we might be getting two Andy book picks in a row.
Speaker: We're not really sure.
Speaker: But hey, this is the quality content you come here for.
Speaker: So this week I picked, are you ready for this?
Speaker: Never.
Speaker: Okay, a book that I was supposed to read in middle school, but I never read and just went through middle school like, eh.
Speaker: We're reading- You just read the cliff notes?
Speaker: Like, we can't do Huckleberry Finn.
Speaker: We can't do Huckleberry Finn.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: It's not.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: I went to school not in America, so I didn't have to read Huckleberry Finn.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Speaker: I think I was supposed to read that at some point, too, in my life, and I never have to.
Speaker: Hey, man, now we're reading the cliff notes and we're making up the stories.
Speaker: Glad to know that as adults, we can conquer the dreams that we had once as kids or conquer the dreams we were supposed to have as kids.
Speaker: Yeah, we could also not read it as adults, but... I don't know about you, man, but if our story is pretty cool, I might read it as an adult.
Speaker: Yeah, read the transcript of this.
Speaker: It would just be like incoherent.
Speaker: Like how I know how they would like type out my laughter.
Speaker: Oh, you're talking about you're talking about our thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: I'm talking about like the book.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, that is more work than I would go through.
Speaker: So start us off on the cliff notes, Andy.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: When Charles Bingley, a rich single man.
Speaker: Charles Bingley.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You might have to cut parts of this out.
Speaker: Moves to the Netherfield estate.
Speaker: The neighborhood residents are thrilled, especially Mrs. Bennett,
Speaker: Miss Fennett has eyes for Mr. Bingley.
Speaker: Oh, no, no, no.
Speaker: I jumped the gun.
Speaker: Who hopes to marry one of her five daughters to him?
Speaker: Great, so we know what the first storyline is going to be.
Speaker: Yeah, maybe he has eyes for him.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: When the Bennett daughters meet him at a local ball, they are impressed by his outgoing personality and friendly disposition.
Speaker: They are less impressed, however, by Bingley's friend Fitzwilliam Darcy, a land-owning aristocrat who is too proud to speak to any of the locals and whom Elizabeth Bennett...
Speaker: Over here is refusing to do dance with her.
Speaker: Fitzwilliam is a real prude, real asshole.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Sounds like somebody I know.
Speaker: We know, actually.
Speaker: You know who I'm talking about, right?
Speaker: But he's not a prude anymore, I don't think.
Speaker: Well, he used to be our sound engineer.
Speaker: Yeah, so if you know, deep, deep cut.
Speaker: Super deep cut.
Speaker: If we have any Badly fans here, I will be shocked.
Speaker: Complete side note.
Speaker: This is 100% always in my calendar as badly.
Speaker: I haven't even put Cliff Notes continuing on it.
Speaker: It's always marked as badly.
Speaker: You know, the grown-up child of Badly.
Speaker: So big...
Speaker: Bingley and the oldest daughter, oldest Bennett daughter, Jane, soon form an attachment.
Speaker: Any serious relationship between the two, however, is opposed by Bingley's sisters.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Even more characters.
Speaker: Oh God.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then... Who do not approve of Jane as wife for beingly because of her mother's lower status.
Speaker: Even though she lives in an estate?
Speaker: Like, what the hell are these prude assholes?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And by Darcy, who believes that Jane is indifferent to Bingley.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Darcy finds himself... Is Darcy... Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Darcy's the Fitz dude.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Sound engineer Darcy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Fuck Darcy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Darcy would consent now, but not years ago.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Darcy finds himself attracted to Elizabeth despite his objections to her family.
Speaker: He is drawn to her spirited wit and expressive eyes.
Speaker: And Caroline Bingley's jealousy, jealous criticisms of Elizabeth can do nothing to lessen Darcy's admiration.
Speaker: I am already lost with all these characters.
Speaker: Okay, so here's what I get, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's Charles Bingley, a rich single man.
Speaker: That's important.
Speaker: He has a friend named Darcy.
Speaker: But Darcy's a piece of shit.
