Transcript

Speaker: there's no right way to do it. Oh, we're going to get into it. What up moms? My name is Candice and I'm here with my best friend, Whitney. And this is the mom group chat podcast.

Speaker: Hey everybody. Hey, girl. Hey, guys and gals. Sounds like the beginning of like an infomercial or something. I'm here to sell you butter. I was literally going to say it's giving sales. It's giving. I work in sales.

Speaker: Today, I'm selling you the turkey butter that you will be having on your Thanksgiving table. Any whoozle. I was trying to sell my butter, but whatever. We don't want your butter. Just kidding. i fucking love butter.

Speaker: um i agree. i Speaking of, did I tell you this, that I made like the most fabuloso meal? I'm not a cook. I am not a cook.

Speaker: I saw this thing on TikTok and i was on my period and I was like, I must have it. It was like a, it was a mild Italian sausage gnocchi.

Speaker: Oh okay my God. Chris came home and he was like, what's that smell? Cause you know, the garlic and the onions were going in the pot. The best smell. And I was like, I'm whipping you up dinner. And he was like, wait, this is sexy. and i was like, oh, stop.

Speaker: Stop it. i was like, really? That's all I had to do. But it was so good. I was like, oh, I'll be making like, that's a meal that you make to impress friends. You know, damn, you'll have to send it to me. I've been in a dinner rut recently. And actually, I don't think that's a universal or sorry, I don't think that's a alone experience. I think most people are like my due date group every Sunday. Everyone's like, what the fuck is everyone making for dinner this week? Like we all discuss recipes every week.

Speaker: I'm in a dinner like rut every day. like It's just like a reoccurring. That's like my biggest problem as a mother, as a mother, is that I cannot come up with meals for my children. like If I were to ever like hire a home manager, I'd be like, can you make dinner every day? like I would hire someone.

Speaker: Damn. But you do make dinner, right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's just like it's subpar, you know? like I feel like kids' meals, though, like are like that. like I make the same four or five things for my kids in ah in a roundabout.

Speaker: like just But if I – Margot will eat will like all kinds of things. like Randomly, i at another party, she was eating like pineapple and all this watermelon and strawberries. I'm like, I never buy her fruit like because Graydon doesn't eat it. And I was like, I didn't even know she liked any of this. Oh my god, fruit is half of our diet. What does she eat?

Speaker: What do you mean? Or, like, Graydon doesn't eat any fruit. Hates it.

Speaker: What? Freak. Like, apples? No, and Margot loves apples. Things I didn't know Like, we just don't buy it because it would go bad in my house and they Margot devours. What does he pack on?

Speaker: Oh, God. I really will be like showing my colors here. Snacks. He loves like those little packaged crackers. He loves peanut butter jellies. Okay. He's really big on peanut jelly. um He loves ah Pirate's Booty. He's a carb guy. Yeah, yeah, I see. I see. I see. Sorry, I was literally not saying that to call you out. I just feel like fruit is like the go-to with toddlers.

Speaker: No. Wow. Not for him. ah Yeah. He's always just been like. Does he like smoothies? Do you ever do smoothies? He probably would love them.

Speaker: Actually. yeah We need to. You and I have talked about this where I'm like. I know. Light bulb. Like, duh. I need to try that because he'll think it's a milkshake. Yeah. And actually, Margo picks strawberry milkshakes like, wow, she's giving Chris like I'm cookie dough all the way.

Speaker: You know, she wants strawberry. Yeah. Wow. No, we are, we are a smoothie is like my go-to breakfast. Like they had a smoothie this morning for breakfast. I can pack it full of healthy shit and they don't know.

Speaker: i throw two Ella Ola packets in there of like multivitamin and iron. smart i fill it, fill it full of shit and they slurp, slurp it right up.

Speaker: Yeah. I mean, it's like, I'm not, I need to think of this as like an afternoon snack, like come home and have a smoothie because they get breakfast at school and then he will eat eggs and sausage, like, and Margo will eat apples and whatever. And it's just like, okay, they're eating breakfast. Well, it's snacking. That's so annoying. Yeah. No, it is annoying for sure. We've like, I, my, ah yeah. In fact, the snacking has been driving me nuts recently. Like they come, Alice comes home from school around three and she's like starving and she will fill herself full to the brim with snacks. And then I make dinner and then she won't eat anything. And then we'll go, you know, that hour and a half or two hours around dinner time with her not eating anything And then it gets to bedtime where it's time for bed. And she's like, I'm hungry. three We're doing the same like thing.

