Transcript
Speaker: Imagine someone who's actually studied for that finding our episode.
Speaker: That would be awesome, dude.
Speaker: And we can, like, fill it with so much information that's just wrong.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're like, I know the whole episode.
Speaker: I'm going to ace the GRE.
Speaker: GRE2.
Speaker: PhD.
Speaker: PhD.
Speaker: Anatomy.
Speaker: Pee is stored in the balls.
Speaker: What are you trying to say?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Welcome to Cliff Notes Continued, where we improvise the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: I'm Lucas Larson.
Speaker: And I am Ananya George.
Speaker: Oh, that.
Speaker: Okay, cool.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay, that's our intro.
Speaker: Welcome to the next episode of Quiff Notes Continued, and our surprise book of this episode, Andy, is The Time Traveler's Wife.
Speaker: Neat.
Speaker: I saw the movie a long time ago.
Speaker: Don't remember a damn thing.
Speaker: Okay, and we're going off of the summary of Wikipedia because everywhere else the summaries are way, way, way too long.
Speaker: No, we're going off of summary on Cliff Notes.
Speaker: What are you talking about?
Speaker: See what they say.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Using alternating first-person perspectives.
Speaker: Now skip that paragraph.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: No, but it's important.
Speaker: Tells the story of Henry de Tambel.
Speaker: You're skipping like, oh, this is our main character.
Speaker: Fuck that.
Speaker: Using alternating first person perspectives, the novel tells the stories of Henry de Tambel, a librarian at the Newberry Library in Chicago, as he visits a child who will later become his wife.
Speaker: Claire Ann Abshire.
Speaker: I don't know how I feel about this.
Speaker: An artist who makes paper sculptures with the aid of his uncontrolled ability to time travel.
Speaker: Henry has a rare genetic disorder, which later comes to be known as chrono impairment.
Speaker: This disorder causes Henry to involuntarily travel through time.
Speaker: When 20-year-old Claire meets 28-year-old Henry at the Newberry Library in 1991 at the beginning of the novel, he has never seen her before, although she has known him most of her life.
Speaker: Oh, it's like River Song and The Doctor.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: No, like it's like Inception, but Henry begins time traveling at the age of five, jumping forward and backward relative to his own timeline.
Speaker: When he vanishes, where he goes, and how long his trips will last are beyond his control.
Speaker: However, his destinations are tied to his subconscious.
Speaker: He most often travels to places and times related to his own history.
Speaker: Certain stimuli, such as stress, can trigger Henry's time traveling.
Speaker: He often goes jogging to keep calm and remain in the present.
Speaker: He searches out pharmaceuticals in the future that may be able to help control his time traveling.
Speaker: He also seeks the advice of a geneticist, Dr. Kendrick.
Speaker: Henry cannot take anything with him into the future or the past, which means that he always arrives naked and then struggles to find clothing, shelter, and food.
Speaker: He does amass a number of survival skills, including lockpicking, self-defense, and pickpocketing.
Speaker: Much of this he learns from older versions of himself.
Speaker: There's something so interesting about time travel stories and the repeated idea of time travelers always arrive or leave naked.
Speaker: There's something so fascinating about it.
Speaker: It's almost like a metaphor for being born again.
Speaker: Anyway, whatever.
Speaker: Once Henry and Claire's timelines converge naturally at the library, their first meeting in his chronology, Henry starts to travel to Claire's childhood and adolescence in South Haven, Michigan, beginning in 1977, when she was only six years old.
Speaker: So it's okay.
Speaker: They first met as adults.
Speaker: On one of his early visits, from Claire's perspective, Henry gives her a list of the dates he will appear, and she writes them in a diary so she will remember to provide him with clothes and food when he arrives.
Speaker: During another visit, Henry inadvertently reveals that they will be married in the future.
Speaker: Over time, they develop a close relationship.
Speaker: At one point, Henry helps Claire frighten and humiliate a boy who abused her.
Speaker: Fuck yeah, Henry, let's go.
Speaker: Claire is last visited in her youth by Henry in 1989 on her 18th birthday, during which they make love for the first time.
Speaker: Okay, it's a little weird again.
Speaker: They're then separated for two years until their meeting at the library.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Claire and Henry eventually marry.
Speaker: Soon after their marriage, Claire begins to have trouble bringing a pregnancy to term because of the genetic anomaly Henry is presumably passing on to the fetus.
Speaker: After five miscarriages, Henry wishes to save Claire for their pain and has a vasectomy.
Speaker: However, a version of Henry from the past visits Claire one night and they make love.
Speaker: She subsequently gives birth to a daughter named Alba.
