Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 8: Barbie
39 Plays7 days ago
Join Michael + Shelly as they talk with Nes about everyone's favorite blonde with an impossible waist line, a hot corvette, and potential that made dreaming possible (she had over 200+ careers, after all): Barbie. During our discussion, we chat about self-expression, the freedom clothes and a good face of makeup provide, and navigating life as a non-binary and extraordinary individual.
Recommended
Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Thank
00:00:26
Speaker
Thank you.
Introduction to 'Your Roots Are Showing' Podcast
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Your Roots Are Showing, the podcast where Michael and I talk about being unapologetically queer, as well as the moments that got us and our guests to where we are. We're going to discuss folks' first inklings of a notion that they were queer or a moment when hindsight was 20-20.
Guest Introduction: Ness Deras
00:00:54
Speaker
So with that in mind, today we're talking with Ness. Yay, Ness. Yay! And every queer origin story needs a mythic guide. So for today's guest, it just happened to be a blonde doll with an impossible waistline and a fully furnished dream life. We're talking about Barbie. Yes, it is going to be great. Hello and welcome, Ness.
00:01:21
Speaker
um Go ahead and introduce yourself with anything that you think us or our guests need to know, how you identify your pronouns, all the things, um all the things Ness.
00:01:34
Speaker
Okay. Hello, everybody. My name is Ness Deras. I am from El Salvador. I live here in Colorado now. And I think um i think I went through every single pronoun. pronoun Started with he then went to she, and then today. And now I'm all of the above. So for you to call me anything, um I consider myself non-binary. And...
00:02:01
Speaker
1000%
Barbie's Role in Ness's Life
00:02:02
Speaker
queer. So yeah' very excited. i'm very excited to get this conversation going. Yeah. So you you chose your extended metaphor item, your root item as Barbie. talk to us about Talk to us about Barbie.
00:02:20
Speaker
What is it? Barbie is probably one of the most valuable one of the most valuable
00:02:31
Speaker
parts of my life. um When I grew up in El Salvador, Barbie was the place where I felt comfortable, when i where I felt happy because the surroundings were not allowing me to be me or be myself. So Barbie was um was the place, is my happy place, where I will go to and...
00:02:56
Speaker
and just star imagine myself in a feminine world. know i grew up where um being gay or being queer was wrong and just any mannerisms what I liked or how I acted or if I talked to feminine, then that was seen wrong and corrected by my family. So, um So Barbie in the beginning became a secret for me. Oh, I like Barbie. And when I told my parents about it, they were not very happy. So they pulled away a a couple things that I bought for myself. um
00:03:37
Speaker
But... I think it grew up to a part where I was more ah more comfortable expressing myself in a feminine way. So yeah, to that, like did you have a Barbie? did you did I know you have you know female family members. like Did you have a Barbie? Was it hidden? How did you get it Was it like Malibu Barbie or totally hair Barbie or like all of them? No. So when I, yes and no, I had a ah Barbie and I bought it because um I was saving up money to buy myself a Barbie and I kept it hitting in my closet because I didn't want my parents to see it.
00:04:20
Speaker
But at that moment, I used to watch a lot of the Barbie movies and the Barbie Feritopia came out and there was this Barbie tour where you will take out the wings of it. yeah And so I bought that and I had it with me. does it Did it fly? Was it one of those that you...
00:04:40
Speaker
It didn't fly, but would love to have one of those. yeah It didn't fly, but the the wings, you could take them off. Oh my goodness. So how old were you, Ness, when you saved up your money and bought your own fairy tale? I was seven years old. I was
Cultural Significance of Barbie
00:05:00
Speaker
seven. Sweet.
00:05:01
Speaker
hey that's i I secretly enjoyed playing Barbies with my female friends as well. um Some of them, i had the of I was friends with these twins. And ah one of them, the brother, was super into into Sega Genesis and Sonic the Hedgehog. And his twin sister was super into Barbie and had like the full...
00:05:24
Speaker
dream house that like opened up yes i'd go over play get get him to like play the video game and he would like totally zone and then i would sneak away and go play barbie with his sister so i um My mom had Barbies when she was a kid. So Barbie came, for all of you who don't know, Barbie came out in 1959, March 9th, 1959.
00:05:50
Speaker
ninety fifty nine International Women's Day is March 8th. I feel like Mattel absolutely missed an opportunity there. Right, totally. By 24 hours. Anyway, um so Barbie came out in 1959. My mom was born in 1955 and she had like some of the original Barbies. OG Barbie.
00:06:11
Speaker
Like the OG, OG Barbies. And so and she held to those things like they were precious, more precious than her children. Um, and we were not allowed to play with my mom's Barbies at all. They were like up on a shelf and she had the original skipper, um which was like Barbie's little sister, her sister, um, flat footed. She didn't, she didn't, she wasn't, she wasn't in heels. She wasn't old enough for heels yet. She was totally flat footed. Yeah. But, um, we weren't allowed to play with my mom's Barbies, but we got our own
00:06:44
Speaker
which was really cool. um And then it's been like a weird full circle moment as like an auntie. um My little niece just turned, God, wait, how old is she?
