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#102: Orla Foster: Rebuilding self-worth after toxic relationships
638 Plays3 months ago
Are you ready to break free from toxic relationships and reclaim your confidence?
In this episode of The Kate Hamilton Health Podcast, I sit down with Orla Foster, a compassionate coach and therapist who specialises in helping women heal and thrive after toxic relationships.
We dive into what defines a toxic relationship, how to navigate guilt and shame, and why rebuilding self-worth is the key to moving forward. Orla shares her insights on Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), a powerful hypnotherapy method designed to help you uncover and reprogram limiting subconscious beliefs. Together, we explore personal development, setting healthy boundaries, and the cultural influences that shape our relationships.
Whether you’re seeking actionable steps to heal or inspiration to take the first step, this episode is your guide to transformative growth.
Episode Highlights:
[00:00] Welcome to the Kate Hamilton Health Podcast
[00:12] Introducing Orla Foster: Coach and Therapist
[00:36] What are Toxic Relationships? Signs to Look For
[02:20] Orla’s Journey: Healing and Rebuilding After Toxic Relationships
[03:43] The Power of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)
[07:19] Unpacking the Complexities of Toxic Relationships
[10:45] Rebuilding Self-Worth and Setting Boundaries
[21:44] How Cultural Norms Impact Relationship Dynamics
[28:17] Deep Dive into Rapid Transformational Therapy
[34:05] Toxic Relationships: Recognizing the Patterns
[35:50] Why Self-Worth is the Cornerstone of Healing
[36:30] Dealing with Online Negativity and Emotional Triggers
[38:34] Confidence, Journaling, and Building Resilience
[45:18] The Benefits of Journaling for Healing
[48:32] Social Media, Community, and Finding Support
[49:50] Practical Resources for Personal Growth and Recovery
[53:01] Final Thoughts: Hope, Healing, and Empowerment
Links & Resources:
- Connect with Orla Foster on Instagram here
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with friends who might benefit. For more health and fitness tips, follow me on Instagram and TikTok @katehamiltonhealth.
Music b LiQWYD Free download: hypeddit.com/link/xxtopb [http://hypeddit.com/link/xxtopb] Promoted by FreeMusicPromo [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbycji-eySnM3WD8mbxPUSQ] / @freemusicpromo
Disclaimer:
The content shared in this episode is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate support, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or helpline in your area.
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Transcript
Introduction to the Episode and Guest
00:00:08
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Kate Hamilton health podcast. So in today's episode, I chat with Orla Foster. Orla is a coach and a therapist who helps women heal from toxic relationships. This was an absolutely fascinating conversation.
Understanding Toxic Relationships
00:00:26
Speaker
in which i came out of extremely inspired and feeling really empowered and i really think you're going to feel the same way after listening to it and so we talk a little bit around toxic relationships you know defining what a toxic relationship is we talk a lot around rebuilding self-worth, dealing with the guilt and shame that comes with toxic relationships. And then Orla spends a good bit of time talking about the type of therapy that she does with her clients, which is rapid transformation therapy, which is a type of hypnotherapy that dives into your subconscious mind and looks at the beliefs that were formed in your early years between the years of zero and eight, and how we can work through these experiences that you've had and change your beliefs about yourself
00:01:13
Speaker
so that they are more empowering and constructive so that you can heal from the situations that you have experienced.
Internet as a Tool for Personal Growth
00:01:20
Speaker
As well as talking about toxic relationships and how to heal from them, we also go into a lot of detail around personal development and how you can thrive in life. It's not just about surviving, it's about thriving and really empowering yourself and how we can use the internet and all the information that's available to us to really help us thrive rather than us continuing to be reactive beings, which a lot of us tend to be. I really took so much from this conversation. I know you will, too.
Personal Experiences as Motivation
00:01:53
Speaker
So enjoy the episode.
00:01:58
Speaker
Hi, Orla. Welcome to the podcast. Hi, kid. Thanks so much for having me. I'm really excited to have this conversation. So thanks for the opportunity. Me too. Looking forward to diving into everything before we do. And do you want to tell little everyone a little bit about who you are, what you do, and what journey is that has got you to hear? um Okay, there's a lot. So my name is Orla and I am a coach and therapist for women who have been in toxic relationships. My goal and my mission is to help as many women as possible ever around the world to heal after being in toxic relationships and
00:02:34
Speaker
to find their self-worth it and find their self-love again after this type of relationship. I suppose where I came from is that I experienced a particularly bad, emotionally abusive relationship a long time ago in Australia. And then unfortunately, although despite as much counseling and therapy and podcasts and everything, as self-help books and everything that I did to try and figure all of those out and figure myself out, I found myself back in in more toxic relationships. And I guess I was really frustrated because I could see after the fact that I had found myself in in another relationship, I would say, same guy, different haircut. And i I was at my wit's end really. And I had even studied counseling in the middle of all of this. So you would, in theory, I really
00:03:20
Speaker
vo about you would imagine i I would be too smart to end up in a relationship like that again. But that wasn't the case and that's not really how it works at all. So I suppose that to cut a long story short, I was a bit desperate because i I thought to myself, I'm in therapy, I'm talking about the same things over and over and over and over again. But I wasn't really changing how I thought about myself and my beliefs about myself hadn't
Hypnotherapy and Changing Beliefs
00:03:39
Speaker
changed. Hence why I ended up in similar our relationships over and over again. So I came across the therapy called rapid transformational therapy. I don't know if you've heard of it or not, but Marisa Peer is the pioneer of it and I just did an online course in it and I was just blown away at change my whole mindset and it really works on your belief system. and And a lot of us have a belief system of not being good enough or not feeling worthy of love. And when you're able to change that belief system, you know, you can have one of confidence and a feeling like you're good enough and that you are good enough for anything that you want in your life. Anyway, I did this course and I was just
00:04:17
Speaker
I have to train in this. So then I studied to become an RTT practitioner. From there, I decided that, well, I have the life experience and I have the qualifications to help women who've been in the same boat as I've been. And I suppose my passion comes from the fact that as many people as I spoke to, I never really felt that anyone understood it. I never felt that anyone was like, yeah, they got it or they were able to validate me or come back and say, oh yes, you know, like that was wrong. You know, give me that kind of confidence that I needed. and I think just maybe this expanded too much too quickly, but I think that like counseling and therapy and all that type of stuff is useful.
Challenges of Leaving Toxic Relationships
00:04:56
Speaker
But unless you've walked in the shoes of someone that has been in these types of relationships, it's very difficult to offer any, you know, the right advice or the right support. And as well as that, I found, and even in my training and in in therapy, it's very much about eliciting the person to discover things about themselves. but
00:05:15
Speaker
If you have low self esteem, if you have been in a bad relationship, chances are it would take you a very, very, very, very long time to realize the things that might take you years and years and years therapy to to realize. Does that make sense? So for me, being able to offer coaching and therapy and supporting advice to women to validate their experience, but also to understand where they're coming from and have techniques for healing.