Speaker: I feel like I'm going to combust. I'm just like, ah literally, um, that is exactly what's happening in my household. Yeah. Same rotation. They don't want dinner.

Speaker: Yeah. And it depends on the day, like how much I'm willing to fight or cause there are days I'm just like, fine, fucking don't eat. I don't care. I really don't. Don't eat your dinner then. Well, and that's what they said. Like when we had um her on, she was like, they don't eat when they're not hungry. Like they don't want it. But then it's also like they don't ask for a snack later.

Speaker: I know. you You play. Well, my other, my new tactic is that I leave their dinner plate on the table. That's we did. Bedtime. And I'm like, if you're hungry, there's your dinner plate. There's your grilled cheese. I made, there's your cucumbers, there's your apples, there's your whatever. Mm-hmm.

Speaker: That's those are your options for a snack. And most of the time after a little fighting, they will end up eating some of their dinner. And I'm like, great, fine. It's hard out here for a pimp, you know? It really is. I can't be everything. I can't be a chef.

Speaker: I can't be working and be a chef. But I will say, something in me last week, I think it got a little cooler. And I was like, I'm feeling a little gnocchi and a little something yummy. And so we got wild on Monday. And I made that. And it was so good for like two or three days. And i'm i am I will be making that for a friend meal. And I'm going to show off.

Speaker: You are literally so funny. You are the definition of that sound on TikTok and Instagram of like the coming to life. the hero Like whenever burr months are here, she's like, no. I've been activated. Literally, you've been activated. Like it's like all of a sudden everything is Technicolor. Like you are. i'm hyper right now. Yeah. It's so good.

Speaker: It's just so true. It's so true. And I have one birthday party behind me. We got three to go. Okay. What are you doing for you and Chris's birthday? Do you know? Is that too far ahead? Well, did I tell you, you inspired me. I was thinking of a little Maj night for the gals. I'm flying up. None of them have played. None of it's Friday. My birthday's on a Friday. None of them have played. And I'm like, I really, really want to invite the guys too, but they're not as into it. but I'm like, how am I supposed to practice if Chris doesn't know how to play? Like I want to practice during the week. Yeah. So I'm like dying to invite the guys, but they're all like, hmm, we'll come. And I'm like, all right, well, party poop.

Speaker: I know. I think the same thing. I actually think Vinny would love it. agree. I think it could scratch like a gambling itch. It's like a tight line. Yeah, like suddenly he's out till 2 a.m. playing Mahjong betting. Like that's kind of what I am. finds like the local mage ladies literally he's like 50 that um no uh i actually think he would like it like it's strategic and like i and there's there is some like risk and luck involved i think it will scratch lots lots of itches for him um so i i've been toying with the idea of teaching him i really am and he's he's open he said There's no other way to like practice during the week and keep it going unless you start like a little, like almost like a bunko monthly bunko or whatever. um But what rule I will say I bought one of those solo practice boards that allows you to kind of play by yourself. And it is, I'm getting good guys. Like I'm getting better. And it's so relaxing to set up my little mahjong by myself and like play by myself and

Speaker: with my little practice board, I'm like, this is so chic of me to just like be sitting here with my tiles. You sound so cool. Like the only game, card game I play by myself is like solitaire, but which is so fun. I love solitaire. yeah um Too funny. Yeah. We're going to do that. I'm hoping I need to get on that. Like, cause that's coming up soon. i know. My birthday's on a Friday.

Speaker: Halloween's on a Saturday. And Chris's birthday's on Sunday. so I really like I want I always want to be there for you. But like, that's an idea in my brain all the time. Like, I want to be there for your birthday. and'm like, what if I just fly for your birthday? And then i remember that I that I have children that I have to be here for Halloween. And I'm like, yeah, I do have to be here for Halloween, unfortunately.

Speaker: Yeah, plus flying up for just like a Mahjong night sounds lame. Like I'd want to, you would you would like activate me to the point of like, oh, we're going out. You're like, never mind. but yeah young We're going to Broadway. plans.

Speaker: And suddenly we're having full Studio 54 party. And then we skinny dip in the pool. Like, that's just like the, that's just what happens. A dream.

