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C1 EP 6 Oops...
25 Plays10 months ago
In this episode our players face off against their Rock golem nemesis, will they prevail or will the re-roll their characters?
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Transcript
Content Warning & Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Content warning can be found in the description. A viewer discretion is advised.
Meeting Johnny Phelps
00:00:45
Speaker
Welcome back adventurers to another thrilling episode of Legion of Dice. Last time on our journey, the party found themselves in a small shack hiding from a big rock golem. They met the enigmatic Johnny Phelps in this shack. This seemingly harmless tinkerer turned out to be more than he appeared.
Gearing Up for Battle
00:01:02
Speaker
After a tense confrontation, the party dispatched Johnny and made off with his coveted shrink ray, potions, and a bag of gold.
00:01:10
Speaker
Armed with their new loot, our heroes set their sights on the next challenge, a formidable rock golem that stands between them and their quest.
Goblin Encounter
00:01:18
Speaker
but the path to glory is never straightforward. In route, they stumbled upon a band of goblins. Battle ensued and the goblins met their grisly fate at the hands of our relentless adventurers. What dangers await them next? Will they conquer the Rock Olam and claim their reward?
Invitation to Join 'Legion of Dice'
00:01:35
Speaker
Or will they face new unforeseen challenges? Grab your dice and join us as we dive into another episode of the Legion of Dice.
Character Introductions
00:01:49
Speaker
Welcome to the world of Erem. I'm joined by... I am Zachary Balter. I play Bruce the Bod. And a fun fact about Bruce is that he grew up in a small thieves guild where he watched his father get murdered. And so now he has a vendetta for the man that murdered his father. Jesus Christ. Is your nickname Indigo Montoya? He also carries around the dagger of the...
00:02:19
Speaker
the tool that was used to kill his father, so he carries that around. That's the dagger he uses. Very rarely, but he does use it. You call that a fun fact? It's a fact. I'm swiping that dagger. And he's going to use it to kill fan wise. Hey, everybody. I'm Chase Dixon. I play Axon of the Golden Fang. And fun fact about Axon, for everyone's
00:02:45
Speaker
frame of reference. He's seven foot two and over 400 pounds. And he is one of the small ones on Antara of the Leona. Specifically of the Golden Fang tribe. The rest of those nerds are puny. You're a midget. So you're like seven foot. How tall is everyone else? Much taller than me. At least six inches taller. Yeah, six inches. Oh, yeah.
00:03:16
Speaker
Uh, um, I'm also joined by. Hey, I'm, uh, Matthew Jigison. I play Noctua for Tenebrous. Uh, a not so fun fact about Noctua is, uh, he's been spending some time away from his family as of recently. And for, although it's for good personal reasons, he's also, uh, saddened by the, uh, loss of his comrades that he's had for years.
00:03:43
Speaker
Hey, I'm Kent Rawlings. I play Vexos Nightshade. Fun fact about Vexos is he's very situationally aware of everything around his surroundings naturally as a rogue, but he doesn't drink enough alcohol to get him inebriated to
00:04:05
Speaker
cause him to do, make bad decisions or anything. So, um, if anyone ever, he's drinking with everyone, he will deceive them to think that he is drinking just as much as them. But in reality, he has not drunk anywhere near as much as him. So he does that, uh, taking a shot, but throwing it behind the shoulder thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Hmm. We'll see. Uh, we'll see if anyone notices next time you guys go to drink.
00:04:31
Speaker
All right, so last session, you guys were starting to fight off the goblin horde, or section of the horde, and you guys started hearing a gravelling noise behind you until finally there was this giant rock monster that you guys had fought before standing right behind you. Hey, round two, bitch.
00:05:04
Speaker
What we're gonna do is we're gonna restart the initiative roll. Thank God. So everyone roll me a initiative. I think I got the same. 17. 10. 24. 17.
Rock Monster Battle
00:05:23
Speaker
I'm still last. Vexus and Noctifer, you guys both got 17? Yes. Yeah, what's your dexterity? 19. Okay, yeah.
00:05:34
Speaker
All right, let's see. Landed on the floor doesn't count. That's not how that works. Do you want it to count? Cause if I were you, you wouldn't. No, no. He takes back what he said immediately. Immediately. Damn you guys got very lucky. All right. So you hear a loud noise behind you.
00:06:02
Speaker
And this monster looks deep into your souls and acts on. You get to go, uh, get to go first. Okay. I'm going to take out my spear with my bonus action and attempt to draw its attention away from my comrades as I climb up some rocks to try to get semi-eye level with the thing.
00:06:28
Speaker
but far enough away that I stay out of his melee range. Cause I've been hit by that before. I don't want to get hit by that again. Scared you got. All right. So you climb up just to like the top and just get like a good vantage point to like look at him, but. And I say, um, what do I say? Leroy Jenkins. Hey, over the shoulder, boulder dick face over here. Oh wait. And I'm also going to let out just shot in the dark. Uh,
00:06:57
Speaker
Daunting roar and I'm just gonna fucking I can't do a lion roar But if I could do it now, yeah Do it do the roar do the roar What it what is uh, what does he have to pass DC 13 wisdom saving throw or be frightened from it
00:07:26
Speaker
Wisdom. Oh, it's a rock. He got zero wisdom. He doesn't have zero. It's not great, but he doesn't have zero. It's like a negative three, I bet. No, it's a plus one. No way. And he got a nat 20 anyway. Not only is he not afraid of you, but he looks at you directly and screams right back at you. Boys, I am.
