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Episode 4 - Dating After Divorce: A Firefighter's Guide to Getting Back out There
31 Plays8 months ago
In this special episode, we welcome our first guest, David—a firefighter, divorcee, and now happily remarried husband—who shares his story of resilience and rediscovery. David opens up about the emotional challenges of rebuilding confidence after his divorce, the highs and lows of navigating the modern dating world, and the lessons he learned along the way. Tune in for a conversation filled with humor, hope, and practical [and somewhat controversial] advice for finding someone who loves you for exactly who you are. Whether you're divorced, single, or just drawn in from the firey promo video, this episode is a must-listen!
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Transcript
Introduction to Oars Divorced Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, I'm Zoe. And I'm Melissa. Welcome to Oars Divorced, the podcast where we navigate life as two divorce best friends in our 20s. And we're really just doing this for fun, mainly because our friends have told us that we have interesting stories worth sharing. And it's an excuse to hang out and talk to each other about stuff.
00:00:15
Speaker
We'll talk about all sorts of things based on our own experiences, what we've learned through our divorces, from heartbreak to getting back out there. To really just finding yourself after a divorce, or really any major breakup in your life. Just like that. Just like that. We're going to do it again. OK. OK. Well, we're not doing this to shit on our axes. We both went through something really shitty. And making them feel worse does not make us feel any better. So this is our time to share our own stories of things that we've learned and relate to other people who might be going through something similar.
00:00:45
Speaker
Also, give ourselves a little bit of therapy and it's just something fun to do together! Disclaimer, I am here to show the max.
00:01:05
Speaker
Okay.
Introducing First Guest: David
00:01:06
Speaker
Today, we actually have a special guest, our first guest ever. Well, David, who's Melissa's brother. Welcome, David. David is another old boss. Congratulations. Yes. The original Horse of Horse. Yes, yes. He actually told me that. He's like, I started this. I was like, that is something to be proud of. Yeah. So I guess before we get into things, David, will you kind of tell us like really quickly who you are, a little about yourself. I don't have to say about myself. It's like when you're in class. Well, this is about us, so yeah, yeah. Okay, we can ask you. So David, how old are you? 31. Okay. So you're very hesitant about that. So we're in our 20s, some of us. Oh yeah, you're not quite. Melissa likes to say that we're in our 20s with that, like, that time. You wrote it.
00:01:52
Speaker
Well, while that time is short is like rapidly depleting. Exactly. That's why we record our intro every time, because right soon enough, it won't be our 20. You have to cut that line out. Okay, well tell us, what do you do? Do you have any kids? Well, I was always specific. No, yeah, I do have two kids. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a firefighter and a paramedic. Okay. Working in the hospital part-time in a little ER. And did you ever get remarried?
00:02:22
Speaker
Yeah, remarried. So, really gone full circle here. Hope you're going to help the ladies out walking through their journey. There's hope. Yeah, so David's going to help share his perspective on how specifically like how you know when you're ready to get back out there, how you might not, how you might not know, or how you know you're not ready to get back out there. And maybe some dating tips while you're out there in the wild as well.
00:02:43
Speaker
Also a little bit of some lessons learned. Did you just say this? Did you check that out? I could see what's on the next page, so I just took that. And with that, we'll turn it over to David to tell us a little bit more about himself.
David's Early Marriage Challenges
00:03:01
Speaker
We hit the town with our dancing shoes. All right, so David, and let's start a little bit about your divorce story. And we have some questions for you. So like, you know, it's far away, but we can definitely, we have some things we want to know. Yeah, from the beginning, I was in college when I met the first person I got married to. 19, we ended up getting married but right before I turned 21. I do remember that. For some reason, that sticks out to me a lot because I know you like weren't 21 on your bachelor trip.
00:03:30
Speaker
Yeah, so. Oh my God, you couldn't drink. A youth. Yeah, youth. Yeah, so I got married at 21, obviously pretty young. I was still in college, hadn't graduated. She had graduated, kind of felt like it was just the next step. She was working. I was like, I mean, I thought I was another time if we're being, you know. Yeah. How much is a 21 year old now, right? So yeah, got engaged, got married. How about we guys together before you got married? Like two years? Okay. Yeah. It's actually longer than I remember. But yeah. Yeah, we weren't. Yeah. That was most of that. You and I were both at college too, and we were in different states, so it's like... We weren't there for most of your relationship. Yeah, so she graduated. We got engaged, got married, moved to Athens. I was kind of close to her work. By the way, sorry, I didn't get to go to your wedding.
00:04:13
Speaker
Yeah, and I know you're racing. I was. wait your ball like ask nothing i I feel like this is about me, but like I mean miss. I feel like I missed your whole relationship. So like you telling the story right now is literally the first time I'm really hearing it, which is crazy. I was there.
00:04:30
Speaker
mo So, pretty young, got married, she was working, I was in school. It was very, I don't know what people expect of a marriage, especially as young as I was, it was just going to be good fun times the whole time. Yeah. And it didn't help that I got a deal to go... Just say it, come on, come on, at this point. I got to go race, I got to go race some bikes. Yeah, we were all racing bikes, anyway.
00:05:00
Speaker
So I got a contract with a team that was based on Iowa. They did a like team camp out in Arizona. So I went out there with them for the first like five or six months of the year, which obviously, you know, newlyweds, it's not great probably to be separated that much. Yeah. So that was an interesting experience. Yeah. The distance was definitely more than when we were dating. That being said, like the expectation of what this was, was always there. It's not like I,
00:05:26
Speaker
started doing this after we got married. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Did she expect you to not take the contract? I mean, we talked about it. It's not like I... But at the same time, I get where maybe she might be coming from, like, oh, if I said no, you might resent me later down the road. Yeah. So it's kind of a tough spot to be put in. Sure. Either way, it was regardless, it was, hey, this is going to be the last year unless you get some big deal. But I had come home for a weekend to see her. She got pregnant that weekend.
00:05:50
Speaker
Whoa. How? That was a
Transition and Emotional Struggles
00:05:54
Speaker
coincidence. Just crazy how that happens. Obviously, we didn't know right then, but I went back. we're doing some race and We did some races in Oregon. We were in Bend, Oregon, beautiful town. Oh, yeah. Because I don't know, it is a 48-hour drive from Bend, Oregon to Athens, Georgia, if you stop in DeWitt, Iowa, which is where we dropped the team off. I got in the car and drove the last 17 hours by myself. Jeez.
00:06:18
Speaker
you stuff I actually got blown over. Well, I didn't know she was pregnant yet. But yes, a lot of thinking time. A lot of thinking time, generally. Yeah, a lot of time by yourself. Yeah, about a mile from the exit, I get off on 85. Are you kidding me? No, the cop was like, where are you coming from? And I was like, band Oregon? He's like, what? He's like, what were you doing there? And I was like, I'm racing by. He's like, yada. And I was like, the bike is in the trunk. And he like wanted to see it. So I showed to him. He's like, where are you going? I was like, that exit is. I was like, just slow down, dude. I was like, OK, cool. Oh, my god. I was like, thank god.
