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33 - Marvel Fanfare #1-4, X-Men Annual #5, Shorts - Distant Lands
0 Playsin 4 hours
Issues: Marvel Fanfare #1-4, Marvel Treasury #27, Marvel Team Up #100 (back-up story), X-Men Annual #5
We're not puffyfaffing around this episode! We're getting to it! We've got so many stories to tell you! Among them: A story about the Savage Land, Sauron, Angel, Mutates, and Spider-Man! A pointless short story about Angel beating up an underdog on behalf of his evil father! A story about how all African people know each other! And a story about the Badoon.
Topics discussed:
Extremely accurate Nightcrawler fancasting. Angel's Aerie. Warren's shirtless era. Peter Parker strips while fighting. Marvel Fanfare! Warren's nipples. The best T-Rex so far. Karl remembers his ex. A terrifying Big Bird. Insulted by a giant spider. “Watch me beat the shit out of your frog friend!” Tally ho! A polite earthquake. COLONEL CATHCART IS HERE! Moses Magnum...? “TIMBERIUS”!? WHERE'S LUPO!???!? “zonk”. A big moment for the frog-man. Angel runs away. The dreaded downdraft! The New Toad. They forget a cliffhanger. A gendered de-evolution machine. “The youth is demented!” Ka-Zar gets The Ick. SCOTT EDELMAN! Andreas De Ruyter! Walking from Cairo to South Africa to Kenya. “...in a word...” A big orange robot who looks like Alpha from the Power Rangers. Chris goes ALL OUT on the FF. “...in a word...” The Fantastic Four cause a lady's death. Finding the old bolts. Colossus' berzerker rage!
Write in to Pat's Email Corner: mutantmenacepod@gmail.com
Join our Discord: https://discord.gg/fPv7hRgTeV
Instagram: @mutantmenacepod
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Election Day Banter
00:00:01
Speaker
I'm Trish Tilby with WARC reporting to you live from Westchester, New York, where there appears to be some sort of mutant menace on the loose.
00:00:36
Speaker
Hey, everybody. I'm Matt Aucamp. And I'm Pat Reber. And it with us, Pete. welcome welcome Welcome to Mute Menace.
00:00:47
Speaker
How is it going, Patrick? I missed him at first, I think. like i He started before I did, and I tried to catch up with him by the end. So let me know how that pans out. Pat, we are on a time crunch here. Right?
00:01:02
Speaker
We're keeping these episodes tight. No puffy faffing around! No puffy faffing, slim faffing. We are... My mom used to drink that. We are recording this on Election Tuesday, and Pat...
00:01:17
Speaker
he's He's got to get to New York before the close polls close to cast 300,000 fraudulent ballots for Zohram Mamdani.
00:01:28
Speaker
That's right. got to get up to New York City, place my vote as a New York resident, and then get back here in time to place my vote as a Philadelphia resident. I, of course, as we all know, as we can all guess, I'm a supporter of Curtis Sliwa, Jojo Sliwa's dad. And listen, we apologize to Andrew Cuomo, who is a listener to this podcast, but we have told him to stop numerous times.
00:01:51
Speaker
ah Yeah, please, please. If you're listening, we know you are. Stop. We told you over and over. Stop listening to the podcast. Oh.
00:02:04
Speaker
And here we are. It's already time for Pat's email corner. ah we got a few today, Matt. It's actually ah actually a pretty heavy mailbag today. but i think Oh, man, this sounds like puffy-faffing to me. let's start Sorry, no, it's vamping. There's ah there's a big difference.
00:02:23
Speaker
let's Let's start with Old Faithful Weapon Jason. Yeah! I, he titles his email, Matt and Pat's pirate adventure.
00:02:36
Speaker
Okay. And to recap his email here, he starts saying back to episode 31, Jean's death felt like it had an impact similar to Gwen Stacy's death. I believe we asked about this, Matt.
00:02:49
Speaker
ah The revolving door wasn't really established yet. So it was just part of that growing sense that X-Men was a comic about change and growth and forward movement. Things were not going to stay status quo.
00:03:01
Speaker
So, OK, so that's what we had asked. Like, was it just like this is another example of X-Men being a very dynamic book or were people like, oh, my God, Jean Grey. But it sounds like a little of both.
00:03:13
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Also, a very yeah helpful to put it in that context of like, this was one of just a few characters that had died to this point. Yeah.
00:03:23
Speaker
Because it's about to get and died and ah very but even fewer had ever come back. That's true. That's a yes, that is very interesting. um He says he's going to suggest that Kitty's parade of costumes in this next run of issues, we've seen a few already, made me think of the old girl comics like Katie Keene or Patsy Walker, where the main character would parade supposedly sent in designs.
00:03:48
Speaker
fan submitted designs he says it feels like a nod to the fact that x-men comics may be drawing in audiences other than the expected 8 12 males i didn't know about that either that patsy walker and katie keen i guess millie the model probably
Email Corner: Jean's Death and Kitty's Costumes
00:04:02
Speaker
too these were characters would send in design but like he says supposedly it's good yeah supposedly i i would believe there's no gimmick too small for marvel i think yeah But also there's no lie too big for Marvel.
00:04:15
Speaker
Kitty's computer knowledge, limited as it is, is just a huge flag that she's a nerd. ah He goes on to explain that computers in 1981 were fairly inaccessible and pretty large.
00:04:30
Speaker
So you really had to be sort of on the inside to know things about computers. ah The Star Wars references feel repetitive and annoying now, but back in the day, we didn't have access to everything all the time, so it was cool to see it referenced in places.
00:04:44
Speaker
It was a secret handshake of sorts to let you know these X-Men folks were part of the sci-fi nerd crowd. I can see that, but yeah i don't you think you'd have gotten at least like a little bit annoyed when it happened like two to three times every issue?
00:04:58
Speaker
I'll say no, Matt, because I feel like... here's Here's what I'm comparing it to. When I was a kid and I smoked a lot of pot and it was like a taboo... i Anytime James and Bob would be like...
00:05:13
Speaker
Exactly. Or like you would you would spot ah the Simpsons clock set to 420 and you'd be like, oh, my God, they're they're in on it. It's just such a love it. It's like a community thing.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah. And mean he says, and up here in the Canada, we pronounce it to doesn't always need a pom pom either. He's referring to the hat that we were calling a took, I think.
00:05:37
Speaker
I think I said to. But he says there are six O's in here. So it sounds like they really draw it out up there. ah Finally, if you're front about poaching the steal and deal from a different comic, I say do it.
00:05:53
Speaker
So our first vote towards as long as we're being honest and integrity based about it.
00:06:04
Speaker
Integral about it. Yeah. Why? did Yeah. Why is there no? There's no word for that. what Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Weapon Jason. We got a few more that I think it's important to touch on here.
00:06:16
Speaker
ah Fund relocation statement from listener George. He says, hello, everything discussed has been updated without any delay. Thanks. And he attaches a PDF.
00:06:27
Speaker
Oh, thank you. Thank you, George. um That's George Williams. Maybe a receipt or invoice. Don't click. Don't click, Pat. Do not click on that attachment. It's from October 29th, though. were We're pretty far behind on this. But I'm glad
Kitty's Costumes and Star Wars References
00:06:42
Speaker
that everything's been updated without any delay. Yeah.
00:06:45
Speaker
Thanks, George. We'll write in again and we'll give you a nickname. And thanks for relocating our funds. Well, his nickname is Williams. George Williams says it here. Speaking of nicknames, we also have Mikey Two Mails sending his traditional two mails. Number one, our X-Men related email says, Hi, Pat. Tell Matt I said hello.
00:07:06
Speaker
Hi. I looked up Kitty Pride's outfit with the roller skates and it reminds me so much of when kids or young teenagers are allowed to select their own costume and just toss together whatever they have to look cool.
00:07:18
Speaker
As we go in further, I'll share more thoughts about Magneto and his desire to change the world. But for now, I'll say I feel like writers were probably told they couldn't make a bad guy have that much complexity to them. But he goes on to say Ronald Reagan was the worst villain in the universe up to 2016. Okay, That's okay i see that's in um An uncomplex villain.
00:07:40
Speaker
Right. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then our non-X-Men email for responding to episode two, michael Mikey Two Mails says, Hi, Pat. Tell Matt that the Discord is really great and it's been a lot of fun to be in.
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, everyone join our Discord. There'll be a link in the show notes. It's a lot of it's a lot of fun. every All your favorite emailers are there, plus some other characters, and all the Save Your Game folks are in there. So it's funny when...
00:08:07
Speaker
ah Some adventure game nerds wander into our X-Men nerd corner, and they're like, I don't know what's going on, but I i want to weigh in. It's ah it's great. That's true. It is very fun.
00:08:18
Speaker
The folks in there, as as Mikey Two Mills points out, are also real sweethearts, including our regular emailers that are in there. Yeah. Best here.
00:08:30
Speaker
I bet a podcast has never said this about their fans before. Best community on the entire internet. Whoa, Matt, that's pretty big. I don't think any podcast ever says that about that. you think we really hold that title?
00:08:42
Speaker
Yeah, I think so. Great. Zero toxicity in that place. Okay, moving on to listener Gregor, two episodes in a row. We moved on so fast, it seems like you were hiding, you were trying to cover up some toxicity. No, Matt, we're just keeping it tight today, remember?
00:08:59
Speaker
Oh, I'm puffy faffin. You're puffy faffin. Uh, listener Gregor writes in to us for the second time. Thank you, Gregor. i disregards all formatting rules, but that's okay. He is still new at this. He says, I appreciate your integrity in regards to ad reading. Remember he was the, it's the, original request to just steal ads and lie about it from old comics. But,
00:09:25
Speaker
Gregor, we've reached a compromise here. ah He goes on to say, with the X-Men potentially being folded into the MCU, what would you think about a short or limited Wolverine and Nightcrawler road trip series where they go place-to-place solving problems?
00:09:38
Speaker
No question. Of course we want that. Okay. Yes, that would be incredible. Like, I don't know that I trust... No, fuck it. Yeah, I do There's been some good Marvel TV shows.
00:09:53
Speaker
I think this would rule. and So, okay, if your your choice for Wolverine, your casting choice for Wolverine is Bowen Yang.
00:10:04
Speaker
Bowen Yang, of course. And i yeah gregor Gregor goes on to ask this exact question. ok Who do we think would play a perfect Nightcrawler since he doubts Alan Cumming would want to reprise the role or at least in a long term role?
00:10:19
Speaker
Okay, like physically I would go Timothee Chalamet, but that guy's too sleepy. Actually, here's my thing about Timothee Chalamet.
00:10:31
Speaker
What's that? He should be doing comedy. He should be doing like action comedies because okay he is great at it. I think he's an okay actor.
00:10:42
Speaker
i think he's his comedy chops are there. so If we're talking Bo and Yang and someone else in a Wolverine Nightcrawler buddy road trip, you'd think I think that would be great. He's so sleepy.
00:10:56
Speaker
He is little sleepy. This is the thing about Timothee Chalamet. He's very sleepy. Nightcrawler's not sleepy, but he's charming like Nightcrawler. He's got a roguish quality like Nightcrawler. Wait! Tom Holland!
00:11:08
Speaker
you just do both spoken for i think yeah just do both oh yeah if he's all blue i guess it really doesn't matter yeah no one knows and they call him uh hom toland in the credits the other i think ah okay anybody who would have been a perfect spider-man would also be a good nightcrawler now that i think about it if we're going like a younger nightcrawler like he was in like uh like the wolverine the x-men cartoon because i just thought of donald glover as As a good Nightcrawler, the same way he was going to be a good Spider-Man, but I'm also thinking of younger Donald Glover.