00:07:55
Speaker
as you say in this land, fucked. All right, next to go is going to be Vexus. All right, yeah, so there's four little goblins on the other side of that rock. Are they all pretty much grouped up?
00:08:14
Speaker
Yeah, they're all like right behind this rock, kind of using it as cover. And again, there's still three goblins with a shield in front. Right hand has a sword in it and they all have some, some armor on. And then there's this, uh, this last guy with a bow or a crossbow and he's looking real fucking hurt.
00:08:41
Speaker
Okay. And how far away is Bruce from these guys? Because I know he jumped over. Yeah, he's like right up on him, right? Like you jumped. Yeah, I'm in the middle. I should be in the middle of like all of them. Oh, son of a bitch. Okay. Fuck.
00:09:03
Speaker
Uh, all right. God damn it. Um, so I am going to, um, jump from the other side of the rock, like jump onto the rock and then jump down. And I'm going to cast a shadow strike. Um, AKA booming blade, um, and do an attack roll on, uh, the crossbow guy.
00:09:31
Speaker
All right. Give me an attack roll. 16. It does hit. All right. What do you do to him? Um, I do. Uh, six damage. Um, yeah. And is that a sneak attack?
00:10:00
Speaker
Yeah, you were hidden from the last session that we had. So this is a stealth attack. Yeah, stealth attack. Yeah, that's 12 damage. And then he's covered in a shadowy energy that if he moves five feet or more willingly, then he takes 1d8. Well, after you hit him with this, this shadow kind of just starts to disintegrate him.
00:10:28
Speaker
as he starts screaming and drops his crossbow and he's just, ah, just disintegrates. Also, totally forgot, one of the other goblins is dead, so there's actually only two goblins left because the last one impaled himself with a sword. And yeah, that'll be it. And that'll bring us to Bruce. Oh, sorry, Noctifer. How close am I to the rock?
00:10:58
Speaker
from where you're at about 30 feet, because he came up like behind you guys. And how far away am I from the rat? Like where Bruce is and the rat is? Well, I thought Bruce jumped off from the rat. No, no, I'm on the rat. Yeah, he used the rat to like jump over and jump. Okay. I am going to move.
00:11:27
Speaker
I'm going to move 20 feet away from the rock and I will... So you're going to go towards the goblins and Bruce and Vexos and Axon, right? Actually, will that put me right next to one of the goblins? If you go, you said 30 feet? Yeah, that'll bring you right up to the other two goblins that are in that area. I'm just going to kill one of the goblins that's next to Bruce then.
00:11:56
Speaker
All right. I'm gonna attack one of them. 14 hit. 14 does not hit. You take a swing at this dude, and he just kind of like blocks it off with a shield real quick. And then Bruce.
00:12:12
Speaker
It is your turn. Okay. So I'm going to use my bonus action to use Bardic Inspiration on Vexos. Yeah. Nice. So I'm going to, Hey Vexos, you big strong man. You're a very big strong man. Please cover me. Please help me. I've got you brother. And then I'm going to, uh, like on the rat, do like a twist and try to fumble, fuck the, uh, the shrink ray and try to aim it at the big rock man.
00:12:43
Speaker
All right. You're going to aim it and you're going to try to like, like turn and pull the, pull the trigger. Yeah. All right. Uh, give me an attack roll first. Uh, two. Oh no. All right. Now just roll a nat 20. 17.
00:13:08
Speaker
Okay, so you shoot this ray and it blasts towards the rock monster and hits like a stalagmite that was kind of above it. And it just like falls down, but now it's the size of like an ant. And it just like dinks off of him and nothing happens. My bad guys, I tried. And as you see that, now you kind of see the shrink ray kind of like, it just starts like glowing a little bit more.
00:13:40
Speaker
And that'll bring us to the two goblins that everyone has been attacking. And one of the goblins is going to look over at Noctifer, the one that he just tried to hit, and he's going to try to stab you in the stomach. Does it three hit? Absolutely not. I didn't think so.
00:14:03
Speaker
and he's going to go try to hit you in the stomach. He's going to completely whiff, and his buddy is going to look over at him and be like, and turn over to Bruce and try to swing up at Bruce, like knock him off of this big rat. Ooh, does a 17 hit. Yep.
00:14:29
Speaker
All right, so he's gonna try to take a swing and knock you off and he's only gonna do five damage and he's gonna knock you off of the rat. Okay. Actually, sorry, give me a constitution save to see if you get knocked off the rat. I can do that. 10. Yeah, that just...