00:06:58
Speaker
Does she want to play with your with your Southern Belle peach Barbie? My peaches and cream. Peaches and cream Barbie. So my sister, who's four years ah younger than I am, she wanted to give my niece, Andy, all of her Barbies. And so she was like, Shelly, is it okay? Can we can we like go through all the Barbies at mom's house and like give her all the Barbie things? And I was like, yes, absolutely. But also...
00:07:24
Speaker
gross like that's old plastic yeah but is it was so sweet for christmas she got like a big giant barbie doll playhouse all of the barbies that we had as little kids it was so cool i'm having like a like a very real memory here and it's the smell of a barbie I can totally remember It does smell plastic. Yes, yes. But it was kind like perfumey plastic or like kind like play makeup smell where it was like sweet, but still definitely totally plastic. Mm-hmm.
00:08:00
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that is I do. The unveiling of a Barbie. My sister was older. So by the time I was a kid, she wasn't really into them anymore. And so she had a few of like, she's probably, gosh, she had to have been like eight or nine when I was born. So she was like phasing out.
00:08:20
Speaker
Maybe. So she, there was just like some laying around that I found and kind of like would play with or whatever until my mom like threw them away because, but I also had GI Joes.
Barbie and Personal Expression
00:08:30
Speaker
Um, and they did a lot of really explicit things together.
00:08:34
Speaker
Um, Barbie and GI Joe. No, no, just my GI Joes together. Okay. Who are you talking to? I'm sorry. That's awesome.
00:08:46
Speaker
Ness, did you... Go ahead. So you bought your one Barbie. Did you buy more than one Barbie or yeah was it just like... Eventually I bought more Barbies, um you know, as I so grew up, because I will play too much with that one Barbie that I had that it got ruined. um i caught I used to cut their hair. used to dress them up, um playing it with different fashion and the designs. um I used to draw on them as well with Sharpie and change their makeup. Oh, beautiful. That's awesome. So if... if ah um
00:09:21
Speaker
Have you guys seen the Barbie movie? Yes. Yes, yes. No. We'll have to watch it. yeah Yes. It's a really good movie. I thought there is um a Barbie that is all played up. it's Yeah. Oh, you're talking about the movie with margaret and Margot Robbie. Yes. Oh, yes. I have seen that movie. I thought you meant like the animated Barbie cartoon movie.
00:09:48
Speaker
both of those i have seen it yes the weird barbie i think it was called the weird barbie yes those were my barbies okay i love it i also had to see those i was figuring things out mess think we were all were right yeah Yeah, and the Barbie movies, I thought, um've you know, I've always been drawn to the feminine side and the fashion. yeah um I would see all of the Barbie movies growing up.
00:10:17
Speaker
um I had a collection, a pile of stock of movies. There were like 13 movies when I was like 10 years old. yeah These are what i'm talking about. This is what I thought you were talking about. Yeah. They're like fairies and princesses and Christmas and all these different. ah She does everything.
00:10:36
Speaker
She's a superstar. Obviously. I mean, she did you know that Barbie had over 40 pets? P-E-T-S pets. She had a zebra for a minute. What? Barbie, what? did not know that.
00:10:52
Speaker
Yeah, she had over 40 pets. I mean, I guess she was like technically 67. Mm-hmm. technically sixty seven so We all go through pets. So do you, I mean, you know, as a queer individual ah transhuman, what do you think about, like, when people talk about Barbie's idolized beauty or if if she's, you know, there's these standards of beauty around but with Barbie, I mean, you hold yourself to a very high standard. Like, you look amazing, like, every single day. um But it's their pressure to to to look a certain way all the time. And, you know, what what do you say to kind of that whole notion of, like, it's an idolized style of beauty and...
00:11:39
Speaker
um It's unattainable. Yeah. Well, i do agree it is a really fake standard of beauty. um However, i do think of the, say, um look good and feel good.
00:11:56
Speaker
Right. oh That's how I took out of it. When I yeah put on my makeup on and every day and i get dressed up and different hair colors and of that, felt more more confident with myself. Yeah. Not because I hate the way I look, but because I like to express myself with different creativity and fashion. Right. And I think that's what I took out of Barbie, not necessarily the body shape or the you have to look like in a specific way.
00:12:26
Speaker
more of the changes and the fashion and self-expression style. I love that. That is great. Yeah. There are some days when I just don't want to do anything and I just hear like fake it till you make it. And for me, like, i feel like I should give students, you know, I'm a teacher and I feel like I should give students a key. Like if Shelly is, if Ms. Walston is dressed up,
00:12:53
Speaker
She's having a rough day and she's just faking it. entirely Yeah. Yeah. i think that, ah yeah. And like as a, like, you know, regular guy, I don't know, a man, a male identifying human. um Sometimes it's, it can be a challenge to like not look like a toddler because like with men's fashion, sometimes it's like anything a guy's wearing could, a toddler could totally be wearing right An eight-year-old human could have a blue polo, which I have on right now, and blue slacks. right like
00:13:29
Speaker
So i i there are some days where I'm like, I got to up my game. I got i gotta to you know bring in – I can definitely tell. like sense So Nessa and I work together. And since you've been in the office, I do notice people – turning up their their their office looks. And it's inspiring. you know I think that um being, you know, we talked about this, I think a couple episodes ago, but like being the adult we needed when we were oh yeah younger.
00:14:02
Speaker
And working with young people and being, just being able to see you, um you know, is is it just like this big sort of hug to your younger self in a way to pay it forward how you've grown and how you've changed.
