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Episode 17- How to Help Our Kids Have a Personal Relationship with Jesus and Make Their Faith Their Own
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Transcript
Introduction to Root Like Faith
00:00:01
Speaker
Hi, I'm Ruth Schwank and I'm so thrilled you're listening in with us at Root Like Faith. It is our deepest desire to encourage and equip men and women to be rooted in God's word, transformed by the love of Jesus and moved by his mission in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is more important.
Fostering Children's Relationship with Jesus
00:00:19
Speaker
Well, on today's episode of Root Like Faith, we are talking about how we can help our kids actively pursue an independent relationship with Jesus.
00:00:29
Speaker
I've heard it firsthand from many parents, so many parents, that they have no idea where to start. So we are going to dive in. Let's go. Well, beginning at home, children not only learn God's word, but also begin to love God's word and put God's ways into practice in every part of life. And ultimately, the goal of our teaching as parents is to help our children cultivate a lifelong
00:00:57
Speaker
personal relationship with Jesus. Now last week we talked a lot about Bible study basics. This week we want to talk about what that really looks like to help our children cultivate that personal relationship with Jesus.
00:01:14
Speaker
Third John 4 says, I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. So it's one thing to learn the Bible. It's a whole other thing to walk
Challenges in Transferring Faith to Kids
00:01:26
Speaker
in what we've learned. So of course here he's referring to Christians, but this really is the heart of every Christian parent. There's no greater joy than to know that your kids have a real and vibrant faith.
00:01:39
Speaker
It's what we work so hard for and ultimately trust God for. And so today we're going to talk about how we can help our kids cultivate a faith of their own. Wow, this can be hard because so many times I feel like it's like, oh, but I just want you to
00:01:54
Speaker
Like, you want to just put your own faith on your kids. And really, I mean, as they get older, you're like, well, I am just giving this over to you, Lord, you know? Like... I surrender all, as the old hymn says. Totally. It is hard. I mean, you know, I think you're right. I think the desire, I mean, when our kids are young, we're just doing all the things that God calls us to do. And we're faithful in those little things, those basics that we talked about in the last episode.
00:02:20
Speaker
And yet, as we've said all along, there comes a point where ultimately this is God's work. And all of us are saved by His grace. And so that can be really scary. And I would just say, because I am sure that we have listeners that have kids that are grown, that they're out of the house, they're in college, or maybe they're
00:02:38
Speaker
They're grown, they have families of their own, and they feel like the prodigal parent. They're the parent of a prodigal child. And as a pastor, I have talked with numerous people over the years that have been in that situation.
Balancing Faith Development and Pressure
00:02:50
Speaker
They either feel like they didn't know what we're talking about. They wish they could go back and parent differently.
00:02:56
Speaker
Or they would say, you know what, I believe everything that you're saying, and we even did those things in our home, and our kids still are not walking with Jesus today. And that is so, for a parent that's in that place, that can be so discouraging and so disheartening. And so I would just say to the listener that maybe finds themselves in that position today,
00:03:16
Speaker
Like God has not done with your son or your daughter. And you just never know how God is going to bring somebody else into their life and how God is going to use that person to bring that person back to faith in Jesus or back to the church. And so I would just say to those of you that maybe are in that position, like don't be discouraged. Don't give up. Keep praying. Keep trusting God. And don't lose heart. And so it is, as you were quoting 3 John 4, I mean, there's just no greater joy
00:03:44
Speaker
than to know your son or daughter is walking in the truth. And there's also no greater pain to know that they're not. And so we really want to talk today about how then do we, for those of us that have kids that are still in the home, that are still growing, that are still under our care, and maybe we're going to at least release them in a year or four years or 10 years, like how do we begin or continue cultivating a life that is centered on Jesus and one that is really theirs and not just
Parental Faith Journey Responsibility
00:04:13
Speaker
ours?
00:04:13
Speaker
Right. And I think though what you mentioned was so important for us to remember what relief comes from knowing that it isn't all up to us. Right. You know, and I think we just have to remember that we do what we can. Ultimately, God loves our kids so much more than we do. He is going to work in their lives. And so we can trust him. We just be we just need to be faithful.