00:11:41
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. He's lost some energy too in his older years. I also think whoever the kid they had playing him in like, i i think it was Apocalypse and the Dark Phoenix, the the the two final X-Men universe movies. Okay. ah He was pretty good. I have no idea who it was because he was covered in makeup, but.
00:12:05
Speaker
And I never thought to check the credits, but he was with he was solid. He was he he was fine. think let's... Let Bowen shine, you know? Do you want to...
00:12:17
Speaker
So ah we're going to settle out of either Timothy, Timothy Chalamet Hamtaland. No, you know who it is? okay. a kid from, hang on.
00:12:28
Speaker
Let me, let me look this up. Sixth Sense. Puffy Faffin. Yeah. Let's get a a Haley Joel Osment in there. Haley Joel Osment as Nightcrawler.
00:12:44
Speaker
Fuck, what is his... ah Andrew Barth Feldman, the kid from No Hard Feelings. Andrew Barth Feldman. Andrew Barth Feldman. Matt, I know you don't really watch movies, so you might not know who he is because I think he's only been in one.
00:13:00
Speaker
very good in that one And I think he's got ah the emotional range and comedy chops and sort of upbeat, impish energy that you would want.
00:13:11
Speaker
OK, I've got one more suggestion. okay yeah, yeah. um What's the kid? He says the fucking that word over and over again. Not literally.
Listener Emails: MCU Integration and Wolverine's Depiction
00:13:22
Speaker
The kid that says that word. That word over and over again. The Rizzler?
00:13:40
Speaker
What kind of a fever dream is this?
00:13:45
Speaker
he says it's not it's not literally but it's um apparently the apparently kid we gotta get the apparently kid and is this some viral sensation yeah this is a viral sensation from like eight years ago and it was just a like a little a little chubby redheaded kid at a uh at like a state fair and he would just say apparently non-stop like in his sentences even when it didn't work he'd be like Apparently, I'm here because apparently my dad took me and apparently... Apparently sometimes I don't watch the Powerball.
00:14:27
Speaker
it's very, very adorable. That kid is now grown up. He could be Nightcrawler. No, I like the Rizzler. know me as the Rizzler. I'm the Panther dressed in black.
00:14:38
Speaker
All right. Is there any other emails? Yes, Matt. We have one more to get to from... One more email from old standby email Michael. He says, Hey Pat, tell Matt that my running joke about who can beat up Wolverine is more on the trope of showing how strong a new opponent is by having them defeat someone tough.
00:14:56
Speaker
I've seen it called the Worf effect based on how often Worf from Star Trek gets wrecked despite being canonically one of the best hand-to-hand fighters and toughest toughest guys in the entire Federation.
00:15:07
Speaker
Matt, can I ah can i yeah respond on your behalf here? Please. We know!
00:15:16
Speaker
We think it's useful to compile a list of people. It was your idea as a joke, but we sincerely think it's useful to compile a list of people that we think can can beat up Wolverine.
00:15:28
Speaker
I do get that sort of like power creep, that villain creep thing. And I think that is always interesting. I always think of um in Mark Miller's Fantastic Four how there was like multiple Galactuses or age of Ultron, how there's a million Ultrons or ah like there's a Predator, the X-Men fight Predator X. And within a few years, they're fighting an army of Predator Xs. It's like, right.
00:15:55
Speaker
It's like, oh, ah this is the biggest threat you've ever seen. It's Galactus. Oh, we already did that one. Okay. It's five Galactuses. It's just, it's a simple way to scale up.
00:16:08
Speaker
Mm-hmm. So that that's what this is making me think of. But I do like that idea. But we're we're good is we're still going to keep track of who. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was never die. no It was news to me in this episode to learn that Wolverine is precise with broads. that's He says that's a good skill right there. The kind of thing that genuinely makes him a good comic relief character.
00:16:30
Speaker
He's a surly old man who's seen it all and is good in a fight. The best there is in theory. But he still has a sense of humor and cares about people. We're talking about fingering, right? ah Matt, no.
Discord Community and Vacation Stories
00:16:42
Speaker
i
00:16:45
Speaker
Lastly, email Michael says, supposedly, and provides a Reddit link here, which is interesting. um This link shows the letter Pat talked about regarding a secret of the Tootsie Pop wrapper.
00:16:58
Speaker
The short version is that a man wanted to make lollipops with chewy candy centers. A chief appeared to him in a dream and struck a deal with the man to let him do so. And the special star chief rappers are assigned this magical chief personality checked that particular lollipop.
00:17:15
Speaker
Is that knowledge worth a dollar? If so, send it my way. i i don't think the knowledge is worth a dollar. I think the little scrap of Americana.
00:17:26
Speaker
owning that piece of paper is worth, is definitely worth a dollar in whatever 1981 money. Well, if you recall our conversation about it, Matt, just to be fair to email Michael here, I did say if somebody wanted to just come up and tell me, I think that would be worth a dollar because I don't feel like having to send anything through the post.
00:17:46
Speaker
So email Michael, send us your Venmo. I will send you $1. Okay. okay
00:17:59
Speaker
Well, folks, that is the end of Pat's email corner. Thank you to all of our listeners that wrote in. And please continue to mutantmenacepod at gmail.com.
00:18:10
Speaker
We will read your email on the air. Matt. Yeah. Before you say whatever you were going to say, I got to ask, did you do anything X-Men related this week? Oh, ah well, I, okay.
00:18:21
Speaker
I had a sore throat. That's not really X-Men related. I got a new phone. Banshee's got a sore throat. That's true. Banshee's got sore throat. Okay. Yeah, I did. how about you, Pat? Did you do ah do anything X-Men related?
00:18:34
Speaker
I took a very brief vacation. It was not nearly long enough. I think that's fairly X-Men related, but we went down to the beach in the off season. Okay.
00:18:44
Speaker
And, um, I mean, it wasn't cut short by tragedy like the X-Men's often is, but it just. Yes. can Then also get trapped on vacation for several months at a time. and That's true. That. is And when they're there by the end of it, they're like, ah, wish we had more time.
00:18:59
Speaker
Right. And that's just where I was at this weekend. Yeah. Well, Pat, that's amazing. Thank you. To me. But hopefully to our listeners, too.
00:19:11
Speaker
What would be even more amazing would be, I think, if you told me about... Marvel Fanfare number one. Wait, what? That's not the X-Men. What?
00:19:22
Speaker
ah Only one of us should ask what, and the other will answer, Matt. I think ah what we're doing this episode is taking a little detour. Save notes till after the episode.
00:19:39
Speaker
What we're doing, as we have done before, is taking little detour. We do have some real X-Men comics in here. But first, we're going to go through the first few issues issues of Marvel Fanfare to see what the X-Men are up to.
00:19:55
Speaker
I'd love to. And i actually, I can't wait. Great. Up first is Marvel Fanfare number one, Fast Descent into Hell. Jesus Christ! Starting this series off with a bang.
00:20:07
Speaker
What a game! Escalation um by Chris Claremont and Michael Golden. Jim Novak, letterer, Michael Golden, colorist, Al Milgram, editor, and Jomp Schooper, editor-in-chief.
00:20:21
Speaker
ah Michael Golden rules. I don't know. I'm not like a huge... I'm not really an expert on his work, but... You're not a golden... A golden head? I'm not a gold... I'm not a gold head.
00:20:34
Speaker
gold head. Release date December 8th, 1981. Cover date March 1982. A lady with haunted eyes named Tanya Anderson is flying over New Mexico in a helicopter, reading a National Geographic as the pilot tells her that if anyone can help her with her problem, it's a man named Warren Worthington III. Uh-oh.
00:20:59
Speaker
They land in Angel's Airy. yeah I believe that's a new name for this, right? We've seen it yeah before, but... I was going to ask. Yeah, did they Have we heard it called Angel's Airy before? i don't think so.
00:21:10
Speaker
Yeah. Because that is a very hard to pronounce word. ah But is this also the first time we learned that it's only accessible by the air? I think so. Yeah, yeah. Because we've just seen seen the X-Men show up before.
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah. Presumably. I mean, they only travel by air, but I guess it wasn't specified. it would be so funny if superheroes had to walk.
00:21:36
Speaker
Had to, like, walk a long hiking trail up the mountain. Yeah, just anywhere. Just like, okay, yeah, we'll be there in 17 days. It'll be fine. We mutant stamina, but it'll be...
00:21:49
Speaker
It'll just be a while. It just takes a while. But they land in Angel's Eyrie, and when Warren comes down from flying with some eagles, Candy brings Tanya inside to meet him. It says they're his friends.
00:22:00
Speaker
It tells him Icarus and Daedalus, who ah are... infamous for dying the first time they learned they tried to fly. you Right. Well, Icarus did. Somebody's going yell at me.
00:22:14
Speaker
You guys know what I mean. I think Daedalus just didn't fly, right? No, Daedalus, both of them flied. ah Icarus flew too close to the sun and died. Daedalus was fine. ah He lost his son. oh ah it's okay. He had another one.
00:22:30
Speaker
Warren does not put on a shirt for this meeting. He's shirtless. Come on, man. It's his shirtless era. We we know that we know where he's at. head He doesn't know what this is ah about. This could be a ah meeting about like this could be a tax collector for all he knows. And he's like, hey, I'm here for the meeting.
00:22:50
Speaker
miss yeah Everything. He's rich enough to pull it off. Tanya. tanya in this meeting, tells Warren that she wants to find the man she loves who died at Tierra del Fuego some time ago.
00:23:05
Speaker
I... A man named Carl Lycos. Oh, yeah! a Wasn't warren there he was but okay it's i think that they probably should have sped this up
Marvel Fanfare Critique and the Savage Land Adventure
00:23:22
Speaker
yeah but i mean that's maybe i'm just puffy faffin that we'll learn about marvel fanfare is that they they're not speedy with their recaps yeah and they got to cover a lot of backstories in case you've never met one of their 12 characters and they don't even make jokes like we do
00:23:40
Speaker
After the events of Mutant Menace episode 12, in which the X-Men fought Carl as Sauron and he seemingly died, Tanya went into the Peace Corps to deal with her grief until she saw a feature on the Savage Land in National Geographic.
00:23:52
Speaker
In this article, there was a picture of Kesar with his homies, and one of them is Carl Lykos, alive. What? Warren calls her crazy. Come on, man Put on shirt. But after allows to go alone, he agrees to go with her to the Savage Land to find Carl. She's classless.
00:24:11
Speaker
As Warren goes looking for funding for the trip, word of the expedition gets back to the Daily Bugle in New York, and J. Jonah Jameson has the perfect photographer to send on assignment.
00:24:22
Speaker
Peter Parker. Who's that? ah He is a photographer that for some reason is being sent to write a story about the Savage Land.
00:24:34
Speaker
Within days, Peter, Tanya, and Warren are all in a helicopter on their way to the Savage Land. Just as they pass through the fog wall protecting the area, they're attacked by a pterosaur.
00:24:44
Speaker
It's a Dark Souls boss.
00:24:48
Speaker
They're attacked by a pterosaur, and the helicopter explodes, throwing everyone out of the open doors. Only the pilots are fitted with parachutes and we haven't met them. So Angel does what he's best at, catching falling women in the sky.
00:25:03
Speaker
And Peter, who is secretly Spider-Man. Remember? from Okay. ah What was it, like X-Men number 12, I think? and Yeah, I think Mutant Ennis episode two or three.
