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I Don't Understand... How To Drink In Moderation
35 Plays1 month ago
How is whiskey made? Why does it taste like that? Who was Jack Daniels? The brilliant whiskey expert Blair Ault teaches my sober ass the magic of non-alcoholic beverages. Also, I should be friends with John Goodman.
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Transcript
Sam's Humorous Algebra Story
00:00:00
Speaker
One time our algebra teacher took me aside and said, Sam, you have a nine in my class. I said, what?
00:00:08
Speaker
Like nine what? She's like, that's your grade. That's your number. On the report card, it's going to say nine. It's going to even have two numbers. I don't think you're allowed to have less than like, oh, maybe H-I-S-T. I broke the ceiling in how low your grade in algebra could be.
00:00:25
Speaker
It was a nine. She goes, how could this be? And I go, you're the math teacher. Figure it out. I'm sure that's exactly what you told that nicely. No, she said it's because never turn in your homework. I said, that's bullshit. I mean, it's true, but homework's bullshit.
00:00:38
Speaker
I didn't say that either. I said, just give me some tests. I failed the test. She felt bad for me. It gave like a 60 or something.
Introduction to 'I Don't Understand' Show
00:00:45
Speaker
It's really hard to describe what cocaine smells like without getting in a little bit of trouble.
00:00:55
Speaker
I don't understand. don't understand how to not be hungry all the time. have you ever just stood around? how do you not get hungry? Welcome to the i Don't Understand show, a show hosted by me, a stressed out man. living the most stressful planet in the world. Why do we have to live here? Hi, welcome to the show. My name is Sam Fickman and I don't understand. It's show about me, a man who's honest about the fact that he doesn't understand anything, most things. I understand some stuff.
00:01:25
Speaker
I understand I got a hat on my head, but beyond that, we'll see. We are here in Houston. Blair is one of the... What's it called? The Queens of Houston? That sucks. Blair is the president of Houston. We're going to have a good title. What's a title anyone respects anymore?
00:01:42
Speaker
Um, I mean, I i will say i I do think of myself as aus historian a Houston historian. I did not coin that phrase, but it's definitely... Let me pretend I did. Blair is the Houston of Houston. I came up with that. It's a mixture of Houston and historian.
The Art of Whiskey Making
00:01:59
Speaker
Milam and Green. Yes. Milam. You are the spokesperson for Milam and Green? One of them, yes. You are a spokesperson for Milam and Green, which means you are a representative for a whiskey company. That's right. Does that mean you drink a lot of whiskey?
00:02:10
Speaker
I have. What's your number one drink, your favorite drink? It all depends on the occasion. For a night of sweaty torture like this? Well, whiskey, there's just so much I could talk about with this liquid. What whiskey is, is grain, yeast, and water, distilled.
00:02:32
Speaker
Okay, so grain, yeast, and water also makes beer. if you think about it, whiskey is distilled beer, because you do have to make a beer, you have to make a mash. Before you- People make that? oh yeah. You start with your grains. You're gonna ferment your grains and then, and they can be in any grain, literally any grain. You can make a whiskey out of barley, corn, I mean those are the ones most common, barley, corn, rye, and wheat.
00:02:55
Speaker
But you can make a quinoa whiskey if you wanted. You can make a rice whiskey. Any grain can make a whiskey. Whatever your beer mash that you've made, you heat it up.
00:03:09
Speaker
and then the molecules that are coming up off off of that cooking mash, you're distilling that whiskey. And you the shape of your still is gonna affect the flavor. What is rye?
00:03:20
Speaker
Like rye bread, think of that. Have you had rye bread? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so same grain. Okay. You can make bread or you can make whiskey. You wanna go to jail you wanna go home? Same grain.
00:03:32
Speaker
Whiskey can make bread? In fact, there are some whiskeys that have made their mash bills into loaves of bread so that you can like taste them. The mash bill will never pass the Senate. weave it out and You know what whiskey is now.
00:03:48
Speaker
Yes. All right. So within whiskey, you have the different styles of whiskey, and that can be based on its grain type, but it's definitely based on where it's made. Kentucky, Tennessee, and Indiana are your prime whiskey-making states. Is this for the reasons of their ground or something? It's more the reasons of all the farmers in those areas, open they created distilleries on their property.
00:04:14
Speaker
And distilleries. So bourbon, bourbon, a very important, has to be made in America. Oh. it can not You cannot have a New Zealand bourbon, you cannot have a ah China bourbon. Bourbon has to be made in the US. Like champagne has to be made in France.
00:04:30
Speaker
It has to legally or like... Legally, it is not bourbon unless it is made in the US. Good. Kentucky and Tennessee, what's the difference? Tennessee, there's an extra step, there's a filtration process, a charcoal filtration process that's called the Lincoln County process. And they call it Tennessee bourbon when it goes through that extra step. And it can, again, it can only be made in Tennessee. Both of them are making bourbon. At the end of the day, they're both making whiskey from corn and putting it in barrels.
00:05:02
Speaker
Scotch made in Scotland, primarily with barley. Barley, what is that? That grain, it's a grain. Chris barley. Chris barley? Tommy Boy with Chris barley.
00:05:13
Speaker
Ben distillery and Chris barley. We're building something. Building a world. We're world building. Okay, sorry about everything. This is we this is very normal. Look, I should i shouldn't have invited people.
00:05:25
Speaker
I just didn't do this show. It was a way of distinguishing bourbon away from scotch. So bourbon, other than being made in America, whereas scotch always only made in Scotland, bourbon primary has to have a primary mash bill made with corn. yeah And scotch, mostly all barley. Barley. Scotch.