00:06:50
Speaker
Yeah, so got home. She was like, let's go get some food. Like, I was like, OK, let's I am hungry. Right. So yeah got some food, got home. And then she told me she was pregnant, which at the time I was very upset. um and And how old were you at this point? Twenty two. About to be twenty two.
00:07:07
Speaker
Yeah. You know, because, again, hadn't graduated college, right? Yep. So, didn't have a job. Didn't have any skills to get a good job. I was like, cool, we got a baby on the way. Basically, just got a high school degree. And some people do great with that. But most of us are told we need some type of degree to do anything. So I was going to finish out the year. I think we had one more race. And then I was like, all right, we'll get a real job. I ended up breaking my risk, training for that last race. So got cut short, went and got a sales job, which was tough. Going from being outside for like 40 hours a week to then sitting at a desk cult calling people for 40 hours a week, if not more, because we came in on Saturdays. Essentially the game plan for them. I want to say they would hire like three or four people a week. But at the end of the week, you picked your top person and then fired the rest.
00:07:54
Speaker
It was awesome. That's like squid games. yeah yeah Yeah. At that point in my life, I still don't love calling people on the phone, like people I don't know. Does this lead to that trauma? like to call I knew going into it. It was just the highest playing job I could find. Gotcha. You know, and they always sell you, like, they sell you on their sales, right? Yes. If you can make a lot of money. pay Sales people sell you. Cycle. Cycle like, watch me, watch me. Spiral? Okay. Sorry.
00:08:17
Speaker
And you could make good money if you did well. If you're wheeling and dealing, but. But I feel like the sales community, it was also like a culture shock. I feel like people that do that type of work compared to like semi, even professional athletes, like a very different. Definitely. We were taking smoke. I wasn't. I would go out there to hang out, but they were taking smoke breaks every 15 minutes basically. I was like, yeah, I'll go outside. Like, let me get out of here. like yeah I can't do this.
00:08:41
Speaker
That was definitely different. And then just also just talking to these people, the backgrounds that they had compared to like where I came from was very different, which was probably good exposure. But I knew I didn't want to do that. So I had applied to the fire department. They're like, hey, your SAT, ACT scores are too old. There was a time restraint on them. So I had a study. used Take the ACT to be- That would be out of college degree? Fire powder? Yeah. Not that I think- Well, okay, go on. Just like- Say what you want to say as well. No. Well, why? Well, I think so then, if I say too much, everybody's going to know why it worked. Okay, maybe don't say too much. Whatever. At this time, they were pushing that everybody should be paramedics. And so that's, you can get like an associate's degree with that. So that's kind of what they were pushing for that. But regardless, how to go take that? Yeah.
00:09:25
Speaker
So I had spent my lunch breaks studying for that because I hadn't done any type of algebra since high school. yeah I was like, why? Yeah. So yeah. So study for that on the lunch breaks. And then, yeah, going to take the ACT, you know, I'm sitting in a classroom with like much like 16 year olds. I was like, this is weird. Yeah. And they're being hired.
00:09:44
Speaker
um And like I guess where were you at this point like in your marriage? Things were good when I started the fire department. I mean, I say good. I mean, there were definitely some red flags. There were definitely some so warning signs, maybe. um So we were religious, right? So before we got engaged, we were, I would say, normal teenagers, early 20s. We were having premarital sex. um don yeah right But once we got engaged, she wanted to like, hey, we should wait till we get married. And like I said, I was trying to be religious. Devout. So I was like, yeah, it's a good idea. We should do that.
00:10:18
Speaker
And then also, again, just on expectations, right? I had an expectation for what the honeymoon would look like, especially, I guess, in that regard or in that realm. And we weren't close to that. Was it just, like, your sexual relationship that wasn't compatible? Or, like, were there other things that you found, like, were the reason that your guys were not working well together?
00:10:39
Speaker
I mean, from from my side, I mean, that was a big thing. And I feel like, guys, really, it's weird because, like, men are supposed to have sex without emotions, right? Like, that's how I... Yeah, very much like, I mean, that's how I like to bond, I guess.
00:10:59
Speaker
um Like it is a very emotional vulnerable depending on yeah depending on like I don't say how you're doing it, but you know in lake on your tech yeah Like men are like cool when I stand all the time Yeah, but it's like with your spouse and the person that you love, yeah like it is supposed to be like very special and just supposed to be, it is supposed to be emotional attachment and bonding. Yeah. So you're missing that. So that, yeah, right. And again, I'm not shooting on anybody, but like the things that were happening, I was, um I couldn't do anything right at home. I couldn't, I mean, it was little stuff all the time though, like couldn't fold clothes, right? Couldn't put dishes away, right? Just everything.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah, which is you know fine. I'm sure I could have done a better job of that long story short what ended up happening is we Had we so the first one was a surprise right the second one was like hey We have one we should we should plan for a second like we don't want to know a child and we had discussed that before That wasn't a surprise And at this point, I was like, we have one. like I wasn't really thinking divorce. you know I knew I wasn't like super excited about everything going on. but So I had the second kid. She wanted me to be a stay home, Mom. And I knew that before. ah So I got a second job. That's when I started working at the hospital. And that's when things definitely got worse. And I had people that are always working around all these nurses. What it kind of was, it was that, but it wasn't that. Not in the sense that I think everybody said. There was never any cheating. There was never
00:12:20
Speaker
drugs or gambling or, you know, all those things people think about. Drugs and gambling? I didn't know that. But the cheating, I think, is what everybody initially goes to. I think they did play a role in the sense of... And like I said, at home, I was getting nagged for everything. And when I was at work, people were very thankful for my help, which was a very different feeling. I was like, man, these people are so nice. And then it got to the point where I was like, I don't want to go home. So I would just work more. I think my longest consecutive work days was like 33 days. Like 30 days off? Correct. 33 days straight of working.
00:12:56
Speaker
I remember the story that ah my brother told me about you and I probably won't get it right exactly, but this is how I kind of kind of painted the picture of like the state you were in. I think it was like you would come home from work, you would park your car in your garage or like in the driveway and then you would just sit there.
