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EP. 85 Keeper (2025)
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
I want to football. Have you seen my dick? been looking for it.
00:00:07
Speaker
Sir, I'm going to rub one out right here on your counter.
00:00:11
Speaker
We cut to Mike, who delivers meat on his bicycle.
00:00:19
Speaker
rinsing your girl out, bud.
00:00:23
Speaker
Hello, my name is Nick, and I have shaft hair.
00:00:27
Speaker
Call me Odell Beckham Senior,
Introduction and Chipotle Anecdotes
00:00:29
Speaker
cause I'm dad.
00:00:34
Speaker
want me to lick your bedpan, filthy skunk?
00:00:40
Speaker
We're just joking. Hey, everything's jokes.
00:00:47
Speaker
Two girls, one cup? No. Two guys, one screen? Yes. Hello welcome to episode 85 of the Two Guys, One Screen podcast. um We got the hemorrhoid homies, the Poetown boys, the diarrhea daddies, newfound.
00:01:01
Speaker
Um, and, uh, I'm much a Chipotle cuck. I got, I've been going to Chipotle big. Yeah. You like, there like you're just getting into it finally. No, I've always liked it when I was younger. It made me shit like a lot and I, I just couldn't eat it. And now I've just started eating it. Cause I realized if i just go to Chipotle, I won't go to McDonald's. And in my mind, my dumb fucking mind, Chipotle is better than, like healthier than McDonald's.
00:01:25
Speaker
It kind of is. Yeah. I mean, nothing's fried. Yeah, you know, so I get a burrito and then it comes out of my ass like a burrito. i mean, if you don't get a burrito, what are you doing?
00:01:36
Speaker
Yeah, I love a burrito. you're getting a bowl, you're a fah. Yeah. Oh, word.
Movie Review: 'Keeper' by Osgood Perkins
00:01:44
Speaker
Yeah, we're here potentially to review this movie that Osgood Perkins put out called Keeper.
00:01:52
Speaker
And oh my jeepers, it's fucking horrible. I mean, i mean... i mean Like, I don't even know what to say about this movie because it we both feel the same way. It's just like kind of ah a nothing hamburger, as they call a nothing burger movie. there's just one zero I have like one positive, and then like the rest is kind of negative. So, yeah. I mean, so that's what we're kind of here discuss.
00:02:20
Speaker
ah But Gerald and I both just were like, we watched it, and we're just like, why why are we even – Why are we doing this? yeah yeah But, you know. like how do we but How do we get to Keeper? Because we just needed something to fill in this week, and we just said, let's see if Keeper works.
00:02:36
Speaker
We literally changed the schedule to get Keeper in, I'm pretty sure. I believe you. and Right? I mean, it's fucking brutal. Because next week we were going to do Wicked 2, but we don't want to see that. So we're like, hey, we can squeeze in Keeper now if we push another recording up.
00:02:53
Speaker
No, I do. I do kind of want to see Wicked 2, but I don't know how much I want to review on it. I don't want to review it, but I'm probably going to go see it. But, you know, for us, like doing Wicked 2 might be good because people are going to want to like that's going to be in the zeitgeist for a minute.
Upcoming Movie Review Plans
00:03:07
Speaker
Maybe it's big saying we should. show i mean, we could just say right now that we just put Sweener here and do Wicked next week. That's kind of annoying. It is kind of annoying. Yeah. Kind of fuck up our whole schedule. We're not doing wicked to fuck you.
00:03:20
Speaker
Sorry guys. yeah let me Tell you what, whenever, whatever episode ah comes out and when, after we both have seen wicked too, we can throw a little, little quick John in at the beginning.
00:03:33
Speaker
You know what else i I had an idea about you and I could sit here just talk about weapons. Cause we never talked about weapons. And that movie is great. That movie is great. That movie very good. was, uh, it was one of those drawings that I just did not. I was like, I'm so sick of seeing the trailer for this movie.
00:03:52
Speaker
I just like, don't want to even talk about it anymore. Think about it. And there was one night we recorded and I was like, yeah, I'm going to go see weapons to see what happens. And then I went and saw it and golly had a good time. I wasn't expecting it.
00:04:05
Speaker
Now that you're, now that you're out of it, we had this conversation before you saw it. Do you think weapons is horror or thriller?
00:04:12
Speaker
Horror. Yeah. Yeah, it is for sure. i don't know. It didn't get me as horror really. There's some moments, but it didn't like get me as like straight up horror. It's like a crime, crime drama almost.
00:04:25
Speaker
There's like these, a lot of these movies, right? It's like silence the lambs the same way where it's just kind of like, they're not exactly horror and not exactly a thriller. It's like, if you drew a Venn diagram, it'd be in the middle.
00:04:39
Speaker
Right. That, Seven, you know, the big ones. Seven. Shutter Island. No, Shutter Island's Thriller. Never mind. Shutter Island's straight Thriller, but unfortunately, after one watch, that movie's just kind of like, whatever. It's kind of
Genre Debate: Horror vs Thriller
00:04:50
Speaker
bad.
00:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's kind of bad. My thing about weapons, though, like, and um yeah.
00:04:58
Speaker
it Do you think we're getting enough, like, killer old women movies or, like, old women in general in horror movies?
00:05:08
Speaker
Do I think we're getting enough old women in horror? it's It's a big trope. Do you think it's overdone or underdone? It's overdone, I feel.
00:05:22
Speaker
I'm trying to think about old ladies. Barbarian. but Well, that was also the same guy. The same people made this movie made Barbarian. and I don't like Barbarian. I love Barbarian. And too bad there's not a physical release for that movie because I'd buy it. yeah They're working. They're working hard. Due to the success of Weapons.
00:05:39
Speaker
Weapons is getting the... yeah
00:05:45
Speaker
ah the but The buttons are delayed today. i'm not sure why. Hey, man, it's so it's fine, right? Yeah. I mean, we'll make do. It's been an interesting morning. I'm definitely just not going to use AirPods to record the next episode because this is fucking weird and don't like it.
00:05:58
Speaker
Okay. I feel odd. You got a splitter? I got a splitter all right. Yeah. Yeah. Something else is going fucking split. So yeah, Weapons is fine.
00:06:08
Speaker
No, it's not fine. It's good. Weapons is good. It's a four-star
Tropes in Horror Movies: Old Women
00:06:12
Speaker
movie. Weapons is good. And you know what else we can just do just to fill time because Keeper sucks so much fucking cock? ah is I also saw that you watched ah you watched Frankenstein, the Guillermo joint.
00:06:23
Speaker
I did. Yeah, and I was wondering like if you sat down with dad or mom to just be like, we're going to watch this. You just lost two and a half hours of your life to that fucking... i want I watched it after i ate lasagna.
00:06:39
Speaker
oh Oh, yeah. oh Oh, that makes sense why you watched it. Wow. ye That was the movie choice. Well, it was more so, hey, let's watch a movie, open Netflix. It was the first thing that popped up, clicked it, watched it.
