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S2 Ep21 The Psychology of Decision-Making: Insights from Nikki Nicholas
57 Plays8 months ago
In this episode of Dial It In, Dave and Trygve explore the psychology of decision-making as the first quarter comes to a close. They are joined by a seasoned life coach with expertise in unlocking the power of the subconscious mind for personal growth and transformation. With over 17 years of experience in NLP, hypnotherapy, and life coaching, she discusses the blend of Western methodologies with Eastern philosophy. Tune in to discover how top professionals navigate decision-making under pressure and learn valuable insights for business success.
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Dial It In Podcast is where we gathered our favorite people together to share their advice on how to drive revenue, through storytelling and without the boring sales jargon. Our primary focus is marketing and sales for manufacturing and B2B service businesses, but we’ll cover topics across the entire spectrum of business. This isn’t a deep, naval-gazing show… we like to have lively chats that are fun, and full of useful insights. Brought to you by BizzyWeb.
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Website: dialitinpodcast.com
BizzyWeb site: bizzyweb.com
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Transcript
Introduction to Dial It In Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to Dial It In, a podcast where we talk with interesting people about the process improvements and tricks they use to grow their businesses. I'm Dave Meyer, president of BusyWeb, and every week, Trigby Olsen and I are bringing you interviews on how the best in their fields are dialing it in for their organizations. You're getting very, very sleepy, Dave. Well, we record on Friday mornings, so that makes sense. Very sleepy. And at the snap of my fingers,
00:00:35
Speaker
We're gonna start the podcast. Oh, good. I'm here, I'm awake. Well, good to
Quarter-End Rush Discussion
00:00:40
Speaker
see you. We are recording this at the last day of the first quarter of 2024, which means that everybody's trying to sell everything and everybody's trying to get things in before the end of the day. It's madness. So it is, not only is it the end of the month, but it's the end of the quarter and everybody is going a little bit. Banana's trying to get all their deals done.
Guest Introduction: Nikki Nicholas
00:01:02
Speaker
And so,
00:01:03
Speaker
I thought as I had been pulling my hair out most of the month trying to figure out how to get people to do the same, I thought this would be a great opportunity for us to have a deep dive into the psychology of decision making.
00:01:17
Speaker
and how people make decisions. So I was able to find a really quiet, I kind of over clubbed on the expert. So we have somebody who was joining us today, who's a seasoned life coach, specializing in unlocking the power of the subconscious mind.
00:01:34
Speaker
for personal growth and transformation. She has more than 17 years of dedicated study and certifications in NLP hypnotherapy, which is why I'm really hoping she'll make you cluck like a chicken sometime during this time. Ooh, I don't know. And life coaching. She blends Western methodologies with Eastern philosophy, which I'm a big fan of.
00:01:55
Speaker
and the science of quantum physics to offer a holistic approach to coaching. So she combines empathy, professionalism, and a customized approach to help clients overcome their own limitations, which of course means that they need to say yes to me more. But we'll get to that later. To achieve lasting change, welcome our guest, Dave, Nikki Nicholas. Nikki, welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to have this chat.
00:02:18
Speaker
And we are too. I have to ask just to start, you have an alphabet soup of qualifications. How did you decide to get into what you do for a living?
00:02:27
Speaker
So it kind of, like you said, it's been 17 years now and it started so 2007.
Nikki's Journey into NLP
00:02:33
Speaker
Essentially, I was working at just kind of a regular everyday job after high school and I was just going about my life, but I was really, really into business and kind of psychology and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. And so I started looking into and listening to Tony Robbins and everything that he talks about and he touched on the subject of neurolinguistic programming or NLP.
00:02:55
Speaker
And I just was so fascinated. Like it was just such an incredible area of study. And so I just kind of dove deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper into it. And when I get on a tangent, when I get obsessed with something, I get really into it, really obsessed. And so it kind of takes over my entire mind and I just dive in. And so I started doing my studies online mostly for neuro-linguistic programming.
00:03:23
Speaker
and would take course after course after course after course and honestly take those courses like 10 times over because I love them so much because there was so much information in them that every time I went back and did the same course,
00:03:38
Speaker
I learned so much more at a deeper level you catch things that you didn't catch the first time and so then got into the hypnotherapy side of things and then as time went on I kind of so I was at a corporate job I was doing front-end web development online marketing and then project management.
00:03:54
Speaker
And in doing that, I really enjoyed what I was doing, but I felt like I guess something in my life was missing. And so started looking into the life coaching side of things and then took my first in-person NLP and hypnotherapy course, which completely changed my life.
00:04:09
Speaker
because she was doing the hypnotherapy work and NLP work on her students at the time to teach us what to do. And so that totally did a 180 degree of my life, jumped into the life coaching side of things and just never looked back. But we'll get into the specifics on that later. But it was definitely a ride when it came to jumping off the deep end into my own business and all the emotions and stuff that I felt. And so from 2017 till now, it's kind of been a
00:04:39
Speaker
I guess just I've been going internal. I added mindfulness and meditation to the mix because I started to realize, hey, I have all this knowledge on the subconscious mind and I'm feeling all these intense emotions through this massive life transition that I'm going through.
