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Pilot: Red Flags
89 Plays9 months ago
Join us in kicking off our pilot episode as two hilariously candid divorced best friends. We begin our podcast journey by diving into the wild world of relationships, armed with hard-earned wisdom and plenty of comic relief.
In our pilot, we share the Red Flags we will now look out for in future relationships, hoping to help others navigate their own quests to find love or maintain healthy relationships. Buckle up for laughs, life lessons, and the beginning of something beautifully chaotic.
Because who better to discuss love and life than two people who already gave it the good ol’ college try... [insert melting face emoji]...?
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, I'm Zoe. And I'm Melissa. Welcome to Horse Divorced, the podcast where we navigate life as two divorced best friends in their 20s. And we're really just doing this for fun, mainly because our friends said that we have really interesting stories that are worth sharing, and we'll just use any excuse to hang out and talk to each other.
00:00:18
Speaker
We'll talk about all sorts of things based on our own experiences, what we've learned through our divorces from heartbreak to getting back out there. To really just finding yourself after a divorce or really any major breakup in your life. Disclaimer. Disclaimer. We were always supposed to say that together. I keep forgetting. But the point is we're not doing this to shit on our exes. We both went through something really shitty. Yup.
00:00:46
Speaker
And making our exes feel worse does not make us feel any better.
Podcast's Positive Intent
00:00:51
Speaker
So this is really to share our stories, the things we've learned, and hopefully we can just relate to others who might be going through something similar. And really just give ourselves some sort of therapy and really just something fun to do together.
00:01:09
Speaker
Okay. So can we talk about the name? Yes. Yes. We need to talk about the
Origins of 'Horse Divorced'
00:01:13
Speaker
name. Let's get into it. So, uh, I guess that starts back when we were probably 11 years old. Me and Melissa used to play the Sims game and something you can make the Sims make is hors d'oeuvres.
00:01:27
Speaker
But being 11 years old, we did not know what orders were. Yeah. And you just see the spelling. So we called it like, hoze de vos or something. We didn't know how to, we didn't know what it was. Now, if we like fast forward, I guess if we were 11, I don't know, like almost God, almost like 20 years to the future to now, to the present.
00:01:45
Speaker
We were at Melissa's brother's rehearsal dinner. yeah And they were serving. And I remember having a cocktail with your mom. And I just remember you coming over and making this face. And you're like, you're shaking your drink. And you're like, and then we both kind of looked at each other and we were like, wait.
00:02:07
Speaker
Pause the boss. Perfect. So if you couldn't make the connection on your own, that is how we came up with the name.
Zoe's Life and Post-Divorce Journey
00:02:21
Speaker
All right, so this is our pilot episode, but before we get into the bulk of our content, we would like to give a little bit of an introduction into who we are.
00:02:32
Speaker
Okay, so I'll go first. I hate talking about myself, this is very difficult. um I'm Zoe. I live in Atlanta, and a wonderful house, and I have 17 cats. I love to knit. Okay, hold on. You can't look at that.
00:02:50
Speaker
cats, but I like to always say that I have at least several. So people think when I say three, it doesn't sound quite as crazy. It's not so overwhelming. It isn't so overwhelming because now that I have three cats, I like to knit, I live alone, I'm a single woman. I'm starting to turn into what people might call a spindler and I feel like I'm really leaning into it. Really owning it. Yeah, I am. I'm owning it. So me and my colony of cats live together in Atlanta and I work at a tech startup, love it.
00:03:19
Speaker
Did I already say I like to knit? Yes, I like to knit. I like to make other things with my hands. I made like the shelves in my pantry and my bedroom headboard. And I love exercising. Kind of actually like an like an unhealthy obsession probably with exercising. um And that is me. I'm fine.
00:03:41
Speaker
I know. So when did you get divorced?
Melissa's Life and Healing
00:03:43
Speaker
Um, yes. So my divorce was finalized in February of 2024. So earlier this year. And where are you now? Where am I now? Um, yeah, so it's been a long healing and grieving process. There's a lot of like chaotic traveling. I don't think I was home for any more than two weeks at a time throughout the last few months. And I met someone incredible who really helped me heal a lot through my journey. But now.
00:04:11
Speaker
I'm taking a beat and really focusing on myself, prioritizing my friendships. And it sounds really lame, but like pursuing my dreams. And I recently decided that I want to move to Amsterdam. So now I'm working on the process of doing that sometime next spring. So that's me in a nutshell. Awesome.
00:04:31
Speaker
And now let's talk about you. So I'm Melissa. I'm also 29 years young. um I live at home with my dog named Duck. He's the best thing ever. He's also like my child. um I live basically in Atlanta, kind of in the suburbs. um Basically in Atlanta.
00:04:48
Speaker
Basically. Basically. I'm in South Carolina. Basically Canada. Anyways, Canada. Anybody that knows you will just like, they'll be a record scrabble. Like, wait it's like a Okay, okay. ah So what I like to do is I like to commute to work. I do work in Midtown. What do I do with my time? I commute. I drive. I drive to get to work.
00:05:12
Speaker
I am an interior designer. um But yeah, I mean, other than that, I do like to exercise. I like to hang out with Duck. I like to hang out with my friends. um I'm getting into my artsy crafts again that I used to be into. So I'm kind of into painting right now. It's a phase I'm in. That's great. I need some creative outlet for sure. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so when did you the divorce process start for you? So we separated towards the end of March of this year. Which started really quick. If people don't get this, let's just in case they didn't catch it. I got divorced in February. Year I started. yes Mine started at the end of January. That's a whole story. Yeah, and that's a whole thing. The cosmically twined thing is a real thing with us. um And then the divorce was finalized earlier this month, which is November of 2024. So it was an ongoing process. yeah And how has that been over the last few months? And where are you in your journey now? am i am like journey Where am I? Where are you? I don't know. um No, so I mean, my divorce took a while. So like throughout that, i I did go to therapy. I spent a lot of time with my family, with my friends and kind of just getting back to myself and figuring out like what are the hobbies that I like doing and how do I want to spend my time now that I'm not spending time with an ex, I guess, so to speak. um And so now I'm just kind of
00:06:35
Speaker
really kind of going along with life and trying to figure out what makes me happy. Excellent, thank you.
Identifying Red Flags in Relationships
00:06:48
Speaker
Okay, so it's time for the fun part. and So for our first episode, we want to keep it kind of light and fun and talk about our red flags. And so we each told each other throughout the week that we had to write down like our top 10 red flags. So we did not collaborate. We don't know what each other has to say. I'm interested to see if we have very similar ones. I'm curious. Mine are really specific.
