Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Episode 7: Pixie Haircut
33 Plays21 days ago
Join Shelly + Michael as they talk with therapist, adventurer, and all around roller skating extraordinaire, Corrie! We talk about travel, soul healing, and Corrie's root, a pixie haircut in high school. BONUS! We also dig deep into the Pixies.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Your Roots Are Showing'
00:00:00
Speaker
Thank you.
00:00:34
Speaker
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Your Roots Are Showing, the podcast where Michael and I talk about being unapologetically queer, as well as the moments that got us and our guests to where we are. We're going to discuss folks' first inklings of a notion that they were queer or a moment when hindsight was 20-20,
00:00:53
Speaker
or obviously any combination of the above. And today we're talking with a former roller derby pal of mine, a therapist, an adventurer, and an all around remarkable human being, Cori. Yay, it's Cori. Cori. Hello, thank you for having me. Yeah, we're so happy to have you today.
00:01:16
Speaker
And we'd love it if you could take a minute to introduce yourself to our listeners. What do you do Pronouns, where you're from, ah where are you now?
Corey's Journey from Wichita to Denver
00:01:25
Speaker
um All the fun, just sort of basic details. Okay. um Yeah, so I'm Corey and my pronouns are she, her. I know Shelly from playing roller derby.
00:01:38
Speaker
Oh my gosh. A million years ago. Like 20 years ago. Was it in Wichita? Yeah, in Wichita, Kansas. So I lived in Wichita from 2006 to 20 Okay.
00:01:52
Speaker
so yeah about twenty almost twenty years ago um And yeah, back in the day. um But I live in Denver now. I'm a therapist. um And really, I guess more than that, I work with folks one-on-one and in group settings just doing um like depth work. So like depth psychology ah
Evangelical Upbringing and Childhood Memories
00:02:17
Speaker
type stuff. So deep diving into the soul, the psyche of the soul and helping people figure out what their what their path is in life.
00:02:27
Speaker
So it's like a little bit of therapy and a little bit of life coach and a little bit of like soul healing and work. Yeah. Yeah.
00:02:38
Speaker
Wow. Mostly like mentorship on the path that is life. um Just, um you know, helping support people in that. So nice.
00:02:49
Speaker
Yeah. I think there's like, ah there's kind of a buzz in education a while back but that was like the whole person. And it was focused, you know, of course on like, yes, you're a human. And, um but as I like kind of did my my deep dive, I don't want to say stalked you, but like who is Corey? ah But like your work definitely encompasses like the whole person from the concepts of like the mind, the spirit, the body, the soul, the energy, the all of the above.
00:03:22
Speaker
um yeah Yeah, no, I love that. And I think that we more of that. Totally. We definitely do. And it's hard to put it in An elevator pitch, you know?
00:03:33
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This isn't just like 50 words and you get the idea. Yeah. Like imagine if a rainbow were a doctor and also a priest and also a musician and also. Yeah.
00:03:46
Speaker
Yeah. Somebody who's going to help you jump off a cliff. It's cool. Yes. Yeah. But you're going to fly. So it's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I am super intrigued to find out how you got like from very beginning to where you are now doing all the things. So you mentioned with us like before the podcast on your little homework assignment that your root is a pixie haircut you got in high school.
00:04:13
Speaker
Yeah. Before we get to that even, feel like we need to know a little bit about like little Corey, the little kiddo with probably longer hair, maybe some pigtails, like where you grew up, your family. Forced to have long hair. Maybe where you first got your roller skates, basically the whole childhood experience. So tell Yeah. um Well, and first I just have to say it was so hard to pick my route. So there's so many, there's so many. Um, but yeah, I grew up here in Denver and i am one of four children to my parents.
Experiences in Evangelical Settings
00:04:54
Speaker
Um, and we were raised in the suburbs of Denver, just, um, in a pretty evangelical Christian, um, upbringing. so
00:05:06
Speaker
you know, I'm not going to say that that was a hundred percent bad, but there were definitely a lot of like, um, rules and sort of what I experienced as legalism and just like lots of things that I felt like I had to, you know, conform to in order to essentially belong and be loved and accepted. So that was a really strong thread throughout my childhood and just throughout all of my developmental years. Um,
00:05:35
Speaker
And i had three brothers. I have three brothers. So i was also just like, like I felt this tension between wanting to do everything that they were doing. But then also there was a lot of expectation on me as the only girl in the family to be like the girl, um the princess. Like that was my, one of my nicknames from my, where are you in birth order?
00:06:01
Speaker
I am the third. So I have two older brothers and one younger brother. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. um And so, so yeah, I mean, it was just like a pretty like, you know, typical suburban upbringing, um middle class and, but, but there was that strong like religious thread throughout everything. yeah.
00:06:23
Speaker
Yeah. um yeah Did you guys go on all kinds of adventures as kids? Did you travel a lot? did you like was your So you grew up in a suburb of Denver. Was it like a close-knit suburb or was it like ah we all live so far away from each other that nobody ever even sits on their front porches?
00:06:45
Speaker
It was – h it was ah
00:06:52
Speaker
We were, I guess we you could say like the street that I grew up on, we were close-knit. Like I'm still friends with one of my my across the street neighbors. She's like my sister. So um so yeah, it was close-knit. Yeah. Nice.
00:07:05
Speaker
We didn't do a lot of traveling, but my family did have a cabin in Wyoming that my dad's dad actually built and my dad helped him build. um So that was kind of like our vacation. That's where we would retreat to in the summers and stuff. um It was very rustic. It wasn't like a mansion in the woods or anything. It was a rustic experience. um And yeah, my dad grew up in Wyoming and um my mom... Was born in Georgia, but then grew up here basically. So lots of roots here in Colorado, like all all of my extended family is here or most of my extended family. So so there was also very tight knit family community.
00:07:45
Speaker
Were you a part of like the um like going to camps, church camp?
Realizing Queer Identity in Adolescence
00:07:51
Speaker
um The whole like... yeah um I went to... ah i'm i'm not going name the camp, um but it was really like heavily focused on like, you're going to go back from this camp and you're going to convert 100 people and if you don't, and we're going to be calling... and like The whole world around like... Yeah. No, I... 100%. That thing.