00:25:17
Speaker
makes a parachute out of his webbing the pilots land off panel and we never see him again but the the ah but the others gather together and start exploring the area while looking out upon garok and saladane's giant ruined city they're ambushed by savage land guys oh those guys they fight but angel is zapped with something that makes him all dizzy and he falls into a net Peter pushes Tanya off a cliff into a river and takes off all his clothes while fighting the barbarians, changing into his Spider-Man outfit.
00:25:48
Speaker
he trashes He trashes the Savage Landers, but suddenly finds himself super dizzy and he's knocked unconscious by the mutates, Gaza and Barbarous. It really is. like there's so It's a fight scene and Spider-Man kind of goes off panel and then comes back on panel dressed Spider-Man stuff. And it's like, yeah you just got naked while you were fighting these guys and then dressed again.
00:26:15
Speaker
like see like he occupied them enough that he had the time to go quickly get dressed and they had to all watch and be like, what's he doing? Yeah.
00:26:27
Speaker
I imagine him just like he takes off a sock, does a kick, puts, you know, like pulls off one leg of his pants, does a spin jump kick. Like he's used to this.
00:26:40
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. yeah i The two heroes, Spider-Man and Angel, wake up in the creator's old fort. The creator? Yeah, strapped to slabs in front of the creator's old mutator ray being operated by brainchild.
00:26:58
Speaker
Spider-Man almost breaks out, but Vertigo is there to zap him back into dizziness while Brainchild hits the switch, the mutator beam dragging him into blackness. To be continued.
00:27:10
Speaker
Wow. Wow. So at the end of this, we also get, this is one of those like, uh, Marvel bullpen kind of comics where it, where Marvel fanfare is like, Oh, we, uh, we found this, these issues sitting in the trash and my editors, like there's like a little comic strip either at the beginning or the And it's like, my editor said I had to get a comic out this week. Like Al Milgram is like,
00:27:37
Speaker
throwing papers around in all directions and he's like on the phone and he's like chris do you have a script ready for me right and chris claremont is like oh i'm actually the greatest writer in the world of course i have a script for this because it's so far below me exactly this 30 seconds it it was apparently just like it was like a it was like a talent showcase it was supposed to be but We pair our best writers and our best artists up.
00:28:05
Speaker
People that maybe don't have time to take on a whole new series or something. Can just write some one-off stories. Exactly. And we can show everybody like how good Marvel's talent is.
00:28:17
Speaker
And Chris Claremont said, let's do the X-Men. ah like Chris, you already know. Okay. No, it's fine. i Before we move on, there's a couple of things that make me upset here.
00:28:32
Speaker
Number one, this Spider-Man makes no sense. First of all, why is he charged with writing a story as a photographer? Yeah. Why would he need to change into his costume to fight all those Savage Land guys when he's alone? he doesn't do it until he makes sure he's alone.
00:28:48
Speaker
like It's like he's trying to get caught. And then he's got no Spidey sense here. It just doesn't activate. Yeah, man. Other thing I'm upset about. Okay. ah Warren has giant nipples.
00:29:00
Speaker
Like the areolas on display here. All right, let me tell you about Marvel Fanfare number two. By the way, I'm sorry, everybody, if you can hear some stuff ah rattling around in my mouth. I have i have to...
00:29:14
Speaker
I got some lozenges because my throat's been all fucked up. sorry about Sorry about Matt's rattling mouth. Marvel Fanfare number two, to sacrifice my soul.
00:29:26
Speaker
are so dramatic. Yeah, they didn't go to hell in the last one. ah By Chris Claremont and Michael Golden, letterer, Joe Rosen, colorist, M. Golden, editor, Al Lynn Milgram.
00:29:40
Speaker
It's a... Weird coincidence that the colorist has the same initial and last name. And last name. As the artist Michael Golden. As the artist on this one and the artist and colorist on the last one.
00:29:52
Speaker
Wow. Bizarre. Editor-in-Chief Jumpshooper. Release date February 9th, 1982. Cover date in May 1982. These ah comics are released every two months, which I think only matters in the transition between this episode. and three.
00:30:09
Speaker
Two and three? Yeah. All right. Tanya Anderson, remember her? Finds herself alone in the Savage Land face-to-face with a T-Rex. drawn by Drawn by Michael Golden.
00:30:22
Speaker
Much better than any T-Rex we've seen so far. It's easily the best one yet. Exactly. Which isn't a high bar to clear. This one's still got its flaws. Yeah, this one still looks like a ah a floppy snake version of a T-Rex, but... Paralyzed with fear, she accepts her fate, but before he can take a big bite out of her, in charges Kesar, Zabu, and their loyal army of warriors.
00:30:47
Speaker
Tanya is saved, but knocked unconscious by the dinosaur's tail in the battle. Oh. yeah But when she awakens, it's to a familiar voice and face, that Carl Lycos!
00:31:01
Speaker
The man she loved before he was transformed into an evil pterodactyl. After a long... and Also, hey, why does he look so much like Jesus? ah Hair and beard, Matt.
00:31:14
Speaker
That's not what Jesus really looked like. That's just what... ah What handsome people look like. So... There's a scene here where Claremont writes, like, she's been so afraid that he'd forgotten her, and that now she's elated to find that he remembers her.
00:31:31
Speaker
Dude, how funny would this have been if she had woken up and been like, Carl! And he's like, hey? Kanya! you're that... oh you that on You're that girl I dated. ah Oh, what was that? A couple years ago. Yeah, we were.
00:31:51
Speaker
Oh, man. Didn't we almost get like married? Holy shit. What are you doing here? yeah Anyway, gotta kick it back to my family. it's Yeah, it's good that they recognize each other ah and that the feelings are mutual because she spent a lot of money on this risk.
00:32:12
Speaker
ah Yeah, I mean, this is this thing about comic books and where where it's like this idea of love being eternal and everlasting. Although characters break up in comic books all the time. so there is every chance somebody shows up and they're like, why did you follow me here?
00:32:27
Speaker
Yeah. After a long cuddling session. They don't tell us what really happened there. fingering. They join Kesar and the rest and explain that they were attacked by the remnants of Garok's cult, resurging after Kesar and the X-Men defeated him and collapsed his citadel. Remember?
00:32:47
Speaker
Oh yeah. That wasn't too long ago.
00:32:51
Speaker
Their conversation is interrupted by an intruder to their camp. A terrifying Big Bird-esque creature wearing Angel's costume flies in and attacks Lycos. Lycos.
00:33:03
Speaker
This is such a goofy looking. i I think it's great. It's terrifying, but it's also an extremely goofy look. It looks like it's got the head of a rubber duck.
00:33:16
Speaker
And then big claws. It's got two arms, two claws, and wings. Yeah, it's like, um... it's it's It's a jump scare in the same sense as, like, Five Nights at Freddy's.
00:33:28
Speaker
Yeah. okay That's unpleasant. I don't and don't like this. Kesar jumps in to defend, but is insulted.
00:33:40
Speaker
He's insulted by a giant spider. Hey, uh... Nice long hair, idiot. No, sorry. He's assaulted by a giant spider walking on its hind legs and wearing Spider-Man costume.
00:33:54
Speaker
What? The walking spider knocks Zabu aside and corners Kesar only to suffer a moral crisis. Peter Parker's mind is able to break through and control his mutated body enough to run away.
00:34:09
Speaker
not warren though he doesn't have the will and he kidnaps tanya it's so funny that we see that it's possible to work past the conditioning here but warren is just not capable of it he does this all the time like like how many times does he get mind controlled by something that somebody else just easily shrugs off yeah and he's like he just like attacks his friends uh also as he takes her away it says angel obeys an urge as old as time itself ew chris ew yeah wait yeah it's the urge to be mind controlled i think it's to chris is trying to say that he's taking tanya off to mate with her oh yeah i really but that's those aren't his commands
00:35:03
Speaker
No. So what's an urge as old as time itself? Yeah. It's to follow the conditioning that you've been taught. Oh, right. It's a real sort of like hot topic t-shirt attitude.
00:35:21
Speaker
Tanya wakes up in the Neo-Mutant lair strapped to the same table we saw Warren and Peter Parker strapped to last issue. no Brainchild yarns on about how cool the de-evolution device is and activates it just as Carl Lycos and Kazar burst in.
00:35:39
Speaker
i don't think I don't think I said that in the last recap. Well, you said it in the last recap. but ira Anyway, we. It is the mutant evolution ray that turns them all into...
00:35:54
Speaker
savageland mutates and it's been reversed to de-evolve people lycos breaks a big stick over frogman's head but is thrown into a murderous rage when he sees tanya devolving he lycos comes in and like interrupts brainchild's speech he's like the devil she will brainchild but then brains amphibious instead just like you wanted to do that
00:36:22
Speaker
Oh yeah? Well, watch this.
00:36:27
Speaker
I can beat the shit out of your friend here. Or your frog for friend. And how did they get that far into the room without anybody noticing? They're like right behind them.
00:36:38
Speaker
Okay. He whips out his pistol. Lycos does. And starts firing madly just as Vertigo activates her powers and flips his world upside down. and One of the bullets hits Vertigo, though, so why did we need that? And knocks her out of action.
00:36:55
Speaker
Lycos collapses under the strain. Kesar is faring well against Gaza, the big blind strongman, while the man spider watches and restrains his bloodlust.
00:37:07
Speaker
Big Bird Warren doesn't, though, restraining Kesar instead and allowing Gaza to beat the snot out of him. All seems lost until Peter Parker overtakes the spider brain again, grabbing Gaza and punching him through the de-evolution machine. Classic.
00:37:25
Speaker
Yeah. Defeated, Brainchild gloats that Spider-Man, Angel, and Tanya will never be returned to normal and will be devolved for the rest of their days. Carl sees that Tanya has been transformed to a cavewoman while Spider-Man begs for death.
00:37:41
Speaker
It's really brutal. There's still one thing we haven't tried, though. If the de-evolution machine uses energy to transform them, and Carl feeds on energy, why can't he just absorb the de-evolution energy out of all these freaks?
00:37:55
Speaker
Right, of course. He does so, and learns exactly why he shouldn't have. While Tanya, Peter, and Warren are all transformed back to normal, the immense surge of energy has reawakened Sauron, the evil pterodactyl!
00:38:09
Speaker
no And all he wants is to be evil and declare war on Kesar and to rule the Savage Land. he loses all of his his humanity, but he remembers his ah romantic poetry when he quotes Shelley.
00:38:24
Speaker
He's like, look upon Sauron, ye in despair! He's not... He hasn't lost his humanities, just his humanity. There's...
00:38:38
Speaker
The great... I think conundrum inside of Sauron because he is a giant talking pterodactyl. Well, let's start here. He is a man who is highly intelligent and just driven to do evil things, which in itself is funny just to be like, no, I'm evil.
00:39:03
Speaker
But to top that off, He's also a giant talking pterodactyl. Yeah. Peter and Warren meet up with the military ah to get a ride back home.
00:39:17
Speaker
I guess no one's concerned about why Spider-Man was there. Yeah. What? How did they just? Well, I wonder, do they think Peter Parker is Spider-Man? Like, do they know that? they No one says it.
00:39:31
Speaker
Or do they think that just as like a funny joke, Brainchild put a Spider-Man outfit on the Spider-Peter? Okay, that's one theory. You could argue that Warren and Tanya are probably unconscious when Man-Spider turns back into Spider-Man.
00:39:52
Speaker
So they could have gotten Peter Parker back into some regular street clothes before the people he traveled with noticed that he was Spider-Man. But Kesar must know, right? he yeah He even when he fought the man spider, he was like, oh, this is my old friend Spider-Man. i know him. He's been here.
00:40:11
Speaker
you think now he's like, it's a little boy. But then if he sees Peter Parker, he's like, who the fuck is Peter Parker? Yeah. Yeah. What's a newspaper?
