Transcript
Speaker: Welcome back to another episode of Unlocking with Adam Pike. Today we have Steph Beckon and I just want to start off by saying thank you for taking the time out of your day to jump on this podcast with moi. How you doing?
Speaker: I'm doing great. I'm feeling that this podcast is very aligned with us. I watch your content and I can tell you're on this spiritual journey and I really relate to everything you're posting. And so when you asked me to come on, I said, absolutely ASAP. I'm down because I think we can create some pretty bomb content. Same, same. Honestly, I've been watching the videos you've been posting just about like you sitting there talking and I'm like,
Speaker: God damn, this girl got a lot to say. I resonate with the videos that you're posting as well. We had that quick little conversation. I'm like, I need to get you on here.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I just really, I resonate with the fact that you're like, okay, I'm 31. And I'm just now realizing that shit, I am in control of my life. I'm in control of my happiness. I'm in control of what decisions I make and overall how happy I am in my life. And I mean, we follow so many people on social media and they're living up to expectations of what others think that they should be.
Speaker: And I feel like me and you both live that life of sustaining what other people think we should be or even what we think we should be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. Like when you become fully, fully happy, like with yourself, it's like you can finally just start living. You know what I mean? Because I, I felt so trapped and I like, I never even thought I was trapped at the time. It's only like now that I look back and like,
Speaker: I just wasn't really like Adam. And now it's just like, I'm just so goddamn happy all the time. And like, I see that through you. Like I've been following you and like, you know, I've seen you in person a few times and you now have a new baby and stuff like that. And you just seem to be happy.
Speaker: Yeah. And I feel like I was always the black sheep because when I was little, I never fit in. I just always wanted to be myself. I always had this like spiritual calling within me. I didn't know what the heck it was as a kid, but I knew I just didn't fit in and my parents didn't really get along. So there was always like dissonance in the household and friction in the household. So I kind of had to go within.
Speaker: I just really realized that being yourself was so important. So I started to get into public speaking and I was writing speeches and it was all about why you should be yourself. And people listening to me were like, what the hell are you talking about? Like this is so weird. This is not cool. This is not a sexy.
Speaker: topic to be talking about. But for some reason, I had a really strong calling to send the message when I was 10, 11 years old on why it's so goddamn important to be yourself. And I had reasonings, I had points in there, why you should be yourself because you're going to end up in a life that's not aligned with you. And I was 10, 11 years old writing this stuff. So I had this internal message. But
Speaker: Things happen throughout your life and I tried to fit in in high school. So I ended up being out of alignment with myself and drinking and partying, which wasn't aligned with me. So I went on this four year spiritual journey when I was 16. I worked at GNC. I got my first job and I felt really independent. I started.
Speaker: Writing a lot of poetry and just doing whatever I like doing which was not the norm but I was just building myself and then You hit a roadblock when you meet certain people and they take you off course because they say hey This is how you should live. This is what you should be like and you're like, can I curse on here? Yeah, fuck dude, like that sounds sick. Okay, I'm on board. Let's jump on and let's do it and then five years later You're like fuck
Speaker: Who am I? Who am I? I'm not happy. I'm waking up every day and I just want to go to bed. I just want to go to bed. Dude, I've been medicated for like 11 years on antidepressants and sleeping pills. I couldn't sleep. But that's what happens when things take us off course. And sometimes you got to piss people off and wake up and say, hey, where did I go? Little Steffi inside my inner child. Where'd you go, girl?
Speaker: and I'm getting goosebumps over here listening to you because like everything you just said it was exactly me like just thinking about in high school the people I was hanging around with the stuff that I was doing like I feel like I didn't really want to be doing half of that stuff but I was just like trying to fit in you know what I mean and then when I finally started to like kind of step away from that everybody started to hate me always too good for us now all like what do you what do you think you're too good to hang out with us and I'm like no like I just
Speaker: I just want to change. I'm just doing me. But when you change, people start to hate you for it because you're not the same person that they used to know. And they're just staying here, but you're just slowly inclining every day. So now, fast forward to right now, I just feel like I'm just always on an incline of just change and growth. And I feel like you're right there. And that's why we're here talking today, Steph.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. And I mean, the people that are not aligned with you when you change, it's like an elevator. You get on an elevator and like some people are ready to get off at the second level. And you're like, no, I want to go to the top floor. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to let you off.