00:04:36
Speaker
in teaching and cultivating that faith, but he ultimately is in control. I think one of the things that we've talked about before, we just want to state again, as we talk more practically about how we do that for our kids, how do we help them cultivate a relationship of their own, is really keeping in mind that difference between pressuring our kids to follow Jesus and preparing our kids to follow Jesus.
00:05:00
Speaker
I think, you know, what happens, I know it can happen in my own heart, is that, you know, you have a good desire, such as you want your kids to walk in the truth, you want them to know Jesus. And that desire can become a demand. And we want it so badly because it's a good thing. And God wants it, you know, God wants our kids to come to know Him and to love Him and to respond to His grace.
00:05:23
Speaker
But if we're not careful, that good desire can become a demand and we can become very domineering in our parenting or controlling. We can get legalistic, we can become rigid. And so we have to be so careful that in our parenting, we're not pressuring our kids to follow Jesus.
00:05:41
Speaker
out of a good desire. We want them to know God's word. We want them to love Jesus and to love the church. And even a good desire can become a dangerous thing if we're not careful. And so we've talked about before just that idea of not pressuring our kids to follow Jesus, but really preparing them. And that's really what we've been talking about, of just modeling a real vibrant faith of our own.
00:06:03
Speaker
teaching our kids the Bible, I mean, being committed to a local church. I mean, all of those things that we've been talking about, you know, loving our neighbor, living on mission in the world. What we're doing when we do that is we're really preparing our kids to follow Jesus. We're showing them and teaching them that following Jesus is the good life. You know, John 10, 10, a verse we've quoted many times,
00:06:25
Speaker
Jesus says, I've come to give you life and a life that is more abundant. I mean, the good life is walking with God. The abundant life, the flourishing life is knowing God. I haven't counseled anybody in 20 years of ministry that's wrecked their life because they've loved Jesus, where it's been the opposite. The counseling I've done has been people that unfortunately have disobeyed God or wanted to be their own God and they've lived life on their own terms. And we know that that doesn't bring an abundance. It doesn't bring the flourishing life.
00:06:55
Speaker
It oftentimes brings separation, pain, brokenness, isolation. And so we want as parents to be modeling and teaching our kids what it looks like to follow Jesus, to prepare them one day to go, you know what? That's what I want in my life. That's what I want in my marriage. That's what I want in my family.
Living According to God's Word
00:07:11
Speaker
Yeah. And I think of how it reminds me of how many times we have said to our kids,
00:07:15
Speaker
This might not make sense to you right now. Why we're teaching you this or telling you this might not make sense to you now, but you'll be so thankful later on in life. When you're older, you'll be so thankful that mom and dad, that we made this really important, that we had this certain rule, or that we showed you to live in this certain way. Because again, there's so much that, I mean, think about when I was younger, a lot doesn't make sense. You're like, whatever.
00:07:45
Speaker
And so you can't expect your kids to even understand why some of what God's Word teaches us and like how to live the good life why that's even important now because a lot of that it won't make sense till they're older but we have told our kids over and over again that truth. Yeah and I think it's what you're saying you know when I think one of the things that we need to remember is
00:08:10
Speaker
is Psalm 1 really begins with that contrast between living this way and living that way, between obedience and disobedience, between blessing and curse. And so I think that's so important for us as, I mean, just as followers of Jesus, but as parents, I mean, I think when that's your perspective of helping your kids say, there's really only two ways to live, that we either obey God or disobey God. We either stay in relationship with Him or break relationship with Him.
00:08:37
Speaker
But this is so much bigger than just keeping rules on a page. This is about walking with God and experiencing the blessing that he has for us. And so I think even from a young age, helping our kids understand that perspective, that obedience is about enjoying the blessings of God, that there's a right way to live and a wrong way to live.
00:08:58
Speaker
And when we walk with God, we experience the blessing, the flourishing, the abundance. But when we disobey God, when we break relationship with Him, we experience the curse. We experience the brokenness that comes, the pain that comes. And I think you see that theme throughout scriptures. You see that at the very beginning, Psalm 1, blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers, but his delight is in the law of the Lord. And on his law, he meditates day and night. He's like a tree that's planted.