00:40:22
Speaker
All right. So Tanya, she stays behind. She'll find Carl and fix him or die trying the end. and Is it?
00:40:33
Speaker
I don't know. You tell me. ah Before i do, Matt, a couple of notes of my own here. Number one, I guess, so just to answer our question from our last trip to the Savage Land, I guess collapsing the entire city didn't kill all of its residents because that's who they're fighting here. That's who's attacking Ksar and his camp.
00:40:58
Speaker
That's good. Also, just want to point out some really brutal illustrated injuries by Michael Golden here. That seems to be a touch that he's adding here that we haven't seen before where like...
00:41:12
Speaker
When Gaza gets beat up and then gets restrained, we get a close up on his face and there's just like swelling. There's bruises. There's little cuts everywhere. Kesar, after getting into a couple of different scraps, has like cuts all over his body.
00:41:28
Speaker
All over his really face too. Yeah. And all over his face. Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. It's just, it's visceral. Yes. Agreed. Let's, ah let's move on though, Matt. I think that's all I have to say.
00:41:42
Speaker
Well, you did write a note here that I think is really interesting, just that there's a lot of lore here, like complex lore that ah involves you reading old X-Men and new X-Men and Kesar. Yeah, there is so much like imagine if you hadn't read every issue of X-Men and every tangentially related Savage Land story.
00:42:08
Speaker
Yeah. I don't think the editor's notes telling you to refer to an X-Men comic from seven years ago are going to help. ah Right. Especially in the that era. Hey, do you guys have X-Men 51? Do you guys have X-Men 12? No, kid.
00:42:25
Speaker
um kid This is a Walmart.
00:42:31
Speaker
All right. Marvel fanfare number three, folks. Into the land of death. Wait, which is that different than hell or we' We'll see. we'll so We'll find out when they enter the land of death. We just keep going into places.
00:42:46
Speaker
Chris Claremont, writer Dave Cockrum Penciler. Cockrum's back. Cockrum's back. Bob McCloud, inker, Jim Novak, letterer, Glynnis Ween, colorist, Alan Milgram, editor, and Jimmy Shomp, senator-in-chief.
00:43:02
Speaker
Release date, April 6th, 1982. Cover date, July 1982. At the call of Warren Worthington, the X-Men are on their way to Antarctica. Ooh. Well, most of the X-Men.
00:43:14
Speaker
Cyclops is sick, and Sprite is back caring for him. Okay. When Storm uses her powers to calm an Antarctic
Marvel Treasury Edition and Team-Up Social Commentary
00:43:22
Speaker
storm and to help them land the Blackbird, she notices that something is deeply wrong with the biosphere.
00:43:29
Speaker
Regardless, they land and descend into the underground military base Deep Ice Station Alpha. Wolverine says, Tally Ho! While they go. Where Angel tells them about the last two issues of Marvel Fanfare.
00:43:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah. As he's finishing, though, a sudden unnatural earthquake rocks the base and collapses the ceiling. Moses Magnum, Matt? like It sounds like might. Or is it grotesque?
00:43:58
Speaker
Oh, wait, no. Grotesque was mad about it. And it was other guys doing it. It was scientists. Yeah. Using their combined powers, the X-Men survive and help a bunch of trapped military personnel. Yeah, Colossus holds up the ceiling. Like, that he's holding up a ceiling.
00:44:13
Speaker
First of all, this is a very polite earthquake. Waits until Warren has finished his recap and then goes. But second of all, Colossus is holding up the ceiling, but, like, what's above the ceiling?
00:44:24
Speaker
It's the whole mountain. Yeah, you're right. it's And they're like, oh, then they just saved everybody and they fixed it. What?! You rebuilt- The mountain is collapsing on top of them. yeah You rebuilt an underground base?
00:44:40
Speaker
it Oh! Colonel Cathcart, Matt. Remember this guy? No. What? Oh, I just assumed he was one of them.
00:44:53
Speaker
He was someone we knew. No. but is Which is why Cyclops was sick, because he would come in and yell at him for being a jerk to the X-Men in the past.
00:45:03
Speaker
Colonel Cathcart is actually a character in Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22. Oh, maybe this is the same guy. Yeah, it's probably him.
00:45:14
Speaker
Colonel Cathcart tells the X-Men that there have been a bunch of these quakes and they appear to be man-made and targeted. Moses Magnum originating in the Savage Land.
00:45:26
Speaker
Moses Magnum departed or descended to the center of the earth. Despite several patrols trying and failing to reach Kesar and see what's up, the X-Men volunteer to make an attempt.
00:45:37
Speaker
You know, there's another Colonel Cathcart in Marvel. I just looked it up. Colonel Ulysses Cathcart, who is ah in a Black Widow issue in November of 2004. And you're saying this isn't that same guy?
00:45:52
Speaker
Doesn't appear to be the same guy. Huh. Yeah, don't know. Which one is the one from Catch-22, then? i don't i don't know. i don't know. Angel, Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, and Colossus descend into the cavernous entrance to the Savage Land and emerge to find Chief Tonga's village all fucked up.
00:46:13
Speaker
No. The huts collapsed and burned, the corpses tied to crosses as a warning to others. It's got dark really fast. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we forgot to mention that Cathcart before they leave is like, I wish you were the Avengers.
00:46:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah. It's like, uh, I've got the B team here. Yeah. Which again, if Cyclops were here, he would remember for the rest of his life.
00:46:37
Speaker
Yeah, he'd keep bringing it up. He'd be like, remember that guy Cathcart? i The giant blind psychically sighted mutate Gaza watches the heroes planning an ambush, but with Wolverine's senses and Kurt's teleportation, the X-Men ambush him first.
00:46:54
Speaker
Nice. Only to be hit by Vertigo's dizzying rays moments later. Okay, well, nice try. Timberius, a guy who controls wolves. Who the fuck?
00:47:07
Speaker
Timberius? I forgot there was just a wolf guy. No, no, you didn't forget. There was a wolf guy. His name was Lupo, and he turned, he was like half wolf.
00:47:18
Speaker
You're right. What happened to him? This is a new wolf guy. Okay, yeah, Timberius. Timberius.
00:47:29
Speaker
Amphibious, the frog man and barbarous, the four armed guy come rushing out to attack and get the X-Men on the ropes until Kurt throws a rocket vertigo's head, releasing them from their dizzy spell.
00:47:43
Speaker
Zonk. It goes zonk. It's very good.
00:47:50
Speaker
They interrogate Frogman, and he tells them that since last issue in the Kezar Monthly, Kezar, Zabu, and Shanna, his lady friend, disappeared. Tonga died, and a team up between Sauron, the Mutates, and Zaladane conquered the Savage Land.
00:48:06
Speaker
he's a big He's a big Marvel Comics fan, this frog guy. As the X-Men Frogmarch, the... the frog man and wolf guy to Sauron's palace.
00:48:17
Speaker
They find they needn't have bothered as frog man escapes and Sauron attacks. Huh? His first move is to hypnotize everyone. And Angel's first move is to run away, despite being much less affected than his teammates. yeah He runs away. He's like, oh, that didn't that didn't affect me that much.
00:48:34
Speaker
Why are you running away? He's there's I think there's some ah explanation here momentarily, but it's still very in character.
00:48:46
Speaker
Like trauma, I guess, is what? Yeah. Sauron chases Warren until he hits a very cold updraft. We get another updraft, Matt. His wings freeze and he plummets to the ground, dying forever.
00:49:00
Speaker
Oh, this is a bad updraft and he's dead. Okay, bye. Goodbye, Angel. Goodbye, Angel. It is weird how they had this guy in this guy, Angel, in Marvel Comics for so long and then he just dies and they never bring him up again.
00:49:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. Bizarre. But so hey, they did it with Jean Grey too, right?
00:49:21
Speaker
Later, the four X-Men are strapped to slabs in front of Brainchild's mutant energy accelerator again. I just call it the de-evolution machine. Okay. Sauron, seated next to Zaladane, explains that there is an energy field around his citadel and anyone not protected from it slowly loses their willpower as they get closer to okay So we'll say that that can kind of cover for Angel's cowardice here, except that none of the X-Men just turned tail and ran away. No, they didn't. They they kept fighting. We still had enough willpower despite dimin having diminished willpower.
00:50:00
Speaker
keep up
00:50:04
Speaker
As Colossus gets zapped by the accelerator... We cut to Angel, who wakes up and is surprised by who he sees just off panel. oh wait, he wakes up again?
00:50:16
Speaker
To be continued. man. Yeah, he's alive. Okay, well, sorry. Yeah, and i missed i I messed that one up. I messed that one up. I thought he was dead forever.
00:50:28
Speaker
This happens to Warren a lot, huh? He falls out of the sky in the Savage Land, collapses, and then wakes up and goes, Not you! And then we cross our fingers and Obi's dead forever.
00:50:41
Speaker
But again, he's got to wake up and say not you to somebody. So it's like if if he's not going to do it, who will? We do get something new here, a new element introduced that is just as dangerous as its inverse is helpful.
00:51:01
Speaker
The downdraft. yeah it's Find out if their plane hits a downdraft. Yeah. If their plane hits an updraft while it's crashing, they're saved. they can They can muscle it out and ride that updraft. Not just a plane.
00:51:16
Speaker
If a human hits an updraft, they also can fly now. Not just a flying human. Any human. human. i But... The downdraft, Matt.
00:51:27
Speaker
If you're flying and you hit a downdraft, you're done. you yeah It's over for you. Frogman gets a big moment. Yes. Really appreciate that. he escapes. I think he bonks somebody on the head and then...
00:51:41
Speaker
gets out of town he's a he's a rising star right he's the he's the new toad it's funny chris claremont clearly doesn't like toad like didn't want toad in his comics it's like god that guy toad he represents everything that sucks about mutant comics but he's happy to put the frog guy where's frogman five times ah Storm has a moment towards the end here where her... i think it's just really the that her leadership regrets really reflect Scott's leadership regrets as well.
00:52:17
Speaker
Okay. Where she's just like, I am responsible for this. I have taken X-Men into a situation. Now we're trapped forever.
00:52:28
Speaker
This is on me and like starts going through... the steps and where she went wrong. It's very like early X-Men Cyclops. And I thought it was, a good point it seems deliberate, like the language she's using just around failure and letting her, her team down.
00:52:44
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I wonder if that is just, I wonder if that is meant to be like, Oh, she is like, I wonder if it's meant to be the comparison or if it is just how the you know, Marvel writers feel about the role of leadership.
00:53:00
Speaker
you know yeah i think either way it's kind of interesting i like yeah either way it it says something interesting about ah both characters and the writer and finally i did think when angel is shocked by who he sees just off panel at the end of the issue we don't get to see him was this going to be magneto again did even did even and chris know It's probably not.
00:53:27
Speaker
No. He had two months to come up with the next story. Exactly. Speaking of the next story, Matt. You want me to tell you about it? Yeah, please i would do. I wasn't going to. Can we cap this off, please?
00:53:39
Speaker
All right. I will. Marvel Fanfare number four, Lost Souls. we We're not going into anywhere this time. Chris Claremont. Still hellish, though. Author.
00:53:50
Speaker
Paul Smith. Penciler. Paul Smith. Bat. i can't wait paul smith matt i can't wait till we get to this paul smith guy i'm not gonna explain it here but because because we're not doing puffy faffing today but we'll explain paul smith right right very soon in the x-men and the x-men proper Terry Austin, inker. Janice Chiang, letterer. Glynnis Ween, colorist.
00:54:14
Speaker
Al Milgram, editor. And Jumpy Shoups, editor-in-chief. Release date, June 8th, 1982. Cover date, September 1982. No.
