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Don't Let he Ghost of Missed Opportunities Win - with J.Paul Nadeau
5 Plays3 minutes ago
Episode Summary
In this deeply reflective episode, Jacquie speaks with J. Paul Nadeau, a man who spent his career saving lives through high-stakes negotiation, and later had to negotiate with something much closer to home: his own regrets.
As a decorated detective, international peacekeeper, and crisis negotiator, Paul’s professional identity was shaped by purpose and intensity. But what happens when that role ends? In retirement, Paul was confronted by what he calls “the ghost of missed opportunities” — a quiet but persistent voice of self-doubt and regret that tries to convince us our best years are behind us.
Together, Jacquie and Paul explore what it takes to keep growing after life’s big chapters have closed. They talk candidly about mental health, the ongoing nature of personal development, and how we can choose — day by day — not to let regret write our story.
This conversation is a powerful reminder that growth doesn’t stop when the job ends. In fact, that might be exactly when it starts to matter most.
Key Topics
- Confronting identity loss after retirement
- Understanding the “ghost of missed opportunities”
- Emotional recovery after decades in high-pressure roles
- Choosing daily growth over passive regret
- The life-changing power of mindset, self-talk, and forgiveness
Memorable Quotes
- “The ghost of missed opportunities… it comes for all of us. The key is not letting it win.”
- “You didn’t leave your value behind when you left your job.”
- “Growth is a choice we make — again and again — no matter how old we are.”
Listener Takeaways
- Reflect on one regret you’ve been carrying. Is it still shaping how you see your future?
- Ask yourself each week: What do I need more of right now?
- Reframe your timeline — you’re not behind, you’re just in a new season of life.
- Make one small move toward something you’ve always wanted to try.
Resources & Links
- J. Paul Nadeau’s website: https://www.jpaulnadeau.com
- Book: Take Control of Your Life
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jpaulnadeau
Recommended
Transcript
Rethinking Retirement: Beyond Leisure
00:00:03
Speaker
Retirement. That's what we're all aiming at, right? But exactly what does that mean? conjures up visions of endless days of golf, drinks with little umbrellas in them on a tropical beach, feet up reading a book.
00:00:16
Speaker
Is that what it's all about? I don't think so. Life would get pretty dull after a while without anything meaningful to do, don't you think?
Exploring Post-Retirement Life with Jackie Doucette
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm Jackie Doucette, and I'm on a mission to discover exactly what life is like beyond retirement.
00:00:30
Speaker
Join me while I chat with people who've already done it, who've retired to something rather than from something. Let's find out together exactly what's waiting for us when we say goodbye to that nine to five.
Meet Paul Nadeau: From Hostage Negotiator to Author
00:00:51
Speaker
Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Beyond Retirement. Today I'm really pleased to be joined by Paul Nadeau. And J. Paul Nadeau is a former hostage negotiator.
00:01:02
Speaker
He's an international peacekeeper and a major crimes detective whose turn has focused to helping others negotiate better outcomes in life. He now shares practical tools for everyday resilience, personal transformation and growth.
00:01:16
Speaker
He's the author of Take Control of Your Life and The Hostage Effect. He's a sought-after keynote speaker, and he's a podcast host. Paul, welcome to the show today. Thank you, Jackie. And what a tremendous entry that was. Like, wow, that's good.
00:01:32
Speaker
Thank you very much for that. It's amazing what a little bit of searching online can do. I tell you, it's ah yeah it's very easy now. And i I've been using AI to search for people and find out as much. And it does a better job than Google. So, yes.
Paul's Journey: From Law Enforcement to Personal Growth
00:01:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's doing it. I think the AI is kind of taking over life. It wants to change everything that I do. Yeah. So I think I'd like to really get started with a little bit about your background.
00:02:06
Speaker
your your career in law enforcement and hostage negotiations must have been extraordinary. But how did that lead you into the world of personal development? Well, a yes, i I think it all stems back to my father's abuse of of me.
00:02:26
Speaker
And my siblings, um we were terribly abused by and unstable ah father who was an alcoholic and struggled with his own demons.
00:02:38
Speaker
And consequently, um they say that things don't always happen to you. They often happen for you. And that did because over the years, I developed a real passion for helping others.