00:09:26
Speaker
by streams of water. There's a flourishing, abundant life.
Cultural Pressures and Being Set Apart
00:09:30
Speaker
And I think just communicating that perspective to our kids helps them to understand, maybe in a different way, the importance of listening to God, trusting Him, and walking with Him. As you're saying all this, literally, that has been the thing that we have said over and over and over to our kids as they've gotten older. I mean, Psalm 1 is one of the first
00:09:52
Speaker
passages that we had our kids memorize and we I mean if there's one thing that we keep coming back to it's that you know when you live in the way of God you experience it you experience the good life you experience the flourishing life and Not that you won't experience suffering in life But but you save yourself from so much hurt and pain when you follow God's way in God's Word
00:10:17
Speaker
And we live in a culture that I think the ancients believed that there was a certain grain to the universe. And to live consistently with that grain, things went well for you. It's what some of the ancient Greek philosophers called the flourishing life. And to go against the grain,
00:10:35
Speaker
was to incur the consequence of that. And so we just live in a culture that is telling our kids and even telling us as parents that you just do whatever you want, whatever feels good, whatever desires you have. And yet God has given us his word, he's revealed his character, he's revealed what is right and wrong, that that's not subjective, that that is objective. It's true for all people in all places at all times. And there's a blessing that comes with that.
00:11:00
Speaker
And so I think, you know, you think about the teachings of Jesus. I mean, that's the way he taught. He was, as others have called, he was, you know, he was a virtue ethicist. He believed that to not worry, you know, was to live in freedom and to live in joy. And so to obey God, to trust God, there was fruit that came from that, for example.
00:11:20
Speaker
And so, yeah, I think just it's so important, I think, as we think about helping our kids, preparing them to choose Jesus, is helping them realize that there really is a blessing that comes with walking with God. There's a peace, there's a joy, there's a freedom, all of those things that come when we walk according to the grain that God has established in his word and according to his character.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah, and I think if anything in our culture today, we have minimized the holy walk, right? We've minimized living a wholly set apart life. And I think this is what is so hard to impart to your kids.
00:11:57
Speaker
because of the culture we live in and because of you know they're surrounded by people we're all surrounded by people that are even Christians who are not necessarily living set apart and I think when we talk about Psalm 1 and that is in our conversation that's why that's been in our conversations for years is because it's it always comes back to
00:12:18
Speaker
This is why we don't do this. This is you know what I mean? This is why we live in this way because we are set apart and It doesn't matter that your friend is allowed to do this or you know that we live according to God's Word And I just I just I feel like wow, so we're transitioning into the practical here This is so practical and I didn't even plan this but you know, I mean and
00:12:44
Speaker
to just know that this is a way that you can teach your kids to live differently and part of living differently obviously well it's all the foundation of it is really then helping them have that personal relationship with Jesus so let's transition here
Family Faith Prioritization
00:13:01
Speaker
to the practical things we can do, which of course we already started because we started talking about Psalm 1, but the practical things we can do to help our kids have a personal relationship with Jesus. And like we stated, you know, helping them understand what it looks like to live set apart in holy lives, I think is the beginning because that's where the conflict comes so often in following Jesus.
00:13:26
Speaker
I think, you know, where we, where we started was just, I think one of the ways that we begin incorporating that into our own family and hopefully in the life of our son or daughters, we make that a priority, you know, within our family. Yes. And so, you know, as we talked about in that last episode of just making God's word, making God time, making time for God's word, studying it together, reading it together, a priority as a family.
00:13:45
Speaker
And so I would say that step one is really creating that rhythm, that priority as a family, so that then as they get older and they're able to begin reading the Bible on their own, which we'll talk about in a minute, that's something that they just have seen, they've been a part of, that's just normal for them. And again, by God's grace and what God is doing in their life at that time, that becomes something that they want to do, not just have to do because they're six or seven or eight years old.
