Transcript
Speaker: This is Beat Our Quest, an improvised comedy role-playing podcast using the Triangle Agency system. And when you're here, you're family. And the family needs you to work overtime this weekend.
Speaker: So last time was a more bureaucratic episode where you guys got to spend time in your relationships with your anomaly. And that was it. And then eventually you got to spend some time doing some good old fashioned office work.
Speaker: And the CEO was fired. You found out that you were going to be part of an onboarding process. You met some new potential hires. You guys had a happy hour. You experienced the glass ceiling in a real work environment. Oh, it's super easy to deal with. All the while having some unusual experiences with some advertisements that had affected you in your day-to-day life.
Speaker: We find you guys now outside of the happy hour lounge ah with the ashes of the salad juggler at your feet. Kenneth, what was his name?
Speaker: Ezekiel. Whoa, good poll. No, I have it open in front of me. I can't. Oh, well. Good note keeping. note keeping.
Speaker: Good command F. It was definite it's definitely my notes. Definitely not the notes that we shared. Definitely my own notes that I pulled up from. Yeah.
Speaker: you guys are writing stuff down and if you go to the document we all share you're definitely not gonna see my name in the top right corner which which is a piece of paperwork thing that we all learned in school that you never used again the rest of your professional life right do you ever have you ever had a piece of documentation you had to put your name in the top right corner no that's an insane thing to do it's that would be wild to do on any of my my filings
Speaker: Tucker Dally Johnston as Stuart Stuart Burtmeier. Nate Valentine as Felix Fuzzworth. Ivana Maria Mendez-Babon as Barabel.
Speaker: So, whoa, hey there, gang. That was, um, that was crazy. Uh, gosh, Barabel, I know you were a big fan. I'm sorry that you had to witness that.
Speaker: I am heartbroken and I feel like I need to go on a big emotional retreat to Big Sur. Sure. Yeah. You know, I don't think we get any paid paid time off for this work here. You didn't have them work that clause into your contract?
Speaker: You guys got contracts? I just got threats. Yeah, i wrote my name in the top right corner. It's clearly my contract.
Speaker: I don't think that's how legal documents work. Whatever. Oh my gosh. Okay. fe like Clearly this one hasn't been to school, so like whatever. We're talking to... Yeah, school.
Speaker: Unless this ash holder over here. They were they're pretty generous when I got promoted to senior associate, actually, but not not much before then. Yeah, what what are one of the perks you got as senior associate?
Speaker: My own office and... why What? Company car. And a million dollars a year. What? A million dollars a year. Wait a minute. What the fuck? made huge mistake as a DM. I'm like, choose his own bonus. No, but I did. I got, it's kind of like a closet with a desk at it, but I do have my own office now. Did you specify American dollars or is it going to be like seashells?
Speaker: Like dollars. You know, I'm going to have to double check, but I sure hope it was dollars. You see the secretary walking by with an armload of seashells. Damn it. Oh, um there's a the manager wants to see you in his room right away. um There's an an urgent anomaly is out there. I think there's. OK, BBL.
Speaker: Never mind. What you had to say was more ah cutting and important. no please Go ahead, Ash Holder. i See, I don't like ah that you call me that because it reminds me, hey, wait, yeah, I was going to say that there seems to be an anomaly, you know, in our own office. ah You know, the happy hour thing that just ah turned, ah you know, a semi-famous celebrity into dies. Oh, you're talking about Gregory? God, he's such a dreamboat, isn't he? Huh? Um...
Speaker: he He killed our new hire. He gets around and she winks and then she like toddles off with her bunch of seashells. What do I do with this carbon? Any respectable man the deserves to have their dust be spread over something they love.
Speaker: So i think we should go to a salad bar owned by one of our enemies and just spread it all over. Who? You have enemy? I don't really have.
Speaker: Well, I get... You have enemy? Wait a second. You don't have enemies? No, I... I... No, I didn't... Listen, we don't need to talk about that. That's literally one of my favorite parts about being human is having enemies. fine.
Speaker: You know, the more I learn about you, the more that makes sense. Um...
Speaker: Hey, did the manager want to see us? You guys make your way to the manager's office. He's got a jukebox playing in the corner, and you see him lying face down in one of those big massage tables.
Speaker: Atop him are just a pair of sentient galoshes that are like walking along his back like a masseuse would. And you see he hears you guys and he gives you a little gesture with his arm without raising his head from the table. Hey, hey boss.
Speaker: ah We'll come on in, sir. We can come back. No, no, no. I asked you to come now because ah this is a little urgent. We get one, too. Firstly... Can we sign up? do you want a single boot? No. Can I sign up for a massage as well? You got it, B. He signs on his little piece of paperwork on his side table and like a whole other table comes out and a little tiny pair of boots are with it too. oh This is what I needed. Ezekiel who?
Speaker: Oh, yeah. I want it. actually Oh, gosh. oh It's so awful. Oh, my God. I need one of you who's feeling lucky.
Speaker: Sure, I'll feel lucky. Why not? I need you to roll a d20. Oh, goodness. Last time you guys got rid of a bunch of loose ends when you did this. Keep that in mind. Yeah, but we also know you're not known for being generous.
Speaker: Well, that was an eight. You notice as you're in the manager's office that the sun is just exceedingly bright. And it's so vibrant and intense and hot that you can see it penetrating the curtains through the window.
Speaker: And he's he's trying to, like, shield his eyes whenever he leans up to look at you. The sun is going to be exceedingly bright for the entirety of this mission. So much so that it might inconvenience people. Oh, no. He says to you guys, he goes, all right, this is weird. I'm not going to keep my, I'm like fighting the instinct to keep my face down as though I'm talking to you guys like I'm in a massage table and realizing that's not good mic work.
Speaker: So ah the manager looks to you all and goes, all right, you all know the rules. We have an escaped anomaly. It's obviously infested some kind of one of the major ad firms. I couldn't tell you anything more about that. I need you guys to investigate. 69 and decent. Okay, but like, can you do us a solid this time to like take care of it yourself? We just went through a massive loss.
Speaker: Oh, what happened? We lost our best friend, our dearest new hire, Ezekiel. Ezekiel? I just finished filling out all of his paperwork. You're telling me that was a waste of my time? That's right. You can erase his name from the top right corner of the contact. From the top right corner of all of the paperwork.