00:05:38
Speaker
It's just something that i I'm really, really passionate about sharing and letting women know that it's possible to feel good. Like I feel great. I've never felt any better. When you're in a situation like a toxic relationship, your self-worth is on the grind. You feel like you'll never and be happy ever again in your life, you know? But my message is clear that you totally can be happy and you can totally heal given the right tools.
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah. I love what you said there as you were telling your story that, you know, you said, Oh, I'm too smart to be in this situation. yeah I think that was a, that's a really, really important point that you've made that it isn't anything to do with intelligence or even life experience. And I know a lot of women.
00:06:18
Speaker
listening will really, really connect with this. I'm like, this is me time and time and time again. And we have this ability where we repeat the same patterns, having very little control. And I'm kind of thinking about this much more. So from like, you know, a health of fitness, a fat loss perspective, you know, I work with women who find it difficult to change those repeated behavior.
00:06:38
Speaker
a lot of it does stem from the inside so it's a similar pattern that you're talking about in relation to relationships and I know a lot of people will be able to relate to that and I just think that's really important just to highlight that anyone listening who is struggling in a relationship or has had a pattern of a few relationships that have been quite toxic that it isn't anything to do with you and your intelligence. and A lot of women that I work with are extremely successful in And it's not about success either. It doesn't matter whether you're successful or you're not, whatever success means and and in where the cover is, but it tends to be people that are doing very well in their life. Their life is organized quite well, but the relationship and the romantic side of their life is.
00:07:17
Speaker
is the one part that is very different. So, you know, manipulation is tricky and it's not straightforward and it's complex. So a lot of people would have the opinion, well, if that's bad behavior, then leave, but it's so much more complicated than that. And it's often further down the track before people are aware of what's going on. And by then there's an emotional bond has been made and then manipulation tactics will have you staying in a situation much, much longer than you would if you say I could see things as clearly as you would like to.
00:07:45
Speaker
Yeah. And it is very difficult in a situation where other people don't understand and they're like, yeah Kim, leave like leave and what are you doing? And it's well-meaning, but it's not helpful and probably should you just self-esteem even further. Totally. Yeah. And like I remember, you know, with a lack of understanding really of what had happened in the relationship in Australia, I just knew I had to leave. I knew I had to leave the country to get away from him because I could feel the sense that I might get back with him, even if I didn't want it, that I would had this pull that I would get back with this guy. So I left the country. I left a really good job, all that type of thing. But I remember watching a TV show, a morning show in my parents' eyes and just seeing these women that have been in these relationships. I think physical abuse has been the thing. and
00:08:29
Speaker
presenter was saying oh well why wouldn't you just leave and I remember just breaking down and crying because I knew why they couldn't leave I had the feeling why they couldn't leave even if I didn't have the words to put on it back then it was really sad you know it's really sad to see that and to to know that that was me but I had left you know I had left the country and I had done something really strong but I found it really really difficult and I totally resonated with with what those women were going through Are you able to put it into words now?
Defining Toxic Relationships
00:08:56
Speaker
Why don't people leave? People don't leave, well, there's a few reasons, but one is because when the relationship starts, it can be the most amazing time of your whole entire life. So you're touching onto this time with this person that is almost too good to be true because it is. But at the time, you know, you might think, wow, I can't believe this person, they get me, they understand me, they're kind, they're generous, they're everything I've ever wanted. And potentially you're at an age where you're thinking, this is it now, you know, this is my life. I'm like, I'm, you know,
00:09:23
Speaker
late 20s, 30s, you know, around these kind of ages where, you know, society pressure is that you are going, this is the relationship, this is your life now. So that can be a factor as well. So you're putting your whole self into this relationship. And you're thinking, this is amazing. Everyone is applauding you, you know, you found love, all those things. And then the abusive, I suppose, patterns with that person don't start for a while, it'll be a little bit little bits and then they'll be, they'll be good again and then little bits and then you'll be like, Oh, I'm not sure about that. But then they'll, they'll, they'll come back to being the way they were, but slowly, but surely.
00:09:58
Speaker
It is more on the toxic side than the good side, but your brain is clinging on to the time that you had. it Begin with what's this lovely person and you with your empathetic and lovely, uh, video in the world will think, Oh no, but he is nice. This is just a bad spell or he is nice. He will change. He is nice. It's just that he's got Gerardo or he is nice, but he's had his own troubles.
00:10:21
Speaker
you'll make so many excuses because that's what every time you try to maybe deal with it or you question it, it will always be an excuse and it will always be them as the victim and then you will feel caring and supportive, but you you've fallen in love by this stage. And you want to fix him. By this stage, sometimes people have kids or have a house or are in their late 30s and think, well, this is my life now. you know This is what I want. This is what I have to put up with. And I suppose your self-worth has increasingly got lower. So you're thinking now, this is what I deserve. So it's it is a vicious circle of difficulty as to why people would stay in a situation which is really bad.
00:10:57
Speaker
A lot of it's to do with as well, what you see as familiar. So if you are used to being treated badly, but it's become something that you almost don't notice anymore because it's happened for so long and you're dismissed about it yourself, then you might think this is, this is normal, you know, this is normal for me.
00:11:16
Speaker
I couldn't come from different relationships from when you're younger and there's a sense of familiarity to the way that you're being treated or just relationships that you've had long standing throughout your life. So there's a lot of factors. It's very different for each person, but I would say despite all the outside stuff, it comes down to yourself more than what you are what your values are and what you know to be true for you. That's acceptable. And as a lot of us don't know that a lot of us are unconsciously living our lives and And all of a sudden we're like, Oh, I don't like this. I'm not sure about this, but we're too far by then. And we feel like, Oh, I've put so much into this. I couldn't let go of this now. It's so complicated and it seems straightforward, but it's not at all. And I think it all comes back to it always has to come back to yourself. What is it that you,
Cultural Influences on Relationships
00:11:59
Speaker
even if it's hard, what is it that you are willing to put up with? Where is your boundary for yourself? Where is your limit? You know, people talk about red flags all the time,
00:12:09
Speaker
in people, but I would just bring it back to yourself. Like, what are your boundaries? You know, what is, what is it that's going to be a boundary for you? You know, not about what they're doing. What about you? You know, when these little small things happen that you don't like, they're your little nudges of like, Oh, I'm not sure about this. no That's the type of thing that you should be focused on, rather than, I suppose my page is all about focusing on yourself, not, as I, you know, other people talk about the red flags all the time, you know, people when he does this and when he does that, but they're very so true, but every person is so different in their experience and what they want.
00:12:43
Speaker
And you have to be the person to decide for yourself, what is a boundary? What's well it's acceptable? What do you want for your life? What do you want for yourself? Raise your self worth it so that things are just not acceptable, if they're not acceptable, you know, and not giving excuses behaviors.
