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1 - X-Men #1 - 6
49 Plays23 days ago
In our INAUGURAL EPISODE, Matt Aukamp and Pat Reber (former hosts of The Very Worst) talk about the first six issues of the X-Men, from 1966. Written by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby and drawn by Jack Kirby, these first six issues introduce our main cast - Cyclops, Iceman, Angel, Beast, and Marvel Girl, plus their teacher and mentor Professor X. We also meet Magneto, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the Blob, and a human pyramid!
Listen to the humble (read: ridiculous) origins of your favorite mutants and their obsessions with ice cream, their weird verbal ticks (YAYBO!), their fights with random animals, and their extreme disrespect for the US Army. We find out that Professor X is a creep. Cyclops ruins cake. Magneto has every power possible. And Jack Kirby loves to draw a boat.
Email us! mutantmenacepod@gmail.com
Instagram: @mutantmenacepod
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Transcript
Introduction to Mutant Menace Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi, I'm Pat Reber. And I'm Matt Alcant. And this is Mutant Menace. I'm Trish Tobey with W.A.R.C. reporting to you live from Westchester, New York, where there appears to be some sort of mutant menace on the loose.
Innovative Nature of the Podcast
00:00:38
Speaker
everybody, and welcome to a brand new podcast about the X-Men. Me and Pat, we we already introduced ourselves before the music. I'm not used to doing that, so I feel a little thrown off. We're innovating.
00:00:52
Speaker
And that's the thing about this podcast, Pat. We are the most innovative podcasters that have ever been. That's right. is We're two straight white men infected with a woke mind virus reviewing comic about historic oppression.
00:01:08
Speaker
And you know what's weird about it is I Googled, and I did, i Googled and Googled and Googled, Patrick, and I could find no other podcast where anybody has ever mentioned the X-Men.
00:01:22
Speaker
Yeah, it's a sore subject for most people, I've found. You know, when you're at a party and you're trying to talk about the X-Men, most people just don't want to talk about it.
00:01:34
Speaker
i People walk away from me a lot, especially like if I'm at a Wawa. And I start talking everybody about the X-Men. I stand up on the coffee counter and I start talking about the X-Men.
00:01:46
Speaker
Generally, before I'm asked to leave, everybody else leaves. And so I guess it's probably just like a source of trauma for them. Is that all of them have had some some experience with the X-Men in their past that they just they can't ah address right now.
00:01:59
Speaker
I think that makes sense because in a situation like that, People would have to start to leave before they ask you to leave, right? If you're... Maybe not. I guess if you're causing enough of a disturbance, but if you're just chatting with people... On the coffee counter.
00:02:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. you They would have to see that you're interrupting their business. Because otherwise, because if I had gathered a crowd and people were like, I love this. We actually... We love this.
00:02:26
Speaker
Let's sit here and buy more coffee. They'd be like, all right. listen sir and they'd come up and shake my hand and they'd be like sir will you come back every day that's right and so and that's what we're trying to do for podcasting but every we're not going to be here every day well i won't i don't know what pat i don't know what pat's doing with his time these days but what i'm going to do is be here once a week to talk about the x-men and what we're going to we're going to talk about them in chronological order
00:02:59
Speaker
ah Even the bad ones. We're going to start with issue one, starting way back in 1963. That's one of the bad ones. ah free Every episode, we're going to take it like six issues at a time. maybe Maybe less if there's a lot to talk about and maybe more if it's like a one cohesive arc.
00:03:19
Speaker
um um We're just going to chat about shit. so So Pat, yeah what's what's your history with the X-Men?
Hosts' Background with X-Men
00:03:28
Speaker
Oh, I ah imagine like a lot of people our age, men of a certain age ah we were introduced through the 90s cartoon, ah the X-Men Saturday morning cartoon on Fox. It was that one.
00:03:46
Speaker
Optic Blast. rue I was trying to hit the one where Cyclops yells yes, but I accidentally hit the one where Wolverine orgasms. Matt figured out how to use the soundboard, but not quite how to work the soundboard yet.
00:03:59
Speaker
Yes! There we are! That cartoon, I mean, if you go back, the first couple of seasons are... really inexpensively made, we'll say, but... Oh my God, yeah.
00:04:10
Speaker
Terrific voice acting. It is the voice that I hear when I read X-Men comics. They had a whole comic line and action figure series associated, so I had as much of that as possible.
00:04:23
Speaker
And then... and it I don't mean this yeah derivatively at all, but I grew up. I stopped reading comics for a little while, and then guess...
00:04:34
Speaker
i guess devolved back into getting into it. So since then, I've really enjoyed... You ungrow up. Yes. yeah i I've enjoyed chunks of the Claremont run. I have not... i There's a lot of the Claremont run that I haven't read, but I do particularly enjoy the...
00:04:54
Speaker
Matt Fraction run the Joss Whedon run I think is really good yeah there's like a there's just this this chunk of time right from ah what what early 2000s to like 2010 where there's this it goes Grant Morrison And then Josh Whedon.
00:05:15
Speaker
And then Brubaker, sort of. a little. That's a little bit. little less. um But Matt Fraction and the whole, like, Dark Reign, Utopia, Messiah Complex, and Second Coming. All those, like, events.
00:05:30
Speaker
And then Jason Aaron on Wolverine and the X-Men. Right. And it's about like where Bendis comes in that I stop really, really loving it.
00:05:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. But they I think the I've started going through the Hickman stuff as well. um ah Yeah, it's very good. It's a whole new take, I think. So, yeah, Matt, I feel like I'm talking about myself too much.
00:06:01
Speaker
What's your level of experience with the X-Men? I agree you were talking about yourself. I almost think it's because I asked you, but it could be for other reasons. So I think I have pretty much the exact same story, only i think i my mid-2000s obsession with the X-Men was a little stronger than yours.
00:06:21
Speaker
Yes, you never
00:06:25
Speaker
I mean, in the ninety in the late 90s, early 2000s, I definitely like i stepped away for like you know punk rock and girls and stuff. And then i came back hard um when I realized that girls would still sleep with me if I read X-Men comics like it like in between dates.
00:06:44
Speaker
i'm allowed to do this?
00:06:50
Speaker
And so I think, I don't know what made me drop them again. I just got busy with other stuff. But then because of the people would talk about this Hickman run and how great it was, and so I wanted to come back. But because I'd always loved the X-Men so dearly, I didn't want to just jump back in.
00:07:10
Speaker
and didn't want to be like a casual... don't want to be a filthy casual about the X-Men. So i I was like, I'm going to read all the stuff in between where I left off and where they are now.
00:07:23
Speaker
And somehow that translated into me starting all the way over from the very beginning. Sure. And somehow that turned into me trying to. uh spend thousands of dollars to buy every single x-men issue in trade and now i have this huge ikea billy bookcase that is just all x-men trades like literally top to bottom i'm so glad you finally got a bookshelf for it because it was just a very large pile for a long time yeah well it was a couple piles underneath the uh side table of my bed
00:07:59
Speaker
That were just like next to each other. There was a side table on your bed. Like ah like ah like my nightstand. And underneath that were just piles of X-Men trades. No, I know. They were also piled on top. I don't think you could find a bedside table in there. It was, it was I mean, yeah, it was little more unhinged, I'll say, than having a bookshelf that is only X-Men trade paperbacks.
00:08:20
Speaker
And so how far did you get before you said, let's start over and make a podcast about this? um i am currently and i haven't stopped right like i'm i'm still just i'm still trudging forward i'm currently in like 1988 the inferno era okay because things start branching out right like i i decided i would also tackle all the ancillary stuff uh so stuff that is very heavily tied into the x-men but isn't exactly x-men like Dazzler.
00:08:51
Speaker
I read all of Dazzler. Okay. yeah I wouldn't suggest doing that. I have been reading. Sorry, will we be doing that? I don't know. guess we'll have to talk about that when we get to that era. I think no.
00:09:04
Speaker
I think no. um But I read all of Dazzler. I've been reading all of, I'm about halfway through all of Power Pack. Oh, no. and Just because Louise Simonson wrote Power Pack for the first 25 issues.
00:09:17
Speaker
So it ties into the X-Men just over and over and over again. So even though they're not mutants, they really shouldn't be part of the X-Men world. They kind of are. um And it gives deeper context. Same with Cloak and Dagger.
00:09:32
Speaker
Cloak and Dagger tie into the X-Men a lot. There was a period of time where they were thought to be mutants. Way later in the 2000s, like mid-2000s, they become members of the X-Men.
00:09:43
Speaker
So I've been reading all of Cloak and Dagger, which is morally Very strange. Is that something we want to dig into right now? ah Yeah, probably. Let's let's avoid that for now. But yeah. So anyway, so as it's as it's been branching out, I think.
00:09:59
Speaker
And like this is also the Inferno era is also where you get Excalibur. And X-Factor's been going for about 50 issues. And New Mutants has been going for about 70 issues at that point. Wolverine starts around that time. and they're intertwined, right? Yeah.