Speaker: Obviously. He does that and he starts getting away to it. he goes, well, if you guys need a day of bereavement, I'm open to giving it to you. Oh, really? No. oh Now, you guys know the rules.
Speaker: We're going to get right to this really quickly. Does anyone want to know? Here are their commendations for this mission. Yeah. You get three commendations for making amends with somebody you've wronged.
Speaker: Oh, jeez. You get two commendations for getting a business to start selling a product they do not need. And you get four commendations if you can start an urban legend about a monster.
Speaker: Like i said, it's every time you roll these out, but they're insane. This is my favorite part of this for the anomaly hunts. You will receive two demerits. If you turn off a television, every single time you turn off a television, you will receive two demerits.
Speaker: And you get one demerit every time you use a name brand product to say a name brand product or try one of those parody joke ones that we've gotten away with in the past. ah So you have to use the exact description of the product that you are looking to use. wow so So you're saying we can use a paper towel, but we can't use a Kleenex or whatever?
Speaker: Bounty or Tuffy. a Sleenex. Exactly. Those would those would result in in demerits. You don't want to allow this advertising anomaly to get stronger. All right. Best of luck getting in. It's a pretty exclusive office.
Speaker: art Thanks. ah ah Is there any desireer anything you can tell us about 69 and fine? 69 and decent? that what you said? 69 and decent? is that what you said sixty nine indecent I think I'm, well, that's what I wrote my notebook when I just opened. If I said 69 and fine, I'm going to edit and make you sound crazy. cramp It's not gaslighting, it's editing. Yeah, stupid. I'm pretty sure it's called 69 decent. dang 69 and Decent is one of the most renowned advertising agencies in the city.
Speaker: It actually has grown into fame because a young hustler who started on his way up from the mailroom has recently risen to the lead owner and partner of the exam the organization, almost being so successful that he is single-handedly running campaigns and creating them on his own. Wow.
Speaker: Nothing suspicious about that. Absolutely not. All right, sir. well Well, we'll get on that. Everyone, let's jump into the old gal and head on over to there. What is the old gal? My old gal? Well, ah I was actually thinking we could take my company car today since it just got it.
Speaker: You got the company car? what is the What's the company car, Nate? What is the company car? It's... It's a a Ford Fiesta. there's a There's a product right there. This is DeBarritt. First one out the gate. That seems mean, Paul. I don't know why you decided to set yourself up with a company car. You could have just taken Farmer Grissom's tractor. ah Because I wanted to do a scene where I'm learning how to drive a car and everyone's in the back, Paul. You could have just set a pickup. Is a Ford Fiesta is? I don't know the first thing about a want to learn how to drive a car? You can drive my car.
Speaker: If you want to learn how to drive a car. Yeah, Barabel, what's your car? Convertible. Well, we're going to take the company. if i If I got a demerit, we're taking the fucking company car and I'll do it. Yeah, you got it.
Speaker: Don't act like it's not like the pun ones where you get yours out of the way. I will continue to giving out demerits every time you use a brand name or product name. Sure, sure. Yeah, to hop on in, guys. This is the new whip. Wow. What you think?
Speaker: love the air freshener. Thanks. Didn't know they came in this scent. Hey, Felix, you know that you're supposed to sit on the ah the other side of the car, right? Yeah, you know, I just like i just like feeling go on all the seats. i was I was working my over there. Thanks. sure Felix, it's okay. He's never been to Europe. It's fine. He doesn't understand. That's right. sure Turn that on you, Tucker. i know.
Speaker: You've never been to Europe, Stuber? Um, you know, ah
Speaker: No, you know, uh, yeah, I just like, I like being here. I like being a homebody. Don't like really going anywhere or outside or meeting new people. Yeah, i can get behind that.
Speaker: yeah I guess you could say the people in Europe are older than the people in America, though, right? you huh So are you saying you don't like us? You said you don't like new people. So. No, I i mean, youre i I know you guys, you know, you i already know you. I don't know anyone. i don't know anyone in Europe yeah specifically. and Except for, yeah, we can ignore anything about Europe.
Speaker: right. Weird answer, but thanks. Okie dokie. Odd. Yeah. Noted. Felix, drive us away. All right. I'm going to very quickly and radically drive us to 69 and decent. Best drivers I've ever seen. Efficient, direct, just care care about the law. yeah Yeah, that's not actually what I was going for, but sure.
Speaker: can probably drive just like Barabel, honestly. Third time behind a wheel. ah You guys pull up to the agency. It's famous. You guys know where it is. It's a huge skyscraper with a big sunny kind of ah cartoon sun on the front ah with the words 69 and decent underneath it.
Speaker: Because real advertising agencies have mascot billboards. yeah Oh, it's a weather thing. I get it now. I see. I wasn't. I didn't clock it in my head, but now I clocked it. That's a very insult inside baseball reference to 72 and Sonny, which is like the biggest ad agency in the country. Oh, see, here's the thing about Tucker is he's pretty dumb.
Speaker: And this is Paul getting some things off his d work chest in this mission or two. i just want you guys to know that there's going to be some inside baseball and references that are only for the three people who get it.
Speaker: yeah It's an ad agency filled with monsters. I'm decided on that. All right, team. How are we getting in?
Speaker: i have some people I could call, but I prefer to wait on those favor. sure Well, is there any reason why they wouldn't just let us in? They seem nice.
Speaker: we could We could be, you know, ah potential new clients looking to st start a campaign for our company. Okay, I like it. I like where you're going. Stuart, that is an average idea, which is a lot from you. I'm proud of you.
Speaker: You're having... I, uh... I'm trying really hard to take that as a compliment.
Speaker: ahead, Felix, off. let's just head in Hi, we were hoping to... We were hoping to speak to the CEO. Brilliant. Is he or she... Is he or she home? No. there's ah there's a There's a regular desk attendant looking you. Just eyes you.
Speaker: what? No, you can't just come in here and see the CEO. Do you have an appointment? I do, actually. My name is Felix Fussworth, and these these are my associates. Oh, okay.