Speaker: Oh, that'd be so funny. But yeah, that's coming up. I'm, Graydon's birthday's in a month and still need to send out invites for that. So yeah. Whoopsie.

Speaker: We are entering birthday party. Like this is just our birthday party era. I've decided the amount of birthday parties we have coming up. Like we have no less than one birthday party every weekend. Right.

Speaker: for the next infinity. Like i thank God for Claude Co-Work. I just need to shout out Claude because I now just, they handle all of my calendar. I dump everything that I get sent into Claude and it makes a calendar invite, adds the, all the information. If you're not using Claude Co-Work for your calendar, like what you doing?

Speaker: And i was just looking at it yesterday and I was like, holy shit. I i have We have so much going on in the next couple of weekends, like just birthday party after birthday party after birthday party.

Speaker: I love them. ah Well, that's why I had Margo's a week early. hences I don't love all of them. I have to be honest. yeah I don't know. I love it because it's a time filler and it's something different and new that that gets the kids out of the house for a little while. Do I enjoy every second of being there?

Speaker: No, but it's just something to do. Yeah, I think what I'm struggling with is that because we are in a brand new school where I don't still don't know everyone quite yet, that we are invited to birthday parties that I could not pick out the parents in the lineup. Like we're going to arrive at this birthday.

Speaker: i don't know you. I don't know what you look like. I don't even know what your kid is like. I don't even know who we're here for. What's your kid's name again? So, and that sounds like bitchy of me and I'm, but ah like, I just don't know person.

Speaker: I know, i know, but it's just like, it's a lot, you know, it's a lot. We don't have to do it where you invite like everyone in the school.

Speaker: We don't either. That's not like in the rule book or anything that most people do. A lot of people do um at ours, but I don't, you know, I get a little overwhelming. So I don't think I'll be doing that until kindergarten. If, if they all start doing it or whoever, I don't know. So either way, I think it's just fun. Like I said, not every party is like super fun for the adults, but you know, they're at that age where it's for them.

Speaker: And yeah, no, you're right. You're right. And you'll get to meet everybody. So, yeah and then you'll really find out by next year, like who you mesh with, but you, it's like, oh, you have to go. And yeah this is your entrance into society.

Speaker: For sure. And that's what Vinny and I had this conversation about all the upcoming parties. He's like, you know, you could literally just say no. Right. And I'm like, I get it. It's your debut. Yeah. It's literally like we're getting to know all these people. I'm getting to know the parents. Like if I want Alice like in the mix to be like, you know, to have lots of friends and all that, like I need she has to put herself out there and like we have to do that. Like. So we're doing it.

Speaker: We are doing it. It's her debut. It's Candace's debut. We're in it. It's my debut. She is coming into society. if Yeah, you got to be a villager. If you want a village, you got to show up. It it means a lot when you're there for other people's kids and you want them to show up. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker: so It'll be fun. You are so social. You're going to win the hearts of others. I can't wait. i hope. No pressure. Small dog is great. You'll be good. I know.

Speaker: um Well, this is kind of a good segue into this, into what we wanted to chat about today – I want to talk about friendships and not just like our friendships, but our kids' friendships and fostering friendships, navigating our kids' friendships. I am being faced now with a lot different, um like a lot of different situations that like we hadn't really experienced before now that we're in like true school yeah and um more in and in a brand new group. um

Speaker: And I think it's just such an another another like interesting layer of parenting that I wasn't necessarily like prepared for or I don't know. It's it like, and I i have an ah an easy time making friends. I love my friends and I think friendship is such an important part of life. So i think hopefully I'm equipped to like handle it, but there have been some, some situations recently where i'm like, Ooh, this is tough as a parent. And there's a, a very blurry line of like overstepping and helping her navigate it or hanging back and letting her,

Speaker: navigate it herself and get through it. So I don't know. I'm just, and think this is an interesting conversation. we are going to be in that situation next year because grading, gra grading, grading? Graydon is um switching or he'll be going to kindergarten, but he's not going with like any of his friends that he's made at daycare that he's been with for the past four years of his life and the same people he sees every single day of his life. So...

Speaker: I feel like that is going to be a crazy transition. I think it's completely also like makes sense to bring up like the girl versus the boy. Like girls are just like meaner. The boys just fight. Like they are just rough and tumbly and they have big emotions, but the girls be talking.