00:06:53
Speaker
Yeah. um You know what? That makes and makes sense why you... Why I watched we hadn't so we We hadn't spoken in a couple of days. Not like it was a bad thing. we just hadn't spoken in a couple of days. And then I just saw Frankenstein pop up on the Letterboxd feed.
00:07:09
Speaker
And I was like, he was like, why the fuck would you watch that when I told him watched it? Right. I mean, I didn't. And I watched it and i watched in Alamo and I was weighted on it. I was like, eh, so whatever.
00:07:19
Speaker
Yeah, I watched it Netflix. So, hey, no money spent here. ah Did you? It's three-star movie. It's like probably the most fine fine movie I've ever watched. The set design is amazing, as you would expect from Guillermo.
00:07:32
Speaker
Really? Because I wrote the opposite in my review. I thought it sucked. Really? I thought it was shot very well. Everything looked very nice. The opening, where the ship's wrecked, I thought looked good.
00:07:44
Speaker
And the rest of it, I was just kind of like, eh. The fuck's his name? Oliver? Poe? Oscar? Oscar? um Oliver Poe Oscar. Oscar Isaac.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah. He was fine. I feel like he was overdoing it a little bit. No, probably. But me goth. Wasn't in it enough. Dude, don't you want Mia Gothi Bride? i mean um I mean, if they make a sequel of this movie and they make Mia Gothi Bride, I'll cum my pants.
00:08:10
Speaker
That's in it, but you know what? Make her like the whole movie. Yeah. Put her in it more. Because she was definitely trying to fuck that, the monster, no? Big? Oh, yeah. When she first goes down into like the dungeon, he's chained up and he's like, I love you, dude.
00:08:24
Speaker
he He'd like never seen a woman before. His penis was fucking erect. Also, hate the design. Sorry. Fucking disgusting. Horrible. This dude looked like Freddy Krueger if he was blue. I clicked it like three seconds ago i't
Decision on 'Polar Express' Episode
00:08:36
Speaker
know what the fuck's going on today.
00:08:37
Speaker
Horrible monster design, Guillermo. Then you made him like a terrorist. He got like the Al-Qaeda fit on at the end. What are doing? are we doing? ratwell So late. i don't know what want with the sound. Maybe it's because I have Bluetooth and it's just taking second to my, my AirPods.
00:08:53
Speaker
That's actually, yeah, I'm hearing It's not immediately actually. Okay, good. Yeah. Uh, I thought he looked like, he looked like the John from alien. So they're covenant or baby whole guy Prometheus guy.
00:09:04
Speaker
Yeah. He looks like that guy. And he also looked, he also in certain shots looked like fucking Nosferatu from the Robert Eggers joint. Yeah. Not always, but in certain shots, uh, Yeah, probably one of the most odd looking monsters ever. I'm getting a phone call.
00:09:19
Speaker
Okay. Anyways, should we also should we also talk about this? i think we' we're talking about Frankenstein, but either way, it's mid little bit too long. Oh, it's way too long. You say was shot nice. I said it was. and We both want me and got to sit on our faces.
00:09:32
Speaker
mean, what else you want from us? um What should we address to the audience now? What's going on with Polar Express? Or should we? what Yeah, what do we want to say?
00:09:46
Speaker
i feel like the answer is maybe it's just not happening. It's not coming out, guys. um So originally I said, let's just do, say we had technical difficulties doing the recording, but then people would probably be like, dude, just record it again.
00:09:58
Speaker
But then the jokes don't hit. Yeah. It's just not something that we want to put on the internet. It's one of those conversations you'd have with your friends, like in a room where there' no one's being recorded. And I've been telling people, some people, not everybody, certain people,
00:10:13
Speaker
I haven't said anything to Brian yet, but I should because blacks. I haven't really I've been telling people like some of the stuff we said and they're like, that's like insanely funny. You just can't put that out. I'm like, that's the dilemma we're in.
00:10:25
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I let my cousin listen to some of it. She goes, you can't put any of that out. And I was like, it's so funny. It's like like yeah and honestly, that's not even for Pwner. That's for other stuff. A lot of stuff, yeah. Yeah, it's not even just like Pwner is just... We went so fucking crazy on Pwner.
00:10:43
Speaker
no reason. And it's not even like there's like one part like American Werewolf where we can just like kind of like bleep it out and make it work. It's like the whole episode is just fucking crazy. Start to finish. we Yeah, we just started off... It just started bad and it just ended bad.
00:10:56
Speaker
Right. So it's just... I mean, it's... It's probably not coming out. We're sorry. i mean, i'm not we had such a good time. I'm not sorry. I mean, no, and like don't delete the recording because I definitely want to have that.
00:11:12
Speaker
No, i havent it's not getting deleted. And as long as we have an account on Zencast or the raw audio is always going to be here. right Raw. I can't make that go away. That's good. Uh,
00:11:24
Speaker
Yeah, we had we had a little bit too good of a time. No alcohol. Not
Future Movie Review Considerations
00:11:27
Speaker
alcohol-induced. We just went fucking wild. I was completely sober, which is shocking. so For some of the shit I was saying.
00:11:35
Speaker
Yeah. So, what are we going to put out? I mean, Terrifier 3. We talked about that, yeah. Do we just do a re-release of Inside? Yeah.
00:11:46
Speaker
Oh, because Christmas movie. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. i just We don't know what what to do now. i get It's probably going to Terrifier 3. I was initially against it because we kind of covered all of Terrifier last year.
00:12:01
Speaker
Yeah, but we're we're at the point where it's like we're running out of one time, two movies. Yeah. um Yeah. And it doesn't come out until after Christmas. So we have time to squeeze it.
00:12:15
Speaker
i just We also just say for the record, in case you're wondering, Gerald landed on a one star. I'm giving it a half. I thought about it. I'm still giving it a half star. It's not a good... Guys, it's nostalgia glasses. I promise.
00:12:28
Speaker
Yeah. i I mean, it's going to be one of those things where it's like, if you remember this movie fondly from your childhood, just keep it that way. It's not worth revisiting. You will feel horrible afterwards. And I would not recommend watching it. And yeah, there's Tom Hanks, but even Tom Hanks can't save the movie.
00:12:43
Speaker
Yeah. Like i so I watched it last year and gave it three star. And then this year it went all the way down to a one. So yeah. And I mean, I haven't watched it literally... Since I was prepubescent, I gave it a fucking half star.
00:12:56
Speaker
It was rough. It's fucking, it's worthy of this. Which is kind of why so the more bad the movie is, yeah the crazier we get, I kind of feel.
00:13:07
Speaker
Except for American Werewolf.
In-depth Criticism of 'Keeper'
00:13:10
Speaker
I mean, we go we went crazy on Harry Potter, but like those are all good movies for the most part.
00:13:17
Speaker
uh yeah but especially with ponner like the movie was giving us nothing to work with so we our minds just ran wild ponner couldn't even give us fucking names characters it's just like what are we doing yeah uh i don't know some of that stuff was just kind of low-hanging fruit uh so yeah i mean ponner is just probably not going to come out um would you stop i'm recording
00:13:44
Speaker
I also, you know, I'm i'm a well-known well-known Ethan Hawke hater. I'm also a well-known Dario Argento hater. I think we both are at this point. Yeah.