00:14:18
Speaker
is there um Is there a moment, I should say, or a time period, or what kind of age were you started to explore makeup or started to explore your fashionista, your inner, you know, fabulousness?
00:14:37
Speaker
Yes. so When I was in high school and when I moved here from El Salvador, you know, I did not have opportunities of playing with makeup in front of people or anything like that. But here, when I when i moved here, my ideology and my self-confidence grew in the way how I expressed myself. I started to believe that...
00:14:57
Speaker
um that makeup isn't just for men or women it's for whoever wants to use it and I used to use that as a as a as an artistic self-expression a way to to showcase myself.
00:15:14
Speaker
But I started with blush and I will wear just some blush on my cheeks and I will go to school. And then I started curling my eyelashes and then I started wearing lip gloss. And then I started adding more things to my makeup routine until a time there was, you know what, I'm going to start doing a full creative makeup look. full face yeah and in 20 uh 2019 i will say in my last senior year of high school i was watching a lot of youtube youtubers makeup gurus and trying different makeup looks and styles yeah so i will just recreate their looks and just take it to the school and in the beginning i look really crazy
00:16:04
Speaker
Hindsight is 2020. It's 2020. But in time, I felt like i i a passion of makeup and artistry grew up in me. And I decided, and and that was one of my first jobs. um I got a job at Dillard's in...
00:16:23
Speaker
at the mall and they taught me the basics of makeup and i wasn't right I learned not just to do makeup for myself but in other people and make them happy. it was yeah it and It was a really um grounded and inspired thing to do for others because I wasn't ah i i felt like i was I was helping other people with um achieving not beauty standards, but i will say achieving a way of getting out of their comfort zone and boosting their confidence. Seeing themselves. Like sometimes I, you know, on like makeover shows or whatever, and the
High School Challenges and Self-Expression
00:17:10
Speaker
the person who, you know, maybe they got a haircut or they did this one thing or like I'm thinking of like Queer Eye or um What Not to Wear or whatever those shows.
00:17:19
Speaker
And it's just like revealing to the person, like you are beautiful. Yeah. look look let's sad Look at your beauty and see yourself as beautiful because you are. Yeah.
00:17:32
Speaker
And I'm just curious. So Ness, how were you identifying like in 2018, 2019 and when you got your job at Dillard's? And like, did you have a mentor at your job at Dillard's or- ah Yes. i had one of the ah I think most makeup artists there really helped me, and one of them was gay. And i think he taught me with all the basics about makeup and color matching and what looks good and for different skin tones. Right. So... um
00:18:09
Speaker
I always looked up to him who to follow the procedures and the rules and how oh the sanitation things. But when it came to my artistry, there were always somebody to push me forward to not be afraid of right off putting a ah yellow or green eyeshadow to somebody. If you make them look good, then that's all that matters. Right. Gotcha.
00:18:39
Speaker
ah Was there, ah so how how was the feedback? What was the response? I'm going to rewind a little bit. Going to high school, because I think like back in when I was in high school, 2001 2005,
00:18:51
Speaker
one to two thousand five like that would have no That would have not have happened. I never saw. And then fast forward second year teaching high school, which would have been 2012. And there was a student who was a trans person and they decided to wear high heels, like sensible, whatever her shoes they wore makeup and they got suspended.
00:19:24
Speaker
And the whole student body made signs that said Free Diego. And I heard for the first time, gay is not an insult. I mean, it was like, it was so it was just very different world for me. So how was your, how was, how was it in your high school when you, I mean, was it accepted? Was it common with other people?
00:19:47
Speaker
Was that in Colorado as well? Yes, it was okay here in Colorado. I didn't see much bullying, but I did see the awkwardness in others. I had mostly female friends and you know they will help me with makeup or or I will also share my makeup tips with them. And I will go with, in my senior year, I will go with my full face of makeup. yeah And i will get those stares of like, who are you? Like you are looking weird. But um something that most of the really, I feel like was most impactful than the makeup was the management of the school. Oh, yeah. email that's a tool That's a whole testament to good community building. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:38
Speaker
Yes, in the in the bathrooms, for example, we boys did not have mirror. So we were not able to see each other. Really? So I was not because I would consider myself a boy back then. i would a go and and into the boys bathroom and not be able to do my makeup. So And I did break it off to to to the management. yeah And I don't think that ever changed.
00:21:08
Speaker
I'm not sure if now it has, but back then. Michael, I'm just curious. So yes Michael and I used to work together at the same high school being teachers next to each other. men's bathrooms had mirrors. Okay, that's what I was going to ask. like and what ah What a strange yeah interesting thing not to have.
00:21:27
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, there's different concepts too, or people are like, well, you know, don't want to say yeah, like, how Yeah, I don't know. That is really strange. I'm just trying to think of like the the logic behind it. like Men don't need to look at themselves. i don't i don't know like where that logic comes from. like maybe Maybe they got markered on one too many times and so they just removed them or something. i will say the boys at our school, um we used to have hand paper towel dispensers. Yeah. And the boys like shoved...
00:22:04
Speaker
tons and tons and tons of paper towels into the toilets and clogged the sewers for like an afternoon. And so they got rid of those and put in hand dryers. So, I mean, I i understand that like if the administration needed to go in and like do something, take mirrors out because of something, but yeah that's just such a...