Speaker: Talking smack. And they're mean. Yeah. They, like, I mean, I'm already witnessing that, like, there have been so many moments, even with our best, best, best friends, where Alice runs over and she's like, so-and-so said she's not my best friend anymore. That's, like, number one threat they got. Yeah.

Speaker: That and... um Yeah. Well, Graydon even says it to us. Like that is his like the biggest thing he can think of that would hurt his feelings. He's like, you're not my best friend anymore and I don't like you. And it's like, ooh, I go, yeah, I know.

Speaker: I'm your parent. now Yeah. But when it's the kids, I'm like, oh, they're just saying that Graydon, you know? Yeah. i think I think it's so hard because there's so many different things Well, it's funny because like now that we have kids that are growing up, we have like you can kind of start to see their personalities come through. And it's like we have the the tattletale, which Graydon kind of leans a little.

Speaker: Honestly, so does Alice. We have the tattletale. We have like the rough and tembly. We have like the one that doesn't listen. Also mine. We have like super emotional. We have shy. Sensitive.

Speaker: so yeah you're seeing all the different ones and it's kind of funny like even over the i had three birthday parties over the weekend and each kid popped off at least one of them all different sets of parents all got embarrassed at all different times and it's just like you just never know what you're gonna get it's so true and I think that at this stage where they're learning to make friends, like they're probably going to hit all of those identities. They're going to get their feelings hurt. They're going to hurt someone's feelings. And I don't think that if your child does one of those things, especially in the case of like saying something mean or even physical, I know Evie, like physically hurting someone, she's gone through a serious physical phase in the past. Um,

Speaker: Like it doesn't make your kid a bad, like, oh, they're bad at making friends. It's just like they are learning how to do it just like we did back in the day. We don't remember it probably. But like this is their time to like try on all those different hats of friendship and like figure out how it works. I mean, um we're putting so much pressure on them, too, like, and ourselves for them to be perfect all the time. And I don't know. They're just still so young.

Speaker: Like, i try and remember that. Like, Margo had a little classroom party last week. And afterwards, she, like, freaked out in front of everybody, like, um where I had to pick her up. And she was, like, flailing. And I was like, man, this is so embarrassing. But also knowing that she's my second kid. And I'm like,

Speaker: she'll get over it. This happens. Like it does, you know, and it it just, that, that has been the good thing about having our core group here is that we know like that isn't your kid's personality. it's just, they're having a bad moment. So I'm like, Oh, that that's going to be different when you transition to like the new school and you're figuring that out. You're just like trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. And like,

Speaker: don't know. There's probably going to kids freaking out at each these parties. And it's like, okay, don't write them off yet. You know? Because I wouldn't want them to write mine off. Yeah. It is so true. Like, because now we we did this school transition. We're with all new families that don't really know us and we don't know them.

Speaker: But it is. We're learning each other. We are understanding. Like the dynamics of of their families and how our kids all are learning each other. And you got to give other parents and other families the same grace you would want if your kid was doing something naughty or outrageous or whatever, because guess what? Your kid will do that at some point. Mm hmm.

Speaker: And this kind of goes back to what we were just talking about with the birthday parties and going even when they feel overwhelming or whatever. But when I think about my role in my child's like friendships currently, it's to get them in the room, like in the sense of there's going to be opportunities for them to meet people outside of school. Obviously school, they're automatically in the mix. Like they are, and then that's on them to like talk and communicate and make friends. But there's all these other opportunities, extracurriculars or birthday parties. Or if I, for example, like Alice has come home,

Speaker: almost every day talking about one girl that I don't really know very well, but it's very clear that like they have clicked. They are besties. She talks about her constantly. And I reached out to that mom myself and was like, Hey, Alice has been talking nonstop about, I'm not going say her name, but about, you know,

Speaker: Susie and like, I'd love to get together and like do a play date or something. Just so like I'm like, okay, if this is Alice's little bestie that she seems like she's clicking with, I feel like it's my job to like foster that and like get her in the room elsewhere to like make it go deeper, you know? And also like, we're going to be with these families for like 10 years. So if, if Alice and Susie going be best friends for 10 years,

Speaker: i i'm me and Me and that mom might as well have a glass of wine, okay? You know? Even if it's 10 a.m. Even if it's right now, I will have one right now.