00:13:55
Speaker
I watched Tenerbrae, which is on Prime. Oh, okay. It's on Prime. You don't have to like, but blind buy Aquino Lorberv on 4K for $36. Did you rate it?
00:14:09
Speaker
Yeah, i logged in everything. It's here. Two and half. two Two and a half. I'm just going to come out and say Dario Argento is not for me, man. I mean, this guy, I get it. It's the fucking, what is it? The seventies?
00:14:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Or 1982. I'm sorry. And there's some wild blood at the end of that movie. But, i mean, golly, was it a bore fest. Very interesting premise, but very, very boring movie. It's like that John john Carpenter movie.
00:14:36
Speaker
I forgot what it's called. Maybe it's In the Mouth of Madness. It's that Sutter Cain joint. That guy that writes Sutter Cain and gets trapped in his own book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like that, but way more boring. And I hate to say movie's boring, because there are some decent kills.
00:14:50
Speaker
But there's literally a whole... I want to call it like 10 to 15 minutes where this girl is getting chased by a dog that like wants to eat her for no reason. It's just a dog. So I think we, I think we're both haters of Giallo films, which is a genre.
00:15:05
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, just not for me. Italian horror thrillers that go nowhere fast, you know? Right. Well, I mean, if we went somewhere and the end was good, but like the rest of was pretty true. all right. Well, all these I haven't even fucking seen.
00:15:21
Speaker
Which is type of popular Giallo films. Oh, yeah. Cat of Ninetales I watched. oh I mean, that was horrible. Opera I haven't seen yet.
00:15:33
Speaker
I've seen Opera. It's fine. It's fine? I think they're all fine. Yeah. You know? Tenebrae, fine. Suspiria, real bad. Suspiria is one of the worst movies I've ever watched my entire life. I said what I said.
00:15:46
Speaker
ah I mean, literally, I just called Plumage. That's another one that comes up. don't know what that is Deep red. It's another one that comes up. Is that an arrow? Yeah.
00:15:57
Speaker
I know torso is an arrow. Yep. Demons. That's scary. Cause I really want to watch that movie and it's, our it's an Argento, not a giallo. I don't think, but,
00:16:08
Speaker
and Not a jihadi either. No. If they start making jihad movies, you just Google beheadings and there you are. so Yeah, you just go to live stream. Yeah. going on What? I'm sorry.
00:16:22
Speaker
I was trying to play this one.
00:16:27
Speaker
Yeah. Uh... I also... Did I watch the right movie? I watched Wrong Turn from 2003. Is that the OG? That's the OG, yeah. Yeah, that movie's fucking good. I'm really happy that you like it.
00:16:40
Speaker
To everybody who is calling it a ripoff of Texas Chainsaw and The Hills Have Eyes, I hear the movie's actually fucking good. You can't call it a ripoff because it's good. Sure. and This is like...
00:16:54
Speaker
It's prime sci-fi. Like, this movie was on sci-fi all the time back in the day. day Yeah, I thought it was fucking great. I really enjoyed it. I was to give it a three and a half, and I thought I was kind of crazy for doing it, so I gave it a three, but it's definitely going a three and a half.
00:17:07
Speaker
It's got to You deserve it. Yeah. um But here's the thing, right? Here's the thing. Don't watch the sequels. Well, I mean, there's like nine of them, right? Yes, but... So you know how this one's like more so like unlike the... you know backwoods Like they're just killing people.
00:17:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It starts going into nothing but like rape. Oh, like last house in the left type shit. Yeah. But they're not rape revenge films. Cause no one gets revenge. They just all die and get raped.
00:17:39
Speaker
Do they get raped while they're alive? Yeah. Oh, and then killed. So it's not their own tapes thing. Correct. And this one, I think what in the theaters, the rest of them were straight to video.
00:17:50
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, speaking of that should go straight to video, fucking Keeper. Keeper. I did want to shout out Carlos for recommending Wrong Turn because that was a Carlos shout out and he probably recommended it to me over a year ago at this point and I just got to my watch list.
00:18:08
Speaker
Nice. Shout out you, Carlos. so It was on Prime for free. Why not? go ah You can find it physically. i have it in a three pack, which is sad because I don't want the other two.
00:18:20
Speaker
Remember i was like I started three movies and didn't finish any of them? That was one of them. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I finally finished that. But be careful. If you do look for it physically, there's a remake from like 2022 or something like that.
00:18:34
Speaker
Yeah, it'd be like the Grudge situation where it's fucking... All you can find is a remake. i don't At this point, I don't think that movie exists physically. It might not. Because I want it.
00:18:45
Speaker
We don't know. Yeah, you want it? I do. Please, fucking give it to me. Hello, you're now in an ad read. Yeah, fuck you, yeah. that we We're, Gerald's sick of regurgitating the same lines at the beginning and the end of the episode. So here we are in the middle.
00:19:01
Speaker
So here's one one nice ad read to check all our shit out.
Social Media Promotion and Listener Engagement
00:19:05
Speaker
Plug it in. ah So follow us on Instagram, two guys, one screen pod. Send any comments, concerns, movie requests to two guys, one screen pod at gmail.com.
00:19:16
Speaker
Follow us on Tik TOK and YouTube. Follow us individually on letterbox. Send us a voicemail five away, eight fist us five away, eight dip tip six minute limit, 12 body maximum.
00:19:31
Speaker
And then go listen to our physical media podcast. Yeah, you want it? Available on the same page. Do you fucking want it or not? And before we end this ad read, shout out to Jackson Behavioral Health.
00:19:45
Speaker
All this will be linked in the description below. Click it and stick it. And now back to the episode. We're going to go through the cast this fucking movie. Keeper. I don't know why we're doing Osgood Perkins, all these Osgood Perkins movies, but I mean, after this, Osgood Perkins, you're out for me, bro.
00:20:03
Speaker
No, I know why we keep doing it because long legs is so good and he just keeps going down. It's just shit. It's just literal shit. i but Okay. I did see one thing. He didn't write this. He just directed it. I don't know if that makes a difference.
00:20:17
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, maybe this movie shouldn't have gotten picked up there if it was like this. Well, Neon's just like picking up everything, right? Neon's like, if we put our name on it, people will People are going to go watch it. And I don't know why. Yeah. name a good Neon movie.
00:20:32
Speaker
Long Legs. That's it. i mean, Neon has a lot of shit, no? I'm thinking just horror. I feel like they're becoming the horror people, aren't they? Neon's got presence.
00:20:45
Speaker
Oh, fuck. Neon's got Pig. Neon's got Possessor, which you don't like, and that's fine. Neon's got Immaculate. Oh, fuck. Parasite?
00:20:56
Speaker
Enora? Parasite's Neon? Really? Yeah. Anora, Infinity Pool, you definitely don't like. I hate Infinity Pool. Got Ferrari.