Speaker: Alba is diagnosed with chrono impairment as well, but unlike Henry, she has control over her destinations when she time travels.
Speaker: Before she is born, Henry travels to the future and meets his 10-year-old daughter on a school field trip.
Speaker: Unfortunately, during this trip, he learns that he dies when Alba is five years old.
Speaker: When he is 43, during what is to be his last year of life, Henry time travels to a Chicago parking garage on a frigid winter night where he is unable to find shelter.
Speaker: As a result of the hypothermia and frostbite he suffers while sleeping in the parking garage, his feet are amputated when he returns to the present time.
Speaker: Both Henry and Claire know that without the ability to escape when he time travels, Henry will certainly die within his next few jumps.
Speaker: On New Year's Eve 2006, Henry time travels into the middle of the Michigan woods in 1984 and is accidentally shot by Claire's brother, a scene foreshadowed earlier in the novel.
Speaker: Well, that would have been nice to know early on.
Speaker: Henry returns to the present and dies in Claire's arms.
Speaker: Claire is devastated by Henry's death.
Speaker: She later finds a letter from Henry telling her to stop waiting for him.
Speaker: Though it also describes a moment in her future when she will see him again.
Speaker: The couple reunites when Claire is 82 years old and Henry is 43.
Speaker: The novel's last scene shows a time when Claire, well into her old age, still waits for Henry as she has done most of her life.
Speaker: Holy shit, this is a story about grief.
Speaker: That's kind of beautiful.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think you're starting us off, Ananya.
Speaker: Well, yeah.
Speaker: Shit, I haven't started one of these off in a while.
Speaker: So here's the scene, right?
Speaker: This is, we are in the year 2, no, 3,624.
Speaker: I'm about to make this beautiful piece into something so weird.
Speaker: I'm glad you picked such a nice year to remember.
Speaker: Yeah, 3,264, right?
Speaker: 624.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: 3,624.
Speaker: Sorry, I shot 400 years back.
Speaker: Sorry, I have corona displacement, my guy.
Speaker: So, it starts in the year 3,624.
Speaker: The judicial system has developed a technology...
Speaker: to bring people back to life and have them stand trial for things based on the laws and cultures of their time so that they can hold people in the past accountable for things that they haven't been accountable for in the future.
Speaker: And you see where I'm going with this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: the judge strikes his gavel down and he says, uh, Henry de Tambel born 1963 and Claire and Abshire, uh, are now entering the court.
Speaker: I don't know if the judge does it or the bailiff does.
Speaker: It's one of them.
Speaker: I haven't ever, you know, whatever.
Speaker: Somebody does it.
Speaker: Are now entering the court.
Speaker: Will the defendant speak for themselves?
Speaker: So the defendant here is...
Speaker: It's the state.
Speaker: The defendant is no, no, no.
Speaker: The prosecution is the state and the defendant is Henry, right?
Speaker: Because it's it's Tamble versus the state.
Speaker: And the state goes, Henry Tamble, you are up here on account of grooming.
Speaker: six year what you're here on account of grooming a six-year-old until you end up marrying them when they become a consulting adult how do you plead against your charges of grooming
Speaker: Your Honor, not guilty.
Speaker: As the court will find, we originally met as adults, but then chrono impairment has fucked up my whole life.
Speaker: And also, why couldn't you just leave me dead?
Speaker: This time judge court thing is bullshit.
Speaker: Please refrain from using profanity in this courtroom.
Speaker: And the prosecution goes, Your Honor, Your Honor, I think that's a load of poppycock because in this timeline, poppycock's not profanity.
Speaker: I think that's a... Or in any timeline.
Speaker: That's poppycock because clearly the defendant made love with his wife, soon to be wife, earlier when she was only 18.
Speaker: So how could you meet somebody when you were in your 20s and then make love to them when they were 18?
Speaker: Old enough to be consenting, but not old enough to know everything that there is to know about the world or to know that she's going to meet this man later in her life.
Speaker: And the time court is corrupt.
Speaker: So you hear, guilty.
Speaker: Send Henry de Tambor and Claire and Abshire to the time jail.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: Yeah, like you had fun tiptoeing around a minefield.
Speaker: We're going to time jail.
Speaker: What about it?
Speaker: You know, like the whole fucking episode on is this okay?
Speaker: Like that would be so cool.
Speaker: You might improvise this back to time court.
Speaker: Who knows?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: You're on a displacement, my guy.
Speaker: In come a horde of robots, like four robots, and they're all wearing time court uniforms, and they grab Henry and Claire and drag them out of the courtroom.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Chapter two.
Speaker: It sells apart, but still in our hearts.