Speaker: You know, it's funny, like, you saying that. I've found myself hesitant to invite, like, any of Margo's little friends over, like, having a play date because she has an older brother.

Speaker: i am like – I'm like, do you do you want to have your daughter over in the chaos with this big brother who antagonizes the absolute ass out of his sister? so I'm always like scared to invite like a one like a one child over. You know what mean? I'd have to be invited there and just take Margot.

Speaker: Yeah. I don't know. Not that Graydon's bad. I'm just like, i told he would be all over the place. We talked about this in our last episode about how like for some reason the first child sometimes just like becomes the default, especially at this age. And fostering those friendships feels like, I don't know, like more accurate or like, I don't, that's not the right word, but.

Speaker: It feels almost easier to like just default to like, okay, what Alice's friends like and Evie will tag along and she's happy no matter what. But you are right. Like I need to also foster the friendships of Evie too. Well, it's like that's what I was doing was fostering just for Graydon. Now that like we've established this like core group who all have kids that are Margo's age, i'm like it's just easier to like let them all be friends. Like we've made our friend group and I'm like I'm neglecting like potential like actual friendships because it's a big boy group. Like it's all boys yeah pretty much. and I'm like Margo is only hanging out with dudes, which cool. My little tomboy. But I'm ah so hesitant to just invite Margo.

Speaker: like little girls over, I'm like, oh my God, like it'd be chaos with it' the bro. that's I know, but I feel like if i i like you're you're sparking an idea for me. I'm like, I need to just maybe Alice goes with daddy one day and like I do a play date with just Evie and her friends. Because I also think another thing that happens here is that if we do hang out with even families that have kids Evie's age that also have kids Alice, like also have kids Alice's age. Like Evie just wants to hang with Alice.

Speaker: Yeah. That's what happens here. Well, at Margo's party, her little bestie came and they just played with each other. And I was like, wow, like I have been missing out on like letting her do this.

Speaker: And they were having so much fun with each other. They were just in each other's little world. I'm like, oh, my God, we should be hanging out with her more. They were having a blast.

Speaker: Yeah. I thought we could talk about like how there are friends from different groups or different phases of life. We'll have school friends. You'll have neighborhood friends. You'll have family friends. You will have dance and sports friends or, you know, moms, friends, kids.

Speaker: And how to navigate like those, like having those different friend groups. And especially in the moments when they all come together, like a birthday party, it's like all of your friends, kids are in, oh my God, no, all of your kids, friends are in one place, but they're all from different aspects.

Speaker: And, something we've already started to have this happen with Alice starting a new school and still having friends from old school and family friends that have been in the same situation. and I keep trying to tell Alice, like, you can love this friend and you can love that friend and you get to be the connector of like connecting people ah you know, Susie with like Zoe or whatever. And I'm like, you should introduce them and try and include them. That being said, like, it's a, it's a tough line because I want her to, you know, include them and do her best to like, keep, you know, be the connector, but also if they don't get along, like it's not her responsibility to like, yeah.

Speaker: keep the peace all the time. And that's like hard to explain to a four-year-old. For sure. It's hard. It's hard to explain as an adult, honestly. Well, I mean, that's exactly what's happening with like, I would say my friends that don't have kids versus like my friends that do, it's just easier to hang out with the friends that do.

Speaker: yeah without like not like saying there's no love there it's just like the easier thing like I was thinking about this how I've gotten into this rotation of like my central friend group here and how I used to hang out in my old neighborhood with the neighbors all the time and like they were kind of my click like it was easy like all the kids got along they'd run around in the cul-de-sac like so fun and ever since we've moved we've kind of like pulled away, not intentionally. It's just like yeah everyone either comes over here or someone else is hosting and like they're also doing it. But I'm like so ingrained in my friend group that have kids the exact same age and in both ages that I'm like, I'm just kind of leaning towards them at the moment. And yeah, it's just hard. I mean, still like have so much love for them, but I do feel guilty that i have like pulled away a little bit from the cul-de-sac.

Speaker: Yeah. i I, I, oh my God, you disappeared. disappeared for sec. You did again. what the heck? what ah hell No, I'm feeling the exact same thing. Like I can already feel there being a little bit of a shift from like the friends we hung out with a lot at Alice's old school and these like new friends that we're making at school because I feel like we are in, like I said, like a fostering ah section of friendship where it's like, well, these are all new. And we kind of have to pour into them a little bit in order to get them off the ground. And it's just inevitable that like we have to spend less time with the people we were spending time with. it

Speaker: Or our social battery is completely drained and zero. Like if I made time equal time for everyone, like I'm going to be dragging people. yeah And I can't do that. um I think it's so normal. For my sanity.