00:02:55
Speaker
And Through my father's abuse, I was forced to to develop early. I had to find a job at the age of 13 and 14 pay room and board. So that led me to start to negotiate with adults.
00:03:12
Speaker
I really developed an ability to communicate well and to listen well. And my father took his own life when I was 17. and I joined a um a distress center as a suicide prevention, called ah I guess I was someone on the suicide profession ah prevention ah panel, and I would take calls from distressed people.
00:03:42
Speaker
I was trained for several months in doing this, and just listening to people's problems, it led to this compassion, and I joined the police,
00:03:53
Speaker
at the age of 21. And again, i met so many people who were hurting and just wanted to help. I wanted to provide them something that I hadn't received when I was young or I certainly understood what people were going through and I could relate to them.
00:04:15
Speaker
So this led to so many different opportunities on the police department And I just became a student of life and understanding the the struggles that people and encounter, including myself.
00:04:33
Speaker
I mean, I encounter them too, but I've developed a way that i could um
00:04:41
Speaker
I could really change the way that I was feeling. I could change my emotions, and I wanted to help people to do that as well. So this is, it's all been as a result of many different experiences, including the abuse that I suffered at the hands of my father.
00:04:59
Speaker
Wow, i'm I'm really sorry to hear how it all got started. that's That must have been It must have been a horrible experience. i there's just I don't have the words to say what I want to say. They're always kind of lacking, saying, oh, that's bad or I'm sorry.
00:05:18
Speaker
But you've turned it around. Instead of going into the world mad or angry about all the things that have happened to you, the injustices that you had or received, you've turned it around and turned it into something that's really
Victim or Survivor: Paul's Perspective
00:05:35
Speaker
helpful. I think that's amazing.
00:05:37
Speaker
We have choices, Jackie. we can Exactly. do Yeah, we can choose to be victims or we can choose to be survivors. I worked ah for several years as a major crimes detective, and five of those years were spent working involved as one of the lead investigators in the sexual assault and child abuse unit.
00:05:57
Speaker
So I dealt with victims of sexual assault, children, women, men, whatever, and I was really able to connect with them and understand them.
00:06:08
Speaker
And it helps to to know the words to say or the silence to use and just to recognize that you are stronger than your circumstances. And this is one of the things that I wanted to impart on the victims that I dealt with, to say that you don't have to be defined by your circumstances.
00:06:31
Speaker
You can define your circumstances, and I would give them a choice. After meeting with the victim of a sexual, brutal sexual assault, I had I knew that from our experience, they would have to move on and they wouldn't see me until the court date.
00:06:46
Speaker
ah But I would bring in two T-shirts and one T-shirt said victim and the other T-shirt said survivor. And I would place them in front of the victim and say, you get to choose which one you would like to wear today.
00:07:02
Speaker
Now, you may not wear it physically. But take a look at the two words. On the one hand, if you remain a victim, your relationships will suffer, you will suffer, and this will carry on for several years, and it will change your life.
00:07:17
Speaker
On the other hand, if you choose survivor, you win. That person has no control over you. You have control over yourself. And this is what's so important for everyone to remember, that no matter what happens, to us in our life There's one thing they can't take away from us, our ability to respond to what happens, even in this world right now.
00:07:42
Speaker
A lot of people are reacting as opposed to responding. And I think that that's so important. So I became a student of this this world ah of of human behavior.
00:07:54
Speaker
And i I've been able to help a few people.
00:08:00
Speaker
It's a ah very powerful choice to give them. And hopefully the majority of them chose what I'll say is correctly. They chose correctly for them at the time, no matter what, but hopefully they they chose to move forward.
The Role of Personal Growth After Retirement
00:08:18
Speaker
This leans in really well, I think, to a talk about retirement and growth because growth never stops in in my mind. And I know that that a lot of people, as they reach retirement age, as they get phased out or step out of their work that they've been doing over the you know the course of their life, they think that that life is kind of over, that they've learned all they're going to learn. They don't need to grow anymore.
00:08:48
Speaker
And I don't think that's right. But what do you think? What does personal growth mean to you at this stage in life? We don't stop growing unless we choose to stop growing.