Speaker: Yeah, my junior associates. Hey, how are you doing? Hey, hi. And, ah yeah, we have a couple ideas that we are on the schedule for to talk with him or her, the CEO. Okay.
Speaker: Hmm. You know, I don't see Felix Fuzworth on this list. I don't see FF. Do you work under an umbrella corporation or anything like that? I'm going to whisper into Felix's ear.
Speaker: pretend that what I'm saying to you is important and that it's like I'm saying really, really big words to you right now just to so they think that we are more important than what we are. nodding. making a really serious face. Good job. Good job. I have a question for you, Paul.
Speaker: Can I use my Angler Vision Ripple? To put my name put my name on the... What the hell did you just say? Can you read what I... I'll be honest, I don't know what Angler Vision Ripple is. Can you read what angle it ist Angler It's an Angler... it a Ripple for our listeners and for everyone, except for me, who doesn't know what they are, is ah basically like um a minor anomaly, Paul. Is that a reasonable summary? Yeah.
Speaker: Early on in the campaign, people might remember that Nate was given the ability to, like Pokemon, summon and bring out smaller anomalies that have been captured by the agency and utilize them for teams. So this action is, for almost every coherent thought made by sentient mind, a sub-real being called a Ripple is created.
Speaker: They aren't born directly into royality reality. They exist in a parallel space we call the Lobby. But for the low, low price of six commendations, I could summon the anglervision, which looks like a scary anglerfish,
Speaker: It has a small projector dangling appendage, and I can spend one QA to project up to nine images distinct and clear on any surface and at any unobstructed distance away.
Speaker: These images can be prompts, like something scary, or specific images from memories of the user, it can be set to automatic, and it will change to something relevant at the end of the next nine confidently spoken sentences.
Speaker: So you get nine confidently spoken sentences and then the words that you had a appear on this thing will disappear. That's some reasonable interpretation of what I just read. Right? So what do you what do you want to project on this screen? I want to project onto this person's schedule book.
Speaker: Felix Fuzworth. Very, very important. Send him right in. Very, very important. Send him right in. Nine words. um but It's nine sentences, no?
Speaker: He gets and nine words and then he they disappear after he says nine sentences. Okay, sure. ah Not like he'll he'll be past security. He'll be fine. Can you just double check that? ah Yeah. oh Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Felix Fuzworth. I saw thought you said Jerry. um Felix Fuzworth is here. Yeah. VIP. We actually have a ah ah ah VIP elevator for you guys. ah Please come with me. Come with me. Come with me. um And they they they they leave the desk and they take you past the two regular elevators that you see in all those major buildings. They have those huge elevators and they just kind of keep taking you down that hallway that always exists. And there's just a huge golden ornate elevator um that has just one floor on it that just says top floor. time Before the doors close on the elevator, I'm going to stick my foot in the middle of the doors and look at the person who brought us to the elevator and say, we'll remember this.
Speaker: And then let the doors close. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Hey, thanks. Bye. Have a great day.
Speaker: You guys are in this elevator that's quickly rising up to the top floor. Hey, that was pretty nifty there, Felix. um I didn't know you could summon horrifying anglerfish. Thanks. Yeah. ka i also came with ah came with the promotion and the red pickup truck I got from the company. You got two company cars?
Speaker: No, no, it's the same. It's the same car. I don't actually know what that looks like. like I don't know what it looks like. Please don't make Felix feel bad about his new wealth, okay?
Speaker: Some of us have more than one car, and that's okay, and we are humans too. Yeah, we're humans too, Stubert. Yeah. okay yeah We feel as well. Yeah.
Speaker: big feelings. You guys are in the elevator, and then eventually at some point in time, you realize that two of the walls on the side of the elevator are actually enormous screens.
Speaker: Uh-oh. And they click on... I'll make it all three. Each one of you is going to... So there's one on the wall and one on the front doors. So ah there are going to be three objects on each one of them. I'm going to ask you, are you facing the left, the front, or the right?
Speaker: on my desk Front. I was going to say, this almost gets harder if you all pick the front in the weirdest way possible. Stubert, you're hearing them talk. And eventually on the wall, you see a woman appear and she has this pitcher that she spills all over a counter. And she goes, oh, gosh, I make messes everywhere. And she reaches down and pulls up a container of cleanup wipes.
Speaker: And the minute you see that, you find yourself pulled into the advertisement. yeah You have the rest of this time to complete the ad. Go. Oh, gosh.
Speaker: Hey. Hey there. Hi, sweetie. Hey, honey. hey what the crap is going on here? Um... Looks like a big old mess that you made right there. You know how I am when I carry things. That's true. My clumsy wife, I love you so much. But that's why we buy these big brand cleanup wipes. Big brand cleanup wipes. You know, the thing about big brand, and it's not like all those other smaller, bigger brands, is, you know, it's just one scoop and your mess is...
Speaker: where poop it's gone There you go. And I was actually going to ask you to make a tagline. And so you managed to sneak that there at the end. um And that kind of like appears in that like little sweet cursive writing on the bottom, a little sparkles at the bottom.
Speaker: Farabelle and Felix, you would have had an opportunity to react, but you were staring at the front. where you see this jet airline kind of cruising and there's clouds and things like that. And you hear this voice line be like, it's never been easier to travel.
Speaker: It's never been safer to travel. That's why we choose. And that's when both of you are pulled in. Describe where you are inside of this commercial. Cockpit. Flying the plane.
Speaker: Yes. My plane. My own personal plane. All right. Finish the commercial. Oh boy, hope well, ah this is just like driving the red pickup truck I got, right? And, uh, how you doing back there, ma'am? You having a safe, comfortable, affordable time?
Speaker: Absolutely. After I purchased my own private plane, everything changed for me. could get anywhere wanted to in just a snap of a button. map of I snap my fingers and press the button and the airplane starts to rock up and down a little bit.
Speaker: its it's It's a shot of like, do you know that thing where it's the map and the arrow is like cruising and you see that, but you guys hear you guys shaking as it's going along the air. Why don't we have another round of drinks for the VIP, I say to the flight attendant. You got it. And he walks back and he's got a little martini and a champagne glass and he brings it to Bear Mill. Your usual. Because once you own your own plane, you own your own life.