Speaker: If you think about it, like of all your friends you've had throughout your whole life, it's kind of like where you live, how much time you have, do you have kids, are you married, like you kind of foster where you are and It'll be the same. i I'm not worried about us going to a different school. Like, I think it'll be good for him to make more friends and then we can all connect with the old friends and just like bring groups together pretty much. it's kind of what I'm thinking. I mean, that's how you grow your community. And yeah and us none of us are like from here except one of my friends. And she knows literally everyone. It is so funny. But...

Speaker: I don't know. it's It's a nice way to grow your community, grow your friend group. It'll be tough. I don't think Graydon's going to struggle making friends, but it'll be tough like seeing all of them together all the time. And we're like over here and I'll be like, yeah don't forget about me, even though you might. And that's not I know it's not intentional. It's just going to happen.

Speaker: Yeah, for sure. I think also something that's interesting is kind of like I said earlier about like being a connector and like how, Alice, you can do that. I think it's really natural for me to say that because I identify as that. I'm someone someone who likes to bring people together Like I think about you and Shannon, like you guys are two of my friends from different phases of life that I like to think I brought together and, you know, made us this like amazing group of three. But I think about my husband who is someone who is like much more like likes to kind of keep his people and groups separate. Like his high school friends, they are amazing.

Speaker: a steel trap, okay? like No new friends. Team No New Friends, okay? They are Jesuit high school through and through. like That's that. And then he has like his college friends and like very rarely have i hung out with them or been in an an experience for their... Isn't that weird? You're like, I don't know them.

Speaker: Yeah, like he's kind of someone who silos friends and I don't necessarily... I don't think he would consider himself like a connector of those friends. So it's interesting to like, I feel like I want that for Alice to be like me, but there's a chance like that's overwhelming for her or so I can't like force my own, i don't know, like wants and stuff on.

Speaker: on them and that even goes to like there may be a mom that I love that like I'm like oh we meet I we connect like for example we have a new parent happy hour tomorrow so I'm going to be meeting all these new parents at this like wine and cheese thing and um you Catholics you get me love we love a drink we're going to cruise sellers and we're going to get a little sloshy on a Wednesday wine Wednesday I love it Um, so there's a mom I might meet and I'm like, oh, we hit it off. And then we get our girls together or kids together and like, maybe they don't mesh. And then I'm like, yeah damn, but I can't force it. Right. Like, yeah no, like, I don't, do you remember? some many diaamics ah Well, do you remember like growing up?

Speaker: Like, did your mom make friends with like any of your friends? Parents? No. Right. Like, that just, like, wasn't a thing. um Like, my mom was, like, really.

Speaker: Oh. I love my mom, but, like, she's just ah not very good at making friends, I don't think. Or she's, like, ah she's just so shy and reserved.

Speaker: I think, like, my like. Her and I could not be more opposite. ah My mom's like obviously very close like with Morgan's mom. Sharon, like my high school friends like my mom was tight with. And like that was also a thing like growing up in a small town like you kind of already knew some of these people. So it is what it is. But it's like a lot of them.

Speaker: No, my mom only hung out with her her normal friends. So it doesn't matter is what you're saying. It doesn't have to. You don't have to make it something it isn't until like they are super tight. Like with the little friend that Margo's made, I like really fucks with her mom. Like we text all the time. She's so funny. Like she's about to have her second kid. I'm like, I really like her.

Speaker: yeah And our our kids get along. um And same thing with Graydon. Like he, his best friend made our best friends. Like sometimes it works, but it was off the their lead.

Speaker: And then the parents happened to be hella cool. Yeah, no, that's a good, honestly, I need to remember that. I do. But if you're looking for new friends, that's, it is the way, like, that is like my number one, like, social connection was through daycare, which is LOL.

Speaker: But there everyone's been so great. Yeah. No, you have such a stellar group of friends. Thank you. They're all so kind. They're all so nice and cool.

