Transcript
Speaker: This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the triangle agency system, where it's okay to leave your briefcase at home, because you're not ever going back home.
Speaker: Tucker Dally Johnston as Stuart Stuart Burtmeier. Nate Valentine as Felix Fuzzworth. Ivana María Méndez Pavón as Barabel.
Speaker: Last time you continued your hunt as you were looking for the anomaly of Douglas Beaches, a former resident who had used an anomaly to help him produce a successful advertising agency. The anomaly had expanded its domain to create a whole television production studio, and the players went through various TV shows to try to see if they could contain and control the anomaly. Eventually, when they discussed with Douglas about what future that they might have with the anomaly, they agreed to have it, quote-unquote,
Speaker: work alongside them in a sort of handshake agreement. And the anomaly turned into a film canister and spun away. With a name tag. With a name tag called The Producer.
Speaker: We now find our three agents outside of that production studio preparing to go return to their office and report their news of their success.
Speaker: I'm nervous. I don't know if the boss is going to think that was as big a success as we do. Well, listen, we might just need to show them that there are different ways of looking at a problem and certain things might seem like solutions to some people. Whereas, you know, it might seem like a horrible, devastating problem to other people. And we got to show them that it's not that though. Wait, did you read How to Become Success by Oprah Winfrey?
Speaker: Because I read it. Okay. I haven't. As well. And that was a direct quote. Oh, it was? Hey, look at me. Call me Oprah. Don't call me Oprah. You can call me Stuber.
Speaker: would love to call you Oprah. That's going to stick. That's going to help me remember your name a lot more, actually. It's like the opposite of working with Stuber. You don't want to tell Barabel not to do something because she's obviously going to do it.
Speaker: Um, Stuber. Yeah. Does that mean that you're willing to take the lead and tell the boss what we did? What? I don't. I mean, ah, well.
Speaker: oh you know, you're the you're the golden boy. it might it might sound better coming from, yeah, I could probably do it. I could do it. doubt Can't say no. Man, just hurts. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Speaker: Maybe I want to start getting to marriage. Thanks, Tubert. I'd really appreciate that. I'm a little nervous about this one. Yeah, sure. Did he say we have to go now? Like at this very moment? Or like, can we get like, don't know, a manicure?
Speaker: Oh. You want to go get a manicure and delay going to talking to the boss? Well, yeah. I mean, we've been through so much. Like, we, we, I was cow at some point. Hello. but I don't have nails for that. ah I was a puppet, a blind puppet.
Speaker: like We've been through so much. Did I say that already? Yeah. Yeah, sure, we can can go get a manicure. Although I have a sneaking suspicion he'll probably find us wherever we go and demand we come into the office. Or like he'll turn into your nail salonist?
Speaker: A salani? what do they What do they call him? A manicure professional? Closer. Manicurist is what I've been calling them my whole life. and Maybe I was wrong, Oprah. Maybe I was wrong.
Speaker: correct Crap, crap, crap. Hey, I mean, the boss the boss doesn't know that we're done with the mission, so we could go get some manicures and just go back in a couple hours and tell them we just finished.
Speaker: I bet Felix would love a pedicure. I don't know what that is. Just learned what it made. It's funny that I could just use my DM powers to be like three hours later. This is boring, Skip. Three hours later, standing outside of the office.
Speaker: don't Don't the movie click us.
Speaker: but But you all have like perfectly done nails and everything like that. that's pretty great
Speaker: Wait, I do have a question for Felix. Can you can you feel your toes? Of course I can. Why wouldn't I be able to feel my toes? No one, just you know just a random question. And I sky stomp really hard on it. Yeah, yeah i mean, i think I can, right, Paul?
Speaker: I'll let you know, there are no rules in the rulebook for the thing you came up with. Okay, fair enough. whatever you want. um there's There's no... I do feel it. If your player wants to be men in black robot with bot, like... inside like you can who Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker: what if i just go to like beep out a bunch of stuff during that um yeah i uh i yelp in pain and jump back and push stupid off me admit hey man hey ah gosh oh felix i'm so sorry i didn't mean to listen i had to you know hey whoa i'm so sorry i just needed to
Speaker: We're all calm. I'm so sorry that that happened, that I did that. Got a little out of control. There's just a lot of secrets that were all key. Yeah, you know, I don't think whatever you think is going on with me is the weirdest thing in all of this agency stuff. Stupid. So why don't you lay off and stop touching my toes? All right, Oprah. I believe in an eye for an eye, but not when you're expecting it. So just know payback will happen. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Thanks, Parabel, for having my back. Okay. Pull your feet because that's that's what he stepped on, right? Did he step on your back? Did you step on his back as well?
Speaker: No, I just stepped. You were right there. boy. oh boy Sometimes I get creative thoughts and I go into a deep, deep thought and I just miss what's happening right in front of me. Parabel, you think I'm more of a summer or a winter for color?
Speaker: Ew. Yes. Yes. That was not helpful in any way. Ew. That's what she thinks. 30 minutes later.