00:22:25
Speaker
foreign concept to me. Maybe it was the year like the Candyman came out and they
Barbie Trivia Game
00:22:30
Speaker
just got sick of people like chanting in the bathrooms or or Bloody Mary or you know those those like those funny weird trends It could have been anything. Any of those things. Yeah.
00:22:43
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Funny weird moments. Okay. ah You know what's not weird? What's not weird? Tell us. A trivia game. It's time for trivia.
00:22:58
Speaker
Yay. we this is all about Barbie. And there's a little bit of some sprinkling of some celebrity, celebridum in there.
00:23:10
Speaker
Okay. So earlier, Shelly gave us a bit about Barbie being introduced in 1959.
00:23:18
Speaker
The original Barbie, Ness, multiple choice. What was she wearing? A sparkly pink dress, a black and white striped swimsuit, blue jeans and a white t-shirt, or a business suit?
00:23:35
Speaker
I was wearing a black and white swimsuit. Yes, that is correct. Yay!
00:23:44
Speaker
so Yes, before Barbie had her dream house, a convertible, and approximately 47 careers, she was standing on a shelf in a swimsuit serving Beach Day and Future Culture icon all at the same time.
00:23:58
Speaker
All right. Question two. what Which of these careers did Barbie have long before a real woman was seen in the role?
00:24:11
Speaker
Was it A, astronaut? B, mermaid. C, fashion designer. Excuse me, fashion influencer. Or D, reality TV star.
00:24:25
Speaker
An astronaut. That is correct. Yay!
00:24:32
Speaker
There it is. Right, so Barbie went to space in 1965. To put that into perspective, she was exploring the cosmos while most of us... Yeah, she was an astronaut.
00:24:43
Speaker
But there's also that whole era of like space, space where you know, focus. All right, question three. Which famous singer has had an official Barbie doll made in her likeness?
00:24:59
Speaker
In their likeness. a Beyonce. B, Wolfgang, Mozart. C, Elvis Presley. Or d Freddie Mercury.
00:25:15
Speaker
I don't know this one I will go with Beyonce that is correct oh my god I was gonna guess Elvis i I saw that and then i well I thought it was kind of a throw off because it was a male character but there are Barbies Ken dolls yeah and Derek Derek Derek, Teresa.
00:25:44
Speaker
Well, Teresa's not a dude, so. Well, no, but I'm trying to think. like other other You don't know. Okay, all right. Never mind, don't know. All right, so, um yes. ah Question number four.
00:25:59
Speaker
During the 1980s, Barbie's fashion was famous for being a modular, simple, clean designs, lots of goth new wave clothing, bright colors, big hair, and big accessories, or only wearing sportswear?
00:26:21
Speaker
um I think the big colors and- Yes, big hair, bright bold accessories, peaches and cream, cream.
00:26:34
Speaker
Yeah. ah Barbie's wardrobe looked like a highlighter set that had won the lottery. And it looks awesome. All right. I have one bonus question since you you're on you're on a roll here. Yeah, you are on a super streak. I don't think anybody has ever gotten all of the questions right now.
00:26:51
Speaker
No, seriously. and I feel like you deserve an extra cheer. I'm going to give you an extra cheer. Here we go. All right.
00:27:02
Speaker
True or false, Barbie has had more than 200 different careers over the years. It's true. Yes, it is true. da da da da
00:27:17
Speaker
Bonus, yeah bonus, bonus round. ah True. At this point, Barbie's resume is less a resume and more of a warning to LinkedIn. She's been an astronaut, a surgeon, a pilot, a presidential candidate, and somehow had time for every single one of those wardrobe changes.
00:27:35
Speaker
She really did. She really did. Did you know, Ness, and this is not, okay, the game is over.
Barbie Movie Discussion
00:27:41
Speaker
game is over. Ness, you win. Five out of five. already crushed it. Way to go. But did you know that Barbie was actually based on comic strip that Ruth Handler, Barbie's creator,
00:27:55
Speaker
saw when she was in Germany. This is true. this is absolutely true. Yeah. it's the The name of the comic strip was Lily, L-I-L-L-I. And it was in Build Magazine. So Build Lily. And she was actually like a porn star. It was kind of a sex comic. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. Yeah.
00:28:18
Speaker
They look a lot alike. Except Lily smoked. I don't think she worked. Yeah. um she her hair color changed just really cool like single curl and curl right in the middle front of her hair and her eyebrows were fierce yeah they are like ursula i wish there was a way to screen share on this on our recording app but um there i'll send you pics look her up yeah Yeah. Build Lily. Yeah. Yes. Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you again for the trivia. Nice work.
00:28:52
Speaker
Yes. Moving from winning speaking of things that are winning, award winning, back to the movie, the movie Barbie. Got a Gerwig. Yeah. So, In 2023, you were in, were you still in college in 2023, Miss?
00:29:08
Speaker
were you still in college in twenty twenty three miss i too So I did an apprenticeship program. So I took away um college time and I just joined college in 2025. Okay, noted. so So you said you saw the actual Barbie movie and what were your thoughts?
00:29:27
Speaker
Tell us. I loved it. It didn't make me cry. ah know There were a few parts that made me cry. know. There is a there's a scene where Barbie is sitting on and this in the bus station, i believe, or a bench.