00:09:00
Speaker
And I think it's a terrible, terribly irresponsible of anyone not to continue, even after retirement, to have purpose in their life and to grow, And I know that and i know that um I read a little bit of your background to Jackie and and you were wondering what to do after you retired. and You found this wonderful opportunity to interview people about retirement. I think that's amazing.
00:09:30
Speaker
I wasn't. i I wasn't retiring. What I did when I left the police department was i I turned the page on a chapter of my life, a number of chapters on my life.
00:09:43
Speaker
ah My Life is a Great Big Book. And when it came to retirement, I thought, well, that's the end of this chapter. Let's turn the page. What's next? And at the time, what was next was a an acting career, ah which I still have.
00:09:58
Speaker
And I was excited about that. But then life happened, a divorce happened, and a number of other things happened. and And I had to find myself again, redevelop myself.
00:10:10
Speaker
But I never gave up on making this life mean something. I was asked about a year or two after I had retired, I was asked to attend a retirement panel for our police department.
00:10:26
Speaker
And there were seven or so people who were invited. And I was the last to speak. I like to be the last to speak. I want to hear what everybody else has to say. And i I listened to, there were a number of people that were getting ready to retire that attended this this seminar.
00:10:44
Speaker
And we were the speakers and there was something else. they were They were instructing people, you know, when you're ready to retire, this is what's going to happen. Now let's listen to some of our retirees to see how retirement life is going for them.
00:10:59
Speaker
I'll tell you, Jackie, I was very surprised imp by about five of the seven speakers before me who were saying, well, you know, I get up and and I go for coffee with my friends.
00:11:14
Speaker
And, you know, what it's a long day. And so many of them had no purpose. And it occurred to me that Boy, what a life. um That kind of waking up and having nothing to do but go for coffee, to me, I just couldn't do it. And I think that it would probably result in in my giving up on life and probably dying sooner than i would would like to. And we hear of many people who do that and it's because they haven't found something.
00:11:46
Speaker
Man, I wanna find something. i i I have found a number of different things to do and there's still so much for me to do. And every day is a new opportunity to make ah a great new change in my life or add something that I haven't tried before.
00:12:02
Speaker
and i've been very successful so to anyone who has retired and you have nothing to do find something to do because make your life meaningful contribute jackie's got this podcast going on what's stopping you from starting a podcast uh it's it's left up to your imagination and to your determination to make the very best of every day that you have Because we all know that time is guaranteed to know
00:12:36
Speaker
And we're here today, we could be gone tomorrow. But if you have purpose in your life, there's a good chance you'll be here for many, many other tomorrows as well.
00:12:48
Speaker
That's something I try to impress upon people through every episode, every conversation that I have, that your life is what you make of it.
00:12:59
Speaker
And the people who say, and They talk to me, they laugh at me about beyond retirement. is like, well, beyond retirement, that's death. like Well, you know, I hope not.
Paul's Path to Authorship and Untapped Potential
00:13:09
Speaker
um At some point, yes, we we don't get out of life alive.
00:13:13
Speaker
But 20, 30 years from now, perhaps, and until then, i don't want to be the one that's just sitting there watching TV all day, every day, looking for coffee for something to for something to change i think I think it's really important, like you said, use your imagination. i know a lot of people have trouble with that because a lot of people have gone to their job day in and day out, and they've shut down the part of their brain that dreams, that was a kid that imagined it and
00:13:45
Speaker
that's something I do and with my coaching clients is What did you do when you ran out the door when you were 10 years old after breakfast and you couldn't wait to get outside onto your bike? What did you do?
00:13:56
Speaker
You did something. You didn't just sit there and stare into space all day. it's It's true. And it's the same kind of thing. Yeah, it's so true. We have to be childlike every once in a while and imagine what is it that I can do next? What can I create next?
00:14:13
Speaker
Yeah. ah During COVID, and I hate to bring COVID up, but it was something that we lived through, ah most of us anyways, but people were forced to do nothing.
00:14:27
Speaker
And many people during those two years decided that they were going to start to learn how to cook. They were going to ah create something. They were going to develop a talent that they had never developed before because they were they found themselves ah forced to stay in the small little box and to occupy their time in a constructive way. People learned how to play guitar.