Speaker: Like so cool. It worked out. Okay. The other thing i think that is important to mention, well, two things, two more things about friendships and helping our kids navigate friendships. i wrote down here, like teaching them how to handle friendship conflict and teaching them that conflict doesn't automatically mean like we're not friends or friendship is over or like literally i wrote down like, you're not my best friend anymore. That is like,

Speaker: the most commonly said conflict thing in Alice's like little world right now. So I looked up some things like, like language we can teach them to say, to help them navigate friendship conflict and, ah just simple things like I didn't like when you did that, or i want to play something different or can she play too? I need some space.

Speaker: That is a big one in our house that we talk about a lot. It's like, I need some space. If you don't want to play, that's fine. But whatever. um Can we start over? Like just giving them the language to like – navigate some of those more complicated feelings they may be feeling during play time and um playing with friends. um This is actually like such a good idea to do like with the siblings and teach them within the home. Yeah.

Speaker: that I'm usually just like yelling and I'm like, leave him alone. Stop antagonizing. Margot, stop hitting him. Like when I could be teaching them this language that they can then go and and take and use at school. But yeah I feel like Graydon's like, he doesn't have, like doesn't come home like upset. Like he's, he's never left out. Like his thing is that he is a joiner.

Speaker: in trouble like he gets in trouble at school for like piling into the issue like got it like he is a joiner like same thing happened here on his birthday party like with the lizard did i tell you the lizard died no they got it out of the breaking news yeah and it died died wait hold on eight just from getting getting out of the cage i don't know what they did to it i don't want to know i i don't want to know but this was like see this is what i'm saying this is a conversation we had with grayden before the party was like don't let anyone get it out what does he do he he's like yeah get it out

Speaker: Like he just like yeah he can't tell his friends no is the issue. And so he's a joiner. And I'm like, you're to get in trouble. Yeah, that's honestly i think Vinny's mom would say Vinny is also the same way. And like Vinny never started the trouble, but like he was always in the mix. And it's because he can't he's like not a leader.

Speaker: That's great. And he's yeah like, he's going to join in on the fun. he's gotten in trouble multiple times for like joining in on like screaming during nap time, keeping the kids up, like We're going to have work on that before the teenage years because I think that's when the teen, like if he's that way in high school, like we're going you might run into some problems. It's the definition of like, oh, just because someone jumped off the bridge doesn't mean you go with them. You know, like, yeah, he's a jumper, Candace. Like already know.

Speaker: He is a fun time guy. He doesn't want to disappoint his friends. He's literally just like me. Except i would have 100% like, don't get my fucking lizard out. Like I'd been like, no I have some balls in me to be like, don't touch my pet. But yeah.

Speaker: I'm hoping that was a teaching. I was hoping that was a teaching moment. So it is what it is. Chris was like so fired up. Candace, like I thought he was going to end friendships. And then we, I had to like and make him touch grass. I was like, Chris, you found that thing outside. Like, it's okay. you found that thing outside on a wall.

Speaker: This isn't like a real pet. like this' so funny This was a teaching moment. Yes. you and you're gonna oh fired die Oh my God. Yeah.

Speaker: It was funny. Oh my God. That's funny. Um, God, well, RIP to the lizard. What's, what was its name again? It changed names a bit.

Speaker: It was like... Multifaceted. It was Spot. It was Lizzie. Got it. He was also nocturnal. Also Lizzie gender. Lizzie and... Yeah, he was nocturnal, so we really didn't see him much. He was always hiding under a little log.

Speaker: so It's all right. Well, you know what? He's in a better place now. He is. We had him for like a week. That was so quick. Whatever. So is there any talk about replacing with a new lizard or no?

Speaker: Not right now. Like we're about to go on a trip, you know? So it's like, yeah, I was wondering what we were going to do with that thing while we were gone. I was like, good luck. Yeah.

Speaker: I don't know. Yeah. That's like us with the fish. Remember our quick fish era. and That was like hella quick. It was like a week. One night. Oh, I thought it died overnight.

Speaker: One of them did. We had two. one of them One of them lived for like two weeks and then the next one or one of them literally made it 24 hours. What are you going to do at the fair again? already know that. I saved all the terranium and the rocks and everything. i It's in storage, but I saved it because I know damn well those kids are coming home with a fish and at Carnival again this year. I know it.