00:07:08
Speaker
Like one person is like very generic. Yeah, and the rest are like uber specific. Yeah, it's like this is just about one person. Yeah, but like I'm never gonna do that again, right? like Exactly. ok you know But before we start I want to ask you like just so people know in case our parents listen and they're like, what is that? What flag? What can you like in your own words tell people what a red flag is? um To me a red flag is a a sign early on that, and it can come later on in your relationship, but especially early on, that it kind of might give you the ick. But it's also like, I don't really like that. you know You're not really sure what's going through their head. like Why are they making a decision they're making? It just seems questionable. um And you don't know what somebody's intentions are, I think is kind of a the definition of a red flag to me.
00:08:01
Speaker
Yeah, definitely. Something that like you should try to watch out for it because it could be something bad. Yeah. Or some of them are just like blatantly like that's just bad. That's just bad. And something could be like a precursor to like, hey, this could get worse. Exactly. Like a peek into like a really bad thing. So cool. Okay. so uh what i thought we could do is just like i also thought we could just like alternate like go one by one i was gonna let you go first but also i really want to i want to say this thing really quickly about red flags too because my friend natalie had told me this and i think we talked about this once but it was like
00:08:34
Speaker
something important with red flags, to so it's important not to ignore them because a lot of the time we see potential in people and we're like, oh, we can change them. Or like, oh, it's not that big of a deal, and we'll grow out of it. Exactly, or like you can or ignore it, or you you do think you can change someone, but like what's really important is like loving the person and not the potential. So I think it's best to like suss out some of these red flags from the get-go because you're just gonna get tied into something with,
00:09:04
Speaker
problems that you probably won't ever change. So yeah. And if you can assess those red flags earlier on in your relationship before you have super deep feelings, yeah they're easier to like, what if that person doesn't get out of those red flags? You can walk away easier versus, you know, it's been a long time. You're super committed and you're like, well, I, so I love them so much. Like I can accept this red flag and exactly well, you shouldn't have to. Yeah, you shouldn't have to and you might not really ever accept it. You're just kind of stuck with it. You're dealing with it. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. So anyway, I want to say that first, but I'm going to let you, I want to let you go with your first one. Okay. First one is super generic. The rest of mine are not. Um, but
00:09:47
Speaker
This one was tied to me specifically. I'll get to that. But my first one is not being transparent with your phone. um This can mean having hidden apps, which you can do. Oh my God. That's like thats so bad. Yeah. like what why like Having your notifications turned off.
00:10:04
Speaker
um this can be And overall, all of your notifications are turned off. Maybe you're going to sleep, maybe you're at work, whatever. But if certain apps have notifications turned off, sus. Placing your phone face down, that triggers me automatically to be like, what notification do you not want popping up for me to see? But there also are times where it's like, hey, I'm at dinner with you. I'm going to put my phone face down so it doesn't look like I'm distracted. I get that.
00:10:33
Speaker
um And then another one is like always being on your phone. If you are always on your phone, I'm like, yeah, can we just enjoy time together? Can we be present? Yeah. Whatever it is. I'm like, why are you always on your phone? Yeah. What's so important? That's on your little device. I know your story and I know your past relationships. Like these make you say it's generic, but like it makes a lot of sense. It's very specific, but it's yeah. So, okay. Good. Good. Um, so my first one is men who don't have friends.
00:11:00
Speaker
And none of mine are in like a particular order, by the way. But yeah, if a man doesn't have friends, I find that to be like a huge red flag that I'm looking back. Cause I think that- What is that signal for you? To me, that means like you can't really maintain relationships in your life. You don't, you're missing some like key skills for being able to maintain relationships in your life. And I mean, if you don't, I don't know, if you don't have friends, like friendship is like the basis of being in any relationship, and if you can't maintain any sort of friendship, I just think that's kind of scary. So if you start dating someone and you realize you are their social network, I think that is a major red flag. Why don't you have friends? Why don't you have friends? You can have weird friends. You can have two friends. Maybe they're your two best friends. Quantity isn't so important, but if you don't have any friends, that's us.
00:11:54
Speaker
I also think, I don't know if this specifically applies to your situation, but if a guy does not, or a girl does not have friends, and it's it kind of makes me think like, will they be controlling of your time together? Because they're like, I don't have time to spend with anybody else. So like, I want you to be my time. Like, give me all your time. That's so bad when like, you are someone's world, which sounds so romantic and sweet, but people have to have their own lives, their own lives, their own hobbies, their own interests, activities, friends, things. like you can't just like One person cannot be your world. And one person can't give you everything that you need. like You need friendships and like things and like your own passions. And like that's why we have hobbies. like That's yeah literally what it is and why you have different relationships. and Exactly. yeah Being not multiple partners.
00:12:41
Speaker
um took like one maybe all right you have mil And you have your girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So anyway, that one's my, my first one, but again, not in particular order, but first one. So, okay. what's your What's your, um, so my second one is not cleaning up after yourself. oh my I think I might have stolen yours but um my my theory on this is that if you don't take care of your home and I mean like a joint home with your partner and and that means that you won't take care of the relationship um and then kind of building off of that I view it as if you aren't willing to do mundane tasks to help your partner aka
00:13:19
Speaker
cleaning up the dishes, vacuuming the house, you know wiping down the counters, cleaning the bathrooms. If you're not willing to do that stuff for your partner, nobody wants to do that. So so like if you're not willing to do it, why should I have to do it? And it's like, if one person is doing it, like that's that's a joint partner activity that you know somebody shouldn't have to be taking on the load of that all by themselves. And so to me, I'm just like, if you're not willing to do that, like why why should you get to do the fun things? you know No, definitely. I actually have like two, I think that are very similar to that, but like, uh, but I, I totally agree. Like that's like, let's be an adult. Let's like, let's have some responsibility. Let's understand that like, you're not always going to, you have to use shit that you don't want to do. yeah And like, I just like, yeah, that one definitely hits home. Yeah.
00:14:10
Speaker
Yeah, and it's have responsibility for stuff, and it's also have some respect for like, hey, even if you're renting, or if you own a home, or whatever, like you guys are investing money into this place, and you should respect that like, that is something that you're spending money on, and your partner's spending money on, and have some respect for it, and have some respect for your partner's time, that hey, if you're not doing it, they have to do it. Somebody's gotta do it. Someone's gotta do it. It doesn't just happen. Oh yeah. Just a wild theory.
