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EP. 3 Alien Romulus
98 Plays1 year ago
Nick & Gerald discuss the latest entry into the Alien franchise, Alien Romulus. Where does this movie stand in your rankings? Let us know!
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Email the pod at 2guys1screenpod@gmail.com with your movie review requests!
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Details
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Two Guys, One Screen. This is episode number three. My name is Nick. And I'm Gerald. And today we have a review on Alien Romulus, which was... it's us? Mid.
00:00:18
Speaker
We will ah <unk>ll definitely get into it. For the viewer, this is a ah pod where we're together physically. This won't happen very often, probably. Probably twice a year. Yeah. Very intimate. You have nice feet. I'm wearing socks. Well, we're on the same socks, actually. I have ah the same kind. But yours have dry fit across the top? No. Well, it looks like I'm just better. Or maybe you are.
Social Media and Contact Information
00:00:48
Speaker
Before we get into it, little Febreze plug it in.
00:00:55
Speaker
I'm plugging in! What the fuck does that mean? Plug the show? I'm plugging in, plugging in. Are we newly founded? You can follow us on Instagram, 2guys1screenpod, and if you have anything to send us via email, requests, comments, concerns, 2guys1screenpodatgmail.com.
00:01:21
Speaker
Yeah, not what the description said last week. Two guys, one screen at gmailpod dot.com. That's not going to work. Nothing's going to come up. We won't get anything. Let us know.
Physical Media Collections and Steelbooks
00:01:32
Speaker
Would you guys be interested in like a TikTok channel where we just post the funny clips and things like that? Or is that something you're not interested in? Today was a ah fun day. Gerald and I got to go do physical media pickups together.
00:01:49
Speaker
So I got the Spirited Away Studio Ghibli Steelbook. Oh, we have to tell them. This is the package. but Oh yeah. The package finally came. The last episode we were recording, uh, Cuckoo. It showed up within like five hours of finishing recording that episode. Yeah. So this is the big, this is the long awaited package.
00:02:11
Speaker
So I got the Spirited Away Studio Ghibli Steelbook. Then I got Puppet Master Doctor Death. I guess that's the newest spinoff they made. Have you seen it? No. What's the deal with these Puppet Master movies and why are they so hard to find? Well, because Full Moon, the company that makes them, they're like very low budget. Oh, so they're poor.
00:02:40
Speaker
Essentially, yeah. Okay. And the movies are, you know, mid at best, but they're fun. They're fun mid. Why are you shaking your head like that? Fair enough. I'm agreeing with you. All right. So Dr. Death. Then I got the My Neighbor Totoro Studio Ghibli Steelbook.
00:03:05
Speaker
It's a good color. It's nice, you know, I have almost the whole I have 14 of them and on my shelf, just seeing all the the backs or the spines of them is nice. A couple of them are going to be hard to find. How do you I know you have a couple hanging on the wall. How many do you or what order do you put them in? Any just alphabetical? So I don't have them together at all. Yeah, I just have them alphabetically in the collection. Mine are altogether release date order. Looks nice.
00:03:37
Speaker
I would do that if I had them all in steel books, but I don't. Right. Next, we got the ever cheap find of the century saw 4K steelbook for only six dollars. No slip. No slip, but that's fine because it's on my wall anyway. Should we explain to the the wall thing to them? I think we should.
00:04:00
Speaker
If anybody on here, which that you probably do because we're nobody's, follows Steelbookobsessed on any of the social media platforms. He's a big physical media guy. He has a wall and it's like a three by three Steelbook collection and he just changes it whenever he feels like it. So then I had the idea of putting it along my entire living room wall. So I have like, it's like 86, like a 12 by nine or 12 by eight, whatever it is.
00:04:30
Speaker
And then ah Gerald recently made a... what is yours? Mine's six by six. A six by six. We all have these steelbook walls. When we say it's on the wall, that's what we mean. It's on the steelbook wall. Yeah, the wall equals steelbook wall. Then I got Grizzly, released by Severin Films.
Movie Finds and 80s Film Preferences
00:04:50
Speaker
Now this is a movie that is pretty much jaws in a forest with a bear. This movie's bad. I've watched it.
00:05:00
Speaker
Yeah, so right after Jaws came out and became the first summer blockbuster, a bunch of these low budget film crews decided to... They wanted in because they're like, we can make money by this. You can't make money if the movie's bad, guys. Do you think Grizzly had like a theater release? It did. Because before streaming, it was just like straight to DVD. But no, it did have a theatrical run. And it's only noteworthy because it was like the first Jaws ripoff. OK.
00:05:30
Speaker
Because they made it within within a year. Still bad. There's better ones. I'm sure. Any recommendations? yeah Orca the killer whale. I mean, it's pretty much the same general plot. Which is what you're looking for currently. Orca, right? Yeah, I'm looking for it. It's out of print now. Hey, if any of you guys having this shit we're looking for, feel free to ah email in the pod. Let us know. Gift it to us. I'll pay you. We're poor.
00:05:56
Speaker
I'll suck you for five bucks. I don't know. I don't know. Behind an ExxonMobil? Cut that. Alright. Why is it Exxon? I don't know. I just think I made random. Uh, then a Disney movie that I did not own. Soul. And it was a gift from Nick himself.
00:06:12
Speaker
Wink, wink, daddy.
Playful 'Marry, Fuck, Kill' Discussion
00:06:15
Speaker
I founded the 4k steelbook. I found a steelbook for soul. That was an import at my local movie store and I bought it and then I got in the car and opened it and it was a 4k disc and I was just blown away. I don't know what I paid for it, but it was very cheap. That seems to happen a lot of the time with the imports, right? Yeah. Makes sense.
00:06:36
Speaker
Next movie is one of my favorite war movies, We Were Soldiers starring Mel Gibson. It's about the Vietnam War. Shout out Dad. Shout out Lin. He's the goat. Yup. He loves this movie too. I don't know if he brings it back to the... We Were Soldiers. He loves it. That's good. Yeah.
00:06:52
Speaker
Pretty violent too. Then we have the OG fly movie from the 60s. For how much? 697. Pretty good deal. Which I then proceeded to find the Scream Factory version at my local movie store, but I will be keeping both copies.
00:07:09
Speaker
Sure. It's a fun movie. The first one's actually a lot better than I expected. That one's not in black and white, right? No, but for some reason the second one is. That's weird. It has Curse of the Fly and Return of the Fly. I think Return of the Fly is the second one. I believe. And Curse is the last one. Merry fuck kill.
00:07:25
Speaker
Mary fuck kill the fly Chucky when you say the fly you mean like the fly that like flew into the little thing half-man half-fly, but the Jeff Goldblum version, okay? Do I get do I get to do I get any part of Jeff Goldblum? He's just full-blown fucking ugly monster Full blown not the end of the movie you get where he's like everything's like falling off like his ears falling off I'm spitting out shit, so Mary fuck kill Chucky mm-hmm Brundle fly or Stuart Little.
00:08:00
Speaker
All right, well,
Anticipation and Review of Alien Romulus
00:08:01
Speaker
immediately. Actually, it's not that easy, I don't think. No, it's not. All right, I think I'm marrying Chucky. OK. No. This is bad either way.