Speaker: And then I cheers both drinks. You guys had that same moment, and then all of you are falling out of the TV monitors, and you hit the ground on the elevator. Yeah. yeah What the... Okay, I thought that was a longer fall than what I thought it was. Okay, that's good. Jeez, what just happened? Eh, you smell like chemicals. That must be the anomaly starting to get to us, huh?
Speaker: Huh. Definitely something here. Yep. All right. Do we, uh, do I have a brand with me at all? Or is it not, did it not come with me? If you want to, you can have whatever it was called. Big brand cleanup wipes.
Speaker: Big brand cleanup wipes. Yeah. Oh, well, I don't know if it's that bad, you know, as anomalies go. Hey, he free stuff. Felix, are you wearing the little captain's cap?
Speaker: Absolutely. Thank you. Yes. ah And do I have a martini and a champagne night? You have both. I assume spilled after falling to the ground, but whatever you fine. We've big brand cleanup wipes. Big brand cleanup wipes.
Speaker: Okay. An olive survives. Yummy. The door dings and the enormous doors slide open and you enter just an incredibly austere office. You see this huge mahogany desk and this big black chair on it. And you see sitting in that desk,
Speaker: The shrewest looking little weasel of a man you've ever seen. He's got big glasses. He's got an ugly comb over. He's really greasy. He's got a cigar, but he's coughing. He's trying. It's like very performative in the sense that he has it. He goes, oh, I see you've come to pitch me something. And he taps a cigar.
Speaker: like we're living through Paul's stress dream about his job. Yeah.
Speaker: Yes. I agree. um boy Boy, are we. um this is my This is my colleague. Do we have an idea for you? Yeah, go take it away, Barabel. Take it away, stupor. yay! You know Hey, hey there, shark. um you ever been You ever been thrown under the bus and thought, man, that sucks. I wish you didn't do that to me.
Speaker: No, I don't know what that's like. Give me some more descriptions. Anyway, well, when you're down there underneath that bus, you've just been thrown under by your ah two colleagues.
Speaker: I think for you it could be like being under a limo. Thank you. Making it normal for the everyman. You're welcome. Yeah, exactly. Great. So you're underneath a large luxury vehicle. Yeah. But you don't really want to be there.
Speaker: Well, you know you know what they always ah you know what they always say. They always say, i swear I just had it.
Speaker: And I'm going to activate, I swear I just had it. When someone is about to interact with an object, pat your own pocket and roll subtlety.
Speaker: um on a success, the object is no longer there. It might be in a nearby room, hidden behind a pile of refuse in someone else's pocket or some other plausible place. The GM will decide. So I need to roll my subtlety, which I don't have burnout on. Okay. And I am going to use my additional die for this. Four threes. Yeah, that's a success.
Speaker: for this four threes yeah that's a success Hold on. For each additional three, you may choose one of the following. An additional nearby object of your choice is moved.
Speaker: You choose where any objects moved in this way are now located. One of the moved objects disappears entirely. um ah May I know what else is atop his desk? He's got ah ah one of those, like, Newton's cradles.
Speaker: He's got a computer, like a very sharp little like tiny laptop. ah He's got a ah ah metal pencil holder thing that's very performative because nobody uses anything like that anymore. Lots of normal office accoutrement.
Speaker: Is there anything you want to be there? I want the cigar to end up in my pocket. Sure. Sure. deal What's your plan there, chief? don't Hold on.
Speaker: I just got really excited that I could use this ability. i also want the laptop to go into, ah I assume either Bear Bell or Felix has a bag.
Speaker: Yep. It goes there. And ah then the Newton's Cradle. ah That's gone. That's gone. Okay, and so you were in the middle of pitching him something that he needed and then his cigar and these things disappeared?
Speaker: Yeah. Wait, what? What? What? And he stares at you guys for a second and he gives you a quick look up and down. And I pull the cigar out of my pocket and I take a puff on it. Is it a normal cigar?
Speaker: Great. Ah! Boy. And, uh... And you know what? That's how you do magic. That's right. Going back to episode one, doing a whole magic trick. And that's our pitch there, sir.
Speaker: We are ah magicians looking for $10 million stake in our company. four percent stake in our company Under the bus. I don't entirely know if you... Do you know what we do here? um ah But he stops and he reaches into his desk with a level of calmness that seems uncomfortable for that guy. After he watched you make his cigar and desk things disappear...
Speaker: Um, he stops and reaches in, grabs a cigar, cuts it, lights it, smokes, coughs, and stands up and goes to the window and opens it and just rays of sunlight come pouring in, blinding.
Speaker: Ah, God, geez. You have one too, right? Uh, sorry, sir? Um, he looks around he goes... An anomaly? Pet? Powers?
Speaker: Draws on a cigar? All three of you? No. Just one of you? No. No. nope we're nope No. We're just magicians, like you said. Yeah. i know We don't know what you... Yeah. Exactly. What's ah what's that over there?
Speaker: And then I'm going to point at the window and use my ability. um And roll 46. roll forty six 64. 64. Oh, shit Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That checks out.
Speaker: thank you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that checks out I rolled a one, a one, a one, a one, a four, and a four. Yikes.
Speaker: So what's going to happen is ah the GM will describe a different object that is now there. And it is either obviously out of place or extremely inconvenient on the window where he just opened it. You guys look at the window.
Speaker: yeah You watch as the window is quickly replaced by an enormous TV screen. ah And you just see the words, buy more beef across it.
Speaker: And all three of you are pulled into that TV monitor. And you're going to give me an ad for beef. Darn it. You know, I used to really love tuna, but ever since I tried this beef, it is something else.
Speaker: What do you think, Barabel? Yeah. ah on I think that even though I spent 25 years as a vegan, really beef has changed my life. That's true.
Speaker: It first changed it before I was a vegan because I didn't want it. But this beef makes me want it again. Reading off the teleprompter cadence there.
Speaker: You know, I used to think about the man I was before I bought beef, and I don't ever want to be that man again. I'm a beef-buying man, and that makes me a better man.
Speaker: A beef-better man. Can't beef a better man! You guys fall out of the window, um and you are quick to see that he is there standing in the elevator, waving at you guys, and the doors close.