00:12:58
Speaker
so true like it should be all about ourselves quite often when we talk about these situations we are talking about the other person you made a really good point there about you know most of us just kind of reactively go through life we're busy like straight away when we go from school to college or to work or to whatever we do it's just we'll go and like what's next what's next and it's just constantly pushing through life we meet people along the way very, very few people sit down and think, what do I want? Not even think it, just write it down. What do I want out of life? What are my standards? What is acceptable to me? What isn't? I'd say a lot of people listening to this are probably like, I've never asked myself that. I've never written that down. Like if I think about, I'm lucky to be in a healthy marriage, but
00:13:46
Speaker
It's very much out would of chance in a lot of ways. You know, I met my husband when I was 19 years old and we've grown together since then. That could have been that could be very, very different. You know, and we had our first child, I was 23 when I had my first child. So we were kind of thrown into a quite young, worked out really well. It could very well have worked out not so well. And I wouldn't have, not like, I don't know. Like when you say this now, I don't know what my standards are.
00:14:14
Speaker
I know that I'm happy in my marriage and that there aren't anything that I consider hurtful or damaging. But if someone was to, yeah if you were to put me on the spot and be like, what's important to me? I'd be like, Oh God, I need to think about this. You know, cause it's ah it a question. It is an important question. And I think I would say that like.
00:14:30
Speaker
You know, you're lucky in that you already had that base within yourself to make a choice that was, that was good and was healthy. And obviously you're saying that the relationship is growing, you're going together. That's amazing. That is why, you know, is ideal. But I think I suppose the difference is with women who have been in toxic relationships.
00:14:47
Speaker
They tend to have different things going on within them in relation to romantic relationships. So it sounds like that was not something that ah happened for you and it doesn't happen for everyone. You know, like I've got sisters and they have not been in same situations as I've been, you know. So there is an individual thing going on and and some of it's to do with your own experiences and your own perceptions of what happened to you maybe growing up. But yeah, it's so important. Like I think we're really unconscious and as well like a point that I think is important to make especially when you're in this age group where you know people want to want you to be happy they want you to be in a relationship they want you know like everyone's so excited when you meet someone but you can kind of get carried away without yourself and if you've got if your self-worth isn't strong enough people are so will so inflate you in a relationship if you're not confident enough to kind of push that away
00:15:36
Speaker
People will almost make you feel like you're crazy. So that's up to you again to have that that strength. But oftentimes you'll notice that if you meet someone, friends and family will say, we'll give this guy an excuse under the sun. If you're like, I'm not sure, I'm a little bit anxious. People tend to say, Oh no, it's you, you know, it's, you're just being anxious. And I would say, well, if you've known your friend or your sister,
00:15:58
Speaker
for 25 years you should be supporting them regardless of this this random person that now they're feeling anxious about you should just listen to them and say yeah you feel anxious just go with that because again it comes back to it's different when you've been in a toxic relationship your antenna is ah you are feeling things for a reason you're feeling things because you've been there before and I think that instead of thinking oh maybe they don't make good choices I should support them no support them in what they're feeling and support them to think that yes actually if you're feeling a little bit anxious just slow down yes listen to that anxiety don't be so quick i think i feel like people shouldn't be so quick to dismiss their friend you know and kind of and we do this like i would have done this as well you'd say oh no sure he's probably busy oh no sure he's probably this oh we're like why don't we get excusing someone that we don't know you know
00:16:45
Speaker
And that's propped up by this, I suppose, society pressure for everyone to be in a relationship, no matter what. to watch People are more comfortable with that. people And people have that question where it's like, oh, have you met anyone yet? Or are you in a relationship? Or if someone breaks up with someone, oh, don't worry. you We'll find you a new man. you know and that's But why? Why do we need another man? Or why would you not encourage your friends to have some space to find out what they want or have some space to maybe heal after the bad relationship or whatever it is, you know, it's not even coming
The Role of Shame in Toxic Relationships
00:17:15
Speaker
from a bad place. It's just coming from like, oh, we'll all be happier when we're paired up, you know. And I think that that pressure can be really real for people though. And it can push people towards relationships that they're not entirely happy with. And then people
00:17:28
Speaker
wake up one day and are like, what am I doing? you know Why am I in this situation? And that is definitely not to blame other people. The individual needs to have the strength to override that and be like, no, it doesn't feel good for me. No, I don't like it. you know No, despite what other people's opinions are.
00:17:43
Speaker
Yeah. So when you talk about toxic relationships, I know that's okay I'm going to say something and you're going to be like, Kate, how am I supposed to do this? Can you define what a toxic relationship is? I i presume it is very much a spectrum, but yeah does it include, obviously I know and emotionally abusive, physically abusive. Are we talking about everything? yeah um this right I specifically say toxic relationships because there is a wide spectrum. There's a lot of talk about narcissism and and it's huge these days to use the word narcissist. And I specifically don't use that word just because like a lot not a lot of people are actually diagnosed as a narcissist. So to use the word narcissist is, you know, it become it can become meaningless because we can all say that anyone has a narcissistic quality, you know, we all at times have a little bit of ego in the wrong direction. I would say toxic relationship is a relationship, any relationship that makes you
00:18:39
Speaker
doubt yourself, that makes you feel less worthy, that makes you feel that your confidence isn't as good, that makes you feel that you are less of a person than you were before you were in the relationship. Anything thats like that, that ongoing is giving you these feelings of anxiety, worry, self-doubt,
00:18:59
Speaker
If those feelings didn't exist before the relationship and you're constantly feeling them from interactions in that relationship, well, then that would be what I would think is a is a toxic relationship relationship. Most people will be aware of a toxic relationship and what it is when they're in one because they won't be happy. They'll be trying to be happy, but the overriding feeling within themselves will be one of questioning themselves all the time, one of wondering, am I crazy? it Did that happen? You know, was that manipulation? Maybe it wasn't. When you start being confused like that and asking yourself questions and feeling full of doubt all the time in every decision you're making in your life, not just the relationship, but everything you're starting to question, then that is a sign of a toxic relationship. Now, physically, emotionally, yes, definitely.
00:19:47
Speaker
I tend to work with people that have been affected from an emotional perspective more than the physical abuse. I haven't experienced physical abuse myself, so it's probably something that is all similar. and It's just I haven't experienced it, so I don't tend to work with people that have had physical abuse, but a toxic relationship includes all of those things. Yeah.
00:20:08
Speaker
And sometimes I'd imagine an emotionally abusive relationship could develop if you don't leave the situation into a physically abusive relationship. relationship sad Yeah, it tends to, things don't get better, they get worse. So, you know, what starts off as a little bit of, you know, controlling behaviour, maybe saying things about what you're wearing, and how you look.
00:20:28
Speaker
that type of thing can, it can get worse in the control. And then when there is reactions from the person, and it can often go into it more physically abusive relationship. And there's so much shame involved in admitting that this is happening to a person or to yourself that you can keep you stuck for even longer because you don't want to say out loud what has happened because for several reasons. One is that it protects you. If you want to cope through your life, sometimes you have to live in denial to cope with everything else that's going on. Like maybe if you've got kids, a family, a job, the only coping strategy you might have at a certain given time is to be in denial and pretend it's not happening. The other thing is the shame is created around but a little bit about what we were talking about earlier on. Like, how could I let this happen? How could I be in this situation? I'm a smart, intelligent person. Why would I let this happen to me? So shame could come from there as well.