00:21:06
Speaker
That was a great movie. It came out two years ago. They got... ah Okay, and the rest is not worth speaking about. Have you seen that movie Titan? Yeah, it's kind of weird. I've seen it. Okay.
00:21:17
Speaker
I think I've heard about it. it's it's ah There's some good body horror, but it's kind of boring, I'll be honest. Okay. To me. But then they've also done like Cuckoo. I get like a two and a half. And then Cuckoo, which was, you know, this movie gave me big Cuckoo vibes. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:21:31
Speaker
This says Anatomy of a Fall. Is that correct? Hold on. I didn't see Anatomy of a Fall on here when I first went through this. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's... I mean, Anatomy Fall, banger.
00:21:43
Speaker
Wow. Okay. Check out Anatomy Fall if you haven't seen it. Great movie. um So they do absolute bangers and then absolute shitstorms. They just got they just got both ends of the spectrum going for them.
00:21:55
Speaker
um Yes, you Osgood Perkins, he did The Monkey, which we already talked about. Go check out a review on that or don't. um You know, ah Long Legs and then this movie. And then he also has a movie called Greta and Hansel.
00:22:10
Speaker
I did start watching the movie last night because I was like, let me do some research, I guess.
Brief Mention of 'Gretel and Hansel'
00:22:16
Speaker
And slow. That's kind of his vibe.
00:22:21
Speaker
Very, very slow. Well, if you if you click on Gretel and Hansel, you'll notice it's only 87 minutes. So you don't really have a problem you only have time to be slow when you're 87 minutes.
00:22:32
Speaker
I need to find this movie. The Black Coat's Daughter. People say this movie is great. And I can't. It's not streaming anywhere. I just want to say one more thing on Gretel and Hansel. The main character is the chick from It One.
00:22:47
Speaker
Sofina Lillis. Yeah. Okay. She's a good actress. Yes. I just wanted to say that. Is she of age in that one? Yeah, it came out in 2020. I don't know. Maybe. Hopefully not. Hopefully not?
00:22:59
Speaker
Hopefully not. Bro, she's born in 2002. She's definitely of age. You said if she's of age, hopefully not. The fuck? That's not what I meant in my head Yeah. She's born 2002. She's four years older than us. Younger.
00:23:15
Speaker
Yeah. So she's good. Yeah. I mean, she's a piece. ah I'll get, I mean, I'll give her button. don't give a fuck. So this movie came out, ah you know, this past week, post 9-11, post Chris Benoit, post Antonio Brown.
00:23:30
Speaker
That's true. is ocar be Is he ruining his father's legacy too? Who is Oscar Perkins's father? Anthony Perkins. Who the fuck is Anthony Perkins? Norman Bates himself from Psycho.
00:23:43
Speaker
Oh, no. i didn't know that. I genuinely did not know that. Yeah. um So. Psycho mid. here Psycho is mid. No, it's mid.
00:23:54
Speaker
Yeah, it is. Sorry. It's mid. I mean, it's. If you watch. I've said this before on this podcast. If you watch Psycho while watching like all of Hitchcock's work, it's like a little bit better, but it's mid.
00:24:05
Speaker
Influential, maybe. Yeah. Alright, so here's your fucking cast. It's not many people. You got Tatiana Maslany.
00:24:16
Speaker
She plays the ladies. She can fucking get it. She was in The Monkey. And I just don't remember her name at all and I'm sorry for that. She's Ginger Snaps 2. 2. We watched Ginger Snaps together.
00:24:28
Speaker
Yeah. The first one's really good, guys. Go watch it. Yeah, it was good. Next we got Rassif Sutherland who plays Malcolm Westbridge. ah like He's a possessor. Where's this guy from?
00:24:39
Speaker
Canadian? No fucking way. Dude, he's son of actor Donald Sutherland. Why this sound familiar? The guy from Hunger Games with the white hair. Oh. That guy.
00:24:50
Speaker
Yeah. This guy's I don't know if this... He was in Orphan First Kill, which I still need to see. Me too. He's also in Possessor.
00:24:59
Speaker
I don't like this guy's acting. I'm sorry. Not fucking him or his acting. His acting's really bad. Maybe that was the direction he was given. ain't fucking it.
00:25:09
Speaker
Next we got Burkett Turton, who plays Darren. I mean, this guy look at this guy's filmography. It's all just nothing.
00:25:18
Speaker
if your're If your most well-known movie is Blade Trinity, that's a problem. mean, tough. Tough. that will I don't think I'm not fucking in this movie. I'm not fucking him in this picture. Yeah, you're not getting fucked.
00:25:32
Speaker
He ain't fucking it. Next we got, ah it's eight the button delays. They're fucking me up. All right. So we got, ah Eden Weiss who plays Minka. I mean, she's getting fucked. No, she's getting big fucked. big Her and her like little smaller portion body that comes. What the fuck was that by the way, bro? I don't know.
00:25:51
Speaker
I guess I'll get into it, but like eventually, but I don't, I don't know. uh next we got that's a funny ass name we got cassandra ebner who plays bag head right yeah you never you never really see her face but no she's bagged she's kind of getting fucked in the picture uh i don't think i guess we'll shout these people out right sure we got uh tess degustine who plays maggie and bag head ah
00:26:21
Speaker
We got Aaron Boyes, who plays Julia. Gina Voltaggio, who plays Francis. Claire Frizen, who plays Louis. Look, she's a redhead. I thought she was... She's fucking Jessica Chastain Light, and I'm fucking her.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah. And she's like not in the mood. So most of these people are just flashbacks. Very quick flashbacks. Kristen Park plays Leslie.
00:26:46
Speaker
Your face is just mushed together. I mean, what? You look like a fucking... You look like an Asian. I'm not i'm just going to tell you the truth. Yeah. um I think that's it.
00:26:57
Speaker
i don't really care about the rest these people. don't really care about this movie. No. I mean, my biggest the biggest thing for this fucking movie is is literally like what we already said is that it just should not have come out in theaters. I don't get why this is got picked up by a major distributor or why they thought this was like cool or different or like... there's There's really nothing of note in this movie that's like...
00:27:23
Speaker
I don't know. There's just nothing that's like, wow, that was cool. Like none of it. So I'll give you the general plot. You're ready for this. You're never going to guess this, right? A guy is seeking immortality.
00:27:34
Speaker
So he sacrifices people to these creatures. Whoa, that's original.
00:27:42
Speaker
Yeah, and then he brings these women back to his cabin and and murders them or feeds them to demons. It's just like, i was trying to think, I was just trying to think like what movie has done that and I couldn't think of one. But I know that trope is like, it's a thing.
00:27:54
Speaker
It's definitely a thing. Yeah. Weapons. Weapons. sa But this one's sacrificing kids for immortality. did see Did you get a trailer, by the way, in the theater for that movie about kit like the swimming the kids on the swimming team, and they and one of them, they all say has the plague?
00:28:14
Speaker
No. And they're like spreading it to each other, and it's like... ah
00:28:19
Speaker
Oh, fuck. that That reminds me. I got a trailer for this movie that sounds like Haxon, but it's not Haxon. Hocum, maybe? Haxon.
