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C1 EP 3 - Blood Splatter and Consequences
38 Plays1 year ago
The Street Bar patrons investigate the blood splatter in the conference room and face the consequences of their actions.
CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains fantasy violence, Crime, Alcohol use, amnesia, potential trigger statements and strong profanity.
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Transcript
Mature Themes Advisory
00:00:00
Speaker
Content warning. Ursa Rhett is a podcast with mature themes for a mature audience. Content warnings can be found in the description.
Escape and Capture
00:00:07
Speaker
The party escaped with her life and took a hostage.
Interrogation and Investigation
00:00:10
Speaker
After interrogating their hostage, they learn the possible mastermind is staying at the hotel estranged.
Hotel Estranged
00:00:16
Speaker
The party decides to tie loose ends and head to the hotel.
Encounter with Marcus Genovesi
00:00:19
Speaker
After crossing paths with Marcus Genovesi, the leader of the Genovesi family, the group sits down and has a few drinks. Marcus and a mysterious man go into a guarded conference room.
Espionage and Discovery
00:00:31
Speaker
Antonio steals one of the guards' keys. The team searches his room and finds a list of numbers, a weird mask machine, and disappointment at missing the festival.
00:00:42
Speaker
The party leaves ahead and takes the machine. They reunite as the meeting ends.
Blood and Mystery
00:00:48
Speaker
Antonio starts to open the conference room door and sees blood. Welcome to Ursa
Character Introductions
00:00:54
Speaker
Red. Ursa Red is about five patrons of the street bar in Safe Harbor. It takes place in a post-dystopian world. And today I am joined by Carter Prophet. Hi, I'm Carter. I play Mr. Somebody.
00:01:12
Speaker
Fun fact, the GM made my character and I still don't know really anything about him. How does that make you feel? Kind of nervous about playing him because I just don't know a lot of things that I feel like would help to know. It also makes his intros extremely awkward because when you're asking for fun facts about characters and got one.
00:01:39
Speaker
Well, how does he feel in the moment right now? But what does that mean? What does that mean? How does that make you feel? You know what? Let's all just get couches. This is... I feel like that's a cop-out, Carter, because you saw your face last time.
00:01:58
Speaker
That's true. Do you like your face? Wow. Wow. Real, real. A fun fact about my face. How did how did you feel when you crushed that dude's neck with a window? That felt great. All right. So now you like to crush people's necks with a window. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. I have to see it. You really do. Six, six. OK.
00:02:29
Speaker
I'm also joined by Chase Dixon. Hey everybody, Chase Dixon. I play Antonio Moretti and a fun fact about Antonio used to have a Corgi named Paco, but he unfortunately passed away after a mean battle with Mesothelioma and I only came up with this fact because I really wanted to say the word Mesothelioma in the accent and I didn't know if that opportunity would arise.
00:02:56
Speaker
What was uh, what was his name? It was Paco. Do you not listen? That was like the second thing he said. Where did you get the name Paco? Because I know Paco. No, everything is named Paco. So, I think it's Rush Hour 3. Uh, when they're talking about running away, Chris Tucker's like, we're gonna move to Fiji, we're gonna be bartenders, and I'm gonna call you Kiko. And I thought that was hilarious. Uh,
00:03:21
Speaker
So I am also joined by Dean Balter. Hey everybody. I'm Dean Balter and I played Karg and a little fun fact about Karg. So Karg and his father, Carl Sr. used to play
00:03:48
Speaker
And showroom drink a bunch of alcohol and play chess for hours. Yeah. Did you win? He doesn't remember most of those nights, but he did play chess. Yeah. Did you say Carl senior?
00:04:04
Speaker
Wait, would that make you Carl Jr.? Do you have a best friend named Marty? He used to be Carl Jr., but everyone knows him as Carl because he used to be so drunk, he couldn't say the name Carl. And so he just became Carl. That is a very fun fact. That might be more fun than your fun fact.