Subconscious Blocks and Fear
00:04:55
Speaker
I need to like do this inner work to I learned that releasing emotions is a big part of how you can move forward. Like if you have fear,
00:05:03
Speaker
and you can't move forward, then you need to remove the fear in order to allow yourself to take that next step, and then you'll take the next step, and there's another intense emotion that'll come up, and then you need to remove that and then take the next step. Essentially, that's the process that I've been going through over the last, well, since, so I guess seven years, just to release everything that I need to release to keep going forward. Yeah, I hope that answered it. Absolutely. That was great. Yes. You're a mindfulness guy, right?
00:05:32
Speaker
I am and actually I've studied NLP not as extensively as Nikki, of course, but like Brian Tracy and the arts that are involved in that and just listening and mirroring and making sure that you're paying like intense attention to the person and thinking about what's happening inside of the conversation and helping to lead. That's so, so exciting. I think it makes,
00:06:00
Speaker
In the sales world, it makes you a much better salesperson, but more so that it helps you to get more empathetic in your conversations. And so this is intense. We're gonna geek out hard. This is gonna be so fun, Nikki.
00:06:13
Speaker
Awesome. Yeah, I'd like to admit, think that my mental health is in a good state, but really, it's just a complete disaster. I mean, from a mindfulness standpoint, anytime I really get emotional, I just sort of channel Rocky IV and just knuckle down and keep going and try and punch my way through it, which is great in my 20s and 30s now that I'm in my 40s and pushing 50 harder than I'd like to admit.
00:06:41
Speaker
not as helpful as I would like. So let's make this list about a therapy session for me and most about how we can help the listeners. So Nikki, what are some common subconscious patterns that hold people back?
00:06:55
Speaker
So I would say probably the biggest one for most people and for myself included, like I had mentioned previously, is fear. So when we feel fear in life, that impedes us, that stops us. And oftentimes people will, talking about the mental health side of things, I deal with obviously mindset and emotions. And if you are stopping yourself from doing something that you know you're meant to do in life, like say,
00:07:21
Speaker
Say you're meant to, I don't know, change cities, change jobs or something like that, change relationships even. And you're stopping yourself. Typically people, they know they're meant to do it, but the fear stops them. And so then they're in this state in life, this place in life that they don't actually want to be in.
00:07:39
Speaker
And then over time, they know they're supposed to be in another place, but they're still staying stagnant and nothing is changing. And so that is typically when negative emotions come up or bad habits come up because they're trying to compensate for the thing that they know they should be doing in life.
00:07:57
Speaker
and they're feeling bad about the fact that they're not doing what they want to be doing and so that's oftentimes where depression will come in like all these different again bad habits like overeating blah blah blah so it's like understanding those mechanisms and that's just what i call a negative subconscious pattern is essentially you are you're meant to be doing something
00:08:17
Speaker
And because you're not so you have a essentially a subconscious block is what i call it. In the way so the fear would be the emotion that's stopping you from doing the thing you want to do so that's a subconscious block that's blocking you and because that block is blocking you now you have a different pattern that you're running which is i am trying to feel comfort i'm trying to feel good or positive in a different way.
00:08:39
Speaker
to make myself feel better. And so just pinpointing what is going on at a subconscious level, because our subconscious mind is our emotions, is really, really paramount to understanding why we do or don't do the things we do or don't do in life. And just understanding that there are various parts to us internally, and that you can actually witness those parts play out if you, again, go into that mindfulness meditation piece. And that's, again, where that neuro-linguistic programming piece comes in as well.
00:09:07
Speaker
So I would say fear stops people. That's probably the number one. There's also inadequacy, like feelings of inadequacy, like I'm not good enough. And typically that's tied to some kind of trauma from your past where you didn't feel good enough. And that stuck with you, that stayed in your nervous system as an emotion that is prompted whenever something like externally triggers you.
00:09:29
Speaker
And then there's the self-doubt, the lack of confidence. It's all kind of the same kind of thing, self-esteem. So I would say those are probably the biggest things, self-worth, self-esteem, you know, I don't matter enough, that kind of thing, and the fear. Imposter syndromes, like an alphabet soup of everything in there, right? Mm-hmm. One of the problems with subconscious, of course, is that you're really not conscious of it. So how do you bring that out? That's gonna be my new ringtone.
00:09:59
Speaker
me saying one of the problems with subconsciousness. You're not conscious of it. Right? So how do you work with your clients to figure out what their subconscious self-talk is and what's holding them back?
Structure of Consciousness
00:10:14
Speaker
Yeah, so it's interesting. So negative self-talk is actually one of the things that I work on with clients. But the funny thing is people think like, they think, okay, I have all this overthinking, I have all this negative self-talk, but they don't realize that that's actually the symptom, that's not what you would actually go into to address.
00:10:33
Speaker
So basically the structure of our consciousness is there's our beliefs and our beliefs make up the foundation of everything else. Our beliefs are how we view ourselves, how we view other people, how we view the world. And then from there, depending on what we believe of a given situation, an external event will trigger an emotion based on our beliefs. So if we don't believe we're good enough,
00:10:57
Speaker
When something happens outside of us, we will feel like, oh my God, I'm inadequate. Oh my God, I can't move forward and self-doubt, right? So there's the emotions. And then from our emotions, when we are triggered by our emotions at that neurochemical level, that feeling level in our nervous system, that will prompt the thoughts to go off.
