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Episode 1 - Let Them Go
59 Plays9 months ago
In this heartfelt and hilarious episode, Zoe takes the mic to share her wild journey of love, heartbreak, and growth. From her whirlwind romance and secret marriage to her unexpected divorce, Zoe opens up about what it took to let go of her past and step into the unknown. With wit and wisdom, she unpacks the lessons learned about resilience, self-discovery, and the beauty of starting over. Whether you're navigating your own relationship challenges or just need a dose of inspiration, this episode will remind you that sometimes, the best path forward is the one you never planned.
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Transcript
Introduction & Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, I'm Zoe. And I'm Melissa. Welcome to Horse Divorced, the podcast where we navigate life as two divorced best friends and their 20s. And we're really just doing this for fun because our friends think that we have some interesting stories that we can share. And also we just love to talk to each other.
00:00:16
Speaker
Yeah. We'll talk about all sorts of things based on our own experiences, what we've learned through our divorces from heartbreak to getting back out there. To really just finding yourself after a divorce or really any major breakup in your life. Disclaimer!
00:00:33
Speaker
Okay, so we're not doing this to shit on our exes. We both went through something really shitty. And making them feel worse does really not make us feel any better. So this is for us to share our own stories and what we've learned and hopefully relate to others who might be going through the same thing. And just to give ourselves some sense of therapy and just something fun to do together.
Zoe's Early Relationship
00:01:03
Speaker
All right, so today we're gonna talk about Zoe. um We're not gonna focus on the really intimate details because the people that need to know already know. yeah And again, her our disclaimer. We're not trying to shit on our exes. yeah So we're not trying to expose them for anything. We're not trying to just absolutely bash them on here. But I mean, Zoe, without getting into the super nitty gritty of everything, um can you give us a little bit of your backstory, kind of where, how you guys met,
00:01:33
Speaker
How did this all start? Yeah, so I met my ex when I was super young. um I was 14 years old. It was weird. like I distinctly remember when I met him. This sounds so like silly, but like there was this universe connection I felt like we had.
00:01:53
Speaker
It was something, I guess a lot of people call it love it for sight or whatever, but to me, whatever. Yeah, or whatever. you Yeah. um But it really did feel like there was some sort of real pull, some connection. And for the record, I was there when you guys met. Yeah. So, you know, I felt it too. Yeah, exactly. You saw it. You saw it happen. um So, I don't know, there's like a lot of back and forth in between when we met and when we really started dating. But, and y'all were young, I mean, you were 14, so like, what is dating when you're 14? Right? So, and we didn't live in the same state. So anyway, I'll kind of fast forward to, we went to the same college, and we really started dating my sophomore year when I was like 20 years old.
00:02:34
Speaker
And from there, we moved in together immediately. I think we had decided since we had felt this feeling when we were really young that we were meant to be together, we were supposed to be together. We kind of fast tracked our relationship. And also when you guys went to the same college, I know he's a year older than you. So he was already there, but it was a small school. Yes. And you also did an athletic.
00:02:56
Speaker
also didn't not love a thing but um But in a very intimate setting. So like y'all were really pushed together. Definitely. Yeah. And maybe that sped things up. Maybe that. Yeah. And I think I closed myself off to other options pretty much since I met him. I decided that that was the person I was supposed to be with because I felt this connection.
00:03:18
Speaker
And because of that, I don't think there was a lot of due diligence done in our, the early days of our relationship. And we just kind of like got together full speed ahead. We moved in together. After we graduated, we moved back to from school in Indiana, you back to Atlanta. And a few years after living together, when I was 26, he proposed.
00:03:42
Speaker
It was great. Um, I was also there. You were also there. I also lived with you guys.
Elopement & Relationship Challenges
00:03:53
Speaker
So, yeah, we eloped. Uh, wait, but maybe. Yeah, we eloped. like right right that's just threw that out We eloped. We ended up eloping. It was probably like a day or two after we actually got engaged and he brought up the idea of getting ah i just like eloping.
00:04:10
Speaker
Which was very secretive. I mean, I didn't even know about it. No one knew. Yeah, no one knew. And that was the idea was we had planned for the wedding to be a couple years out because we both had to pay for it and we need to save up money. So we decided we didn't want to wait and we went to the courthouse, we eloped, and then we went like on a, I guess like a mini moon right after that. And I guess, I mean, like that's like the backstory
00:04:45
Speaker
getting into, I guess, the downfall or the downfall. like yeah Yeah. What happened with the, what happened recently. Um, we were supposed to have a wedding last November. So we're about a year out from when we were supposed to have a wedding. And a few months before I was during the fall or late summer, he went on some work trip.