00:10:15
Speaker
Yeah. well Except for Excalibur is pretty much self-contained. And same with Wolverine at this era. But Wolverine is, I think... pretty soon is going to be very very tied into like in the 90s wolverine super tied into the x-men yeah sure so he joins the team so at the moment when he
00:10:40
Speaker
rooky I think that if you were doing what I'm doing, and I wouldn't suggest anyone do what I'm doing, ah but we are doing a podcast where we do exactly this. thanks If you're doing what I'm doing, i would say like Wolverine and Excalibur, you could treat as breaks from the main and X-Men continuity. You could just be like, all right, I'm going to read the first 30 issues of Wolverine in a row.
00:11:04
Speaker
without reading any other books in between that, that was like so much more explanation than you needed. i that's fine. I will say, i don't think that it fully covers your depth of obsession with the X-Men.
00:11:19
Speaker
So, uh, I, I have dated somebody that described the X-Men as my religion, right? Like I've been and non-religious man since I was like 14 or whatever.
00:11:33
Speaker
and At some point, I think what she realized and then what I realized is it's not that I believe in the X-Men, but also a lot of people didn't believe in the Greek gods.
00:11:47
Speaker
It was more like a series of totems for ideas that you could call upon when you needed to feel those emotions, right? Like, oh, I need strength.
00:12:00
Speaker
I'm to think a lot about Hercules right now. I need, i need, um, I need to get of here. A Cajun accent. yeah I'm gonna need a Cajun accent. I need to think a lot about Gambit right now.
00:12:14
Speaker
I need to be cool as hell. Let me think about Gambit. I need to dive very ah rapidly back and forth between a little girl and a sexy adult. I'm gonna think about Pixie.
00:12:28
Speaker
Uh, let's cut that part.
00:12:32
Speaker
So that that is a thing that is a thing that happens. There's a lot of things that happen in X-Men that are problematic, like like the sexualization of Pixie, right? Like super problematic things. Like Sunspot goes from a black kid to a white man and ah throughout the series of New Mutants, right? Like different creators have different ideas.
00:12:54
Speaker
about who these characters are and sometimes that gets really weird and gross and frustrating and i think we will be talking about that stuff as we get through but it's going to be fucking years till we get to either of those characters great guys yeah but There's plenty of problematic stuff in the first six.
00:13:16
Speaker
i That's why i'm bringing it up, right? Because there is this other idea of the mutant metaphor.
Critical Analysis of X-Men
00:13:22
Speaker
And we'll be talking about that, I think, in this episode. And it's this idea of the difference between Xavier and Magneto.
00:13:30
Speaker
um The metaphor at the time was like, oh, the mutants represent civil rights. And... Professor Xavier represents the Martin Luther King side and Magneto represents the Malcolm X side, which is a horrible metaphor, why especially when you actually read the comics.
00:13:50
Speaker
It's so wildly inaccurate and very much demonizes, you know, the black power movement. and very much undersells the message of Dr. King, and yeah right? Well, they create a militarized force.
00:14:08
Speaker
Right. Well, and in addition to that, the X-Men run into some systemic impression, like some major systemic impression, but there's still five rich kids at a private school in upstate New York,
00:14:26
Speaker
wanting for nothing. One of them is a millionaire. Yeah. most of the time they can walk around without anybody knowing they're mutants. that These were not luxuries that black Americans had ah in the civil rights movement, you know?
00:14:42
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. We are going to cover the way i think that it relates to the gay rights movement, trans movement.
00:14:55
Speaker
There's a lot of, I think, over time, a lot of different struggles that they try to map the X-Men onto, and it is... Not always done tastefully. I mean, absolutely. And I think, like, obviously, we're not going to obsess about this stuff nonstop. Like, I want to talk about what's fucking ridiculous and funny and adventurous and cool about the X-Men.
00:15:17
Speaker
But ah there's this idea also of, like... These people, even the addition of superpowers really complicates the oppression narrative in these books.
00:15:31
Speaker
And I get the idea of wanting to make outcasts or minorities feel like, oh, I'm special. There's something special and unique about me the way there is something special and unique about Maggot and...
00:15:51
Speaker
ah The worst X-Men. No, um the way there's something special and unique about Cyclops or Wolverine or Jean Grey, right? But the truth is, if you were oppressing Wolverine, he could stab you with his claws, right?
00:16:07
Speaker
if you were if if If you were performing police brutality on Jean Grey, she could levitate you on top of a building. But that is not something that was happening in... that People in the Stonewall riots couldn't have just used their optic blasts. Yeah, yeah. What we thought, we we had long, long meetings about this. We said, let's start this podcast on a huge downer. Yeah, let's let's talk about historic oppression.
00:16:35
Speaker
i Up next on the list is genocide. There's...
00:16:40
Speaker
plenty of uh okay so let's talk about genosha which is coming up at now um another very poorly handled metaphor but very cool x-men story that's the fucking thing dude some of this stuff is handled so poorly but the stories are so cool yeah yeah yeah take them as fiction that you can't help but have conflicted feelings about the X-Men.
00:17:02
Speaker
I guess what I wanted to establish here is that we are not going to shy away from those conflicted feelings. um We're going to make jokes and we're going have fun, but we're also going to talk about how some of this stuff is pretty fucked up.
00:17:14
Speaker
Can't wait. um Pat, what else do you have to say about the X-Men? Because I'm supposed to sum up the first issue and I just talked a fucking lot. i I think that the X-Men are a lot of fun.
00:17:29
Speaker
i i think yeah we're going to go through... i've it makes me a little anxious that i after, I think, about a year of you trying to read every X-Men comic, you've only gotten through 1988.
00:17:44
Speaker
Maybe you're not reading six issues a week. ah Hopefully you two years, but two years is actually the truth. Okay. That's a little more depressing because the X-Men that I know and love comes much later. It's you know within the last 30 to 35 years, but that's great.
00:18:03
Speaker
We'll, we'll explore it. i know there's a lot that I'm missing. Let's get started. Okay. All right. Hell yeah. So issue number one of the X-Men. Let's it's ah yeah let's set the scene here. ah it is December 1963. Ooh. This month in history, December 1963.
00:18:28
Speaker
Is it six December? I just guessed. um I assumed you knew what you were talking about. September, September, September.
Historical Context & X-Men's First Issue
00:18:38
Speaker
September 1963. Singer Cliff Richard was the first British rock group to perform in Israel. That doesn't sound very interesting. Let's go to the next fact.
00:18:51
Speaker
CBS Expand CBS News Program, anchored by Walter Conkrite. Nope. so Why does that sound so weird to my ears? Walter Conkrite. Because you're saying it wrong.
00:19:04
Speaker
That's what it's written here. Okay, yeah. What's his actual name? Try to keep that in mind as we go through issue one here. Walter Cronkite. It's just spelled wrong.
00:19:15
Speaker
The movie Tom Jones appears. Rolling Stones has their first tour. ah The julie Judy Garland Show premieres. Those are some big events. Okay.
00:19:26
Speaker
So we're up against the Judy Garland Show.
00:19:31
Speaker
ah So imagine you're a you're a little boy, 1963, a little girl, a little, little, ah just a little person, 1963. Long day at the factory.
00:19:43
Speaker
In front of your giant TV with its tiny little screen. Judy Garland show is on. um Your parents are complaining about the Rolling Stones, the Rolling Stones' hips.
00:19:56
Speaker
And you're you're lay laying there on your probably paisley couch. um, And you're reading X-Men, number one, written by Stan Lee, drawn by Jack Kirby.
00:20:08
Speaker
ah you You might even know those guys from fan the Fantastic Four. that And this is also, this same month is when the Avengers ah comic came out. so Big month.
00:20:20
Speaker
Some other interesting context. Okay, so quickly, what happens in this first issue is that we are introduced to the the original four, Cyclops, Iceman, Angel, and Beast, and um When Professor X mentally calls them into his classroom, they all go through some ah training exercises and get a little feisty with each other.
00:20:43
Speaker
ah Then he introduces them to their newest member, Jean Grey, a.k.a. a Marvel Girl. It seems right after this happens... The evil mutant villain, Magneto, master of magnetism.
00:20:59
Speaker
He shows up in ah Cape Citadel, Florida, a military base, and he starts hijacking missiles. And he says he's basically trying to take over the military base.
00:21:12
Speaker
the the the The military has no defenses against this guy. They're launching missiles and he's just shrugging them off with his magnetic powers. He's shooting guys up in the air with magnetic force fields.
00:21:25
Speaker
He's wrapping them up in magnetic ah ah blankets.
00:21:32
Speaker
And he takes over Cape Citadel. Then all the X-Men show up. They demonstrate their powers mostly by moving ah soldiers out of the way to get to Magneto.
00:21:44
Speaker
And then in like two pages, three pages maybe, they defeat the evil mutant Magneto and get congratulated by the army and they head home. That's issue one.
00:21:55
Speaker
Issue one, meet the X-Men. So there's a lot of weird shit here. First of all, this is before Beast was smart. Yes. Yeah, he is ah regular schmuck.
00:22:08
Speaker
He's kind of a jerk. And everybody is horny for Jean Grey. Like, well, almost everybody. yeah Iceman, interestingly enough, is completely uninterested.
00:22:20
Speaker
He is so I will say, he seems more upset by the behavior of his fellow teen boys. He doesn't appreciate that they are all very openly lusting after Jean Grey after seeing her for about two minutes.
