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Best of Season 3: Living in the Pokemon World?!
241 Plays1 year ago
Join us on the run up to Season 4 as we count down some of our favourite episodes from Season 3!
Hello everybody and welcome to the best of Season 3. In this episode, Adam and I explore what it would be like to live in the Pokemon world. At first we thought this would have been a quick and light hearted entry but little did we know that it would become one of our most quotable episodes yet! Without any further ado, hope you enjoy!
To kick off the spooky festivities of October, Satsunami and Adam are taking a rather different approach to the season. This time they are discussing the curious world of Pokemon. While Adam thinks that this is a whimsical land of fantastical creatures, Satsunami has other views.
Would you live in the Pokemon world? Or is it better left alone? Let's dive in and find out!
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Transcript
Introduction and Hosts' Personal Pokémon Stories
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to the best of season 3. In this episode, Adam and I explore what it would be like to live in the Pokemon world. At first we thought this would be the quick and light hearted entry, but little did we know that this would become one of our most quotable episodes yet. Without any further ado, hope you enjoy. Welcome to Chad Tsunami.
00:00:34
Speaker
Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Chad Tsunami. I'm Sad Tsunami and joining me in the spookiest month of the year is the one and only Sandwich who wants to be the very best, like no one ever was, that of course being Adam. Adam, welcome back. Hello, hello, good to be back and I wish I could remember more lyrics to that song but I'm desperately racking from my childhood memories but all I can remember is the lines you just quoted. So there we go. Well what a disappointment to start this episode
Realities of Living in the Pokémon World
00:01:04
Speaker
off with.
00:01:04
Speaker
You were the Digimon fan weren't you? I think the only time in my life that I've ever been a quote unquote hipster was during what for like a one-week period in primary school when I saw a couple episodes of Digimon and I was like this is better than Pokemon and I went until everybody in my class and I was like yeah you guys are lame I know I know it was really cool and then I stopped I've never become a hipster since.
00:01:25
Speaker
I can just imagine like all these 35 year olds just like cracking their knuckles like, hey, what is guy? I got beaten up a lot that week. You stood for what you believed in. It's better than The Salvation Kid. Exactly, that's true. I was hanging next to him off the jungle gym, both with our butt cheeks being showed to the world.
00:01:47
Speaker
If you want to know what we're talking about, go listen to our Terminator Salvation episode. I just want to point that out. I want context laid out right now. It's not much better with the context of it. I've got to listen to the context at least. Yeah, please do. So yeah, by that very visceral intro, today we are, yeah, we're going to be talking about Pokémon and would you believe it, this is the second episode that we've talked about Pokémon on the series.
00:02:13
Speaker
I know it's a franchise that has been very important to you over the years and stuff, so it's good to be getting back into it again. I think this is the first one that I've been on through Pokemon, so I'm very excited. Yeah, it's been a long time coming. I keep saying to you, oh go on, go on, why don't we? So yeah, today we are going to be talking about what it would be like to live in the Pokemon world. Let me tell you right now boys and girls, and men and women listening, it would be hell. I'm just going to throw that
00:02:44
Speaker
No, you know usually how I always balance the argument, I say, oh you know, there's some good points, there's some bad points. No no, this would be straight up hell. See if you convince yourself otherwise that living in the Pokemon world would be anything but a hellscape. What is wrong with you?
00:03:00
Speaker
I just want to point out as well, we're not going to be treading over old ground, we're not going to be going into it's 10 year olds fighting with monsters, and you know the people, I mean Adam, where they say really milk toast criticisms of video games like Mario Eats Mushrooms, where the Sonic stories rings, Halo's a stupid name, you know, those kind of people. Oh, I love those people.
00:03:25
Speaker
Do you know what actually reminds me of, and this is going to be a really weird side tangent, but the Pokemon universe actually reminds me of when I was in history class in school and our teacher told us that he was talking to this student one time who wanted to be a vet.
00:03:42
Speaker
and apparently this student turned around and said, oh I would love to be a vet, I can't wait to deal with all the cute animals and all the puppies and the kittens. I think it was a bit of a killjoy but he was like, you do realise you're gonna have to do some really nasty shit to these animals.
Pokémon Lore and Cultural Impact
00:03:58
Speaker
You know, you're gonna have to take their temperatures in certain places, you're gonna have to, you know, do all these grimy things and apparently the student was very much like, no no, I would just deal with the cute ones. And he was just shaking his head as if
00:04:10
Speaker
No, you wouldn't. That's how I feel about the Pokemon universe. It's like, it looks cute and cuddly on the outside, but there's a lot of shit you're gonna have to put your hands on. You tell me you don't fancy shoving a thermometer up Charizard's ass. A thermometer would break! That's a good point, actually. They must have special ones. There must be a special thermometer for a situation like that. So, Adam, what's your relationship with the Pokemon?
00:04:36
Speaker
I was a little bit late to the Pokemon party, but I played blue and I really enjoyed it. I had a deep love for it. And I also played somewhere yellow. I didn't finish yellow, but I enjoyed that. And I enjoyed some of the anime I would watch when it was on. I still have Pokemon cards. And that was all the rage at school at the time, as I'm sure you probably remember as well. Satsu.
00:04:55
Speaker
However, after that, I kind of fell away from the Pokemon franchise. I think a lot of it was that I didn't get like any kind of Nintendo consoles after. I had a Game Boy Advance, but I didn't get like gold or anything like that. But like after that, I mean, I didn't really get any Nintendo console. So I kind of fell away from the franchise and I really had no kind of interest. My kind of gaming interest went other directions. And then when I got a Switch, I got a copy of Sword.
00:05:22
Speaker
I believe. And I played a little bit of Sword, but I didn't really get too far into it. And I just said then, this is not me taking a shot at the franchise at all. It's more me. This is more a me problem than a Pokemon problem. I just don't think it's quite a game for me. It's just not something that I enjoy as much as other games. And if you enjoy it, that's fine. Like, there's nothing wrong with that at all. Like, I mean, I encourage you. It's like what you like, but it's not something that, not a game series that really appeals to me.
00:05:47
Speaker
I have to be honest. But I certainly loved playing Blue, and yeah, I mean, I enjoy talking about it as well because I think it's a fascinating universe that's been built up. Now, going back to an earlier point you made there, I totally agree with the Pokémonia. They absolutely swept through the country. If you want to hear more about especially my experience and Friend of the Channel Crazy's experience with
00:06:10
Speaker
Pokémonia during the 90s and the early 2000s definitely go listen to an episode on Pokémonia. Yeah, the long and the short of it was I was in a similar boat of being swept up in Pokémonia. My first game was actually Pokémon Yellow. I would watch the anime. I was really obsessed with it for the longest time. I even completed the Pokédex in Pokémon Silver, I wanna say.
00:06:34
Speaker
I ended up playing Ruby and Sapphire and I think around that kind of time when I was starting to get into high school, I was moving a little bit away from Pokemon because I've said this story many times but there was a point in my life
00:06:49
Speaker
when I actually moved away from kind of childish games, quote-unquote, like Pokémon, Sonic, and I thought, oh, because I'm getting older, I have to go to play more mature games, if that makes sense? Like, oh, you're Call of Duty's, you're Halo's, which is a stupid thing to say, but back then, as a kind of insecure child, you think, oh, maybe I shouldn't be playing these baby games, but it came full circle again where, after school, I got back
00:07:15
Speaker
into them, played them, absolutely loved them, but again, I'm kind of the same at them. I'm not really as passionate about the series as I used to be. I mean, I've still played, I think the latest game I've played is Pokémon Arceus and as well the Diamond and Pero remake and Sword and Shield, which, they're okay. I mean, they're good enough games, but the more you read into this, like, expansive lore, and this is what actually inspired this episode,
00:07:44
Speaker
The more you read into the later games, especially games like Sun and Moon and the remakes for Sapphire and Ruby, Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire, you realise that there is a lot of dark content in these games. It's no longer you're just like a tiny pixel boy picking your first animal to be friends with and you walk around the country and go, I'm gonna fight with Pokemon.
00:08:07
Speaker
You know, it's all very colourful and relatively kid-friendly, but the more you kind of peel back the facade as a player, it gets really dark really fast. And without really spoiling anything, I sent you a couple of points.
Pokémon Universe: Day-to-Day Life
00:08:23
Speaker
Has it changed your mind about living in the Pokemon universe yet? I mean, I feel like it changed a lot about me. I feel like again my childhood was shattered all over again.
00:08:32
Speaker
You Robocop'd me, basically, with those facts. But no, they were certainly eye-opening. I wasn't lying. I was sitting on the bus today, coming back from work, and I was like, huh, well, how about this? Yeah, well, we'll just jump into it. Let's do it. Let's jump into the mire. Let's get our hands on some Pokeballs and listen to these messages, and we will be right back.
00:08:55
Speaker
Welcome to Chatsunami, a variety podcast that discusses topics from gaming and films to anime and journal interests. Previously on Chatsunami, we've analysed what makes a good horror game, conducted a retrospective on Pierce Brosnan's runs James Bond, and listened to us take deep dives into both the Sonic and Halo franchises.
00:09:14
Speaker
Also, if you're an anime fan, then don't forget to check us out on our sub-series, Chatsunani, where we dive into the world of anime. So far, we've reviewed things like Death Note, Princess Mononoke, and the hit Beyblade series. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then you can check us out on Spotify, iTunes, and all big podcast apps. As always, stay safe, stay awesome, and most importantly, stay hydrated.
00:09:36
Speaker
Hello, Mel. Hello, Holly. We're witch murderer. We are witch murderer. And, yeah, you never want to be in a situation where you're with a group of people and you're deciding who you're going to eat. This week's episode is divorce martyrs. You mean evidence for our future trials? Yes. Yes. However, unlike the first two victims, Virginia's body was melted to make soap. What? Why?
00:09:58
Speaker
Witch Murderer is hosted by Spreaker. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. Email us at witchmurderer at gmail.com or visit our website at witchmurderer.com. We are also on Instagram and Twitter, just look through the app witchmurderer account or hashtag on our Facebook page and group interacting with other listeners or the Witch Murderer team.
00:10:22
Speaker
This episode is sponsored by Zencaster. Zencaster is an all-in-one podcast production suite that gives you studio-quality audio and video without needing all the technical know-how. It records each guest locally, then uploads the crystal clear audio and video right into the suite so you have high-quality raw materials to work with. For more information on how you can get 30% off a Zencaster professional account, please check out the code in the bio.
00:10:48
Speaker
So where do you want to start with this Adam? Because this is a very extensive topic we're going to jump into. Well, can I ask what is potentially a very dumb question? And if this is a very dumb question, please just feel free to call me out here. But in the Pokemon universe, is everything centered around Pokemon? Yes. So like literally if I was just living my daily life, there's nothing I could do that was like not some way
00:11:12
Speaker
not Pokémon base. Can you just not be a part of Pokémon? I mean, it's almost a bit like if you hated animals and you tried to get away from that, but every single place was like an offshoot of the Rainforest Cafe. Everyone's got like an Avery or something like that. Yeah, it's kind of hard to ignore it when you've got like a Machamp delivered on your mail or something.
00:11:39
Speaker
Oh my god, so there's literally no escaping men. So if I'm in this world, right, I get up. Do you think as well, right? Okay. Do you think it's kind of like I've recently started watching that TV series, The Boys, which I know you've seen as well. So is it like I wake up, right? Okay. And I go down to have my breakfast and I like pull out, I get my cereal out of the cupboard and it's like Machamp flakes or something like that. Or like, is everything going to be sponsored by some kind of like Pokemon or something? And then I'm going to like get my mug of tea and it's going to be like a growly on the mug or something like that.
00:12:09
Speaker
Yeah, pretty much. So there is literally no escaping this then? Oh no, absolutely not. You would go to the shops in the corner, there would just be like a Pokémon centre there. You go to pick up a pint of milk, it would be beside the potions and the Pokéballs. Yeah, there is a very Poké-centric society, I would say. Are there other stores apart from the Poké store? No. Well,
00:12:36
Speaker
Well, let me backtrack. If you go into the bigger cities, a bit like I was going into Edinburgh or Glasgow or somewhere, there's a department store and a gambling shop. Here's a question. Where do I get a pint of milk and a loaf of bread? Good question. Do I have to go out and catch it with my poker ball and then find a wild jug of milk running around?