00:14:52
Speaker
People learned how to paint. People learned how to sing. And this is what we must carry on ah in our lives after retirement is saying, what is it that I can do that will bring purpose and value to my life?
00:15:08
Speaker
You know, the cemetery is probably one of the richest places in the world for a sad reason, because many people who end up there end up with their dreams that they never developed.
00:15:25
Speaker
There are songs that were never sung because people were afraid to take the the risk. There were paintings that were never painted because people were afraid of being judged. There's a number of things that may prevent us from trying and a new a new thing in our lives, develop a new talent.
00:15:44
Speaker
But i I teach this to people is that if you have something in your heart, Don't die with it. If there's a book in you, write that book.
00:15:55
Speaker
Don't worry about judgment. Write the book. You never know where it's going to go. I didn't want to write my first book. People kept saying, Paul, you've got such an interesting background.
00:16:06
Speaker
Why don't you write a book? And I said, I don't want to write a book. i i I don't know how to write a book. I don't want to write a book. What am I going to write a book for? And they kept telling me and telling me and telling me. And I kept saying the same thing. I don't know. I don't know how to write a book. I don't want to write a book.
00:16:19
Speaker
And then one and day I'm sitting after my retirement and I was in between jobs and I hear this whisper, write a book. That was as though it was right in this room, write a book.
00:16:32
Speaker
And I'm talking to this whisper and you might have a whisper to talking to you. And this whispers talking to me and saying, write a book. And I'm saying, and don't want to write a book. Like, look at me.
00:16:43
Speaker
I don't know how to write a book. And it kept pounding me. So the next day I went to a bookstore and I picked up a book on how to write a book, read the first 40 pages of it, and I should have read the whole thing because the first 40 pages just said, start writing.
00:16:58
Speaker
And so I didn't want to read the rest of the book. I put it aside and I started writing. It took me two years to write that book. But the point of this story is that I said that if you have this whisper, you follow it because you never know where it will lead. Well, my first book was picked up by a major publishing house, HarperCollins.
00:17:19
Speaker
I had self-published this book thinking it might reach 40 people, but I had accomplished something. And I was happy it. I was proud of what I had accomplished.
00:17:30
Speaker
And I never thought it would go anywhere other than, you know, just a few friends and maybe somebody by accident would pick it up. But a major publishing company came across it and said, you know what, we want to publish this across the world. And I said, yes, you do.
00:17:43
Speaker
Of course you do. And I, my um philosophy is that I got this plate of spaghetti And yeah the plate is the spaghetti. One string is writing a book.
00:17:59
Speaker
The next string is his acting. The next string is keynote speaking. There are all these strings involved in in this plate of spaghetti, and I just absolutely love it.
00:18:10
Speaker
And I'll throw it against the wall, and I'll see what actually sticks. And I'll tell you, a lot stuck. The book writing stuck. Not only one book, five books.
00:18:24
Speaker
The keynote speaking stuck. The acting stuck. The coaching, life coaching, everything stuck. And what's in you to your listeners, Jackie?
00:18:38
Speaker
What's in them? i don't want you dying with your dreams or your book inside you, your song that hasn't been sung, the poetry that hasn't been written.
00:18:50
Speaker
When you're on your deathbed, you don't want to be surrounded by the ghosts of missed opportunities who say, you know what? Paul, I whispered in your ear, yeah, that was me in your room, and I whispered that you should write a book, and you dismissed me.
00:19:04
Speaker
And now look, I'll show you what would happen what would have happened if you would have written that book. All these thousands of people. who found comfort in your book never would have been reached.
00:19:17
Speaker
So I don't want to be visited by the ghost of missed opportunities. I want to be visited by the ghost of rock and roll who say, dude, that was exciting.
Morning Routines: Gratitude and Positive Mindset
00:19:27
Speaker
What else are we going to do next time we come around?
00:19:30
Speaker
And this is the attitude that everybody should have. And you might have noticed, i i'm I'm actually dressed for my workout and I'm going for a workout after this interview because I believe that exercise and fitness and eating well is really important, especially, well, throughout your life, but even more so as we age because we all know that if we don't exercise, if you don't use it, you lose it.