00:04:32
Speaker
It's a little bit of a twofer. Yeah. Crutch loves clever continuity. I do. I absolutely do. I'm also joined by Dominic Weimar. Hello, I am Dominic Weimar. I play Johnny Phelps. Fun fact about. He learned everything he knows about investigating from watching old police shows on the telly, as it were.
00:05:00
Speaker
John Phelps is not actually a PI. He's a self-proclaimed PI. He's a self-taught PI. He's just a stalker that follows people. You know what? John Phelps, I would like you to add to your inventory in your wallet. You have a badge that says SPPI on it. Self-proclaimed PI. There's also a lot of restraining orders.
00:05:32
Speaker
I am joined by Tim Lincoln. Hey, everyone. My name is Tim Lincoln. I am the war-forged artificer of the group, Optimus Crime, of course. I almost forgot to say my name. Fun fact about Optimus Crime is that his name Optimus is actually an acronym.
00:05:59
Speaker
which stands for optimized programmable technologically improved machine for universal solutions. You mentioned to me that you wanted to make your name an acronym, but that was glorious. Do you think he was talking about crime? I thought he was talking about crime, but stay tuned for next week.
00:06:22
Speaker
I'm also joined by myself. I am Alexander Crutchfield and I will be your GM for Ursa Red. My fun fact is in the last year and a half, me and some friends started a clothing company for, to make our own combat tops. And I also, uh, learned how to make like coverings for my couch and my desk chair and all that stuff. Very intuitive.
Unexpected Chaos
00:06:51
Speaker
Antonio, as you slowly crack the door open, you're going to see blood splatter on the inside of the door. Everyone else at this time, you hear yelling coming from upstairs as they discover what you left for them on the bed. And you start hearing footsteps. And the upstairs portion of the hotel. OK, I am.
00:07:20
Speaker
I've seen that the rest of the gang has come back down the stairs. Yeah, they are pretty much at the bar if I remember correctly. Okay, I'm going to as conspicuous enough to get their attention not conspicuous enough to draw everyone's attention. Try to flag the guys over to me. Yeah, guys, I think I think he's leaving us. Hey,
00:07:49
Speaker
Hey, fuckers. Hey, there's some shit going on in here. He's definitely waving for you, says Henry as he like points over. He probably wouldn't have noticed except for the fact that Karg pointed it out. What's everyone else doing, you guys? I will go over. Hey, Karg's gonna just start walking over. And then he's also gonna look over at him and say, don't come, you fucker.
00:08:20
Speaker
Antonio, what is it? I don't know what's on the other side of this door. All right. But it's not good. Okay. Uh, what are y'all watching my back? Someone come in here with me because I don't know what the fuck's in here. There's a lot everywhere with you. Are you guys going to watch the door? Yeah, I'll stand guard. As you open the door, you're going to see that the door is
00:08:47
Speaker
Like the splatter on the door is enough to be noticeable, but clearly like it was projected here a little bit. You turn and you slowly look inside the room. When you look inside the room, it's roughly 20 feet wide, 40 feet long. And in the center is a U-shaped table.
00:09:09
Speaker
Um, you guys are standing at one side of the table and in the middle of the you, you see Marcus Genovesi, uh, on the ground. He has a giant hole through the center of him. Um, and like, there's just blood and guts everywhere. You also see his son, Marcellus, uh,
00:09:34
Speaker
Is unlike looks unconscious on the ground holding an ear. And he's covered in. Assumably his father's blood. He doesn't seem alert or anything like that. See other things note. Yeah, that's pretty much it on the wall, like. To their right. Where?
00:10:04
Speaker
so opposite of like the bottom of the u-shape essentially is a giant screen where that is used for communication which is one of the things that this hotel boasts is that there's like a video conference system jesus christ oh shit boss this isn't this isn't good hey what do you guys what do you guys see over there car get in here i need your help it is not good car buses or
00:10:33
Speaker
Come here help help me with Marcellus. Help me with Marcellus. Oh, Jesus Christ God dammit. Mr. Somebody, what are you doing? I'm outside with crime currently. Just kind of standing guard. Okay. I'm going to go in the room. You're going in the room? Yeah, I'm gonna go in the room.