00:11:17
Speaker
And the thing is, thoughts are actually, again, they're the symptom. They are actually, I guess, the problem really is that they just keep perpetuating. And people think that they can think their way out of their thoughts, their negative thoughts. And that is the real issue, is that they're looking in the wrong place.
00:11:37
Speaker
They're looking to find a solution with their conscious mind, but the conscious mind is only actually 5% of what we are, makes up what we are in life and our behaviors, all that kind of stuff. And then from our thoughts.
00:11:52
Speaker
that will dictate our actions. So it's kind of like a four-tiered structure. But if you want to really make change in somebody's life, then you want to go to the first two. So it's I go in through the emotions, that neurochemical response, that feeling, or the belief level. So sometimes I tap into the emotions and then go into that through, kind of through that to get to the belief, and then kind of rewire it. Because really, once you become conscious of what you're doing,
00:12:20
Speaker
You can't keep doing it because it's like, well, I'm self-sabotaging. I know that now. I know the pattern. Once you're aware of the pattern, then you just stop. And then as soon as those things stop, then the negative thoughts and the actions that you don't want will stop as well.
00:12:38
Speaker
I'm fascinated because about three things that you said just completely resonated with me, one of which was I could think my way out of it, which is how I ended up going to rehab after becoming a compulsive gambler about 20 years ago because I thought I could just think my way out of it.
00:12:54
Speaker
I don't know that I ever really dealt with the emotional reasons why I just came to an understanding and a justification as to how to deal with it, which has worked really well for me. So I'm really curious to know how, talk a little bit more about how you do the rewiring. Yeah. So we could actually do something right now just to kind of play if you want. Yeah.
00:13:19
Speaker
So if you guys want to just think of, I guess, think of a problem in your life. If you're open to talking about that. Yep. Yep. Sure. Okay. So when do you go at a time? Dave, do you want to go first? I am.
00:13:38
Speaker
Let's see. Okay. Yeah, sure. I am working on my fitness, so trying to adjust the foods and the intakes and to just have more energy. Okay. So when, how is that a problem for you, I suppose?
00:13:56
Speaker
Um, you know, getting, getting closer to 50 than, than, uh, you know, I was before obviously. And I think just there's a lot to do in running a business. And so I'm running out of energy and time and I spend a ton of time on stage and presenting to people. And I want to make sure that I look my best and that I'm, I have plenty of energy and mental acuity to be sharp when I'm up there and the center of attention.
00:14:26
Speaker
So in those moments, I take it like when you say get home from work and you're wanting to go to the gym. Is it the gym that you're wanting to go to? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So when you're at home and you're wanting to go to the gym, just walk me through your experience, your internal experience, what takes place.
00:14:43
Speaker
Sure. Um, say when, when I'm done with work, I'm exhausted. So, you know, there's a lot, we give a lot of ourselves in our careers and you know, just, I just want to sit down and unplug and hang out and catch a show or something for a while. And then before I know it, it's bedtime. Yeah. So when you think about being in that moment where you're at home and you just don't want to do it, where do you feel a negative feeling within you, within your body?
00:15:13
Speaker
I think kind of like in the chest, like I can just kind of feel not necessarily a weight, but like a resistance.
00:15:25
Speaker
Yes. Yes. That was actually my next question. So one of the first steps that I do with people is defining it more clearly because so this is something that happens consistently at a subconscious level. And so you recognize it instantly as soon as I'm like, okay, well, what do you feel? And so these other little nuances, the specifics about that feeling, you'll recognize those as well. So you said it's, it's a weight. So is it a heavy feeling or a light feeling? I assume heavy, heavy. Yep. Okay. And is the feeling moving or is it still?
00:15:57
Speaker
I think it's still. Okay. And is there a color to it? Ooh. So it'd be kind of a gray probably. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Random questions. Yeah. Yeah. This is good.
00:16:10
Speaker
Yeah. So essentially what we would do here is I utilize meditation. I call it meditative hypnotherapy. So essentially we would tap into that feeling. I'd get you to close your eyes and then we would find out. So every single feeling within us, subconscious feeling, we put it there at a subconscious level because our subconscious mind is part of us. And so every single feeling within us is there with a positive intention.
00:16:36
Speaker
So from there, we would feel the feeling. So if you do that now, when you feel the feeling, tap into it and just, I guess, does it have an emotion? Is it tied to an emotion?
00:16:51
Speaker
It doesn't always have to be, but... If there was an emotion, I think it would be either exhaustion or annoyance. Oh, annoyance. Interesting. Yeah, it's like, ah, it's one more dang thing I got to do, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. So would you say it's annoyance then? Or would you say exhaustion and annoyance would be different feelings within that?
00:17:14
Speaker
Probably at alternating times, you know, it's probably not always, you know, it's probably the most common would be annoyance. Okay, so annoyance is a subset of anger. And anger is always what I call a shield emotion. So it's interesting in this case. So a shield emotion is something that we use essentially to protect ourselves. So say we're feeling angry at somebody because they did something to us.
00:17:40
Speaker
The reason that we are feeling that anger is because there's actually like a sadness or a hurt underneath the anger. There's always some kind of weak emotion underneath. And so the reason we, we feel anger and project that anger out is because in our society, it is much more socially acceptable to be angry than to be sad and crying and weak, you know, it's we can be strong, we can be certain, you know, we can be confident in our anger. And that is just more socially presentable.