00:05:45
Speaker
Now here, fuck, marry, kill. Bourbon, scotch, whiskey. So let's pick a dip, let's make it more specific. So bourbon, scotch, or rye? I'm fucking rye.
00:05:56
Speaker
i Look, we've got a rye here, and rye's pretty good. In front of rye, I say this. Young and fairest, I'm too shy. So the darker, what does it mean if it's darker? Usually deeper browns and ambers mean that it has had more wood contact. It's been in the barrel longer. What happens in that barrel?
00:06:16
Speaker
That's where all the color, all the flavor that's not already kind of in the distillate, it's getting pulled out from the barrel. So is it the flavor of a barrel? Barrel main character? We're drinking barrels?
00:06:28
Speaker
Ultimately, whiskey is tree spirit. Spirit? A tree has a spirit? Is this barrel flavored? Oh, and a barrel's a tree. Because wood. Chop, chop, pitches.
00:06:39
Speaker
And wood comes from the forest. You got it, man. It's got to boil down to something on earth. That's right.
Understanding Alcohol's Effects
00:06:45
Speaker
Can't just be made up out of nothing. Trees. It's trees. A good master distiller will make sure that the spirit going into the barrel is as like.
00:06:55
Speaker
That's just a guy? for a woman. OK. Hmm. That's just a person? her That's just a person? Really, you have a distilling team. The master distiller? Yeah, master distiller. Yes.
00:07:08
Speaker
And they're in charge of doing the whole process of getting that spirit into a barrel. That sounds like a cool job. It sounds like somebody who would wear like a mask, like and me a new bad guy and Mad Max or something. i don't know why. Or a woman.
00:07:20
Speaker
Bad woman in Mad Max.
00:07:24
Speaker
Texas whiskey or the climate, especially in the Hill Country, is different than the climate in Kentucky and Tennessee. And so,
00:07:41
Speaker
are The climate, especially in the hill country, is different than the climate in Kentucky and Tennessee. And so the way the barrels are really cooking is gathering more color and flavor.
00:07:55
Speaker
What's a high number? ah Anything over 100 proof tends to be considered more higher proof whiskey. The highest proof?
00:08:07
Speaker
that for whiskey that I've had is probably like 70% alcohol. 70? Mm-hmm. Okay, and now when you say 70% alcohol, that's the same as like my rubbing alcohol that says 71% on it or something?
00:08:21
Speaker
Or am I very dumb? Well, that's not drinkable alcohol. What's the difference? Huh? What's the dick? ah Well, one, this is this is edible alcohol. that and Usually the out of the alcohol usually it has like more methanol and stuff.
00:08:37
Speaker
Methylene. Also, this is touched wood, right? We've we've touched wood with this with their alcohol. Now we've turned it. It's not clear so like what you have in your cabinet. difference between that bullshit is it didn't go through the barrel process. Well, it also is not edible alcohol. It is not edible. You say edible alcohol.
00:08:53
Speaker
Yeah. Edible. I always think of eating. Right. It could be for drinking. So, right. Go on. Right. Well, so, because, if you again, if you think about back to your distillation process, your heads, your hearts, your tails, distillation, the stuff that's up here in the heads and the tails, some of that is not edible. It will make you sick. if you Yes. yeah Oh, and that's what that Yes.
00:09:16
Speaker
Yes, it's a type it's type of alcohol that will not make it. I'm going to make a chart of this because you've described it so visually. I'm going to actually make a chart right and I'm going to be able to visualize this better. I'll learn.
00:09:28
Speaker
And as good as my word, here's that chart I said I'd make. So she said it had the distillation. So here is the chart. um Like Blair just said, you got your hands, your hearts, your tails.
00:09:41
Speaker
And you don't want to eat these because these are bad and these are bad. You want to stick right here. Thanks, Claire. Capture all that... Ethanol? all Yeah. That's the drunk thing. and yeah Is it always ethanol?
00:09:52
Speaker
It's... Well, it's there's a bunch of molecules that are coming up. And then so that's actually a where the... where you're still... but the shape of your still will affect what types of molecules you're capturing. And these are what makes me drunk.
00:10:04
Speaker
Yes. And bad at parties. Yes. Okay, let's go on. Okay. yes so you the Yeah, the distillation process, you're trying to get in on those molecules that come right in the middle. They're not too volatile. They're not too heavy because that's going to be where your your flavor and just your physical effect, sweet the sweet spot.
00:10:25
Speaker
Okay, and then the tails. The tails, those are gonna be your heavier molecules. Those are usually the kind of molecules that make you blind. Molecules? I think I don't understand molecules. That's pro- yeah. What does it look like?
00:10:38
Speaker
Are you like a cowboy now that you could drink whiskey and just make a straight cool face like you're drinking water? Yes. Really? yeah That's awesome. Anytime you watch a Western, they go like, I'm drinking, and there's a normal conversation. And then when I would try to do that, I would almost throw up and die. Oh my God.
00:10:53
Speaker
but Well. Shocking to you? ah Kind of. It was more more just me being concerned. Oh no. Yeah, that is. You're not supposed to throw up. No. I mean, you are if you drink a lot of it. That's right.
00:11:04
Speaker
But you're not supposed to drink a lot of it, blah, blah, blah. So they say, so they say. Is it ever get tricky in a business where it's encouraged to drink? Oh yeah. Do you watch people sometimes like, oh wait, he shouldn't be working here. He has a problem.