00:19:55
Speaker
And, you know, get out there and start exercising too. That's a little bit of my advice.
00:20:03
Speaker
I like the image of the the ghosts of missed opportunities. i really like that. Yes. yeah You know, yeah you you think of these Christmas movies with all these ghosts around and they come haunting the the people. And i I imagined that and I thought, you know, if I were on my deathbed and and these ghosts of of my my past or my present or my future would come up, what would I want them saying to me? It's like, hey, dude, you did good.
00:20:31
Speaker
You did good. Exactly. but One of the things that I think keeps people from taking that first step and trying things, like you said, is the the fear of being judged. What if it's not good enough? That sort of thing.
00:20:47
Speaker
I think something that you might be able to help with is maybe a a simple tool that people can use to change their mindset, to help them look at things a little bit differently, rebuild their self-confidence perhaps, so that they can change their direction, their focus, make a different choice.
00:21:12
Speaker
I can certainly do that for everyone here. um Start your day off first with gratitude. When you wake up, it takes 60 seconds to be grateful.
00:21:26
Speaker
And you might speak loud or just think about it in your head, but you have a roof over your head. That's something to be grateful for. you woke up to and that's something to be grateful for. a lot of people didn't.
00:21:40
Speaker
You have food, ah you have clothes, you have people who love you. There's a lot of reasons to be grateful. So that's the first thing, is just to recognize the gifts that you have been given.
00:21:52
Speaker
The other thing is to speak to yourself positively. And this is a number of mantras that I use, and I do this often. Today's going to be a great day.
00:22:04
Speaker
Today I can. It's what we tell ourselves. I can. I'm not going to worry about other people judging me. And the more that we talk to ourselves positively in in the morning or any time during the day, but very important to start your day off with this with this ah self-development.
00:22:26
Speaker
Tell yourself, nothing is going to bother me today. And it might. it might You might have a ah moment of weakness, but you've got to remind yourself, hey, listen, I get to choose my response here. I don't have to react to the situation.
00:22:38
Speaker
I don't have to worry about people judging me because guess what? all the All the successful people out there, all the actors, the A-list movie actors, the singers, the artists, they all went through something like me.
00:22:52
Speaker
Like what I'm going through, they probably worried about other people judging them. But what made a difference in their life is that they didn't listen to that voice. They chose not to listen to to the voice of destruction.
00:23:06
Speaker
We have two voices. um like little ah One's an angel on on one shoulder and one's a little demon. And when you're walking into a room of people, you might be a little bit intimidated.
00:23:19
Speaker
And this one, this angel is saying, hey, guess what? It's going to be good. You're going to meet some new people. It's great. And this one's going, oh, no, it's not. Oh, no, it's not. They're going to look at you. They're going look down at you. It's just like when you wrote that book.
00:23:30
Speaker
They're going to look down on you. And you have to decide which of these ah you're going to listen to. going listen to the demon over here or are you going to listen to the angel? Start listening to the angel. Everybody takes risks.
00:23:43
Speaker
It's those who take the risks that succeed. And the more that you listen to the angel on your shoulder, the more that you listen to that positivity in the morning, the morning the more you say, today, i am worth it.
00:23:57
Speaker
I am worthy. I am going to succeed. The more you listen to that, the brain starts to develop these channels, these different roots, and starts to believe the truths that you tell yourself.
00:24:12
Speaker
And that's the thing, is that if we tell ourselves a lie, for example, long enough, we start to believe it. We start to believe the lie. I'll never amount to anything. I'll never succeed. I'll never do this. We believe it.
00:24:25
Speaker
Because if you say it if you say it's so, it's so. But on the other hand, if you tell yourself, it's okay. If people don't like it, it's okay. I do. I'm the one who matters here.
00:24:36
Speaker
And I'm going to do the very best. I'm going to contribute to this world. I'm going to write that book. I'm going to sing that song. And I'll do everything i can excuse me I can to make it very good. So that's what I do.