Speaker: You know, and that's fine. But if we're stuck being people pleasers, we will constantly neglect ourselves and constantly neglect who we're meant to be and who we're supposed to be surrounded with. Isn't it nice just saying no sometimes?
Speaker: Yeah, it's exhilarating. But I mean, by default, I am a people pleaser because that's what I learned growing up. Childhood trauma, childhood learnings, that's how we're conditioned. You condition a dog to be a certain way to get a treat. So we learn to be that way. But when we feel that dissonance within ourselves of like, this doesn't feel right, I'm neglecting myself again.
Speaker: And I read a quote recently and it said, nothing that is meant for you will ever require you to betray yourself to achieve it. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Man, I'm glad I'm glad we're on this podcast because I have a lot to talk about. But one thing I do want to ask, or maybe not ask, some people say when you have a child, it's almost like your life is over and you can't go chase your dreams. Now,
Speaker: Like I said, I've been following you like every step of the way and ever since you've had your child It's like you're you're doing more things and like I'm seeing you on TV. You're having commercials You're you got two gyms. Like you're just you're doing everything. You know what I mean? And What's the secret to all the moms out there? That's you know what I mean?
Speaker: That's a great question. I'm so glad that you brought that up. Honestly, having a child is like having a mirror. It makes you face yourself. But a lot of people don't have the courage yet, maybe.
Speaker: to face the parts of themselves that need to be healed. And I mean, I realized that I had a lot of inner child wounds when I had her. I mean, first when I had her, there was so much stress in my life and so much dissociation that I was going through that I couldn't even feel fully emotionally present with her. And I mean, some moms could take that and judge themselves and say, I'm a piece of shit. I'm no good. I'm such a bad mom. And then start drinking and gambling and doing all these destructive things.
Speaker: But I really used it as a mirror to myself to say, whoa, I'm not able to give her the emotional presence that she needs until I heal these parts of myself. You need to learn to be more patient. You need to learn to cut out the bullshit. I mean, as a successful business owner, especially as a female, people try to tear me down. And if I take the energy, all this energy,
Speaker: and truck it over here and say, okay, I'm going to feed into this energy of people trying to tear me down. I'm not going to be able to be a good business owner. I'm not going to be able to be a good mother. I'm not going to be able to be the best version of myself. So she really helped me realize what's important, how to prioritize my energy, not only my time, but I mean the greatest currency in life is our energy.
Speaker: where we're placing our energy. So she really made me look at myself, get my head out of my ass and have more patience and have more understanding and compassion for myself, because you can't be compassionate towards a child if you can't be compassionate towards yourself. And I want her to be a strong, independent woman that doesn't let anybody tear her down. And she's not going to learn that if mommy can't do it.
Speaker: She is a very lucky girl because you're a great mom. That was a great fucking answer. There's gotta be so many parents out here that's just so stressed and don't find themselves like you just said. And they're stuck in that shit. You know what I mean? And then that's where the childhood trauma comes from because the parents don't change. I definitely got childhood trauma. I didn't realize it until recently if I really start thinking back on it.
Speaker: You know, you've really got to be your best self so you can raise your child the right way. Yeah. But if you're in it, like if you're in an environment where you feel people are holding you back or things are holding you back, your job or people or whatever it is, you cannot thrive. That's like a rose.
Speaker: that can't bloom. Do you blame the rose or do you blame the environment? Sometimes you really need to change your environment to really be aligned with where you're meant to vibrate. I feel like I'm meant to be at a high vibration, love, peace, joy, all these great things. But if I'm around people that are dragging me down and basically energetically saying, no, we need to be down here.