00:14:37
Speaker
that it doesn't just happen anyway um what's your next one okay so this one's interesting like to me a red flag is like men who expect you to carry the conversation and this one yeah this one maybe isn't like red flag like he's like a like a shitty person it's more of just like this is not a good person for me because kind of an ick. It kind of is an ick and I honestly like I was thinking about this and I feel like I've been thinking about a lot. Oftentimes like better looking like really good looking people I feel like don't have the skills to like
00:15:14
Speaker
I don't know, like maintain conversation or like they'd never put effort into anything. So red flag is being attractive. Honestly though, honestly, honestly, um, no, I do feel like, you know, like looks fade, but like boredom lives on and like maybe it's more of like a boring. It does.
00:15:34
Speaker
So this is interesting because I think I recently told someone that I was talking to like being boring is like one of the worst things to me is like being a boring person besides you know like just being like a horrible person but like I just think okay this reminds me of something else too like I okay we talked about this on TikTok there's this girl that said something like As women, a lot of times we walk away from like a date or relationship and they're like, that was so fun. You had such good conversation. you know are goingnna react like And it's really like, no, I'm fun. Of course we had a good time, but you are a good time. like It had nothing to do with the person that's with you. Yes. And I think like I become victim to that sometimes is like, I'm carrying the energy and the fun and like,
00:16:16
Speaker
I just I can't deal with like someone that I think is boring. I just and I guess I just like assume like some a lot of times like really attractive people haven't had to like really they just like rely on that and that's just something to me. I'm like if I have to carry a conversation with someone if I have to like put more energy into it than someone else then I'm just like do you think that Yeah, I do think to your point there are certain people who haven't had to put a lot of effort into their personality.
00:16:43
Speaker
but so So maybe they don't have a lot of interesting character traits or fun hobbies or just they just don't know how to talk to people. ah And honestly, maybe really double clicking into it is more like I like people that have a story or like I like people that have like a passion or a drive or like something about them or like I've had trauma in their lives. that I can't really relate to someone who's like had a vanilla plain boring easy life and that's like a vanilla boring plain person. Like I just can't like, give me your struggles. Like what can we relate about? Like that's like the stuff that. And then, I mean, I think like, does that mean, can they not empathize with your situation? If you haven't gone through something traumatic, yourself which, you know, some people can, but it's okay.
00:17:28
Speaker
I don't want to be have damage, but the view it just makes you like a really deep person. yeah so Okay, what's your next one? ah Okay, going back specific. um Not asking if your partner needs anything from the grocery store or mentioning that you're going to the store at all.
00:17:49
Speaker
I just, I just imagine these are the things you wrote down during your relationship of like, this annoys me. I did actually. You didn't even have to like write down 10 red flags. You had so many of your notes already from some of this. So I did get some advice from my mom. Shout out when I was going through a really hard time towards the very end of my marriage. And I was really festering on a lot of things that were frustrated as a sidebar. Sorry. But when I was really festering on festering over some stuff that was really bothering me in the relationship. And my mom advised me and she said, hey, you're like really overthinking it. Like it's really in your head weighing you down a lot. Try to just write it down and then it won't be in your head so much. So I did start a note in my phone. And here it is and you're reading it out loud today. and
00:18:31
Speaker
It has been edited. But, but, some of the, some names, some more specific comments, but yeah, so that was, that was one of them. And to me, I'm like, that's just showing that you don't care enough to see if your partner needs anything. And I just, I mean, and coming from my perspective, I would always be like, Hey, headed to the store. Do you need anything? Or I would even make a grocery list and I would know what items that person wanted and I'd put them on there and I'd be like, Oh, or I text and be like, Hey, do you need any more?
00:19:01
Speaker
whatever, you're like really speaking to me. I'm like, I have another one. I like feel like I should just, since they're not in any order anyway, I feel like I should probably just like read this next. Cause I think these are kind of the same thing. Like mine is somebody who is like inconsiderate. And like, this is something when I first started therapy and I had like a really loony therapist at first, but like, honestly, something she told me was really impactful. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I remember. I forgot about it.
00:19:30
Speaker
That'll be a little tail for the next time. Yeah. Oh my god. Yes. Hello. I'm a big friend of therapy So like she told me like I can't ah probably like on the spot can't remember the three C's but she was like compromise consideration and something else are like the three C's of being in like a healthy partnership and it's weird but like like a but Like a lot of these things you say to me are like just like lack of consideration. Like you literally don't think about how something would affect someone else. You just don't. Like you just don't think about them. You're living your own life. You have your own like blinders on. Like you're just kind of living life for you and that is no way, that's like not a good partner. Yeah. That's like the definite, like being a partner is sacrificing some things and
00:20:14
Speaker
Being like 50-50 like you you are with another person so like you should be considerate of that person and not just living your own life Yeah, that's what you sign up for and if you're not if you're not ready don't sign up for exactly You don't know no one says it's a bad thing to like only care about yourself. It just means like maybe don't get married Marry uh okay so i'll just like and that one saying since i think they're similar like mine was like a red flag is small in considerations and i just think this even the small ones are like a huge window into the capacity someone has to empathize with other people like i think i told you this and this is like probably so silly and i probably have like better examples but like just something recently in my life that i was like oh
00:20:56
Speaker
It's those little things like, you're like, oh, that person is considerate. That person really thinks about how things affect other people. I went to go meet an old friend ah at like a bar, just like catch up for drinks. It's actually a friend that's helping us with it. And I just thought, this is so lame, but this is just probably shows you like the level of consideration that I had in my relationship. But just like,
00:21:22
Speaker
and We were going to meet up somewhere. I'd never been there. And I just thought it was really nice that instead of like, just, he got there before me. And if but the instead of like going and like sitting at the bar, like making me kind of like fumble around, like looking for this person. Yes. In a new place who I haven't seen in 10 years and might not really know what he looks like. He like sat outside on this bench and just kind of waited for me. And I just thought, you know, maybe that's stupid. Maybe that's obvious, but I feel like that's really nice.
00:21:51
Speaker
Okay, we had to take a second because I thought I stopped recording. But no, I think like when you start to notice like really small and consider, and everyone has their shit. Everyone's like, people get stressed or busy or whatever. Like people have their lives and people make mistakes and they're always thinking about you. But like when it starts to become a little bit of a pattern, I think it's like, even the small things, it's like, that person just really thinks about themselves. And I feel like that's where it's made up for is in the small things. Like are like how much effort does it take the grocery store thing to text me and say, Hey, do you need anything from the grocery store? How much effort does that take? not None. Yeah. Like you're already there. Just let me know. And I can be like, Oh yeah, we need milk for the dinner. I'm making you tonight. Like, God, pick it up. Sorry.