00:22:38
Speaker
Pat, you know... Neither am I. Neither am I happy about the fact that they're lusting after G. Gray so openly. Yeah, yeah. they're ah They're a little, they're coming on a little strong, a little handsy. Yeah, yeah.
00:22:51
Speaker
yeah They're all very well dressed. What do you think about Professor X's character here? Yeah. He does he not is this his first time working with teen boys, I guess, is the question, because he did not seem to expect that they would show interest in her as anything other than ah pupil.
00:23:11
Speaker
Right. Also, he doesn't seem most of he spends most of the issue just yelling at them for roughhousing. Or doing their trainings wrong. and And he's putting them through like legit death traps. At one point, he sends Angel through a spinning series of blades.
00:23:30
Speaker
And then a Beast throws a literal bowling ball at Iceman. At his head. He tries to kill him. tries to kill him yeah and he succeeds and ice man dies and that's why ice man isn't an x-man anymore that that part that part is not true um it's also interesting he introduces um jean gray not as a mutant but just as a beautiful girl and and no sorry an attractive young lady which it sucks
00:24:07
Speaker
I mean, so you imagine the reason to do that is to try to set us, the reader, up for some surprise here when she displays a mutant power. But yeah, it is very Marvel method just for Stanley to see a teen girl and say yeah i look, here's an attractive young lady as a way to to hide any other secrets.
00:24:33
Speaker
I think it's worth saying this is not Stan and Jack at their best. No, not quite. No, if this is awkward writing from Stan Lee. This is pretty clumsy artwork from Jack Kirby. It might look that I will get to this later in the episode, but I have a feeling it might be due to the inker.
00:24:51
Speaker
ah Paul Reinman inker inks this. And when the inker changes on this book, Jack Kirby's artwork just changes.
00:25:03
Speaker
Exactly. And ah it it doesn't in this. It looks a little muddy and a little awkward in this. That's true. Although character design wise, as we get into some of the other issues, I do think that there's some Jack Kirby ah focusing his efforts elsewhere.
00:25:20
Speaker
i mean, and it is you're right. There's it's the same month that the first issue of the Avengers released. Yeah. It is towards the end of Kirby's time or first run with Marvel. Like he's just kind of pumping things out here.
00:25:36
Speaker
ah Stan Lee is also pretty overextended. He does. I mean, at this point, he does design Magneto's. What do you think about Magneto's costume? I mean, like the X-Men costumes, whatever. It's their early costumes. It's just the yellow and.
00:25:48
Speaker
Always hard to tell in early marvel comics, is it yellow and blue or yellow and black? We don't know. ah But Iceman's uniform is just booties and he's ah and ah his body is made of clumpy snow.
00:26:02
Speaker
Iceman looks like he's got a crust growing on him. He's...
00:26:10
Speaker
Right? If they colored him differently, he'd be Scab Man. Yeah. and But Magneto... okay try and separate yourself from the decades of Magneto's costume and think, if you saw this for the first time, what do you think about Magneto?
00:26:25
Speaker
I mean, this is... It's intimidating. He's... i He's got rivets, which I know Jack Kirby is a big fan of, but it really, ah it gives that armor or his suit, like an armored appearance. He's got the helmet. He's got huge horns on the helmet, on the on the front piece.
00:26:46
Speaker
And is he's got crazy eyes. Every time you see him, he's got like this dead stare. Sometimes he's even just looking out into space. He's ah he's got crazy eyes. He's also pretty wild in this. Like, he's he's pretty... um What would you describe? Megalomaniacal in this issue?
00:27:04
Speaker
Yes. he He doesn't really have a stated purpose other than to rule the world, I think, is the only indication that we get. He he he makes some claims about, like, with these missiles here, the world isn't safe for mutants.
00:27:19
Speaker
Big time for missiles. Big decade for missiles. Yeah. And I also want to say we should – I think we're about ready to move on to the next issue, but I think there's some other things that we should address given that this is the first issue. And number one, there is some Twilight Zone-style radioactive panic here. Sure. It's clearly stated that one of the reasons Professor X became a mutant is because his parents worked in a nuclear facility. Oh, yeah.
00:27:48
Speaker
So the implication is that mutants were created because, like, they began to exist because of the existence of nuclear radiation. And obviously, Magneto's first act is to try and take over...
00:28:01
Speaker
a muscle base and there's something yeah there's something kind of interesting about that i think yeah very of the time ah wonder well is i know all the historic events that are about to take place that the x-men haven't seen yet but uh yeah they seem completely unaware that tragedy is about to happen in the world ah when Iceman gets told that they're going to a military base to defeat an evil mutant who's stolen a bunch of missiles.
00:28:30
Speaker
What he yells... What he yells to everybody is the word... Yay-bo. Yay-bo!
00:28:39
Speaker
Get that on the soundboard. Iceman yelling yay bow is one of the highlights of this issue. Do you have any other highlights of the issue? i Yeah, this one also involves Iceman. Actually, there is in the in the fight between Magneto and the mutants, it's really most of it is just them describing their powers as they use them to fly around the room.
00:29:02
Speaker
But at one point, Magneto is sending, i guess his picking up a container of rocket fuel. I know it's rocket fuel because right on the front of the container is written rocket fuel.
00:29:18
Speaker
It's on fire and it is flying through the air at Iceman who says, oh boy, here comes trouble.
00:29:27
Speaker
Like what you'd say to a toddler who's walking into a yeah a room with their their family. up boy, here comes trouble. um Before we move on to issue two, I think let's also, what I think we fucked up here, we failed to do is just introduce the X-Men.
Overview of Original X-Men Members
00:29:43
Speaker
So there's Cyclops at this moment. He's called Slim Summers. Slim Summers. He's got he's got eye beams, red eye beams come out of his face. They're force, not heat. um You got Beast ah Hank McCoy again in this.
00:30:01
Speaker
in If you know a little bit about him, he eventually becomes super smart. He's not smart in this one. He's just kind of like a bargain basement. The thing he's not. he does He wears a smoking jacket, though.
00:30:14
Speaker
which everyone knows was pretty classy. Where's the smoking jacket? Cuff links. There's one frame where I'm pretty sure he's holding a pipe and they had to remove the pipe or maybe Kirby was just using a someone that holds a pipe as a reference.
00:30:31
Speaker
Jack, this is supposed to be a kid. We gotta erase this pipe. ah So there's... and Yeah, his power basically is ah big hands and feet and he ah is...
00:30:45
Speaker
Kind of strong and pretty dexterous. Then there's Iceman, who is kind of just like a snow but snowman. he At this point, he's more like snowman than Iceman. At point, he puts buttons in his eyes and a carrot on his nose to prank the rest of the X-Men and pretend to just be an indoor snowman.
00:31:04
Speaker
so There's a horrifying... If you don't read close enough, there's a horrifying moment where it looks like he's just got a gaping maw into his body where is mouth the mouth of the snowman should be. But if you look closely in the previous panel, he's got like this fruit peels or something that he uses. Then you've got...
00:31:25
Speaker
ah Warren Worthington, the third. He's the third, so you know that he's rich. And he is the angel, and he's got big wings, the end. And then um the fifth, the new the newest member is Jean Grey, Marvel girl.
00:31:43
Speaker
The teleporter.
00:31:46
Speaker
So you can move things with her mind, which in this issue is called teleportation. Which, i just I don't want to get into it, but if you break down the word to its entomology. Entomology? Which one's the one that's studied? Etymology.
00:32:01
Speaker
Etymology. i It could work. You could consider this to be teleportation rather than telekinesis. And was this before Star Trek when teleportation really became like...
00:32:15
Speaker
a major thing in and culture. Yes. I think Star Trek was. Yeah. Eight sixties. And they called it beaming. Right. Right. um And then professor X has just like unspecified mental powers.
00:32:31
Speaker
It's, he can detect mutants. He can talk to people in their brains. um Yeah. We don't know what else he can do. And ah let's move on to issue two, Pat. Yes. Issue 2, known as Meet the Vanisher. ah no one can stop the van No one can stop the Vanisher. the Vanisher.
00:32:50
Speaker
Is a fun little piece. It starts off much like the first one does, where... The X-Men are just kind of being themselves. In this case, they are... It seems like they're hopping through New York City, using their powers to transit back to the mansion, ah maybe after their last adventure, maybe just...
00:33:12
Speaker
get We'll get into it. i i want to talk about this later. They're traveling through the city. They're showing off their powers. The professor gathers them at the mansion to talk about a new mutant that he's sensed called the Vanisher.
00:33:28
Speaker
We cut to the Vanisher. He is committing crimes very boldly. He's just announcing the crimes he's going to commit and then committing them. We find out that he is actually...
00:33:39
Speaker
a teleporter. He is able to, in the true sense of the word, teleport himself, vanish from one space, and appear in another space. It proves very difficult for them to take down. They can't quite seem to figure out what his power is, so they just keep trying to attack him.
00:33:58
Speaker
He keeps vanishing. Professor Charles x Xavier recognizes how dire the situation is and says, i need to step in personally, help my students here, and show them how you...
00:34:09
Speaker
defeat a villain. Professor x Xavier shows up. He puts the Vanisher into a sort of mind block, which is a brand new reveal. We did not know that he can do this. We only knew that he could talk to people, talk at people through their brains.