Speaker: 30? 30 minutes? Wait, wait, wait. Did you say 30 minutes later? Yeah. All right. I'll have a cappuccino while Glinda is finishing my left hand. um She hasn't even started the other one at this point. You know, Bearbell, this is more fun than I thought it would be. Thanks for bringing us out here. Ha ha ha!
Speaker: I know, right? They give you little massages on your feet and everything. Stupor, why do you still have your socks on? We've been trying to get you to join us for like 29 minutes. Oh no, the socks stay on fire. One hour later. You guys are outside of the boss's office. Don't stop talking, Paul. You're going to get steamrolled again. you've You've got like copy things and you're like... Wow.
Speaker: So convenient that this spa is right next to the office. You guys ah are overwhelmed with this concern as you two eventually open the doors. And you see the manager...
Speaker: Uh-oh, party! i know i nudge stubert oh hey ya hey there boss man hey you got a you got a nice vibe going on in here we were just gonna come get our report but we thought you know maybe maybe you're busy we'll come back later no no no i got time they're finishing this little installation i'm hoping it's not permanent do you know what's happening back there no no do you want to take a look-see doodle yes yeah i thought you might stubert as you open up the curtain the windows reveal an enormous video billboard
Speaker: And that video below Billboard is blasting an advertisement. All you see are the words is, buy now horse helmets. And you feel yourself pulled into an ad for horse helmets. Oh, no. You see yourself on a racetrack riding a horse.
Speaker: Give me a 30-second ad for horse helmets. You know what I never liked about being the tallest jockey in the world?
Speaker: i Is that I always felt protected, but Leroy Stompkins here was always in danger.
Speaker: So I came up with horse helmets. Horse helmets for when you fall and trip your big boy and he falls. Horse helmet.
Speaker: Bravo. great ah Incredible. um wow Wow. You fall backwards and you're holding this horse helmet. um That was in the advertisement. And the manager snatches it out of your hand. Oh, God.
Speaker: yeah yeah So... That was that was fun. i i enjoyed that. It's been exhausting, Stubert. I can't look out the window. What's the point of a corner office if I can't look out the window? Anyways, I'm assuming you guys are... Almost captured this thing. That that billboard has been going off all day. What's the status on that, Felix? Can you let me know?
Speaker: You're in charge. Um... Well, sir, Stubert, and we had talked about Stubert technically being in charge this time, so he can jump in any time if you want to take over, Stubert, but what happened was ah the You see, the anomaly made a really compelling...
Speaker: Tucker leaned back a little bit. just The producer said that he he wouldn't give us any... problems if we let him go and Stubert thought that was a good idea. sir me Damn it.
Speaker: Basically, sir, he's not a problem anymore. You know, wait we bish bash bash. We We gashed him. Not a problem anymore. Sir, do you ever find yourself with, like, really dirty hair? And you're like, I need to wash my hair today. But then you start planning out your outfit for the next day and you're like, I could really rock a slick back bun. And that is only done with dirty hair. Well, we wanted a slick back bun kind of day today.
Speaker: What? Can anyone translate that? No. um if it If it makes you less mad at me, then I understand it perfectly. Thank you. i i'm There's a few things that you need to know about this.
Speaker: If that anomaly is out wild, I hope you know we have nearly tripled the number of loose ends that have escaped into the world. Can I see the report? He reads the report. oh for a cheaper He gives you your evaluations.
Speaker: He looks to Stubert and goes, Stubert, You didn't ruin anything on this report. I actually was expecting something to go wrong. And Barabel, I'm actually impressed by what it says here. You started an urban legend. You... you I mean, really great work. I'm very impressed by your work.
Speaker: But then he looks to Felix. Felix. Yes, sir? What's this all about? You broke rules five minutes into the mission. And then you agreed to let this anomaly go?
Speaker: Well... Like I said, it was Stupart's idea, but yes, sir, that's that's what happened. rough. I'm very disappointed in you. You're going to have to wear this bandana, and you put the bandana over your forehead, and it just says loser across it. You're going to be wearing that until you can prove you're responsible enough to have the title that I gave you.
Speaker: Oh, this am I still a senior associate, though? Of course. I can't take that away with one failure. But I need you to do two things. Anything I need you to roll i need each of you to roll one d20 Crap It's been so long since I've used a d20 I know it's like a made-up unit because And I'm gonna ask for these one at a time Because I have to keep track of a few things as you know you've triggered more weather events
Speaker: There are a lot more weather events because a whole crowd of people in that live studio audience saw the anomaly get out. People we know. People you all know. no I thought that was going to be helpful for some reason.
Speaker: But we trust our friends, right, boss? Like that's not a... Friends and families. um I roll a one and I'm scared. You rolled a one?
Speaker: And I'm scared. Okay. No. look I'm going to do these. well I'm going to learn what you... This is going to be a lot for me. Ivana, what'd you roll? maybe you know Nine.
Speaker: o ok Okay. It's good number. You can do a square root of it. And stupid. 16. Also can do a square root. And technically one, but... So...