00:22:34
Speaker
oh god Perfect. Okay. Wait. So I think I, I kind of jumped. So you go next. Um, okay. I might, let's see. Um, let's see. I kind of want to skip around in mind too, because they kind of tie together. Um, I think this one is, so I have making your responsibilities, your partner's responsibilities. oh Um, and so do you understand what that means? no Would you like for me to allow? Um, so by that, I mean things like how, if, like, if we're in a relationship, Zoe,
00:23:12
Speaker
we are and it's your mom's birthday and you don't think about it and oh my god we're headed over to their house to celebrate her birthday and you're like well i didn't get a gift why is it but it's my so it's you're never gonna remember so i have to remember to buy her a gift or if you're going to a wedding that it's your co-worker that's getting married and you didn't buy them a ah wedding present, okay, or even RSVP, just things like that, that I'm like, oh, why do I have to do this? um So just things that aren't, like there, I talked about joint responsibilities, like cleaning the house that you both live in together. There are still certain things that are like, that is your responsibility. Like, definitely you should manage that and don't like, and then I did make a note. I was like, cause I've been told this that, oh, I just don't think about those things.
00:23:59
Speaker
oh my god oh my god that's the problem and so i have a note like oh you don't think about them well i just told you to think about them so do it i don't like if it's like having a child i don't know oh my god okay so don't let's steal your thunder but i'm gonna go ahead and jump in because my the last one on my list was men who have a child complex like yes who think they need like a mother to take care of they just want someone to take care of them so it's their mother wound It's mother ones, of course, excuse me. So like someone who they need to clean up after them, keep track of everything like you're saying, like literally make sure the bills are paid, like things are done around the house, like someone who manages your whole social calendar, all of your travel plans, like this is such a ick for me now is like, I cannot stand an irresponsible man, like pay your fucking bills, clean up your shit, be an adult, like seriously, like,
00:24:55
Speaker
I'm at like when I met this person I was talking about before who like made all these plans like travel and so it like rocked me I was like I cannot believe that like people there are grown men there are grown men out there that were actually grown who actually know how to clean up after themselves they actually remember things they do stuff for themselves that's so wild I didn't know how to manage their bills I literally like yes I literally didn't know that existed like I don't remember what you were saying but it was something oh it's like just like about like you put up with stuff like these after a while after you commit to someone you think they're gonna grow out of it and you do sometimes and it's like you just don't even realize that there are other people out there that are have already grown into that yeah like you just like you just accept that that's the way it is that's the way it is like you're like well this is how everybody is yeah I know and you're like
00:25:39
Speaker
Chalker no, and I don't know like I mean cuz you did say earlier on that, you know you and your ex were together ah reactive We're together, you know, you met really young and you were together you started dating Yeah, pretty pretty young into your early 20s and so I don't know if you know There is the saying that men don't mature as quickly as women so I don't know if there's a complex with men who are in relationships in their early 20s and and have never been single or had to fend for themselves in this harsh world we live in.
Questioning Marriage Norms
00:26:10
Speaker
If that makes them just lean on women and women just adapt better, I don't know. I don't know what it is. And this is something else I really do wanna have a separate podcast on, but it's like, I saw something recently about there's more single women in society now than there have ever been because people are choosing to be single because now that we don't really rely on men as much for our independence or our finances,
00:26:35
Speaker
What do they give us? What do they give us? What do you give us? And now it's like you really need somebody who adds value to your life and not you're just fucking taken care of. Yeah. A hundred percent. Oh, I love that. Okay. I think it's your turn for us. Um, cause I love, honestly, I love, I knew this would happen though. Like ours would like yeah overlap lie but a little bit.
00:26:56
Speaker
Um, okay. I'm going to kind of hop around again. I think this one's sort of melding in, but, um, putting your once before your partners, especially specifically joint once. And I mean this as in, um, if you have a goal for yourself, um, and you prioritize that that's great. However, are you limiting your partner's ability to accomplish their goals? Um, in the example an example might be like, if.
00:27:26
Speaker
both of you have a goal maybe to like get in shape at the gym or something. And one partner is prioritizing that they get to go to the gym while the other one is prioritizing the joint responsibilities, like taking care of the house, like doing things like those mundane tasks that nobody really wants to do. Um, only one person is getting to meet their goal. Yeah. yeah Only one person gets to achieve their wants. Um, and then another one might be like in a financial aspect, like maybe both of you are trying to save money for whatever reason you have and
00:27:57
Speaker
one person is being really strict on saving and not spending on things that they might want and the other person is maybe spending a lot of money on maybe shopping or buying new cars or something like that like where like one person is really kind of sacrificing and the other person's not. Definitely, they're carrying a load. Yeah, for sure. And the other person is just doing what they want. What they want, exactly. Okay, should I get an axe? Yes, please. Let me see. and Okay, this one's a recent one for me. Okay. And um I actually did like a little research before I wrote this down because
00:28:35
Speaker
i It's our first episode, it's our pilot, and I wasn't sure like how much I could quote from another podcast, so I'm gonna drop like who who I found this from. But like first of all, the one for me is like men who just want to get married, and they don't really have a reason.
00:28:53
Speaker
Ooh, I don't know that, I do know why, but that really pushed a button for me. So here's where, actually today, I added this one to my list, like as a last minute, and I was watching, I was on TikTok, and I was watching this person, his name is James Sexton, and he has like a, he has a podcast called Diary of a CEO, which I haven't listened to, but like, I wanted to kind of like talk about what he was talking about, because it really resonated with me. He basically said like,
00:29:23
Speaker
There's a lot of things out there that are like super dangerous that like inherently are dangerous like skydiving. I think it was like the example he uses, but like in all reality, the amount of people that die actually die from skydiving is like super small.
00:29:37
Speaker
But if you look at divorce or marriage, the divorce, right? The divorce. I can't help it. The marriage has like a super high failure rate, like more than half of marriages and god it's like was more than half oh it's like more than half. It's like 56%. I think it's like what he said. And who knows? I haven't like actually like looked this up myself, but like that was what it was quoted as. And.
00:30:02
Speaker
that like something else he said was like very interesting to me is like it's 56% but you don't think about all the people who like stay stay in unhappy marriages or like stayed for the kids or like stayed for religious reasons but like for right now like for all intents and the purposes like over half the population that gets married gets divorced so it has like a horrible success rate right and it's not like you actually he says this like you don't actually like die from marriage unless you have like i guess like a I'm really a homicidal partner.
00:30:34
Speaker
But then did your marriage fail or did you just, did your life fail? Yeah, really. That's like, that's, I won't count that as a divorce in my mind. That doesn't count as a divorce, just a murder. Just murder. And so what was interesting though, he's like, yeah, maybe you don't die, you didn't necessarily die. But like, have you thought about like being stuck in an unhappy marriage is basically living, but like not living your life?