00:24:50
Speaker
That's so true. i was just actually speaking with my husband today about the same thing, about how what you say is kind of internalized immediately
Achieving Goals Through Belief and Consistency
00:25:00
Speaker
by your brain. its It believes everything you tell it.
00:25:03
Speaker
So something simple like, oh, I can never remember names. If you keep saying that, you're never going to remember those names when you walk into the room. But if you say... I'm getting better at it.
00:25:15
Speaker
And then you say, can remember the names. And you just keep doing it that way. It really changes things. It takes a little bit more than that, though, Jackie. And i totally agree with you.
00:25:25
Speaker
Walking into that room and saying, I can remember those names. That is a whole such a big step because you're now programming yourself to pay attention to the name.
00:25:37
Speaker
And to associate that that individual to their name. So you you're not going in the negative. I can never remember anybody's name and not even trying to, oh yeah, I can remember the name. What's your name?
00:25:50
Speaker
John. How am I going to associate that in my mind? John, you know, you you use something to associate. You repeat the name three or four times in a conversation naturally.
00:26:01
Speaker
Not John, John, John, John. You just it just repeat it. But it takes not only saying something, it takes believing it and taking the steps to make it so.
00:26:16
Speaker
And I think that that is extremely important. A lot of people do not take the steps. A lot of people say, well, I want to lose. I can never lose 10 pounds or I got to lose 10 pounds, but I can't do it.
00:26:30
Speaker
You know, and and they talk themselves out of out of doing it because they find it's far too hard. But what I tell people and what I coach people, I ask them a simple question.
00:26:43
Speaker
How bad do you want it? Do you want it bad enough to keep working at it, to build that muscle, to take the steps it's going to require to achieve what it is that you want to achieve?
00:26:56
Speaker
I had to learn how to write a book. it was it didn't It's not like I became an instant author. I learned. i I had to figure out how the chapters worked, write sentences that that blended well together, um a title for the book.
00:27:12
Speaker
These were all development stages. I had to work at it. And it's true of anything. But the question is, how bad do you want it? If you're retiring now, if you're retired and you have something inside you right now, how bad do you want it?
00:27:28
Speaker
Are you going to worry about what other people think? You shouldn't. You're stronger than that. We were all born equal. we were all but Everybody's got the same opportunities. It's what you do with life and your opportunities that makes the difference.
00:27:42
Speaker
And if you've got that book in you, if you've got that song in you, if you've got that painting in you, don't worry you about what other people think.
00:27:52
Speaker
Everybody's got a dream, but only a few make those dreams come true. And if you're going to worry about what other people think, you may miss that opportunity. If I had worried about what people were going to think about my book, HarperCollins wouldn't have picked it up.
00:28:07
Speaker
They wouldn't have published it across the world. I wouldn't have written four other books. And that those books opened doors for me that otherwise wouldn't have been opened. So every action that you take has...
Retirement: Growth or Stagnation?
00:28:20
Speaker
consequence, either good or bad. If you choose not to do anything, that's a bad consequence. If you choose to do something, it's a good one.
00:28:30
Speaker
It always comes back to those two little choices, either you go left or you go right. And a lot of people don't realize how much of a difference that one day's choice can make in the long run.
00:28:45
Speaker
Usually it's an easy choice that day, either You get up and you start writing and you give it a shot or you sit down and turn on Netflix and ignore it for another day. But what they don't see is the the outcome later, the what can happen if you just write that sentence every day.
00:29:05
Speaker
What a difference that makes in the long run from day one where you made the choice to day whatever when HarperCollins has picked up your book. And no it all comes one day, one choice.
00:29:18
Speaker
And those choices are easy if you want them to be.
00:29:25
Speaker
They are. um I'm not going to, and I tell this to my coaching clients as well, it's not always going to be easy. Some of the things are going to be tough.
00:29:38
Speaker
And It will develop in you if you continue to pursue it. It will develop a strength within you. It's like exercising your muscles. yeah You go in you do a hard workout.
00:29:53
Speaker
It hurts maybe a little bit, but the next day your muscle is stronger. You're stronger. You're going to be able to be more mobile. You're going to be able to do more things. And one day you're going to absolutely enjoy going to the gym, which I actually enjoy going to the gym.
