Transcript
Speaker: people shoving pancakes at their face and trying to eat.
Speaker: Just roll the intro, dude.
Speaker: Okay?
Speaker: Just roll the intro.
Speaker: What are you trying to say?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Welcome to Cliff Notes Continued, where we improvise the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: I'm Lucas Larson.
Speaker: And I am Ananya George.
Speaker: Oh, that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: I think that's it.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's our intro.
Speaker: What's up, Adanya?
Speaker: So I was going to pick something called the Golden Compass, which I still may pick for another episode, but it had too many chapters.
Speaker: So instead, I'm picking this.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Unless we've already covered it.
Speaker: No, we haven't covered this.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is hard reading because it is Charlotte's Web.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: First episode where we're probably animals, but who knows?
Speaker: No, this is the second episode of probably animals.
Speaker: The last time we did, what was it?
Speaker: Water?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: The rabbit one.
Speaker: The rabbit one.
Speaker: What was it called again?
Speaker: Waterfront or something.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm thinking Watership Down, but probably not what it is.
Speaker: You know, our masterpiece.
Speaker: But this could be our new masterpiece.
Speaker: Yes, it can.
Speaker: All right, let's get started.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Fern Arable is an eight-year-old girl who lives on a farm with her parents and older brother, Avery.
Speaker: One day, Fern stops her father from killing a runt pig, claiming it is unfair to kill the animal simply because it is small and weak.
Speaker: Fern names the pig Wilbur.
Speaker: For several weeks, Fern feeds Wilbur from a baby bottle and plays with him.
Speaker: And the two become close.
Speaker: But when Wilbur is five weeks old, Mr. Arable insists he must be sold.
Speaker: Fern calls her aunt and uncle the Zuckermans, who also own a farm.
Speaker: They buy Wilbur for $6.
Speaker: Fern visits Wilbur in the Zuckerman barn often, but when she is not there, Wilbur feels bored and wants a friend.
Speaker: One day, a small voice says that it will be his friend.
Speaker: The voice belongs to Charlotte, a spider living on a web above Wilbur's pen.
Speaker: Though Wilbur is happy to find a friend, he is disturbed by her bloodthirsty feeding habits.
Speaker: Overhearing their conversation, a goose in the barn thinks to herself that Wilbur doesn't realize the Zuckermans will slaughter him at Christmas.
Speaker: Okay, so Fern Abel, eight-year-old girl, lives in a farm with her parents and older brother, stops them from killing a pig, and then adopts the pig, sells it to the Zuckermans, and Zuckerman makes a spider friend, and a goose realizes that Wilbur doesn't know that Zuckerman's going to kill him.
Speaker: Yeah, that's the cliff notes of the cliff notes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: When summer arrives, Fern visits Wilbur almost every day and the animals trust her.
Speaker: Wilbur is fed well and growing larger.
Speaker: One day, though, the oldest sheep tells Wilbur that the Zuckermans will soon kill him and make ham and bacon from him.
Speaker: Wilbur becomes terrified and cries out for someone to save him.
Speaker: Charlotte promises she will come up with a plan.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Fern tells her parents that she hears the animals at the Zuckerman's barn talk, which deeply concerns her mother.
Speaker: After days of thinking, Charlotte decides she will play a trick on Mr. Zuckerman to save Wilbur.
Speaker: One night, she tears a hole in her web and begins to spin.
Speaker: The next morning, when Lurvie, the Zuckerman's farmhand...
Speaker: Brings Wilbur's slop to his trough.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: Slop to his trough.
Speaker: He notices Charlotte's web above the pig.
Speaker: Roll credits.
Speaker: The words some pig are spelled out in the middle.
Speaker: Lurvie and the Zuckermans are astonished, claiming the web is a miracle.
Speaker: Mr. Zuckerman tells the local minister.
Speaker: The news spreads and people from all over the county come to see Wilbur.
Speaker: Huh.
Speaker: Charlotte asks the barn animals to help her think of more words to write in her web.
Speaker: The goose suggests terrific.
Speaker: The oldest, she persuades Templeton, the rat that lives under Wilbur's trough, to tear out ads from newspapers in the dump and bring them to Charlotte for other words to use.
Speaker: That night, Charlotte spins the word terrific in the middle of her web.
Speaker: Soon, people start returning to the Zuckerman's farm to see the terrific pig.
Speaker: Mr. Zuckerman decides to bring Wilbur to the county fair in September when Templeton brings a soap ad reading with new radiant action to Charlotte.
Speaker: She decides to spin radiant into her web.
Speaker: The next day, Fern tells her mother stories that
Speaker: She has heard Charlotte tell Ober, including one about a cousin who spun a balloon and sailed away to the wind.