00:08:20
Speaker
I'm marrying the fly because once we get, like, we get married, I just gotta to kiss the bride, which is, like, a peck. That's fine. I'm killing Stuart Little because I will never fuck a mouse. You know, I'll fuck the doll. Okay. Wait, is Chucky alive? He's, like, Chucky? He's Chucky, like, full... He's not, like, just the Chucky doll, it's the... Right, it's when his soul is completely taken over the body. So I'm fucking the criminal. Essentially. He'd probably bite my dick off.
00:08:51
Speaker
I probably would. Charles Lee Ray coming for that dick. Oh wait, but what was your merry fuck kill? You do it. Don't make me just do it. Yeah, you're gonna do it too. Okay, that's fine. I'm gonna marry Stuart Little. Really? Yeah, why not? Gonna kiss that mouse? Come here. Alright. I could probably stick his whole head in my mouth. Talk about a head fuck, you know what I'm saying? Probably stick him up your ass like a gerbil. That's fine.
00:09:19
Speaker
Alright, well the question is now who you fucking? You fucking the fly or you fucking Chucky? Uh, you gotta fuck the Chuck. I think we're both fucking Chuck. Even though he says don't fuck with the Chuck. Do you know what's funny? Is he can't fuck you. That's right, cause he has no dick. He's got nothing down there. You fuck you with a knife. I'm sure- Wow. I'm sure he could get a strap on. Well let's can me be honest with this for a minute. If we were in any of the child play movies we would never die. You really think so? A doll could not kill me. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. god A doll would never kill me. But he's like a serial killer.
00:09:49
Speaker
I don't even fuck what he is. He's less than three feet tall and he's a doll. I'd kick him in the face. They do that, though. They make terrible decisions. Speaking of making terrible decisions. Alien Romulus. Never mind. We'll get back to that. So yeah, I'm going to fuck Chucky. Fuck the Chuck. And I'm going to kill the fly because, you know. but him He wanted to be put out of his misery, honestly. Right, he did. And honestly, I'd probably marry him and then probably kill him. So yeah, those are my holes. Oh, I forgot Stuart Little, too. Speaking of Stuart Little.
00:10:19
Speaker
I got Stuart Little 2 on Blu-ray. Signed or not signed? Not signed by Geena Davis, unfortunately. But my copy of Stuart Little 1. Geena Davis is is the one in the flyer now. Yeah, she is. Can I just marry fuck her? Yeah, I would do... Both? If you're listening, Geena Davis, write in. Come to the pod. Yeah, come to the pod with us online. You can do it on my couch with me. Alright, I'll get into mine. Yeah.
00:10:46
Speaker
All these halls, all these halls, all these pickups were from today. First one we got, $20 Steelbook, Indiana Jones, the complete collection. Well, it's not complete now because they had a goddamn recoil. Yeah. Which is annoying enough. ah But the first four movies are on here. That's a good find. Here's a hot take that I think both of us share. First one's pretty mid.
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, we've only seen the first one, but it is mid. I feel like it's one of those things like most 80s movies. Yeah. You have to be there when it came out for it to be nostalgic, obviously nostalgic, but for it to be good on a rewatch. Right. So maybe I'll try it again, but I think now that I bought this, I'll probably watch them.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah. Next one recommendation from you. Hostel one and two. This is very interesting because it's Eli Roth and it wasn't really on my radar that much. And then Quentin Tarantino produced Hostel part two. So I'm interested.
00:11:55
Speaker
Yeah, if you like Saw and all the torture stuff, this is very heavy into, like, torture. Like, that's the whole premise. Like, Saw, there's, like, you know, they've done some, yeah, the you have a way to get out, you've done some bad things in life. No, these, this is not, this is just straight torture for fun. seen mars Yeah. Is it like that, or not as bad? Not as bad. Okay. Martyr's on a whole nother level.
00:12:23
Speaker
Next one I got just the next what is this three?
00:12:30
Speaker
Yeah, the next three are just movies that I've been told I should watch so that's why I bought them they were cheap Arizona with Danny McBride. I've just heard it's funny fun. I'm probably gonna watch at some point This movie swordfish when I grabbed this your neck turned you were like, what are you getting? John Travolta a very young Hugh Jackman Don Cheadle and Halle Berry Halle Berry, how you doing? Um, it's 99 minutes, 2001. So he was already Wolverine at that point. Uh, yeah, he is right. He's already in it, which you didn't buy that. Oh, you're gonna buy it next week. The next thing I got, which we're probably gonna do this for the pod, the purge. They had the first one for six bucks and then they had all three for 10. So I was like, I'll just get three for 10.
00:13:19
Speaker
I think there's another one. There probably, there's probably like five. Which ones does that have? The purge, the purge anarchy in the purge election year, which homeboy is wearing the goddamn black phone mask. yeah ah So you're missing the first purge.
00:13:33
Speaker
So I got that and then lastly picked up James Cameron's avatar Spoiler alert might be reviewing this for the pod. Let us know if you want to hear about that. Anyways Five dollars. He's never seen it and I haven't seen it probably since it came out and the second we both haven't seen ah Yeah, I've been both on 4k. So I feel like they'd pop but that's about it
00:13:58
Speaker
Alright, so that does our physical media haul. We'll get into Alien Romulus. Oh boy. Can I ask you this? Is Alien Romulus... For the rest of the year, before Alien Romulus, was that not like your most anticipated movie? It was probably like my first or second. Yeah, because mine was... it was this and it was Nosferatu. Okay. It's basically all I'm looking forward to at this point. Mine was this and Long Legs. Before Long Legs came out, Long Legs was at the top for me too, yeah, for sure.
00:14:29
Speaker
ah So I guess This isn't like spoiler yet, but The hype was so big plus I watched like I personally watched all the alien movies leading up to says a lot of people did Yeah, so it's like oh I'm fucking ready for this and then it just kind of fell flat it's a the word we've been using is cookie cutter very cookie cutter and The thing is Fede Alvarez, oh that man, when, when we both saw that he was directing it, we were set from the beginning. We were both huge fans of the evil dead remake. yeah so That movie is so good. And I, I personally like don't breathe. I don't know if you do.
00:15:18
Speaker
I have it like a three star. I don't dislike it, but I do think. Did the end kill it for you? No, I like that was interesting. Very interesting. Which my letterbox review should have more likes than it does on that one. It's a great one liner. Go look at it. Follow us on letterbox in the description.
00:15:34
Speaker
I didn't love that movie, but I do feel like like it had its own, I don't want to say twist, but like Fade Alverez implemented his style of filmmaking onto that movie, which is what I was let down in on Alien Romulus. A lot of people are saying it's still Fade Alverez, but it's just like, it's like a studio interference, which is probably possible, but I don't see Fade in this movie at all.
00:15:59
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, because my biggest thing going into it was they really hyped it up as like a horror, you know, and it felt like they could have done a lot more. A lot of the gore, like you see it for like a split second and then it cuts away yeah and that's not him. He's going to show it. Yeah. He's going to make you sit in it and be uncomfortable. I think it's Disney. I agree. I think it's a lot of that interference.
00:16:28
Speaker
because they want it to be, even though it's rated R, they want it to be as widely viewable as possible. Because i I'd let my like little, not little, but like I'd let a 10 year old watch like the ah original Alien. Yeah.
00:16:45
Speaker
To me, yeah that movie, maybe for a little kid, it's a little scarier, but like as an adult you're watching it, it's not that bad. Although I did watch it, I rewatched it after seeing Romulus, and there was a jump scare at when she's in the escape pod with the alien and he sticks his hand out, that shit got me so hard, I like felt the couch. And the chestburster is pretty iconic. It's of course. Also, do you think they're like, because of that film, they're just locked into having a chestburster in every single movie? Yeah.