00:34:25
Speaker
He comes in, he blocks off the Vanisher's power. The Vanisher has sort of an existential crisis. He becomes... upset about it. He says, who am I even if I can't vanish? And he gives himself up immediately, which causes all the the gangsters that he's hired to turn on him.
00:34:42
Speaker
The X-Men fight the gangsters. So are our teens still get some action in there. That's issue two. Yeah, that beginning that you're talking about is wild because it's it is like, they're just like, Professor Xavier's just like, get home now. And we don't know where they're coming from.
00:34:59
Speaker
We know that Beast... is jumping on it Beast gets home by jumping on a train that he calls the New Haven commuter special to Westchester. they were The last time we saw them, they were in Florida.
00:35:11
Speaker
So I think they're in New York. I assume that this is a train that goes to Connecticut and would have a stop Westchester, New York, ah which is, right I'm pretty sure, just north of New York City.
00:35:25
Speaker
But the obstacle that ah Angel and Marvel Girl have to ah overcome to get home is just because and this must have been they were like, oh, we have to have obstacles for everybody.
00:35:38
Speaker
um So how do we come up with one for Angel and Marvel Girl when Angel can just fly them home? So it's Angel gets mobbed by a gang of girls. Yes.
00:35:49
Speaker
who Who want to kiss him. They want to kiss him so bad. and Marvel Girl picks all of them up and drops them into a movie theater playing ah a movie called A Teenager's Tears.
00:36:02
Speaker
A Teenager's Tears. Matt, do you know what, do you have any reference for a Teenager's Tears? i've No, I've never heard of A Teenager's Tears. I'm pretty sure there's no movie called A Teenager's Tears.
00:36:14
Speaker
I googled it. there is There is a book called A Teenager's Tears. It doesn't have the hyphen like this one does. Back then they were teen-agers. dash agegers ah Teenagers Tears is a story about a Mormon family who decides to open their relationship i and the impact that it has on the children in that family.
00:36:38
Speaker
It's subtitle is when parents convert to polygamy. Yeah, ah it was written in 2001. So it's possible this isn't the ah this book isn't the movie that the X-Men are referencing here.
00:36:52
Speaker
It's possible, but it probably is, though. Probably they're referencing this book. Like, i bet this book was in production for a long time. Wouldn't it be funny if it was somebody that worked at the movie theater and got his heart broken? And so he just instead of putting the actual movie title up, just put.
00:37:13
Speaker
a teenager's tears to be like angsty you come into the movie theater and he's blocked off he's just he's blocked off the he's blocked off the actual theater and he's like no watch me cry a teenager's tears so then um uh cyclops and ice man they have to save some construction workers but they get home and ah by hitching a ride in an ice cream truck yes and ice man eats three or four popsicles on the way This is starting the running gag that Iceman loves ice cream, which, you know, ah first draft thought, Stan.
00:37:51
Speaker
Must have killed in the early 60s. i feel like I feel like you could have ran that one by the writer's room and been like, is there anything more clever that we can think of? Like, what if he really liked hot coffee?
00:38:04
Speaker
Maybe that would have been just slightly more interesting. That actually, that's really good. ah cut well Thank you. i Hey, Marvel, I am ah am'm open to to hire. Tell us about this fucking, Vanisher's fucking schemes are insane. Oh my god, so he's so bold. First of all, he wears a full bodysuit that appears to have some sort of scale on it, and the the headpiece is a hood that kind of...
00:38:33
Speaker
Rises up behind his head, but doesn't cover his bald head in any way. It's it's sort of like the the top of a cape. Imagine if you were wearing a hoodie and stuffed a pillow into the hood part.
00:38:45
Speaker
And then. so you couldn't fit your head into it, but it's still straight up. ah You glued that pillow to the back of your head. Your bald-ass head. And it does come like you... I'll give you credit for mentioning this, Matt, but it comes off as ah that internet trend where people were putting a cat's face through a piece of bread, and you just saw their face and then bread blooming out from it.
00:39:09
Speaker
looks like ah He looks like an ugly little flower. It really, really does look like that. And, um and so like, debt definitely... Is this the worst Jack Kirby design ever?
00:39:24
Speaker
no Okay. Eternals exist. the eternals exist Okay, you're right, you're right. So yeah, Vanisher.
00:39:35
Speaker
Oh, yeah. So his plan is to fucking just walk up to the the cops and say, hey, I want to rob that bank. Take me into that bank and give me money. And the cops are like, all right, we'll do it.
00:39:47
Speaker
And they escort him into the bank. Give him the fucking money. And they're like, now what? Smart guy. Hang on, let me let me take you back a step, Matt, because the the cops... i I'm pretty sure this isn't true, but the vanisher walks up to the police and says...
00:40:05
Speaker
I need to rob this bank. You need to escort me into the bank to rob it so nobody tries to stop me. And the police, ah a la Air Buds, well, there's not a law that prevents us from stopping you from robbing the bank.
00:40:21
Speaker
There's no there's nothing illegal about saying you intend to rob a bank. So we'll take you, you idiot, because as soon as you actually robbed the bank, then we can arrest you.
00:40:36
Speaker
And you just asked us to come with you. Okay. Imagine being in court, right? ah The vanisher's trial. And they're like, you robbed this bank. You're arrested for bank robbery. And you're the attorney says, okay, tell us exactly what happened. then Okay.
00:40:51
Speaker
We walked him into the bank. Okay. Then what next? Oh, we gave him all the money. And then what? And then he tried to walk away. Can't do that. Oh, oh, oh, okay. So you're saying he robbed the bank, but you walked him, escorted him in and gave him the money.
00:41:09
Speaker
i don't think that fits the definition of robbing. he had no, he wasn't even holding a weapon. It's unbelievable. Oh, he was. I'm wrong. i I take it all back. He is holding a weapon, but he it he doesn't take it out until he's well into the bank.
00:41:26
Speaker
A constitutionally protected right?
00:41:32
Speaker
ah Yeah, you might have you might have a ah concealed carry license. Yeah, you're allowed to have a ray gun if you are licensed for it. And it's the same thing. It's similarly bizarre that his next thing he announces he's going to steal the U.S.'s defense plans, whatever that means.
00:41:49
Speaker
And the U.S.'s defense plans are sitting in a briefcase on a table surrounded by four men with Tommy guns. He teleports into the defense planning room where they keep this briefcase and says, I'll be back in a few days.
00:42:06
Speaker
I'm going to steal that. And then they don't leave the briefcase. about it They leave it in the same place and they add four men with guns. hey Hey, Pat, I have an idea. What if we put handcuffs on the briefcase and lock it to the floor?
00:42:21
Speaker
The end! teleporter can't do shit about that! Once again, that's good. Marvel or the Pentagon, if you're hiring, Matt's got some ideas. I don't want to work for the Pentagon.
00:42:34
Speaker
of If the Pentagon, if you're listening, this is entrapment. You have to tell us. um The other thing about this is we are we are seeing Stan Lee suddenly. I think this is where Stan Lee got the idea for the Beast.
00:42:48
Speaker
The Beast's training montage is like three pages long. So he has Beast comment on it by saying, oh, you gave me the toughest one because I'm the smartest. And it comes off as a quip, like a joke. Like, obviously, he's not the smartest.
00:43:02
Speaker
But you get the sense that Stan Lee, writing like seven comic books at this time, was like, ah what was it about this beast guy? Oh, let me flip through. I said, oh, he's the smartest. Okay. And then from that on, he's a super genius.
00:43:16
Speaker
Yeah. Next issue, he is doing calculus with his feet. He is. Tell me about this next issue, Pat.
X-Men's Early Encounters and Conflicts
00:43:23
Speaker
Yeah, so issue number three, beware of the blob. Really... Okay, I will....questionably moral stuff. I absolutely love this, a that this is their third action as the team of X-Men.
00:43:40
Speaker
LAUGHTER This one starts off like all the others. We are getting to know the X-Men. We see their training regimen. They're shooting big duffel bags full of sawdust at Beast who is allergic to sawdust.
00:43:55
Speaker
I love that we're getting to know the X-Men. ah And they're generally having a good time roughhousing until Professor X summons them. He's got an urgent matter. He has sensed a mutant in the city of New York and the X-Men need to go and find him and recruit him to join the X-Men.
00:44:15
Speaker
They do exactly that. They go to New York. They start looking for freaks. They find a few false flags and then finally come across the blob who i cannot be moved and can even deflect bullets with his skin.
00:44:30
Speaker
They get a little rough with him. They force him to come back to the mansion. He doesn't want to join the X-Men, but they tell him that he can't leave ah because he knows too much. He takes it as a threat, gathers a posse, tries to attack the X-Men.
00:44:46
Speaker
It's actually pretty successful. they mount a good comeback when press Professor X builds a gadget that can erase the minds of the blob and his posse.
00:44:57
Speaker
And then the blob just goes back to his life, having forgotten the entire experience. ah We reset back to page one. This is so... Okay, we have three issues to get to, so we can't talk about everything here, but this fucking issue is so wild.