00:28:29
Speaker
I just Google searched movie coming out boys in pool plague. And that's what came up. It's literally called the plague. Psychological thriller about bullying at a boy's water polo camp.
00:28:42
Speaker
Coming out December 24th, 2025. Okay. Yes. What were you going to say? Here's this movie. This trailer played. It's called Hokum. Upcoming supernatural horror film.
00:28:54
Speaker
H-O-K-U-M.
00:29:01
Speaker
No. What the fuck? Film. It's like it's like defining hokum for me. I don't give a fuck. Just show me the fucking movie. Distributed by Neon. But it looked really creepy and kind of like satanic and shit. Is that Adam Scott?
00:29:12
Speaker
Yeah, it is Hokum horror movie to star Adam Scott. Let pull this Letterboxd. the It got me. Like, the trailer was creepy as shit.
00:29:25
Speaker
Has no picture.
00:29:30
Speaker
When's this coming out? 2026. No release date yet.
00:29:38
Speaker
Well, maybe we'll fucking watch it. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Fuck around and find out.
00:29:46
Speaker
All right. Let's see what I wrote down in my notes for this movie because it's probably not much.
00:29:53
Speaker
i guess i mean I guess the only thing that I'll give this movie credit for, and I have seen a lot of praise with online, is the way it was shot. It does look nice. I will say, Osgood Perkins, where it's it's beginning to come very clear how you like to shoot your movies, ah because they all kind of look the same. This movie gave big, long-legs vibes from beginning to end, as far as cinematography is concerned.
00:30:17
Speaker
Yeah, except for the weird... Even vibe. Vibe, yeah. That's the thing. Like... You know what really pissed me off about this movie? What? There's a lot of like tension, right?
00:30:30
Speaker
Sure. And then it just edges you with like zero jump scares. like It's like something's going to happen, and then nothing happens. So it's funny that you say that as a negative.
Cinematography Critique of 'Keeper'
00:30:41
Speaker
I mean, I'm on your side, but people I've read online are saying they like that they didn't use jump scares because they think that jump scares are cheap. Yeah.
00:30:49
Speaker
And I mean, this movie is like, it's unsettling for sure. i don't know if it's like full blown scary. If that's no word to use. But you're right. I mean, there is just a lot of vibes and there's a lot of times I was sitting in the theater i was like, all right, jump scares coming, jump scares coming. And then it just doesn't happen.
00:31:08
Speaker
Nothing. ah Osgood also likes to do a lot of stuff in the background. Yeah. For you to like pick up on. Right. Yeah. Which is cool. I'm down with that.
00:31:20
Speaker
But again, that's just the way was shot. It's just kind like, like there was a scene where she's like sitting in the living room and there's a window like kind of above, like in like right here and you see people running by and it's like, all right, that was cool.
00:31:33
Speaker
Or like when she's sitting on the bed talking to Maggie, I think. And like that thing like kind of comes through the wall and its head goes, Mr. Fantastic. Bro, my eyes were so cooked. I thought that the face looked like the V Vendetta mask.
00:31:46
Speaker
I thought were wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. so Also, I'm sorry that the fucking audio is fucked at the last 10 minutes of that recording. I will fix it eventually. Eventually. The last 12-ish minutes we're not it does not sound cohesive.
00:32:00
Speaker
That's all right. I see another movie anyway. anyway Yeah, we're working on it. um No, I'm not.
00:32:07
Speaker
Yeah. I saw a lot of people saying like... Did it play? Yeah. Oh, it's so late. I saw a lot of people on Letterboxd saying it was like Lynch-esque.
00:32:18
Speaker
And I'm like, are we just saying everything is Lynch-esque if it's artsy? i Okay, so I've thought about it more since our conversation on Die My Love. i think... To call something Lynch-esque, it would need to be like very surreal and like use a lot of imagery ah that this movie I don't think does at all. That I think Die My Love does more than this movie. If anything is more Lynch-esque, it would be Die My Love compared to this. This is not this is literally, um if you want to call it that, a psychological thriller set in one location. That's what this is.
00:32:55
Speaker
It is. And like when they try and do like what I get it. The necklace was in the water, but then there's just like water, like running down, like transparently, like when she's talking sometimes, like it's just dumb. It's just stupid. It doesn't.
00:33:10
Speaker
It's like trying to be like, whoa, it's like, no. Yeah, that's my thing. And, you know I don't have. I'll be the first tell you I'm a fucking idiot, right? Like, I don't know anything.
00:33:23
Speaker
But, honestly. But, like, some of this stuff that they put in the movie, it feels like you're you're trying to be pretentious a little bit. It's like, oh, we're this complex movie.
00:33:35
Speaker
Here's a shot of 30 seconds of just water running on rocks. And you're supposed to mean that that that ah is like an analogy for the fucking war going on in Gaza. Like, dude, what the fuck are we talking about? it's water on rocks.
00:33:47
Speaker
what's But that's like the direction that like movies are going. It felt very independent. But then people write that shit. It is. But then people write that shit online. They're like, oh, the so fucking water on the rocks emulates the whatever. And No, it fucking doesn't.
00:34:03
Speaker
It's water on rocks, bro. And I can be fucking dumb as shit and that's fine. But like when you're watching a movie like that, it doesn't, it doesn't, the metaphor or analogy does not really work at all for whatever metaphor or analogy that we're going for in this film.
00:34:17
Speaker
Maybe it's being in a toxic relationship. That's about it. I mean, possibly, but the, the imagery is not there. Also, the quote-unquote villain-type thing kind of looks like you just like came out of your mouth while wearing a scream mask.
00:34:39
Speaker
the The fucking... The drawings at the end? Yeah. Yeah, i guess. They weren't... That's the thing, right? like be So we always say that's the thing, which is hilarious. But the thing is but the the thing is that there's a lot of buildup in movies like this where you have like it's like building up to something and the payoff has to be there. And if it's not there, you're not going to like it.
00:35:02
Speaker
A la Barbarian. You know, right like it's kind kind of the same thing of like if you don't like the payoff, you're not going to like the movie. As people have already said on the line, it's make or break. And I feel like you get to the end of this movie just kind of like, yeah, I mean, this wasn't really worth my time.
00:35:18
Speaker
I did like the head in the jar. That was cool. Which head? The first head when they pull it out, like when the creatures pull it out and it's all goopy. Was that head? Because I'll be honest, it looked like a fucking paper mache mask. It didn't look like a head.
00:35:33
Speaker
I mean, I'm assuming it was like a head because they hung it where the body was. Right. It just didn't look like a real head. Oh, okay. I don't know. It looked like a paper mache mask of sorts.
00:35:44
Speaker
Also, what was that thing? Honey? Like, what'd they have in there? Gosh. Where'd they dunk his head in at the end? The same thing that it was in the jar in the first place. Maybe like... was straight honey, bro.