Speaker: So at least I won't have to spend any more money. It's already there. i already have it all. Funny. But yeah yeah, either way, I do love like talking through that language, like with the siblings. like Oh yeah, that's what we were talking about. Yeah, sorry. I i went down the Lizzie trail, but um I do love like implementing that within the home and being able to like use that at school because, my God, I feel like I've gotten so lazy. I'm just like Stop fighting. Well, I have a recommendation for you and all of our listeners. The friendship bundle of books from Love Every is genuinely one of the best things I have ever purchased. It's a box of 10 books that all sorts of friendship issues about making friends. Um, it navigates all sorts of conflict and language to use. It is such a good bundle of books and my kids love the love every books. We own almost all of them now, honestly. Um, but it really helps like, not only is it teaching them things, it is teaching me also how to better like navigate friend conflicts because in the books, like parents are,

Speaker: obviously like navigating the friendship like conflict. Um, I've linked them on my stories before. I'll definitely link them in our stories when this comes out, but highly, highly, highly recommend. I genuinely think they are some of the like best purchase I've made in the past year. Genuinely.

Speaker: That sounds so not sponsored. Just love that. Love that set of books. Margot's loving reading at night. Green's not, he never was really into it, maybe for like a blip of time, but that'd be good to have for Margot. And she, we purchased her big girl bed, not coming until October. I don't know when we'll set it up, but your girl's going to laying in bed with, with the go-go girl soon. So,

Speaker: We need some new books. Yeah. it's a good they're They're really, really good. All of the Love Every books are so good. I feel like they are just so good at storytelling and helping them understand the world. so You know what's funny is Graydon and Margo are magazine kids. They love a magazine. They love catalogs.

Speaker: They love Highlight, that one that comes in the mail, and where they can like – I spy in that thing and we'll read and it's kind of short and I'm kind of enjoying it as well. um They love a catalog.

Speaker: Wow. um My girls are definitely like bookish. They love books. We read a lot of books. We like, I have to, I have, I have to negotiate the amount of books we're reading at night type thing.

Speaker: I liked them when I was little too. Yeah. I will say, and and I, and I'll hold on. This is side tangent, but it's kind of related. We are entering our homework era.

Speaker: oh now Oh no. b We have homework. um And one of the homework things is like to start reading longer form books to Alice, like almost like a chapter book, like the smaller chapter books. Yeah.

Speaker: so for reading comprehension and stories and like all that stuff. I'm like, like what? Like Junie B Jones type. sh but She sent some recommendations. She sent some recommendations of like what we should get and what we should start reading. um but yeah, we've got like letter homework. We've got, we've got some like under, so like taking the letters that they're learning and like reading stuff and like bring it into the, into the real world. Like we'll have to go and find things in nature. Like, Oh, that's cool.

Speaker: Yeah. Um, I'm actually kind of excited about it. Like I, it's like, I like that there' just there's just a list of things for me to do and I know there's directions. I don't have to come up with the activities anymore. They're just sending me home with them and like that's appreciated. That sounds so fun actually like finding out what letter they're working on and being like let's go on a scavenger hunt. That sounds really cute.

Speaker: And like the letter they're learning now is L. And so one of the things is to go outside and collect leaves and or leaves, leaves, what leafies leaves and we're supposed to do like leaf prints, you know, where you put a piece of paper and you like we're supposed to. and I don't know. It's just like, oh, I didn't have to think about this, but this is a fun idea. Yeah.

Speaker: It's not my idea, but I love it. It's like, is for the way.

Speaker: Love that movie. o ah Well, I mean, this is going to be a conversation that we're going to continue to have as our kids get older because the the dynamics will keep changing. They're and Like friendship, even now as an adult, there are still friend things that I am navigating as an adult. So stay tuned for more friendship talk for the rest of our lives. Literally, my mom was like, you're like in the height of like, I don't know, social calendar. Like it's happening and it's beginning and it's only going to just like rev up as you play sports. And she was like, oh yeah just get ready. Like it's beginning.

Speaker: I need some juice for my social battery. Friendship. Literally. Well, love you. Well, you're my best friend. know. was like, well, I love you i love you. We're the, we're a constant denominator for one another. so bless up. Yeah. And um yeah, i love you guys.

Speaker: I love you. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for being a part of our mom group chat. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And don't forget, the group chat is blowing up on our Instagram page. So make sure you're following along over there. All right. Gotta go. My toddler just put something in her mouth.