00:17:12
Speaker
Like granted, I want to see Fide Alvarez direct a chest bursting scene because he's Fide Alvarez. Like every, every movie has one in the franchise has a chest bursting sequence. Right. It felt more fanservicey than its own thing. I agree. But I do think this chest bursting scene in Romulus was quite good. Of all the cons, I'm going to say that was definitely a pro. It was good, but it cut away.
00:17:41
Speaker
Yeah, it could be a lot. To her face. No one wants to see your stupid bitch face. Alright, we'll get into it. We have Kaylee Spaney playing Rain. Which, did you see her in Civil War? You haven't seen Civil War yet. Was it good? I'm back and forth on it. My review says it's good, but I'm not sure. she was She was good in it. What I'm saying is I couldn't even recognize from this movie. I didn't realize it was the same person. She looks like a small child in Civil War, and in this movie she looks like an adult.
00:18:09
Speaker
I didn't really like her in this movie. Yeah, she was fine. I didn't dislike her. David Johnson plays Andy. Who is my favorite character in this movie? Oh, we were going to have some disagreements then.
00:18:24
Speaker
oh Boy Archie Renault plays Tyler Isabelle mer says Kay Spike Fern is Bjorn. Hey, hey in alien woo is Navarro who is the chest bursting recipient? um All right, we'll get into it. We're doing scene by scene. So again guys you're going to hear spoilers.
00:18:44
Speaker
um
Character Dynamics and Plot in Alien Romulus
00:18:45
Speaker
This is this is when people talk about fan service and This movies, you know, you see reviews saying the greatest hits of the Alien franchise The opening sequence is what we're talking about Yeah. So the opening sequence is the a ship picking up the remnants of the Nostromo. And again, this movie, if you didn't already know, takes place in between Alien and Aliens. So Alien 1 and 2. They flash a big piece of the exploded ship that says Nostromo across the screen.
00:19:19
Speaker
So it's like, if you forgot, it's this movie and they recover it. Does this movie feel like very dark when you look at it? Like to you, it's dark. It's very hard to read some of the sequences because it's just so dark. I agree. They just, you know, take in this piece of something. and And when I was in the theater, I couldn't tell what it was.
00:19:41
Speaker
And then you come to find out it is the... Remnants or... It's the alien from the first movie. It's the xenomorph. Which, how does that work? Yeah. It looked like... At first I thought it was a meteor, but then it's like a fossil. But like, so he gets... So the alien at the end of one gets sucked out of the... The escape pod. Right. How does he become a fossil encased in rock? If anything, he would freeze. It's science fiction, we shouldn't be questioning it, but still, it's just kinda like what? Yeah, but science fiction...
00:20:10
Speaker
so they show this and then we're led to believe that that went awry because they don't show you anything but they're like uh shooting a laser into it like they're opening it up it cuts to rain and andy which how long did it take you to figure out did you know andy was a synthetic before they show her taking the chip out of his neck no all right now here's my question to you why are we making synthetic robots I'm not going to say autistic, but appear autistic. Yeah. I thought he was just a special needs guy. i It makes no sense to me. and It was kind of distracting. Yeah. Like it, it's almost like they wanted to make a special needs character, but they couldn't straight up say that's what it was. You know?
00:20:57
Speaker
And his directive has been to do what's best for Reign. But it was, I did find it very distracting that he was like acting. His performance was good, but like he was acting as if he was special needs. I don't know if that was like their motive, like you said, but it was very distracting to me. right and i didn't i didn't mind that there is a synthetic in it because they're in all of them right but now you're getting compared to ian home michael fassbender winona rider like all these characters that have already played a synthetic which the reveal in alien 3 that winona rider is a ah the synthetic is wild you have no idea crazy but his
00:21:39
Speaker
I don't know if we'll talk about it later, but his facial features were really good. You could tell that there was something up. I agree. His facial features, his acting was was spot on, but the direction on that was just kind of questionable to me. So they're on this planet and you learn the planet is dark. Yeah, zero days of sunlight.
00:22:01
Speaker
And it's like a mining colony, something like that. And rain has worked enough time to get off the planet. She had to work 12,000 hours? 12,000 or 1,200? I thought it was 12,000. Let us know in the comments. Send us an email.
00:22:17
Speaker
feel free to correct us we all we didn't take notes during the film because my theater was packed was yours mine was packed yeah yeah my theory was packed so i could not this dickhead hey if you were sitting next to me on my right side dickhead in the new jersey tricep area turn off your fucking ringer before the movie starts unreal dude she's fucking real So, yes, it's always in darkness and she goes to a desk of whatever, an office, and she's like, I want I want to redeem my hours to get off this planet. And the
Criticism and Conclusion on Alien Romulus
00:22:50
Speaker
lady, for literally no reason, is just like, fuck you and increases her hour of requirements. She's like, yeah, the company is now mandated. It's double. It's like twenty four. Whatever mandates that she has to stay there. She gave me big Roz vibes from Monsters Inc.
00:23:05
Speaker
very big Ross vibes. I agree with that. Rain, you didn't finish your paperwork last night.
00:23:15
Speaker
ah We find out in conversation, they're sitting in that like cafe, whatever it is. Rain's parents are both dead in the mines. Yep. And this is important for later in the movie.
00:23:32
Speaker
Andy likes to tell these dad joke puns. Did you find any of them funny? No, dude. No, but I guess she didn't eat us. That was the point. I looked over at the people I was with. Shout out Mark and Autumn. Yeah. Me and Autumn just looked at each other and just put these blank, blank facial features every time. Fuck you, Mark.
00:23:53
Speaker
In case you ever listen to this. Shout out Autumn. Shout out Autumn. We were just looking at each other cringing the whole time. Like, what's the point of this? Very, very bad. I guess to maybe like... But later in the film it's like a plot device that they used to get out of that situation at the end. I get it. But what was the whole point of him being programmed like that? So I think what she was saying was her father programmed Aunt Andy to like do what's best for her that was like part of the dialogue in the beginning. So you're just trying to make her happy? Yeah, cuz I guess like Andy's like I can't take care of my kids So I'll make us I'll make an autistic synthetic to take care of my kid for me. Oh boy ah Yeah, that that's the other thing with this film and Or it's me. Yeah, I'm more than willing to say it's me There's no subtitles and I watch everything with subtitles. I could not understand what they were saying
00:24:43
Speaker
Did you have trouble in the beginning of the film, the dialogue? The beginning, yeah. Especially that one dude. Right. What's his name, Tyler? Bjorn. Was it Bjorn? That was the actor's name, it wasn't. The dickhead guy. Yeah, which, fucking dumb. Fuck that guy. Dumb, dumb, dumb. We'll get to him. So while she's inside,
00:25:06
Speaker
Some random dude on the street beat the shit out of Andy. Yeah. And he has like a seizure, which I didn't know synthetics could have seizures. But maybe, hey, this is the beginning of the Whalen Corporation. They're just learning how to make synthetics. Yeah. Who's to say? Maybe it like wiggled something loose. Yeah. Yeah, sure.
00:25:25
Speaker
So she walks over and she like reboots him, which is like twisting this thing in his neck. That was cool. Yeah, it was cool. I enjoyed it. And from there we meet the friends, which are Tyler K Bjorn and Navarro. I wrote Bjorn. Oh, Bjorn is his name. Spike Fern is the actor. Bjorn is his name. All right. So his name is Bjorn. Sorry, guys. I don't pay attention.