00:12:59
Speaker
Well, there is actually a... Oh god, I can't believe I'm explaining this. There's an actual cow Pokémon called Miltank. And they actually do sell, at least in Johto anyway, I don't know if they sell it in other regions, but they sell something called Moo Moo Mill. Oh, of course they do.
00:13:18
Speaker
So I don't think either of our anxieties would hold up going into a shop asking for Moo Moo. It's like when you go into Gregg's and you ask for a yum yum, you just sound like an idiot. Oh my god. No, I think we're in this world. I can't do that every day. Oh my god. We haven't even started talking about the problem. But what if you're a vegan in this world? Does the Moo Moo produce vegan? Does that count? It just screwed.
00:13:49
Speaker
Is there a Soy-based Pokémon every time he can milk an Audish? Oh! Aren't the worst thing you've ever said in any of the episodes? They're poisonous though, right? Isn't it like spores come out of? No, that's a gloom and vile gloom. Audish is like a poison-based one, isn't it? No, it's grass type in its first word. So you're safe. I'm safe then, so I go milk an Audish, I'm all fine.
00:14:20
Speaker
I'm glattening out the plant-based Pokémon. It's rich for this milk, apparently. Oh, God! I don't know why he's milking. You're not moving on.
00:14:31
Speaker
don't get me wrong, in the anime they obviously expand on it and it's like oh there's hotels and things like that and there obviously are shops and restaurants where you can get food but like in games, obviously there's a reason for that but in the games it's very erm, at least in the early games it's very limited because the only place you're buying things is, or rather the places you're exploring is the Pokémon Centre, the Poké Mart or someone's house. That's fair.
00:15:01
Speaker
Now that would be a bad thing. Even before we've taken one step out the door, can you imagine sleeping in your bed and you wake up to this child breathing heavily over you and you're like, what the fuck is going on? Who are you? And they feel like, why not?
00:15:18
Speaker
You want a battle? It's like, no you can't! Get out of my house! Get your slimy Bulbasaur out of here! Does stranger danger exist in the Pokemon world? Because he and everybody standing around his desk trying to make eye contact with everybody to fight them. Good, that's my nightmare. Having to have social interactions by doing eye contact.
00:15:40
Speaker
But as well, it's the most awkward form of social context. It's literally just people standing there trying to get in your way. It can be awkward enough sometimes just going about your daily business when there's other people just going about their daily business. But these are people deliberately trying to fuck with you. Trying to get in your way and mess your day up basically by fighting you and stuff. It's the worst! That's honestly the worst thing I can think of.
00:16:04
Speaker
I mean, imagine trying to go to the city and then who drew what would be the worst? Imagine you go to the city, right? You get on a bus or whatever, which I think Generation 5, I will admit, that kind of expanded more in like towns and cities. And there's like a huge city halfway through the game that you can go to. And they've got different shops, where it's like you can buy ice creams and things like that. That's pretty cool. But speaking beforehand, imagine you're on a bus, right? You're going there and then let's say, I don't know, an oddish running away from a vegan.
00:16:34
Speaker
gets run over by the bus. So the bus blows a flat tire, right? And then you're sitting on the bus and you're looking outside and then all of a sudden you just see this face pressed up against the window and it's this bug catcher or something asking you for a battle.
00:16:50
Speaker
What do you do then? Do you accept it? Do you just ignore him? Do you put your AirPods in? What do you do there? It does seem like the minute you make eye contact that's like a verbal agreement in the Pokemon universe that you're gonna have to battle. Like it's the equivalent of like an old fashioned slap with a glove. The minute you've locked eyes you must do battle to the, not death but you know, to the fainting. Do you think people don't make eye contact in the Pokemon world because of that?
00:17:15
Speaker
Yeah, why would
Pokémon Society: Rules and Governance
00:17:16
Speaker
you ever make eye contact with anybody? Do you know what? It's like this. Apologies for this going slightly dark. I imagine it must be kind of what it's a little bit like in America, where you're just around being like, I wonder if this person has a gun. You're like, I hope this person doesn't have like a fucking row of like, pokeballs ready to like, battle me with, you know? Like, you'd be terrified to lay up any contact with anybody.
00:17:33
Speaker
you totally would. You'd be looking at people's shoes going, oh nice shoes, oh nice trainers. Quite the connoisseur of footwear. God, can you imagine business meetings in this world? Do people have business meetings? How can you have a business meeting as you say when the minute you make eye contact you're going to have to like fight the chief financial officer?
00:17:51
Speaker
What I love is seeing the image of Dave from accounting having to do a presentation. He looks up and all his colleagues are holding pokeballs. I didn't want to come in today. I had a sick day.
00:18:06
Speaker
To be fair though, as I said, in Generation 5, and that is one of my favourite generations, that's why I'm simping so hard over it, but in Generation 5 they do kind of expand a little bit more where they have white business people, although then again some of those battle years, so that makes my point of time all in.
00:18:25
Speaker
They can't escape it! That's why my first question was, is there anything in this universe that doesn't revolve around me having to have a team of Pokemon to battle other people? Do you have to go out and catch a Pokemon base? I know in the games you'll meet, well I don't know some of the later games, but I know in some of the earlier games you'd meet whichever professor it was and they'd gift you a Pokemon. Presuming that I don't have connections like that to the Pokemon Intelligentsia.
00:18:55
Speaker
the Pokemon Intelligents.
00:19:14
Speaker
flying about, rummaging around that with the world. But yeah, can I just point this out? In real life, I am not a fan of bees, okay? Not a fan of wasps either. I'm actually terrified of wasps. Bees are kind of starting to build relationships, you know? Like I'm building that relationship up to be like,
00:19:31
Speaker
I don't want to, you know, still I'm not a big fan of them but I don't wish any harm on them. Wasps, you have a different story. There is a Pokemon, in case anyone's not aware, there is a Pokemon that is just a literal massive wasp called Beedrill. The clue is in the name, it's a bee and it's got drills, both sticking out his butt and his hands.
00:19:51
Speaker
That sounds terrifying. That sounds like my worst nightmare. I don't know what's worse. The bee drill? Or the big massive spiders that you see deep in the forest? See, if I was born in Canto, the first region, I would not be able to go through Viridian Forest. I would have to save up for an Uber. I would have to beat the children in front of Viridian Forest every day just so I could save enough money for an Uber to get safely through Viridian Forest. And I'm not getting out of that car. You've seen bee drills? You've seen weedles?
00:20:20
Speaker
Pinsery thinks no. Also as well, correct me if I'm wrong, perhaps this isn't in the same region, but there is a Pokémon called Pineco that freaking explodes. Where are those and how do I avoid those at all costs? They would be in Johto. Okay, so if I'm in Kanto I just have to worry about the massive bead drills.
00:20:42
Speaker
Well, to be fair, Johto is literally beside Kanto. So if you're taking a gap here, you're going to get blown up in the forest. Is there a rivalry between Johto and Kanto? Is there pranks where kids from Johto gather together a whole ton of pinecoes and throw them over the border fence into Kanto? Well, bar the fact that sounds like a horrid war crime. She does sound like a little bit of papers please, doesn't it?
00:21:08
Speaker
So like what the do-to kids throw pinecoes and the other kids throw voltorbs.
00:21:15
Speaker
Boom. There you go. Well, technically they share the same authority figure. They both have the same elite floor. Which is weird to think about because, going slightly off topic, but there is no centralised government in this world as far as I know. I don't know if it's different from the anime, I don't know if it's different from the manga, but it seems like a very power based society. It's like, you know how people really crap on Starship Troopers?
00:21:42
Speaker
where they're like, oh you're only allowed to vote and you're only allowed to be in positions of power if you go and fight. Explain the Elite Four.
00:21:51
Speaker
Four of the most powerful trainers plus one champion, so that's five trainers, making the decisions on behalf of the Populists, all because they're the strongest in the region. Is there a king? Is there a queen? Is there a government? What is going on in the Pokemon universe? Well I think we may have found potentially our first positive here. So this does sound like a very, very loose central authority here. So I'm guessing tax collection isn't that rigid, so perhaps you can get away with not paying you taxes.
00:22:20
Speaker
If in real life you could avoid paying your taxes but a bee or like a spider the size of like a German Shepherd came up to you, is it worth it Adam? Is it worth it? You're probably not right. HMRC doesn't seem so bad now. When you compare it to that as well like, oh do you know something else I just thought about right? Have you ever been anywhere right? You've been walking somewhere. Maybe you need to like go under like an underpass. You need to go under a bridge or something like that.
00:22:44
Speaker
and you see some teens lurking about and you're like, do you ever stop and be like, hmm, do I want to go under this underpass? I wonder, or do I want to try and find another way? Like, imagine that scenario, but like, the teens hanging about have a Charmeleon with them. You're definitely not going for the underpass, are you? That literally happens in Pokémon Silver. Really?
00:23:02
Speaker
Yeah, you go to, I think it's Goldenrod City, which is like the big city of that region, and you go on the underground and later in the game you find out there's like a Team Rocket base there. Spoilers. You go there. And yeah, there's loads of adults as well, but the weird thing as well is you can actually take your Pokémon to get their haircut there. So it's like... What was happening under the surviving community?
00:23:27
Speaker
Yeah, you can buy incenses for them. You can buy haircuts for them. You can get tackled by a cue ball. Their words, not mine. And before anyone's wondering, cue ball isn't the name of a Pokemon. I mean, it's a balding, fat, middle-aged man who's fighting a 10-year-old, which... That's the most terrifying thing so far. Exactly. And I mean, there's just so much. We haven't even left the house yet, OK? I wasn't getting milk yet from Mama, you got my Moo Moo milk yet.
00:23:59
Speaker
I'm having to eat my matchamp flakes like dry. I can imagine the horrible sad crunch. What in matchamp? Here's a question. What does matchamp crunches look like? Is it cut out some matchamp or is it cut out stuff like the Underway? I was thinking like one of his biceps but like I love the Underway idea so much that it has to be that. Oh my god. Then the breakfast of my champion.
00:24:28
Speaker
Nintendo, if you haven't switched it off by now, we're free. You can sponsor us. Do you know what? I think the first thing, but right, so we have to leave the house. Okay. Let's just say for some reason we have to leave the house.
00:24:41
Speaker
You can't make me out of it. Right, okay. We have to. I don't know why, but we have to. Okay, the B drill's got inside the house. Like, we forgot to close one of the windows, and it's... Well, actually, let's be honest, it's just fucking smashed its way through the window, because it's got drills per hand. So it's in the house, and we need to get out. What kind of insurance options are there? Because I feel like I need to get myself some personal insurance if I'm walking around this world. Do you think this is a thriving industry?
00:25:03
Speaker
I think it would be a very legal graveyard because in the Detective Pikachu film, they do joke about that because the main characters like an insured salesman before he goes over and sees his dad and all the Pokemon hijinks happen, but as boring as it is, I would be so interested to see that because I'm like, what folks?
00:25:23
Speaker
calls do you think he gets? Oh yeah, my Charmander's burnt down my house. How many times has that been? Oh it's the third time. Right well sir we can't help you, but I'm gonna be homeless. Boop puts down the phone, that's it. What if some kids are playing right and they think it's a football and instead they don't realise it's a vote orb and then they are in a lecture and it's like they kick it into someone's house and it's like this poor old wee granny knitting.
00:25:45
Speaker
And then all of a sudden it blows up. Who's to blame there? Is it the kids? Is it the granny for not Pokemon proofing their windows? Who's to blame there? The legal system must be such a nightmare as you say. How responsible are you for your Pokemon? It's such a good point. As you say, if I do get a Firebase Pokemon, burn something. Am I responsible for that? Or do I claim well it's a Firebase Pokemon? What can I do? God, imagine the Judge Judy in the Pokemon universe. The case is using it on that. Oh my god.
00:26:15
Speaker
My neighbour is Gyrodos, crushed my car or something. What are my husband ran away with the Mr Mime? Oh no! Do you know what? I think that this is my ultimate problem. Despite all the other problems that we've just listed here, my ultimate problem and the reason I can't live in the Pokemon universe is I don't think I can exist and I can live in a world where Mr Mime exists.