Speaker: Thanks, Ivana. I'll let you know this. The two you rolled are not the worst things that could go on. And they actually start to stack. If you roll the same number multiple times, things get worse.
Speaker: So the first thing you note once you say you rolled a one is you hear the pelting of rain against the window. And there is going to be a rain that is perpetually going on until the number until the next mission.
Speaker: Okay? Atmospheric. Yeah. The next thing, the nine, means you remove three loose ends. Yay! Barabel. You're welcome. What happened to those three loose ends? You could say anything you want, and they' that's what happened. They're just random people.
Speaker: um They fell into manholes. Like potholes. Plummeted, and they live with the sewer people. Correct.
Speaker: Who celebrate Christmas. And then lastly, with Nate's 16, along with the rain, a bitter chill has affected the area. So immediately with the rain comes hail.
Speaker: You mean Tucker's 16. Tucker's 16. I'll let you know, there are worse events that you guys could have hit, but you have hit several of the numbers now, so we'll see if they start stacking upon one each other more and more. Oh, crap, I forgot this wasn't the first time we've done this. Oh, no. no Nope, you had the heat that one time. Oh, no.
Speaker: And then... Oh, no. I don't remember what the other one was, but I wrote it down and I'll cut this out so I sound professional. Yeah. With that, he sends you guys on your way. If you would make the updates to your character sheets for getting MVP, upgrade your reality, increase your anomaly.
Speaker: If you don't remember what that is, I can tell you. i get to add one to my yeah my relationship. One of your relationships? Yeah. Yep. So with that, the manager sends ah you guys on your way. And then he puts his hand on Felix before Felix goes out the door.
Speaker: Oh, yes, sir? Felix, come with me. Let's look to the window. ah Fuck. ah Okay, okay, sir.
Speaker: Yeah, whatever you need. You know, with power comes more power. yeah Uh-huh, uh-huh. And with that, I need you to understand that responsibility comes in tow.
Speaker: Come, look to this window. And he opens the window, and you see through this frozen hail, eventually you see a billboard crackling with electricity. Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And you see the words, be repellent. Oh, no! And the manager puts his hand on you and goes, don't worry. I'm with you, chief. You get pulled into this.
Speaker: And it's that you and the manager are running along each other in a field surrounded by flowers. Okay. Running around in a field surrounded by flowers.
Speaker: ah Well, this this looks pretty lovely, sir. What a one what lovely day. i know. I put together this picnic for us. I thought it'd be a nice time to talk about, you know, our lives and our future together. And he gets stung by a bee.
Speaker: Ow! Son of a... And he gets stung by another bee. cmon i can This is really ruining this whole plan. I was planning to take us out to play some ultimate of frisbee together, maybe get on one knee and show like how important you are to me. I'm going to push him on the ground and then start jumping up and down, waving my arms and attracting the bees.
Speaker: they the ah A swarm of bees begin to gather. Oh my god, I didn't take this through. Ow! And i'm gonna I'm gonna run away from the manager. ah He is being attacked and gone stung, and you hear him screaming in pain as the camera follows you along as you run down this like little throat...
Speaker: a pathway through the field. I really thought that was going to work and take them all away from him. I'm going to reach into my back pocket and take out a giant can of BB gone bee repellent and then run back spraying it left and right and repel all the bees over him.
Speaker: You do that, a giant bee comes out of the spray in a cartoonish fashion and like gets a punching, like a boxing glove and socks the swarm of bees and they all buzz away. And the manager's covered in swollen ah welts and things like that. He gets it, he looks up to you, my hero, and tries to embrace you. And I'm going to give him a big hug and I'm going to look over his shoulder at the camera and I'm going to say that's how you bee repelled.
Speaker: You get pulled back into the office. You're looking cool and you got your thumbs up and he's on the ground swollen. He goes, I didn't think, I didn't think this was going to pass through. Me neither. Do you need an EpiPen? Okay.
Speaker: Yeah, please, could you get, there's one at my desk. Uh, I'm going boot around in his drawer. nothing No, that drawer! Oh, sorry, yeah, that's some weird shit. And I find the EpiPen and I stab him.
Speaker: Immediately the swelling goes away and goes, Felix, it was really hard to hear that you were maybe responsible for letting that anomaly go. I understand that, sir. he You know the stakes of what's going on. If we have any more loose ends, our division might get folded.
Speaker: I might be talking about retiring one of this department. Would you be willing to volunteer one of your teammates for retirement? You want to do this in like a private session or anything, Paul? um No, sir. No. We, all three of us, are an unbreakable team. And honestly, I think I couldn't get anything done without Barrel Bell and Stubert by my side.
Speaker: And they couldn't get anything done without me by their side. I wouldn't want to. That it sounds like if things go sour. You're the one volunteering for that.
Speaker: i think I think we should have some more conversations about this. um But I know there's a few people I've met in the office who maybe might be happier at other opportunities.
Speaker: You know, your assistant seems really unhappy every time I see her. There's a guy named John who talks to me all the time. He might even be applying to other jobs. So if you're trying to, you know... if you're trying, John's applying to other jobs. Oh, I didn't.