00:11:17
Speaker
There's a lot of heartbreaking situations. I, i yeah, that I think I, I get to observe or see. Fortunately though, most people who work in this industry or, and plan to work in this industry longterm, most of those people have figured out how to do it and to maintain,
00:11:38
Speaker
a true work-life balance of consumption. How much do you drink? Do you know that exact limit for yourself? Three is really like if that's that's it for me and it has to be ah also you have to eat you have to eat before you drink drinking on an empty stomach is the most dangerous thing I think anybody does the alcohol is immediately hitting your bloodstream it doesn't your nervous system doesn't really have as much time to regulate. I've never had an empty stomach. So with drinking, there is shooting it, there sipping it, there are certain things that you, those are the two I can think of off the top of my head. I mean, you could just splash it in your face. Is whiskey, you take shots of whiskey or is it more, is that? I wouldn't, I wouldn't take shots of whiskey. But whiskey is good and it's because you can sip on it.
00:12:25
Speaker
Why does it hurt my body when I drink? what What's that about? So, okay, why is my... When I wake up hungover and my body is like cement inside and like, ow, everything hurts, why?
00:12:36
Speaker
Partially, it's you have dehydrated yourself. So alcohol dehydrates you and we bags of water need to be fluffy with water. Am I a bag of water? Mostly. Like a Capri Sun?
00:12:50
Speaker
Ooh, which flavor? Ocean blue. Okay. I'm all tropicool. Oh, that's so much better. That's awesome. Where would you put the straw? I put it in the belly. Yeah, one of those weird kids who drinks it the wrong way. They have a place well they have a place for it, yeah but they you don't have to put it there. It's pokey enough that you could put it anywhere. Yeah.
00:13:13
Speaker
I liked putting the bottom because that was like the least. Sometimes when you put it through the top, you risk like stabbing yourself with that sharp straw. And so if you turn it over and you stab it in the bottom, yeah, no issues there. That's life though. It's about those risks.
00:13:27
Speaker
Are you willing to take them?
00:13:31
Speaker
so There's so many things in life I don't understand. One of the things I don't understand is how to drink alcohol in moderation. i have a thing where when I drink alcohol, I drink way too much of it and I will end up blacking out. It's like a superpower. One sip, I could be anywhere. For example, if I start drinking whiskey at this table, I take a sip.
00:13:52
Speaker
I mean, it wasn't all bad. How many guys do you know who could have lunch on the pyramids after getting digits from a girl in Rio? Not many, ah but it would get worse because I would take another sip and sometimes i'd be somewhere cold where I didn't want to be.
00:14:08
Speaker
This was too cold, I don't wanna be here so drink again. You gotta drink again and stay warm. That's a lot of people. At one point, I was being chased by the mafia and I didn't know why.
00:14:19
Speaker
And that's not good. You need to know why you're being chased, because you gotta know who to apologize to and what for. They weren't accepting my apologies because they could tell I didn't really mean them. It wasn't cool. Are you ever in a situation where you're like, uh-oh, this is not cool and it's my fault and I need to back away?
00:14:34
Speaker
One time I woke up in a comedy club and Tony Clifton was playing. I could have sworn he was dead. I could
Sam's Sobriety Journey
00:14:41
Speaker
have sworn he was based on Andy Kaufman. I but was pretty sure he was dead too.
00:14:45
Speaker
It was not my kind of show, to be honest. I thought it was rude to the audience. gotta respect the audience. They paid for this. I showed up in a blackout, but you know, some people paid for this. Hey, how did I end up here?
00:14:58
Speaker
ah Somehow, I just don't remember. You'd be like, but for some reason, everybody's mad at me. Is that true? Was that true? No.
00:15:10
Speaker
Yeah. There was one. Okay. I don't drink anymore. Throw up the sober clock. Hell yeah. Sober King. I like that expression, Sober King.
00:15:22
Speaker
I like it because it's... I like it... It's because it's at the same time, it's both very stupid and also the most serious thing you could tell somebody. And you're telling it to them in the dumbest way possible. yeah i know That's funny, but also... oh okay. There would be a time when I would... ah The next day they'd be like, remember we went to the grocery store? i was like, oh, y'all went to the grocery store? They're like, no, Sam, you went to the grocery store. And was like, I went to the grocery store?
00:15:48
Speaker
and they're like, yes. And was like, how was it? And they're like, not good. I'm like, how did I walk? Badly. The Isles were scared of you. Apparently I bumped into, almost bumped into, okay. But if you almost bump into a person, it's basically bumping into them because they see it and they're like, what the fuck is this guy doing?
00:16:04
Speaker
You don't want to bump into somebody, you don't want to almost bump into somebody. yeah And you don't want to be told you went to a grocery store last night. No. Yeah. and I believe them because I go to the grocery store a lot. It's like checks out. um one Sounds like me. Sounds like something I would do.
00:16:18
Speaker
In the middle of the night? I just don't remember. any grocery shop Yeah, I didn't i'm drive there myself. I would never do that. But I was driven. Carter, hell yeah. My dad's a defense attorney. but The best final argument ever gave was what gave. That word was gave. So he's a criminal defense attorney, so he spends a lot of his time defending people who who get you know accused of all sorts of things. He just, his whole life, he's very, very don't drink and drive. It's all in your brain. It's in your unconscious mind, its and it's in your conscious mind.
00:16:47
Speaker
that So I lived under the, like, don't drink and drive. It's just like, it's as simple as stopping at a red light. You don't drink and drive. You know, it's just one of those things. You don't do I don't know. What the fuck? And then Captain Planet walks out and goes, good point, Sam. Drinking and driving is for suckers.
00:17:04
Speaker
Thanks, Cap. We never drunk drove. That's right. I'm sober by choice, not by law. no lawyer or a government has... But i don't... Look, careful.
00:17:15
Speaker
I respect everybody. How do we do this? I mean, yeah, no, i I was touched actually that this was the topic that you wanted to let talk about. well because Yeah, it's very personal. You know, how do you handle a drunk person?