Speaker: Miss Arbel drives into town to seek Dr. Dorian's advice about her daughter's behavior, but he assures her that eventually Fern will become just as interested in herny, fussy, a boy she knows as she is in the animals.
Speaker: As the end of summer approaches, Charlotte writes radiant in her web, and crowds keep coming to see Wilbur.
Speaker: The Arabells, the Zuckermans, and Lurvie prepare to go to the fair.
Speaker: Charlotte and Templeton hide themselves in the crate Lurvie built for Wilbur so they can go to the fair with him.
Speaker: Once there, Charlotte builds a web above Wilbur's pen and notices a huge hog called Uncle next to it.
Speaker: Huge hog.
Speaker: Sooner!
Speaker: Soon after Fern and Avery run off to have fun, Fern meets Henry Fussey, who treats her to a rollercoaster ride.
Speaker: Templeton goes off to the fair too and brings back a newspaper clipping with the word humble for Charlotte to write in her web.
Speaker: Wait, who was Templeton again?
Speaker: Templeton's the rat who provides... Literally or metaphorically?
Speaker: I think literally.
Speaker: Like a literal rat.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh, so Templeton brings the newspapers.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, he brings the words.
Speaker: And then the goose doesn't have a name, at least in the cliff notes.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: After a hot day at the fair, the family and Lurvie drive home.
Speaker: Charlotte is tired, but she tells Wilbur she is making a masterpiece that she will show him tomorrow.
Speaker: Next morning, Wilbur sees that Charlotte has made an egg sack with 514 eggs.
Speaker: Charlotte tells Wilbur she doesn't think she will live to see her children.
Speaker: Templeton tells Wilbur and Charlotte that Uncle has a blue tag on his pen, meaning he won first prize.
Speaker: Arriving at the fair, the Arabels, the Zuckermans, and Lurvie spot the word humble in Charlotte's web and rejoice.
Speaker: But then they notice that Uncle has already won.
Speaker: Mr. Zuckerman still insists on giving Wilbur a buttermilk bath to make him look his best.
Speaker: Ooh, I burped into the microphone there.
Speaker: Here's another one.
Speaker: Yeah, let's go men.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: you
Speaker: Okay, ooh, bring it together.
Speaker: Suddenly, a voice comes over the loudspeaker, announcing that a special award will be given and asking Mr. Zuckerman to bring his pig to the judge's booth.
Speaker: Let's go, Ben.
Speaker: On the way there, Fern sees Henry, and she races off to treat him to a Ferris wheel ride.
Speaker: Mr. Zuckerman is awarded $25 and a bronze medal.
Speaker: Wilbur faints in the excitement, but Templeton bites his tail to revive him.
Speaker: Back at Wilbur's pen, Charlotte says she will not be returning to the farm because she will die soon.
Speaker: Wilbur promises Templeton that if he retrieves Charlotte's egg sack, ooh, saucy, Wilbur will always let him eat from his trough first.
Speaker: Templeton agrees.
Speaker: Wilbur holds the egg sack in his mouth.
Speaker: As Wilbur is pushed into his crate, he winks at Charlotte, ooh, saucy, who whispers goodbye and waves.
Speaker: The next day, Charlotte dies.
Speaker: Wilbur returns home with the egg sack.
Speaker: Throughout the winter, he guards and warms it, and in spring, tiny spiders begin crawling out.
Speaker: One morning, each young spider spins a balloon with fine silk and sails away on a warm draft.
Speaker: Wilbur cries himself to sleep.
Speaker: However, when he awakens, three tiny voices greet him.
Speaker: Three of Charlotte's daughters have decided to stay to be Wilbur's friends.
Speaker: Every spring, new spiders are born.
Speaker: Most fly away, but a few always stay.
Speaker: Wilbur lives a good, long life, but he never forgets Charlotte.
Speaker: That is, dude, this is so wholesome.
Speaker: This is so wholesome.
Speaker: Yeah, picking a book to cry to, Ananya.
Speaker: Well, we didn't read the book, so I don't think we're going to cry to this.
Speaker: Like I cried to Cliff Notes.
Speaker: Good, good.
Speaker: And then audiences will cry at the end of this episode too, but not for the same reasons.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Chapter one.
Speaker: Trying to find the next brilliant spider.
Speaker: So we're at Wilbur's pen and Wilbur is having a conversation with one of Charlotte's daughters.
Speaker: his favorite, he's having a conversation with Molly.
Speaker: Molly and Wilbert are chatting it up when...
Speaker: A distraught Zuckerman bursts into the barn and starts frantically looking around for a web with human words in it because the Zuckerman farm has fallen into disrepair ever since they lost the amazing Charlotte.
Speaker: How long has it been since Charlotte died?
Speaker: Five years.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wilbur is potentially old pig.
Speaker: I don't know how long pigs live.