00:30:57
Speaker
like not enjoying your life not living your life to the fullest not being like your per like your own person and like being happy and so basically the premise was like he was like i'm not saying don't get married but like why don't like why don't we talk more about why we want to get married like why are we signing up for something that has such a high failure rate like what is it that makes you want to get married and let's make sure that's for the right reasons and not just be because like everyone else does it or like i'm 35 and like i should get married by now i'm like it shouldn't be that and
00:31:31
Speaker
He also said like we should probably normalize like asking why because a lot of people when you do ask why, first of all it makes you say like, especially if I were to ask them why it makes me sound like a bitter divorced woman but like really it's like, but like, but really and truly like When you do ask why you find like a lot of people's answers, like they just don't really make sense. And it's like, what is it that makes you want to get married? Do you think that's gonna solve your problems? Do you think that's gonna make you happy? Because in my opinion, you need to be like a full, whole happy person that you wanna share your life with and not like, I'm gonna get married because that's gonna make me happy. So all I have to say, deep breath, is that to me, like just someone who's like, I wanna get married.
Signs of Relationship Imbalance
00:32:16
Speaker
I feel like you're just gonna settle for someone that like is ready to get married and like
00:32:21
Speaker
I don't think, if you don't have a good reason to why you're getting married, that to me is... I love that. And I very much agree with it. I love it. Let's get better about asking ourselves why we want to get married. Because, I mean, to your skyboard skydiving thing, would you go skydiving if there was a 56% chance that your parachute isn't going to open? Death? Yeah, right? Yeah, I wouldn't.
00:32:44
Speaker
Sure, death, yeah. Certainly. God, yeah, seriously, so. Okay, okay. Your turn. Okay, okay, okay, back to me. Okay, this one's also specific, but I think. Don't fail, this is what you needed. Okay, and we have specific, but I can relate it to broader terms. So, driving recklessly. Oh my God, I love this one. Okay, go for it. So, especially if your partner has said already that it makes them uncomfortable, and then I put a bunch of questions.
00:33:14
Speaker
Stop trying to show off. Check your ego. What's going on? What's going on? because what is going on through your head that you're like, this is gonna make me seem cool if I swerve between these lanes and go 20 miles over the speed limit. I don't know what's going on. But I think that comes like the broad look at that is you're putting your partner in danger when you're driving recklessly. You're putting yourself in danger. So it's like people who do reckless things probably aren't the best people to be in relationships because if, I don't know, does that make sense to you?
00:33:50
Speaker
It does make sense to me. It is very much like there's like a million of reasons why it's a red flag. It's not just like just the very obvious like this is a dangerous situation. You're putting me in a dangerous situation. It's like all the questions that you were saying like what's going on like literally what is going on through your head? and Like why do you feel like you have to prove something to someone? Like what that that itself is like that's why these are like red flags like that's a window like a quick little peek into like there's something way worse going on with this person where they feel like they need to like They need some sort of validation. Yeah, exactly. Like they're the most important person on the road and they should be able to have the fastest lane. So they don't care if they cut somebody off. I don't know, but it also dives into like, if you have voice like, woo, you're scaring me a little bit. Like if I voice that I've, this is making me uncomfortable.
00:34:36
Speaker
and you continue to do it like that goes for a bunch of things and and and then especially putting your partner in a dangerous situation like the potential to get an accident it's just like to me like you're you're not validating your partner's feelings there's just and ah so many things about that that I'm like and okay and like I drive a little fast sometimes too but I'm not swerving in between I'm not about to cause an accident so to me that I just Red flag. Red flag? No. Absolutely. Okay, so men who get like act defensive when you share something that upsets you because they take it as like a criticism instead of trying to understand your point of view.
00:35:17
Speaker
or just like literally shutting down and being like, I'm just gonna apologize to get this over with. Like they just don't really care about the things that bother you. And they see like conflict as something that they just wanna get rid of instead of trying to like come to an understanding of like where the other person is at. That to me is such a big red flag. And I'll just kind of like tie that into my other one, which was many who can't talk about their feelings.
00:35:42
Speaker
people are just like, yes, like shut down and can't talk about their feelings. Like that is just, that's just bad news. Like un people are like not emotionally intelligent. I think you're signing up for like a really difficult partnership. If you can't talk about your feelings with someone else and they don't value them, like you're saying, like they minimize them or they just don't really care. Like you try to tell them and like they shut down like that.
00:36:08
Speaker
That one's like a really big red flag for me. Well, and I don't think anybody likes conflict. that I'm sure there's some select individuals who enjoy that, but like if your partner's coming at you and saying like, Hey, this really bothered me. And you just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We'll have it again. And you just, you just want the problem to go away, but you don't want to address, okay, like why does my partner feel that way? What did I do to make them feel that way? Like I'm assuming you didn't mean to do that. So like, why don't you get to the bottom of.
00:36:36
Speaker
what actually happened and not just like, oh, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. Because then if you don't understand what actually happened or how it made them feel, then it's going to happen again. Absolutely. You're never going to solve it. And I think I listened to this one thing one time. It was like.
00:36:51
Speaker
something about like twisting the way, or I shouldn't say twisting. I should have like kind of like reframing the way that you look at arguments as like an opportunity to understand someone else instead of like taking it as a personal talk of like, I've done something wrong. I'm a bad person. This is a criticism. It's more of like, why did this hurt this person? Like let's come to an understanding. Again, like I didn't do something maliciously. I wasn't trying to hurt them. So like, why can't we take the time to just like understand why this other person is hurting? ah And it all ties into like this whole consideration thing, but like,
00:37:21
Speaker
Big red flag for me is like a man who shuts down and cannot talk about that stuff. Amen, I like that. Okay, this one is not related. Well, okay. No, I'm gonna go to a different one. Maybe this one sort of ties into it, but generally not being socially aware.
00:37:41
Speaker
oh my god okay i have to say something i had an 11th red flag stop because i was like and melissa doesn't mention this one i feel like this like really relates to her and it was like so it it was more of like you get secondhand social anxiety from this person yes okay but i'll just like let you go um yeah i kind of just like not reading a room Um, I gave some specific examples that I'm choosing not to get into that actually happened, but just, yeah, it the secondhand social anxiety was so real and my last relationship and it has now like bled through into my like future, like present and not being with that person anymore. And it gives me so much anxiety because I felt like the person I was with.
00:38:27
Speaker
would make other people uncomfortable and like say the wrong things or like deliver jokes wrong. And like, not like he wasn't funny, you know, it was but it's not like he was like, okay, well, you're just kind of a silly man, whatever. Like, no, like a fun you said inappropriate things. And I felt like I had to be there and be like, Oh no, you meant to say this. And I'm like, I felt on guard.
