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Goodbye Dad - Death is such a Downer
5 Plays1 year ago
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Transcript
Introduction and Personal Background
00:00:00
Speaker
I grew up confused about my culture and identity and felt out of place most of the time until I found comedy, which forced me to be honest with myself and I realized mostly I'm just an expat brat.
00:00:13
Speaker
Welcome to my show.
00:00:14
Speaker
I'm Salman Qureshi.
00:00:17
Speaker
Hey, welcome to the episode.
Processing Grief Openly
00:00:21
Speaker
I got to warn you, this one's going to be a little bit different.
00:00:25
Speaker
It's a bit raw.
00:00:27
Speaker
And the reason is because I'm just a couple of days shy of a month of my dad passing away on the 22nd of April.
00:00:36
Speaker
My dad left us.
00:00:37
Speaker
And so this episode, well, I'm just trying to make sense of things.
00:00:42
Speaker
And I think this episode is more about for me.
00:00:48
Speaker
This episode is more for me than it is for anybody else.
00:00:51
Speaker
So if you tune out at this point, I get it.
00:00:54
Speaker
But if you want to stick around, let's figure this
Navigating Unique Parental Loss
00:00:57
Speaker
stuff out, right?
00:00:57
Speaker
Because, man, this is, you know, death isn't something new to me.
00:01:04
Speaker
It's, uh...
00:01:05
Speaker
It's something that's happened to people forever, I suppose.
00:01:10
Speaker
But I mean, like, it's not like it's the first person in my life that's died.
00:01:13
Speaker
And not someone close to you.
00:01:16
Speaker
Like, I've lost close people, friends, family.
00:01:19
Speaker
But your parents' death.
00:01:21
Speaker
that is a whole different thing in the last few years i have been worried about it and it scares me it has scared me it used to keep me up at night sometimes and now and now it's happened right well with my dad at least and it's not easy man like you just go through so many emotions
00:01:44
Speaker
The whole thing about it is you kind of study around and you figure out that there are stages of grief and blah, blah, blah, but nothing in your life, no amount of knowledge, no amount of experience makes you go, oh, cool, I got this.
00:02:01
Speaker
No one has got this with this thing particularly, all right?
00:02:05
Speaker
It's just...
00:02:07
Speaker
It's a whole different level of shittiness.
00:02:10
Speaker
It's this place where you go in different ways and you learn so much about yourself and family and the world around you.
00:02:22
Speaker
And probably...
00:02:24
Speaker
Maybe this thing that out of any experience in this life might be one of the most powerful ones that changes you possibly forever.
00:02:33
Speaker
I'm just under a month in, so I don't know if that will hold true.
00:02:37
Speaker
But I've never felt so different inside than I have after going through this.
00:02:44
Speaker
It's...
00:02:46
Speaker
It's bizarre.
00:02:48
Speaker
It is bizarre.
Premonitions and Past Losses
00:02:49
Speaker
It was a shock.
00:02:52
Speaker
You know, something I haven't shared with everybody as well, but the night before my dad passed away, I had this dream.
00:03:01
Speaker
And this dream, I just was of my dad passing away, my dad leaving me.
00:03:07
Speaker
And I was really upset, obviously, in the dream, but I woke up.
00:03:14
Speaker
almost knowing, like not even almost, like I was sure that that's it.
00:03:18
Speaker
He's leaving us.
00:03:20
Speaker
And it was weird because it's not the first time that's happened to me in my life.
00:03:25
Speaker
It happened with my maternal grandmother just a couple of days before.
00:03:31
Speaker
I had the same kind of dream and I woke up with the same sort of self-doubt
00:03:35
Speaker
a shortness or like shorty.
00:03:37
Speaker
That's the word I'm looking for.
00:03:38
Speaker
Like I was just sure.
00:03:39
Speaker
It wasn't like a doubt anymore.
00:03:41
Speaker
I was like, oh, it's going to happen.
00:03:43
Speaker
And when it happened with my grandmother, I didn't tell anyone because how do you have that conversation?
00:03:48
Speaker
Hey, I dreamed about grandma passing away.
00:03:51
Speaker
What do you think about that?
00:03:54
Speaker
And, but I had the same thing with my dad and I woke up with the same shorty, but this time I did share it with Sarah, my spouse, my partner, my wife.