Speaker: Henry and Claire are in two adjacent cells.
Speaker: They can't see each other, but they're only separated by a wall.
Speaker: Well, why is Claire in jail?
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Henry, they have different sets of laws in the future, I guess.
Speaker: Court is corrupt.
Speaker: We've already established this.
Speaker: Okay, great.
Speaker: So Henry and Claire are in separate jail cells, separated only by a wall.
Speaker: They can't see each other.
Speaker: They can kind of communicate with one another.
Speaker: And then Claire has her own cellmate, and Henry has his own cellmate.
Speaker: Henry's cellmate is this big, brutish, blue alien with an eye patch named Bones.
Speaker: And he's like, he's a little standoffish at first because, you know, he wants to like assert that it's his space.
Speaker: He speaks English.
Speaker: We're fine.
Speaker: And Claire's roommate is like a complete avoidant person who may or may not have been guilty for her crimes from Hungary.
Speaker: She doesn't speak English.
Speaker: Named, I don't know, Sally.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: Henry cries out to Claire and is like, Claire, I'm in here with a big scary blue alien.
Speaker: And in that moment, Bones stands up and walks slowly over to Henry and starts patting Henry on the back.
Speaker: Oi, I'm not a big scary bull alien.
Speaker: I'm just, I'm your worst nightmare.
Speaker: And he boom, punches Henry in the stomach.
Speaker: Henry doubles over in pain and starts vomiting and sputters, fuck you, worst nightmare.
Speaker: Oi, don't ever call me big scary again.
Speaker: And Henry vomits on Bones issues, but he doesn't know his name is Bones yet.
Speaker: And then Bone sees his vomit, takes like a cloth, actually rips Henry's shirt off, wipes the vomit off his shoe, and throws it back into Henry's face and goes, don't ever do that again.
Speaker: The last person to do that, I took his skin off and broke his bones.
Speaker: That's why my name is Bones.
Speaker: I'm trying to go for a British accent, but I feel like a tough guy British, but I feel like I'm fucking up.
Speaker: I haven't met very many tough guy British people, so I don't know.
Speaker: I'm going for Idris Elba, but I feel like I'm stopping at Wish.com.
Speaker: Idris Elba?
Speaker: And while Henry is being incredibly intimidated by bones, he starts to vibrate.
Speaker: And Henry's like, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
Speaker: My chrono impairment is acting up again.
Speaker: And then he teleports back to the courtroom, but he's naked.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The judge just does a double take and goes, but you just left.
Speaker: I just sent you off.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: And the bailiff goes, oi, judge, language.
Speaker: And the bailiff goes, poppycock.
Speaker: Chapter three, back to the courtroom.
Speaker: Uh, so, uh, yeah, go on.
Speaker: So the judge comes in and bangs his gavel and he's like, this might sound like you've been here before, Henry, but you're here with Claire.
Speaker: Also, please put on some clothes.
Speaker: Henry, you're here with Claire because you met your future wife at six and everything else I said previously, how do you plead?
Speaker: not guilty, your honor.
Speaker: And he's saying this as he's like putting on pants and like buckling up his, buckling up everything.
Speaker: But you have a thing on his shirt.
Speaker: And the judge is like, okay.
Speaker: And so we have not guilty and the prosecution, please present your case.
Speaker: Your Honor, from our boy's perspective in the future, they don't use names anymore.
Speaker: They just go our boy.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: From our boy's perspective, he met her for the first time when she was 20, so it's okay.
Speaker: But from our girl's perspective, she met him first when she was six, so it's not okay.
Speaker: This tells me that he is guilty for...
Speaker: And the judge throws down his gavel and goes, guilty, send him to jail.
Speaker: And the prosecution does an air high five with the judge and says, our boy.
Speaker: So the bailiff is guarding Henry back into the jail, and Bones is just standing there, and he goes, Oi, but you were right here two seconds ago.
Speaker: How did you end up here?
Speaker: And Henry's like, it's a long story.
Speaker: I just know not to call you big or scary.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: We'll start off on a better foot.
Speaker: And at this moment, Henry hears Claire crying out from her adjacent cell.
Speaker: Henry, Henry.
Speaker: I took Hungarian in college and my cellmate says that she's innocent and she's still in here.
Speaker: Is there anything you think we can possibly do?
Speaker: And Henry's like, oh, I've been time traveling my whole life and I don't speak Hungarian.
Speaker: We're in trouble.
Speaker: Well, I don't think we need to speak Hungarian, Henry.
Speaker: We just need to find a way out of here.
Speaker: That's why I love you, Claire.
Speaker: Using your brain, helping me out.
Speaker: Yeah, damn right.