Speaker: No, wait, sir. Ah, crap. Flapjack. You watch the elevator doors close and this gentleman is sneaking away. Oh, wait, crap. Where's his anomaly, though?
Speaker: You know what I mean, gang? Like, what ah what the heckers do we do? That's fair I think we got to... Listen, I know that the answer is always no, but how do we stop an elevator?
Speaker: by either pulling an alarm, locking down the building, or starting a fire. So... There she goes again. I just... Just a suggestion. We don't need to start an actual fire as long as we put this lighter to the... the the fire thingy above us.
Speaker: And so it'll... It'll do the spray water poof poof poof thing, and it'll stop the elevator. Is that how that works? I think so. In my years of studies. traps people in the building.
Speaker: That's why they tell you not to use the elevator when there's a fire. It's already stuck. Exactly. If you want to start a fire, I will let you.
Speaker: i mean, table for discussion. Or table it. scott Discuss among yourselves. I don't know if we necessarily need to do a fire. We just need to kind of catch up to the guy, right?
Speaker: Talk to him some more. It seemed like he wanted to talk to us about something. i want to know what what he knows about the anomalies, you know? Because everyone who we talked Well, he left us, so... I don't know if he really wants to talk to us because like he actively got in the elevator and and left us here. Yeah, but like in his office, I feel like he has to go back. anomaly the one making us do all these ads and pulling us into these alternate realities.
Speaker: I do have a meta question for Paul. does burn Does burning down a building create loose ends since it's not supernatural?
Speaker: I will go, I'll like, I will message the creator to see. That's something I'm going to put on the official triangle agency discord. I mean, like if my players burn down a building, does that create a lot of loose ends or no loose ends? If everyone dies, it's definitely zero. My question, my question is more to do with the fact that it's not supernatural, right? Like if. I think that's the thing. As long as nobody witnessed anything supernatural, all you are is a felon. So I say we burn it down, Barabel. I think that's a good idea. As long as you get caught.
Speaker: Wait, does that how does that help us get the guy? Well, we get him forever. I assume I have the pistol, right? The the gun? Oh, it's not a regular gun. Well, let's say it's ah it's a supernatural gun, but it still uses gunpowder. So I'm going to hand Farabelle a handful of raw gunpowder for you to do your thing with.
Speaker: Okay, not that I'm saying my suggestion was a bad idea, but we are alone in his office. Before we burn it down, we could take a look just to see if he has like a cool watch or something. mean like the The moment the actual like responsibility was in Ivana's hands for burning the building down. She's like, oh, consequences are right here. who That's funny.
Speaker: I just don't know how to get out of the building and we're on the top floor. So if we cause a fire, do we just jump? have an idea for that. But yeah, it's your call.
Speaker: oh Yeah, let's dig around the office. Before we burn it down. So you find ah his office. ah You find something that's oddly sentimental to him. You find his mailroom outfit. And it doesn't even look that old. Like, the more you're looking in the newspaper clip, he's very vain. He's got clippings of all of his success stories. This guy's had a meteoric rise. It was clearly brought about by this anomaly that has somehow latched onto him and made him very successful at making ads.
Speaker: Or... something in that vein, but it's hard to really sort out what it could be.
Speaker: Hmm. Stupid, I think that uniform is, is like your color palette. Um, thanks. I mean, if you want to try it on, like, I think it would look good. I don't really want to try it in the mail room outfit. I'm pretty happy with my Canadian tuxedo.
Speaker: Okay. Well, I'm going to put it in my bag just in case you change your mind. Sure. Sure. or just in case your outfit happens to burn down. But... On the other desk drawer, you see ah contract um that he seems to be working on to open up his own production studio. um That wouldn't just be him pitching ads, it would be the opportunity for him to pitch entire TV shows.
Speaker: Does it have an address? There is an address for the production studio. What is it? One One Presence Way. And what two businesses are located near it? Looking for buildings to burn down, Ivana? There's ah there's a little there's a burger shack.
Speaker: which is just like a fast food chain that's kind of up and coming in a small small regional thing. um And then there is a, ah ah it's like an open floor food. It's a store that only sells helium and balloons that you will, like it's a very tiny mom and pop shop that says um ah get high with us.
Speaker: And they only sell helium and balloon fill fillings. Nice. And, and other tanks and things like that. Oxygen tanks and helium tanks. Great, great, great. great You guys think he's going over to this production company?
Speaker: You know? Like that's where he's escaping to? I guess. Should we go there? i do think that if we... i really think if we burn this building down, it'd flush him out. But we could also go check out this production company. Flush him out to where? The street?
Speaker: You know what, guys? I'm the senior ah associate, but we can take on your ideas this time. It's okay. what's Let's go and try to find him at the production company. I don't want to get hung up on this burn the building down, but I do not understand how it solves any of your problems. Sometimes you just need a catharsis, Paul, and I'm not... Don't railroad up, Paul! God, it's such a shitty DM! Don't yuck my yum. Clearly, you haven't burnt anything down, so you don't know how it feels. You will also find a gas tank in his desk. God.
Speaker: Ah, fuck. All right, let's go to 11 Present Street or Present Way and let's see if we can track whatever I made up. Whatever Paul just said. I hit it Paul's voice in for that correctly. You guys are there. I'm going to just say for the sake of it, you actually see him skedaddling his way out the front doors um through those main windows. We could have burned him down. Well, he's already out the building.
Speaker: You guys make your way to the production studio. I assume in Nate's fancy red Ford pickup. Nope, just a regular pickup. Nice try. Just a regular one.
Speaker: I can try. And you guys stop in front of the studio. There's been something going on with the sunshine, right? Like, it's just so a little brighter than usual. And i didn't put on my tanning lotion this morning.
Speaker: um I did put, obviously, sunscreen, but I did not put on my tanning lotion. um So... Sure. i think We should have some sunnies and on our eyes, just in case.
Speaker: Just in case. You know? Yeah. That's ah great point. um I'm going to... now Can I... can Can I use my...
Speaker: borrow ability to steal us a set of sunglasses from people on the street of course great this is totally worth it uh hold on roll ah already have some long i'll take chaos the amount of chaos that's generated i haven't made that much chaos this match um You can spend some QAs. Make it a three. oh if ah Can I spend a QA to get a transcendence? Or it has to be... You can't make a tricendence with it, but if you get up to three threes with a try um by spending a QA, I make zero chaos. okay Three threes! Well, i have to roll duplicity, which I do not have... Where the hell is my duplicity?