00:18:10
Speaker
And so I call this a shield of motion. And so annoyance is a subset of that. So it's interesting. So in this case, I would dive a little bit deeper and I would go, what's underneath the annoyance? If you could think of like a weakness that comes up.
00:18:26
Speaker
Well, like this is going way, way back, but as a kid, I was very, very asthmatic. And so the entire thing of like exercising or any of that stuff, it was always relatively traumatic.
00:18:43
Speaker
And I was, okay, well, we need to run around the gym and I would be wheezing and just feeling like concerned about surviving and or embarrassed by the whole thing because I couldn't keep up with everything. And plus Dave is a big dude. So there's that cliche of big burly man, man, man that we both have.
00:19:12
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense. A hundred percent. And that's why for, for a lot of men, anger is more the go-to and sadness is more, um, I know that's a blanket statement, but I've found that to be my, my thing too. So that's actually really, really interesting and very on point. So if you think about that experience, what emotion would you say is at the root? Like what weakness or hurt or is what flavor of, of that? Um,
00:19:42
Speaker
I think it's just probably just the fear of
00:19:48
Speaker
not being able to complete whatever tasks that I'm starting, especially with exercise and stuff, because when I do get into it, it's fun and it can go bespoke and all that stuff. And I grew out of the asthma when I was like out of college. So it was a while, right? So now I'm good and I don't have that issue, but I think it's a hangover from that time.
00:20:15
Speaker
I think the root is probably fear and it's like physical well-being fear. And I always have kind of overcompensated on that and just been a smart ass about the whole thing and deflected. I was like, oh yeah, well, I just don't want to work out because
00:20:35
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And that's totally what we do. Totally. Yeah. So, so going into the fear, I hope you're okay going a little deeper. Oh, this is great. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So that fear. So what is the worst that would happen to you? Cause what I'm trying to do is get to the, the root, which is that it's a flavor of weakness or sadness, like a herd of, yeah, something like that. So, so what are you afraid of in terms of what would you feel if
00:21:05
Speaker
or back then? I think like back then, especially I was also relatively young in my grade. And so I always felt like everybody else was more advanced. Yeah. And like, especially in like early grade school when all of this stuff would probably happen. Right. Cause I was a year younger than almost everybody else in school. Yeah. So was I actually. Yeah.
00:21:29
Speaker
Awesome. We'll have lots of sessions together. I felt behind all the way until I got to high school and then I reset myself when I changed schools. That's how I got to be so opposite of the way that was. I think that's probably the root of either feeling
00:21:58
Speaker
not necessarily left behind, but just like physically not able to do things. Yeah, yeah. And so feeling left behind and all that stuff, where do you feel that in your body? Probably a little lower, like in the gut. Okay. And what's that feeling like? Just like a tightness. Tightness, okay. Does that one have a color? I don't think so. If I did,
00:22:25
Speaker
And then, you know, this is this is just complete. I'd say like an orangy maybe. Yeah. Yeah. And then is that one heavy or or light? Probably like sharp. OK. Yeah. OK. Not necessarily heavy or light, but like kind of stabby. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. And is it moving or is it still?
00:22:47
Speaker
I think it kind of moves around a little like with my breath, very cute and being asthmatic. It's like your diaphragm going in and out. So that's probably around where that actually is. Yeah, that makes sense. Perfect. So that would be the root. I would consider it. So what I would do with my clients then is I would focus on that. So I would take them into meditation and I would have them focus because
00:23:10
Speaker
So essentially, the reason that that's there and it hasn't been processed out your whole life is because whenever you had the chance to go into
Overcoming Subconscious Blocks
00:23:19
Speaker
it, you booked it out of that. Because who wants to feel weak? Who wants to feel bad? Who wants to feel these negative emotions?
00:23:27
Speaker
So every time something outside of you triggers that emotion, you'll go into like the annoyance or the whatever about what we need to do is so kind of going into a little bit more depth of this is whenever we have a traumatic experience from our past.
00:23:42
Speaker
the traumatic experience will happen and it'll form a neurosynaptic pathway in the mind or a memory of that experience. And simultaneously, you will form a neurochemical response in the body, so that emotion. And so by thinking of the memory, we can tap into the trauma through that emotion and then go into it.
00:24:02
Speaker
And so the thing is, you've heard, I'm sure of neuroplasticity. So the reason that that trauma is still there is because there's still that link. You can change the link by modifying how you interact with that experience within you. So even you just sitting like, for example, right now and getting curious about that, that feeling.
00:24:25
Speaker
put all of your attention on that feeling and even just getting curious about it, you are, and going towards it, you are completely shifting the way that you normally kind of tread that path in your mind, that neural synaptic pathway. So you're already kind of scratching that record. And there are different processes that I do with clients in order to scratch it further and further and further until literally you can think the same thought and no feeling will come up whatsoever.