00:13:15
Speaker
Yeah, so I usually wouldn't do it at home. I would usually, before I would leave, and it was usually the hospital, I would take, what i mean some it depends on the weather, but a lot of times I would just like to lay in the bed of my truck for like 20 minutes before I'd head home. This actually i got really close to some people at work that were just really nice to have some friends at work that kinda, cause they could kinda see what was going on. yeah And it was also nice to be able to talk to people that maybe weren't as close or to like the situation at home. Yeah. Really get that outside kind of perspective and here like non-biased opinion. Yeah. And everything going on. Yeah. I hope they listen to
Life-Changing Realization
00:13:51
Speaker
this and they know who I'm talking about. I appreciate them. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. You get like not feel so alone too, you know, like when you're like in a place like that and you're like, is this normal? Am I happy? Is this like what it's supposed to be like? And it's like talking to people and you're like, wait,
00:14:06
Speaker
Maybe it's not what it's supposed to be like. Yeah, I know some people are going to be like, oh, you should be able to talk to like that. Probably people are going to think that wasn't a healthy thing. You figured it out. Yeah, I guess we'll fast forward to like what broke strong broke the came's back just broken against draw the broke to camel's back. the downfa the downfall yeah so we love it um we love a down the timeline's a little fuzzy because it is What the the like, cool, man. That's what every husband wants to hear. I know you guys can't see me. Is that how you Cool, man. I don't remember what I said. It was very shocking. Like I said, I know they can't see me, but I do try to take care of myself. Yeah, even if it was true, that's not what anybody would want to hear. like And like sidebar, David got recently hired to be
00:15:05
Speaker
yeah We should call it male modeling. Yeah, that's respectful. but um That's tough. that's like a huge like I have so many questions for you in general about like you know dating afterwards, obviously, but like I imagine that took a big hit to your self-esteem. Yeah, confidence was definitely very low, which I mean, we can get into that as the dating starts. Yeah. ah Very low. Didn't have a whole lot of zero confidence, I'd say. So that happened maybe, I don't know, a month or two later. We were at work. And we ran this call. This lady was walking her dog. And this tree across the street, it's raining. She's got an umbrella. She's walking her dog. And this tree falls from across the street. This is a huge tree. Like can't keep your arms halfway around it. And just obliterates her.
00:15:50
Speaker
And so we get called out there and like we're cutting out the tree, the corner's out there and taking pictures. And there was something about, and like the gore of that doesn't but affect me at all. Like we see whatever. It was just the, what are the odds type of situation that was like, this tree only falls once.
00:16:05
Speaker
Like, what are the odds that this lady is standing right here? Like, for her dog had peed somewhere else, or somebody had him back in her driveway, she forgot the umber, like, so many things, she needed like 10 seconds either direction, and she would have left. And that didn't happen. So, ran that call, we were doing that, and I remember just cutting this tree up, and I'm like, I am not going to wake up at 65 and regret my life. Yeah. I was like, when I get home tomorrow, I am out. Wow. Realization. No, that's actually like a really magical and special. Yeah. I mean, horrible that this happened to the person. Yeah. Oh, my god. But the impact it had on you and the lesson it had for you, that's actually insane. Yeah. No doubt. It definitely had a digging bag. Yeah. So you went home, and what happened?
00:16:52
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know if it was like the next day, like I talked myself up to doing, I think it probably took a little while, you know, it's a big, it was even hard to say the words out loud. like It's hard to think about it at first, really. and i Yeah, it's wild also that she told you this other news and you guys were just like, okay, we're gonna stay together.
00:17:08
Speaker
Yeah, well, for the kids. And I feel like a lot of people do that. I mean, I've heard a lot of people that are like, oh, we're going to stick it together. They make it till the kids are 18 and they're out. Or you know what happens young, they agree to stay till their kids are at least out of house, and then they at some point fix their marriage or whatever. Which could have happened. I wasn't going to stick around and find out because I was not going to wake up in 65 and be like, I just wasted my whole freaking life. Yeah, I get crushed by a tree. But for context, how long had y'all been married at this point? Close to five years.
00:17:33
Speaker
Whoa, I guess in my head, it was like two years. We've been married for five years. Yeah. Yeah. So together, I guess for a total like seven some change. Dang. And what's okay. So eventually, maybe not. It wasn't the next day, but like eventually you worked up to have the conversation that.
00:17:48
Speaker
Yeah, and at some point we had had a conversation like, hey, we're both here just for the kids. Like, if we weren't for the kids, we wouldn't be here. So that was a mutual understanding. Yeah. Basically, it was a mutual understanding. It became not so mutual. We got to the lawyer stuff, we got divorced, yada, yada, yada. Yada, yada, yada. And I want to take a moment to just say like, and this might sound really cheesy, but I'm proud of you because I think when I look back at like my marriage and my relationship, I felt like I mean i felt like i was pretty happy. But now like having space and stuff from that relationship, I realized like I don't think I was as happy as I could be. And it took something huge to like break up my relationship. And I know like it was still a hard choice, but it was like something bad happened and like now we're gonna go our separate ways. like I feel like with you,
00:18:30
Speaker
you kind of had to make that decision
Decision to Divorce
00:18:31
Speaker
on your own. And I think that it's almost harder sometimes. It's like, okay, it's comfortable. It's easy. This is what I'm doing. I might not be that happy, but like this is, it's way scarier and like way more uncertain and unknown until the end of that. And I think that's huge. So anyway, I just want to say like, I think a lot of people get stuck in bad marriages. I just think that's a really big deal that you guys were able to do that, you know?
00:18:52
Speaker
Yeah, that definitely crossed my mind I think with the kids and like how they were going to look at it, how it affects them obviously. And who knows if it was right or wrong to try maybe another few years or whatever it could have been a few months. And my head I justified it with, you know, if we do it now, hopefully they won't, they won't, my oldest will remember a little bit of it. My youngest does not remember really any of it.
00:19:14
Speaker
And in my head at the time, again, this was just me probably justifying it, but I was like, easier to rip that mandate off when I don't remember it. So, pros and cons. I'm happy where I'm at now. I wouldn't have what I got now if I didn't do any of that, so I don't regret a lot of it. There are definitely some things I do regret. but But I think the big picture of it, it was definitely the right decision. And it'll, especially having kids, like, you know always it'll always be there. There's no clean cut. There's no getting away from that. I still talk to her.
00:19:42
Speaker
And just a while later, she is a great mom, thinks she does a fantastic job with the kids. There are definitely some things we don't see eye to eye on, but you got divorced from somebody. What do you think is going to happen? We're not going to be best friends. We communicate decent, especially there are a lot of guys at the fire department that are divorced, a lot of people at the hospital that are divorced, and hearing some of their stories. I'm like, oh, maybe I don't have it.
00:20:04
Speaker
Terrible. yeah just was At least our behavior together yeah is is pretty good. we can like We had her whole family over to our house sir last for my youngest daughter's birthday. yeah i Yeah. So I think the fact that we like we can do that and be cordial is a very good thing. Yeah, that's good for sure.