Speaker: I can't be the best mom. I can't even think straight. I can't even think about what I need to do right now. So like work's not gonna get done. Chores aren't gonna get done. I'm not gonna be emotionally present for my daughter. I'm not gonna make good business moves. So a lot of times we need to really look at our surroundings and say, okay, my environmental wellbeing. Wow, what's that like? Like is my house a mess right now? Or are people around me just constantly bringing me down and causing me stress?
Speaker: So that's something that a lot of people don't realize is their environmental well -being. Sometimes you have to change things around. Sometimes it's really hard to get out of that. You know what I mean? Because there's a lot of people stuck in that. And I was actually listening to one of your videos about the voice in your head. And people just let that voice in your head take over. And they're not in the driver's seat of their own life. And there's just this here. It's just da, da, da, da. And then you've got other people. And then that's in your brain.
Speaker: You just let it take over and then that's it. Some people are stuck in that their whole life and it's sad. You know what I mean? I used to be stuck in that. I broke free of it and I feel like you probably did too. Absolutely. And that comes down to Jay Shetty. I don't know if you follow Jay Shetty. Oh yeah. Yeah. So he talks about the monk mind versus the monkey mind.
Speaker: So the monk mind is basically our hippocampus, our prefrontal cortex. And then our monkey mind is our amygdala back here. That's our reptilian brain. So our reptilian brain is stressed out and activated all the time. And when it's activated and stressed out all the time and judging ourselves, we can't act. We can't act if we're thinking from back here, our limbic brain back here. It's like someone is literally hauling onto our head and pulling us back. And we're like, no, I want to go forward.
Speaker: So we need to have that hippocampus, that monk mind activated, and that takes practice, that takes meditation, that takes honoring the self, calming the nervous system down.
Speaker: I mean, how we really communicate, words are just a bonus. Our nervous systems are really what make us communicate with people. If someone has a dysfunctional nervous system, they're communicating that with other people. So like they're lax within themselves. Maybe they're with someone for validation because they can't validate themselves. Or maybe they're with someone because they feel like they're supposed to be or in the same friend group or in this work, whatever it is, they're there for the wrong reasons.
Speaker: So they're really not able to think outside of that. So that's really what keeps us stuck, these expectations and that limbic brain, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I'm just, I'm just thinking back. I'm just thinking back and like meet old Adam and I'm just in some dark places, man. Interesting to think about when you think about the old you.
Speaker: Yeah, I do it all the time. I do it all the time. I always talk about it. Like even in my videos, I used to say, oh, like past Adam used to be like this, but I'm not anymore, right? And I just can't imagine still being there and living my life because I feel like everything that is in my life right now would not be in my life. I would still be doing the same shit, you know, in the same people. Just, man, you really got to take care of yourself.
Speaker: You really gotta like fill up your own cup and like just treat yourself well. Because I never knew that. I would always try to make other people happy. I gotta do this to make them happy. I'm gonna not like do what I love to make them happy. And that was my mindset in every single relationship that I was in. And it was never enough. It didn't matter what I'd done. It was just never enough. And then resolve like it was just a sad little Adam.
Speaker: Yeah, so I have a question for you. Yeah, go ahead. Okay, so from this old Adam to this current Adam, what do you think was the part of you that really needed to be healed? Were you seeking validation? Were you seeking attention? What was it inside of you that was lacking that you think you have now or maybe you're working on?
Speaker: I feel like I had a lot of insecurities within myself and I didn't know it at the time.