00:24:53
Speaker
So that's the use of mindfulness meditation and all that kind of stuff. This is great, Nikki. And one of the interesting things that I've experienced and that I'd actually like to explore a little bit more if it's cool is
00:25:08
Speaker
I did Landmark when I was younger and one of the best tricks that they did inside of the forums was if anyone had a headache and I was one of the people that had a headache and what you do if you have a headache inside of one of these experiences is you
00:25:26
Speaker
focus on the actual physical feeling of your headache. And so you're like, okay, well, where is it in your head? Is it on the back of your head? Is it in the front of your head? Is it a sharp pain? Is it a throbbing? Is it hot? Is it cold? And through the experience of just focusing and accepting the pain,
00:25:47
Speaker
it just melts away. And it's almost magic. And I do that all the time. Whenever I have a headache, I'm just like, okay, well, all right, let's go into it. Let's feel it for real and stop resisting. And then it sort of goes away. So what is that? How does that work? And what can we do? What we try to do inside of our podcast is to tease into
00:26:11
Speaker
what people that are trying to grow revenue for their companies are experiencing. One of the biggest things that people have a problem with is in sales, the fear of picking up the phone. How can we lean into all of that? I might be taking too many steps all at once here, but I'm just so excited to lean into all of this. Let's give her an opportunity to answer the question and we'll take a quick break. Yeah.
00:26:38
Speaker
pick one of the four questions okay so so it's the same thing everything so whenever we want to do something and we stop ourselves we are stopping ourselves it's a subconscious thing and if you pay attention every single time there's a feeling associated
00:26:55
Speaker
And so for me, I will go into that feeling. So with the fear specifically, so the interesting thing is that people internally, because we're not taught this stuff, we're not typically taught in society about how our consciousness works, even though once you get it, like you say, it's like magic. It's like your mind is so unbelievably powerful. Like you can, you can get rid of a problem in
00:27:17
Speaker
20 minutes, you know what I mean? It's like somebody's had their whole life. So with the fear, it's the same kind of thing. So when you think of that thing that you're afraid of, it's not the thing that you're afraid of, it's the feeling within you that you're afraid of. It's the sensation that you're afraid of. Say that last part again, because I think that's really important that we say it's underscored.
00:27:41
Speaker
Yeah, perfect, so it's when you're afraid of something, it's not the thing that you're afraid of, it is your sensation within you that is tied mentally to that thing that you're afraid of. So say I want to start a business.
00:27:57
Speaker
and i'm stopping myself due to fear i have the thoughts and this is getting into the nlp is you thinking about what you want to do and then the sensation comes up of fear so first of all you have to notice within you that fear is just a sensation it's totally normal it's totally okay it's not gonna hurt you
00:28:17
Speaker
and then do what we did here feel into that feeling and like you said i don't remember the phrasing but it's like look at it in more of a positive way and that's just like getting curious about it you are forging a new nurse naphtha pathway you are scratching the record on that path that is normally walked
00:28:33
Speaker
Because just like a habit, the more times you do it over and over and over and over and over again, the more inclined you are to do it over and over and over again. So if you think about business, starting a business, and you feel that fear, and then you book it out of there, and you're just bouncing, you're avoiding, and again, you're probably doing something to make yourself feel better, whether that is eating or addiction of some kind.
00:28:59
Speaker
And so just become mindful of that, become mindful of your patterns because typically, again, they're subconscious. So feel into the fear. And once the fear dissipates, because if you give enough attention to it, and again, do enough techniques, and maybe we'll get into a technique that I like to give to people a little bit later.
00:29:17
Speaker
But yeah, so you do that and the fear will dissipate. Then if there is anything else to clear out, all you have to do is think of, you know, starting the business and then feel in your body, what other resistance do I feel? And then go into that one. So I actually had this specifically. So when I was at my corporate job, I think it was 2017 when I first started getting into the mindfulness meditation side of things started like really feeling into these feelings.
00:29:45
Speaker
I was actually, so in that job, I was terrified to speak in meetings. I was terrified of public speaking because of past trauma, childhood stuff, like being made fun of, blah, blah, blah. And so I didn't want to be terrified of speaking in meetings because I'm like, I know all of these answers. Like I would beat myself up and that again,
00:30:06
Speaker
getting into what I was talking about earlier where our thoughts take over, we beat ourselves up and go, you know, into our minds. And it's almost like we're distracting ourselves because we don't want to feel that feeling of inadequacy, fear, worry, whatever. And so for me, I acknowledge that within myself. I felt the feeling, I would sit in my meetings and I was like, where do I feel this in my body? And for me, it was in my solar plexus. I don't know if people know where that is, but kind of midway up your torso.
00:30:34
Speaker
And so what I did is actually I'll give you that technique I was mentioning. So the first technique that I ever give to anybody who's doing this stuff is called Ho'oponopono. And this is the primary technique that I used for two years. I would feel the feeling and it was a fear for me. Yeah, so it was a feeling of fear and I would focus all of my attention on the feeling of fear in my solar plexus.
00:30:57
Speaker
And I, okay, I wouldn't close my eyes in the meetings themselves, but in the meetings, I would just sit there. And so Ho'oponopono is, you focus on the feeling and you say these four phrases to it directly to the feeling within your mind or out loud. And they are, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me and thank you. And the reason you do that again is because you are completely scratching the record on how you normally interact with that feeling.