00:14:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good. And I think, you know, again, last week we talked about those Bible study basics and helping your kids learn God's Word. But the information that we learn in the Bible, that's not enough. You know, like we want it to actually
00:14:30
Speaker
get in your heart in their hearts in our own hearts as well and change us. And so I think that's where, you know, just helping them understand that this is like a daily walk with Jesus is really, really important. And he invites us into this life to follow him and live for his purposes.
00:14:49
Speaker
You know, when you said that, it reminded me one of the earliest and probably most frequent descriptions of what it means to live for God is just that, a walk. You know, and you just think about the very beginning of the story, very beginning of the Bible, and it says that
00:15:05
Speaker
you know Adam could hear you know God walking in the garden and of course that's a little bit of a paraphrase and I love that because the fact that he knew what God walking in the garden sounded like suggested that God had been walking in the garden with him many many times before and so that description of of having faith of living for God is at the very beginning you know described as a walk with God Adam even walked with God in the garden and you see that you know throughout
00:15:32
Speaker
the scriptures know is another good example. You know, in Genesis chapter six, he walked with God. And so yeah, I think helping our kids just not only study God's word, know God's word, memorize scripture, but now walk it out, live it out as a family. And so we recognize that we as a family, we're helping our kids, you know, live for
Children Serving and Discovering Gifts
00:15:54
Speaker
God. And that might look like, you know, taking food to a neighbor who's just had a child or somebody that's sick. I mean, it's living on mission.
00:16:01
Speaker
Walking out this faith that we have and it's not just learning Bible facts. That's not enough We're not after just information. We're after transformation and God does that work through the power of his spirit and And I think one of the important things that we can do to cultivate that life Of God in our son or daughter is by walking it out with them while they're younger and as they're getting older Put on display what it looks like to live for God in the world
00:16:26
Speaker
Also, I think another practical way is just helping our kids get involved in serving and reaching out to others. Our kids have been, maybe this is because you're a pastor, so we're all in this together, which we love. Well, I think they love it, don't you? They've always been involved. They definitely have helped out in the children's ministry for a long time. As they've gotten older, actually, it's been kind of fun to see
00:16:54
Speaker
the you know, they they're excited to help out Noah helps out with the elementary he's How old is Noah? Noah's 14. I always forget my kids No, I always am like is he 13 or 14 he just turned 14
00:17:10
Speaker
So he helps out with the elementary. Bella helps out in the nursery. She's 17, almost 17. And then Tyler, this has been so fun. He's in a young adults ministry and this year they've been helping out the homeless by feeding them and giving them clothes. It's been really cool to see him get involved that way.
00:17:32
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think those are all such important ways for kids to encounter Jesus, to live for him, to put their faith into action. And they're also discovering the gifts that God has given them. That's a good point. And so, you know, you just, I think as a parent, just, you know, helping your child understand, oh, God wants to use you no matter how old you are. You know, this is part of God working through you. And so that I think can be a really, really helpful way for just God continuing
00:17:59
Speaker
to mold them and shape them and draw them into a deeper relationship with him. And so I think you're exactly right. I mean, serving within your local church, going on a mission strip, maybe. I know there's families that have done that. And like you were describing, just serving locally within your community is our oldest son, Tyler has done that.
00:18:16
Speaker
with the college ministry that he's involved in. And of course, as we were talking about a little bit earlier, just then as a family, I mean, just living on mission in your neighborhood. I think that's one of the things that we have loved to do is the whole family has been a part of planting a church here in Ann Arbor. I mean, we've had our neighbors into our home. We've taken food over to neighbors, given them little like Christmas, you know, cookies and things. And the kids love to be a part of that.
Neighborhood Evangelism and Personal Devotion
00:18:39
Speaker
when I think just for our kids to see that again, that's the abundant life that God has called us to. And it's fun to live for Jesus. It's fun to live on mission. It's fun to take risks and to talk to people or to share our faith. And so I think those are the kinds of things that we're talking about here under this next practical step.
00:18:56
Speaker
Yeah, because I think then they see firsthand. I mean, how cool is it? I know how cool it is for myself to see, you know, a neighbor who you who maybe is a little, you know, kind of standoffish or not really talkative. And then as you slowly reach out to them and you have them over like to see the change in them.