00:10:51
Speaker
All right. You're if you're still outside the room, you're going to see the guys coming like the guards coming down the stairs and they are holding weapons of different sorts. Are like already in hand, no longer like hidden under their jackets and sheathed and whatever. They're coming down the stairs. They are looking for a fight, essentially. But how many are there? Eight. I'm going to duck into the room.
Guards' Assault
00:11:22
Speaker
Is this the only door into the room? It is. Shit. Mr. Somebody, you need to keep guard outside. We can't all be in the room. We need to barricade the store. We need to all be in this room. We close the door and pretend like we're not here and they won't know. Is there like a way to like hide under the table? There is. So this table has
00:11:49
Speaker
Uh, so it's open on like the side where your legs go in, but if you're on the inside of the U shape, you'll see that there's panels covering the entrance or the covering people's legs, essentially all the desk and all of these panels are made of metal. Uh, is the entrance, the doors, uh, push or pull? The door is a pole from the outside. So from the lobby, it's a pole.
00:12:19
Speaker
Alright guys, this is what we do. Does anyone have a rope? I have my grappling hook. Are you? You put it on the door and then we keep it closed. It's locked. And if they knock on it, we say, nope, housekeeping is here and we're cleaning and they can't come in. Consuela just mopping up copious amounts of blood. I do not know if that would work so good.
00:12:48
Speaker
I'm going to I'm going to jump over the table and try to get behind it. I'm going to I'm going to keep trying to to wake up. Marcellus, we're going to we're going to go down the whole the whole half pool. I'm sorry to interrupt, but you guys are hearing gunshots now from outside. Oh, shit. Oh, we got to get out of here. The door is hit possibly by like a ricochet of the energy that's being shot out of these weapons.
00:13:17
Speaker
Someone is definitely fighting the men outside. It's kind of hard to tell. From in here, but there's definitely combat happening out there. I'm going to peek my head out the door. Just to see what's going on. You see right now the bar of the hotel estranged is in shatters.
00:13:46
Speaker
There's people hiding behind couches and pillars of like the guards are hiding behind couches and pillars. They are shooting at the bar. And after they put a few shots, there's kind of like a moment of silence. And then you see Henry pop up with like the energy equivalent of a shotgun and just like, boom.
00:14:09
Speaker
And he like takes out part of a couch that one of the guards is hiding behind. And then in the next second, a goblinoid pops up and is just shooting with like two pistols, just trying to like lay down fire. And then they both duck down behind the bar as the body guards start to fire again. Crime. What's going on out there? What was what happened? The doctor's guards.
00:14:37
Speaker
are having a firefight with the bartenders. We need to do something now. All right, I'm gonna put Marcellus's body in a safe location, just like under the table or in a corner or something, and I'm gonna take out my pistol. Are there any windows or other exits to this room? No. Yeah, I think Karg is gonna stay under the table for now. He's gonna pull out his shield. He's gonna pull out his sword.
00:15:05
Speaker
And he is kind of bolstering himself, getting ready to to charge at someone. OK. Yeah, I'm going to pull up my face pistol. OK, I will. I will also pull out my gun, go over to Antonio and say, Antonio, we need to tell the family about this. Anyone we can reach, anyone else? I don't think we got time for that, brother. Fair enough. We got to find our way out of this one.
00:15:34
Speaker
And I'm going to take out a knife in my other hand. So I got a pistol and one knife in the other. OK. So everyone is armed and you guys are just standing by in the room. I'm going to move up to crime and see if I can if I can see the nearest bad guy to. How tall are you? I've nine. OK, crime. How tall are you? Six six. I was imagining he was crouched, to be fair.
