So apparently in Denmark, zoos are asking people to donate their pets—yes, actual rabbits, chickens, even small horses—to feed their predators. I spiral. There’s a lynx. And a giraffe named Marius. Danish people… what is going on?

Denmark Wants Your Pet… for Lion Food

I stepped outside into a 47-degree sandstorm — basically nature’s version of a slap — and it still didn’t sting as much as watching Will Smith freestyle on TikTok.

Let’s talk cringe, comebacks, PR conspiracy theories, and why this version of Will feels like your uncle at karaoke night… but rich and strangely well-lit. Also: what if the cringe is the point? What if we’re the fools?

Either way, I can’t look away. Welcome to the new season of “Will.”

Will Smith's Bounceback… or Breakdown?

India refuses to play Pakistan in a nostalgia tournament — because apparently, politics never retires. In this episode, I break down the absurdity of grown men bringing geopolitics into a charity-adjacent league and explore why sports feuds, even after retirement, are still more dramatic than they need to be. From Shoaib Akthar's glares to Keane’s grudges, we ask: are we addicted to the drama… or just scared to grow up?

Old Men Yell at Each Other: The India-Pakistan Legends Drama

You ever try not to lose your mind while on hold with some smug guy who says it'll take two weeks to replace a water heater? I tried. Barely made it. This episode is one long steam release — about service industry BS, ADHD spirals, the line between excuses and self-awareness, and why apologizing shouldn’t feel like giving away a kidney.

Everything Is Broken Except My Willpower (Barely)

I’m not saying passive income is a scam — I’m saying if someone tells you they make money in their sleep, they’re probably lying or married rich. Plus: a nostalgic spiral into the mystery of British teachers in Saudi in the ’80s and ’90s. Who were they? Why were they there? And why did they all look like they’d just escaped a Cold War spy movie? Also: fake gurus, real rent, and how I still don’t know what an ETF does, but I have one anyway.

Passive Income, Pyramids, and British Teachers in Saudi

Why does the internet think I’m fat and in need of fame? This week: targeted ads for my midlife crisis, Coldplay’s cheating scandal (but only his name went viral?), and why pronouncing it “lulu-leymo-n” might bankrupt you faster.

Lulu-lemon, Coldplay Cheaters & the Algorithm Knows I'm Fat

I’m not convinced AI will end the world — but I am convinced one hotel shaving kit almost ended me. Plus: improv, judgment, pigeons, and how falling from grace is just bad PR.

AI Won’t Kill Us, But That Razor Might

From Oasis nostalgia to yelling at yourself for better fitness — this week, The Expat Brat breaks down why the past won’t save you, but pronouns just might

Talk Sh*t, Get Fit: The Self-Talk Episode

Is the 5AM Club just hustle culture in a hoodie? I dig into the science, the smugness, and why you don’t need sunrise to succeed.

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Rise and Whine

Salman soliloquizes on the Pakistan and India almost war in May 2025

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Brat Diary: May 12, 2025

Comedian and Theater Improviser, Salman Qureshi shares his outrageous takes on life, current news, sports and the showbiz life. An Eastern kid raised on Sesame Street, Salman shares his stories of life as a Third Culture Kid. 