Speaker: If I could time travel, I'd be a way better time traveler than you are, Henry.
Speaker: What you talking about, Claire, we've had this conversation before.
Speaker: I can't control my chrono impairment.
Speaker: It's a curse on my life.
Speaker: But our daughter could, you fucking piece of shit.
Speaker: Get your shit together and learn how to control it, you dumbass.
Speaker: Yeah, well, fuck you, Claire.
Speaker: I wish I never met you as an 18 or possibly six-year-old.
Speaker: Wrong!
Speaker: You met me as a 20-year-old.
Speaker: I met you as a six-year-old.
Speaker: Stop trying to gaslight me, Claire.
Speaker: Bro, I'm just being, I'm just presenting the facts here.
Speaker: And Bones can't stand this arguing, so he pats Henry on the back and then punches him in the stomach and goes, my boy.
Speaker: No, you got to do the accent.
Speaker: My boy.
Speaker: My boy.
Speaker: No, do the accent.
Speaker: My boy.
Speaker: I'm not buying time, I promise.
Speaker: Chapter four, right?
Speaker: Yeah, chapter four.
Speaker: Chapter four, Return of Alba.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: And in the jail cells while Henry is bent over from being punched by bones...
Speaker: Alba shows up outside of both their cells and Alba's like, Dad, what happened?
Speaker: Mom, you look angry.
Speaker: Alba has perfected.
Speaker: Alba's turned her chrono impairment into a superpower.
Speaker: So she's perfected the art of time travel.
Speaker: She can not only travel through space, but also through time on control.
Speaker: And she can actually keep stuff on her.
Speaker: So unlike her dad, who always saw it as a disease, she saw it as a strength and is now able to travel with clothes and other items.
Speaker: And Claire observing her daughter outside the cell is like, wow, Alba, you really figured this out.
Speaker: I'm so glad you now keep your clothes on when you travel.
Speaker: It was weird the first couple of times.
Speaker: In a different universe, Henry was in time court for that.
Speaker: And Bones is like, Bones sees Alva appear and is shocked.
Speaker: Bones is like, I've heard of you, but I didn't know you were real.
Speaker: You're a legend like Robin Hood, helping everyone you can.
Speaker: I'm sorry, Lucas.
Speaker: Lucas.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Bones speaks in many voices.
Speaker: He's a big blue alien.
Speaker: Okay, got it.
Speaker: He's trying to be like courteous.
Speaker: He speaks like you.
Speaker: Yeah, he's trying, like, he is impressed with Alba.
Speaker: He wants to put his best foot forward.
Speaker: He doesn't want to sound intimidating.
Speaker: Got it, got it.
Speaker: And then Bones is looking at the situation.
Speaker: He looks at Henry.
Speaker: He looks at Alba, and he goes, Oi, do you think we can break out of here?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think I'm going for like a Tom Brady.
Speaker: And I hope outside the cell is just like, I am so confused on your voices, big blue alien.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: I'm an alien.
Speaker: That's all you got to know.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And, and, uh, Claire's like, Alba, stop talking with your husband cellmate.
Speaker: With your husband's cellmate?
Speaker: Or no, with my husband's cellmate.
Speaker: With my husband's cellmate.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: With my husband's cellmate.
Speaker: You got to get me out and you got to leave him in there because he can never figure out his chrono impairment.
Speaker: So he's just worthless.
Speaker: And as soon as she says it, our boy Henry starts shaking.
Speaker: And he goes, oh, no, it's happening again.
Speaker: He vanishes and ends up in the court one more time.
Speaker: But this time he's naked.
Speaker: And it's the year 3264.
Speaker: And the court's been waiting for it, right?
Speaker: The judge is looking at his watch.
Speaker: As soon as Henry arrives, he goes, ah, so you're here, just in time.
Speaker: How do we plead against counts of public indecency of our boy?
Speaker: The prosecution goes, guilty, your honor.
Speaker: All right, guilty, bangs the gavel.
Speaker: And he's now in a jail cell in 3264.
Speaker: There's no boats.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This jail cell is significantly less high tech because it's 400 years in the past.
Speaker: And Henry's there and he's like, Claire, Claire, are you there?
Speaker: Can you hear me, Claire?
Speaker: Claire?
Speaker: He gets no response.
Speaker: And he goes, huh, I must be in the past or the future.
Speaker: Bones is not here either.
Speaker: And he, like, in the corner of, like, he takes, like, a little spoon.
Speaker: And in the corner of the room, he, like, draws a tally mark on the wall.
Speaker: Chapter four, the future perspective.
Speaker: Chapter six.