00:16:05
Speaker
Get your big fucking ass down. Let me see. How about you just stand in front? Then we can both peek out. We're already in front. That seems like a waste of energy. Whatever. Fuck it. I'll move in front. As you look out right now, it seems to be almost out of standstill. But very quickly after you start looking out.
00:16:30
Speaker
One of the bodyguards is gonna spot that the door is pushed open a little bit more and gonna take a shot at it as it hits the metal of the door. Nobody move. If we don't move, they can't see us. Do they see us? You're really in character on that one. Do they see us? Good job, guys. Henry just got shot in the shoulder. All right, Karg is gonna run out of the door.
00:17:00
Speaker
towards the guy that shot him and just start screaming, you don't fucking shoot my friends. And he's gonna try to hit him in the head with the sword. Okay, you're gonna get most of the way there, but you won't make it quite within sword range. Okay. Karg wait. Is everyone else jumping in this fight?
00:17:25
Speaker
I'm not not yet. Absolutely. I am. Yeah. If cards going, I'm going. Oh, OK. Everybody who's hopping in the fight, go ahead and roll initiative.
Battle Initiation
00:17:32
Speaker
Can I roll initiative and enter on the next turn after the situation develops? Yeah, I'll let you hold action and immediately lose it. I have no problems with that. Thanks, buddy.
00:17:51
Speaker
Anytime, I'm here for you. Karg, what we get for initiative? 12. Mr. Somebody? Nine. Phelps. We have 19. Crime? 17. Antonio? 14. Phelps, what would you like to do? Those a 17 hit. 17 is going to hit.
00:18:19
Speaker
I would like to post up behind door using it to cover most of body and then aim and shoot at one of men not in line with Karg. One not in line with Karg. Okay. So bodyguard number two. Yes. And now that we're in this room, can we see how many people there are? Eight. Okay. And then are they spread out or they kind of like concentrated in one area?
00:18:49
Speaker
They're decently spread out. OK. Up next is going to be crime. Yeah, so I'm going to run after Karg and be like, Karg, wait. Don't you know? You never take a sword to a gunfight. And that's not what I say with my sword. OK. And I'm shooting at one of the doctor's bodyguards here.
00:19:18
Speaker
Does a seven hit? No, it does not. Well, uh, yeah, I guess I'm going to. For just my windage on that one. Next up is going to be. The bodyguards bodyguards are going to start shooting at the people outside of the room. Which.
00:19:46
Speaker
would be, we're just gonna go in order that you guys probably left the room, which since you two were in the doorway, when Karg ran out, would he have pushed you guys or did you get out of the way? I'd have gotten out of the way. I think Karg definitely pushed through. No, I think after they shot, they were probably,
00:20:16
Speaker
trying to be away from the shot. And then I mean, I'm going to ram into anyone who's in my way with my shielded front, just running towards the dude shooting at my friends. I'm going to say that you got outside first and that's going to miss the next guy is going to attack crime and that is going to miss. And third one is going to attack Antonio.
00:20:45
Speaker
Or no, Antonio hasn't left the left yet. Okay. Uh, it's going to attack folks for, uh, 18 that hits as you pop a shot off at the guy at number two, who's hiding behind a column. Uh,
00:21:11
Speaker
Number three, who is hiding a couch in the nearby area, pops up and is gonna shoot you and you take six points of damage. Fuck. We're just gonna go back to Karg. So this is going to be the guy that you're running at.
Karg's Fall
00:21:38
Speaker
He is going to see you running at at him and he's going to hold up his pistol kind of put his arm and his elbow because everyone knows that's exactly how you stabilize a pistol in a fictional setting.
00:21:57
Speaker
And he's going to aim just between your shield and your armor. And he is going to hit you for. What do you roll? Natural 20. Oh, absolutely. Karg as he's running and gets hit by this bullet instantly drops to the ground.