00:17:31
Speaker
Ooh, so... As a high school teacher, you learn a lot of tactics to deal with teenagers who are just melting down or doing whatever.
00:17:42
Speaker
The same tactics work on drunk adults. One thing being just offering them choices. you know like So let's say you have someone who's, they're causing a ruckus, They need to leave.
00:17:54
Speaker
You know, you you can you can address them and be like, all right, well, you've got two choices right now. You can either leave with your card right now or you can come back and get it tomorrow. But either way, you need to leave right now.
00:18:07
Speaker
So it's like be rational with them. Yeah. Don't go on their emotional and dramatic level. now Talk to them plain. Yeah. Okay. So like don't be like, hey, you didn't Don't raise your voice. Don't match their don't match their energy, you know? Yes, because it'll it'll just escalate fuel to the fire. Yeah perfect me staying calm Staying direct. Yeah, not making it personal not no attacks nothing just being very clear making it always about safety Yes, just well, that's a little tricky though because sometimes a drunk person can be annoying as hell and you're gonna want to be like, okay This guy's an asshole drunk people will leave if you
00:18:44
Speaker
just sorta usher them along. You know, you just kinda, yeah, move you can move you can move them out the door. I'm just gonna put you out the drive. But also getting them into a safe ride home, all of that. Thanks, I was gonna show up with my shitty little attitude if you didn't say that. Functional alcoholics, you disagree with them?
00:19:02
Speaker
Is it a myth? and I mean, I know many of them, but it's but unfortunately, if you're a functional alcoholic, that means that you have now you require alcohol ah to be in your system because your nervous system doesn't know how to behave without it.
00:19:19
Speaker
I feel like I've gotten really good at listening to my body and I'm very, there's a, yeah, there's ah definitely just a feeling and i get where I'm like, yeah, that's enough.
00:19:30
Speaker
ah For me, moderation, meaning moderation is just whatever the acceptable use is for your life. So for you, moderation means nothing. It means you can have zero and that's fine as long as that is making you happy, right? As long as that is making your, and not even happy, but as long as that is making your life function in the ways that you really want it to.
00:19:52
Speaker
It certainly has everybody in my life nodding aggressively anding and and giving thumbs ups. yeah yeah I go, I i don't drink alcohol alcohol and everybody nods. It goes, good.
00:20:03
Speaker
No, you know what? I realized that i'm I'm good at parties without alcohol. Yeah. And I don't need it don't think ruins them. It definitely does. I have also noticed you're very good at parties without alcohol.
00:20:15
Speaker
Moderation is what is... What did you say? That was good. yeah I love that. It's just it's whatever use level makes sense for you to function and have the life that you want to have.
00:20:27
Speaker
For me, i really i really think finding the mindful moments to enjoy alcohol is way more fun than just like a buzz all day. Nice.
00:20:38
Speaker
That was a cool answer. stuck the landing on i mean it. I I didn't stumble during all my words there. like all age I was like, I need to drink water, but she's winning an Oscar.
00:20:51
Speaker
ah p I mean, are you learning? Are you absorbing? is this working? Doing as well as I can. okay How long have you been in the whiskey business? Uh, since the day all the bars shut down in 2020. Well, I was a barback before that. Barback is like a bartender's assistant. The one who gets all the ice. Barback Mountain. Yes.
00:21:11
Speaker
I, that's actually a cool story. That's how I got my job at Poison Girl. I went on a part, I got on a party bus of strangers when I was. What happens on a party bus? But what happens at a party? Well, you would think drinking and dancing and singing, except because I didn't really know anyone on the bus, I did none of those things. So I got that bar back job at Poison Girl because I was the only sober person on the bus that could work that night.
00:21:35
Speaker
Do you find that alcohol is a, what's it called? What does he say it is? we can What is it? Social... Yeah, but what's a gros less gross way?
00:21:47
Speaker
um Liquid courage? Liquid courage? Do you find it to be liquid courage in your life? You like, yeah, yeah oh I'm stressed, I'll drink. you I try not to drink if I'm stressed.
00:21:58
Speaker
Very specifically, I try not to use it as a reliever of stress. ah if If I am doing that, actually, I notice that's that probably me drinking and and on an occasion I probably shouldn't be drinking. sure No, i i I do find it to be a ah a way of bringing people together, a way of ah uniting with a glass. Yeah, that that i there is something, and it doesn't have to have alcohol in the glass, but there's something about sipping on things together with someone else that's very calming for the nervous system.
00:22:31
Speaker
And that, I think, is what is making it easier for people to talk to each other. Yeah. What about like, so like, or what's ah what's it called? The colors, blue, Johnny Walker. Yeah.
00:22:43
Speaker
What is that? Scotch. You like that? No. Classist with those colors? Oh, no, it has nothing. Well, I don't like it. I feel because I'm drinking red, what am I, poor? You're making me feel bad, Johnny Walker? About my space in life? Can't afford green.
00:22:59
Speaker
Hmm? Well, what's wrong with Johnny Walker? i i mean, mostly I'm just not a huge Scotch fan. Oh, got it. Have you had Johnny Walker Blue before? Yes. It's pretty good. It's sweeter, yeah.
00:23:10
Speaker
Oh, is that it? I don't understand anything. It seems infinite life. We shouldn't be dying anymore. i don't understand how to use super glue without it ruining my entire day.
00:23:24
Speaker
The hands, you're not gonna use those anymore. What is a product that's meant to be used and then also ruin your whole day? Why? What is a product that is meant to ruin your whole day?