00:38:52
Speaker
Anytime we were meeting new people and I felt, I now realize I felt the safest in groups that they were your friends originally. And so like they knew you, they had to accept you. But as soon as I tried to blend you into my friends, I was always like, what's ready for damage control. Yeah. Ready for damage control is the best way to put it. And I just, that to me is such an egg. Like you should feel like safe and confident with your partner that you can leave the room and they're not go destroy They're not going to destroy relationships. yeah They're not going to wreak havoc on our lives. What's going to happen? I wish you could have the visual image of what was going on. and Like like like ah social warfare yeah on my friends. I don't know what was going on. I do remember like from your past relationship, there was a time like early on where you you
00:39:45
Speaker
took a B and you're like, let me know if like, you were already like this. I mean, this is why this is important, right? Red flags. It was like pretty early on. You're like, let me know if this person says something that offends you because you were already feeling like this pressure to like some things. wrong Yeah. You have to like manage people's reactions and like feelings towards things that that person says and like,
00:40:07
Speaker
Yeah. No, I totally get that one. Like you don't want someone who you don't feel comfortable and confident that like as their own person alone without you monitoring them, like they're not going to like destroy or like offend or like hurt the people that you care about.
Concluding Thoughts on Red Flags
00:40:20
Speaker
Yeah. Wild. Wild. Okay. So, um, are you, was you have one more? I have one more after that. Perfect. Okay, cool. So I have two more. So this is good. Um, okay. So this is,
00:40:33
Speaker
Let me see here. I'm going to do this one. So I have like a big problem in general with people who are unreliable, but I'll just go with men. And this is hyper specific. to know just But like in general, like people that are unreliable is super triggering to me. Like if you say you're going to do something, follow through. If you make a commitment, do it. Don't just keep letting people down and like breaking that trust because I mean,
00:40:55
Speaker
Sure. We all like have days where like we say we're going to do something and we're like, I'm kind of tired or I don't really feel like doing that. And like, that's okay once in a while. But like the thing about like friendships and relationships is like, and this ties back to what you're saying before is like, sometimes you have to do shit you don't want to do. Yeah. And it just shows that you care about that person. and If you can't push through your own, like, I don't like, like doing this to show up for someone else. Like, I just feel like you're a selfish person and like,
00:41:23
Speaker
There's only so many times where you can tell someone that you're gonna do something, you're gonna show up, and then like it just like at some point, people just stop depending on you or lying on you. Well, you're hurting peoples like you're letting people down. You're hurting their feelings. like You make them feel like they're not important enough to show up for. Definitely, yeah. All right, last one. um Pretending that you know the answer to something when you actually don't.
00:41:49
Speaker
I almost have been on my drink because these are like if only people know, people know like this is so. um
00:42:00
Speaker
Pretending you knew the ah and back to something. Yeah, when you actually don't know what you're talking about. It's even worse if you, what? Oh God, it's even worse if you keep pushing that you are correct when your partner actually knows more about it. And they're like, actually, no, like I think it's this. And they say, no, I know. It's that like, I did the biggest egg to me. And I'm sorry, like humble yourself. It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to be wrong. Yeah. Like it is, I think a lot of mine kind of go back to an ego thing. Oh yeah. Yeah. So it just, yeah. Maybe if you're, if you're in a relationship and the person has a big ego,
00:42:35
Speaker
Red flag, red flag. Okay. My last one. Um, okay. So I don't even know if I, I wish I would have saved a better one for last, but this one's like something interesting. I've noticed recently that I probably, Oh gosh, actually I had to, I'm going to go with this one because I think this is a good one. It's probably a little controversial and it's something I've grown out of. And I've definitely changed my viewpoint on very recently, but men who put you on a pedestal. So like,
00:43:01
Speaker
A man that makes you feel like you can do no wrong, um like he always lets you do what you want. He never gets mad at you. He never has an opinion. He never wants to upset you. I used to kind of think that this was like romantic. And now to me, I'm like, that's just not healthy. Like there's a weird power imbalance. It's just like, and it builds resentment. Like someone is just like not voicing how they feel. Like there's no way you can be with someone for a long period of time or even maybe just short a short period of time and like never have any conflict or like have anything that bothers you. Like yeah that is weird. Like,
00:43:39
Speaker
you want to find someone who loves you but challenges you and like they're they can have healthy conflict they can stand up for the things that they believe in they don't lose themselves because they're just like pouring it into like this other person and like i think that one like to me deserves its own moment in episode of like it the the to me that ties into like people policing we've talked about that right like it's like you just want like someone else to like like you so much that you give up like your own boundaries your own beliefs or like your own values and like they' somewhere in there like with this whole like putting someone else on a pedestal and like making them like
00:44:17
Speaker
feel perfect. I just like, I don't, I don't like that. That kind of gives me the i like, I just think, well, it's an unrealistic expectation that you're setting for your partner. If you're that person that's putting them on a pedestal, because you know, maybe maybe you're, you're blinded at the time, but at some point you're going to realize that like, Hey, my partner isn't perfect. They're going to mess up. And so what does that do to your relationship and how you view that person?
00:44:41
Speaker
that like there was this gorgeous and all of a sudden oh my god she's faltered and like it it would destroy like you this image you've created yeah that person it's just it's not healthy it's unrealistic it's unattainable and if if your partner knows that that's the pedestal she's on Like, I feel like that's a lot of pressure. That is a lot of pressure. And it's just like super romanticized, like old fashioned kind of way of thinking in my opinion. It's like no one's perfect and like you need to love someone for their imperfections and be be able to have that healthy conflict. And I just, just that one to me, it maybe is more specific, but like,
00:45:16
Speaker
It's just something that I look out for now is like, ah I don't really want that in my next relationship. Like, of course, you'd be adored and loved and like, validated. That's different.
Game: Red or Green Flags
00:45:25
Speaker
That's different. There's like a healthy, like, there's definitely a line before it gets like, not good, but.