00:54:25
Speaker
Warren Worthington wakes with a whelp, finding a jacked Kesar, welcoming him back to consciousness, wearing nothing but a loincloth around his waist and the Komodo dragon he just hunted down over his shoulders.
00:54:38
Speaker
Yo, he is popping. This guy, every muscle is flexing while he just stands still. oh Why was Angel that surprised to see Kesar in the I know he was.
00:54:50
Speaker
You! You just saw him like a week ago. Like you just left him. Kesar explains that he just got back from visiting a faraway land with his lady friend. They surmise that since she hasn't returned to camp, she must be a prisoner of Sorons along with the X-Men.
00:55:10
Speaker
Kesar is ready to go save her, but Warren is not. He can't bear to face Kesar again after his mind has been so recently fucked with so many times. But after a Kesar pep talk, they set off together to rescue their friends.
00:55:24
Speaker
It's really, it strikes me as anxiety, which is pretty common with ADHD, right? Some sort of acute anxiety condition to go with it. But he's just like, no, I couldn't possibly go back there. i've I've been hypnotized too many times.
00:55:40
Speaker
Like he's he is just paralyzed with, I guess it's rational fear, but. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's funny how he suggests they go get other heroes, but this is instead of oh, they're all off planet.
00:55:55
Speaker
Kesar's like, ah, they might be off planet, so let's not even try. Yeah. Inside the Citadel, we see Sauron working his routine on the X-Men, presently Storm.
00:56:07
Speaker
Do they they just forget that they had transformed Colossus at the end of last issue? I think so. We never really get to, and we we'll go ahead and spoil this. Aside from one X-Man, we never really get to see the de-evolved forms of them.
00:56:25
Speaker
Yeah, and they ended last issue being like, oh my god! don't Don't even look! It's so horrible! And now they cut. We never see it. We never see it. It's when you end on too many cliffhangers in the same issue, and it's two months later.
00:56:41
Speaker
um He's working his routine on Storm. He's reduced the range of the will diffuser to them specifically, so he can continue to devolve them, and then absorb their energy to fuel himself. I don't...
00:56:53
Speaker
Right. It's all the same energy. It's all energy, Matt. None of this fucking makes any sense. It's all ridiculous. As we learned in Fanfare number two, the men are transformed into inhuman beasts while the women are transformed into cave women. and That's right.
00:57:08
Speaker
They gendered the the de-evolution machine. Which is really like... They didn't have to do that. In the past...
00:57:20
Speaker
This used to turn everybody into mutates or neo-mutants or whatever we want to call them. Yeah. Now, though, whatever adjustments they've made. It turns men into. Draws a distinction between.
00:57:32
Speaker
Animal monsters and women. are Genders. Yeah. ah Yeah, yeah. ah Well, I guess if you think about it, what's Storm going to turn into? Half woman, half woman. ah of what ring she's half cat storm swears she'll settle the score with Sauron and Sauron laughs at the thought just as a flaming sphere bursts through the wall from above it's the human torch whoa no it's not it's not it's not it's it's uh Kesar and And Warren, the youth is demented. So on seats as he spots angel high in the sky. to This is a really good moment where he is. He's basically gloating over his victory over the X-Men when and an explosion hits the wall.
00:58:19
Speaker
So looks up in the sky. Warren is saying the corniest shit possible. He's like, come and get me ugly. And Sauron is just seething, standing there going, the youth is demented.
00:58:35
Speaker
And it works. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, at this point, he's like, I have kicked this guy's ass so many times. Why would he keep coming back? It's his true superpower.
00:58:49
Speaker
He tells Zaladane and the Neo-Mutants to keep watch while he flies off to defeat Warren once and for all. They battle for a short time before Sauron mind controls Warren again and knocks him out cold. He's not even useful to him at this point. He's like, I've got you mind controlled. Please just fucking go to sleep. Just get away. Stop stop it As soon as he saw Sauron flying out of the building, though, Kesar had started swimming from a not too far off island and has snuck in to rescue the X-Men. He kills a dinosaur here, and there's like a weird ad for L.L. Bean. ah Yeah,
00:59:31
Speaker
duoo that's where he got his knife. He cuts a dinosaur's head off and he's like, oh, ah good old L.L. Bean. Now I don't have to deal with those dull knives of the Savage Land.
00:59:42
Speaker
he first finds Aurora dressed in gold lingerie and resisting brainchild's demands for sexual favors. Fucking Chris. She once again considers breaking her vow to never kill.
00:59:57
Speaker
I don't fucking blame her. What, she going to kill Chris Claremont? I wouldn't blame her there either. Stop sexualizing me all the time, Chris. I mean, she also... And i think there's something to be said here yeah about this because it's not the first time it's happened. She continues the rest of the issue in this outfit.
01:00:21
Speaker
Like, they you they put her in these really sexually exploitative outfits. Yeah. And... That's one thing to to illustrate how demented the villain is. But right if you were actually feel that's wrong, then it's very easy to find a reason for her to get back into her costume and were not be wearing the outfit that her her assaulters forced her to wear for their sexual gratification.
01:00:53
Speaker
Right. Well, I think, well, he's also established over and over that Storm just likes to be in as little clothes as possible. So it's sort of a catch 22 there where if she goes and puts on more clothes, that's almost like out of character.
01:01:08
Speaker
And like either way, he's, he's, he's got us from both sides. This fucker. No, I think even in that, with that character consideration, she would say like, I don't like the brainchild made me wear this. I would like to get out of it as soon as possible.
01:01:26
Speaker
Right. Right. Well, yeah, she'd just be naked. Yeah. Because that's like, she's fine with it. Yeah. All right So they move on to a prison cell where they find a devolved Tanya and Shanna, Kesar's lady friend. And finally, to the room where the X-Men are being held.
01:01:43
Speaker
Storm zaps Zaladane and turns off the will diffuser. the way the fuser jesus while zaboo and kaze are free wolverine and colossus but not nightcrawler and kill they can use the device on him one more time to turn him back from monster form this is this is the one time we get to see any of the x-men and it's cool it's fucking rad the way they depict monster form nightcrawler sure we see it for like a panel
01:02:15
Speaker
don't do it for anyone else i guess paul smith was like i'm no i don't like this so yeah the x-men then they fight every like they fight the mutates and chris claremont writes uh the battle is fierce beyond description which feels like a dig at paul smith's art like hey i swear the battle was cooler than this just trust me I don't want to write it.
01:02:44
Speaker
Paul didn't want to draw it, but we swear it's real. The X-Men are drained, but free and seemingly victorious until Sauron arrives back at the Citadel and drops an unconscious Warren.
01:02:56
Speaker
Sauron has used up too much of his energy fighting and mind fucking Warren, though. What a fool. He's soundly defeated by teamwork and a huge lightning bolt and transformed back into Carl Lycos.
01:03:09
Speaker
who <unk> Back in Westchester, Xavier tries a very dangerous and experimental procedure on Carl Lycos to rid him of his evil side. You see...
01:03:22
Speaker
And this is a quote. Carl is not a mutant. The Pteranodons that attacked you and he as children, however, were. He was wounded. You were not. That is why only he was affected.
01:03:35
Speaker
The Pteranodons infected Carl with a genetic virus that mutated him, beginning the process that culminated in the transformation into Sauron. Xavier has isolated the alien element in his DNA matrix, and this treatment is designed to burn it out of him. and It's a success.
01:03:51
Speaker
Hooray. hey Carl is cured. The end.
01:03:56
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Carl. So this this little epilogue that we see where Carl gets cured is definitely taking place in x Xavier's secret basement, right? Yeah. yeah Where he kept Mastermind and Juggernaut.
01:04:11
Speaker
Yeah, what if this hadn't worked? i He probably would have been sent to Muir Island. Right.
01:04:19
Speaker
and like Cyclops would I love to imagine they're all in this room trying to cure Carl and Cyclops just walking back and forth across past the door like I wonder what's in there like he told me never to go in also we get a final panel with every character okay what the hell is everyone wearing here I love that for Marvel fanfare number four Paul Smith getting his hands on the X-Men for the first time was like, what if I give them all new outfits?
01:04:55
Speaker
Yeah. yeah Yeah. Yeah. It's like complicated outfits for each one of them to be wearing in a casual setting. Colossus is wearing like two t-shirts, a light blue one that's normal, and then ah darker light blue one with a much wider neck, like hanging giant collar on one shirt. Cyclops is wearing Like he's wearing a tunic from a colt.
01:05:23
Speaker
Cyclops is wearing like a black and white polka dotted shirt with a bright red collar and over it a like a like a Hugh Hessner jacket smoking jacket.
01:05:35
Speaker
ah Storm is wearing one of those Black Widow Moira McTaggart outfits. Yeah. Yeah. Just skin tight rubber. Yeah. With like a weird neck piece.
01:05:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's there's a moment earlier in this issue that I forgot to mention, which is Kesar, when they go find shaa Shana and um Tanya devolved.
01:06:02
Speaker
There's a moment they like linger on Kesar looking at her and like today's seriously getting the ick. He's like looking at her and he's like, but she's, she looks so weird. don't know if I can ever unsee that. Exactly.
01:06:21
Speaker
There's one more good moment that I forgot to mention. when When the Angel returns and Sauron spots him, Sauron is explaining why he needs the mutates to guard while he goes out to to capture Warren. He says, Angel is often foolhardy, but he's not stupid.
01:06:43
Speaker
well
01:06:46
Speaker
yeah yeah We thought you knew Lauren a little better than this. Okay, Matt, how do we feel about moving on from this and moving on to Marvel, Marvel Treasury Edition number 27? Yeah, I just want to read a couple short stories real quick.
01:07:02
Speaker
Can we? Yeah, yeah. How about Joyride into Jeopardy? Okay. Scott Edelman writer. Who the fuck? Well, Matt Scott Edelman was an assistant editor at Marvel in the early 70s. He was actually an editor on Foom.
01:07:19
Speaker
We're collecting all the Foom guys. ah He created the Scarecrow. No, not that one. The Marvel one. The bad one. He left comics in 1979 entirely oh to write science fiction short stories and novels.
01:07:32
Speaker
He has a podcast right now called Eating the Fantastic, where he interviews sci-fi, horror, and comics creators. We should get him on the show. He's actually got a very cool website. Just in looking into him, I stumbled upon his website, which- okay is consistently updated, but the theme of it still feels like like a 2005 homemade website, which I just, I love. There's a lot of nostalgia there.
01:08:00
Speaker
Eating the Fantastic is like, oh, I bring guests on to have good food with me and talk about sci-fi. God, how many fucking podcasts have to be like, somebody's like,
01:08:11
Speaker
Oh, I bring guests on. We eat food. And then we, it's like every podcast you haven't ever heard of because it's not very good. It's that premise. And I have been on a couple.
01:08:23
Speaker
ah Matt, are you more or less likely to go on a podcast if they say, also, we're going to feed you? Yeah. Well, I was nervous because I don't eat meat. So when I went on a podcast that fed me ah long time ago, couple of years ago,
01:08:40
Speaker
six years ago jesus christ i was like uh i don't know oh did they serve you meat and you just had to be like no i just i didn't i know this is your whole thing but i won't eat on your podcast i didn't no i didn't say and he just ah he ended up having vegetarian stuff anyway it's weird but yeah anyway
01:09:02
Speaker
is that a good anecdote uh one more fact about scott edelman this might be a better anecdote He briefly wrote for Hanna-Barbera's Saturday morning cartoons, including the Space Stars episode, Uglur Conquers the Universe. There's no such thing as Space Stars.