00:23:37
Speaker
why is it meant to be? Who builds such a product, on you I mean? forget that this is you really not understanding things. I'm gonna, like, my inner teacher is already coming out like, oh no, teach me. Oh yeah, Blair's a teacher. High school English. You shaped young minds.
00:23:55
Speaker
Including one of our very own episode two guest, Sofia Portillo. ah Here's a clip of Sophia and me goofing around from the last episode.
00:24:06
Speaker
I don't know. Honestly, men should just like stay home. i That's fine with me. That was nutty. That was cool that she grew up great. No, it was really lovely. It was actually insane. On the last day Sophia left work, I posted, goodbye Sophia for leaving. I know.
00:24:19
Speaker
I know ive freaked out. You're saying, what are you doing with one of my students? I know. What am I doing with it? i was working with them. it was a job. I don't hang around with whatever young... I mean, do, but that's because of a job.
00:24:32
Speaker
I get paid to. Hang out with young people. It doesn't sound good when you say it like that. Teachers don't get treated very well. They should get more funding and they should have control returned to the school district. They are being given ah impossible and possible workloads and not enough resources.
00:24:53
Speaker
What's a time in your life as a teacher where you're like, wow, it's bad to be a teacher? Oh, well, ah the day after the, ah what was, it was the shooting in Santa Fe was the prom for my, the school that I worked at.
00:25:09
Speaker
And I was the senior chair. So I was in charge of, you know, making sure all the students are, all the students who are going to prom are going to have the best prom of their life, right?
00:25:20
Speaker
And instead, I'm fielding phone calls all day from parents who are concerned that, this is, you know, that there that the their kids are going to be targeted for gathering at an event.
00:25:33
Speaker
um that it just It was scary and i really, really easily avoidable with just like, don't know. Bulletproof backpacks.
00:25:46
Speaker
yeah You don't got to worry about anything. My back is fine. My child's back will be great. Terrible. how we live in this planet. To even try to fix it would be lovely.
00:26:00
Speaker
To even try to fix it would be lovely. What's more annoying, being around young, sober people or drunk, old people? Drunk, old people. Drunk, old people worse than like teenagers? Absolutely. And now why? Because teenagers can't help it.
00:26:14
Speaker
but Their brains, that's just, that's just their brains are being young human brains. Empathy. Empathic. The most empathetic person in Houston. You know what That's what I respect. i almost That's the title I respect.
00:26:26
Speaker
She represents empathy in Houston. Empathy's good. i It's the only thing that is going to save us from ourselves. Yeah, but does everyone have it We'll find out next week. um Yeah, it turns out nobody really... and not not Not many people display it sometimes, but empathy's good. It's a good thing to have.
00:26:45
Speaker
don't know. Or it's bad. What are what we going Beat me of You're not real.
00:26:51
Speaker
Women have always been historically people who make spirits. Your earliest distillers in Ireland
Alcohol in Culture and Society
00:27:00
Speaker
are women. They were healers, and so they would use alcohol for various uses. Prohibition, you see more women drinking after Prohibition.
00:27:11
Speaker
There are no laws in speakeasies, so anyone can hang out with each other. You get women and men hanging out and drinking together for the first time. Flappers, you know, that's how you get those kooky-ass dancers. They were not sober.
00:27:24
Speaker
In the 20s, you picture them doing all those parties where Leo's on his boat tipping his martini or whatever. A toast to women who are only under 25 years old. My most famous thing now. I also have sex with my headphones on. You don't need no 26-year-old girl. your old ass and get you an old bitch out there that can love you old. But that was... The 20s alcohol was illegal the whole time. That would kind of like that was the roaring 20s, but prohibition the whole time. Mm-hmm. How would you have gotten around prohibition?
00:27:56
Speaker
You could get whiskey from other places. From a bathtub? Ooh. How do you make it in a bathtub? Uh, well, not well. Um, actually, i don't know. Corn.
00:28:07
Speaker
i mean, yeah. Okay. Molecules. You're boiling things in pots and you're using your bathtub probably just as a way of gathering yeah all the distilling. Yeah. I don't know. Hold on. Hold on. This is me totally like, I'm not remembering. yeah Should we make some?
00:28:22
Speaker
You want a moonshine? yeah Is that what that is? What is moonshine? It's, I mean, it's distillate that is made illegally, technically. Okay, I want to do that Fun fact, alcohol is how we understand when civilization really begins, when we start seeing human beings coming together. One, it's an ah it's an agricultural product, so it doesn't start until we finally settled down. With water sources being questionable, most humans made beer because it was actually safer to drink beer than to drink water from just any water source, because the alcohol kills any of the bacteria. If you take that a step further, alcohol also makes it easier to be around other humans.
00:29:00
Speaker
So you see towns and just all these things. Social. Mm-hmm. You start seeing people socialize. And if you think about all the religions that do have a an alcoholic component. Go off, queen. Right? Well, you just you have people treating spirits as a way of connecting to God. But really, it's just your it's easier for you to connect to other human beings when you yeah when you're a little intoxicated.
00:29:24
Speaker
However you intoxicate yourself, so it doesn't have to be alcohol, right? No, sure, short short sure, sure, sure. And I'm i'm a pro-alcohol guy. For other people. Pro-alcohol? Yeah, for other people. Yeah, yeah, not for me. um That was beautiful.
00:29:37
Speaker
hey Alcohol means the beginning of time. I mean, just for humans. Yeah, no, that's great. So wait, one of the first things that happened when people first met was, we don't like each other, so we gotta do something about this.
00:29:51
Speaker
We gotta knock our brains around a little bit. It's better to have, ah you know, the neighboring tribes or whatever come over and have a beer than it is to go and kill them. Yeah, why are we... why are we i What's wrong with humans?