00:25:50
Speaker
and they are, I don't know what they do, they probably just work on the planet and they found on the radar a ship in the atmosphere and like we can get out of here. Right, because they're all trying to go to this specific planet. Do you have the name of that planet written down? Start with an E. No, I don't write it down. It's irrelevant, but but they're trying to go to this planet because it's like beautiful, apparently. yeah and also it's just bullshit at the work sure that's their entire life i mean it's kind of life but and then this is the beginning of when you can really start hating bjorn's character because he's just so rude to like everything he has to say is like fighting words to andy which we learn later why but
00:26:37
Speaker
He's just obnoxious and annoying in this in this and at first it's like the classic trope of like nah I don't want to do it and then like overnight you think about it or just it's always night there. Alright I'll go.
00:26:49
Speaker
so from there we watch them get on this ship and go through like a storm to go into the atmosphere to go to this ship and it's a rough a rough ride and there's a sequence which is not very readable it's just kind of like cut to this cut to that cut it's just like A lot of fast cuts. A lot of fast cuts. It's like trying to watch the the rooftop fight scene and in The Dark Knight Rises with Batman and Catwoman. It's just not good. It's just not well filmed. If they're forced to work on this planet, yeah wouldn't they be like, who the fuck's taking off in this spaceship? So I thought about that in the moment. And I think the people who run that planet are assuming is that ship that's taking off from our planet right now does not have enough fuel to get anywhere else. Oh, so they think it's just going to crash land. They're like, well, it's like, where are you going to go? It's like if I gave you a car with like four miles in it, like, where are you going to go? That's fair. That's how I took it because like their whole plan was like to go in the other spaceship and use their fuel and whatever else. So they get up to the ship and they dock and it's well, they realize it's not even a ship. It's like an entire outpost.
00:28:02
Speaker
Right, yes, the Romulus and Remus. So Bjorn, Tyler, and Andy all go into the ship. Isabella Merced's character K is like a sleep on the on a bed and then Navarro who was piloting and Raine they both stayed in the ship too and they're like talking like on comms or whatever so they go through the ship and at first they just find enough fuel it's like for like three years to be in like stasis like the the stasis pods the sleep pods whatever you want to call them hibernation. priogenic
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah, cryogenic, that one. And they're like, fuck, we can't make it. And then I guess it's Tyler who is like, we'll just keep looking. We'll look for more. Did we did we find out Kay was pregnant at this point or no? I think maybe. Yeah, I think at this, there's like weather investing and they cut to the ship and rain and Kay have a conversation.
00:29:01
Speaker
and rain was like yeah rain was like who's the father and she's like oh it's just some dude some asshole don't tell anybody so they keep looking and they find more fuel now i don't know how this fuel works but i guess this fuel was keeping all the facehuggers i feel like it's like liquid nitrogen where it keeps everything like you know frozen So they find more fuel and they you find out here because the whole time it's just Tyler being a dick to the autistic kid, which is really not great messaging. Right. And you find out that a synthetic closed a mine and his parents died in the mine because the synthetic was doing calculations of like, I'm going to save the greater amount of people. And he saved 12 and like only three died and two of them were his parents. This dude hates synthetics.
00:29:51
Speaker
Just really shitty plot building and like his character doesn't even mean anything like who cares they get in this room and they find the fuel and it We said it last week All this is in the trailer. Yeah, like what if I told you the listener that all the fucking Throat fucking in this movie is in the trailer. That's all you see. There's no more. Well
00:30:15
Speaker
Give her that gawk gawk 9000. Give her that hak'tua. Nope, not that. But yeah, so... Spit on that thing. Bro, I don't... They were... Those little things, the facehuggers have the throat fucked. They are wet. They're ready to go. They're primed. Oh, they are moist. They are moist. So they get into this room and they pull liquid nitrogen, whatever you want to call it, out of the ship and it commences a lockdown. And the door closes like halfway.
00:30:45
Speaker
or 95% at some point when they're in the ship know they find the dead synthetic what you don't know who it is that's like a big reveal in this movie I guess and that's when rain and Navarro on board because they can't get to the the synthetics chip Once the lockdown happens, so he can have access to the doors. So they do that. And the, this whole sequence was cool, but it was like in the trailer. Oh, yeah. In the trailer. Like the main poster for this is a woman getting face fucked yeah by a face hugger.
00:31:25
Speaker
and like you get like two minutes of this maybe that the scene's cool though a lot of it was practical that was a good thing about this movie a lot of the effects are practical which is probably something that fiday wanted it to do sure i'm sure So face huggers get defrosted. They're swimming in the water. but For some reason, there's like a foot or two of water underneath them. There's something in the fucking water. And there's this cool scene. They get the chip into Andy and he has to reboot and just looks up and he's just like frozen looking up, and which is kind of cool. Yeah. I actually didn't see that in the trailer.
00:32:10
Speaker
He's like Undertakers like yeah, his eyes back. I honestly saw it as like get out. Oh Yeah, that's what i get those what I got so he's like rebooting and they're getting face fucked and One is about to jump on I guess it's Bjorn's face And Andy just turns around and catches it that was cool as shit and the camera work There is very cool how it like rotates and it shows his face. That was cool. I dug that So then they, I guess from there they sneak out of that door and you get that little running running montage that's in the trailer.
00:32:47
Speaker
ah So when rain comes in to get the card from The synthetic on the floor when he grabs rain. That was a crazy that jumpscare got me Oh, it got me. It got my entire theater So as they're trying to escape as they're trying to escape then they a face hugger gets Navarro like square in the face which also If you know these things are going for your face, why are you stopping to turn around? look at yeah like just yeah don't look at it exactly so she gets hit squirting the face and this thing is going down her throat but it's in the trailer so they try to figure out they're like how are we gonna get this thing off which happens in every movie and i get why it happens because nobody knows is it not kind of crazy that there's all these alien uh encounters or xenomorph facehugger encounters in six films and everyone's like what do we do
00:33:47
Speaker
Like Weyland-Yutani wasn't like, hey, we're going to look for these dangerous, not to this, not to this group, people will like to other exploration people. Like they're dangerous. They're going to try to fuck your face and patch inside of you. Well, because no one really survives.
00:34:07
Speaker
an encounter with the Xenomorph? No, but like if they all worked for the Weyland Corporation, the Corporation's at least aware of it. You think so? I think so because they're so obsessed with getting one of these, like bringing it back at the end of ah Alien 3 when ah Ridley has it inside of her or Rip, is it Ripley? It's Ripley, isn't it? Not Ridley, because Ridley Scott, Ridley Scott, Ripley. but The character is Ripley. Ripley. When she has one inside of her, they're like, we want to bring it back. And then in like Prometheus and Alien Covenant, it's all like, we want to know who created these. But I feel like it's most big businesses, like they're just in it for evil, right? They're not there for the main purpose. So they're not going to be thinking about, oh, how can we protect our people trying to get these things for us? It's their responsibility. You know what I mean? It's a valid point.
00:35:00
Speaker
So they're like, how do we get this facehugger off? Which we've seen a dozen times. is my kind of It's kind of tiresome at this point. So they go to turn on the synthetic. And this is, to me, some of the most egregious CGI I wrote face fuck. For the listener who hasn't seen this, this is a massive, massive, massive spoiler of the movie. Unless you went on Letterboxd and saw his name.