01:09:18
Speaker
There is. And it's got an episode named Uglur Conquers the Universe that actually has like, he gets asked about it. A hundred views. It sounded like that were about we don't get that on most of our videos.
01:09:31
Speaker
It's like you're about to say it actually has. it sounded like you're about to say YouTube views. um OK, Scott. Yeah, Scott Edelman. Sure. Whatever Edelman.
01:09:42
Speaker
ah Brent Anderson, artist, Bob McCloud, anchor, Glynis Ween, colorist, Gaspar, letterer, the great Gaspar, and Archie Goodwin, editor.
01:09:54
Speaker
Okay. Release date, June 10th, 1980. Hey. Cover date, unclear, but sometime in 1980. This means lied. Yeah, we're going back couple years here. You said he left comics in 1979 to write science fiction and short stories and novels.
01:10:09
Speaker
Well, yeah, this was released in a treasury in June tenth because i believe he wrote it prior to 1979 and it just sat in a filing cabinet until...
01:10:21
Speaker
They started clearing those filing cabinets out. Okay. It's actually, it's a pretty interesting thing here where yeah Archie Goodwin came in, discovered that there was this huge archive. i'm I'm going to get who told who to do what, but at one point at Marvel, just so they never ran behind, they started collecting front loading themselves, like overloading themselves with stories so they could put some in storage. And there was a point in the eighties right around here where i think Archie Goodwin came upon it and somebody said, you got to get rid of all these, like start using them, please.
01:11:02
Speaker
And it seems like that's what we're getting into here. Yeah. Let's go. Warren Worthington, the third. Oh, no. Is taking a little flight around the city. i see It's unclear if it's Los Angeles or New York at this point, but he's interrupted when some weird little chrome jet thing streams past him and then straight at him.
01:11:22
Speaker
Huh? Angel leads it to a skyscraper under construction and tries to lose it in the scaffolding, but he keeps pace with him. Oh. Inside, a man named Carl Schenken built this craft to match all of Warren's abilities after Warren's father ran his aircraft company out of business.
01:11:40
Speaker
He tells us all this. Okay. Angel grabs a rivet gun and tears through its hull. Carl lands the craft on the ground somehow, and Angel comes up and... Punches him.
01:11:51
Speaker
Okay, what happens next? The end. He's just in this craft shouting his whole story. Like, that's that's this story. is There's a spacecraft. There's a little jet thing chasing Warren Worthington around.
01:12:08
Speaker
And inside it, the guy is yelling his whole story at Warren. And I love this idea. Like, we've talked about this so many times before when this happens.
01:12:18
Speaker
It's like, what if Warren can't hear him the whole time? ah Yeah. It's just like, you're like, your father actually, actually, actually, actually.
01:12:29
Speaker
Warren's like, what? And then just punches the guy no reason. Mumbling ugly.
01:12:36
Speaker
What was this trying to say? Like this end, this ends in this moment where it's supposed to be like poignant about Warren's relationship to his father.
01:12:49
Speaker
But what is the point? Yeah. He, he just goes on to punch the guy. And also Warren's billionaire father ran this guy out of business.
01:13:00
Speaker
Like not just, not just was a competitor and did better. he, hostily Yeah. Competed with him to destroy this man's business.
01:13:11
Speaker
And when Warren punches him, we're supposed to be like, yeah, good, good for you. Like, go Scott. Yeah. Your dog. Scott Edelman. Exactly. Scott Edelman. What is his point? Is this?
01:13:24
Speaker
Is his point that small businesses suck? it's Like, is he just like a rampant, like a more capitalist than the most capitalist guy you know?
01:13:37
Speaker
Anyway. Yeah, maybe. ah Wild. Let's listen to his podcast and find out. it We listen to his podcast and it's just about how, like,
01:13:49
Speaker
How cool it is when Walmart runs smaller companies out of business, like small stores out of business. Here's what I think, Matt. Yeah, please. so This was stupid. Let's move on. Marvel team up number 100.
01:14:01
Speaker
But the backup story. Storm and the Black Panther. Writers, co-plotters, and artists, Chris Claremont, John Byrne, and Bob McCloud. Letterer, A. Kowicki.
01:14:12
Speaker
ah Colorist, Robbie C., editor, Denny O'Neill, and editor-in-chief, Jomp Shoopy. We see- Editor, Denny O'Neill. Yeah. That's awesome.
01:14:23
Speaker
Yeah, man. Release date, September 23rd, 1980. Cover date, December 1980. We see Aurora Monroe walking down the street in a brilliant green outfit as our narrator lists her attributes.
01:14:37
Speaker
Orphan, master thief, goddess, mutant, X-Man. As this description unfolds, though, we start following her through the crosshairs of a sniper rifle and see a man take aim and shoot! The bullet just narrowly misses, grazing her forehead and knocking her to the ground. Chris Claremont loves to do this. He did this in the last couple issues, too, with like, oh, the bullet grazed their forehead.
01:15:02
Speaker
isn't That doesn't happen. People get killed by guns, Chris. It's also, if we're taking a moment here, we haven't seen her last name in a while, but wasn't it Munro, M-U-N-R-O-E, instead of Monro, M-O-N-R-O-E? m o n r o e I think... I think you're right.
01:15:24
Speaker
Uh, yes, you are right. You were right. right This is just mutantmenacepod at gmail.com. Somebody send me a no prize. Fucking bullshit! I'm not reading this one. Nah, okay, well...
01:15:35
Speaker
um A fierce gale rushes into the sniper's room, and before he can blink, Storm is in front of him, summoning the elements and demanding answers after calling her the ah K-word.
01:15:49
Speaker
Yeah, man, I'm not sure if this one is acceptable to say or not, but we'll just go ahead and say it is a South African slur for a black person and ah play it safe.
01:16:01
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, let's just... Yeah. He calls her that. But quickly buckles and admits he was sent by Andreas de Reuter. Pat.
01:16:14
Speaker
Andreas de Reuter. Whoa. The boy? We have no idea who this guy is. um Storm flashes back to her tweenhood. Twelve years old, wandering through Kenya, having just left Cairo... and her life as a master thief behind after discovering her mutant powers.
01:16:33
Speaker
She's alerted by the gun by a gunshot and the sounds of a fight, and runs over to see a single African man being assaulted by a platoon of white military men. Storm swoops in on a gust of wind and knocks most of the military men over, but one man remains, a beast of a man who introduces himself as De Reuter the Bull, and his target as...
01:16:57
Speaker
Prince T'Challa, who is to be kidnapped and held for royal ransom in De Reuters' home of South Africa. Okay. This is this this Marvel thing. All of Africa is one tiny little town that everyone knows each other and everybody is in at all times. Right.
01:17:12
Speaker
prince Prince T'Challa went on a walk from Wakanda and ended up in Kenya. Kenya, where he met a bunch of people who were South Africans. Yeah.
01:17:23
Speaker
out for their walk um after aurora walked from cairo which is literally the story that aurora walks from cairo to kenya yeah yeah through ethiopia so what unbelievable This does, and it's it's why we mentioned the specific slur that this guy used. i This 1981.
01:17:47
Speaker
nineteen eighty one So we are ah firmly in the grip of apartheid in South Africa, right? Began in 1948, went for a long time. If you're not aware, apartheid is when the Dutch invaded South Africa and in the 40s took over the government of the country entirely, created a segregated segregated system, forced everyone to speak their language. It's called the Africans, but it's mostly Dutch with a little bit of, I think, native language mixed in.
01:18:20
Speaker
Native Black South Africans were forced out of their homes if they were living in what was considered a white district. ah This went on until the 90s through Nelson Mandela and the worldwide...
01:18:37
Speaker
I guess the world caring at some point in the eighties, but yeah, this is i fairly early mention for American media for, or in American media of apartheid in the actual horrors of it, like trying to draw attention to it actively, which is cool thing, right? Like they are doing both a very,
01:19:04
Speaker
kind of racist thing here at the same time as they're doing something very socially conscious. Which, yes, was a big thing in... they like They're also a little ahead of the curve here, right? Like, this is this is before... Is it?
01:19:22
Speaker
So this is just before it becomes, like, a major American white liberal thing and to be very... care about the suffering in various African nations, but also be very condescending about it and, uh, refuse to learn anything about Africa besides, oh, it's a place where people are poor and suffering.
01:19:48
Speaker
you were Right.
Controversy: South African Refugees in the U.S.
01:19:50
Speaker
But like, it's also, ah for what it's worth, the controversy over white South Africans right now being accepted as refugees in the U.S. s The reason they need refugee status is because the people whose homes they've stolen are finally acquiring those homes back. So 30 years later, i we're finally seeing some reparations. And of course, immediately the U.S. is on the wrong side.
01:20:16
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
T'Challa and Storm's Adventure and Romance
01:20:18
Speaker
Okay, so ah back to T'Challa fighting some, fighting D'Reuter and Storm Seas.
01:20:28
Speaker
um D'Reuters all talk, though, as revealed by a swift punch to the jaw by the future Black Panther. Yeah. If you didn't know who Prince T'Challa was. And a zap of lightning from Storm. Yeah.
01:20:41
Speaker
The two fly off together and spend a short time traveling and enjoying each other's company. Wink, wink. Aww.
01:20:49
Speaker
Back to the present, New York. Aurora stands in front of the Wakandan embassy for an audience with T'Challa. Inside, they congratulate each other on the very cool lives they've lived. Hey, we both became superheroes. Isn't that rad?
01:21:04
Speaker
Oh, you're a prince. Oh, you're a goddess. ah Congratulations. And then get down to business. Not like that. No. Pulling all their strings, they're able to find a secluded Long Island mansion as De Reuter's last known address.
01:21:21
Speaker
Oh, when T'Challa punches De Reuter in the face, he uses a very annoying Claremontism, which is... right. What you are, De Reuter, is, in a word, defeated. Something like In a word.
01:21:36
Speaker
Shut up. I hate... That's my least favorite Clare Bontism, I think. for the Save it for uncanny, pal.
01:21:44
Speaker
Inside De Reuter's last known address, taking out security is easy. Too easy, they learn, as they're soon assaulted by a giant robot with De Reuter's voice. Oh no. no That's right, and it's insulated and protected against lightning and really strong and fast punches.
01:22:04
Speaker
Aurora thinks quickly, though, and uses lightning to cave in the floor beneath the robot, plummeting it to its death. Classic X-Men solution. Yeah. Yeah, that's not all, though. They also discover a secret room where De Reuter himself is sitting dead in a chair.
01:22:20
Speaker
Turns out he had psychically integrated himself with the robot to try and get his revenge. But the shock of the fall killed him.
01:22:32
Speaker
After a few panels of shaming the dead De Reuter, they like pull down his pants and start flicking him around and stuff. ah realistically they just start talking about how sad and pathetic he like he's dead and you can say like boy this was sad but they really go in on him t'challa and aurora go back to talking about how much they admire each other and what could have been if things had been different as friends the narrator says they may wish for more but that is what they are what they will remain forever the end
01:23:07
Speaker
That's not true.
01:23:09
Speaker
It's not true. It's not true. It's this story was so cool until it turned out they just had to fight a giant robot. Yeah. I mean, it i they were Black Panther and Storm teaming up is cool.
01:23:26
Speaker
But it is also problematic. And yeah, it's but it's and it's cool. And it sets up. It sets us up for in interesting dynamic moving forward.
01:23:41
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know when that actually comes into play, but I do know that it does. It's just that, like, we started with i fleshing out Storm's backstory. It's almost always an interesting story when we start digging into where she's been in the past. i She comes across another hero of Africa, which, yeah, definitely.