00:30:06
Speaker
What's wrong with humans? We used to be mammals. Well, let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel. JK Rowling, turf. Okay.
00:30:18
Speaker
the Jack Daniels was a master distiller. He learned how to partially how to distill from Uncle Nathan Nearest Green. Who is uncle? So, it just Uncle Nearest. Is this a slave thing? Nearest Green was the one doing the distilling.
00:30:34
Speaker
Is Jack Daniels a slave owner? Folks around here in Lynchburg. Lynchburg? Oh, no, no. jeffer What is even Jeffrey Wright doing there? Get out of there. Let's not tiptoe around this. Jeffrey Wright, is this true? Yeah.
00:30:48
Speaker
Don't call me Jeffrey wrong. But there's actually a whole brand called Uncle Nearest. I don't understand a parasocial relationship, but i feel them sometimes. You know, people have like parasocial with like Taylor Swift or something. I have this with John Goodman. It actually bothers me. It makes me sad and upset to think if I met John Goodman, he wouldn't know who I am.
00:31:08
Speaker
right He would have no idea who I am. right That sucks. That would be soul crushing. The fact that I go up to him with all the love in my heart that I have for John Goodman and he looks at me like a stranger, which he should, i am, but it's not right.
00:31:19
Speaker
It's just not right. John Goodman should be friends with me. Why John Goodman? He just seems like he'd be a nice guy. He seems like he's somebody who's like sweet. seems like And not like in a weird, like psychotic way where I'm like obsessed with him or anything, just a way where it seems like i he would like know my mom. Sure. like In a casual way like that. Sure. I'm not asking for like the moon that we're like best friends.
00:31:36
Speaker
It seems like he should know my mom. It seems like John Goodman should be friends with my mom. So you want a parasocial relationship for your mom. Now, I want my mom to be friends with John Goodman, and I have the relationship that I have with my mom's friends with John Goodman.
00:31:50
Speaker
Like the hello at a party. How's the game going? That's me and John Goodman. It should be. You want small talk with John Goodman. That's all I'm asking. Shout out to all the people. Okay.
00:32:02
Speaker
Joe Rogan. Do you like British rap? Yeah. I love British rap. What British rap do you like? The guy who's like, it's bonkers. Some people think I'm bonkers. I love when I hear a rhyme in a British accent. Yeah.
00:32:16
Speaker
And it's always like, oi, I'm Jiminy Glock. Who was Jack the Ripper? Serial killer. Who was the man? Or a woman. Okay, for everything?
00:32:30
Speaker
For everything though, is that what you said? Okay. For Jack the Ripper? you Jack! Could be a Jacqueline. He was murdering women. Whitechapel, take you back to 1892. What was he doing there?
00:32:46
Speaker
They say he was maybe a surgeon because he had such an expert skill with how he cut them open. I mean, no. to be he was a He was a murderer of women. Sure. I'm the good one here.
00:32:57
Speaker
men are bad. Jack the Ripper was definitely a man. what do they're not exactly relying on you for this information in this share the you know you're talking you are just what do you talking what is this he mcbaville they what my getting and all ba all bad or the shirts you don't know what you're talking about but could have been a woman.
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah, so I stopped drinking because blacking out was something I got really concerned about. it was... yeah It happens if you... It shouldn't have ever happened. If it happens once, it's scary. If it happens a bunch of times, it's... You gotta just stop doing that.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yeah, i would not I would not drink either if that happened to me. Yes. And yeah, it's a thing that happens and it's frightening. Yeah. There's actually like not enough um research or science out there about what really makes you hungover.
00:33:41
Speaker
But what's happening to you with your with the ethanol is just it's ah hitting your bloodstream and it is affecting all of your neuroreceptors whether, you know, kind of just it is skewing how your nervous system thinks the world around you is what's going on.
00:34:00
Speaker
And it's making you should be making you feel calmer and... But what is it doing? Well, depends on the person. Skewing in... Altering the perception. And this is all in the brain chemistry.
00:34:13
Speaker
What's going on with the brain? oh Yeah. And it's interesting how alcohol is like you're allowed to just like, we can play with the brain for a little bit and then the brain can bounce back to normal. Yeah, that's true.
00:34:24
Speaker
Joe Rogan. Yay or nay? No. i What's wrong with Joe Rogan? I thought he was just here to like, at first it just seemed like was some guy who was just here to solve the pyramids. Here's a bit of fun for those still watching. I use the software to transcribe this podcast. Here's what I thought I asked Blair.
00:34:39
Speaker
I mean, not to offend anybody. Why would it think that? Also, here's Ben Shapiro as an extra in American Pie 2. What's he thinking? He need to pass Stifler the ball more. Fucking bitch ass.
00:34:52
Speaker
There is a mountain of tension between somebody going, hey, this person got shot, and then you go, did they die? and the amount of time they take to answer that question, that's a tense moment.
00:35:04
Speaker
Just something to think about. yeah Okay, so Blair. Blair is an ambassador to Milam and Green Whiskey. I'll do it a normal way. Blair, you are the ambassador. You are a spokesperson for Milam and Green Whiskey, which is a whiskey company out of Texas. Milam, Milam.
00:35:20
Speaker
ah Is there a song? No, it's just, ah well, it's a Texas Revolutionary War hero name, Ben Milam. Uh-oh. What's he like?
00:35:32
Speaker
What was he all about? Actually, it's kind of fun. He's one of the first people who we get Texas tall tales written about. how One of them is he's like snuck under a bunch of people's houses to...
00:35:45
Speaker
Run supplies back to the Alamo and... Back to the Alamo? Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah, so he was... They were they were for not siing they were sieging the Alamo. Yes, they were.