Speaker: you You spent all this time adding QAs to your stat sheet and you haven't been putting them in the skills that you have? I don't know how this game works. I got one three
Speaker: three. But you're burnout, right? o No, I got two threes down to one. Got it. That's five chaos for Paul. But yeah but all three of us have um classic...
Speaker: sunglasses that you would find. He was so close to saying that. Yep, yep. Classic sunglasses that you would find on a pilot. Inspired by that ad for me being a pilot.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh, hey, I just saw this Of course. You guys had those sunglasses. The three people who you took those sunglasses are all scream in pain as they've been, like, looking in the the sun for some reason, like, my eyes!
Speaker: Yeah, that's rough. Right out there. Suckers. And the anomaly, in response to you giving me enough chaos to do this, will expand its domain. You watch the production studio, which was just... Just shoots up, it's just like a giant skyscraper now.
Speaker: um Yeah, fuck it. That's what I'm gonna have happen. So for you guys, you were expecting this little tiny place that looks like a maybe a two-floor production studio where they film stuff with a green screen. But you watch as you approach this thing, as it just sort of expands...
Speaker: outward And it starts to almost look like the WB lot. And even though your perspective feels nauseating as you look at it from the front, it's just this tiny little spot between two shops. But as you kind of even walk towards it, it's enormous. And you see huge sound studios, whole sets for films being produced. Wow.
Speaker: who Wow. that's It really upsets me that I don't know anyone who's been to this studio before. I think it's brand new, Barabelle. Well, I get it, but i know someone everywhere and clearly not here. And that upsets me. I feel like I'm entitled to my feelings. You sure are. Geez. Wow. I didn't mean to <unk>t mean anything by it But I think maybe it's the sun it's just draining my energy.
Speaker: Yeah. Keep those, keep those shades on your eyeballs. will. do we see the air the guy at all
Speaker: well this places got a whole lot harder to search ah you think there's a receptionary we can just like go in start talking start start doing our our thing in See what you're able to walk just in. There's not... It's not like a secure building. it's it's And it's also not quite like a Hollywood lot. Like, if you would imagine a Hollywood lot, they'd have that that guard with the thing. But it's not there. It's just a building. But as you kind of approach it, you feel the whole world expand outwardly as you walk through the threshold. It's like one of those tiny homes.
Speaker: Hello? Hello?
Speaker: ah You can shout like that. You're outside. You're on a like a film lot. You see like buggies and stuff like that. Self-driving around on those buggies. You actually see film equipment kind of driving it and stuff like that. Like almost like this entire lot is being automated and run by the equipment that runs a film lot.
Speaker: What in the world? Okay. Is there a, um, you said there's a, there is an actual building, like a soundstage that we can go into? There's several. Yeah. the The nearest one. Not so.
Speaker: Tucker, you walking in first? Ah, crap, sure. Oh, no. Good. ah You walk in, and the sunlight only beams down harder. here's it's It's an arid experience. The air is dry.
Speaker: You hear this whistle kind of in the back. And as your eyes suddenly adjust, you see these two gentlemen standing in the middle of a western town.
Speaker: pistols drawn and ready to duel and waiting for the sun to cross the high noon mo moment. The little, um, whatchamacallit? Tumbleweed. Tumbleweed rustles across and you hear one of them.
Speaker: All right there, Louie the snake. You've been here for too long. I warned you if you came here again. and then he stops and he looks at you. What are you wearing?
Speaker: Stubert. Stubert, like, has my outfit changed? If you want. Oh. Well, if I, if Stubert gets to actually be in the Western, ah then he's going to be dressed as ah one of those old-timey bartenders with suspenders and a nice ah mustachio.
Speaker: and and He stops. The other one, Louie the Snake, who's got, like, an eye patching on him. You got distracted. Too easy there, Jake. And he fires. And lets loose a ah volley of bullets that go into the sheriff. And he drops to the ground. no. no.
Speaker: You killed the sheriff. Not the good guy. ah hey, yeah Mr. The Snake, you know, ah drinks are on me.
Speaker: You walk in to the saloon. Felix and Barabelle. Yeah. You watched Stuber kind of walk through this threshold into this sound studio of darkness and pitch black. You didn't see him anything.
Speaker: You at some point in time heard some gunfire and you see the flash go off that gives you that little bit of burst of light, but you don't see anything in there. What would you like to do?
Speaker: Alex, do we think this is one of Stuber's shenanigans or is he actually in trouble? Wes, we should check on him to be sure. He's still a junior associate, you know? You guys are always getting in trouble. I gotta... do whatever, you know? They say if you want to do something right. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Speaker: Listen, I am not one to correct my senior associate, but I am just an associate. Like, I'm not a junior associate or a senior associate. I am somewhere right in the middle. Right.
Speaker: Well, I'm going to make the call. I think when we hear... a junior associate getting shot at, we should probably go make sure he's okay. That is a good idea.
Speaker: I'm going to take out my little stun gun and go check on Stuber. And I'm going to take out a little keychain. Please say more. it has a ah one of those like dolphin figures that you squeeze and the eyes just like pop out. Perfect. Thank you. That's what I needed.
Speaker: And the back has a little button and then it has a laser like a red laser pointer. Oh, she's equipped. um Same experience happens. You guys cross that threshold. You realize you're in the Western. The tumbleweed comes across your light shining on your eyes. What are you both wearing?
Speaker: I am wearing Big ass snake skin cowboy boots with those huge spinny spike things for the horses on the back. A big leather vest. Spurs. That's what i said.
Speaker: Edit your voice in of me saying Spurs. Spurs and a leather vest and a big old 10 gallon cap with a little piece of hay in my mouth because maybe I'm mixing mixing imagery at this point, but I'm the the whole kit and caboodle there.
Speaker: Barabelle? Dressed like a cow. Amazing. Amazing. Like a well-disguised cow or like you're in like a cow onesie? Like a cow outfit from a store that usually sells Halloween decor. um Like the inflatable ones? Yeah, it could be like that, but a little bit more realist. Somewhere in between that and like a costume that costs $49.99. Because those are more expensive. Very specific.