Speaker: Maybe I was surrounding myself with the wrong people, which like brought out those insecurities a lot. And I just had a lot to do to work on myself. So I had to let go within. And the voices in my head, how I used to talk to myself, because it's very important like how we talk ourselves every single day, even how I'm talking to you. Like just, if you just change a couple words, it really makes a difference on yourself and on other people. So like, I just had a lot of negative self talk. I was always like,
Speaker: big rollercoaster of highs and lows, and I still kind of struggle with that a little bit, but I'm in control of that now. Before, when I would get low, I didn't know how to get out of it, and I would be really down and crying and sad for long periods of time. Now I get there, and I'm like, man, you're too fucking good for this shit, man. Get it together, Adam, and then I'll do it. You know what I mean?
Speaker: Um, I don't, I don't know if I've really answered your question, but, uh, I just feel like I had a lot of work to do on Adam. So like I was single for over a year and I just focused on myself and I just, you know, I started like doing these fitness challenge and meditating and just like talking to the right people and surround myself with like good people. And I changed, like you said, changing my environment and then.
Speaker: All of a sudden, boom, I meet this wonderful lady. She comes in my life. Everything's just easy. I'm like really happy now. She's really happy. Everything's just easy. Oh my God, this is the life I could be living? What? And here I am. Right? Yeah, no, that's, that's incredible. That was, that was really well said. And I see you guys like vibing so well. And you can tell when people are together and they're not pulling each other down.
Speaker: And trust me, we're still getting our little spats, but it's a little tiny spat, and then we're like, this is fucking stupid, what are we doing? Everybody can't agree on everything, you know what I mean? You're gonna have your disagreements, but it's like, actually I think I heard this from Jay Shetty, it's how you fight.
Speaker: I think I hear him say that. You know what I mean? You don't want to be there screaming and yelling at each other. It just never goes anywhere. Just step away from the situation. Take five seconds. Go breathe a little bit. Come back to the situation. Hey, I understand. Sorry. That's all it takes. Before I didn't... Yeah, go ahead. To me, I think that when you're ego driven, it's not going to go well.
Speaker: It's not going to go well. You really need to take that ego out of it of like, I need to be right or I need you to hear me and replace that with love because the opposite of ego is love and understanding and compassion. And when we have that, there is no fighting. Yeah. And when you get to that place, I also listened to another one of your videos about being in the flow, like being in the flow of life.
Speaker: When you finally become fully happy and you're doing the things that you love, you're just in a flow and everything just in the universe just seems to be coming to you like so easy. You know what I mean? Isn't that a great feeling?
Speaker: Yeah, and it's really letting go of that attachment because if we attach, say if I, okay, you want to be rich and every day you're waking up and you're attaching yourself to having to be rich, you're attaching yourself. You're putting resistance between you and that thing, no matter what it is. You really have to let go. I watch a lot of Aaron Dowdy. Have you heard of him?
Speaker: He's great for letting go. He has so many videos on letting go and just that attachment. And I wrote a book in grade 11 and I had a certain part of it, attachment versus detachment. When you're attached to something, you just make everything hard in your life. But when you detach yourself from it and you don't have expectations, you allow things to flow.
Speaker: And there's certain levels that we work at. And I feel like since the pandemic, there's a planetary shift. There's an energetic shift. And years ago, I felt like people were just very surface level in their conversations. And then they become very lifestyle driven. Okay, let's talk about your lifestyle. Let's talk about your habits. But now I feel like this planetary shift is allowing us to speak from our core. And our core is very spirituality driven.
Speaker: So seeing all these people really come together and say, okay, this is who I used to be. But then I started on this lifestyle journey. And then, whoa, I found out that there was something deeper. Like, oh, shit, there's more. We're onions, Adam. We're fucking onions, dude. You got to keep feeling those layers. And I used to think, dude, I got it figured out. I got it figured out.
Speaker: But we never got it figured out. There's so many. We never have it figured out. We're always learning, right? I know I made that video the other day. I finally feel like I got it together. But I don't. I'm still learning. Everything I'm doing, I'm still learning as I'm going. I'm still growing. And we are onions. Yeah. But I mean, as soon as you understand that, I think as soon as we understand the fact that, okay, there's always going to be more,
Speaker: We're we're good. We're on the trajectory to live in alignment with ourselves. But if we think, OK, I got everything figured out, then we're blocking ourselves from any more growth. Yeah, sometimes it's like I want to go back to letting go like.