00:35:28
Speaker
but the synthetic named Rook is Ian Holm Ian Holm was in the first Alien of 1979 ladies and gentlemen we were in the year 2024 looks the exact same and they try to put his face on this Rook what is the thinking behind this besides fan service that's it because it makes sense as far as like we're talking off-pod about continuity yeah It makes sense that he's there, but this movie is like over 40 years old. It's just, I was sitting next to a group of three dudes and they all were like visibly like, what the fuck, like jarred from. So there's been a couple instances of this happening. Uh, both that I can think of by Disney.
00:36:20
Speaker
in i think it was rogue one they had grandma f tarkin yeah that was bad too that was bad disney and then in the mandalorian series at the end of season two they have luke skywalker that one's not as bad didn't they also this is a question because i know the answer and star wars fans don't come for me also i won't listen Didn't they put Hayden Christensen's face on Anakin Skywalker at the end of six? Right they probably just said hey Hayden stand here. So he turned it on and it's Ian Holm and honestly I don't know what happened because I was so fucking shocked that they did this and it's just such a ah weird move. It doesn't have to be him. It literally does not have to be him. They named the guy Rook. It could be any synthetic and they just
00:37:11
Speaker
They just did this and it's not like Ian Holmes model was the only version available because we literally have Andy. It could have been anybody. So that was just brutal. Brutal. So they freeze the tail. The face hugger releases, but gets away like runs away like scurries down a little hole. Well, they figure out how to do it because they say just try and freeze it again. It doesn't like cold. Yeah, the the freeze gun freeze gun. It was like a modern like a futuristic fire extinguisher basically yeah Which why do we need to modernize those? We don't which also though these freeze things is like a theme because it happens in alien Resurrection or alien 3 one of them where like he's like in the glass and they just blast him with the yeah there so they do that and
00:37:59
Speaker
Rook has like a one-on-one with Andy and he's like, dude, listen, they aren't synthetic. They don't understand. Like they're all going to die on this ship. It's your responsibility. You got to get them off this ship, but he doesn't care about that. No, because his directive is to be take care of, do what's best for rain until they change the ship. Right. So then then there's this scene where Navarro like comes back to gains consciousness and she's like freaking out and her and Bjorn this is one of the weirdest choices beside like off the heels of putting Ian Holman this this is the second weirdest choice I've seen in the movie especially this year they're like alright we gotta get off this ship and Bjorn, Andy after talking to to Rook is like she can't come with us because she's got an alien inside of her and she's gonna kill all of us that bitch is going back
00:38:57
Speaker
And Bjorn's like, my fat ass, she's not coming with us. And they run off the ship and their plan is to just leave Tyler and the gang and Rain and all of them on the ship and just go, where are you going? Like, I just don't get this move. So they're in the ship.
00:39:18
Speaker
And Navarro has a chest bursting sequence, which we'd already talked about. it's It's well done, but not enough on camera. Not enough on camera. I wanted all the gore. You see it like kind of mangling around in there, but it's not crazy. And then Kay wakes up and hears them like come in. And when Navarro loses consciousness, her foot hits the joystick. Right, because the it was on autopilot.
00:39:47
Speaker
Right. We should also mention they find out that this ship is going to run into the meteors. They're like like the rings of the planet. So they're already on a time limit. They had 46 hours. So her foot hits the joystick and the ship goes flying. Then there's a ah pretty big gap in time where I'm like, where is Bjorn doing all this? He fell down the ladder and then he's just down there or something. Yeah. And then we get this weird scene. K is looking for...
00:40:22
Speaker
Bjorn and Bjorn comes up behind her and like puts his hand on her mouth and there's this weird alien Pussy, it's not a pussy but like a cocoon dude. It looks straight bad. Yeah, lips I turned to autumn and I was like that's a vagina What do you have you seen David Lynch's dune no Alright, well, for the listener, there's some pretty crazy pussy lips on- that somebody has, like, as a mouth in that movie too. Pussy lips. Pussy lips. So, Bjorn, this fucking retard that he is, goddamn mouth breather, sticks his electricity, john, whatever, into this cocoon. I don't know what it is. And you see, like, goo dripping out of it. It wasn't like,
00:41:11
Speaker
the normal eggs this is like attached to the wall yeah it's like a different version of the xenomorph because you know how like the xenomorph like takes on its host a little bit i wonder if that has anything to do with it but who knows oh do you think the cocoon was from the the chest burster that came out of adenovaro that's what i thought i never i'm so dumb that makes a lot of sense because why would there be others because if if they were all synthetics but we find out that the but the romulus and remus are full of them They would have had to find a place. So how does that work then? So wait, how does the end of the movie work then? Because there's all those xenomorphs by the end. Okay, that's a good point. Is the chest burster the one that's having eggs? Or is it the full xenomorph? I guess.
00:41:56
Speaker
Alright, so then we're just, so ah Bjorn sticks the zapper thingy in the thing and you see like juicy pussies are tripping. Hey That's exactly what it it looks like though. Like that bitch is creamin'.
00:42:17
Speaker
Oh, fuck. And then there's a little, like, tooth. It's not a tooth. Male? Something comes out. It just slices him in the fucking face. I thought it was the end of the tail. The end of the tail looks more like a dick to me. Not like a shaft. Not like a, yeah. Not like a spike.
00:42:36
Speaker
No, to me. So, yeah, it slices him like in the jar, wherever he's dead. in the jaw Oh, and then it starts dripping in the jar. Then it starts dripping acid onto his skin. And this scene looked fine. It wasn't like amazing. Because we haven't really seen this before. You see his finger go like dissolve. Right. And like the holes in his arm. It felt very cheap CGI to me.
00:43:01
Speaker
I'm telling you, all the budget went to the CGI of Ian Holmes. All the money in the budget went to the crazy good marketing. Maybe that's about it? Because they did they were doing marketing in New York City. God damn it, wild. It was just like people laying on the ground. We were in random places with face huggers all over their face. Yeah. That's crazy. What movie does that nowadays?
00:43:24
Speaker
smile and that was basically the last time I remember. and we sucks Then we cut to the gang which is Andy, Rain and Tyler and they open this hallway that is full of facehuggers. I like this scene. Yeah I almost liked it. Almost? I almost liked it because before they go in there they close the door, they crank the heat because They go, uh, Andy has the chip in him, the chip from the other... They're literally just using him as a key. He's like, these facehuggers hear sound and heat. So they're all in trouble of bringing up the ship to 98 degrees, human body temperature, to walk through this. And as they're tip throwing, tip throwing. What? What is tip throwing? It's when you take your dick and throw it at a wall.
00:44:13
Speaker
They are tiptoeing, not tiptoeing, tiptoeing through this hallway with a bunch of facehuggers, which builds some good tension. And then Tyler gets a phone call or a radio com ring ring from Kay. Why are you taking this?
00:44:31
Speaker
you Yeah, he literally takes the call that was the I'm it's ringing hit put that shit We're in the future put that shit on mute just like the guy next to me. Hey asshole turn off your ringer a good callback Or like get some air pods dude. You know and like fucking that's crazy man. So They it goes off and obviously alerts all the facehuggers up to this point whenever you see the facehuggers in this scene it's all practical they have a whole run sequence which is nice but it's in the trailer everything's in the trailer the only good parts of this movie are in the trailer and it's at the end of this where they meet k and she's on the other side of a door and the xenomorph is like hanging out
00:45:17
Speaker
And Andy's like the bigger the big xenomorph reveal and he's like yeah He's gonna just wait for us to open door and kill us like I'm not letting her through which is very valid so It's valid. But how do you feel about like?