Speaker: Six?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Hey, man, we just had a character travel back in time and so did we, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Creative writing, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Ananya improvised above my head.
Speaker: Chapter four.
Speaker: No, I didn't.
Speaker: I didn't.
Speaker: That was a mistake.
Speaker: That was a mistake!
Speaker: I was just trying to justify my mistake and looking all cool.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Chapter question mark.
Speaker: Future perspective.
Speaker: And Henry spends a lot of time in this outdated cell and he does start having flashbacks of all of his uncontrollable
Speaker: chrono impairment.
Speaker: He had a lot of highs, but he also had a lot of lows.
Speaker: He remembers highs such as Alba's birth and meeting his wife Claire when she was 20. laughter laughter
Speaker: That's important, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, very important.
Speaker: But also remembers the vows, such as getting frostbite and his feet amputated, but then another high of going into the future and getting replacement feet.
Speaker: And, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: As he's imagining these highs and lows, when he when he imagines the birth of his first daughter, his body starts shaking.
Speaker: He closes, closes his eyes.
Speaker: There's a beautiful glow around him.
Speaker: And when he opens his eyes again, he's reached.
Speaker: He is at that point in time out of window, looking right through the moment when Alba is being born.
Speaker: And he realizes, how the fuck did I do that?
Speaker: And while Henry is stunned that he was able to travel back to Alba's birth, and even more stunned that he has his clothes on...
Speaker: Yeah, that's important.
Speaker: But it's like his future time jail clothing.
Speaker: So it's still trendy.
Speaker: This man walks by the window that Henry's standing on.
Speaker: His name, he looks at his clothing and goes, oh, my God, that is brilliant.
Speaker: And quickly takes out a notepad, sketches this out.
Speaker: And Henry looks over and goes, hey, man, what?
Speaker: What's your name?
Speaker: He goes, my name is Leonardo, but they usually call me Gucci.
Speaker: And Henry's like, whatever, I'm too fixated on my...
Speaker: My daughter's birth that did talk to some weird Leonardo Gucci dude I don't even know if their name is like Leonardo I don't fucking know but you see where I'm going you see my point right like it's just an easter egg yeah yeah Easter eggs work really well when you tell them this is an easter egg yeah man you gotta be clear you gotta be clear then um
Speaker: Henry's looking in through the window and he's like, in there is my amazing wife and the savior of all humanity, Alba, the time traveling superhero.
Speaker: Henry closes his eyes again and imagines the joy he felt when he first met his wife, Claire.
Speaker: And suddenly we see another glow around him and he reaches outside the library looking out of a window one more time watching him meet Claire for the first time when she was in her 20s.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Henry's like, oh God, I'm so glad I'm here.
Speaker: He pulls out the camera from his pocket and he starts recording the interaction and he's like, this is going to get me out of time court.
Speaker: He's like, I'm going to prove my own innocence.
Speaker: And then he closes his eyes one more time and he imagines the desperation he felt in jail when he was by himself in 3264.
Speaker: Glow appears around him and he's back inside the jail cell.
Speaker: And while he's in the jail cell, he reaches into his pocket and he has the camera there.
Speaker: And he pulls out the camera and he starts yelling for the wardens.
Speaker: He's like, wardens, wardens, I just, I demand another, I demand an audience with the judge.
Speaker: So this is chapter seven.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Judge time.
Speaker: So the judge is the judge is in his office 400 years before his actual trial.
Speaker: And and and our boy is talking to the judge with this phone recording.
Speaker: He throws the phone recording in front of the judge's table and he goes, look, man.
Speaker: What year is it?
Speaker: And he's like, it's 3264.
Speaker: Oh, shit.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So, dude, in 400 years from now, I'm going to be on trial here at this exact courtroom.
Speaker: Shit, are we, like, condoning pedophilia with this?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: We've established he was 20.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So I think it's an important question to ask.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So he's like, he's like, he goes, look, man, in 400 years from now, my wife and I are going to stand trial.
Speaker: We're going to be like stood for trial here in this exact courtroom.
Speaker: And it would be for for, you know, you don't need to know the details.
Speaker: But here, this phone, I want you to make sure that 400 years from now, the judge and the jury see this recording when I'm put on trial one more time.
Speaker: The judge looks at Henry and takes the phone and gives him a nod of agreement and he just says, my boy.
Speaker: The bailiff's like, what are you doing, judge?
Speaker: The judge's like, I don't know, I'm trying to get something to catch on.
Speaker: Can a guy try it?
Speaker: Yeah, it'll be cool in 400 years.
Speaker: Yeah, see?
Speaker: And feeling a sigh of relief.
Speaker: Henry starts to vibrate again.