00:05:10
Speaker
And that's really what was the impetus of everything falling apart. He came back to me. He was like a different person. He wouldn't leave the bedroom. I couldn't really get him to like engage with me. He just seemed very down. And to be honest, I didn't really...
00:05:28
Speaker
I didn't really notice that much because I was so overwhelmed with all of the planning for the wedding. There was a lot of stress and and it was really close to wedding time. Like I remember I think maybe he came back from this work trip and like I was throwing him a shower like the next weekend or something and it was like the last like Bridal shower kind of activity. Oh, yeah the wedding like it was final stretch situation yes Yeah, you know trying to get all the details finalized. It was there was a lot on your mind already. Definitely. So um, yeah, so he came back and Ended like if i I guess if I summarize the story he ended up sharing with me that he was struggling with his own internal battles and because of that
00:06:11
Speaker
through the next few weeks leading up to the wedding, he spent a lot of time at home with his family in a different state. And that was really hard for me. um There was almost no communication. And it was very confusing because I didn't really know what was going on, but I was trying to be a good partner and respect whatever he needed and support him from however I could. One of the key moments that I remember that I felt like I was kind of losing it I left the gym and I sat in my car in the parking lot in the dark and I hadn't been able to talk to him in days because he wouldn't respond to my phone calls or my texts. I remember trying to call him and he ignored it and I tried, I had been texting him and he wasn't responding. It was like a days of not hearing from him.
00:07:05
Speaker
I remember I started to like drive home and just the fact that the situation was so uncontrollable was so overwhelming to me. I remember just losing it, like just screaming in my car and crying and just begging him to tell me what was going on. But I remember distinctly isolating myself from my friends and my family, not telling them what was going on because I felt like I didn't have any control over the situation. I wasn't ready to share with people because I didn't know yeah what was happening. There was very few people that you confided in at that time, and and i I remember you in that period. and it was You were very much a homebody at that time, and just yeah seeing everything that you went through at that time was was not easy.
00:07:57
Speaker
yeah i am Yeah, I definitely didn't, I wasn't sharing what was going on. It took me weeks to actually start to tell people um that, you know, he wasn't at home and I was by myself. And I remember, you know, I just kind of kept planning for the wedding. I kept sending checks in. I remember like distinctly walking out to my mailbox and putting $2,000 checks in the mail for flowers and thinking that, you know,
00:08:24
Speaker
maybe this is a bad idea, but um he kept telling me to continue on with planning the wedding regardless of what was going on with him. So I did. And I mean, it was awful. Like I i couldn't sleep. I was so anxious. I couldn't eat. And at some point I was like, oh my God, like I was, my hair was falling out and I i was becoming unhealthy. So I guess fast forward a few weeks and eventually we decided that the we had to postpone the wedding. I think it was like 10 days before the wedding or something. It was less than two weeks. Yeah, it was very close. And I just send this, you came over here actually, we sat on this couch and helped me put together an email. And we also used um chat chat gbt to to help us. Technology. Yes, thank you. Because he wasn't here um and to help, so you helped me
00:09:18
Speaker
do all of that. And it was this ominous email that I sent to all the guests. It was just like, due to unforeseen circumstances, we're going to need to postpone the wedding. ah Little did I know, you know, that wouldn't, we wouldn't really be postponing it. But another kind of key moment for me was after the wedding was postponed, I had to go pick up my wedding dress from the tailor. And I remember driving over there and just sobbing in my car. And What I wanted so much was to just call him for him to comfort me because maybe at the time I felt a little bit selfish about it, but I was just so upset that I didn't get to have my wedding and that my life felt like it was falling apart. And I remember trying to call him and he didn't answer the first couple of times and then maybe like the third time went through and he answered. And I remember him being just angry at me for bothering him at work.
00:10:16
Speaker
And I hung up, I pulled into the parking lot and I just kind of sat there and thought, wow, I feel really alone.
Breaking Point & Affair Discovery
00:10:26
Speaker
I feel like in the grand scheme of all of this, you kind of lose, like you're, you're kind of taking a step back and maybe this is because your body and your brain is trying to protect yourself, but you kind of take a step back and you lose how sharp those emotions were. And there's certain points when you look back and you're like,
00:10:45
Speaker
Oh my God, like it was the lowest darkest time of our lives. And reflecting back on those moments is so painful because like you don't understand it unless you've been in it. you know Definitely takes you back. I feel like you're getting emotional right now of me telling my story. Yeah, just you saying that. I was like, oh my God. Because actually, I don't know if you've shared that with me before. And I was just like, former you had. and like We'll talk about grief fog. and yeah We should definitely talk about that because there's like, no, for sure. There's like moments of my life I don't remember. But yeah, I know there's, um telling the whole story doesn't like get me emotional anymore, but there are definitely parts where I'm like, oh shit, like that, that takes me back to that moment in time. And it kind of floods me with all of the emotions that were happening. And it's hard to ignore or it's hard to, to I don't know. They just kind of take you back over just for another, just for a second.