00:45:14
Speaker
Like, first... Oh, I sense a mutant nearby... We have to find them. and And they just run around and act like complete mor- Like, okay.
00:45:26
Speaker
There's- The first person that they think is a mutant is- Beast sees a guy he thinks is just floating in midair. He's standing on a big glass cube but to put up advertising- some Like an advertisement on a building. First of all- Like, I don't think that's how that happens.
00:45:44
Speaker
I don't think you- You put up signs on a building by standing on a giant glass cube. i don't think you do They have written themselves into a corner with that one.
00:45:59
Speaker
and then ah cyclops is like oh this person is ah firing at targets behind his back maybe he's got a extra eye power and then it's just somebody's scamming it's just a ridiculous carnival game basically if you were like the if you saw the guy that did three card monty and you were like he's doing magic yeah And then they see the blob and it's just a big fat guy who's so big that nobody can move him.
00:46:28
Speaker
And Cyclops is like, this guy must be the mutant. And that is before he sees people shoot bullets at him. If it had been, they had just waited three panels later, it wouldn't be problematic.
00:46:42
Speaker
But all it is, is Cyclops, he's a fat guy, it's like, why can't I push this guy over? He must be a mutant. And then, of course, he has to prove to himself that he can push this guy over. He, as soon as he meets the blob, he is like, I do not like this guy's attitude.
00:46:58
Speaker
And then, as soon as Gene enters the picture, Cyclops lifts up his glasses and blasts him.
00:47:08
Speaker
It's time you learned some manners. Come on, Scott. Slim. Very different time. The 60s, you could make a lot of money yeah off of making fun of fat people. So that's what Stanley's doing here. Right. yeah. so e So Cyclops, yeah.
00:47:25
Speaker
Blasts blob into a fucking furnace. Has no idea that a furnace wouldn't burn the blob. So almost just like lights an innocent dude on fire.
00:47:39
Speaker
And then, like you said, they force him to come back to the mansion. Well, no, he eventually agrees to because he thinks Jean Grey is pretty. Yeah, but I want to be clear that I'm not exaggerating or, like, ironically interpreting the way they go about this. They demand that he come to the mansion. he does eventually agree because he is immovable, but i but he sees that they have a girl, which...
00:48:02
Speaker
Girls were all the rage in the 60s. I don't know if you knew this. Yeah, people liked girls. ah We've seen two different two of these three issues. We learned that people like girls. It's crazy. Pre-JFK assassination.
00:48:14
Speaker
Well, hold on. They like one girl. They hated that gang of girls who wanted to kiss Angel. Well, Angel didn't. They yeah force him to come back. And then at the mansion, he just gives him a simple rejection.
00:48:26
Speaker
He says, no, thanks. I don't want to join your. see i've I've got a great job at the carnival. I don't want to join your little military unit here.
00:48:39
Speaker
and they're like, OK, we ah didn't expect this. Like, literally say, like, we didn't expect this to happen. ah We gotta wipe your mind. And he's like, what?
00:48:50
Speaker
No! Fuck off! And so they attack him with physical force! Professor X says, stop him. Don't let him leave. It is... Also, Pat, you said this is pre-JFK assassination. just want out... right. I know.
00:49:06
Speaker
This is the very first issue of the X-Men... In a JFK-less world. Oh, so it was probably written pre-JFK assassination. Maybe. Maybe. be They were pumping them out pretty fast back then.
00:49:19
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you say Blob gathers a posse, it is literally just all of the circus people. So the X-Men get attacked by a giraffe, a bunch of men doing a human pyramid.
00:49:34
Speaker
Somehow that was supposed to stop the X-Men. A literal gorilla. Yes, the beast fights a gorilla, wins, and then loses to a human pyramid.
00:49:45
Speaker
They fight a gorilla and they fight a giraffe. This is not cool. Also, there's a scene where another scene where Iceman is eating ice cream. I just want that.
00:49:56
Speaker
I just want that on record. And this is also where we get. theory. Okay. I've thought this through. If I had Iceman's power, I would walk around with a little pouch of milk and some sugar, maybe a maybe an egg yolk, so that on command, I could make ice cream. I could just ah freeze it up, stir it up. I imagine he's got some sort of blending power in there.
00:50:19
Speaker
And make the ice cream. in the last episode, we saw him stealing someone else's ice cream. This, or sorry, in the last issue, in this issue, we see him.
00:50:32
Speaker
We don't know that he made his own, but... No. but But we don't see... The implication. Yeah, he's not near a kitchen. He's just in a room... secretly eating ice cream.
00:50:44
Speaker
That's right. He's supposed to be studying, but instead he's spending all this time eating. it That's what they say about kids in the 1960s. They're supposed to be studying, but they spend all their time eating ice cream. Damn ice cream. And now today's parents want their kids to have ice cream instead of screens, right?
00:51:00
Speaker
yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spend your time eating ice cream instead of watching your TikToks about ice cream. That's what the kids watch. They watch TikToks of people eating a ice cream.
00:51:12
Speaker
Let's go, Bob. So, yeah, so they wipe Blob's mind and they capture all the other... um Literally, this is how they solve it. they capture all the other circus people in a big blanket and the issues.
00:51:28
Speaker
And they make a gadget. dar Professor X. Oh yeah. Because in this point of X-Men history, everybody is a super inventor. They can just invent shit within an hour.
00:51:39
Speaker
kind of everyone in Marvel history at this point in time is a super inventor. Yeah, like the things that have never, technologies that have never been dreamed of.
00:51:51
Speaker
People just invent in an hour. Issue number four, the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. This is the return of the dreaded Magneto. So we start X-Men are training in the danger room ah again.
00:52:04
Speaker
um and then we to... two a scene of a bunch of new mutants that we've never met before there is the creepy little sack of shit named toad there is a um a man wearing all green who moves really fast his name is quicksilver and he seems to have an unhealthy obsession with his sister who's named the scarlet witch who also looks like her a cat with its face stuck in bread um only red bread
00:52:37
Speaker
And she can make unlucky things happen, we learn. know And then there's Mastermind who can create illusions. And he is a big is is a big, ugly... Imagine if John Waters was really ugly.
00:52:49
Speaker
Yes. And then they are all the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, they call themselves, and they are led... by Magneto. They are in the middle of an operation to steal ah like a freighter from the Navy.
00:53:04
Speaker
Not exactly sure why, but ah Angel just happens to be flying over the ocean as Magneto is stealing this boat and he goes back home and he's like, yeah I saw a boat.
00:53:18
Speaker
And Professor Xavier's like, I wasn't aware of any boats. And so they know something's up. So they go out to the ocean where they ah find that Magneto has used this boat to take over a small nation.
00:53:35
Speaker
The nation is called Santa Marco, um which becomes a part of Marvel history. Not a big part, but anyway. ah We also learned that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are there because Magneto saved Scarlet Witch from, you know, a nondescript european Eastern European mob who is trying to stab her with a pitchfork and burner.
00:53:55
Speaker
Yeah. and they They don't like being there. We also learn Magneto has mental powers and we get ah Magneto and x Xavier fighting on like the astral plane, which is interesting.
00:54:06
Speaker
ah So anyway, Magneto takes over a Small Nation. The X-Men infiltrate it. Meantime. Yeah, they they infiltrate it. They infiltrate Magneto's new castle. um They get beat up by the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
00:54:19
Speaker
ah it's hard to tell why magneto decides he lost here but he decides he lost um and he he leaves two things behind him he leaves number one a bomb to kill the x-men when they enter his like throne room or whatever uh and he leaves a nuclear bomb to destroy all of santo marco when he flees the country quicksilver Doesn't like this.
00:54:44
Speaker
So he runs back into the room and disables the nuclear bomb before Magneto and his buddies flee. um And Professor x Xavier at the last minute discovers again with his mental powers, which I don't know how these fucking things work because he, he uses his mental powers to sense a bomb and and throws himself in front of the X-Men valiantly.
00:55:07
Speaker
And in the process, he is injured and loses his powers uh i'm gonna roll right into issue five because it is a cliffhanger yeah there's a to be continued professor xavier has now lost his powers and uh the next issue it's trapped one x-man um We see the X-Men playing around with their powers as Gene's parents visit.
00:55:35
Speaker
And it causes some sitcom-y mishaps while trying to conceal the nature of the school. Cyclops accidentally gets caught in the ah danger room that's set to a beast training thing. And so he has to think on his feet to get out of it.
00:55:54
Speaker
In the meantime, and ah Mastermind is looking for the X-Men and can't find him. And then we see him return to the new base of the brotherhood of evil mutants which is asteroid m which is going to become a huge even though it gets destroyed this issue spoiler um it's going to become a huge part of x-men and marvel lore for fucking 50 years uh in order to because they can't find the f x-men they want to lure them out of hiding so they send toad down to or back to earth
00:56:28
Speaker
Because remember, they're in an asteroid floating around the Earth at this point. They said Toad down to Earth to wear a mask that makes him look less ugly and pretend to be a track and field star. And he uses his jumping powers to win a bunch of races.
00:56:43
Speaker
And they show and the X-Men see it on TV and they're like, that must be a mutant. They show up. They realize it's Toad. They fight the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and Magneto, who appear to save save Toad. and they get away on a weird spaceship that Brotherhood of Evil Mutants do up to Asteroid M. and Somehow, off-panel, kidnapping the angel.