Speaker: We'll go with semi-old pig.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, pigs live 15 to 20 years.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Adolescent pig.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: By this time, since it's been five years and every year, every summer, was it?
Speaker: Every summer, spiders fly away.
Speaker: Oh, every spring, new spiders born.
Speaker: Few always stay.
Speaker: We've essentially created like a little bit of a society of spiders that have stayed.
Speaker: And as Zuckerman walks in, Zuckerman bursts into the barn, frantically looking for webs with words on it.
Speaker: Wilbur, now a jaded adolescent, looks at Zuckerman and interrupts him by saying, you ain't gonna find one of them webs unless we pick the spider that makes them.
Speaker: Again, I'm going for an ever-changing accent.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then Molly looks at Wilbur and is like,
Speaker: Wilbur, why are you giving Mr. Zuckerman so much grief?
Speaker: You know he can't hear us.
Speaker: He doesn't have his, he doesn't have Fern's gift.
Speaker: Like, the Zuckermans have never been able to hear us.
Speaker: Is that true?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wilbur goes, my dear Molly.
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: My dear Molly.
Speaker: Anything in this world is possible.
Speaker: If only we can try hard enough.
Speaker: Yeah, but Wilbur, I don't even know why we would want to make
Speaker: Webs with words for these people.
Speaker: They originally planned to eat you all those many years ago.
Speaker: Back when you knew my mother.
Speaker: But Molly, these people give me food in the trough.
Speaker: You eat insects that just fly in here all the time.
Speaker: But I need their food in the trough.
Speaker: And what's the name of the rat again?
Speaker: Templeton.
Speaker: Templeton.
Speaker: And Templeton's cut has been far too heavy lately.
Speaker: Stop making excuses, Wilbur.
Speaker: Templeton is...
Speaker: A geriatric rat.
Speaker: And you don't need... You don't need anyone or anything.
Speaker: You could be a big, strong pig, but you need sloth.
Speaker: The sloth.
Speaker: Mole, two things.
Speaker: What is sloth for you is a delicous meal for me.
Speaker: And the second thing, even the godfather who was a geriatric rat...
Speaker: Metaphorically, of course.
Speaker: Molly's really starting to question how the bond between Charlotte and Wilbert ever formed in the first place.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then as she's doing this, Wilbur notices her quizzical look, and he goes, you're probably thinking about how and why your mom and I, your grand-grand-grandmom and I, grand-grandmom and I ever became friends.
Speaker: And the truth is, back when I was a little baby, things were a lot easier.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's after two, Wilbert the baby.
Speaker: This is a part of- Oh, wait, no.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: Pig, down there.
Speaker: Can you hear me?
Speaker: Can you hear me pig?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Who speaks there?
Speaker: It's me.
Speaker: Above you.
Speaker: My name's Charlotte.
Speaker: Do you have a name?
Speaker: Oh, the wood, the wood speaks in this house.
Speaker: Not the wood.
Speaker: Does this wood speak?
Speaker: And as he says this, Wilbur like uses his snout to like, like touch his trough that's not full of food.
Speaker: Wood, that's my food.
Speaker: Create more food.
Speaker: And then Wilbur closes his eyes and then opens up expecting to see more food, but he doesn't.
Speaker: And he goes, this wood doesn't speak.
Speaker: And Charlotte rolls her many eyes.
Speaker: But then descends on a string of web.
Speaker: She spins web and descends.
Speaker: And she's now at eye level with Wilbur.
Speaker: And is like, Pig, it's not the wood.
Speaker: It's me.
Speaker: It's me right here.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Why you, you tiny eight-legged creature.
Speaker: I'm a spider.
Speaker: Have you never seen one of me before?
Speaker: No, ma'am.
Speaker: I was born yesterday.
Speaker: I'll take you under my many legs.
Speaker: and show you the ropes.
Speaker: Lucas, how many legs do you think spiders have?
Speaker: Eight legs.
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm like, it's eight.
Speaker: There's no trick question.
Speaker: No, because you're like, I'll take you under my many legs.
Speaker: I'm like, does Lucas know that spiders have eight legs?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Or four legs and four arms, you know?
Speaker: Yeah, or like two arms and like six legs.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Who knows?
Speaker: Who knows?
Speaker: So the next part of this sequel book, we see like a quick montage of everything that happened in the first book between like Charlotte and the pig.
Speaker: And we quickly dissolve back to, like, Wilbur telling the story to little Molly.
Speaker: And he's saying things like, and that's how your mom and I became, grand, grand, grand, grandmom and I became friends.
Speaker: Molly looks Wilbur straight in the eyes and is like, uh,
Speaker: Wow, Wilbert, Charlotte was a lot better friend than you were.
Speaker: You seem incompetent in your retelling.