00:45:32
Speaker
When the scene, I'm not, I really hate to poke plot holes in this. And this doesn't bother me that much because it's like part of the, it's part of the storyline, like what makes people human and like why he did all this. But like when she's first at the door, the xenomorphs not even in sight. No, it's like up like in the rafters. Yeah, and it was pretty far. I'm not saying they should have let her through. I'm just saying they could have. You were in this situation. You're letting her through. Is it her or is it you?
00:46:01
Speaker
Watch as she's hot. I'll let her through, yeah. Who are you not letting through? Jake. Jake, we love you. Of course we'd let you through. So the xenomorph just kind of picks her up. You don't really see what happens to her at this point, but, you know, it's assumed she's dead. They tried to convince Andy to let her through because she was pregnant.
00:46:22
Speaker
And this is when her brother finds out that she's pregnant. So after that, Rain and Tyler are pissed at Andy and Andy admits that the chip is like a new directive, which is like, you're going to work for, you're going to work for what's best for Weyland-Yutani, not for Rain.
00:46:42
Speaker
Right. So you were talking about off pod, the continuity with the goo and Prometheus and they I think they show like the it's like in like an injector, whatever, and they give it to a rat and if the rats like dead. Yeah. the So Ian Holmes is like talking to them the whole time. Rook, sorry. Rook is talking to them the whole time. And he's like telling them about the goo and they were doing experiments on this rat where it was dead and they injected it with goo.
00:47:12
Speaker
And the rat, Matt, because the rat was kind of like exploded in pieces, kind of. Another impregnation movie. You said you're fucking sick and tired of that shit. I am fucking sick and tired of that shit, but it's alien and they've been doing it since 1979. So I'm not that mad about it. But my thing is, it was good to hear about Prometheus. Because that's a prequel, and this movie takes place in between 1 and 2. So it's good to put it into the continuity. Like if you watch Prometheus, then you watch Covenant 1, and now you're here.
00:47:50
Speaker
So from there, they find the automatic aim guns. Shout out GTA. Yeah. I mean, it's literally GTA guns. And Andy, which is a good point, if you shoot anywhere and you miss or you make the alien bleed, it's going to open a hole in the ship because they're on the very bottom of the ship. Right. So if the alien blood would. Essentially. Cut through the bottom of the ship, you're going to open up the space hole is that what they call it the space holder you can get a vacuum it's going to create a vacuum not a vacuum vacuum yeah yeah and it's going to suck you out you can get sucked which not bad not a bad not a bad gig if not a bad life so rain andy and tyler are on like an elevator that moves like charlie and chocolate factory like up down sideways wherever you want to go
00:48:45
Speaker
and They hit they're trying to get to the other side of the ship right and they hit a hallway again the film to me is too dark and it's ah You can't really tell what's going on, but you're led to believe it's just all aliens like cuddling Cuddling like that like like the cover of alien covenant. It's like that like hanging up. They're hanging out right there's chillin. They're just chillin and I They're horror movies. i We have to just take and accept that horror movies have to be written with bad decisions or else they just don't happen. Because Tyler hears a voice and he thinks it's Kay. Right. Fine. So they run down this entire hallway of aliens and they find Kay who was snatched
00:49:37
Speaker
they find her in goo or whatever that it was like it looked like plastic wrap really she's gooped up she's gooped up off the goop it's a young gravy song it is So they get her down, and she's a cut from where the alien snatched her, and she's bleeding out, and they're like, oh, you're gonna die from this cut, which looked like nothing, but it's just me. And they go to inject her with the the injector thing of the goo that they found at the lab with Ian Holm, Rook, and Rain's like, nah, nah, nah, don't touch that shit. I'm suspect. What even is that? We don't even know what it is. You're just gonna stick it in her like that? Very valid point.
00:50:18
Speaker
Very rapey themed just gonna stick in her like that rain is consoling K Yes, and an alien is gonna go like eat them for breakfast or dinner or a late night snack Whatever time it is in space. We don't yeah space has no time. No one can hear you scream Isabella Merced is a snack for sure sure so Tyler sees this and sacrifices himself now this scene could have been very cool It's too dark. You really can't see what's going on and I get maybe they were doing it to like echo the first one like the mystique and the you know what i mean because the first one's also very dark but i do feel like this movie with what's going on it kind of takes away from it we want to see it we want to see all of it
00:51:01
Speaker
So he gets snatched, a lot of snatch talk. He gets snatched and he gets brought up to like, I'm just going to call it the attic. But there's all, all those xenomorphs are up there. They're all hanging out. So maybe the, maybe the face huggers like cocoon and turn into those pussies and then their full four full form butterfly is like the xenomorph. I don't know. um I'm just theorizing with you. It's like a parasite. Shout out parasites. Good movie.
00:51:29
Speaker
So he gets eaten for brunch, and there's that one part where the little mouth comes out and like eats his eye. I love that little mouth. Little mouth, put that a little mouth down. We're going to work! Talk about getting your ass ate. Actually went to G-spot for sure. So that happens, sacrifices himself for them.
00:51:52
Speaker
Aliens are coming, and from the direction they're coming in, Rain does not have time to grab Andy. So she just takes Kay, and they're in this elevator, and they're going up the elevator, and she's like, look, you have to just make it to the top floor, and you're in the ship. She's like, can you do that? And then and then i Rain was like, I'm gonna go back for Andy.
00:52:18
Speaker
I'm out on this. Are you going back for the robot? Fuck no. No, I'm not. Sorry. Like if it was something meaningful from your dad, the movie does not do a good job. Portraying it. I know the movie is based around like their camaraderie friendship. I just don't think at this point in time we feel it. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So when she made a decision, I was like, no, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not going back.
00:52:48
Speaker
Like I know, I guess the whole thing was because his first directive was do what's best for Rain. So now she feels like she owes it to him. Yeah. And it's like, it's like the only memory of her dad or I don't know what, I don't know what the reason really is, but I guess it's what we're led to believe. Kind of like her own, like the whole thing, she's been calling him her brother the whole movie. You know, what we did mention was that the new plan they're going to, they don't accept synthetics and she didn't tell him that.
00:53:14
Speaker
Yeah, then he finds out and he's like really sad. He's sad, but then he's like, I guess whatever whatever rain wants. Yeah, so After so rain's like I'm gonna go back and get the robot and you see Kay inject herself with the goo Bad idea never a good idea rain goes back down to get Andy and she's got a gun and this is also like in the trailer and Uh, she gets, she gets rain, she gets Andy and she goes to put in the other chip and the guy's like, no. And she's like, well, we're both going to fucking die here and that's not in the best interest of the company. So she puts in Andy's old chips. Not Andy has the old chip back in them. And then at this point.
00:54:04
Speaker
they are like let's get back and we forgot to mention this at the top but when they're exploring the ship there's no gravity right so but there's like little increments even when the general when the gravity generator is on checks yeah yeah it'll check it so you don't die i guess so they get to this point oh you know what happens rook locks the rook locks the doors right he's pissed off yeah and he's like bring this shit bring this shit
00:54:34
Speaker
bring Bring that ass here, boy.