00:08:18
Speaker
yes Fully. I also... I also did that. And we, uh, it was called, I don't remember the name of the camp, but the, the phenomenon that you're talking about, Michael, um, they called it like, we don't want you to come down from this mountaintop experience, right? Like they called it literally a mountaintop experience. We don't want you to come down and forget about your mountaintop. Right.
00:08:44
Speaker
We want you to hold your mountaintop and share it with others. Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. Yeah. i I know I kind of want to share the name of the camp because it's so like... But yes. i think i'm not I don't think anybody from the camp is listening. um Mine was called Youth America.
00:09:06
Speaker
Oh, okay. I didn't do that one. yeah um But I went to Idrahaji, which sounds like maybe it's like this indigenous word or something, but it actually is the first...
00:09:20
Speaker
two letters of the phrase, I'd rather have Jesus. Okay. okay All right. I'll add to Jesus, please.
00:09:32
Speaker
You know, somebody was just speaking in tongues when they came up with that name. They were just like, oh no, that's it. if Paul, you got that. Paul. Yes. Mark it. Yes.
00:09:47
Speaker
I love it. Okay. Oh, man, just all those. But but i I remember it was it's such like a ah they're like blinders. But then there's also like these moments where you're just like, also, like hyper aware of how in the back of your head, you're like, this is all total bullshit.
00:10:08
Speaker
and you're like, where the actual like human heart that we're supposed to be talking about is so suffocated and yeah like held back.
00:10:19
Speaker
And it's like, i yeah, I just want to... Yeah, that that little guy. didn't have that experience. I really like 100% bought in.
00:10:30
Speaker
and but I think I was there until you until you're not. And then there's like ah there's like a ah phase where you're phoning it in At the least for me, I feel like. I was like both bought in and also there was always something inside of me that was, even as a child, that was like,
00:10:48
Speaker
Y'all keep saying love, but there's like a lot of things that don't actually feel like love. Yeah. so that's where, that's where i yeah, had like a, ah disconnect. So.
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's, that's the hard part. I just remember that um I was very evangelical all the way up until high school. um When. i did not hear this about you, Shelly.
00:11:15
Speaker
Oh, yes. I was- We're all recovering Christians here. Okay. We are. Yeah. um I was very evangelical. In fact, my wife, Mallory, almost broke up with me when I confessed to her that my post high school dream was to go to Oklahoma Baptist University and then later work for James Dobson at Focus on the Family. Wow. Wow. Isn't about time? She got and left the room. She got up and left the room.
00:11:45
Speaker
Yeah, but I would say... fluy yeah Shout out to Foxy. Yeah, shout out to Mallory. Shout out to Foxy Mahler. Yeah, right? Like, it's just such a weird thing. But I... When I was in high school, um my senior like project in English, you had to pick up an emotion, right? Any emotion. And then you had to do a research project and an action project with it.
00:12:10
Speaker
And you had to read a novel. So I read... Slash did not read actually. The Lord of the Flies. That was a really hard panel to get through when they were like, what about the Lord of the Flies? And I was like, you know, there were flies. um Didn't even mention the pig's head. It's fine. yeah um And then I did a little bit of research um about hippos because they're extremely aggressive. Right. Okay.
00:12:36
Speaker
And then I did a project a about hippos. aggression towards the homosexual community. um And I like went and started looking at different um religious texts and like their stances on homosexuality and um what is up the Apocrypha, right? Like, so the additional texts to the Bible and things like that. Yeah. Book of wis wisdom and things like that. And I remember finding ah like
00:13:08
Speaker
what you hide will destroy you and what you share will save you. um And I silkscreen printed, i don't know why all of this was part of my project, but I silkscreen printed that, um like those words from Christ on a t-shirt and handed them out to a bunch of people. And I swear to God, if my teachers...
00:13:26
Speaker
Yeah. Didn't know something was Like, okay, Shelly, Bible carrying. What would you like to share with us? um So, yeah.
00:13:38
Speaker
I don't know where that was coming from or going towards. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. Like, kind of a hitting on that like that whole person. It's also...
00:13:49
Speaker
There are actually, and I think maybe each of us here, maybe at one point the whole body, like every molecule was like, this is real. i'm going to do this. This is a part of my life. And then you start to accept it and then you and then it starts to break down. And then you're like, wait, this isn't what I thought it was at all. I think my life after Christianity is when I understood concepts of Christianity better than when I was in it. Totally.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would agree with that. Cause I've also had to kind of deep dive into why this doesn't align for me, you know? Um, so yeah, there's like a, I know more about it now than I did then.
00:14:35
Speaker
Back then it was like, Oh yeah, my parents told me this and my family does this. And I'm in it. Let's go. it And I'm going to like be good at it. Yeah. Yeah. Because you can. You can excel. um Totally. ah There's a...
00:14:51
Speaker
I was a part of the Bible Bowl um in in my church also. Bible Quiz Bowl. Yes. So, uh-huh. Yep. this Yeah, and you can win. You can win at being a Christian.
00:15:05
Speaker
Yeah. Prizes. You can win trophies. Social affirmations. Did you wanna, either of you? Yeah. Yes, yes did. If you get somebody pregnant, people just give you money and stuff. Yeah.
00:15:19
Speaker
Yes. You marry the right gender. You just get showered with gifts and yeah all kinds of fun things. Yeah. yeah So there's a, yeah. I can attest.
00:15:30
Speaker
Yep. ah Yep. Isn't it so funny that like we are all from a similar location, like Midwest. Yeah. um And our experiences are so like so similar. Yeah. I mean, I think that's kind of the point though is like. Yeah.
00:15:49
Speaker
In order, you got in, we all got in the same way and you kind of have to get out the same way. where it's like That's fair. just I mean, it was more difficult for me to tell my parents I wasn't a Christian than it was to come out.
00:16:02
Speaker
Same. Really? Yeah. huh I think my parents and I have just decided to not talk about that. Okay. like Yeah. like Just avoid.