00:22:25
Speaker
and starts convulsing. Karg! Wow. Oh my God. What's happening out there? It doesn't look fucking good, man. It's grim. Next up is going to be Henry and Spittle. So there are now seven enemy left as Henry pops up over the bar and just kind of overhead. Boom.
00:22:54
Speaker
takes out the guy behind the pillar and part of the pillar. Next up is going to be spittle. Spittle's going to try to hit the one with that just took down Karg. His first shot does not hit. His second one will. That is now going to bring us to Mr. Somebody. Imagine a 17 hits. 17 does hit. Cool. I'm going to shoot at
00:23:25
Speaker
I'm going to move outside the room first and shoot at the one closest to the door. Okay. Um, for eight damage. Okay. He's looking in pretty hurt. No, that brings, that's going to bring us to the top of initiative again. Well, I'm going to try and pull further back behind door. So it's covering more of my body.
00:23:55
Speaker
and i'm going to try and aim at the closest one does a 25 hit it does okay i will be aiming at the one closest to me and firing i will be posting up on the door aiming at the one closest to me and shooting
00:24:16
Speaker
You're going to take him down. As you squeeze the trigger, the blast from your pistol is going to hit the man square in the chest and he's going to fall to the ground and opt to get back up. There are now six enemies left. Crime, what would you like to do? Yeah, so as crime sees Karg collapse to the ground, he's going to start
00:24:45
Speaker
to like shake. And the color of his optical lens changes from blue to red. And the screen on his chest has like a crackling appearance. And the octave of his voice is going to drop a little bit. And he's gonna say
00:25:06
Speaker
You guys have messed with the wrong bot. Get ready to be deleted and sent to the cloud. And he's going to cast Tasha's Caustic Brew on the closest guy that he's got there. Is that roll the hit? No, it's a DC 13 dexterity save.
00:25:26
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna give you inspiration, but the way it's gonna work in this case is you're gonna roll a D6, I'm gonna roll for the bad guy, 16. What was the DC? 13. 13. He's going to manage to get out of the way. He is successfully separated from the rest. But now there's a puddle of acid there, right? Yes.
00:25:55
Speaker
And Karg spirit whispers into the ear of Optimus crying, it's okay, buddy. You did your best.
Crime's Counterattack
00:26:05
Speaker
I'm going to use the rest of my movement to try and move over to Karg. You can successfully make that movement. Am I able to pick him up? Uh, so he's not just laying on the ground. He's about to make a death saving throw, correct?
00:26:25
Speaker
Yeah, I am down. Uh, at the bad guys and then after the bad guys is Antonio. I did not forget about you. Crime does 13 hit. No, it does not. Okay. Uh, Mr. Somebody 16 to hit. Uh, yes, that hits. That hits. You're going to take one point of damage. Level one stuff is terrifying, man. Oh yeah. Pretty rough.
00:26:53
Speaker
Yeah, I think, uh, I think Karg agrees. I am almost dead. The third guy, he's gonna pop out to make a shot. And as he tries to, uh, get back behind his cover, he's just going to have poor spatial awareness and not make it behind his cover at all. He's just going to leave himself super exposed and in just a bad position to try and defend himself.
00:27:24
Speaker
Uh, brings us back to crime with a 13 to hit. Does not hit. Does not hit Phelps. 14 to hit. Mr. Somebody seven to hit negative Antonio. Yeah. So, uh, who's the closest guy to the door? How far away is he? Uh, right now he is about 25 feet outside the door. Okay. Is that the one that just left himself exposed?
00:27:54
Speaker
No, that is the one that is separated from the rest by crimes acid. Okay, then I'm going to sprint out the door and get right up to the guy and I'm going to go to attack him in the neck with my knife. And does does a 15 hit a 15 does not hit
00:28:21
Speaker
myself into fucking oblivion god damn it i was really banking on that all right well since i'm completely gonna fucking whiff like like the i'm just gonna point my fucking pistol point blank at this fucking student's fucking chest and pull the trigger do you have two attacks at level one uh yeah i have to have a fight 21 yeah so i'm gonna hit that guy for uh six
00:28:45
Speaker
And, uh, is there, is there any other like pillars around or furniture that I can get behind? You can get behind, uh, the far side of the couch that like closest to the wall. And the guy that you just shot point blank is face down on the ground, but he, you can still see a little bit of movement out of him.