00:31:25
Speaker
So I would say that to it. And then as you say those four phrases to the feeling, you notice there's one phrase that will always resonate with that feeling more than the others. So you'll drop the other ones and then just focus on that phrase. So for me, it was, I love you. So for two days straight, I was literally in every meeting sitting there just saying, I love you. I love you. I love you directly to that feeling. Nobody knew I was doing it. But, and then two days later,
00:31:53
Speaker
It dissipated. It was completely gone. And from that point onward, I was a freaking all-star leading all the meetings.
Techniques for Emotional Release
00:32:01
Speaker
It completely shifted who I was at work and how people saw me. And that led to different promotions and I ended up finding another job as a project manager. And I was known as a leader from that point onward. And then also from that point onward, that's when I started doing my workshops on this kind of stuff.
00:32:21
Speaker
And same kind of thing. I actually had a different feeling come up that was, because that's the thing is different situations might bring up different flavors of the fear. So then when I was about to do my workshops, I felt this feeling, you know, the feeling like, I don't know if you guys like roller coasters, but I always hated them. And so I would be on a roller coaster and you know, when you're about to go up the really big one and it's like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And you're just getting to the top and I'm like, why am I on this thing?
00:32:49
Speaker
Well, so that feeling came up about going onto the workshops where it's like, oh my God, oh my God. And so I did the same thing with that one, cleared it, and then did my workshop fine. So with anything in life, including anything to do with business, all you have to do is sit with the thought of what you want to do.
00:33:10
Speaker
And feel, where do you feel resistance within you? Is it self-doubt, inadequacy? Is it fear? And just pinpoint that location. You can do ho'oponopono on it, or just give it awareness and get curious about it. And eventually it will dissipate and then you just move forward. And then you do the same thing and the same thing and the same thing. And it will completely change your life if you stick to doing this in every situation you need to get past, I suppose.
00:33:40
Speaker
And for a trigonized benefit, what were the four... I love you. I'm sorry. I forgive you. Oh, I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you. Please forgive me. And then I also sometimes tell people if they feel inclined, I forgive you, like you had said. So it is officially please forgive me. But then I started noticing sometimes I forgive you.
00:34:07
Speaker
will resonate a little more. So just play with those. You could add that fifth one in if you like. Amazing. And it's a pono. Yeah. Right on. Yeah. That's cool. I myself have that anxiety and feeling of about to go over a roller coaster because it's time to take a break and I realize that I'm going to have to go next. So we'll be right back and we'll get into my psyche, which will probably take considerably longer. Cool.
00:34:36
Speaker
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00:36:04
Speaker
All right, Nikki, so far, so Dave is cured now and he's left the studio and he's headed to the gym. I hit the gym on my way home. But for a sense of fairness, do you mind running me through my pastes a little? Yeah, absolutely. So a problem I have is, let's say I'm having trouble getting along with an extended family.
00:36:29
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. That is, that's a very, very common one as well. Um, actually a cornerstone of one of the programs that I go through. So that's perfect. Great. So, so same kind of thing where it's, so when you think about interacting with this family member, where do you experience a negative sensation within you? Uh, in the bottom of my throat, right before it hits, hits the chest and also the back of my neck.
00:36:58
Speaker
Okay. And which one comes first? The chest or throat area. Okay. And would you say that feeling is heavy or light? Extremely heavy. Okay. And is it moving or still? Uh, I would say vibrating. Okay. Like quick vibrating, I guess probably.
00:37:21
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. It's not still, but it's not like a pendulum, but it's just... Yeah. It's not like shifting, moving. It's just very staticky type. Like an engine idling. I see. Okay. And is there a color to that one? I want to say like green. Okay. And if you could label it with an emotion, what emotion would you say it is?
00:37:49
Speaker
Um, anger, anger and fear, I think. Okay. Uh, okay. If you had to pick one or actually, if you look at the feeling, because anger and fear are two different things. So there may be two feelings that are coinciding. So which one comes first? Fear. Fear. Okay. And when you feel that fear, how do you respond? With, with, with anger.
00:38:18
Speaker
with anger, okay. And in the situation, actually, you know what? I'm wondering if I need to go that way. Well, okay, in the situation, okay, you would respond in the situation with anger. Yes, but then I would almost immediately quash the anger because I know it's inappropriate. Oh, okay, okay. So I suck it down.
00:38:44
Speaker
Oh, that's good. Good for you. Okay, so all blocks can either be simultaneous, stacked or sequential. So sequential, one comes after another after another. So that seems to be what this is, is that you feel the fear and then you feel the anger and then you
00:39:01
Speaker
squash it down, squash it down. So, or they can be simultaneous and they all come up at the same time, or they can be stacked. And I do find that most of them are stacked, to be honest, because that's how I get to the root of them. And then when you remove the root, then they all fall away or dissolve. So when you think of, okay, so going into the fear, what are you afraid of?
00:39:27
Speaker
I think it's different styles of inadequacy. Okay, okay. And so where do you feel the inadequacy? It usually sort of radiates away from the feeling and just blossoms and widens in my chest.
00:39:47
Speaker
Okay, and so if you look at where that feeling of inadequacy starts when you first feel it, just give your awareness to that. Just get curious about it and allow yourself to experience it. And as you do, just let me know if anything shifts. It's moving upwards. Okay, so just witness it, do its thing.