00:29:42
Speaker
I don't remember that much, but she's sitting on a bench and... And she looks across the street and she sees an old lady. And the old lady smiles at her when she's crying. And that moment was just so touching. It reminded me of my grandma and everything. but also also, i think it was very touching because you can see that there is beauty in everything.
Influences on Beauty Perception
00:30:10
Speaker
Right. To that, um did you... So my grandmother... is ah well she's she's an is to me but she passed away you know almost 10 years ago the woman had her nails done hair done i never saw her in jeans she always wore slacks and these like satiny blouses um with like little belts that matched um who And also, another point, like one of my favorite things as a kid to do was to watch my mother put on makeup. like
00:30:47
Speaker
She, Mona, ah she would did liquid eyeliner that she could do on her waterline. with It's like one swoop to this like tiny little cat eye The precision. Yes. Good her. And I know every person who's ever put on makeup, you have your face.
00:31:04
Speaker
umm I'm pursing my lips because... She did a little like a little like this face, little ducky face. Little face face, yeah. To put on her makeup. And and I remember her like this, looking looking kind of down her face. um Talk to us about some of the beautiful women in your life, the family members, the neighbors, the people that, you know, you maybe as a young person were like, ah, they're gorgeous. Mm-hmm. Yes, um my mom. My mom, I think, was my first inspiration. she always was put together, always wearing high heels, always with makeup on, her hair done. right um
00:31:43
Speaker
And i just thought, but I want to be like her when I grow up. when I became like her, she was very proud and and accepted. and so That's wonderful. Yeah.
00:31:56
Speaker
Nice. Nice. That's awesome. My mom, um complete opposite. um My mom always did wear makeup. And I remember she would like...
00:32:08
Speaker
she tried to get me to wear makeup and it just never stuck for me. um But she like nowadays, like she hated wearing anything but like jeans and like a polo or like jeans and a shirt, you know, for her wearing a dress was always just too restrictive. um And nowadays, like, you know, I joke with her kind of morbidly and I'm like, mom, you better watch it or else I'm going to bury you in control top pantyhose. Or like something terrible like that. And she's like, oh, you better not. I will i will haunt you. you know but um yeah, my mom was not really like a fashionista necessarily, but she was always like in her own way put together.
00:32:58
Speaker
And I think that's something that is so different about maybe my generation of folks compared to like, I don't know. Actually, you know what? I'm going to take all of that back. My mom was always so put together and I'm just not.
00:33:15
Speaker
That's all I wanted to say. you know, i i've I have three sisters and and they are not like me at all. They don't like dressing ah up, but they probably, they send me a lot of memes saying me during
Identity Exploration Through Barbie
00:33:30
Speaker
the whole month ah with the with the mask ons and and the hair in a bun. But yes.
00:33:39
Speaker
And then me one day, me once a month, and then all put together. so I feel like it's it's not for, not everybody likes it. Yeah. Yeah, but i I really, while we're talking about this, you know, look good, feel good. and i think that that goes the other way too. If I feel good, I'm, i'm you know, no matter, I'm looking good um in my, in this skin. Even in my overalls. Yeah.
00:34:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I am thinking um i totally as a little boy wore some of my mom's clothes. Totally like tried on ah some different items, you know, just I thought they were so amazing.
00:34:18
Speaker
But she had this. um It was a it was a single piece. Outfit, right? It was it looked like a top and a pencil skirt. Ooh, but it was one piece. It's long-sleeved, massive shoulder pads, really tight against the neck, kind of like flat neck. Like a boat neck.
00:34:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's but like but like higher. yeah no, boat necks are high. okay Okay, but a high boat neck, red, with little tiny black polka dots on it, down into like a little peplum. Oh god. And then a black pencil skirt attached with red polka dots on it.
00:34:58
Speaker
I want that outfit. And it zipped up the back. I totally put it on when I was like nine or 10. I was like, this thing is fucking awesome. And every time my mom wore it, I just remember like...
00:35:09
Speaker
People like head turner, right? Like she had big black curly hair and giant red glasses and just a head turner. and just think yourself like my mom is so pretty. My mom is so pretty. Yeah. There was actually a moment, i think it was after church or something, she'd worn something, you know, some dress where I saw a guy like hit on her.
00:35:32
Speaker
And I was like, for the first time, like, check, like, realizing what was happening and getting so absolutely furious. I really jealous, too. What are you doing? That's my mom. She's married to my dad. dad. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man.
00:35:51
Speaker
Yeah. There were moments when my mom would get dressed up. I like to go out to dinner with my dad. And yeah, I just remember having moments thinking like, oh, she's so pretty. yeah And I just, yeah, I loved that.
00:36:04
Speaker
oh he feel So he before you um came onto the podcast-ness, you said in your pre-podcast homework that, quote, Barbie taught me, even as a kid, that I could explore reinvent and choose who I wanted to become. So you already kind of mentioned that you were like living this beautifully reinvented self, um, in like the senior year of high school. But can you tell us more about what you mean by how Barbie taught you to, to like reinvent yourself?
00:36:44
Speaker
Yes. um So as I mentioned before, El Salvador, the culture is very different in here. And people over there are a bit more close-minded and very religious, which there's no problem with that. But um the judgment is, it's a lot.