00:16:15
Speaker
We just avoid that conversation. yeah and like, no, dad, when I die, I will be dust. like and Don't you find comfort in that? like I'm going to go nourish the earth. The universe. Yeah. like i You guys, every little bit of every single conversation we've already had, is making me think of approximately a million different poems.
00:16:39
Speaker
um Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to have to share those later. But yeah. Okay, so Corey. Yes. you had this suburban upbringing that was religious.
00:16:51
Speaker
And you had this tight knit community on your street. um Where were these first little hints that you were maybe a queer kiddo? um or Or did it go all the way?
00:17:04
Speaker
Like, did these queer hints not first show themselves until the haircut? Yeah, the i'm I mean, even the haircut, like I don't, it's all it's all hindsight for me. um You know, i was so wildly sheltered from gayness, like, or fairness in every capacity. so and also i was sheltered from it. So I was never exposed to any gay people. Like even in my high school, there were no out gay people. This was in the ninety s So, yeah.
00:17:37
Speaker
And, and there was also the, you know, the like, indoctrination around, like, being gay is a sin. And so yeah I just never really entertained I never entertained it. And so all of my roots are fully hindsight is 2020.
Punk Rock Rebellion and Personal Changes
00:17:57
Speaker
And, you know, like, as I was thinking through this, I thought about like Anne of Green Gables and like being really, um really obsessed with Diana and Anne and like their relationship with each other.
00:18:11
Speaker
Yes, please. Yeah. Move over Gilbert Blythe. right yeah gilbert also that name oh i know that name because i played him in a play oh wow sorry gilbert blithe but what does blithe mean lame yeah go for anna yeah yeah yeah so like things like that um veda sultan for sultan fos from my girl um like that was That was like her actual, you know, but I was like obsessed with her. Like, so there are just different things that looking back, I'm like, oh, wow.
00:18:47
Speaker
um But no, no awareness of my queerness when I was a child. No conscious awareness, you know. um Yeah. Did you? okay so you have three brothers. yeah Yeah. Did you play a bunch of sports when you were a kid?
00:19:04
Speaker
Well, that was the other thing. So like, I would have... It's funny because I'm, you know, Shelley, you know, I'm an athlete. um And, you know, I'm probably i have excelled more in athletics than any of my brothers have. And i like as a child, my parents did not want me participating in like the boy stuff. um And so why I didn't really play very many sports. I ran track in high school for a hot minute, but. It just wasn't, it wasn't really like an encouraged thing in my family. My brothers all played sports, but, um but no, that wasn't, that wasn't really part of my, part of my childhood. So, which is sad. what did you do? That would have been great. Yeah. Obviously. What you do? And I would have been a wonderful figure skater. Yeah, I know. Mom. Right? Yeah.
00:19:57
Speaker
I did roller skate a lot. Like my best friend grew up across the street from me and Nicole, who's like my sister, her and I went to roller city. Um, that's the skating rink. That's still, it actually closed for a while and it's been reopened more recently, but still same, same place. Um, so we would do that a lot, like on the weekends, but, but no, I didn't really have, I did music and, you know, it's like playing, playing instruments and singing and choir and all that kind of stuff. Um,
00:20:27
Speaker
So, yeah. Yeah. So brothers were off at practices for sports and you were off to like practices for choir. Totally. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Were you in show choir? cause that can be athletic.
00:20:42
Speaker
I was in show choir. Yes. Yes. You have to, if you can, you got to like do jazz squares and clap at the same time. oh you got to Learn how to do the Shirley temple. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:53
Speaker
I was in show choir too. Listeners, I'm doing jazz hands that are mesmerizing. They're magical, mesmerizing and magical. So you got this pixie haircut.
00:21:06
Speaker
How old were you? 16? How old were when you got the pixie haircut? I was a freshman in high school, so 14 or 15. Whoa. Whoa.
00:21:19
Speaker
yeah and i mean i was sort of i was on this trajectory of like being kind of a i don't know grunge kid this was again the 90s you know i and then yeah got really into punk rock in high school and went to a lot of punk shows and um so to me that's like very much a queer route um But yeah, in my freshman year of high school, I was like, I'm cutting my hair. And and actually, the first thing I was going to put as my root is this. I used to wear this like spiked dog collar.
00:21:54
Speaker
Yes. Okay. Yes. I know exactly where in the 90s you are right now. yeah Yes. I love it Yes. So around that same time, I was like wearing this dog spiked dog collar all the time and then got my hair cut. And I think it feels it felt so.
00:22:12
Speaker
just against everything that I was expected to be. It was like, i'm not going to have long hair. I'm not going to be this femme, you know, like, I'm not going to be the super feminine expression. I wore like all just, yeah, like super baggy clothes. And i just wasn't, yeah, i wasn't into expressing myself as like in a feminine way at that time. And yeah,
00:22:37
Speaker
But I didn't really have any clue that that's what I was doing. you know um It just was like, this is what felt right. exactly Yeah, I totally get you. um I started wearing overalls when I was in like seventh, eighth grade. And um yeah, I just never stopped. And it was funny because my dad, i just remember one time I was in high school,
00:23:00
Speaker
And he's like, Shelly, you know, I'm really happy that I never have to worry about how you're going to leave the house, like being inappropriate or anything like that. Because most of the time it's just ah overalls or your flannel pants with a flannel shirt that you stole from my closet. So, yeah. Yeah. I never have to worry. It's just like, me I'm so glad I can make you feel comfortable. Yeah. Cut to my mom being like, you can't wear white linen pants with black underwear out in public.
00:23:31
Speaker
but They're comfortable. And what do you mean? Why not? Right. yeah I have a cute tushy. You said it. Oh my gosh. No, that's perfect. um Also dog collars. um I had a um high school boyfriend um and he let me lead him around on with a dog collar. Wow. That should have been an indicator, right?
00:23:55
Speaker
Yes. That should have been an indicator. There's a little kink in my life. Just a little bit. Just a teensy bit. Yeah. But I was still going to go work at Focus on the Family, so don't worry about me. Right.