Speaker: It's sometimes it's hard, not right now, but I used to be someone that would like hold on to something for like three, four, five, like maybe like a week. And I'd just be, it'd just be festering and it would just keep growing and growing. And then like, that's like, like in relationships, right? If you hold on to something, you build resentment. And then what happens? Like week later, nothing's even going on. You're fighting about something, but that happened last week. You know what I mean? And it's,
Speaker: Like that's, that's how I live now. I don't give a fuck about anything. Like something stupid happens. I don't care. Fuck off. Someone don't like me. Fuck off. I don't really don't care about you. And like, you really, I just have people that would just hate me for no fucking reason, no reason. And I'm like, you're spending so much energy. It's hating me. And I'm like actually a nice person and there's clearly something going on within you.
Speaker: Some people just don't know how to let go, but when you just let it go, it's gone.
Speaker: Why you're not liking me, right? So just focus on yourself Let go of fucking shit who cares about all these voices. It's all just noise. Everybody's talking shit this and that all drama It's just noise and clutter and these are just get out of your fucking head. Just let it go Yeah, and that's the only thing that holds us back to like it and it's all ego like if you care what other people think about you That's your ego
Speaker: you know, and if you care about someone that pissed you off last week or something, that's just your ego. I mean, I used to have arguments with my nan. We had a really good relationship, but like we spat at each other, whatever. And I mean, I would just go away and play some Nintendo and I'd come back and be like, Hey, Nan, what's up? Let's watch some Jeopardy, dude. And we'd be best kind. You know, like, God love the nanny. Shout out to all the nannies out there. I just seen my nan last weekend.
Speaker: Shout out to all the Nands. Aren't they so special? They're so special. She taught me so much and she would give the shirt off her back, rest her soul, rest my mother's soul. I lost the two greatest people in my life, but they definitely taught me how to be the best version of myself, even though my mom still had a lot of growing to do, my nan still had a lot of growing to do.
Speaker: Learning from people like that is just phenomenal. Yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry to hear that. I actually had this conversation with my mother the other day because she lost her mother. Well, I was really young, so I thought she was really old, but she was only 26. 26? Yeah, I think she was 26 when she lost her mother. And I think about that now. I'm 31. I can't imagine. You know what I mean? So I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
Speaker: Yeah, I was 27 and that was really another kind of spiritual awakening part for me too of my life because I realized that I lived a massive chunk of my life unconscious when she got sick with cancer. I was like, holy shit. It really woke me up. And sometimes it takes something really, really big and drastic to really kick you in the ass and say, okay,
Speaker: I'm not living to my potential. I'm living dead basically. And a lot of people are just living unconsciously, autopilot, doing the same thing every day, Groundhog Day. So that really made me realize, okay, I got to make a change here. So I made a big change at that point in my life to start living according to myself. But then something else, I made a video on this today. If you're trying to live in alignment with yourself, your soul will never stare you wrong, but the unhealed parts of you will.
Speaker: Yeah. Like let that sit in. Sometimes you may be drawn to something, but it may be because of this feeling, this lack within yourself. And there might be these alarm bells inside your belly that you may be mistaking for butterflies and all these wonderful things, but really it's alarm bells telling you the dangerous, get out of there, there's fire.
Speaker: You have a really positive attitude, like even talking about your mother, you took something positive from that and changed your life because of it. Not many people can do that. So I just want to applaud you for that. Thank you. I mean, you have to, you have to. And before she passed away, she loved the movie Forrest Gump and she made this collage of all these pictures of me and my brother and her and her mother.