00:37:04
Speaker
I feel like when I was in El Salvador, Barbie was the only option I had to explore my identity. like jo and project onto yes and like um and people will tell me you know you shouldn't dress a certain way you shouldn't um act a certain way because it's not well seen with everyone over there so when i moved here i i thought that, you know, Barbie got me to a point where I'm like, okay, you can be whoever you want to be. guy
00:37:43
Speaker
And that's what where I started to develop my identity without the view of others but within me and what I really wanted to portray so I started to do makeup I started to wear clothes and and women's clothes and putting outfits and and I felt like I was becoming more and more myself yeah without having that rejection from people in my country saying you should not dress up like this man should not be like this um and that's where it came from being my a very important part of my story because the first time where i felt that i wanted to be like barbie was when i had a barbie
00:38:32
Speaker
Yeah. You kind of, and yeah, sorry, not to like, you know, make it so the, I don't want to reduce your personhood to whatever, but you kind of are like this living Barbie, right? You can change the clothes and the hair and, you know, the makeup and not, and it's like, it's not just that you were inspired by Barbie, but you like embody the spirit of, know,
00:38:59
Speaker
I can be anything. i can I can change my look. I can change my career. i can do these different things. um And that's why, yeah, I see, I'm telling you, it influenced me without me realizing it until now, probably. yeah Because, yeah, you see, Barbie has a lot of jobs. I have had a lot, I have explored a lot of careers from dental assistant, from makeup artists, from operations now. yeah And all of these things are being very different. And my makeup looks and all of my fashion looks have been very different too. I have tried
00:39:37
Speaker
every single thing you can imagine. the things. All the things. And I still love to change it all right um Sometimes I feel like I can't stay with one specific look. And i just change it the next day or the next week just so I feel more creative, I will say. yeah Yeah. You also mentioned that you are an artist. And that you do painting and drawing and photography as well.
00:40:09
Speaker
How do you see that those things have like influenced or been influenced by this idea of reinvention and who you are?
Art, Fashion, and Empowerment
00:40:20
Speaker
um I've been drawing since I was five. Okay. I went to an art school when I was very little.
00:40:28
Speaker
and they taught me all of the techniques and a history of art. And um I learned how to draw and paint using watercolors, ah oil paintings, acrylics, and all of that.
00:40:41
Speaker
um the The way how art has influenced in me is by boosting my creativity on anything I do. I like um a lot of fashion designing and drawing clothes, even though i I haven't learned how to sew and make my own designs yet. ok But that's on my bucket list. i love it.
00:41:03
Speaker
I'll come to you and I'll teach you how to sew. I love sewing. Oh, yes. I love sewing. it's Do I smell a collaboration here? Let's do that. Yeah, maybe it is a collab. i love it.
00:41:16
Speaker
So um drawing and painting, i it just has been part of my life forever. And that's my place where I release stress and where I don't want to think about anything else and just start drawing.
00:41:32
Speaker
Nice. That's wonderful. What do you find yourself drawing most often? Do you do like still life? Do you do portraiture? what do what do you draw? I like doing portraits, like doing fashion clothes and designing. i also like to do fantasy, like dragons and mermaids and fairies and demons, all of that. i I think that goes back with my childhood too, when I was obsessed with aliens and mermaid sculptures and camera in 2010, finding on YouTube. Yeah.
00:42:08
Speaker
so i still like i So I still have that um that passion in me to draw fantasy, and I love fantasy movies like Game of Thrones. for yeah Perfect, yes. Of course, that is a great outlet for especially that kind of genre of writing, the the fantasy of it. I love that. Do you think that you had any moments like where even when you came to Colorado,
00:42:37
Speaker
Like where there was any resistance to who you are? Yes. um I felt like ah for a long time, for half of my life, I felt like i was being you know i i was taking on all of this ideology from other people saying of who I should be. And when I came here and I the started to play in with makeup and with self-expression, I realized that I shouldn't be what other people think of me, but what I want to. right I love that.
00:43:14
Speaker
In the beginning, it was hard because I will still try to tell myself there's something wrong with me. and And the more i saw others do it, the more I wanted to be like myself. Not like them, but more like, okay, want I want show the world who I actually am without caring about what other people think of me.
00:43:40
Speaker
Right. So like other people's freedom with their expression gave you the confidence. Gave me the confidence to be me. Yes. And i I feel like, you know, as a queer individual, i think for me, sometimes the the sense of fear or risk or resistance in the public, I feel more or less open. Like I was chatting with a coworker And they were talking about the parade, the pride parade, and some of the things going on in our community and, you know, the know Kings rallies. And, you know, there's a tiny part of me that's like, somebody's going to shoot me or somebody's going to hurt me because I am queer. And i don't think I've really felt that up until like the last...
00:44:25
Speaker
you know, however long this administration has been and and seeing some of these things and seeing the, you know, the language change and all of these different, you know, legislation happening and, um you know, this, this outward, you know, more, a bit more public sort of hatred is that's, that's really terrible and gross. yeah um And for me, the,
00:44:52
Speaker
My partner didn't come out, came out later in life. And they're very different. His whole view is like, no. This is exactly the time when you need to go and show up and be yourself and get out there and take the risk and pay it forward and build community. We can't. This is not the time to shrink.