Speaker: I'll get on that. Right. hey Hey, he reaches. He's got all of a sudden he's got like a little walkie talkie, like bringing John right afterwards, ma'am. Thank you, dear. Felix, I'm really proud that you were willing to sell somebody from another department down the river for your own success. That's the kind of management I've always respected, ah but we're going to stay in contact.
Speaker: If I don't hear about you clearing up some of these loose ends, I will consult the retirement paperwork. Understood, sir. We'll make sure to take care of those loose ends as best as we can as a team.
Speaker: Get on out of here. All right. And he slaps you on the butt as you go out. Oh. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Goodbye. Now you, and he turns around. All right.
Speaker: All right. Next time you talk to me, there won't be any more loose ends. Good work. Barabel and Stuber. Sup, baby gigs? You two are riding the elevator down.
Speaker: What do you guys talk about? I think that went well. Okay, perfect. Have you ever gotten the urge to press all the buttons in an elevator? Sorry, say that again.
Speaker: Have you ever gotten the urge to press all the buttons in an elevator? No, not really. You know, it causes all kinds of problems, slows down that, the you know, then you wouldn't be able to. Do you have that urge right now?
Speaker: How would you know if you haven't even tried? how How would I know if I have the urge? No, if you if you haven't tried, how do you know bad things will happen? No, I just, I can sort of extrapolate from knowing what happens when you push one button, what would happen if you pushed all the buttons? So we'd slowly go down each floor, the door would open, then it'd close, then we'd have to pick up speed again, then we'd slow it down, then the door would open, then it would close, and then we would keep going, we would do that for thirty odd floors.
Speaker: Or would it unlock, like, an extra secret floor? Like, have you seen that show ah that they, when you're calling a taxi and you get in the taxi and it has, like, rewards and things you can you can win Yes.
Speaker: Well, maybe it's the same with the elevator. Do you... it oh look we're here at the lab um oh okay next time next time for sure Oprah promised me Stubart, we're going to follow you as you deal with the weird experience you just had with your co-worker on the on the elevator. You get to spend some time with your anomaly. That's how you've elected to spend some of your free time.
Speaker: Yes. What do you do? Knowing that you are no longer going to receive punishments for using your anomaly outside of a mission scenario, you now have free reign to use your anomaly to better your life.
Speaker: What do you want to do? Well, you know, I kind of just want to take in more sites, go see more things, ah access places I wouldn't otherwise be able to.
Speaker: So I would use ah Unbound ah to get through ah certain places. up towards the top of certain skyscrapers or maybe even to access areas on the bridge and just take a view in on this lovely unnamed city that we're all in. I've been pretty adamant about not having a name.
Speaker: yeah youre You are at the top of our enormous unnamed bridge, looking out at our unnamed beaches and our unnamed mountain range. Yeah. yes Stubert, what is a memory that this location evokes from your childhood or your upbringing?
Speaker: Oh, I remember a... I remember a time... back when I was about 16 and Meredith and I were on the cliffs overlooking the waves and it was actually actually quite sunny which was surprising for that time of year and it was just it was just cold enough that she needed to have my jacket ah and I let her take it even though even though I was colder than she was
Speaker: It was a very good day on the cliffs, and I wish that I could go back to that time, because now ah feel really alone, and it's definitely a lot colder here than it ever was there, especially now.
Speaker: And it's hard to know if you're doing the right thing when so many nefarious and bad omens keep happening every time you make a decision that you think is the right one.
Speaker: You suddenly realize that Abby is with you. She's curled up tightly like a small pet sitting on your shoulder. And she looks at you with these big, tremendous, curious eyes.
Speaker: And she says, you know... I went out looking for her, and I found her. She still thinks about you. No, no, I can't put her in too much danger.
Speaker: Can't ever go back there. She's here, remember? You brought her here because of the Remembear anomaly. Crap, that's right. She is. she shouldn't She shouldn't remember me. She shouldn't look for me.
Speaker: We shouldn't be together. it'll just It'll just bring pain down on her. But maybe, maybe since we let that producer go, he could get a message to her somehow.
Speaker: You do have the ability to connect with any of the anomalies that have escaped, and you can communicate with them. Yeah, how do i how do I get in touch with the producer?
Speaker: You know what, Abby? I just had the greatest idea for the next product of this generation. Yeah, kid!
Speaker: And you look down and you see that that celluloid figurine with like the megaphone and he's got the cap and he's got a cigar on his hip and he goes, What you gonna try to sell me, kid? Ah, jeez, oh gosh!
Speaker: Shoot him now! You really show up real quick there. Okay, hey, hey. How are you, producer? hey Time's of money, kid. Come on. Talk, talk, talk. Why are you calling me here? ah you Here's the thing.
Speaker: You know, have you ever wanted to talk to someone to let them know that you're okay? Okay. but that it's not safe for them to talk to you or to come back and find you.