Speaker: Oh, no, ma'am.
Speaker: Wait, incompetent in retelling?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, not very bright.
Speaker: Wilbert is slow.
Speaker: Okay, got it, got it, got it.
Speaker: It's a very Hanbrand Wilbur thing.
Speaker: No, ma'am.
Speaker: Your grand, grand, grand, grandmom saved my life.
Speaker: It's only fair that we pay homage to her by spinning words into webs again.
Speaker: At this point, Templeton scurries out from the pig trough
Speaker: and he's holding a newspaper clipping.
Speaker: And he brings the paper clipping over to Wilbert, and Wilbert looks down.
Speaker: You see the shit?
Speaker: You see what they print in the paper about me, about you, about everybody in this family?
Speaker: But Templeton's like Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, you're just supposed to pick.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's two very different Templetons.
Speaker: No, Templeton hasn't spoke before.
Speaker: Yeah, but I was doing Templeton's voice.
Speaker: I made him like the gangster, the godfather.
Speaker: You see what they printed about us?
Speaker: That's what I did.
Speaker: I thought you were Wilbert there.
Speaker: No, I was Templeton.
Speaker: Why would Wilbert speak like a godfather?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I already said that Templeton was the godfather.
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: And then Wilbur looks down at gangster Templeton, who's a geriatric rat, and is like, oh, Templeton, they've always been writing things about us, but we persist.
Speaker: We just need to pick a word, any word.
Speaker: Is that your Wilbur?
Speaker: Of course.
Speaker: Wilbur, my friend, my brother, you sound very different today.
Speaker: What are you talking about, Templeton?
Speaker: Just pick a fucking word.
Speaker: Hey, hey, hi, hey, hey.
Speaker: Watch your tone with me, Wilbur.
Speaker: Don't forget who made you who you are, okay?
Speaker: Temple Kid, I'm not afraid of you or your rat mafia.
Speaker: And then Templeton immediately scurries all the way up in front of Wilbur's nose.
Speaker: He stands on his nose, looks at him directly in the eye and goes, Hey!
Speaker: Don't forget, I take 70% of your cut every single time.
Speaker: Do you want me to turn it into 80 now, Wilbur?
Speaker: Templeton, that was five years ago, and you're small and geriatric.
Speaker: I'm going to smash you.
Speaker: Molly's in the side watching all of this happen.
Speaker: She's going, smash him, smash him, smash him.
Speaker: She's doing this with three hands and two legs.
Speaker: No, wait.
Speaker: Three pairs of hands and her two legs.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Then Templeton runs back down Wilbert and runs back to the trough, but then right before going under the trough, he turns around and
Speaker: looks at Wilbur and is like, Wilbur boy, you don't know what you started.
Speaker: Hell yeah, we got 50% of mob mafia from you, dude.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chapter three.
Speaker: Yeah, chapter three.
Speaker: Rat mafia planning.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So we are in this little mouse hole, right?
Speaker: That's like in the corner of the barn, full of hay, full of like cheese and full of traps everywhere.
Speaker: Right in the middle of the eye is Templeton sitting on a bed.
Speaker: He's exactly what we saw earlier, but he's so much more defined as a rat mafia person.
Speaker: He's clearly the leader of this gang because he's right in the back and he's being fed droplets of cheese from an incoming hamster wheel that the gang stole a couple years ago at a Little Thing's.
Speaker: whatever so at the hamster fair at the hamster fair whatever the and so what's happening is that templeton has three lieutenants are you ready for this okay yeah yeah chucky okay mickey okay and willie okay
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: You got to give me credit for this.
Speaker: Templeton is still confused where the name Willie came from.
Speaker: Steamboat Willie.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: Thanks for reminding Templeton.
Speaker: Yeah, you're welcome, Templeton.
Speaker: That's a conversation that they have every time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And Templeton's getting the drops of cheese.
Speaker: He's like, Lieutenant, that pig disrespected me and it has a life debt.
Speaker: We don't put up with no disrespect.
Speaker: Chucky's holding on to a mousetrap.
Speaker: and he activates it in his hand, and he goes, boss, you want me to take care of him?
Speaker: Mickey goes, no, we have to play it safe.
Speaker: And Willie is just like, wait, do that again?
Speaker: Wait.
Speaker: And Templeton's like, Oi, Willie, Willie, will you shut up your stupid whistling?
Speaker: It's all you ever do, mate.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: I really hope you can hear the whistle intonations and it's not just me blowing wind into the microphone.
Speaker: Yeah, whistle louder.
Speaker: Is that better?
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And Mickey can tell that Willie is clearly sad.
Speaker: And it's like he clears.
Speaker: You got to do it.
Speaker: You got to do it.
Speaker: You can't work around this, Lucas.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: You got to do it.