00:21:21
Speaker
And the shame can come from the person you're with, because when you maybe do try and address things with them, they will turn it around on you and make you feel like you have like embarrassed and that you're ringing something up or that it's all your fault. And that really, you you know, they can often make you feel like you're the abuser, that you've done something that it will be twisted onto you. So you can actually feel their shame because they're putting their emotional stuff onto you. And then the other kind of reason why people feel shame is because I know, what like you would know this from living in Ireland and I'm sure the same in many other countries, but we weren't taught about how to express ourselves, except it's just, everything would be okay. Everything is bad. So you don't know how to say, actually, this was hard. I didn't like it. I'm not sure I'm uncomfortable. That wasn't part of our our learning. You know, we didn't learn about that. So there's this kind of saying like, you know, you don't hang out your dirty washing for other people to see. And whilst that is useful to a certain degree, it doesn't help you when you're in in an abusive situation. It doesn't help you when you're being bullied, it doesn't help you
00:22:21
Speaker
even I'm sure in health and fitness, you know, sometimes you have to be able to call out what's happening. You have to call out your emotions. You have to call out the difficulty so that you can deal with it. So you know what you're dealing with. But once you're keeping it stuck and you're ashamed and you're embarrassed, then you can't really, there's no way you can solve it. There's no way you can find the right things to do at it. But I think the shame is that a lot of people are uncomfortable hearing about things and you know that yourself and you you haven't learned how to to express yourself by anything that's not happy you know because everything is grand. I think that that is a huge part of the the shame around it as well.
00:22:57
Speaker
It's a huge part of Irish culture. That's a really good point that you've made and not like, you know, our heritage and not even back that far. Like it often makes me sad when I think back to what life must have been like for a lot of women. and Yeah. 50 years ago, like oh I'm, I'm 38. My grandmother had to give up work when she got married, you know yeah know, my grandmother, I remember her talking about it, you know, and she was yeah really independent woman that never wanted to give up work.
00:23:24
Speaker
you know that we're talking about really like that's what just two generations that's not that long ago you know when we talk about like all of the rights that women have contraception being available is i like a ridiculous I think are we talking 1990s or something like that Isn't that crazy? I don't know the exact dates so don't quote me on it but you know I think we forget and I think you know the younger women quite often might not know or remember how much we've come in a short space of time in Ireland and there is that kind of parish feel to like Ireland is such a small country and towns and villages are so even our cities are quite small everyone knows everyone
00:24:02
Speaker
and I know this is changing we're becoming much more multicultural which is fantastic but like I remember growing up so I i was born in the 80s grew up in the 90s there weren't very many marriages that were separated when I was growing up you know you knew it was starting to happen ah but like you knew your friends in primary school whose parents were separating or separated because it was talked about And it was something I remember as a child being terrified of. So, like, we come from, anyone kind of, you know, 30s and older will will come from a culture where people stayed together. You know what I mean? Like you said, people didn't talk about their shit.
00:24:42
Speaker
in public, you know, it was like, what happened behind closed doors is private, you know, and you were nearly seen as being a bit too big for your boots or, you know, oh, Jesus, like, she's got notions now, look at her going off, leaving them and, you know, taking the kids and set them all up, you know, and there's that genuine fear of being shunned from the community because back in the fifties and sixties and seventies, people were shunned from the parish for not putting the norm. Exactly. Exactly. There's so many factors that affect the way it is and the patriarchy and all of the things that impact on the situations that women find themselves in. And don't get me wrong, men do too. There's a lot of men in toxic relationships as well that are really affected by women in the same way. I suppose I'm coming from the perspective of of a woman and and being affected by a man, but there is loads of men that have been affected by women in and and are being affected by women in abusive relationships as well. It's more common the other way around, but definitely there's definitely men being experienced in this as well.
00:25:39
Speaker
do you wonder is it more common the other way around or is it just men won't speak about it? I think men won't speak about it but I think given this the like structure of the world and the way it was with you know men at the top and then women not being able to work and all that I think that there's a stronger prevalence of it from men to women because of that because we were you know always in a bit of a and more inferior position in that way anyway, I do think it's ah it is more common because a lot of cultures around the world as well, you know, the the male is the dominant person. So I don't know the statistics on it, but I do think that it's more common. What I could hope to hear yet, and I think that a lot of men would be even find it even more difficult to speak about it than than women for sure.
00:26:25
Speaker
Yeah, and I think it's starting to change, but it still has a long way to go because this will be a perfect example of the manipulation and the the doubt you would ask yourself. Is it possible that it can be both people in the relationship? That is it's a two-way thing rather than just, and I know you you more than likely work with people where it's very much a one-way, it's toxic, but emotionally abusive to someone else, but are there situations where people are abusive to each other and they're just a durable combination? Definitely, definitely.
00:26:54
Speaker
if you If you have a really unhealthy relationship with yourself, and someone else has a really unhealthy relationship with them themselves, and then them two people get together, then it's going to be a very unhealthy relationship. It's totally possible because I suppose the traits that are within people that are abusive, it can be abusive towards another abusive person, you know, or I suppose it's just like the man and the woman, and I suppose the situation women can be just as abusive and toxic as men.
Rapid Transformation Therapy Explained
00:27:21
Speaker
So it's the same thing, yeah, definitely. I personally haven't worked with anyone that, I suppose we all maybe wouldn't admit it anyway, but the women I've worked with are lovely and it is definitely coming from a one-sided, but I have witnessed relationships where it has been two-sided, definitely.
00:27:37
Speaker
I would imagine though, what like when it's two sided, the relationship probably ends. Probably break up because yeah it's just like, it's a clash. Like when one person feels disempowered and the other one is controlling, yeah it's more difficult to escape from, I suppose. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Because the two people two people but are abusive, they're not too strong in their abuse. So they'll both be strong in leaving, I think as well.
00:28:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It would just be an absolute train wreck. And yeah, I suppose as we're listening to this, we all know these relationships. We've either been in them in the past, yeah we've experienced them, the drama with our friends growing up and the boyfriend, you know, there's definitely, we've all experienced that I suppose in some way. Let's talk a little bit about the therapy that you do. What did what is the name of the therapy again? So the therapy is rapid transformational therapy.
00:28:27
Speaker
And Marisa Peer is the pioneer of it, or the the teacher of it, or that she has developed it. And the therapy very much works, it's ah it's hypnotherapy at its core. It's very much based on working on the unconscious beliefs that run our lives, because most of our beliefs were formed between the ages of being born and eight years old.
00:28:51
Speaker
and ah that is before our brain has fully developed and we are not able to discern what's going on around us so things happen and if it's something that's hard or upsetting for example or traumatic unless we have been reassured and told that maybe it wasn't our fault if we say we decided that it was our fault because nobody told us it wasn't And maybe other things that are going on in our environment, whether that be school, home, with friends, we are picking up on all the messaging that's going on around us. And then we form our beliefs based on that messaging. So our mind learns by repetition. So if that's the belief that we had,
00:29:28
Speaker
that belief will be running in our mind and it will continue to run in our minds for all of our lives. The therapy works on getting to the root cause of the reason why potentially you feel like you're not good enough or the reason why you might have no confidence, for example. And it can stem from that age. And when you're able to look at the reasons and you're able to in this hypnotherapy, you're able to look at them from your adult perspective.