00:19:14
Speaker
I just love that. We've experienced that just recently. Maybe we've talked about that already, but a neighbor, their family that we've lived close to for almost five years now, and they've recently started coming to church. It's so amazing. Just to see that, to experience that, to know
00:19:31
Speaker
This is a family we have been loving and just trying to be a good neighbor to and praying for. And now for our kids to see God answer that prayer and to see the whole family beginning to come to church over the last six months has been incredible. And so those are again, just some, you know, another practical way to cultivate a faith that is our child's own and not just ours.
00:19:52
Speaker
Also, we kind of mentioned this last week, but encouraging God time on their own. And so I think I said this last week, I'll say it again, it's okay to ask your child, you know, are you doing your devotions? Have you been reading your Bible?
00:20:08
Speaker
Every year, what we do with our kids around Christmas time, well for Christmas, we get them a new devotional and a new journal for the year. And there's just something about that, I think, that is motivating to them.
00:20:23
Speaker
to have, I mean, think of how special it is for yourself to get a new devotional. It's, you know, you're like, oh, okay. So I think things like that really help encourage our kids to do God time on their own. Yeah. And I think that, you know, the trick there is, is to make that natural and that feel like you're, you know, you're, um,
00:20:41
Speaker
picking on them, I think to say things such as, what has God been teaching? You've been doing God's time on your own this week, you've been going through this devotion, but are there some things that God's really been speaking to you about? And so there's maybe some softer ways too as a parent. Or if you're like me, are you doing your devotions when they're having a bad attitude? And sometimes that's it for you, exactly. Are you reading your Bible? No. Sometimes that's appropriate, absolutely.
00:21:08
Speaker
But no, I think that's so, I mean, I was just at Barnes & Noble this week trying to find another devotional for Noah because he finished the one that we had gotten him, you know, early in the year like you were describing. And so I think, you know, again, as our kids are going through different situations, you know, maybe you have a son or daughter that's having a real struggle with friends. And so finding a devotional that speaks to that topic or to that issue or is Tyler starting to date now?
00:21:30
Speaker
You know, we've recently bought several books for him. And so, you know, I think that's a really important thing, too, to keep in mind as our kids are getting older and they're going through different seasons or circumstances, you know, choosing those devotions that are, you know, kind of consistent with what they're going through can really be, I think, helpful.
00:21:50
Speaker
And you mentioned books. That's definitely something we've done over the years, is just going through a book together, especially books like The Case for Christ. You know what I mean? Or is there the case for faith as well? Yeah, the case for faith. Yeah, there's a whole series there, not only for adults, but for kids, which are fantastic. And I think those are great. We were talking in the last episode about how when your kids are young, you're just trying to give them one Cheerio at a time. And they think very concretely. But as our kids are getting older,
00:22:19
Speaker
they're thinking more abstractly. And so we really need, especially the day and age that we're living in, we really need to help our kids not just know what they believe, but know why they believe it. And so you have sons or daughters that are going to go off to a campus. And I don't mean just a secular campus. I mean some Christian colleges today,
00:22:37
Speaker
have become just as secular in some ways as a state school.
Music, Worship, and Technology in Faith
00:22:43
Speaker
And so it's equipping our kids in heart and mind to not only know what they believe, but know why they believe it. And we need to be training our kids, teaching our kids on issues like abortion, sexuality. Those issues are so important as we think about race relations in our culture. I mean, just helping our kids have a biblical worldview
00:23:04
Speaker
as it relates to issues on life and sexuality and race and there's others. And so I think there's some great resources like that. The case for faith in particular that you were talking about that can be really, really helpful. Yeah. Also just music or apps. There's videos, music, apps.
00:23:22
Speaker
So worship has been a big part, I feel like, for our kids of them really making their faith their own. Tyler loves music. Well, our whole family does. But he has gotten really involved with worship at the church, which has been so awesome. But I think, you know, back to when they were littler,
00:23:43
Speaker
uh like seeds family worship that's that's scripture to music like things like that i feel like our we don't realize the power that that can have even our youngest daughter sophia who is 12 she loves seeds family worship um so just things like that i feel like we don't realize the impact that can have and then there's apps
00:24:06
Speaker
There's apps that have, you know, different either worship or they have prayers or devotions. We'll make sure we have a reading plan, you know, you version, obviously. Yeah, we've all done you version Bible reading plans together. So I'll make sure that in the show notes I put some links to some of these things we're talking about.