Speaker: Smart. like like ah Like a hideaway box communication thing. So if you were youre like in trouble or running away from some kind of shady gangsters or thugs,
Speaker: Sure, some I don't know why you would bring up that sort of reference at all in any way, but sure, yeah, that. Let's go with that. Yeah, some sort of, you know? and So that's my idea, is this product, which is mostly um just you sort of going into Meredith's TV and being like, hey, Rory's okay. Okay.
Speaker: You guys have gotten really good at throwing the bird into the DM lately. And it's kind of like, um... He goes, yeah, I think I got just the ticket. You wait right here, chief, and I'll let her know what's up.
Speaker: Follows the anomaly. And it goes to Meredith, who is struggling to open up her own Irish pub in the town. It's just culturally not the same, she's but it's what she knows and what she's done.
Speaker: And she's sitting there washing a pint glass. And eventually she walks over to the Pandora station and because she's too cheap to pay for the full subscription. And Pandora still exists? If you find yourself worried about a loved one, the best way to let them know is that thinking about it is to play a little tune that reminds them of the old country.
Speaker: Just like the next song we're playing on the radio right now. And eventually it starts, if you like Pina Cola, and it cuts into that and immediately starts playing some old ah Dublin folk music.
Speaker: From the hometown where Meredith and Rory are from. And she stops what she's doing. And she sits and smiles, thinking of Rory.
Speaker: Oh, right. i have to I have to put him in my will. Yes! And she cuts off to do that. Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me. Can I use your bathroom? Oh, of ah you know, technically, we we prefer not to, unless you've purchased something.
Speaker: Okay, like, i'll I'll just get, like, a water or something. Can I get a water, and then I'll use your bathroom? All right, sure, sure. you' heard i That feels weird for me to charge you for water. Please, have a drink, love. Oh, cool.
Speaker: Okay, great. I'm gonna be, like, maybe, like, 45 minutes.
Speaker: um You're next in line. Oh, that was not Barabel. That was Ivana. Oh.
Speaker: That was the NPC Ivana. The actual cameo of Ivana blowing up a bar in public bathroom. 45 minutes. Optimistic, I see. Yeah. Okay, great. We'll fall away from not Barabelle to ah actual Barabelle.
Speaker: Barabel, you said you wanted to connect with your mentor. Yeah. Where did you feel like the best place to ah talk with your mentor, the bride of Dracula?
Speaker: You know, feel like the obvious choice is the cemetery. um Okay. I felt like... Do you want me to explain why? Like, is it was that... Did you... i Well, I kind of feel like knowing you, you were going to be like... thought it was a Cemetery, because she'll actually pay attention to me and not be distracted by other bloody smells elsewhere.
Speaker: Everyone's dead. Smart, smart. All right, then we're going to have a scene of the two of you and the Bride of Dracula. Hi, Mama. Thank you so much for meeting me here. Oh, absolutely, my little suckling. You know this is my favorite place and in my favorite kind of atmosphere, too.
Speaker: I know. I know it helps you relax and achieve a state of Zen. It does. It does. Listen. sense I'm listening. I've had, um do i how do how I put it? I've had some difficult couple of weeks lately.
Speaker: And i wanted to bring you to a secluded place because I'm scared that if I share this in like somewhere else, ah bad stuff is going to happen to me. But you have connections in places that I don't, and I trust you with this information.
Speaker: Oh, listen to me. You can tell Mama Bride anything you want. It's just me, you, and all of the dead here.
Speaker: Okay. I've been hired by a second secret society. What? but
Speaker: So I thought... The Middle Children's Society was going to be it, one and done. Like, I can keep that many secrets. But then i got pulled in to this weird company where they tell you, like, you have to be all corporate and, like, you have to wear blazers and stuff and follow rules. And you know only follow my own rules and yours, Avi? Okay. It's just been really hard ruda because I don't totally connect with the people who are there.
Speaker: Well, I always know how hard it is for you to make friends in general because they're also beneath you. Ugh, you're so right. But like even the people on the floor above me, it's hard to connect with them.
Speaker: Jesus Christ. So what is really eating at you? My little pork pie? What? i what this I just feel bad that I have to keep this whole thing a secret and I can't tell the golden child anything about it and she can tell I'm being distant and so I just need to come up with a good excuse as to why i' have been so distant lately.
Speaker: You could just do what I do. You just make up a story about the new man. by the way, Peyton Manning is dead to me now. He might not be dead, but he might be. Also dead to me? He tried to, like, pitch this off-Broadway one-man show? Not happening. Not happening.
Speaker: Ugh. Not happening. Okay. Ugh. So you tell her you've been a little distracted because of a a new man in your life, maybe. A new man.
Speaker: Of course. A new love. Yes. Or maybe a new something. It doesn't have to be a man. It doesn't have to be. a Well, I mean, she's only known me to date men. So if I feel like if maybe I go out of gender, I'll Maybe that could, that could be why it's been so distraught. No, I don't think she's going to buy it. Um, so let's go with the new man for now, for now. Um, and maybe he lives in like Spain That's always good. But then would she want to go okay to to Spain?