00:40:20
Speaker
Yeah, it's like trying to go up. I can feel it going up. Yeah. And so this is what it means to process out an emotion. And you can witness it take place in real time. So just keep giving your awareness to it. Get curious about it. Find everything there is to know. Explore that feeling. Now it feels like it's rolling like a tongue. Okay. Or like a tortilla. Okay. And so feeling that feeling, maybe amplify it.
00:40:50
Speaker
Make it more and more intense. Yeah. Now it's circling like a question. Perfect. And now if you like, um, say those four phrases to it. So I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And thank you and say it louder in your head, whatever you like. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
00:41:21
Speaker
And then you'll notice one of those phrases kind of resonates more with the feeling. I love you. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. Thank you. Yeah, I think I'm sorry is resonating.
00:41:46
Speaker
Perfect. So just say, I'm sorry to the feeling and say it over and over and over while focusing all of your attention on the sensation. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah. It's dive bombing. This is usually when some, uh, emotions would come up. Some people start to cry, which is totally normal. It's just a release.
00:42:14
Speaker
I'm sorry. I feel like it's like diving backwards and down and backwards and away from me. Okay. Does that feel like a good thing? Or just different? It's different. It's odd that I'm able to put into words so specifically how the feeling is undulating inside of me.
00:42:40
Speaker
And as this is happening, so you're noticing the shift in what the feeling itself, the neuro, sorry, the neurochemical response, the emotion sensation, as it's changing simultaneously, the neurochemical, sorry, the neurosynaptic pathway in your mind is also changing because you are doing something completely different with the sensation than you've ever done before. You're processing it out and this is just essentially spend more time with it and it will fully dissipate.
00:43:08
Speaker
And then when you think about the problem or the relationship issue with that person, you'll notice, so this is the beauty of working on this stuff with relationships is that when we come into a interpersonal dynamic with somebody else, we come into it with this emotional charge deep down inside of us. And that dictates how we act. Again, 95% of how we act is subconscious and we don't realize it.
00:43:36
Speaker
So if you have this this feeling of potential inadequacy interacting with this person you're going to potentially overcompensate and maybe try to act more tough or better or something because you feel you need to.
00:43:51
Speaker
But when you don't have this inadequacy within you anymore, then you can just be neutral and you can just be your normal self. And you'll find that because that emotional charge isn't there anymore, the relationship often just corrects itself because everyone that we interact with
00:44:08
Speaker
they get triggered by us just like we get triggered by them. And so you'll notice that you'll stop triggering that person. And so you'll stop probably triggering their own feelings of inadequacy. And so they'll stop overcompensating as well.
00:44:23
Speaker
So every relationship we're in, there's like a lock and a key or like one lock fits a key. If somebody has feelings of inadequacy and somebody else has a matching lock to that key, you know, uh, vibration, whatever, then you'll notice that that person will trigger, you know, that person, and then it'll bounce back and forth. But something I like to kind of point out is I've noticed people and I noticed people way back in the day,
00:44:50
Speaker
who I remember actually this one specific occasion, I was at a work event and there was this one coworker and she always kind of got on my nerves. She was just not my favorite type of person. And she would trigger me because she would say things to people that I didn't think were very nice. And so if she ever said something like that to me, I would feel this bad feeling in me and I would get angry. But now I know it was, you know, touching on like inadequacy, whatever it was hurt.
00:45:17
Speaker
And so i also noticed i was at this event and she was saying these things to this other coworker and this other coworker was completely unfazed and i remember looking at it going. Oh my god like i would be pissed i'd be livid but it just rolled off her shoulders no big deal.
00:45:36
Speaker
as if it didn't even happen and she was rolling with it like it was, you know, it was funny. It was a joke, but that goes to show you what you take to heart. You take to heart because there's something that is, is inside of you that's being triggered. If you didn't have that, it would just roll off your shoulders too. So checking back in with the feeling, what are you experiencing now? Um, I'm,
00:46:01
Speaker
feeling like it's, and I could even feel it while you were talking, it decided to crawl up a pole and sit and perch. Perfect. In the back of my throat, kind of like right here in the back of my chest, kind of throat area. Okay. And it made me cough about a minute ago. Okay. And so around this point, I like to say, so when you think about the feeling in general, the inadequacy, out of a hundred percent, what percent would you say is left?
00:46:34
Speaker
Oh boy, I don't know, because I have imposter syndrome at a pretty high level. I would say it's probably still in the 60s.
00:46:41
Speaker
Okay, okay. So it's just one of those ones that you have to spend a little more time with, but that's totally fine. Now you know where it is, so you can tap into it. And I would suggest just meditate on it. Sit, honestly, what were we doing this five minutes? So just sit with this maybe after the show or whenever you feel inclined and just feel into it and just witness and just get curious, do the ho'oponopono. Sometimes at this point you said it's like it curled up onto a pole and sat there.
00:47:09
Speaker
So I also like to use metaphor, getting into the hypnotherapy side of things, is that we all interpret our reality through metaphor without realizing it. Kind of like if somebody says to you, I feel like I'm in the pit of despair, or I'm so obstructed, I feel like there's just this obstacle in my way, like a wall is standing in my way, or I keep bashing my head against the wall. Those are how we are literally
00:47:37
Speaker
representing our reality at a subconscious level. And if you think about your experience, like this is kind of getting into the spirituality side because again, the mindfulness meditation, but like when you dream, for example, the same space around you exists, but you're in your mind's eye.