00:04:04
Speaker
And,
00:04:06
Speaker
And again, it was I knew.
00:04:08
Speaker
I just knew.
Community Support and Its Challenges
00:04:09
Speaker
And it's bizarre to tell people that because they think, oh, you must have just had a dream and it's a coincidence.
00:04:16
Speaker
But for me, it was just so bizarre because I just kind of knew.
00:04:19
Speaker
And that day I got busy.
00:04:22
Speaker
I told myself I better call my dad.
00:04:24
Speaker
But I had one of those crazy days where I was working from 8 a.m.
00:04:27
Speaker
till like 11 p.m.
00:04:29
Speaker
nonstop, right?
00:04:30
Speaker
It was shows, it was some training work I do.
00:04:34
Speaker
So it was just busy throughout the whole day that by the time I got home, I kind of was like, oh, it's too late, I'll call him.
00:04:41
Speaker
And that's the night.
00:04:42
Speaker
So this was just a night before that I had the dream.
00:04:45
Speaker
And that night when I got home and I was just about to go to bed around 1 or 2 a.m.
00:04:50
Speaker
that my sister called.
00:04:52
Speaker
And the funny thing is when she called,
00:04:55
Speaker
I cut the phone because I was like, I knew, I knew why she was calling.
00:04:58
Speaker
And I just was like, if I don't pick up, I did the whole ostrich thing.
00:05:02
Speaker
If I don't pick up, it didn't happen.
00:05:04
Speaker
I don't need to know.
00:05:06
Speaker
And then she called again and I had to pick up and hear the awful news of my dad passing away.
00:05:12
Speaker
And she, you know, it was...
00:05:14
Speaker
It's been weird since I'm very lucky.
00:05:18
Speaker
I have these four other siblings that are just so good and powerful and loving that they helped us pull through and a lot of family and friends.
00:05:28
Speaker
God, you know, if it was the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
00:05:34
Speaker
I was very lucky to have so many people step up almost to the point where I was like, hold on, man.
00:05:43
Speaker
Like, I got enough.
00:05:45
Speaker
I don't know how to say it in a nice way.
00:05:47
Speaker
Like, I appreciated everything.
00:05:49
Speaker
But I spent like a few weeks just responding to people's love and comments and stuff.
00:05:54
Speaker
And it means a lot to me.
00:05:56
Speaker
And I'd rather have this than not have anyone coming out.
00:05:59
Speaker
So there was that.
00:06:01
Speaker
But...
Funeral Arrangements and Family Dynamics
00:06:02
Speaker
But yeah, it happened.
00:06:04
Speaker
And then it was funny seeing my siblings go through different things with it, you know, different personalities, different things that are important to different people.
00:06:17
Speaker
We did have a little bit of argument and stuff.
00:06:20
Speaker
And it was a weird thing to go through as well, where you want to love and care, but you're also fighting over like the...
00:06:30
Speaker
Minor details like we created this card to send out I created the thing just to tell people where the funeral prayer is and and and where we're going to do everything and the date and time blah blah blah and I made the mistake of asking my elder brother and Who suggested we ask one of my my mom's brother my uncle?
00:06:53
Speaker
for some correction on the address.
00:06:57
Speaker
He was like, just check if you've got the address right.
00:06:59
Speaker
And I sent it across, and then they were like all these kind of like advice coming through.
00:07:07
Speaker
No, not advice.
00:07:08
Speaker
It was like it was a marketing...
00:07:11
Speaker
It turned into like a creative marketing project.
00:07:15
Speaker
And I was one of those, you know, I always hear about my friends in advertising complaining about this.
00:07:20
Speaker
And it was exactly that.
00:07:21
Speaker
It was like everybody had an opinion.
00:07:23
Speaker
They were like, this color is wrong.
00:07:24
Speaker
This picture is wrong.
00:07:26
Speaker
Maybe we should add this.
00:07:27
Speaker
This should be on this.
00:07:28
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:07:30
Speaker
It's like...
00:07:32
Speaker
It's, it was, it took us a couple of hours to put together a simple card to send for my dad's funeral.
00:07:38
Speaker
And it's, and it's nuts.
00:07:40
Speaker
But, you know, it was, I look back at this and it's kind of crazy and funny and weird again.
00:07:46
Speaker
Like I said, I think I say weird a lot about this whole situation.