00:26:40
Speaker
He has nightmare fuel for you. He is the most terrifying, one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen in my life. And I've always felt this way ever since I've seen him. He freaks me out more than anything. So I don't know what would happen if I saw him, Mr. Mime. I might faint. I might just die on the spot. I might like fly into a rage and try and destroy. I have no idea. I don't know what would
Crime and Survival in the Pokémon World
00:27:00
Speaker
happen. I just imagine the headlines now. Local man leaves his house after 30 years. First thing he does is punch a Mr. Mime.
00:27:09
Speaker
So let's say I go out and I punch in Mr Mime and the narrator. Do I go into the core? What am I being charged with? Is that like the equivalent of animal abuse here? Or do I have to like, is that a crime against the owner's property? You see, here's an interesting point actually. You know how, obviously, if you are like a pod in real life and you do abuse an animal, then rightfully so, you get stripped of the rights to like have another pet, have another animal. How does that work in the Pokémon universe where everything is Pokémon-centric?
00:27:39
Speaker
Because you can just go out and catch one, right, as well. There doesn't seem to be any oversight authority that you don't have to declare a Pokémon, do you? No, you don't even need a license or anything for Pokéballs. You could just go to the cut, and imagine someone at night going to the Pokémon, you know, hood opps, sunglasses on, and he's like, give me five Pokéballs. Would that be all, sir? No, that's it. Thank you. And he goes out and he catches a Pidgey. Those are like five Pokéballs and like, oh, I'll get the stick of gum as well.
00:28:09
Speaker
Sorry sir, that's Pokémon. It just like goes into rage. Well the gum's a Pokémon, I don't know. Oh god! Oh it probably is as well. It will be eventually when they run out of ideas. I know people joke about that and they're like, oh Pokémon's run out of ideas, but there's some Pokémon you just look at and think. There's only a set of keys. I'm not even joking by the way. Are my keys a Pokémon? From my house? There are key Pokémon by the way. Is that the only keys I can get in this universe?
00:28:37
Speaker
No, I'm sure you can probably get it. I can get a non-Pokemon set of keys. Okay, that's one thing at least. So we've walked out of the house, but you know, actually, you bring that Pidgeys there brings me another thought I had. Does the concept of like vermin exist in the Pokemon universe? So like, if there's like a ton of Pidgeys around, is that something I need to be worried about? If I go into a restaurant and the chef has a Rattata, is that something that I should be concerned about? Or am I just be like, oh, well, that's fine. But you mean like Rattata too? Yeah, like Rattata.
00:29:07
Speaker
Exactly. Do I need to be concerned? Should I be like, that's a health code? Or do health code violations exist? Good question. And that brings up another point as well, because technically in the anime and technically in the games, they do allude to the fact that Pokémon aren't eaten. What hierarchy exists?
00:29:26
Speaker
You know, it's like, I was actually explaining this to my partner earlier when I was telling her that we were doing this episode, but it's like, imagine you caught a milk tank or some kind of pig Pokémon, like a teapig or something like that, and you think, oh, I'm going to raise this and it's going to be the bestest boy in the world. And then you wake up the next day and a farmer dad or farmer relatives killed it and turned it into beef burgers. Moo moo burgers, if you will.
00:29:53
Speaker
What if you were going to the Pokemon championships and then you have to throw out a burger? Just the look of sadness. You would just be like, oh man, this is the third time this week. But here's the thing as well. What kind of dick parents are like, oh dad, I'm off to the thing. Did you pack my Pokemon away? Oh yes, and I popped it in your Pokeball. Because the kid throws out the Pokemon on a fucking burger.
00:30:20
Speaker
I want to call Pokémon Child Services about that if such a thing exists. I don't think Pokémon Child Services does exist to be honest. I know we said we weren't going to go into that territory of old Pokémon who's like kids fighting with animals, but yeah, if you're given a 10 year old license to carry a monster in their pocket, you're going to get some severe issues. They just seem to be able to just like, wander around the world and like, there doesn't seem to be that much where they can go fight the Mafia if they want.
00:30:48
Speaker
Oh god, can we talk about the crime in this world? Right, okay, let's go into the crime. Terrorism, but fun, okay? That's what Pokémon is. It's colourful terrorism. You know, in Gen 1 and 2, we've got Team Rocket, who are, as you said, the Mafia. And these teams get progressively worse, can they say? So you've got the Mafia, your stereotypical soprano figures, the, hey, and all of that.
00:31:12
Speaker
You've got Gen 3, and again, Gen 6 on the remake, you have Team Aqua and Magma who both want to induce a drought or a flood. They want to cover the region either in water or sunshine, which again, ecoterrorism. Gen 4, they have a cultish team called Team Galactic who want to control time and space. Interdimensional terrorists, I suppose. Wow.
00:31:39
Speaker
Generation 5, you have Team Plasma, who are meant to be their version of PETA, and they are quite manipulative. They're like, oh, release your Pokémon. And the caveat behind that is, oh, it's because we want to take over the world, which after that, they did that quite well on that one. But you're always going to get Pokémon rights groups and things like that, and sweaty hikers trying to pull you into a Ferris wheel, which is an actual scene in black and white. Trust me, look it up.
00:32:06
Speaker
fresh with dialogue such as, who's getting hot in here boy? You're like, oh no, I wanna let me out. So generation 6 we have Team Flare, which while not as memorable, want to, I think they wanna cull a certain percent of the planet.
00:32:22
Speaker
because they want to activate like a super weapon. Jane's 7 isn't as bad, I will say. Jane's 7's more like these kind of street thugs and it's the same with Jane 8 because you've got Team Skull and Jane 7 with Southern Moon. The only team that's really a threat is I think it's the Aether Foundation who, they study aliens and we will get on to the Ultra Beast and things because they are nightmare fuel. Then
00:32:49
Speaker
Yeah, Generation A we've got, is it Team Yale in Sword and Shield? I don't think I've got as far as finding out the team, I have to admit. They're not great, they're just cheerleaders essentially, they're useless. But also, if we want to go to the spin-offs, we have Team Snagem in Pokémon Coliseum.
00:33:05
Speaker
Now as the name suggests, they steal Pokemon and they have a machine you strap to your arm where you can actually steal other people's Pokemon. And you've got Team Cipher who literally kidnap people and they genetically alter other Pokemon.
00:33:20
Speaker
Did I mention the kidnapping? Because there's a lot of that going on in Team Cipher. That's where it was genetics, as well as potential world domination. Where do you want to start, Adam? Which region would you like to start? That's really their big thing then, is the kidnapping, Team Cipher. That's really what they're all about, I mean, along with the genetics and everything.
00:33:38
Speaker
Well, I mean, see at the very beginning, the only reason I bring that up is because at the beginning, the only reason you meet your sidekick in the game is because they found a Skirrell called, I think it's Rui but you can change the name as you wish, they find a Skirrell who can see shadow Pokémon
00:33:54
Speaker
the whole gimmick of the game is only this girl can see Shadow Pokémon nobody else can. So it's almost the perfect crime, but she goes to a bad part of town and she points out and says, hey, that Pokémon looks weird, to which these thugs basically tie her up, shove her in a bag.
00:34:11
Speaker
it like cut her off. And you're like, Jesus Christ, this game got drugged. Like, Pokémon Colosseum is a whole bag of worms of its own. Sorry, I'm not calling her a bag of worms, such as, what a duration. As a bag of worms. Where do we want to begin with crime and the Pokémon universe? So we're out for our moment.
00:34:29
Speaker
So literally right here what you're telling me is all this time I've been panicking about being attacked by a B-drill or like seeing Mr Mime and not knowing how I'm gonna react when actually the thing that I need to be most worried about is being kidnapped or being caught up in like crime business is that why I really need to be concerned about
00:34:47
Speaker
Not much, yeah. Maybe not in the early regions. Fortunately, there's not a lot of kidnapping. In fact, no sorry, I take that back. There's a lot of hostage situations with Team Rocket. Not only did they take over an office building, which completely, that would screw me over because I work in an office, and they also take over a radio tower in Generation 2 with Silver, Gold and Crystal. So yeah, there's a lot of hostage taking going on as well.
00:35:15
Speaker
you in a Pokemon hostage situation, is there like an equivalent of SWAT? Actually, it's easy to be fair, and again this isn't explained in the games, but there was like a spin-off series called, I want to say Pokemon Origins, but I could be wrong, it was like these kind of shorts that kind of developed the world, and they are pretty cool, I will grant it that, but there's one where it's like the police are trying to raid Viridian Jim,
00:35:38
Speaker
got like a champ bursting through the walls and they've got like growlers burning down the wall. It's actually pretty cool, see if there was a game like that. And I think, I can't remember if I'm remembering this right, but I think I've got magnamites that like open the locks and they do it. It's really goddamn cool. Like see if you had a game like that where it was just like Rainbow Six Pikachu, I would play it.
00:36:00
Speaker
That'd be amazing. Yeah, because you could send your magnumites to cut the power, the phone lines and everything like that. That'd be lovely. Okay, so we've been taken hostage, but then the Pokémon SWAT have come and they've saved us. We're out and free. So you kind of touched on this briefly, but if you'd be able to elaborate a bit more, what's our mode of transportation? Do we have to use Pokémon for that as well?
00:36:21
Speaker
It depends what region you're in, because if you're in the region in Sun and Moon, you get something called Right Pokemon, and Right Pokemon, so can I just like completely off topic here, but there's a particular moment where you find whether the Right Pokemon are in a cemetery, and it's carrying this old woman. The reason
00:36:39
Speaker
he's carrying this old woman in a cemetery is because she explains to you, oh my Machamp, which I'm presuming he was driving the car, because this is the only way I can think of how this Machamp and this guy got into a car crash and it's said that the guy died, the husband of the woman died
00:36:59
Speaker
So ever since then, before the crash, the husband put the Machamp in a Pokeball. So ever since then, the Machamp's always hated Pokeball, so he tossed his Pokeball away. So that implies some kind of sentience or autonomy amongst Pokemon. If they decide, oh I don't want to be in a Pokeball, they could just crush it like that.
00:37:18
Speaker
That is terrifying though, because as you say, what are you going to do to stop a matchamp? You're getting your Pokeball. And as you say, what? A matchamp's just going to fold you up like cheap soup. Do you know what it's like? Really bad quality control in the Pokemon universe. In the game, you're supposed to fight the gyms and you're supposed to defeat the Elite Four. And as a gameplay mechanic, it makes sense that the more badges you get, the more powerful Pokemon will obey it.
00:37:43
Speaker
In the real world, if we were living in that world, could you just buy a badge of 8C? Or is it like a spray they give you? How does a Pokemon tell as well? I presume there's the equivalent of scouts in the Pokemon universe. Can I just go up to a Venusaur and be like, oh I have my first aid badge here and my not tying badge obey me. Is it going to recognise that?
00:38:06
Speaker
In the anime, it's implied that there's more gyms out there. Obviously in the games it's 8 gyms, that's your lot, but in the anime it's like, oh, you've got this gym that's trying to be legit and trying to get his license or something. Who from, I don't know, the Pokemon League? It's like, who's the Pokemon League? Oh, it's the Elite Four plus the Champions, so it's like, I don't know. It's centralised power to decide who gets to own the business. Is that why there's so much crime here?
00:38:35
Speaker
Okay, here's a question for you. I have got a thought-out answer for this, but if you were the head of a criminal team, how would you take over the Pokémon world? Ooh, good question. So, it seems that we're lacking central authority here. Is it terrible? I think I'm a terrible person, but tell me how terrible a person I am. My literal thought was if I could find a way to gather the Elite Four together, and put some pineco into the room.
00:39:06
Speaker
Does that just wipe out any government and it's just pure anarchy? Are you seriously taking the beginning of John the English to heart? I think I just dented. Or just stick a pine cone in a coffin. I can't believe my first thing was Murder the Elite 4.
00:39:23
Speaker
Oh, I'm a terrible person. Please stop me from saying any more. How would you take over?" Minds would be very boring, and I had a very long discussion about this, both with myself and with a very vexed partner, about how I would take over the Pokemon world. It would be very boring, but I feel as if at the very beginning, you have to get money, so how do you get money? You would have to beat up the same child every day.
00:39:46
Speaker
or the same row of children as other, or maybe traders, you know, maybe the old cue ball or two, get their money, you know, accumulate a small wealth, get a posse together and then kind of work your way and try and weasel your way into, because I'm gonna assume that there's only like one major company producing like pokeballs and things like that. Seems fair.