00:24:10
Speaker
We contain multitudes. Totally. Oh, agreed. i feel like I've been five different people until now. ah Yeah, I've lived many lifetimes in this one life.
00:24:23
Speaker
So what did everybody think about the haircut? Like, what did what did mom say? What did dad say? What did brothers say? You know, i don't actually even remember. i just remember coming home and looking in the mirror and being a little bit freaked out, to be honest, like, because I had always had long hair. I had always just like done kind of, I guess, what was expected of me in terms of, you know, how i presented. yeah.
00:24:48
Speaker
Yeah, so when I first looked at it, was like, oh my god, this is so this is intense. um But yeah, I think it sort of became like my, i don't know, how people knew me or um yeah, it just became like who I was throughout high school. And I didn't keep a pixie cut the the whole time, but my hair was always pretty short in high school. Okay.
00:25:12
Speaker
Yeah. So that was going to be my next question. How long, how long did you keep it short? So yeah. Yeah. For most like, I think I started growing it out more like closer to my senior year.
00:25:24
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Big changes. Big changes. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So I know you from our years of roller derby skating. So ICT roller, roller derby, we were in that together You left in 2010 to move on to do bigger and more badass things. yeah I quit in 2016 after 10 years because that's a hard life. um
00:25:56
Speaker
And I guess like, do you think, a I don't know, this is a tough question because it's like, we go from high school to, which was like for you, when did you graduate? 2006.
00:26:09
Speaker
two thousand Okay, so you graduated in 2000. I didn't meet you until 2006. What happened between 2000 and 2006? Oh, my goodness. Like a million things, approximately.
00:26:22
Speaker
So, yeah what happened between that time? um There was some big, significant like a significant change in my family system um that impacted me pretty significantly, um just emotionally. and and then my...
00:26:39
Speaker
my who is now my ex-husband. um And my grandfather, my mom's my mom's dad was in the Air Force and um that was always sort of celebrated in my family. And then I went through this big hard thing with my family system and um was kind of just feeling a little bit lost myself. And and then this person came into my life and It just, everything felt like, it felt like, oh, I have a an escape from my life.
00:27:16
Speaker
um Because this person was in the Air Force. And um it meant that if we were together, i would get to leave Denver. And yeah wow my family system and all of the chaos that was kind of happening at that time there. And so that's what I did. So I ended up marrying this Air Force pilot and we moved to England.
00:27:40
Speaker
And so I lived England for three years before moving to Wichita.
Roller Derby and Queer Community
00:27:45
Speaker
Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's like, here, wear this wig and you can leave. And you're like, cover up that pixie cut and let's get out of here. And you're like, okay, sure, I guess.
00:27:53
Speaker
And it was, i definitely did. and I even have friends that have known me through all of this that are like, wow, you... you know, I was like this punk rocker and just sort of edgy throughout high school. And then this stuff happened in my family. And then it was like, I took a 90 degree turn and sort of started conforming again to how i was raised. and like, was i it's almost like I was like, okay, if I just follow this path, everything's going to be okay.
00:28:26
Speaker
um Obviously, unconsciously, like, you know, I wasn't thinking that at the time, but Yeah. And so. but there is. Yeah, there is this like kind of, you know, whether it's healthy or not, there is comfort in like what you know and what you were raised in and.
00:28:45
Speaker
Yeah, and that can last for as long, sometimes as long as as it needs to, like almost like a like a safety net that you don't know that you need. You know what I mean?
00:28:58
Speaker
Yeah. And it brought you to Wichita. It brought you to roller derby. It brought you to like, I just remember those early years of ICT roller derby being –
00:29:10
Speaker
Just like a, I don't know, a magical coming together of like 50 plus women with an aggressive streak. Yes. yeah Approximately. Yeah. And do you know that sometimes, I'm not going lie, I think of you- All the time. Like when I'm going through like a hard moment, sometimes will say your on-skate mantra, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark, I'm a shark. I love that.
00:29:38
Speaker
Because I remember at a time when you were just like, you were like being our jammer and i just remember you telling yourself, I'm a shark, I keep moving.
00:29:48
Speaker
Yeah. yeah And sometimes I still say that to myself. That's awesome. I don't know if that's healthy, but sometimes I just have to say, Shelly, you're a shark. You're a shark. You're a shark.
00:29:59
Speaker
Totally. i know. I've definitely gone like, wow, that was an interesting mantra. Like, I don't know. I don't know if it's healthy or not either either, but. Well. It worked. and at the time Yeah. Sometimes you just got to get through. Right. Was your ex still in the military when you got to Wichita?
00:30:18
Speaker
Yes. Did you move together? Yep. Yeah. which that's it McConnell. I couldn't remember. Yep. Yep. Yeah. And actually, mean, he was involved in roller derby too. So. Oh, yes. Yes. Shelly told me tell me his name again, his roller derby name again.
00:30:34
Speaker
Can I? Sorry. Well, your roller derby name was Jane Saw Massacre. And I just thought that was the coolest roller derby name.
00:30:45
Speaker
I just feel like mine was so boring. Shelly Shankia. It's just like, i mean, there's alliteration. Yeah. and the alliteration but no cultural touchstone but ah totally yeah and like it's so funny because like neither you nor i are like massacring people no it's no i know it was definitely like a persona i was like okay let's put on this yeah different different persona when i play roller derby
00:31:17
Speaker
Yeah. And so you went from roller skating in Denver, roller skating in Wichita for ICC roller derby, and then you moved to Denver again, right?
00:31:29
Speaker
I moved to Vegas. Oh, that's right. Vegas. I forgot about Vegas. Yep. I played roller derby in Vegas for two years and then moved back to Denver. And that was like 2012, want say, or 2012, 2013-ish when I moved back to Denver. Yeah.
00:31:43
Speaker
twenty twelve twenty thirteen ish when i moved back to denver And have been here ever since. And Jane, Corey, sorry. yeah Corey. ah I still answer to Jane.
00:31:54
Speaker
Exactly. Not to hide your light under a bushel, but you were like a really good skater. Like the Denver, I mean, like you guys. Yeah.