00:14:53
Speaker
is the DC, so you barely hang on to this rat as he slices up at you and hits you with this sword for five damage. And that is going to be rocky. So he runs forward and he slaps his hands together
00:15:17
Speaker
and you guys feel a burst of wind coming towards you, everyone give me the constitution saving throw. 16. God damn it. Oh, fuck off. Oh, did you get a bad one? I got a natural one. Oh. I got an 18. All right. So you got an 18. What'd you get knocked off her? 16.
00:15:51
Speaker
So everyone who's saved, you get half damage. Whoever failed, you take the full damage and you're knocked prone. And it's 14 damage. So he slams his hands together. A burst of wind starts going towards you guys. Knocks Axon down to the ground and he lands prone. And Bruce, just as soon as you got
00:16:10
Speaker
16. Okay. So, oh, fuck.
00:16:20
Speaker
got off of, or no, just as you saved of not getting knocked off of, uh, Oh, Bruce is down for the count right now. Oh, fuck. Oh, no.
Goblins & Strategic Retreat
00:16:37
Speaker
That's uh, that's going to be axons turn. Okay. Then I'm going to use my action to stand up and I'm going to use my bonus action.
00:16:48
Speaker
to heal me with my potion of minor healing. All right. And then I'm gonna use my movement to fall back with the lads. All right, so you're gonna just take a little retreat. And I'm gonna end my turn, not with a bang, but with a whimper. All right, and that's gonna bring us to Vexos. And at this point, you just seen Axon get fucking knocked out
00:17:17
Speaker
jump back up, run back to you, and Bruce hit the ground not moving. Yeah, so I'm like in my head instantly like, fuck. This is a tricky situation. So immediately I jump up on old Ricky the rat. I grab the fucking shrink ray.
00:17:41
Speaker
And I pick it up and shoulder it and I aim it straight at, uh, the rock and I shoot it at the rock. You are inspired. As I say, you got to make it an attack roll and, uh, and you have inspiration or yet, uh, yeah. Are you at a D four or D six? D six. Uh, well, I rolled a 17 and, uh, I'm going to go ahead and add the inspiration anyways.
00:18:13
Speaker
You take aim and you shoot a beam directly into the chest of this giant rock as it just slapped its hands together and it's just about to move its hands apart and a beam shoots it directly into the chest and it gives out a big roar that slowly decreases in volume.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yeah. And as, as it's decreasing in volume, you see this, you know, 14 foot, 15 foot rock. Just slowly go down and down and down until he's about two inches tall. I'm also going to need you to roll a D 20 a five. Oh no.
00:19:15
Speaker
No, you're good. So you roll, you roll a five and the machine after you shot, uh, you shot this guy and he became super small. It starts to glow a little bit more and just kind of feels a little warm to the touch. Guys. I think, uh, I think we need to let the, uh, the shrink ray cool down a little bit. It's getting more. And after you do this.
00:19:45
Speaker
the you could hear a bunch of the goblins that were still kind of like hanging around and you haven't really gotten to yet start freaking out and you just hear and then you see a couple of them jump out from some rocks that were kind of like on the other side and they just start fucking bulking it like they are running as fast as as they can to get away from you what about the uh the two that are right next to us oh they're still there they're uh
00:20:15
Speaker
They haven't had a chance yet to try to get away. Okay. That's gonna bring us to, well, it was gonna bring us to those goblins, but they're all running, so that brings us to Axon. Whoa, no, it goes to me. No, it should be Noctifer, Noctifer. Oh, shit, fuck, I forgot. Yeah, it wasn't, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you right. It goes to Noctifer. I am going to run after the rock monster.
00:21:00
Speaker
How do you like it, motherfucker? I was going to do that as well, but I didn't want to cause an opportunity attack from those two little fucking nerds that were right next to me. That's true. He does. Oh, yeah, shit. Yeah, you get opportunity attack. Thank you for reminding me. That's fine. Yeah, that's cool. Thanks, Ken. I mean, it's definitely worth it. I'm assuming a 10 and a one don't hit you. Okay.
00:21:12
Speaker
I'm gonna pick him up.
00:21:29
Speaker
So the 10 guy goes to, uh, goes to swing at you. The one guy goes to swing on the other side and the guy who got a 10 accidentally, uh, accidentally cuts off the head of his buddy who got a one who just like fell into the, uh, fell into his sword and.
00:21:50
Speaker
This point there's just one goblin left fighting for his fucking life. And it is Bruce's turn to roll a death save. Oh, that's an 18. That is one pass. Yeah. And that'll bring us to the rock monster who is inside of knocked firsthand. And he is going to try to like.
00:22:18
Speaker
claw at the inside of your hand and try to bite your hand. Um, and he just, it just doesn't even hurt it. He got it too. And he just kind of like scratched your hand a little bit, kind of tickled and that'll bring us to axon. How many goblins ran away? Uh, it seems to be like 10.
00:22:40
Speaker
that you guys can see like 10 of them just start fucking booking it. And there's probably more wherever they're going, but those 10 are fucking going. But the last time I ran after goblins, I got shit clapped by a rock monster. Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go to attack the one that just beheaded his friend with my spear. Two handed attack. 11 hit.