01:24:06
Speaker
problematic because they shouldn't be anywhere near each other but yes the fact that it happens the fact that like storm is in a place where she's still kind of working out her powers the fact that they grow together for a little while what an
X-Men and Fantastic Four Crossover
01:24:19
Speaker
interesting addition to each of their backstories yeah and then when it comes full circle there's a big orange robot who looks like alpha from the power rangers yeah i mean
01:24:34
Speaker
You could also just see this, though, as more of like, oh, Storm has done everything. the Chris Claremont's idea for Storm is everything he knows about Black people. Oh, they're in Harlem. So she was in Harlem.
01:24:46
Speaker
They live in Northern Africa. So she's in Northern Africa. Oh, they go in. They live in Kenya. So they're in. ken She's in Kenya. Oh, they meet Black Panther. So she meets Black Panther. Oh, they.
01:24:58
Speaker
Like everything, he just keeps throwing more and more. Because got one black character. he gives her everything. Right.
01:25:09
Speaker
it's It's the same theme we see through all of X-Men and all of Marvel. Where they've got the right idea for progress. And don't quite understand how to execute on it.
01:25:24
Speaker
Yeah. i don't yeah i mean At some point, maybe we'll have to stop obsessing about it because at some point, you just got to let it go. But like man, this was a No, no, no. But it was a cool story.
01:25:36
Speaker
Anyway, I'd love to hear another story, one last story before we ah get out of here and you can go commit of election fraud.
01:25:48
Speaker
Matt, how about an actual X-Men story? um Okay. I'm talking X-Men Annual No. 5. one's got another dark title. It's called Ooh La La Badoon.
01:26:04
Speaker
Ooh La La Badoon. Chris Claremont writer, Brett Anderson penciler, Bob McLeod inker, Tom Orzakowski letterer, Glynis Ween colorist, Louise Jones editor, and Jim Shoop Release date July 28th, 1981. Cover date October 1981. The Baxter Building. Reed Richards works on his contraption while Ben Grimm helps and Johnny Storm watches while Sue Storm Richards tries to wrangle them into normal life things like eating dinner.
01:26:37
Speaker
Classic Fantastic Four. Yeah, come on. What is this? FF number one? And in that tradition, they all hop into the Fantasticar when they get a report of an alien woman with a laser gun running about Manhattan. Oh my goodness. it's Wow. Chris Claremont, you get one issue with the Fantastic Four. It's just like, let me do it all. Let me do it all.
01:27:00
Speaker
ah Sue Storm says, my dinner is, in a word, ruined. Fuck off. It makes me so mad. like It makes me so irrationally angry.
01:27:12
Speaker
This isn't just any alien woman with a laser gun, though, Matt. This is Desindry, an imperial pathfinder in the Shi'ar Starfleet. Oh, Desindry. Desindry. She's on the run from invisible hunters who managed to ambush the Fantastic Four as they show up on the scene.
01:27:30
Speaker
Sure she is, man. Sure. Invisible hunters. Sure she is. Well, they kill Dysindri. What the fuck? And kidnap all of the Fantastic Four except for Susan, who just barely escapes with the protection of her invisible force field.
01:27:47
Speaker
She remembers the dying words of Dysindri. So little time. Archon. Oh, that fucking guy. Badoon Threaten. What? Lalandra.
01:27:58
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Danger. Huh? Must find. Tell. Xavier. So the FF are totally to blame here for Desendry dying, right? like Yes, 100%. She's fighting these guys and they come and they're like, hey lady, you knock it off. And she's like, no, you don't understand. And they're like, come on, we're going to take your little gun from you and you're going to settle down. And she's like...
01:28:23
Speaker
immediately dies yeah because they just can't see her attackers and they have an invisible woman they should know this is possible well they seem to uh to blow right by it we cut to a faraway planet where the x-men are engaged in all-out combat alongside archon the empyrean remember him All the way from, yeah I believe it was X-Men annual number three.
01:28:53
Speaker
The odds in this battle are grim as the X-Men have their backs to the literal wall. Whoa. And then Storm wakes up. What a terrible nightmare.
01:29:05
Speaker
But wait, who's that at the front door of the X-Mansion at this hour? It's Desindry. It's Sue and Franklin Richards in need of help. Yeah, that makes sense.
01:29:15
Speaker
Desindry's dead. Yeah, sorry. i I get so stupid sometimes. Sue explains the whole situation to the X-Men who agree to seek out Archon as a first step. like Xavier gives Kitty approval to join the mission as a full member of the X-Men.
01:29:30
Speaker
other What? It's good deal. But not if she's going to wear the new costume that she wants to show everyone. rules though! I know, I really like this costume. I think it could have stuck.
01:29:43
Speaker
It's like a, it's like a it's like a princess. We got to keep this. cut We got to take a screenshot of this costume. We got to put this on Instagram. i I want to compare this with another costume in like, ah yeah but fuck, like four years or something.
01:29:58
Speaker
Okay. I'm going to compare it a costume at the end of this episode. Please do. The X-Men gather, if you remember, the leftover yellow lightning bolts left behind by Archon and X-Men annual number three.
01:30:11
Speaker
I didn't know he left any more behind, but the yellow bolts are the transporty ones. They should have shown the just like hour that it took the X-Men to dig through their stuff. look for these habits Like, fuck, I know I put them.
01:30:26
Speaker
but No, Wolverine, where did you put them? and i didn't touch them, bub. I think I saw Kurt with him. Let's see. Everybody try to remember. Was this before or after our first Phoenix encounter?
01:30:39
Speaker
God, it's like the thing where you keep you can picture it everywhere. yeah. Well, they toss him at the ground real hard and the X-Men plus Susan Storm Richards are teleported Archon's planet.
01:30:52
Speaker
Yeah, man. we get a name on this planet? Archon's planet. couldn't find one on this issue. Okay. They are immediately greeted by Archon's apprentice and good friend of Aurora's, Sasha.
01:31:04
Speaker
Oh. Do we meet her before? Not sure. She had plugged these dreams into Storm's brain in the hopes that the X-Men would come investigate. Their land has been invaded and conquered and Archon captured by the Brotherhood of Badoon.
01:31:21
Speaker
Yeah, the Brotherhood of Badoon, of course. Pat, I'm going to say Archon's planet's name to you and you tell me if it's familiar or not. Okay.
01:31:33
Speaker
Polemicus. No, absolutely not. right.
01:31:39
Speaker
um The same green-skinned aliens from Storm's Dreams have opened a stargate in the planet's wildlands and overwhelmed Archon's army by constantly bringing in reinforcements.
01:31:51
Speaker
They now rule the city from the palace, which is where they're likely holding Archon and the boys, and only women are allowed to enter. Wolverine worries about the odds, while Sue worries that the rest of the Fantastic Four are already dead.
01:32:05
Speaker
Never tell me the odds. Inside the palace, we find Brother Royal, the commander of the Badoon Expeditionary Force, explaining the master plan to restrain to a restrained Reed Richards.
01:32:18
Speaker
They want Earth, but there are too many superpowered people making it very difficult to conquer. They're torturing Reed to extract information about all superpowered beings on Earth.
01:32:31
Speaker
It's kind of pinning a lot on one man to know absolutely everyone. But I guess you picked the right man if that's if that's your plan. That's a very good point. Yeah. if you But they didn't pick him.
01:32:44
Speaker
They stumbled upon him. That's also true. Like, they just grab a guy and they're like, you must know every superhero on Earth. And they're right. Yeah.
01:33:00
Speaker
Just outside, Sue and Aurora enter the palace shrouded in white robes and trying to keep a low profile. A guard removes the robes to search them for weapons, revealing that they're both dressed in very revealing local garb.
01:33:14
Speaker
The guard buys the disguises and allows them in to presumably have sex with the higher ups. Ew, more, come on, more interspecies relationships. We can't do I didn't know that's where you were going.
01:33:26
Speaker
We can't. thought it was about the exploitation, but. No, two different species shouldn't have sex. All right, Matt, we're getting a lot of mail about this, so please try to cool it.
01:33:37
Speaker
Halfway across the continent, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Sashia, and an old Viking man are scoping out the Stargate. They need to sneak in to destroy the Stargate, which will signal the old Viking man and his army to attack.
01:33:50
Speaker
This should, with a little luck, prevent any reinforcements from reaching the city. Kurt and Logan have a long talk about the coming battle. Kurt can't stop Logan from killing, especially in a life or death situation like this, but he can at least remind Logan that every life has value,
01:34:06
Speaker
Before he goes into a killing spree. Whoa. Off they go.
01:34:13
Speaker
Back in the palace, Aurora warns Sue that she must keep her composure no matter how disgusting the Badoon act. She does her best, but when Reed's torture chamber pops up on a monitor while a Badoon propositions her...
01:34:27
Speaker
Sue lashes out and the gals go on the offensive. The ruckus signals Colossus, Cyclops, and Sprite, who tear off their less revealing local garb and start blasting their way into the palace.
01:34:38
Speaker
We see the jilted Badoon general summon the monster of Badoon, a 10-foot freak with a metal mask and gloves. He's just is' a big guy. He's a big just guy Just like, it's...
01:34:52
Speaker
it If you... When you were, like, seven, and you drew, like, a big guy to fight the X-Men, that's what the monster platoon looks like. Yeah.
01:35:04
Speaker
Also, I hate... I hate to keep... i accusing Chris Claremont of going super anti-feminist in this little run, this collection that we're reading. But Sue Storm is too emotional to control herself when her family's life is at stake.
01:35:25
Speaker
Like, she's just, she's bumbling around. She's asking stupid questions. She's frazzled the entire time. And now... This fucking Sue Storm. She's too emotional to save the rest of the Fantastic Four. This is Sue Storm of the Fantastic Four.
01:35:42
Speaker
Like, who... Who are you... Who do think you're talking about, Chris? Who on earth do you think you're...
01:35:53
Speaker
imagining here ah yeah baddest bitch alive yeah okay back to the wildlands we see kurt teleport across the desert to start taking out cards but a whole platoon arrives just as logan and sashia catch up to him they start kicking ass but with the stargate open there's no end to the bodies they're piling up until kurt picks up a gun He had. Okay. Come on, man. Apparently in the past, casually discussed his fascination with Stargate tech with Lalandra who explained the basics to him.
01:36:29
Speaker
And so he knows what to do. He starts firing blindly into the portal as it activates to send more troops through knowing that the Stargate is at its weakest when it's activating.
01:36:40
Speaker
ah From a distance. Okay. We see the Stargate explode in a magnificent cloud signaling the Viking and his resistance army to attack. Yeah.
01:36:51
Speaker
All right. Good. Meanwhile, below the palace, a guard sees a big blunt object magically float by him, then bonk him right on the head. Right behind him, the imprisoned Fantastic Four in Archon.
01:37:05
Speaker
Sue reveals herself as the invisible holder of the blunt object as she and Storm take out the rest of the guards and free the boys. Ben, Johnny, and Reed are good to go, but Archon has been here far longer and has had to endure much more torture.
01:37:20
Speaker
To be fair, there's a lot of people that could have been holding that object. We've seen a lot of invisible people in this story. That's true. Archon shows us that he can barely walk just as a platoon of armored Badoon burst in.
01:37:36
Speaker
Above... Scott, Peter, and Kitty are mowing through little green guys until the monster of Badoon rises up from the ground and gets a cheap shot in on Colossus, knocking him far across the room.
01:37:48
Speaker
Cyclops' blasts have little impact on the monster, and what's worse, the monster has blasts of his own. hu With Scott and Peter both down, Kitty takes the lead and pulls the monster away, tricking him into collapsing a wall on top of himself.
01:38:04
Speaker
It's still not enough to stop him, though. Kitty is at a loss for what to do next when Colossus comes charging back in, pummeling the monster and knocking them both off the mile high building.