00:32:05
Speaker
Yeah. picked ass and took names. Yes. Yes. Like you did. I was very proud to make it onto the, to mile high club, which is the like highest, highest,
00:32:16
Speaker
I don't know. Like all-star team, the all-star team here in Denver um for one of the leagues here in Denver. And yeah, i made it onto that roster and then never actually got to like skate in a game, how but I was, I was the way they rostered the teams here. It's like, you kind of, you're on both the, the, the all-star team and then like the team that feeds into the all-star team. So I was on both teams and got to play a lot for bruising altitude and, and then got to like, you know, at least be rostered for the MHC games, but never actually got to play.
00:32:54
Speaker
So I got, I got to a point where I just, yeah, I had to, I had to call it quits because roller derby is, it asks a lot of you. It is a full contact sport that is like a part-time job that you do for free, right but actually you pay for Yep.
00:33:11
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, like, it's all those things. Yeah. And at some point, ah yeah, at some point you have to say, like, that's not where I am anymore. And that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, hes exactly.
00:33:23
Speaker
Yeah. So in this. go Go ahead, Michael. was gonna say in this, like, world tour, but you know, you know, you UK, Denver, Wichita, are there any, you know, relationships along the way that you sort of feel helped you embrace the queerness, embrace that, you know, quieter voice or that, you know, that part of you that needed the love that needed um to um to to, to start to grow or bloom or flourish.
Therapist Career and Queer Identity
00:33:59
Speaker
Totally. I mean, so like I had said, you know, earlier, My exposure to queerness was just so limited growing up. And I mean, to the point of like, really the only exposure I had was like Ellen DeGeneres and, you know, Will and Grace. Like, right yeah like truly, that was really it. That was my only exposure. And there was a church here in Denver that had a gay pastor when I was in like,
00:34:28
Speaker
high school age and he was closeted, but then came out and of course was like ostracized immediately. yeah. So, so really like my exposure was very limited and or extremely,
00:34:42
Speaker
just yeah, had a lot of negative. yes Yeah. So negative. Um, so really roller derby was, um, you know, so many people say roller derby saved my soul or roller derby saved me. Um, and yeah, my exposure to queerness in roller derby was, I mean, it just was astronomical. Like it went up so much when I started skating for Wichita and,
00:35:07
Speaker
You know, i mean, honestly, Shelly, you're a person and there have been so many throughout my roller derby career that just like deeply impacted me. And and also, you know, communicated without ever even having to say that like queerness is beautiful and okay. And and also just like being being able to witness it in such a...
00:35:34
Speaker
you know, vast array of expression was really beautiful. And yeah, roller derby totally changed my life in that way. I have such a, such a similar experience. I mean,
00:35:48
Speaker
i you know i I kind of had nudges and hints and clues throughout like my time off at university. And then later when I was in the Peace Corps and then coming back to Wichita, I joined roller derby on a dare on like my 26th birthday. um while The dare came from another teacher at the Catholic high school I was currently working at.
00:36:15
Speaker
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And I just remember being like, yeah, I'm going to do this. I'm a good roller skater. I can skate. And I did it. And I just remember seeing Mallory on her skates with her super long legs and just being like, I'm a goner. I'm going I'm going to, I'm going to shit. Oh, God. And then fast forward two years, I'm no longer working at the Catholic school. Right. You're like, I'm going to change.
00:36:42
Speaker
Yeah. Like, it just – Yeah, roller derby just made things seem – made things that felt out of the realm of possibility exponentially more possible. 100%. And not just – like the the queerness of it all but like the like a you know, like putting something together from the roots, like from the very bare bones and organizing it and making it and like putting on giant, you know, things like, but like tournaments and games from other places and organizing trips out to Colorado in a 15 passenger van. Like, know, just like
00:37:33
Speaker
everything felt so much more attainable and more realistic and like tenable. Well, you had you had your crew. Yeah. It's that that sense of like, I'm not alone in this journey. I got my crew.
00:37:48
Speaker
you know, the the whole team that like, I love that. And also, like absolutely no one in our league that I can think of, and maybe you can think of other people, but I never felt judged by a single one of them. Not for being queer anyway.
00:38:07
Speaker
I might have been judged for other shit, but like not for being queer. right So yeah. Totally. And it was also just such a great place to get out like,
00:38:18
Speaker
That like angst and that aggression. like getting Like a really, like if you were like a rock band, maybe you would be like our game today.
00:38:30
Speaker
Oh, it time for the game? It time for the game. Oh man, we were circling that landing. um All right. So today's game is all about lyrics by the band, The Pixies.
00:38:45
Speaker
Oh, okay. Inspired by your haircut and just that rebel spirit yeah that we we've talked about tonight. All right. Beautiful. Are you ready? Let me pull up the game here. Alrighty.
00:38:58
Speaker
In Where Is My Mind? Where is my mind? Where is the narrator when the famous moment happens? Oh, God. I'm going be so bad at this. No, you're going to crush it.
00:39:12
Speaker
It's multiple choice. you could yeah yeah A, driving you through Boston. B, swimming in the Caribbean. caribbean C, floating in space. Or D, in a hotel lobby.
00:39:26
Speaker
I haven't heard that song in a long time, but I'm going to go with floating in space. No. Maybe we aren't. Oh, we're sorry. That's what I was going to say too.
00:39:38
Speaker
I was swimming in the Caribbean was its lyric. It comes right before one of the most iconic alt rock verses or excuse me, choruses ever written.
00:39:50
Speaker
Right. The song feels profound and settling and spiritually important, even though half the time it sounds like someone describing a concussion near marine life.
00:40:00
Speaker
All right. Number two. um In Monkey Gone to Heaven. do you know this song? I don't even know this song. or you'll know it. You'll know it. Okay. What number keeps appearing in the lyrics?
00:40:15
Speaker
If the devil is sick, if the devil. that's You know what I'm talking about? the song. Okay. I just gave you a hint. um Is the number that keeps appearing Okay.
00:40:28
Speaker
Five, A five, B seven, C nine, or D 42?
00:40:38
Speaker
I think it's seven. Yes, that is correct.