Speaker: You got to.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: Come on.
Speaker: And then Mickey pats Willie on the shoulder and is like, oh, it's okay.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: What else does he say?
Speaker: What else does he say?
Speaker: we're gonna make that pig pay.
Speaker: You got a life debt to the rat mafia.
Speaker: You gotta pay for it.
Speaker: And Chucky's like, boss, would you want me to trap him?
Speaker: I can trap him.
Speaker: I can trap anyone.
Speaker: He's gonna be sleeping with the cheese soon, boss.
Speaker: And Templeton's like, nah, we're going to play mind games with him.
Speaker: We're going to trap him in a web.
Speaker: We're going to make him suffer.
Speaker: We're going to make him remember his dear friend, Charlotte.
Speaker: Okay, so chapter four.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chapter four, a message from Templeton.
Speaker: Wilbur wakes up early in the morning, watches the sun go up and he goes, ah, a brand new day.
Speaker: And as he takes the air in and goes back to the area where his trough is, ready for his food to show up, he sees a web in the corner of his trough.
Speaker: A web with an egg sack that's been bust open by something that looks like a very tiny fist.
Speaker: And right next to it, there's words, but not in a web, but in cheese that says, that says, this is what will happen to all your spider friends.
Speaker: They're very eloquent, these rats.
Speaker: Yeah, Willy can spell well and whistle.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, Willie's dude, he's talented at those word making with the cheese.
Speaker: Willie's the new fucking Charlotte, but for the rat mafia, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And, uh, and Wilbur's, Wilbur's like, uh, Molly, can you read that?
Speaker: And Molly is slowly descending from the roof, from the top of the barn.
Speaker: And she goes, Wilbur, I really don't want to do this first thing in the morning.
Speaker: We're spiders.
Speaker: We're mostly nocturnal.
Speaker: And then she looks at... But Molly, my reading comprehension ain't so good.
Speaker: And Molly's like, yeah, go on.
Speaker: And you're...
Speaker: Brilliant spider with many eyes for many readings.
Speaker: And Molly's like, I know, I know, I'm doing it.
Speaker: I'm doing it, Wilbur.
Speaker: I'm doing it.
Speaker: And she comes down straight up close to the trough.
Speaker: And her eyes are dead because she just woke up.
Speaker: And she's rubbing them.
Speaker: And as soon as she sees the broken egg sack, she loses control of her web and lands on top of Wilbur and quickly scurries and hides behind his ear and goes, Wilbur.
Speaker: That is not good.
Speaker: That was going to be my brothers and sisters, Wilbur.
Speaker: Who did this?
Speaker: This is awful.
Speaker: Oh, no, Molly.
Speaker: We'll figure out this case.
Speaker: We see a quick montage.
Speaker: of a cartoon from the 70s.
Speaker: And then... That's like Wilbur and Molly, but as detectives wearing little fedoras.
Speaker: And the theme song goes something like, Wilbur and Molly, little detectives from the barn.
Speaker: Wilbur and Molly, detectives near and far...
Speaker: Yay!
Speaker: And then back to reality.
Speaker: The barn door opens up and walks Mr. Zuckerman.
Speaker: And he's searching frantically for a web with words again.
Speaker: And then to his great shock, he comes across keys and words.
Speaker: And he's like, we don't need spider words.
Speaker: We're finding the rats.
Speaker: We're finding rat words.
Speaker: Okay, chapter five.
Speaker: Chapter five, the press arrives at the barn.
Speaker: So Mr. Zuckerman has seen the cheese words, hasn't fed Wilbur, because otherwise it'll cover it up in the trough, right?
Speaker: And the press has arrived, and they're gathering up in front of the... Oh my God, this is crazy.
Speaker: We've taken so long in this setup.
Speaker: We're there.
Speaker: They're gathering right by this opening of the farm, of the barn door.
Speaker: And it's Mr. Zuckerman like, see, words and cheese.
Speaker: This pig is magical.
Speaker: He's doing it again five years later.
Speaker: And Wilbert's enjoying all the attention.
Speaker: Like the local newspapers are taking pictures of him like he's paparazzi.
Speaker: And he's getting flashbacks to his heyday at the fair where he competed against where he competed against uncle.
Speaker: Yeah, and as the cameras are snapping pictures of him, we see Wilbur as a kid with glowy white eyes, and now Wilbur as an old man with the same eyes.
Speaker: Well, adolescent with the same eyes.
Speaker: And he starts laughing to himself, which just sounds like pig snorting, because he remembers huge hog.
Speaker: Huge hog.
Speaker: And Wilbur's an adolescent.
Speaker: Yeah, so it makes sense.
Speaker: One of the press junkets, one of the people in the press looks right at Mr. Zuckerman and goes, I'm sorry, Mr. Zuckerman.