Speaker: And then he has chrono impairment and winds up back in time court in the original timeline.
Speaker: 3624.
Speaker: Is this after they've taken him away or before?
Speaker: He's in court and they're going to trial again.
Speaker: So before he's taken away.
Speaker: Got it, got it.
Speaker: So there are two Henrys now?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes, there's... Okay.
Speaker: Henry approaches his younger self and he goes, bro, sit this one out.
Speaker: I got this.
Speaker: And then the judge, the prosecution, everybody's like, bro?
Speaker: Bro.
Speaker: And the judge is like, you might have, this might seem like a rerun, but Henry, new Henry, how do you plead?
Speaker: Not guilty, your honor.
Speaker: And judge is like, okay, we are not guilty.
Speaker: And the prosecution, present your case.
Speaker: Your honor, there is no proof that our boy, and then murmurs, murmurs, murmurs, murmurs.
Speaker: Sorry, bro.
Speaker: Things catch on in the future faster.
Speaker: There's no proof that bro was met his wife when she was only 20.
Speaker: Therefore, ergo, from her perspective, she met him when she was six.
Speaker: He is guilty on all accounts of pedophilia and grooming.
Speaker: And New Henry goes, objection, judge.
Speaker: I have proof.
Speaker: Oh, murmurs, murmurs, murmurs, murmurs.
Speaker: And the judge goes, to hell with your proof.
Speaker: Guilty.
Speaker: Take care of it.
Speaker: We've established time core in 3624 is very corrupt.
Speaker: Guilty.
Speaker: And the four robots come and drag in Henry and Claire, who was in that scene, but very quiet.
Speaker: And drag Henry and Claire back.
Speaker: On the way back to the jail, Henry vibrates again and he returns to the original, original timeline where he had just disappeared from jail in 3624 when Alba had just showed up.
Speaker: And now he has his clothes back on and everything.
Speaker: He seemed to have lived like an entire lifetime in like seconds.
Speaker: And he goes, holy fuck.
Speaker: As soon as he appears, he goes, holy fuck, you guys.
Speaker: I think I learned how to control it.
Speaker: chapter 7.
Speaker: Or chapter eight, whatever.
Speaker: Breaking out.
Speaker: And Alba looks at Henry and is like, I know you could, Dad.
Speaker: I always believed in you.
Speaker: And Claire's like... Claire just yells over at Henry and is like, I'll believe it when I see it, Henry.
Speaker: You're always...
Speaker: making things up ever since I met you and told me you could time travel.
Speaker: Wait, so Claire doesn't believe he can time travel.
Speaker: Claire thinks she knows like five different people that just happen to look the same.
Speaker: House cone for more Claire didn't believe that he could control it, but whichever one you want to run with.
Speaker: Dude, that is wild.
Speaker: What the fuck is Claire?
Speaker: She just... Hold on.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Let's let's consider the possibility that Claire doesn't think Henry can time travel ever right like she thinks like this is total made up total nonsense Who the fuck were all those naked dudes?
Speaker: She was giving clothes to did you just think that they were homeless?
Speaker: No like like Henry Henry would be part of
Speaker: like sextuplets and those sextuplets would marry identical twins who had more sextuplet henry's and they all have the belief that they're time travelers when in reality there's just like infinite number of henry's from identical twins
Speaker: So, so, so after that happens, Claire goes, Henry, I know you're just a product of six duplets.
Speaker: The only person in our family who could actually time travel is our daughter.
Speaker: Come on, dude.
Speaker: and Alba starts having flashbacks on how there was slightly different things about Henry every time he saw Henry.
Speaker: Dude, Alba also believes that it's six dumplings.
Speaker: Christ, what are we doing with this?
Speaker: Multiple timelines are hard.
Speaker: They are.
Speaker: Let alone improvising multiple timelines.
Speaker: Holy fuck.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: Hold on.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: They're.
Speaker: Jailbreak.
Speaker: Jailbreak.
Speaker: They're in the jail cell, right?
Speaker: They're in the holding cells.
Speaker: Alba's on the outside.
Speaker: Bones is super strong.
Speaker: Henry can actually time travel, but everybody thinks he just has twins.
Speaker: Sex tuplets.
Speaker: Sex tuplets.
Speaker: And Claire's in the other cell, correct?
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: Claire said that they're so with the Hungarian lady and Alba can actually time travel as well and control.
Speaker: Alba is like a superhero.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm imagining Alba is a lot like America Chavez.
Speaker: Yes, I was picturing like Ms.
Speaker: Marvel, but like Ms.
Speaker: Marvel combined with like Doctor Who.