Speaker: Would she want to go with you on trip there? can't take her to Spain. No, you know we can't take her to Spain. You know why. No, I know why. But does she know why? I know you know I know why. We can't her to Spain. Okay.
Speaker: So no Spain. So no Spain. go with like But maybe somewhere less less we less maybe less likely that she'll want to go there. Like, I don't know. like um London!
Speaker: They speak English. There's nothing interesting. Okay, so let's just keep moving on. um We have the next one is going to be with Felix. Spending time with Drain.
Speaker: So, fex Felix, right you get back to your apartment. You've described it as a fairly mild, low furnishings, basic kind of apartment.
Speaker: And you make your way back to find a huge group of people in your apartment. All bank tellers.
Speaker: jess Just bank tellers. You just immediately... And you see your anomaly leering over all of them. They're all just sort of seated on the couch in your apartment. And you see him leering over, and he looks up to and he goes, I did it.
Speaker: what Did what? What's going on here? I stole it from them. Uh-oh. What did you steal this time, Dre? I stole the last thing they had in them. Their desire to make money.
Speaker: They're just o puppets. Watch. And he leans over to one of them and I bet you can dance better than the guy next to you.
Speaker: And he stands up and he just starts break dancing in his like banker's uniform. Is he good or is he bad? Unbelievable.
Speaker: I've been practicing, Felix. Wow. cut you You drained all these guys? So many. I went to that TD bank and I went nuts.
Speaker: Oh, I don't know. I don't know, Drain. this They seem like hollow. They look empty. Yeah, you get it. Cool. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah yeah I hear it. Are you mad?
Speaker: ah No, I just didn't know i didn't know you were so capable. we should really be You should really be sticking by me, though, and you know only draining people who deserve it or or doing it in in constructive ways. This feels kind of wrong. I don't know. I feel bad for these guys. you know They wanted to...
Speaker: they wanted to have expensive haircuts and wear expensive shoes and bang girls on wall street. and I mean, not wall street. That's the place in the real city. No, it's the street that goes along the wall, you know, like now, now they're just going to break dance and like,
Speaker: brew their own beer, get back into post rock. Like what do they have left in their life? I i guess I didn't realize the damage I was capable of doing Felix.
Speaker: I'm sorry. Do you? It's okay. it's um it's It's important for you to keep practicing. I you know i need you by my side. You've you've gotten me out of a lot of tough binds. I just, I don't know how i feel about experimenting on innocent.
Speaker: pankers the good guys yeah i see that i shouldn't just prey on people because of social preconceptions about their career i um that's wrong i can i'll let them go he opens the window and they climb out the window and go down the um fire escape oh thank god They got the end of that sentence.
Speaker: um Are you able to give them back their desire to make tons of money at the expense of the working American? Yeah. Or is it only going one direction? I i i can. i can give it back, but it takes from me.
Speaker: You don't have to give these guys it back. They kind of seem like douchebags anyways, but I just want to know, you know, try to fully understand your your powers a bit more because this is still really new for me. right Do you want to go test something out.
Speaker: Uh, yeah. what What do you mean by that, though? Felix, if you were to go anywhere without anyone getting mad at you, what would Felix's instincts be?
Speaker: Anywhere? Felix's interests? Yeah, Felix's instincts? What would Felix do without the constraints of... society and well i'm not sure you're gonna like my answer but i've never seen the eiffel tower it's on it's on all the postcards and every bodega i walk by and it just looks so romantic and special and not crowded with people and that's that's where i would go if if i had to if i could ever get time off work but i work so hard
Speaker: drain cracks his little kitty knuckles goes you got a champ and he ribbles away out the window you follow your eyes out the window and you see the um the three bankers have set up like a cardboard box on the ground and they're just doing like old school breakdance hip-hop drain travels through the city and begins capturing the knowledge and essence that you would need to go to paris you acquire the following skills Okay. Felix, you know how to from how to fly a private plane.
Speaker: What the fuck? Whoa! You know French. This is sick. French, French, French, French. And you also... know the connections to somebody who would want to get to Paris for political reasons. Somebody who would want to get to paris for political reasons. So if you were like, you know, like the the Parisian ambassador, you know, like, you know, somehow you have got acquired the connection.
Speaker: You've stolen the social grace of somebody. ah Let's just say the Paris ambassador, the the ambassador to France. I have stolen their ability to do that or I'm friends with them. Sorry. You have, you've stolen their social clout.
Speaker: You have drained a whole whole all of their, their social value. And that is now Felix is known and recognized as the ambassador to France. Oh, Wow, draining someone's social value is such a savage sentence. I know, that' it's like feel it feels really like... You are disposed of, sir. Go back to living in a ditch. And I grant you that and for that ability. And so when you're off time, Felix, if you want to, you can visit the Eiffel Tower. That is great. We will not be taking a tractor anywhere anymore, folks. I got fucking silly putty last episode. What the fuck? wow!