00:20:23
Speaker
Well, that was a big story to tell, so thanks for sharing that. Yeah, yeah. And that's the first time I really heard most of it. like there was Yeah, there was a lot of like details and timelines that I like either had forgotten about or like maybe hadn't heard before. I didn't know that was The tree fall incident was what like was the big trigger. Yeah, cuz I mean I'd heard that story before. Yeah, I was like, it was a very yeah, I remember Well, he told it because it was such a traumatic God God and and that cuz her dog Anyway, this sidebar her dog was still alive wasn't it? Yeah, not much longer. I mean it was terrible It was yeah, like hips were broken like teeth roll out. It was yeah, it was cuz you know, we had to get her out first so like we're It was tough
00:21:05
Speaker
God, what a realization. yeah Yeah, some of our friends at work, we always joke about, can't trust those trees. um And then get people like sleeping in their house kind of frequently like that, but that's a still target, you know? Trees have like a vendetta. So people have a tree falling into
00:21:37
Speaker
Okay, cool. So with that, I think we'll ah move into our next segment, where we kind of talk a little bit more. It's like Q and&A session. We'll talk a little bit more about, get it like, the divorce happened. And now you're- Wow, we're flapping our wings. Exactly. Put it home. Be free. Be free. Like the cockroaches we are.
00:22:05
Speaker
Is this still getting better at that part? Yeah. Cool, yeah. I bet very different experiences. That's going to be crazy. You OK? OK, are you ready? I'm ready. I can't wait. OK, come on, start us. OK, well, thank you so much for the backstory. And the downfall. The downfall? Yes, the downfall. So let's talk about what your divorce happened and when and how you started to feel ready to date again or to be with anybody or get back out there.
Dating After Divorce
00:22:34
Speaker
Yeah, so we have, it's kind of like, I wouldn't say like rapid fire. Well, it kind of, maybe it is. We have like a bunch of questions I'll ask you. So like, it's an interrogation. It's an interrogation. Yeah, yeah. Yes, it should be. So my first questions are, what was your initial outlook on like marriage itself after you got out of your divorce? Never again. Never getting married again. Never again. In a sleep. That was my answer. That was like, okay, okay. Okay, well, I would say like, Melissa, what do you think about that?
00:23:03
Speaker
Um, I definitely knew I wanted to get married and again, but like, to God no, not, i have probably not immediately, but I mean it took eight months for me to get divorced, so it was, I was just, it wasn't thinking about it as much initially and just kind of trying to find find myself again and like just do whatever made me happy, saw my friends and everything, so.
00:23:23
Speaker
Yeah, that being said, it was not on my mind. It wasn't like I was like, Oh, I'm never getting married. It was the furthest thing from my mind. you nothing yeah Yeah, that's how I kind of feel is like, I don't know if I'm like, I'll never get married again. and But it's like, I know I don't want to get married right now. And I have a whole different idea of like what marriage is in general now. So ah eventually you did start dating again. So yeah, and just to start that off, that thought only gets Further true ah for a little while here. While you start dating. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I guess, did well, was there like a a time frame where you were like, I'm not dating anybody. i'm I'm alone. Or did you jump into it? I guess it depends on what you feel jumping into it is. It was probably, I mean, it was probably only a month before I asked somebody to like, hey, we should go out. ah I wasn't like, hey, we should like,
00:24:11
Speaker
be boyfriend-girlfriend, but I was like, hey, we should i go out and get some drinks. And this person actually is now my wife. but She said no. She was like, you are freshly divorcing me to get the hell out of here. I love it. I was like, oh, OK. She's like, you need to go like get some things out. And I was like, OK, cool. Like, whatever. I love that for her. It was like right person, wrong time. And she knew that. And she respected that. And she knew like you needed your time. Yeah.
00:24:37
Speaker
Yeah, she was freshly out of a pretty, like a long relationship. It was somebody she had dated through most of college and they had recently split up. So I think both of us were. You're just a little hesitant. Yeah, yeah. She was more hesitant obviously than I was. but Yeah, you're ready. I mean, let's do it. Yeah. There's some funny stories in there. I don't know if she wants to be sharing. We want her to be one of our guests. Yeah, so that I'll let her share that. But if she doesn't tell it right, I will be back. She knows what I'm referring to. She's going to be scary. yeah ah ah Her friends also know what I'm referring to. So what ultimately pushed you? I guess it only took a month, right? But like what made you feel like you wanted to try dating a guy? Were you like, you just crave the intimacy? Or like, you don't want to sleep with someone? Or are you like, maybe there's someone out there for me? like What made you feel like you wanted to start seeing people?
00:25:27
Speaker
ah Yeah, I mean definitely being alone sucks yeah yeah's big love i was i had moved back it with my parentsbarssing i ah um well pleasure game What made me feel like what what was I looking for to get back out there? and of like what like what what was your motives Yeah, like what pushed you to try like getting back out there Just like you don't want to be alone. Yeah, I didn't want to be alone. I like I don't know if I'm 100% extrovert, but I do like social interaction. ah So I definitely didn't want to be like a hermit forever. Can we talk about this? like Oh, sorry, go ahead. Melissa and talked about like it's kind of weird going for a marriage where you like literally live with this person, you're with them all the time, and then you go to like, it's very strange. not I mean, that's strange for a million reasons, but like just like just it just just not even having like another human with you, yeah yeah it's very weird. like It's like a whole different Probably more weird for you guys. I mean, I spend a lot of nights every third night above myself. Oh, because you were at the station. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, coming home to an empty house is weird. Right. I never had that experience. Yeah. Not until I bought a house. Because you were in the merits. Yeah. So I didn't ever have that.
00:26:37
Speaker
Okay, coming on to an empty bed. It's probably terrible. I mean, I didn't... I'm sorry you didn't, right? Sort of. Okay. All right, all right, all right. You got a question. Okay. Well, so, okay. How, how did it feel the first time you did decide to date somebody and that you were... Well, I got rejected, so that didn't feel good. Okay. Yes. Okay. Well, that wow i do so yeah that doesn't count as your first time with somebody then, because you weren't with them. You were denied. So the first time you went on a date or...
00:27:05
Speaker
and of Anything else? was a mono No, the first date was definitely strange. I did what I think a lot of people do, got on the old old egg ups. Which one was your preferred? Hinge. It was classier. At least it was a few years ago. It wasn't tender, so. Yeah. Respectfully, it's all those that I said. It was interesting, I think, having kids.
00:27:32
Speaker
also makes a very different experience. Did you can put that out there, like from the jump to people who didn't know you? ah The girl I went out with the first time, I think we had, I mean, Matt, we had talked, we got like each other Snapchats and phone numbers or whatever in this awesome field. I didn't have Snapchats until I went back out there. I guess that's what people are doing. like yeah um But for the record, me and David Snapchat each other. I used to send you my running updates. Yeah. Yeah. We still have Snapchats. I do. I have like an 800-day streak with like one of my best friends from college. And then David and my mom, anyway. I can't get behind Snapchats.