Speaker: But they meet Mrs. Bennet, who has five daughters, out of which Jane, the oldest one, has the hots for Bingley.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And but Bingley sisters don't like sorry, Bennett's Jane sisters don't like Charles because Charles.
Speaker: Yeah, because Charles's mom has a lower.
Speaker: Or Charles sisters.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Jane sisters don't like Charles because Charles's mom has a lower status than Charles's.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm going to go with all sisters hate everybody.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: But Darcy himself is attracted to Elizabeth, who is one of the other sisters, despite the fact that he hates her family.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Caroline Bingley, I think, is Charles' mom.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It sounds like insignificant person, possibly.
Speaker: But, okay.
Speaker: Jump back into the cliff notes or fast forward.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: uh no i think we gotta do it dude in the midst of jane and elizabeth do you want to just like do a one paragraph summary of a summary yeah well we've established the characters and if we establish more characters i'll be more lost and i'm like scrolling through this and it's like colonel fitz williams and like wickman's
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: I'm going to ask Chad GPT.
Speaker: Or Wickham's misfortune.
Speaker: And like Elizabeth has some like aunts and uncles named like Gardner and Durb.
Speaker: Oh, no, those aren't names.
Speaker: Those are like counties.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have a one paragraph summary.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: In Pride and Prejudice, the arrival of wealthy Charles Bingley in the Netherfield estate excites the Bennett family, particularly Mrs. Bennett, eager to marry off one of her five daughters.
Speaker: Bingley is taken with Jane Bennett, but obstacles arise, including opposition from Bingley's sisters and his friend, Fitzwilliam, William Darcy.
Speaker: Okay, everything we've covered so far.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Elizabeth, repelled by Darcy's arrogance, is drawn to the charming George Wickham.
Speaker: Who the fuck is George Wickham?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But he was mentioned in the cliff notes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Who falsely portrays Darcy as cruel.
Speaker: Okay, so there's just a dude who's like Darcy's cruel man.
Speaker: Oh, it's a love story between Elizabeth and Darcy.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: And Wickham.
Speaker: It's like a love pentagon.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Elizabeth, repelled by Darcy's arrogance, is drawn to the charming wicket.
Speaker: Yeah, we covered that.
Speaker: Complications arise with Mr. Collins' proposal to Elizabeth.
Speaker: Now, who the fuck is Mr. Collins?
Speaker: It's just there, I guess.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Proposes to Elizabeth.
Speaker: Jane's disappointment over Bingley's departure to London.
Speaker: All right, so I guess Bingley leaves to London.
Speaker: And Lydia's elopement with Wickham.
Speaker: Now, who the fuck is Lydia?
Speaker: Pride and Prejudice has hella characters.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: What mess have I put us into?
Speaker: This is worse than when we covered one of the Darnia books.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So we got Lydia who buries Wickham.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Wait, who's Wickham again?
Speaker: The person Elizabeth likes.
Speaker: Right, right, right.
Speaker: Elizabeth likes and painted Darcy as cruel.
Speaker: George Wickham.
Speaker: Got it, got it.
Speaker: Well, he's very cruel.
Speaker: He's rich and single.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, that's Charles.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Darcy's like the prude.
Speaker: Then why the fuck did Lydia elope with Wick?
Speaker: Okay, whatever.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: After receiving a letter from Darcy and a visit to his estate, Pemberley... Oh, estate's name is Pemberley.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Elizabeth's kneeling towards some change.
Speaker: After revealing a letter from Darcy...
Speaker: We got to know what's in that letter.
Speaker: Does this end in a murder or a court case or happily ever after?
Speaker: How does this end?
Speaker: Ultimately, Lydia's marriage is salvaged by Darcy's intervention.
Speaker: And despite societal expectations and Lady Catherine's objections, Darcy proposes again and Elizabeth joyfully accepts.
Speaker: So it doesn't even sound like Charles is like a main character.
Speaker: It sounds like it's like all Darcy.
Speaker: Darcy and Elizabeth, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, but Darcy is the Fitz asshole.
Speaker: Yeah, but I bet the stories about how Darcy is arrogant and Elizabeth is not.