00:23:04
Speaker
no son of a whore so you uh yeah you try to get him and you fucking hit you go to hit him and he takes that shield just fucking bangs it off real quick this this golan took some fucking like shield practice oh yeah is uh he is very skilled in the art of please don't hit me hey maybe maybe we should are you trying to build a fucking army we're gonna go to vexos
00:23:34
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm on the back of Ricky right now. I'm going to stand up on the back of Ricky and I'm turned towards that orc, our goblin, and I'm going to cast Nightshade Cut. And remind me what Nightshade Cut does.
00:23:50
Speaker
So yeah, Nightshade Cut, it is Eldred's Blast from the Warlock family. Does a beam of crackling energy towards a creature within range. Make a ranged spell attack against a target on hit. The target takes 1d10 necrotic damage, which is a little bit different from the original. And then it just gets better with higher levels.
00:24:16
Speaker
All right. And then you, you roll for that, right? That's not a yes. Yeah. No magic. Magic missile is the only thing that you don't roll for. Um, uh, 11 is what I rolled. Uh, 11 misses. So this motherfucker, this dude's good. You know what I'm saying? Like this, uh, shoot this blast of, of dark energy at him and he just sidesteps and he just looks up to you.
00:24:47
Speaker
I would ask Bruce what he's saying, but Bruce is hurting. Yep. Yeah. And that's going to bring us to Noctifer. All right. I'm going to run on back to I'm going to put the little rock monster. Now, I'm going to hold him. I'm going to hold him in one hand. I'll hold him in one hand. I'll put my great sword on my back and I'm going to run over and lay on hands Bruce for five.
00:25:14
Speaker
Oh, thank God. Bruce, you you wake up feeling pretty beat up. And what do you say on your turn? Oh, I actually want to talk to Bruce and say, hey, talk to this fucking goblin. Get him to stop attacking us. Do I have to do the goblin voice? Yes. Yes. So I'm going to look at him.
00:25:41
Speaker
And that translates roughly to, please stop fighting. We don't want to hurt you. Roll a persuasion check. That one. This goblin is going to look at you and go. And in your head you hear him say,
00:26:02
Speaker
Go fuck yourself, you fucking bitch! And he's gonna take a swing at Vexos and he's going to roll a 14? Nope. So he goes to swing at you, misses, and then he tries to book it away from you guys and taking an attack of opportunity. Hell no. Or actually,
00:26:32
Speaker
Yeah, shit. No. Yeah. Yeah. You guys all get an attack of opportunity. It's going to take five for me. What would you, what's the role? Uh, in, uh, 23. Oh yeah. Yeah. That hits. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Mine does not hit. I'm going to stab him in the calf with my spirit. Oh, he is screaming and you see some like blue blood kind of just drip it out of his calf. And, uh, everyone else, you guys all take your attacks of opportunity.
00:27:02
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to cast Poison Spray. All right, and that's a DC 13? Yep. All right. You got a two. All right, good. Welcome. All right, how much damage does he take? Seven. Seven damage, and that's poison damage? Yep. OK. And did an Oxford try to take a swing at this dude?
00:27:32
Speaker
Yeah, anyways, I rolled a 13 to punch him, so I guess I didn't hit him. Yeah, so this guy goes to run, gets a spear through the calf, blood starts squirting out of his leg, and then Bruce shoots poison out. And how does Bruce shoot this poison?
00:27:50
Speaker
With his hand. With his hand, it's just like some fucking snake venom shooting out. Yeah, pretty much. And you see that he is fucking real hurt right now, but he just barely dodges out of Vex versus swing, dodges out of Noctifer's swing, and he just tries to limp run away as fast as he can towards his buddies. And Rocky,
00:28:17
Speaker
is going to bite Noctavir's hand for 19. Sorry, he rolled a 19, not 19 damage. I was like... Just fucked your hand up. He only did four damage, and he's going to try to... He bit your hand, your hand kind of opened, and he's going to try to jump and run away as well. But he's this two-inch-tall rock, just like...
00:28:44
Speaker
He's running fast, but he's so small it's not getting away that far. He's like maybe three feet that he ran in front. He said he did four damage? Yeah. Well, if he's running away from me, don't I get to attack him again? I guess you can try. He's really small. No, because we already, yeah, we already did that. Yeah. And he hasn't left melee range. He's still like right next to you. Well, we've also used our reaction by doing the attacks opportunity, so.
00:29:12
Speaker
That is true. That is true. So that'll bring us to axon. Yep. I'm going to sheath my, um, my spear and I'm going to run after the little whiny little bitch face. And I'm going to attempt to grab him from behind and snap his neck. Cause I'm assuming he's at very low HP. He's pretty, pretty low, not feeling good. That's a big bucks. No whammies. Uh, yeah, that's a, uh, 22. Yeah, that definitely hits. Hmm. I really hope before kills him.
00:29:42
Speaker
You jump on him, you go to snap his neck and you just barely hear this crunch and his lifeless body drops to the floor. What could have been. And that's the end of initiative. So what are you guys doing? I'm grabbing the rock monster. Grabbing him again.