00:40:07
Speaker
I mean, don't get me wrong, they're probably of different region-based ones, but I get the feeling there's like a kind of like a Disney one. You know, you've got Southco in Saffron City, but I feel as if they're probably like an umbrella corporation or a subsidiary or whatever. So you would try and get your way into there and try and get into like a very prominent position.
00:40:28
Speaker
and then you would essentially seize them into production. What I'm saying is, you would need to seize the poker balls, all right? So if you manage to manufacture... No, no! If you manage to manufacture like a...
00:40:43
Speaker
If you manage to manufacture a shortage of pokeballs, and you control the means of production here, all you have to worry about are the weirdos who can talk to Pokemon and get them to fall in their own free will. You all got to worry about them, so you could just send your goons out, which at this point they've got very well tailored suits because you're running a company at this point. You don't want them to look like street thugs. No, we've got dapper gentlemen to sort out that business, and then
00:41:10
Speaker
You know, I'm assuming there would be a kind of subsidiary of that company that controls the potion marker and the healing items. So basically what I would do, and this is going to sound very much like a parallel to real life, so I apologise in advance, but what I would do is I would start like a war of information, okay?
00:41:31
Speaker
So I would slant the Pokemon centres, and I would say, oh, your Pokemon will only get stronger if you heal them on the battlefield with our items, whereas they're going to get a weak and mushy. Because obviously, level-headed people, they're not going to believe that, OK? But it's like the strong idiots who are going to think, yeah, I want a strong Pokemon. And that's the whole ethos of Pokemon trainers, when they become strong, when they fight everything.
00:41:59
Speaker
They'll accept anything you say because you're a reputable business. They bought a potion from you once and it used to be 200 polka dollars. Now it's a thousand. And if you can think of the parallel, well done because I'm not going to say it out loud. But then the only thing you would have to worry about is like 10 year olds trying to break in to stop your plan. That's the one flaw you haven't backed in. The 10 year olds are going to mess you up. Just build a gate or something.
00:42:23
Speaker
I mean, I get. Like, I put a tree. Put like a tree, because let's face it, you're definitely going to go into an enemy base with the move cut on you. You can't get by a nice fur of bonsai. I knew we should have hired a better security card than that bonsai tree. It's just a bonsai with a security card.
00:42:43
Speaker
then that's it. You would take over the world and of course you would get some splinter groups who would be like, oh we're going to take over the planet with Mewtwo, Lugia, whatever legendary Pokémon you want to throw in there. And of course with the shortage of Pokéballs, people would be demanding Pokéballs to try and catch this creature to stop the devastation and then all the cards are in your hand. So tell me, am I a psychopath?
00:43:08
Speaker
You have thought that through so well. I mean, I still like my plan just chucking a panko to the Elite Four, right? Copy meeting, but I cannot fault her pure, like, genius, mustache twirling planning. That is one of the greatest master plans I've ever heard when you just laid down.
00:43:23
Speaker
Apart from 10 year olds messing up, I can see no other flaws. I mean, other than someone getting wise, I mean you could just throw them at a window. Exactly, right as well. But you say to a lot of people getting wise, people are probably too busy worried like, oh god, did I turn my Charmander off before I left home today? Or is it going to burn my house down? Nobody has time to see your Machiavellian machinations occurring. Now all I need is a team name. I mean, Team Pokeball Grabbers is probably
00:43:51
Speaker
That sounds like your team's into something else, I'm gonna be honest. Seize the bones of production. I love it. Oh my god. Yeah, the PR department got fired recently. I just want to point that out. We're sorting through some teeth in that shoes.
00:44:06
Speaker
come up with a rebrand for it. Oh my god, I love how when we left the house we were trying to just find Moo Moo Milk and now you've plotted a way to seize power. Oh come on universe. Well let's say it failed and that teen year old bit me up in the first hurdle. Oh no. So we're back to Moo Moo Milk territory. Right okay so again I'm still looking for a mode of transportation right okay and this brings me to another point okay.
00:44:29
Speaker
So, do you know when you have a car in the real world in which we live in? Now, you have to be careful with pollution and everything, and that has to get checked, and you can get fined if it's exceeding that limit. If I have a coughing, do I have to worry about similar things? You know, all I'm thinking of is just the eco-activists of this world, just like, catching all the coughings, and what would you even do with that? Like, all the coughings, all the mucks, all the troubles, all these pollution Pokémon, where would they go?
00:44:59
Speaker
Because surely if you gather them together in one place, that's even worse. And you would just kill yourself, because the amount of stuff that's being pumped out into whatever location you're holding all these things into cannot be good for the human respiratory system. So does that, like, in the Elite Forward Room? Yeah, that's it. See, if I can't find the Pineco, then I'll just let a ton of coughing go. Do you know, what I love is the fact that you didn't even go for, like, Voltorb or a light show in Twitch. I like the icons of blowing up in the series. You went for Pineco.
00:45:28
Speaker
I don't know why I keep going where Pike goes, the one that I just always remember explodes. I just remember in the anime Brock has one and he just keeps exploding in his face every time. So yeah, technically you can ride Pokémon as well, but yeah, would you want to go to work with the Charizard's back? Because I'm going to be honest, Charizards are a lot shorter than I actually thought. They're like 5'6", I think.
00:45:52
Speaker
Yeah, that was just funny because I always imagine Charizard to be like massive things from just seeing them in like a box art and everything, but here's like five foot six. Like I know it can still like set me on fire, but it seems less intimidating though. Yeah, it doesn't seem as intimidating, does it? Yeah, that's at least one less thing I feel I'd worry about if I'm not going to like coward fear them and I see a Charizard.
00:46:11
Speaker
But then again, can you imagine you're like out for your walk with your pet growlith or your pet Eevee or whatever and then someone's like just walking their Charizard. You would not want to pick up their droppings. Oh my God! Did you just collapse it? See, I was like, my partner would tell me recently, so we have quite a small dog. My partner would tell me one time when she was out, she was walking by somebody who had a Husky and like, while we use like fairly small food bags to pick up our dogs, this guy had like a carrier bag that he would
00:46:41
Speaker
using for this
Legendary Pokémon: Social and Economic Effects
00:46:42
Speaker
husky. So now I'm just imagining like, what the hell would you need for like a chat or like a growl if there's a, what is there a bag big enough to pick up its crap? Well, would it not just be on fire? Oh my God, I'd be on fire as well. Oh, I'd be on sanctuary world. Just flaming shit everywhere. Adam 2022.
00:47:04
Speaker
Suck the fuck out rather than just flaming shit everywhere. Oh my god. But can you take your Pokémon for a walk? If I'm walking in and I see somebody else walking in my Pokémon and I'm like, oh, evening, I've made eye contact and we have to fight. Yes and no, because if you look at, and this shows how much of a Pokémon there I am, but if you look at Pokémon Park Gold and Soul Silver, the remakes of Pokémon Silver and Gold, you actually get the feature where a Pokémon can walk behind you.
00:47:31
Speaker
in theory. Absolutely. It's really cute and it's amazing. But people have drawn fanart of people walking in with like an onyx. And it's like they walk into this Pokémon center and they're like, hi there. It's just this onyx crashing through the ceiling because it's so goddamn big. That's just a nightmare. That's when you call down students, people though.
00:47:52
Speaker
Does that count as an act of God of an Onyx like, rips your ceiling into? Probably, but what if you took in a legendary? See, this is the worry as well. Anybody can go up and catch a legendary. Can you imagine that? Just having that power in your hand and being like, what do I even do with this? I can't go to the local tournament with a Mewtwo. Can you imagine all these kids coming up as good?
00:48:13
Speaker
I'm gonna beat you with my, with my, uh, Caterpie. Go Caterpie! And then you're like, I summon forth Arceus, God of all time and space! The bringer of the end! You would be shitting yourself! Like, even as an adult, I'd be shitting myself, you're like, ooh, ooh, is this how we're gonna play? Do you know what's the only thing that would be worse than that? Right, okay, so we're out, and we're out, and we're still trying to get our moo moo milk, but...
00:48:36
Speaker
We're still trying to get rid of it. We then meet somebody and then invite us to a dinner party, or just a party they're having. We go over there and we're getting to know everybody. Can you imagine there was somebody at the party who had caught a legendary Pokémon? How insufferable they would be all night, as they just one-upped any story that anybody else picked up. Somebody would be like,
00:48:54
Speaker
Oh yeah, well you know I had this massive fight with Onix and I eventually got a bit, well let me tell you, let me tell you a bit of time I caught Arceus. How insufferable would that be to be sitting there as this person is just reeling off this one story over and over again? There's actually a character, I can't remember if his name's Tobias or something like that, this really kind of, you're stereotypical, exactly who you would think of. If I'm gonna send you a picture of him right now as we talk, but he's got like the poncho and he's got two Pokémon?
00:49:24
Speaker
I think they are waging duties. Yeah, but he's got this weird... I don't know, it's a crop top jacket? What the hell is that? Hold on, let me just send it to you. Yeah, this guy. Oh my god, erm... What the hell do you call that?
00:49:39
Speaker
you say Poncho, who looks like part of Poncho? It's some of the pictures that look like a longer Poncho, and then other ones that look like a crop top. Whoever it is, whatever you call that, that part would be insufferable to give any kind of content with, I can imagine. Oh yeah, no I totally agree with you though. It would just be, oh look at me, and look at my wonderful darker eye as that picture shows, or oh look at my wonderful, I don't know, mew, celibee, whatever. Can you
00:50:06
Speaker
imagine that coming to a dinner party and being like, oh yeah, I caught a... I caught a Metapod while I was out in the room, didn't I? Yeah, I caught a Metapod out in the garden because it was leaving a flaming shit there. What about you? Oh yes, I caught the Guardian of Time, and it's like, I beg your pardon? Yeah, celibate, and it's in this ball. It's like, why the hell do you have the Guardian of Time? I can't poke it. Oh, Pokemon, go to catch them all. Dude, you're going to fuck up the time line. We're going to get terminators because of you.
00:50:34
Speaker
You are so right though, I never even thought about that with people's ability to just grab these virtual weapons of mass destruction and just have them and destroy them off at dinner parties. But do you know there's like Pokemon Wars in the games? Really? Yeah, in Pokemon X and Y there's like a full on Pokemon War and because of that there's like a super weapon to fire and it like wipes out everybody.
00:50:57
Speaker
And then this guy gets cursed in the lifts for 3000 years? I don't know. I feel as if that's when the series went off the deep end. It was set in France. It was set in Pokemon France. It was a different time. Is this like an interstate conflict?
00:51:14
Speaker
think it's a civil war. I don't think they specify. I actually don't know if it's like an intercontinental war or it's just... I actually don't know.
00:51:31
Speaker
can't even remember. It's just a war anyway, and then they fire a super weapon to which the boss is like, well I want to fire it because your choices of legendaries in that game, and I kid you not genuinely, I'm going to send you another picture, but it's either the choice between having a flying piece of bacon, or a princess morning okay's tear, and I'm not even exaggerating. For all the Pokémon fans out there, you know exactly what I'm talking about, but have you seen the legendaries in this game?
00:51:59
Speaker
No, I'm not that I'm aware of. I am excited to see. Oh my god, that is literally a flying bit of bacon you wouldn't want. What does it do? What's its special powers? I don't know. It brings darkness or some shit. I didn't ask it round for dinner.
00:52:16
Speaker
Oh, that would be bad. If you had the insufferable dish bag, just like, ooh, I feel like some bacon. Let me just release my coconut. Oh, you're a dick. It's like just flying around in the corners. And you know for the fact someone would try and bring it down just to cook it in a swing.
00:52:36
Speaker
OK, so we've left the dinner party because things are getting too real. We haven't got our milk yet. We still have to get our milk before we go back. Yeah, so what's next for us then? Bro, what if I want to get a job in this world? I've just realised that I don't actually have the money to buy the milk because I've not got a job. What kind of jobs can I get here?
00:52:55
Speaker
In a serious answer of here, going by anime and like filmologic, then there are different professions. You know, there are shopkeepers and things like that. But if we're going purely by game logic here, probably the quickest way is to beat children and like adults on the side of the road. Just...
00:53:14
Speaker
This is an ambitious cycle basically then. There's no way to escape. The only way for us to get money to buy the Moo Moo Milk is to join this little circle of like getting Pokemon and then beating up other people's Pokemon and taking their money. Pretty much, yeah. Oh my god, there's like prison rules out here. I was going to say it's like Bioshock infinite.