00:29:53
Speaker
and see yourself in the the child's aversion and then give yourself what you needed back then, but you maybe didn't get for whatever reason. Then you're able to resolve that part of you that maybe feels that they're not good enough, for example. And it's really powerful because as we know logically, when we learn about life, we know this happened, but it wasn't my fault. But as a child, you don't know how to understand that. So it's really important that you give those parts of yourself that didn't understand it. They understand and they need it so that they can be integrated. And then you can come from a place and strength and let go of any beliefs that don't serve you really. And then the therapy also works on once you've done the healing work and you've let go of the things that are kind of holding you back, then it works on rewiring your mind for what it is that you do want. And again, this is done through hypnotherapy because when your mind is in a more relaxed
00:30:44
Speaker
state it's more accepting and susceptible to new ideas and just like between the ages of zero and eight when we form these beliefs about ourselves we can then form new beliefs about ourselves through the hypnotherapy so repetitive messaging about the beliefs that you do want to have like I am good enough I am worthy I am confident and language that is useful to you and personal to you in what you want. so So it's really powerful. It's really makes a lot of sense to me. And I think that's why I connected with it so much. It works like your brain because it learns by repetition. Anyone learns anything. If you repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat, that's what your new neural pathways will be. There will be the new the new belief system.
00:31:25
Speaker
It's an amazing therapy. I felt really lucky that I came across it. It was like an answer to my prayers, you know, that you could feel differently about yourself, that you could go out and get what you wanted and you know, feel like, feel differently within yourself. It's just, it's such a great thing to be able to do. I find this ah whole kind of topic of subconscious mind, just absolutely fascinating. Yeah, me too. My background is in teaching, so we would have done a lot around early childhood, you know, the importance of those years, those formative years is that zero to eight on how important it is for learning. And it's only now that I'm, you know, in this kind of habit change health side of things. It's like, we live very much from
00:32:08
Speaker
this subconscious mind. And even though as adults we can know, oh, that thing that happened to me when I was a child, I used to say like ah a bullying situation, let's say, you know, and you can look back on that and know as an adult that it wasn't your fault and you know or whatever. yeah But your subconscious mind doesn't know, like your conscious mind knows that, but your subconscious mind has stored it like a machine, like a computer. And you're emotionally reacting to things like seven-year-old girls. Exactly, exactly and like you know if you even think about just sort of my broader broader way that like people are just going around like if you think of people as children you know if you think about like that person that you meet every day it's like a child with their things their stuff their things that they haven't maybe resolved yet
00:32:55
Speaker
And so when you're meeting difficult people, it's often useful to remember that these people are just like these, these small versions of themselves that haven't actually overcome these issues. And that's where they're coming from. And it can be helpful to disarm your strength of annoyance with the situation, because unless you're in the relationship with them, obviously that's different. But like, if you just think about people that you meet and they're just like children that haven't really changed that part of themselves or that insecurity within themselves.
00:33:23
Speaker
It can kind of give you a lot of compassion for people actually, and it can take you away from feeling as, you know, then the annoyance that you might feel ordinarily because you think, oh, well, you know, you kind of know that it's coming from a place that they haven't changed or haven't known how to change yet.
00:33:38
Speaker
And I think it's very helpful, you know, when you're dealing with difficult people in general, whether they're in your family or, you know, in your work life or wherever, you're never going to get shit from someone who is doing well, no better than you. You know what I mean? that Those type of people who are, you know, well figured out, like from above, people are going to reach a hand down to pull you up. Like, so any shit is people's other shit. Like it's their own stuff.
00:34:04
Speaker
It is something in you that is, so even when we're talking, I suppose about a relationship where someone is being controlling, it's not, well, it's not you, even if it is something that you're doing, it's something that's triggering something broken. and Yeah. Yeah. That's so powerful that because, you know, we, we can talk and talk and talk as we were saying at the beginning about the other person, but actually when you understand that they're going to do, then move on to the next person to do the exact same
Building Confidence and Self-Worth
00:34:29
Speaker
thing. You're not actually special, like we can think, oh my god, per me, per me, per me. And it is terrible and it's awful and it's an awful thing to come back from. But when you know that this person, this is the way they are, they're going to go and torture someone a person once they're finished with you. So it's not actually personal to you, it's just them. It's them and their issues and things that they haven't resolved within themselves.
00:34:49
Speaker
And you know what, when it comes to like a really toxic person, look at, I don't know, what they will they ever go you know down the route? Because they can't always they can't see the the difficulties that they have. or They think of everyone else. It's reassuring to know that. It's actually not personal. You just are in the firing line with them. And because you haven't decided that you're worth worth more than that, and you stay with it, they will continue with you. Because they're getting they're getting feedback from you. They're getting so but ah supply. They're getting energy from you. they're getting you know they're getting your attention they're getting your so as long as you're keeping that fed they'll stay with you you know or stay with you in some guise whilst you're self-feeding that that part of them that needs to be fed it's really good to know that that it's not personal and you know there's bullies in the workplace and you have the most awful time of your life but actually the bully is they're the ones that's having the biggest problem and they will continue to do that with the next person that comes into into the workplace that they feel threatened by
00:35:45
Speaker
You know, so it's actually kind of, it is, I find it reassuring to think of it in that way. Definitely. Like I think this brings it back to how important it is to do the work on your own standards, on your own self-worth. I've done a lot of this work as well. I've worked with TMP, which is with Kieran O'Neill around neuro-linguistic.
00:36:05
Speaker
therapy much more kind of you know for to work on kind of high performance and really just you know like having to work through a lot of that kind of early years stuff as well so like that inner child stuff a lot a lot of that but to be able to withstand kind of you know that to to have that confidence in yourself and really think about what do I want what do I stand for and I think this works for any situation like it's it's so true and You know, in the situation I find myself now where, you know, I'm putting information out there on the internet to help people. Naturally, the internet is the best place to find the most unhealthy, unhelpful and people who are going to try and say horrible things to you.
00:36:47
Speaker
Now that's so funny because sometimes I'll get friends that will, that's funny, different social media platforms can be different levels of abuse. I find Facebook can be particularly nasty in the comments. I don't go into the comments and I sometimes get friends and be like, did you see what your man said about you? I was going to write under it and give it. And I'm like, I don't, don't tell me, I don't know. And I don't care. Not that I i don't care. i i do well I don't really, because I know that I'm very clear on what I want to play. No one has to follow me or but or, you know, do give or take my advice. I'm offering free information to help people. And I know that I will get feedback from clients, from the people that I work with, from my family, from my friends. If they're like, Kate, what did you say there? You know, if there was something to keep me in check and to make sure, but I'm very, very grounded in what I believe, in what I want to say and what I want to do. And I think when you get like, and this, this is probably like me,
00:37:45
Speaker
three years ago would not have felt this secure and wouldn't have been able for the criticism that you get when you pull information and ideas. I wouldn't have been strong enough for it. And I do think it's it's true doing that therapy has really, really helped me to be able to be like, like, there's nothing special about me, I've just clear, I've just got clarity now. That's what I've got to talk to you about now is that you're talking about these, I presume you're you're talking about like listening to audio and affirmations and I know affirmations quite often, I've talked to a few people, they get a little bit of criticism because you can't just keep saying things into the mirror and just suddenly believe them.