00:28:07
Speaker
Anyway, so, okay. So yes, you had, you had to tell her that. Yeah. So I ended up telling her, I was like, uh, well, so I, yeah, like I said, we matched. It was, we had gone out, but we, I had updated my hinge, I guess, to stay there. I was like, I feel like that's important, but like, I don't want to put too much information out there. Cause like, what's the world guide? Yeah, right. So, uh, but yeah, no, I remember on the first day and I was like,
00:28:31
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's on my profile. She was like, I didn't say it. Were you lying? It was on there when we went out. I don't know if it was on there when we matched. I don't remember when I. hook her and yeah she goes and look like And then you gaslight her. Good tactic. That's how you win someone over. now All these women were very nice. Let me just start out by saying I have no avail will towards any of them. I feel like most of them, we can at least socialize. Like, I don't feel any type of negative way. And hopefully it's very mutual, but. Were you super nervous going on dates? Yeah. I mean, I feel like, one, I had done it in ages. I had no idea I was getting involved in. And two, you're going to meet a stranger, right? That's kind of its own thing. But yeah, I had no idea what expectations dating were. So yeah.
00:29:19
Speaker
her and then there was another girl from like college that reconnected and like we had gone on a few dates and like done some hanging out and i and the the first girl I was like so like what are we doing here like is this like is it like Yeah, is this us? like What are we doing here, right? And she's like, not a player. She didn't say it like that, but she was like, no. like I think we can still date other people, which I was like, oh, OK, cool. So I was like, OK. So I'm like, this is what dating is now, right? Like, I've kind of heard. Like, I've not known. And I was like, this is cool. This is it. It's cool. Really throw it in the deep end. I'm a cool guy. Oh, cool. you know You're so cool. No, but I, uh, this might be a hot take, but I feel like a lot of guys want like a serious relationship with women. And a lot of, at least now, a lot of women don't maybe as quickly.
00:30:18
Speaker
Like a guy when he finds a girl, he's like, he's like, cool, I'm locked in. That's, I don't really want to deal with anybody else. Boom. And women don't like that. Women don't like it. They, they like, they want to chase maybe or they want to be like, oh, it's hard to get his attention. I mean, I don't want to jump to the long story short here, but I feel that was my initial impression. I was like, wow, okay, cool. So like, don't.
00:30:39
Speaker
don't be too honest maybe or like emotional I don't know that wasn't emotional but like not locked I don't know like what you mean I've heard this before when my friend said this to is like when a guy knows what he wants that's all he wants and like yeah it takes girls longer to know what they want yeah and I also think also being all in marriages like I'm so used to, I was so used to, like, this is my person, I'm honest with them, I share them with everything, I'm very intimate with them, like, emotionally, whatever. yeah And you have to go from this place of, like, oh wait, no this like you you have to, like, it has to take time, and it has to be slow, and I'm not used to that. It's like, oh, we are starting from zero. But does it doesn't have to be slow? But maybe it doesn't. I don't know, but, like, most people are, like, coming from the same places. Yeah. Well, I saw a TikTok. Let me know how you feel about this, because, you know, that was doing those cool voices, but it was like, hey, tomorrow's not guaranteed, so why don't you tell the people that you care about that you care about them?
00:31:26
Speaker
Yeah. How beautiful. And I was like, man, that hits. But like you say that to a girl that you met once. Hopefully not once. Hopefully you don't have those feelings. Well, you don't want to scare her off. Right. But I feel like for a long time, guys, I mean, maybe just me. Maybe that's my problem. But yeah, at least I'd be like, man, I really like this person. And, you know, I'm like, I wasn't like, I love you. I wasn't just.
00:31:52
Speaker
yeah yeah
00:31:57
Speaker
but It was way too long, that's the way it was. You just wouldn't stop talking. So, yeah, no, I wasn't saying that stuff, but... And, you know, you put feelers out. You don't just jump in like, hey, I really like you. You're not love bombing. Right, but I do feel like I am somebody that dives in head first. But, like, very much on their feedback.
00:32:15
Speaker
You know what I mean? Like test it, test it. And then sometimes you get really close, like what you think's there, at least this is, you know, what I learned. And it's like, oh, we're not actually, we just do this. This is with everything. Got it. No, but I guess, yeah. So again, like the conference wasn't quite there, right? So it's, but it's slowly, it's coming back. It's coming back. It's coming back. You think even now still.
00:32:34
Speaker
Oh, no, the confidence is probably too high. Oh, OK. OK. You're like, no. We're too much. Yeah, people at work know what I'm talking about. ah ah Party playing. OK. Even the five. Whoa. OK, I have another question. So like, did you know your the downfall of your marriage help you kind of redefine what you were looking for in
Redefining Values and Confidence
00:32:56
Speaker
someone else? Were you like, oh, well, now I understand these are my values. You're like, this is kind of what I'm looking for in someone who's more compatible.
00:33:02
Speaker
Yeah, that is, that's a great question. Yeah, it definitely did. I knew that I didn't want somebody that was super religious. And I also knew, again, all my exes are great people. i d more Before got married the first time, was very much a partier, like, let's go do raves, let's do everything associated with that.
00:33:26
Speaker
i am also yeah fars that yeah i still friends with our on facebook to keep yes yeah we know Yeah, great person but also for something in the middle, you know that first one Those are the extremes those are the extremes right and both have their perks pros and cons to everything So I was looking for something more in the middle, right? I mean they say repeating the same thing expecting a difference or else the definition of insanity So keep mixing it up How did you rebuild your confidence after like how do you feel like maybe you didn't actively work on your confidence but like how did you feel like it like you kind of grew back yourself a scene. Yeah it wasn't necessarily anything. Well, I guess two parts of that you know I had to come to terms with like.
00:34:07
Speaker
I shouldn't care what other people think, and I'm just going to do what I want to do. Be authentic. Yeah, be yourself, right? And the golden forty five and that's kind of, and I was like, I'm just going to find somebody that likes to do what I like to do. And that'll just work itself out. And just kind of being comfortable in your own skin. But then also, you know, going on a few dates, and then when I was single, there were a lot, there was just a lot more, a lot more female attention.
00:34:34
Speaker
Oh, God. It helped build the concept. Well, because you know, that's what was taken from me. I was literally told I was not physically attractive. Yeah. It wasn't like a concept of like, I can't do XYZ. It was like, no, you're fucking ugly. I was like, wow, OK, cool. That's not what the dating world was then telling you. So that really helped boost you pretty quick. Yeah, I mean. Validation. Yeah, yeah, definitely worked its way back up that way. Hopefully you built that within as well. Because we talked a lot about how we have a lot of issues with external validation, mental validation. And self-validation is really important. It's interesting that you had female validation. No, I think a lot of guys do. I think these movies we watch with good-looking actors and people that are all sauced up on steroids and stuff, I don't think it's as bad as the female side of it, just because of how
00:35:28
Speaker
society maybe pushes that, and because I feel like on the guy side, I was like, oh, dad bugs are cool. I'm like, no, there's a reason all these movies, these dudes have six backs. Nobody respectfully, nobody. And someone will say it is, but you know, and what's his name? That football player, that... He got the sexiest man of the year, and he he was a big dude. He was like an offensive lineman. It was Travis, what's his name's brother, wasn't it? His brother. They played for the Eagles, right? No way. He got sexiest man of the year. yeah I forget his name. Googler. You want me to Google it for you? Is that something we can do on this? Jason Police.