00:45:17
Speaker
This isn't the time to, you know to your point, live with others, you know be be be formed by their ideologies. But we you know this is the time when you start a podcast where you talk to queer people and put it out there and and bring out these voices. Celebrate celebrate great joy.
00:45:34
Speaker
yeah And like resilience and confidence and yeah self-expression. Because I think that is something, especially Ness, since we've been talking and I've gotten to know you, that I just feel like radiates off of you. Is this i like this confidence that you have...
00:45:51
Speaker
in your presentation and in just the way that you carry yourself from what i like from the last hour that we've been talking. And I think that's something that is so empowering to other people as well. So you get the confidence from other people's confidence And other people get the confidence from yours. in like It's a cycle. Yeah, it's this beautiful domino effect, you know?
00:46:15
Speaker
so yes and i I feel like people also, so you know, now the times we're leaving, are thinking that just because i am being i am my myself like this, right I will turn their kids like that or somebody might influence and someone to become like me. And it's not...
00:46:36
Speaker
I am turning your kids gay or yeah trans or or beautiful. or yeah yeah They are they're seeing the confidence in me because right of my self-expression, but yeah it's inspiring to them to not be afraid of who they are. And that could be if they're gay, if they're straight, if they are an alien like me. yeah yeah um But yes.
Mentorship and Aspirations
00:47:05
Speaker
So is there, have you had a chance to mentor anybody who's maybe going through similar changes or who's exploring their identity? um
00:47:16
Speaker
and so two part first part, have you been at a mentor to someone else? And second part, is there a person who helped guide you through your transformation?
00:47:28
Speaker
I don't think there was a person a specific that helped me guide to my transformation. It was more like me playing and watching YouTube videos. but yeah But my nephew, he is not trans. He's gay. But he is very fashionable and he loves to express himself through fashion. Yeah. and I think he discovered himself as well um in in his queer era.
00:47:59
Speaker
yeah yeah i had been there to support him and to tell him all of the fun things of being himself and yeah everything that he brings to the world that yeah he should show off.
00:48:10
Speaker
Yeah. I love that. and I love that it that way. Yes. my I have a niece who have more than one, but one of my nieces ah was staying with me and was, you know, kind of in this depression about, you know, who they are and what's going on. And I am reminded of when you said your nephew, I sat there and I was like, I just, it took me, you know,
00:48:31
Speaker
a minute to come up with what I wanted to say to capture it. And finally I was like, do you see that tree outside that's blooming and it's beautiful? No one looks at that tree and says, why is that tree here?
00:48:43
Speaker
Right. It's here and it's beautiful. I'm going to embrace it and it's natural and it's wonderful. And um that's, yeah, I love your message ah to everyone, anyone, right. Be yourself.
00:48:56
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Whether it's through painting or drawing painting, makeup or what you wear, whatever it is, it just this opportunity. Yeah. yeah Yeah.
00:49:08
Speaker
Okay, Ness, well, it's time for our second our second little bit that we're going to do here, and it's our rapid fire questions. This is the sparkling Voodsack sound. Sparkling noise. Sparkle fingers. Sparkle fingers. Yes. So, Ness, the answer to any of these questions is, would you draw it? Would you paint it?
00:49:29
Speaker
And would you, vote or would you photograph it? Photograph So um draw, a paint, or photograph. and And you can tell us how you would do those things too. So um your memories of playing with Barbie as a child, would you draw it, paint it, or dress it up as a photograph?
00:49:49
Speaker
I would photograph it um because i felt like the real emotion will come through it. Yeah. i Would it be black and white or would it be in color? It would in color. Okay, okay. Definitely color. um Just because ah it will I will be able to take pictures of all of the outfits that I made for it. Beautiful. I love that especially. Okay. um Your most recent travel experience, would you draw it, paint it, or photograph it?
00:50:20
Speaker
I will paint it. I saw some, well, the last time i I travel, I went to El Salvador and i saw this amazing volcanoes in there. And i think those in a painting will look amazing. Yeah. I've seen pictures. They're pretty awesome. um So your favorite spot in Colorado, would you draw it? Would you paint it? Or would you photograph it?
00:50:47
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I will photograph too. Colorado is beautiful and I think it just deserves to be capturing a picture perfectly.
00:50:59
Speaker
i love it. Okay. um The best meal you've had recently, paint, draw, or photograph?
00:51:08
Speaker
I will... I will draw it in color. Okay. So I can build up all the colors and taste a meal. Ooh, I love that. Okay.
00:51:18
Speaker
I love that. I love that. um And then the last one, the best concert you've ever been to. Ooh, Who was that? you draw it, paint it, or photograph it? And yeah, who was the best concert? I think Lady Gaga.
00:51:30
Speaker
Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga. I went to her last concert, Mayhem Ball. And I will photograph it. Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm saying I'm going to photograph it everything. but Well, hey, it's the medium.
00:51:45
Speaker
She is serving all the looks. I feel like you would have to, like, it would be such a cool, like, series. Right? I love that. Yeah. I love it. Yes. Well, thank you for playing the rapid fire. rapid fire. and And just sort of, you know, all the snapshots of the things that are beautiful and um inspiring, whether, you know, from living your truth to a concert, like all the different ways in which you are creative. And then hopefully a listener, somebody out there is like, you know what? I'm going to be more fabulous and I'm going to take these truths and
00:52:21
Speaker
um so speaking to that what is what's next for ness what do you see ah the future that you're working for and how does you know being true to yourself play into that future you know michael i ask myself this question too yeah you don't have to have a specific answer either just i've i've I am right now in school and I'm working on my career.