00:30:11
Speaker
I'm gonna grab him and this time I'm gonna get some like little fucking rope and I'm gonna tie him up in this little sack so he can't go anywhere. You got a little baggy with a little rock guy just freaking out in it? Yes. All right. Wait, are you gonna name him Corn? For everyone listening, that's a joke to our other podcast that you guys should totally get a listen to, Ursa Redd, also a tactical Chris production.
00:30:35
Speaker
I'm going to search these goblins bodies, see if they had anything interesting on them. Can we see there? Because last time when we encountered them, there was their shack or whatever that they were in. Are we near that? Can we see that? Well, you guys ran into the shack. They were just around a corner before last time. So you see that they're running, and you're coming up on that corner that you originally had turned. If you go any further, you go into that corner,
00:31:05
Speaker
go towards where you were last time when you fought them. Is that where all those like 10 goblins ran to? Yeah, they all ran there. And yeah, and so the rest of you guys as you guys are searching the bodies, you find some like, I mean, they all have small swords on them. And these like miniature shields that would be a normal size for them before you'd be kind of small.
00:31:32
Speaker
Um, and you find like 10 gold pieces, uh, like amongst all of them. So they each had like a gold piece on them. I want to cut the ears off. Okay. I want to cut their heads off and mount them on the shorts. All right. So you cut off their ears, not confer, and then axon cuts their earless heads off. No, no, rip, like wrap their head and just ripped off the head. Spinal column just still attached.
00:32:01
Speaker
Like Gojo versus Jogo, yeah, for sure. Yeah. And, uh, have you just mount them to their swords and like stick it into the ground? Let this be a notice to all who shall fuck with... What are we calling ourselves? We'll get to that later. Let this be a warning to all those who may fuck with, we'll get to that later. I like the name, Vexos. You're welcome.
00:32:29
Speaker
I'm going to start stacking goblin bodies in front of my rat friend, kind of give him like a trough of food. We do need to feed Ricky. I just gave him half a body. Well, now he has more bodies. He's a hungry rat. While, uh, yeah, while they're doing that stuff, uh, I'm going to tell them to, uh, listen for the bell and then I'm just going to disappear up ahead.
00:32:52
Speaker
What? Wait. What just happened? I'm going to just take off up ahead and see if I can get eyes around that corner, obviously being stealthy and deliberate. All right. I will be rapid and forceful. Give me a stealth roll as you round this corner, kind of like sneaking around. 11. So you go and peek your head around.
00:33:22
Speaker
And you see like 20 goblins standing there all with their swords raised and they just start fucking running at you. Okay.
00:33:36
Speaker
So, uh, did that, uh, did that take all my movement, uh, up to that corner or were we pretty close to that? It took about, it took half your, uh, half your movement. So you can take the other half and either run towards them or run away, but it's up to you. I mean, you could dash too. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm going to use, uh, I'm going to dash back to, uh, to everyone and kind of not in a panic, but like, Hey, uh, there's 20 goblin headed this way.
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah, hearing that, I'm gonna jump onto my rat friend and just start fucking dipping. Yeah, in my head, Vexos was running like the dude from Get Out, like, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! Yeah, there's like a trail of dust behind him as he's dashing over to us. And then as soon as he gets to you, just, yeah, there's like 20 guns. Exactly, exactly. Playing it cool, you know? Alright, so what do you guys do? I know Bruce just fucking books it, what, the full movement?
00:34:33
Speaker
Yeah, full movement. I'm out of there. So 40 feet just fucking ounces. I'll take up the rear, but I'm also running away. I'm going to gallop and use my full movement of 45 feet. I'm standing there like, where the fuck did everyone just go? Well, we're not, we're not in initiative.
00:34:51
Speaker
No, not yet. And Vexos just doesn't have any more movement in that turn. Like, yes, you're not an initiative. But as they all start booking it, they're in front of you. And you do see these goblins starting to round the corner. And I'm assuming you guys just continue trying to get the fuck away from these one goblins. No, I'm going to realize that I only hear three sets of footsteps. Look back. Sprint back to Vexos and say, do you want to ride a lion today?
00:35:21
Speaker
Absolutely. Before I hop on the line, I reach into my backpack and I pull out my bag of a thousand ball bearings and I line the width of the cave that we're traveling with just a shit ton of fucking ball bearings. And then I fucking hop on Axon and I just give him a good old smack on the butt. And then I take off.
00:35:50
Speaker
Did you just home alone trap these goblins? Hell yeah, brother. Oh, yeah. So you guys fucking started booking it. And these goblins just started. They're just sprinting. Like, they're not being stealthy. They're not being careful. They're also fucking pretty dumb. So they see the ball bearings, but don't even think about it. Just keep trying to sprint. And they just start, like, tripping over themselves and, like, definitely all keep falling.
00:36:16
Speaker
And yeah, you guys can get away from it. They definitely don't have the amount of movement that you guys have. So I'll say, if you guys just keep going and you guys don't turn around to fight, you guys can get far enough away where they get to the point where they just don't chase you anymore. Guys, this fucking trail is a death trap. This is the second time we've been down this trail. They didn't warn us about it. Yeah, that's true.