00:38:24
Speaker
Now, I know Kieran O'Neill, he shouts his affirmations around his house every morning at the door and ready, and it really is, really like he brings a lot of energy to them. Tony Robbins, he's big on this as well, like, you know, bringing all the energy to his body and saying these things. How do you get from being in a position where you've come out of a toxic relationship, you're self-worth on the floor, you' you're digging into your past, how do you start building the blocks for that self-worth, for that banker?
00:38:52
Speaker
I suppose if you're willing to do the therapy that's a really quick way of getting to it because you can go straight to the police change and then rewire in your mind and as you said it's ah what when the clients I work with it's personalized reporting so it's very specific to the person with the language that they want to hear and just what you're saying about just to touch on the affirmation part like Affirmations are really nice and really useful because whatever you say after I am becomes who you are, but you can quickly default back into your old mode because you know you say I am wonderful, I'm amazing, but then you get like something happens and you forget and you're like, oh, I'm terrible. But when you when you actually work on the unconscious mind and you reprogram your mind, as you said as well with NLP, you actually change the belief for good because you if you consistently do something over and over and over and over again, it becomes your new belief system.
00:39:37
Speaker
Well, I suppose if you're if you're not doing the therapy and you just want to work on yourself confidence at this point and work on your belief, I suppose, about yourself, I suppose the first thing in um in healing would be to, and I think this is really important, is to actually admit that you've been in the situation that you've been in because whilst you're not admitting it, you have no way of healing it. So if you stay just like, oh, nothing happened, nothing to see here, then there's just a big part of yourself that you haven't, haven't brought to the surface. So I think when you're in denial, even though, as I said earlier on, it can be an open strategy. and The first step in healing is to actually admit that you've been in a situation, whether that to be to be a trusted friend, a family member, or a trained therapist, it's really important to actually admit that you've been through something hard. And that's really, really, really powerful.
00:40:26
Speaker
The other thing I would say is to get the support you need. You really need support when your self-worth is on the floor, you need support. And it's not to like plug obviously you and I are both in this coaching in space, but it's really, you would know the power of this. like to get someone that has more information than you and more has been in the situation that you've been in or just has the information you need, like to get the support from them is invaluable. It's going to expedite your results like by a million times, like anything
00:40:57
Speaker
that I ever achieved, I've gone and got forced help for it because I know that it's the best way to do it. Because if we could do everything by ourselves, we'd have it done. We wouldn't have problems. we'd have Everything would be solved. Getting someone to to help you on your journey is massive. I would say the other thing is to, well, big thing, which I've talked about as well, is to get to the root cause. Why are you in these relationships? Why have you been attracting this person? What is it about you? And that's confronting to hear, but what is it about you?
00:41:23
Speaker
that is attracting this type of person into your life because if it's a repetitive thing and it's a pattern then it is something within you that you have to look at. That's something that you really do need help with like if you come out of a relationship like that and you're trying to figure out what is it about me? Why has this happened again? You're more than likely going to go down the like berating yourself route because a week ago I'm useless on that you know that which isn't the route call so I definitely do need a professional to help you with that. so Yeah. And I think it's so important because it's confronting to look at why and what it is. And, you know, oftentimes it's just that we don't know what our values are. We don't know what our boundaries are. We don't know how to say no. They have never learned how to say no, even to just simple things. And so they don't, like confidence to me comes from learning how to say no to things that you don't want on a very simple level. And confidence comes from saying that you want to do something and following through and doing it. And like, that's how you start to build confidence. It's like daily things that you want to do. You said you'd get up early.
00:42:23
Speaker
and do your meditation, get up early and do your meditation. That is a signal from your mind to your body. I trust you. I am confident. I'm, you know, I'm going to do what I said I was going to do. And that is a confidence starts on that level. And then from there, you're confident to actually go, Oh, yeah, actually, I i do believe myself that I will say what I'm going to do. I deserve to get help. I deserve to go after what I want and find it that way. I think it starts on that level. Confidence, I think we think, oh well say that person's not speaking, they're so confident. But how they got confident was that they showed up for themselves and they maybe got like practice with a public speaking class and then and they were really, they found that really hard, but they did it anyway.
00:43:01
Speaker
And then we also come out of your comfort zone and everything, but you can come out of your comfort zone, like to say no to someone, you know, coming out of your comfort zone can be like your best friend asking you to do something and you're too busy and you say, Oh, no, I'm actually you too busy. That's so hard for some people. Like the people I work with would say that they would find that like an outer body experience to say no to someone. But if you start very gentle and small with saying, say, no, for example, then that's, that's honoring yourself. And that's like giving yourself a little bit of confidence. You're like, Oh, I listened to myself. I didn't really want to do that. I said, I didn't want to do it. It made me feel comfortable, but I went through the discomfort and got to the other side and I'm here and I'm okay. And that to me is, if you really had to be confident and you know, people will have ideas of what confidence is, but confidence is touching yourself and you trust yourself by showing up for yourself.
00:43:47
Speaker
And you trust yourself by getting quiet enough to listen to the small voices that are, no, wasn't sure about that. No, don't know it doesn't like that. And then listening and going, no, I didn't like it. So I don't like it. And I won't do that. Where we can be like, I wasn't sure about that, but I did it anyway. That's not trusting yourself. You know, that's, that doesn't build confidence because if you don't build that confidence in yourself in those small ways, then you can't have confidence in big ways. I think you would understand that from training and, you know, diet and exercise, like,
00:44:15
Speaker
you have to start very small and you have to you know people have to go for that walk and and follow and show up for that walk and continue to show up for the walk and then because you've done it so many times you're like that's a habit now that's that's often having that habit that you never had before that you showed up for yourself with.
00:44:31
Speaker
Yeah, evidence is it's just gathering the evidence. um I love that starting with the small things like the smallest little things like I said I would clean up the kitchen straight after dinner or I said you know like anything yeah whatever you know it doesn't have to be I'm going to go to the gym three times a week or I'm going to know what to say no to anything that doesn't serve my goal you know it doesn't have to be that big it's something small of yes, showing up for yourself is so powerful. And it really does build confidence. And I suppose the trick is to, to keep layering on it, isn't it? To not get knocked, like to realize life isn't perfect and there are ups and downs. And if you get knocked sideways by making a bad decision, you know, so ah pick yourself up and and learn from it. Stop trying to be so perfect. Would you recommend journaling? Definitely. Because a lot of A big issue for people when you've been in a toxic relationship is constant rumination, overthinking, overthinking, overthinking, and replaying replaying stories in your head that happen because it's quite traumatic you know and confusing.