00:53:30
Speaker
Break the cycle. It actually is. Oh my god. Okay, so let's say, right, okay, so that's the only way we need to get a Pokémon. So we need to go beat up some kids, so we have to get a Pokémon. What's our first move to go get a Pokémon? Well, we need to get a Pokéball. Oh my god, we need money to get a Pokémon! Right, and what I say is we just jump the first kid with a Pokémon. Right, that's a good point, right. Okay, let's say we... What are we taking as
00:53:55
Speaker
Yeah, okay, why not? Let's just skip step two. We'll take his money and his Pokémon. He's not going to need a… I don't know. What would he have like a Rattata? I'm just trying to take a Pokémon off and we're stealing his Pokémon now and everything. Okay, here's the thing, right? See if we steal his stuff, okay? Let's say he has a Metapod, right? We release the Metapod. We brandish it as a weapon, okay?
00:54:18
Speaker
You okay? We are fine, sorry, continue. We're brandishing the Metapod of the weather. We command it to Hardin, of course Hardin's, because it's terrified. We started going and Kodan the barbarian style, smacking, I don't know what folk are watching. Wait a minute, are we attacking the kid whose Metapod we just stole? No, no, no, we're not barbarians. Wait, are we conducting like an armed robbery with a Metapod here? We are now. Put the money in the back.
00:54:48
Speaker
the money in the Metapod. So let's say the heist went well. All that sort of pint of milk. Let's say the heist went well and the Metapods caught us ample supplies. We've got our Pokeballs, we've got our money, we've got our, you know, we've got everything to catch our first Pokemon. Where are we going from there? I feel like in classic Pokemon logic, we either have to go to a forest or we've got to go to a meadow.
00:55:12
Speaker
Meadow. Meadow, yes. I know you're not found in the forest, so we're gonna go to that. So what kind of Pokémon did we find in a minute? Are we looking at like our classic catapies and weedles and the like? Yeah, it would ramp up the fun that you get into the region. So, you know, you would start with your catapies, your, yeah, your weedles, your, probably there's some Magikarp, if there's a lake, you know, you've got your Pidgeys, your Spiros, your Odishes, again, running away from the vegans. That lore we're building is incredible, by the way.
00:55:41
Speaker
What do you think would be a good one to get as a starter? That's a good question. Do you know what would be better? See if we went to one of the starting towns. Before anyone jumps on me for this, this actually does happen in Pokemon Gold and Silver where your rival comes in and steals a Pokemon. I say we just wait until it's dark and then just as a professor's leaving, okay?
00:56:01
Speaker
We get our Metapod and we beat him up. Yeah, just in the back of the head smack him with our Metapod. Nice, I like it. Okay, so we run in and we've got three choices. What's our options? Oh, so I guess it's just like classic starters and so we've got a fire, a water and a grass type basically. Yeah, so it depends on the region really.
00:56:20
Speaker
what type would you be inclined to go for? Well, probably not fire, because I've brought this up to you before, but I have a bad enough time stopping my dog from chewing my house. So like, having my dog breathe fire or water...
00:56:36
Speaker
would probably not be the best. I feel as if a grass type would be more mild and calm, but again, you would have to watch. I'm going to question it though, right? I suffer from hay fever. Is this going to exacerbate my hay fever? Have you a grass type? Okay, fine then. Do you think it would? Probably, because it knows like stunts more. Oh, I think it's going to get knocked out basically.
00:56:59
Speaker
All I'm saying is, I'm not going to be standing there battling and I say, oh Bulbasaur, you stun spore. And you go, actually, I'm an electric inside offer. Right, I tell you what, you've made such an excellent point about the fire and water damage. I'll risk the respiratory problems. We'll take the grass type. I'll get a mask or something and I'll be on fire. Okay, so we've got our grass type. Are we just saying Bulbasaur? I mean, I'm happy to say, what's your favourite grass type? I would say Bulbasaur to be honest.
00:57:25
Speaker
Pokemon's one of those games where it's like, I love the designs and the starters and things, but if they were in real life, I'd be terrified. In particular, Totodile, which is like this cute alligator. I look at alligators in real life and I'm like, no, I would not have that in my house sleeping on my bed. Imagine waking up and it's like, ooh, for alligators. It's like, no, fuck, get out of my bed. So yeah, we've got a cute Bulbasaur and a Metapod that's, we're brand new.
00:57:55
Speaker
We're trying to make sure, so what we'll do is we'll go back to the Pokemon store and get a sticker that says B on it, and then we'll slap it onto the Metapod so it can't evolve. Because you can't really press B in this universe. To stop a Pokemon evolving, you press B. How do you stop a Pokemon evolving? Oh I love that there's genuinely a sticker that just does that. It just always slaps on your Pokemon. Well let's say that's our makeshift solution. Whether or not it's going to pay off, we'll see. Why are we not evolving our Metapod?
00:58:25
Speaker
Because it's a great blunt instrument. Fair enough. You know, I forgot about that. That's true. Well, look, all I'm saying is, have you ever tried to hit anything with a butterfly? Good point. Good point. We'll stick with the missing part. Yeah, okay. So we're going down. White side story, kind of.
00:58:46
Speaker
I love it. Yeah, we've got Bulbasaur on one side, we've got our Metapod in hand. OK, where are we off to next, Adam? Right. Well, we're trying to get to a bigger town, aren't we? Because that way we can make some good dollars. Does that mean we have to go through a forest? In the quickest way possible.
Dark Sides of the Pokémon Universe
00:59:01
Speaker
In all honesty, I think the only justification for me getting a fire type in this universe is to keep away the b-rolls. Is to burn the forest down? Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Burn it down and then call it an act of gods.
00:59:14
Speaker
We're like, oh no, what a terrible accident. Those damn jotolines. As your syndical is still like smoldering away, like, oh no.
00:59:23
Speaker
Oh no, shh, go away, I'll be here later. Here's the question though. See if we do, like go out and say hypothetically, the forest meets an unfortunate end and we do walk through it and they go to the first sound. Are we battle in the first gym or? I feel like we're caught in the cycle, that's what I'm saying. I genuinely feel like we've got caught in this vicious cycle now. I feel like we have to because now that we have Pokemon, they clearly don't respect us that much because we've not got any gym badges.
00:59:50
Speaker
So to get their respect, we're gonna have to get a gym badge here. I'm sorry, are you implying that the metaphor we just used to commit robbery? This kind of respect, it's like, wow. I didn't respect him before when I was getting bludgeoned, like his professor said. But now he's got the boulder badge. Ooh!
01:00:08
Speaker
Wait, let's face it, the only reason this metapod hasn't run away right now is because it physically can't. That is true. It's trying to evolve, we are just like duct-taping the tickets. That's our ticket to stop it. We just keep putting bees stickers on there as you say. So I feel like we have to go get a gym badge now. We're trapped in the vignette and plus that will probably get us some good money, right? So we can finally get our milk.
01:00:28
Speaker
So, of course, we're all in. There's clearly no moving milk. And are we going to make a beeline just straight to the gym leader? Of course, because there's always a couple of lackeys, isn't there? Oh, I'm thinking. It's just like I'll say to you, right, I'll handle them. You go to the gym leader. So you take Bulbasaur up and I'm just going to be beating these, like... You need me help? You're like, nope, I got it here. Everything's good. Nope, everything's fine. Nothing to see here. Metapod taking a beating. Level 90 at this point.
01:00:59
Speaker
I love the fact that the Metapod is gaining levels to the fact that you're using it as like a fun weapon. I love that that is happening because it totally would as well. Oh my god. Whoa, so we've got a grass type round, we're in a rock gym. So we should be pretty good to take out this guy, I feel like. So I feel like we're pretty much a cinch to get our badge. Let's say we get our first badge. Kind of feel like we need to get another one. I don't like the fact that we've got all the spaces left.
01:01:22
Speaker
Here's the thing though, we've only got two Pokémon, like a Bulbasaur. Oh my god, we need to go catch some more and grind them up right back to the forest. What about the milk though? Here's the thing though, right? Okay, so do you know when you're levelling up in Pokémon games, it often involves you just walking your character up and down bits of grass? Do you think you'd see that in the actual Pokémon? There's been people just walking around patches of grass.
01:01:44
Speaker
probably it would be very inconvenient to walk in any grass without being grabbed by like a ratata or something. Do you think as well, do you know how some places in the real world where you see like one of these like no ball games and stuff, is there like no levelling up your Pokémon? Probably. What with just like a flaming pile of Charizard shit in the middle. It's like I don't obey the rules. Also how tall does the grass have to be? That is a good question because in the later games there's grass that obviously is like
01:02:13
Speaker
probably ankle high, knee high, whatever. But in Ruby and Sapphire, it covers the entire head. So it's the size of an average 10-year-old. So where would that come up to us? Like our waist? May I have a look at my waist? If I let my lawn grow enough then, does that mean eventually I'm going to have to worry about people just wandering into my lawn to try and find Pokémon?
01:02:34
Speaker
What if you were, though, just cutting your grass and then all of a sudden? What if there were people trapped inside your grass, just like, help, I've been here for seven days? Yes, just closing the door back over. I thought at first you were talking about you were talking about what would happen if you're cutting your grass and you're sort of running down all these Pokémon. See, I was going to go that direction and I decided to stop because I'm the better man in the skit.
01:03:01
Speaker
But that's the thing though, you wouldn't be able to cut your grass. Pokémon Peter is a weird one, because that is one of the more interesting teams in the whole Pokémon universe. That and they dress like knights, which is pretty cool. You know, the tunics and the who do things, which I think is sick. But anyway, my fashion appeals aside.
01:03:21
Speaker
They actually come to towns in groups, and their leader comes out and he gives a big speech and he's got the wild hair and everything. Did you know his son as well talks to Pokemon? Like he can actually understand Pokemon legitimately, he's not like a psychopath. But can you imagine that? You're walking along and then this green haired anime looking mofo comes up and he's like, your Metapod did what?
01:03:46
Speaker
I think it told me my Pokémon, eh? Yeah, we've got a choice. Do we ignore the man or do we silence him? I think we're hitting with our Metapods. Yeah, just run. Yeah, just hit him with the Metapod and run. The journey of the Moomoo Milk is currently ongoing. And can I just say as well, this is a problem in particular for the earlier games, like Red and Blue and things, where I don't think they quite knew how to portray Pokémon
01:04:10
Speaker
obviously it's his own world, it's got his own ecosystem and that, especially nowadays with 900 plus Pokémon. But at the same time, they had some real life comparisons. They called me out the cat Pokémon, Pikachu is like a rat, Lieutenant Sergeant for Morgan City is the lightning American. So the American army exists.
01:04:34
Speaker
I just want to point that out. I know people will be like, oh, it's not candid anymore, but it's like, hypothetically, out of all the world, the Americans are there and they've got an army. Of course, of course they are. Is that what armies consist of in this universe, though? Is it like, mature-tively Pokemon type? It must be, because in this gym, you get people like, oh, I served under Lieutenant Sarge and all this, and it's like, what, war? What's going on here? Was it like, freaking Pikachu storming Uma'ha Beach?
01:05:03
Speaker
that's the thing though, it's like the whole Civil War I told you about the one in X and Y, that didn't happen until 3,000, I think it's 3,000 years prior? So like, what war was he fighting in? Because there's clearly dialogue saying, I served under Lieutenant Serge, it's like, how? Why? Where were America invading in the Pokémon universe? You know what, I don't even want to know. There's also a Pokémon entry where it's like, I can't
01:05:27
Speaker
I can't remember, I think it's right that they say its electricity is strong enough to paralyse an Indian elephant. Why it specifies an Indian elephant? I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I can't put my finger on why they're like, you know what it's like really big in which you can put an electricity to kill an Indian elephant and it's like, why? Can we talk about another thing? So let's say hypothetically we blast through the first couple of gyms.
01:05:55
Speaker
In every region, they usually have a creepy city. You know, all the ones that the creepypastas are written after. They've basically got a big city that's just a graveyard, essentially. And you're like, well first of all, that's creepy as hell, but second of all, ghosts exist in this universe. But can I just point out, not just Pokémon ghosts, because you might be thinking that obviously you've got Gasly Gengar, Bonter, Shuppet, those kind of Pokémon. It's like, no, no, no, no. I'm not even talking about those. I'm talking about real life human ghosts.