Speaker: This is, you know what this is. I'm bringing that ad to fruition. was about to say, that's kind of a weird manifestation. Damn. Drain, at some point in time, after all these skills and effects have acquired, Drain is leering over you as you sleep, curled up in a bed.
Speaker: And you see Drain looking over and going, I will protect you, Felix. They're not going to get to you. Trust me. And then he wraps himself around you in a cat-like circle.
Speaker: Let's move on Stubert. Hey, how are you? Stubert. Stubert. You elected after this stressful week and spending some time with Abby to go hang out with your bowling team.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. been a Are you returning to the bowling alley or what do you want to do with Ron John? Oh, we're for sure going to the bowling alley. Oh, I love this. The Northwestern, the Wisconsin bowling alley. The Wisconsin bowling alley in the heart of the city, right next to the Irish pub. The Irish pub and the beach. And the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker: Let's say it's a tournament. you you that's Let's add some stakes. You are there in a contest. Ooh. You're approaching the final frame. And Ron John is not bringing his best game, so maybe this is a chance for you to bring some confidence to Ron John. Oh, shit.
Speaker: Oh, boy. Okay. Hey. Oh, boy. Ron John. you doing it let's First of all, let's get you another beer. Hey, barkeep. Can we get another one of them, want ah another couple of cold brewskis for you?
Speaker: you guys hey it was on break until now it's so I'm so happy to see you both it's great to see you too just I'm having a I'm having a rough one out there Darlene oh just just can't get can't get my cats herded together you know Gutterball, gutterball, gutterball. I can tell. I'm looking over that scoreboard. It's depressed. She's looking for it. She's gonna find it. I'm going to turn that... No, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm gonna keep searching. i am the door of the Explorer of Accents. Um...
Speaker: Here's the key words. Don't you know? What? Don't you know I'm going to turn that frown upside down? Don't you know? me get some brewskis and I'll be right back.
Speaker: Yes. Yes.
Speaker: So, dora John, you know, buddy, what's been going on? You're usually you're usually the strike master. You know what I mean? you're the un You're the unflappable Ronald J. Johnson, my guy.
Speaker: What's going on? Don't you know? don't know. You know, I've been having me and... Me and Christy, we've been, you know, having some some late nights and talking about some some heavy stuff. And, you know, last last week she told me she has a crush on...
Speaker: ah Bobby Bobahan, who, you know, he's the... dutch He's on the other team. He's on the other team. He's on the... Hey, yo, it's me, Bobby Boynahan. i wasn't... I just got another spare.
Speaker: crap. And they beat us last year in the tournament, and, you know, it's really... i The Bolly Boynahans just got up 10 more points on us. That's what a spare's worth.
Speaker: so Don't you know, here are your brewskis. Here's a picture. And just for you guys, I put a Xanax in Puppe's brewskis.
Speaker: Gosh, thanks there, Darlene. We really appreciate that. oh Hey, web Darlene, ah why don't why don't you talk a little bit about what you think about bo about What?
Speaker: about Bobby Boynehan, you know? What do you think about him? Don't you know about Bobby?
Speaker: He's my brother. What? I'm a boy to have my birth. so You guys being mean to my sister? You know she's never been the same since she had that concussion.
Speaker: Shut Bobby. Hey, Bobby, this doesn't concern you, okay? So why don't you go back over there and put your fat fingers back into some cheese curds, okay? You leave us alone. Hey, you know my fingers are a real sensitive part of my body and I have to get special balls made. Bobby, what's your accent, Bobby?
Speaker: You know what? can we Can we stop talking about Bobby Boyne's fingers? Because it's just making me even more upset.
Speaker: And I roll up a gutter ball.
Speaker: Damn, it not again. oh I can't can't get two pins to save my life tonight. Christ, does anyone have another out? Because I think I could end the scene there. oh That's so good.
Speaker: Oh my god. The secret is ask Nate to rap and have Ivana do accents. I wanted to ask you to rap whatever you were going to say, Ivana, but I didn't want to lay it on thick. Darlene, weren't you working on that rap album? Why don't you give us a couple bars? Don't you know I'm here to sing?
Speaker: Okay, less less last spending of time. That was fun.
Speaker: you've elected to spend some time with your anomaly, Logan, yeah the catalog. okay What would you like to do using your anomaly to help try to get right back on the path for your secret society?
Speaker: Is there any kind of use that you think you could use Logan for? Um, yeah, we but have a... Oh, hold up. I need to be able to type some things. Oh dear. She's going to her catalog of middle children.
Speaker: Yeah. So I have a bunch of applications that for the society, obviously they're secret applications, more like nominations from people already in the group.
Speaker: And I have to organize them and have a way to just to, to go through them. Okay, great. You, you have this big stack of files and you, you looked at you have Logan is sitting there in front of Logan is sitting there. We've got to get in that one and get that one ready. um Logan is sitting front. he goes Don't you know?
Speaker: no that's not it. Sorry. um So you said you wanted me to organize all of these files? there's Yes, please. Is there a specific way you want me to catalog them?