Journaling and Emotion Processing
00:45:33
Speaker
So getting anything that can get you out of your head and then onto paper, for example, with journaling, is it's really brilliant. yeah and like I would have journaled a lot over the years and then a year or two later read back and I was i was like,
00:45:45
Speaker
I couldn't believe that I was even in bed space I was in back then. To know that that was me then, and this is me now, it's like, it's actually really eye-opening, but it's really, really good. Cause if you write and write and write and write, it does come out of your head. It's going onto, it's not't going onto a physical piece of paper. So yes, definitely recommend journaling. And it can feel strange for people to start journaling when it's not something you've done before. There is no rules around it. So you can write anything you want. You can. you know, you can just offload. The ability to offload is relieving for people. So yeah, I definitely 100% recommend journaling. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the wellness industry as well, meaning as it may be, kind of seems to force this, we always need to be positive. You know, we have yeah gratitude during, you know, like, and when you're in a really shit time in your life and you're sitting there with a journal and you're like, what am I grateful for it being alive? Oh,
00:46:38
Speaker
one is in this place and you don't need this. Not that you're not happy to be alive but you're forced in gratitude whereas sometimes you just need to get the negative stuff from your head onto the paper and I'm a big believer in negative journaling when it's needed. Obviously wallowing in it and reliving things isn't going to be helpful but getting how you feel like literally just putting pen to paper and talking about your need to yourself and then you're reflecting on what's happened in order to think about it from a different perspective.
00:47:06
Speaker
And even just a chance to express yourself because like some people will never get a chance to say how they really feel or they feel they can't say that so to be able to journal and be free and to express yourself and you know as much as I totally agree like it's great to be positive and all that type of thing but you have to have an avenue for saying that something was too terrible when it was terrible. because how again How else do you trust yourself to know what's bad and what's good if you don't if you don't ever like admit that something has been bad? You're never going to know what's different between bad and good if you like if you just say like everything's fine, everything's okay. like There's no signal for yourself to know the bad behavior and bad behavior if you're never going to admit to yourself that that was bad behavior.
00:47:46
Speaker
There's a huge difference between complaining and addressing negative situations so that you can learn from it. You know, there's all that positive toxicity around like, you know, just be positive and everything. And, but it's not reality, you know, reality is that shit things happen, even when you are a very positive person, like
Impact of Social Media on Personal Development
00:48:05
Speaker
things come up and things happen to you and you have to be able to deal with them and you have to have ways of dealing with things that are hard because that is the the reality of life. So I suppose we know this, you know, when you're online, like things are very broad statements.
00:48:18
Speaker
that don't cover the nuances of what people are going through. And it can be confusing for people to, you know, to not understand that. Because you think, oh, I am anti positive. Everyone just says be positive. I can't be grateful. Everyone just says be grateful. And it's important to remember online when we're watching Reels or TikToks or whatever, you know, short form content, that what people are saying, particularly at the beginning of their videos is to hook people in.
00:48:42
Speaker
You know, and yeah it is to gather attention and they'll say a statement like, and you know, and I will use this myself as well. You know, you know, if I want to discuss how important walking is for fat loss, I might be like, stop running for fat loss. And it's not that I'm saying them running is bad. I enjoy a bit of running. myself But what you're doing is you're grabbing attention to give the message that you need. So it's really important to remember in short form content that you might not always be getting the full context. So if someone's like, you know,
00:49:09
Speaker
You have to say these positive, whatever that's, whatever their statement that they're making that catches your attention is always going to be nuanced. You know, and that's what you need to remember. So you need to have depth to things. Sometimes social media doesn't have the depth for it's just like a little snippet and a little bit of exposure to a bigger story. Yeah. 100%, I couldn't agree more. And this is why, you know, coaching exists, you know, like, you know, the social media, there's usually a coaching service behind it where you will get more support and service or, you know, podcasts, podcasts are a perfect example of you know, diving into topics deeper, having a little bit more depth with new people and a little bit more of a detailed way. People want to reach out to you now in a second before we finish up, if they're interested in just finding out more about what you do. But before that, do you have anything, if there's someone who's in the position, they're like, I'm in a really bad situation. I can't afford coaching of any sort. Do you have any books, and I'm putting you on the spot here now, have you any books or podcasts or anything that you would recommend that people could start listening to or reading?
00:50:14
Speaker
until they are in your position for help. Yeah, I suppose what like if you if you're at that stage, then awareness is key. so I would say Dr. Romani is good. Her name's Dr. Romani. She's on YouTube. She has a lot of stuff on YouTube and she's been interviewed by by a lot of podcasters. and plus she's who m a and i So it's Dr. or m a and i Romani. So germany so she's brilliant there because she's a psychologist, but she's been through a very narcissistic abusive relationship herself. So she really gets it. She's like coming from personal and
00:50:50
Speaker
professional experience. So she is she's sensible, but practical and wise, and I would say she'd be a good board of call. I think I would say typical dating advice doesn't apply to toxic relationships to like narcissistic abuse, abusive, I should say relationships. I think that's why people should maybe steer clear of typical dating advice, um because it's not going to be relevant to you when you're in an abusive situation. And I think that can be tricky with farms at family and friends as well, not them as the normal you know, but when this happened in my time, it's not the same, it's different. So I think at that stage, I think Dr. Romani would be the best person to go to. Like a lot of the the things that I would recommend would be more all go look at your stuff, all, you know, staff development, spirituality. Like I love Jerry Hossi. I don't know if you know him or not. I love Jerry Hossi. I talk about him all the time in the podcast. Yeah, I love him and I just think like,
00:51:44
Speaker
you know, I know along my journey, listening to him talking about your connection to yourself, like that helped me, like that, the type of, I suppose, educational stuff that helped me, like what I'd have been about the actual abusive relationship about yourself and, and coming back to yourself.
00:51:59
Speaker
And yeah, just for anyone who who maybe hasn't listened to any of the other other episodes of where I go on about Gerry Hossie, he is an Irish but psychologist, pschi psychologist. And yes, he's a psychologist background. Written yeah two books now, Awaken Your Power Within and The Free Within. Really, really great books. And i hear this particularly his first book is definitely one I would recommend. It's definitely worth a read. Gerry Hossie, Awaken Your Power Within, definitely worth reading.
00:52:25
Speaker
I always say I'm like, you know, if if ever anyone's ever listened to this podcast and I'm in interviewing Jerry Horsey, they'll know how much of a big deal that will be for me. Yeah. Yeah. He's just so amazing. and that think ah Yeah. Yeah. He's great. And yeah, I really connect with that. that He's probably been sort of a big influence. And like, you know, it's not lovely that he's Irish as well. And.
00:52:45
Speaker
And I think he's opening so much for Irish men as well, which I think it's good to be like, here's an eye a really ordinary Irish guy, yeah that it's okay to do these things, to do this work, to talk about the yeah this connection with self. And yeah, I think what you've advised here is absolutely perfect. you know Look up Dr. Romani on YouTube, check out Jerry Hussey's books, and then look towards getting some therapy, some coaching. so yeah And just like I have a free mini course that I offer to people just to get an idea of and kind of go into the type of and things that helped me and that and that have helped my clients and really the things that I, you know, the things that I did that.