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to get behind the couch and make sure I track my ammunition and that's going to end my turn. Can you roll the dice? And I would like you to send it directly to me over private message.
00:29:37
Speaker
Hmm. Either he's okay. I'm just hiding that reaction. No, sold that like a champ poker face on right now. Okay. And that is going to bring us to Henry and, uh, stuff. It'll spittle spittle. Hey, Henry's going to pop up same, same shooting technique. It's been working so far. Why change it? Boom.
00:30:06
Speaker
And he is going to do two points of damage on number four. Spittle's gonna come up, he's a goblinoid. So he's naturally going to take a shot at the easiest person with advantage. And he's, I don't really need to look at that one. He's going to take out the one that Antonio left on the ground.
00:30:30
Speaker
So we are now down to five enemies. That is going to bring us to Mr.
Mr. Somebody's Strike
00:30:39
Speaker
Somebody. Yeah, I'm going to want a full sprint at the guy who left himself exposed and just going to just straight up knock him in the head. Kind of like a week, like pistol weapon for 10 damage, because that's the guy who
00:31:00
Speaker
had disadvantage, right? Number three. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. What was your to hit? Eighteen. Eighteen. That's going to hit. And then. Ten. Ten. He's going to end up on the ground. Barely moving. So full spread. I see he's out in the open. He's probably a little bit disoriented, you know,
00:31:30
Speaker
Cause he's like, fuck, I have no cover. And, uh, I'm just going to fucking just run up into straight, just smash it down on top of his head. And then, uh, I'm going to move behind the cover that he was trying to go through. Uh, that is going to protect you from getting attacked by your friends. You never know. Up next is Phelps.
00:31:57
Speaker
Yes, I will be staying behind the door and I will be aiming at the next closest person and I will be firing at you. Roll the hit? It is 20. Natural? Mod. Mod. Okay, that's going to hit. Go ahead and roll your damage. That is 6. Is that going to end your turn? That will, yes.
00:32:25
Speaker
Awesome. Up next is going to be crime. All right. So I'm going to look down at Karg. Can I get an impression of how he's doing? No, because the life is slowly leaving his body and he's getting less and less responsive in my rage.
00:32:55
Speaker
I'm going to run to the next closest guy. Okay. And I'm going to hit him with my giant pipe wrench of a mace. Okay. That's a natural 20. That is a natural 20. I'm going to run up with the mace and the pipe wrench and I'm going to
00:33:21
Speaker
do a big old overhead lumberjack chop right down into his skull and just send his brain splattering everywhere. And I'm going to say, you probably thought this robot was peaceful, but I got a lot of bites. With that, there's going to be four enemies left. One of them is
00:33:51
Speaker
barely moving on the ground. Up next is the four remaining bad guys. We're going to shoot at crime. Six doesn't hit going to shoot at somebody 18 to hit. Yes. Number four is going to peek out from behind a
00:34:20
Speaker
Pillar and shoot you and you're going to take two points of damage I am skipping number three because like I said barely able to move Number the fourth one is going to shoot a
00:34:43
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm gonna identify the nearest one that's in the open, and I'm gonna go to shoot him with my pistol, and then immediately following it, throw my dagger at him.
Antonio's Brutality
00:34:56
Speaker
So does a 22 hit for the pistol shot? 22 does hit. Nine damage on the pistol shot, and then there's a 21, yeah. So for the dagger, D4 plus four, shit.