00:36:42
Speaker
Hey, we took the- we took the rock all of them out. Oh yeah, this guy? And I, like, jeezed over the little bag with him inside of it, just... He needs to be eliminated. He's almost killed me twice now. Look, I think we can get, like, good money off of him. What is the... You are a monster. Give me the rock monster. No, he's my little buddy now. He's no one's buddy.
00:37:10
Speaker
If I remember correctly, 10 minutes ago, he bit your hand and ran away. He doesn't seem like you've made him your subordinate in any capacity. No, no, not yet. But, you know... Do you speak rock monster, Noctifer? No, but, you know, eventually, at some point... Do you think we'll find a translator in this land? For your rock monster? I'm only a translator, you know? I'll just...
00:37:39
Speaker
you know, put a little leash on him, give him some food here and there, some little granite to nibble on or something, and uh... Yeah, you don't even know what to feed him. Some gr- some granite. In the lands of Antara, two attempts on one's life is death. Specifically two. Well, to be fair, you also attempted on his life. No, I did not. I hit him for no damage.
00:38:07
Speaker
But you attempted, the attempt was there. Pexos, what say you? Death. Bruce, my friend. He really hurt me, so I say we fucking murder him. All right, you guys suck. So I'll pull it out of the bag and hold his little head and just. Also, why are you trying to sell creatures like slaves?
00:38:32
Speaker
As you pull him out and you're like dangling him, Famwise is going to look over at Bruce and be like, smack, please. I'll let you do the honor. He wants to eat the rock. And he is going to unhinge his jaw just waiting for you to drop it in his mouth. I'll say, all right. And I'll give him a little less flick before I put him in the sink.
00:38:57
Speaker
and he drops into Thamwise's mouth, he snaps it shut. And for a moment, you see this rock monster kind of like kicking all the inside. This cartoon fucking like one popping out of a snake. And slowly you just see that stop and stop until there's just a little lump inside the snake. As you know, dinner does happen to be inside snakes. I like to imagine that he lets out a little snake burp.
00:39:28
Speaker
All right. So you guys are still down this path. Do you guys just keep walking down? I'm assuming, uh, I would like to check the shrink rate to see if it's still as hot, uh, radiating. So as you check it, it's not glowing as much, but, or sorry, it's not warm as much. It's kind of cooled down a little bit, but it's still glowing like a little bit brighter than the first time that you guys had used it. I'm going to hop back up on Ricky.
00:39:59
Speaker
and ride them into the sunset, so to speak. It looks like we have two choices from this point. We can either go back to the house and check out that pathway, or we go back and we continue through the goblins. Or I can look at this map and see if there are any alternative
00:40:25
Speaker
roots around our area. No, this tunnel is supposed to be the fastest. Let's check the map in the shack so that we may rest. I'm the map. Back to this fucking shack. All right, so you guys get into the shack. I'm assuming you guys close the door behind you and pull out the map.
00:40:50
Speaker
Yeah, I pull out the map and I started examining it to see. So I know the map had marks on it, but I want to see if we could make out possible like passageway if the map is as detailed or accurate enough to see like a travel route.
00:41:07
Speaker
So you look at this map and you can gather from like pretty easily which route you were taking. It's just a main tunnel that keeps going down and you see that it goes down for quite a bit. I mean, it's miles and miles of this tunnel until it opens back up and the edge brings you to like kind of the middle of the mountain.
00:41:35
Speaker
Um, there's other little passages that you can see kind of like branch off, but there's no markings of where or like what's in those little passages. Um, some of them branch off to other parts of the mountain. Other of them kind of like just stop. There's like an end to those passages. Uh, and the passageway that's in the back of this shack.
00:42:01
Speaker
does not come up at all on the map. So you can kind of pretty easily understand that wherever this goes is not on the map because this is what Phelps before he got his head smashed and like dug himself. He probably did dig it as an escape route. It's probably safer than just taking the actual path out of here.
00:42:29
Speaker
Yeah, but what if it takes us back into town where we just can't? No real loss there. As we sit here and rest, I'm going to send them wise down the little path and see what he can see.
Thamwise's Recon Mission
00:42:42
Speaker
So I'm going to look at them as we like damn wise. I'm going to need you to do something for me, OK? Take a little trip down this path. And tell me what you see. OK, let's I'll be right back.
00:42:58
Speaker
And he starts slithering away. Are we good to take a short rest? Yeah. I'll say you guys can take a short rest. These goblins are definitely not looking for you right now. They're, they're still pretty far back behind. Uh, and they kind of stop, stop their search. So you guys can take a short rest as them wise gives you guys a little bit of reconnaissance and he comes back down probably like almost an hour later.
00:43:28
Speaker
and he looks over at Bruce and so there's a lot of a lot of tunnel and after like like 50,000 slithers it starts going up and I can see that there's a there's a light at the top but I I didn't go all the way up I think it brings us outside the
00:43:57
Speaker
outside the tunnel. You have not helped in the slightest. Aww. And then I'm going to look at the group and I'm going to relay what Thamwise has told me. Thamwise like puts his head down all sad. He's like, fuck. Are there still orcs that way? There are no orcs. Those are goblins. You silly little fucker. Yeah, 20 orcs are looking for you.