00:35:55
Speaker
It was probably honey for filming purposes, but maybe it was like... Some kind of fluid that's in the body. Snatch fluid. Shout out That's what whou thinking, right? Because like it's all about birth. Birth. Yeah. this movie game This movie also gave me... It gave me Cuckoo vibes. I don't know why. Maybe just like the indie vibe and the way it was shot. I don't know, but it did. And it also gave me... Oh, I just fucking lost it. It i was in my head.
00:36:23
Speaker
I don't know. It's already gone. I'll think of it at some point. Another bad movie? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. a It just didn't... yeah Whatever the fucking main bitch's name is, right? I thought her acting was what is let's correct she pretty good. She was very good. i was i will give... all the show Especially at the end when ah her husband or whatever he is to her flips the switch and he's like, you're going to die now. And she's just like historically crying.
00:36:53
Speaker
like That part was like very, very well acted. I was very impressed with that. Malcolm. Yeah, his name was Malcolm. I watched movie last night. I couldn't tell you what his fucking name was. No, I don't. I don't know. Yeah. Uh, the rest might like think more like anything to write home about. And you said Malcolm was bad.
00:37:12
Speaker
I didn't like him. I would, it's not that my cat's going crazy. It's not that didn't like him. I just didn't care. He was just monotone the entire movie. ah Yeah. Uh,
00:37:24
Speaker
He looks like he smells also. He looks like he smells big. Yeah. Yeah. He definitely smells. I'm trying to remember.
00:37:36
Speaker
Was the trailer for this movie more like, um, Was it the one where it's like you hear a voiceover of Liz? She's like, this is my husband, Malcolm. I think he's kind of weird. But he's a keeper.
00:37:49
Speaker
And it's like it's like she's like listing off stuff about him. then he does the same thing for her. Yes. Never happens. Never. And like the part that like got me was like the scenes where like it cuts to everybody's faces, like all the women's faces, and they're all like bleeding all over their face.
00:38:05
Speaker
That's what got me. yeah And guess what? That's in the very beginning of the movie and irrelevant pretty much. Yeah, now one bitch looks like the cover a House of a Thousand Corpses. Yeah, literally. That's what it gave me vibes of was Together, which I don't think you so you saw.
00:38:19
Speaker
I didn't see that, no. But at least going into the film knowing nothing, it gave me more of like, ah okay, Together is also like, it's shot on one location for the most part. ah A psychological thriller of sorts.
00:38:31
Speaker
And going into Keeper blindly just with that first trailer in mind, i was like, alright, this is kind of what I'm expecting, but Uh, it's just together worth a watch. Um, I don't know what I'm to give this movie. I think going to give it like a two or a two and a half, but together I gave a three.
00:38:47
Speaker
So I guess, yeah. I mean, you do get to see his CGI cock get stuck inside of the girl spoilers for together. I mean, that's cool. You might like it a lot, but here's my thing. Right. and I've been vocal about this on this. We have been vocal about this on this podcast.
00:39:01
Speaker
Practical effect work goes such a far way for both of us that watching some CGI bullshit in a theater in 2025 is just very disheartening. You know?
00:39:12
Speaker
I agree. Together it could have been such a gorier movie if they did practical effect work, but instead they just made everything CGI. And that's just kind of a bummer. Yeah, and even this movie, like, the one kill is, like, off screen.
00:39:28
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what... I don't know... People were saying it was shot... Like, do you think it was shot very well? Or do you think it was fucking CGI? Like, do you think the woods... Like, they were actually out in the woods? Or do you think it was a background?
00:39:41
Speaker
Um... Certain... I think certain aspects were... Practical. But, like, that one particular scene... It kept jumping to that one scene... Where, like, the kids first meet that bitch... That's pregnant.
00:39:55
Speaker
Yeah, who literally just Liz... Yes. That was definitely CGI. What the fuck was that, by the way? He's just like, yeah, when we were kids, we decided we were going shoot this pregnant bitch for no reason and lock her in the shed with pigs.
00:40:09
Speaker
Yeah. I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing. It should have been goats. It should have been goats. have been goats. It should have been fucking goats because then it would have played into like goats or like satanic.
00:40:19
Speaker
Right. I would have played into that. That would have been great, but instead it's pigs. Yeah. I thought that that was kind of witch vibes. Big witch vibes. but That's a good movie. Witch is a great movie. It would suck for a scene by scene, but it's a great movie. Yeah.
00:40:35
Speaker
Uh, yeah. I mean, if it was fucking goats, it'd be way more interesting. I think we needed goats and Satan. We need goats and Satan. No creatures. Cause it is supernatural and they do call them like demons. No, or they call them creatures. Yeah.
00:40:49
Speaker
But they also said they like, he, he doesn't know what they look like. They just kind of take the form. Then they're going Pennywise. They're taking like the form of what you think of the most. But I also do wonder now saying that we're saying we needed gods and we needed Satan. But also, do do we think if we watch this movie and they just put Satan in it instead that we'd come back and be like, yeah, the Satan trope is so overdone?
00:41:10
Speaker
Yeah, we would have. I could also totally see us saying in that. Right, but we didn't say that about long legs.
00:41:19
Speaker
But then I would have been like, oh, Osgood only does Satan. Wait, we true. we We didn't say about long legs, but also... Most of our preliminary conversations revolving around Long Legs, we just didn't understand it.
00:41:32
Speaker
what There are a lot more questions than analysis we're regarding long legs. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. like what is Like, what is Daddy Nicolas Cage? What is his... What is is he?
00:41:44
Speaker
Yeah. and And, you know, sometimes the ambiguity is okay. And I think in that movie, I've just landed on, that's okay with me. I've seen that movie three or four times, and I just don't want to watch it for a while now. I want to revisit it when I'm ready.
00:41:56
Speaker
You know, like not... Yeah. When you watch something too much like, right, fuck this movie. I don't want to fucking watch it again. That's a movie I want to show my parents. Long Legs? Yeah. Yeah. And just tell them that I said I'd kill my mother in an instant if I had to.
00:42:08
Speaker
I will, yeah. Gone. Gone. Sorry. Sorry. If you're fucking ah helping Satan do his bidding. It's me or you. 86. Yeah. Yeah, you're done. Sorry, girl.
00:42:20
Speaker
Unless I can meet him. Like, hey, man, can I meet Satan? Can just dap up Satan real quick? But then you get into one of those those like classic scenarios of like ah you have to make a deal with devil. It's like I'm making a deal to meet you in an exchange and you say some shit that's not like correct and you get fucked. You know what mean? Yeah, that's true. But also to come back to you got fucked by Satan is clout.
Humorous Tangent: Meeting Satan
00:42:43
Speaker
It is, yeah. That's big clout, you know? Yeah. Like, my ass got torn apart by the fucking man himself, you know? Yeah, and not the yeah good one, either. Yeah, Lucifer tore my shit up. you He was a bad boy. Yeah, he was bad boy. His fucking red rod was in my ass.
00:42:57
Speaker
Yeah, we could probably extend that shit, right? He's got powers. I mean, the devil. He can do whatever he wants, you know? He probably magma. Yeah. I mean, it whatever is, it's definitely spicy. It's picante big. Yeah. You know what mean? Yeah. Right. Yeah. yeah ah Also, so how old do we think this guy is? Because I feel like...