00:11:48
Speaker
He promised to come back the day that the wedding was supposed to be. And um at that point, he was going to try to tell me everything that was going on with him and fix our marriage. but um Because yeah and to like yeah, it was the wedding day, but y'all were already married. Yes. so a little bit of confusion there since nobody else knew, but like that was, that's what was going on. It wasn't just a called off engagement. It was, y'all were already married. Yeah. We were all, we've been married for two years and he came back and he basically told me he would, he needed to leave again in this time for a long time. And he, I remember sitting on the couch while he packed up all of his things and ah in trash bags, loaded them in his car and drove off. And
00:12:38
Speaker
He was really confusing for me because he was telling me how much he loved me and needed me. And I was, he said things like he couldn't live without me and things like this. And it was very, become very toxic and confusing. And it's like, well, why are you leaving? yeah If you need me, like, and you, that it it didn't make any sense. And like, from my perspective, I'm like trying to see like, what, where is this coming from? Trying to read his,
00:13:07
Speaker
what he's saying to you and it just, none of it made sense to anybody. Yeah, no, I don't think, yeah, even our mutual friends were confused. Everyone was confused. Lots of confusion. Lots of confusion. And, you know, eventually a few weeks into him leaving that time, I remember I was like, I just, I can't do this anymore. This is not good for my mental or physical health. And I think we need to end this relationship.
00:13:33
Speaker
And mean it at this point, this was how many months? It was like a good month or two. Yeah. We were probably almost three months into this chaos and confusion. Um, so being that, you know, stressed out and anxiety-ridden and not eating, not sleeping, not taking care of yourself for three months. Like people can't take that for that long. No, it definitely took a toll on me. And I think it was like my body telling me this cannot go on for much longer. And.
00:14:03
Speaker
So I told him that and, you know, a few days later, he finally reached out. And basically the long story short is I found out that he had been having an affair the whole time. um Not to discount any of his own issues that he had been having, but it's probably some sort of cocktail of all that together. But that was like the worst news I could have had was that I was kind of putting myself last for someone who really didn't care that much about me. I kind of spiraled from there. lost so like mind I I thought I was already in a bad place, but from there I just kind of, I just lost all self-respect. I lost who I was a lot. I turned into this person that was like just really,
00:15:01
Speaker
sad and angry and I feel like I was just surviving. And sadly, that wasn't even like the end of the story. I i tried to work things out with him. um But in the end, without talking like too much about details, it was just like mental health for both of us just wasn't good and it wasn't working.
00:15:23
Speaker
And I remember um the hardest decision of my life thus far was eventually filing for a divorce and telling him he needed to move out when that was the last thing that I wanted. I went so desperately to make it work.
00:15:41
Speaker
And it wasn't like where, like it's wild to go from, you know, three months prior to this, you were planning this wedding to celebrate that y'all were already married. But like to celebrate your lives together. And then in three months to go to this is like no one looks spiraling. Yeah, like crazy. It's like everything got flipped upside down. And I think kind of the end of that, the story is really,
00:16:09
Speaker
i was I was clinging to him to make to try to make it work and he had already moved out and it was literally New Year's Day of last year. um We were still trying to make it work in some way, but he called and said, you know, um I need some space. I think we need to get away from each other. I think you need to heal on your own. And at some point, you know, maybe like He said at some point he'll come back. And that was that that was the end. that's That's when he really walked away. And sadly it was like when I was in my lowest point and I felt like I really needed him. But in a way I think I needed him to walk away.
00:17:08
Speaker
So going through everything that you just described and I guess what are the, some of the lessons, some of the takeaways that you got from everything. Yeah. So this was a really long lesson, but I think the biggest thing that I learned was letting go isn't giving up all the time. Yeah. It's choosing yourself. Yeah. So.
00:17:38
Speaker
I think back and I remember like holding on so tight to that relationship and trying to make it work, trying to fix it and not wanting to give up because I felt like we're in a marriage and you don't just give up on that. yeah I was willing to do anything. I was willing to change myself to make it work. I was willing to give up all of my self-respect. I was willing to put someone else above me ahead of my own mental and physical health.