Speaker: I'm just trying not to say the name of a store. oh, oh. You see these vultures circling this dead body on the ground, and you see what you think is Stubart walking into a saloon wearing his little red-white suspenders outfit with some gentleman with a gun.
Speaker: Stubart, did you see that? i think you just went into that bar. Ew, what I wearing? What is this? Oh, you look great. ah You look... great well You look great.
Speaker: This is not my color palette at all. But white and black go with everything. You were just saying the other day that you like wearing black because it's the most fashionable color. You have big black spots all you. Exactly.
Speaker: But not with white. That is disgusting. That is a tragedy. A travesty. ah I cannot be seen like this. Cover me. Cover your eyes. Just close your eyes. Close your eyes and walk. I'm going to close my eyes. Oh, man, I still don't understand fashion at all. Clearly. um And I'm going to walk and trip over the body and fall because my eyes are closed. My goodness, there was a body in front of you. you see that?
Speaker: ah God. Parabelle, you know what you're doing. You know you know my eyes are closed. You said click on the laser pointer and say, open your eyes and just start moving it.
Speaker: Oh, oh, whoa. What's that? Damn. Whoa. Oh, is that where the laser pointer? Whoa. Put that away. i can't focus, Barabel. Jeez. yeah You make your way into the saloon and you look around and it's it's just you you sort of notice that everyone kind of looks the same. It's sort of this repeated extra. sure It's very clear who's just like the generic saloon persons. You two walk in. you v Well, eventually, and you see Stubert with the supposed Western villain.
Speaker: Stubert, you all right? Hey there, folks I've never seen before. Come right on in. Have a seat there. Everything's hunky-dory here.
Speaker: Nothing to worry about. Okay. oh
Speaker: Boo! You're doing great. You're doing great, Barabel. All right, let's play along and see what's going on here. Hey, Hey there, Mr. Bartender.
Speaker: I'll take one... Brewski and one... We got sarsaparilla. you want a sarsaparilla? ah It's not a brand that's a type of drink if that's what you're worried about.
Speaker: I'll just... Sure. One sarsaparilla and one one milk for my friend here. um Hey! Hey! Wait a second! Wait a second! Wait a second!
Speaker: In the real world, you're not going around drinking blood, are you? Why are you drinking milk? Yeah, wait, why do cows drink milk, Nate? For the nutrients, everyone, you're about to sound like idiots. Cow milk is literally for cows to drink.
Speaker: Roasted. Boom, roasted. It's actually not for humans. Don't make me go on my vegan diatribe. yeah yeah but it was cat milk. ah the The moment Barabelle starts exclaiming um the whole bar starts to waver and shake. the like The structure of the Western ah pastiche begins to like shimmer and dissolve, almost like when there's TV interference. I'm sorry, I meant moo!
Speaker: Moo! Boom, snaps back in. Moo! Moo. You hear this sort of... ah ah this ah What's the word I'm looking at? I keep wanting say disfigured, but it's not. ah Detached, like, ah this this voice. Diagram. Omniscient voice.
Speaker: Chicken. Diagram. Thank you. Disembodied. ah Disembodied voice. Just sort of emitting across... You hear this disembodied voice just emitting across the land. Can we try to keep takes professional? We're wasting a lot of film.
Speaker: ah Yes. Okay, guys. what's Let's figure out what's going on here. Are they recording us? You know, I really don't know.
Speaker: I'm part of the actors union. they need to pay me rate. day rate
Speaker: <unk>ll We'll take that up with the agency after this. See there, Mr. The Snake, what what seemed to have ah really put a snake in your boot about the old Sheriff Reno that you ah yeah plugged?
Speaker: Sheriff always comes in here and tells us what we can and can't do. Why, I'm a keep putting holes in them and gonna keep robbing the bank, don't you see? And he, like, spins his little revolver in his hip and then drinks his drink and starts walking out the restaurant. yeah Starts walking out the saloon. oh That makes sense to me.
Speaker: he I think we need to follow that guy. Come on. have i hear Come on, Bessie.
Speaker: Who's Bessie? Bessie! Bessie! Bessie! Is there a Bessie in the bar?
Speaker: Excuse me, ma'am? I'm going approach a lady. oh Is your name Bessie? Oh, my name is Missy Close.
Speaker: Oh, Stubart, you're close. It's Missy. I want to follow this. Do you want her to come with us? a young jeff Wait, Stubart, come back here. I'm looking for a young gentleman to take my hand in marriage. And she starts fanning herself. like What a good chance for you.
Speaker: She's a tad. I know you are such a, so much game. You know how much I love to say yes to people? I love this so much, but I feel like we really need to follow the narrative.
Speaker: Are you saying to her request? And I think the narrative might be that guy robbing the bank. I think he's saying no. I think you're saying no to her request. I am saying no to her request. That's a demerit. This will be the second time I've actually said no because I said no to Barabella the first time when she asked me to put on the fucking mailroom outfit, too. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: you're You're doing a good job self-policing there, sport. um ah The woman sits there and sobs um as you leave. And you watch the the same guy kind of wandering out into the streets and sort of stand off in the distance, staring.
Speaker: And then he turns around and the sheriff is there again. ah Oh, no. And you hear the exact same little dialogue go off. And the sheriff looks to you standing in the doorway and he fires the gun on him.
Speaker: And you watch the whole same sequence go again. The vulture circling and picking at the sheriff. And Jake the snake kind of walking back into the saloon and ordering a drink for himself.
Speaker: Okay. The next time that it happens, can I do another loop? Yeah. Great. When that loop happens, right before Jake the Snake shoots, I swear I just had it.
Speaker: And I pat my pockets. nice Nice. And I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll my extra D6 as well.
Speaker: Come here, you sucker. Ooh.
Speaker: Wow, out of all of that, only one three, huh? Okay, well, that still works because I don't have burnout. So, ah the object is the gun in Jake the Snake's hand. It's no longer there. It's wherever you would decide it went, Paul.