00:40:46
Speaker
So the the whole thing, the whole thing, the lyrics are like, if the devil is six, then God is seven. And it's kind of like this thing, like religion's gotta like one up and keep this clutch on everything. right um Here we go Number three Which pixie song Contains the lyric Slicing up eyeballs
00:41:11
Speaker
A Debaser B Gouge away C Gigantic Or D Wave of mutilation These are all real titles I don't know if they are or not. Okay, okay. Okay, that's fair.
00:41:29
Speaker
I only know the one and then I made up some other ones, but they could be. Okay, fair enough. I feel like, wait, can you repeat the answers? A, debaser, B, gouge away, C, gigantic, or D, wave of mutilation.
00:41:46
Speaker
I'm going to go with A. That's correct. Really? Yeah. It's still intuition. but The lyric references the surrealist film Uncine Andalou, um which includes the famous eyeball cutting scene. Wasn't that by Salvador Dali? Where they found a woman who didn't have an eyeball and they put a cow's eye in her eyeball socket and then cut it open.
00:42:12
Speaker
Thank you for sharing with Wow. I mean, we were talking about being rebellious, but I think I went a little far here. So last question. One more. You can do it. what What is the emotional tone most associated with the Pixies and their lyrics?
00:42:30
Speaker
Is it straightforward and sincere? Calm and reflective? Biblical nightmare mixed with cryptic yelling? Or D, mostly cars?
00:42:43
Speaker
I'm going to go with c Yes, that is correct. Biblical nightmare mixed with
00:42:51
Speaker
All right. You did get three out of four. That's awesome. I'm so proud of you. Great job. Nice work. Oh my gosh. That was such a wonderful ah shortcut into that darker part of think it's one of the darker game shows we've had, but um but now we move toward the light. Now we're going to take some shifts. um Yeah.
00:43:15
Speaker
toward when Corey, started, when would you say you started living fully moving toward your light? Your like wow roller derby moments in Wichita, we talked about support, this exposure. yeah um yeah Yeah. So, I mean, all throughout my roller derby career, there was like this tension, um inner inner tension. And then, you know, of course,
00:43:45
Speaker
that relationship had to end at some point in order for me to start to explore who I actually really was. um And so, yeah, that relationship ended when I moved back to Denver and, um and then, you know, it was a slow, it was a slow burn from there. It wasn't just like, okay, I'm out and I'm living my life in this way. It took,
00:44:10
Speaker
Yeah, it took some years of therapy and um deep digging and really like giving myself permission to step into my wholeness. And I would honestly say that that's still a journey, you know, like, um I mean, I came out at 35. So later in life. um And kind of went through, you know, there's that whole queer like second adolescent idea.
00:44:42
Speaker
And definitely experienced that. um And I feel like I'm on the other side of that at this point, but, um but yeah, still, still figuring it out and.
00:44:53
Speaker
um And helping others figure it out. Helping others figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. i primarily work with the queer community yeah work that I do. yeah,
00:45:04
Speaker
Yeah, but it's been a journey. It's been a journey that we're still on. So and but I have, you know, very supportive, loving family and friends and an amazing queer community here
Embracing Adventure and Authenticity
00:45:16
Speaker
in Denver. And yeah, just feel grateful for all of that.
00:45:21
Speaker
Along the way, like I'm going to brag on you a little bit, but like licensed professional counselor, master of arts, counseling, psychology, certified coach, EMDR trained, sensor, sensory, motory, psychotherapy, Reiki master, registered dietitian, and bachelor of science in dietetics and nutrition. Like you've, I mean, when you talk about helping people and doing things and like, you know,
00:45:48
Speaker
all of this knowledge, right? i mean, I wonder like, can you speak to like these accolades and these, this knowledge finding yourself and then how that's sort of turned to toward the community that you're in?
00:46:04
Speaker
That makes sense. totally Totally. Yeah. Yeah. That's been a journey too. um I've spent like 15 years working in like the, with the eating disorder community and population. um And have for the last, I guess, like eight, eight or nine years had been really focused on the intersection of disordered eating and the LGBTQ community. And there is quite a significant intersection there. Yeah.
00:46:38
Speaker
But now I'm like really branching out into, yeah, working more, like I said, like depth psychology stuff and working with people like on, you know, kind of what happens, what comes after you do all of the clinical work in therapy. um So figuring out your soul path and things like that. So but I mean, it's absolutely my passion to, you know, it's really beautiful actually working with teenagers right now and supporting queer teenagers in their journeys. um It's such a beautiful like parallel healing process for me because I get to almost, you know,
00:47:17
Speaker
like experience through their lived experience, like what it would have been like to be out at that age. um And, you know, queer kids now have just such a different lived experience than, than we did. um Right. and I mean, for better or for worse, but like, isn't it so beautiful? You know, I work with high school students day in and day out and it is so beautiful just to see how they are able to like express themselves. Yes. Right.
00:47:46
Speaker
in what is like a very honest way. Totally. yeah Whereas like there was me back in 1997, like not reading the Lord of the Flies, researching about hippopotamuses and making t-shirts. like yeah Yeah. There's such a fear that like nobody really, you didn't, you knew it was there. Maybe, maybe you didn't know. it was just like, I feel like that there's a lot of,
00:48:18
Speaker
There's a lot of that, like, it's it's spoken more. We talk about it more. We talk about, i think young people just have more exposure to the world without that fear. But at the same time, it's also like really loud and in their face sometimes.
00:48:36
Speaker
Yeah. but but Maybe it's more blunt. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. At same time, I wouldn't want to be 17 right now. i know. no know so Don't take me back. It's really beautiful to witness and to get to heal, like to, to, yeah, just to like envision what it would have been like, you know, to be out at that age and to be fully expressed. And, you know, I will also say there's a lot of work to do in that regard, just
00:49:07
Speaker
yeah from a societal perspective. And it's not like, it's not like queerness is just, you know, free and completely. That's not all kitties and rainbows right now. Yeah. They reigned in, it gets better really fast for a reason. Yeah. yeah And I mean, i think the, the thing that we can do as queer folks who are, you know, in their forties or close to that is just,
00:49:36
Speaker
show folks that are younger that, you know, like you can have really wonderful, fulfilling lives, like at any age, as long as you can be authentic.