00:18:08
Speaker
And with a marriage, like, yeah, there are some changes you might have to make within yourself, but there are definitely limits to where those changes stop. And har ya know how much are you gonna tear yourself apart for somebody? And that's not what marriage should be. It shouldn't be tearing yourself apart. It should be making both of you better. No, there's definitely some balance between this unconditional love and pouring everything into a marriage, but still maintaining who you are and yourself and loving yourself.
Self-Love & Moving On
00:18:39
Speaker
And that's really what I learned. When he finally walked away, I finally realized that I should not be chasing someone who doesn't want to be in my life. And if someone else isn't going to be there for me and love me, I need to choose myself and I need to love myself.
00:18:59
Speaker
And that's when I could finally start to let that person go. But that's a hard pill to swallow. It's a hard realization to come to. And sometimes I think more often than not, especially when it's someone you love, like you you, it takes a lot to get you to that point feeling yeah where you can say, okay, I need to love myself more than I love this person. Definitely. And what I've learned too is that it's,
00:19:26
Speaker
You don't just like let go of someone. It's not just, oh, I'm um done. You don't feel better. It is a long process and it's not even a long process to come into that decision. It is like something you have to do.
00:19:40
Speaker
all of the time. Every time something reminds you of that person or every time they try to come back to you, you have to keep deciding that you've let go of them. It's not just all at once I've let go and it's over. It's it's a long process for a long time. and It's like you have to be really disciplined with your actions and like mostly your mental state and how you're viewing things. and how you're responding to things. Definitely. It's tough. You have to hold your boundaries and stick with the decision you've made to let them go. But that doesn't mean that it's just like easy from there. You just, you have to keep making that decision. And I remember every time you try to reach back out or he tried to make it work again or whatever.
00:20:22
Speaker
It makes me think of this song that I really love by Mecha Muroni. It's called No Caller ID. And that she sings this part and it's like, aren't you tired of hurting me? And then she says, I'm tired of hurting me. And that's kind of like really resonates with me because at some point you realize that, not to say that people aren't victims because they definitely are, but at some point you have to choose yourself and you have to stop letting someone hurt you. You can't keep letting them in. And that's when you really let them go and you're deciding I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore. And the way I have to make that cycle stop is I have to let you go. Yeah. If you keep putting yourself in the same position at some point, you do have to realize that like, Hey, that is what's hurting you. yeah You are in a way doing this to yourself. You have to be strong and
00:21:11
Speaker
but help yourself. Definitely and that's hard and letting go I think too is everyone thinks of it as like you're letting go of so-and-so or you have to let go of that person but we definitely talked about this it's not just like letting go of them it is letting go of a life that you had or like a person that you were or a version of yourself or something you thought you were supposed to be it's all of that so it's not just I don't want to you know I can let that person go I don't want to talk to them anymore it's like you have to really reframe that the life that you thought you were going to have or that you envisioned in your future, that's what you have to let go of. Yeah. Because that future is not happening anymore and you have to come to terms with it. Yeah. um And that is a process in and of itself. It's it's grieving. It's grieving. Yeah. ah And I think coming to the realization that some things are meant to end, not not everything is supposed to be permanent in your life. Not everyone is supposed to be permanent in your life. You don't have to fix everything.
00:22:09
Speaker
I think coming to that helps you realize that there might be a different path for you. And once you do let go of that, you can finally see that there might be something else that's supposed to be out there for you. But until you do let go, you're not giving yourself space for that growth or like that other, those other opportunities or the other life that you're supposed to be living in. And sometimes I think it's like We went through a really hard thing that happened to us that did put us on a better track for our lives. yeah But I'm like, man, it could have been a lot easier. yeah Like, did we have to do this? You know, it's so weird. Sometimes I think about that too. It's like, I actually, I will never think this person for what how much they hurt me, but I'm becoming grateful because I think it took what it did
00:23:04
Speaker
for it to fall apart. you know i think I don't think i would have ever anything would have ever ended if it was just something not so big and painful. I think I needed it to like rock my world to be like, wait a second, there might be a better path for me in my life. And I don't think I could see that until it was like actually killing me yeah to like wake me up and say, maybe like there's something else that is out there for me.
00:23:32
Speaker
But all I have to say is, I guess to kind of wrap it up, um I remember this quote I got from Wagner, our friend right now. Love Wagner. Hey. Yes. And maybe it's not a quote. But I remember telling him one time, and we were driving around in his car, and I was like, why am I so unlucky? Like, why did this happen to me? Like, woe is me, kind of like the victim kind of mentality. And he was like, wait, wait, wait. Like, the story's not over.
00:23:56
Speaker
you might come to realize that actually like this was the best thing that could have happened. And I'm starting to see that, that maybe maybe this was something that needed to happen. And we don't always realize, we we think that something is gonna make us happy. I thought that this relationship, this future, this thing that I had mentioned was gonna make me so happy. And I was so stuck on that.