Speaker: And so meeting Elizabeth changed this man.
Speaker: And the whole story is about how classism is bad.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what I'm guessing.
Speaker: Classism, bad.
Speaker: Guy secretly has heart of gold.
Speaker: Woman finds out.
Speaker: Then they get married.
Speaker: Okay, we'll see where this goes.
Speaker: I'll go scene or you go scene.
Speaker: Well, before we start this, I want to mention that I don't know the details of this, but I do know that there's this weird film genre that showed up in the mid-2000s where they took things like Abraham Lincoln and Pride and Prejudice and just set it in a zombie apocalypse.
Speaker: I cannot guess the movie, Andy.
Speaker: I lose it badly.
Speaker: Here we are referencing something most of our audiences wouldn't even know.
Speaker: One point to Andy.
Speaker: But the name of the movie was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Speaker: How creative.
Speaker: How creative.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So I may or may not be railroading us in that direction.
Speaker: We'll see.
Speaker: So are you starting if it's your book or am I starting?
Speaker: Oh, you start.
Speaker: You start.
Speaker: Okay, I'll start.
Speaker: We're watching a television monitor.
Speaker: And on the television monitor, there is Charles Bigsley.
Speaker: He looks into the camera and says, Hi, I'm Charles Bigsley.
Speaker: I'm the bachelor of this episode of Pride and Prejudice.
Speaker: And then he starts to sweat profusely.
Speaker: While he mumbles out, I'm single and I'm rich.
Speaker: I'm just looking forward to meeting everyone.
Speaker: And then he collapses.
Speaker: And while we hear paramedic noises in the background trying to save Charles's life, a new person walks in, sits down, looks at the camera, and says, Hi, I'm Fitzgerald Darcy.
Speaker: Go on.
Speaker: I'm Fitzgerald Darcy and I am the replacement bachelor for Pride and Prejudice.
Speaker: The host, George Wickham, walks on the other side of the screen with a long microphone and goes, but Darcy, you're already married to Elizabeth.
Speaker: You are technically not a bachelor.
Speaker: And also, we're in the late 1800s.
Speaker: What is this thing I'm holding?
Speaker: What is this thing right in front of me looking directly at me?
Speaker: And what is happening right now?
Speaker: Cut to the inside of a London asylum.
Speaker: In the asylum, we have Darcy Fitzgerald Darcy in a street jacket, just repeating, hi, I'm Fitzgerald Darcy.
Speaker: I'm the bachelor for Pride and Prejudice.
Speaker: And through the window of his cell...
Speaker: There's an attendant.
Speaker: And the attendant, you can read the name tag, and it says Elizabeth.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: What have we done?
Speaker: I'm sorry, Jane Austen.
Speaker: Oh, Jane Austen wrote this?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: maybe the attendance name should be gene austen it's it's really 2023 and jane austen the attendant is being followed by a camera crew
Speaker: who goes, this is the patient that inspired the character of Fitzwilliam, Fitzwilliam?
Speaker: Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Speaker: And if you walk along with me alongside this row of the cell, this is the person who inspired George Wickham.
Speaker: And Jane Austen Casually Shows with, um,
Speaker: who is doing witchcraft before getting to the observation room and jane austen looks directly at the camera and says truly how they came here was tragic
Speaker: So from behind the camera, what's that documentarian's name?
Speaker: The dude who made that entire movie on Scientology?
Speaker: Louis Thoreau.
Speaker: Behind the camera, Louis Thoreau goes, how did they arrive here, Miss Austen?
Speaker: And Miss Austin is like, well, Mr. Darcy was in the most complicated love Pentagon I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker: And Wickham was on the losing end of that love Pentagon.
Speaker: Oh, oh, you can read all about it in my book, Pride and Prejudice, which is all about how Mr. Darcy was too prideful.
Speaker: Pride and Prejudice 2, the pride unheard.
Speaker: This one is the real story behind the first Pride and Prejudice, how these people ended up here.
Speaker: has the behind the scenes book.
Speaker: The original Pride and Prejudice.
Speaker: Yeah, so the original...