Speaker: But it's no longer there for him to shoot the sheriff. Oh, I decide Yeah, you get to choose ah where. It's on your hip. It's on my hip? Ah, crap. Come on. yeah He gave him too much there. ah Jake the Snake reaches for it. The sheriff sees him, then looks to you, like I said, and he sees you have the gun now. Uh-oh.
Speaker: Oh. And the sheriff takes his gun and lets loose a volley of shots into Stubart. You're choosing me? What? Yep. You're going to take one point of harm. Oh, my goodness.
Speaker: Missed. Oh, you're going to try mist? Yeah, I'm going to try mist. Unless someone else wants to try to save me. I don't think have anything. Go for it. I'm going to roll mist.
Speaker: Oh, my God. You try to save some people, and they got to... If I recall, you have to pick a new target. Huh? Missy. No.
Speaker: It's too soon for me to be B. Oh, that's that's that somebody else's thing where they like you have to it hits somebody else. Oh, that's mine. yeah All right, well, roll your damn die. yeah But I can only do mine for things that hurt B, I think.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. That's... Oh, wait. oh That's a tricendence. All right. mo all right
Speaker: Tell us what happens and get your award. You can get three commendations, you can get three QAs, or you can get rid of some loose ends. I'm going to get rid of loose ends. ah Aww. What a guy. That's fine. That's fine.
Speaker: He's such a good team player. a sha ah For each additional three, another willing nearby target may be moved with you to the new location. No, that doesn't matter.
Speaker: Um...
Speaker: I was always somebody somewhere else nearby. um ah
Speaker: I'm directly behind the sheriff. What surprise. So he lets off a ra a fire of bullets and you are standing behind the sheriff. With this moment of distortion and the powers activating, the same kind of thing happens. The whole Western pastiche again, shifting and changing. You see the outfit on the sheriff go from that white pristine to like shades of blue and purple and yellow. That kind of that same TV discolorization.
Speaker: Reach for the sky, partner. And I take out the gun. um You got it And he drops his gun. Great. Now Stuber's the one with the guns. Now Stuber doesn't know what the hell to do.
Speaker: Ah, crap. Felix, Bear Bell, get out of here.
Speaker: I don't do well with direct confrontation. I'm going to grab some rope and lasso the sheriff. You do? Yeah. You tie him up, you've got him hogtied on the ground. That's right. I di did that. Look, I took one lasso lesson.
Speaker: Wait, the sheriff, not the bad guy? Yeah, the bad guy that walks up and goes, nice work there, little miss. i'm gonna Can he reach us to Scoober like, can i have my gun back? No, you surely cannot there, sir, because I know what your intentions are. Now, you just hopscotch and s scoot your way over to the jail and you lock yourself in there, okay? He works hard for the money, Scoober.
Speaker: He works hard for the money. No, we don't need that. the The guy will... begrudgingly go walk towards the the little jail cell that's at the edge of town.
Speaker: But there's no reason he would go in unless you're really going to make it. Yeah, I'm not going to. Guys, let's just get out of here. This place is creepy and great. I have not seen any. How? the The door we came in through. Right, DM?
Speaker: The door, it's all you see is that western desert behind you. Before we leave, sorry, I want to go back to the bar really quickly and chat with the bartender. um Well, how there, darling? Hi. So listen, I see that your customers... Oh, shit, it's a cow talking! Well, I just followed my voice. I see that your customers are...
Speaker: buying alcohol or buying some snacks, but they're missing one big price item that they could purchase from you. So I have this mailman outfit um that I, that I took from a friend. ah And I think you should start getting auction. You should auction this to your customers.
Speaker: Because it will make you a lot of money. You would be able to repair your toilets in the back. They're looking very dire, very bad. And i think it would bring you a lot of joy to be just a little richer.
Speaker: You see him struggle. At first, it looks like he's excited when he takes the clothing from you. Good. Like almost like joy, like that kind of like old Western he's going dance. And then it starts to his whole body starts to deform. And he's touching this fabric that's anachronistic. And he's hearing you talk about auctioning and indoor plumbing, these things that are totally unfamiliar and out of sync with this Western world that he lives in. And the more he's trying to come to terms with the fact that there is a so ah a sentient cow talking to him and trying to talk him about things in the future, the whole scene starts to dissolve more and more.
Speaker: And you see the the guy the sheriff wakes up again and he's drawing his gun, except for this time his gun is a fish. No, he's tied up. but but The whole thing is reset again. And Jake the Snake comes out, except for this time he's just a bottle of hot sauce walking. And the whole thing just starts to break down more and more, and eventually it's black and darkness. And it's just the three of you standing in an empty black soundstage.
Speaker: And then you just feel it stamped across you are the words show, canceled, derivative, and inconsistent. Oh, no.
Speaker: Oh, So do we think the general manager is going to give me my commendations for trying to get him to sell to sell that or like, no. Yeah, i really do i think he is.
Speaker: I wouldn't worry about it. Yep. Next one. All right. Well, wow. Okay. you see a sweaty, panicked, um and concerned... ah His name was Douglas Beaches, by the way. I don't think we ever got his name out there.
Speaker: um Who's the head creative at 69 and Decent. And he comes out sweating. And you guys look, and there's just a door that's standing there that's out into the outside world where he's standing and he's holding sign. He goes, I didn't... I didn't... It's taking over.
Speaker: We got to do something about this. It's taken over the whole set. ah Now freaking tells us. Now we burn it down. Ooh, it's been a long one. so I'm going to try to make this really quick for you all. If you're still listening, we want to thank you for being a part of this project. And if you haven't already, please leave us a review on whatever platform you're consuming us on. It really helps us. Check us out on YouTube. Click that subscriber link. Find more updates there too.
Speaker: We want to thank Sean and Caleb for always letting us use this TTRPG. Triangle Agency is one of my favorite things I have ever played. Give their book a look up. That was very hard to say.
Speaker: We want to thank Blood Boy for prop providing us with our intro and outro music. Find them on Spotify and listen to some of their albums. Check us out on Discord. It's attached to our show notes and you can find us on most social media as BeatOurQuest. Or just send us an email at BeatOurQuest at gmail.com.
Speaker: And as always, if you've enjoyed any of this, send it to one of your friends to have them have a listen. It helps us get engagement, helps us find new followers. Thanks for everything. Love you. Bye.