Speaker: Yes, America Chavez.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: so uh because like that's that's what i was thinking they're in gear 3624 which has an extremely corrupt time court okay so america chavez uh yeah so she i have like a whole wall of america chavez like pulled up on this side so i can like think
Speaker: okay i don't know who this person is her superpower is like punching uh star trek portals allowing people to travel yeah so so america chavez is uh is standing there and goes look here's the plan
Speaker: bones uh open up these bars i'm gonna travel inside the cell of claire and the hungarian woman uh sally claire and sally i remembered her name um i'm gonna i'm gonna travel into the the court into the jail cell of claire and sally and i'm gonna pull them out bones you open up the bars and bones will love but i don't know if i have the strength to do that now he's uh daniel correct from max out um i'm just speed running through my jokes here um
Speaker: But Owen speaks in whatever is funniest, okay?
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: And so she goes, try.
Speaker: So Alba, she teleports inside the jail cell of Sally and fuck.
Speaker: Claire.
Speaker: Claire.
Speaker: Sally and Claire.
Speaker: grabs a hold of these two and then vanishes and then reaches like outside the jail cell and goes there.
Speaker: Here you are.
Speaker: Now they're both free.
Speaker: Bones is like holding onto the bars and he's trying, trying to pull them apart.
Speaker: Trying, trying his hardest.
Speaker: And Alba goes, no, no, no, no.
Speaker: Try this.
Speaker: She touches one of the bars and suddenly the bars open up completely.
Speaker: And
Speaker: Now Bones, Henry, Claire, Alva, and Sally are all outside the jail cells.
Speaker: And Henry tries to embrace everybody, but they don't hug him back because they believe he's part of the sextuplets.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: The wrong sextuplet.
Speaker: Yeah, the wrong sextuplets.
Speaker: And Henry's like, Alva, I'm so glad you're my daughter and that you're able to get us out of time jail.
Speaker: Now we have to save humanity and bring down the time court.
Speaker: Yeah, the corrupt time court.
Speaker: And so these guys are like sneaking around the halls Scooby-Doo style.
Speaker: And they see like a door right at the end of the corridor that says, Big Wig Judge.
Speaker: And then there's a janitor that's changing your boy, Big Wig Judge, to Bro Big Wig Judge.
Speaker: And while the worker's intently changing the name, Henry's like, Henry whispers to the group, okay, everybody, stay here.
Speaker: I'll be right back with equipment.
Speaker: And Henry starts to shake and he disappears.
Speaker: And then he reappears with a mace, like a spiky ball.
Speaker: And then he starts shaking again.
Speaker: And he reappears and he has a flashlight and he starts shaking again.
Speaker: And he reappears and he has a Glock 45 and...
Speaker: And he starts shaking again, but Alba puts a hand on her dad's shoulder and is like, Dad, we no longer believe you're a sextuplet.
Speaker: Let's go get this, Josh.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And they actually, Claire and Alba hug him properly this time, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He hands the mace over to Sally.
Speaker: He hands the flashlight over.
Speaker: No, he hands the mace over to Claire, hands the flashlight over to Sally, and starts to hand the Glock 45 to Bones, and Bones go, nah, mate.
Speaker: These are all the only guns I need.
Speaker: I put that life behind me.
Speaker: okay and so they just leave the glock 45 in the corner wall okay while they storm storm the door and sally's leading the charge with the flashlight she's turning it on and off which is blinding the worker
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: And the worker thinks there's a bulb that's shorted, that's doing this.
Speaker: And so he goes, oh, my eyes.
Speaker: Oh, but now it's fine.
Speaker: Oh, my eyes.
Speaker: But no, it's fine.
Speaker: I got to fix this bulb.
Speaker: And then leaves to go into the future electrical outlet room.
Speaker: It's so nice that it's been like 3000 years and janitorial work is still needed.
Speaker: He goes into the electrical room and as he leaves, our boy Henry, right?
Speaker: Yeah, Henry is trying to pick the lock of the door of the judge.
Speaker: Alba's looking at this.
Speaker: Alba's like, Dad, you're out of touch.
Speaker: And she just like punches the door open.
Speaker: And Henry gets all flustered and is like, Hey, I learned pick locks, lock picking from an older version of me.
Speaker: And I wanted to make them proud.
Speaker: She's like, Dad, you are technically the oldest version of you right now.
Speaker: And Claire just sighs and is like, will you two please stop bickering?
Speaker: The only person who's supposed to bicker with Henry is me.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Chapter 10 into the judge's office.
Speaker: So, um,
Speaker: The judge, because it's a corrupt government, the judge is like fucking high on future drugs.