Speaker: In the original, we had Charles Bingsley, and he seemed like he was going to be important and rich and single.
Speaker: But really, most important thing about Mr. Bingsley is Miss Bennett, who had five daughters, actually had secret eyes for him.
Speaker: And then Louis Thoreau asks, oh, then why did you include Mr. Bingley in the original story?
Speaker: He was the shiny object there to distract you, just like he distracted Mrs. Bennett.
Speaker: Okay, cut to a tea with Mrs. Bennett as Mrs. Bennett is trying to convince Charles to marry one of her daughters, and that's in quotations.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Wow, Mrs. Bennett, it is so nice for you to have me over for tea.
Speaker: I just moved into my fancy estate yesterday.
Speaker: Of course!
Speaker: As she bends over, showing her corset even deeper to Charles Bingley while she's pouring the tea to a point where it's overflowing the cup now.
Speaker: Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.
Speaker: Let me pad that down.
Speaker: She grabs a whole back of Kleenex and starts padding down his thighs.
Speaker: What do you have?
Speaker: It's the 18th century.
Speaker: What are you tapping me with?
Speaker: Oh, I'm just cleaning up the mess here.
Speaker: Well, so nice of you, Miss Bennett.
Speaker: I thought you were just about to tell me about your five very single daughters.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, but first, she's wearing the armless... She's wearing a dress, so she lowers one of the dress straps from the corner, and someone yells out, Cut!
Speaker: Turns out we're on a porn set.
Speaker: So we're just like movies inside of movies inside of movies.
Speaker: We're like Inception here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, we're on a porn set and the guy and the porn director is like really passionate about the work.
Speaker: He cares about the original text and he goes, no, no, no, this is all wrong.
Speaker: Bigly and Bennett never did it.
Speaker: Yeah, he's like, we're not filming a MILF thing here.
Speaker: We're filming a five on one thing here.
Speaker: Okay, bring Bingley out of this.
Speaker: You are not getting paid to show us your boobs.
Speaker: You're getting paid to lead the scene that goes into the other one.
Speaker: Can we do that?
Speaker: I need to know that you're a more realistic mother of five.
Speaker: Places, everyone.
Speaker: Let's reset the shot.
Speaker: Wow, Miss Bennett, it's so nice of you to invite me over for tea.
Speaker: I just moved into my estate yesterday.
Speaker: Why, yes.
Speaker: It's so nice to see you here, too.
Speaker: Here, would you like some tea?
Speaker: Yes, I would like some tea.
Speaker: Your voice is not attractive at all.
Speaker: I need tea.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: And she's just like haphazardly pouring it.
Speaker: Doesn't even care.
Speaker: It's like not even looking at Bingley, but looking at the porno director.
Speaker: Like, is this why you want it?
Speaker: The porno director is just giving two big thumbs up.
Speaker: Cut to an interview of Louis Thoreau and the porn director.
Speaker: I never thought I would get into historical books and deportes, but sometimes life does crazy things.
Speaker: Louis Thoreau, ever the journalistic documentary filmmaker, he looks over at this porn director and goes, yes, but have you ever within your career exploited one of your employees?
Speaker: Never everyone has massive benefits.
Speaker: Everyone gets compensated by the int.
Speaker: Everything is on the up and up here at historical reproductions porno.
Speaker: Cut to another set of historical reproductions porno.
Speaker: Okay, we're on the set of Mice and Men.
Speaker: I don't know what that is.
Speaker: but it'll keep going and um the real large slow person from mice event i don't remember his name uh he's in the scene with someone named mice so we'll have otis and mice
Speaker: Otis is like, wow, Mice, it is so nice of you to invite me over for tea.
Speaker: I just moved to Mice this day yesterday.
Speaker: Wait, Mice says that?
Speaker: Otis says that to Mice.
Speaker: And then Mice goes, yeah, I was wondering when we could begin the conversation about men.
Speaker: I don't talk about men.
Speaker: Last time I talked about men, I strangled them.
Speaker: Cut!
Speaker: Cut!
Speaker: Cut!
Speaker: It's all wrong!