00:35:59
Speaker
What? Kelsey. Kelsey, whatever it is. Did you say Kelsey? I said when I said. I said when I said. Say off, say off, say off. OK, so I have another question for you. That's all right. So what advice would you give people who might not be ready to get back out and dating and kind of like how can you tell that maybe you aren't ready to go out and date after divorce? That's something, honestly, you and only you can answer. There's no.
00:36:27
Speaker
timeline that anybody else can put on it. And it's just whenever you are ready to either go seek that for yourself or entertain other people seeking it, because depending on who you are, people are going to be asking you to go out or vice versa. So if that pressure is either too much, if you are the one being asked out, then then you should feel confident to be like, hey, I'm not ready. And then maybe if you are Just able to communicate, be like, hey, this is where I'm at. like We can hang out and like I'll get to know you, but I'm not looking for anything more than XYZ, and I need you to know that up front. As we know, some people have a harder time listening to those. just Those doors get open and people just keep trying. Side eyes. But as far as, I guess from my side, being more than one that's asking out. Yeah.
00:37:13
Speaker
It's whenever you're ready to go. I mean, because that's that's enough pressure on itself. Like if you are ready to go put that pressure on yourself, like you must be ready. Yeah. There's a I don't think there's really a timeline on it, but you'll know once you start dating if you're ready. I feel like that's truly the test. You start. no Oh, shit. You're like, wow. no Close that door. Unfortunately, yeah, there's no test like the actual test. No, no, that's so true. Well, I do think it's so important that you said that is only a question that you can answer. Like, maybe it sounds like sometimes we're giving a lot of advice on this podcast, but we don't know shit. Like you're like, everybody's sort story is so different, every situation is different. So it's like, yeah, maybe just test the waters if you feel like you're ready to test it. And it's okay if you're not ready. And then just
00:37:57
Speaker
Yeah, just communicating with whoever you're testing with about where you may or may not be. Hey, we tried this. I need to take a few steps back. And hopefully they are respectful about it. That's all you can ask. And hopefully, I mean, if you know them or whatever, they should you should judge their character to know if they're going to be OK with that.
00:38:16
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So I think we have one last one. I heard this ah story kind of, I can't really remember it, but I wanted you to share it. I think one of our friends, Phillip told us this. Well, in general, I wouldn't know if you have like any like embarrassing moments or like hilarious stories, but like there's one that says, there's one that I think you can tell. And all I remember, I'll just say like plexiglass, yeah like, okay. I have not heard this at all. you don't tell
00:38:44
Speaker
Man, what a time. So, ah I don't know how long this has been. Obviously, I hadn't been out with anybody else. So, Philip and I went out to some, it was like a brewery. It wasn't like a bar or club or anything like that, but very laid back, get some drinks, hang out, set of tables. And this was, you know, during COVID, so the tables were separated by plexiglass. It was a big long table, plexiglass setting the groups. I think it was sections of four, and you could move them if your group was larger.
00:39:12
Speaker
These women were sitting next to us, and I say these women, beautiful women, but they were a little bit older. They were a little bit older. How old? How old if I had to guess and ask in their age, because I'm respectful, but they were probably early 40s. If I had to guess, yeah, early 40s. It's been a while, had some alcohol in me. Lights were dimmed.
00:39:33
Speaker
But the woman next to us directly, so we're standing on the table and there's plexiglass pretty much touching your elbow. Like you if you have your ah your arm on the table, you're drinking just to paint the picture for everybody listening. Plexiglass is touching elbow, right? Very close. And then on the other side, their elbow touching plexiglass.
00:39:51
Speaker
She's looking over at us, you know, making there was some verbal exchanges, whatever some jokes made. At some point, she grabs the plastic glass with eye contact and licks it like a long, you know, looking at you through the place. Yeah. Phillip looks at me, said you need to take this one home. Oh.
00:40:10
Speaker
What was it? That was your first... This is going to be the first time back in the saddle. Oh my God. Hell yeah. I was like, okay, cool. You're not telling a few trees? You think these stories. Right, right. I was like... So she had gotten up, she went to the bathroom. I was like, dude, when she gets back, she's like, hey, what are we doing tonight? Get that plastic glass out of the way. I was like, you think that's the lie? He was like, I don't know. I was like, I'll try it. So she sits back down.
00:40:36
Speaker
And I said it. it said I asked, I was like, hey, so what are we doing tonight? And she pauses, looks me in the eyes and says, I'm going home to my husband and kids. Oh, well, how the turntables. All right. So that's cool. Cool. Like that was a little confusing. like was ah i don't I didn't say that part, actually, but I was just like, Philip, we gotta get out of Okay, no, that was way more embarrassing for her. She just licks some nasty ass... I hope one day she listens to this. She'll get out of you though. Ew! Don't you but by yeah find her? yeah is' another woman you're with a woman that is in alpharetta alfred two thousand said
00:41:23
Speaker
but he during co yeah yeah yeah find her what a time so but good for you for putting yourself out there yeah it didn't go well She put herself a lot further out there. Right, with no... But did she realize she wasn't ready? I don't know. She wasn't ready. She was figuring it out. Because she was all married. I think I was so embarrassed. I was like, okay, well, like, can I at least buy you a drink to, like, say sorry or whatever? And she's like, I'm drinking water. And I was like, okay, so... Where are you? I was embarrassed. I don't know what was happening. I don't know what was happening. It was... Wow, what a time. We hit the town with our dancing shoes. No more waiting in line.
00:42:05
Speaker
So based on your experiences, maybe you can share now the top lessons or like tips that you learned about like getting back out there.
Dating Tips and Self-Respect
00:42:14
Speaker
the duke world on divorce After divorce, I would give very different advice to men and women. So for guys, figure out how to be cool and what I mean by that. Cool. What I mean by that? Like the more you can make them laugh with not talking to them, the better you're going to do.
00:42:31
Speaker
What? Wait, what do you mean? No, no. Listen to this. Listen. Listen. Listen. I'll dive into this. This is very much like when you see them in person, make them feel like, oh, you guys are awesome. This is also very douchebag advice. Oh my God. But this, this. I hate this already. Yeah, you should. But this is what.
00:42:50
Speaker
is what works this will works okay well yeah now yeah yeah okay he knows If you dive in too fast and give them what the fairy tale is out of the gate, they don't want it. So i be the fuck boy out of the gate. But not a fuck boy. We don't be a fuck boy, right? But just like don't love bomb them. But fuck boy makes me think that you're like an asshole. Yeah, no, don't be an asshole. But yeah, you should have a roster. Build up a roster.