00:35:57
Speaker
they shouldn't have done that? History's confusing, hard to talk about. All that blood meridian violence that got us here, i don't condone any of it. I don't know. Fuck my Apple Watch. I don't want to have my Apple Being an ambassador, you are a salesperson that comes from the marketing department.
Insights into Whiskey Sales
00:36:14
Speaker
My main job was going to every city all over the U.S. and talking to people in liquor stores, bars. The way the liquor industry works, you can't directly sell liquor to customers. You have to go through, it's called three tier system. So you have to sell things to a distributor and then distributor sells them to the store and then the store sells it to the customer or to the bar or the customer. Where do you go in that?
00:36:41
Speaker
We are we make it. So we're the supplier. Yeah, and so my job is to go and get liquor stores and bars to want to buy my almond greens. The distributor will buy more to be able to sell to them in complete sort of a sales triangle. Really, it's about just connecting with people because whiskey at the end of the day should connect people. Do you have a catchphrase?
00:37:04
Speaker
Would you like one? Sure. Blair gets hers. In the end. Blair Hitzers! I did not think I was going to become a whiskey sales brand ambassador. I went to library school. Page Master. Right.
00:37:17
Speaker
The dean of library school.
00:37:22
Speaker
You can, have we can, we can make little cocktail out of it. Okay. Now, so you're pro non-alcoholic. I love non-alcoholic spirits. What steered me clear personally from non-alcoholic beverages is my whole life I've hated the taste of alcohol, but loved being drunk from it. Sure. So now you're saying, here's your taste, none of your drunk, no thanks.
00:37:43
Speaker
But why? But why yes to this? Part of me just wants to show you. Okay, yeah, look. So I'm gonna put some of this Pathfinder in here. Now I have a very OCD, it's not an OCD, it's just a fear. Just a fear.
00:37:59
Speaker
that this gets mixed up and I accidentally drink the real alcohol. I get nervous sometimes that I'm gonna accidentally break sobriety. It's like a nervous dream I have. Gross. And I wonder about, like, does that break sobriety?
Non-Alcoholic Beverages in Social Settings
00:38:11
Speaker
If i'm if like Guy Fieri gives me like some burger that has, like, bourbon sauce, uh, barbecue sauce? So, truly, it is your... It's all up to you. It's your rule system. It's what makes you comfortable. If that is gonna make you uncomfortable be like, mm, this makes me feel like I'm... Then don't do it. No, but does it count as alcohol?
00:38:28
Speaker
No. Okay, then I'm good with it. Okay, they have a different color. Yeah, they got different colors. This is also my main fear about ever ordering non-alcoholic is they're back there in a bar. They're mixing things up. They can make, they make that one mistake and I've lost so all this time of not drink. that would And that would make me feel bad for them and me.
00:38:47
Speaker
Sure. Would it, Sam, let's be real. would you you Would you feel bad for the bartender? You wouldn't know you wouldn't want to murder them? Tom Holland said he felt bad for the bartender and mixed up his non-alcoholic drink with alcohol.
00:38:59
Speaker
But Tom Holland is Spider-Man. And I record audio for my podcast in the bathroom of Bucky's. I guess we're not the same. So I don't even trust, I don't trust a bartender some, I just don't. i But that's maybe me. Should I be more trusting out there in the world of non-alcoholic beverages? If I was a vegetarian, this would be like a fake chicken nugget.
00:39:21
Speaker
Okay, yeah. I think there are more bars, especially bars that actually put non-alcoholic cocktails on the menu. Those are great spaces to try out non-alcoholic cocktails. They will, they they care.
00:39:38
Speaker
They care enough to put it on the menu. It's about connecting. So for you, Pathfinder, it's just about sniffing, having a little sniff. So which one do you have? So I have my whiskey, but actually here, I will go ahead and pour a little. This is a spirit that is made from hemp root. Oh shit.
00:39:57
Speaker
We're gonna get high as hell. It does have, a you can smell it. So it's something that you can smell. I smell it for sure. yeah Smells good. Yeah. how do How would you describe that?
00:40:10
Speaker
ah How close do you get it to your nose? Normally, if you are first starting off with smelling spirits, you don't want to do this because you might actually burn your nose hairs, but that's only that's truly if you you're smelling alcohol.
00:40:22
Speaker
This does not seem like it's... Yeah, and that your your nose your nose is fine, um but it's a sweeter smell, ah very floral. We've got... It definitely smells like something.
00:40:36
Speaker
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, you keep describing. No, no, no. well What's, what? No, you go first. So usually what I do is I'll i'll try and think of a memory that it reminds me of.
00:40:48
Speaker
i don't know. Honestly, men should just like stay home. That's fine with me. And this, I'm getting like orange whip. But then it's also super spicy. It's got kind of an old spice thing going on. This is just a spirit that...
00:41:02
Speaker
Why spirit? That's too scary. They should not call it that. Too scary! Spirit? And when you're sipping a spirit, you're just gonna like take a tiny sip. So that wakes up your trigeminal nerve in your tongue that starts getting you to salivate a little bit more.
00:41:21
Speaker
You're about to take like a bigger sip. So tiny is good for first. So yes, I like to hold it on the tongue a little bit. I like this word delicate for because for me, when a spirit is delicate, I can actually taste different things in it versus when it's really harsh.
00:41:39
Speaker
It's just numbing my mouth like it's that's what happens when you know, you put alcohol on anything. It's numbing. yeah and so I don't necessarily need super high alcohol super high alcohol content in order to enjoy a spirit, but I've noticed that the more alcohol there is sometimes there's more flavors that can be found if it's well made.