Speaker: Otis, you're not supposed to have sex with mice!
Speaker: No, this is only for tea.
Speaker: Wait, what?
Speaker: Say that again.
Speaker: This is only supposed to be a tea scene.
Speaker: You're not supposed to strangle anyway.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Reset.
Speaker: Do it again.
Speaker: It's so nice of you to invite me over for tea.
Speaker: I just moved to my estate yesterday.
Speaker: Cut to back to the documentary interview set with Louis Thoreau.
Speaker: And the mystery porn director.
Speaker: And the mystery porn director.
Speaker: Wait, so Louithero asks, we've never heard of your work before.
Speaker: Nobody outside of the industry in your sets have really ever known your name.
Speaker: Would you want to publicly tell us your name for the very first time?
Speaker: Let us go by Darcy or, as most people say, Mr. D. Cut to Jane Austen outside the cell of Fitzgerald Darcy in the asylum talking with Louis Thoreau.
Speaker: And she goes, and that's how he got here.
Speaker: And Jane Austen walks down the corridor and is back to Wickham.
Speaker: And he's like, throw Wickham stories even more out of this world than Mr. D's.
Speaker: I'm a fan of his work.
Speaker: I need a minute.
Speaker: You got laughing to the mic.
Speaker: No, what the fuck did we just create?
Speaker: We just broke Andy's brain, everybody.
Speaker: Or more precisely, but Lord 2001's face is brain.
Speaker: What did we just create?
Speaker: Holy shit.
Speaker: This is even more complicated than the original Cliff Notes.
Speaker: I feel like it's very on brand.
Speaker: There's lots of characters hard to follow.
Speaker: What the fuck is Louis Thoreau doing here?
Speaker: He makes documentaries about serious shit.
Speaker: This was serious.
Speaker: This is serious business.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Jane Austen is a literary genius.
Speaker: This is serious backstory.
Speaker: Okay, before we go on to the next story, can I please point out, and I'm pretty sure literary scholars have already pointed this out, how the girl who gets married to Charles Bingley, her name's Jane.
Speaker: Is that a self-insert?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: probably it's probably how stan lee was in all the marvel movies like jane austen wrote this before movies existed but he was like you know in the future there's gonna be movies and there's gonna be this guy named brad pitt who i'll cast as beingsly and i'll play jane she was a visionary she was ahead of her time
Speaker: Oh, Jesus.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Back to the story.
Speaker: George, what's his name?
Speaker: Wickham, right?
Speaker: Wickham.
Speaker: Wickham may or may not have a first name.
Speaker: No, he's George Wickham.
Speaker: Okay, George.
Speaker: So, George Wickham, he's...
Speaker: in a cell drawing.
Speaker: It's an old timey cell, even though this takes place in 2023.
Speaker: There's like a parallel universe where mental health isn't as well understood, whatever.
Speaker: You mean the current time?
Speaker: Anyway, so he's in a cell and there's like gravel in the cell and
Speaker: And he's just drawing a pentagram at the bottom of his cell.
Speaker: And as he's drawing each of the cones, he goes, that's Darcy.
Speaker: That's me.
Speaker: That's Lydia.
Speaker: That's Elizabeth.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: It's all wrong.
Speaker: Okay, and he's just playing over the pentagram in his head.
Speaker: Like, over and over.
Speaker: Okay, pentagram has five points.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, so he's like trying to solve... What were you thinking of?
Speaker: That's what I was thinking of.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So he's looking at the pentagram and he's like giving off vibes of someone who's trying to like connect a murder mystery while like attaching string on their wall from like old newspaper articles.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And he's got two dots on the pentagram and he's got those circled and he's like, okay, we got Mr. D and Ms.
Speaker: Bennett.
Speaker: And we have Bingsley here somewhere, Elizabeth here somewhere.
Speaker: And Lydia, here somewhere.
Speaker: Jane Austen looks at this and she goes, he's still trying to figure out
Speaker: the patterns towards who decided to... Oh, my God, burp.
Speaker: He's still trying to figure out the patterns of who decided to get married, to whom.