00:54:40
Speaker
He's like, bring the back the specimen and get off the ship. And then he, once rain drops off K, he's like, oh, we have K on the ship. K can just take off with the specimen and I'll just lock them there to die. right And rain like begs them for like, oh, please. Well, that sounds like, nah, just locked them. So they're stuck there. So this is back to the important point of like,
00:55:04
Speaker
Andy loves to tell jokes, dad jokes, puns, whatever, and he makes some joke about anti-gravity, or he read a book on anti-gravity and just couldn't put it down. What the fuck out of my face? So, they, it it triggers Rain's memory and she turns on the anti-gravity thing, and there's no gravity. Right, because the whole thing was if she shoots him, the blood will drip down and make a vacuum because it'll eat through the So she turns on the gravity thing and all the xenomorphs are like, huh? And they start like floating. So she's like, fuck, now I can shoot him. So, you know, the gun, it auto aims, you know? So she, so she's like shooting all these xenomorphs and the blood's just kind of like floating like baista Batista, Batista's entrance. Uh, so all the blood is like floating, but now they're floating.
00:56:02
Speaker
How did you feel about her just murdering all those xenomorphs like that? No. It's supposed to be like a number one predator, like the perfect species, whatever. And they just get murked. The thing I don't like about her character is they try to make her too much like Ripley. They're trying to make a new Ripley. I believe that. The entire... it's She's like a bad Ripley. Walmart Ripley. So from there, they have this cool scene where you're like dodging the goo. It was cool. The acid blood, sorry. I think they did that practically.
00:56:31
Speaker
think they were on like strings and shit or you think that was all CGI the acid blood to me look very CGI my opinion the blood yeah but when they're when they're floating you think they did that on strings wires I'd imagine they're in like harnesses or whatever all right so from here in the elevator shaft gravity check happens an elevator flies down kicks on and rain falls so he falls for a long time it feels like and a xenomorph catches her yeah and Andy is holding on to this elevator as much as he can and ends up dropping it. And it goes flying down the shaft and I guess rain grabs the ladder. This was the last xenomorph apparently in the ship. Yeah, that's a good point. Oh, because they all get sucked out. Right. Because when the when the elevator crashed the bottom of the ship, it like opens that huge ass vacuum. They all get likes. It's like the super duper deep clean vacuum sucker. She's in the pod, the cryogenic pod and
00:57:31
Speaker
Andy and Rain are back in the ship. And you're like, all right, all is well again. And she plugs in Andy to the ship. If for some reason it turns him offline. Yeah, I don't. Why? I don't know why that happened, but or he was just resting like C3PO. I don't know.
00:57:47
Speaker
Shout out to C3PO, way better on Android. So, he's there. The pod had, something goes wrong, and it like causes a meltdown for the entire ship. The entire ship's fucked.
00:58:01
Speaker
and
00:58:04
Speaker
And... Rain goes down to investigate, and you get a birthing scene, which is... I mean, what'd you think about it? It was kind of intense. Yeah? I thought so. It was good. It was way better than the birthing scene in The Dictator.
00:58:18
Speaker
I don't remember that one, so. Have you seen the birthing scene in the first omen? I haven't seen the first omen. Fuck, dude. Is it good? You just YouTube the first scene, the birthing scene in the first omen. I mean literally the devil's claw comes out of this girl's pussy and just opens it up. So the birthing sequence is, have you seen the abortion sequence in Covenant? Yes. Okay, I prefer that.
00:58:41
Speaker
But it was good. It wasn't bad. So then it's like a hot potato. Reagan's like, let me get this fucking thing out of here. And she drops it because of the acid and then it sinks down to the bottom of the cargo ship. And now this cargo ship, because of the impending doom with the asteroid belt. This bothered me a lot, right? Because when. When ah when Andy like awakens or not, he's not conscious of fucking robot when he's like online.
00:59:12
Speaker
the whole fucking john the screen is like drop cargo ship just drop it get rid of it it's flashing on the screen he's like huh what so he goes to check on ah the pod the cryogenic pod where K is and K is like sitting on the floor and we have morgo more more goo in cuckoo there was goo coming out of the vajayjay this time it's coming out of K's tit You saw it, right? yeah Like it was like sucking on a nipple. And then you are, it's like the grand reveal that this is not in the trailer, this is a massive spoiler. Everything we've said you can probably figure out. This is a big fucking got damn spoiler.
00:59:56
Speaker
the whatever she injected herself with the goo is a rat mouse human xenomorph combo what in the Snoke looking ass motherfucker it looked like Slender Man fucked a xenomorph and then tried to abort it and fucked Snoke Yes, Snoke from the Star Wars sequel trilogies. Immediately I thought Snoke. Really? But I see what you're saying. I went instantly Slender Man. Have you seen the movie? Yeah. I haven't. Don't. That's why. Okay. Don't see it? No. Alright, you heard it here first. Or maybe you didn't. So that happens and they... He just slices Andy's throat.
01:00:44
Speaker
And then what happens to K? Oh, he's like sniffing K. And I'm thinking here like, oh, that's his mother. Because what happened like in three with like the xenomorph hybrid that was like Ripley's. Seed. Daughter. Child. Egg. Eggs. More eggs. A lot of eggs in this movie. Kind of hungry. me Are you? No. So. What happens after that? He he kills K? Yeah. How'd she die?
01:01:15
Speaker
It's, like, sliced her. Oh, just sliced her face? Yeah. And then we're down to, like, the one-on-one with... Oh, Rain is trying to drag... fucking... His throat is sliced. He's coming out of his neck, because his blood is white. All the androids have, like, milk cum juice. Which, also, fuck the robot again. I don't know why you're trying to save the goddamn robot. Fuck him. Like, he's... He's done. He's not beyond repair, but...
01:01:43
Speaker
yeah You got bigger fish to fry. It's like a cat and mouse game of her and the mouse, xenomorph combo, John.
01:01:55
Speaker
Alright and then what they go they end up in the the storage the cargo unit itself that has to get this whole sequence bothered me to no end because she's The the xenomorph hybrids about to like get her and she kicks the acid off of the egg yeah and it busts a hole bust a nut bust a hole in the floor and of course a Every alien, oh, alien every alien franchise, there has to be an alien getting sucked off. That's so true. He gets sucked out. And this scene is so weird to me. And people love the jump scare here of like the mask, like when she's like floating and like the he's like right there. No, it's so predictable. And it's not readable where it's like she's trying to pull the levers to release the carbon ship finally, like 10 hours later.
01:02:53
Speaker
And she's hooked on to this, I don't know, cord. cord and somehow cor And somehow she it like wiggles it where the bottom of the cargo hold falls off. She goes right through and is fine. Homeboy and the cargo bin fall to the planet.
01:03:17
Speaker
No, into the meteor ring. Oh, right. ring Into the meteor ring and explode. And because they dropped the dead weight, the ship floats back up and they don't die. And people love that? People thought the jump scare was great. People think all of act three is good. People say the third act makes makes or breaks it for most people. I was already broke on it by the second act, but that's just me. First act really, they really had us going.
01:03:45
Speaker
Also, we forgot to mention there was a scene with Andy where he like hit the, maybe it's the rat hybrid in the head. And he uses that iconic quote from Alien. It was like, get off her, you bitch. Yeah. It's from Aliens because she's trying to protect Newt, more fan service that was unnecessary. This whole movie, it sounds good in concept and it really looked like when they got, by the way, the movie kind of ends. She sticks, what's his name? Andy in a pod and he's going to heal. He's a robot. It's science. I, whatever science. That was annoying. I'm not going to question it. It's science, but or science fiction. Sorry. So then that's the end of the movie. It sounds nice. And it really felt like it was going to be.