00:35:13
Speaker
Five So 13 yeah, yeah he dead yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna just look at him I'm gonna shoot him in the kneecap and then when he falls down and he's like on one knee I'm gonna chuck the the dagger right through his eyeball Okay with that there are three people remaining one is barely able to move Karg I would like you to roll your next death save and please send it to me gladly
00:35:42
Speaker
It had to be a good one. It had to be a good one. He's way too upbeat. Or was that the bad one in the first one was the good one. That was two fails in a row. Henry is going to shoot at one of them. Henry's tried and true technique is going to mess this time as he pulls it up and just wolfs his shot.
00:36:07
Speaker
If anyone was paying attention, you'd probably think that Spittle bumped into him. He is going to get back behind cover. Spittle is now going to pop up and do him what he does. He's going to take a shot at the one who is almost dead.
00:36:22
Speaker
And that one will die as he just lets that first just absolutely misses and then shoots again. Uh, he's going to take him out. The first round is almost going to hit Mr. Somebody and you're going to hear a sorry come from the other side of the counter. We're on the same team. You're hiding on the wrong side. Clearly it worked out.
00:36:52
Speaker
Uh, that is going to bring us to Mr. Somebody. Uh, I'll run over to the guy who is really moving. Okay. I know he's dead. Oh, that's okay. Sorry. Um, there's two left. Number four then. Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna run over to him and I'm going to try to,
00:37:22
Speaker
Kick him like in his knee as a 14 hit. A 14 does not hit. That's awkward. Sick. I'm going to just go really fucking this is me and just stomp the shit out of the ground and then awkwardly stare at him. And then I'm going to try to
00:37:53
Speaker
just push him away from me. Do I have to roll for that? I'll let it happen in like a weird, like you used the remainder of your movement. Phelps.
00:38:11
Speaker
I would like to aim, I aim my pistol at next closest person who is not right next to somebody. I squeeze trigger on it and completely miss hitting wall behind him. I bet that well deserved it. Oh, I just imagined spittles pissed. Not about any of the other destruction in his lobby, just that one gunshot.
00:38:40
Speaker
All the destruction done by Henry is just coming out of his pay. But you. Crime. So as I pull my wrench out of this guy's face, I'm going to run over to the next guy and I cock it back like I'm a baseball player, swing at him, and it's going to completely miss.
00:39:08
Speaker
The guy ducks and it just smacks right into the wall next to him. Antonio. Yeah. So I'm going to use my bonus action, take out my other dagger, and I'm going to run over to the one that, uh, crime just missed on and go for a sneak attack. Uh, 24 hits. Yep. So, uh, nine total damage. Uh, that's going to kill him. Cool. Yeah. I'm going to run up from behind him and I'm going to stab him in the spine and I'm just going to rip it up his spinal cord.
00:39:38
Speaker
serves you right, you fucking mite. Okay. That, yep, that will kill him. And I fucked up initiative order. So I guess the last guy he is going to get his attack now. He wasn't paying attention. He was mesmerized by his friend's spinal cord getting ripped out. Yeah. And that's 19 on Antonio.
00:40:07
Speaker
seven points of damage. Motherfucker! At this time, Karg, I would like you to please roll your third death save. I would like to remind everybody that this could be the one that gives us a result. You guys ready for this? Something tells me crudgy as nerd meant final. She hesitated. Makes you wonder.
00:40:39
Speaker
R.I.P. He does not seem happy. Oh, well, I've seen the chat, boys. I still got another roll to go. I hate this. I'm telling you right now, Karg is not loving it.
00:41:07
Speaker
Uh, it is now Henry and spittles turn. Henry is going to once again, try the tried and true. As he pops up, he's going to slip on some alcohol underneath him and he's going to fall, uh, spread with his arms wide onto the bar behind him, like onto the shelves, uh, perfectly exposed.
00:41:33
Speaker
And Spittle is going to be affected by this. He's going to pop up. He's going to let off two shots and he's going to hit two lights and be like, which one of you kids blew out my light bulbs? And, uh, that's going to bring us to Mr. Somebody. There is one guy left and he has not taken damage.