00:30:08
Speaker
It hurts like a bugger sometimes, but when I'm done, I feel like this is great. And this is what it takes. It takes an attitude of of persistence and an attitude of development to make things work in your life.
00:30:28
Speaker
And a lot of people don't want it bad enough. um A lot of people try to fake it until they make it. I say, no, listen, you want to lose that 10 pounds. so You believe you've lost that 10 pounds and you start to adapt the qualities that a fit person would do.
00:30:45
Speaker
So instead of wanting it, you say, I'm already a fit person. Now, what do I do today as a fit person? Well, I go to the gym. I eat well. I'm already there. i'm I'm not faking it. I am a healthy person. Now, you might be 10 pounds or 20 pounds overweight, but start talking to yourself as though you are.
00:31:04
Speaker
What does a what does a ah fit person do? A person who wants to develop themselves. Well, they go to the gym and they do this and they do that. And you believe that you are there and you take the action that goes along with the dream that you have.
00:31:23
Speaker
And you you are that person. Become that person.
00:31:28
Speaker
i think I think you said that the key is some people don't want it badly enough. And unfortunately, a lot of people, as they as they get to retirement, they kind of have the mindset, well, I've done enough.
00:31:45
Speaker
It's time to relax. And that that kind of leads into It's an awful lot of work to do something, to make a change, to keep going forward.
Staying Active: Avoiding Inactivity in Retirement
00:31:56
Speaker
How do you help people who have that sort of mindset with the idea that going forward is still the best option?
00:32:06
Speaker
With that, and that's a very good question, we have to ask someone who has that, well, I'm just going to relax. We have to say, okay, I want you to envision your life of relaxation.
00:32:20
Speaker
And I'm not saying don't relax at all. I'm not saying not to take those holidays or not to not to swing whatever you on the hammock or or anything like that or to have some leisure time.
00:32:33
Speaker
But if you were to do that forever, from here until the end of your days, How would that make you feel? you you think it would make you feel good if you're not using your body, you're using your brain?
00:32:46
Speaker
I want you to to understand that if you don't use these talents, they'll be gone. If you don't use your body, it will let you down. ah there's There are certain things that you must do in order to remain sharp.
00:33:02
Speaker
Take a look at your life. You led a great life. You did some great things. Look at how much you accomplished. But if you just put a stop to that accomplishment and decide that you are going to do nothing for the rest of your days, then your body and your mind, you're going to lose them eventually.
00:33:21
Speaker
It may not feel like it today or tomorrow, but in about a few years from now, you're going to say, oh my God, I wish I would have done something. because you want to keep sharp. You don't have to work every day, but do something that brings meaning to your life, that energizes you, and that keeps you fit mentally and physically, because then you will reap the benefits.
00:33:45
Speaker
So just look at the two. By doing something, imagine what you can accomplish. You know, just remaining physically fit, mentally fit, um having accomplished something, it's great.
00:33:58
Speaker
But on the other hand, if you don't, I'm afraid that in a few years from now, you're going to wake up, maybe sooner than later, and say, man, I missed out on so much, and my body hurts right now, and I can hardly get out of my chair. And, you know, all those days of relaxing on the hammock and doing nothing has resulted in in and empty life and a painful life.
00:34:23
Speaker
am
00:34:25
Speaker
I'm much older than people think. And when I meet people my age, ah many ah people that I worked with, and I look at them and they look old and and they're some of them are very unfit.
00:34:38
Speaker
And they've just eaten too many burgers and and drank too many beers and and whatever, but they just don't look well and and they don't feel well and they tell me. ah There's a few that do because they've continued to to sharpen their mind and and sharpen their bodies.
00:34:55
Speaker
And I'm going to continue doing this until I'm 150, you know. so ah And even then, if I can go for a few more years after 150, I'll keep doing it. Because the opposite of not doing that is rather painful. And I see it in the faces and bodies of the people that I've i've worked with, some of them, you know.
00:35:19
Speaker
That's right. a lot of people A lot of people don't have the opportunity to grow old, and a lot of people who do grow old actually age not so gracefully. And i think the third choice is to age gracefully, keep working, keep doing what you can as long as you can, so that if by chance you were graced with the genes of longevity, you're not sitting there looking out at life for the last bit of your life instead of taking part in it. I think that's really important.