Speaker: This poor man, he cannot live with the fact that Elizabeth once cared for him.
Speaker: And then go back to the...
Speaker: and Wickham's now in the fetal position just muttering Elizabeth what did you do Elizabeth cut to cut to the scene where Lydia is getting married to Wickham as Elizabeth is sitting right in the front row for
Speaker: Do you, Mr. Wickham, take Miss Lydia as your awfully... Awfully?
Speaker: Yeah, as your wedded wife.
Speaker: Wickham is staring at Elizabeth in the front row, and in a dreamlike state, he goes, I do...
Speaker: And Miss Lydia, do you take Mr. Wickham as your husband?
Speaker: Lydia is staring right at Wickham.
Speaker: Excitedly, she goes, yes, I do.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: Now, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Speaker: No one says a thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, were you going in a different direction?
Speaker: You go.
Speaker: You go.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Nobody says a thing.
Speaker: George Wickham and Lydia, whatever your last name is, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Speaker: You may now kiss the bride.
Speaker: George drops Lydia's hands, runs over to Elizabeth in the front row, and tries to kiss her as the entire group of people there are going, Whoa!
Speaker: They sound like they're on a roller coaster.
Speaker: Darcy comes in, smacks, slaps George Wickham and goes, what are you doing?
Speaker: Your wife's there.
Speaker: Miss Wickham now.
Speaker: We don't need to know her last name.
Speaker: It's now Wickham.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: Wickham looks at Darcy and is like, but Elizabeth has my heart.
Speaker: And Lydia's in the back like, really?
Speaker: We just got married.
Speaker: And the crowd goes, whoa.
Speaker: And then Lydia goes, and I'm about to be a mother.
Speaker: And the crowd goes, ooh.
Speaker: And Darcy looks at Wickham and says, good luck, bro.
Speaker: And walks out.
Speaker: With Elizabeth.
Speaker: And then the crowd cheers and claps as they're leaving.
Speaker: Then Wickham turns back to Lydia and is like, funny mistake, right, babe?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The priest, so Darcy and Elizabeth are almost out, but the priest receives a letter from the altar boy and the priest opens up the letter and goes, Lydia, your baby, Lydia, you were married to George Wickham, but George Wickham is not the father.
Speaker: The crowd gasps.
Speaker: But then the priest, the ordained minister, he goes, in fact, Darcy is.
Speaker: Gasp.
Speaker: And Darcy turns around, Elizabeth slaps him, and goes, what?
Speaker: And the crowd gives out a cheer.
Speaker: Yay.
Speaker: Darcy leaves Elizabeth, runs over to George Wickham, grabs him by the collar, and they both start punching each other.
Speaker: And just while...
Speaker: George is getting his ass kicked by Darcy.
Speaker: I like how you're like, yeah, George is getting his ass kicked.
Speaker: There's no way he's holding his own against this guy.
Speaker: Yeah, George is getting destroyed.
Speaker: Then a big bouncer who reeks of money and singleness.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: grabs Darcy from behind and is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. D. We can't be having any fisticuffs in the house of God.
Speaker: And the crowd boos.
Speaker: Then he picks up George Wickham and goes, now kiss and make up.
Speaker: And he's like mushing them together like kids do to toys.
Speaker: And then the next thing you see is him like the wedding takes place outdoors.
Speaker: But the next thing you see is like him throwing them out of a door, almost like a black alley bar scene.
Speaker: And they both are like Wickham and Darcy are now friendly Wickham like spits out a tooth and and then the bouncer is like and don't you ever do that again.
Speaker: While the bouncer turns around Darcy Darcy goes, hey, what's your name anyway?
Speaker: And the bouncer looks Darcy right in the middle of his eyes and goes, the name's Bingley.
Speaker: Charles Bingley.
Speaker: And Darcy takes one arm over Wickham's shoulder and he can look through the door and in the door,
Speaker: Fancy wedding.
Speaker: Lydia is still there.
Speaker: The amazing crowd is still there.
Speaker: But it's outdoors.
Speaker: Yeah, it's outdoors.