00:47:57
Speaker
And it's like when you think about where a dream is located it is in front of you but how would you describe it is it in. Almost like a new realm a different realm a different level of reality because it exists but it's a theory. And so the same thing with how we interpret like i'm bashing my head against the wall are internal representation of that is this a theory.
00:48:19
Speaker
metaphorical space within us or around us. And so the subconscious mind is how you can kind of play with that reality. And to the conscious mind, it makes no sense. It's like, how the heck can, you know, changing something metaphorically in my inner world, how can that change things in my outer world? But it's the exact same thing. And so it's just another, I guess, technique or way of shifting things inside your consciousness against scratching that record.
00:48:49
Speaker
on how you currently, concretely interpret via beliefs or emotions. At that point, it's yeah, beliefs and emotions through metaphor. So yeah. Yeah, I got nothing for a minute. You gotta ask. This is great. That's a good question. Nikki, this is super fun.
00:49:08
Speaker
And especially if you have Trig V speechless, that's been a lot. So I think as we get, we're kind of closing in on the normal timeframe of this and we could talk forever. You're delightful and engaging and super. This is a plane that I love to kind of explore and play with. So as we look at like four business professionals, sales professionals, people that are trying to break through
00:49:37
Speaker
something that they know is holding them back in life. What would you recommend they start with in order to start at least being cognizant, making the unconscious conscious to start exploring to break down some of those walls?
00:49:53
Speaker
Yeah. So I would say, honestly, the best thing to do is just the same stuff that we've been doing here. Maybe kind of re-listen to some of the segments of how we went into the different feelings with each other. And really it's just, it's just same kind of process.
Mindfulness in Business and Personal Growth
00:50:09
Speaker
It's always the same thing. It's like, well, what do you want to do? Where do you feel the resistance? Go into it and just shift the way you're looking at it. Be willing to look at it and know that it's just a sensation. And once you release it, then you can move forward. It's, um,
00:50:23
Speaker
It's very very simple the way to process it out like sometimes like it does get a little more complicated depending on the intricacies of the block inside of you because sometimes they can be. I have had clients before where we'll find the block and then we'll get to the point that they have to release and they're like oh but I can't release it because that it and then it goes into this other tag which is.
00:50:47
Speaker
You know, I don't have control of myself. And it's like, okay, now we have to work on the, I don't have control of myself. Why don't you have control of yourself? And, you know, kind of. That kind of gets back to what you were saying about stacking.
00:50:59
Speaker
Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. So yeah, so sometimes they're very clear cut. I would say more times than not, they're very clear cut. It's, it's just go into it, release it, but there are also other nuances. So just, but, but even in that case, it's really just about like exact same thing. It's like, you just feel a resistance and you do what you can through these methods and, and you will make an impact. Like there's no doubt about that. If you put that awareness to it, so.
00:51:28
Speaker
It feels like, and I hate to throw out these keywords, but mindfulness is probably the big thing, and maybe even more simplified, just paying attention.
00:51:39
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. That's really all it comes down to. And that's the cool part is like how my journey transpired was like, again, learning about all of this stuff, NLP, hypnotherapy for years. And then I had this massive life shift, like this 180 degree life shift. And
00:51:59
Speaker
all these emotions came up that were like the most challenging things I could possibly have to go into. And out of necessity, I had to start using these things on myself. And for me, I was using like NLP techniques, hypnotherapy techniques, all that kind of stuff. And I love them, but I found that they were so...
00:52:19
Speaker
Like overly convoluted there was a little bit too much to them versus pure mindfulness and finding the sensation because that's all that's needed when you kind of peel the layers of the hanging back it's always it always comes down to that same thing which is interesting because.
00:52:35
Speaker
for however many thousands of years, people have been saying that in different spiritual circles, that kind of thing. And so kind of getting into that, I was never spiritual before this, but then I realized, well, spirituality, all it is is just, I guess, waking up to who you really are and adding mindfulness to the equation, understanding your consciousness and letting go of what doesn't serve you. That's essentially it. Oh, I love that. Yes. Thank you.
Conclusion and Free Gift
00:53:02
Speaker
Very interesting.
00:53:03
Speaker
I feel like we're just scratching the surface and we're kind of coming up on time. So two questions. Number one, Nikki, can we have you back? Oh, totally. I'm having so much fun. We had the whole plan on what we wanted to talk about and we didn't at all.
00:53:18
Speaker
I kind of thought it might happen. It's so much deeper and funner and juicier though. And second, we like to have a bold, naked promotion of our guests. Where can people find you?
00:53:33
Speaker
They can find me at nickynicholas.com. So N-I-K-K-I-N-I-C-H-O-L-A-S.com. And then also, I actually have a free gift for the people listening. Hey. Yeah. So it's a video on how to find the subconscious blocks within you. So it kind of touches on all of this stuff, but I also do like a little drawing of like stick people. And it's about, I think, 10 minutes long.
00:53:57
Speaker
And essentially it just talks about where subconscious blocks come from, what they are and shows people how to find them within them. So I'll send you guys that link after the show. Perfect. Yeah. We'll put them into the show notes and that'll be amazing. Thank you. Thank you so much. We'll see the receptionist for the same time next week. Perfect.