00:07:50
Speaker
I'm not through it yet.
00:07:51
Speaker
I'm still processing it.
Cherishing Memories and Present Moments
00:07:53
Speaker
And, um,
00:07:54
Speaker
Maybe in subsequent episodes, I might have different opinions about different things, but right now, this is what happened.
00:08:02
Speaker
And then you go through kind of every little thing, you know, with your parents, with your dad especially, I think.
00:08:08
Speaker
It kind of just hits hard about how much you haven't done for them.
00:08:12
Speaker
You know, everything I could have done for them just happened.
00:08:16
Speaker
Hits you in the face.
00:08:18
Speaker
It just hits you in the face.
00:08:19
Speaker
You're just You're just like god like I had so much time with them and I and I didn't do enough and and it makes you angry and you want to Just not believe he's gone.
00:08:31
Speaker
That's the other bit that I'm kind of Feeling right now.
00:08:35
Speaker
He's like his presence is still here I'm in Tehran at the moment where my parents were
00:08:43
Speaker
My dad was working.
00:08:44
Speaker
He was pretty much retired, but they had kept him on for a little bit longer, I think for like another year as a special advisor.
00:08:54
Speaker
Very proud of him of what he did in life.
00:08:57
Speaker
But yeah, so he was here when it happened, and I've come back with my mom to pack things up.
00:09:04
Speaker
And so I was dreading it, and it's very painful as well because, you know, you see your mom is frail, and she's got some stuff going on, and then you've got to, like, pack up his life so quickly because we've got to move.
00:09:20
Speaker
And that part hurts.
00:09:23
Speaker
You just want to hold on to every little thing of his, you know, even if it was a pen that's like a supermarket ball thing.
00:09:31
Speaker
You just kind of go, no, I want to keep it as his, you know, but you can't, you gotta, you gotta make a choice on things.
00:09:39
Speaker
And, um, and that's being hard as well, because you just, uh, it's hard.
00:09:45
Speaker
And then, um,
00:09:47
Speaker
At the same time, you know, his presence, I can still feel it in the rooms.
00:09:50
Speaker
Like I can tell he was here.
00:09:53
Speaker
Today I went to his office where he'd been going back and forth for like 23 years to see the way he drove up to that and where he worked.
00:10:01
Speaker
And I thought, I've never seen this stuff.
00:10:04
Speaker
If he had...
00:10:05
Speaker
If he hadn't passed away right now, I would have never seen this side of him or his life or his experience.
00:10:11
Speaker
And that was kind of weird to me as well.
00:10:12
Speaker
You know, it was just like, what do I know about the people I love on a day-to-day basis?
00:10:16
Speaker
That messes you up a little bit too, you know?
00:10:21
Speaker
And this is my dad we're talking about, like your own parent.
00:10:25
Speaker
And...
00:10:27
Speaker
It's tricky.
00:10:29
Speaker
It's so tricky.
00:10:31
Speaker
And you're going through this stuff.
00:10:33
Speaker
I'm glad I went to the office.
00:10:34
Speaker
I'm glad I saw his desk and everything and how much people, his colleagues loved him and they did so much for us.
00:10:43
Speaker
At the same time, it's like I didn't know about this side of him.
00:10:47
Speaker
Or, well, not so much about his personality, but more about just seeing their stuff, you know, and how they went through every day.
00:10:54
Speaker
And it's a long time.
00:10:56
Speaker
You know, I think it matters more with my dad's generation because they tended to stick at the same place longer usually.
00:11:03
Speaker
We might not have that problem because, well, I don't know where if I'll be ever working for any place longer than 10, 15 years or something.
00:11:12
Speaker
I don't know about that, right?
00:11:13
Speaker
Or most people won't.
00:11:15
Speaker
So that...
00:11:16
Speaker
That happened, and it was surreal seeing everybody in his workplace that I know I've met before, but having to meet them about this is just weird.
00:11:29
Speaker
And the part that really, really kind of bugs me, right, is...
Societal Expectations of Grief
00:11:36
Speaker
There are two things that bug me.
00:11:37
Speaker
One, I hope I remember the second one after I'm done talking about the first one.
00:11:42
Speaker
Have I forgotten both?
00:11:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:11:44
Speaker
The first thing that really bugged me was that people kind of go, oh, stay strong.
00:11:50
Speaker
Yeah, just stay strong.