00:53:29
Speaker
like I would do differently if, you know, I mean, I believe everything happens to be the way it should be. So like, I might not have been ready for what I needed to be ready for, or what I'm ready for now, you know, or the level of conversation I can have now about it. But but when you're going through the suffering and the pain, you prefer to have someone like a quicker option, like, you know, you don't prefer to not have to go through 10 years of relationships and difficulties and low self-esteem. Like you want to have that quicker. So I love my pages about things that I would have done a bit differently if I had my time again. Yeah. But anyway, I believe that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. So. Amazing. No, I'm the same. I do very much believe that no matter what our goals and our wants are, what we're ready for, we will receive. And sometimes that does require a little bit of inner worth. The universe always knows, but always knows. Yeah. You wouldn't be prepared.
00:54:22
Speaker
for what to receive what you got. Like, like, you know, it would be too much, it would be too much for you. It's an interesting way of approaching it, but it's kind of, again, it's reassuring and it makes you feel a bit more content because when you're always striving and you want to achieve things, you want it now, but actually to know that things are happening in the perfect timing for you and whilst still taking action towards your goals, it's really powerful, I think. Yeah.
00:54:48
Speaker
And to know that it's okay to be going through a really hard time and for it to take time to heal from and to remember that what people put out there is always I like real. you know exactly Even what people are telling you about in life, you know, or yeah workplace or on social media, it's all the good a lot of the time. how it's the complaining about less important things it's rare or gossiping. It's rarely yeah about what's really going on behind people's eyes, behind people's closed doors. Totally. Instagram's lovely for like gorgeous pictures of people looking perfect and you can get really sucked into thinking that this is the reality for people and
00:55:31
Speaker
It can be completely the opposite. And I think that, you know, thankfully there's more of a push towards people being a bit more vulnerable and being real. And the fact that life is not perfect and we are not perfect and that things will continue to not be perfect. And the goal is not to be perfect. I think people need to realize that because it sounds all cliche and stuff, doesn't it? But it's like, it's a journey and it's just going to be, it's like a learning curve all the time and.
00:55:55
Speaker
you just want to have the best tools to manage that learning curve so that you don't, I suppose, stay stuck in a feeling of unhappiness. You know, you just want to to feel like for the most part we can be happy. It doesn't mean that we're going to be happy every single moment of every single day, but that our mostly our life is is happy, a happy one. So I think that reaching out for health is really important for that reason and investing in yourself you know I always like look on any coach that I use like fitness or otherwise I always think like I'm also glad of it and so grateful and I always see them as an investment in myself so I think having as much as I've just said about the Instagram and perfection and everything it's really great for information on the other hand and it's great for actually coming across people that you actually connect with on the same mindset because
00:56:42
Speaker
Like you how we wouldn't have been able to find people years ago, you know, with all of these unique perspectives on things and their life experience that they're adding into it. Like it's invaluable really. Yeah. And I think that's what the power of social media can be very negative or very positive. And you have the power to follow who you want to follow to, you know, yeah to consume the, in like all of the information is out there sometimes too much. So just finding a few people that you find.
00:57:12
Speaker
You know what, I'm getting value from this. This is helping me. And yeah as you start to watch more of that content, the way the algorithm is programmed now is, which is amazing.
Empowerment and Encouragement to Women in Toxic Relationships
00:57:22
Speaker
It'll start showing you more of that similar content, you know, and it's using it to your power really, isn't it? Yeah. like All I have on my Instagram feed is.
00:57:32
Speaker
is interesting things about wellness, mindset, psychology. So like I never see anything that that's not related to that. So it's really brilliant. Definitely. I think what's happened to me over the years as well is, you know, things I've read or listened to or seen on social media or whatever, these new ideas that were at one stage completely new to me, when you start hearing them from different areas, you're like, oh, wow. You know, this ain't truth. This is, you know, just an idea. It's like,
00:58:01
Speaker
This is coming from all angles and this really does help change your belief systems. If I listen to something, you know, a couple of years ago and then I listen to it now, I ah hear it in a different way. Like I might've been like blown away by it then, but then when I listen to it, I i hear it from a different angle ah because I, you know, because of the development, you know, because of, and I just love that. And I love, and I love the reinforcement that it can give you in your, in your mind. Like it is going in, it is seeping in and it is influencing how you are in the world, which is,
00:58:30
Speaker
So great, yeah. No, it's it's it's the most empowering feeling ever. Just feel so anchored in in what you believe in and what you stand for and, you know, that is available to everyone. It is just about opening your mind and be willing to to take in new information and to be curious and Speaking of a social social media, I suppose if people want to find you, where is Instagram the best place to find you? Yeah, I yeah do have a Facebook but I prefer Instagram and that's where most of my followers are. such ala underscore
00:59:02
Speaker
foster I think, yeah, Instagram is my main thing. And if they want to try your free course or they want to apply for coaching, they'd be able to do all that through your Instagram page. Yeah, there is a link in my bio to do like a free connection call. So where I would, you know, ask, can I see if I can help people? And they would see, you know, we're both a good fit for one another. So yeah, they put the mini course and they can, the call can be accessed via that. Yeah.
00:59:30
Speaker
Or like, I could keep you for another hour and we could talk. like literally know As you're talking there, I'm like, I could go on a tangent. I'm not going to because it's like, as you're recording, this is quarter past seven in the morning. I'd imagine you have a day you have to get on with. So yeah but i thank you so much for coming onto the podcast. This has been the most amazing conversation. Thank you. No, I loved it. I know it's like, you you just know with all those, all the different personal development stuff. I just love it so much. So you can just talk ah about it for hours and hours and hours. So.
00:59:58
Speaker
but thank you for giving me the opportunity because the most important thing I suppose my message is that you know if you're struggling at the moment and you have been or are in a toxic relationship you can heal you can feel better and you can feel you can come back to yourself you know you can feel grounded again so I just I suppose want women to know that that is totally possible to heal and totally possible to
Podcast Conclusion and Contact Information
01:00:16
Speaker
be happy. I hope that my page will inspire people to to feel that and that people can get some useful information from there. And if they want to meet with me, yeah, I love meeting with and like yeah have all my clients. I love them all. they're They're amazing women. This is the thing. They're amazing women. And they just need to be able to see that themselves. That's amazing. and Thank you so much. Okay. Have a great day.
01:00:43
Speaker
just want to say thank you so much for listening to the podcast. It really means so much to me that there are people out there actually listening to what I have to say and to the conversations that I'm having with others. So thank you so much. If you are enjoying the podcast, could you please make sure that you are subscribed? And if not, if you could hit that subscribe button, it really does make that much of a difference. Also, if you would like to leave a review on any of the episodes that you listen to that you particularly enjoy, I would love to hear what you have to say.
01:01:11
Speaker
And also, if there's an episode that you've enjoyed, please do share it on your social media, in your WhatsApp groups, with your friends. If you're sharing it on your stories, please tag myself in it and whoever I'm interviewing, this would be greatly appreciated. Also, if you're interested in working with me and my wonderful team, please do you contact me about applying for coaching. So you can contact me at Kate Hamilton Health at gmail dot.com or on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, all Kate Hamilton Health.
01:01:40
Speaker
and you will be able to apply for coaching. We can organise to have a chat and see if it's a good fit for you and get you moving towards your goals.