00:24:20
Speaker
But sometimes what you think is going to make you happy actually isn't the best thing for you. And I think we've talked about this, but like love is kind of like love is blind. I interpret it much differently now yeah um that like love is blinding. And I think you can overlook a lot of maybe bad things in a relationship or maybe toxic behavior or like things that you wouldn't normally put up with because you love that person. And so sometimes it takes.
00:24:46
Speaker
the universe or whatever to be like shoving it in your face, like you have got to get away. You're shaking own. Come on. What do I have to do to get you to get away from the situation that's not your like destined path or whatever? you know Definitely. I honestly am like a wholehearted believer of that now. And so I guess I i just think to summarize what I have learned you I think I started with saying like letting go isn't
New Path & Personal Growth
00:25:14
Speaker
giving up. It's choosing yourself, but really like letting go is giving up. It's giving up on the wrong path or giving up on something that wasn't maybe meant for you or isn't your happiest path or isn't something that will make you the happiest. and it's Maybe it's giving up on that, but you have to give up on that to be able to embrace something that might be better for you. yeah
00:25:47
Speaker
And you talked about your lessons learned so I guess kind of can you tell us where you are now? It's been it's been some time. So it's been a little bit of time a few months Um, which is wild like sometimes I'm like, oh my god, it's almost a year But when I think about i'm like, oh my god, it's actually just been a few months but I mean because of that I'm still healing I've grown a lot as a person, but I'm still going I think that what happened to me changed my life and opened up a lot of new opportunities for me. And I'm kind of exploring those opportunities. And I really, now I can reflect a lot on like the relationship. And I can see that we probably weren't the best. matt I mean, you can see it from a much different light now, which is kind of what I said earlier about like love is blind. yes And it's like now that you have this space and you're not in love with this person anymore, you can
00:26:39
Speaker
really see things a little bit more clearly. Definitely. I think what I can start to see, we were so different. I feel like, and I think I learned this from my friend Erica who was telling me about people dim their light for other people. And I think this person dimmed my light. like I feel like i'm I am like a person that's really full of life and excited about adventure and we just were so different that I didn't realize now looking back that this person took a lot of me away from myself just because we are different and and that's okay but that just helps me realize that
00:27:16
Speaker
and don't I wouldn't ever want to revisit this relationship because I feel that we just aren't a good match. And that helps me have a like at least a little bit of peace and closure. And I think in your defense, like you guys did meet when you were so young. Yeah. And then you started dating in college. like You were very young and there's so much development that happens when a person is you know early 20s. Yeah.
00:27:39
Speaker
so infatuated with this person and and he was with you too and eventually like you were kind of coming into yourselves and then yeah so eventually you realized like you guys just weren't a good fit no and that's okay and that's okay and i think to your point like we haven't we didn't really get to grow as our own people because we were together and I think now I've come to realize that we're kind of we're on our own journeys and I don't wish this person ill. It's not that I'm like thrilled about what I've been and hope the best for them, yeah but I certainly don't i you know't hope the worst. and you know I want to get to a point where it really just kind of indifference about the situation and I just want to be happy in my own
00:28:26
Speaker
my own journey, my own life, and I'm definitely getting there. And I feel like, to be honest, like I feel a much fuller and like happier in general as a person than I was even in the relationship. And I hope that that person eventually can get there too. But yeah,
00:28:44
Speaker
that's I guess that's where I'm at now, is I'm on my i on my own journey. yeah Yeah aren't we all? ah But yeah I know thank you so much for like really kind of sharing all of that and I know that's it
Conclusion & Light-hearted Game
00:28:57
Speaker
was a hard story to tell and it was a much harder story to go through. Yes. So yeah I mean I just want to say I'm really proud of you. Thank you. And you know there's much better things ahead and your story is Unretained? Unretained! Oh god, yeah, that sounds a really good plug. But yeah, no, definitely. I feel like, we were just talking about this, but I feel like these stories are hard for us to tell because it's not, it's hard to tell it the exact way I want to tell it. Yeah. But, I mean, there's so much to tell. There's so much to tell. We could talk for 10 hours. Yes. I don't think anybody would listen. That's okay. But But no, definitely if it resonates with someone, that kind of makes me feel good and I know it's just fun to kind of share it anyway, so.
00:29:36
Speaker
Anyway, okay, with that, should we ah get to the fun stuff? I think we should get to the fun stuff.