00:44:27
Speaker
a fucking orichai where there's still, or there's still goblins them wise. Uh, I'm assuming that gets relayed through Bruce and he's going to look over and hate them wise. Was there any goblins? No goblins. Um, it's just, uh, just a straight tunnel and it's very small, but like, I think everyone here could fit in it. Even me and the rat.
00:44:52
Speaker
And then he looks at you and nods, looks at a rat, and puts his tail up as if it's an arm shrugging. So what we doing? Yeah, I don't mind just taking the path that we know to go in the direction that we need it to. Yeah. I am also in agreeance with this plan. So you guys start walking and you guys get about
00:45:23
Speaker
probably like seven miles, just walking down for a couple hours and you guys stumble across a caravan that is kind of stripped of most of it. Like there's the wheels are kind of ripped off and at this point it's about 20 feet in front of you. There's just this caravan that seems pretty abandoned.
00:45:49
Speaker
And to the left of it, you see like a really small offshoot that goes off. It's only like three feet tall and to like 20 feet past it on the right. There's another opening that's, you know, like a 14 foot gap in the wall that you guys could go down that way or just continue straight after the, uh,
00:46:13
Speaker
after the caravan. First, I want to look at the caravan and see if there's anything useful that would be leftover. Yes. So roll a investigation check to see if you find anything on it. 11. 11. So you open part of the caravan up and you see this like blanket kind of covering some stuff. You like take it off.
00:46:42
Speaker
and you see this book and it's just a dusty looking really old book okay i'm gonna grab it okay you gonna do anything just grab it yeah i want to like look at the cover see if i can like read it that could be the fucking necronomicon and you're just fucking yoinking that shit
00:47:04
Speaker
So you grab this book, you, uh, you kind of dust it off and you see some writing on it. Can anyone read a missile? Nope. It's a no for me, dog. So you look at it and you can tell that this is some pretty dark writing on it, but you guys can't see, you can't read what's, what's on the cover. Uh, is it dark down that passage to the right?
00:47:33
Speaker
uh so yeah on the left with that little like tiny little tunnel is going off it's like pitch black kind of you can't really see into it unless you guys really get up close and then 23 away you see there's an opening and you can see some flickering of uh like gemstone lights but that's pretty much all that you can see from now oh with my dark vision would i be able to see down the path on the left from the
00:48:00
Speaker
Um, I totally. Mislooked. I can speak abyssal. You can look down it and you just have to like, put your face in front of it. And Vexos.
00:48:15
Speaker
If you can read a whistle. Yes. So you just see on the front of the cover, it says spell. And then underneath where you would see like more writing, it kind of looks scratched out. I tell not. Hey, let me see that. I can read it on the front. It says spell, but it looks like someone tried to scratch out some of the writing on it. Let me, uh, let me take a look at that book. Uh, I say, okay.
00:48:45
Speaker
All right. So I take it and I open up to the first page. All right. You start opening it and black mist starts kind of like pouring out of the book and start circling around the caravan. And you can kind of hear some maniacal laughter kind of coming out from the background and
00:49:14
Speaker
As you open it up, you see this black figure come out of the smoke. And there's just like his body is made of black smoke. I'm gonna ask him who he is. I say hello, my friend. I am no friend. Who opened the book? I look around.
00:49:40
Speaker
I say I clearly did. I have the open book in my hand. Mortal, you have unleashed a chaos that the world has not seen in a long fucking time. And as he says that, he, like,
00:50:07
Speaker
fucking sprints into the wall, like into the side of the cave and kind of like disappears.
Unleashing Chaos
00:50:13
Speaker
I was like, what the fuck was that? What the actual fuck did you just do? Vex, what does the rest of that book say? Yeah, let me let me let me do some read. Lord of darkness.
00:50:27
Speaker
darkness of a thousand years, world of plagues, everyone's doomed. Uh, so you open it up, you start trying to read it and the words are like moving and the text doesn't seem like a normal written book. It's almost like, like the matrix where numbers are kind of moving up and down, but it's letters moving up and down and like coming down and like
00:50:57
Speaker
throughout every page. So as you move them, they're still just moving and give me a arcana check. Fucking hell dude. You have detect magic. That would have been useful a little bit ago. Yeah. I forgot that I had that like 10 seconds ago. So you try to read it and you can pick up a couple of words and
00:51:19
Speaker
You see the word death, you see the word pain, and you see the word suffering. And that's pretty much all you can see on this book. And as you're looking at it and trying to pick out the words, the book starts to disintegrate. Well, boys, we'll worry about that later. Yeah, so what do I see down the cave? You look down this cave.
00:51:48
Speaker
And you see a tiny face with a big white beard and a little hat on top. And he starts screaming out just, uh, and, uh, this gnome starts running at your face and tries to punch you in the face.