00:45:31
Speaker
Okay, I did have like one more. Go for it. Okay, I'll do this last one. And then we'll skip to there. I had one surprise of like something for you next. Really quick, we'll like rapid fire. Okay, so the last one to me is like, men are people who seem charming. They ask lots of questions and they like listen really well and they were very interested in you, give you a lot of compliments. It sounds lovely. It sounds lovely, but they don't share about themselves. Okay. I feel like that's a red flag. It's like, if I can't get to know someone or they're not open about themselves or not vulnerable,
00:46:01
Speaker
to me, I'm like, um, again, it kind of circles back to not having like emotional intelligence or like emotional vulnerability. Like I think I'm maybe not even having a sense of self identity. Yes. Seriously. Like I think again in the past, like it's very easy to get like Charmed by someone but at some point like and I've learned this too. It's it's also like a people-pleasing thing too It's like you wouldn't be interested in other people, but you don't give so like you just kind of receive and that might seem like very selfless But it's actually just more of like a protecting Kind of mechanism where it's like you can't share things about you and I find that to be like to me that's kind of a red flag like if I can't get to know you and like the deep parts about you then like
00:46:46
Speaker
Do you like why aren't you sharing or like do you yeah like and some people have walls that you know, they have built up But then also yeah, if you have those walls and you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. Yeah, so ignore on yourself. Yeah Okay, cool. Um, alright, so let's get into the last thing that we'll do yeah I'm very excited
00:47:13
Speaker
Okay, so for the last bit, I had a little bit of a surprise for you. And I wanted to play a quick game. It'll be like rapid fire, here oh and Okay, so guess. Here's the game. So I don't know if I'm gonna call it like orange flag, red flag, or like yellow flag, or I don't know, but like basically the promise is I'm gonna give you 20 different flags and you tell me if it's like an orange or like yellow flag. I don't know, you choose. Or red, like it's totally red. Or I mean, I don't know, maybe you're weird because it's a green flag. Maybe this is something I would actually like. So so ranking is gonna be green is fine. green is Green is good. Yellow, yeah, green is good.
00:47:53
Speaker
yellow is like kind of iffy, red, orange is like oh there's four levels toeing the line and then red is like danger. Danger. Get out of there. Okay I love that so you have four to think through. I don't think you're gonna be using green if you do that'll be interesting. Actually I don't know we'll see um okay so I'm gonna give you these. Ready? Ready. Okay so interestingly enough some of these might kind of tie back to something you talked about but hopefully some of them are pretty unique. The first one is not has never lived alone
00:48:22
Speaker
Orange. Oh, it depends on what time of your life you're in. If you're, you know, fresh out of college, you've never lived alone. Let's say you're starting to date right now. He's 32. Red.
00:48:38
Speaker
Okay. Good. That's the, we're going to keep that mind set. Okay. Some of these are funky. Oh, like they're just kind of fun. He drives in the HOV lane solo.
00:48:50
Speaker
Red. Yes. Red, reckless and annoying. Why do you think you deserve to be in that like rude? Seriously. Okay. Next one. He's rude to the wait style. Red, red, double red. Oh my God. No, I've been, I've, I've worked at many a restaurant and no, I, yeah, no, do not be rude. They will spit in your food. They will spend your food. And not just that, like,
00:49:16
Speaker
Like it should be like five hours, right? Like it's a total stranger. Just be nice. Just be nice. Okay. Interesting. He always strikes up conversation with your Uber driver. Mmm. Yellow. Yeah. I don't think that bothers me, but you strike up a lot of conversations without it. I think it depends on who it is that you're talking about. Yeah. I think so too. And yeah. Um,
00:49:44
Speaker
Okay, interesting. To me that one is like, yeah, definitely like yellow-orange. Usually I'm like, do you always have to? I mean, I do, but like, do you always have to? I always have to, but like, do you? I always have to, but do you? Because we can do no wrong. We can do, exactly. That's our problem. Okay, next, he takes a gym selfies.
00:50:03
Speaker
Depends on who you are. And he puts them on his social media. It's going orange, however. However, if If that's the kind of guy you're into, I'm not judging. This is for you. This is for me. He doesn't think birthdays are a big deal.
00:50:30
Speaker
um My birthday is a big deal. Red flag. red foot And I'll tell you. Okay. So where were we? does it Okay. The next one has never owned a pet.
00:50:42
Speaker
Um, for me, for you. Yellow. Hello. I mean, obviously I have a dog, so I want you to love my dog. Yeah, but, um, but yeah, I think it's orange for me. I'm like, why don't you love animals? Why are you weirdo?
00:51:04
Speaker
but respect yeah says all of his exes are crazy um orange to red orange to red it depends yeah I just that's a very blanket statement let's be honest most men make women crazy Thank you. Thank you. This is the thing is like, if you're telling me all your exes are crazy, I'm like, what's the first of all, what's the common denominator? Also, like, yeah, and it's like, let's be honest, like, there are I hate the word crazy, like, especially when you use with women, like, there are people that have
00:51:39
Speaker
issues and stuff but I would say like my ex drove me into like mental health issues and like insanity so like if you were to like tell his next person like ah she was crazy I'd be like fuck you like no like let's look at like the whole relationship and what was the problem like maybe you were driving someone else and yeah yeah Take some accountability. Take some accountability. If you can't give explicit reasons like why they were crazy and like I can't see, like okay, this might have been caused by you doing something. If you're just straight up crazy and that's what you're you're saying your ex was, okay, like whatever. But if you can't give specific examples or you don't want to give specific examples, can you know that it was you?
00:52:18
Speaker
I also just think it's disrespectful. Like, you love that person at some point. So like, I'm just thinking this is a you thing. And like, I don't, I wouldn't even say my ex was crazy. I would never say that. It's just like, like people, I don't know. I just, I don't know. I think that's just like a ah very blanket, like, let me blame someone else for yeah something.
00:52:36
Speaker
Okay, next one. um Has a barbed wire tattoo. Ugh, beyond this is crimson red, like I don't know. Gross. Gross, gross, gross. Very red, very red. or red Burning red. We'll get into that. um Okay, here's one. Prefers reels over TikToks.
00:52:58
Speaker
Yellow. yellow Yeah, it's okay. yeah no I'm okay if you're a little behind the times with social media. If you just want to like get your news four years after. I mean, I'll be honest. I look at Facebook videos, whatever they're called. I know. Let's just go to the next one. Always walks in front of you.
00:53:16
Speaker
Okay, this is interesting. I have a, I have a take on this. Oh, okay. Um, cause I didn't realize maybe this is a red flag. No, this is a red flag. I didn't know that. I'm like, this is a red flag. I think this is fucking rude. Like, like, not like, like holding your hand and like leading you through a crowd walking in front of you. No, no, that's different. That's different. Like he's probably taller and that's easier. It's like,
00:53:42
Speaker
I'm just gonna walk on if there's the opportunity to walk next to me you should walking But if we have to be one of the other Is it a red flag to walk in front of me or behind? I think that's too situational. Okay. I think it's more of like he always walks in front Okay, then that's weird but it's weird's like but No, if there's the opportunity to be next to me Can I elaborate on this too? Yeah, red for is it a red flag? to walk on the inside of the sidewalk on a busy street and it's tough because I'm like a big feminist and I'm like he doesn't always have to be protecting you and you can like want to I don't know if he needs to do that but it's like so maybe not but it is nice to know someone cares and him to say like oh I'd rather you walk on the inside yeah it's kind of I think it's a nice like
00:54:29
Speaker
consideration thing. Also, if a car is going to take you out, it's probably going to take me out too. It doesn't matter what's inside of it. But that's true. Or if the car is going to protect me from moving vehicle. Or maybe there's a ah splash on the road. I don't know. I think it's more thought than like actual, like I'm going to protect you. Okay. Next one. He doesn't call his parents. Orange. Orange. It depends on your relationship with your parents. Do you call them too much?