00:49:49
Speaker
Right. And it's that authenticity that makes... like who you are um so special and getting to live that fully is so great.
00:50:02
Speaker
It's so great. Yeah. Coming like back to our similar situations. I also work with young people who are I taught English forever and was a high school counselor and,
00:50:13
Speaker
um Now I work with young apprentices and people who, you know, might be first generation, you know, graduating or graduating from high school or going to college or their first career. But I really, i think it resonates are clearly resonated with us where it's like, be the person you needed when you were 17. Be that change. yeah Be that thing. um And on a side more smug note, I also use that as a reason to to complain. Like, look, I'm actually doing something about all this shit that's going on right
Vision for a Community Healing Space
00:50:52
Speaker
now. So I get to complain more than anybody else.
00:50:55
Speaker
Totally. buthel Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. um So how do you think that, okay, I kind of want to like shift tact um because I feel like you have really shown us all the ways that like you have worked on yourself in becoming and, you know, coming out at age 35 and things like that.
00:51:18
Speaker
um But I also know from just like knowing you, that you're also a very like adventuresome kind of person, whether that just be from like the Instagram updates that you post, et cetera. I guess my question is like, so has being able to live your full, like your fully queer self, has that allowed you to be or encouraged you to be more adventurous? Yeah.
00:51:50
Speaker
Or is there safety in that? or is it in Or is it more like, I'm just going to push another boundary? Yeah, I would say it's I'm going to push another boundary. Okay.
00:52:02
Speaker
Yeah. um I mean, are you talking about like traveling the world? and Yeah, I'm talking about traveling the world. I'm talking about whitewater rafting. I'm yeah talking about like yeah all the kayaking that you do. Like, I mean, these are not, this is not like, oh, sometimes I play pickleball.
00:52:21
Speaker
yeah It's not that. Are you an ultra runner? I'm not an ultra runner. No. I've heard about those people who run like 200 some miles. Yeah. yeah okay That's a whole nother level. That is not me, but there are definitely amazing people in Colorado that do that. Yes.
00:52:38
Speaker
um Yeah. But i yeah, I mean, I guess like when I'm talking about traveling, I think sometimes being queer and traveling can come with its own set of like just Interesting.
00:52:49
Speaker
Like, is, am I safe? You know, I mean, I, I am someone who passes as i can easily pass as straight. So um not that I want to, you know, but in certain situations that might be helpful at times. Yeah. There's a level of necessity.
00:53:07
Speaker
Totally. Totally. But I would say like, just, yeah, since coming out, i do feel more empowered and emboldened in just, you living my life to, um, I guess it's fullest and like expressing myself in all the ways, right. It's like, i feel completely whole in my self-expression around like not having to hide this thing anymore. And, and also like Michael, you were saying like, um, like,
00:53:41
Speaker
coming out as not Christian to my family was oh yeah actually, you know, almost harder than coming out as queer. um And so there's been this whole journey around that as well, like deconstructing from my faith. And i mean, I've been doing that like for two decades, but right yeah actually getting to a point where I felt like I could say that to my family and then living my life in alignment with who I feel like I am and not like putting on this, you know, sort of,
00:54:11
Speaker
pretend show that I'm still a Christian or whatever. Yeah, all of that allowed yeah has allowed me to just live in my fullest expression. And that includes like adventures and just, yeah, being...
00:54:27
Speaker
A Sagittarius moon. Yes. Right? Are you are you into karaoke? Because you I heard you sing. I do love a karaoke. Yes. Oh my gosh. We'll have to hang. I love karaoke. Really? And nobody ever wants to go.
00:54:43
Speaker
nobody ever wants to to to play a song. i would absolutely some karaoke. Yes. yes Mallory keeps trying to get me to do it more. Yeah. And I'm just like. Babe, seriously?
00:54:58
Speaker
but The last time I did it, ah the last time I did karaoke with Mallory was at a friend's birthday party. um We rented one of those karaoke machines. Oh, yeah. um No, it it sounds way cooler than it was um It was in the town East mall at this. I love every word you're stringing together right now. um And we were remarking during the time. So they had like a. You know, like outside of this room is like ski ball and claw machines, et cetera, et cetera. And they had a menu so you could order off um the menu and get stuff brought into the karaoke room for you. And one of them, the things that you could get was $2 glass wine.
00:55:44
Speaker
And we just, every now, every time that we drive past the mall now, it's like, oh, should we stop for some $2 glass wine? um It hurts a lot, but it's affordable.
00:55:55
Speaker
But it's affordable. And I just remember doing like a Kenny Rogers song for Mallory. Yeah, it was ridiculous. It was so ridiculous. Do you have a go to karaoke song, Corey?
00:56:08
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks. Yes. That is great. So that was one question. I think Shelly has many more for you. Yes, it's time for Rapid Fire. um And specifically, it's Rapid Fire Adventure Round. So you use your adventure goingness to like push boundaries, to do things, to find out more about yourself. So I've got five questions for you.
00:56:36
Speaker
And all you have to do is knee-jerk reaction to it. Okay? So no pressure. All right. You've got 36 hours and 200 bucks. Where are you going? What are you doing? 200 bucks. Oh, God. ah Well, I guess I'm going to the mountains in Colorado.
00:56:58
Speaker
And yeah, I would probably go to... o
00:57:09
Speaker
I don't know, probably somewhere I have not been where there is an Alpine lake that I could either hike up to or get to and then paddleboard on the lake and oh do some camping.
00:57:23
Speaker
Yeah. Beautiful. That'll cover your camp fee, right? Yeah. Yeah. yeah Some groceries. And a little bit of food. Yeah. Perfect. And that's 36 hours. Boom. Done. Okay. Question number two.
00:57:35
Speaker
Your pal... maybe Shelly wants help planning a getaway for herself and maybe two pups and a wife. Where do you recommend? Ooh. I mean, like what kind of a getaway?
00:57:50
Speaker
Two, two dogs just has to be pet- friendly.