00:57:09
Speaker
That's the one X-Man who is trapped. um The X-Men, at the same time, kidnap Toad. And they use him... to get back, get up to asteroid M where they fight the brotherhood of evil mutants again.
00:57:25
Speaker
And um again, ah win in a way that isn't entirely clear. It's just like, oh they're winning the fight, so we gotta to get out of here. Magneto and the Brotherhood escape in an in an airlocked escape pod. The atro asteroid M explodes.
00:57:44
Speaker
The X-Men escape in an ice tube and get back down to Earth where they find out Professor X was never actually injured. He was faking it.
00:57:55
Speaker
And they've passed the test. Woo-hoo. Holy shit. A lot to talk about here, pal. What do you think? I'm very proud of the X-Men for having passed the test.
00:58:11
Speaker
What is the test? There's no way he could have predicted all that. Professor x Xavier is... Okay. he throws himself in front of a bomb.
00:58:23
Speaker
He... is probably concussed. He wakes up. Do you think that's when he was like, hmm, it's actually a great opportunity to test my students in a life-threatening situation?
00:58:39
Speaker
that's a That's a concussion thought.
00:58:43
Speaker
Right? So this was not planned. This was just, I am, I'm not thinking clearly. Yeah. What an opportune time so take a break.
00:58:54
Speaker
I think that is very probable. um But it also, like Professor x Xavier is just a crazily manipulative dude anyway. We saw what he did to Blob. We we neglected to mention in that issue two, issue three. He professes to have... He's be he's in love with Jean Grey, who's a child.
00:59:14
Speaker
And his ward, then he does this shit. He's just a manipulative weirdo at this point. He loves yelling at kids. And falling in love with kids and wiping people's memories and attacking mutant ah other mutants for no reason and lying to his students. Can I say, they've clearly learned nothing here, right? When they see ah from issue three, Beware of the Blob, the next time they see a person who could be a mutant, they're like, all right, time to employ the same practices. Yeah.
00:59:48
Speaker
And I want to say this is after they've met a bunch of evil mutants because that was issue five. In issue four, Magneto, and we have to talk about this, he takes over a small nation in the craziest way possible.
00:59:59
Speaker
I also want to mention there is a scene where Cyclops cuts a cake with his eye beams. Ooh, gross. That cannot be sanitary.
01:00:11
Speaker
it sot So i I don't want to spoil future X-Men too much, but it's determined that he has a portal in his eyes to another dimension, right? A dimension where this energy is just abundant.
01:00:26
Speaker
Yeah. Sometimes people, sometimes that's explanation. Other times it's not, but yeah. it Well, could because that explanation is not sanitary to me. I don't know what the other ones are. Because you have regular eyes, and now you have a dimension of force. You don't know what's in that dimension.
01:00:43
Speaker
Yeah. And this is the stuff that's just bouncing around. It could bounce off the floor of a 7-Eleven in that dimension and then come eyes. And no matter what... you're Whatever eye crusts and eyelashes and tears that might be in his eye sockets have just been forcibly pushed into the cake.
01:01:02
Speaker
Cyclops, don't do this again. Don't do it again, please. Never do this again. So what thing we find out about this Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is they are always fighting with each other. They are always using their powers on each other, tricking each other, hurting each other.
01:01:16
Speaker
They yeah fucking hate each other. You know who fucking hate is the mind master, the mastermind. Okay. Why do you hate him? He's just, he I think it's the way that he's drawn, first of all, is just like, you're you're meant to hate this guy. he's got it He's got this long face with these sleepy eyes and that creepy John Waters pencil mustache.
01:01:39
Speaker
No disrespect to John Waters at all, but this guy i just looks annoying. Like, he's somebody that I would avoid a conversation with. And then he's arguing over the pettiest shit with everyone else.
01:01:52
Speaker
And he will turn out to be one of the creepiest worst enemies in x-men history uh in fact in some ways he is responsible for the death of millions of beings and almost the destruction of the earth we'll get into it in the claremont years mastermind becomes told you sucks hey pat yeah why is professor x know where every ship is at all times hes
01:02:24
Speaker
Okay, he's got connections. You mean FBI agent Fred Duncan? Yes. yeah So it's conceivable that he's, as i a wealthy man, got some ins with the government.
01:02:40
Speaker
where maybe he is made aware of military training schedules. That's what he's concerned about. This is a military ship. It's also, again, sort of of the time, there was a lot of ah news about large freighters that carry weapons.
01:02:59
Speaker
I think this is supposed to be like a big event. Oh, we don't know why this freighter is here. So it could be a threat. Why was Angel there? He says he was...
01:03:11
Speaker
flying around. he' was testing He was on a test flight. Okay, so yeah. We get another... what ah yeah Sorry, in that very specific scene where Angel flies by, we get ah another really good Magneto crazy eyes shot where he's looking out the porthole of the the boat. they both They both miss each other. Angel says, a boat.
01:03:33
Speaker
Interesting. And Magneto says, oh a seagull. Interesting. And they just... go their separate ways. It's so... Would you go back home and say, hey, I saw a boat? And then your teacher to be like, what? No!
01:03:47
Speaker
Here's another thing. So it's first time visiting the astral plane in this... Well, they call it the mental plane, but it's like ghost, you know, Professor X and a ghost Magneto. ah Because again, in this we find out Magneto has mental powers.
01:04:02
Speaker
ah What? I don't know. It seems seems to imply that any mutant who's powerful enough also has mental powers and and in addition to whatever power they already have. But it is a really cool Jack Kirby drawing it where there's like a ghostly Magneto and a ghostly Professor Rex standing on the earth with all these like glowing planets and stars in the background. Very, very Kirby chic, right?
01:04:27
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. You can see him starting to care, starting to really like put some time into these pages. think he starts to put things in the background. like Another... Wild thing is how the Brotherhood take over Santa Marco.
01:04:42
Speaker
They do it with Mastermind creating an illusion of soldiers. And the entire nation sees a bunch of soldiers that don't shoot anybody, that they can't touch.
01:04:52
Speaker
that don't interact with anything and they go, up we better give our nation to this man. And dress like their military. It was a pretty quick turnaround from an illusion, illusionary military marching in, in Magneto uniforms and the actual military of Santa Marco adopting the Magneto uniforms.
01:05:14
Speaker
And where did Magneto have all these made uniforms? I don't know. what's say What's the chief export of Santa Marco? Purple military uniforms yeah army yeah and armbands. Armbands with every letter on them.
01:05:25
Speaker
And so Magneto is just like, just wear the M ones. and Maybe he just made them erase the S on the SM armbands. There's also a great scene here where Cyclops ah defeats two soldiers by using his I-beams to roll them stick-and-hoop style down a hallway.
01:05:44
Speaker
They are so disrespectful to the military. Yeah, I mean, every every issue has the X-Men just, like, beating up a bunch of military guys to get to the evil mutants.
01:05:55
Speaker
More than it has them fighting the evil mutants. In a humiliating way, too. Like, they're leapfrogging them. They're picking them up and moving them with their minds.
01:06:09
Speaker
Sticking a hoop, rolling with laser eyes. In this next issue, yeah then Mastermind is just walking around New York looking for the X-Men. he Sorry, Matt. Just to...
01:06:22
Speaker
Correct you. He has already walked around New York. He is walked around so much that he is now in the suburb of Westchester, New York, in front of the X mansion, and still is like, ah.
01:06:35
Speaker
no damn sign of these x-men and was as he's saying that the x-men are driving by behind him on their way to go find another mutant it's just like you is that magnina's plan hey go walk everywhere hey we need to find the x-men can you go walk everywhere yeah i go wander Here's another question I have, Pat.
01:06:56
Speaker
I don't mean to keep leading this this thing, but... No, no, no I love answering questions. I'm very smart. How quickly can you go from a completely unknown person to a televised track and field star?
01:07:09
Speaker
Because Toad seems to do it in a day. So I see where you're going with this, but there is a panel of him clearing the pole vault without a pole.
01:07:20
Speaker
I think, let's say you're a local track coach, right? And you finally... get to state or regionals or whatever this is that it actually makes it to this is a local track these are not celebrity track runners right and so right yeah you're at the finals the bright lights are shining down a guy walks up to you and is like hey I can actually clear the pole vault I don't even need a pole and I'll do it with plenty of room I promise I'll blow you everybody away The coach says yes. And then this guy is like, oh, by the way, i don't think I need to show you, but I can do this with hurdles, too. I can do this ah probably just yeah like a 40 yard dash if you want.
01:08:01
Speaker
Yeah. And that's when he reveals that he's actually going to hop the 40 yard dash, not run it. Huh. I you could get yourself on TV. I've i thought. Yes.
01:08:13
Speaker
ah yeah but the most The most likely scenario, you walk up to the guy on ESPN or whatever, and you're like, hey, I can do something crazy. Most likely scenario is they're like all right, we'll film you on live TV, and then you don't do it.
01:08:29
Speaker
Like, you just whip your dick out or something, right? Like, most likely scenario is you're lying, and you have some other money. and That's true. I would say in 2025, they would be a lot more careful about who they let on television.