00:54:57
Speaker
so Yeah ah yeah y' read i ah know yep yep to be Okay, so Doesn't call it yesterday orange. I said orange orange. Yeah. No, I think I think so, too Like I think it is a it's bad if you don't have a relationship with personal care like yeah And you don't know, no, people have shitty, like some that's so difficult. It's really complicated, yeah really, truly, really and truly. But let's say like you don't necessarily have a quote unquote complicated, complex, bad relationship with your parents. You just don't think of them and you don't call them. yeah That's gross. That's icky. That's gross. That's gross. And we're getting to an age where like our parents are getting older. Like let's make an effort to like cut them, right? And okay. So um this one's like similar to the walking in front of you, but he always orders first.
00:55:49
Speaker
Orange. Orange. Borderline red. Borderline red, yeah. It's just, I find it icky a bit. It is icky. It's more icky than like this red flag. It's just like, what's annoying? Like, I think it's rude. I do think it's rude. Like, I wouldn't, it's not that like, I always feel like I need to order first. I don't know why I think it's rude. We're gonna get to it at the same time. I think it's more of like, it all goes back to consideration. It's like, I would never just immediately like,
00:56:14
Speaker
It's more of like, yeah, it's like, let me look at this person. Let me make, like, are you ready? I'm ready. Like, let's like have an agreement of like, and let's just not like assume that I should go first. That's more of a thing is like, I don't care if you order first, ultimately, but it's like, did you look at me? Did you like, did you acknowledge that I exist at this table? It's like, so that one's tough, but, um, ah red, but orangey red, orangey red. Okay. Here's one. He does not drink alcohol.
00:56:47
Speaker
I'm giving you nothing with my face right now because I want you to totally answer on your end.
00:56:55
Speaker
Yellow. Yellow. Yellow to green because I'm like, okay, if you don't drink alcohol, that means maybe you had a problem with alcohol in the past, but you've acknowledged that you had a problem and you're fixing it, which signals to me in your life that you are capable of acknowledging your problems, yeah which is apparently very hard to do. ah But I digress. So, yeah. It depends on what the situation is. Yeah, i I do think that one's a little bit subjective to the situation. I'm gonna go with yellow for me. Not because I think, I think we've like normalized drinking so much here and like that's like, I don't know, like people should feel weird for not, okay we're drinking.
00:57:32
Speaker
I feel like people should not feel weird for not drinking, but I think it's just more of like, I would just have a lot of questions. And there probably is a reason, which is sad to say, but like that's probably the only reason. It's not like green, it's more yellow. It makes them even have like dietary reasons. For sure. Like gluten and doughnuts. Or like gallbladder removal. Are you not supposed to be drinking? I'm not, I am supposed to limit alcohol. All right, we're gonna go to the next one. Hasn't read a book since college or since school.
00:58:03
Speaker
or does it know how to read? It's illiterate. this ah Yeah, that's it, Orange. I think if, like, your only entertainment avenues are on a screen. Tops all. Yeah, I don't like it. I like a man who's, like, interested in learning and challenging and bettering himself and not, like,
00:58:30
Speaker
Yeah, it's not the same. Or even if you're into like some like really niche historical books or like that are even super boring. Yeah. Even if who you're reading about is like the worst. Yeah. At least you're reading. You're just exercising that brain. Yeah. Because when we get old, you're going to be losing your brain yeah and I'm going to have to take care of you. yeah And that's just inconsiderate. Back to the child complex. Back to the child. Read. Read.
00:59:01
Speaker
oh Okay, next one. There's only a few more. Can't cook. Can't. Cannot. It doesn't go out. Figure it out. God, I don't care. Red, red flag. I don't care. like I don't care. Figure it out. It's not that hard. I don't i don't know what to tell you. It really isn't. I say that as like coming from a relationship where my ex cooked everything for me and I was like completely like helpless. Like I had no tools. I had not learned myself. I was pathetic. And it's really not that fucking hard.
00:59:31
Speaker
It's not that hard. You can do it great. You've made me a couple of meals. I've made you a couple of meals. And I love cooking now, actually. I'm like, wow, this is amazing. like I didn't realize I was like keeping myself from this. But like come on, like if you're in your 30s, learn how to fucking does not go to the dentist or the doctor? Red. Red, ew. Ew, dentist, ew. Doctor, what are you afraid of? Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor, be in a doll. Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, somebody else has to. Yes. Child complex. Child complex. Seriously,
01:00:08
Speaker
yeah seriously okay. Only three more. He's a picky eater. It depends on how picky. Let's say he only eats like three things at a restaurant. Red. Chicken And the chicken nuggets. Yes, that's it. That's all it is. Red. Honestly, I'm like, you're a child. Again, going back to taking care of yourself too. yeah Eat something. Eat something. Be adventurous. Open your mind. Be a little bit excited. Yeah, seriously, don't be boring. That's the word. Okay. Has never left the country.
01:00:45
Speaker
Yeah, it doesn't bother me much. I mean, some people don't have the funds or the vacation time or whatever. For me, it's like an orange. Yeah.
01:00:56
Speaker
It's more of like, do you not have a desire to like see other cultures and experience things? What are you? What's going on up there? What's going on up there? You're like, yeah, that one's more orange. Well, you also really like to travel, so that means like that would not be a very compatible person. That would not. That's actually probably a red flag for me. It's like, you need to get out of the country. Okay, the last one? Has an Android.
01:01:23
Speaker
You couldn't be more red. This is the worst. That's the worst. We're talking all day. I mean, yuck. I hope one day, one day if we make it and we're on a family plan, you're getting an iPhone. You're getting an iPhone, Austin. He was Austin. No, seriously though. And Andrew, I'm disgusting. Gross. Who are you? Who are you? Seriously. I think I'll be using one of those. Jinner bugs.
01:01:55
Speaker
yeah
01:02:02
Speaker
Okay, so that is it for today's episode of Horse Divorce. If you're enjoying the show, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. And follow us on Instagram and maybe TikTok coming soon at OZ underscore divorce for updates, but behind the scenes content, maybe some inspirational quotes, videos, um and definitely some silliness. And our next episodes are going to be...
01:02:28
Speaker
ah diving into our um stories, our deep dives, if you will. All right, well, until then. Until then, bye!