00:43:15
Speaker
Homies age is not actively talked about, but... The actor. Malcolm guy? The character, not the actor. Oh. hu But the... I mean, the we can take guesses at the actor if you want. Well, they said like he's been doing this for 200 years.
00:43:30
Speaker
But that video the flashback of them killing the mom or shooting the mom, throwing into pigs gave like colonial vibes. Yeah, like big pilgrims. Yeah, like big pilgrims. I don't It's funny.
00:43:43
Speaker
But it's like, all right, if that was a star-all, you've been doing for 200 years... I guess that's 300 years ago. Yeah, no, he's not going to look. I get he's immortal.
00:43:54
Speaker
I get that. I'm just trying to figure out, like, did they think it was funny to just shoot people and throw them in a pen with pigs? Was that just, like, a thing people did? Well, they said that she was trespassing on his father's land, but that's how they dealt with it back then?
00:44:08
Speaker
Yeah, but she was dancing naked. Right. But then she saw them and ran off. It's like, why are you going to shoot her for? She's pregnant. yeah And look what you did. And then she literally birthed out like fucking intestines. so Yeah, like her. and What was that about?
00:44:23
Speaker
And they were steaming. Yeah, it was hot. Why are they steaming? It's like when you take a piss outside in December. It was steamy. That's true. But then I was like, oh, she's birthing like the Antichrist.
00:44:36
Speaker
But then it wasn't. It's not, like, immaculate. Like immaculate. It wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't. Yeah. She had Sidney Sweeney, I guess. Right. I guess. you I don't really think she's a good actress, but she's hot. She is hot. Yeah, she is hot.
00:44:49
Speaker
and then And then they called her out by the Gene commercial. if She didn't say anything, which is kind of sus. I mean, people were overreacting about that, to be honest. People were overreacting about it, but she was, like, in an interview, and this lady was, like, saying to her, she was, like... ah Yeah, some people think that the the Gene commercial was like transphobic or transphobic?
00:45:09
Speaker
No, just like, oh, so like some Hitler shit. Some kind of phobia, yeah, some Hitler kind of shit. yeah ah Some Hansel and Gretel type of shit. And she was she basically was like, what's your response to that? And she's like, I'll speak when I think it's worth speaking about. And it's like, girl, you could just set the record straight there that you weren't fucking...
00:45:27
Speaker
you're just Basically, she just gave people a hold. like She's a fucking Nazi. She didn't fucking say anything. and it's like You couldn't just been like, hey, I don't fucking support that. Obviously, it was a commercial. You guys all took it the wrong way. She didn't say anything.
00:45:38
Speaker
We're just mad I got the bag and you didn't. Which which is kind of sus, but also, yeah. They are probably just mad that she got the bag and she's fat fucking milkers. In that movie, she did flopped. Christie? christty Yeah, Christie. Should have done Christine.
00:45:51
Speaker
you Oh, Christine remake? Cindy, sweetie? No. Yeah, why not? Don't ruin that movie. No, it was fucking great. Also, what about this? Did you hear about the the news they broke like yesterday or the day before that Donald Trump was sucking off Bill Clinton?
00:46:05
Speaker
Yeah, did. He was sucking off Bubba? Bubba, that's what they call him. They call Bubba. They're trying to pass a bill to get the files released. Dude, imagine Bill Clinton got sucked off by Monica Lewinsky and a future president of the United States. That's that's crazy.
00:46:20
Speaker
That's like hard to top that. Get it? Top? Top. So now, yeah right? Why are they releasing only certain bits? Because they're trying to distract us from other stuff.
00:46:32
Speaker
Think that's what it is? That's the only thing I can get to. I don't know. But as soon as that came out, Trump's like, I don't know about that. um a me I feel like they said the Epstein files were coming out and they just never came out.
00:46:43
Speaker
They weren't coming out, but now that's like going through like the fucking Congress and Senate to get it released. Yeah. Where's where's Ghislaine at? I don't know. Where's she at, girl? Hit me up. I got a dick you can suck.
00:46:55
Speaker
All right. Right. Yo, imagine you get sucked off by Donald Trump. I just got the rut row. That'd be crazy. Getting sucked up by Ghislaine?
00:47:07
Speaker
No, Donald Trump. Bill Clinton's standing like, yeah, give it to me, Donald. yeah Yeah. Keep going, Donald. And he's like, and actually, Bill, I don't like finishing in my mouth.
00:47:20
Speaker
So in exchange, I get to erect six more Trump towers. ah if and Yeah. If I let you come on your chest, I'll give you a small loan of a million dollars.
00:47:32
Speaker
Pay it back with interest.
00:47:37
Speaker
I know. So this movie is a big nothing burger. It was, offers. You know what? It, it's not just i for just cutting me off. I really appreciate that, but go ahead. sorry. No, you go.
00:47:48
Speaker
No, it's all right. No, I insist. No, no, you fucking finish. Yeah. Fuck. you I will finish on your chest for a small loan. why you Why do you think, think it's 99 minutes? Why couldn't he make it a hundred?
00:47:59
Speaker
That's annoying. Why is it also 99 minutes? Why is it not one 30? That fucking pisses me off. Yeah. why Wait, why one 30?
00:48:07
Speaker
Not 1.30, sorry. 90. An hour and 30. Oh, cut. Yeah, cut. Yeah, cut nine minutes off of it. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like yeah this movie is just guilty of wasting my time. That's just like kind of what it comes down to.
00:48:22
Speaker
And ah I think it's going to be a two or two and a half. That's where I'm at. It's like the most it exists movie, you know? If you just be on Hulu.
00:48:37
Speaker
Right, straight to streaming, like some... Like, is this better or worse than 28 years later? I would say worse.
00:48:47
Speaker
I don't know. I feel like I'd re-watch this, maybe. That's crazy. I'm probably never watching 28 Years Later again. That's crazy you'd rather re-watch this than 28 Years Later.
00:48:58
Speaker
This is better than The Monkey. Yeah, that's even a question, but... yeah But 28 years later, I feel like if I had to pick one, I'd probably rewatch 28 years later over this. This is boring as hell.
00:49:12
Speaker
I guess 28 years later is like 115 minutes. Like way too long. But it has Ralph Fiennes in it, and he's great. He's not in until like the end. You're right. yeah Like Jeff Goldblum in Wicked.
00:49:23
Speaker
That's probably the Wicked part two. couldn't afford him. yeah that's probably what it is. like ka So is it better than... Okay, so you're saying you'd rather watch this over 28 years later. What did I give 28 years later?
00:49:35
Speaker
I don't know. Did I even log it because I'm bad? what going to give this? What are you going to first of all, so I can get a basis? Keeper.
00:49:45
Speaker
It's like a two. Okay. It's a two. All right. So maybe I like... Maybe I well i don't fucking know anymore. This or him? I'm definitely watching him. I'm watching him for sure. Big, right?