01:08:44
Speaker
Maybe. Okay, but yeah, what else is there to talk about in this this two-parter, in the end of this issue? There's just like a fight, right? And they destroy Asteroid M. Yeah, the so Asteroid breaks apart. It's not clear why that happens, except that they're just, they're battling so intensely.
01:09:03
Speaker
I was disappointed by that. was Okay, so first time X-Men go to space, very exciting. We see them get in a ship. Yeah. A bright red rocket ship. I don't know. I'm getting kind of sick of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. I think that... Like, already! Two issues back-to-back is more than enough for these guys. so done with them. Yeah.
01:09:22
Speaker
They are annoying. And they get away at the end. they You know they're going to come back because they just yeah disappear at the end. these they're just not the most compelling of comics but they're not they're trying but they are not yet interesting again I'm sure if you're comparing this to comics at the time this is novel this is something different but yeah I struggled a bit yeah I think one of the things that we didn't really talk about was I think you were supposed to look at the X-Men and go whoa these guys are weird
01:09:57
Speaker
Right. In a way that by now we have ah we have absorbed the idea of an ice man or a man with wings or a person with a visor for a face um at the time. Again, this was pre Star Trek, too.
01:10:10
Speaker
So you were supposed to look at the the front of this comic and go, what is going on here? Who are these weirdos? ya Yeah, yeah.
01:10:22
Speaker
Yeah. And so yeah, is there naturally born superheroes? It's sort of a this could happen to you story, which is very popular at the time, right? Spider Man was doing it. So maybe we're getting too far ahead of ourselves. We have one more issue to cover here. cause it's like the strangest superheroes of all it says on the cover right like you're supposed to be okay anyway yeah one more issue let's let's hear it pat okay issue six the title of which is submariner joins the evil mutants is that the actual title or is that just yes that's oh yeah submarer join us they weren't really good at it at the time
01:10:56
Speaker
a So the X-Men are sitting around having breakfast and just theorizing a bit. And i believe it's Professor X who says, wait a second, could the Submariner be a mutant?
01:11:13
Speaker
And again, having learned nothing says we must find him at once and ask him to join the X-Men. This time it's so that he does not join the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
01:11:24
Speaker
yeah Professor Xavier mentally projects himself under the sea and just starts wandering the ocean floor to find Namor the Submariner. I'm really biting my tongue. This is so crazy. Okay.
01:11:38
Speaker
Yeah, it turns out Magneto, number one, also can mentally project himself to the bottom of the sea. And number two is also wandering the bottom of the ocean floor in the same general area.
01:11:50
Speaker
Professor X says, I'm too late, gets out. Magneto approaches Namor, speaks to him a bit. Namor thinks it over and decides to join the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. He hates humanity just as much as the mutants do.
01:12:04
Speaker
They build a big magnet ray on this remote island that they're all hiding on now. And Namor is on board until the X-Men show up. ah They get into a fight. They kidnap Quicksilver. And as they're escaping with Quicksilver, Magneto says, now's my chance to blow up all the X-Men.
01:12:25
Speaker
Scarlet Witch says, no, please don't. My brother is among the X-Men. Magneto says, I'm going to do it anyway. And Namor says, I don't appreciate the way you talk to women. So, no, you're not.
01:12:36
Speaker
And destroys the thing. Upon saying that, Magneto says, you fool and blasts him with the magnet ray. Namor is strong enough to blow up the magnet ray.
01:12:47
Speaker
And then says, humans, including mutants, are stupid. I'm going back to with the sea. Which is how every Namor issue ended in that era. Yeah, generally, he's he's a complicated guy.
01:13:02
Speaker
There's a lot of fun stuff in this issue. i don't think this is overall that fun of a read, but there's a bunch of interesting moments. And ah the first one is the very beginning. First, from the beginning, Chick Stone takes over as anchor, and the artwork just soars it just it it's it's night and day you suddenly see just how good Kirby is they've all got very distinct hairstyles they've got ah really like well-defined suits on the table on the yeah or the sorry the food on the table is even like it looks delicious the cabinets in the back have lattice work on them this is where we see your theory come to fruition and Iceman makes ice cream makes his own ice cream In front of make his own pie a la mode. But it's just coming out of his fingers. So you're you're thinking that we're seeing the end of this process.
01:13:59
Speaker
A moment earlier, he was shaking up eggs, sugar, and milk in his hand. Yes. Or or it's possible Jack Kirby and Stanley just didn't really think about how ice cream works.
01:14:13
Speaker
It's canon at this point that he can make his ice ice man. go make his ah Yeah. All right. So what am I arguing about? You're right. Good point. You're right. Like, what am I what am I trying to prove here? It's proven.
01:14:25
Speaker
One of his powers that people forget about a lot is that Iceman can make ice cream. it's not a so would It's not a separate power that he can make ice cream. He has learned how to use his existing power a bag of milk to make cream. To pull the sugar, egg, and milk out of the very air molecules. Because, you know, we're all breathing traces of sugar, egg, and milk at all times.
01:14:49
Speaker
And he can pull it out of the milk. You're being ridiculous. They're close enough to Canada that he can go and get those pouches of milk. Okay. Okay. And just keep them handy when he needs to. He can use his power to keep them cool so they don't spoil.
01:15:02
Speaker
So this is... That's all I'll say on the matter. There's this there's this other... Okay, this idea that Professor X and Magneto at the very same time and in very different locations think...
01:15:15
Speaker
Oh, what about Namor, right? is or Or was Magneto somehow listening in mentally on... No, they know it's just coincidence. They say, like, unfortunately, at the same time on a remote island, and they cut to Magneto thinking...
01:15:34
Speaker
should reach out to and Magneto uses his mental powers, which apparently all mutants that are powerful enough have. And they both send their ghosts down to the sea. And just like you said, it's the exact same as mastermind walking around all of New York, looking for the X-Men. They have to walk around the entire ocean looking for Namor. And they not only find him, they cross paths.
01:15:56
Speaker
but um So a couple of other things about this issue, Jean Grey's Marvel girl, uh, ah switches from her the hood to the mask the hood the hood to the mask yeah and her hair is now visible i guess somebody was like hey why have a girl if you can't see her beautiful hair that's probably something that somebody in the marvel bullpen said at the time and another thing i want to bring up is there is this panel clearly Jack Kirby has started to care about this comic because there's this panel where he he he draws this beautiful um like the ship cresting through waves um this like this big like sail barge cresting through waves and the in the foreground are all these seagulls like just lovingly drawn
01:16:45
Speaker
And then it it says, seems to me as if somebody saw that panel and was like, there's no superheroes in this, Jack. And he's like, well, yeah, they're on the boat. You can just say they're on the boat. now like nope, got to be superheroes.
01:17:00
Speaker
So he draws a really shitty angel just flying around. And for no reason. Because Angel says, still no sign of land from here, Professor. And Professor Rex says, return to the ship, Angel. it's the only time, like, that's it. That is, yeah.
01:17:15
Speaker
They're taking a sailboat. it's It's not a, sorry, not a sailboat, like an old fashioned sailing vessel, a large ship. This looks like a like if you took Angel out of the picture, it could hang on an old man's wall.
01:17:29
Speaker
It is just a beautiful picture of a boat. Clearly Jack Kirby was good just wanted to draw a boat with like a nice little ocean scene. Between this issue and the two thousand Is there any connection between Namor being a mutant and like the X-Men?
01:17:47
Speaker
I know way you we're not trying to spoil things. Yeah, dude. I mean, i I am unaware of any. I wonder, hey, if anybody knows, and this is because I don't think we have much to talk about in this issue.
01:17:58
Speaker
um So we we can start moving towards the dismount. So ah if... Anybody knows of other Namor X-Men interactions, but between besides just like they exist in the same universe.
01:18:12
Speaker
Actual things about Namor being a mutant between this and Matt Fraction's run, let us know. we are you can email us at mutantmenacepod at gmail.com. So what ah do you have anything else to say about this issue? It's kind of, ah besides those weird, weird things at the beginning and the beautiful artwork, like it's kind of a boring issue.
01:18:31
Speaker
Yeah, it's a little boring. It is. There's a couple of, i think, like, like you said, single panels that yeah throw some interesting things at you. Magneto isn't talking to Namor directly in his mentally projected form. He's talking to one of Magneto's servants and trying to, like, there's there's a good idea there where Magneto wants to ally with a servant of Namor to help trick him into...
01:19:01
Speaker
getting Namor into the evil mutants, but it's like yeah three panels long. And then i it goes right back into shooting laser beams.
01:19:13
Speaker
So there's a few wide shots of the X-Men where they're trying to squeeze as many people as possible in. Iceman in the background, he looks like the Iceman we know and love. He's not the weird little crusty skin monster. He is just a human body formed of ice, like an ice sculpture of a man. And it's much more comforting.
01:19:35
Speaker
it's Right. Like maybe they're starting to think maybe there's a more interesting way to do this guy. Or an easier way to draw him, honestly. Maybe. Here's my last question for you about this issue.