00:57:57
Speaker
I would say,
00:58:00
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Rapid fire. Uh, New Mexico. Taos or Santa Fe. Yes. Perfect. I love Santa Fe. That is like, okay. And it's only nine hours. All right. I'm getting in my car tomorrow. Um, all right.
00:58:18
Speaker
What's the adventure that you want to have again? Ooh, so many. Oh, so many. You only get one. my gosh. That's hard. Um,
00:58:31
Speaker
I would say, I'm going to say two. Iceland or Egypt. One of those two. Yeah. Hot or cold. Right. yeah Just depends on the season. Okay. All right. Okay. um Your family decides to spend a holiday on vacation and you're in charge.
00:58:48
Speaker
Where are you taking the fam? This is like my, like my siblings and parents and stuff? yeah Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
00:59:02
Speaker
I mean, you could always go to Wyoming back to that cabin. True. That would be amazing. um But no, I think I would do somewhere in Canada in the Rockies, like somewhere that we haven't explored.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yeah. Some kind of cabin up in the Canadian Rockies. Yes. Beautiful. Okay. um You've got 10 days and an unlimited budget.
00:59:26
Speaker
Where are you going? Who's going with you? I'm going to Norway and I'm doing an ancestral lineage trip where I would rent to camper van and drive the entire country and yes visit ancestral like sites and and who would come. That would probably be something I would bring my family on too because oh nice that's our that's our lineage. So we have the opportunity to do that. So.
00:59:55
Speaker
ah I want to go on that trip. Can I come along too? Yeah. I will um yeah i will just – I'll cook or – I'll drive the bus. I'll be entertainment with a karaoke machine. It'll be great. Everybody will not get sick of my voice at all.
01:00:09
Speaker
No, not even a bit. Not even a bit. Yay. You survived the rapid fire. Yay. You did it. You did it. I love it. I'm impressed. That was fairly quick for me.
01:00:22
Speaker
And not too hard because it's just about your dreams. Yeah. now All about your dreams. um Speaking of dreams, what are you dreaming of now? What is like, what's the future? We talked about that the youth you're working with and helping other people. and um Yeah. What's, what's the future you're working toward?
01:00:50
Speaker
o um Well, my, i own a business called Reverie here in Denver and, um and that's like all the things we've already been talking about. um My real vision and dream is to, to create some kind of like a third space and well kind of, you know, it's interesting coming from a church background and,
01:01:12
Speaker
feeling like while I don't want to be involved in church, I do miss the sort of community that just naturally happened as a part of being like being in a, in a church. yeah Um, so I have this vision to create a third space here in Denver. That is a place where people can come together for community that doesn't require money or spending money. um and, and would also be like sort of a community hub for different, um, healing modalities. So yes, therapy, but also so many other things and really wanting to incorporate different um like cultural practices and traditions in the services that would be offered at this at this third space. So obviously, that would mean different types of healers and things like that. um So yeah, that's my vision. And so yeah, there's any investors out there listening.
01:02:11
Speaker
Yeah. Yes. But not only totally kidding. um I'm only serious if you're a serious. What'd you say? It's like, I'm only serious if you're serious and I am serious. So if I'm serious, are you serious?
01:02:24
Speaker
Yes. Let's do this. But also speak it into existence. mean, it has to come from somewhere. So totally. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful.
01:02:34
Speaker
So yeah in five years, you would say like Reverie has become this. okay Yeah, this this third space. Yep. This community community hub that still offers these services, but it's more than that. It's a space for people to come together and yeah. and build this new world that hopefully we're going to be building. um Yeah, our building.
Conclusion and Call to Action
01:02:57
Speaker
I mean, are very, very small steps, small. bricks and sticks. but And part of those small steps are doing like sitting in and celebrating queer joy. So, hey, step one, check.
01:03:10
Speaker
Yeah. We got it. We got it. Yes. We're here. Oh, well, with that, it's time for me to say thank you, Corey, for sharing your roots with us. um How can our listeners follow you if you want them to? um That's totally fine if you don't, but What would you tell them to do on their own um to to find you, A?
01:03:38
Speaker
um And then what's a small something they can do to kind of bring that that reverie spirit, that healing thing to their lives? Beautiful. I love that. um to To find me, people can come to go to my website, which is reverie-co.com and sign up for my newsletter. I have a weekly newsletter that just is a little bit of my own musings and and then just...
01:04:05
Speaker
um announcements about what offerings I have coming up. And then you can follow me on Instagram at reverie.with.cory.
01:04:17
Speaker
um And then in terms of embodying reverie and what it means to have reverence for this life, I would just say... Talk to someone that you and that you don't know who you will be interacting with at some point throughout your day today, whatever day you listen to this. Strike up a conversation or just say a friendly hello to your barista or the person at the grocery store or what have you. And yeah, just building community through small acts of kindness.
01:04:51
Speaker
I love it. I love that. That's so pretty. That's so lovely. That's so caring and beautiful. I'm doing it right now and tomorrow. Yeah. Every day. I love that. It matters. It really matters. It does. it ah Yeah. I mean, I think it has become cliche to call it like Midwest nice, but like it's a thing and just being sharing kindness and like believing in kindness and like – Yeah, that that matters so much. And if more people could just lean into that, boy, that'd be great.
01:05:22
Speaker
Boy, that'd be great. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Corey. I really appreciate that you joined us and that we got to reconnect and chat for a little while. And for anybody out there listening, if you enjoyed today's chat, Please, please, please subscribe to Your Roots Are Showing on your favorite podcast provider. um We're on all the regular haunts, any place where you can get your ear candy. And then subscribe so you get your episodes as soon as they come out. um Just a reminder, we come out every other Monday. And you can follow us on Instagram and Blue Sky at RootsAreShowingPod. And then tell all your friends and tell them also to click all the stars. Yeah. so
01:06:09
Speaker
Five. Finally, special thanks to Scott Stone, the super magnificent man, for making our magnificent intro music. You rule. And until next time, keep it queer, keep it kind, keep it coming.
01:06:25
Speaker
Yes. beautiful Bye. Bye.
01:06:54
Speaker
Bye.