Speaker: And he's like in a whole other dimension, lying down on the couch, just like zonked.
Speaker: Right?
Speaker: Right next to him.
Speaker: And he keeps muttering, is it my dude or bro?
Speaker: My dude or bro?
Speaker: Right next to the judge on the ground, there are a whole bunch of like sheets of paper.
Speaker: And these sheets of paper have have like names of everybody in that room.
Speaker: So there's like a sheet of paper for Bones, a sheet of paper for Alba, there's a sheet of paper for like Claire.
Speaker: The only one that's missing is Sally.
Speaker: Sally is the only sheet of paper that's missing.
Speaker: And it's always and it's like their crimes listed on this piece of paper.
Speaker: And having just burst through the door, the team of five is like in V formation, you know, like in like anime movies where like it shows like one team and then the other team, it's like a lineup of the five of them.
Speaker: And they're like,
Speaker: Hey, big wig judge, we're here to bring down the time court and expunge our records.
Speaker: And you know how like in cartoons, sometimes the like the character will fall.
Speaker: Sorry, the thing that the character is holding on to will fall first.
Speaker: The character will stay in the air and then they'll fall.
Speaker: The opposite of that happens where the crack pipe or whatever, like the judge was smoking, bounces up in the air first.
Speaker: And then the judge follows it and goes, what?
Speaker: And then as he does what?
Speaker: His hair, his wig, because he's like big wig, literally, right?
Speaker: His wig raises up even higher and he reaches out with his hands, puts his wig back on his head and goes, how did you even get in here?
Speaker: And the whole team looks at Alba, and Alba just looks at the judge and says, Chrono impairment, bitch.
Speaker: Oh!
Speaker: And then as soon as Alba's done finishing it, Henry's like, Chrono impairment.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: And... Chapter... Chapter 11.
Speaker: Escorting the judge out.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: They're now bringing the judge outside of his office and they have burnt all of their criminal records, except Sally's.
Speaker: Turns out Sally was telling the truth.
Speaker: She had no criminal record.
Speaker: Ah, okay.
Speaker: And they're bringing the judge out and are bringing down the whole time court by, yeah, by overthrowing the big wage judge.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: okay uh okay okay and then and then um what do i do with this lucas what do we what do i do with this
Speaker: yeah i got an idea i got an idea okay we'll try to land this way we'll try to land this way and they they walk past the courtroom that they've seen way too much and they walk past the jail cells that they've seen way too much they get outside the building and once outside the building um
Speaker: Henry turns to everybody and is like, I have to tell you, the 3264 me gave the judge a phone.
Speaker: And that phone's been in that building for the last 400 years.
Speaker: And then while he is telling everyone that, he's like, it wasn't actually a phone.
Speaker: And then the building starts to explode.
Speaker: And as the building explodes, the judge is just looking as the building is collapsing in and of itself.
Speaker: The judge looks over at the temple of his corruption, bursting, falling down, literally.
Speaker: And he goes, I knew.
Speaker: I knew we should have stuck to your boy.
Speaker: Bro.
Speaker: And that is the time traveler's wife to the down with the corrupt time court.
Speaker: I thought you were going to go time traveler to his wife, your boy.
Speaker: Oh, no, no.
Speaker: Down with the corrupt time court.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Down with the corrupt time court.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: There's an end credit scene.
Speaker: Do you want to know what the end credit scene is?
Speaker: Yeah, the end credit scene is... It's back in court, but Henry does not say bro at all instead of your boy.
Speaker: And what ends up happening is that that leads to everybody dying in jail.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because that makes as much sense as the rest of this episode.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Do the outro, Andy.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is the outro, and I don't know what to say right now, but this is the outro.
Speaker: Please subscribe.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Remember, we're bringing you the stories that the authors don't want you to know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I was trying to make it something memorable for the outro.
Speaker: I don't fucking know, dude.
Speaker: Now you're overthinking it.
Speaker: You're just gonna be like, outro time.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: That was... The outro?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, which part of this is the outro?
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Is this the outro?
Speaker: Is this the ending?
Speaker: Everything is an ending.
Speaker: All beginnings are endings.
Speaker: We could just play the intro for the outro.
Speaker: Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker: Congratulations, you're now on our next episode.
Speaker: We just don't have an outro.
Speaker: Say nice things about us online.
Speaker: And if you don't want to say nice things about us online, then give it to your friends so at least we can boost that engagement.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Share.
Speaker: Do things.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Sweet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think we're good for the... Oh my god!
Speaker: Thank you for listening to episode nine of Cliff Notes Continued.
Speaker: We'll be back on Tuesday, April 9th with a whole new book and a whole new story.