00:35:56
Speaker
It is very important. And again, i i like what you just said there, Jackie. we We have a choice. We can grow old or we can grow old well.
00:36:10
Speaker
And just adding that one, you know, I'm going to grow old well. Just adding that word and getting that mental picture is that I will do what it takes. Like, I work out four or five times a week.
00:36:26
Speaker
I go for long walks, I feel great. I don't feel my age. I don't look my age, I don't feel my age, I don't act my age. I, you know, I have the body of ah about a 35 year old or 40 year old, but still, i' I'm very active. Many, many, many years later,
00:36:44
Speaker
And I, I, it's a mentality. It's a choice. It's a, it's, it's wanting something bad enough to make it happen.
00:36:57
Speaker
And this is the mentality that I encourage my clients and and people when I'm giving keynotes. I encourage people to make the very best out of their, their days, their lives, because,
00:37:13
Speaker
We just don't know how long we'll be here. And we should be here the best me, the best us that we can be. And that takes work.
00:37:25
Speaker
It doesn't take <unk> retiring and saying, well, now I'm going to relax. I worked enough. I'm going just relax. Well, if you're going to that, there's a consequence to that.
00:37:35
Speaker
Just know it. You know, the pain of regret. um Well, that's a big one. ah the The pain of purpose and of success is far less than the pain of regret.
00:37:51
Speaker
If you take a look at the two of them, the pain of regret is up here, man. It is just right up here. And the pain of doing something, yeah, there's a little bit of pain in it, but boy, just take a look at the difference.
00:38:03
Speaker
I can't move anymore. I forget things. I... I haven't developed anything here, man, this is going to be a great day.
Living Without Regrets: Meaningful Retirement Activities
00:38:12
Speaker
Look at what I've accomplished.
00:38:13
Speaker
This is good. Oh, hurts a little bit. It's okay. I'm going to develop that strength.
00:38:20
Speaker
i think I think that's a good picture to kind of end with. Where can listeners find out more about you or connect with you if they'd like to? Well, that that's pretty easy.
00:38:32
Speaker
um if you If you run my name on AI or Google, Paul Nadeau or J. Paul Nadeau, you'll find out a lot about me, as you did. I think, Jackie, you probably did that in your research, I could tell.
00:38:48
Speaker
And thank you very much for that great introduction once again and for this wonderful show, Jackie. What you're doing ah for people, ah you're giving them hope and you're giving them vision, and that's important. So,
00:39:00
Speaker
If you want to reach me, i have i have a ah website, jpaulnadeau, and that's my website,.com, and I'm easy to find. I'm surprised if how many things are out there about me, but i did I did it one day. I checked my name, and I thought, wow, okay.
00:39:21
Speaker
ah So that's how you get a hold of me. But once again, Jackie, thank you very much for having me on your show and and for doing the incredible work that you're doing, and to all your listeners, I i truly would like to you to leave let leave this this um episode with a couple of thoughts.
00:39:40
Speaker
You get to decide how your life is going to unfold. You get to write your your book, your next page. And if your page is empty, then your book will be empty at the end of your life.
00:39:53
Speaker
And you will be be visited by the ghost of missed opportunities. They'll surround your bedside and they'll haunt you and say, look what you could have done. And you're going to regret it.
00:40:05
Speaker
So for your next chapter, start writing something beautiful. Start taking that action and want it bad enough. So when you do end up on your deathbed, the ghosts of rock and roll will surround you and say, that was amazing.
00:40:21
Speaker
That was amazing. You did great. So those are a couple of thoughts I'd like to leave here your listeners. And if you want to reach out to me, I'm easy to find.
00:40:32
Speaker
So thanks very much, Jackie. Thanks, Paul. It was great having you. I'm really glad you came.
00:40:39
Speaker
And that's it for this episode of Beyond Retirement. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. hope you enjoyed it. To check out the video interviews, please go to my YouTube channel at bit.ly forward slash beyond retirement. That's bit.ly forward slash beyond retirement.
00:40:56
Speaker
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