01:19:47
Speaker
a Magnet has got magnet powers. Why did he have to build a giant magnet to destroy us the boat? What do they think magnets do? I know! It's a wooden boat. The magnets just do anything they want them to do, I think. And they have no idea. you know, this problem wouldn't be articulated as well until the 2000s when the insane clown posse made their brilliant theory ah about magnets that no one knows how they work.
01:20:17
Speaker
And I think Stan Lee was an early adopter. Yeah, a big believer in you don't know what magnets do. Try to prove me wrong. Yeah. yeah No one knows how magnets work.
01:20:29
Speaker
use theress and There's a cultural through line from the beginning of Marvel Comics all the way up to the Insane Clown Posse. here is This is just step one of where we're going to start drawing parallels between the Insane Clown Posse and the X-Men. So buckle up.
01:20:46
Speaker
Buckle up, everybody. um So during this period of time, also, I do want to say, um because let's we'll talk about overall. um During this period of time is when Daredevil first premiered. Really? Yeah, in 1964 is when Daredevil number one came out.
01:21:01
Speaker
Interesting. So this is truly, Matt, a golden age of comics. I mean, technically it's a silver age of comics. I just don't want you I just don't want you to get, ah you know, hate hate online about this.
01:21:17
Speaker
Okay. So we've got, we've got daredevil, which is created by Stanley, right? But, pretty quickly dropped by him we've got the avengers we've got x-men we've got spider-man spider-man around for a while he's been around for yeah like 12 established and then in fantastic four has been around for about three years doctor strange no ah yeah well it's Strange Tales had been around for a while and isn't that where Doctor Strange first appears?
Discussion on Marvel's Broader Universe
01:21:45
Speaker
Let's look it up. Doctor Strange yeah first appearance. Strange Tales 110. So July 1963. So you're right. yeah um So this is this is where it all fucking happens. Silver Surfer is one of the last people to join and that's not until 1966.
01:22:03
Speaker
After the premiere of Star Trek. Oh, interesting. We're comparing. We're comparing to the premiere of Star Trek, apparently. Yeah, that's I will say what I think separates this comic because because we're talking about an era where just like you pick your poison. And granted, comic takes a short time to read. There's only so much for kids to do. So they're buying as many as they can or trying to read as many as they can, at least.
01:22:31
Speaker
What sets this one apart is how into just the lives of these teenagers this is. And I think that's what's really cool, not to get overly sincere here, but it's something that Spider-Man found success in and was kind of trying to balance.
Summary of X-Men's Initial Story Arc
01:22:47
Speaker
And it's something that the X-Men come out swinging with. The first, what, three, four, five pages of every issue is them just...
01:22:55
Speaker
being teenagers, even in the to be continued where there's where we're promised that they will re-engage the evil mutants in the next issue. Next issue starts with them hanging out at home watching a track meet on TV.
01:23:07
Speaker
Like they're just, there's so much time focused on them being regular folks, like people that have to live their lives. And i think that's really exciting. Yeah. Do you, what would you feel if you had to track like the overall arc of these first six issues?
01:23:22
Speaker
Like what is being said? Yeah. Yeah. I think this is really just meet the X-Men. Overall, the message is like, hey, here's a group of rowdy teens. They all have distinct personalities and they'll get into some stuff.
01:23:36
Speaker
i So yeah, there's there's a clear through line of these first six issues, I think, that break down to like, issue one is meet the X-Men. This is the team. This is what they can do.
01:23:49
Speaker
Issue two is meet the people. They split them up immediately. They... introduce you to each individual character and what makes them unique aside from their power set i Issue three is mutants are ah part of the world. There's a mutant just hanging out in New York somewhere. They're just they they could be anywhere. They could be anyone. i Issue four and five is introducing the rogues gallery. It's where we meet the evil mutants. It's where we just find out that
01:24:22
Speaker
yeah there's one there's not just one evil mutant this is a choice that mutants have to make and then number six is introducing that concept to the wider marvel universe here's an established popular character one of our first uh let's see what happens when this new cast of characters meets him i think that's that's really cool the way that they're kind of building it as they go in these first six issues So do you think that's why he they have they graduate in this issue?
01:24:55
Speaker
Yes. Because it's like, okay, our intro is done. Our intro is done. you know You now understand the X-Men. And that also means the X-Men understand themselves. where We're ready for them to move on and expand rather than establish.
01:25:13
Speaker
Right. It seems like this first chunk here was to say, hey, just so you know, these people are trained. Once they start getting into their crazy adventures, you should know because you read the early issues that they trained for this. They were ready.
01:25:26
Speaker
Yeah. Which i don't think is something you need to include, but it's a good way to ah to bring them into the world, I guess. So in the next six issues, it's going we're going to meet some other very interesting new people. i think this is where we meet.
01:25:41
Speaker
do we want to Do we want to give it away or do we want to wait till the episode? I haven't gone ahead yet Okay, then I won't spoil anything, but we're going to meet some real X-Men mainstays. And I think it'll be interesting to talk about how some of these villains have stuck around and how others have not at all.
01:26:01
Speaker
But right now, like The Vanisher isn't a huge part of the X-Men story, but he pops up here and there. And then everybody else we've met so far becomes massive.
01:26:11
Speaker
parts of the X-Men story. So i think that I think that's interesting. um i am reading this in trade paperback. Like I said, I'm reading the Mighty Marvel Masterworks collection.
Unique Insights from Vintage Comics
01:26:24
Speaker
Nice. they're They're great. Like $15.99 for original issues really like ah you know all enhanced it's great great shit um but you are reading this in original issues that you bought at uh auction for two billion dollars That's right. I am independently wealthy, and so I've been able to amass a legal collection of every X-Men comic that I'm reading through.
01:26:55
Speaker
So there's something about your experience that's different than mine, is that you get to see ads. I do get to see ads, and they're very exciting. i love to i love a peek into the mind of what nine-year-old boy in 1963 was. Yeah.
01:27:10
Speaker
i there's a lot of hypnotism. There's a lot of ways to hypnotize people into doing your bidding. Yeah. A lot of little gadgets. I really want to break out like a time calculator and figure out what the cost of these things would be with inflation. Okay. But what fascinates me the most is how many of these ads are encouraging these children to get into door-to-door sales.
01:27:37
Speaker
is Essentially... pyramid schemes where they sell magazine subscriptions they sell candy they sell shoes they sell knives like just encouraging them to write in get a free sales kit they they'll mail you a briefcase with five pairs of shoes in them and you can go door to door showing people these shoes and selling them ah pyramid scheme starter kit yeah yeah for children that's yeah my My little pyramid scheme.
01:28:10
Speaker
Okay, well, I want to hear as we go on, i want to hear your, I think you pitched this to me as your deals and steals segment. That's right.
01:28:21
Speaker
Pat's deals and steals. As we go on, i want to i want to I want to hear more about the sort of stuff that's advertised in these books. um But as it is now, I thank you guys for being here and listening to our our first episode of the Mutant
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
01:28:36
Speaker
Menace. I hope you will ah hang with us as we kind of get our sea legs under us and we figure this thing out.
01:28:43
Speaker
Pat. Where do people find you on the internet? If you check out the Mutant Menace podcast, i ah you might be able to find me.
01:28:54
Speaker
I'm hard to find. ah Pat Reber on some social mediums. I think I spend most of my time hanging out these days on Blue Sky. You can find me, Matt Aucamp, A-U-K-A-M-P.
01:29:06
Speaker
You can also check out my podcast about video games that I do with Pushing Up Roses. It's called Save Your Game. And Pat, what sort of... I feel like we need and maybe not even the same stuff.
01:29:24
Speaker
Maybe not even the same every episode. But I feel like we do need some sort of sign-off. Oh, also, email us, mutantmenacepod at gmail.com. And because this is the first episode, we could use a fucking blitz of support. um If you've listened to this and you like us, rate us on Spotify. Rate us on Apple Podcasts.
01:29:45
Speaker
rate us on whatever fucking podcast app you use ah comment on YouTube like us on YouTube share it everywhere right this is the first episode like legitimately if this podcast is going to have some success and we are going to keep doing it for a long time now it now would be like the critical time to show your support because now is the time we could get on new and notable lists and all that boring stuff but We hope you'll come back to us next week where we'll be checking out issues like seven through 12.
01:30:18
Speaker
Pat, how do we say goodbye to people? Like what's our, what's our, the question you were going to ask me two minutes ago. um I forget. No, of yes, it is. What is ah but like, what's our, what should our sign off be?
01:30:32
Speaker
i You know, I started thinking about this and then forgot to keep thinking about it. I say me. ah Yeah, go ahead. No, please. No, you.
01:30:43
Speaker
No, that's it's actually a call to action, so it doesn't work to sign off. Oh, okay. All right. um Okay, how about this? um Why don't we pick the dumbest quote from each selection of issues?
01:30:57
Speaker
ah Oh, whoa! What if we both do it? You pick your favorite dumb quote from the selection of issues, and I will pick my favorite dumb quote from the selection of issues, and we'll say them back to back, and then we're out.
01:31:09
Speaker
Okay.
01:31:12
Speaker
um I have a feeling I know what yours is going to be yeah pulling from the page that I'm currently looking at oh and also thanks Krils Wilson for our intro and outro music and always remember there's no law against having intentions and as always one side you slow moving bunglers goodnight everybody