Speaker: How are we to believe that this pig did the cheese messages?
Speaker: It could have been you considering that it's cheese and not something natural like last year as a web.
Speaker: Five years ago, like webs.
Speaker: Yeah, and Zuckerman looks at the reporter and is like, hey, Mr. Bob, I appreciate your questions.
Speaker: And five years ago, you saw a miracle with the web words.
Speaker: And a couple years after that, I tried to pull a fast one with turnip words.
Speaker: And then I tried to pull...
Speaker: a fast one with the potato words and like, but no keys, keys is real.
Speaker: And you know that because I am lactose intolerant.
Speaker: So I'm not messing with no keys.
Speaker: But Mr. Zuckerman, how are we to believe that you're lactose intolerant?
Speaker: You could be faking it.
Speaker: How can we just believe it?
Speaker: Here.
Speaker: And then the reporter goes into his car, picks up like a paper bag full of groceries, pulls out like a carden of milk.
Speaker: I was about to take this home, but try this.
Speaker: And he like shoves the carden of milk towards Mr. Zuckerman and forces him to drink it.
Speaker: Oh no, he's psychologically intolerant of milk.
Speaker: As Mr. Zuckerman starts throwing slurs at the milk.
Speaker: Lucas, what do milk slurs sound like?
Speaker: Give me some good milk slurs.
Speaker: You're so lactose and came from a cow and I hate you.
Speaker: As he says stuff like this, the rest of the reporters gasp, go, he really is a lactose intolerant.
Speaker: This is much bigger news.
Speaker: This is much bigger news that whether the cheese words are real or not.
Speaker: Mr. Bob rushes off to the press to print the Derrytown report on how they have an intolerant person living among them.
Speaker: While the rest of the reporters are just like, well, that was weird.
Speaker: That was weird.
Speaker: Anyway, talk to us more about the cheese words.
Speaker: Wait, hold on.
Speaker: Why did your lactose intolerancy work when you saw the words in cheese?
Speaker: You know, the thing that comes from lactose.
Speaker: Because the only thing I care more about by intolerance of lactose is my hope for miracle words to revitalize this farm.
Speaker: And like, we've had webs, we've had turnips, and we've had potato words, but Kiki's words, now that's where the money's at.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: So the reporters write a story about how Wilbur is like a grand pig and he's doing it again.
Speaker: It's like his comeback tour.
Speaker: And then after the press leaves, Mr. Zuckerman puts food in Wilbur's trough and everything.
Speaker: And yeah, chapter what, six?
Speaker: Sure, yes.
Speaker: Chapter six, back into the Rat Mafia.
Speaker: Willie, Chucky, and Mickey are sitting again in front of Templeton, and Mickey goes, I don't think they got the news very well.
Speaker: And Templeton's like,
Speaker: Like, that's what you think, Mickey.
Speaker: Look at your brilliant sidekick, Willie.
Speaker: Like, he knows what's up.
Speaker: And we're going to get him.
Speaker: We're going to send in Chucky.
Speaker: We're going to send in the full force of the rat mafioso.
Speaker: And then we see in the middle of the night, Chucky's like with the rat mafioso scouring around the top of the barn.
Speaker: And as he's doing so, he's picking up tiny little spiders that have just like laid their stuff around, right?
Speaker: Because, you know, they're nocturnal.
Speaker: They're away right now.
Speaker: They're doing their regular spider stuff.
Speaker: So he takes spider stuff and he puts it back into the trough and he lights it all on fire.
Speaker: And as he does this, we see Willie with a whole bunch of cheese, like cutting it up into like tiny pieces with his little tiny nails and his little tiny mouth.
Speaker: And he's like putting, setting them down, putting another word next to the, next to like the ash remains of the food, of the spider stuff.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And then Chucky...
Speaker: looks down at Willie's word and is like, good work.
Speaker: And now we're going to get those pigs, that pig, like it's in trouble because I really like the spelling of the word bacon.
Speaker: Ooh.
Speaker: Wait, did he just write bacon?
Speaker: What else?
Speaker: Did he write anything else with it?
Speaker: He wrote, really like your creativity, how you went bacon equals you.
Speaker: And you was just the letter U because we had limited keys.
Speaker: Love how creative you are under distress and limitations.
Speaker: And then Chucky scooches right next to Willie, and he just does one of these.
Speaker: Are you ready?
Speaker: You have to describe this for the people who are listening.
Speaker: Are you ready?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: At his forehead.
Speaker: He does a head nod, like a head bob left and right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: He does something else.
Speaker: He does this.
Speaker: He does this.
Speaker: Are you ready?
Speaker: head bob and then kiss on the cheek okay yeah yeah yeah and and as soon as he does it makes sure that nobody's seen him and so as soon as he does that he's like proud of you my brother willie i always knew you would become something talented chapter six the press arrives yet again
Speaker: Seven.