00:52:19
Speaker
And he grabs your whiskers, pulls one off, and starts running back. In Antera, attacking of the whiskers is punishable by death. Sounds like a lot of things are punishable by death in Antera. Everything is punishable by death, Noctifer. And I fucking book it at him with more fucking rage and bloodlust than anyone has ever had in their entire life.
00:52:49
Speaker
I'm going to go, I'm going to go up to the, uh, the entrance of that, that pathway and look down, uh, since I have superior dark vision and can see up to a hundred and fucking dick. Well, this was, this was, uh, the small one. This was like the tiny little tiny little one. So you go to try to run or get to him and.
00:53:11
Speaker
this opening just gets narrower and narrower and pretty much all you can do is kind of like stick your giant call through and I'll say give me an attack roll to see if you can grab him before he gets away 24 24 you grab him and you can like you're holding on to him what do you what do you do with him I am yoinking him back have you seen the end of Avengers one
00:53:37
Speaker
when Thor our whole gets a hand on Loki.
Gnome Theft & Retaliation
00:53:40
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, that's fucking dude, dude, dude, dude. All right. Well, since you're slamming him back and forth, roll the damage. Well, that rolled for me, I guess. Okay. So you slammed this guy back and forth.
00:54:00
Speaker
But because you're so big and he's so small, half the time you're kind of missing, you're kind of just shaking him. And then once in a while you finally like hit him off to something and then miss and then hit. And I'm going to sprint back out of the cave just so the rest of the guys are around and stop him. Okay. So you just run back to the party. Cause this was like directly off to the side of the car, this tiny little thing. And he was trying to run back. You grabbed him. Yeah. You're kind of still right by the party. Okay. Cool. Yeah. That's fine.
00:54:31
Speaker
And I'm going to, I'm going to dangle him like by his ankle and just stare at him while he's upside down and just say, do you know what you have done? And he's going to look over to you and, uh, he's going to say. And he's going to try to grab up at you like, like hanging by his ankle and just like doing crunches, trying to get up and grab at you. Okay. While this is happening, I'm going to, uh, grab
00:55:01
Speaker
So if I've grabbed his right ankle, I'm gonna grab his right arm and I'm going to like position the other half of his body toward an octifer and say, let me tell you a story.
00:55:13
Speaker
In Antera, the amount of whiskers one has on their face is a symbol of pride and strength. You have pulled a whisker. Therefore, you have attacked my pride. You will pay. He eats the whisker. Noctifer, drawn quarter.
00:55:38
Speaker
I'm going to draw the great sort of like, yeah, you fucked up, buddy. I'm sorry. And I'll take a slash at his at his stomach. Making an attack roll. Oh, that's a not natural 20. Yeah, you you hit him. OK, Rome is some damage. Twelve. You cut him in half. Now I'm going to plunge my hand into his like from the gut into his esophagus, because I'm getting that fucking whisker back.
00:56:06
Speaker
Oh my god. This tiny body that you just shove your hand into, like you're wearing him like a glove, like a top half and like a glove. If I wanted you to talk, I'd shove my hand up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet. And then you pull out your whisker. My pride has been restored.
00:56:26
Speaker
Yeah, he's fucking dead. What do you guys do now? What are you guys thinking? I feel like we just killed an important character, but fuck it. I look over at Bruce and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? You know what? I gave up asking that question a long fucking time ago. I don't want to hear it, Mr. I released an ancient evil that hasn't been seen in a long fucking time.
00:56:49
Speaker
Yeah, that that's a part of the what the fucks is going on. I was like, you know, a shadow just fucking ran off into the wall of this fucking axe and just comes back with some gnome puppet guy hanging from a fucking limb. I'm over here just like, what the fuck? Well, can we collect his head? Yeah. Yeah, you can't cut off his head. That's fine. What is up with you and trophies, Noctifer? You took years. You said he had a beard, right?
00:57:17
Speaker
I'm going to shave off the beard and just throw it on his body. Yeah. How do you like it? He doesn't respond because he's dead. I figured it was for emphasis. Yeah, I'm going to take the head and I'm going to give it to the rat. Jesus. That rat's going to get fat. His movement's about to be cut in half because he's so fucking obese. Yeah, this rat gobbles all up.
00:57:44
Speaker
I was like, all right, well, that gnome came from somewhere and he probably had a house. Let's go see if we can't ransack it. How tall are you all? I'm going to send fan wise down the hole. We can crawl. All right. So you send fan wise down this hole? Yeah, he's sneaking though. He's a sneaky snake. All right. So he's a slippery little snake. Sneaky snake. So he keeps going. Uh, he goes down and you see him kind of slither away for a little bit. And, uh,
00:58:12
Speaker
he doesn't come back out. Oh, fuck. I look at the rest of the party and say, well, now we're going fucking in. Yeah. And that is what we're going to end today's session. We're recording another one. You really just killed my snake, you bitch. You killed my snake. All right. Well, join us on our Patreon so you guys can hear our tactical pause and get to know what everyone's thoughts are on
00:58:41
Speaker
on what's going on with fan-wise.