01:04:35
Speaker
they're going back to their horror roots and people are still right reviews that like it's back to its horror roots. I really didn't feel that I feel like all of the stuff besides the rat combo hybrid john, was also which was all CGI by the way, they did a lot of practical effects. I'm not gonna really go on them for that. But It's I mean, it's just it wasn't it wasn't horror and it was just like it's Going through the motions of an alien Sequel where like I don't like Prometheus But at least he was trying to say something and like alien covenant the second part of that is like trying to say something If it's gonna just be straight horror make it straight horror give us straight gore
01:05:17
Speaker
Right. I don't- I don't even think, like, the original Alien is much of a horror movie, honestly. It's like sci-f- It's sci-fi thriller. Like, it's more, uh, like thrilling than scary. Alright, so, we haven't talked about this. What is your reading of this movie? I'm giving it a two. Oh, so we're on the same. Is that what you're giving it? Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm out of two. I'm out of two. Yeah, I- I think it sucks. Yeah, it's not good.
01:05:45
Speaker
And I'm just judging it because I've watched the previous installments like leading up to this and how much hype was around this movie. It's it's kind of a letdown. I personally think they should have just left the Alien franchise at a trilogy. Yeah, Ripley's like sacrifice is a good finish to her character arc, and I totally agree, but I like Alien Resurrection, which is like the hot take that I was saving. A lot of people want the third installment to the prequel. They want Ridley's- They want a Ridley backstory? No, Ridley Scott. Ridley directed Prometheus and Covenant. They want him to make a third prequel movie. What would it be about? That's what I mean. yeah I'm on the same page as you like the end of like that arc of that like because that whole thing is about like who created us who was our creator right and Waylon's like, you know, he wants to find out. Yeah, they did the Rogue One thing. I like Rogue One. But I agree with you. It's it's very easy to compare it to the Star Wars franchise because they just squeeze shit in. It's also like with Marvel with the shows.
01:06:47
Speaker
Right. Eventually the barrier to entry on this is going to be so tall that no one's going to want to like the next Marvel movie. If I have to see all of WandaVision, I'm not watching it. Yeah. Even when I saw Deadpool Wolverine.
01:07:02
Speaker
yeah in the void, the giant cloud villain thing. If my entire life has to revolve around watching this show to like keep up with all the movies, I'm not going to do that. I agree with you. I think you can build on so much lore to a point. Like to me, a good example of that also is like the first three, even four John Wicks are great and they always do a great job balancing the action in the lore building. And then they made this show the Continental. Nobody asked for that.
01:07:30
Speaker
great Or maybe somebody did, but like nobody asked for that. no Here's an even better example for you. The new penguin spin-off for the Batman? If I have to watch the penguin spin-off to see the Batman 2, I'm gonna still go watch the Batman 2 and watch it blind. I'm not as far as the penguin's character arc, probably yeah. But i I mean, if it's a limited series and it's not more than like eight episodes, maybe I'll entertain it. Sure, maybe like a six. Yeah.
01:07:59
Speaker
but episodes nowadays are like an hour long and all shows All right, so transitioning back, the moral of the story is, these larger franchises don't need to keep shoving in detail after your detail or spin-off after spin-off because it doesn't fucking matter. But as we said at the top of the the episode, ah a Fidea Alvarez directed Alien movie, and the trailer, and the crazy marketing sounded amazing.
01:08:25
Speaker
Like, knock this out of the park. And it just, it was just like... and i fan Like we said, we don't blame him. No, he's innocent. They let him cook. He tried his best. Yeah. Alright, so here's my hot take. Okay. This is my Alien franchise ranking. Just because I have it ready. Aliens! Number one? Yep. Okay. Which, people are split on that. Aliens vs. Alien.
01:08:56
Speaker
Number two, uh, by the way, the first, my top three or three and a half stars. These are all three and a half aliens. Alien covenant. Alien resurrection is my hottest take. By the way, these are all above alien. The original alien, which people are like, it's a masterpiece. Fourth place. Three stars. Alien three. The CGI is so bad, but it's there's no excuse because alien looks the way it looks. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
01:09:26
Speaker
with a low budget too. Yeah. So this is the fifth one. Alien. I've watched this movie. Let me tell you something about Alien. I've watched this movie three times. I watched it twice at home and I watched it once in the theater for the goddamn 45th anniversary. Damn, you watched it in the theater and you still didn't like it? And I still didn't like it. So the night I watched Ron, I went home and watched Alien and I was like, all right, this is better than I thought it was, but it's still a three.
01:10:00
Speaker
Second to last place, Alien Romulus, two stars. Bob of the Barrel, Prometheus, two stars. Prometheus, this is not a nuance or new take or new thought. If Prometheus was its own independent horror movie, it'd be pretty good. Yeah, yeah, it would be. It'd be like Annihilation vibe.
01:10:20
Speaker
Oh sure, yeah. But it's not. It's tagged to the Alien franchise, unfortunately. That's my ranking. Take your leave it. Leave your rankings for us in the comments. Email us. Anything. Anybody, Alien. All things Alien. I don't have a ranking because it's been forever. Could you do top three? Top three. Off top? Top three? Probably in that order of Alien, Aliens, Alien 3.
01:10:47
Speaker
Okay, so Coven doesn't make it up there for you. It's just been too long. Yeah, fair enough. I'd have to rewatch it. I came out in 2017. And that's when I saw it. Next week, we have a review for you guys on Strange Darling. Very excited for this by the trailer.
01:11:04
Speaker
We've lost hope in a lot of projects. Strange Darling looks like it's back to basics. Simple thriller. I don't know about horror. Serial killer vibe. Yep. I'm for it. Hopefully it's good. I just need a movie that's because we've had two stinkers. I need a three star minimum. it's So that and then plug our our Instagram one more time.
01:11:31
Speaker
TwoGuysOneScreenPod on Instagram. Send us comments, concerns, requests. TwoGuysOneScreenPod at gmail dot.com. All that will be linked in the description, letterboxes.
01:11:43
Speaker
I want to plug this because it's coming. October will be horror month. We're giving y'all two episodes per week. Y'all ain't ready. And we have a really exciting bracket for you guys to vote on for our tenth. ah our We have nine movies locked.
01:12:04
Speaker
And this was like an hour and a half, two hour project we did. um We have 16 films for you guys to vote on. It's gonna be a week by week elimination bracket. Like March Madness, but it's horror it's horror movies.
01:12:19
Speaker
ah It's interesting to see who's gonna win and when is this bracket going live? Yeah, the horror bracket will go live September 1st. So it's all it's week by week so September 1st to the 8th will be the initial bracket 8th to the 15th 15th to the 22nd and Then we'll know September 29th what the final film of the October horror movies review Bonanza will be for a little tease for you guys one of the movies that we will be reviewing in October is
01:12:50
Speaker
it 2017 banger it has a very deep meaning for our friendship sure so it should be fun to revisit i haven't watched it in i've seen it probably three times since it came out i saw it three times in theaters that's wild yeah when we went that was the first term you already seen it that was a second I didn't take your it virginity. No, I'm sorry. You took mine. We'll get there. All right. That's a podcast. See you guys next week. See you. Bye.