00:11:53
Speaker
And I know they mean well.
00:11:55
Speaker
And I know where they're coming from.
00:11:57
Speaker
And I would have probably said the same thing to loads of other people.
00:12:00
Speaker
But it's kind of like... It's kind of this whole culture of going... Just because you've lost someone, you've got to just man up and do it.
00:12:09
Speaker
And instead...
00:12:11
Speaker
We just got to go, no, no, just grieve.
00:12:14
Speaker
You know, just sob and cry.
00:12:16
Speaker
Just get it out.
00:12:18
Speaker
Don't be strong about this.
00:12:19
Speaker
Just get through.
00:12:20
Speaker
You can't be strong about this.
00:12:22
Speaker
You just got to get through.
00:12:24
Speaker
Life will still happen.
00:12:25
Speaker
You don't have a choice.
00:12:28
Speaker
Life will still keep rolling.
00:12:30
Speaker
Like I said, it's been almost a month.
00:12:32
Speaker
I don't even know where the time went.
00:12:33
Speaker
It's been a month.
00:12:34
Speaker
I can't believe it that he's gone that long.
Purpose of Funerals and Father's Legacy
00:12:37
Speaker
Right?
00:12:37
Speaker
Right.
00:12:38
Speaker
And you're just kind of like, look, I'm going to have to live through it.
00:12:41
Speaker
It's not like I'm sitting somewhere.
00:12:43
Speaker
I have to come.
00:12:44
Speaker
I have to pack this stuff up.
00:12:45
Speaker
I have to help my mom.
00:12:46
Speaker
I have to check on her.
00:12:47
Speaker
She's not well, blah, blah, blah.
00:12:49
Speaker
But at the same time, I'm just kind of like, I don't have to be strong through this.
00:12:53
Speaker
Screw the whole, I got to be strong.
00:12:57
Speaker
But the second thing that really bugged me on a personal level was, it was just, he was retiring, man.
00:13:03
Speaker
He was about to go, he was moving out.
00:13:06
Speaker
He was moving to Dallas where my eldest brother lives.
00:13:10
Speaker
And I was just like, great, this is great.
00:13:12
Speaker
He's gonna have time with his grandparents.
00:13:14
Speaker
He'll move around.
00:13:15
Speaker
He's earned it.
00:13:16
Speaker
My dad worked.
00:13:17
Speaker
so hard his whole life, you know, he was just a super hard worker.
00:13:22
Speaker
So I was like, he deserves this.
00:13:24
Speaker
He deserves having this nice, quiet time.
00:13:27
Speaker
He worked late in his 70s.
00:13:29
Speaker
He would have turned 76 on his birthday.
00:13:34
Speaker
That was on May 15.
00:13:35
Speaker
So he passed away just under a month before that as well.
00:13:38
Speaker
I had to live through his birthday as well right now, you know.
00:13:42
Speaker
And it kind of gets you a little bit.
00:13:48
Speaker
Yeah, I just wish he had retired and had even six months of it, man.
00:13:53
Speaker
Even six months.
00:13:55
Speaker
kind of start bargaining and shit, don't you?
00:13:57
Speaker
Is that the stage of grief I'm in?
00:13:59
Speaker
People like to talk about all that knowledge as well and the process and blah, blah, blah.
00:14:03
Speaker
And I go, yeah, man, I know this stuff.
00:14:06
Speaker
It's different living through it.
00:14:10
Speaker
And even if you know it, it's not like, well, self-awareness is always good, I suppose.
00:14:14
Speaker
But yeah, anyway.
00:14:18
Speaker
That's dealing with that.
00:14:20
Speaker
And then the funeral itself, you know, that was interesting because I think it has so many layers.
00:14:27
Speaker
I think in general, funerals, the whole thing around burying people and the whole process, whatever culture or religion you are of,
00:14:39
Speaker
We do it.
00:14:40
Speaker
I think it's more for us than it is for the dead person.
00:14:43
Speaker
We like to think it's for the dead person and for their afterlife and make sure it's some religious thing around.
00:14:50
Speaker
I don't believe that.
00:14:51
Speaker
I think we've created these things for ourselves so that we feel a little better about this whole thing, the whole process, and we think we've done right by them.
00:14:59
Speaker
And I think by doing those steps, you kind of focus on something else.