Speaker: And she wrote a poem or something there or something that was in Forrest Gump about, uh, there's a point in your life that you realize you have to stop throwing rocks or something, something along those lines. And I watched Forrest Gump, uh, last Christmas with my family, actually. And of course I balled, I cried. It was just so meaningful to me that like at the end of her life, she realized that you need to let go. And I was like, I don't want to wait till the end of my life.
Speaker: to let go. Yeah. Yes, man. That's, yeah. I don't want to have any regrets either because, yeah, I actually watched this video on YouTube and it was just this guy coming up to older people. I'm not like random people on the street and just being like, if there's one thing that you regret, like what is it? Or like, what would you say to like the younger people? And then they're always, every single one of them just said,
Speaker: Don't care about the bullshit. Just let it go. Live your life. Have experiences. And like, you know, I look back on my life when I was working and I actually made another post about that today. I used to just work overtime and overtime. Like I just worked my life away just to have money. Money is not fucking everything. Money is not everything. And then I was just so money driven. And if I never got out of that life, I would be stuck there. And I probably just work until I retired and then, you know,
Speaker: That would be it. The thing is, is when you're driven by money and success and all these things, you're not as successful as when you let go. Like when I was so focused and I used to work from 6 a .m. till 10 p .m. training people in my basement trying to make enough money. And as my gyms have grown,
Speaker: now I just let go and I don't have an ego attached to my gym. I don't even find it easy marketing anymore because I don't even like saying, platinum's the best gym, come to us, we're the best, we're the best, because I'm not ego driven. Guys, just come in and we're chill. We talk to everyone there. You come in and it's so vibe.
Speaker: but that's really the space that you want to be to grow. And now the memberships weekly are just growing, growing, growing. I'm like, okay, I need a bigger parking lot. I need a bigger building. I need like, whoa, I'm not even trying here. And that's the thing is when you stop forcing people, like you force it down their throats, like I'm the best, my business is the best, like buy it or else.
Speaker: When you stop that and you just have a vibe about you, people come in and see that and it's way more receptive. People are more receptive. That's the exact same. I worked for Microcybin online and the microdosing company and they don't ever try to sell anything. There's so many different microdosing companies and they're all, you know what I mean? But they're just spreading knowledge.
Speaker: They don't need to say we're the best because we are the best. You know what I mean? And they're just chill. And they're not trying to sell anything. To me, success is when you're just mentally there. And everything is just normal in your life. And you're happy. Your relationships are happy. Your family's healthy. You're healthy. That's success. Money and all this bullshit and things. It's all just bullshit.
Speaker: Yeah, and that happens when you have a sense of safety within yourself. That's something I learned because I constantly lacked validation within myself. So I was constantly looking for validation outside of myself, but I realized I will never feel healed or safe unless I feel healed and safe within myself. And then that starts reflecting and starts absorbing positive energy and good things just fall into place.
Speaker: Yeah. One thing I want to ask before we end this episode, if you were, if this was your last day on Earth, and I actually got this, I don't know if you listened to Lewis House, the school of greatness. Yeah, of course. So he does this at the end of his episodes. And I think it's freaking great. And I want to be able to do it with my guests, because I'm sure we're never going to go on both. I wouldn't say never. You never know. But I highly doubt we're going to be on his podcast. You know what I mean?
Speaker: So if today was your last day on earth and you had one thing left to all the women and children and people out there in the world for them to remember you by, what would you say to them? Just love, love like at my core.
Speaker: I feel like my message is just love. Honestly, love and peace and joy. Let go of all the stuff you're attached to. Let go of the hate. Let go of the worry. All the fear that brings you down. I mean, every day is so beautiful. Every minute is so beautiful. We have a chance right now to breathe. We have a chance to see things, to experience things. Just be. Just love.
Speaker: I love that. Take it all in. I love that. Anyways, I really appreciate you coming on the episode. It was good chatting with you. Absolutely. And when I get my own on the go. I'll be coming on. I'll be coming on. Awesome. Thank you. See you later, guys.