01:06:24
Speaker
No, seriously, they're in X and Y, they're in Diamond and Peril, you go into a mansion and there's a young girl with her butler at one point. Yeah, there's loads of ghosts, and there's a supermarket in Sun and Moon that's just infested with them.
01:06:41
Speaker
that supermarket. Right, so we can't go there to get our Moo Moo milk then. Not in that region, no, because it's abandoned. It's actually, I think it's the only place that can remember off the top of the head that has a proper supermarket. I don't mean a convenience store or a department store. I mean a proper trolley's aisles, but because obviously it's abandoned, it looks more like a Soviet era. Gulagi supermarket.
01:07:05
Speaker
Right, so literally, this world, right, okay, this world that only has, like, as you say, small, like, poker stores and convenience stores and stuff, they opened up a big, proper supermarket and everybody just went, nah, I'll just stick to going to the poker store. What loyalty to local business there is here. You'd be surprised.
01:07:23
Speaker
But like everybody here is now like, well just Amazon, it's like the small businesses die off. Apparently it's the complete reverse in the Pokemon universe, I'm not understanding that right. It's like, get out of here big supermarket chain, we'll let loose a ton of ghastlies into your store. Here's a very disgusting question for you though. See if you had a watch of Pokemon, let's say hypothetically, you were in the desert, okay, let's say you were in the ORE region, right?
01:07:48
Speaker
In Pokemon Coliseum where you're getting desert, there's only one city, or maybe two, that have a water source. The rest of them it's pretty slim pickings. What if you had a water Pokemon with you? What if we chose Squirtle and we felt thirsty? Could we get it to vomit in a cup? Is that viable or would we just be drinking? The questions that we've asked each other tonight
01:08:12
Speaker
You wouldn't want to, but in Desperate Times, this is like the 127 hours later version of Pokémon. How do we end up here from where we went from milk and we've ended up in the desert? Right. Also, where have we got a cup from? Why did we carry a cup with us putting nothing in the liquid in the cup? Okay, let's say it's like a crevice in the back of our damaged metapods, okay?
01:08:36
Speaker
Okay, right, okay. More horrifying, but also more believable. I think, but right, surely we'll have taught him some attacks. Yeah, like water gun. But it's like, it's coming out of his mouth though. Like, oh thanks for this refreshing drink of Squirtle juice. I'm gonna be honest with you here, we're stuck in the desert, right, okay? It's either we drink Squirtle's mouth water, or else we're drinking each other's pee. Like, it's literally the only options we have here, right? I'm sorry, why each other's pee?
01:09:02
Speaker
Oh wait, you don't drink your own pee then, third. I don't want to drink that purpose. Oh, it might be not enough to drink it, that's quite insulting to me. I just, I would have liked to have been consulted before, I was like, oh yeah. Imagine we're dehydrated in the day, so you just turn round with a random cup, like, here you go, drink my piss. Excuse me, the town's over there. You're like, there's no time, drink my piss. Right, so are you going to drink your own piss, or are you going
01:09:37
Speaker
Oh my god, imagine if it evolved into Blastoise. Can Pokemon attacks hurt humans? Yes, but more than a comical. Well, it depends. If you're going by game logic, yes they can. That's why you block out in an old Legends Arceus, which has obviously set in the past. Pokemon do attack you.
01:09:57
Speaker
and in the manga it's infinitely worse because they can't literally kill you. Oh geez, the less said about that the better. There's actually, there was a funny thing I was reading where apparently in the manga there's like a scene where one of the dads of the protagonist in Ruby and Sapphire tries to control Rayquaza which is like, you know, the big green serpent that flies around in the sky?
01:10:19
Speaker
Apparently, there's a scene in that. Although he comes back to life, there's a scene where he gets so injured trying to bring this creature down that he dies. And it's like, as well as two seconds later, Team Magma and Aqua then kick down the door and Team Magma burn his body to make sure he can't do anything with it. Wow! I know, right? Can we go back to talking about
01:10:46
Speaker
Oh, it's so much messed up stuff in this universe. OK, I might say we get out the desert, OK? We drank from the work. We did. We chose the bad ending, OK? We lost half our health. I love how, like, when we're getting badges and then two seconds later we ended up in the desert. We're just like, well, this isn't Albuquerque. Here's a question for you. What would you say if I said to you these two words, Pokémon, multiverse?
Pokémon Multiverse and Dimensional Chaos
01:11:12
Speaker
I'm not even joking, man. I would say, go on.
01:11:15
Speaker
So the Pokémon multiverse is a very real thing. I don't actually remember when it was established. I think kind of loosely and informally, it was established when you have red version and blue version that's supposed to be like two separate worlds.
01:11:32
Speaker
you think, OK, that's fair enough. Everyone goes on their own journey and everything. That's fair enough. But around the time of the 3DS era, when we were getting the X and Y, Omega Ruby, Alpha Sapphire, those games, by the time we actually got to those games, they started introducing a lot of wacky things. This is when the big super weapon and genocide beating started.
01:11:56
Speaker
This is the only thing I can think of, because there's an extra story you can play at the very end of the game. Once you complete it in Alpha, Sapphire and Omega Ruby, after you do that, it's like a new story made specifically for that game. And you bump into this girl called, I think it's Zinnia or something who's obsessed with getting Rayquaza, the sky dragon that got someone's dad burnt.
01:12:21
Speaker
and she's obsessed with getting it, and you realise that there's a meteor heading for Earth. So apparently this meteor's going to destroy all life on the planet. Now the champion, keep in mind this is the champion of this region, probably the person with some of the most
01:12:38
Speaker
authority. Well, ex-champion technical because you bet him, but you know what I mean. A champion of the region with authority. He suggests, he goes into this laboratory and they suggest that they open a wormhole to send the meteor to another dimension, which is heavily implied that this other dimension is Generation 1 and 2, the games that you couldn't connect to the other games. That is one way to rewrite your canon, bloody hell.
01:13:04
Speaker
Yeah, so it's like... Well, they don't do it at the end, they close the portal. But it's just the implication of that though, that he was willing to commit genocide. I mean, I know Pokemon games are dark, but they just get silly levels of dark.
01:13:19
Speaker
I mean, as I said, in Pokémon Sun and Moon you've got implications of child abuse for characters, implications of mental abuse and things. It just, it gets crazy, not to mention of course the car crash from a champ, which we already established. The fact he was going to say, oh yeah, let's just sacrifice another world for ours for the greater good. And it's like, no!
01:13:40
Speaker
horrible idea. A couple of minutes ago I was riding a bike going doo doo doo doo doo. And then two seconds later it's like, oh by the way, you're about to die. And I was like, what? So of course the way they resolve that is, you take control of requests and you burst open the meteor and what's inside the meteor but an alien. I wish I was kidding. No, this is legit. It's actually an alien Pokémon.
01:14:03
Speaker
Just when I thought I was getting the hang of this universe and I'm like, right, I'm coming to grips with it now. I know how to go get myself a pint of milk and everything. You're bringing some goddamn aliens. No, really. So there are these aliens introduced in Generation 3 called Deoxys, I think. They've got different forms and things and they're weird. I just, I don't know where they're from. I know they're supposed to be that kind of idea of, oh, the mystical. Because there's other alien Pokémon that exists.
01:14:27
Speaker
and the games, but on top of that we also have another subset called Ultra Beasts, which the only reason I bring them up to the forefront just now is right now as we record this episode, Pokémon Go is having a special event right now. We catch Ultra Beasts and things like that and
01:14:45
Speaker
Essentially, they are separate creatures from Pokemon. They're like a kind of subset of Pokemon that live in their own dimensions. And some of these things are just nightmare feel. They made these videos of these creatures coming into our world, and those ones are like its tallest skyscrapers. There's one that's like literally a mosquito with muscles. That's all I can describe it as. It's literally called a buswool. A mosquito with muscles.
01:15:12
Speaker
You've got that. You've got a jellyfish that can attach itself to people like a parasite and basically take over their mind. You've got one that looks like an origami figure, but it's like a katana where it chops things up like a katana. You've got one called, I think it's Guzzlelord, which is like a
01:15:29
Speaker
massive, you know, never-ending eating machine. You've got, oh god, you've got this like dark version, which after that I didn't play these games but it's like an ultra Sun and Moon, where it purposely latches on to the legendaries to create like this really horrible twisted abomination. Oh this is fun. You've also got one that looks like a clown wearing like a daft punk helmet. Oh yeah. Blassiful on.
01:15:52
Speaker
Do you see what I mean about the ultra beast though? Yeah, these ones are mad. I really don't want to meet any of these. These honestly look like something out of like a Five Nights at Freddy's game.
01:16:01
Speaker
Oh my god, they actually do as well. Does that mean as well there's like the Pokemon equivalent of Area 51? I would be surprised, would there be Lieutenant Surge that was like in charge of it? That's where he was at, the war against the Ultra Beasts. But I mean, these Pokemon are so powerful that they can actually, and I'm going to send you a very lovely picture, and I hope you can get to sleep after this. I mean, sleep is not going to come visit me tonight, so send
01:16:26
Speaker
Well here is a picture of a busload and it is sucking the life juice out of Snorlax. Oh my god! Oh no! Oh no!
01:16:37
Speaker
That's actually an episode of the anime, yeah. Why? Look at the deflated balloon. Apparently the Snorlax is fine because anime logic but... I refuse to look at that image when I get lost. I threw my phone across the room after Xena. Yeah, for anyone who doesn't know, there's a particular episode in the anime where they're hunting down ultra beasts and a basao comes through and it starts attacking different creatures and it ends up, it comes face to face with a Snorlax and it literally dives its beacon
01:17:05
Speaker
And if anybody's seen Dragon Ball Z, it's very similar to the way Cell absorbs people, where it's like this big insect monster that sticks his tail in and he sucks out everything. It's horrible, it's nightmare for you. But they decided to make that a Pokemon, so not only do we have to worry about the Beedrulls, we've got to worry about their jacked up cousins coming out of a wormhole.
01:17:26
Speaker
The Beatles don't seem so bad now, to be perfectly honest, after the thought of having to deal with organised crime. This goddamn buzz wall. I miss the Beatles now. I miss the Beatles in my dry Machamp flicks. Well, we're nearly there. We're nearly there. I didn't know how good I had it. We're nearly there. We've got our Metapold, and I don't know if Balbasaur's still with us, has he? Oh, I hope it's like he's not.
01:17:55
Speaker
Where are we going next, Adam? Where's our final destination? Right, so we crossed the desert, right, OK? We crossed the desert. We visited Area 51, met the old from beasts. Are we still in Canto, are we? Well, technically the desert region is probably somewhere far, far to the east or west. Right, OK, we're in a different region now. OK, right. What can we even do? What can we do? We must have made some money.
01:18:18
Speaker
For the stolen money that's stashed in the alphabet. Right, can we sell our stories? Is there like newspapers in here? I think so, yeah. Can we sell our story to a newspaper? We can talk about how, well you can talk about how you drank your own pee. I don't like a drink. Squirtle. Squirtle juice, yeah.
01:18:42
Speaker
That is literally going to be the headline right there. He talk people come up and throw more red paint on me for that. Because I mean, let's face it, see if you were going on holiday. It would be an absolute nightmare anywhere you went. Because one region, I don't know if you're very familiar with this region, but it's called the, I brought it up earlier, that's the ORE region. Technically it's like spelt over, but I think someone in the trailer said ORE region, so.
01:19:05
Speaker
Everyone says Oreo. Let's say Oreo region. The Oreo region is based off of, I think, the Phoenix Desert, so it's pretty hot to begin with. And I have to admit, that's pretty cool. That seems like a more realistic take in the Pokémon universe, because you've got this barren desert, you've got Team Snagem, as I said, and then you've got the bloody geneticists that
01:19:26
Speaker
hide themselves underground and they decide to experiment on all these different Pokémon and then they have Shadow Pokémon which apparently didn't realise us. They strip all the personality and free will out of them and they just make them like a shell that's perfect for fighting. So not to mention Mewtwo as well. Do you want to know a fun fact about Mewtwo? Oh, I was wondering some fun Mewtwo facts.