00:15:03
Speaker
away from the fact that you've just lost this person.
00:15:07
Speaker
And so, yeah, it's just in recent times, I've seen a couple of funerals, unfortunately.
00:15:14
Speaker
And I just, I think it's about the people and they're gone.
00:15:19
Speaker
The person is gone.
00:15:21
Speaker
And we just want to find a way to
00:15:24
Speaker
Send them off.
00:15:25
Speaker
That makes us feel better about it or something.
00:15:28
Speaker
And that was crazy because, you know, burying your dad.
00:15:31
Speaker
One thing that was nice was this is, again, weird, but he seemed to be smiling.
00:15:36
Speaker
It was like I could picture him when I was putting down.
00:15:38
Speaker
I went into the grave with my younger brother and we brought him down into it.
00:15:44
Speaker
And we got to see him, his face and everything one last time as we laid him into the grave.
00:15:51
Speaker
It was interesting because he just looked like he was smiling.
00:15:56
Speaker
And like I always picture my dad, he'd come home, he'd love to watch TV.
00:16:00
Speaker
He just wanted to lie around, watch TV.
00:16:03
Speaker
And he had this like chilled out vibe to him and his facial expression.
00:16:07
Speaker
And I caught that.
00:16:09
Speaker
I caught that, and I felt lucky about that, and he looked so at peace that I was glad for him.
00:16:17
Speaker
I don't know what happens after someone goes, what they're going through, where they are, really.
00:16:26
Speaker
But seeing him like that was kind of, I guess, nice to see him in the way I remembered him always to be, at peace and chilled out and smiling because he was a very generous person, man.
00:16:39
Speaker
Yeah, so that was quite an interesting thing to happen.
00:16:43
Speaker
The other part that was weird was I'd taken my shoes off to go down into the grave.
00:16:47
Speaker
When I came back up, I had to take a moment to get myself together, and my younger brother and I were obviously a little shaken.
00:16:54
Speaker
And I turned around and people had started putting the sand, burying him in.
00:16:59
Speaker
And I realized I couldn't see my shoes.
00:17:03
Speaker
I was like, oh, God, I hope I didn't leave my shoes in there.
00:17:06
Speaker
It's funny how even in the most traumatic of moments, my brain just tries to find something funny or sees...
Finding Humor in Grief
00:17:16
Speaker
I don't know how to describe it.
00:17:18
Speaker
I've done a couple of shows in the last month.
00:17:20
Speaker
One of them went better than any show I've ever done.
00:17:24
Speaker
And that was another weird thing.
00:17:25
Speaker
It was like, hey, I'm grieving here, but I made more people laugh harder than I think I've ever done in my life.
00:17:32
Speaker
And that was tricky as well.
00:17:34
Speaker
So not that I'm wishing this on anybody, but part of life is having to experience this.
00:17:43
Speaker
Yeah, there's no prep.
00:17:45
Speaker
Work for it.
00:17:47
Speaker
The only thing you can do better is in the now and in the now is what you have and whatever you have right now, you got to give it a little bit more attention and time, whatever is important to you.
00:17:58
Speaker
And at the end of the day, career, blah, blah, is important.
00:18:01
Speaker
But there's some people that are just super important, you know, and you got to do what you got to do for them.
00:18:09
Speaker
Because one of the other aspects is, the other flip side is my mom, right?
00:18:14
Speaker
So now I'm just like, I got to take care of her.
00:18:17
Speaker
I don't want to make the same mistake with her that I feel like I've made with both of them.
00:18:22
Speaker
So I need to be with her as she's going through this.
00:18:26
Speaker
And I'll tell you a little, honestly, a little thing that shook me most was...
00:18:31
Speaker
I've seen couples in my family, my uncle and aunt from my mom's side, and one of my dad's brother and his wife as well.
00:18:41
Speaker
They both, when one of the spouse went, the other one followed suit very quickly.
00:18:46
Speaker
And apparently it's a thing as well that happens sometimes.
00:18:49
Speaker
And so one of my biggest fear...
00:18:52
Speaker
was of something happening to my mom because she's, you know, she fell ill.
00:18:56
Speaker
And I just was like, I can't.
00:19:01
Speaker
As long as she can survive a little bit longer, I'd love to have her with me longer.
00:19:06
Speaker
You know, it's a crazy way your brain operates after you lose someone.
