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S V E N: An I Don't Understand Story
16 Plays8 days ago
Sven, a fresh-faced, young, protagonist, gets a new job.
(Now in eye-blistering 4K!)
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Transcript
Excitement Over New Modeling Opportunity
00:00:34
Speaker
Look at that face! The second I saw that face, I knew he'd be our guy! You look good, homie. Real good. This is the face that will launch us into the next millennium. That's the look. What? What's the big deal? You can't say homie anymore? You know Bill Maher, right? Bill Maher? That's Bill Maher. He's gonna do cocaine on you now.
00:00:56
Speaker
Ah! So here's the deal. It is a modeling gig, so you won't be paid as a regular civilian, but there's a bonus involved. Tax-free. You get five vacation days a year. Philmar touches you like this.
00:01:11
Speaker
You keep that between us, all right? Five vacation days. That's one, two, three, four, five. No more, and less if you want. Obviously less is fine. Five is the maximum, but less is fine. How's that sound?
00:01:27
Speaker
Sounds like I have a new job. I love this guy! Now make this quick, I gotta get to church on time.
00:01:43
Speaker
You're a big star, Scott was right about you. Yeah.
Failed Deal and Rising Tensions
00:01:48
Speaker
More. New rule. More. Loosen up a little bit, you look good. No more.
00:01:54
Speaker
More. No more.
00:02:00
Speaker
of all the backroom con man horse shit. This deal is off, goddammit. Joanie! Joanie, please. Deals change. They change all the time. Never heard of this? You practically invented it. You're not getting another red cent out of me or my chemical plant's fortune to fund this two-bit operation.
00:02:19
Speaker
You hear me? You do mean my chemical plant. You'll pay. Either with your money or your life. You'll pay.
00:02:33
Speaker
There he There he is
00:02:38
Speaker
Keep it. Everyone gets one from me one way or another. There you are, kid. Fantastic.
00:02:50
Speaker
Thanks. What do you think? Yeah, they look good. I always feel a little dumb getting my photo taken. and Now, now.
00:03:00
Speaker
You need something? Yeah, sorry. i was wondering if I could take two weeks off to visit my mom in Sweden?
Request for Time Off and Travel Plans
00:03:08
Speaker
Take two weeks off to visit my mom in Sweden?
00:03:11
Speaker
Two weeks off to visit my mom in Sweden? Now, the amount of time that you just requested Could you say that again? It's kind of a long trip.
00:03:24
Speaker
Long trip. What with the travel. lot of travel. You know, with all the travel. Yeah, kid. A lot of... Sorry. What with all the travel.
00:03:36
Speaker
Sure. Sure, yeah.
00:03:44
Speaker
Make it look like an accident. A very gross accident. I know how to do that. I'm pretty gross myself. And that I can do, I'm gross
00:04:19
Speaker
I don't like your fashion business, mister.
00:04:26
Speaker
And I don't like these drugs that keep you fit. rule. Cocaine goes up my nose. I don't like what happened to my sister.
00:04:42
Speaker
First, we take Manhattan.
00:04:48
Speaker
Then we take balloon.
00:05:01
Speaker
Honey. Hello? Where have been? Door's wide open. Okay. The door is wide open. Who cares? It's a safety concern. It's a cocaine party?
Wild Party with Celebrity Guests
00:05:16
Speaker
I mean, who's running this place? Stop being such a bitch. You invite a bunch of people over or what? Let's see, Brett Ratner, Bryan Singer, they're on their way. Come sit and do some blow with me. Don't be so woke. You know, loosen up a little.
00:05:31
Speaker
Oh! What the fuck? Bill, what happened to head? Bill! Bill! Buddy!
00:05:42
Speaker
Something of yours to return?
00:05:46
Speaker
Alright kid, take it easy. Take it easy, take it easy. Was he the man in my trunk? I don't know what trunk you're talking about. ah Yes!
00:05:58
Speaker
We put him in your trunk. Why can't I remember anything? Bad memory. Could be genetic. Why don't you ask your mom in Sweden? oh oh Whoa!
Confession of Drugging for Profit
00:06:08
Speaker
I'm a Hollywood producer. I drugged you, you idiot. Why?
00:06:12
Speaker
Capitalism. That face is gonna make me some money. I hired you to do a job. Tax-free. You. You know Bill Maher, right? The oil in my machine. I was wondering if I could take two weeks off. What are you, nuts?
00:06:26
Speaker
Two weeks? That is not how this machine works. It works off your bones. Okay. crushing them into dust.
00:06:37
Speaker
And it feeds, it feeds. And if the bones are off on some vacation visiting their mommy in Sweden, this machine can't work.
00:06:49
Speaker
And this machine can't work, I can't work. I'll kill ya!
00:06:57
Speaker
Tell the machine to cool off.
00:07:20
Speaker
What with all the travel and all.
00:07:36
Speaker
what with all the travel