00:52:53
Speaker
yeah And, you know, I've been trying my best to get A's in my classes and trying to see what's next moving forward. How can I apply the knowledge into the job I have?
00:53:05
Speaker
um But I feel like in the next few years, when I go there and I take that diploma, I'm going do it in high heels, with lipstick on, and I'm very proud of myself. yeah And every day that I'm working towards my career, yeah I'm doing it in a fabulous way.
00:53:24
Speaker
Yes. Oh my gosh. I love that. That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. Where do you see yourself in after a year five? Do you still want to be working in operations? Are you, I mean, it' even outside of work, like, ah do you have any side projects? I know that you're going to school, but are there, you know, things that you are involved with or projects that you want to start maybe? Yeah.
00:53:48
Speaker
Yes, so I've been developing this spreadsheet because, you know, and I'm all about data and operations. I've been creating this budget that I am drafting to save up to get a car and a house in the next four years.
00:54:05
Speaker
So that is one of my goals. That's two of my goals to achieve in the next future. But with my career, I feel like I still want to get to operations.
00:54:18
Speaker
I really like my job right now in operations. I feel like it gets me a lot of um experience in different areas. It's not tied to in a specific skill or in a specific area.
Balancing Data and Creativity
00:54:31
Speaker
I am able to explore different things and and um get, for example, graphic designing on on the documents I've been creating or i i can um get input from of the data analytics with the reports and dashboards. So I feel like I want to stay with operations.
00:54:54
Speaker
I think that's so interesting because you seem data to me just seems so like rigid and cut and paste and like formulaic. And that seems so different than like your love of self-expression. So I think it's interesting how like the personal and the professional have differences there. How do you think that came to be?
00:55:22
Speaker
I am very curious and I i love learning. I think, um, you know, I, I just took my financial accounting class and I was expecting the worst from but I loved it. And I think it's just my, my interest. I feel like I'm, um,
00:55:45
Speaker
I can have my creative side where I feel grounded and I relieve stress. But when it comes to like problem solving and data analysis, I really like that too. Would you call yourself a perfectionist?
00:56:03
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yes. And I've been trying hard to to take a a word and advice from one of my mentors, progress over perfection. Yes. And um I think,
00:56:23
Speaker
Being a perfectionist helps me get the most out of what I want to perfect. But there are times that I really don't care.
Advice to Younger Self
00:56:34
Speaker
Right. That's totally fair. Unless it's an eyeliner. Yes. Unless it's an eyeliner. No, if it comes out wrong, whatever I do, i'm fine with it.
00:56:44
Speaker
Another opportunity to learn, you know, being open-minded to that, learning. um What would you say, i'm just going to do just kind of a bit of a throwback. What would you say to that young Ness, that first day that they are putting on blush or, you know, maybe something you've discovered to help, you know, that person out there who maybe needs to hear this message by listening to the show or like, what would you say to younger self with what you know now?
00:57:18
Speaker
Sometimes the most messiest makeup look you do is the most perfect. perfect as the most Yeah, it's the most perfect. i would, um I will just tell Ness in the past to just be okay with not being perfect and be yourself.
00:57:39
Speaker
Yeah, which turns out is pretty perfect. It's pretty spectacular. It turns out Ness is pretty spectacular.
Connect with Ness and Podcast Wrap-Up
00:57:48
Speaker
Yes. Period. So Ness, do you want people to be able to find you? do you want to share social handles? Do you want to, where can people see your fabulous photographs of you at the governor's mansion or testifying in front of, um you know, leaders in Colorado? um So talk to us, where can where can people follow you or find you?
00:58:12
Speaker
Yes, they can find me on Instagram. It's my most active of social media. I use Facebook too and TikTok, but it's it's mostly for um to check the news. yeah I would use Instagram the most. it's My username is bynestardares.
00:58:32
Speaker
Nice. to darris Excellent. um Well, thank you so much for sharing everything with us. I, yeah, it's been so great to meet you and get to talk to you about Barbie and all the things. So. Yeah, yeah it's been really uplifting. Like I know you from a professional space, but I feel like, you know, it's Pride Month and, you know, being working together and um getting to know more about you has been one of the best things. I'm so happy that I get to work with you and create with you.
00:59:04
Speaker
um Yes. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I really enjoy this time. Yes. That's great. Tell tell everybody.
00:59:15
Speaker
Folks listening enjoyed today's chat. They should subscribe to Your Roots Are Showing Facebook. their favorite podcast platform. We're on all the regular spaces where you can get your ear candy and subscribe. Folks should subscribe so that they can get our episodes as they come out every other Monday.
00:59:35
Speaker
um Follow us on Instagram or bluesky at rootsarshowingpod and then tell all your friends and click all the stars. We also want to give a special thanks to Scott Stone for making our magnificent episode intro music, you absolutely rule, Scott Stone. So until next time, keep it queer, keep it kind, and keep it coming.
01:00:24
Speaker
Thank you.