00:49:56
Speaker
What did we give him? i get Well, I gave him a 2. What did you give him? and don't remember. I probably didn't rank it. Let's be honest. You gave it a 2 and a half. Tyler gave him a 4. Tyler's such a fucking nerd. That's because he sucks off football. Yeah, he does. He sucks football big.
00:50:14
Speaker
Alright, do you like this more or less than Die My Love? I'm probably going to Oh, you gave him a 4. Never mind. I gave it a 4. Relax. I forgot. Yeah, I gave it a 2 and a half. ah This is a Minecraft movie.
00:50:25
Speaker
I'm definitely watching a Minecraft movie for sure. I'm watching Minecraft. like i want to kind of want to watch Minecraft like today. I kind want to play Minecraft. I'm going to be I'm thinking about it. kind of want to get back on the server. Oh, yeah? yeah Well, I canceled the subscription.
00:50:37
Speaker
Oh, fuck.
00:50:40
Speaker
ah That's smart. I'll give Minecraft a three. Yeah, so you definitely take this one over that, right? Yeah, I don't have your rankings next to mine, so I don't know. ah What else did we talk about? This or Blackphone 2? Definitely Blackphone 2, no?
00:50:54
Speaker
Yes. And Black Phone 2 is also kind of a nothing movie. Yeah. um I like give that a three. I like to applaud Black Phone 2 more. Yeah. That's it. The rest of them are like way way, way higher than than this movie is.
00:51:09
Speaker
ah so it's an awesome right ahead What did I give Cuckoo? Cuckoo, I give a hot three. I give it a two. ah Go back listen to our episode on Cuckoo.
00:51:20
Speaker
I kind of want to watch. I kind of feel like I would rather watch Cuckoo. Because at least Hunter Schaefer's performance is good. Yeah, I mean, based on my ratings, I'd probably give Cuckoo over this too. I liked i gave Cuckoo a three.
00:51:34
Speaker
I gave a whole star higher than you did. Yeah, you did. That's interesting. Keeper's getting that hot too. Okay. Keeper's going to get a two and a half or a two for me. I don't know. I did want to say a new contender entered my top five for this year.
00:51:48
Speaker
I went and saw a movie called Good Fortune. It's a comedy with Aziz Ansari, Keanu Reeves, and Seth Rogen. It was great. Loved Oh, and he's like he's like an angel, right? Keanu? Yeah. i didn't I thought it was going to be a big nothing movie, and I actually really enjoyed it.
00:52:02
Speaker
That's good. um So if anybody hasn't seen it, check it out. It's going streaming pretty soon. It came out a while ago. um But, you Keanu Reeves is just so fucking charming. You know, i want to sit in that guy's lap.
00:52:14
Speaker
Yo, he's like really old. He really is old, but he looks great. And he just did ballerina. He did. and He did his stunts. He's 61. He's fucking cooking.
00:52:26
Speaker
He is. You know what I mean? Like, is is he one of the only people that like don't make bad movies? Like, name a bad A bad Keanu movie? I feel like i it wouldn't be hard to find one.
00:52:37
Speaker
Let me look real quick. Oh, yeah. Ballerina. Horrible. Okay, so else we It's horrible. It's not horrible. Yeah. Yeah, it's horrible. It is. ah What else to we got here? I mean... I've never seen this movie Knock Knock. That can't be good.
00:52:51
Speaker
None of these are horrible, I would say. I mean, Sonic 3 is probably horrible, right? Yeah, that's not really for... mean, that's for kids though, right? Yeah, but we also love Incredibles and Monsters and Acknowledge movies, so I don't... He's in Toy Story 4.
00:53:04
Speaker
Yeah, but he's not horrible though. I think the work's horrible. Like, if you're saying it's horrible, I genuinely think Ballerina's horrible. That's just kind of how I feel. Oh, he did The Day the Earth Stood Still? Haven't seen that.
00:53:17
Speaker
I guess I haven't seen enough of his films to say if he's made a horrible movie or not, but I'm sure when he was a young and up-and-coming actor, he was probably some shit, no? I've never seen all the Bill and Ted movies, but people love those. Yeah, one of my old bosses told me to watch that, and now i'm just not going to because I fucking hate that guy. All right, how about from The Matrix up?
00:53:34
Speaker
Well, The Matrix 1 is good, Matrix 2 and 3. I mean, 3 is not great, but it's not horrible, like you're saying. Constantine is good. haven't watched that minute. I like I remember it being way too long.
00:53:45
Speaker
I remember your shaft being way too long. Well, that's false. Well, for me, it was too long.
00:53:54
Speaker
um He's in John Wick, so Keanu Reeves has my heart as far as I'm concerned. He could make like shitty movies for like the rest of his career. like Yeah, but he made John Wick. you you know No, I wouldn't excuse it. Keanu Reeves has some fucking... now youre Now you're talking legacy. You know what I mean?
00:54:10
Speaker
can't ruin the legacy. You can't. Yeah. I mean, it's like, yeah. I mean, like Jerry Rice, you know, like at end of the end career, went to the fucking Raiders. we all No one forgot about that. Yeah, but didn't ruin his legacy. Yeah, still the GOAT.
00:54:21
Speaker
Don't talk to me unless you think fucking Jerry Rice is the number one wide receiver of all time. so actually Potentially the greatest player of all time it wasn't for fucking Tom Brady. But I mean, arguably. I also wanted to say that Kiki Palmer is a fucking piece and I want to rinse you out big.
00:54:37
Speaker
I think you said that in the last recording. Well, think said that in Die My Love. I think so. I want her to get fucking rinsed out. So make that happen.
00:54:48
Speaker
Universe. I don't know. Universal. Universal. Film our sex tape. Yeah. Film it. All right, so that's basically it. I mean, um'm not we're not doing this anymore. so i don't know how we got 55 minutes out of this. I think we're very good at our jobs.
00:55:07
Speaker
Next week, we have a great review for you. It's a vault, ah but it was – I mean, I don't know how you feel about it, Gerald, it was important to me that this got out because it's a great episode. ah Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.
Episode Conclusion and Teasers
00:55:22
Speaker
Sweeney. it's ah It's phenomenal, and there's plenty of jokes just in time for the winter season. and just got the music now. It's fucking horrible. now um All right. so that's next week.
00:55:37
Speaker
And then, you know, we have – we had to fucking do it to y'all and give you a little bonus episode on Thanksgiving about Thanksgiving, the movie. The movie. Chef Eli Roth, possibly.
00:55:49
Speaker
Kind of. Yeah.
00:55:53
Speaker
Just took a sip mid-sentence. Fuck you. And then we're in December, but baby. And we got one two in december bre we got two episodes a week in December, all December.
00:56:06
Speaker
End the fucking year with not the Pony Express anymore. Pony Express? I'll call it the Pony Express. And then the first episode next year is the best of two guys, one screen, which make no mistake, no moment from this episode will be in it.
00:56:21
Speaker
absolutely Absolutely not. So um that's it. And we'll see you guys on Tuesday. Happy Thanksgiving. Toodles. Fuck you, Mark.