01:38:16
Speaker
From the crater that the impact creates, only one creature emerges. Colossus! It's fucking so good. Colossus looks... It is just Colossus at his best.
01:38:31
Speaker
Him it was launching himself fist first at a thing five times his size, pummeling, like pummeling through a wall out into the air.
01:38:46
Speaker
Yeah. And then just free falling and pulling himself out of a crater. All of his fucking clothes ripped off. Oh God. It's good. If you've been keeping up, you know that he's the one surviving this fall.
01:38:58
Speaker
That's what I thought was really cool about it was like, there's some suspense here when they're, they are like only one emerges from the crater and they show you a silhouette and you can't quite tell who it is. But yeah, if you know Colossus, you know that he does this.
01:39:10
Speaker
He enjoys doing this. He loves making craters in the ground and climbing out of them when everyone thinks he's dead. Yeah. But here's one of the first things we ever saw him do. Usually when he emerges, he he's pretty happy. This time he emerges and he's in the grip of a berserker rage.
01:39:29
Speaker
I'm sure that'll come back. Yeah. We see King Badoon start to panic. think all the X-Men are going to have to try and control him. And who can? Who possibly could? Who could?
01:39:40
Speaker
No one. We see King Badoon start to panic as Scott, Aurora, Kitty, Sue, Johnny, Ben, Reed, and an injured Archon close in on him. He triggers the self-destruction of the whole palace and gets the hell out of there.
01:39:56
Speaker
Reed notices that the Badoon weapons all seem to be powered from a central source, and Archon finally reveals that there's a giant generator that the Badoon built for some nefarious purpose.
01:40:07
Speaker
He's been sitting on that one. Yeah. They make their way down to that generator, where Peter politely greets them with a pile of green bodies at his feet. he He thought of this, too.
01:40:19
Speaker
He's already at the generator over through his rage. He's fine now and ready to rock. He's okay. Yeah. Okay. Oh, good thing they did that. Through teamwork and a sick combo of Sue and Scott's powers, they managed to blow up the central relays of the generator, which also happened to be the self-destruct device. what a Everyone's okay.
01:40:41
Speaker
Cool. Archon returns to his palace. Oh, and Kurt teleported himself, Logan and Sasha away from the exploding stargate. Just in time. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. Okay. This is the sick combo.
01:40:52
Speaker
Do you call this a sick combo? The weird Cyclops optic blast tunnel? Yeah. Sick. It's like, just like a tube. She makes a tube. so she makes Cyclops' thing, like spin around and do loop-de-loops and stuff. Yeah. She makes a little invisible tentacle straw.
01:41:17
Speaker
That Scott can shoot his lasers into and and it follows that tube precisely. And you find this sick. Sick. Sick as hell. ah it It also comes after a panel where the thing and Colossus are both holding some doors open and it's just two big muscly guys with things other than human skin underpants all tangled up on each other.
01:41:42
Speaker
Like this is definitely birth fetishes for many, many people over the years. That's an interesting way to look at it. like ah yeah Have you been on the internet?
01:41:56
Speaker
i In an epilogue, we see Peter realize that Kitty is beautiful after she dons some revealing local garb. oh come on. ah That looks eerily similar to the costume she tried on at the beginning of the episode.
01:42:11
Speaker
Yeah. yeah definite Except for instead of like pants or whatever, it's just her underwear. ya Yeah, yeah. And we see Aurora and Archon share a tender moment and make out, knowing that they live worlds apart.
01:42:25
Speaker
This reminds Aurora of her fleeting relationship with Prince T'Challa back in Africa. Both times duty kept the man she loved from her. Yeah. Duty.
01:42:36
Speaker
Come on. we close on Archon ruling over his kingdom. Once again, all hair, all hail Archon. He says all hail the fantastic four all hail the X-Men. Okay. The end.
01:42:51
Speaker
Well, yeah. How did you feel about this issue?
01:42:55
Speaker
Uh, yeah. this is good Generally the same way I felt about the other Archon issue. is We have a very capable writer, a very exciting artist, and and yeah, they they do fine. It's fine. It's all fine.
01:43:14
Speaker
They take some bad material and they make something out of it. But here's a question for you, Matt. Please. Is the thing okay with killing?
01:43:27
Speaker
does he have Does he have a rule against killing people?
01:43:32
Speaker
I don't. He was in a gang growing up. Does that matter?
01:43:38
Speaker
Like a gang of street toughs? Yeah. Do you think he killed people in that gang? um Like, was it a gangs of New York gang? no he a yeah Do we know he didn't?
01:43:49
Speaker
Like a... Guys and dolls gang. Guys and dolls gang.
01:43:59
Speaker
i he would I think he's okay with killing people, especially with the way he's tearing through these aliens. That's what really made me think of it is like, he doesn't give a shit. If he's got to punch somebody, yeah he's not pulling that punch. And that's essentially a Hulk punch.
01:44:15
Speaker
think I think there is something to like, the Fantastic Four maybe aren't okay with killing people, but by now they have to be okay with killing aliens.
01:44:27
Speaker
Yeesh, that's problematic. i Look, how many times have the Fantastic Four killed a lot of aliens? I'm going to guess it's many times.
01:44:38
Speaker
Well, Jean Grey did it. She had to die for it. Yeah. i ah Jump Shoopy wasn't around yet when the Fantastic Four were just killing alien after alien after alien.
01:44:50
Speaker
I mean, I think it's that Marvel thing where it's like, and no, actually, they're all unconscious and fine. Now they're in jail. Yeah, sure. Sure.
01:44:59
Speaker
He knocked them out with his knife. ah Just like Wolverine does all the time. Oh, Matt, that's ah that's all we got today. What do you think about this this little collection here?
01:45:13
Speaker
Yeah, so I guess why we grouped these together is um because they they don't really fit. that well into the X-Men's overall story. Like they don't, there's no, there's no place that they fit comfortably, but all of them are at least minorly important, right? Like we needed to know what happened in the Savage Land, I guess, uh, with the, with the mutates.
01:45:40
Speaker
We needed to know, about Storm's relationship with Black Panther, I guess we needed to know about Badoon. And I guess, and I think this might be like, this is like what the third, the Archon trilogy wrapping up.
01:45:58
Speaker
I guess so. Yeah. I didn't think of it like that, but yeah he's good now. I don't know. It's just like, they're just going, there's traveling to far distant lands.
01:46:10
Speaker
Like LA and Kenya and Archon Planet and Savage Land just to just to punch stuff. I don't know. What did you feel? How did you feel about this?
01:46:23
Speaker
Yeah, i generally the same. it's It's very just like, and I guess that's what to expect here out of... i out of a collection of short stories or out of an annual is just, here's a story. Here's a thing that happened.
01:46:42
Speaker
I I'm glad that there were a couple of, I guess almost Easter eggs here. Easter eggs in the sense that yeah we know that it's setting up something more important in the future, but yeah, there's really not much value to what we did today.
01:46:56
Speaker
No, no. ah This is the project we've signed up for. That's right. They're not all going to be winners, folks. yes No, there's nothing. There's very little about the canon of the X-Men that has been addressed here.
01:47:11
Speaker
It's just some stories that the X-Men were in. Yeah, but we're not going to miss them. And we didn't miss them. Correct.
Dungeons and Dragons Segment and Conclusion
01:47:19
Speaker
So... Got an eye out, stuff that could buy out. If you had time machine that you'd like to try out. can feel, feel.
01:47:33
Speaker
Oh, so we got one of these? We got one of these today? Yes, folks. Even though we're reading some off issues, luckily we managed to avoid those there's pesky teens who like to spray paint the ads off of comic books. What we found...
01:47:50
Speaker
Today is a little, it's a full one page comic titled a Dungeons and Dragons adventure. First panel after encountering a shambling mound, Grim Slade, Indel, and Valerius find a room filled with green slime.
01:48:08
Speaker
ah The wizard, I don't know which one this is, says, look out, it's dripping. And then we see the man named Indel go, ah, as the green slime drifts right on him.
01:48:21
Speaker
Okay. Our warrior is concerned, Valerius, is concerned that his sword is melting from the green slime. He's kind of got a magneto helmet on.
01:48:33
Speaker
Who we now know as Grimslade, says, there's no time for that now. Save Indel. They drag him from the room. The wizard says, this will take care of the slime. And with a big fooosh, she lights it all on fire.
01:48:47
Speaker
Suddenly, a figure steps out from the shadows. Saren!
01:48:54
Speaker
Uh, a woman enters yet just from the darkness and says, no questions. Now how's Indel? Okay. Okay. It's green slime. You're a cleric. Can you help him? I'll do my best. The cleric's powers restore Indel to health in the room. They find a magic sword says Valeri Valerius.
01:49:11
Speaker
Uh, it'll replace my ruined one. But then the wizard Grimslade says Indel, look out for secret doors. And then without warning help. We see Indel falling through a trap door.
01:49:23
Speaker
Saren says he's gone. And Grimslade says that means we'll have to go even deeper into the dungeon to rescue him. Matt, this wasn't a great story, but. No, not even a little bit like that. That was my D&D party, like D&D story. I'd be like, don't know if I feel like doing it tonight.
01:49:47
Speaker
ah Yeah, that was bad, but it doesn't include a little card you can cut out that says explore exciting worlds of fun, fantasy and adventure with Dungeons and Dragons and advanced Dungeons and Dragons. This is when they still sold both.
01:50:01
Speaker
ah Send in the coupon today for your free color catalog of games and accessories sent to TSR Hobbies Inc. So this is your chance to get a catalog to find out how much Dungeons and Dragons costs, Matt.
01:50:14
Speaker
Wait, wait, wait, wait. You can get that catalog for free.
01:50:18
Speaker
Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Now I understand. So this is not... You're you're not buying Dungeons & Dragons from this ad. You're ordering a catalog to buy Dungeons & Dragons later. For free. Yeah. Okay.
01:50:34
Speaker
It is free. Yes. This is free.
01:50:39
Speaker
And we had to read a whole comic to do... Pat, this your worst... Yeah, try to edit that down. Is this your worst Deals and Steals yet? This might be... It's the worst story I've had to read for Deals and Steals, for sure.
01:50:52
Speaker
He's got an eye out, that could buy out. If you had something that you would to try out, it's Deals Steals. I told you there was no puffy faffin' today, and yet this is the deals and steals you bring to me.
01:51:10
Speaker
yeah This is necessary puffy faffin'. This whole segment has to be puffy faffin'. It's how we open and close the show. All right. Well, listen, I want to thank everybody for...
01:51:21
Speaker
listening today want you to go this far we love you we love you and we want you to go review our show please uh helps other people find it um you can also find us on instagram at mutant menace pod right Yeah, absolutely. You can join our Discord. I think there will be some links in the the comments here.
01:51:43
Speaker
Links in bio. You can write into Pat's email corner by emailing mutantmenacepod at gmail.com. We will read your email on air.
01:51:54
Speaker
Exactly. ah And look, Pat has to get to commit election fraud. Actually... uh polls are in and oh look by a landslide curtis leewa curtis leewa wins the mail is joe jesse was dead curtis leewa wins uh oh 78 of the vote in new york city wow my god all right it's gonna be a dark day for american history yeah i I guess the only thing left for us to do, aside from thanking Krils Wilson for the music and Julia Selle for providing the voice of Trish Tilby, is to close the show out the way we do every week, Matt.
01:52:33
Speaker
Yeah, ah with our catchphrase that we say at the end of every episode, we gotta destroy this flaming Stargate.
01:52:47
Speaker
And remember, bless you, L.L. Bean.