00:29:51
Speaker
Okay, so we're gonna start our game. This is the fun part. That was all kind of heavy, so now it's time to move to a little bit of a light move. Light move, yeah. All right, so I don't know if everyone's familiar with this game, but it's often, I guess it's called like,
00:30:03
Speaker
I don't know, he's a 10, but, and this is actually, Chad GBT wrote this description, so I was asking about it. So Chad GBT says, this game is where participants rate a hypothetical person's attractiveness on a scale of one to 10, but then add a quirky positive or a negative trait that could alter the perception of their score. It's a fun conversational or a party game that blends humor with subjective preferences. Oh.
00:30:32
Speaker
Do you want to, should we just alternate? okay And I want you to go first because, um, no disclaimer, um, Zoe kind of gave me this idea, but is not sharing all the context with me. Oh, so I feel like yours are not. Okay. We'll see how this goes. We picked, we picked a few ourselves and I picked more than five, so I have some extras, but I'll just, um, it's too fun. Okay. So I will start. Okay. So Melissa, the first one.
00:30:56
Speaker
he' This isn't easy. Well, I don't know, maybe it's not easy. But he's a 10, but he claps when the plane lands. Okay, and so I'm supposed to rank. You're supposed to rank him now. Now that he's a- It's like what his one to 10. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
00:31:10
Speaker
Oh god! Oh god, okay. If you're doing it jokingly, you're still a ten. But if you're doing it seriously and you're like, way to go, pilot. He's serious. Uh, he probably bopped onto a six. Oh shit. Okay, he lost four points. Okay, he's a six. Because I think that says you probably do some other weird things.
00:31:27
Speaker
Yeah, that's a symptom of a root cause. Yes. Yes. So we need to get to the bottom. Okay. go Okay. Um, he's a 10, but he posts gym selfies. Oh my God. We talked about gym selfies. Okay. So 10 be posted. This is like one of my total X.
00:31:43
Speaker
If you, uh, he's a four. I can't. Okay. I will never. I, no, I, I, I get it. I'm all into like, I get your physique, you look great, but like who you posting that for all the time. Yeah. You know? And I think it's different with women because again, like I, as a woman, it's, it's still for women. In my opinion, when a woman's taking like a selfie, it's like women or men can appreciate that. And I like, I love my friends who like do post stuff like that. But if for a man, it's like, I know you're just doing it as a thirst trap.
00:32:12
Speaker
And it's just kind of icky to me and I just not into that. So, okay. My second one, he's a six, but he can cook Michelin star level meals. Oh, do you love me some food? No, that's like a good eight to me. Yep, I think so too. That makes total sense. Yeah, so you can feed me? You can feed me. He's got some points. Okay, now that I get a little more context of this game, I actually came up with a 10. Oh yes, okay, keep going. But all of mine, okay, all of mine I did, he's a 10 or he's a five. That's fine. But whatever, so anyway. That's fine. Okay, let's see, he's a five. This is kind of on the same note as my last one. Okay, he's a five, but he posts really cute photos of you.
00:32:49
Speaker
oh oh And he's a five. I might say he's a six. I feel like yeah, one one point, one point. ah Yeah, that one doesn't move the needle too much for me, but like that's sweet that he cares to show you off, but it's also because he knows he let your.
00:33:10
Speaker
You're a 10 and he's a five and yes, you're out of his league. He's really gonna boost his own a second. ah Okay, my next one. He's a nine, but he takes three days to reply to your text. No, absolutely not. If we're in a relationship, absolutely not. No. Okay, then what is he? What is he? You're, you're, you're a four. yeah Like I can, you can look nice to look at, but no, I'm not interested in pursuing anything with you. No, that's so unreliable. I hate that. Okay. Um, I'm going to change some of my rankings. He's an eight, but he's a mama's boy. ah Oh my God. Okay. Define a mama's boy though. Um, somebody who, um, really when they're looking for a relationship, they're looking forward to take care of them. They're very.
00:34:03
Speaker
Um, I don't want to say like they're very close with their mom, which isn't a bad thing, but expanding on that is like, if you. he have mother wound does that He might have a mother wound, which if you don't know what that is, I'll look it up um But I mean, yeah, you're just very like reliant on your mom um You are very like you always ask her opinion. Maybe you put her opinion above your partner's opinion Oh my god, this is giving me this is so okay giving you the it is this is so icky So I would have to say
00:34:36
Speaker
He was an eight before. He was an eight before. He's a two. like There's no way. No. i mean Two makes even sound like there's a shot. I'm just being generous. like There's no is a zero. There's no way. yeah I cannot do that ever. No.
00:34:51
Speaker
Okay. He's a six, but he has the voice of an angel. And he can play instruments. Like the tuba. Oh, well, the tuba. You had 13.