01:19:49
Speaker
Well, according to the manga, he had a big spoon. I just wanted to point that out. That's got no relevance. Because he was a psychic. So it's like, what can we do to make him look like a psychic? Give him a spoon. Seriously, I'm going to send you another picture of this. Mewtwo was spooked because it's... Well, hopefully not. Mewtwo was spoon. So basically, he is the one who's trying to get our Machamp flakes.
01:20:15
Speaker
Is this for his Dastly power along he just wants some of the milk? Oh my god that is a joke. Can I get my whole pack with that? If you do your house with that. Good. Me too is after throwing my champflakes now. Yeah, he's trying to stop us from getting the milk because he knows, right? He knows that if we get the milk that's game over we're gonna be eating them and they're gonna get soggy. I just love the image that after all of this we'll be walking around with a packet as well of my champflakes.
01:20:43
Speaker
We've so dried out in the sun of the desert. Worth it though. Worth it. Worth it when we get some ruby milking. We're gonna have our dried out sand covered machamp flakes again. With a nice toke. A little chaser of your piss to watch it. Just a dram.
01:21:04
Speaker
So going back to the fun mash-up. I can't get magic flakes out of my mind. Can we just go into marketing instead? I feel like that's what our talent's really like. Can we go to university? Is there like an education system in this one? Can we go to the degree? Here's the thing though, there are Pokemon schools, but you never really see any Pokemon universities. So can we just assume that everyone in the Pokemon universe has like the education level of a 10 year old?
01:21:31
Speaker
You just leave, you leave primary school and it's like right off to the mid who's in the forest to get your Pokémon. But that would explain why there's like all of these kids running around in the adult saying, oh do you know what would make the world better? Like especially for Ruby and Sapphire, this isn't a hot take but it's like, you know what would be better if we had more sun? No, I think it'd be better if we had more rain. You have the mindsets of a 12 year old at base.
01:21:57
Speaker
are you thinking? But sorry, back to the quick Mewtwo fun fact. In the film, there's actually a whole deleted five minute sequence where they introduce the idea of cloning. It's not in the games, but technically there is a glitch that you can use in Pokemon Silver to clone Pokemon, so I'm gonna count it. Cloning exists in this world, okay? In the film,
01:22:18
Speaker
like the very first five minutes, Mewtwo is like a younger version of himself and he's kind of floating around and he meets this young girl within his dream and he meets the three main starters, he meets Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle and then they all slowly start disappearing in front of his eyes, flash back to the real world and it turns out they're all real but in like jars and flatlining.
01:22:41
Speaker
And the whole experiment was to try and bring a doctor's daughter back to life. It got pretty dark in Generation 1, I have to say. And that's not including if you're walking to the shops and you see a child flying over you because a ghost type Pokémon tried to kidnap him. Do you know what this world really needs? It really needs some bureaucratic regulation. It needs some renting.
01:23:04
Speaker
It really does. I'm sure there's regulations and rules, but it's only the badge system. Can you imagine the count of it system? The amount of Etsy stores would blow up in this universe. You're like, oh, do you want a funky Earth badge or something? And it's like, oh, I can't wait. I'm wearing an Earth badge. The local authorities can't place why a match can't beat his trainer to death even though he had an Earth badge. It's like sources say it could have been a fake. It's like, of course, it's a fucking fake.
01:23:33
Speaker
Do you know what the gyms really need? They need like a guest book or something like that so you have to sign on the way out. All of this for a pint of milk.
Ethics and Controversies in Pokémon
01:23:40
Speaker
This milk better be good because I could have easily just gone out and just milked an orish to begin with. Is that better or worse than drinking squirtle juice? You know what? I still think milking the orish is something about it.
01:23:53
Speaker
I don't know how you milk it. I don't know what I want to know. It's like you're not seeing that I meet the parents. I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me? There's an orange sitting there on dinner party just like saying that to us. I hope I like moo moo milk. That was a bit too bitter for me. What if you don't like it though?
01:24:12
Speaker
Well, you don't know they sell them for like, I think it's like either, is it 500 or is it 5000? I can't remember. I think they sell them in bulk, so we could literally have like a crate of them. Here's another fun fact, I don't know if you remember this from the old games, Slowpoke Tales.
01:24:28
Speaker
I remember, is the slip-on tail like a shell? No, well there's that as well but no, it's more to do with chopping off the tails because, like this was a whole business plan by Team Rocket that were going to chop off the tails and they said oh it doesn't matter because they don't feel pain and it grows back, so then they sold it, it's like a tasty snack.
01:24:50
Speaker
And this is a game for kids, right? Can I just say, this wasn't silver and gold. This wasn't like a later grimdication. This is still very early on in the whole.
01:25:00
Speaker
The thing that you've told me over the course of this episode, I don't think I'll ever be able to wrap my head around. Here's a question for you. Would gaming be the same in this world? Right, cos can you imagine trying to make a video game more fantastical than what's outside? Yeah, it's a good point. Like what kind of video game would there literally be like a massive cry for like simulation games where we can simulate just having a boring job? That's a good point. And also what Pokemon is helping you develop your game? Probably Porygon, then again it would give you a seizure.
01:25:30
Speaker
All I'm saying is, Porygon was framed. Porygon was framed. I just want to say that. Just a support gun. It was, seriously. Do you know the story behind that episode? No, no, no, no. Was it? So there was an episode, very infamously known, called Electric Soldier Porygon.
01:25:46
Speaker
where they go into cyberspace with Porygon and they're supposed to soak Team Rocket. There's a particular and very infamous scene where there's missiles fired at them and Ash says, oh Pikachu, fire a thunderbolt or something, and they hit them and the missiles blow up. But then there's this sequence of red and blue lights that flash at the same time and that caused epilepsy for a lot of children across Japan, so therefore the episode wasn't actually brought out here.
01:26:14
Speaker
But because of that, they never brought back Portagon into the show again. I think he gets a cameo in one or two shows, but because of the infamous connotations, Portagon gets stitched up. That's all I'm saying. Look how they massacred my duck boy.
01:26:33
Speaker
To say in all honesty, see if I had a Pokemon in real life, I probably would choose Porygon. I mean, I'm always on my computer and it would be nice to have a Pokemon to go in and be like, oh, this is the problem. What? You have not edited it. Can you edit a Porygon, please? Pretty please. But as I feel as if I had something like, I don't know, Magmar. Like, can you imagine? With a big duck? With the asshead?
01:26:55
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. I suppose you couldn't really take that one to a Pokémon Beauty Pageant, could you? Oh, there are Pokémon Beauty Pageants, actually. Oh, I can believe. That's the one thing that I can actually sit here and believe. There's also battle towers as well, which, say if I'm honest, I don't see the point. I feel as if it's going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and then it's next door. There's a smaller buffet. Well, I've already had my film next door. Why would I go here? Well, you've got to barrel more. You've got to prove you're the best. I was really a leveler metaphor.
01:27:24
Speaker
Well that's true, by this point he's levelled 99 and he's trembling in the rags. So many dents and oh god poor Betapod, he's been through too much. Have you ever heard of the episodes of the anime where it's like he has to say goodbye to his butterfree? Oh yeah, I know that one. What would he do for the Metapod just throw off a cloth?
01:27:42
Speaker
Goodbye. Bye! But not throw it off a cliff. Get rid of the evidence you mean. Well let it evolve and then that way we can throw the shell off. Yeah we can throw the shell away with all our fingerprints. I haven't dusted it down. So here's a fun point for you. Did you also know that there's an international police in this universe?
01:28:00
Speaker
And there's a guy called Looker who looks like a David Tennant looking person if he was in Pokémon. He's like an international agent of... I don't know what they're called. They're just called the International Police. Yeah, can you imagine getting hunted down by him and then you're like, okay, we've got to escape. And then you end up in, I don't know, Sinnoh where the time and space creatures are. And then you fall through the... There's also a dimension to hell.
01:28:26
Speaker
Why? Well, it's called the Distortion Realm, and it's like everything's upside down, everything's warped, and it's like this big demon hail creature called Giratina that presides over it. So you've got Arceus up above and you've got Giratina down below. Where would you go with this? I feel as if they've got their whole pantheon of creatures. It literally feels like that. I did not expect to be talking about religion after this.
01:28:53
Speaker
What kind of religions do you think there would be in the Pokemon universe? Oh my god. I imagine it being like, I can totally see old human religion where it's like, the sun is really powerful and like burns things, let's worship that. Like I can only just imagine people picking like the most powerful Pokemon and being like, let's worship that in the hope that it will burn us alive. Yeah, there would be a lot of cool legendary worship wouldn't there?
01:29:14
Speaker
Yeah, of course. I feel like Mewtwo would have a big cult following. I'm just imagining that group of people with big spoons. All hail the cereal giver! Spoons out from Mewtwo.
01:29:26
Speaker
Would you say that you would go after the Elite Four? Or would you just go home and just drink your milk? No, I would go back to my original plan and I would chuck a Pineco in. That's the thing though, right? Okay. To get this milk, right? Okay. Let's just review what we had to do to get this milk. We had to mug a child for its Pokémon. We then had to use a Metapod to commit armed robbery. We then assaulted a
01:29:50
Speaker
professor and stole a Bulbasaur. We may have burnt down a forest, I'm still not clear whether that actually happened or not. Yeah, that's neither proven nor denied. We got a couple of gym badges and some more assault charges. We've crossed a desert where we've drunk some questionable liquids. Right, after all that, if I'm having some milk
01:30:13
Speaker
I feel like my bar has been reset for what gives me the satisfaction in a rush right now and I'm not sure Moo Moo Milk's going to cut it. I feel like I'm going to have to take down the Elite Four just to get some kind of adrenaline rush. So are you just going to rush in with the diehard Bruce Wallace outfit on? Milk bottles strapped to your chest just coming in saying, I'm here to pedal. And you've just got to ask them with the bottles.
01:30:37
Speaker
with the bottles. Yeah, the bottles of Moo Moo milk. Oh Moo, of course. They've come in glass bottles surely. Just glass them with that. There you go, you're the champion. They sell them in box of six, okay. So assuming... I still have two to drink. But assuming, yeah, assuming you can get the jump on them, that's like two spare.
01:30:55
Speaker
But once I toss a coughing into the room and they're all choking out, it'll be easy. It's like I can imagine you throw the two at the champion and they miss. The champion says, you missed. And you say, I wasn't aiming for you. And I've got the Metapod held up like the bat. And I just swing it and the bottle just smacks him on the head. Oh my God. Literally, I'm just imagining now as well that we were just like, right Metapod, we're going to let you evolve and let you go free. And just before I did, we were like, oh, hang on, we would take the Elite Four out and we'd just slap the B sticker back.
01:31:27
Speaker
Sorry old friend, we need you one last time. So the police are coming.
01:31:39
Speaker
How do we escape prison? Is that when we actually take over the region when I pitch my plan to you to take over? Oh my god, we need to get a Pokemon with Dig. Here's the thing though, how do Pokemon prisons work though? As you said, you've got Pokemon that can like dig through. Can we take our Pokemon in with us to prison? What happens if Big Jim in like Cell B makes eye contact with us?
01:32:00
Speaker
What, my emotional support, Metapod? Exactly! What, so is this as prison rules establishing as the alphas of the prison yard? Yeah, we literally have to go take down big gyms. We have to go bean big gym in the back of the Metapod our first day in. But what if big gyms had a similar plan to us and he's got a cocoona that's also battered and that's got a beat?
01:32:22
Speaker
Do we find like common ground in a scene at a predator? It's like, big Jim, you son of a bitch. Oh, then we go on wild adventures with big Jim after this. Yes, and the Pokemon world was literally never the same again. How much more damage can we do to a place that's considered sending a meteor to an alternate dimension? Has ghosts, aliens, rampant organised crime? You've also got orphans that fight crime.
01:32:52
Speaker
Of course you do. Pokemon X and Y postgame. Look it up. I'm trying to think what else I'm missing. Not only do you have ancient creatures. Can you imagine? Scotland is very well known for its countryside. It's very bountiful. You get all these rolling hills and fields. Can you imagine just walking through and then one day accidentally stepping into an ancient temple?
01:33:15
Speaker
or something. It's like a heritage site organisation here. There must be something, I mean how effective they are isn't it? Just another question, we have like freaking legendary Pokémon like stomping about. That's not to mention the giant Pokémon the Dynamax ones and Sword and Shield, but all it takes is a balding businessman to be like, yes I want to release this creature that's not going to awaken in 1000 years. It's like, why? Why do you have no plan? It's like, well... That'll come to me afterwards.