Parent-Child Relationship in Faith Development
00:24:24
Speaker
Well, I think the last thing that is so important in just that relationship, relationship, relationship, relationship, and so I think just maintaining that relationship, especially as they get older and enter those teen years and young adult, I think just maintaining and cultivating.
00:24:41
Speaker
a healthy relationship with your son or your daughter. And as God gives you opportunity, as we've talked about, to talk God's word or to speak God's word into their life or to their situation, I think what we're after is we're not just after behavior, but we're after the heart.
00:24:58
Speaker
And I think that's where the relationship becomes so important. And we're asking questions about, hey, what's going on in your heart? What are you feeling right now? What are you thinking? And are you discouraged? Are you scared? We're aiming for the heart. And it creates a great opportunity, again, for us to speak truth or God's love or His grace into the heart of a son or a daughter.
00:25:24
Speaker
And that relationship really gives us that opportunity. Yeah, I love that. And I think being available even when maybe it's not convenient. Like I think about every, I try to go to sleep at night and that's when Bella wants to talk to me. It was easy when they were young. You just put them in bed at, you know, 6.30.
00:25:40
Speaker
feed them and you're good to go. Yeah, you got the whole night. Well, now they want to stay up till 11. But you're right, though, I think those kinds of things, especially as your kids get older, you're really, yeah, you think about the life of Jesus, how many times his life was interrupted. That could be a whole book, you know, divine interruptions. And you just think about how many times, you know, as a parent where you're planning to do one thing, you're planning to go to bed or you just got in bed, you're going to read and
00:26:05
Speaker
your 17-year-old comes up and just plops himself or herself down on your bed and wants to talk. And it's like, oh, this is, you know, this isn't 30 minutes of Bible time right after dinner. This is something God's going to use. And just seeing those opportunities, not as an interruption, but a great invitation.
00:26:22
Speaker
to speak into your son or daughter. And as our kids get older, there's I think many more of those opportunities that can exist. And so sometimes it's not the plan, the conversations. It's those things that we perceive sometimes as an interruption that God can really use to continue cultivating a life of faith and the relationship between a
Parenting to Friendship Transition
00:26:40
Speaker
son or a daughter.
00:26:40
Speaker
I love that and I I am right now thinking of the parent who has really little kids and they can't even imagine this you know they can't even imagine getting to the point where they're having these conversations with their kids and I just want to encourage you that oh it's so cool isn't it honey I just love it like when as they've gotten older like here we are with kids who are I mean our oldest is almost 19 and
00:27:06
Speaker
It's just amazing to see all of the time that we've put into raising them, to love the Lord. It's amazing to have these conversations now. Yeah, the fruit of that. I mean, one of my favorite things to do, and we've talked about this before, of just sitting on the couch as a family. And sometimes it's planned. A lot of times it's not. We're all together and we're laughing. We're telling stories.
00:27:27
Speaker
And it's like, Oh, like you just sometimes lose sight of that or can lose sight of that because it's so busy. It's so hectic. It's so overwhelming when they're younger, but to be able to see the fruit of that, you know, where your, your kids in many ways are becoming friends and you get to see their personalities and their gifts.
00:27:44
Speaker
And that is such a blessing as a parent to me to see that. It'll be here in a blink. And that's what I just want to say to every parent that has younger kids.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:27:54
Speaker
Well, friend, this has been so good. We are so grateful you have joined us. If we haven't met yet, we want to get to know you. So be sure to follow us on Instagram at Patrick W. Schwank and at Ruth Schwank or on Facebook. Also, don't forget that everything we talked about will be at rootlikefaith.com forward slash
00:28:14
Speaker
Again, we welcome you into our family here at Root Like Faith. And one thing that would help us out immensely is if you would leave a review or rating and share this podcast with your friends. We'd be so, so grateful for your help in getting the word out. All right, friend. Well, we will chat soon and we hope you have the best week.