00:35:05
Speaker
oh I mean, that's great, but I don't want you serenading me all the time. You're not a serenador. Do you remember that guy in high school that serenaded me? I do, I do. That's exactly what I'm thinking of. See, that wouldn't, like, I don't know how good his voice was. I don't think I was in the hallway at that time, but I'm like, that would give me the ick. You'd lose points. But I mean, like, if you're maybe in a band or whatever, if you just play an instrument and I like to listen to you, like, that's bonus points. What was the original number? He has a, oh, six. He has a six.
00:35:37
Speaker
I'll give you a it'll be an eight okay it gives you a couple like bonus points yeah that's fair yeah um okay okay um let's see he's see mine are all like kind of related to each other because i misunderstood the concept but okay he's a nine but he's a total slob oh house is in disarray right disarray disarray oh my god this is just again this is like another symptom of a root problem so like to me that is so gross like i I think that that's that's another, like that's probably a four. like And also at this day and age, at our on our ripe age of 29, you're not changing. No, changing. You're not you're not herere done changing. You're set in your way. yeah like And also, I'm not here to train you. Exactly. That's what your mom was for. That's exactly. Yeah, it's all it's all coming back to that. That's definitely, yeah. No, that's a no for me. okay he He's an eight, but he refuses to watch movies with subtitles.
00:36:35
Speaker
This might not be a thing for you. I am a subtitle person. It's it's the... I'm not a subtitles person, but unless it's really quiet and like... Well, that's what also really changed if you only listen to movies really quietly. Well, okay. Like I'll i'll turn on subtitles if um maybe somebody's sleeping next to me or whatever.
00:36:58
Speaker
We're in the same way. And that point doesn't even matter if he cares about the subtitles and not if he's asleep. He wakes up and turns those off right now. Rent's on. Okay. ah Gosh, sorry. What what was the result? He's an eight. He's an eight. But no subtitles.
00:37:17
Speaker
This one doesn't sound super impactful to you. No, I mean, I think he stays an eight. I've become so reliant on subtitles that I i can't even... I don't know if you've seen the TikToks where like someone's like watching a show and they're cooking and then they turn away to like do something and then it's like... well It's absolutely gibberish. And then they immediately turn back and it's crystal clear. I have to... read I'm reading. I'm reading it. Okay. Okay. Your turn. Let's see. He's a nine, but his friends are absolute douchebags.
00:37:48
Speaker
your friends say a lot about you as a person. So I'm going to give them a five. Okay. Like, yeah, I'm gonna give them five because sometimes you just grow up with people that you just can't grow out of. Yeah. like I mean, you've grown out of them, but you can't get rid of. Um, so there's like, there's some discretion, but I do think like the people you keep around you to tell someone a lot about you. So, and you can be easily influenced by your friends that you keep close. And if like they're making questionable decisions,
00:38:15
Speaker
Eventually you're going to make a question. Yeah. i Yeah. it Yeah. And I'm not one to like pull someone away from their friends or say you can't be friends with them. I don't like them. Then I just feel like we're not a good fit. So, um, okay. He's, uh, five, but he volunteers every weekend at the animal shelter. Nine, nine is a notch. Oh, it's glorious. I love it. I love it. Okay. This one's a little saucy. Oh, I love it. Are you ready? Yep.
00:38:44
Speaker
He's a nine, huh but he uses a baby voice during sex. What does that mean? Like every now and then, maybe he's like, oh, I like that. Oh my god, oh my god. oh And you can't change him. can't make it stop. No, you can't make it stop. It's only in the core part of his personality. It's not the entire time. it's maybe just Sometimes. Every now and then it slips out.
00:39:13
Speaker
Okay, six. Okay. Like mess and maybe I could get past it, but it might, well, it might really kill the mood. Maybe I'm into it. I don't know. See, I don't know how it happens. Okay. Okay. Um, I'm going to skip a couple of mine. I'm going to say he's an eight, but he brings a kazoo to every social event just in case. What reason? Just in case.
00:39:41
Speaker
You never know. Cause it was a very nice instrument. It is a nice, yes. It is an instrument for entertaining. Five. Okay. You dropped. Yeah. Okay. Fair. I thought you might really be into that one actually. I mean, but like seriously. Yeah. If it's a little jokey joke or maybe it's a very, like a, it's a family heirloom that you are very attached to. I don't know. Five, five, five, five. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
00:40:10
Speaker
he is ah He's a, a six. Okay. But he will clean up after you is how clean he is. He, will he resent me for that? I don't know. I don't know. Gotta fill up one play outlet after I blow up. Yeah. I'm not very, well, I look around and I i have some of them asked to hear, but like I'm a pretty clean person, so. But he'll like, after every, after dinner, he'll he'll he'll do the dishes.