00:43:16
Speaker
so but but on the woman i'll tell let me just options open is are you're saying like i i'm like i make disrespect long and i like try toen it into a nice way like maybe no Let me tell you what this is what it's really like from our side this is what it's really like from our side Yeah, let me say what it was like answer this is your advice. We don't have to agree with it. I don't know if I do Yeah, you probably won't because it we're very different, yeah men and women, right? so And this was actually a me problem. this kiing him When I backtrack, this is me because I dive in head first. Okay, so this is you telling yourself. How this is you telling yourself? Yeah, this is what I have to had to tell myself when I was trying to get back into dating, yeah trying to be cool. Basically, don't hate me. i looks tre that
00:44:01
Speaker
ah Like I said, diving head first was kind of the mindset that I had initially. And I realized women didn't respond well to that or didn't like that. So that's when I went full like, okay, well, I'm going to be, and I say fuck, but I wasn't an asshole. It was very nice to everybody. But in order for me to not love bomb or just yeah have to talk to somebody a lot, I just had a lot of people that I was talking to. And then it was easy to like, I can do a few minutes here, a few minutes there. Like, I don't have to. um um yeah
00:44:32
Speaker
Yeah, I mean how much do you want to know on here? all of that most you do ah you feel comfortable sharing Yeah, this is your time. No, this ah Mariah, this was your fault. Mariah, this is your fault. Yeah, I would have been asked from the get go, but you said go out there.
00:44:46
Speaker
Yeah, build your roster because again, you can't seem too available. But the easiest way for me to avoid that or overthinking things was like, I can bury, and this is, this is bad. I don't know if I should say this on the podcast, but uh, some advice that I gave some friends was bury your problems in other I hate it. You've said this once before, and I hate it. Gross. Now we're keeping this. Yeah. and Because we became a game. like I got so into this fuckboy mentality. I was like, look in. I didn't think marriage is real. Everybody fucking sucks. Fuck everybody. You know, fuck everybody but me walking in the club. You know, we all heard it.
00:45:29
Speaker
sir Yeah, so I did that. And that is when I was getting the most positive feedback, honestly. From women. From women. Do you also feel like your confidence was higher? And like, yeah, you weren't love bombing people. I mean, it wasn't- I was super confident because I knew I didn't need her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I knew I was like, you don't work out? Cool. I got somebody else. And she knew that. And then they'd be like, oh, wait. Like, cool. Maybe. Maybe.
00:45:54
Speaker
and do a wheel a we brave They love the toxic. Don't ever listen to them. They love it. ah but we do yeahn Side note, our mom listens to this podcast. You know that, right? Mom, turn that off about 20 minutes later.
00:46:12
Speaker
Notice what happened at your house. but but yeah Yeah, so I guess then to the women out there, if you have a guy that you think is worth anything and he's giving you some type of attention, I think be very clear with your intentions and kind of ask those questions about his intentions and what he's doing that will kind of tell you where they are at, how they're dealing with being a single man.
00:46:41
Speaker
If you don't want to deal with a guy with a roster, there are some, you can just ask, essentially, like, if they, if they're gonna, if Friday nights they're also not texting you back and you're not with them, they're out fucking. Yeah, baby they be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking. They be fucking.
00:47:03
Speaker
that's if that's if it's eight o'clock and they've stopped texting that they're not sleep and right and if there are you sleeping They I am in butt by nine. I said eight. I know. I read my book and I go to bed. and to Guys, I feel like this applies more. I mean, we've all seen the TikToks. I don't need to repeat any of this, but like if she's not texting you back in 24 hours and says I'm busy, she's not busy, guys. You're not it.
00:47:26
Speaker
Oh, you're not it. Keep moving. 24 hours is a very long time. Yeah, you're not that busy. Nobody's that busy. Yeah, nobody's that busy. Hell, I won't even give you 12 hours. 24 hours busy? That if somebody was important to you and they texted you, you would text them back. I do think there is, I think there is like a, you make time for the people that are interested in. Right, 100%. And it goes both ways too. Like if you are having, if you're the one initiating conversations, like carrying it all the time, read the room and leave.
00:47:54
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's true. Yeah, I also like... Self-respect is a hard thing to have, especially when you really think somebody's good. Like, you really want them. But yeah, respect yourself enough to get out of there. Oh, I love that you say that. Because we, like, lose ourselves in wanting someone so bad. Right. That you kind of forget you give up a lot of, like, who you are and sacrifice. Make compromises about yourself and, like, how you should be respected or treated because you're like, oh, this person's about, I'll make it work. And it's like, no, that just... No, have some respect and some dignity for yourself. Yeah. It's hard to say that after saying what I just said. Yeah, this is like completely yeah very different advice. yeah ah But it's the same advice. It's just how you get the respect for yourself, how you control having enough respect. Like if you, and again, for me, it was bad. I got it. totally But it was easier for me to get out of that and have self-respect by distracting myself with another, again, bearing my problem somewhere else.
00:48:49
Speaker
Well, and maybe like it's kind of ah very different word a choice of words, but maybe it's like, it's a desperation thing. It's like, if you come off too desperate or needy, like, then neither sex wants to deal with that. It's all about confidence, boys. Write that down. Fake it till you make it. That's my advice. That's what you got to do. yeah Got to get on top. Thank you for those tips.
00:49:13
Speaker
Thank you for that. Thank you for those tips. I'm never coming back on the show anyway. We'll see how the audience takes it. Very different. Okay. No, I think this was good. It was good to get a male perspective, right? Right. There are men that listen, so actually quite a few. I can see the analytics. Yeah. I would like to see what their comments are um the on this. yeah just if If they've had any type of similar experience or if I'm just talking on my app.
00:49:38
Speaker
No, honestly, I do think you're probably pretty relatable. Yeah. I do, unfortunately. so It's a cold world out there, boys. Unfortunately.
00:49:53
Speaker
So can we touch on like where you are now?
David's Current Life
00:49:56
Speaker
Quickly. Yes, very quickly. So Mariah, she called me, got back together with her. ah Since I got back, we got together. Things went really well. We dated for two years, got engaged, got married, recently got married. Technically, I married last January, so just hit our one-year anniversary. We didn't do the wedding though until August of last year. Some backstory with that, but we're not going to get into it. um Just because of time. um And we're going to have Mariah as a guest, as we said. She's going to give us some of this. Right. And I would... Yeah, her side of that story is going to be great. I know. I can't like get wait. talk she has say I can't wait till she listens to you, but you right. Yeah. She knows how I feel. There's no secrets there. Right. No, no, no. What it is is if you can truly be yourself with whoever your... And I mean truly be yourself in every aspect of your life, that's probably your best friend or your person. So...
00:50:51
Speaker
That was such a good one. After all that, like really, really sad and dark other advice that you gave. I really liked that one. I totally agree. Yeah. All right. Cool. Give me one more game. Okay. Okay. Cool.