Speaker: Oh, seven.
Speaker: The press arrives yet again.
Speaker: And we catch in the middle of the conversation with the press and Zuckerman.
Speaker: And Zuckerman's like, see, I fucking told you.
Speaker: This happened again.
Speaker: If I was spelling it, it would be Y-O-U, not just you.
Speaker: I got so much cheese in my fridge.
Speaker: And the press, for a second day,
Speaker: reporter bob is back and reporter bob is like mr zuckerman we both know you failed the spelling bee in elementary school i was in that class with you like i i think you would spell it you just you
Speaker: Yeah?
Speaker: Wait, hold on.
Speaker: Oh, you gotta tee this up.
Speaker: Lucas, I've never asked you for anything, but can you please tee up somehow what word Zuckerman could loss to reporter Bob in the spelling bee for?
Speaker: Please tee this up for me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like all those years...
Speaker: ago we remember how I spelled cat and you failed at lactose and that's why he's lactose intolerant and you've been haunted by that ever since despite us living in dairy town what's up Zuckerman what's up with that huh
Speaker: General biases working against you.
Speaker: Yeah, you might have these other reporters here from their rag newspapers, but here at lactose tolerant press, we're bringing the hard hitting news.
Speaker: And Zuckerman goes, well, reporter Bob, formerly known as Farmer Bob, get out of here.
Speaker: You don't belong here.
Speaker: I can say whatever the fuck I want to lactose products, and you have nothing to do about it.
Speaker: It's a case of free speech.
Speaker: It's called democracy, motherfucker.
Speaker: Get out of here.
Speaker: I don't want to talk to you anymore.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker: Did I offend you?
Speaker: Well, too bad.
Speaker: I want to release a diss track with Ben Shapiro.
Speaker: Did you know that's an actual thing?
Speaker: Is there a real diss track out in the world where Ben Shapiro does a diss?
Speaker: Unfortunately, now I do.
Speaker: And the other field reporters go, ooh, ah.
Speaker: Ah.
Speaker: Well, reporter Bob runs away.
Speaker: Once again.
Speaker: And then one of the other reporters goes, Mr. Zuckerman, Mr. Zuckerman, why does it say bacon equal you?
Speaker: Do you have an intent on slaughtering Wilbur at the county fair?
Speaker: And Mr. Zuckerman's like, no, Wilbur, Wilbur,
Speaker: Wilbur started the amazing magic words at this farm.
Speaker: And Wilbur is welcome to stay for as long as he lives, which is 15 to 20 years.
Speaker: He's just an adolescent.
Speaker: Fuck, okay.
Speaker: Chapter 8.
Speaker: Yeah, chapter 8.
Speaker: Chapter 8.
Speaker: Chapter 8.
Speaker: Templeton meets reporter Bob.
Speaker: So we're in reporter Bob's bedroom.
Speaker: And reporter Bob is getting ready for bed while Rat scurries out from the four boards and runs up the dresser.
Speaker: and gets on both hind legs and looks right at reporter Bob and starts squeaking.
Speaker: And reporter Bob is very scared that he can understand the squeaks.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: And so because he can understand the squeaks, this is what the squeaks really say.
Speaker: Templeton throws a newspaper article on
Speaker: at reporter Bob's face and goes, did you write this shit?
Speaker: It's good.
Speaker: And Bob's like, yeah, I hate those suckermans.
Speaker: I've hated those suckermans from elementary school.
Speaker: Like, I beat him at the spelling bee, but he beat me at everything else.
Speaker: And then Templeton goes, well, do me a favor.
Speaker: write more of this and write more of this and I'll make your paper famous.
Speaker: How about that?
Speaker: Bob's like, that's, that's great.
Speaker: Like we can work together.
Speaker: We can work together to bring down the Zuckermans.
Speaker: Like why, why are you doing this rat?
Speaker: What's, what's in it for you?
Speaker: Let's just call it a vested interest.
Speaker: I'm scared of you rat.
Speaker: Oh,
Speaker: We'll do this.
Speaker: We'll do this.
Speaker: Chapter 8, the next morning, there are even more reporters.
Speaker: Oh, chapter 9.
Speaker: There are even more reporters.
Speaker: Oh my god, we could go on with this story forever.
Speaker: There are even more reporters outside the barn.
Speaker: And Mr. Zuckerman's like...
Speaker: he's desperately trying to like keep the reporters from coming into the barn but they know there's a new word in the trough they heard from one of their sources and the reporter is trying to push through constantly and Zuckerman's like no no no there's no word there's no word today no word today and at this point Lurvie comes up to Mr. Zuckerman and is
Speaker: It's like, oh, Mr. Zuckerman, that sure was a weird message today.