00:42:06
Speaker
I'm going to want to run and I'm going to do a, Oh God, I shouldn't have said that. A flying kick, you know, a dying light style. Um, I'm going to miss, right? But hear me out. You're Matt. Hold on. Hold on. Right. As, as I'm going past him and going, Oh my God. Um,
00:42:34
Speaker
I'm going to grab onto his arm and try to pull him down with me. I'm going to need you to make a dexterity check with disadvantage. For the audio listeners, it looks like Carter just crapped his pants. He might have crapped his pants. Those are hefty die.
00:42:58
Speaker
Eight, eight is not going to succeed as you fly past him. You think you're going to get his arm. And what ends up happening is you're just like now reaching out for his arm. Like you just flew past him. You're like, how did this happen? Uh, that's going to bring us back to John Phelps. Harder's got one of those freeze moments where it's like.
00:43:22
Speaker
You might be wondering how I got into this situation. You know, over the hedge when, like, there's the explosion and the devil is, like, going and he's, like, reaching for his shell? Yeah. That's basically how I envisioned that just happened. Jumping back to it, John Phelps. I would like to do similar things to what I've been doing, switching between all different men in lobby. I am at last man.
00:43:52
Speaker
pull trigger and do a four of damage. That is the first bit of damage on this last guy. Crime, your turn.
00:44:03
Speaker
Yeah, so crime rips his mace out of the wall that it was stuck in. He like put the foot up on it, rips it out debris comes flying. He's gonna spin around, see the last guy, he's gonna see Mr. Somebody go flying by in slow motion. And he's gonna run over. And he's gonna raises his pipe wrench up to do another overhead ax swing at the guy. And he rolled the natural one.
00:44:41
Speaker
And I hate to add insult to injury, but, uh, why did you do it on my wall? As like, spittle just seems really irritated off in the distance.
00:44:54
Speaker
Like you were saying that with enough velocity that some of his spittle came out of his mouth and just took a card on the face while he was just swimming in his own sorrow. I have good news and bad news. Would you like to hear it, crime? Lay it on me. The bad news is he's going to attack you.
00:45:22
Speaker
The good news is that as you miss by going into it, you run into him and being the heavier, he's now more exposed, laying on the ground than you are. Uh, anyone who attacks him gets advantage and a modified natural 20 Antonio.
00:45:48
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna sprint over to to our Convulsing friend on the ground and I'm gonna attempt to stabilize him. I still need you motherfucker. Oh My god, yeah fucking that one Yeah
00:46:13
Speaker
I have a good mod to medicine. No sense. You can actually mess up real medical things. We're going to say that is a failure for your death save. 5050 boys. But come back next week to see if it survives. Thank you for joining us on Ursa Red. Hope you have a great week. Bye.
Outro and Credits
00:46:44
Speaker
Ursia Redd is Alexander Crutchfield as our GM. Chase Dixon is Antonio Moretti. Tim Lincoln as Optimus Crime. Carter Crawford as Mr. Somebody. Dominic Weymeyer as Johnny Phelps and myself, Dean Balterd, as Karg. This podcast is directly supported by our patron and wonderful listeners like you. Our Patreon patrons,
00:47:06
Speaker
Enjoy benefits like ad-free episodes, listening to new episodes 24 hours early, access to our Patreon's only Discord channel, bonus content like our session zero and our aftershow like Tactical Paws, as well as the opportunity to directly shape our adventure by submitting names for NPCs and your own custom magic items to the game. You can find out all this and more and all the soon to come things on patreon.com slash Tactical Crits.
00:47:37
Speaker
Our next episode will be coming out on our Instagram, which is Tactical Crits, our Twitter, at Tactical Crits, our Reddit, our slash Tactical Crits. We also have a Facebook, YouTube, and TikTok. Our link's for you with all the links in the description. Go check it out if you want to hear what we have to say about the show. And that's it for this week. Everybody else, we'll see you next time.