00:51:10
Speaker
Okay, so I have a game for you guys. It surprises always because I love doing that. I don't like you to know how to time. that It's called love it or leave it. ah Okay, great. And so basically I'm going to give you some statements about like ah like traits about a person. And imagine that you find this trait out on your first date with this person. And you're going to tell me if you're going to love it. So you like go on another date or you're going to leave it like you never will talk to them again. There's no in between. You have to pick love it or leave it.
00:51:40
Speaker
Yay. I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay. First one. So we're going to start off pretty easy. They're obsessed with horoscopes. I'm out. but Yeah. You have to leave it immediately. That's a heart in between. I mean, I don't care that I'm obsessed. Leave it. Leave it. Okay. God, you guys are both leaves. Okay. Warming up here. They refuse to share their dessert at a restaurant. Leave. I don't care.
00:52:04
Speaker
Have you asked me like that? Like super? What about something to share? And then when you get it on what they snatch at the table, will they share with the kids? They don't share their dessert. Yeah, the no kids were out. Yeah, you can't say no to my daughter.
00:52:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. They don't believe in celebrating anniversaries. That's fine. Leave it. it you're You're fine. You say love it. But I don't love that. Yeah, none of these are lovable. You have to. You have to. Love it. Love it. Love it. Love that. I mean, it is more affordable, though. Yeah, it's all made up on you. They still text their ex for advice. Leave it! Leave it! Leave it!
00:52:49
Speaker
They're vegan, and they insist their partner- Leave it! Sorry, they insist they're what? Guys didn't even get you right today! I don't care. They insist partner also avoids meat. Absolutely leave it, and throw them away for nobody else to- It's all the vegans out there now, you're saving the world, don't give up. Yeah, yeah I love that, okay. They don't have any social media accounts at all. Love it. This is unsure. Well, I don't love it or leave it. well Do they have social media accounts that I can't just find? Leave it. Oh my god.
00:53:18
Speaker
You're duking too deep into this. Oh my God. No, it's fine. Yeah. If it's not a leave it, you love it. Yeah. Okay. Love it. You both love it. They work a high stress job with unpredictable hours.
00:53:32
Speaker
ah well there's just right our know High stress. Unpredictable hour. Do we have any more contacts? How many hours? It's unpredictable. How much money? Unpredictable. Leave it. Leave it. I'm not something worst case scenario. It's not worth it. Leave it. Okay. Money's not even worth it. Leave it. I mean, if I don't love it, so bye. They wear Crocs everywhere. lay that Leave it. Leave it. What about Birkenstocks?
00:54:03
Speaker
Everywhere. yeah Everywhere. ah Skiing. Burks. What? I don't know. I'm trying to go to a nice restaurant. I don't know, Ryan's barefoot a lot. I shouldn't be saying that. I knew because we're Burkins. Y'all are crazy. She bought those Burkins. They're very comfortable. I love them.
00:54:21
Speaker
They only communicate in rhymes for the first hour of every day. Leave.
00:54:30
Speaker
are no love it That sounds like it you're starting out with a good attitude right and I love some PMA That's positive mental attitude that write that one down but i feel like Okay, you're leave but you like love love it you would murder them right if you want to try that Turn in the hour? That's a lot of running. Are you kidding me? Who even takes the first hour of the day? Who would talk so much? It doesn't matter. It doesn't talk much. Whatever you say, but that's right. I bet we couldn't do it for five minutes. We'll try another podcast. Yeah, exactly. We should try it. They eat spaghetti with their hands. No. Love it. Absolutely love it. Out. Leave us.
00:55:10
Speaker
Okay, there's like three more. They hum loudly while eating. Like they're like moaning because it's good. When it's good food or all the time? All the time. No. Are they humming a song or are they like, mmm? No, it's out. I'm out. I'm out. Mmm. I love it. Okay, sorry. No. I express how much I enjoy food and Ryan says I can't do that. You do. You're always like, mmm. Yeah, she was like, shh, stop it. I'm like, what? So she would leave it. Yeah, she would definitely leave it. I don't even do it all the time.
00:55:37
Speaker
Oh yeah, leave it. Leave it? Okay. They constantly quote lines from the office in conversation. Love it! I do that, so. Constantly? Constantly. What was the definition of a constantly? Oh, I don't know what the definition is. Every, every, what if you have like a really serious one and they're like. You're gonna drop that and be like, son of a bitch. Bring it in. I love it. You love it. I'm about it. Big office girl. I'm out. I like the show, but... Okay, this is the last one, which I feel like it's kind of a lame one to end on, but they insist on sitting the same side of the booth at every restaurant. Same side of the booth? That's actually not what the same side of the... I thought you said the same side of booth. Actually, that's cool. Like they're sitting next to you instead of across from you? Yeah. Yeah, I'm out. It's not a hard... I mean, it's a... Are you kidding me? I kind of am into it now.
00:56:26
Speaker
Yeah, you haven't done it. Clearly. I've done it! I've done it! No. What do you mean, no? You're talking and you're like... And you're banging elbows. And for those that can't see, it's a very hard turn to the right. There's a spaghetti with a ring. Yeah, you're hooking a hard right every time you have to tell you something. You're humming. You're looking at an empty booth across from you. No, the waiter's confused. They're working their croc. And that's all. This is one person. They can't stop rhyming and they're rapping about office jokes.
00:56:52
Speaker
That's terrible, guys. If they insist, don't like it, refuse to sit on the other side, leave it. So he's losing. It doesn't matter if he's being one person. This was your day and you get to experience all of this. Yeah.
Bad Date Experiences Discussion
00:57:11
Speaker
Have you guys had any bad dates you want to share? um I haven't been on any of my really real dates, I guess. That's rude.
00:57:21
Speaker
Oh my God. Guys that are taking this one out, so do better.
Podcast Wrap-up and Announcements
00:57:29
Speaker
Well, that's it for today's episode of Oars to Bores. Thank you so much, David, for joining us and sharing your story. Also, I want to mention that we are now moving to a biweekly format, so we'll be launching an episode every other week. If you're enjoying the show, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
00:57:45
Speaker
And a follow us on Instagram and TikTok at oarsdivorced for updates, behind the scenes content, maybe some inspirational videos, and definitely some silly nest. Silly nest. Silly nest. Until our next episode. Bye. Say bye. Pizza Girl's got 8 times down. Yeah. Oh, I like that. That's gonna be good. Come on, you can edit that. I like a glass of wine. I had two glasses in this cell and I had to eat dinner. Yeah, so... Oh! Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, don't speak. No, it's okay. You want this one? You can it. but No, it's okay. I just like, I'm not gonna drink much because I am kind of like coming. nothing all's Table drink it. So, too far. Shut it! Your dad watches it all done ok yeah i know watch is like it daughter no and um it's the long order. done. SVU is done.
00:58:37
Speaker
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I can't wait to get to that! To protect the innocent, we've changed all the names. Hey buddy, I hope you find your dad! Can't trust those trees.