Speaker: Like, real weird that the G spelled out.
Speaker: Mr. Zuckerman can spell.
Speaker: And spell was with one L.
Speaker: And Zuckerman's like, and Zuckerman's like, Lurvie!
Speaker: And he smacks Lurvie in the back of the head very lightly.
Speaker: And he goes, oi!
Speaker: Stop saying that!
Speaker: Stop saying that kind of malarkey in this town.
Speaker: And as soon as he's like, he let his guard up, one of the reporters like slammed through with their little camera and they started taking pictures of the new message.
Speaker: And Zuckerman's like, no, no, no!
Speaker: Get away from there!
Speaker: Get away from there!
Speaker: And as soon as the reporter slams in, Wilbur starts aiming for the photography, and he's like, Oh, Molly, the paparazzi are back for me.
Speaker: And then as this is happening, reporter Bob...
Speaker: He pulls up in his car and walks out of his car and he goes, do you guys see what I'm talking about?
Speaker: This entire thing was a sham perpetrated by this man to write things in cheese and pretend that it's happening for his pig.
Speaker: And other reporters go, Bob, who are you pointing to?
Speaker: Oh, Zuckerman.
Speaker: Zuckerman.
Speaker: And then he pulls out a video clip from back during the spelling bee days.
Speaker: It's like in the back room.
Speaker: It's backstage.
Speaker: And it's Zuckerman going, yeah, I spell well.
Speaker: I spell S-P-E-L.
Speaker: And the rest of the reporters go, ooh, ah.
Speaker: And Suckerman's like, no, no, it wasn't me.
Speaker: It wasn't me.
Speaker: I wasn't doing this.
Speaker: This word just came up.
Speaker: The cheese words are not me.
Speaker: And then a dairy truck pulls up, but the dairy truck has police sirens on it because it's Dairy Town.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And out pop two people in milkman uniforms, but like little badges on their left.
Speaker: left side and they're like we've been hearing what you've been up to mr zuckerman since you were a wee tyke since that spelling bee and we're here to make sure dairy town is only full of upstanding lactose tolerant people
Speaker: they put handcuffs on him that are like regular handcuffs, but they're milk bottles that jingle from underneath them.
Speaker: And they're full to the brim, so they're really heavy and they keep the hands back down as opposed to being able to bring them up.
Speaker: Each handcuff is like six bottles of milk.
Speaker: They have to find with each other.
Speaker: And the other reporters start yelling, I like the new design of the handcuffs.
Speaker: Real nice work.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: Great job.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: It was a gift from our lead scientist, Mr. Ian Man Milk.
Speaker: They're your man milk.
Speaker: Yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: We're going to write a story about his new handcuffs.
Speaker: This is the first time we've seen them.
Speaker: As the milk police take Zuckerman away, the rest of the press follow them to go follow whatever story that is.
Speaker: Wilbur is all alone in his trough without food.
Speaker: He looks over at Bali and goes...
Speaker: Maybe I should have done what Templeton wanted.
Speaker: Molly spins down on her web and starts spinning furiously.
Speaker: Then you can just make out what the web says.
Speaker: It just says, the end, question mark.
Speaker: Dude, we have to do a sequel to the sequel.
Speaker: We could go on with this forever.
Speaker: This could like genuinely go on forever.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll have to decide if we want to do part two.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, I know.
Speaker: If we ever did a part two of a CliffsNotes Continued Continued, we have to start with this one.
Speaker: 100%.
Speaker: Oh, wait, what was the book's title?
Speaker: Molly's Web.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Do the outro, Andy.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is the outro, and I don't know what to say right now, but this is the outro.
Speaker: Please subscribe.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Remember, we're bringing you the stories that the authors don't want you to know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I was trying to make it something memorable for the outro.
Speaker: I don't fucking know, dude.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Now you're overthinking it.
Speaker: You're just gonna be like, outro time.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to the stories authors are too lazy to write.
Speaker: That was... The outro?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Wait, which part of this is the outro?
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Is this the outro?
Speaker: Is this the ending?
Speaker: Everything is an ending.
Speaker: All beginnings are endings.
Speaker: We could just play the intro for the outro.
Speaker: Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker: Congratulations.
Speaker: You're now on our next episode.
Speaker: We just don't have an outro.
Speaker: Say nice things about us online.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: And if you don't want to say nice things about us online, then give it to your friends so at least we can boost that engagement.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Share.
Speaker: Do things.
Speaker: Hell yeah.
Speaker: Sweet.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I think we're good for the... Oh my god.
Speaker: Thank you for listening to episode 10.
Speaker: of Cliff Notes continued.
Speaker: We'll be back on Tuesday, April 23rd with a whole new book and a whole new story.