Speaker: um Yeah, by who's more famous. By more famous. okay Notoriety. By notoriety. Can I, can I, um... Yes. Okay, I'll be honest with you. I have different opinions about what... I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. i'm so i Do you not see that I'm blow-drying my hair? Give me two seconds. I just need to finish this part.
Speaker: Would you like me... I could write things down. That would fix it for both of us. Maybe not for the podcast setting, but yes. The could narrate what would be okay. I'll keep talking.
Speaker: So, I just want to understand, when you say famous, I think like scientists, and I think like the world's most recognized librarians, and like like the guy from the Page Master, he's like the most famous librarian in the world. so Or the guy from Never Ending Story 3, I think he's...
Speaker: He's a librarian. And the first one, he sells books, which is a whole different category of famous. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. listen So um I need you to remove your emotional attachment away from this task. Sometimes that is difficult to do.
Speaker: god So what we're going to do is if you can find the most articles about that person, then they are the most famous, right? So go by amount of sources on the webs, in the libraries, if you still go there, um in museums, if people still go there. so Can I have a confession to you, Barabel?
Speaker: Yeah. I've never been online before. oh Should I go online and see what's on there? Duh! Here, use my laptop. Oh, God.
Speaker: Or do you want my iPad? It might be easier. Ooh, touch-based. Yeah. it It sets, it props up the iPad and it starts sliding using... Wait in a second. I'm going to put it on private browsing so she doesn't have access to any of my accounts.
Speaker: I know your passwords. I want the fun stuff. Yeah. too quick Very quickly, it's like browsing through things, and then eventually gets and goes, oh, you're gone! And it shuts the iPad closes it down. oh Did you find Michael Jackson's application? There's a lot written.
Speaker: cares there's a lot There's a lot of files. We're not letting him in, but it's not for the reason that you think. It's because he's not a middle child? and Well, he is a middle child technically, but the technicality for our organization is that you have to be the middle child of three. And he has more siblings, so he actually does not qualify.
Speaker: you're saying we have to get rid of the youngest and the oldest? Are there five? I don't know how many siblings he has. To be honest, I really didn't look into it after i found out it was more than two. It's like famous. Famously. um better i don't know. Maybe they have like another one after, like number six. casey Okay. So we're looking up articles.
Speaker: We're going find a big list. I'm just going to name two more people, and I want you to tell with me if we should put them high up or low up. Go for it.
Speaker: Now I get to use the middle children list. Yeah, go for it. So there's two people. Yeah. Abraham Lincoln. ah And Princess Diana. Good guy.
Speaker: I don't know if you know this, you're both still alive. No, I know. They're in Colombia. um The most middle child friendly country. Definitely, yeah. ah Princess Diana.
Speaker: Her and I had some beef back in the 80s. So maybe just sneak her application into a recycling bin. even with Lincoln, we can work with that. We can work with that.
Speaker: He has, like, hats and stuff, right? Like, he has a good closet. Yeah, he's got great—well, he's got something in a closet. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Secrets. I can work with secrets. What did you say, Tucker? Saying a lot of things about Lincoln. Oh, like he's going to sue me.
Speaker: Then you go through this process. We have spent all your time. through the process You guys are going to mark your character sheets up. You're going to fill things out. We're going to see if you unlock any new traits.
Speaker: Okay. And then eventually, after Felix returns from Paris, um bu you guys all come home to your homes. And there's something very unusual when you you each one of you get to your door.
Speaker: And when you open the door, you see what looks like a bubble has encroached in. to your property as though like a so circle had slowly invaded and cut out the wall and where that wall existed the physical design of your home has changed to a gross rustic old wooden cabin oh my house pretty much looks the same
Speaker: barely different I'm not even sure where to begin. a Future editing Tucker here. ah Yes, the fuck, I do know where to start talking about this episode. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Last episode, I got silly putty as a reward, and i I felt like I had to beg for it. And Paul just hands out French ambassadorships to Nate like it's not the biggest fucking deal. Whatever, I'm fine. Talk about what happened with that episode.
Speaker: But, um, thank you all for listening. Don't think we haven't noticed the jump in the numbers. You guys, that means so much to us, really. ah thanks.
Speaker: As always, I want to thank Sean Ireland and Caleb Zanehut for making this incredible game. I want to thank Blood Boy for providing us with the incredible music you get to hear in the intro and outro. And if anyone is in and around the Bronx on October 29th, they're playing a live show at Anbeelbacht Cafe at 8pm.
Speaker: It's free. And of course, I want to shout out the always-on, never-off, but sometimes falling into a deep pit of editing despair, our Game Master, Paul Emrich, without whom none of this would be possible.
Speaker: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a like and a review on whatever platform you listened to the podcast on. It honestly does make a real difference, and we're pretty small potatoes, but we're trying to be bigger potatoes. You know what I mean? you know what I mean? Like one of those loaded potatoes you get at like TGI Fridays, you know? Like little bacon bit, little little melted cheese, some sour cream. We're trying to be those kinds of potatoes.
Speaker: And I think... Yeah. No, I know that you can get us there. Okay, love you. Bye.