00:40:40
Speaker
He'll wipe down the counters. Okay. Well, that's tough. Like I wanted him to be clean, but I don't really need him to clean up after me. Um, so he's a six. Yes. He's probably still sick. Like I probably doesn't change it for me. I'm like, that's, I like someone who's clean and they should be clean. They clean up after themselves. But to me, I'm like, that's so sad that I should even move the needle because that should be like a baseline thing that men can do to take care of themselves. Like- But he's not cleaning up after himself. He's cleaning up after you. Yeah. But I don't even know if I really like that. Sometimes on occasion that's wonderful, but like I can clean up after myself because I'm a grown person. Yeah, you are. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I am. Okay. I have two more. Okay.
00:41:19
Speaker
He's a nine, but he only eats cereal with water. Why?
00:41:28
Speaker
Zero? What is wrong with you? He's a nine. What's wrong with you? toler he likes a little bit of There are milks. sure There are other milks that are not, that don't have lactose, whatever. I'm not lactose intolerant. No. Okay, that's like, that's a no for you. That's a, I'll give him a one. Like, cause that is serial killer vibes. Something serial. Serial killer. Pun intended. Okay. Okay. Okay. I have one other saucy one. Okay. He's a,
00:42:01
Speaker
four. Okay. But he's the best sex you've ever had in your life. Oh my god. I would never even have sex with a four. But you're a four. We're gonna reject that. Okay. Uh, he's a seven. Okay. Yeah. I don't, honestly, I don't, I know everyone says this, but I'm not really that big into looks. Like if you're like a Says the woman who just said she would never. I would never. ah it's even just If we have a good connection, I don't know. That's so much more important. like yes looks You have to be attracted to the person, but it's not necessarily to me, it's not necessarily like physically attracted. I don't know. There's like other sorts of yeah attraction. There are a lot of things, I think, specifically for women that look at men. like
00:42:47
Speaker
there are personality traits that make men more attractive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There doesn't have to be like, you're hot. I actually, we talked about this on our pilot, but like, the hottest guys sometimes have the shittiest personalities. They never had to work for anything in their life. And like, that's to me. I'm like, I can't, if you're boring, ugh, bleh, don't have any trauma, ugh, bleh. Like, everything's easy for you, bleh, bleh. Like, I don't like that. Yeah, and you're probably not really good at sex either, to be honest. Yeah, because you never had to do a drag anything. yeah so ah Okay, so I said it one more, but I have two. So, do how many of you have one?
00:43:15
Speaker
um i can do i have a couple more okay he is a two this is so funny but he's clean he has a good job he's emotionally intelligent he cares about you and he makes you laugh so he's well rounded everywhere he's just kind of ugly yeah yes well i mean again it depends on what's
00:43:42
Speaker
You don't want to be like a six. There's a lot of, you know. That's good. That's like a lot of points. I do think it's important to be physically attracted to your partner. No, for sure. But, you know, it's also important to like meet all the other check boxes. Right. So, but he gained quite a bit of points. He's at a six. Like that's three times. That's three X. Good for him. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Um, okay. We're going to go with he's a five.
00:44:11
Speaker
But you really, really like his friends. like And you're all friends with each other. And it's a great little community. Nothing. There's no points for him. There's no points. I feel like there's tons of fives that have great friends. And I'm like, yeah, you guys have great friends. But then I'll just be friends with your friends and and not leave. You can leave. You can leave. You're not that interesting, but I love your friends. Here's my very last one. We'll send it this one.
00:44:36
Speaker
it' I don't know. This one also, chatgbt wrote, I won't say like, I can't say all of my ideas come from there, but like this one, I was like, Hey, and you know their idea. He's a 10. This does sound something like a computer would write. He's a 10, but he has a framed photo of his printer on his desk.
00:44:54
Speaker
oh That's common. Interesting. Again, was it a family heirloom? I don't know. We don't know. The kazoo, we don't know. It's same kind. Very, very cherished items of his life. Mm-hmm. Where is it? Where is the photo? Is Well, that works. Not you. Just a picture of that printer. Seven. Seven. He's still pretty fine. But questionable. Questionable. There's lots of questions, but maybe it's just a little quirk. I don't know. OK. Cool. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
00:45:37
Speaker
If you're enjoying the show, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. And follow us on Instagram and maybe TikTok coming soon at ors, underscore divorce for updates, but the behind the scenes content, maybe some inspirational quotes, videos, um and definitely some silliness. So and next episode, we'll get into our...