00:19:10
Speaker
It just makes you kind of
00:19:13
Speaker
just worried about everything with them especially.
00:19:15
Speaker
And I can notice her frail, being frail and weaker.
00:19:20
Speaker
And I'm hoping that, you know, she'll still be around with us much longer.
00:19:26
Speaker
But who's to say about life and stuff?
00:19:28
Speaker
And her conversations right now are tricky.
00:19:32
Speaker
She's also been in poor health for a lot of different reasons.
00:19:36
Speaker
She's a cancer survivor, but it's still, you know, she's got a bunch of health things that happen to people in their 70s and 80s, man.
00:19:45
Speaker
So my head's like spinning about that.
00:19:46
Speaker
And I just want to make sure she's settled in before I can even get backed into operating into my own real work situation.
00:19:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's just nuts, man.
00:19:56
Speaker
It's just nuts.
00:19:57
Speaker
And it also kind of just, I feel like a parent's death.
00:20:04
Speaker
really alters personality more than anything else.
00:20:08
Speaker
Like, you know, it's weird.
00:20:10
Speaker
I do trainings for people to try to help them develop and stuff.
00:20:14
Speaker
And I kind of go, well, if you had a big trauma, like losing a dad, that might step up your game a little bit.
00:20:21
Speaker
I don't know if, I don't know, I don't mean like step up your game.
00:20:25
Speaker
I don't know what that even means.
00:20:26
Speaker
I just mean, you just kind of
00:20:30
Speaker
Your brain does alter unlike anything else.
00:20:33
Speaker
It's weird.
00:20:34
Speaker
And I think it probably will have an effect on my personality in some ways.
00:20:37
Speaker
It doesn't have to be like a bad thing.
00:20:39
Speaker
But it definitely is a little different in how you treat the world and your possessions for all I care.
00:20:48
Speaker
Yeah, that part is different.
00:20:50
Speaker
So that's me processing that.
00:20:57
Speaker
and my dad's absence and losing him.
Conclusion and Future Outlook
00:21:04
Speaker
And I hope I've depressed you all enough.
00:21:09
Speaker
If you listened this far into the episode, I'm not sure why, but thank you.
00:21:17
Speaker
And I hope that it's in the midst of this processing for me personally, there's something that you can take away from it as well or recognize if you ever go through something.
00:21:33
Speaker
It's that.
00:21:34
Speaker
And yeah, you know, because it's tricky for me.
00:21:37
Speaker
At some point, I'll probably do some jokes about losing my dad.
00:21:41
Speaker
That's the sad reality of my brain, or at least of the situation.
00:21:47
Speaker
Not about actually losing your dad, but you know what I mean.
00:21:49
Speaker
Of any trauma, you kind of go...
00:21:51
Speaker
just kind of go, I got to lighten this up for myself as well.
00:21:54
Speaker
And in due time, it probably will happen.
00:21:56
Speaker
But this is a bizarre thing about me loving and doing comedy.
00:22:02
Speaker
And I guess that's how I process the world.
00:22:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, this is tough.
00:22:07
Speaker
So from Tehran, I'll be going to Dallas for a few days to make sure my mom's health recovers enough.
00:22:14
Speaker
She's going to be living with my eldest brother.
00:22:17
Speaker
And it'll be funny because I've been on the road a lot too.
00:22:20
Speaker
So I'll be, I've been in Karachi a couple of times.
00:22:24
Speaker
I'm in Tehran now.
00:22:25
Speaker
I'm going to go to Dallas, come back to Dubai and settle into work.
00:22:29
Speaker
But yeah,
00:22:30
Speaker
Let's see how Dallas goes.
00:22:32
Speaker
Thank you for listening to this episode.
00:22:34
Speaker
I'm going to put an end to this misery right here.
00:22:37
Speaker
And hopefully by my next episode, you'll get a more normal, sane episode back in.
00:22:45
Speaker
Yeah, if you are listening, I got to do this.
00:22:50
Speaker
You got to hit the subscribe button, man.
00:22:52
Speaker
And follow the show.
00:22:55
Speaker
I don't know why I said that.
00:22:57
Speaker
I just like habit.
00:23:00
Speaker
I don't know how else to end this.
00:23:02
Speaker
Thank you, guys.
00:23:03
Speaker
We'll catch you on the next episode.