Speaker: And the crowd is chanting, Bing Lee, Bing Lee, Bing Lee.
Speaker: And then Darcy has his arm around Wickham and they start walking down.
Speaker: The alleyway.
Speaker: Yeah, start walking down the alleyway while there is a sunset behind them.
Speaker: And right as soon as the sun's setting, we only see Bingley and this guy, George.
Speaker: Sorry, we only see Darcy and George, their silhouettes, as we hear a silent, faint word from Darcy going, you know,
Speaker: That Bingley fella might be a good person to be friends with one day.
Speaker: And now we're back in Wickham's cell.
Speaker: Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker: That's exactly where I was going to go with this.
Speaker: And Wickham's still in the fetal position and he's muttering, Elizabeth, how could you do that?
Speaker: if you had hardly loved me back, if you had hardly saved me from Lydia.
Speaker: And Jane Austen looks at Louis Thoreau and goes, and that's how he got here.
Speaker: But then, finally, Jade Austin keeps walking down the corridor, and she hits some stairs, and she's going up the stairs to a tall tower.
Speaker: And in the tall tower, there's five doors.
Speaker: And she looks at Thoreau and is like, and finally, we've made it to the five sisters at the top of the tower.
Speaker: She opens door number one.
Speaker: Nothing there.
Speaker: She goes, huh?
Speaker: She opens door number two.
Speaker: Nothing there.
Speaker: She goes, huh?
Speaker: She opens the fifth door.
Speaker: Nothing there.
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: She opens the fourth door.
Speaker: Nothing there.
Speaker: But she slowly reaches out to the third door, right in the middle, opens it silently, and as the door opens, we see a scrawny man, like about four foot two inches, hasn't eaten in days, and looks over at the shadowy figure of Louis Thoreau and Jane Austen and goes...
Speaker: Mrs. Bennett, is that you?
Speaker: It's me, Charles.
Speaker: Charles Bingley.
Speaker: Oh, Charles, I've known you a long time, and I can't believe how you've ended up.
Speaker: I remember when you were young and single and rich and lived on an estate.
Speaker: We see a nine-foot tall.
Speaker: muscular prime of his life, Charles Bingley, standing on the porch of his estate with just a wine glass in his hand.
Speaker: Shout out to the great Gatsby.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: Yeah, like Charles looks out into his estate and his horse-drawn carriage has a license plate that just says rich.
Speaker: But it's slightly misspelled, so the C is a dollar sign.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The C is a cent sign.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: yes yes that's even better that's even better yeah and he sips he sips his wine sets it down
Speaker: And reaches for his breast pocket on his broad shoulders where he pulls out a cigar and lights it and sits down in the rocking chair behind him.
Speaker: Then from the inside of the house, from his porch, a semi-naked, very clear that she just put a robe on, Mrs. Bennett.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: walks out and pulls out a cigar from Charles' breast pocket, lights it using his lighter, and sits right next to the rocking chair next to him and goes, don't tell the kids we did this.
Speaker: Mr. Bing Sui says, wait, you have kids?
Speaker: And that's the end.
Speaker: Do the outro, Andy.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is the outro, and I don't know what to say right now, but this is the outro.
Speaker: Please subscribe.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Remember, we're bringing you the stories that the authors don't want you to know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I was trying to make it something memorable for the outro.
Speaker: I don't fucking know, dude.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Now you're overthinking it.
Speaker: You're just gonna be like, outro time.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: That was... The outro?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, which part of this is the outro?
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Is this the outro?
Speaker: Is this the ending?
Speaker: Everything is an ending ending.
Speaker: All beginnings are endings.
Speaker: We could just play the intro for the outro.
Speaker: Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Congratulations, you're now on our next episode.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We just don't have an outro.
Speaker: Say nice things about us online.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And if you don't want to say nice things about us online, then give it to your friends so at least we can boost that engagement.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Share.
Speaker: Do things.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Sweet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think we're good for the... Oh my god!
Speaker: Thank you for listening to episode four of Cliff Notes Continued.
Speaker: We'll be back on January 38th with a whole new book and whole new story.