00:42:01
Speaker
And then you could you could drink the rest of that neat. You know, neat, pour. What neat mean? Or ah means without any ice or flavoring just by itself, neat. That's cool. On the rocks, do you ever say that? On the rocks? So this is on the rocks. You say rocks? That's so much cooler. Definitely say rocks. And ice.
00:42:19
Speaker
You can drink it neat, or you could have it as cocktail. This is mix? Hit me with a little of the mix. There you Wait, is this? Wait, is this alcohol? Yeah, no, this for you. Oh, whoa. Okay, see, i yeah, you know, I mean, um so since I don't drink alcohol, i usually will border, my thing is I'll just get a Diet Coke. It is cool to be able to like have a drink when you're like socially around Yeah, I feel. I feel.
00:42:40
Speaker
Feels good. Yeah, cheers. Thank you. Cheers.
00:42:46
Speaker
This is good. This is good, guys. Yeah. I can do this. I can do this. Manchok. Is it good? This is really good. Oh shit, that ginger beer really helps. Yeah. No, it's not real beer though.
00:43:00
Speaker
No. Mom, relax. It's just called that because of like root beer. Yeah. Delicious. It's tasty. And I look like Don Draper again. Look, I mean.
00:43:11
Speaker
Don Draper again. Look, no difference. So truly there's just, there's something about holding a glass when you're talking to someone. It gives you, it gives you a little bit of there's just, there's a feeling, there's a physicality to it.
00:43:24
Speaker
Yeah, so that's why truly drinking really should not necessarily be about what's in the glass. It's just that you are holding glasses together with someone. this one's actually super special in a couple different ways. One, it is a rye and I used to hate rye whiskey.
00:43:39
Speaker
So Myelm and Green has made me love rye whiskey ah because they age rye in port wine casks. which we talked with the red color and all that, but it also gives it kind of a like a berry dark fruit sort of chocolate dessert thing.
00:43:57
Speaker
I don't necessarily need to be explaining all the whiskey notes to you. Keep doing it. I'm going drink and. Okay, we're good. I'm like, explain it to school. Okay. i'm I'm enjoying drinking and listening.
00:44:08
Speaker
Okay. That's part of drinking. Is it burning your nostril hairs? Because they're all burned off already? No, because I put an ice cube in it. Oh, shout out to Death Row Records. Yeah, so if I smell from this one, the the alcohol is going into my nose for sure in this one because there's no ice in it.
00:44:25
Speaker
But there's no alcohol in that one. No, this is the alcohol one. That's the i'll alcohol one? This is the alcohol one. This is the not ill alcohol one. Oh, so they look exactly the same. This is what I'm scared about. But they smell different.
00:44:37
Speaker
They smell remarkably different. Okay, yeah. I don't, well i I'm not trying to make you smell. Like what is their favorite part about it? i Honestly, it's just bringing me back into the moment.
00:44:49
Speaker
It's just easier to slow down when I have poured myself something. You can't you really can't be drinking spirits and like doing other things that require concentration. You mustn't. Don't.
00:45:06
Speaker
How long have you been doing Grown Up Storytime? I've been doing Grown Up Storytime generally since 2011. So I think there's something about growing up in Houston, you have to make your own fun way more perhaps than in other major cities.
00:45:20
Speaker
And we still have access to an art scene. You're smart. Blair, the one thing about you is we went to high school together and I used to cheat on every test by looking at your paper. Did you know that?
00:45:33
Speaker
Sometimes. ah Do you remember the first time we met? Remember we went to Tuts. We went to Theater Under the Stars together. Oh, we were theater, yeah cool theater of kids. it kind of It was kind metal back in the day to be a theater guy. It might sound lame now.
00:45:49
Speaker
But back in the day. Thank you, Blair. Yeah, cheers. Cheers. Pathfinder, I appreciate it. You you are endlessly creative. I've loved hanging out with you for about 20 years.
Reflecting on Friendship and Growth
00:46:01
Speaker
One of the coolest people I know. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for having a podcast. It's very funny. Thank you so much for being on it. And when I came back, I was living in LA for a long time. When I came back to Houston, one of the things I was very, very excited about was the chance that I would be around you again. I get to be a Red Player. I'm glad you moved back too.
00:46:20
Speaker
Yeah, you're one of the reasons that I'm superingly happy I'm here. And you make Houston a way cooler place by doing all the stuff that you do. And I love that you do all that stuff. And thank you for doing it. Keep doing it Sitch from that one. A toll. But you don't shoot it. It's a shot. Yeah, no, just sipping.
00:46:35
Speaker
To trees. Trees! Thank you to trees for helping us get drunk in a reasonable way if we can. Maybe I'm the wrong one for this message. Did this sound like it was an intervention? I said, Blair, come to my house. We have to talk about your drinking.
00:46:49
Speaker
Come to my random... Well, now that you've said it like that, no. gonna do it like four different times. Thank you, Blair, for coming on. And she keeps... It's like a sketch where Blair keeps having to drink whiskey. It's like a Monty Python sketch where Blair keeps having to drink whiskey because I do, like, big the toast, like, a thousand times.
00:47:02
Speaker
Take it from... You want me to give you a count? Wouldn't Monty Python do something so unfunny? What am I supposed to be thinking about? have you what do you what do you What do you think about? Are you ever like standing around like just living and like cutting something and you're like, what am I supposed to be thinking about right now? You gotta be thinking about something always or how do you not think about things?
00:47:23
Speaker
I mean, I sometimes do meditate and just focus on breathing. That's a good good technique to slow down a brain, make it not worry so much about what it's thinking about.
00:47:37
Speaker
I'm gonna do that.
00:47:56
Speaker
is what I'm talking about. These people don't understand me.
00:48:08
Speaker
Yeah, that was that good? Yeah, love it was.