01:33:43
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. It was like, what were you planning here? What was your hopes? What was your dreams? Why would you do this? Why? And then, of course, you catch a creature that's like half the size compared to what it was when you thought it. So you're like, I'm clearly downsizing, so why would you catch it? Imagine bringing that to dinner parties. People would laugh at you, and then you could bring about the end of the world. But at the same time, people would laugh at you.
01:34:04
Speaker
The sting's still there. You can live out the rest of eternity in darkness, but at the same time you're just like, well, they even took a lesson. The shame will never go. The time you embarrass yourself at a dinner party will never vanish. Yes, the sweat of your brow as you're lamented of the crying of the Pokémon, drinking your Moo Moo milk on your throne.
01:34:24
Speaker
But I mean, between that, between how the economy would work as you said, it's a vicious cycle. How healthcare works. Because I know technically there are hospitals. There's not hospitals in the games. There are in the anime and things. But yeah, it's wild to think that hospitals are prioritised for Pokemon. Imagine if it was like here, but instead of the NHS serving people, it was like a vet version.
01:34:54
Speaker
grist for the mill or whatever I'm with. Yeah, but what health benefits or what benefits in general would you get from a job? Well, you know in America you get like healthcare, then together. What would you get out of a job in Pokemon? Do you know what you'll get? You know what the healthcare will be like? We'll take care of your Pokemon for you. I'll be there. Healthcare benefits. I think that's like just a one-stop ride or rather one-stop excuse to burn down the building.
01:35:18
Speaker
Pretty much. I see no other option for us here. Yes, the nuclear option to be fair. So is there anything else you want to comment about the Pokemon world? Anything about this magical lovely realm of fantasy and death? Can I circle back to one of your very first statements in this episode? This universe is a living hell.
01:35:39
Speaker
You know what, I thought you were being very extreme when we first started this. Why would anybody ever want to live here? This is just trying to get a bottle of milk and look what we did. This world is diseased. It turns people into monsters. Pocket monsters. Yeah exactly, pocket monsters. The pocket monsters were us all over.
01:35:56
Speaker
You know how obviously when Pokémon die, it's implied that some turn into like ghost Pokémon? Is that where the ghost Pokémon come from? Well, I have no idea. This sounds like a good research opportunity of nothing else. Yeah, but like, as I said before, you've got like ghosts that are humans, so can you catch a human ghost? Or...
01:36:14
Speaker
Not that you would want to, mind you, but what if you were trying to catch a Gengar or something and then all of a sudden it was like, oh no, I've caught the girl from the ring. What am I supposed to do with this? You've just got a pokeball with black hair sticking out. What am I supposed to do with this? Right, remind me never to open the talk. Oh no, do you know what you could do actually? Send it to the head of self-co, right?
01:36:37
Speaker
Then that's when we take our aggressive takeover of the company and then we start our business. So then we could have a Zoom call. It would definitely seem cool from our end, but it would probably be all static ache and everything. But we could be like, do we have your attention now, Mr.
01:36:55
Speaker
Yes, the pokeball wars were back at it again. Think folk and grab, but what was it in the grab pokeball? Oh my god. Grab the means of production, grab the pokeballs. Grab the balls of production, is it? Grab the balls of production, that was it. That's what it was. Oh, I love how we started a political movement as well. I know. So if you'd like to join our movement, you can check us out at pottery.com forward slash chance at that bit. For legal reasons, this is a joke, you'll only find past episodes there. Are you still my friend after this?
01:37:22
Speaker
I mean, I feel like I have to. We've committed so many crimes. I think we're in very big ruin. Connected to the hip now. There's no us in big gym. There's no separating the gang. But that is indeed true. If we're not in an underground layer building.
01:37:36
Speaker
kidnapping people or building super weapons or what happened to Pokémon? Like I know this is the Pokémon I always bring up when they think of like you know a dark gritty Pokémon but the one that always gets me is the oh what is it the Sandcastle Pokémon where there's like official art of Pikachu getting devoured by a Sandcastle and it's like why?
01:37:57
Speaker
Why? There's so many messed up Pokémon. There's a tree ghost Pokémon that apparently lures kids away. Why? As I said, there's a balloon ghost Pokémon that tries to drag children away, but because it's too light, it can't. So kids think, oh, it's playing with me, and it's like, no one's trying to kidnap me. I think that kid would grow up with a severe anxiety for both thinking, oh my god, I was going to get kidnapped, and b, was I too chunky to get kidnapped?
01:38:28
Speaker
Oh my god, this is horror around every corner here. I mean it's mostly ghost Pokémon, but there's also like jellyfish Pokémon that actually drag you to the bottom of the ocean. I think it's jelly synths or something like that. They'll drag you to the bottom of the ocean, like the whole ocean.
01:38:44
Speaker
I am not travelling unless it's on like a boat. I'm not travelling on the back of a Gyarados. Screw that noise. There's no way. But with all the tend to cools and tend to cools, Gyarados as well. Do you know what would be kind of cool but definitely it would be at the bottom of the food chain. Far fetched. I think it comes with its own leak. Come on.
01:39:03
Speaker
I was just thinking that it comes with a fucking economy, with a side dish basically. Do you know what's terrifying as well? There's something like food based Pokemon, like there's one that literally looks like a, I think like a moose. Not like a Canadian moose, more like a...
01:39:19
Speaker
like a creaminess. There's a dragon that looks like an apple. There's sick people out there who clearly would be, I wanna try. I don't know if you've seen these videos by the way, but there's been a wave of videos on, I don't know where they've come from, but they've started popping up in TikTok and it's basically showing you people putting down what you think are sleeping Pokémon. And then you see the animation, and you see them chopping up the Pokémon.
01:39:43
Speaker
Pokemon, and then serving it is like a dish. On the one hand it is absolutely horrific, but on the other hand you're like, you just know if the Pokemon world was real. That would definitely be. Like, could you imagine going into a restaurant with Little Timmy and his Bulbasaur and it's like, oh yes we'll have the salad. Bulba salad. Or the grill charmander. So rather than like a bring your own booze type thing, it's like a bring him on your own.
01:40:07
Speaker
Pokemon to eat. Oh, what a Korean barbecue. No, not like that. Just like Pokemon weed. Oh, that would be horrible. Here's one for you though. Here's one for you to consider. You know Ditto. Can a Ditto turn into any food item? I don't like where this is going. Just something to ponder. I'm going to ponder at the end. It could literally turn into anything, but it's got those two beady eyes and the wee smile. Yeah, you just know it would be enjoying it as well, which
01:40:36
Speaker
Would it not be like eating Play-Doh though? It could be, but what if it's like, here's the gamble, what if it's like eating a fine steak? Why would you want to risk that? I'd be like eating the fat off a steak. But you don't know, what if it doesn't have that taste? Do you know what I was actually thinking? And this is probably a plan for your world domination with the Elite Four. If you got a ditto right to transform into food, so then the Elite Four are all like, oh yummy our smorgasbord is here, and then they go to take a bite and then the ditto just stays in the
01:41:06
Speaker
I love it. That's amazing. Oh yeah. It's like death by ditto. In fact, I think in the manga, they use ditto as like a face mask. It's like the change of appearance, which I think is actually really cool to be fair, but ditto's a weird one. Thank you for not going to the way of questioning. I thought you were going to go on the ditto because as I said, we're going to go for the very highbrow.
01:41:25
Speaker
It's only highbrow here, that's all we do isn't it? Yes, absolutely. Talking about drinking sweat oranges. And yeah, beating up kids for their metapods. This is going to be a weird episode to edit, I just know it. What happened to us sis? We went to Pokémon Land, that's what we did. Of course, that's what happened, they changed us. I just can't wait for next week until we talk about living in the Sonic universe.
01:41:47
Speaker
It can't be worse. Oh, or do you want a beer? I mean, we'll detail our journey to get some, like, to get some Makedna milk. Oh no! Makedna, you know what, I don't even want to know the answer to that. You don't, nobody wants to know the answer to that.
01:42:02
Speaker
In case you thought, oh, the Pokémon world would be lovely and it'd be fine, have a long hard look at them better. You're wrong. You're wrong. One final, final question here, right? As I said before, Portagon would be my choice of Pokémon. If I had to have a Pokémon in real life to go through my computer to help me with editing, that kind of thing, what would be your number one Pokémon to take into real life?
01:42:25
Speaker
I feel like you picked a really good one because you've got a practical reason for it. And it can be painful because I'm not sitting on my computer and I hear a painful smash in my window and I'm like, what's this? And then you're away with my poor regards. I'm being an amazing one to get. Do you know what? Part of me just wants something like a willoo. I don't know why.
01:42:45
Speaker
It looks like a sheep and I'm like, do you know what? At least I kind of know what a sheep does. Yeah, I'm just going to use my pseudo-didgeron here to edit what you're going to use yours for. You just go over and it's just like bleating in your face. Ahh! Eating grass, et cetera. But I know what I'm getting into. That just sounds wholesome, to be fair. Do you know what? It's like surely they're dead. I want to be somewhere familiar. I want to be able to smoke out and know where the exits are. That's what a willoo is to me.
01:43:13
Speaker
head down to the old Charizard arms, wait for all of this to blow over. See in all honesty, if there was like an attack by a group in the Pokemon universe, like no matter what group, whether it's Team Rocket, whether it's Team Magma, Aqua, Galactic, Plasma, Player, don't care about the rest. You know, if there was an attack on the world, you would be screwed though.
01:43:38
Speaker
Not everybody. Not everybody has it. Not everybody's trained for battle. We don't live in a Spartan warrior society, but we train. I think we do live in the Pokemon universe. I'm gonna be honest, I think we do live in basically Sparta.
01:43:55
Speaker
As I said, look what happened to us trying to get milk. We got forced into a part of the cycle. I think we do live in a highly militarised society. Pokemon. Can you imagine the self-defence videos? Imagine this. Get a Pokemon. Step 1. Get a Pokemon. Plan B. Get a gun.
01:44:13
Speaker
Will that help with the Pokémon? Pokémon? Because I mean, guns do exist in the Pokémon universe. I will say that. Guns do. Oh, that's good to know. Well, at least in the anime. How that came about, I don't know, kinda seems pointless. Is there a gun Pokémon? When Blastoise gigamaxes, then he gets, like, a cute few cannons. Which would be great in a siege, to be honest. Just how bold I'm involved. You're where we're involved in medieval siege next time, will we? Will we sort it?
01:44:41
Speaker
If you forgot your keys, just like Dinamax them and, you know, have them to blast through your walls. Yeah, blast through the door. The insurance will cover it, I'm sure. I feel as if at this point, like, obviously this isn't a problem in the UK, but you would have like a hurricane bunker for the Pokémon world. You'd have a Poképroof bunker. You're like the Anderson shelters or something. Just dug out of my back garden.
01:45:05
Speaker
Do you know what the amazing thing is? I bet if we came out of the house and we went to our right instead of our left, there's probably like a nice shop there that was given away moving milk for free, there was like free jobs going, could have had like a paradise, and we chose violence, Adam. We chose- It's the world though, the world made us choose violence, I'm convinced. Well, all I can say is life is not an anime, Adam.
01:45:28
Speaker
After recounting this, I'm kind of glad. I'm actually curious to hear if you would want to do more episodes on us living in different universes, because as fun as this episode is, it's very eye-opening to hear that I don't think I would like to live in the Pokemon universe.
01:45:45
Speaker
I think we can conclude this is not where I want to move to if I get an option. But to answer your first question, I'd be completely down for doing more of these. As eye-opening as this was, this was such a blast to do as well. So I think we could return to this topic. I have a premonition. 110%. And yeah, to all the lovely listeners at home who are still listening, first of all, apologies. Second of all, thank you for listening. And yeah,
01:46:10
Speaker
If you want to hear more of our content, whether it be PokeThoughts or just thoughts again, or if you want to hear about our Machamp Flakes, or you want to hear about anything else other than Pokemon after this episode, please feel free to head over to podpager.com forward slash chat tsunami, or also check us on Spotify, iTunes, or really any good podcast app. As long as you look out for the Red Panda, it will definitely see you there.
01:46:36
Speaker
Until then, stay safe, stay awesome, stay hydrated and close your windows because there might be a bee drop coming in.